


Clean Eyes

by Eunmih, shitty4eyes



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Angst, Character Study, Comedy, Demon Changkyun, Demon Hunter Shownu, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reaper Hyungwon, Reapers, Romance, Seven Deadly Sins, Supernatural Elements, angel jooheon, fallen angel Minhyuk, switch changki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-08-05 12:29:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 376,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16367792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eunmih/pseuds/Eunmih, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitty4eyes/pseuds/shitty4eyes
Summary: One night, a full moon,Clean eyes and a pure soul.One touch, too soon,One kiss as dark as coal.When Kihyun gets dragged to a Halloween party by his inexplicably unlucky best friend, his life is saved and turned completely upside down by a stranger who calls himself a demon. A stranger with who Kihyun shares an intrinsic, intangible connection, who makes sense of the shadows and the truth Kihyun can no longer pretend isn't there.





	1. It Starts With A Word

It’s cold on Wednesday night. Maybe that’s why Kihyun’s brain leaps over ‘ridiculous’ and lands on ‘concerned’ once he realizes what Hoseok is wearing.

Kihyun takes the passenger seat and ogles his friend up and down, almost failing to grab the handle when he tries to slam the door shut. “What happened to the bunny costume?”

“Freak kitchen fire,” Hoseok smiles widely, putting the car into drive. His (massive, muscled) arms are bare, and he’s wearing what can only be a pineapple suit. With a hat. And grape trimming. On his lap is a single, long, plastic banana. It’s not a small car, per say, but Hoseok claims the space and leaves little to waste. “It’s fine, though! There was a shop still open to rent and--well, I mean, everything is out because it already kind of _is_ Halloween, but they still had this!”

Kihyun fumbles with his seat belt, giving Hoseok another dubious once over. “Well, sure, but aren’t you cold?”

“Not yet,” Hoseok says cheerfully, the fake plastic leafs on his hat pressing up against the top of the car. “Plus, I could just borrow your cape later. Be some sort of fruit science experiment.”

“No, no, no.” Kihyun frowns, gestures to his ensemble. “This is a look. You can’t just _borrow_ the cape.”

Hoseok juts out his bottom lip, making a distressed little sound. “ _Fine_. I’ll find a yeti or a chewbacca or something to seduce and keep me warm,” he jokes. 

“You could’ve texted, you know.” Kihyun pauses to stare out the window. At this point, not many things surprise him anymore. Still... “How did you even manage set the kitchen on fire?” He asks, glancing back at Hoseok. "And why the hell was your  _bunny costume_ in the kitchen?" 

Hoseok winces. “Er. I couldn’t find my oven mittens so…” Hoseok straightens up, clearing his throat. “It’s not important. The kitchen is fine. I’m fine. There was an emergency pineapple. All is well.”

Kihyun snorts, shaking his head. “You know, I am usually skeptical with the paranormal but… you really have the _worst_ luck. Like, wardrobes fall on you. Your car breaks down more reliably than it starts. Exams get cancelled. Emails get lost… I could go on. For _hours_.”

Hoseok stops at a stop street, checks left and right three times before he drives again. Hoseok doesn’t like to test his luck as much as he likes to ask it nicely not to throw him a pop quiz. “I’ve told you, I’m used to it. But you’re not wrong. You look nice, by the way. Good--” he looks over like he’d forgotten, or maybe just needs a refresher. “--Vampire.”

Kihyun grins and waves his hand dismissively when he almost says something like ‘You too’. “I even got the teeth--No! Don’t _look_! Eyes on the road!”

Hoseok squeaks and grips at the steering wheel, eyes wide, front and center. “Sorry! I don’t know why you let me drive!”

Kihyun heaves a sigh. “Because, between the two of us, only you look cool driving. And don’t make me repeat myself.”

Hoseok smirks and makes to run his hand through his hair, but he’s wearing the hat and just sort of tugs on it. “See, I’m not _that_ unlucky. My bad luck only kicked in after my parents made me handsome.”

“Thankfully. Otherwise, you’d feel pretty bad all the time. Hanging out with handsome-ol'-me.”

Hoseok scoffs a laugh and Kihyun glares and Hoseok clears his throat and nods adamantly. “Yeah, yeah, of course. Thanks for coming, by the way, to the, er, the party. I’d feel awful walking in there on my own. Even without the pineapple suit.”

It’s the other way around, Kihyun thinks. He’s the one who’s thankful. If not for Hoseok, Kihyun would probably never get around to experience life as much as he does. He practically loiters around the house the whole day when he’s not busy with work. And, when he’s busy with work, he’s all _work work work._

“How long is this thing supposed to last, anyway?” He asks, the portfolio he has to ready for next week already scratching at his brain like a cat wanting to be let out of the house. 

“Don’t already sound like you wanna go home,” Hoseok grins. “But as long as you want, really. We’ll see how it goes but it shouldn’t go on too long. Just come pester me when you wanna leave, as usual.”

“Oh, I will.”

There’s a few minutes of comfortable, uninterrupted silence where Kihyun almost complains about the jingle on the radio when Hoseok announces excitedly, “We’re here!” and parks behind quite a lengthy row of cars leading down the road. “Try to last at least an hour this time.”

“That’s what he said,” Kihyun sings as he unlocks his seatbelt.

“It’s really sad if that’s what _he_ told _you._ ”

“Oh, I make the joke and suddenly it has bearing on my life, _you_ make the joke and it’s all ha ha.” Kihyun opens the car door and glares through the window once it’s shut. Hoseok just rolls his eyes and gets out, too, gesturing them both towards the house at the end of the line of cars, decorated like a Halloween cliché. Cheap fog machine, what looks like a coffin with a hastily painted pentagram propped up against a tree. Styrofoam tombstones and pumpkins that don’t take as well to the cold weather as they should. A skeleton hangs off the room like there’s any point to holding on to the side of the roof as to not die when one is already an actual skeleton. All in all, there is a definite lack of pineapple.

“See,” Kihyun gestures towards the house and pulls at his collar. He’s not nervous. Why would he be nervous. “You’re supposed to be dressed like something... scary.”

Hoseok slides his hands down his pineapple costume (it’s _almost_ sensual, the way he does it) and smiles. “Desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m pulling the eccentric but cute card.”

“Ah, yes, the official dress code for Halloween around the world. ‘ _Cute_ ’.”

“You say that but you appreciate the sexy costumes. If sexy is allowed, cute is allowed.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Your arms are enormous. Adorable, really.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes right back. “What, you want me to help you get some tonight? I can _try-_ -”

Kihyun stops by the front door and looks over his shoulder. He needs to raise his voice a whole octave over the loud music coming from inside the house. “I hope you don’t mean with you.”

Hoseok stops too, hands on his hips, dipping the hard material of the pineapple costume concave. It’s really funny. Kihyun barely manages not to laugh. “Of course not. But see? This outfit even works on you.”

“Come on,” Kihyun scoffs, then, living with being on the cusp of a smile and beckons at Hoseok to follow him inside. “Someone needs to tell Yoongi… _really_ , Justin Bieber’s ‘Sorry’ is not a good Halloween song.”

Hoseok laughs, and looks around excitedly once they’re inside. There’s not enough people for Kihyun to feel claustrophobic, but enough for him to want to escape to the kitchen or bathroom or secluded area by the swimming pool (whichever, really) almost immediately. “Must have put Jungkook in charge of the music. Keep an ear out for Troye Sivan.”

Kihyun opens his mouth to say something like ‘whipped’ but closes it right away as Halsey’s ‘Colors pt. II’ starts. He almost groans. _Now, that’s more like it._

“Er, Kihyun, get yourself a drink or something, I should probably go find Yoongi and greet him so he knows we actually showed up,” Hoseok says, patting Kihyun on the back and disappearing into the crowded living room.

Usually, the trick to parties, Kihyun finds, is the atmosphere. If done right, it pulls him right in like a magnet. Layered purple lights, whatever that creepy text on the wall says, good music and alcohol.

So, it’s the way people circle around him as he tries to reach the other side of the room. The way one drink is suddenly three and maybe then four because someone’s going to the kitchen and they might as well give him a refill. But then nobody’s going to the kitchen and he still wants that refill so he might as well go.

And it’s like a slap back into the real world. Because there’s no ambiance light in the kitchen and his eyes hurt with the sudden amount of white.

Did the world just spin? Nope. No, it didn’t. It really didn’t. There’s a sharp ring in his ear, just for a second. And if the world didn’t spin before, it surely doesn’t spin again, forcing Kihyun to avert his gaze somewhere else. It’s a weird sensation once everything comes back into focus and he finds himself staring at someone who, in turn, is ogling the microwave like he wants to eat it.

Kihyun must have stumbled, because he's holding onto the counter and the guy is looking at him now. Also kind of like he wants to eat him.

“Hello,” the stranger says, like the word is new to him. “It's nice to meet you. I'm a demon.”

Kihyun stares at him for a few seconds. _Is that supposed to mean something or…?_

“Sorry,” Kihyun says. “Sorry, I just stumbled here. I’m not drunk, I promise. Somehow my head just…” He loses track of what he wants to say and settles with staring. It’s not a bad way to pass the time. He might be a microwave enthusiast, but he’s striking. Black hair that almost falls in his eyes, wide shoulders and a profile Kihyun would want to draw if he could. Stunning could be another word for this random boy in a kitchen at a party, and Kihyun would use it if he didn’t already feel mildly frozen where he stands.

The stranger nods very seriously. “Well, yes, that can happen, considering the circumstances.”

“Right,” Kihyun agrees without knowing what the fuck that means. “Right.” He looks away for a second before looking back. “What kind of demon are you supposed to be, though? Were you aiming for something--someone from Supernatural?”

The boy shrugs, leather jacket looking heavy on his frame but not... Bad, exactly. “There are the demons that used to be human but got their souls corrupted by hell, there are fallen angels, princes, sins twisted into corporeal form, consigned human souls that chose to be demons, all types. I'm not too sure which one I am, apparently something new. What's Supernatural?”

Kihyun looks at him like he just grew another head. “Wha--What.” He frowns. _Is this guy roleplaying or what?_ And where the fuck did Hoseok go? “Riiiight…” Kihyun says rather uncomfortably. “What was your name again?”

“Changkyun,” he says quite confidently. “That's what they tell me, anyway.”

“Changkyun,” Kihyun mumbles. “Right.”

“You've said that a lot. The word ‘right’. Four times, actually.”

Kihyun laughs a little awkwardly. “Who’s counting, right--I mean…”

“Five.”

This is… weird. Kihyun is not good at dealing with weird. He looks away again, huffs a laugh because he’s uncomfortable and licks his lips. “Okaaay, well.” He steps back and smiles at Changkyun. “It was _really_ nice meeting you.”

“Nice to meet you, too, Kihyun. Although I doubt you came into the kitchen to meet me. I assume you want--” Changkyun blinks at the table of alcohol, picks up a red solo cup and hands it to him. “This. Everyone has one.”

Changkyun frowns at the table again and takes another solo cup and just holds it in front of him, like an extra in a movie.

Kihyun feels, and probably looks, baffled. “My name…” he starts, looking aimlessly at the red cup. “I didn't tell you my name. Have we met before?” He looks up. “I’m so sorry… I don’t remember you.”

“We haven't met before,” Changkyun says, and wiggles the solo cup. “Do you not want this? Is this one defective. You can have mine.” Changkyun switches the cups quickly.

Kihyun smiles a little and reaches for the cup. “Thanks,” he says.

_Be polite, be polite. Don’t be an ass._

“Sorry, I--” he stops when he looks up, his eyes locking with Changkyun’s unnaturally dark ones. And there it is again, that pull Kihyun felt when he entered the kitchen. This time, however, he doesn’t stumble. His feet root him right where he is. “What.” He says rather confused. “What did you say?”

Changkyun blinks. “I said: _hello, how are you, I’m a demon. Well, yes, that can happen under the circumstances_ \--”

 _That’s not it_ , Kihyun thinks. That’s not it. But he shakes his head to forget. “Yeah. Wow, what the hell is wrong with me today.”

“Now that’s what I keep asking myself,” Hoseok says from behind Kihyun and Kihyun jolts. “Sorry. I was looking for you.” Hoseok places a hand over Kihyun’s shoulder and smiles. “Who’s your... friend?” He asks, eyes crinkling, too, when he turns his smile to Changkyun.

“Ah, this is…” Kihyun trails off to let Changkyun reply.

“I’m Changkyun. I’m a demon. Do you want a cup, too?”

Hoseok beams and Kihyun frowns. “Yes, I do!” Hoseok says just as Kihyun mutters “No, he doesn't.”

Changkyun hands him an empty cup and Hoseok frowns, gently taking Changkyun’s cup and grabbing a bottle of brandy. “Ki, you want some?”

“Yes, _please_ ,” Kihyun breathes out. “I think I need it.”

“I like your demon outfit,” Hoseok says, making small-talk. He has always been good at that. “Where did you get it?”

“Hell,” Changkyun says and Hoseok laughs and Kihyun’s neck itches.

“Yes, yes. Very funny.” Kihyun says. “Where the fuck have you been?” He kicks Hoseok’s leg. _I’m dying over here and this hot weirdo keeps being nice to me_ , he screams with his eyes.

Hoseok looks at him. “Uhm. Here,” he says, handing Changkyun his cup. “Just add some cola and--”

Changkyun chugs the drink and puts the empty cup back on the table. “Thank you for the alcohol.”

“Right--” Hoseok starts.

“Six.”

Kihyun starts to roll his eyes but stops when he catches Changkyun looking at him again. _Be nice, be nice._ “Right--I mean… ugh, whatever.” He pushes his body against Hoseok’s, “Nice to meet you, Changkyun. We gotta--” He gestures towards the living room and Hoseok manages to catch the obvious clues he’s throwing out there, grabbing their drinks and following Kihyun out of the kitchen.

In the living room, Hoseok takes one look at Kihyun’s face and laughs. “What the _hell_ was that?”

“I don’t know!” Kihyun stresses. “He’s weird, right? Anyway, thank god you showed up.”

Hoseok raises an eyebrow at him, handing him his drink. “Thought he looked your type, honestly.”

Kihyun gives him a look. “I don’t wanna hear that from you. You look like a… a…”

“A giant, misnamed coalesced berry?”

 _“Yes!_ A beefy one, even! Ugh. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Let’s forget about Changkyun or… or whatever his name is.”

“Alright, alright,” Hoseok says, steering him with one hand on his shoulder towards a couch in the living room. “He’s hot, though, you gotta admi--don’t _hit_ me.”

“Ten bucks he would make a joke about hell…” Kihyun scoffs. “Really. He took the roleplaying _way_ too seriously.”

“So you _didn’t_ wanna neck him, Mr Vamp?”

“Gotta love how we have this conversation every time I talk to some hot dude.” Kihyun glared and if it’s at someone, it’s pure coincidence. “It just changes decoration with the seasons. It’s beautiful, really, this friendship…”

Hoseok sighs wistfully, pulling him down to the worn couch, pushed to the side of the room so people could dance. “Yeah… You just admitted he’s hot, by the way.”

“I did no such thing.”

“Do you need me to pester you much longer or can I go play with the other fruits now?”

Kihyun regrets taking his drink to his mouth because he chokes, _hard,_ the second Hoseok finishes that sentence. “Wha--” He coughs. “Christ. Just go!”

Hoseok laughs, giving him a hard pat on the back and only leaves once Kihyun stops coughing. And then it’s just back to the lights and random people in random costumes dancing way too close to each other. He winces at the burn of brandy, remembers the way Changkyun hadn’t even blinked throwing the entire cup down his throat, and then shakes his head to get rid of the thought, and the low ringing in his ears.

Someone falls down next to him, and it is neither Hoseok, or the weird roleplayer from the kitchen.

“Hey,” the guy says and it sounds like what grease tastes like.

Kihyun arches an eyebrow at him, “Hey yourself.”

The guy looks him up and down, smiling. “So you’re a vampire, huh?”

Yoongi’s friend list is looking quite eclectic from where Kihyun's sitting right now.

“Yes,” Kihyun replies before taking his cup to his lips, but opting not to drink in the end. “And you? Who or what are you supposed to be?”

“I can be whatever you want me to be,” the guy says, winking and watching Kihyun’s lips really quite obviously.

“Huh,” Kihyun tilts his head and gives the guy a wry smile. At this point, he would take _weird_ over, well, this… whatever _this_ is. “I’m not drunk enough to be swayed by one-liners. But kudos for trying.

The guy looks him up and down, and Kihyun has to suppress a feeling pushing against the back of his throat. “I could always get you another drink and try again?” The guy says.

“Er." Kihyun stares at his cup, sighs. Whatever, right? “Yeah. Sounds good.”

“Then I’ll be right back, sweetheart,” the guy drawls and gets up and Kihyun suppresses the full body shiver.  _Of all the people to be hitting on him tonight--_

There’s a weight on the other side of the couch again and it’s too early for the pick-up line abuser dressed as what looks to be James Dean to be back already--

“You shouldn’t talk to him.”

Kihyun jolts and what's left of his drink shakes inside the cup. “What the fuck! Changkyun!"

Changkyun doesn’t even blink. “I would really recommend we leave before he comes back. I wouldn’t want to garner any unnecessary attention.”

“What? Wait… is this a _pick-up line_?”

Changkyun frowns. “I could pick you up, if you’d like.”

Kihyun blushes in spite of himself. “ _What_?” He repeats, a little louder this time. “ _No_ , thank you,” He looks away. What the hell is going on? Why is everyone serving shitty one-liners?

 _Ah, right._ Because it’s a party. And that’s what people do at parties, right?

“Can we leave now? He’s going to be back in a minute and a half.”

“A minute and a… do you hear yourself when you speak?”

“Yes, otherwise I’m just thinking.” Changkyun glances over his shoulder and leans into Kihyun’s personal bubble without touching him. “And I’m thinking we should go. But out loud. So you can hear me.” They look at each other for a second, Kihyun in borderline amused incomprehension, and Changkyun doesn’t blink. Kihyun’s stomach pulls. “We should really go.”

Is this what his life has come to? Hot-weird guy number one and normie-semi-grease guy fighting for his attention? Kihyun leans back to look at Changkyun. “But why? I haven--”

“Hey!” _Great._ The normie is back. “I think this seat is taken, buddy.”

Changkyun doesn’t seem to realise that he’s this ‘buddy’, and continues looking at Kihyun. “He’s back. This is problematic.”

Kihyun glances up and then looks back at Changkyun. “I’m--” He laughs. “What are you _talking_ about?”

“Dude, seriously--” the normie shoves at Changkyun’s shoulder. “I was sitting there, get a damn move on.”

Changkyun sighs and looks at Kihyun quite seriously, leaning in to whisper. “Pretend that we are engaged in regular mutual carnal pleasure. He will leave.”

Kihyun feels his eyes widen in reflex and his hand moves up to stop Changkyun where he is. “Woah! Wow! Okay!” He looks up at the normie. “Firstly, no need to be rude. And secondly,” he looks at Changkyun, or glares, whatever his eyes are doing at this point, “stop getting closer and stop speaking like this is the eighteenth century.”

Changkyun frowns but leans back completely, and says, “Don’t drink what he gives you,” and leaves.

Kihyun frowns as he watches Changkyun’s retreating figure. Frown growing harsher when the normie plops himself down next to him again. “You didn’t have to be rude,” Kihyun informs him, _again._

“What, to that weirdo?” The guy scoffs. “I saw him in the kitchen earlier, setting the microwave timer to ten seconds and staring at it until it beeps. And then I think he was trying to _beat_ the beep.”

Kihyun laughs, empties his cup and puts it down on the nearest, reachable flat surface. “What? Really?” Sounds about right.

Normie raises his eyebrow. “Yeah. Like a weirdo. Here’s your drink,” the guy adds, shoving a drink in his hand.

Kihyun looks down, smile receding just slightly. “Thanks,” he says. The words ‘Don’t drink what he gives you’ echoing inside his head. He glances over to where Changkyun disappeared in the crowd. _Where the fuck is Hoseok when you need him?_ Kihyun’s heartbeat increases speed. He’s anxious.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I should… I should probably go find my friend.”

The guy frowns, putting a hand on Kihyun’s leg. “What, so soon?”

At first, Kihyun’s mind goes blank. He looks up, _very_ slowly. Then, he glares. “Hands off.” He says, not even waiting for an answer and getting up to leave in one swift movement. He can take shitty one liners and weird dialogues all night. But this? No. No way _in hell._

He walks towards the dancing crowd, leaving the suspicious cup atop the first flat surface he finds. Any more of this and he will be asking Hoseok to leave. In the meantime, however, he needs a drink--well, a new one.

“Yo, Kihyun!”

Yoongi. Finally. You’d think this wasn’t his house. Kihyun sighs, feeling himself relax at the sight of a familiar face. He smirks and greets his friend with a punch to the shoulder and a loud “Hey!”

Yoongi deflates. His hair is pointing in every which direction and the bags under his eyes look permanent. “God, hey, sorry, I’ve been literally everywhere. I just had to stop Taehyung and Jungkook from--” a haunted sort of look crosses Yoongi’s face and he shivers loudly, if shivering could be loud, this was it. “ _On my bed_. Anyway. How’ve you been? How’s the party?”

Kihyun raises his eyebrows and looks away. “Great,” he lies confidently. “Although I gotta admit… you have really strange friends.”

Yoongi laughs quickly. “Oh, come on, Jin’s eccentric at best. And you’re hardly normal, either.”

“I am just about as normal as you are.”

“ _Funny_. Can I get you a drink?” Kihyun nods and follows him. He glances at the microwave. It’s slightly open. “Why strange, though? Who’ve you been talking to?”

“Changkyun,” Kihyun says absentmindedly.

“Who?” Yoongi asks.

“Hello,” Changkyun says from right next to him and Kihyun jumps a little, probably visibly so, because Changkyun looks at him. Kihyun tries to pretend Changkyun didn’t just scare the shit out of him, but his heartbeat is up to his ears. “Did I scare you?”

“Nope!” Kihyun is doing a lot of lying lately, isn’t he? The smile he gives Changkyun, however, is genuine. “Him,” Kihyun tells Yoongi. “Changkyun.”

Yoongi looks between the two of them, and smiles a little as he hands Kihyun his drink. “Er. Hey, Changkyun, it’s nice to meet you.”

Changkyun frowns. “Everyone keeps saying that and then two minutes later I’m alone. Meeting doesn’t last long, does it.”

“Depends,” Kihyun’s mouth says for him. “Depends on how good the first impression turns out to be. Which, in my defense…” He trails off and sighs. “Nah, nevermind.” He says instead before downing that _much needed_ drink in one go.

“I gave you my cup,” Changkyun mumbles.

“Right!” Yoongi says and Changkyun says “Eight,” out loud and Yoongi pays it no heed. “Going to go, er, make sure I locked my door properly. Enjoy!” Yoongi walks past Kihyun and leans in to whisper, “Have fun.”

Kihyun is already eyeing the brandy again when Changkyun talks.

“We should probably discuss the situation.”

Kihyun looks up without moving his head. “Right.” He says just because he knows there is no point in arguing with this weirdo. Weirdy-weirdo. Not-so-bad weirdo. “So,” Kihyun places the cup down and crosses his arms. “What’s the situation?” He asks.

“I will try to be candid and succinct.” Changkyun walks closer--he keeps looking Kihyun in the eye, and Kihyun decides to just play along for now. “You are in near constant danger, Kihyun. I have to protect you, and keep you safe.”

Kihyun blinks, slowly, and then nods. “I see. Yes, I do feel--” He scoffs to the side “--the danger.” He laughs to himself. “Anyway, thanks for earlier.”

Changkyun nods. “I assume you didn’t drink what he gave you. You would be dead if you did.”

Kihyun snaps his attention back to Changkyun. “What!?”

“I would have stopped you,” Changkyun says. “I have you protect you, remember? Hang on, I should find that drink before anyone else drinks it--” Changkyun slips out of the kitchen and Kihyun gapes.

 _What the fuck_.

“Got it,” Changkyun says once he’s back, holding up the cup.

“Riiiiiiight… So what's in there? Rat poison?”

“Pride.”

Again, Kihyun just stares at Changkyun. “Pride.”

“It’s a sin. One of the big ones. Capital sin, actually. Bit diluted, though.”

“You read the bible a lot?” He scoffs, then smiles. “Sorry, I shouldn’t joke about that. My bad.”

“No, it’s just what I was taught,” Changkyun says, walking over to the sink and throwing out the drink. And then throwing the cup out the window.

“What you were taught… in hell,” Kihyun says, eyes shifting to stare at the third pair sexy bunny he sees tonight. Good thing, Hoseok came as a pineapple. He would be feeling really self-conscious once he realized he wasn't the only sexy bunny in the house.

“Yes,” Changkyun nods and walks over to him, “Are you alright? I saw he touched you.”

Kihyun looks at Changkyun and blinks. “You saw? Uhm. Question. When you go away do you, like… hide in the crowd and spy on me or something?” Ugh, that sounded a little narcissistic. But Kihyun doesn’t backtrack.

“You’re in near constant danger,” Changkyun reiterates.

“So you keep saying… But you haven’t answered my question. Not directly, at least.” This time, Kihyun is the one leaning slightly into Changkyun’s personal space. “So?”

Changkyun leans back. His eyes dart to Kihyun and the floor and back to Kihyun. “I… I wasn’t in the crowd, I was behind the plant.”

Kihyun stares and stares and stares. He lets his head hang and laughs, _a lot_. “R--Right.” He looks back up. There are tears in his eyes from laughing. “You know… You’re weird as fuck. But somehow you’re not so bad to talk to.”

“Oh.” Changkyun looks taken aback. Honest to god taken aback. There’s even a trace of a smile on his lips. That’s new. “Thank you.”

Kihyun crosses his arms and circles around Changkyun until they’re standing side by side. He elbows Changkyun. “So? Am I in so much danger you find the need to hide behind the plant to watch me?”

“Definitely,” Changkyun nods. “Sorry about that.”

“S’okay,” Kihyun says tilting his head back and giving Changkyun a shy smile.

And now, it seems, it’s Changkyun’s turn to stare at him. He looks at Kihyun’s face, at his lips, and Kihyun realises after a moment of gay panic, is imitating the way he’s smiling. He even tilts his head the way Kihyun does.

“Kihyun!” Hoseok calls. “There you are! Oh, hello again, Changkyun."

Changkyun turns that smile toward Hoseok. “Hello.”

Hoseok smiles back and then throws Kihyun a questioning look. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, finding his throat way too dry for the amount of liquid he’s been having. “Yeah. Where were you?” He looks over Hoseok’s shoulder. “You’d think finding a pineapple in the crowd was easy…”

“There’s a Reaper too,” Changkyun adds.

Kihyun rolls his eyes but smiles. “Right. What he said. Anyway, I am starting to get tired of this so tell me when you’re ready to leave.”

“Now, actually,” Hoseok winces. “Sorry. I know you’re talking to Changkyun now…” Hoseok gives him a look. Kihyun does not and has never appreciated being on the receiving end of that look.

“No, no. Let’s go,” Kihyun pats Hoseok’s massive bicep. He looks at Changkyun one last time before starting to push Hoseok out of there and says, “I’ll see you, weirdo.” Though he knows he will probably never see Changkyun again.

“Not--” Changkyun tries for a smile again, shifting from foot to foot. “Not if I hide behind a plant. That’s… That’s a joke.”

Kihyun hadn’t realized he was wearing a smile until he feels it fading slightly. “Yeah,” he says, laughing. And turns to follow Hoseok out of the house. Who, again, gives him a look.

“What, not even gonna get his number?”

“Nah. I bet it’s something like 666. No way I can dial that.”

Hoseok laughs. “ _What_? What, is he the devil or something?”

“Yeah. _Something_.”

“Uhm,” Hoseok frowns, patting at his pineapple costume. “I’ll meet you at the car, I think I dropped the keys in the house.”

“What!? Fuck, really? Goddamn it, Hoseok.”

“You’re surprised. Look who’s talking,” Hoseok grumbles and backs away back to the house. “God, my luck. I’ll just be a sec, I’m sorry, Ki.”

Kihyun sighs, crosses his arms, walks to the car and turns to lean his back on the passenger door. Eventful. That’s how he would describe every night out with Hoseok. Eventful. _Goddamn it_. Does the pineapple costume even have pockets? Only Hoseok would lose his car keys at a party.

It’s cold and Kihyun’s breath puffs when he breathes out through his mouth. He wills away a ringing in his ears and tugs at his cape. “Vampity-vamp,” he mutters to himself and smiles small. “Weirdo.”

“Who you talking to, sweetheart?” a voice asks, coming, truly, from nowhere. _Grease._

“You again.”

“Me again,” he says and smiles, eyes roaming Kihyun and putting his hand on the car next to Kihyun. “I see your little friend isn’t around anymore.”

“Little?” Kihyun laughs humourlessly, looking down at his nails. “Which friend are you talking about?”

“Not the pineapple, the demon.”

“Ah. Him.” Kihyun leans away from the car and takes a deep breath. He looks the guy up and down. “Do you need something?”

“Yes, actually,” he says, and before Kihyun can process anything, he’s been picked up by his stupid vampire costume, and thrown to the side.

It’s black and then it’s white. And the first thing Kihyun is aware of is _pain_ . He swallows hard against the sickly churning in his gut. It hurts. And when his vision comes back into focus all he can do is gasp for air. _Shit_.

“Don’t necessarily need to be alive, though,” the guy says, walking closer lazily. “Easier if you’re not.”

What. _What?_ Kihyun falls forward then and lands on his elbows. He coughs. “The fuck…” There’s a metallic taste in his mouth. He probably bit his tongue.

The guy grabs at the front of Kihyun’s shirt and lifts him up like it’s nothing. He pushes him back, hard, against the tree Kihyun must have hit when he was thrown. He grins, leaning forward and breathing in against Kihyun’s neck. “So pure…”

Kihyun’s eyes dart upwards and he sees the sky.

_Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic, damn it!_

He shuts his eyes closed and slams his forehead as hard as he can against the guy’s head.

“Son of a--” the guy groans in pain, letting go of Kihyun, who falls to the ground, his head feeling like it’s just been split in two.

Instincts kick in and Kihyun starts trying to get up, even as his brain swells against the walls of his skull. His vision is blurry. Everything is spinning. But he needs to get up. Get up and get out of there.

Something pulls him back. Grabs him by his collar and tugs and he loses his balance and falls and it’s a terrible thing, fear. It’s cold and terrible and difficult to truly grasp fully, but he feels it under his skin, in his bones. He kicks. He screams and tries to turn to break _his_ grasp and it’s blurry and horrible, but he knows he can’t just--just die here.

Somehow. Someone. Just. _Someone_ . _Fucking help!_

And suddenly everything stops. No more tugging. No more running. Kihyun feels his breath catch up and he turns to look over his shoulder. He can almost feel his irises blow wide as he tries to focus on Changkyun’s back.

Changkyun’s standing between Kihyun and the guy--the guy who, he looks not _right_ somehow but Kihyun doesn’t know how to process it. He tries to focus, on Changkyun, on the hand he has held out, on how effortlessly he pins the guy down.

But his brain feels like a power plant. And the world moves too fast. One second they’re five feet apart, and the next Changkyun is right there. Holding his hand out for Kihyun to take. Like it’s the natural thing to do.

“Wha--” What are words when you need them. “You…”

“He’s gone,” Changkyun says, soft and right there. “You’re safe.”

Kihyun’s breath hitches and he takes Changkyun’s hand. What are words when you need them, really. What are words when you can just _show_ exactly what you want to say. And so, Changkyun helps Kihyun up. And Kihyun doesn’t lose time wrapping his arms around him. And it feels like gravity, like hitting the floor after falling for too long. “Thank you…” He whispers. “Th...ank y--y...ou.”

_Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Weirdo._

“I’m not that weird,” Changkyun says. “You’re thinking out loud. Cry if you want, it’s okay.”

Kihyun’s chin wrinkles where it rests over Changkyun’s shoulder. But he doesn’t cry. Not really. Maybe just a little. “Shut up,” he says. “You’re so weird.”

“Kihyun?!” Hoseok calls from closeby. “Oh, god, Kihyun--what--what _happened_.”

Kihyun sniffled a little, but he’s definitely, definitely not crying. He breathes in and then out before stepping back. His arms falling without resistance. “I… I don’t know… I was…” He glances at Changkyun looking for answers. “What. What happened?”

“Ki, is that blood!?”

“Huh?” Oh, right. The metallic taste.

“He’ll be okay,” Changkyun says. “Should lie down, though. Did you find your car keys?”

Hoseok blinks. “What?” He looks at the keys in his hand. “Oh, yes! I did!”

“Good, start the car,” Changkyun says, and Hoseok nods sort of numbly and turns away to the car. Changkyun side steps. And that’s when Kihyun sees it. Black to deep, muddy red on the floor, just a few feet away from them.

“What…” Kihyun’s breath hitches again, everything coming back at once. He gives a step forward, eyes searching what looks and (suddenly) smells like putrid muck. That _thing_... What is that thing? Kihyun’s hand moves on its own and slaps loudly against Changkyun’s. “What is that?”

“Dead,” Changkyun says, hand twitching inside Kihyun’s. “That’s all that matters.”

Kihyun frowns. He tries to move his head but he can’t look away. “You killed him--it! You killed it!?”

“In a way. I sent it back. The body just… doesn’t go with.” Changkyun pulls at his hand, looking at the ground.

“The body,” Kihyun repeats. The body doesn’t go _where_. What the fuck is going on? He looks at Changkyun. “What are you?”

“I--I told you,” Changkyun frowns. “A few times, actually. You’re still bleeding, you know.”

This has to be a Halloween prank. That’s it. A bad prank. “No. You can’t--He. It can’t be…” _No. No, no, no, no._ “No,” Kihyun gives a step back, everything hurts, but he doesn’t let go of Changkyun’s hand. In fact, he squeezes, hard. “No. Just… no.”

Changkyun steadies him, and Kihyun realises he’s not exactly steady on his feet. “Kihyun? Are you okay? Is it the bloodloss?”

“No”, Kihyun says as he shakes his head. There’s no way this is happening. “No, I’m not… I… I don’t know what’s going on. Why was he on me. Changkyun,” Kihyun looks Changkyun in the eye, “He was _on me_ , he was going to…”

_Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic._

“He wanted to,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun feels a hand squeeze his arm. Mayhaps a bit too hard. “You’re bleeding, and not breathing very well and you’re having trouble staying upright. I’m gonna pick you up.”

“Wait. What?” Kihyun doesn’t even have time to step back because there’s a hand there, stopping him. Changkyun runs his hand down Kihyun’s back until he hooks his arm under his legs and lifts him up like Kihyun weighs nothing.

“He--hey!” Kihyun complains. “What?” He glares at Changkyun’s face.

“Sorry, do you want to walk?” Changkyun asks and there’s _sass_. Sass or teasing or whatever it is, Kihyun doesn’t appreciate it.

“Fine,” he says. “Fine…” The second time he says it as a whisper. Kihyun’s not even holding onto Changkyun, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem. Kihyun’s head still pounds, but then he’s being loaded into the back of Hoseok’s car and--

“You _can’t_ \--you can’t just--”

“I have to monitor your pupils,” Changkyun deadpans and shuts the car door.

“My wha--”

“Changkyun?” Hoseok chirps over his shoulder. “You’re coming with?”

Changkyun blinks. “We can’t just leave his pupils unmonitored.”

“That is… a very strange pick-up line.”

Kihyun wants to agree but suddenly he feels sick. “I… I think I’m gonna puke…”

Hoseok screams and slams on the breaks. “NOT ON THE BACKSEAT!”

Kihyun feels the motion way too much and needs to slam a hand over his mouth. He feels sick. _So sick_. But he breathes anyway. “I’m okay… can you just open the window for me, please? I’ll just throw up on the guy behind us if I need to…”

Hoseok whimpers softly, but puts the car back in drive. Changkyun locks the door, unlocks it, locks it again, finds the window button, and opens the window. Kihyun almost teleports there, a breath of fresh air, finally.

“Do you--” Hoseok starts but Kihyun’s kind of outside the car, so he raises his voice. “Kihyun, do you need to go to a hospital?”

“Home,” Kihyun manages to say. “I wanna go home.” He wants to go home and forget.

Hoseok looks back at the two of them for a second and shakes his head as he turns back to the road.

“ _Seriously_ , Ki? I know he’s hot and all, but just get his number, reschedule--”

“Oh, come on don’t tell me you didn’t see it!” Kihyun shouts as he slumps back on his seat. He looks down. No, he really doesn’t want to remember. “Nevermind,” he mutters. “I’m fine. Just take me home. I need to sleep.”

“I didn’t--I didn’t see anything,” Hoseok swallows. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

Hoseok asks that, just as Changkyun leans back into Kihyun’s personal space, eyes on his without saying anything. Kihyun stares back for a few seconds. The saturation in Changkyun’s eyes is unlike anything he’s ever seen.

And then, Kihyun looks away. “Are you going to…” He whispers. “Are you going to try…” He frowns. Why can’t words work the way he wants them to? “Nevermind.” He sighs and leans away from Changkyun.

“Your pupils look fine,” Changkyun says, and then leans over to Hoseok. “His pupils look fine.”

“Are you a medical student or?”

“Human physiology isn’t difficult.”

Kihyun crosses his arms and stares out the window. He holds himself tighter when he feels his eyes burn. He blinks the feeling away. The emotion, however, stays, like deep red vitriol in his chest. Whatever happened, shouldn’t have happened. Whatever happened _didn’t_ happen. If only he could forget the ghostly touch of that _thing_ on his skin.

“Just hurry up,” he tells Hoseok. “I wanna get home fast.” And shower. And then sleep.

It feels longer, somehow, getting home than it does having left home. Hoseok stops the car by the entrance to Kihyun’s apartment building and it’s much darker than when they’d left, and it looks… wrong, off kilter. Except that nothing’s changed.

“Do you need any help?”

“No,” Changkyun says, opening the door and getting out of the car. Hoseok stares at Changkyun, and then at Kihyun.

“I’m really very, incredibly confused right now, Kihyun.”

Kihyun sighs. But stops before he exits the car. “We can talk tomorrow. If you want. I’ll call you in the morning.” He looks over his shoulder. “And please don’t blame yourself. I know you. I know you will.” He smiles. “It’s not your fault, okay?”

Hoseok’s features crumble, bottom lip trembling. “I really have the worst luck, Ki.”

“No, you don’t. I mean, you do but... You have me, so…” Kihyun rolls his eyes at himself. “Anyway. Don’t cry. Don’t make me, like, go over there right now.”

“Okay, I won’t,” Hoseok says with a sniffle. “Promise you’ll call?”

“Promise,” Kihyun says with a smile he hopes is reassuring, before he finally gets up and closes the door. And then Changkyun is just standing there. Looking at him. And it’s easy. It’s easy to look at Changkyun straight in eye, ignore the pull in his gut, frown and then just look away. Look away and pass him by as if he’s not there at all.

“Kihyun?” Changkyun calls, and once Kihyun’s far enough away, quickly runs to his side. “Kihyun, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be alone, you’re in near constant danger.”

Kihyun reaches for his keys and drops them. He sighs and leans down to pick them up, ignoring the word vomit Changkyun is throwing at him. He opens the front door, gets inside and walks fast towards the elevator, limping slightly along the way.

Changkyun must have slipped in, too, because when Kihyun presses the button for the elevator, Changkyun’s hand stops just short of his. He pulls back, holding his own hand in front of himself.

“Don’t--don’t let anyone in,” Changkyun mumbles. “Hoseok is good, you can let him in, but don’t trust anyone else. _No one else._ ”

The elevator is not coming fast enough. Kihyun feels his heart pick up speed. He eyes Changkyun for a moment. He looks at his face. Then at his hands. And finally at his feet. “Does that include you as well?” He asks, voice devoid of emotion.

Changkyun frowns, in what looks like honest to god confusion. “I can’t hurt you.”

Kihyun looks away. “I don’t know that. You say that but I don’t know if you mean it.” The elevator dings and the door opens, but Kihyun doesn’t move. “One moment there’s this asshole chatting me up. The next he looks like mud on the floor.” He glares at Changkyun. “How do I know you’re…” He shakes his head and groans. “Forget it.” He steps inside the elevator. “Stay away from me, okay? Just… just stay away.”

“Okay,” Changkyun says softly. “I just... I have to protect you. So just...” Kihyun straightens up as the elevator doors start to close. “Be safe, Kihyun.”

Eventful. That’s how most nights out with Hoseok can be described. Eventful. And today, from weirdy-weirdo to Changkyun, from random stranger to whoever saved his life… Today was eventful, too. Eventful and scary to the point of numbness.

Kihyun feels numb when the door to his house finally closes behind his back. He feels numb when he steps into the shower with his clothes still on. And later, when he gets in bed and throws the blanket over his head.

 

 

 

 _Forget. Forget. Forget._ But sleep doesn’t let him forget.

There is a scream-gaped mouth and then a hollow corpse on the floor. And then Kihyun falls down into nothingness. In one hand he holds a name and in the other a key to a door Kihyun remembers but can’t quite recall from where.

And so, he falls. He falls into a scream-gaped mouth. And in a corner of his mind Kihyun knows he’s falling into eternity. He’s falling and only hell awaits.

 _‘So pure,’_ a voice says. And Kihyun wants to scream but no air comes out.

Nothing. He’s falling into nothingness.

And then, _‘Kihyun’_ . And it’s soft and warm and deep. And the only thing Kihyun needs to do is answer back.

Chang--

 

 

 

“--kyun.”

Kihyun’s eyes are open when he comes back to his senses. He’s staring at the ceiling, heart jackhammering in his chest, breathing like he just ran a marathon. A tear rolls down his face.

Sometimes, forgetting is not enough.

“Kihyun,” Kihyun hears again, and it’s soft and warm and deep and--and right there.

Kihyun sits up in a jump. “How…” No. It doesn’t matter _how_ . “Changkyun.” He says. _There._ That’s easy. Easy to say and easy to accept. Everything else can wait.

 _Sometimes, forgetting is not enough._ Sometimes, lying helps.

“You… you said my name,” Changkyun says, and he sounds and looks awkward, standing there at the side of Kihyun’s bed in a leather jacket, hands twisting. “You said to leave you alone but then you said my name. The, er, latter took precedence.”

Kihyun runs his thumbs under his eyes to swipe those damn tears away. He sniffles and looks around the room. “I did, didn’t I?” He says just to fill the silence, that gap Changkyun’s voice left. “Sorry… I know I told you to leave but…” He looks at Changkyun. “Can you stay?”

Fear is an ugly thing. Kihyun doesn’t know if he means what he’s saying. But he really wants--needs Changkyun--someone to _stay_.

“Yes,” Changkyun says quickly and moves forward just a little before stepping back. “Are you…” Changkyun pauses. “Sorry, I don’t know what to do.”

 _Sometimes, forgetting is not enough._ _Sometimes, lying helps._ And sometimes, a lie doesn’t have to be spoken to be real.

But back to the start: it starts with a word...

“Well…” Kihyun laughs a little and it tastes like lying, bitter but sweet. _Bittersweet._ “Maybe… take off your jacket.”

“It can come off?” Changkyun asks, and tugs at the collar for a second and then slips the jacket off his shoulders. He looks smaller in just a t-shirt and jeans. He looks around and carefully puts the jacket on a neat heap on Kihyun’s dresser.

Kihyun watches Changkyun’s move around the room. There’s a prickly feeling under his skin. Kihyun just showered but he suddenly feels like he needs another shower. He shakes his head and sighs. “You really are weird,” he mutters. _And so am I, it seems._

Changkyun smiles. It’s the same one he’d practised earlier. Earlier, at the party. _Forget, forget, forget_. He walks to the other side of the bed, studies Kihyun who’s under the covers, kicks off his shoes, and just climbs right in.

“Question,” Kihyun says, needing _something_ to help him forget, to distract him, his voice sounding a lot more natural than it had just a few seconds ago, “do you like movies? Or do you prefer series?” He reaches across the bed, arm stretching in front of Changkyun’s face, and grabs his laptop. “I’m not sleepy. So we can just… watch something. Unless you feel like sleeping. Then I’ll go to the living room.”

“If I have to stay, you have to stay,” Changkyun says with a nod, wiggling where he’s sitting and pushing down the plush of Kihyun’s duvet until it puffs up again.

Kihyun laughs. “Right. Well, movie or series?”

“Uhm.” Changkyun’s eyes widen a little. “I don’t know?”

“Movie it is,” Kihyun announces. _Forget, forget, forget._ He opens his laptop, loads Netflix, and shifts closer to Changkyun. “I will just scroll down. Tell me if anything catches your eye and we’ll check it out.”

Changkyun leans in and watches the screen as if trying to take in everything on the screen. He points to one of the thumbnails. “A lot of humans were doing that at the party.”

Humans. Party _... Just forget, damn it._

“What. Kissing?” Kihyun asks.

Changkyun nods. “Yes. A lot. Sorry, you seem uncomfortable, I think I’m going to stop talking about kissing.”

“Right…”

“Fourteen!” Changkyun says, smiling. It falters quickly. “Sorry. I am a bit weird, aren’t I?”

Kihyun stares at him. “Yeah… a bit. But it’s fine. I like it.” He flinches and looks away. “I mean. I don’t mind that you’re weird. I’m weird too, apparently. I hardly know you and here you are. In my bed. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you how weird that sounds.” He sighs. “It’s fine though. Today is weird and… it’s fine.” _Forget, forget, forget._

Changkyun wiggles further into the covers and looks at Kihyun with those big, oddly coloured eyes. “This is weird?”

Kihyun mimics Changkyun and slides down next to him. “Yeah,” he mutters. “Really weird.” He clicks on a random thumbnail and watches the screen change.

“Hm,” Changkyun hums. “Doesn’t feel weird. Just feels soft.” Soft. Yes. And warm. So warm Kihyun’s eyelids feel heavy.

“Changkyun,” Kihyun starts without knowing where he wants to go with it.

“Kihyun?”

“Earlier…” Kihyun trains his eyes on the screen but he’s not really paying attention. He’s just vaguely aware of the Netflix logo as it fades and something starts. “How did you know? And before… at the… party. How did you know?”

Changkyun’s quiet as the movie starts, some generic scenic shots and indie music playing softly on Kihyun’s relatively crappy laptop speakers.

“Remember when I told you I have to protect you?”

“How could I forget when you keep repeating it so often?”

“It’s important,” Changkyun says, and then stays quiet for a moment longer. “When you’re scared, I feel it. Well, I know it. It feels like knowing. And you only saw what the hunter looked like after I killed him, but for me, he looked like that on the couch.”

Kihyun feels a pull south of his body, his blood rushing down and then suddenly back up. _Fear_. “And you? What do you look like right now?”

“I look like what you see,” Changkyun says. “He was borrowing a body. But this is mine.”

“Okay,” Kihyun says, letting go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Okay,” he repeats.

“Does that mean you believe me?”

Kihyun lets his eyes close and leans his head on Changkyun’s shoulder. “No. It doesn’t. But… I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.” After all, people don’t just teleport 7 floors above the ground because someone else called their name in a dream.

 _Forget, forget, forget_ . But remember what needs to be remembered. _Remember what matters._

“Thank you,” Changkyun says softly, leaning his cheek against Kihyun’s head. “I’ll keep you safe, I promise. Doesn’t matter if you believe what I am, just believe that.”

Simple enough. Good enough. “Okay,” Kihyun whispers. His eyelids flutter, he feels drunk with the images passing fast on the screen. So, he just closes his eyes. “Okay.”

It’s soft, and warm, and when Kihyun falls asleep way faster than intended, in bed with a stranger, he sleeps better than he has in years.


	2. Connected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’re connected,” Changkyun says simply.
> 
> While that would explain why fear-punch drunk Kihyun let a stranger into his bed, it still doesn’t say a lot. It’s something, but nothing at the same time.

Waking up turns out to be an embarrassing affair, because the first thing Kihyun sees is the question in Changkyun’s eyes and when Kihyun looks down and registers what’s going on he gives a shout like he’s been electrocuted and jumps out of the bed.

“Why were we cuddling!?” He asks, half in desperation, half in surprise.

Changkyun’s hand falls onto the bed from where--Kihyun realises in abject _horror_ \--Changkyun had had his arm around him. “You fell asleep and initiated it.”

Kihyun feels his eye twitch. “Initi--” He stops to facepalm, hand sliding down his face as he speaks. “Look... I don’t even know what to tell you. Just… let’s just act like that didn’t happen. Okay? If someone asks you, you slept on the couch.”

“I don’t sleep,” Changkyun says, smiling--it looks more natural, somehow--and turns the laptop around to face him. “I watched some stuff. People cuddled and they seemed happy, but you don’t seem particularly happy but I assume it’s just because we didn’t have sex beforehand--”

A heatwave flows from Kihyun’s chest to his face. “ _Se_ \--You know what?! No.” He closes his eyes and throws both hands up. “I am going to the bathroom. Then, I am going to make coffee. And then,” he wags his finger between them. “We talk.” He turns around and walks out of the room, muttering to himself “No way, no way, no way…”

“Do you mind if I watch the last five minutes? They’re on their honeymoon!”

“I don’t care!” Kihyun shouts from the corridor in a pitch he’s not proud of.

“Thank you!”

An incredible amount of questions float around Kihyun’s mind. And some have a lot to do with the reason why he avoids looking at his own reflection in the bathroom and then, later, in the kitchen.

He really wishes he could just forget. But, every time he zones out, a voice crawls over his back and whispers against his skin. Kihyun finds himself slapping his neck a lot in the three minutes he waits for the water to boil.

By the time he pours coffee into a mug, Changkyun is by the door, eyeing him up and down like he is seeing Kihyun for the first time. “You look nice.”

Kihyun side glances at Changkyun and frowns. “Sure,” he says. He takes the mug up to his lips before he can say something back like ‘You too’, which wouldn’t be a lie but, right now, is not... really appropriate.

“Is that coffee?” Changkyun asks with wide, curious eyes as he pads closer.

“Yes,” Kihyun says. “Would you…” He looks at his own feet. “Do you want coffee?”

“Yes!” Changkyun says with a bounce, and then coughs and folds his arms, speaking much lower. “I mean, yes. The humans on your laptop really like it. Always going to houses and upstairs and having some. Inviting people over for coffee. Things like that.”

Kihyun bites his upper lip to avoid smiling and reaches over the sink to grab a clean mug. “I should warn you, though… It’s strong,” he says, eyeing Changkyun as he pours. “Don’t you dare to spit it out once you put it in your mouth.” _Now there’s a sentence, Kihyun._

Changkyun smiles and takes the cup of hot coffee and before Kihyun could think of his second warning ( _it’s hot, don’t burn yourself)_ , Changkyun’s thrown it all down his throat and puts the now empty cup back on the counter.

Kihyun is gaping. “That was… scalding hot! What the hell are you made of?”

Changkyun frowns and smacks his lips together and sticks out his tongue. “That stings. You enjoy this?”

“You’re not supposed to just--just drink everything in one go!” He rolls his eyes and groans when he throws his head back. “ _God_. I can’t believe this.”

“You’ve said,” Changkyun says, eyeing the coffee pot as he sits down at the counter. He looks around Kihyun’s kitchen and living room and nods thoughtfully. “You have _such_ a nice place.”

Kihyun sighs and leans back against the counter. “How many episodes did you watch?”

“After the movie? Fifteen.”

 _“Fifteen!?_ Just how long have I--” Kihyun eyes the clock on the wall. He almost jumps. “What the fuck! It’s so late!”

“Time isn’t real,” Changkyun hums, still looking around. “Are you late for a particular moment of time?”

 _This is going to take a lot of time to get used to._ “No,” Kihyun replies. “Not really.” He just… Never sleeps this late. Has never slept this late. He should probably check his email. But that can wait.

“Then chillax, bro,” Changkyun says like it’s a normal thing to say.

“Bro?” Kihyun grimaces. “Ugh.”

Changkyun holds up two fingers in a peace sign and smiles. “Dude.”

“Honestly? I preferred you better when you spoke like a 18th century nobleman. But whatever.” Kihyun places his cup down. “I have questions.” He looks Changkyun in the eye. “And I want answers.”

Changkyun lowers the peace sign and nods again, still with a small smile on his face. His leg is jumping a little on the chair. “Noted. I’ll answer to the best of my abilities.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lip twitches into a smile. There we go. “Well,” he looks down. “First, let’s start with you. What are you, really? Yes! A demon! But… I don’t know…” He looks up. “I don’t know what _that_ means exactly.”

Changkyun nods thoughtfully. “I mentioned there being many different types, but in all honesty, I don’t know which one I am. But I’m strong, and immortal, and derive my power from Satan.” Changkyun smiles and his cheeks dimple. “What would you like to know?”

 _Immortal_. Is that spelled with one or two M’s, Kihyun forgets. And...

“Satan?” Kihyun jokes. “Oh, this just keeps getting better…” He mutters to the floor.

“Oh, well, you see, Satan was an angel of the Lord, and when he rebelled--”

“Yes, yes. I know that story. Okay. Next question.” Kihyun looks up and licks his lips. “I can’t believe these words will come out of my own mouth but… last night. Last night you just… meterizalized yourself in my room. How does that even work?”

“Oh,” Changkyun’s shoulders relax. Like it’s an easy question, and not one of the hardest Kihyun’s ever asked. “You said my name.”

“And you say that as if I should know what it means…”

“My name is my summon. You summoned me.”

“Summoned…” Kihyun looks around. “Why did I ask… _Oh god_. Okay. Next.” He pauses when he spots his reflexion across the room. His hands feel icy. “That… thing,” he manages, voice tight. There are whispers behind his ears. “Why me? What did it want from me?”

Changkyun shifts in his seat. “Uhm. Are you sure you want to know? It’s not... pleasant.”

Cold. Everything feels cold. “It’s dead, right?”

“It’s…” Changkyun shifts again. “Gone, yes. Demons don’t die, but I sent it back.”

“Back to…”

“Hell,” Changkyun says and pauses, moving his hands up to lay palm down on the counter. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Kihyun laughs bitterly. “Right. I doubt you know what ‘sorry’ means but. Okay.” He manages to catch Changkyun’s eyes and feels it, that strange gravitational pull. It takes Kihyun conscious effort to stay where he is. “Next question,” he forces. “How many more? How many of those… things?”

Changkyun opens his mouth just to close it again. He looks away from Kihyun and swallows. “Can--can we go back to the bed, I--I think the next episode looks interesting--”

“Changkyun.”

“I’m already here,” he mumbles.

Kihyun sighs, closes his eyes and leans away from the counter. He walks up to Changkyun and sits down next to him. “I know,” he says. “I know.”

“There--” Changkyun looks up at him, eyebrows knitted together. “A lot of things happen in fifteen episodes of a sitcom.”

“You’re right,” Kihyun agrees, pressing one finger on the counter and drawing a circle. “One last question, then. Is that okay with you? Just one.”

Changkyun watches Kihyun’s finger and with the hand on the counter, starts to do the same. He nods minutely.

“Why does looking at you make my head spin?” Kihyun turns to look at Changkyun’s face. “Before, when we met and then after. Last night, too. And… now, too.”

Changkyun draws over an invisible circle Kihyun had left. Changkyun looks him in the eye and he feels it again and when Changkyun answers with a smile, it doesn’t pull, it tugs, sharply.

“We’re connected,” Changkyun says simply.

While that would explain why fear-punch drunk Kihyun let a stranger into his bed, it still doesn’t say a lot. It’s something, but nothing at the same time.

Kihyun blinks and looks away. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll take that answer… for now.”

“It’s true,” Changkyun mumbles, almost petulant. “There’s… Kihyun, there are a _lot_ them. I don’t know how many, now. But they won’t stop. They want--they want your soul. I have to protect you.” Kihyun sees movement--as frozen as he feels, he sees Changkyun reach and hover over his hand. “So we’re connected.” Changkyun swallows again. “I’m sorry I drank all your coffee in one go.”

“You,” Kihyun starts, his heart racing. “You always do that.” Kihyun turns his palm up but doesn’t touch Changkyun’s. “Is it some sort of… rule?”

Changkyun frowns. “I’ve only drank all your coffee once.”

Kihyun looks at him and smirks. “Not that.” He raises his hand slightly and his fingers brush on Changkyun’s palm. “This.”

“Oh. It is a rule. I can’t touch you without your consent,” Changkyun smiles, moving his fingers carefully and watching the way they brush over Kihyun’s skin. “Or unless you touch me first.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, looking at their hands for a while longer before softly slapping Changkyun’s hand away. “Okay.” He gets up. “Do you eat? I’m assuming you eat.” He snorts. “If you drink…”

“So far I’ve had coffee,” Changkyun smiles, keeping his eyes on his hand before folding his hands in his lap. “But I don’t think that’s food. I don’t need to eat, though.”

“Well,” Kihyun gets up. “In this house if I eat, you eat. So, we’re eating.” He says before he walks up to the shelves nearby. “Hey, be nice and bring me bacon and eggs. Everything is in the fridge.”

 _What’s more normal than bacon and eggs, right_?

“Bacon and eggs, bacon and eggs…” Changkyun mumbles, follows Kihyun’s eyes to the fridge, and opens it and starts rummaging through the fridge. Kihyun thinks it might be better to just… look away.

“I assume these are both solid objects?”

 _Jesus Christ_. “Come here, you shit.” Kihyun bosses as he reaches for his phone over the counter. He ignores Hoseok’s missed calls and texts and googles ‘eggs’. It would have been faster to just walk to the fridge himself, but no one is there to point that out. Changkyun certainly won’t. “Eggs.” He says, almost shoving his phone in Changkyun’s face once he is close enough. “The bacon is the only pink stuff I have in there. Also, milk.”

“Ooooh, I saw those!” Changkyun says excitedly, turning back to the fridge and, miraculously, placing a few eggs, milk and a packet of bacon on the counter. He points at Kihyun’s phone. “I like that thing.”

“Yeah?” Kihyun says absentmindedly. “Have your way with it.” He waves Changkyun away. Maybe Kihyun will be able to fry those eggs and bacon in peace. Maybe.

And he does; he cooks in peace, and Changkyun is quiet as he sits by the counter, glancing up from Kihyun’s phone every now and then, just long enough to make Kihyun’s neck itch.

But, when Changkyun speaks again, he’s not looking at Kihyun when he says: “You look cute.”

Kihyun is in the process of flipping an egg and almost sends the spatula flying. He looks over his shoulder, eyes wide. “What?”

Changkyun says it again, like it helps, “You look cute,” and turns the phone for Kihyun to see.

Kihyun turns the heat off and slowly, very slowly, places the spatula down. He turns around with the biggest frown he has forced in a long time. “Give me that,” he points at the phone. “Now.”

Changkyun blinks, holding the phone closer to himself. “But I haven’t had my way with it yet.”

“ _Please_ don’t say that while looking at my selcas!” Kihyun complains, walking up to Changkyun and making a grab for the phone. “Give me that!”

Changkyun holds it _just_ out of reach. “Does having my way not include your selcas? Just eggs?”

Kihyun claws his fingers around Changkyun’s arm and tries to pull. “Just give me that!”

“I’m much stronger than you, you know,” Changkyuns adds helpfully. His arm doesn’t even fucking _budge_. “I wanna see them. You look cute.”

The face Kihyun makes probably suggests embarrassment. He can feel it burning so he looks away. “I’ll trade.” He points at the stove. “Food for the phone.”

“I don’t eat,” Changkyun smiles, wider than Kihyun’s seen so far, and wiggles the phone in his hand. “Why would you take the pictures if you didn’t want someone to see them?”

Kihyun slaps his hand over Changkyun’s mouth. “Stop. Don’t talk. And when you feel like talking, don’t.”

Changkyun raises his eyebrows, glancing down at Kihyun’s hand and Kihyun can _feel_ him pouting.

Kihyun tilts his head, trying to will the blush away. “I cooked for you,” he whines. “Will you really not eat it?” He lets his hand slide down and fakes disappointment as he steps back. He gives Changkyun one last pitiful look before looking away.

And then something pokes at his arm. Changkyun’s still pouting as he softly jabs the phone at Kihyun’s arm. “You’re cuter when you’re not sad.”

An eyebrow climbs on Kihyun’s forehead and he hums, taking the phone. “How do you even know what cute looks like,” he mutters to himself. But, before he steps away, he holds the device up and smirks. “Hey, demon,” he calls and when Changkyun looks at him, pout and puppy eyes and everything, Kihyun snaps a picture.

He looks at it for a moment and then turns the phone in his hand. “See? Now you have one, too.”

Changkyun immediately smiles and leans in to see the picture. “Woah. Who took all yours?”

“I did,” Kihyun says, a hint of pride in his voice. He places the phone on the counter and walks back to the stove.

By the time he slides a plate with two eggs, three slices of bacon and a toast on it in front of Changkyun, the clock already hits three pm. What a wasted morning.

“Eat,” Kihyun tells Changkyun and passes him a fork and a knife. Then, he frowns. “Do you even know how to use these?”

Changkyun smiles and rolls his eyes. “I didn’t know how cuddling worked either, but I’m a fast learner and you’re a good teacher.”

Kihyun pauses. He looks up at the ceiling and sighs. “Right,” he says and waits.

Changkyun looks at him in deep thought for a second before proudly announcing: “Seventeen.”

At that Kihyun laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling, too. “I knew you’d say that.”

Changkyun watches Kihyun and the more he does, the wider he smiles. “Well, you were right.”

“Eighteen,” Kihyun says as he sits down in front of his plate.

“But who’s keeping count, right,” Changkyun says, still smiling very widely and looking right at Kihyun.

Kihyun licks his lips and smiles back. “Nineteen,” he announces. And then tilts his head up. “Come on, eat. It will get cold.”

Changkyun holds his fork the way Kihyun is, nodding with determination. “I’m ready.”

Kihyun snorts and starts eating. Changkyun watches him closely, taking bites just after Kihyun does and counting the bites so they match. He runs out eggs just a little bit before Kihyun does and just stares at his plate. Kihyun really tries not to laugh. Or find it endearing. He’s a clueless _demon_ eating his eggs.

“Do you like it?” Kihyun asks, a little anxious about the answer for some reason.

“Tastes like molecules,” Changkyun says. “Nice molecules. Bigger picture it tastes--” Changkyun frowns and then his eyes go all wide and his mouth pulls up at the corners and, if Kihyun didn’t know better, he looks _happy_.

The feeling that had been weighing on Kihyun’s chest since he woke up flows out as he breathes. He looks at Changkyun for a while longer and then down at the food in front of him.

They eat in silence. And Kihyun doesn’t dare break it. Not even when he leans to pick up Changkyun’s plate and place it atop his own. And not when he takes them to the sink to rinse.

“Can I ask _you_ a question?” Changkyun asks, then, soft and handing him a plate. It’s clean, and doesn’t need to be rinsed, but, you know, it’s the thought that counts.

Kihyun stares at the clean plate. “You just did,” he says. Smiling small when he looks up at Changkyun. _Shit. Is his humour contagious or what_. Kihyun takes the plate to wash anyway. “But sure. Ask.”

Changkyun watches him clean, as close as he can get comfortably without touching Kihyun. “Do you not like being called cute? People called things cute in the things I watched and the things they thought were cute remind me of you, so I called you cute but you don’t like it.”

Kihyun wets his lips and stares at the _very_ sparkling-clean plate in his hands. “I don’t dislike it. But… It’s embarrassing. Rather than being called cute I…” He trails off. And looks up. “I don’t think I’m cute. But,” he looks at Changkyun. “I guess you are.”

“Well, there was another word they used,” Changkyun adds helpfully. “That also fits.” He pauses. “I’m cute?”

The shrug Kihyun gives suggests he doesn’t agree nor disagree. He moves on, “What other word?”

“Sexy.”

Kihyun turns around so fast he almost sends the plate flying across the room. “Sexy!?” His voice cracks a little at the end.

“I… cannot gauge this reaction as either positive or negative.”

Face burning, Kihyun looks down. He feels it, a shiver and grimaces a little as it runs down his body. “Ugh, Changkyun…” He places the plate back in the sink before it slips through his hands. “In other circumstances I would accept the compliment but…” He eyes Changkyun up and down. “This is weird…”

Changkyun winces. “I’m sorry, Kihyun. I can’t really... tell.”

Kihyun laughs in embarrassment. “Wait until I tell Hoseok I cuddled with a random demon last night and then he called me sexy after I cooked him lunch.” He shivers again. “He is going to love this.”

“I _think_ I’m getting a better grasp at humor, but I can’t tell if you were joking or not,” Changkyun says, smiling… Awkwardly. Awkward, embarrassed. Kihyun can’t tell. But Kihyun is sure he’s seen more emotion and expression on his face in the last ten minutes than he had for everything that happened last night.

“See?” Kihyun gesticulates at Changkyun’s face, “That right there. Cute.”

Changkyun frowns and gesticulates right back. “That right there. Anger. I am confused at the anger.”

Kihyun snorts. “Okay, champ.” He sighs and checks the time. “I need to check my email. And _you_ ,” he pokes Changkyun’s chest, “need to shower. I’ll lend you some of my clothes for now. I should also call Hoseok, just in case…”

“Shower,” Changkyun nods. “In the shows, people showered. I can shower.” He nods. “I think.”

“Just don’t flood the bathroom. That’s all I ask of you…”

Changkyun smiles brightly. “I’ll try my best,” he says, and unbuttons his jeans and pulls them off before Kihyun can even try to react.

Kihyun looks down and then up. And then away. “Right, I’ll…” He points towards the bathroom, “get you a towel.” _Goddamn it._ “And bring your jeans with you, don’t just leave them there!” The domesticity feels weird. Very weird. But Changkyun does as he’s told, and doesn’t take any more clothes off until he’s at least in the bathroom and Kihyun can throw the towel at him and close the door for any and all sense of remaining modesty.

Christ. He needs to talk to a human. Changkyun’s weird shenanigans barely phase him at this point but did he have to take off his pants? So _fast_ , too.

Kihyun rubs his hands down his face and sighs. _Nevermind_. Check his email, call Hoseok, and put some damn slacks on.

He rushes to the kitchen to get his phone and then goes back to the bedroom, throwing himself over the bed and resisting the urge to crawl back under the covers. He pulls his laptop over his lap and stares at the new amount of shows under Netflix’s suggestions. Changkyun really ruined his feed...

Kihyun glances at his phone for a second, his thumb hovering over Hoseok’s number. He calls.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Bee--_

“Kihyun? Damn, I really thought you’d died, why are you calling so late? I told you to call when you wake up.”

Kihyun leans his cheek on the screen and holds the phone with his shoulder. “Sorry… I overslept. I saw you texted but there was, uhm, something I had to take care of first. Again, sorry."

“It’s--It’s fine, _you slept until when?!_ I’ve never seen you _not_ up before seven.”

“I know, right? I’m as baffled as you are.” He pauses. “I guess… maybe it’s because…”

“Did you hit your head really hard? Dammit, Kihyun, I told you to go to the hospital--”

“Hoseok.” He says, looking over his laptop. “Last night… what did you, uhm, what did you see?”

“See?” He hears some movement on the other side of the phone. “Well, I, er, saw Changkyun--I don’t know, pin this guy that was attacking you but once I got there you were clinging to him and, well, you were there for the rest.”

Kihyun hums. “I see… and what about the other guy? Do you remember what happened to him?”

“Uh, I don’t, I don’t really know, dude, we just left him there. Are you okay?”

Breath hitching a little, Kihyun tries to focus on a spot on the wall, but everything is white. Everywhere he looks, he sees white. “I don’t know, Hoseok… Changkyun, he, he said some things… I am trying not to think much of it but, ahhhh, I don’t know.”

“Oh, yeah, shit, Changkyun--what, what did he say? Do you, er, need me to come over? You sound a bit… shaken.”

“He said… shit. This is ridiculous.” Kihyun laughs for no reason. “Hoseok, if I tell you I left him downstairs, down-fucking-stairs, and then he showed up in my room in the middle of the night because I--I thought of him… would you believe me?” He pauses. “I’m not sure I would believe me… I’m not sure I do...”

“He _what_ \--fucking hell, Ki, do I need to call the police?!”

“Yeah, sure. Call the police and tell them what? _Oh hey! This kid I met last night turned some freak into a puddle of mud and then followed me around, kinda preaching the bible, you know, oh, and then broke into my apartment or more like teleported himself there!”_ Kihyun needs to breathe after rambling everything out.

Hoseok is quiet for a second on the other side of the phone, long enough for Kihyun to feel just a little silly.

“Not… not a lot of that made sense, uhm. What, er, what did you do about Changkyun, then? Since you clearly didn’t call the police.”

Kihyun stops. His whole body stops. His heart, too. “I, uhm, look. It’s not what you think--” Hoseok squeaks something. “No, wait! I haven’t even said anything--it’s just… there is a, uhm, what the fuck do I even--I don’t know! He was there and I was… We fell asleep… or, I fell asleep…”

“You _slept with him_?! He breaks into your house and you sleep with him?! I know you don’t get laid often but--”

“Please! Don’t say it like that! Nothing happened!” Kihyun feels his face burn, and the sound of the shower running feels like harsh static in the back of his head. “It’s not like that! I promise!” His brain almost implodes searching for words. “Look, e--every single time I look at him it’s like…” He trails off. How can he make it sound real and not like a quote from a stupid movie. “Can you… can you come over? I think it’s better if you see for yourself.”

“I think it might be, yeah. Shit, Kihyun… This is…”

Kihyun feels a shiver, Changkyun’s words echoing in his head. “Scary… This is scary.” He admits. And it is. It is really, _really_ scary.

“Yeah. I’ll be there soon, okay.”

“Hey… yesterday. Was everything okay? Before we left. You usually wanna stay, I’m the one who always wants to leave first…”

“I,” Hoseok sighs. “There was just a lot. Nothing was going right. I’m used to bad luck, but this was ridiculous. And then I even… I left my keys there and you almost died, Ki.”

“Oh. You know I don’t exactly blame you for tha--”

“Hey, Kihyun?” Changkyun asks from the doorway and Kihyun looks up and--

 _And_.

 _And_ apparently demons really have no shame.

 _“Ohmygod_ , he’s naked,” Kihyun whispers to the phone, eyes wide.

“You said I could borrow some clothes?” Changkyun asks, ruffling his wet hair as Hoseok screeches over the phone.

“He’s _what?!_ ”

Kihyun’s eyes dart to the ceiling. _Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look._ _“Ohmygod_ , Changkyun just--” He gestures towards the wardrobe, “in there, something, just dress yourself--clothes--something!” Kihyun’s ear is about to bleed with the way he clutches his phone closer and Hoseok screams.

Changkyun pads closer and in the corner of Kihyun’s eye he can see him turning around to dig through Kihyun’s cupboard. _Don’t look, don’t look, dear god._

“Hoseok, get your--” _Don’t say ass, don’t say ass,_ he freaks out “ _butt_ over here, right fucking now!”

“He better not be naked when I get there,” Hoseok says and puts the phone down and suddenly there are no distractions between Kihyun’s near irredeemable gay panic and the reason for it. Great ceiling they have here.

“Are you dressed yet?” Kihyun squeaks and then clears his throat with a wince.

“This sweater is really soft.”

“And _on_ you, I hope.”

“Yep!” Changkyun announces and Kihyun lets out a breath.

Whatever peace of mind he’d managed to achieve, however, sprints out the window the moment he lands eyes on Changkyun. “Hey,” he says, voice calm, brain screaming.

“Hey,” Changkyun mirrors, standing there in--admittedly, a sweater. Mind you, _only_ a sweater. Fortunately, quite a big sweater.

“You remember the clothes you had on before you undressed? Right--” _Twenty one,_ “Replay that in your mind and see what’s missing, please.”

Changkyun frowns for a second, looks around, and grabs the leather jacket he’d taken off last night, putting it on. “This?”

“No, you pillock,” Kihyun hisses, “boxers! Pants! Human decency!”

“Never had that last one, but I’ll do my best.” Changkyun smiles a little-- _inappropriate!!!_ \--and walks over to Kihyun’s drawers and finds a pair of boxers, at least. Again, Kihyun has to look away.

“By the way,” Kihyun says to take his mind off things, “Hoseok is coming over.”

“Cool. Should we start baby-proofing the apartment?”

Kihyun glares down at his laptop and starts typing his email and password compulsively, hitting the wrong keys a few times. “What a fucking nightmare,” he mutters to himself. Unfortunately, there’s nothing new in his inbox.

“I tried to make a joke,” Changkyun says, plopping down on the bed in, Kihyun notes, a really old pair of ripped jeans he used to wear to concerts. “It wasn’t very good.”

“Want a good joke? Have a try at my life.”

Changkyun blinks at him with a little frown. “That seems a bit sad. But I’ve never laughed at anything, so I’m not a very good judge for humour.”

Kihyun glances at him, “Not that many jokes down there, huh?” He snorts. “Hell must be boring.”

“The torture takes your mind off things,” Changkyun says cheerfully. “Not that I’ve done that. I’m new.”

 _Torture!?_ Kihyun suddenly feels like he needs to add praying to his to-do list. “Right…” He says, pouting.

“Twenty two,” Changkyun hums and lays down on his side next to Kihyun. “And don’t worry, you’re not going to hell.”

“You can tell?”

“Mhm,” Changkyun hums. “People don’t automatically go to hell. You have to have made a deal with a demon, have a corrupted soul, or have done things to really deserve eternal damnation. But yes, I can tell. All souls look different.”

Kihyun tries to meet Changkyun’s eye. “What does mine look like?” Somehow, he already knows the answer to that question.

“There’s…” Changkyun frowns. “There’s a reason they want your soul, Kihyun.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun sighs, “must be from showering all the time…” He jokes. Changkyun blinks up at him in silence and Kihyun smiles. “So, demons feel no joy?”

“No,” Changkyun says simply. “We don’t.”

“So all that smiling you’ve been doing since I woke up… Research?”

“I’ve been practising,” Changkyun smiles.

Kihyun hums and closes his laptop without taking his eyes off Changkyun and then slides over the bed, stopping just close enough. “So… if I poke you right now… you won’t laugh? Not even a little?”

“Poking is funny?”

“Well,” Kihyun’s smile falters a little, “depends…” He says, considering the situation for a moment and then just going for it. He sticks his finger out and pokes the side of Changkyun’s torso.

Evidently, confusion is a universal feeling extending even to the depths of hell. Changkyun makes a little, high pitched noise, and frowns, wiggling a little on the bed.

The corner of Kihyun’s lip goes up and he tilts his head. “Not the reaction I was expecting but amusing nonetheless.” He bites at his lower lip. “And now I’m glad you can’t touch me without my permission. No way I want one of those back.”

“Why, what would happen?”

Kihyun tries to go very, very serious and almost, _almost_ manages. “I would die.”

Changkyun’s eyes widen perceptively. “I wouldn’t poke you that hard!”

“I am glad you’re naive, really, _so_ glad. The things you say… _damn_.” Kihyun looks away. “Anyway, I need to get dressed. Otherwise, Hoseok will never shut up.”

Changkyun nods seriously. “You do need pants.” Kihyun rolls his eyes and gets up. “Hey, can I poke Hoseok? I promise I won’t kill him.”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder. “Can you touch him without his permission?”

“I’m your guardian, not his,” Changkyun says, nuzzling his face into the pillow. “I have to protect you from others, so I don’t need their permission. Couldn’t exactly have asked that demon’s consent to kill him.”

It pulls again and Kihyun needs to look away before he loses his balance and falls. “You can poke him if you want…” He mutters. “Doubt it will have any effect, though. He wears muscles for clothes.” He says and circles around the bed to go get those pants.

“I’m guessing he can’t take those off, though.”

Kihyun laughs. “No, no. He can’t.” He grabs the first pair he finds and is satisfied with what he gets. Black. He laughs again a few seconds later as he buttons his jeans. “Sorry, I’m still thinking about it…”

Changkyun sits up, folding his legs on the bed and hands in his lap. “I’m glad that was funny. In shows there are laughter tracks. That helps.”

“Glad, huh,” Kihyun repeats. He looks at Changkyun, “Trying to make me laugh?”

“Yeah, it’s nice. Warms my cold, damned soul.”

Kihyun snorts. “Okay, yeah, sure.” He’s heard more pick-up lines in the last 24 hours than he has his entire life. “Maybe one day you’ll be self-aware, Kyunie,” He mutters. Then stops to look at the wall, hoping his glare ricochets and burns through him in the process.

“Is that why you’re trying to make me laugh? Minus the damned soul thing.”

“Maybe,” Kihyun says, “I guess I was curious.”

“Yeah, so am I.”

Kihyun’s phone vibrates with a text and before he even opens it, he knows it’s Hoseok. Someone rings the doorbell and both Kihyun and Changkyun’s heads snap in the direction of the front door.

“I’ll wait here?” Changkyun asks. As he sits on Kihyun’s bed. In Kihyun’s clothes.

Kihyun eyes him for a second, more than one actually, and a word crosses his mind. He leaps over it before it comes out of his mouth and says, “Maybe it’s better if you wait in the living room.”

Changkyun hops off the bed without another word, and smiles before slipping past him into the living room.

The bell rings again and Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Coming, coming!” He shouts and then grimaces at his own words. Hoseok barely looks at him, never mind greets him, before slipping in and looking around.  

“Hello to you too,” Kihyun glares over his shoulder, closing the door. “I am fine, thanks for asking.”

“Is he--” Hoseok looks back at Kihyun and laughs a bit nervously. “Hi, sorry, freaking out.”

Kihyun sighs and waves towards the living room, following Hoseok in just a few feet behind. He really wishes he were tall enough to see what’s going on, because Hoseok feels like a castle wall barring him from entering the room.

“Hello, I’m Changkyun,” Changkyun says with a practised smile Kihyun sees once he finds his place on the couch. He feels very tired for some reason. “We’ve met. Kihyun calls me Kyunie.” _Shit_ , the little shit noticed that.

Hoseok turns to look at Kihyun and it’s not just any look. It’s _the_ look.

“What.” Kihyun looks back, arms crossed and shrugs one shoulder, “His name is huge.”

“Yeah, his _name_.”

“You know, I won’t even get mad right now… I’ll just tell you how stupid you sound because I kinda _shortened_ his name?”

The look intensifies. “Cuddled, Kihyun. Don’t even deny it.”

“It’s pointless to explain everything to you, really, so,” Kihyun looks at Changkyun.

Hoseok sighs and really, properly messes his hair up as he runs his hand through it and ruffles. “Okay, okay, fine. You were freaked out over the phone, what do you expect.”

“You’re freaked out?” Changkyun asks. “Is it because of the soul thing?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and sighs. “Okaaaay, let’s start again.” He glares. “Changkyun. Outside. _Now._ Out the door.”

“I have excellent hearing, you know.”

“Not the point. Go outside and close the door. Take the elevator if you want.”

Changkyun shrugs and gets up and pauses at the doorway to say, “Kyunie won’t work if you wanna summon me. Just thought you should know,” before going outside and closing the door. Kihyun supposes he’ll find out if he used the elevator later.

Hoseok taps his finger on his own elbow. “What are you trying to do?”

“I’m trying to show you.” Kihyun runs his hands down his jeans. “Because I know I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.” He looks up. “So… ready to lose your shit?”

Hoseok blinks. “What.”

“Changkyun.”

“I literally just left.”

Hoseok was not ready.

Kihyun wasn’t exactly ready either. Changkyun appears but this time, Kihyun _isn’t_ waking up. He’s fully awake and he’s pretty sure that all he’d done is blink, and he’d missed it.

 _“Shit,”_ he hisses, jumping way more than he’d like to admit.

“How did you--” Hoseok twists around in the couch, pale as a sheet. “How did he--”

Changkyun pokes Hoseok on the torso, under the ribs, and Hoseok yells, flying over the couch in one swift, loud move. Changkyun looks over at Kihyun. “That was admittedly a bit funny.”

Kihyun heaves out all the air in his lungs and crouches down. “Is it socially acceptable to get drunk before 5pm? Asking for a friend.”

Hoseok stands up with little grace from behind the couch. “I--he--You’re really a demon?”

“Yup,” Changkyun says, popping the ‘p’ and swaying from the heel to the pad of his feet.

Hoseok nods. “Yeah. Still have wine on the top shelf?”

“You joking? I’ll let you pop the champagne,” Kihyun replies, suddenly finding that spot on his wooden floor quite interesting. So, so, so circular. And brown.

“Hah,” Hoseok laughs without laughing at all. “Right.”

“Twenty three,” Kihyun and Changkyun say in sync.

“You can read minds?!” Hoseok shreeks in Changkyun’s direction.

“No, just souls.”

“Ri--” Hoseok starts and stops immediately. “I’m going to choose not to believe any of this and continue living my very, very unlucky life. You know what--this is a prank.” Hoseok is pacing. He obscured the brown, circular spot on Kihyun’s floor for a second there. “This is really, really good prank. Well done.”

Changkyun throws his hands in the air with surprising dramatism. “What does a demon have to do to be believed around here?”

Kihyun looks up at him, “Give him the benefit of the doubt.” He says. “He’s doing a lot better than I thought he would.”

Hoseok whimpers a little bit.

“See?”

“Benefit of the--” Hoseok stops his pacing, hands on his hips and looking at Kihyun. “You believe he’s a demon? Like. An actual demon. And he’s wearing your sweater. You believe he’s a demon and he’s _wearing_ your _sweater_?”

Kihyun gets up at that. He’s not angry, not really, just a little (a lot) anxious. “Hey!” He points at Hoseok. “I had to endure what seemed like an eternity of--of…” He closes his eyes and snaps them open again, “Of _grease_ all over me… That thing tried to kill me! He--It wanted to! And this,” he gestures at Changkyun, “ _guy_ just…” His voice softens considerably, “He saved me, okay? Not just once. _Twice.”_ He looks down and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “I dreamt I was falling and, considering what I’ve seen so far, I do believe I was… And he,” Kihyun finally looks at Changkyun. “He saved me.”

Changkyun frowns softly, and when he speaks, it’s even softer. “I did?”

Kihyun looks away. He might’ve just blurted out something personal. “Y--Yeah… somehow, I knew that if I called your name you’d… nevermind.”

There’s a hand on his arm and he almost jolts, but he knows, knows it’s Hoseok. Has to be, considering. “I’m… I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Kihyun shakes his head. “No. You see?” He glances up. “You are the last person who needs to apologize to me.”

Hoseok’s hand falls and he opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything for a minute. “I… Okay. Okay, yeah, let’s just. Figure this out, okay?”

“Okay,” Kihyun breathes. He looks at Changkyun again (who is closer than he’d thought, at first) _and..._ “Okay.” He says a little more confidently.

“Okay?” Changkyun asks, looking between the two of them.

Kihyun lets his hand slide out of Hoseok’s sight and touches Changkyun’s leg with his pinky. “Okay.”

Changkyun’s lips tug up in a smile and, as much as Kihyun knows it’s practiced, it’s something Changkyun does because it’s expected and _normal_ , it doesn’t _feel_ like that’s what it is. It feels like that same tug that makes Kihyun want to look at him, but also look away as fast as possible. Changkyun reaches out hesitantly before putting his hand on Kihyun’s back and smoothing it up and down. Hoseok looks at them a second more, a soft frown knitting his brows together.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did have to see it for myself.”

The bubble around Kihyun’s brain bursts and he looks at Hoseok. “Huh? Oh--yeah, well. Sorry.” Kihyun rubs his pinky where it’s pressed against Changkyun’s leg for a while longer before sighing and pulling away. “Which reminds me…” He looks down, his face going ominous suddenly. “I have work tomorrow.”

“Oh no,” Hoseok says, features suddenly lack. “What are you gonna…” Hoseok gestures to nothing in particular, but mostly at Changkyun.

“I don’t know,” Kihyun admits. “But I can’t possibly take him with me and I don’t know if I like the idea of him being alone… No! Not like that, goddamn it, Hoseok!”

Changkyun’s arm stills on his back. “You know I don’t need constant supervision, right?”

Kihyun gives Changkyun a look. “ _Twenty four_. And, for the record, when I met you you looked like you wanted to get inside the fucking microwave, idiot!”

Changkyun pouts. Pouts the way he did when Kihyun had taken the last picture on his phone.

“I prefer Kyunie. And I know how microwaves work now. I think.”

Kihyun turns to look at Hoseok now. “He is going to burn my house down. I feel it.”

“Does he have to stay in the house?” Hoseok shifts in place. “He’s not a puppy. Pretty sure a, er, demon can take care of himself.”

“I _can_ take care of myself.”

Kihyun sighs. “And what are you going to do on your own from nine am to five pm?”

Changkyun deadpans. “I don’t know, Kihyun, what did I do from three am to one pm today?”

“Don’t get cocky with me,” Kihyun hits at the back of Changkyun’s head. “But sure. Still, just in case,” he glances at Hoseok, “can you come by at some point just to… see if I still have a house?”

“I… guess,” Hoseok says, looking between the two of them _again_ . Kihyun’s really starting not to appreciate it. Hoseok glances at the hand on Kihyun’s back and frowns. “Kihyun, you seem _oddly_ okay with this, but--” Hoseok sighs. “But honestly, he… he can protect you. I saw it. And you two seem… Good. I don’t know. It’s weird, but stranger things have happened.”

Like a wardrobe falling on him. Or lamps randomly exploding over his head. Like that, yes. All thanks to Hoseok’s infamous luck.

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating. But whatever…” Kihyun grumbles something else to himself. “If you can’t beat them, join them, something like that…” He tosses his thumb over his shoulder. “He watched 15 episodes of I don’t even know what, and 1 movie, and started calling me ‘dude’ and ‘bro’. You think I have any power over this?”

By _this_ , he means Changkyun.

Hoseok laughs, short and deep, before crossing his arms. “Fine. I’ll come check in on your live-in demon.”

“I hate how domestic that sounds.”

“He’s dressed like you when you were in college, Kihyun.”

“He would be naked otherwise, Hoseok. I know you’re eager to ogle someone up but not in my house, you won’t.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “Yeah, alright. I actually _was_ at work, though, so if you’re _sure_ you’re okay…?”

“I will be, I guess. I just wanted someone--you to know…” Kihyun says, looking everywhere but at Hoseok. “Someone human, I mean. And in whom I trust.”

“Yeah. I’d tell you, too. I’d be too overwhelmed otherwise,” Hoseok laughs softly and opens his arms. “Hug?”

Any other day Kihyun would have rolled his eyes. But today he doesn’t. Today he just leans in slightly and waits for Hoseok to wrap his arms around him. “Never change,” Kihyun mutters.

“Adapt to survive, my friend,” Hoseok says, giving him a tight hug and stepping away. He looks at Changkyun again, nods like he’s trying to accept some big, unexpected news, and makes to leave. “Call me anytime, yeah? But don’t let me distract you from Netflix and Hell.”

Kihyun almost manages to throw cushion at him, almost, almost. He takes too long to _dismantle_ the sofa and Hoseok just leaves.

And, again, they’re alone. And Kihyun can’t help but feel like he needs to relearn everything. Like he forgot how to act or talk, which, in fact, it is kind of what happens, in a disturbingly awkward way.

Changkyun blinks at him for a second, looks at the door, and opens his arms. “Hug?”

With one last tug, the cushion finally comes off and Kihyun throws it at Changkyun. “No.”

Changkyun catches the cushion and hugs it instead, resting his chin on top of it. “You know you’re not responsible for me…”

“Is this the part when you say _you_ are responsible for _me?”_

“I don’t think responsible is the word?” Changkyun lets go of the cushion and throws it back. “I come when you call. What would you call that?”

“Bullshit,” Kihyun says, catching the cushion and putting back. “I get it. You have something you need to do. I don’t know much but I get that.” He glances at Changkyun. “But I don’t like owing people, or demons. And I don’t like one sided relationships.” He sighs. “If you have to… care, in your own fucked up way, then like it or not you’re gonna get ‘care’ back.”

“So I save your life,” Changkyun says. “And you cook me bacon. Right?”

Kihyun smiles. “Yeah. That.” He looks up. _How many ‘rights’ was that just now?_ “Twenty five?”

Changkyun smiles back. “Twenty five.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was... very domestic :D bear with


	3. A Little White Light In A Sea Gone Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denial works until it doesn’t. Because the thing about being haunted by unseen horrors is that normal is normal until what haunts him is also holding his hand.

“So,” Kihyun glances at the clock, but he doesn’t really have to. The sun looks different with how it shines dimly through the windows. “I have to go out. Grocery shop.” He looks at his nails. “Wanna come? We can watch something later if you want…” _He should cut his nails_.

He almost sighs. Wow. He really _is_ clinging to what feels _normal_. Denial? Not really. Just a... strange kind of acceptance.

Changkyun winces, swinging his legs where he’s sitting _on_ the counter. “Did I eat all your bacon and drink all your coffee? I’m sorry.”

“I thought we could buy snacks.” Kihyun smacks Changkyun on the arm (who then promptly slides off the counter) and points at the big TV on the wall across the room. “You wanna watch your show on the big screen?”

“Buy…” Changkyun echoes in thought, before nodding. “I guess? I don’t mind. The bed was comfortable.”

“I kinda would like to avoid a repetition of last night… that’s all.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Kihyun says, rolls his shoulders and starts to walk away. “That’s the problem…” He mutters. “Hey, did you see… nah, of course you didn’t.” He snorts. _Where the fuck is his wallet._

“I have excellent eyesight as well,” Changkyun nods. “Also, what are snacks?”

Kihyun thinks that one over and then turns to look at Changkyun. Changkyun, who never says or does what he expects him to but then again, what is there to expect. They've known each other for one day.

“Come here…”

Changkyun looks confused but does as he’s told, hands twisting in front of him.

“Hold your hand out.”

He does, palm up.

“So,” Kihyun says, getting closer, “a snack would be something like…” He brushes his fingers over Changkyun’s hand. “A meal feels more like,” and then Kihyun holds his hand, looking up, “Do you get it?”

Changkyun looks at their hands. He turns their hands over, looking at the way their fingers are intertwined. “And hungry is wanting to do this?”

Kihyun smiles. “Yeah. Exactly.”

Changkyun stares a second longer. “I’m hungry.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. _There he goes again. Unexpected_. “You know…” He lets go of Changkyun’s hand. “When you want something…” Kihyun spots his wallet on the counter. “You ask for it. Like… hm, when I call your name I ask for you. I guess.”

“Okay,” Changkyun says and then, as he is a literal demon and giving people hell must be part of the job description, asks, “Hug?”

Kihyun stops, hand hovering over his wallet. “Christ,” he sighs and glances over his shoulder. “Come here…”

Changkyun, again, not to Kihyun’s surprise, does as he’s told. He stands in front of Kihyun and looks at him. Looks right at him, and again, Kihyun’s feet feel like they’re on uneven ground.

How does hugging work again? Kihyun struggles, thinking. Or not thinking, really. At this point, what are thoughts if not a verbal diarrhea. His lips thin out and he looks away, stepping closer and slowly bringing an arm up to wrap around Changkyun’s neck. Changkyun gets pulled against him and if thinking was hard _before--_

Except now he has his arm around his neck.

“This doesn’t look a lot like what you and Hoseok were doing.”

Kihyun bores a hole through the window across the room with his eyes. Or so he would like to think. “Shut up,” he says. “I forget how this works…” He says and just pulls at Changkyun until their chests clash and their heads are over each other’s shoulders.

“Oh,” Changkyun breathes. He lifts his arm, trying, obviously, to mimic what Kihyun is doing, as he wraps his arms around his waist, and the other across his shoulders.

Kihyun flinches and stays right where he is, mind gone blank. He opens his mouth to say something and frowns when nothing comes out. So he just stays right where he is. He might forget to breathe and eventually die. But death sounds pretty good, right about now.

Especially as Changkyun lets out a breath and relaxes, leaning his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder. He pulls Kihyun just a little bit closer with the arm around his waist, and moves his hand up to have his fingers by the fine hairs at the back of Kihyun’s neck and into his hair.

“ _Uhm_ ,” Kihyun manages, “Why do I feel like a lab rat?”

“Because this is my only hug,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun can _feel_ his voice.

It makes his heart sink a little. ‘Only’ is not the same as ‘first’. So, maybe just this once, it’s okay. He sighs and lets his chin rest over Changkyun’s shoulder, pouting slightly. “If you tell Hoseok I let you hug me, you’re sleeping on the balcony…”

“I don’t sleep,” Changkyun mumbles. “But point taken. How long do hugs usually last?”

“I don’t know… but I’m starting to feel slightly uncomfortable.”

_Lies_.

“Oh,” Changkyun says, but doesn’t exactly stop playing with his fingers in Kihyun’s hair. “We can stop, if you want.”

It's warm. It feels warm. Aren't demons supposed to feel cold and distant? Like… like _grease._ Like the one that--

“Kyunie,” Kihyun starts with a sudden thought, “if you can send other demons back… can’t they do the same with you?”

Changkyun's fingers still. “In a way. I told you, they… borrow bodies. I don’t.”

That. _Right fucking there._ Is what is _not_ okay. Kihyun frowns and breaks away from the hug, glaring at Changkyun for a moment and then somewhere else. “I don’t like that…” He says and steps away. “A life is not worth a life. No matter how… _pure_.” He says the words like it tastes horribly in his mouth.

Changkyun frowns, deep. “They… They can’t borrow bodies of people who aren’t condemned, if, if that’s what bothers you?”

Kihyun finally grabs his wallet and walks away to go get his shoes. His feet suddenly feel heavy. And it weighs in his chest. Like a responsibility that he can't seem to shake off. A life is never worth another life.

He might joke about it, he might talk shit… But at the end of the day, Kihyun knows everyone is worth something for as long as there's will in their minds and air in their lungs.

Beyond that, technicalities. And then, the memory of losing someone. The memory of hurting and seeing others hurt. Kihyun has been through that before. He's not going to go through it again. Not even for someone he barely knows, someone like--

“If you get killed, I’m killing you, _again_.”

“I don’t see how… That would work,” Changkyun frowns even deeper, looking at the ground.

“I told you, I don’t like owing people.”

“You’re worried I’m going to die?”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder from where he is tying his shoes. “Worried is not the right word… More like, I don’t like the idea of carrying around a debt I will never be able to pay.”

“Oh. Oh, you’re not worried about me dying, you’re worried about me dying for you.”

“Something like that.” Mayhaps a tad more complex.

“I have to protect you, Kihyun. It’s okay if I die, if you’re safe.”

Kihyun gets up. “Don’t say that… It doesn’t sit well with me.” He grabs his keys and walks towards the front door.

“Okay,” Changkyun says, and looks down. “I need to put shoes on.”

“Just grab ones from the drawer,” Kihyun gestures at the compact drawer near the entrance. “Unless you have massive feet, they should probably fit.”

Changkyun nods, not looking up as he finds a pair of All Stars and slips them on with little to no problem and then running up to Kihyun at the door. “Snacks!”

Kihyun forces a smile, “Yeah, snacks.” And opens the door for them.

They stay quiet as they walk, Changkyun looking around at almost everything. He winces as they get to the elevator.

“I don’t like this thing. The doors close even when I don’t want them to.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow, the weight in his chest slowly evening out. “The hell are you on about?”

“That,” Changkyun says as they step into the elevator and the doors shut behind them.

“Does it matter? You don’t really need doors, do you…”

“No,” Changkyun says, mumbling a little and talking to the ground. “But I’ve only got two days to remember. To have memories from. This isn’t a good memory.”

Kihyun stares at the doors, searching his mind. And then it hits him. “Oh,” he says, quickly remembering to press the right button. He glances at Changkyun’s feet. “Because I told you to… stay away?”

Changkyun nods. “Because I didn’t know if you were okay.”

_Trust. Trust. Trust._ Trust seems necessary.

“For a demon,” Kihyun’s eyes go up to Changkyun’s face, “you kinda suck at… well, _demoning_.”

Changkyun shrugs. “There’s never been a guardian demon before. I guess ‘guardian’ takes precedence. Doesn’t change what I am, though.”

“Thrilled to be part of the demo,” Kihyun jokes bitterly.

“Would you _like_ me to be more demon?”

The doors open and Kihyun regrets not bringing a jacket. “I don’t know,” he says stepping out. “Dealing with you as it is already drains me this much… I don’t know if I need you jumping around while shouting ‘I am the antichrist’.”

“I’m a demon, not a liar,” Changkyun teases. _Teases_.

As they step outside, Kihyun feels the cold breeze and shivers, shoving his hands in his pockets and struggling to fit both the keys and his wallet in as well-- _shitty skinny jeans_.

“So, you don’t lie. Like ever?” He asks.

Changkyun shrugs, taking off his jacket and being careful not to touch Kihyun as he puts it over his shoulders. “Haven’t yet. Probably can, but I don’t see the point.”

Kihyun stops, eyes on him. “What are you doing…?”

Changkyun stops, too, blinking. “You looked cold.”

With a sigh, Kihyun continues walking. “You saw that on Netflix, didn’t you?”

“I don’t exactly have a wide range of reference, no.”

“You know,” he looks up and sees a star or two in the low sunset. Venus, was it? The sun sets too early, lately. “When humans want something, they lie. We could tell the truth. It would be easy, so much easier, if we told the truth. But we don’t. Everyone lies. And usually, you can tell when people lie…” He looks down. “You, on the other hand, showed up all weird, being weird like you are and… telling the truth. Sure, I didn’t buy any of that demon shit… I think I still don’t, not entirely, but…” He looks at Changkyun. “I trusted you because you didn’t lie. And I guess I trust you now because you don’t lie.” Feelings put into words, _finally._

“Thank you,” Changkyun says. “I don’t know if that’s a weird thing to say since, as you said, I am weird, but thanks for trusting me.” Kihyun scoffs lightly. “Do you lie? Have you lied to me?”

Kihyun blinks and then looks down. “Yeah… I guess I have.” _Maybe I'm doing that right now._

“Oh,” Changkyun says. And it really feels like he’s been saying that quite a bit. “What… Can I ask… What did you lie about?”

Kihyun laughs a little. “If I lied… do you really think I want you to know the truth?”

“Probably not. Can I ask a different question, then?”

“You will ask anyway, won’t you? Go ahead.”

“I don’t have to ask consent for it, but I like to,” Changkyun smiles. “You said people lie when they want something. You lied. So what did you want?”

Kihyun stops, again. Eyes on the supermarket just across the street. He tugs at Changkyun’s jacket over his shoulders when the breeze blows a little harsher. “Sometimes, I… want something and I will say the opposite of what I want, just because I don’t want to get hurt or… expose myself, I guess, _like I just did!_ Ugh…” He sinks right where he is.

“Then… how do you get what you want? If people lie to get what they want, but you don’t tell people what you want cos you’re telling them the opposite...” Changkyun shakes his head.

“We don’t. Sometimes we lie to get what we want and sometimes we lie to avoid what we want. I don’t know why… self-preservation I guess…”

“You can see why I might have a difficult time understanding this, right?”

Kihyun laughs. “Humans are complicated…” He sighs. “I know you probably won’t judge me. But I will judge myself. And sometimes telling the truth feels like putting your heart out there for people to step on… Like,” he looks at Changkyun, “like when I told you to stay away. You were right there, telling the truth and I stepped all over that.”

“That’s okay,” Changkyun says, reaching out before dropping his hand. “You didn’t believe I was a demon, because humans lie. If I was a human, I could have lied to get what I wanted.” Changkyun frowns. “I think I get it now. If I’d lied, you might not have told me to stay away.”

“Lying is a two-edged sword. Because if I found out you were lying, it would probably be way worse in the end.” He looks both right and left before jogging to the other side of the street and then waits for Changkyun, who mimics exactly what Kihyun just did. “So, it’s fine like this.”

“I’ll let you know when I start lying, okay?” Changkyun says, leaning into Kihyun’s space like he was going to bump his shoulder, and leaning away like he did.

“I hope you never have to,” Kihyun says lowly. “I hope you never feel like you have to lie…”

“I could say the same,” Changkyun smiles, and the supermarket doors open as they approach. “Hey, Ki?”

Kihyun blinks and looks up. “Y--Yeah?”

_Ki_. Only Hoseok calls him like that.

“I like these doors.”

_It feels like..._

“Kyunie,” Kihyun starts before his brain catches up.

“Mm?”

His heart races in his ears. Like it did every time he had to tell his father a truth he didn’t want to hear. Like it did whenever Hoseok managed to pull honesty out of him. Like it did every time Kihyun had to look at himself in the mirror and admit to certain things. Like it did when he told Changkyun to stay.

“I like these doors, too.”

_Truth._

Changkyun looks at him and there’s that pull and it feels like falling but--but he’s not too sure what Changkyun could possibly do about it. He smiles and Kihyun wonders about what Changkyun had told him, about demons not feeling joy. It’s perhaps the only thing Kihyun wants to be a lie.

“Come on,” Changkyun says, walking in. “I’m starting to get hungry.”

Kihyun’s heart pounds in his chest, louder, adrenaline surging like lava out of a volcano and somewhat belatedly running through his veins before dissipating. He looks down and lets his hair cover his eyes as he passes by, purposely brushing his shoulder against Changkyun’s. He only looks up again once he is at least three steps ahead.

“Yeah,” he says, looking around, “Me too.”

Kihyun feels almost consistently taken aback. Changkyun keeps saying the right thing… again and again and again, no matter how weird it might sound. Being effortlessly honest, naive... he doesn't knock down walls. He doesn't _need_ walls. It's been a day and Kihyun already feels him fifty steps closer to--

“Ooh! Wait, I know what to do, I’ve seen this,” Changkyun says, looking around and jogging over to the shopping trolleys and pushing one over. He looks at Kihyun, as if for approval, and Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Is this one defective?”

“No,” Kihyun says quietly, knowing Changkyun will hear him anyway. “Bring it.”

Changkyun smiles widely and follows Kihyun, looking around at the shelves packed with food. “How do you even choose what you want? They’re all so colourful.”

“You just pick whatever you need,” Kihyun mumbles, eyes scanning a box of cereal. The expiration date is close so he puts it back and tiptoes slightly to reach for one at the back. “I guess I’ll be feeding you cereal for at least a week or two,” he says, throwing the box into the trolley.

“Is it better than bacon?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and tugs at the trolley. “No. But it’s sweet.” He glares at a lady who’s in the middle of the aisle and then looks at Changkyun, “If you eat too much bacon you’ll die.”

“Pretty sure that’s true of anything.”

_Too much of you and I’ll die, too,_ Kihyun thinks. Frowning at the lady as they pass her by.

“You know,” Changkyun chirps, “it’ll take one hundred and ninety five bananas to kill you from potassium chloride poisoning if you eat it all in one sitting.”

“Where did you learn that?”

“There was a book in the kitchen at the party,” Changkyun shrugs. “The more you know.”

Kihyun flinches slightly and then sighs, shoulders still tense as he guides Changkyun. They need milk, too. And fruit. And more eggs. And…

“I forgot to ask… how did you end up at Yoongi’s party? Did you know I’d be there?” Kihyun doesn’t look at Changkyun as he speaks.

Changkyun’s holding a brightly coloured box and blinks at him. “I don’t remember getting there, just being there.” Changkyun shakes the box a little. “What is this?”

Kihyun stares at him and then looks away again. “Jell-o. It’s sweet.” He pauses, spots the milk a few feet away and tugs at the trolley again.

Changkyun smiles softly and puts it back on the shelf (at the wrong place, but the intent is nice). “Humans like sweet things, huh?”

“Depends. But usually, yes.” Kihyun nods. “Did you know?” He eyes someone in the aisle ahead as they rummage through packs of milk.. “Did you know who I was when you saw me for the first time?”

“Yeah. I felt it.” Changkyun tilts his head, looking past Kihyun.

Kihyun stops. “So, do you feel it, too?”

“I stay still but the ground doesn’t,” Changkyun says, looking at Kihyun with a quick smile and walking closer. “If that’s what you mean.”

“Is that why you say we’re connected? Because the world spins...”

“Is that why you believe me when I say it?” Changkyun tilts his head with a smile, tongue caught between his teeth.

Kihyun’s heart skips a beat. “Maybe…” He looks away and softly kicks the trolley. “We need milk.”

“Ooh, I remember milk!” Changkyun darts out from behind the trolley and points at exactly the milk Kihyun had finished earlier. But when he looks back for a response, the smile falls off his face in a split second.

“What’s wrong?” Kihyun asks, frowning.

“There’s--” Changkyun shakes his head, jaw set, and takes the milk, putting it in the trolley. “Come on.”

Kihyun turns to look where Changkyun was looking behind him but sees nothing. He frowns. “Hm,” he hums. He turns again to push the trolley. “Are you okay?”

“I’m not keen on scaring you, Kihyun,” Changkyun says, not looking at him. He rolls his shoulders and looks around, sticking close to Kihyun’s side. “What’s next?”

“Fruit,” Kihyun says, looking around, “maybe apples…” He’s starting to feel uncomfortable. Like, suddenly, there are a hundred eyes on him. “And then eggs and popcorn… and maybe crisps… and that’s all for now.”

“Good. We shouldn’t stay long.” Changkyun sucks at his cheek, chewing it inside his mouth. “I’m trying to think of a way to describe it.”

Kihyun sucks in a silent breath and shivers slightly. “Okay…”

“Do you remember when you touched my hand, just lightly?” Changkyun takes a breath. “It feels… like that. But not. Like there’s nothing touching you but you still feel it. But colder.”

Kihyun nods and looks at Changkyun. “Does it scare you?” Maybe that’s a stupid question, but he doesn’t feel stupid for asking.

“Yes.” Changkyun looks at him. Really looks at him. “But demons don’t scare me.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh. “Right.” And looks away. “Of course not.”

“Twenty seven. Are you scared?” Changkyun puts his hand on the trolley, too, grip tight next to Kihyun’s hand. “I’m here, you don’t need to be.”

Kihyun looks at their hands, just millimeters away. “If demons don’t scare you then why are you scared?”

“Because I was almost too late, last time,” Changkyun says lowly. “And then you got hurt.”

The eyebrows on Kihyun’s forehead almost knit together. “You’re unbelievable… and unfair.” He complains, stretching his pinky to touch Changkyun’s. “You’re here now. _You_ don’t need to be scared. I, on the other hand, have no idea what the fuck is eyeing me up right now.” He glances at Changkyun. “Apart from you, that is.”

“I’m not--” Changkyun says, before snapping his mouth shut and moving his hand over Kihyun’s. He keeps glancing around, and it makes Kihyun’s neck itch.

“I like this version of you. You get all tongue-tied and for once I am not the one screaming inside my brain.”

“I make you scream inside your brain?” Changkyun asks, shoulders tense. “We really shouldn’t forget the snacks…”

“I told you. Popcorn and crisps,” Kihyun tries to move his hand inside Changkyun’s. “Uhm… Can you… let me go now? I won’t get hurt, I promise.” He pauses. “Unless a shelf suddenly falls on me,” he jokes, remembering Hoseok.

Changkyun narrows his eyes, moving his hand up Kihyun’s arm before letting go. “Well, since you promised. ...Which I hope isn’t a lie because you wanted me to let go.”

Kihyun laughs a little at that. “Maybe it was,” he winks at Changkyun before going serious again. “There,” he points at the popcorn.

Changkyun frowns slightly, before walking over and grabbing a few boxes of microwave popcorn. “You know,” Changkyun says conversationally. “Not one shelf has fallen on us. Luck might be on our side.”

“Might be. Ok. Crisps and eggs and we’re done.” Kihyun taps his chin to think. “Maybe… we should grab a coke on the way out, too.”

_We_ , huh. Ugh...

“Lead the way,” Changkyun says, walking back to his side and putting his hands in his jean pockets. “I’ll keep a look out.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “A person trying their damn best to forget and you go and remind them, greeaaaat,” he mutters to himself. Something drops something into the trolley and Kihyun has to actually put effort into not laughing.

“I’ll try not to mention the demons,” Changkyun smiles, and something else falls into the trolley.

“You’re one, too, you know…”

Changkyun sighs. “A demon trying their damn best to please their human and then they go and remind you.”

Kihyun stops. “Is that what this is? I am your human pet or something?”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t _I_ the one sleeping at the foot of _your_ bed, Kihyun?”

_You don't even sleep, you freak!_

“Keep acting cocky and you’ll sleep on the floor.”

“It’s better than the balcony,” Changkyun quips as a bag of gummy bears plops into the trolley.

Once they finally reach the cashier and Kihyun looks at the cart, he feels the corners of his lips go down. “This is… a lot.” He says, glaring at the pile of things Changkyun threw inside. Kihyun takes a few things out and watches in dismay as Changkyun puts them back in while maintaining eye contact.

“You…” Kihyun starts but doesn’t finish.

“Don’t have to remind you what I am,” Changkyun says and… blinks. Except that’s not… exactly it.

“Was that… an attempt at winking?”

“The word attempt suggests I didn’t succeed. I will make sure to practise.”

Kihyun snorts. “Of course you…” He frowns, feeling a familiar ringing in his ears. “Of course you will.”

“So, will you be taking the… four bags of jelly babies?” the cashier asks, hesitating before scanning and looking between the two of them with the kind of smile only those in retail wear.

Feeling too old for his age, Kihyun sighs and nods. Eye twitching slightly when the ringing in his left ear increases slightly. “Yes,” he says. “The fo--what?” He glares at Changkyun. “Four!?”

Changkyun blinks at him innocently and the worst part? He probably means it. What do demons know of the crushing weight of capitalism, really. “We could adopt less?”

“Adopt…” Kihyun quickly turns to look at the cashier and smiles small. His eyes are screaming for help, though. “Just. Just scan everything…” He says, giving up. There goes his salary.

The cashier smiles down at the various, various items as she scans them. “Movie night?” she asks conversationally.

“You could say that, I guess…” Kihyun mumbles, smile still small and polite. He moves his jaw a little, trying to ease the ringing in his ear, and then reaches for his wallet.

“Kihyun? Are you okay? You’ve twitched twice in a minute.”

Kihyun smiles wider at the cashier after he pays and starts stuffing everything inside the bags. “Just a ringing in my ears. It happens sometimes.”

“Ringing?” Changkyun muses out loud, frowning. “Oh. Oh... Of course. You wouldn’t know, why would you know…”

“Hey, will you keep standing there looking cute or will you help with these?” Kihyun complains, frowning.

The cashier laughs quietly, helping to put the last eggs in a bag and holding it out for Changkyun. Who looks confused but takes it anyway. “Have a nice night, you two.”

Kihyun bows slightly and kicks Changkyun when he doesn’t. “Be polite, idiot.” He growls and then turns to look at the cashier and smiles apologetically. Changkyun bows a bit awkwardly and even with the cool air on their faces as they make their way outside, Kihyun still feels a little pink.

Kihyun changes the bags from one hand to the other and sighs. He rolls his shoulder and feels a pinch behind his ear. “Damn it,” he winces.

“Do the voices hurt?”

“Hm?” He turns to look at Changkyun and that’s when a shudder chopps down his spine. The wind blows in his ear and the ringing is deafening.

_\--ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS--_

Kihyun closes his eyes and slaps his ear. “S-Sorry… Did you say something?”

Changkyun’s eyebrows knit and he moves closer, tugging at the bags in Kihyun’s hand and letting his hand hover over Kihyun’s wrist like a question. And Kihyun looks at the way Changkyun’s fingers curl around him the second he nods. They touch and--

_\--lookathimlookathimlookathim so so so so pure so pure let me have it look at it LOOK AT IT LOOK LET ME HAVE HIM--_

Kihyun yanks his hand away and steps back wide eyed. “Wha--What was that…” His voice sounds really small. And Changkyun stands there with his hand still stretched out and every shopping bag hanging off his one arm.

“You need to know something, but I… I’m gonna need you to trust me.”

_Trust..._

With his heart thundering in his chest, Kihyun tries to take a deep breath. The ringing is getting louder again. “Okay…”

Changkyun quickly glances around. He reaches out and pinches some of Kihyun’s shirt between his fingers and tugs softly, looking towards the nearest alley way. Kihyun frowns and reluctantly follows Changkyun. The ringing growing louder and louder. Kihyun bites at his lower lip, hard. Maybe it bleeds a little. But it keeps the ringing at bay.

Changkyun gently puts the bags down and faces Kihyun. His face is serious, calculative. But he suddenly looks much too small for his clothes.

“This isn’t going to be pleasant,” Changkyun mumbles. “You’ve always heard the… the ringing.” It’s not a question. “It’s not bad until it is and then you think about it, and the more you do the louder it gets.” He… _He knows?_

It takes Kihyun every ounce of strength to stand right where he is. “What…”

“It’s not just sound, Kihyun,” Changkyun says, looking at the ground and hand twitching before holding it out. “Take my hand. And listen to them. I… I’m sorry.”

Kihyun swallows, his heart skipping a beat (not the good kind). For someone who probably doesn’t even know what being sorry actually means, Changkyun certainly apologizes a lot to him.

He raises his hand and frowns slightly when it shakes. He stops just a few inches away before the tips of his fingers brush over Changkyun’s skin and--

_\--whereisssshe where issss he I have tofindhimfindhim find take take take I CAN SMELL HIM so pure so pure sweetsweetpure--_

Kihyun curls his fingers back but doesn’t pull his hand away. It stays, hovering over Changkyun’s while he stares at it, eyes frozen but burning at the same time. Changkyun looks at him but doesn’t say anything.

_Pure…_ that's him. That's Kihyun. Right…?

Eyes still frozen, Kihyun opens his mouth to say something but his bottom lip trembles so he closes it again. He forces his head down and crouches, chin to his chest and hands slowly coming up to his head.

“Make…” he starts, “Make them stop…”

“I can’t,” Changkyun says softly. “ _You_ can, though. You can learn to.”

Kihyun flinches slightly when the ringing increases again and then sighs when it goes away. “It’s… It’s you isn’t it? I can… I can understand them because of you…”

“I’m a looking-glass, in a way,” Changkyun says. “You needed to know so you’d know when… when it isn’t safe. When you should go until the voices--until the ringing goes away.”

“Changkyun,” Kihyun says, voice hollow, “I’ve been hearing ringing in my ears since _fucking-forever_ … At school, sometimes at night, at work…” His heart is so loud right now he can barely hear himself. “At… at the party, too. And seconds before…” He finally moves to look up. “Seconds before I met you.”

Changkyun bites at his bottom lip, nodding lightly. “You didn’t hear it this morning. Or last night. Or when I was throwing things into the cart without asking.”

Kihyun holds his hand up, open. An invitation. “Why didn’t I?”

Changkyun shifts, and reaches out. But his hand seems stuck, millimeters away, like they’re both touching a sheet of glass. “You listened to what the voices said?”

Tonguing the wound on his bottom lip, Kihyun looks at their hands for a moment, moving his fingers without touching Changkyun. “Yeah…” He says but almost doesn’t.

“I would never say that. I could never mean it. I would never hurt you.”

_Trust. Trust. Trust._

“Hold it,” Kihyun says, softly. “I want to but… I don’t think I can…” He laughs a little at himself.

Changkyun puts his hand against Kihyun’s, his fingers slipping in between Kihyun’s and--

\-- _bright blinding minemineminemine let me have it savour devour eat mine mine mine--_

“Kihyun, focus on me.”

And Kihyun looks at Changkyun’s face and… _and_ it tugs, slightly, before it pulls. He vaguely hears something, distant, behind the voices in his ears. It’s not saying anything in particular. But if Kihyun focuses enough, past the crushing din of ugly, ugly chatter, there it is…

_Clean eyes._

He sees a pair of dark, clean eyes, and hears a word and it sounds a lot like… it sounds a lot like ‘Kihyun’.

“I am,” he finally replies, blinking. “I am.”

Changkyun squeezes his hand, and when he smiles, Kihyun can see it in his eyes.

“Good,” Changkyun says softly.

Kihyun looks away and it feels like he’s been stolen a breath. “You…” he whispers. “You speak, too. But… you’re not loud, like _them_ …” He sighs. “It’s nice, I guess.”

“It doesn’t help to yell at thunder.”

_Trust. Trust. Trust._ And something else, too. Something that tugs a little more than usual, even when Kihyun is not looking.

“Right,” Kihyun huffs, finally managing a smile. “I feel like I just aged a hundred years,” and maybe a hundred more.

“Maybe just _twenty eight_ ,” Changkyun says and Kihyun laughs, and Changkyun’s hand does this odd thing where he lifts it and lets it fall and lifts it just one last time, to brush some hair out of Kihyun’s eyes. His hand falls again. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

_Home._ Safe. _Safety._

Right, that feeling that tugs even when Kihyun is not looking. _Home. Safe._

Changkyun helps him up by the hand, loading all the shopping onto his arm again. “Can you still hear it?”

“No,” Kihyun says, letting go. “Just you.”

And it sounds a lot like ‘Kihyun’. It anchors him, somehow, as much as he hates to admit it.

“You can… Well, I mean, I’m not sure how well it’ll always work, but when your ears ring, when you don’t feel safe, I’m just a word away.”

_Safe_.

“Hey,” Kihyun takes a deep breath and gestures at the bags. “I know you’re like super strong and all but, let me help.” He frowns. “Seriously.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, shifting two bags off his arm and holding it out. “I’m being profound and reassuring over here, and that’s what you think about?”

Kihyun slips past Changkyun’s arm, face really, really close and serious and throws his hand back to grab the bags. “Yeah, I know. Thank you.” And then yanks them from Changkyun’s hand. “Come on, let’s go.”

_Trust, trust, trust._ And _home_ away from home. It’s not right. But it doesn’t feel wrong. It just _feels_. And if Kihyun’s legs weren’t so shaky as he tries to pick up the pace, maybe he wouldn’t be as confused as he is.

Changkyun doesn’t speak, just follows next to him as they walk in silence. Kihyun’s grateful. He’s not sure what he’s thinking, or feeling, or how he’d answer a question, any question.

All things considered, arriving home feels like waking up after a nightmare. Except there are enough bags atop the counter as proof that it wasn’t just a bad dream. Like everything that’s been happening in the last 24 hours. It’s surreal, but real at the same time.

And then there’s Changkyun, like a damn bridge between what is and what shouldn’t be. Changkyun, obliviously eyeing the shopping bags like nothing bad happened on the way home. Naivety. Such naivety…

If only Kihyun could feel as blissfully unaware...

Kihyun kicks his shoes off at the door, and Changkyun follows suit. Changkyun takes the milk out of the shopping bag and puts it in the fridge where he’d gotten it before.

Naive, maybe. But a quick learner at that.

Kihyun sighs and starts bringing things out of the shopping bags. “You still wanna watch something?” He hopes for a ‘no’ because he’s fucking tired and confused. But he knows he’s not getting what he wants. Not exactly, at least.

Changkyun, though, nods enthusiastically. He even reaches over and grabs a bag of jelly babies. “I liked the movie you chose.”

“Oh? We can… watch something like that, if you want.” Kihyun throws the bags of jelly babies to the sofa and takes a pack of popcorn to the microwave. He stops before he closes it, though, and looks over at Changkyun. “Wanna do it?” He points at the microwave.

Changkyun glances between Kihyun and the microwave before his cheeks dimple in a smile and he hurries over. “Yes yes yes yes yes!” Changkyun pauses. “What do I do?”

Kihyun smiles small. “Close the door,” and Changkyun does, “Now here you set the timer. Always check how long it takes, it’s usually in the package.” He grabs Changkyun’s finger and presses the plus button three times, “3 minutes for popcorn.” He lets go. “Now press the big one.”

With borderline delight ( _impossible,_ Kihyun reminds himself), Changkyun presses the button, and watches the popcorn through the little window. “I really don’t know why I like these things so much.”

It’s the first bright smile Kihyun makes in a while. And all the tension remaining in his body dissolves as a laugh bubbles in his throat. Kihyun looks down and suddenly he feels like he has nothing to say. Nothing at all. He frowns at the feeling, or at himself, or at the floor, he doesn’t know. It’s like being sad, but not really.

“Is it supposed to be doing that?” Changkyun asks, pointing at the microwave.

Kihyun looks up, blinking. “What, popping?”

Changkyun gasps. “Is that why it’s called popcorn? Wow. Jelly babies aren’t really babies, are they?”

“Uhm,” Kihyun tilts his head in contemplation. “Not… not really, no.”

“Good. I’m not that kind of demon,” Changkyun says, leaning forward to prop his chin up with his hand and continue staring.

Kihyun absently runs his tongue over his bottom lip and feels the dent where he’d carved his teeth just a few minutes ago. It stings. “What kind of demon are you then?” And that’s an answer Kihyun knows already.

“The squishiest kind,” Changkyun sing-songs.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you just said that about yourself…”

Changkyun hums. “Mm, neither can I. I’m impenetrable, you know.”

Kihyun physically hurts himself when he rolls his eyes. _“Of-fucking-course_ you are…”

“But it’s the inside squishiness that counts,” Changkyun nods, and looks over at Kihyun with a small grin.

Kihyun hides his face between his hands and groans and then peeks from behind his fingers. “Do you… Are you aware of what you just said?”

“The words, yes,” Changkyun blinks. “Is there a meaning I don’t know about?”

The microwave beeps and Kihyun playfully shoves Changkyun away. “Just shut up, oh god…”

Changkyun pouts, getting on his toes and pushing the open button for the microwave and reaching in. “I just meant I can’t get stabbed.”

“Changkyun, for the love of everything that is good in this world, drop this subject!”

Changkyun falls back onto his feet, holding the bag of popcorn. “I’m sorry...”

Kihyun sighs. He grabs a bowl from the cupboard and gestures at Changkyun. “Here.” He says, placing it atop the counter and then pacing to the freezer to grab a few ice cubes. He stops, then, looking over his shoulder, eyes haunted with a sudden thought. “Hm,” he hums. “Hey, pass me two glasses.”

Changkyun nods with confidence. And then looks around in confusion, peeking into one, two cupboards before opening the one with the cups and glasses and taking two out and placing it in front of Kihyun with an an enthusiastic, “Ta dah!”

Grinning slightly, Kihyun drops the ice cubes into the cups and reaches for the coke still inside the shopping bag. He stabs the inside of his cheek with his tongue to avoid smiling and gives Changkyun a glass full of bubbling coke.

“Not all at once?” Changkyun asks, taking it and eyeing it skeptically. “Last time you got mad.” But Kihyun shrugs one shoulder dismissively, like he doesn’t care.

Changkyun mirrors the action before chugging the drink. He gets about halfway before he blows up his cheek, and scrunches up his face. He puts a fist over his mouth and looks at Kihyun.

Kihyun snorts and then throws a hand at the counter to hold himself as he laughs. He laughs so much he needs to kneel down or he is going to fall anyway. And then Kihyun hears a tiny squeak and a burp and Kihyun’s on the floor.

“ _Why?_ ”

“Be--cause,” Kihyun laughs again when he looks at Changkyun’s face and rolls on the floor. “Because your fa--face!”

Changkyun pouts and looks between Kihyun and the drink, and shrugs dismissively like he just does not care, chugs the rest, and the reaction is the same, except now he’s just… glaring at the glass like it did him a personal injustice.

Kihyun is lying on the floor, arms over his face, still laughing from time to time. “S--Sorry,” he manages and then laughs again. “I needed that…”

Changkyun puts the glass down, hard (it doesn’t break, at least) and wipes at his mouth, glancing at Kihyun. “You did? Laughing helps?”

Kihyun peeks at Changkyun and then moves his arms to fully cover his face. “Yeah. It does. It’s… _normal.”_ But before Changkyun can question him, Kihyun sits up and sighs. “Come on,” he says, “bring the popcorn.” He jumps to his feet, grabs the coke and the two glasses and nods towards the sofa.

Changkyun glares at the coke, but puts the popcorn in the bowl anyway, following Kihyun and sitting down on the edge of the sofa.

Kihyun places the glasses atop the small table in front of them and sits back, reaching for the remote and throwing the jelly babies between him and Changkyun. “Have you tried the popcorn?” Kihyun asks, turning the TV on and starting the Netflix app. Changkyun shakes his head and picks at the bowl, putting popcorn in one for one.

“Hmm,” Changkyun says. “It’s nice. I think. What are we watching?”

“‘The Fundamentals of Caring’,” Kihyun announces. “Somehow,” he glances at Changkyun, “I guess it fits you just perfectly,” he jokes.

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, throwing a single corn into his mouth with perfect aim. “I _care_.”

Kihyun wets his lips. “Sure, you do. About doing your damn job or whatever you call it,” he mumbles and hits play once he finds what he was looking for.

Changkyun shifts where he’s sitting ( _barely_ on the couch, stupid demon) and grumbles under his breath.

“Hm?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, nothing,” Changkyun sing-songs (is this a _habit_ now?), stuffing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

Kihyun stares at Changkyun’s shoulder. “Is that a lie?” And then looks at the TV and sighs. “You’re stressing me out, sitting like that. Can you--I don’t know, look less tense?”

“It’s…” Changkyun shifts back a little. “I didn’t--Ugh, fine, it’s a lie, I lied, I said ‘you don’t know how much I care’ and now I’m just--” Changkyun shakes his shoulders and moves his head side to side, letting himself slump down into the pillows.

Eyeing the TV for a while longer, Kihyun crosses his arms. He runs his tongue over his teeth and thinks about everything and nothing at the same time. “Sorry,” he mumbles, almost inaudibly.

They watch in silence for a while, Changkyun’s eyes not leaving the TV. And then he holds out the bowl for Kihyun. “It’s okay.”

Kihyun glances at the popcorn and grabs a few with his hand. “You said a while go you’d tell me if you lied.”

“I was… trying to tease you.”

Kihyun frowns. “It’s just…” He sighs and shoves the popcorn into his mouth. “Nevermind. Now I’m just being unfair, really. And probably projecting, too. Sorry.”

Changkyun pokes him with the bowl. “I can’t judge whatever you say, you know.”

“I already told you, though. Before.”

Changkyun pokes him again. “Look at me?”

Kihyun’s heart jumps and the frowns harder. Then slowly turns to look at Changkyun, lips thinning slightly when it tugs. “What.”

“I’m sorry I lied, even just for a second,” Changkyun smiles softly. “I don’t want you not to trust me. I’ll never lie again.”

“Okay,” Kihyun sighs and looks away, shivering slightly when it tugs again. He looks at the TV. Then he looks out the window. It’s dark outside. And when he focuses on his reflection it rings softly in his ears.

Kihyun breathes in and says, “Hey,” eyes on the TV again.

“Mm?” Changkyun hums around a mouth full of popcorn.

“Can you…” Kihyun scrunches his nose and tries to avoid shivering, arms tightening around himself. He doesn’t finish. Just bites at his lip instead and waits for the Earth to crack and swallow him whole.

“Probably.”

Kihyun flinches. “What?” He looks at Changkyun. Who doesn’t look back. Or eat. Just glances at the TV and once at Kihyun.

“Well, I don’t know what the question is, but…” Changkyun shrugs. “Probably.”

_A little white light in a sea gone black._

Kihyun sighs and relaxes slightly before shoving his hand in front of Changkyun’s face and waving. “Hand,” he mutters like a caveman.

Changkyun smiles a little at Kihyun’s hand. “You know the rules, Kihyun,” Changkyun teases.

And Kihyun probably turns three different shades of red before slapping Changkyun with the back of his hand. “There.”

Changkyun, faster than Kihyun is sure is possible, grabs his hand before they break skin contact. He pulls his hand down, entwining their fingers in a now nearly practiced way and onto his lap. “Definitely.” With the other hand, Changkyun shoves some more popcorn into his mouth.

_A little white light in a sea gone black, without the sun or moon._  Denial works until it doesn’t. Because the thing about being haunted by unseen horrors is that normal is normal until what haunts him is also holding his hand.

And so Kihyun lies. He lies to himself and squeezes Changkyun’s hand, eyes darting to the screen again where he trains them for the remainder of the movie. Even when Changkyun’s thumb traces over the back of his hand and squeezes a little at the more emotional (confusing? For him?) part of the movie.

When the clock hits nine pm, Changkyun is back to watching his series and Kihyun is looking at the ceiling, feeling his eyelids heavy and his body numb. The remaining bags of jelly babies are on the floor and Kihyun has his legs crossed on top of the sofa.

And with every little friction of Changkyun’s finger on Kihyun’s skin, Kihyun’s head drops slightly. The movement startling him awake every now and then. Kihyun’s face presses against Changkyun’s shoulder and he’s just--he’s so _tired_. And he moves a little, just a little, to get rid of that uncomfortable kink in his neck but then Changkyun carefully unlaces their fingers, trailing his hand up Kihyun’s arm, over his shoulder and down his waist to pull him closer, to pull him to his chest.

“Wha’re you doin’?” Kihyun mumbles, eyelids heavy and eyes closed.

“Lies aren’t always words,” Changkyun says, soft. “I made a promise, didn’t I.”

_Always saying the right thing..._

Kihyun opens his eyes slightly and stares at a blur. He pulls back just enough to look at Changkyun’s face for one single second before leaning his head on Changkyun’s chest and tugging slightly at his waist to pull him closer.

It pulls. But Kihyun is so tired he can almost ignore the feeling.

And when Changkyun’s fingers leave feather light touches on his waist, the other carding through his hair, it’s very easy to ignore just about anything.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now playing: [Voices](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HMOkfE3kno) by Stray Kids.


	4. It Feels Like Thorns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No matter your true purpose. Don’t forget that in this domain you have freewill. It doesn’t matter what someone else told you. What matters is what you decide to do with it.”

Changkyun knows, from experience, the moment Kihyun falls asleep. His breathing goes even, his heartbeat slows just a little, and the tenseness he wears in his shoulders (Changkyun’s wanted to ask if he knows he does it) melts away. And Changkyun knows when Kihyun is about to wake up. He knows for about five minutes, at which point Kihyun’s hand on Changkyun’s chest twitches just a little, eyes moving under his eyelids. Kihyun licks at his lips where his mouth had been open through the night. That was a bit new. Kihyun hadn’t, well, leaked on him before.

But Changkyun knows for about five minutes. An hour and twenty seven minutes ago the series had stopped playing and Changkyun didn’t know nor care about starting something else. But it’s the five minutes where Changkyun knows, that he reaches out to gently run his thumb along Kihyun’s cheek.

It’s better like this. No ringing, no voices. No questions asked or answered that leaves Changkyun unsure and confused, and sometimes, with a bit more understanding, and always with a lot more questions. But it’s not Kihyun’s job to teach him. It’s not Kihyun’s anything, and yet here he is, on his couch. It’s one of those things he understands up to a point, but doesn’t want to ask about too much.

And when five minutes turn into five seconds, Kihyun frowns and his entire body shivers in what, Changkyun thinks, looks like a stretch but isn’t. And then Kihyun’s hand is flat on Changkyun’s chest and his eyes are wide open. But he’s not moving. Or breathing, for that matter. Which is of some concern, considering normal human function. Something’s wrong, if Kihyun’s heartbeat is anything to judge it by. Changkyun hopes he’ll get better at telling what it is, soon.

“Kihyun?”

“Don’t talk,” Kihyun mumbles. He sounds strained.

‘Okay’, Changkyun wants to say, but figures that counts as talking. And then he watches with immense curiosity as Kihyun _slides_ from him to the floor, pulling at the hem of his own shirt, and ducks away really fast before closing the door to the bathroom behind him.

He emerges not even fifteen seconds later. Face wet, hair clinging to his forehead and dripping. There’s something quite nice about it, but Changkyun can’t place it.

Kihyun looks at him, eyes sharp but also kind of glossy. And then looks away. “Hey,” he says, looking at the wall where that strange ticking comes from.

Changkyun opens his mouth to greet him back--it was customary, and Changkyun kinda liked it--and then snaps it shut. Greeting counts as talking. Well, maybe not always. Changkyun raises his hand and waves for a second, smiling softly.

Kihyun walks around the kitchen, moving things around, like plates and those called ‘cereal’ he’d told Changkyun about, and places everything on top of the counter. “I gotta go shower,” he announces. “You should eat something.” He looks up, face puffed and serious. “Also… you can talk, you know…” And he looks away.

Changkyun opens his mouth again to do just that, to tell Kihyun that he really doesn’t need to eat anything, ever, and remembers--

_It’s nice. It’s normal._

_If I eat, you eat._

So he stands up, and walks over to the kitchen to eat, to be normal. “The cereal looks nice. I think,” Changkyun adds, because the cereal doesn’t look much like anything but it is colourful so it doesn’t _not_ look nice.

Kihyun finally smiles a little. “Add milk. It will get better.” And then leaves to the bedroom to grabs a few things and goes back to the bathroom. Changkyun lets out a breath like he’s been holding it.

Okay. Okay, maybe he didn’t do anything wrong.

The cereal box paints a clear picture, and although it’s a different colour to the one on the box, Changkyun finds a bowl, and takes a few minutes to wonder whether he was meant to put the milk in first or the cereal. _Add milk,_ Kihyun had said. _Not add cereal._ Okay.

Once Changkyun gets over the taste of molecules, it’s not all bad. He looks toward the sound of Kihyun showering and it takes no effort or memory induction or practise to smile softly at the sound. And just as Changkyun finishes eating, the sound stops. And eight minutes later Kihyun opens the door and walks out, dressed, towel over his head. He looks at Changkyun and then at the ticking wall again.

“It’s early,” Kihyun says softly, sliding the towel from his head to his shoulders. “But I have to leave in an hour or so…” He walks to the counter and sits down next to Changkyun. And maybe Changkyun didn’t do anything wrong. But something seems off again. The frown Kihyun usually wears is not this soft.

“Do you not… want to?” Changkyun asks, trying to understand. “I really won’t burn your house down.”

Kihyun hums in reply, eyeing the bowl in front of Changkyun and pulling at it before dumping milk and _then_ cereal in. Changkyun doesn’t know why that makes him frown.

“I know you won’t,” he says, and uses Changkyun’s spoon to eat the cereal, cheek puffing a bit when he does.

A familiar word comes to mind. But Kihyun had said he doesn’t like when Changkyun calls him that. He remembers the conversation with Hoseok.

“You have to go to work,” Changkyun frowns. _Work. Away. Potentially dangerous._

Kihyun hums again. “Yeah,” he says after he swallows. “I’ll be back before sundown.” The words leave his mouth so slowly it doesn’t even sound like him.

Something’s wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Changkyun doesn’t know what, doesn’t know what to do or how to do it or how to even say it, but he knows--

“I… wanna help you,” Changkyun says softly. “Are you…” _Okay._ Stupid question.

Kihyun stops the spoon halfway to his mouth and then puts it back down. “Later,” he says after too many seconds. “Hoseok might come by to check on you. And then when I’m back we can…” He looks down and then up at Changkyun. “Is there something you’d like to do?”

Hoseok. Yeah, he likes Hoseok.

“I’d like to do something you’d like to do,” Changkyun smiles softly at the nearly empty bowl of cereal. “Not too sure what I like yet. But I’m sure there’s more than just Netflix and…” _Later_.

Kihyun nods. “I’ll think of something…” He starts tapping his finger on the counter at an uneven rhythm and then glances over his shoulder at the TV. “How long?” He asks. “How long were you waiting for me to wake up?”

“An hour and thirty two minutes. After the people on the TV stopped.” And despite the surprise on Kihyun’s face, Changkyun still sees soft edges everywhere.

“You waited… an hour and thirty two minutes…” Kihyun rolls his eyes, softly. “Wake me up next time, idiot…” He shakes his head and there’s a little tug at the corner of his lip but it doesn’t tug enough to form a smile.

“I didn’t mind,” Changkyun admits. He didn’t. It was nice, just the quiet and Kihyun’s heartbeat, peaceful. It’s what Changkyun is protecting, after all.  

“Well, I do.” Kihyun says faster, pushing the bowl away from him and then looking at Changkyun again. “Wake me up…” He pauses. “Next time.”

“I’ll wake you up if the people stop,” Changkyun promises, sitting up a little straighter. “The next time.”

 _The next time,_ Changkyun decides, _is better than the only time_.

Kihyun leans back slightly glances at Changkyun’s sweater. He frowns a little harder then. “Is that drool?”

Changkyun glances down at the sizable, slightly damp patch on his sweater. “Yes. You made a few noises too.”

Kihyun tilts his head down and looks at Changkyun through hooded eyes. “I--what.”

Changkyun nods. “Yeah, it was like,” Changkyun thinks and tries to imitate the sound. Breathes in until it vibrates in his throat. “That. Kind of.”

Two seconds later, Kihyun snorts and laughs into his hand. “Oh god…” He huffs before looking away. “Okay, okay. Just take that off and put on a new one. I’ll wash it later.”

“Okay,” Changkyun says, reaching down to pull the sweater over his head. But Kihyun grabs his hands before he can. And when Changkyun looks up Kihyun’s face looks… different from the ones Changkun has seen so far. Soft but not... really. Something else, too.

“In the bathroom, Kyunie...”

“I will… remember that, in the future,” Changkyun says, and feels a bit warm. Like when Kihyun holds his hand, or looks him in the eye. He slips off the chair, into Kihyun’s room for a shirt, and into the bathroom. He buttons it up the way he’s seen in shows and on Kihyun, but it tugs a little, so he undoes a few at the top, rolls his shoulders, and it feels fine, so he wanders back to Kihyun.

And when Kihyun turns around he lets his head hang a little. “You know… this one is my totally my fault.” He says and Changkyun frowns, confused. And Kihyun stares at him for a while longer before sighing and gesturing at the counter. “I got you something… Found it in a drawer. Figured you’d like to have it.”

It’s small, rectangular, and looks a lot like what he used to find-- ”Eggs?” he asks, rushing forward to pick it up and turn it in his hand.

“It’s a cellphone, idiot. But yeah, my old Samsung, it works like mine” Kihyun says, waving his phone in his hand. “You can take, uhm, pictures, if you want. And…” He slides a thin card over the counter. “If you want, I can put this inside. And you can call Hoseok or… me. If you want.”

“Call you?” Changkyun asks, eyeing the little piece of plastic. “The way you call me?”

“Not exactly but kind of…” Kihyun frowns. “I guess the teleporting takes a little longer…”

Changkyun frowns and taps at the screen the way he’s seen Kihyun do it, and there’s--there’s a lot. Random pictures and things he has no idea about but he grins, something bubbling at the back of his head. “Thank you, Kihyun. I’ll try and learn how to use it.”

Kihyun nods and smiles a little and then looks at the ticking wall again. “I guess I should probably…” He trails off, eyes slowly going down.

 _There it is again_ . And Changkyun’s smile falters because he hates it, not knowing what to do. “Yeah,” Changkyun hums. “Can I ask you a--” _You will ask anyway, won’t you? Go ahead._ “Uhm. Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry, I just,” Changkyun bites down on his lip.

The look on Kihyun’s face when he looks at Changkyun is the same he had when he stopped him from getting undressed in the middle of the kitchen. “What?” His voice sounds higher than before, too. “No. What the fuck are you talking about?” He holds his hand out. “Come here.”

 _Come here_ . Something Changkyun doesn’t have to think about. He walks forward, his mind loud, hand slightly held out. “I don’t _know_ \--all I have is what I know and when you act in ways I don’t, I don’t know how to react and--” He bites his lip again. Kihyun does that, when he stops speaking in the middle of a sentence. Like it stops him. Changkyun thinks, _thinks_ , he gets it now.

And then Kihyun takes his hand and pulls him into a hug. “Don’t be stupid.” Kihyun says and it’s soft. And when he holds tighter he adds, “I’m sorry.”

Changkyun thinks. He tries to think, but Kihyun’s warm and he’s not used to much and he’s not used to this and he’s not sure he ever will be and again, he thinks, _next is better than only_.  Changkyun wraps his arms around Kihyun, and says, “But you didn’t do anything.”

And Changkyun closes his eyes and reaches for it again, that little something that had sparked like a match inside him the first time Kihyun had hugged him. He finds it, and it’s brighter than before.

Kihyun sighs and just for split second Changkyun feels something brush his neck. _Feeling_ . That’s new, too. And now _touching_ feels like something, not just a brush of warmth against his skin. But then it’s gone and Kihyun is pulling away and looking away and…

“I made you worry,” He says. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Worry,” Changkyun says. _Elevator doors closing, a drink in Kihyun’s hand, alone at a car._ “So that’s what that was.”

“What was what?”

“Before, when I didn’t know if you were safe. And… this,” Changkyun breathes. “Promise you’ll call me if anything happens.”

Kihyun frowns and looks at Changkyun. “Call you or… Call _you?”_

“Call... my name. Call _me_ ,” Changkyun stresses it, puts his hands on Kihyun’s arms from where they were around him, looks at him like he needs to understand, because he does, he has to.

Kihyun looks down and he seems soft again. “Yeah, I promise.”

Changkyun has to. He has to, he has to ask. He reaches up with both hands, one first to keep the touch and then the other, and brushes his fingers lightly over Kihyun’s cheek. “You keep…” He doesn’t have to ask, he just wants to, so he won’t. “You have to go.”

Kihyun flinches slightly at the touch and then looks up, eyes really wide. But before Changkyun can ask about it, Kihyun pulls one of Changkyun’s hands down. “Ah, don’t worry, really,” he says looking away, eyes still really wide. “I don’t mind going. I actually like my job, you know. There’s just… a lot on my mind right now.”

“Completely understandable,” Changkyun says, pulling his hand back, reluctant to let go with the other. “Considering the circumstances.”

Smiling a little, Kihyun’s face leans into the touch even as he says, “You shouldn’t do that, you know.” He looks at Changkyun in the eyes. _“Considering the circumstances…”_

Changkyun smiles into his eyes, into the pull, moving his thumb just a little. It reminds him of this morning. He wishes he had five minutes, now. “And why’s that?”

Kihyun’s pupils dilate and he looks away, this time stepping back. “Because… I have to go to work.”

Changkyun nods. “I’ll… be here, I guess. Take a shower, watch some show, you know. _Chill_.”

Kihyun quickly grabs what is _now_ Changkyun’s phone and Changkyun watches him crack the back open and slide something in before he closes it again. He taps on it for a few more seconds and then places it back on the counter.

“Hoseok’s number is in there. So is mine,” Changkyun notices Kihyun avoids talking about himself first every time he mentions the phone. “But don’t call unless it’s…” Kihyun pauses. “Urgent. Like _me-calling-you-urgent._ Get it?”

Changkyun waves him off. “I can handle demons. Now go. Before you say you have to go again.”

Kihyun runs to the bedroom to grab a long coat, the likes Changkyun had only seen on TV yet. And brings a blue folder under his arm, too. He grabs his wallet, his phone (almost takes Changkyun’s by mistake) and his keys. He’d barely just shoved his feet into his shoes when he stops by the door and looks over his shoulder.

“Don’t burn the house down,” he’s not smiling but Changkyun can hear the playfulness in his voice.

“Wouldn’t even really know how,” Changkyun says, and waves a little.

“Quick learner,” Kihyun reminds and then leaves.

And Changkyun is fully aware that there is a lot he can do. That there’s a lot he can do inside the house, outside in the big wide world. But that’s not really important right now. He hops off the chair and looks around. At the pictures on the walls, the ticking thing that made Kihyun leave, the books and the furniture and the things he assumes are out of place because they look it. He wanders back to the bed (and sees Kihyun, there, what feels like forever ago, in the dark, a name on his lips) and to the bathroom that smells like… Well, he’s not sure what it smells like, but the bottles had said strawberries and he wasn’t too sure what those are but-- _but_.

Changkyun darts back to the kitchen and taps at the phone Kihyun had given him, already open on where Kihyun had typed eggs. Google. He could remember that. Google, google, google. So he googles strawberries. He looks around the house and finds things he knows, things he doesn’t, sees pictures from places he doesn’t know. There’s a very big picture--a mural--of a city against a wall and at the bottom it says Venice so he googles that, too.

_Quick learner._

He learns about _Venezia,_ about a period in European history called Renaissance (the statues are beautiful, and beautiful is a concept he’s still truly trying to grasp), and then he learns about industry and the production of goods or related services within an economy (and everything is somehow related to this money humans like so much, but Kihyun did use it to get them popcorn and he quite enjoyed that).

And the ticking on the wall keeps going in a rhythm that, Changkyun is starting to understand, feels like time, passing, fleeting, _five more minutes._

Counting time and understanding time are two different things. But _five minutes_ , Changkyun understands that.

He closes the internet tab on famous Renaissance painters, sees strawberries, and is reminded to shower. Showering is something he isn’t sure if he needs, but it’s normal, human, nice. He folds Kihyun’s clothes once they’re off (the pile from the day before isn’t there anymore) and tries the other faucet this time. It feels different. Cold, he thinks, could be the word. Strawberries, closing the tap, and then he’s wet. This happens when he showers and he doesn’t see the point.

Some fluffy, closeby material helps him dry ( _towel_ ) and then he’s rummaging in Kihyun’s cupboard again. Underwear, Kihyun has said, is important, so he does that first. And promptly plops down in front of the cupboard. Was this going to be an everyday thing? Could he not just wear the same thing every day? It would be so much easier.

A sound that makes Changkyun feel anxious for some reason comes from the entrance and he remembers, _doorbell._ Doorbell. Door. Hoseok.

He rushes over, remembers how Kihyun had opened for Hoseok last time, and smiles. “Hello, Hoseok.”

But it’s not just Hoseok. So Changkyun frowns, and says, “Hi, I’m Changkyun, it’s nice to meet you.”

Hoseok is looking, staring, eyes wide and a gap between his lips. He eyes Changkyun up and down and then looks to the side, where Changkyun had been frowning at. “Er, right.” He looks at Changkyun’s face. “We have already met twice, though…”

“Twenty nine,” Changkyun mumbles, and looks again. There’s a blonde man in a long, black coat, standing not too far behind Hoseok. Changkyun had seen him before, at the party. And now his eyes are wide and looking at Changkyun like it shouldn’t make sense to see him and it shouldn’t, Changkyun notes, because humans can’t see Reapers.

Hoseok tilts his head. “Can I… Can I come in?”

Changkyun narrows his eyes at the Reaper, and steps aside. The Reaper backs away and Changkyun grabs his wrist ( _“Hey, what the he--!”_ ) and throws him into the house, almost all the way across the hall and into the living room, like he is a weightless ghost.

Changkyun smiles at Hoseok who turns around at the sound of the door closing. “Can you help me? I’m trying to get dressed.”

“Oh,” Hoseok mouths. “Sorry. This is still a bit weird for me…” He laughs and scratches his cheek. “But yes, I can…” He looks at Changkyun. “I can try. But I don’t know… You look... broader than Ki, somehow. And-- _damn,_ is this what Kihyun has been cuddling every night!?” Hoseok gestures at Changkyun. “Are the two of you… Ugh, I keep forgetting you’re a… a…”

“Demon,” Changkyun finishes helpfully.

“Kihyun has: scored!” Hoseok says but his tone doesn’t match his face. He sounds pleased and looks horrified at the same time.

Changkyun frowns, trying to remember something. He’d seen it on the shows and movies he’s watched, and even teased Kihyun about it. “When you say that, are you insinuating that I’m ‘sexy’?”

The Reaper looks at him and almost laughs. He would ask about that, later, when Hoseok wouldn’t see him talking to air.

“ _Anyway_ , clothes, hm,” Hoseok looks around and then points towards Kihyun’s bedroom. “Alright. Let’s see if we can get you something decent from the disaster that is Ki’s wardrobe.”

“I like the soft things,” Changkyun says.

Hoseok laughs in his throat. “Do you mean the clothes or Kihyun?”

“He’s only soft in certain places,” Changkyun says, remembering for a moment.

Looking over his shoulder for a second, Hoseok frowns. Then his face scrunches and he laughs, loud, mouth wide open. _“Damn,_ how are you still alive… Say stuff like that in front of Kihyun and you’ll be… well…” Hoseok shakes his head and disappears into the bedroom. “Give me a few seconds!” He shouts.

“Thank you!” Changkyun shouts back, and turns just as the Reaper tries to phase through the door, grabbing at his arm. “ _What_ are you doing here?” The Reaper winces, trying to move away. “Hoseok is alive. There are no spirits here.” He’s still trying to make a run for it, so Changkyun pulls him back completely. “You were at the party, too.”

“Hey, Changkyun!” Hoseok shouts from the bedroom, making the Reaper startle and stumble. “Do you prefer-- _damn!_ Kihyun has one of these!? _Stealin’_ \--White or blue?”

“White!” Changkyun calls back. He tilts his head at the reaper. “You’re following him. He’s a living soul. You can’t do that.”

“Says you,” the Reaper speaks and his voice is husky and hushed. Odd, knowing Hoseok can’t hear him. “You’re a demon and you’re locked with a human.” He frowns in, what Changkyun assumes, is disgust and points at his forehead, finger sharp. “You shouldn’t even exist to begin with, whatever you are.”

“I’m a guardian,” Changkyun almost growls, soft, because Hoseok actually _can_ hear him.

And the Reaper dares to laugh. _“You?”_ He leans closer and looks into Changkyun’s eyes, the Reaper’s a molten amber. “And what are you guarding exactly? Your taint?”

Changkyun grits his teeth, reaching forward to grab the Reaper by the shirt. “What the hell do you know of it?”

“Of hell?” The Reaper smiles and it looks like Death. “Not much. There’s a dog at the gate.” He rolls his eyes in a way that makes Changkyun’s instincts flare. “Of you? I know enough.” And his face goes serious.

Changkyun glances over his shoulder and Hoseok is still in the room. “Since you apparently make a habit out of following this human around, I assume you know Kihyun.”

“Who do you think has been keeping his _pure_ ass safe all this time, _guardian…_ ”

“Don’t _lie to me_ ,” Changkyun whispers, harsh, letting go of his shirt. “If you could have done anything about the demon at the party, you would have, instead of making Hoseok miserable.”

“Uh,” the Reaper looks slightly taken aback. But just slightly. Which only makes Changkyun feel even more… what _is_ he feeling, anyway? “Interesting. You’ve changed.”

“I--” What is it, what is that feeling, _what is it_. “I’m Kihyun’s guardian.”

“And I am Hyungwon,” the Reaper says, finger up again to poke Changkyun’s chest. And it’s cold, really cold, colder than anything Changkyun has felt before. He didn’t know Reapers had names. “And _you_ are feeling, aren’t you? Demons don’t feel. But _you...”_

Changkyun’s gut twists (it’s horrible, uncomfortable, unfamiliar) and he grits his teeth. “And you’re _not?_ Reapers don’t make a habit of paying heed to souls that aren’t their direct responsibility.”

A shadow crosses Hyungwon’s face but it vanishes before Changkyun can think much of it. “It tugs and it tugs. And the more you feel, the stronger the pull… It’s thorny, by the way.” He gestures at thin air. “Very, _very,_ thorny… interesting.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Changkyun admits, unfortunately out loud. “Stay. Go anywhere and I’ll tell Hoseok.”

Hyungwon raises both arms, looking over Changkyun’s shoulder when Hoseok steps out of the bedroom with a pile of clothes in his hands. But just before Hyungwon steps back, he leans in, his voice just a breath away from Changkyun’s ear. “I know why,” he says close and then far away like he was never close at all, phasing through the small table in a mist and reappearing farther away.

 _Thorny_.

“Thanks,” Changkyun says, grabbing the clothes and going to Kihyun’s bedroom, trying to understand why it feels like there’s no air in his lungs.

“You could’ve dressed in here, you know…” Hoseok says.

“I didn’t know, actually,” Changkyun grumbles, pulling on the clothes and breathing until it feels normal again. _Thorny._ He gets up and his pants feel loose and his shirt feels tight. He walks out again and Hoseok is still there. Hyungwon is there, leaning against a wall, shadowed. He laughs a little when he sees Changkyun. It doesn’t feel like when Kihyun had laughed at him.

Hoseok gapes. “God. I think my soul is about to cross the threshold…”

“I wish,” Hyungwon mumbles from the darkness.

“We…” Hoseok shivers. “Ugh, it’s cold. Anyway, we… damn! This is a disaster!” He throws his hands up.

Changkyun looks down at himself. Shirt, pants, underwear. “I have shoes around here somewhere.”

Hoseok sighs and looks around the living room. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t let you walk around looking like a fashion disaster!”

Hyungwon scoffs. “Never says anything about Kihyun, but no, the demon has to look good.”

And as if he’d heard it, Hoseok braces around. “Look at that face!” He gestures at Changkyun. “You need to look--like--more, woah! You know? Aren’t you a demon? Demons are supposed to dress expensive!”

Expensive. He knows that. Knows it needs money. “I don’t have money,” Changkyun says. “I’ve read banks have some, though, I could go get some?”

“ _Some_ ,” Hyungwon chuckles. “Some, he says…”

“I’m thinking,” Hoseok announces.

“That explains the smoke,” Hyungwon says in what sounds like, like when Kihyun said ‘ _In the bathroom, Kyunie’_. A bit warm, a bit soft. But when Changkyun turns to look, the Reaper’s face looks stone cold.

“What is that?” Changkyun asks them both.

“Affection,” Hyungwon says knowingly at the same time Hoseok says, “I know!”

And when Hoseok turns to verbalize, Changkyun still hears Hyungwon sing in a low, low tone, _“A sky without stars, from Venus to Mars, it tugs and tugs.”_

Changkyun shivers (it’s cold, not like how Hyungwon’s touch felt, or the shower earlier, deeper, somehow). “What… What are you thinking?”

Hyungwon smirks and Hoseok speaks. “Let’s go shopping!” He says, and Hyungwon’s smirk vanishes into disgust again. It’s very contrasting, how a single subject is received between the two of them. But Changkyun doesn’t know what shopping _is_ , and he likes Hoseok.

“Let’s do that,” Changkyun says, and looks around for his shoes. “That’s buying stuff, right?”

Hoseok grins wide and it feels like… sunlight. “And once we’re done we can surprise Kihyun at work. Sounds good?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes and Changkyun swears he can hear it. “I hate this. Everything about this. I hate it.”

“Sounds very, very good,” Changkyun smiles, making sure to direct it at Hyungwon as well. He finds his shoes (the ones from the party) and pulls them on. “What are we buying?”

“Clothes,” Hoseok says, stressing the S sound in a weird way. Changkyun’s heard it before but never this strong. “I’m thinking… black!”

“Sounds fitting,” Hyungwon mumbles.

“I like black,” Changkyun says, walking towards the door. “Why does your ‘s’ sound like that? Kihyun does it, too. But softer.”

Hoseok tilts his head. “Hm?”

“He likes black,” Hyungwon says, “explains the color…” What is he talking about?

“Oh!” Hoseok beams. “You mean _that!_ Yeah, we have a lisp!”

“Lisp,” Changkyun says, without one.

“It’s like watching a toddler learn to walk,” Hyungwon grumbles. Changkyun doesn’t know enough to truly regret anything, at this point, but he regrets making Hyungwon stay.

Car keys in hand, Hoseok throws his arm up. “To the car! We’re on a mission!” But as he takes a step forward, Hyungwon vanishes and reappears by the small table, where Hoseok ends up slamming his foot. _“Shit!”_

“My bad,” Hyungwon mumbles.

Changkyun glances at the table. Hadn’t Hyungwon walked through that, earlier?

Hoseok stands up, cheeks just a little red, and walks with a slight limp until they’re outside. “Don’t mind that,” Hoseok laughs, waving it off and locking the door.

“You’re a very unlucky person,” Changkyun says, not even bothering not to glare at Hyungwon. “It’s like misfortune follows you around.”

“I’m used to it,” Hoseok says with a small smile. “Somehow,” he looks down, finger reaching to call the elevator. “Being near Kihyun helps.”

Hyungwon frowns slightly. “He’s... bright. It hurts a little.” He looks at Changkyun then. “You, on the other hand…” And smirks.

“Kihyun has that effect,” Changkyun says.

Hoseok glances at Changkyun. “Is that why you… is that why you’re here?”

“What?” Changkyun asks. Hoseok probably doesn’t mean the elevator. “Oh. No. I’m his guardian.”

Hyungwon scoffs. “Is that a sentence you learned at Satan camp? Repeat it whenever asked a question.”

Hoseok nods. “Somehow, that makes sense.” There’s a ding, the elevator doors open and Hoseok waits until they close to speak again. He doesn’t look as sunny now, though. “You know, Changkyun… I believe all kinds of shit. If you’d told me you were a mermaid and then flipped a fake tail, I would probably believe you for a second there but--”

“Oh, look, he’s self aware,” Hyungwon says.

“--but Kihyun is not like that… So, that’s why I think it’s very weird... “ Hoseok looks at Changkyun. “I don’t know what it is and I don’t know what the two of you know… but be careful with him, please. He is my best friend and I only have one of those.”

“Be careful with him?” Changkyun asks, curious.

Hoseok shrugs, “I’m not saying I know what goes on in that head of his, but… I can tell he is lying to himself right now. To make things seem normal, maybe. I’m just saying, you might not like it when that explodes in his face.”

“Now _that_ is a fascinating scenario,” Hyungwon nods.

_I like it. It’s normal._

“We watched movies last night,” Changkyun mumbles. “I think I understand what you mean.”

Hoseok sighs, his shoulders slumping down. “I hate being right…” There’s another ding and the doors open, but Hoseok doesn’t exit right away. “You know, if we look at it from his point of view, if things hadn’t gone to shit that night, you would probably be just a guy he would have found nice-looking, he would have gotten your number, you would have--maybe gone to his house and…”

“And…” Hyungwon says even though Hoseok can’t hear him.

“And that would have been normal,” Hoseok finishes.

“Except that it isn’t,” Changkyun says, scratching behind his neck. “Kihyun says it’s weird. That I’m weird. And considering the circumstances--” Changkyun stops himself, remembers Kihyun in the kitchen.

“Uhuh,” Hyungwon pops his head from over Changkyun’s shoulder, who tenses . “So thorny… Can I touch it?”

“ _What does that mean?!_ ” Changkyun snaps and then… stops, again. “Uhm.” He shakes his head. “Normal.” Changkyun swallows. “What does normal… even mean.”

Hoseok throws a hand at the elevator doors before they close. “Normal… normal means human, Changkyun.”

“For you, maybe,” Changkyun sighs, walking out. “So far I’ve liked what Kihyun calls normal, and then something happens and it’s weird and it’s nice but it also, sometimes it’s not. Ugh.” Changkyun closes his eyes, rubbing at his temples. “Humans are hard.”

Hoseok chuckles, walking ahead. “Not all of them, no. And not all the time either.” But before Changkyun can follow, or reply, he sees dark.

And dark, darkness leans in, fingers wrapping around something Changkyun can’t see. And when he looks up, Hyungwon looks different, eyes neon yellow and face blank.

“If I pull,” he whispers and Changkyun feels a slight tug in his chest, like someone just tried to pull the air out of his lungs, “you feel it…” Hyungwon’s fingers squeeze harder. “And every time you _feel_ something, there’s a thorn stabbing your heart.” He looks Changkyun in the eye. “It’s thorny because it shouldn’t exist. _You_ , shouldn’t exist.”

“Stop it,” Changkyun manages, barely. He’s not sure how to speak without air in his lungs.

When Hyungwon pulls away, there’s blood in his hand. And he looks at it in a way Changkyun is not sure he likes.

“Someone has been messing around, I see… Whoever they are,” Hyungwon looks at Changkyun again, “I hope you win, for whatever it’s worth.”

 _Win?_ Changkyun opens his mouth and then Hoseok is there, eyebrows knit together in… concern. It’s concern.

“Changkyun? What is it?”

 _I like it. It’s normal_.

“I don’t like elevators.” It’s not a lie. “Let’s just… go.”

“Can we make a quick stop at the hospital?” Hyungwon asks the wind. “I think I’m bleeding to death-- _Oh,_ wait. _Ha ha.”_

Changkyun pushes past him, out, before the doors can close. It’s cold outside. He understands that now, cold.

“Hey!” Changkyun hears Hoseok call. “Hey, Changkyun!” And before he can turn around, there’s a hand around his arm.

It feels like touching. And that’s all. Hoseok’s hand is big, bigger than Kihyun’s, and his own. It’s warm and somewhere in the back of Changkyun’s mind, he knows. At least, it feels like knowing. He wants to go back to the couch, to the five minutes. It didn’t feel like this.

“Hoseok?”

Hoseok squeezes Changkyun’s arm and frowns at it for a second before looking at him. “Yeah? Are you… Are you okay?”

Changkyun looks up, sees Hyungwon there, and then nods a little. Lying isn’t always words.

‘Yeah,” Changkyun nods. “Yeah, sorry, these, er, pants keep falling down, though.”

Hoseok sighs, letting Changkyun go. “God, I feel like a father…” He says a little in distress but also with a tad of amusement. “Anyway, to the car,” he points, and Changkyun walks with him, getting into the car, quiet. He taps his fingers on the small armrest of the door, the rhythm Kihyun had done on the counter.

“Stop doing that,” Hyungwon complains from the backseat, just as Hoseok starts the car, _(Ugh, right. The shadow.)_ “It tugs when you do that and then it wiggles around! You want to stab me in the face, too? _Demon_.” The last word comes through gritted teeth.

Changkyun taps his fingers just a little harder. And thinks about Kihyun’s laughter in the kitchen. Just to make sure.

“Hoseok, Wonho,” Hyungwon calls even though he knows Hoseok can’t hear him, “next time, schedule the baby-sitting somewhere between the 8th of never and the 16th of never-gonna-happen! Thank you!”

“So…” Hoseok starts, dragging out the word, glancing at Changkyun for a short moment,. “Do demons have taste or?”

“Well. Kihyun likes his popcorn salty.”

“True,” Hoseok nods and smiles. “And…?”

Changkyun sees Hyungwon swatting at air in the backseat.

“And?” Changkyun shifts in his seat. “Coke. It bubbles and he thought it was funny to make me drink it. Bacon, eggs, cereal, coffee.”

“I don’t want to be near you when all of that _decides_ it’s time to come out…” Hyungwon mumbles, swiftly dodging something Changkyun can’t see.

Hoseok laughs in his throat. “I see.” He glances at Changkyun quickly before training his eyes on the road ahead. “Do you… like him?”

“Now _that_ would be questionable taste,” Hyungwon grumbles, sinking down in the seat.

“I’m not really sure what that means,” Changkyun says, smiling at Hoseok a little. He has such a good soul. “Liking things isn’t something I’m used to.”

Hoseok hums a little, smile growing wider, even when he almost takes the wrong turn and then almost bumps into another car when he tries to steer away. “Christ…” He sighs. “Wha--what I mean is… Sometimes, it’s not something you know. It’s something you feel.”

“How long have they even known each other…” Hyungwon grumbles.

“Anyway, I wasn’t really talking about what Kihyun likes. I was asking about what you like… fashion wise.”

“Clothes?” Hoseok nods. “Mm. I liked what I was wearing at the party. I just sort of started my existence in those.”

“I’m surprised with whoever made you, really.” Hyungwon mutters from where he’s lying down, eyes darting left and right to watch _something_ . “Meddle with the order of the universe? _Check_ . Send the kid naked to a Halloween party? _God forbid.”_

“Oh, yeah, the demon costume…” Hoseok hums and then shrugs. “Well, you like soft stuff too, Kihyun excluded, so we’ll see what we find.”

“Stuff him in a Satan costume. I’m all about the irony of life,” Hyungwon throws into the conversation.

“We should go with something that fits your eyes,” Hoseok nods.

“Like… death?” Hyungwon asks and then gasps when Changkyun turns to glare at him.

“Is that why you were thinking black?” Changkyun asks after a moment, thinking about Kihyun’s cheek under his fingers just to watch Hyungwon yelp and duck away from, apparently, a thorny something Changkyun can’t see.

Hoseok slams the breaks and Changkyun feels his body go forward and then slump backwards. “I think…” Hoseok huffs, eyes on the lady crossing the road, “I think black suits you.”

Colour. There were a lot of colours in the grocery store, there are a lot of colour outside. He hasn’t given much to any thought about any individual colours. He knows his hair is black, so are his eyes. He knows Kihyun’s eyes are dark, too, but warm. The walls of his house are light and the hoodie he’d put on for work this morning was beige. He thinks of colours and he has no real affinity for any of them. Not really. And then he thinks of the pink he’s seen on Kihyun’s cheeks, the brown in his eyes, and suddenly he can’t choose.

“I am glad no one else can see what I’m seeing,” Hyungwon mutters, “it would have serious implications in the porn industry-- _Stop wiggling!”_

Changkyun makes a mental note to google what porn is.

“Yeah, I think so, too.”

“You--” Hyungwon starts but stops “ _\--great_. I think I lost my eye.”

Changkyun looks back around to roll his eyes. Hyungwon sticks out his tongue. All in all, a very mature exchange.

“You know a lot about fashion,” Changkyun says more than asks, sinking into his seat. Hoseok nods and grins from ear to ear.

“I do! I’ve always liked clothes, I used to--” Hoseok stops, coughs lightly and continues. “Uh, yeah, so I’m what you call a fashion buyer. I keep an eye on trends and then meet with designers and decide which clothes are gonna sell at specific retailers or shops that I’m in contact with and you have _no idea_ what I’m talking about.”

Changkyun smiles out the window. “I’m a quick learner. Didn’t know anything about Venice when I woke up today. Didn’t know what strawberries looked like, just what they smelled like--” Hyungwon groans in the backseat. “And now I know Kihyun scored and I look good in black.”

Hoseok hits the breaks again. “What. _What!?”_ He looks at Changkyun wide-eyed. “Did he really score or are you just quoting me now? How does that… Do you have…”

“Oh. My. God.” Hyungwon groans.

Changkyun turns to blink at Hoseok, eyebrow raised. “I was quoting you. Do I have…?”

“Nevermind!” Hoseok kind of screams.

Changkyun kind of smiles, asking a question he knows the answer to (it’s not exactly lying…). “Hoseok, what does ‘scoring’ mean?”

Hoseok opens his mouth and closes it. And then Hyungwon reaches forward, head appearing in Changkyun’s field of vision.

“It means sex,” Hyungwon deadpans. “Even _I_ know that.”

“You’ve been around longer,” Changkyun says. “Can’t expect me to know every human word for sex. There’s an incredible amount, going just off the Netflix I’ve seen.”

Hoseok blinks. “Ri--Right. I guess I have been around longer…” His face goes serious all of a sudden. “Wait. How old _are_ you?”

“That is very hard to say,” Changkyun answers. “Time doesn’t work the same way in hell.”

“Does _sex_ work the same way in hell?” Hyungwon asks, eyes going from Changkyun to Hoseok and then back to Changkyun. “Joking.” He says without any hint of a smile before he slumps back into his seat.

“How is it?” Hoseok asks. “He--Hell, I mean…”

“You don’t remember hell when you’re not in it,” Changkyun says, looking out the window. “You’d go insane. Even a demon, would. I know it. I know how it works, where things are, the seven domains, Pandemonium. Basic facts of what happened, but.” Changkyun shrugs.

“I would love a tour,” Hyungwon offers.

Hoseok sighs, fully turning the steering wheel to the right. “I hope you don’t have to go back. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, really.”

“I, on the other hand,” Hyungwon says, brightly, “think _too soon_ is not soon enough.” He leans forward again. “Seriously, go away.”

Changkyun closes his eyes, sits back, and thinks of the pull in his gut. Really, really, just… _focuses_ on that thing.

“ _Christ_ , fine,” Hyungwon complains loudly and leans back, flailing lightly. “Jesus, just stop that, nobody deserves this shit.”

Changkyun smiles a little. “Yeah. Don’t worry, you have a good soul, Hoseok. Wherever we meet, it wouldn’t be there.”

It’s faint, almost inaudible, but Changkyun is certain he hears it, the whisper that comes from behind. “Thank you for that…” Hyungwon mumbles. And it sounds like the truth. It sounds sincere.

Changkyun opens his eyes. Affection.

Changkyun wonders idly if Hyungwon feels a tug, too.

“Oh,” Hoseok says, and the car stops as he pulls them next to the side of a building. He only bumps lightly into the pavement. Changkyun wonders, then, if this is bad luck or if Hoseok just doesn’t know how cars work. “That’s… I mean, that’s good. Th-thanks? _Heck,_ let’s just go get you your own underwear.”

“Oh! They’re sharing underwear! How did that not occur to me before!” Hyungwon says out loud. “I’m seriously, seriously, seriously,” He glares at Changkyun, “wondering right now… Did you _possess_ Kihyun?”

Changkyun glares back, eyes narrowing. Hoseok, blissfully unaware, hums as he unbuckles the seatbelt and gets out of the car.

“I did not _possess_ him,” Changkyun grits out. “He insisted I put on underwear.”

Hyungwon opens his mouth, blinks, closes his mouth, blinks again (faster). He licks his lips and opens his mouth again. “ _Look_ . I’ve known Yoo Kihyun since he was five years old. There’s no way _in hell_ , he’d let you anywhere near the laundry. But there’s no way _in heaven,_ he’d let you wear his underwear.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “I don’t have to prove anything to you,” he says, and locks the car door before he closes it behind him. Though even with the car locked, Changkyun watches in disapproval as Hyungwon trespasses the car and stands up next to him in less than two second.

“Rude,” he says.

Hoseok smiles excitedly at Changkyun, gesturing to a store in front of him. “So, this is where I work! Not, well, not today, obviously, but we have a lot of really nice things--” Hoseok laughs again. “Well, I pick what we sell so obviously, yes, but _anyway_ \--” Hoseok tugs at Changkyun’s arm to have him follow. “I’m _sure_ we’ll have a lot of nice things for you.”

Changkyun lets himself be dragged. “Thanks,” he says, having to pull his pants up a bit.

The place they walk into is light, simple, clothes everywhere. Lining the walls, in little islands around the place. There are a lot of colours. “Uhm,” Changkyun says. “Does Kihyun get his clothes here, too?”

“Sometimes,” Hoseok says, smiling. “That underwear I have totally _not_ glanced at is, indeed, from here.”

Hyungwon makes a displeased noise and Changkyun frowns down at the underwear peeking out from the jeans low on his hips. He shrugs and looks at Hoseok, who’s already going from one piece of clothing to the other.

“This has some green… This isn’t black but it’s soft enough to make an exception… Oh, and underwear, obviously, lemme cheeeeck--” Hoseok laughs. “Calvin Klein. That works. CK’s for CK. Catch.” And Changkyun does. He frowns down at the little box. “Don’t know if demons get wrinkles, but you need to stop frowning so much, Changkyun.”

“He is learning from the best,” Hyungwon sing-songs. “Yoo Kihyun, Frowning Master. He does have the eyebrows for it, though.”

“Does Kihyun frown more than average?” Changkyun asks, catching a coat as Hoseok chucks it over.

Hoseok looks over his shoulder for a moment. “Well, I guess you don’t have much to compare… but he is one of the most expressive guys I know. If he’s happy, he smiles. If it’s funny, he laughs…” Hoseok shrugs and looks away. “If he’s sad he looks distant. And if he’s angry he will _definitely_ let you know.”

“You make it sound easy to know what he’s thinking,” Changkyun says, feeling the material of a shirt between his fingers.

“I’ve known him for a long time, Changkyun,” Hoseok says with affection. “I’m sure you’ll be able to read him just fine in the future.”

Changkyun frowns and then stops, add odds what with he’s learned then and what he knows now. “Sometimes I think I did something wrong but he says I didn’t, but it feels--”

“ _Feels_?” Hyungwon points out and Changkyun ignores it.

“Like I did.” Changkyun frowns, and means it this time. “And then he calls me an idiot.”

Hoseok grabs a pair of socks and stares at them. “Why does it feel like that? Does he do or say something in particular?”

Changkyun tries to think back. Hyungwon wacks at the air and moves to stand somewhere else. “There’s just... A look on his face that I don’t know yet, I’m sure.”

“Changkyun,” Hoseok calls and when Changkyun looks at him, Hoseok smiles. Changkyun looks down again. “Do you wanna see him? Like, right now?”

“I’m going to die,” Hyungwon deadpans, as Changkyun looks up from the clothes on his arm, a little skip in his chest.

“But we’re shopping?” Changkyun asks, despite the word ‘yes’ being _right there._ “And he said only to call him if demons threaten my life.”

“I am asking if you _want_ to, not if you’re _going_ to,” Hoseok explains.

 _Five more minutes_.

“Yes,” Changkyun says, like the word wanted to be said more than Changkyun could say it. Want is a really, really strange concept. It’s like greed, but… _but_...

“Did it hurt just now?” Hyungwon asks.

“Yes,” Changkyun says again.

Hyungwon sighs. “I think it did for him, too. Just a little.” He says. “If it pulls for you, it pulls for him, too. And vice versa.”

“Then!” Hoseok says, brightly, pushing Changkyun towards the back of the shop where it reads ‘FITTING ROOMS’, “Let’s hurry up. So we can go see him once we’re done! Okay.” They stop, and a girl waves at them before they go in, greeting Hoseok by name. “So. You’re _not_ going to try on the underwear. Just see if the clothes fit, and show me if they do, okay?”

“It’s hard, being a single father,” Hyungwon muses, and Changkyun slips into the rooms, sighing at the big pile of clothing and sliding the curtains closed.

“Could have just gone to hot topic, but noooo,” Hyungwon complains again and Changkyun looks up but doesn’t see him reflected in the mirror even though he knows Hyungwon is there. Because, _of course,_ he is.

“Don’t you have a human to follow around?” Changkyun asks as he starts shedding clothes.

“In all my years as an agent of death--yes, I just said that--I have never seen something like you, or this wiggling thing. So, I am obviously curious. Also, slightly cautious.”

“ _Wiggling thing_?” Changkyun winces, shrugging on a shirt. “How would I know what it is. I’m Kihyun’s guardian. We’re connected. That’s all I know.”

“So… you mean you know… _literally nothing.”_ He deadpans.

“Condescending,” Changkyun grumbles, and steps out of the room for Hoseok. Who gasps and claps his hands together. So it must look good. He gives Hoseok two thumbs up and goes back in.

 _“Nephesh,”_ Hyungwon says. “It’s what we call it. In a way, you are connected. But the reality of it is a little more complex.” He shrugs. “It tugs because it _needs_ , because it breathes when you breathe. In a way, it has a will of its own. And it reacts to you and what you feel.”

Changkyun silently pulls on a big hoody, stepping into some jeans. He takes a deep breath and looks at himself in the mirror. “It doesn’t make you feel, just reacts to it,” Changkyun mumbles, and glances around at Hyungwon. “You’ve never seen it?”

Hyungwon’s eyes go down and he looks at Changkyun’s chest in the mirror. “No. I’d heard of it. But I’d never seen one before. Whatever you think it is, however, I should tell you: you are connected but your connection is forbidden.” He looks at Changkyun. “Kihyun has been here the entire time. But you? Someone _made_ you. And that someone broke a lot of rules.”

“What did you expect of a demon?” Changkyun asks past the lump in his throat, a lump that reminds him that all he knows, he knows from what he’s heard, from what he’s learned and been told. But also that people lie. Demons even more so. Except--

_It stings. A thorn pricking skin._

Except for him.

“Which is why,” Hyungwon looks away, “I kinda hope you win.” He looks Changkyun in the eye. “No matter your true purpose. Don’t forget that in this domain you _have_ freewill. It doesn’t matter what someone else told you. What matters is what you decide to do with it.”

“I was _told_ ,” Changkyun says, looking away and shrugging on another item of clothing. Black and green. He likes it. “To protect Kihyun. Sometimes interests align.”

Hyungwon hums, “And how exactly are you going to do that with all this taint inside you?” He shrugs. “You protect Kihyun. And… who protects Kihyun from you?”

Changkyun bites the inside of his cheek, turning to glare at Hyungwon. “I get the feeling you’re trying to get rid of me,” Changkyun says, and walks out to show Hoseok the newest piece of clothing before walking back in. Hyungwon did not, miraculously, decide to give him peace and leave.

“Of course I am,” He states, straightening up and crossing his arms. “Just win and leave.” He looks away, eyes narrowing at the mirror, at himself, but not really. He has no reflection. “Kihyun and Hoseok have suffered enough…”

Changkyun takes a breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “You’d _prefer_ I let a demon break Kihyun’s body and drain his soul? What’s the point of free will, then. True purpose be damned.”

“Changkyun,” Hyungwon calls and it’s the first time he’s said Changkyun’s name. “You better win. But don’t forget you’re fighting yourself, here.” He smiles and it’s not a good smile. “If you keep thinking like that, you’re going to lose Kihyun both in the metaphorical sense and… well. You know.”

 _Yeah, I do_ . “Because following Hoseok around until he dies will work out so well for you,” Changkyun snaps, grabbing the rest of the clothes and glaring, eyes dark, at Hyungwon. “Now will you _shut up_.”

Hyungwon looks himself up in the mirror, again seeing nothing. “He talks to me first and then tells me to shut up the moment I speak the truth…” He looks at Changkyun. “I was perfectly quiet until you forced me to talk, _demon_.”

“You were also following Kihyun’s best friend, _Reaper,_ ” Changkyun rolls his eyes. “And I had no idea you’d be this…” He gestures at Hyungwon and makes a face.

“Yes, _death_ does that to you, you know…”

“The exposure or the experience?” Changkyun asks without waiting for an answer, rushing out and shoving all the clothes into Hoseok’s arms. “I want to see Kihyun now.”

To remind himself. And also to forget. He’s not too sure which.

Hoseok beams. “You’re taking those?” He points at the new clothes Changkyun has on.

Changkyun looks down, and nods. The jeans remind him of the first pair he’d borrowed from Kihyun, although why they’re ripped and new at the same time, Changkyun’s not sure. And the black sweater he has on is soft, so he wants it. The jacket isn’t completely black (green, white, he knows those) and nods again. “If I can. I like it... I think. Still getting used to liking things.”

Hoseok smiles wider (if that’s even possible at this point) and shows Changkyun his thumb. “Consider it an early Christmas present from _mua_.”

“I can’t believe he’s talking shop with a demon,” Hyungwon mutters and raises his eyebrows when Changkyun glares at him. “Shutting up,” Hyungwon says with a shrug. “Shutting up now.”

“Thank you,” Changkyun says with a smile towards Hyungwon and Hoseok. The one with his mouth closed, where his cheek dent in.

Hoseok gasps. “Dimples!”

“Oh, god hel--” Hyungwon starts and Changkyun twitches. “Sorry, I am _not_ talking. _Bzzzzzzzzzz_ , mosquito….”

Changkyun keeps smiling, unsure. “Thank you..?”

Hoseok grabs a few more clothes and dumps them in a bag, quickly handing it to Changkyun. He laughs. “Don’t show Kihyun _that_ face.”

Hyungwon leans closer. “ _Bzzzzzzz_ , please do, _bzzzzzzzz_.”

“Kihyun doesn’t like dimples?” Changkyun asks, poking his cheek, looking into the bag.

“The opposite, in fact,” Hoseok informs as he beckons at Changkyun to follow him and smiles small at the lady outside the proving rooms.

Hyungwon sighs. “I need to vlog about today, really. You think DeathTube will give me a following?”

Changkyun keeps following Hoseok, who plops him down on a chair. “Close your eyes.”

Changkyun does not close his eyes. “What? Why?”

“Oh god,” Hyungwon gasps but it’s a fake gasp. “He already looks like a Desire Demon, Wonho, for fuck’s sake…”

“I’m sure Kihyun isn’t _blind_ ,” Hoseok says, ruffling Changkyun’s hair. Changkyun wants to frown, but Hoseok’s soul is just so blindingly _good_. “But I don’t even think you’ve combed your hair.”

“Kihyun is a rat, Wonho.” Hyungwon informs. “He appreciates the nest.”

“Oh. Sure,” Changkyun agrees, and Hyungwon groans, so he smiles, closing his eyes. “Do whatever.”

“Later,” Hyungwon points out, “when that thorny vine in your heart wiggles like crazy, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. Cuz I didn’t. I really didn’t. I’m letting this happen because I can’t physically stop it, ugh!”

“If you’re going to protect Ki, you need to look the part.” Hoseok nods.

And Changkyun can almost hear Hyungwon roll his eyes as Hoseok starts… Well, Changkyun isn’t too sure. It smells funny and when Hoseok does whatever he’s doing by Changkyun’s eyes, Changkyun wonders if this doesn’t hurt if you’re not an impenetrable demon.

“I feel like I am in a movie,” Hyungwon complains. He does that a lot, complain.

“Mmm, can you get piercings?” Hoseok asks.

Pierce. Mm. “I’m impenetrable,” Changkyun says and Hyungwon chokes.

“Really?” Hoseok rubs Changkyun’s earlobes between his fingers. “But it’s so soft…”

“And death is sweet,” Hyungwon deadpans.

Changkyun raises an eyebrow and Hoseok lets go with a cough. “Just called a demon soft,” he mumbles. “You can open your eyes, just gonna try and comb your hair. I wonder if that’s…” Hoseok pulls a hair off Changkyun’s head. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Yes, demons _can_ go bald. But penetrated? Apparently not,” Hyungwon laughs to himself. “Oh, man, wait until you start hearing yourself. Demons are hilarious.”

Hoseok combs and fluffs at Changkyun’s hair, before smiling and stuffing a few more things into Changkyun’s bag. “Okay, let’s go see Kihyun.”

“Oh, I can’t wait,” Hyungwon says without any excitement. “I love being semi-blinded and poked with thorns.”


	5. Just A Word Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a scream, a single scream, but somehow it’s everywhere, everything, from every corner of the room. A scream and a primal, deep growl. And then, like flipping a switch, there’s nothing. Absolutely nothing. 
> 
> And, in the silence, everything comes back at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Description of a panic attack !!!!

Changkyun looks at the buildings as they pass them. People and trees and cars and structures. He tries to train his mind on them, thinking of things to look up on his phone later, but Hyungwon’s voice, even though he isn’t _currently_ saying anything, pokes at the back of his mind. Contrasting ideas, similar purposes.

They wander into the building where Kihyun works and Changkyun gawks at the huge amount of books that cover from floor to ceiling, in what looks like--crystal shelves? Everything is shiny and clean. Edgy, in a way, and white. Really, really white. Cold, with hard edges. Devoid of colour and feeling. It doesn’t feel like Kihyun at all… Because Kihyun feels like…

_Warmth. Soft. Soft-bubbly-warmth._

And it’s big. Kihyun’s not big. His soul reaches to every corner of every room he’s in, but Kihyun, himself, is no bigger than the body Changkyun has.

“Kihyun works here?” Changkyun asks, turning as he looks up at the ceiling. _Blue. But through glass. The sky._

“He is an architectural photographer,” Hoseok replies, guiding them through the long, broad corridors like he’s been here a hundred time before. “He also freelances, sometimes.”

“Photographer,” Changkyun echoes. “There were pictures on his phone. He didn’t want me to look at them.”

Hoseok looks over his shoulder, “Next time, ask him to show you his portfolio.”

Changkyun recalls Kihyun taking a blue folder to work, but before he can ask, they turn a corner and Changkyun sees _him_. Kihyun. Laughing at something. And Changkyun smiles. It doesn’t tug, but Changkyun walks towards him without waiting for Hoseok.

And he watches as Kihyun notices something in his field of vision and then turns to look. Eyes fasting towards Changkyun’s and stopping with a quiet click. Just like gravity, a string pulled taut. Just like magnets.

“Wha…” Kihyun starts, his eyes finally moving to look behind Changkyun and then at him again. “What?” And Changkyun feels like he hasn’t heard Kihyun’s voice in a long time although he knows that’s not true. “What are you doing here?” Kihyun asks, giving the person next to him a quick smile before he walks towards them.

“Hoseok got me clothes, and asked if I wanted to see you,” Changkyun answers, smiling. Dimples. He looks at Kihyun and ignores the way thorns wrap around the pull.

They meet halfway, Kihyun stopping just two feet away. “Clothes?” He frowns and looks Changkyun up and down. “Oh,” is all he says before he shoots a glare over Changkyun’s shoulder. “This is _your_ doing.”

“Obviously,” Hoseok replies, hand over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Come on, he looks so good!”

“Debatable,” Hyungwon says, stepping closer to look at the air between Changkyun and Kihyun. “Fascinating,” He mumbles, squinting like Changkyun did when he saw light for the first time.

“Sexy or cute?” Changkyun asks, looking at Hoseok. He knows there was a difference. He knows Kihyun has varying opinions on what _he_ likes to be called.

Kihyun. Who looks like he is struggling with words. “I’m-what-- _He!_ What have you been teaching him!?”

Hyungwon hums. “About the bees and the, uhm, er… bees?”

Hoseok waves a dismissive hand. “Nothing!”

Changkyun, wanting to tease, says, “I know what ‘scoring’ means, now.” Changkyun looks at Hoseok. “Who did you say scored again?”

Hoseok opens his mouth to reply when Kihyun glares at him, eyes wide, but no sound comes out so he closes it again.

“Oh, beautiful,” Hyungwon laughs. “I love this. Joking. I hate it. Let’s go before--”

Kihyun leans closer to Changkyun, “Don’t even.” He says like it’s a warning.

Changkyun tilts his head. “I don’t think that’s a sentence.”

“At least tell him he looks good, Ki,” Hoseok whines. “He tried!”

“So did you, Wonho,” Hyungwon nods. “So did you. But I would stress the ‘tried’.”

“You look nice,” Changkyun says, even as Kihyun turns to glare at Hoseok. “I said that yesterday but not today, but you do.”

Kihyun shoves a hand over Changkyun’s mouth. He seems to jolt for a split second before glaring again. “Shut up, I’m at work! And that doesn’t make sense. Shut up.”

“Shit,” Hyungwon hisses. “What…” He looks between Changkyun and Kihyun, squinting. “It grows when you touch?” He gestures at Kihyun with a wince. “Jesus, I need to go… It’s too bright!”

Changkyun smiles again his hand, as Hyungwon phases away in a little puff of black, and the tug settles into a pull like the tides.

“It’s just a compliment, Ki,” Hoseok pouts, letting go of Changkyun’s shoulder. “I don’t see the big deal…”

Still not letting Changkyun go, Kihyun moves to glare at Hoseok. “You can’t just dress him up--” He eyes Changkyun’s face for a moment before looking back at Hoseok “--put makeup on him and bring him for a stroll.” He says between gritted teeth.

“Oh, why not,” Hoseok defends. “He had fun! At least, I think he did, I’m not entirely sure, but it’s not like…” Hoseok gestures. “He goes around eating babies or whatever it is demons do.”

Kihyun leans back slightly, eyes narrowing for a moment before he lets Changkyun go. “Whatever,” He mumbles and looks away with the same face Changkyun had seen on him this morning.

“Besides, he was going to tear your shirts,” Hoseok chuckles. “Amongst other things.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I’m not saying I disapprove! I’m just saying… you didn’t _have_ to come here.”

“I know,” Changkyun chirps. “You’d call me if you need me.”

“Ah, but Changkyun said he wanted to see you!” Hoseok beams like he just remembered something good.

Kihyun blinks and then looks at Changkyun and hums. “Well,” he looks away again. “You’ve seen me now.”

Changkyun opens his mouth, and there are a lot of things he can say.

_See you at home._

_Five more minutes?_

_Seeing doesn’t feel like enough._

_Hug?_

He doesn’t say any of that, though. Mostly because half-way through the thought, something small, red, and sharp pokes at the back of his head as he sees what can only be a demon. What kind of demon, he… he doesn’t know. The poke _stabs_. Not knowing isn’t good, for many, many reasons.

“Kihyun, you forgot these,” a _woman_ says, approaching them with a smile on her lips. A smile that falters once she lands eyes on Changkyun, who almost growls somewhere in the back of his throat.

Kihyun seems to jolt awake and looks at her, face suddenly soft. Changkyun _hates_ it. “Oh! Thank you.” He says, facing her and smiling. “I keep misplacing them for some reason. I’m sorry I made you come all the way here.”

The woman shows a flash of teeth when her smile grows, but it’s not directed at Kihyun. No. It’s directed at Changkyun. “Friends of yours?” She asks, handing Kihyun a bundle of clipped papers.

“Oh, uhm,” Kihyun looks anxious all of a sudden. “Yes. Hoseok,” he gestures at Hoseok, “childhood friend. And, uhm…” He looks at Changkyun with what looks like surprise. “And Changkyun.”

“A pleasure!” The woman smiles again. “Kim Eunseo, Yoo’s supervisor. Nice to meet _you_.” She stresses the ‘you’ when her eyes land on Changkyun.

“Likewise!” Hoseok chirps.

Changkyun narrows his eyes, trying to see but he can’t. He doesn’t know what she is. Or what she wants, but he can guess. He watches her, watches the hand she has on the counter close to where Kihyun’s standing that wants to reach out and Changkyun moves himself between them, red, sharp, stabbing at his mind. She retracts her hand.

Kihyun blinks at him, the corner of his lip twitching upwards slightly. “What are you doing?” He asks quietly.

“Protecting you,” Changkyun whispers over his shoulder.

Kihyun raises an eyebrow and smiles a little. It’s the first smile he’s directed at Changkyun ever since they arrived. “Okay?”

Eunseo smiles tensely at the two of them. “How… How long have you know him, Kihyun?”

“Eh, uhm,” Kihyun looks at Changkyun and Changkyun sees panic in his eyes. “There was a, uhm, p--party.” Kihyun nods and looks at Eunseo. “And, uhm…”

“Changkyun is Kihyun’s boyfriend!” Hoseok almost shouts and when Changkyun looks at Kihyun he looks like of those statues Changkyun saw on google this morning: petrified.

“ _Oh_ ,” Eunseo says, eyes looking between the two of them. “Well, he seems quite… protective of you.”

Kihyun lowers his head and holds his temple against his hand, sighing. “Kill me,” he whispers and only Changkyun hears him.

“Aw,” Hoseok starts, “you know young lovers these days.” He says smiling with his eyes, too.

“True,” Eunseo says. “Well, I’m glad,” she says, and Changkyun hears it, the lie. His eyes narrow again and he’s wished it before, wishes it every time he can’t, but Changkyun wishes that he could touch Kihyun. His hand reaches behind him anyway.

“Uhm,” Kihyun starts.

“If your friends came all the way here then maybe you could leave with them,” Eunseo suggests and Kihyun looks up at her in surprise. She smiles at him with a fondness Changkyun _hates._ Because even that, in itself, is a convoluted, twisted lie. “It’s almost five, anyway. And you worked hard today. Even if you kept forgetting those in every room you went.”

Kihyun laughs and looks at the papers in his hands. “I apologize.”

“No need.”

“Then, I’ll…” He looks at Hoseok and then Changkyun before looking at Eunseo again. “Get my things.”

“Alright,” she smiles and then looks at Hoseok. “It was nice to meet you, Hoseok.”

“Again, likewise!” Hoseok says. And Changkyun hears him whisper a “Sorry,” when Kihyun passes him by.

 _“I hope,”_ Eunseo says in a voice that sounds more like the wind whispering, _“you’re not here to stay.”_ Her mouth hasn’t moved. But Changkyun can hear her. And she’s looking at him, and her eyes glint black like marble. _“I saw him first.”_

Changkyun shivers, hand grasping into a fist as his shoulders tense. He hates it. Her words, her connection to Kihyun, all of it. And he hates the way she looks at him, smiling without it reaching her eyes, before slipping away.

“Heeeey,” Hoseok calls. “Earth to Changkyun!”

Changkyun looks over, and it’s a second between looking at Hoseok and quelling the fire behind his eyes, but Hoseok’s face falls. Changkyun closes his eyes and lets out a breath. He puts on a practised smile as he looks at Hoseok again. He remembers something he’s heard on television. “Sorry, I zoned out for a second there.”

Hoseok smiles small, “Got a text from hell?” He laughs.

There’s a shadow over Changkyun’s shoulder. “I’ve seen her before,” says Hyungwon. “She’s been around for a while.”

Changkyun looks at Hyungwon, eyes narrowing. _Finally, he’s saying something useful._ “Hell doesn’t have cell-service,” Changkyun says, looking to where Kihyun had gone to fetch his things. “How long has…” _Careful_. “Kihyun worked here.”

Hoseok hums, caught of guard. “Let’s see…”

Hyungwon steps forward, his arms brushes against Changkyun’s. “She’s eaten quite a lot. That’s why you can’t _see_ her.”

“Ah!” Hoseok shoves his fist in his other palm. “Four years! Sorry, I’m bad at maths.”

“Four years,” Changkyun mumbles. _I’ve heard a ringing all my life... At work._ Changkyun breathes. She must have been waiting. Protecting him from others, even, just so she could get him.

_I like it. It’s normal._

“And you only meet her now?”

Hoseok snorts. “I knew the previous supervisor. Funny guy. But he quit a few months back.”

“Eaten,” Hyungwon corrects. “She had a banquet last Christmas.” He shifts and looks down. “There was a party. The company organized everything.” He glances at Changkyun. “I… Hoseok had an, ehm, accident. So, Kihyun couldn’t attend.”

Changkyun fidgets, playing with the buttons on his coat, popping them out, in, out. “I want to go,” Changkyun grits out.

“Then, let’s go,” Kihyun says. And when Changkyun looks up, he’s right there, huffing, cheeks a little pink, jacket already on, hands full with papers and the blue folder from this morning.

“Did you run here!?” Hoseok laughs.

“No,” Kihyun frowns, huffing. _A lie_.

Changkyun looks back to where the demon had disappeared, and he… He looks at Kihyun. Pink in the face. He can’t tell him. It’s not a lie, not to tell. Is it?

“Home?” Changkyun asks instead.

Kihyun blinks and then laughs a little, palm turned up like an invitation, “Yeah, home. Come on.”

“And you chastise me for calling you boyfriends…” Hoseok shakes his head and then shouts when Kihyun kicks his leg.

Changkyun looks at Kihyun’s hand and feels his shoulders relax. _Safe. He’s safe when he’s by his side_. And Changkyun tries his best to believe that.

He holds his hand just above Kihyun’s. It looks like an invitation, but Changkyun can only ever get as far as the door. Open or not, Kihyun has to let him in.

And Kihyun doesn’t look at him, already turning around when his fingers brush up against Changkyun’s. “Do you wanna eat with us?” He asks Hoseok who beams back at him.

“I hate today,” Hyungwon complains, and yelps as Changkyun entwines his fingers with Kihyun’s.

Kihyun looks over his shoulder once they exit the building and locks eyes with Changkyun. “You look nice, by the way.” And then looks away.

_Warmth. Soft. Soft-bubbly-warmth._

“Thank you,” Changkyun says, voice and the way he squeezes Kihyun’s hand, soft. “You too.”

 _All demons lie. Except for him_ .

\---

 

 _Hoseok is going to hell,_ is the first that comes to mind. Kihyun slides his glance over, trying to look like he’s not staring. But is staring.

And the truth is, Hoseok has both excellent _and_ terrible taste. But fact remains, he nailed it. He nailed Changkyun’s... style, no matter how ridiculous that sounds.

“Did he pay for those?” Kihyun asks behind his mug. He is totally _not_ eyeing the coffee, and that’s a terrible way to start a morning.

Changkyun looks over from where he’s reading something on his phone. Changkyun, who had woken him up in the middle of the night because he didn’t know that the phone needed to be charged and was worried he’d broken it. “Mm? For the clothes?” Changkyun looks down. The hoodie looks to be at least two sizes too big, and his jeans are just.... tight. Hoseok is going to _hell_. “I don’t remember him giving anyone money. Which--” He shakes the phone. “Is stealing. But! I think he was allowed.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, taking the mug to his lips and wincing when he burns his lips. _Too hot._ “Right.”

“Thirty one,” Changkyun says, holding the phone up and sticking his tongue out.

The corners of Kihyun’s tip upward. “We should get a board,” he says, looking away to _think_ . He hasn’t been doing much _thinking_ since 4am.

“So we don’t get the wrong amounts of ‘rights’?” Changkyun says, smiling a little at him before winking at his phone. He presses a button and frowns. “Hmpf.”

“Did the phone not wink back?” Kihyun laughs in his throat.

“Phones don’t wink,” Changkyun says, pointedly. “I checked.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and looks at the coffee foam swirl in his mug. He smiles small. “Then what’s wrong?” He hasn’t been doing a lot of thinking. But at least he feels better than yesterday. So, he smiles wider.

Changkyun sinks back into the couch pillows, and leans forward to frown at his phone. “I’m trying to--” He smiles so his dimples show. “Take pictures but you’re--” Changkyun winks at the phone. “Much better at this than I am.” And then, Changkyun pouts his lips like he’s waiting for a kiss. And holds his phone out for Kihyun.

Kihyun thinks it takes him an hour to react. He knows, however, it was just a second.

He places the mug down, sighs, and circles the table. He sits down next to Changkyun at the same time he takes the phone. “You want me to teach you, I assume…” He trails off. Frowning when he looks at the little thumbnail displaying the gallery. “Wait.” He frowns harder. “These… these look really good!” His mouth says for him as he looks through the pictures.

“They do? The ones I just took?” Changkyun asks, schooching closer to look at the phone, a curious look on his face.

“Did you get these the first try? Cuz if so then I _am_ jealous.” Kihyun looks at Changkyun and hands him back the phone. “Why would you think they’re not good enough?”

Changkyun hums, flipping through the pictures. “I don’t know what they’re supposed to look like, am I.” He locks the phone and leans back, slowly sliding down the couch. “But if you think they’re good… I mean, I’m not a building so it’s hardly your specialty…”

Kihyun chokes on air and leans forward, laughing. “What?” He glances back up, biting at his lower lip. “Of course you’re _not_ a building, what the hell.”

Changkyun blinks. “Neither are you,” Changkyun says, and points at the wall. “You take pictures of buildings. And you like those. You put them on the walls. Haven’t seen one of your pictures of you or me on the walls.” Changkyun shrugs. “Just saying.”

“Why would I hang a picture of you on my wall, Changkyun. _Jesus_ .” Kihyun looks away. “Anyway, I don’t _just_ photograph buildings. I freelance as well. And that means people pay me to photograph whatever they want… within my limits, of course.” He pauses, frowns and then looks back at Changkyun, straightening up. “Are you…” He trails off. _Jealous of buildings?_

“Mm?” Changkyun asks, tilting his head.

“Nevermind,” Kihyun mumbles.

Changkyun smacks him with the phone on the arm.

Eyeing the device, Kihyun shoves at Changkyun’s arm a little before he says, “Hey, give me that.”

Changkyun holds the phone at a distance, narrowing his eyes. “Only if you don’t say ‘nevermind’ again.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes, drifting them to Changkyun’s then. “I was going to take a picture of us together. But! _Nevermind!”_ He teases.

Changkyun gapes. He holds out the phone, shaking it. “Take it take it take it.”

Sticking his tongue out, Kihyun slaps the phone away from Changkyun’s hand. He leans back and looks over for a moment. “Come here?”

Changkyun pouts, but scooches closer nonetheless. And Kihyun leans closer, holds the phone up high, smiles a little and (once Changkyun stops looking like a kicked puppy), snaps a picture.

He throws the phone over Changkyun’s lap then, and leans away. “Done.”

Changkyun stares at the phone, at the picture. His smile grows slowly. “Thanks,” he says, and starts tapping away at the phone. Quick learner. “Do I have to pay you now?”

Kihyun makes a face, trying to contain the laugher that is bubbling inside him. “Yes,” he manages.

Changkyun lowers the phone, looking at Kihyun with wide eyes. “I can wash the dishes?”

“Deal,” Kihyun smiles, or doesn’t. He’s trying to hold it, biting his lip, but it’s not working very well. “So? Off you go,” He gestures.

“Oh, now? Okay, I can do now,” Changkyun says and nods, putting his phone down next to Kihyun and jumping up. Kihyun lets himself smile now that Changkyun can’t see. Kihyun had taught Changkyun how to do the dishes last night, after an _interesting_ dinner with Hoseok. Changkyun had, surprisingly, not broken anything.

Leaning back, Kihyun sighs. He stares at the TV for a while (even though it’s been off since 7am). And _thinks_. He hasn’t been doing a lot of thinking. But maybe he should.

“Kyunie,” His mouth says before he can scold himself for speaking out loud. “Can I… ask you something?” _Just ask, you coward._ “Don’t take it the wrong way…”

The sound of plates and mugs clinking against each other in Kihyun’s sink stops for a second. “I’ll try my best no to. Shoot.”

“What…” Kihyun closes his mouth again, glaring at the TV. He munches it over for a few more seconds. “What are...we?” He shivers once the question is out. It sounds bad now that it’s out. “I don’t mean it like that,” he backstracks and glances at Changkyun’s back, “I mean… you weren’t here three days ago. And now you are. And there’s… there’s no explanation, really. But suddenly you… _live_ here.” He sighs and looks at the ceiling. “So, what I’m trying to say is…” He smiles at the fly stuck in the lamp. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say, ha.”

“Well,” Changkyun says after a moment. “I could use some help drying these dishes,” Changkyun glances over his shoulder with a little smile before going back to the dishes. “Ki, I wasn’t on _Earth_ three days ago. My normal is what I’m given.”

_Normal._

Normal... ‘Normal’ haunts something else at the back of Kihyun’s mind. But once he catches himself letting it drift forward, he gets up. _Dishes_ , he thinks instead.

“It just feels like,” Kihyun mumbles as he gets closer, “like I’m lost in a dream. And at some point, I’m going to wake up.”

“Dreaming, huh? I’ve seen you asleep,” Changkyun smiles. “And you look pretty awake right now.” Changkyun looks up, and flicks a bit of water at Kihyun’s face, making him wince.

Kihyun pouts a little, rubbing his face with the back of his hand. “That is the creepiest thing you’ve--actually, no. It’s not.” He’s about to grab a glass when his phone beeps from the counter. Kihyun mimics the sound, looking over his head. He turns around. His face going sour when he finally reads the text.

“It’s my boss…” He mumbles.

Changkyun stops and Kihyun glances at him. He bites his cheek,takes a breath and rinses a mug. “Kim Eunseo?”

Kihyun looks back at his phone and leans, hip to the counter. “Hn,” he nods. “She wants to meet up in a few. Something about yesterday’s file…” He glances over and glares at the cupboard by the entrance. “I brought something of hers with me, it seems.”

“Can’t she come get it here,” Changkyun says to the sink, and his voice sounds… different. Forced, somehow.

Kihyun sighs. He types something back and then rolls his shoulders, placing the phone back atop the counter. “Well, some people have busy lives, Changkyun. And considering I _am_ free today…”

“You haven’t dried the dishes yet,” Changkyun grumbles. He rinses the last few plates and shakes his hands.

Kihyun looks at him again and leans away from the counter. He gets closer, slowly and then shoves his finger on the back of Changkyun’s neck, poking. “Complaining, are we…”

“Nyeh!” Is kind of the sound Changkyun makes, flailing lightly and turning around, hand clasped to his neck. “What? No. You _haven’t_ , I was just…” Changkyun gestures, looking around as he rubs at his neck.

“Gonna miss me that much?” Kihyun asks, tilting his head.

Changkyun bites his lip. It looks like deliberation. “Yes. I have a question.”

“Just one?” Kihyun laughs, crossing his arms. He tilts his head again, “I call that ‘progress’.”

“For now,” Changkyun says. “Is… Is not telling someone something also lying?”

Kihyun blinks. He looks up, blinks some more, and then looks back at Changkyun. “Depends.” He shrugs, stepping closer and reaching behind Changkyun to grab a plate and the cloth nearby. He steps back, then, drying the plate until he hears that annoying, annoying rubbing noise. “Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn’t. There are… things you don’t know about me. Things I haven’t told you. But that doesn’t mean I’m lying to you, does it?” He eyes Changkyun.

Changkyun chews his lip. He taps his fingers on the counter in a familiar rhythm. “As much as I’d like to know you, I don’t think so,” Changkyun sighs. “ _Ugh._ You trust me. Right?”

Kihyun stops. He looks down at a button on Changkyun’s button down and then up at Changkyun’s eyes. “Yeah,” Kihyun can’t help the eyebrow twitch when he feels the tug.

Does he, though? Or is that another lie he’s feeding himself?

He sets the plate down on the counter and throws the cloth over his shoulder. “Yeah, I do.” He repeats just in case. “Why?”

The side of Changkyun’s mouth twitches up. “I… want you to trust me. So. Don’t… don’t trust your boss.”

Kihyun frowns and opens his mouth to contest. But he finds he has nothing to say. And deep, deep, deep down, he knows why.

“If you ask her to come here, she will.”

Something swells in his throat and he looks down. “Is… is it related to…” _Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. Normal._ He shuts his eyes. And then opens them again, staring Changkyun in the eye. “Do _you_ trust _me_?”

Changkyun’s eyebrows pull together, and he swallows as he looks back at Kihyun with a small nod. “Of course I do.”

Kihyun smiles. “Then you have nothing to worry about.” And he fists his hand, lightly punching Changkyun’s shoulder. “Okay?”

Changkyun seems to deflate. His lips part but he doesn’t say anything, and the skin between his eyebrows crease like he wants to frown but he’s trying not to. “ _Ki_ ,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun’s phone beeps and lights up with a new message.

Kihyun looks over his shoulder and mimics the beep. Eyes glancing at Changkyun for a second as he smiles and then looking away as he turns to reach for his phone again. “Yeah?” He asks absentmindedly, eyes on the screen.

“ _Please._ ”

Kihyun flinches. His heart squeezes. And he looks up, eyes wide. “What?”

“I trust you,” Changkyun says. “But _please._ Don’t…” Changkyun squeezes his eyes shut. And sighs.

What are they, really? Why does it pull so much? And why does it make Kihyun feel like the entire world is too big for him? It’s like blinking wildly into the darkness and seeing only hot white blotches. Confusing. Unknown. But not… scary.

“ _Come here._ ”

Changkyun opens his eyes and his features fall and he does, he walks fast towards Kihyun with his hand already outstretched.

Kihyun frowns, his own hand slapping on Changkyun’s and pulling him into a hug. Except it’s not like last time. Because now Kihyun is the one clinging like he needs it.

There’s a ringing at the back of his ears, but it’s quiet, soft. And it sounds a lot like ‘please’. So, Kihyun hugs tighter and _breathes_ , something, he realizes, he was forgetting to do.

“Don’t be stupid,” he says. And even though it’s only been a moment. Even though it’s just a stranger. It feels like it’s been a lifetime. “Just… let me. Really. I have to. If I don’t then…” _I’ll feel like a bird in a cage._

Changkyun’s hand finds its way into his hair again, and he buries his face in Kihyun’s shoulder. “Okay,” he says, muffled against him.

Kihyun laughs a little and hides his face in Changkyun’s shoulder as well. “Damn it. I hate you. You make me feel sentimental all the fucking time.” He hits Changkyun’s head with his fist once, before letting it go limp over his neck. “You sure you’re a demon?”

“Yeah. My bad,” Changkyun says against shoulder. “You hate me?”

“Yep,” Kihyun says, squeezing a tad more.

“Mm, hate doesn’t feel all that bad,” Changkyun says, squeezing back, and Kihyun swears he can hear the smile on his lips.

Kihyun leans back slightly, eyes down to avoid looking in Changkyun’s. He lets his hands slide off his shoulders and sighs. “Don’t burn the house or something. Even if it feels justified.”

“Don’t be stupid?” Changkyun asks, looking at the floor.

Kihyun lets go, his shoulders going up in a cringe reaction and he shivers, pouting slightly when he does. “Yeah, yeah. Smartass…” He looks around the room. “But seriously. Don’t burn the house down.”

“Only flood it, gotcha,” and that earns Changkyun a meaningful, _strong_ punch to the arm.

 

\---

 

Easier said than done.

Part of him, the loud conscious part, knows he is doing this to prove himself ‘normal’. It’s just a day like any other. Just another day. Just another Saturday. Just another errand. But then there’s that feeling, that instinct at the back of his head. The one that told him to accept Changkyun. The one that told him to be strong and not freak out. The one telling him now, ‘you know how this is going to end up’.

Kihyun eyes the tall, predominantly glass building in front of him and feels his gut twitch. He’s glad he only had coffee this afternoon because otherwise he would be throwing up right now.

He feels sick to his bones. And the slight ringing at the back of his left ear doesn’t sound like Changkyun anymore. It’s acute. Meant to hurt the louder it gets. And suddenly it makes sense. Suddenly, everything makes sense. But Kihyun still doesn’t want to believe it. Not entirely…

He takes a deep breath and takes a reluctant step forward. And as he does, the ringing screams.

_Not again._

It’s a low hiss, but it’s so sharp it feels like _madness_.

The ground feels unstable and Kihyun swallows his instincts as he steps forward. The place is deserted and that only aggravates Kihyun’s anxiety. He tries the front door. Waves in front of the laser sensor twice. But nothing happens. He looks around and then decides to try a side-door.

‘ONLY WORKING STAFF AUTHORIZED’, it reads. And once Kihyun grabs the handle, the door flings open without any effort on his behalf.

“Right,” Kihyun tells himself. _There is literally nothing to worry about,_ he thinks to himself. He is just going in there to deliver something. And then he will leave. He will go home. _Home_.

Kihyun has never seen this building so devoid of life. He’s worked here for four years. There’s always someone around. Always. A security guard. Someone doing extra hours. An idiot who forgot his jacket (that would be Kihyun himself)... there is _always_ someone around.

But today? Nothing.

And it feels like an eternity to get to the third floor. The corridors seem to want to swallow Kihyun alive every now and then. He knows that’s just mild claustrophobia, which seems ridiculous considering the size of the place.

But eternity is not a thing when one has a countdown over their heads. And Kihyun’s is very close to zero when he stops, hand hovering just a few inches away from the door he’s supposed to knock at.

The ringing has stopped. Which both relaxes him and makes his subconscious scream.

It’s the only light he’s seen in the building. He pushes open the door with a shaking hand that he tries to still in the other. Eunseo turns around and smiles. It looks like just another late Monday night.

“Oh, hey, Kihyun,” she greets, waving him in. “Thanks for coming in so late. On a Saturday, even.”

“Y--Yeah, I mean, yes.” Kihyun bows slightly and tries for a smile. “I hope you didn’t have to wait long.”

“Nah, you’re always fast,” she smiles, and gestures to the cappuccino machine next to her desk. “I know it’s late, but do you want something to drink?”

The door closes behind Kihyun, and he tries to remember if it always used to click when it closed. “Uhm,” he starts. “Yes, please, thank you.” He stops just as he starts moving and looks at the papers in his hands. He glances up. “This is what you wanted, right?” He asks, stepping closer to place the them over the desk.

“Yes,” Eunseo says without looking. She smiles as she presses a button on the machine and places a cup. “You’re alone?” she asks. “Boyfriend staying at home?”

Boyfriend? _Oh_.

Kihyun chokes on air. “Ah, we, uh… Yeah. Yeah, he’s… _home_ .” He sighs. “Sorry about that, by the way. They just stormed in here yesterday and… I have enthusiastic friends. Troublesome, too.” _Friends…_ is that what Changkyun is, too?

“Oh, it’s alright,” she agrees amicably, stirring the coffee as she brings it over, staying close to his side of the desk. “It happens to the best of us. Take a seat,” she says, standing herself. And Kihyun does, frowning a little at the commanding tone.

“Is… everything alright?” He asks, arching an eyebrow at her.

“Oh, everything’s fine,” she waves off, hands on the edges of the desk. “I just want to talk.”

Kihyun mouths a little ‘o’ and nods, looking down. “Sure.” He looks up and smiles, effortlessly this time. “What do you... want to talk about?”

She pushes away from the table, walking up to Kihyun as if to walk around it. Towards, and a little bit to the right. “We’ve known each other a long time,” she says, smile tense. Like her lips are working separately from the rest of her face. “And yet, I know nothing about you. Not even something as,” she shrugs. “I don’t know, simple as you having a _boyfriend.”_

Kihyun looks away and laughs a little. “It’s… recent.” He lies. Well, _not exactly._ “Is it a problem, though?” He looks up expectantly and finds Eunseo a lot closer to him than she was just a few seconds ago.

She laughs, a sharp, hoarse thing. “Problem,” she laughs again. “Now, why would it be a _problem_.”

“I don’t… know?” Kihyun leans back where he seats. “Hence the question…”

She reaches out, sudden, to push his shoulder against the back of the seat. Kihyun feels his heartbeat pick up, speed up as if he’s running really fast. The ringing in his ears turns sharp, insistent. “Does he know?” she growls. “He _claimed_ you, didn’t he? The _scum_.”

Kihyun feels his eyes widen, the face in front of him contorting into something… _something_. Until there is nothing to look at.

_She has no face._

_It rings._ And it _hurts_. His shoulder. His head. _Everything_.

“I…” Kihyun tries, breathing fast. He reaches up, fingers around the wrist (bony, white) that pins him to his seat. “Eunseo…?”

The grip turns painful, as nails dig into his chest, hurting, breaking through clothes and skin. She speaks and Kihyun isn’t sure where it’s coming from, behind him, from this _thing_ , the back of his head... It leans in, and there’s breath on his face, warm and thick, but when he looks, there’s _nothing_ there.

_“I CLAIMED YOU. YOU WERE MINE!! How dare he!!”_

Kihyun breathes in through his nose, sharp and kicks the floor, chair swinging back with him on it. He lets out a pained huff when his back meets the floor and rolls back, landing on his knees.

He tries to get up, but he can’t. He _can’t_ get up. He is _free_ but he can’t get up. So, he falls back and slides away from the faceless form in front him, stretched and disfigured. It screams, primal and sharp and somehow behind him. There’s a fast figure around the room, suddenly, and a crash. “ _MINE!!! I WANTED TO WAIT!! NOT NOW!! MINE!!”_ A weight bares down on his chest, heavy but invisible, knocking the wind out of him.

The back of his head hits the floor but, somehow, it doesn’t hurt. He tries to breathe, but he _can’t_ . The weight on his chest keeps pressing, harder, harder, _harder_ , and it feels like it’s going to break.

This is different. This is real. This is _not_ a lie. And he can’t escape the truth.

Kihyun feels the gag reflex at the lack of air, his eyes crossing just slightly and…

 _Home_.

Knowing. Knowledge. _Death_ . He is going to die and all he can think about is going _home_.

So, he lets his arms go limp on the floor and screams even though no air comes out. He can’t hear his own voice. But there’s a ringing behind his ears. A new ringing. And it sounds a lot like… _madness_.

Home. Home. Home. Home. And it’s mad. It’s feeling. It’s right there at the back of his ear. And it makes his chest heave, makes him gasp just a little, just enough and-

 _“Changkyun!”_ It’s a whisper. A silent scream.

He thinks the name. He thinks of home. He’s calling out for home. And then the weight is gone. He sucks in a painful breath, and coughs off the weight. There’s a crash and a high pitched yell in the room. It rings so loudly it hurts.

Kihyun feels his hands shake as he tries to sit up, coughing as his lungs expand inside him. His whole body feels numb and prickly. And a ball of fear in his chest presses against his ribs.

He looks up, vision blurred and he sees...

Changkyun is holding the creature up by the neck, black trails and patterns of _something_ on his skin, his eyes completely black. He growls somewhere deep in his chest, and the creature screeches. “ _OFF ME DEMON SCUM!”_

Changkyun squeezes at its neck, voice deep and the opposite of a ringing noise in its low bass. _“Don’t you dare fucking touch him.”_

Kihyun’s head slumps forward. His eyes burning hot with tears. _Not again, not again, not again_. He grits his teeth, shuts his eyes, and tries to quiet the voices in his head.

_‘You knew from the start.’_

Not again.

_‘I told you so.’_

Not again.

_‘You’ve always known…’_

“I don’t…” He breathes, voice cracking. Breathing hurts. “I don’t wanna die… I don’t wanna die… I don’t wanna die… _I don’t wanna die… I don’t wanna die, I don’t--_ ” His breath hitches and he feels something hot and liquid run down his face. “I wanna go home… home… _home…_ ” He can’t see. He can’t see. He feels nauseated, his chest hurts. He can’t see and the world feels like it’s spinning.

There’s a scream, a single scream, but somehow it’s everywhere, everything, from every corner of the room. A scream and a primal, deep growl. And then, like flipping a switch, there’s nothing. _Absolutely nothing_.

And, in the silence, everything comes back at once.

Twenty years ago, the whispers in the darkness he was told to forget.

Ten years ago, the ringing in his ears he was told to forget, too.

Six years ago, the hallow over his friend.

Four years ago, _death_ and wings.

Three years ago, loud ringing, ugly ringing… _and…_

Three days ago…

And it feels like dying. Because a lie is a two-edged sword. And if Kihyun didn’t die with the truth, he dies with the lie.

Madness. Madness. Madness. It’s dark. He’s drowning in a pool of tears and sobs he can’t control. A crushing feeling of helplessness. Alone where the light won’t reach.

And then a voice calls to him, _pulls_ him, and everything he’s been ignoring, repressing, denying the last four days, pulls him completely underwater.

 _Madness_.

Kihyun doesn’t look up. But even if he did, he wouldn’t be able to see a thing. He can’t discern anything else apart from his own mumbling.

Secrets. Lies. _Fear_.

And darkness. Fear feels like darkness. It crawls from his heart up to his throat to choke him. It leaks from his bones into his muscles to freeze him. It runs down his face, liquid and wet, to _show_ him. It tastes sour.

And it’s _maddening._

The voice pulls again, and it feels like everything gravity does, pulls him, crushes him, doesn’t stop him as he falls. It’s warm and while fear feels like darkness, this pull, _his pull_ , feels like light.

“Kihyun,” it breathes into his muscles, warm, into his lungs, free, down his cheeks, _safe_ . “ _Ki_?”

Kihyun’s breath hitches and he hears his heart in his ears. “I used you…” he manages, looking up at… nothing. Just a blur. “I used you… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

“Shh, it’s okay, Ki. _Ki, breathe_ …” And he feels a weight next to his face, moving the air but not touching.

“No…” He says. But he breathes, anyway, hiccuping when he does. “No, you shouldn’t… I used you… you shouldn’t.” He rubs at his eyes, hands trembling. “You shouldn’t…”

“Look at me,” he, _he_ , says, and it smells like his bed, like strawberries and fabric softener. “Come here…?”

Kihyun doesn’t know if he can move. He doesn’t even know if this is _him,_ speaking, or if it’s all in his head. So, he lets his head tip forward until his forehead hits something. And it’s not the hard floor. It’s soft and it steadies him.

“I’m sorry…” He says. “ _Changkyun…_ I’m so sorry.”

“If… If you’re sorry, look at me and say it. Please, Kihyun, let me…” A warmth close but not quite by his cheek again. “Let me see you…”

Eyebrows knitting together, trying to keep the tears in, Kihyun takes a shaky breath and slowly, slowly leans back just enough, eyes on Changkyun’s face.

Kihyun feels his bottom lip shake so he presses his lips in a thin line, frown growing harsher. And when their eyes lock, the world clicks back together. And so does _madness_.

“I’m sorry,” Kihyun whispers.

“Don’t…” the pull breathes, and tugs, gently, questioningly. “You’re okay, Ki. You’re safe. Let’s go home.”

 _Home_.

Kihyun breathes out a shaky laugh and looks down. “Home.”

“ _Home_. Come here, Kihyun. Let me take you home.”

He takes the hand between them and closes his eyes and it feels like sleeping. Except it only lasts a second, or maybe two. And when Kihyun opens his eyes again, he is home. Away from the havoc. Away from the madness. Away from the truth. But not in the comfortable, perfect lie he’d been building so carefully.

“Changkyun…” He says, his eyes feeling puffy, tears stilling.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Changkyun says softly, and there’s a smile, a little dent in the cheek his side of his face. And it _yanks_ at him. Everything feels clunky and clumsy as it yanks him around. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

Kihyun lets his shoulders slump down, head tipping forward and landing on Changkyun’s shoulder. “I know…” He sighs, closing his eyes, taking a moment to take another breath. “I know. I’m sorry. And… thank you. For… trusting me and… for saving my life. _Again_.”

He breathes and Changkyun breathes with him, hand gentle as it soothes over his back, his hair. “I was…” Changkyun’s voice is thick, heavy, somehow. “I was so worried about you, Ki.”

“I know,” Kihyun says, voice shaky. “So--Somehow, I’ve always known…” He turns his head slightly, vision going out of focus on Changkyun’s neck. “Somehow, I’ve always known. From the start. I just… I just didn’t want to believe it, I guess…”

Changkyun’s ministrations slow, arm around his waist pulling just a bit tighter, hand in the fabric of his shirt. “I didn’t want to tell you about her. I wanted your life to be… normal. Even with me in it. You like normal.”

Kihyun frowns. “No, you… I mean, yes. I like normal. Or at least I like to believe I do.” He swallows and takes a deep breath. “My life has never been what most people would call ‘normal’. Even without you in it.”

There’s a pit inside his chest. So, Kihyun clings a little more. Hand turning into a fist on Changkyun’s back.

The _truth_ feels lonely.

“When… when I was a kid I remember seeing…” He says. “In the corners, in the shadows, even in broad daylight… always there.” He shrugs awkwardly. “But when I told my father he just… he told me to forget. So… I _forgot_.” Or he pretended he did.

“You wanted normal, so you lied to yourself?” Changkyun asks, voice soft and close. “Turned the voices into ringing.”

Kihyun nods wordlessly, hiding his face on Changkyun’s shoulder. “I’m sorry…” He says a few seconds later.

“You keep saying that,” Changkyun says, sighing softly against him, helping him up.

And feeling tired and too heavy in his own body, Kihyun finally lets go. He steps back, stumbling a little, and looks up at the ceiling to blink a few times.

The lights are on and it’s dark outside. It’s like having an out-of-body experience. Kihyun is looking at the ceiling but he is aware of everything around him. His feet are touching the floor but he can’t feel it, his own weight. And he can’t feel himself breathe even though he is aware he _is_ breathing.

“Why me,” he hears himself asking. “Why do they want me?”

Changkyun stays quiet for a moment, and says, with an unreadable tone. “You’re... pure. They’re tainted. Dirty and broken. And you… A soul like that, for them, it…”

“Pure,” Kihyun hears himself repeat. “And that’s why you have to… protect me.” It’s not a question. His eyes drift down and he sees Changkyun. “Why? Why do you have to protect me?”

Changkyun’s face reads something, says something but Kihyun can’t _think_ about that. “Light doesn’t exist without dark. And dark without light. There’s a balance to things. And there’s already enough dark in the world, Ki. You’re… a light. In a sea of black.”

Kihyun sees the floor, which means he is probably looking down. But he can’t tell. He can’t think. “Changkyun… I can’t forget again. Don’t…” He blinks and he’s seeing through his own eyes again. “Don’t let me forget.”

Changkyun frowns, soft. “I’m… I’m not sure what you want me to do. Do you need me to--to go?”

Something Kihyun quickly recognizes as fear swirls all the way up to his throat. He looks away and frowns. “I can’t… use you.” He says. That’s all he can say. Between all the possibilities floating around, waiting to be randomly picked and thrown like ‘stay away’, ‘leave’, ‘stay’, ‘don’t go’, none is as _real_ as the truth. “I won’t use you, or anyone, to hide myself from the truth.”

Changkyun shakes his head. “I don’t understand. How are you using me?” Changkyun takes a tiny step forwards. “Why are you sorry?”

“This,” Kihyun moves his finger between the two of them. “We can’t do this.”

And Changkyun takes a tiny step back. “I don’t…” Changkyun shakes his head. “Ki, you don’t _know_ , you don’t understand how worried I was when you left…” Changkyun looks down, blinks hard and nods. “I can leave. I’ll go if you want me to. But I… I don’t want to.”

Kihyun looks everywhere but at Changkyun. “I was…” He rubs his palms on the side of his jeans. “Normal. Trying to make it normal was…” He notices the door to the bedroom and trains his eyes there, it makes it easier to breathe. “I was starting to like you, like really _like_ you… And that’s not even… You’re not...” _Words are fucking useless_.

“Normal,” Changkyun finishes, voice flat, monotonous. “Human.”

“You probably don’t even understand what I mean…” Kihyun says, hurting himself with his own words.

“Just because I can’t touch you,” Changkyun starts, looking down. “Doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh and it’s bitter. It _tastes_ bitter. He tilts his head of a second, eyes still on the bedroom door. “And of course you had to go and say that…” _Always saying the right thing_.

Changkyun’s features fall and he turns around, hands up in his hair and letting out a frustrated groan that makes Kihyun flinch.

“I’m…” Kihyun reaches up and touches his own chest where he still feels a little, faint pressure. “I just don’t want to…” _Words. Words. Words._ “I don’t want to use you, that’s all.” He sighs and turns towards the bedroom. “I need to sleep…” Not to forget, but to remember.

Changkyun rushes forward, grabbing at the material of Kihyun’s shirt before he notices what he’s doing and lets go. “Okay,” he says, nodding, voice small. “Okay, just… tell me what you want from me. I don’t understand what you mean--when you say you’re using me. I want to protect you. I _want_ to. You can’t use me if I _want to_ , right?”

Kihyun smiles a little. “You don’t even sound like you mean it. But that’s not what bothers me. You say you learn quickly. And you say you only have what you see and hear to learn from. If all I show you is… _this_ , then you will never know the difference. If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”

Changkyun nods, blinking lightly, tonguing at his cheek as he slowly steps away. “Okay,” he nods again, swallowing and looking away. “Just… Just remember that I’m just a word away. Please don’t make it more than that.”

The truth feels lonely. Very, very lonely.

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

Changkyun smiles. And it’s _sad_ , and it looks a lot like ‘ _I trust you_ ’. And before that fact can hit Kihyun straight in the chest, Changkyun’s gone.

It comes crashing down like a tidal wave. Kihyun doesn’t feel his knees hit the floor. He doesn’t hear his own voice as he cries. He doesn’t remember breathing in when he breathes out. What was right is wrong and what is wrong feels right. But in the end, he’s alone.

He looks up, vision blurry, hands on the floor searching for something to hold onto, but there’s nothing. The one thing, the one person that could help him right now, the one who’s been there from the start, is gone. Gone. And even when Kihyun thinks about the only other person in his life that could help him stand up right now, he knows that he can’t do that to them.

There’s a window. A bed. A door right next to him. And a voice inside his head, telling him to hold on. But there’s nothing to hold onto. Nothing. Not even when he reaches the bed and pulls the covers down over his head, curling into a ball on the floor.

“S--I’m so...rry…” He hears himself hiccup. Twenty four years. That’s what weights on him now. Twenty four years of lies and smiles. And he did that to himself.

There’s a ringing in his ear, soft but far. And it won’t hear him when he calls. But at least, if he focuses on that, he can almost fall asleep. Even if he knows what awaits him once he closes his eyes.

Just a word away feels like too far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The selcas Changkyun took on the couch:
> 
> https://twitter.com/OfficialMonstaX/status/958254425910358016?s=19
> 
> No changki selca cos that's just how we live


	6. Red String Of Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fact remains, however. Nothing’s changed. There’s just a lot more truth to things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins...

It seems silence has a ring to it, too. And in a remote corner of Kihyun’s mind, he swears he can hear the static. It wakes him up in the middle of the night between cold sweats and shivers and tears on his face. But Kihyun closes his eyes again and forces himself to sleep.

He sleeps until the sun comes up. And then sleeps until it sets. He sleeps through a full moon of plagued dreams and whispers, unmoving, curled up on the floor of his bedroom, bed sheets over his body. And it takes everything, _everything_ , every inch of will left in his bones, to move a finger and sit up once morning comes again.

_Monday._

Kihyun looks at himself in the mirror and hates what he sees. His eyes shift to the razor atop the cabinet and he doesn’t even think twice. He grabs the razor and slides it across his palm, as deep as he can. Does it hurt? Yes. Does it bleed? Yes. But it heals, too. In five seconds there is a white scar. And in another five, nothing.

_Truth._

That day, he takes a shower and goes to work. Mostly in a catatonic state, but people seem too busy to notice. Too busy to care. He doesn’t even need to pretend he’s okay. Not even when he finds himself in an empty office with a dented wall, tears on his face, longing in his heart.

_Tuesday._

A night plagued with nightmares and ninety minutes between them. Kihyun keeps waking up with a name on the tip of his tongue. A name he doesn’t dare call. So, he ignores the whispers in the dark and keeps counting the days. Maybe it will help.

_Wednesday_.

Just another day. Kihyun feels numb. A full week has come to pass since everything started. Thus, back to the start… _Loneliness_. He texts his best friend hoping to feel a little color, hoping it will help.

And it does. It helps. Because who wouldn't want to smile? Who wouldn't want to feel the warmth that comes laughter? Who wouldn't want someone to believe in them no matter how crazy it sounds?

_Thursday._

Kihyun looks at himself in the mirror and he knows he will be okay. Lonely, in a truth he didn’t ask for. But he will be okay. No more lies.

The house feels a little empty even though Kihyun has lived alone for the past six years. His extra toothbrush is gone. The bag Changkyun had left in a corner of Kihyun’s wardrobe, full of clothes, is gone, too. And only Kihyun’s old phone was left behind, with a picture of _them_ as locked screen wallpaper.

Which is precisely what Hoseok is looking at right now, eyebrows almost knit together in a frown.

“Well, this looks cozy,” he says, falling down onto the couch and holding up the phone.

Kihyun frowns, feeling a cold weight on left shoulder and a shiver down his spine. “Did you even listen to anything of what I just said?” It feels… _normal_ to have Hoseok around. Not in the way ‘normal’ works as a lie, but in the way Kihyun feels like he needs to be strong, needs to be okay for someone else’s sake.

Hoseok sighs, turning the phone off and tossing it aside. “Yeah. Sorry, it’s just a lot, y’know. Your boss being a demon and all.”

Kihyun shifts from one foot to the other, knees a little shaky. He really doesn’t feel like sitting down, though. “You know what bothers me? Ch-- _He_ broke a table when he slammed her against the wall…” Kihyun frowns harder,a tight knot on his throat. “And no one, not even her superiors have mentioned a thing… It’s like… it’s like it never happened. But I went there on Monday and the table was gone. And the wall was… well, dented.”

Hoseok raises his eyebrows, leaning forwards where he sits, hands twisting. “You think there are more of them?”

Kihyun shrugs uncomfortably. “I don’t know. I can’t tell.” He sighs. “I can’t _see_ them, I can only hear… whispers. And it sounds… like a pit of snakes, to be honest.”

“Jesus,” Hoseok breathes and then winces. “Sorry. Not so much supportive and understatedly horrified.” He glances at the phone again. “What… What are you gonna do, if something happens again?”

Kihyun looks down, his heart almost jumps up to his throat. “The--There’s not much I can do, is there?” He sighs exasperatedly and it almost sounds like a groan. “I mean! When _you_ get sick, you take a pill or two and… you do something about it. If you fall, you get up. You _can_ do something. This is just… I can’t do anything about it! It pisses me off…” He frowns as the words leave his mouth. Pissed off, _yes_. That is something. It feels like something. It’s not just numbness surrounded by fear. It fuels him.

“There’s no manager you can talk to about the demons,” Hoseok mumbles. He sighs. “I just… don’t see how sending him away was a very _safe_ decision…”

“I needed some distance from him, that’s all.” Kihyun mumbles and then bites at his lower lip, smiling a little when he remembers something. “Think… think Satan will pick up if I dial 666?”

“Probably put you on hold for fuckin’ ages,” Hoseok laughs. And _that._ That’s what Kihyun needs right now. Something that sounds alive, warm, familiar. “Sounds like hell to me.”

Kihyun tilts his head a little and smiles. “The phone bill would be beyond me, really.” He sighs. “Where are… where are the good guys in this story, really. I mean, there’s demons and whatnot.” He looks at Hoseok and points up. “What about the ones up there?”

Hoseok hums. “You know, actually, that’s a great question. Why give you a guardian demon? Were all the guardian angels on leave or…?”

“Or maybe we’ve been lied to and there’s no heaven…”

“Did you ever ask him about heaven?”

Kihyun frowns. “I barely asked him about hell. I wasn’t exactly… thinking straight--ha ha.” He snorts. “Go ahead, joke.”

Hoseok laughs, scratching at the back of his head. “Oh, I _want_ to… You think all demons look like _that_?” Hoseok gestures like there’s anything to point at. “Or just the ones they send to guard disaster gays?”

Kihyun snorts a laugh despite the tight knot in his chest. _Guilt._ “Want me to ask him about his friends next time? Are you lonely? Aw…”

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “You know full well I--” He stops.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry.”

Hoseok shakes his head and looks up, smiling widely, mischievous. “I made him too hot, didn’t I. Go on, it’s more a compliment for me than him.”

Kihyun scrunches his nose and shivers. “Ugh, I hate you so much…” He pauses then, glancing at his friend. Silly, silly conversations, something Kihyun will never take for granted again. “Not like you were sculpting something from mud, you know? That was… some quality clay.” He grimaces after he says it, but it feels good to talk about it like… like it’s normal. Like it’s not crazy. Like someone believes...

Hoseok smiles with one side of his mouth. “Well, hell isn’t exactly cold.” Hoseok winks, picking up the phone, _his_ phone, and pokes around on it. Kihyun has to stop himself from stopping Hoseok. There’s no reason, to, after all. “Did you…” Hoseok looks up from the phone, and shakes his head as he goes back to scrolling. “Ah, nevermind.”

Kihyun looks out the window, squints slightly at the blue sky and then finally walks to take a seat next to Hoseok. He slumps back on the sofa and picks at hangnail. “What.”

Hoseok lets out a dramatic breath (typical), and leans back, tipping the phone over to Kihyun. “We’ve known each other a long time, my friend…” Hoseok starts. “Remember when we had dinner? The day I gave him all those clothes. _That he took, by the way,_ ” Hoseok huffs with no real annoyance. “He just, like, really _sucked_ at that spaghetti. He looked so confused but he just soldiered on. And it just… didn’t stop.” Hoseok turns to look at Kihyun. “And you were laughing. Really, really laughing.”

Kihyun feels a familiar sinking feeling. He breathes over it. Leaps over it, really, and thinks ‘parkour!’ before smiling a little and then looking away to hide his face from Hoseok. “What’s your point?”

Hoseok smiles, poking at his arm. “I’m the only person who’s ever shared a bed with you, Ki. And I guess technically I still am… I’m just…” Hoseok frowns.

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “What makes you think I’m…” He stops, trailing off. “You’re just what?” He looks over. “Concerned? Worried? I’m fine.”

“Curious,” Hoseok says, smiling a little. “I’ve never seen your walls come down like that. You two… I don’t know. It’s like I could see the little red thread between you.”

Kihyun fakes a gag reflex. “You’re… ugh! They _really_ should’ve cast you for Twilight. I swear!” He shivers. “You’d be a fantastic Edward Cullen.”

“That’s a really, very gay thing to say, Kihyun.” Hoseok laughs.

“ _You_ made me watch the movies!” Kihyun throws back, elbowing Hoseok in the arm.

“Didn’t _make you_ reference them, though,” Hoseok says, elbowing him back. “And I don’t appreciate the change of subject, but I suppose it can’t be helped.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, honestly…” Kihyun sighs, opting to stare at the TV instead of Hoseok’s silly face. “He… I mean, there was a load of bullcrap there, really, and that’s on me. But… I kinda…” He bites at his lower lip. _Stop talking_ . “He was… _is_ weird.”

Hoseok laughs, a high pitched puff of amusement. “No shit, Kihyun. I can feel a _but_ , though. Yeah?” Hoseok pokes him again. “Am I right? Is there a but?”

“I have knives in the kitchen and the kitchen is right there,” Kihyun warns.

“Now _that_ sounds like something a demon would say…”

Kihyun smiles. “Yeah, well. Isn’t that what Hyu--hm…” He coughs. “Thank you for coming, by the way. It’s been…” Kihyun sighs, looking around, “an _interesting_ couple of days.”

Hoseok reaches out, patting Kihyun on the head. “You know what’ll help?”

“Death?” Kihyun jokes, feeling a cold weight on his shoulder again.

“I _seriously_ doubt it. But no, no, my idiot friend,” Hoseok pats again. “Chicken.”

Kihyun perks up and turns to look Hoseok in the eye. He can’t see his own reflection but he knows he probably looks like an exclamation point. “Yeah?”

Hoseok rolls his eyes fondly. “Chicken really is your soulmate. Come on,” Hoseok smacks him on the knee and stands up. “It’s on me.”

“I’ll hold you to that!”  


\---

 

And he does. It’s bad to say, as Kihyun probably could have really taken the opportunity as it is and made Hoseok take him to an expensive restaurant, but no. There’s a bar (a bar!!!) that probably has the best chicken wings in the world. So that’s where he takes him.

“Am I... seeing this right?” Kihyun tries to say without slurring, blinking and squinting at the seven? Seven bottles of soju between them. “Wait. No. N’eight. Seven!”

Hoseok lifts his head, propping it up with his hand, elbow on the table. “I’ve been taken avda--avada keda-- _advantage of_ ,” Hoseok says, scooching a bottle over. “This isn’t chicken.”

Kihyun snorts. “What?” He leans closer, squinting harder. “You sound like you, you say it like... like I am a terrible person and forced you do to… _to do!_ This.”

“M’mazed you haven’t gotten drunk before now, factually,” Hoseok squints, too.

“Hmm, well,” Kihyun munches the air in his mouth and looks down. “Not big on… you know.” He shrugs. “With dad and… you know. Old habits die hard.” He blinks and then snorts. What is he, five?

“Hmpf,” Hoseok grumbles. “Need ‘nother bottle, this is getting sthad--” Hoseok says, and waves his hand around before letting it fall. It hits the side of the table and Hoseok mumbles an “Ow’.” He looks at Kihyun, points at him. Well, tries to. “I should take advantage of you too.”

Kihyun makes a face. “I hate the sound of that…”

Hoseok sticks his tongue out. “No! Ugh, no, _ew_ , listen, listen. You’re--when you’re drunk you just--” Hoseok gestures at Kihyun. “Candle. Wait, no. Comman...do? No! _Candid_!”

“Hmm, okaay. What does… do, I mean,” Kihyun sighs, crosses his arms over the table where he leans his chin, looking at Hoseok. “I can’t form… sen _tanaa_ ces.” He stops. “You! Can’t form sentences… sentences… Why does the word sound funny to me...”

Hoseok scoffs, lisp thick. “That’sth not a word. You--” He points again. “Yoo,” he giggles. “You _like them weird._ ”

_“Shuddup!_ ”

“Not that you--” Hoseok hiccups. “Liked a ‘ot of peeeeople.”

“I like you,” Kihyun raises an eyebrow, “does’tha make _you_ weird, too?

Hoseok waves his arm around like there’s a fly annoying him. “You don’t like me like--like--” Hoseok sticks his tongue out, flops his arms down on the table and glares over at the bar. “Whass’at thing.”

“Ass?” Kihyun snorts. Yep, he’s five. They’re both five.

“Yeah! You don’t like my ass!” Hoseok proudly proclaims, before frowning. “You don’t like m’ass? Thought it’as nice.”

Kihyun closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Nah, I,” he smacks his lips and shakes his head again, this time scrunching his nose, “Naaaaaaaaah. Never even, uhm, lo--looked.” He pauses. “Maybeeee, once. Sorry. But but but but! There _wassa_ stain.”

Hoseok gapes, hand up to his chest. “I’m offended!” Hosoek snorts, slumping down again and blinking at him. “M’sorry I looked at his ass.”

Kihyun tilts his head, frowning again. His? His… _His!?_ “Cha--You... did?” Kihyun looks down and blinks. The images coming back are not exactly SFW. He can feel sobriety knock at the door, all of a sudden. “I… change of subject.”

Hoseok pouts at the nothing he’s staring at, cheek pressing against his hand. “So pretty. Not--not the ass--well the ass too--” Hoseok narrows his eyes. “S’been a while.”

Kihyun scans the bottles over the table. He needs more alcohol. “Not much ass-checking lately?” He hears the voice inside his head scream at him to change the subject. “Let’s just…”

Hoseok waves his arm again, looking over at the bar as if to call attention to himself. “Sorry,” Hoseok mumbles. “Kinda grew attached there for a sec.”

A spike of anger attached to guilt fuels what comes out of Kihyun’s mouth next. “Can you stop bringing up Changkyun-- _Shit!”_ Kihyun slaps his hand over his mouth and leans back, eyes wide, locked on Hoseok’s.

Hoseok leans forward, accidentally tipping a few bottles. Fortunately they’re empty. “Is he… Is he here now.” Hoseok looks around, eyes wide, peeking over the booth they’re in and whispers loudly, “ _Maybe his phone is off._ ”

Kihyun snorts, hands still over his mouth and he leans down to laugh into his palm, shoulders trembling as he tries to muffle himself--or suffocate himself, really.

“Your order?” Kihyun hears (just before the familiar sound of a soju bottle hitting the table), and it sounds… it sounds like-- _oh shit._

He looks up at Hoseok first, eyes wide (hand still over his mouth), and then slowly turns to look at… at… _fuck_. Fuck his life.

“ _Jjaaa_ angkyun?” Hoseok chirps, smiling wide.

“About seventy percent there, big guy,” Changkyun grins, tilting his head to look at Kihyun, who ducks his head down, eyes down, too. “You don’t _look_ like you’re in terrible danger. Unless, of course, you just couldn’t wait any longer for your drink. The service here, really.” Changkyun tuts. “Lacking.”

“ _Whhe_ ereas’th have you been?” Hoseok asks, gesturing at Changkyun to sit down next to him, _stop looking, Kihyun!_

Changkyun leans back where he sits, tilting his head. “Oh, a little bit of everywhere. Interesting civilisation you guys have up here. You two look _busy_.” And Kihyun can feel it, Changkyun’s eyes on him.

Kihyun finally drops the hand from his mouth to his knee, but doesn’t look up. He tongues at the corner of his lower lip, searching his mind for something to say but finds nothing. Zero. There’s nothing he wants to say. So, he stays quiet.

“You said my name by accident, didn’t you,” Changkyun says, he doesn’t ask it.

“He did,” Hoseok replies and Kihyun is glad. “Daaaaaamn, _you_ aaare… hm, er, putting tha’ christmas present to good use.”

Changkyun looks away and Kihyun feels like he can breathe again. Changkyun scoffs, deep in his throat. “You didn’t choose them for me to blend in, did you.” He tilts his head. “And thanks. You’re not the only one that thinks so.”

“Ohoh?” Hoseok beams. And Kihyun doesn’t see him but he _knows_ Hoseok is looking at him now. “ _Been’aking_ friends, have weeee?”

Kihyun slowly moves his hand to reach for the new bottle of soju, trying to avoid being noticed.

Changkyun raises his eyebrows. “Me? Make friends?” He scoffs again, looking to Hoseok’s right. “Many reasons that wouldn’t work, don’t you think. But no. Humans are just…” Changkyun bites his cheek. “Apparent.”

_“Hmph,”_ Hoseok pouts at the same time Kihyun finally grabs that bottle, “well, I’m yo’friend.” He stops and Kihyun braces himself for what’s coming. “So’s Ki!”

Changkyun’s quiet. He leans forward, with his arms on the table as he looks at it. “So that’s what we are,” Changkyun says, voice deeper than Kihyun’s heard before. “Friends.”

“Wha’ould we be instead if no’friends?” Hoseok asks.

“Now there’s a question,” Changkyun says, looking over at Kihyun again.

Kihyun fills his glass and picks it up, looking at a random someone behind Hoseok, and snorts. “‘Friends’ isn’t the word,” he mumbles before he drinks the shot glass all in one go.

“Maybe there isn’t a word for it,” Changkyun muses. “Haven’t found it yet.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lip twitches up just slightly as he stares at the bottom the glass, as if it has all the answers to the question he hasn’t thought of just yet. “We agree on something…” He mutters and it’s almost inaudible.

Changkyun scoffs again, grinning widely. “Oh, come on, it’s not like we ever _argued_.” He pushes at a bottle on the table. “How drunk are you, on a scale from none at all to ‘I didn’t mean to say that last thing out loud’?”

Kihyun leans down to snort again. “Yeah, _that_.” He places an elbow over the table and his temple with his hand. There’s a very unwanted feeling bubbling in a corner of his mind.

Changkyun looks at Hoseok, a small smile on his lips. “So. Why were you talking about me?”

Hoseok shrugs and speaks even after Kihyun sends him a pleading glare. “Ki likes’em weird.” He says and Kihyun lets his head fall back onto his hand.

Changkyun laughs. It breaks out of him like a dam wall breaking. It’s a loud, high pitched yelp of a giggle. A deep chuckle as it ebs.

Kihyun looks up at that, eyes wide and _finally_ on Changkyun. It’s easy to ignore the little tug this time. But it’s not easy to ignore how surprised he feels because… Changkyun just _laughed_.

_“It’sthrue..._ ” Hoseok mumbles sluggishly.

Changkyun looks back, smiling and it’s there, in his eyes, with a lot of other things Kihyun doesn’t care to name. “Not even sure what weird’s supposed to mean,” Changkyun says, chuckling softly. “What’s normal for a demon makes me weird, and what’s normal to a human…”

Kihyun is _still_ staring. Eyes wide. It feels… _He_ feels different, somehow, but Kihyun can’t pinpoint the where, the how and the why… _well_ , maybe the why is a tad obvious.

“Are you…” He starts before he notices he _is_ talking, out loud. He looks down. “How have you been…?” Kihyun can feel Hoseok’s eyes _and_ smirk. He ignores him. “Since… you know.”

Changkyun’s smile softens, along with his voice as he leans in just a bit. “I’ve been homeless, Ki.”

And Kihyun doesn’t know what to say. He feels his lip pout just slightly at the sudden guilt. So he says what seems like the only option. “Sorry…” And then he remembers ‘me too’.

“Don’t be,” Changkyun says, leaning back. “It was never mine to begin with. What kind of demon needs a home anyway?” He scoffs, and then closes his eyes in a soft sigh.

“Right…” Kihyun says looking down. “I guess you weren’t… hiding behind the plant…”

“Thirty three,” Changkyun laughs, shaking his head as he gets up, sliding out of the booth.

Kihyun frowns, glares even, at his own laces. He is really bad at dealing with _weird_. Really, really bad. That hasn’t changed but…

_But Changkyun can laugh, now_.

“You left your phone there,” Kihyun blurts out. He sighs at himself. “At… home.”

Changkyun stops, pausing next to the table. Hoseok tries to balance two bottles on top of each other with minimal success. “That…” Changkyun starts, scrunching his eyes closed. “Was for me to call you with...”

Kihyun feels his heartbeat pick up speed all of a sudden. He trains his eyes forward. “Doesn’t matter. I gave it to you. It’s yours.” He notices he’s been feeling quite sober for the past few seconds.

Changkyun leans onto the table, hands splayed and he looks down at it. And then he looks up at Kihyun, and there’s a look he doesn’t recognise on Changkyun. “I… I miss you, Kihyun. I can’t just… Worry. And wait.”

“Interesting,” Hoseok mumbles a lot more sober as well, eyeing the bottle. “This one look’slightly bigger than this’one.”

Kihyun swallows, staring at the bottles. His mind feels very quiet for some reason. It should be screaming right now. He knows it should. But it’s not.

“He misses ya, too, by the waysss,” Hoseok says, looking up when Kihyun glares. “What. If you don’have the balls to sa’it, I will.”

Changkyun looks down, but when Kihyun looks, he sees the way Changkyun’s cheeks puff in a smile. “I didn’t expect you would,” Changkyun says.

Kihyun frowns, annoyed. “And why the hell not?” He leans back, crosses his arms, and slides his glare to Changkyun.

“Because you said my name by _accident_.”

“And now,” Hoseok puckers his lips, “kiss ‘n’ make u-- _Ouch!_ ” He winces, “You just kicked me!”

“You deserve it.” Kihyun growls. “I’m leaving,” he announces right away, grabbing his jacket, his phone and his wallet and standing up. He smirks at Hoseok and tilts his head up, “Don’t forget to pay,” and bows, “thank you very much, ass.”

Hoseok holds up an empty bottle. “Yoo’re welcom’!” The bottle slips from his hand and lands on the table with a heavy thud. “Ah, shit, that’sth loud…”

Kihyun snorts, pulling his jacket by the collar over his left shoulder. “I’ll see you,” he tells Hoseok. “Don’t get lost on the way home. I’d hate to find you in a ditch.” When he turns around, however, Changkyun is right there, in the… way. And Kihyun doesn’t really know how to deal with how awkward that makes him feel.

It’s only been four days. Four very long days. But four days is not enough time to get past certain things.

“Uhm,” Kihyun starts, ignoring Hoseok’s backstabs.

Changkyun nods slowly, like he’s answering a question Kihyun didn’t ask. His lips pull into a line, and he steps out of the way.

Kihyun walks by, stuffing his wallet in his pocket and then stops at the door, looking over his shoulder. No more lies, right? So maybe he should stop lying to himself first. And maybe it's not too late to start again.

“Hey, weirdo.” He barks, almost. Changkyun looks up with wide, surprised eyes. “You left your phone--aish.” Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Do I need to tell you everything twice?”

Changkyun’s shoulders relax and a smile tugs at his lips. “Maybe just every now and then.”

“ _Well?”_ Kihyun stresses, eyes going between Changkyun and the door.

“Yes, sorry, I’m coming,” Changkyun chuckles, looking pink in the cheeks and glances over at Hoseok as he walks. “Take care, okay?” Hoseok gives him a big toothy thumbs up and slumps forward onto the table.

They’re greeted with a cold breeze once they step outside. Kihyun shivers and hurries to dress his jacket, almost bumping into a tree in the process. He stops just a few centimeters away and glares at the large oak as if it’s the source of all his problems.

“Not today, Satan,” he mutters.

“I’m sure he’ll reschedule the tree,” Changkyun ( _not Satan, but close)_ responds, helpfully, amusement thick in his voice.

Kihyun scoffs and softly kicks the tree. “Hear that? Reschedule.” He scrunches his nose a little before turning to walk away.

Changkyun follows, hands in the pockets of a long, black coat and looking up at the sky. Kihyun looks up, too and takes a deep breath. The air smells crisp and clean, despite the soju in his stomach.

Kihyun stumbles-- _since when was that step there, were they on the sidewalk or_ \--and Changkyun tugs at his jacket to get him back on the--yeah, it’s a sidewalk.

Ignoring the sudden pull that almost makes his eyes dart towards Changkyun, Kihyun makes a face as he watches the silhouette of the bridge ahead.

It feels… different, somehow. But not _that_ different, at the same time.

“You sound…” He tries, tilting his head while his brain flashes neurons to search for the correct word, “mature…” He raises an eyebrow at the distance and then side-glances. “It’s been four days and you sound like… hm.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow. It looks surprised, but cocky, somehow. “Well, you only knew me for two, three days. A lot can happen in a day.”

Kihyun snorts and licks his lips. “Tell me about it, ha…” He looks down. “Quick learner, was it?”

“Could be quicker, but yes,” Changkyun chuckles. “I’ve... done a lot. Learned a lot. And yet,” Changkyun smiles over at him. “If I actually learned from my mistakes, I wouldn’t be this close to you right now, would I.”

Kihyun stops walking, eyes on the ground. His eyebrows almost knit together. “You… don’t have to, you know.” He blinks and frowns harder. “You can just get the thing--the phone and…” He sighs. “I know I, uhm, I don’t know, actually, but I know I probably, in some weird way--or however it is you work--I hurt you. But… I can’t apologize for sending you away.” He looks at Changkyun. “I needed… perspective. And being near you wasn’t helping.”

Changkyun smiles with one side of his lips. “You took the words right out of my mouth,” he says. “I don’t mind that you sent me away. I trust you to call me if you need me, if you’re in danger. Because I do trust you, and you know that. And you were right,” Changkyun shrugs. “If _that_ was all I ever had… Well, like you said. Perspective.”

Shoulders slumping down a little, Kihyun lets a little smile out. “Yeah… I…” He looks away. “This is hard. Awkward.” He laughs.

“Is it?” Changkyun muses. It’s teasing, and he sways as he walks. “I hadn’t noticed…” He flashes a smile. “It’s fine, Kihyun. Seriously. I basically stormed into your life, and you wanted normal. Awkward is normal after all, right?”

_Thirty-four._ They’ve said the damn word ‘right’ thirty-four times and Kihyun remembers it, for some reason.

He looks down, thinking. Then up, thinking. He gives a step forward and wills himself to walk but he doesn’t try to catch up. He knows he doesn’t have to. “Yeah…” He sighs and shrugs. “Yadda yadda, would do it all again.” He jokes. “Minus almost dying, _twice_.”

Changkyun scoffs, holding up his hands to make air quotes. “‘ _I would like to avoid a repetition of last night’._ ”

“You…” Kihyun glares, but he’s smiling. He needs to quell the urge to kick Changkyun right there. “I told you. Sometimes people lie. I don’t think you know what I was talking about, though…”

“No, I knew,” Changkyun says, biting his tongue between his teeth as he grins. “You could have gone to bed, after all.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Oh, look. He flirts and teases now. _Great_ .” He shivers. “As if having Hoseok up my ass wasn’t--no… don’t take that in the literal sense, _please_.”

Changkyun snaps his fingers and points at him, still grinning. “Sarcasm. I get that now.”

“Yeah! It’s a thing. People use it a lot… Sarcasm.”

Changkyun smiles at the ground. “So. The perspective thing…” Changkyun glances at him and he looks almost shy. “How’s that going?”

_Not bad_ , Kihyun thinks. Mental breakdown aside, dealing with things is a lot easier when he tackles the problems head-on. It still feels surreal. And memories are foggy, foggy things in his mind. Especially after what happened last time. So, despite the growing nightmares, the cold sweats and the defensive flinches, being alone helped. Talking to Hoseok helped, too.

Numbness turned to color. That is a victory in Kihyun's book.

They cut a corner and Kihyun sees his building at the end of the street. And some part of him, a slightly delirious part, he’d say, really wishes that street would suddenly grow a whole five kilometers longer.

“It’s…” He starts, slowing his pace, “It helped. There’s a lot I don’t understand. About me, about you and… about what’s happening. But fretting about it won’t solve anything. So, I’ll take what I’ve got.” He sighs. “And right now I have… voices in my head, freaky nightmares, demons coming at me from god-knows-where, a whole history of weird to go by, myself, Hoseok and…” He looks up, “You.”

Changkyun walks slower, and Kihyun can see him run a hand through his hair, bite down on his lip. “I’m sorry. This was… unavoidable, but…” he shakes his head. “Anyway. I’ll take what I get, too,” he chews on his lip and looks over at him. “Nightmares, Kihyun? You really want me to worry, don’t you.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Kihyun scoffs, making the lie obvious. “You know,” he takes a dramatic tone, “give me a few more nights and I’ll be an expert in this whole falling into hell business.”

Changkyun takes a deep breath and Kihyun swears he hears a growl at the back of his throat. “That’s not something I want you to get used to, you know.”

“Don’t see why not. You’ve seen my house. And now apparently I have to see yours.” Kihyun shrugs, face going serious. “Don’t worry, really. Jokes aside, I’d rather fall every night than… well.” He sighs, stops walking and looks at Changkyun. “My point being: no more lying.”

Changkyun glances at him, eyebrow raised. “No lying at all?”

Kihyun looks down, thinks that one over, and looks up again. “Well, white-lies don’t hurt anyone… but… _Hey!_ I don’t wanna discuss philosophy right now. You know what I mean! Or… at least I hope you do…”

“I do,” Changkyun says, chuckling lowly. “Was asking for your benefit.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure thing.” And starts walking again.

The buildings are taller, one after the other, and Kihyun’s is just a few feet away. He starts moving his keys inside his pocket, nibbling on a bit of dry skin on his lip.

“We’re taking the stairs, by the way,” he announces, because that will take longer and he could use five more minutes. _A fucking seven floors climb_ , he can do that.

Changkyun scoffs. “Aren’t you drunk? Am I gonna have to carry you five floors?”

Kihyun points at him, almost, _almost_ shoving a finger in his face. “For your information, I have good--I _mean_ , _strong_ legs. And great stamina. And I didn’t--almost did, but didn’t hit my head today!” He makes a face and waves Changkyun away, “So no. _Thank you._ ”

Changkyun laughs. _Laughs_. Seriously, what the hell is that about. “You first, then. So I can keep an eye on those legs of yours.”

Kihyun gapes. _Seriously_ , even leans back to just _stare_. Then, after the full body shiver, he rolls his eyes and starts walking towards the stairs. “Aren’t you the gentleman…” He mumbles. “I was just trying to be nice. You hate those doors anyway.”

“I do,” Changkyun agrees easily. “I could warm up to them, though, if given the chance. If... given better memories.”

“Noted,” Kihyun says, already regretting his choice after the first block of stairs. At least that will pump enough adrenaline into his system to eat away the remaining effects of all that soju he drank.

It’s pain until the 4th floor. And gain after the 5th. Which is why he is getting rid of his shoes and then his jacket the moment he gets home.

“You’re breathing a bit heavy there, Ki.”

“Try doing this drunk. Would love to watch,” Kihyun bites back, not even looking and just throwing his jacket over the couch. He points at the small table in the living room. “Hoseok left it over there. Your phone.”

Changkyun hovers at the doorway. He tongues at his cheek where he’s leaning, hands in his pockets before he nods, walking in, directly to the couch. “Yeah, thanks,” he says and Kihyun barely hears it.

Kihyun walks to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. The sudden silence feels like a knife stabbing his back so he chugs that water down before he tries to fill it with something stupid.

“Kihyun?”

“Hm?” Kihyun looks around, and Changkyun’s standing by the couch, phone in his hand. He’s staring at the lockscreen; Kihyun can see himself smile up at from the screen.

“Did you stop?” Changkyun asks, and when he looks over, Kihyun… He can’t recognise the expression on Changkyun’s face. His brows are drawn and his eyes are oddly serious and he barely keeps them on Kihyun. Like he’s trying to keep him in the corner of his eye. Because when he looks, he frowns and looks away. Like… like it hurts to look.

Kihyun slowly places the glass down. “Stop…?” His chest feels a little tight.

“You said…” Changkyun turns off the screen, pocketing the phone and speaking to the floor, even as he turns to Kihyun, walks towards him slowly. “You said you started to like me.”

Mouth opening just slightly and then closing again, Kihyun looks down. He can feel his face go red. _Color_. Because that’s right, he might have blurted that out. And the truth is, despite the easy lie that helped him embrace the feeling, nothing’s really changed on that front.

“Does it matter?” He asks just in case.

Changkyun’s eyes dart up, narrowed. “To you, or to me?”

Kihyun keeps glancing up and down for a bit before looking away and shrugging one shoulder. “Does it matter?” He repeats.

“Does it matter,” Changkyun repeats. “Does it matter that I’ve looked in every shadow, in every stinking hole in this city for anything that could get to you, and stop it before it does? Does it _matter_ , that I can _feel_ your fear at night, and I _can’t do anything_ ?” Changkyun puts his hands on the table, gripping at the edges. “I don’t _care_ that you sent me away, Kihyun. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care at all.”

Despite the glare that formed on its own as Changkyun spoke, Kihyun is feeling everything right now but angry, or sad, or confused. Maybe a little stressed. Definitely a little happy. Mostly frustrated. But does it even matter? _Does it matter?_ Should it? It shouldn’t. Afterall, no matter how normal Kihyun still wishes things to be, this is everything _but_.

Fact remains, however. Nothing’s changed. There’s just a lot more _truth_ to things.

“Come here,” he says, walking closer himself.

Changkyun’s features crumble. His hands fall and he looks at Kihyun and finally, Kihyun recognises the expression. _Desperation_.

“No more lying?” Changkyun asks, and there’s a wavering in his voice that… that Kihyun wouldn’t have thought possible.

Kihyun stops just two feet away and looks Changkyun in the eye for a heartbeat, a skipping heartbeat, before looking down. It pulls. It always has. But now, Kihyun realizes, it’s not because it pulls. It’s because it _feels_.

“I didn’t stop.” He says, finally answering the question, eyes somewhere on Changkyun’s chest. He smiles a little. “It’s been four days, Changkyun. It’s not that easy to forget that _you’re not so bad to talk to.”_

Changkyun laughs softly, in a burst and from his chest like he can’t help it. “Time isn’t real. Four days shouldn’t feel like years.” And Changkyun takes a small step forward and suddenly two feet turns into almost nothing. “I didn’t lie. I never lie. I really did miss you.”

A ghost of a smile crosses Kihyun’s lips before he can force it down. He frowns, heartbeat loud in his ears, eyes everywhere but on Changkyun. “You really suck at this _demoning_ thing.”

“Are you _complaining_ ? I could always go _back_ to hunting lesser demons in the street. Give you a baseball bat and hope for the best.”

Kihyun snorts and turns his face away just slightly to lick his lips. “Yeah, you’re not really helping your case right now.” He side-glances at Changkyun’s face. “Calling me useless with so many words.”

Changkyun chuckles softly. “If you were _useless_ , I’d have given you a gun. A baseball bat requires some effort, you know.”

Kihyun is _very_ aware of how close they are right now, so he keeps his eyes focused somewhere over Changkyun’s shoulder. It’s different from before. Slightly different. Now there’s an urge to… _something_. And Kihyun is barely managing to keep his own body from moving like it wants to.

He swallows thick. “Are you…” He bites his upper lip for a second. “Leaving?”

“Not… really my choice to make,” Changkyun says. Soft. Right there. “But I don’t want to miss you again.”

Kihyun snorts, the motion almost making them touch. “That sounds a lot like you…” He notices his own hand climbing slowly, ghostly trailing up Changkyun’s arm but never touching. He stops, suddenly aware that he is probably three different shades of red right now. “Weird and clumsy…” He mumbles. “But very you.”

Changkyun takes a breath, hands twitching by his side. “And that’s… okay?”

“You heard Hoseok…” Kihyun smiles, eyes very still on something (he doesn’t even know what, he’s not really looking) over Changkyun’s shoulder. “I like them weird.”

Changkyun laughs, soft and warm and Kihyun can _feel_ it. “I… Well, I don’t know as much as I should, about everything, about you, even. I don’t know what I _feel_ half the time and I don’t know how to deal with… well, most of it, but there’s things I know and they come from experience, from learning, from… perspective. And you’re one of the few things I _know_. I know that hollow feeling in my chest is because you’re not there. I know that home isn’t a place, it’s you.”

Kihyun feels his breath hitch a little. “Fuckin’ sappy,” he mumbles, head finally tipping forward, forehead almost landing on Changkyun’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t let you spend time with Hoseok… he’s rubbing off on you…” Kihyun is only barely aware of his fingers ghosting around Changkyun’s wrist. His own heartbeat so loud he can barely hear himself.

Changkyun lets out a breath and Kihyun can feel him leaning closer, a hand hesitant at the small of Kihyun’s back. “What I… What I _mean_ is…” Changkyun huffs. “What I’m _trying to say_ is…”

“Changkyun…”

“Can I touch you?”

Kihyun flinches. “Y--Yeah…”

And he can feel it, that desperate look he’d seen on Changkyun before. He can feel it in the way Changkyun pulls him close, like that first time in a brightly lit living room, but somehow feels like Kihyun’s bedroom, too dark, too damn lonely until a name brought him a semblance of solace.

Changkyun pulls him close and hugs him tightly. But constrained. His hand balls into a fist at the small of his back, the other weaving into his hair. Like last time. Like the first time. And suddenly Kihyun doesn’t need to be strong for someone else’s sake. Suddenly, it’s just… this.

“Thank you.”

Slowly, Kihyun melts a little right there. “Whatever for…?”

“I was starting to forget what solid ground felt like…”

Kihyun snorts. “Been out for a swim?”

Changkyun laughs and Kihyun feels it against his chest. “If that’s how you wanna put it…”

“I’m…” Kihyun turns his head slightly, forehead pressing against Changkyun’s neck. “Going on a hunch here… but you mean that. When you laugh. You mean it. I’d… never seen you laugh before. Or heard...”

“No more lying, remember?” Changkyun breathes. “Yeah, yeah, I mean it. I like it. It’s warm.” Changkyun squeezes, just a little.

“You know what’s funny…” Kihyun starts, his heartbeat pacing down, “I’ve been knocked against a tree, hit my head _hard_ , almost got my ribs broken--there was a really creepy bruise on my chest, by the way, but it was gone the next morning--and you still touch me like I’m made of glass.” He sighs. “We both know I’m not. I don’t know if I told you but… I never get sick, like, nope, never. And my wounds heal really fast too... “ He pauses, shifting a little, and remembers the cut on his palm, the one that healed in ten seconds. “I’ve been wondering if that is why… if that’s got something to do with this being-pure business.” He breathes out harsh, stopping when he remembers what--or against whom he’s breathing on. “Anyway, what I mean is… I won’t break…”

“You _have_ seen me break a table with one hand, right?” Changkyun asks, leaning back just a little to look Kihyun in the eye, face unreadable.

Kihyun squints. “Thirty-five,” he mutters, looking away. “And yes. But I don’t expect you to…” He slowly looks at Changkyun again. “You wanna…” He frowns. “You don’t want me to end up like the table, I hope…”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, mouth quirking up in a grin. He moves his hands, smoothing them slowly down to Kihyun’s waist, touch firm. “Not particularly, no,” he says, voice low. And, as if that wasn’t enough to make Kihyun feel like he’s just been fucked over with a look, Changkyun picks him up, spins him around and puts him on his kitchen table.

“Wha…” Kihyun manages, wide eyed.

“You said you wouldn’t break,” Changkyun grins up at him. Right at him. And Kihyun notices now, under the light, a tint of brown where everything used to be black. Changkyun’s eyes are lighter than Kihyun remembers them.

“And…” Kihyun starts, needing to force the words out. “I also told you you shouldn’t do… _that_.”

“ _That_?” Changkyun teases, grinning, eyes flicking over his face, seemingly lingering everywhere, hands steady on his waist.

“Yeah, _that_.” Kihyun says a little annoyed (but not really). “Act all damn perfect and shit. Damn it, you’re making me use expletives!” He looks away. And then at Changkyun. “Demon.” He says. “Don’t make me like you more, for fuck’s sake.”

“Mm, liking me more doesn’t _seem_ like a bad thing from where I’m standing,” Changkyun says, as he stands in Kihyun’s kitchen, between his legs. “And besides,” Changkyun breathes, as one hand moves up, gently, up Kihyun’s chest and to his neck, fingers light, barely touching, giving Kihyun goosebumps. “I’m not what perfect looks like...”

Kihyun frowns and stays very, very still. He looks at Changkyun once, feels that _something_ again, that urge to.. to… He looks away. “Sure…” He mumbles. Head raging with a storm of emotions. _Whiplash_.

He thinks about it. Like seriously thinks about it, in the available seconds, in the available silence. In less than a second there are ten possibilities. And one second later, twenty more. Which he reduces to three in the next heartbeat.

‘Go’, ‘stay’, or say nothing. The easiest choice is to say nothing. But he scratches that one out, too. Which leaves… the lie and the truth.

And right now the truth is…

“Stay.”

With that, Changkyun moves his hand up, cupping Kihyun’s cheek. _Made of glass_. He smiles, wide, cheeks dimpling and eyes going into crescents. “It’s your turn to do the dishes.”

“Domestic,” Kihyun mumbles, slowly pushing Changkyun away and jumping off the table. Kihyun looks at him once and steps away. “Can’t believe I just agreed to this…” He mumbles. “My life has officially become one of those fan fics Hoseok reads all the time.”

Changkyun shrugs, looking down from where he’s standing by the table, ears… pink. “Well, I mean, you don’t _have_ to do the dishes if you ask me nicely.”

Kihyun takes his phone out of his pocket, looking between the sink and the screen as he quickly types something for Hoseok. “I’ll do it. It’s just like one pot and one single plate.” He glances over his shoulder, and Changkyun looks like a kid waiting by the walls around the dancefloor at prom. “Sad, right?” He says before he turns to frown at his phone again.

You’re going to hell but guess who’s joining you  
I can’t believe the biggest sexual tension of my life just happened with this idiot  
Help me I don’t get my life  


He shoves his phone back in his pocket and stops to stare at the pot he’d used this morning to cook lunch. _“Pissin’great.”_

Changkyun pauses, half-way reaching to the pot, suddenly _right fucking there_. “Uhm. Okay?”

Kihyun almost darts to the ceiling. “Jesus!” He startles. “Why are you here? I said I’d do it.”

Changkyun puts his hands up and walks out of the kitchen. “I will _never_ understand humans.”

“Don’t worry,” Kihyun mumbles, “It’s mutual.”

“You know,” Changkyun says, “I didn’t mean immediately.”

Kihyun is already mid angrily scrubbing the pot, somewhat lost in thought, when he remembers to look over his shoulder. “What?”

“The dishes,” Changkyun smiles, head tilting and looking at Kihyun through his bangs. “I was just…” He gestures vaguely. “Trying to…Break the tension.”

Kihyun stops. Glares. “And I am being…” He glares at the ceiling for a moment and then at Changkyun again. “Trying to be… a responsible human right now.” He says before turning back to scrub. _Fucking sinful._

“Huh,” Changkyun huffs, and walks over, leaning against the counter and watching Kihyun, eyes looking him up and down.

“What.” Kihyun says, not really looking.

“Will you still almost kill me with a plate if I call you sexy?”

Kihyun stops again. “Changkyun… there’s a whole pot in my hands right now…” He glares over his shoulder. “Your head fits in here.”

Changkyun grins, tongues at his top lip. “I won’t break.”

“There is… a limit… to the teasing I can take before I snap your head, really.” _Or mine_.

Changkyun laughs, standing there with his arms crossed. He tilts his head. “Is that you teasing me or is that not how this works?”

Kihyun rinses the pot and puts it to dry. “This _what_ , exactly?” He picks the plate and starts scrubbing again.

Changkyun, the absolute shit, leans in, and says, voice deep in a whisper like someone might hear, “ _This_.”

Kihyun drops the plate and it splashes. He doesn’t even move when his shirt gets wet. He is pretty much petrified where he stands. “I’m… not sure you know what _this_ means…” He mutters, still not moving.

“Tell me, then,” Changkyun says. “I’m a quick learner.”

“I’m… not sure that’s a good idea…”

Changkyun leans back, laughing a little, says, “I know what it is, Kihyun,” and pushes away from the counter.

Kihyun lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. And looks over his shoulder, trying to sound more composed than he feels. “Then… why are you…?” _Nope,_ fuck composure. Especially when his stomach suddenly feels tight, like it’s knotting on itself.

Changkyun shrugs, smiling down at his phone as he falls down onto the couch. “Cute.”

“ _Demon_.”

“ _Demoning_ enough for ya?” Changkyun laughs softly, flicking through his phone.

“Too much.” _Definitely, too-fucking much_.

“Sorry,” Changkyun says and Kihyun supposes it sounds mildly sincere. “You shouldn’t have let me out into the big wide world,” Changkyun sing-songs.

Kihyun puts the plate to dry. “I am starting to regret that, yes…” He isn’t. But kinda is. Thoughts are difficult. After four days of nothing, having _everything_ again feels overwhelming. And it's so easy… it's so easy to forget. Kihyun can feel it right there, the lie, the choice to lie, the choice to forget. Because who wouldn't want _this_ over nothing? Who wouldn't want _color_ to be _everything_?

But… _No lies._ No more lying.

He dries his hands and sighs, massaging his forehead. “I think I’m… going to sleep. If you don’t mind.” He gestures. “Sleeping has been complicated and I’m tired and _you_ … you tire me.”

Changkyun winces, putting the phone down and looking over. “My bad,” Changkyun mumbles. “Do you want…” Changkyun sighs, getting up and fidgeting with the phone in his hand. “Wow, you weren’t kidding about the awkward thing, huh.”

Kihyun blinks, eyelids heavy. “You think?” He turns towards the bedroom and pulls his shirt over his head. “Do whatever, really. Just…” He stops to look at the wet stain. “No funny business.”

“Uh,” he hears Changkyun say. “I, I wouldn’t…”

“What now,” Kihyun asks, looking over his shoulder. He turns to the wardrobe then and fetches a clean shirt. “Where did the cocky-smartass go?”

“Sorry, I just…” Changkyun looks at him. Looks back at him. “You’re beautiful.”

Kihyun stops mid pulling the shirt over his head, then just popping his head through the collar, hair messy, and looking at Changkyun. “What?” He heard that. He really did. He’d rather pretend he didn’t.

Changkyun smiles softly and looks away, cheeks pink. “You’re beautiful. Felt like a lie to think it and not to say it.”

Heart dropping just slightly, Kihyun finishes getting dressed and looks down. He searches his mind for something to say and the only thing he comes up with is, “Thank you…”

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, voice higher than Kihyun’s heard before. “I, uhm, I’ll… Be right outside.”

Kihyun watches Changkyun close the door and lets out a long breath when it clicks. “Sure…” He tells the sudden darkness, reaching with his hand to flick the light switch.

He fetches a pair of shorts to pull over after throwing his jeans across the room and smirking just slightly when they land on the chair. And then rushes to the bathroom, not even looking at Changkyun when he passes by, and rushes back in the bedroom ten minutes later.

Hitting the mattress feels like a blessing. Kihyun lies there like a starfish for a few minutes, feeling his whole body relax, before he crawls under the bed covers.

Blessing or not, however, he knows how it’s going to end.

No matter how tired he feels, he wakes up every ninety minutes, breathing like he’s been running non stop, fear under his skin. Every ninety minutes. Sounds rather specific. But he’s been counting.

And it’s a strange feeling, the fear of knowing how it ends, but having no power over himself to stop his eyes from closing, to stop the conscious part of his brain from shutting down.

And so, he falls asleep.

And again, the dream is the same.

He falls in the darkness. Sometimes, it’s a very long fall. Sometimes, it’s a scream-gaped mouth. But every time it feels like falling into hell.

And every time, before he shoots up, sitting up, breathing heavily, he feels them: scorching hot, hot and heavy… _wings_.

Kihyun stares at his own hands, taking a glimpse at the bedside clock. Ninety minutes. Every single time. Ninety minutes.

He takes a deep breath and lets himself slump back, eyes on the ceiling. “I think I need a therapist, or a priest, ora preacher _,”_ He mumbles, turning on his side. Maybe he should call his father. But the thought dies as Kihyun's mind drifts off.

_And again_ , it feels like falling. Except this time he’s barely closed his eyes. So he startles awake again with a little gasp.

“Kihyun…” he hears, and for a second he thinks he’s still dreaming.

Kihyun uses his elbow to prop himself up and looks over his shoulder. “When… when did you get in here?” He asks, blinking and then looking at the _closed_ door.

“Just now,” Changkyun says. He talks like if he speaks too loudly, the walls themselves would wake up. “I… couldn’t stand it anymore.”

“What.” Kihyun sighs, smiling a little. “Bad Netflix show?”

“Horrible, really,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun feels a hand at the duvet, just a soft movement.

Kihyun turns to face Changkyun and leans his head back on the pillow. “Sorry to hear that…”

“That’s okay, it can’t all be Stranger Things,” he says, sitting down slowly, reaching out. “Can I?”

“Yeah…”

Changkyun lies down on his side, as well, facing him and gently running his fingers through Kihyun’s hair, frowning, concerned. “How bad is it?”

“There’s…” Kihyun leans a little closer. “Just… the fall and… I don’t know. I think I’m used to that by now but… then there’s…” He blinks and looks at Changkyun, “Wings… burning. Really, really, hot. But they’re… not mine. At least… I don’t think they are.”

Changkyun frowns, trailing his fingers down the hair behind Kihyun’s ear to his neck. He looks at his hand and back at Kihyun, but looks away. “I wish I could help, tell you what it meant... Or just take them away.”

Kihyun feels his eyelids heavy but he keeps his eyes open and on Changkyun’s face. “I’m sure it’s something… but, just like everything else so far, we won’t know until it’s here.” He smiles a little. “I didn’t tell you before because I hadn’t thought much of it until a few days ago but… The night before Halloween? I woke up at, like, 4am, starving… so I got up, ate something and fell asleep on the couch. And…” He looks away for a second. “I dreamt there was a, uhm, thorny line... Doesn’t make much sense, I know but… when I think about it, it looked like what I feel when I look at you.” He looks back at Changkyun. “So, in a way, I guess I dreamed of you, or whatever…”

“Thorny,” Changkyun mumbles, frowning and his hand stills. And moves closer, letting his thumb gently brush along Kihyun’s cheek. “Remember when I told you that we’re connected?” Kihyun nods faintly beneath Changkyun’s touch. “I read about a red string of fate. It’s a popular belief, apparently. A red string between two people. I think… I think we have one of those. Except, maybe, it’s not thread, it’s thorns.” He frowns deeper, hand still as he cups Kihyun’s cheek. Like glass. “Wrapped around our hearts and souls.”

Kihyun blinks, heavily. He smiles a little, leaning forward, his forehead on Changkyun’s. “Soulmates, huh?” He closes his eyes and laughs in his throat. “I’ll let you get away with that one for now.”

“Tell me when I don’t anymore,” Changkyun breathes, moving his hand to the back of Kihyun’s neck, fingers in his hair. “You can control the voices, stop them. They’re only dreams, Kihyun. It’s okay. Because even if they’re not, I’m here…”

Kihyun frowns, eyes still closed, and slides an arm over Changkyun. “Yeah, I know…” And that’s the last he remembers before falling asleep and _not_ waking up ninety minutes later.


	7. A Million Times Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hoseok… would you… would you still have loved him even if you knew what would happen?”
> 
> “A million times over,” Hoseok says, and he sounds so… vulnerable. Like the wound just won’t ever heal. “If I could.”

It’s just one, slight touch. But it’s enough to spark something in Kihyun’s body that startles him awake. And after the initial shock, that doesn’t last enough to send his brain into overdrive, the warmth actually feels welcome, familiar, grounding.

Kihyun blinks, his face just a few inches away from Changkyun’s, their feet still touching after Kihyun’s light morning kick. He stares for a while, waiting. But Changkyun doesn’t even budge. At most, his eyebrows twitch a little. And Kihyun is beyond bemused because… _the little shit is sleeping!_

Demons don’t fall asleep, right? Changkyun’s said that a couple of times. So… unless he's meditating, making contact with hell through… well, thoughts, whatever demons do… This...

This is new.

And Kihyun is immediately, incredibly curious.

Changkyun breathes slowly, lips slightly parted. Kihyun notices how they tip slightly upwards at the corners, in a way that explains the constant puppy face--and also that fucking ridiculous smile that makes Kihyun want to throw his beating heart out the nearest window.

Kihyun moves his foot away, slowly, the rustling of the sheets sounds almost deafening. But Changkyun still doesn’t move.

Slowly, Kihyun sinks further down, bringing the covers up to his nose, eyes out to stare. He moves his hand a little under the covers and grabs Changkyun’s pinky. Changkyun’s lips curve upward, sofly, barely noticable if Kihyun wasn’t looking.

He lets go, hand coming up to pull the covers over Changkyun’s shoulder, trying not to wake him. Kihyun stills, though, when he looks up again and spots the round dot on Changkyun’s neck.

So… demons have moles, too. _Interesting_.

Kihyun moves his hand back, legs curling up a little, eyes still just peeking over the covers to stare. It’s the first time he’s been able to _look_ without feeling like he needs to look away the next second. It’s the first time he’s been able to _see him_. And… well. Considering the demons Kihyun has had the displeasure of meeting, this one certainly sets himself apart...

Changkyun shifts in his sleep, moving closer, nuzzling himself into the covers and closer to Kihyun and Kihyun needs to lean his head back just slightly so his vision doesn’t go out of focus. So he brings his nose up from under the covers just to take a fresh breath and then dives back in. He knows he needs to get up, he needs to go to work. But he’s afraid of turning around just to check the bedside clock, much less _leave_ the bed.

One thing is for certain, though; he slept the whole night. Again, probably thanks to Changkyun. If the guy wakes up and tells Kihyun he can also cure cancer, Kihyun might actually believe him the first time.

There’s a few more minutes, of soft light through the windows and trying to ignore the fact that he was letting the minutes pass, unchecked, before Changkyun frowns, softly, shifting with a little groan and eyes scrunching. He blinks his eyes open, clearly sleepy, clearly a little confused, and finds Kihyun’s with adorable confusion.

And Kihyun blinks a little, eyes thinning to match the smile he’s hiding under the covers.

“Wha…” Changkyun starts, blinking with heavy eyelids, voice even deeper with sleep.

“Sleep well?” Kihyun mumbles and he can’t help the amusement in his voice, noticeable even if a little hoarse from disuse and muffled.

“I was sleeping...?” Changkyun asks, trying to lift his head, his body, and just falling right back into the pillows with a soft groan, eyes closing again.

“Like a baby,” Kihyun replies. He brings the covers around himself closer, tighter. “Thought demons don’t sleep but…”

“You think _you’re_ surprised,” Changkyun grumbles, half into the pillow.

“It was, and don’t quote me on this, _cute_.”

Changkyun opens his eyes to peek at him, with, if Kihyun’s eyes weren’t playing a mean trick on him and his heart, pink cheeks. “So, I didn’t, like,” Changkyun wiggles a bit ( _embarrassment_?). “Sleep wrong, or something..?” He scrunches his eyes and groans into the pillow again. “Ignore me.”

Kihyun snorts. “Hoseok sleeps with his mouth wide open. I quite literally got my drool all over your-- _my_ sweater… and you’re asking me if you slept wrong…” It’s not a question. Probably because he is too busy trying to sound serious.

“Well, I don’t know!” Changkyun defends, voice breaking a little at the pitch.

“How do you… feel, though?”

“Warm,” he mumbles, pulling the covers closer and pulling his knees up. He peeks at Kihyun, hair messy from where he’d nuzzles his head into the pillow. “Don’t wanna move. It’s weird, but it’s… nice,” he smiles then, soft, eyes still sleepy, a pillow crease light on his cheek.

“Yeah,” Kihyun huffs, “that’s what waking up feels like after a good night’s sleep. And yeah, _definitely_ cute.”

Changkyun smiles a little wider, eyes flitting over his face. “I thought we weren’t supposed to call each other cute?”

“Well, _you’re_ not. But I can.”

“Mm, but I wanna,” Changkyun wiggles in the covers again. “I really, really wanna.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Can’t be both beautiful _and_ cute. Too much pressure.”

“No wonder you’re so tense all the time.”

Kihyun hits Changkyun with his knee. “That’s because I gotta deal with little shits like you.”

Changkyun pouts and it looks incredibly on purpose. “I wake up for the first time in my life, get called cute and I’m not even allowed to quote it and then you _hurt me_?” He pouts harder.

“Problem?” Kihyun asks, finally bringing the rest of his head over the covers to nod at Changkyun rather defiantly.

Changkyun retracts his pout, biting down on his lip instead with a sly smile. “None at all. _Cutie_.”

“I’m…” Kihyun says, eyes narrowing, a fist tightening around his pillow before he slides it from under his head and slams it against Changkyun’s face. “Going to suffocate you with this pillow!”

Changkyun laughs, making a grab for the pillow unsuccessfully. He tugs at the covers, and Kihyun feels himself being tugged closer with them. “I’m not sure who’s underestimating who here.”

“Obviously I’m going to lose but at least I can say I fought bravely,” Kihyun grumbles, shoving the pillow further against Changkyun’s face. “Gonna die a hero. Watch me.”

Changkyun, somehow, despite Kihyun’s valiant efforts, manages to snatch Kihyun’s weapon, his shield, his _goddamn pillow_. Kihyun barely has time to throw his arm between them when his face falls so close their noses touch.

Kihyun breathes in, quick, mouth snapping closed, eyes going wide. If he wasn’t awake before, he is _very_ awake right now. And the way Changkyun swallows, eyes flitting across Kihyun’s face, just makes his heart beat even louder.

Kihyun freezes for a second before his brain rewires and he manages to lean away, sitting up in the process and taking a look at the bedside clock. The day has just started and his heart is already deafening in his ears.

“Do we have to get up,” Changkyun pouts again, in a little ball under the covers as he looks up at him, ears a little pink.

Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches slightly. “I do. You don’t.” He sighs. “I need to go to work in a few…”

Changkyun sits up, with, Kihyun notes, an impressive amount (also his first case) of bedhead. “I’m not really in the _mood_ to hunt mazikeen, but I suppose it could pass the time.” He blinks, looking around Kihyun’s bedroom like he’s seeing it for the first time. “Mazikeen? Mazeki?” he mumbles to himself.

Kihyun sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Whatever that means, sure…” He grabs the covers and flings them high enough to throw them over Changkyun’s head before sliding to sit at the edge of the bed.

“I feel like that was just a little unnecessary,” Changkyun deadpans from under the covers.

“Quite the opposite,” Kihyun informs him, getting up. “I was tired of looking at your face.”

“Too cute?” Changkyun asks, trying to find his way out of the covers and managing to peek his head out.

Kihyun throws and arm up, his other hand coming to grab at his elbow as he stretches. “Yeah, yeah. _Something_.” He scrunches the face and makes a little sound before letting his arms slump back down. He blinks, then looks out the window and then over his shoulder at Changkyun.

“What?” Kihyun asks, noticing the wandering eyes.

“You keep making me wanna touch you,” Changkyun breathes, looking at Kihyun for a moment longer, eyes wandering a bit before he looks away, to his own hands tangled in the sheets.

Kihyun frowns first and then snorts, looking away. He scratches his navel under his shirt. “You can, though.” He mumbles, eyes still somewhere out the window. “If you want to. As long as it’s nothing that will make me wanna kick your groin.” He adds with a bit of a warning.

It doesn’t have to be complicated, right? It doesn’t. But...

Kihyun hears the sheets ruffling behind him, feels a soft tug on the end of his shirt. When Changkyun speaks, he feels it on the back of his neck. “That simple, huh?”

Kihyun shivers, hand almost instantly slapping where he’d felt Changkyun’s breath on him. “Jesus,” he gasps before turning around slightly, eyeing Changkyun up and down. “I haven’t even had coffee…” He pouts a little, looking away then. “But… yeah. You don’t… if there’s something I don’t want you to do or something that I don’t like or, whatever, I’ll tell you. I know you still have to ask, anyway. But…” He shrugs one shoulder.

Changkyun’s so close and Kihyun can feel his eyes everywhere. Changkyun’s hand hovers there, the end of Kihyun’s shirt pinched between his fingers and he lifts it just a little before tugging it down. “Why do I feel like I’m losing my mind,” Changkyun laughs softly.

Kihyun needs to fight the urge to move his body the way it wants to, but like really, really, really _fight._ He looks at Changkyun, mouth open to say something, and then realizes he doesn’t know what to say. He sure as hell _knows_ what he wants to do. But it’s not even nine am and, considering the circumstances, everything he _wants_ to do right now seems highly inappropriate. What are thoughts, though? Kihyun’s a little lost in his own.

He raises his hand and curls his fingers around Changkyun’s wrist, lightly touching. “I was going to ask you the same question…” _… last night_.

Changkyun breathes out as Kihyun touches him, the fingers tugging at the end of Kihyun’s shirt smoothing out over his skin ( _like glass)_ , half over and half under the material, before it’s more under than over, thumbing there, and Kihyun can feel the goosebumps climbing up his arms.

“Maybe crazy and weird go well together...” Changkyun breathes and Kihyun’s breath hitches and his eyes go wide, gaze flicking over to Changkyun’s face.

“You’re…” Kihyun blinks to keep his conscience right there with him, but is barely aware he’s leaning into the touch. His heartbeat skips for half a second before it picks up and he forgets about what he wants to say. _You’re doing it again_ , his subconscious screams at him. But Kihyun just uses his mouth to breathe.

It feels like the entire planet’s gravity is focused just on that place where Changkyun’s touching him, hand smoothing down to the small of Kihyun’s back, the other brushing by Kihyun’s cheek, thumb dangerously close to his bottom lip. “Don’t go to work,” Changkyun speaks and it feels like a touch. “I wanna show you something.”

Frustrated is an understatement. Kihyun’s eyebrows almost knit together and he needs to swallow the thick feeling bubbling in his throat before he speaks. “I’m the one who’s losing my mind right now…” He huffs out, leaning a little more into Changkyun’s hand on his face. “What... do you wanna show me?” He asks to keep in brain on track.

Kihyun feels Changkyun’s hand tense at the small of his back, feels his nails scratch there, just a little. And Kihyun feels it, Changkyun’s thumb brushing, barely there, over his lip, before he steps away, letting Kihyun’s shirt fall over, _shit_ , over exposed skin.

Changkyun pulls at his own bottom lip (and Kihyun follows the movement, as Changkyun’s hand leaves his face and turns to his own) and the little shit _grins_. “As much as it pains me to say it, get dressed first.”

Kihyun blinks. His face feels hot and his heart is so loud Kihyun is sure the entire neighborhood can hear it. He gestures vaguely at the bedroom door. “C--Can I… get my coffee first?”

Changkyun laughs and turns heel. “Sure. I’m gonna go get my clothes,” he says, looking over his shoulder. “Mind if I take a shower?”

Kihyun’s brain takes flight. His eyes look everywhere in the room to search for his phone. He needs, really, really needs to call Hoseok right now. Otherwise, he is definitely going to need to schedule _that_ session with a therapist.

 _Shitty, sinful, sexy demon_.

“Y--Yeah,” Kihyun nods, not really paying attention. “Go ahead.”

“Pack your camera,” Changkyun says. Kihyun blinks and Changkyun is gone.

Kihyun practically catapults himself all the the way to the door. He sees his phone above the table and makes a run for it, pressing the switch on the kettle along the way.

He ignores Hoseok’s stupid reply to last night’s little freakout and slides his thumb right over the screen.

“Pick up, pick up, pick u--”

“Hrnmpf,” he thinks is the sound he hears over the phone. That’s a hungover best friend for you.

Kihyun stares at the balcony through the window in the living room and starts walking there, ignoring the click the kettle makes once it reaches boiling point. “I’m… I’m dying, Hoseok…”

There’s a sound like movement on the other end of the phone and a groan. “Don’t _joke_ about death when you’ve almost died twice, dude, how am I supposed to tell when to care.”

Kihyun slides the window open and steps outside. “I’m… fucked.”

A pause. “What, actually? Nice.”

“No!” He leans over the rail, his mind a mess of thoughts. “You don’t get it! I…” He swallows. “I really _wanted_ to… but…” He breathes. “He is not making this easy for me and I can’t tell if he knows the effect it has on me. I am outside Hoseok! It’s cold! And I am outside! In shorts and a fucking t-shirt!”

“Wait, shit, this is like--” more movement and a thud. “Ow. Look, _listen_ , you _wanted to_? Wait, dude, what effect, you gotta like--” Movement. “Spill. Tea. Etc.”

“It’s… are you okay in there?” Kihyun asks, frowning.

“I’m fine! I’m great! I fell off the bed! I wanna hear about your sexual frustration!”

Kihyun’s hand grits around the phone. “I fucking hate you! You’re lucky I have no one else to talk to… and I really need to talk… I… _shit_ . I wanted to… _kiss_ him…”

A low whistle. “Damn. Why didn’t you?”

“Would you?”

“What, kiss Changkyun?”

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “If he kept fumbling under your shirt? Teasingly!? And then just… fucking… walks away! I hate everyone on this fucking planet right now!” He growls.

“Not _Changkyun_ , I’m sure, but that does sound…” Another low whistle. “You’re a strong man, Yoo Kihyun.”

“Wait…” Kihyun stills. “Stop saying his name! He might show up there!”

“Then he can give me a glass of water and a breakfast burrito or some shit,” Hoseok grumbles. More movement. “I don’t see him. But fair point. Now _go on_ , would you.”

Kihyun sighs. “I wanna throw this phone across the street and hit the old lady I am looking at right now. She’s in the kitchen. I think… that’s a kitchen… otherwise she’s just butchering someone or something in the bathroom-- _anyway!_ ” Kihyun lowers his voice. “I _really_ am dying… he touches me like he wants to but does he?” He frets. “I have bigger things to worry about right now, like, like, like my life!”

“Sounds like you could use some stress relief, to be honest.”

“You are _not_ being helpful.”

“I’m just saying! What’s the worst that can happen?”

Kihyun looks down at the street and feels the vertigo. “I don’t wanna… get hurt. It’s already enough having demons throwing me around like a football. And I care, I actually _do_ care so… _Ugh_ , why are you making me say these things…” He sighs. “You know he’s not…”

“You know,” Hoseok says. “That I wouldn’t care. If it was me, if it was… If I could have him back, I wouldn’t care.”

Kihyun sighs. “I… I don’t know what that’s like, you know? And this… this is not the same thing. This is just… frustrating the shit out of me and testing my patience…”

“You really like him, huh?” Hoseok asks, with a knowing sigh and Kihyun frowns. ‘Really like’ wouldn’t be his choice of words but... “Shit. Look, I know it’s not the same thing but… Hah, I’m not sure what advice to give you, really. Romanticism meets pragmatics.”

Kihyun throws his arm over the railing, watching his fingers as he moves them through the cold breeze. “Yeah, well… honestly, I just…” He looks up at the sky. “My life is so fucking weird… let’s go on vacation… I need it. You need it.”

“And get killed by a foreign demon? I’m okay, actually.”

“Not even if they speak French?”

“ _Especially_ if it’s French.”

Kihyun laughs a little and looks down again. It shouldn’t be complicated, he shouldn’t have to _think_ much less _worry_ about something like this. And beyond just the rugs of tugged feelings that formed with a rather interesting first impression, grew with a lie and now spill with the truth, there’s a ton, _a ton_ of things Kihyun knows should take precedence. And yet, here he is, freaking out. It would be a lot easier if Changkyun didn’t look like he _wants to_ … too.

“Hoseok…” Kihyun mumbles, bringing one foot up to warm up against his leg.

“Mm?”

“If it gets bad… you won’t mind if I… stay over there for a while, right?”

“I mean, yeah, of course not, but that’s not… you know it’s…” Hoseok groans. “How do I say this... Seriously, tell me how to say this without you threatening to kill me... again.”

“Just go. Say it. I know I don’t wanna hear it but… Go on.”

“He… he went away because you asked him, too. And now you wanna go away. He literally can’t touch you without your consent, right?”

Kihyun looks up and then down, rolling his lower lip between his teeth. He frowns, thinking and… _and_. “Just because he can’t touch me, doesn’t mean I don’t want him to…”

Hoseok pauses and then sighs, barely audible. “Then let him. He can only get to the doorway, Kihyun. The rest is up to you anyway. No matter where you go, or send him.”

“It should be his choice… to go… or stay,” Kihyun says. “It should always be his choice, not mine. And that’s why… I don’t know, Hoseok. I just… really don’t want to get hurt. _Emotionally_. I am past trying to ignore the fact that my paper cuts heal in less than five seconds.” He sighs. “It’s already a lot to deal with… this whole… demon business and… I don’t know if I can take much more than what’s already weighting on my mind. I’m… really trying my best to keep it together and...”

“Yeah…” Hoseok breathes on the other end of the phone. “Yeah, I know, Ki. I just… feelings are weird, and complicated, and whatever you’re feeling is only going to weigh more and more because you’re carrying them alone. I just don’t want you to deny yourself something--and I’m not just talking about sex okay, give me some credit. I might not get the demon business and the freaky immune system you walk around with, but I get what looking at someone and… That feeling like it’s almost too much to handle? I know what that feels like.”

Kihyun tongues the corner of his lips. “Hm,” he hums. “Yeah… I know. I know you do… Thanks…” He pauses, licks his lips and lets out a breath. He needs to ask. He knows he shouldn't’. But he needs to ask. “Hoseok… would you… would you still have loved him even if you knew what would happen?”

“A million times over,” Hoseok says, and he sounds so… vulnerable. Like the wound just won’t ever heal. “If I could.”

Kihyun feels his lower lip come up just slightly. The guilt comes up, too, and he blinks the burn behind his eyes away. “Okay…” He says. “Thanks…” _And please don’t hate me_.

Kihyun hears the shower turn on, and tenses for no real reason.

“Anytime,” Hoseok says, quiet, and when he breathes, Kihyun hears it shudder.

“I…” Kihyun looks over his shoulder. “I gotta go but… hey… you know you have me, right? Always.”

“Yeah, you big dummy,” Hoseok mumbles. “Don’t get yourself killed or anything because then I really won’t have anything.”

“I won’t,” Kihyun smiles. “But just for you-- _ugh!_ I just cringed. Bye.”

Hoseok laughs. That big, boisterous laugh Kihyun remembers missing for quite a while. “Yeah, yeah. Text me next time you don’t know what to do with your libido.”

“ _Great_.” Kihyun hisses and hangs up. He turns around, rolling his eyes and groaning a little before going back inside.

He closes the window behind him and sighs. Then throws his foot back to kick the window. He doesn’t need coffee. Coffee is not going to help. He needs a ticket to Mars. Maybe there are no demons in Mars.

“Kyunie!” He shouts. “Hurry up, I wanna go too!”

“Nothing stopping you!” Changkyun laughs from the bathroom and Kihyun wants to kick the door again. “I’m rinsing!”

Kihyun sighs. “Let’s see where all that bravado goes one of these days…” He mumbles to himself.

“Did you make coffee?” Changkyun asks, and the water stops.

“No,” Kihyun replies, looking around as he crosses the living room, knowing Changkyun will hear him anyway. “Hey, where the fuck did you keep your stuff? You took a while.”

“Hoseok’s.”

Kihyun stops on the way to the bedroom to glare at the bathroom door. “What… Oh. Right.” Cold sweats. That means sickness, right? _Yeah. Finally._ _Embrace it, Kihyun_. “I, uhm, how long have you been back?”

“Why? Were you talking about me?” he teases, chuckling from the other side of the door. “Hoseok was. Felt my name, right there at the back of my head.”

Kihyun looks down. “Maybe we were… Wait. Hoseok’s? Did he know?”

“That I kept my clothes there?” Changkyun asks and it sounds like he’s… hopping? “Yeah.”

“ _Traitor_...” Kihyun mumbles and storms into the bedroom to grab a few clothes. “Go ahead. Tell me you were staying there too.”

“I wasn’t,” Changkyun says, and it’s not from the other side of a door. He ruffles his hair, still wet, and Kihyun stops in his tracks from where he’s rightfully storming about because, well.

“Pink?” He blurts before he snaps his mouth shut.

“Yeah, pink,” Changkyun says, shrugging with the hint of a smile, looking down at his clothes. “I won’t burst into flames or anything.”

Kihyun frowns. He can feel the little ball of anger that had formed inside him throughout the morning start to melt down. Maybe that’s the pink. Or maybe that’s Changkyun in a pink hoodie. Both are plausible. And, surprisingly, none adds up to his frustration.

“Looks nice,” He acknowledges before looking away. “You didn’t answer my question, though.” He grabs a pair of jeans, a white button down and some random yellow sweater he found in the middle of that mess of a wardrobe and closes the drawer with his foot.

“And _you_ didn’t make coffee,” Changkyun smiles, turning to the kitchen.

“Your point?” Kihyun asks, trailing after him.

“Don’t put the kettle on and then don’t make coffee,” Changkyun says, flipping the kettle on again. “Is my point.”

Kihyun frowns. “So… you heard that.” He’s not asking. He’s not entirely sure, but he is not asking.

“I didn’t mean to,” Changkyun smiles at the ground, sheepish, mouth in a line. “Sorry for teasing just then, totally knew you were talking about me. And I stopped listening. Didn’t feel right”

Kihyun eyes the bathroom for a moment, sighs and then places his clothes over the table. “And…” he walks closer, eyes on Changkyun. “At what point did you get that amazing epiphany?” He stops a whole arm’s length away and breathes, noticing his tone just in time, before he lets his distress get to him _again_.

He is not angry. Not really. And he _needs_ to stop sounding angry when he’s not. “I’m not… upset that you heard whatever it is I said. I just want to know.” _Truth. Truth. Truth_. “I want to explain…”

Changkyun bites down on his lip, looking up at Kihyun through his lashes. “I think there’s something you should know,” Changkyun starts. “About what I heard.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes for dramatic effect to mask how he suddenly wants to hide under a rock. “Should I sit?” It’s not even nine a-fucking-m.

Changkyun frowns. “Uhm. No? I don’t know.” He rolls his shoulders, and looks at the ground. “Despite… What I want,” Changkyun glances at him and then back to the tiles. “What you might want. It’s… incredibly ill-advised, to kiss a demon.”

Kihyun stares and then slowly turns to look away. He lets out a little “Oh” before the whole thing catches up to him. “You…” Kihyun knows the expression he is wearing right now, he feels it, so he groans and crouches down to hide it between his hands. “You heard that…”

“I… did. Sorry,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun can almost hear the wince in his voice.

Kihyun waves a hand in the air dismissively. “Don’t worry. Just… forget about--wait.” He looks up, eyes wide. “Despite what _you_ want?”

Changkyun licks his lips, shifting on his feet, face turning a shade darker than his hoodie. “Well. Yes. Ob-obviously, yeah.”

“What do you _mean_ , ‘obviously’!?” Kihyun gets up and gives a step closer before he remembers he should stay right where he is. “Why didn’t you--wait. I didn’t tell you either…” He looks away. Confused. This is now how it was supposed to go. Not how Changkyun was supposed to know. Although now it doesn’t really matter, does it?

“I feel… dumb.” Kihyun says turning around to grab his clothes. “Let’s forget about this, minus the not kissing part.” He shivers. “Got it. Gone from the mind.” He says before he rushes to the bathroom.

“Oh--” Changkyun starts and Kihyun closes the door. “Kay…”

 _Incredibly ill-advised,_ huh? Well, that… that makes things a lot easier for him. Out of sight, out of mind. Out of mind, out of the heart.

Kihyun cringes and slides down the door, sighing once he meets the floor. _Again_ , it’s not even nine am and he already feels like he’s been awake for two days in a row.

He looks at his phone from behind the clothes now sitting on his lap and types to Hoseok.

Kissing demons is, and I quote, ‘ill-advised’  
TOLD YOU  


He’s not sure how long he sits there. Long enough for his phone to vibrate in his lap.

Hoseok  
Oh shit what happened?????  
Did you kiss him? Did he not kiss back???  
WHAT IS HAPPENING  
He heard our conversation and then said that  
Also! You didn’t tell me he left his clothes there  
CANCELING THIS FRIENDSHIP  
Hoseok  
I’M SORRY he just looked so sad I couldn’t help myself  
CANCELLED!!!  


Kihyun sighs and gets up, almost tripping and slumping back down. _Almost_. He didn’t. He’s not that clumsy.

He’s not sure how long he stays in the shower. He finds himself spacing out and then coming back to his senses more than once before he realises he hasn’t washed his hair yet. And then he also spaces out, sitting on the floor, wrapped in a towel like a burrito, snapping back once he realises he needs to clean the bathroom. And the house. Vacuum the entire thing! Twice! With his two, very expensive vacuum cleaners.

Yes. That’s what he needs to do. After he gets dressed and sees whatever Changkyun wants to show him. Yes. Sounds good.

So, that’s what he does. Emerging from the bathroom almost an hour later, pulling the blow dryer cord with him as he peeks out into the living room.

“Hey,” he calls Changkyun, waving the blow dryer around when Changkyun looks up at him from where he’s eating cereal by the kitchen counter. “Do you need this?”

Changkyun shakes his head and lifts a hand, carding it through his hair. That is straight, yet somehow fluffy and… is dry. An hour. Right. “I’m fine, thanks...”

Kihyun hums in reply, going back into the bathroom to put back the blow dryer, dump a few dirty clothes in the washing machine (and mimicking the little noises it makes as he taps the buttons), grab his phone and walk back out, slowly, until he reaches and counter and leans on it.

He blinks at Changkyun for a while and then at the window across the room. “So,” he starts after a few moments of silence, finger tapping over the counter. _Let’s try this again_. “You said you wanted to show me something…?”

Changkyun nods, glancing at him with soft eyes and pointing at a bowl of cereal with his own spoon. “You should eat first. I didn’t put the milk in yet so it won’t be soggy.”

Kihyun looks down at the bowl. “Sometimes I forget you’re actually a functional… _being_ now.” He says and grabs a clean spoon and the milk next to him.

“ _Being_ is time-consuming,” Changkyun grumbles. “Do you know how many hours you sleep away? Just, like, _poof_ , gone.”

“I know,” Kihyun muses and stuffs a spoonful of cereal in his mouth. He shoves it all to one side before he speaks with a puffed cheek. “And it’s great. Life doesn’t fall apart when you’re sleeping…” He stops munching and adds, “Unless you’re me, of course.”

Changkyun purses his lips together, cheeks puffing. “You slept, though?” Changkyun asks. “At the end there? Didn’t wake me up, anyway.” He points a spoon at Kihyun. “Which you should, by the way.”

Kihyun shrugs, smiling just a little. “You’ve watched me sleep a few times. Let me catch up and then we talk.”

“Not…” Changkyun blushes down at his cereal, stirring lazily. “Really what I meant, but...”

Kihyun looks at him and breathes out quickly through his nose when he looks away, laughing a little. He swallows. “I did sleep, though. Thanks to you, I think.”

Changkyun looks confused, even as he smiles. “I… helped? Huh,” Changkyun shoves a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “Noice. Should be sappy more often, then.”

“And now you are not helping.” Kihyun rolls his eyes and pokes the cereal with his spoon. He stops to think. And looks up with what he hopes is a sincere expression. “I know I give you a lot of shit but you do help. Never forget that.” He looks away, frowning. “I mean, you _have_ saved my life three times…”

Changkyun shrugs, still smiling down at his cereal. “Yeah, but who’s count--” He stops, mid spoon-to-mouth. “Not me. I’m not counting.”

“I am,” Kihyun sighs, leaning back. And he is. Because that’s one of the things that weighs on him the most. “We should really get a board… for the, uhm, ‘rights’.”

‘ _Thirty-five,_ ’ Changkyun mouths quite obviously, and grins. “Sure,” Changkyun agrees. “But no ‘life saving’ board. Deal?”

“Sure,” Kihyun mimics Changkyun. He knows he doesn’t need a board for that one. His conscience won’t let him forget. He sighs. “I should probably call…” He says, looking around and then at his phone right next to him. “Call in sick… I never get sick…” He snorts a laugh.

Changkyun drinks the milk from his bowl and stands up to put it away. “Then you must have a lot of sick days you can cash in on, right?”

Kihyun laughs a little, grabbing his phone. “Yeah… and holidays. I’ve been covering Christmas ever since…” He trails off, licks his lips and sighs. “I’ll text. Too sick to talk. Lost my voice, yadda yadda.”

Changkyun hums, a soft smile apparently ever-present. “Lose your voice? Perish the thought.”

Kihyun looks up from the phone, face unmoving. “And what are you implying right now?”

“Not sure,” Changkyun shrugs, looking up thoughtfully. “That you have a nice voice? Thought it was a compliment.”

“You…” Kihyun blinks. “Think I have a nice voice?”

Changkyun leans onto his hand from where he’s standing at the counter, weight on one leg, staring into the distance. “Even if my name on your lips wasn’t a summon to your side, I’d follow the sound anywhere if it led to you.”

Kihyun almost, almost took the spoon up to his mouth but stopped just in time to spit a laugh as he shivers. He leans over the counter to hide his face and laugh. “S--Sorry… oh god.”

Changkyun laughs with him, giggling, almost. “That bad, huh?”

“Sorry, I…” Kihyun waves a hand in the air, face into the crook of his arm. “I can’t look up right now.” He laughs. “Seriously.” He laughs again, his voice spiking a little before he can muffle it.

“Laughed at. Shunned for my art,” Changkyun sighs dramatically. “Heart laid bare and stomped into pieces.”

Kihyun raises his head a little, face a little hot but serious, before he snorts and leans back down to laugh. “N--Never change, Changkyun.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Changkyun mumbles around a smile. “Finish your damn cereal.” And Kihyun does, after spending another fifteen minutes dealing with uncontrollable laughter.

By the time Kihyun finishes tidying the kitchen, Changkyun is already looking at him with impatient eyes, fully dressed and ready to go. Kihyun throws the cloth over the counter and walks by, then towards the entrance where he sits near the shoe cupboard.

“So where are we going exactly?” He asks.

Changkyun hops over, like he was unleashing an excitement he’d been doing a terrible job of keeping at bay. “Okay, okay, so I thought about this! Had time to think, etcetera, etcetera.” And he holds out his hand, wiggling his fingers.

Kihyun stares at his hand and finishes tying his laces. He squints. “This is going to be weird, isn’t it?”

“Embrace the weird,” Changkyun wiggles his fingers some more, grinning. “Love the weird.”

Kihyun smiles despite the obvious eye roll. He shoves his phone in his pocket and gets up, raising an eyebrow when he leans a little into Changkyun’s space to reach for the wallet and the camera on the cupboard behind him.

“You probably couldn’t take it if I did.” He says, smirking before he clasps his hand on Changkyun’s.

Changkyun laughs, swinging their hands a little. “Close your eyes.” And Kihyun looks at him quizzically before complying. And feels the soft press of lips on his cheek. It makes his heart skip an unpleasant beat.

There is a soft ringing behind his left ear. Kihyun breathes, sharp and opens his eyes.

First, he sees Changkyun, looking at him like… like he can’t remember anyone having ever looked at him before. He can’t place it. And he doesn’t find the time to ponder it as he blinks, turning his head to look around and… and…

“No way,” he gasps softly.

He sees the counter-facade. The Chapel of the Crucifix just a few feet away. And when he looks at the far end that stretches to his right he sees it, _Frari Assumption._ And it’s…

His eyes rush back to Changkyun and he squeezes the hand he is still holding. “No way…” He breathes out. But Changkyun nods, real and warm in his hand and if that’s real, then…

“It’s early,” Changkyun says, and glances around. “Almost three in the morning. So it’s all yours.”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip and beams at Changkyun. He can’t help it. He also can’t help the little gloss in his eyes that vanishes after he gives a quick squeeze on Changkyun’s hand.

He lets go, pulls the camera over to slide the strap over his head and looks around. “It’s… beautiful.” He whispers, afraid to break the silence with the way his voice echoes.

“Yeah,” Changkyun agrees before looking around, shoving his hands into his pockets and shivering somewhat. “Thought you might like it...”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says softly, already walking ahead. It echoes slightly in the big space. It’s dark. Like, really dark. And the little presence lights are not enough to show the church’s splendor. But Kihyun has a camera. He has a camera, good instincts and good eyes.

He almost can’t believe it, but it’s real. Even after everything that’s happened so far, even knowing he’s seeing it with his own two eyes, Kihyun really can hardly believe he’s standing right in the middle of one of the most prominent churches in the city of Venice.

And ahead, one of Titian’s masterpieces. Kihyun remembers it from History of Arts. It’s so much bigger in person… So much _something_ ‘at the end of her earthly life’, he remembers being said.

 _No flash_ , he thinks to himself when he takes the shot. ISO just high enough to light up the entire place when Kihyun looks at the preview on his screen.

“I think I found the light-switch!” Changkyun calls from _somewhere_ in the dark, voice echoing off the walls.

“Shhhhhh,” he hisses over his shoulder at the dark.

“Sorry,” Changkyun says, then, from right next to him and Kihyun needs to slap a hand over his own mouth to muffle the little surprised ‘ _heeeeck’_. “About that, too,” Changkyun chuckles softly. “No idea how much you can see in the dark.”

Kihyun glares at him, taking just enough time to note the way the little presence lights cast shadows on Changkyun’s face. “I can see enough,” he mutters, looking away. “And I have a camera. Look.” He leans closer. “Looks a lot brighter here, right?”

“ _Trentasai,_ ” Changkyun mumbles, leaning in. “Oh, wow.” He looks between the _Frari Assumption_ and Kihyun’s camera. “You really are good at this.”

“Oh, you don’t need to tell me. I _know_.”

“Yeah, but compliments make you stand a bit taller,” Changkyun teases, and looks up at the painting. “You know, I read about this place on the internet. After I saw the art on your wall of Venice. I’m… glad you like it.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, stepping back a little, slowly, quietly, and taking another shot just before Changkyun turns around. “I still can’t believe it, to be honest but… I’m learning, like I told you, to work with what I’m given.” He looks down when the screen flashes at him and he smiles at the preview. “ _Yeaaaah_ , I really am good at this,” he laughs.

Changkyun looks back at him and smiles wide. “Anywhere _else_ you want to grace with your photography prowess?”

Kihyun tilts his head, eyes on his camera. “Maybe… but I’m letting you pick. Your idea. Surprise me.” He snorts. “Though I guess that’s not too hard for you.”

“Being able to surprise you is all I got,” Changkyun says, walking over and offering his hand.

“That and,” Kihyun sighs and lets the camera down, taking Changkyun’s hand, “really shitty one-liners. Since day one.”

“I barely knew anything, there is no way I was using cheesy pick-up lines on--” Changkyun stops, letting their hands drop as he stares somewhere over Kihyun’s shoulder like God is standing there, judging him. “A pick-up line. _I could pick you up, if you want_ . Wow. _Wow_.”

Kihyun snorts. “I know right?” He laughs, “Imagine how _I_ felt.” He sighs. “So?”

“You know I _could_ pick you up. Kinda did already.”

“Don’t test it. I know I’m smiling but I really wanna kick your ass right now.”

“I really, _really_ wanna see you try,” Changkyun laughs. “And come on, you know the drill.”

Kihyun chews at his bottom lip. He doesn’t know if he likes this ‘drill’ but he can’t say he hates it either. “You’re insufferable,” he mumbles, closing his eyes.

“I’m sure you’ll find I am _incredibly_ sufferable,” Changkyun says, lifts Kihyun’s hand in his, and there it is again, on the back of his hand this time--the soft feeling of lips against skin. Kihyun frowns when his heart skips a beat. If it keeps doing that then he will develop a severe case of arrhythmia.

There’s a slight shift in gravity and a blow of fresh air. And when Kihyun opens his eyes again, they’re outside and his eyes quickly focus on the massive ghostly-white bridge behind Changkyun.

He unabashedly pushes Changkyun aside to step forward. “Oh, _come on_ , you gotta be joking…” He laughs. Because no fucking way. That’s the bridge! The Rialto bridge! The huge picture he has hanging on the biggest wall of his living room.

“Terrible sense of humour you must think I have,” Changkyun says, smiling at Kihyun. Kihyun. With the fucking Rialto Bridge right there! Fucking demons.

“Shrewd little minx,” he mutters. “That’s what you are.”

“No idea what that means so I’m gonna take the compliment,” Changkyun says, actually doing the effort of looking around.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kihyun kicks his leg softly. “Now. Walk. In front of me but like five feet in front of me. Be useful.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, amused. “ _How_ is that useful?”

“Because,” Kihyun starts, raising his voice dramatically, “you are actually good looking and you’re good material for silhouette photography. So _shut up_ and walk.”

Changkyun laughs, sounding somewhere between abashed and giddy. “Alright, alright, _enjoy_ ,” Changkyun says as he walks forward, doing a little spin to wink ( _when did he learn to do that, for fuck’s sake_ ) and _strolls_ , hands in his pockets, probably exactly five feet in front of him.

And Kihyun can’t help the smile on his face when he looks down at the ten shots he took in just three minutes. At night, the bridge truly looks like the gate to the afterlife, if there is such a thing.

They cross the bridge, stopping right in the middle to look at the canal. Kihyun flashes his camera a few times, illuminating the whole place. And they just stand there, leaning over the stone railing, silently looking as Kihyun flips through some of his photos. Kihyun can’t say he likes the smell of still waters bathing his face but he has to admit it adds to the experience. And it’s… actually quite nice, just having the company, not feeling like he has to say something to fill the silence. Hoseok probably would have talked his ear off, but Changkyun just looks contemplative, smiling a little every now and then but otherwise nearly as still as a statue.

Kihyun doesn’t know how long they stand there. But Changkyun follows quietly, too, as Kihyun gestures for them to carry on, jumping a few steps ahead all at once.

Kihyun stops at the last of the steps, looks ahead, sees Changkyun who’s naturally walked five feet ahead of him again, looks to his left, sees the bridge _and…_ “Hey… I wanna ask you something… _things_.”

Changkyun turns to face him, walking backwards slowly. “Hit me.”

Kihyun tilts his head and snorts a laugh. “I could but…” He shakes his head. “Your face…” He looks down at his own feet. “Last time you were… you say you look like what I see. And I believe you. But there’s also… something I don’t see, isn’t there? Somewhere in you.”

Changkyun bites his lip, walks slower before he turns around once he’s next to Kihyun. “Ah, that.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Kihyun sighs. “I just… I am trying to understand how it works, slowly. Sorry…”

Changkyun’s head snaps to him, eyebrows raised. “You saw the taint on my skin, share a bed with me, but you’re worried about _asking_ about it, not worried about… touching me? About...” Changkyun gestures at himself, but says nothing else.

Kihyun makes a face. “Taint?” He frowns. “Ah… I guess that makes sense.” He turns to look at Changkyun, leaning closer. “Is that why your eyes are so dark?”

“Probably,” Changkyun mumbles. “I don’t really know what I am. I know I’m tainted. I know what I can do, that this body isn’t borrowed, it’s mine. I know myself but I also know that what I am…” Changkyun frowns and shakes his head. “It’s different. New. I don’t know why or how, but I know that, too.”

Kihyun watches him until he stops talking and then after he stops talking. “Is that why you said… this morning…”

“Yeah,” Changkyun says so softly Kihyun almost doesn’t hear it. “I don’t… That taint, it hangs here,” he continues, fingers pinching at his bottom lip. “I can’t do that to you.”

Kihyun looks down. His chest feels really tight but he can’t tell why. He can’t tell which feeling is taking charge now. There are so many. There have been so many feelings, lately. It’s becoming difficult to tell them apart.

“It’s okay,” he says. “Like I said, thought gone from the mind.” He smiles a little. “So, don’t… don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll worry about it for as long as it’s on my mind, not yours.”

Kihyun looks away, heart suddenly loud. “Oh.”

“Oh,” Changkyun echoes, smiling down at the floor before breathing deeply, and when he speaks, his tone is careful. “But like I said, I wouldn’t… do that to you. Even if I could. So _you_ don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t,” Kihyun mumbles, softly kicking the floor and then the step behind him. “I trust you. So… do you?” He looks up. “Trust me?”

Changkyun frowns. “Of course I do.”

“Your turn then. Close your eyes.”

Changkyun’s frown evens out. He looks at Kihyun with so many questions there Kihyun could count them, but does as he’s told, not asking even one. _Trust_.

Kihyun shifts the camera around to the side, passing it under his arm to his back where it hangs tight to his frame. His heart is so loud he can barely hear his thoughts, or the soft ringing behind his left ear, or even the other ringing, the hurtful one, behind his right ear. It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter right now. Because…

 _‘A million times over_.’

Slowly, Kihyun steps closer, his right hand reaching up to Changkyun’s neck where it slides up to his jaw. He presses his thumb over Changkyun’s lips--heart louder than before, especially as Changkyun’s lips part in a little gasp--and tiptoes just slightly to press his own lips on the curve of Changkyun’s nose.

It only lasts for a second before he lets go, eyes darting down in embarrassment. But he manages to stay right where he is, going as far as to ignore the sudden urge to run away. Or throw himself in the canal. He just crossed a line, _the_ line. No turning back now.

“C-can--” Changkyun starts, swallowing the high pitch in his voice. “Can I open my eyes now?”

“One second…” Kihyun says hurriedly as he tries to will the blush away from his face.

“Good,” Changkyun laughs, breathy. “I wasn’t ready anyway.”

“Okay… yeah, yeah… you...” Kihyun ducks his head down. “You can.”

Kihyun’s not looking but he can only assume Changkyun’s looking at him, at the way his cheeks betray him. And then Changkyun tugs. Little, sharp little tugs at his sleeve.

“You can do that too,” Kihyun laughs softly and Changkyun rushes forward, arms around Kihyun’s waist as he lifts him in a spin, laughing as he does. And he’s _beaming_. He puts Kihyun back on the ground and beams at him, hands on the sides of his face. “Told you I could,” Changkyun laughs, stands on his tiptoes, kissing the bridge of Kihyun’s nose. And when all Kihyun does is blush furiously and let him, Changkyun moves to kiss his cheeks, his forehead and his nose. And it’s there again. The tight feeling in Kihyun’s chest, the one he can’t figure out. As if happiness is suddenly ten kilometers tall and keeps stepping all over his heart.

Happiness shouldn’t hurt _and yet..._

 _And_ Kihyun wants to be angry. He does. But he can’t. He glances away, bites down a smile and breathes out through his nose. “You really are insufferable…”

Changkyun laughs. “I like you, too.”

“Of course you do…” Kihyun mumbles, face melting a little between Changkyun’s hands even as he frowns. “What’s there not to like.”

Changkyun shakes Kihyun’s head a little between his hands. “I’m looking. I’ll keep you updated.”

“You know…” Kihyun feels his cheeks puff as he melts a little more between Changkyun’s hands. “I don’t know how this helps our problem,” he looks up. “ _This_. What is it? Have you found a word for it yet?”

“Still looking for that, too…” Changkyun says, eyes so soft they’re almost brown. “Any ideas?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “Not really, no.” He laughs. “I’ll keep you updated.”

“Good,” Changkyun says and leans in again, lips lingering on his cheek for a moment before letting go (one hand sliding down his shoulder, staying on his arm). “Hey. The sun’s about to rise. Wanna go up that tower there?”

The ringing on Kihyun’s right ear sounds just a little louder. He looks over his shoulder for a moment, face serene. “Yeah...” he says, eyebrows climbing just slightly when the ringing turns to words Kihyun can’t quite understand. He looks at Changkyun. “This isn’t stupidly giddy yet, gotta step up.”

Changkyun laughs, lifting his hand to cover Kihyun’s eyes. “You’re not scared of heights, right?”

Kihyun snorts. “Ask me that again next time Hoseok is with us. You won’t regret it. But no, I’m not. Not really.”

And Changkyun doesn’t take his hand off Kihyun’s eyes, moving to stand behind him (carefully moving Kihyun’s camera, he notes, somehow), holding him steady around the waist as gravity shifts and Changkyun’s hand finally falls to reveal-- _”Oh my god_.”

It stretches as far as the eyes can see. The sky, filled with pastel colors, and a whole city beneath them. The cold breeze has Kihyun’s eyes water a little in reflex, and every time he blinks he feels like his eyeballs are frozen. But they’re moving and he can see everything so clearly…

And then the sun peeks out. Shyly just above the horizon. It doesn’t hurt to look. And it feels like looking through a scope as it rises quickly, enough to shine and reflect on the pavement of St Mark’s Square, tinting everything in yellow tones.

It’s beautiful. And it weighs on Kihyun’s chest, too, along with words he _should_ say, so he does.

“I trusted you because you told the truth...” he starts, quietly, as if speaking too loud will rob him of the view, “And I believed you because I _knew_ . I let you stay because I needed you. Crazy or not, your truth or my lie, I needed you.” He sighs and Changkyun’s quiet, as he rests his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder and listens. “I’m not stupid. I know there’s shit I can’t fight. And that’s why I want to _know_ things… I want to understand. I want to figure it out. So…” He bites at his lower lip, watches the sky shift in colour gradually. “I’ll probably ask you a lot of questions. And I know you won’t be able to answer them, not all of them. And…” _It weighs._ “You told me before that I’m like a white light in a black sea. Well, _you’re_ like the damn sun. And,” Kihyun adds, mumbling. “Hoseok is the little boat because he will be very butthurt if I don’t include him in this metaphor...”

The sky shifts, from soft yellows to dark pinks. “I’ll… I’ll answer what I can. There’s a lot I don’t know. Why I feel like this, how I can,” Changkyun sighs. “How anyone can feel this much without losing their minds. But… But I need you, too. And that feels… It feels like knowing. I look at you and I know and I feel and I’m not sure where the one ends and the other begins, but I feel it and… I know.”

“Yeah, well,” Kihyun shrugs the shoulder Changkyun is leaning on, “I am, apparently, great demon bait,” he snorts and Changkyun laughs in tandem.

“Is that you calling me a catch?”

“You have a lot of competition. But,” he laughs, “at least you’re good looking. The others were… _lacking_. I’m sorry, can’t cope if I don’t joke about it.”

“You’re welcome to, since I’m getting compliments out of it, after all.” Changkyun’s arms around him squeeze lightly. “I wanted to show you some beautiful things. I think this…” Changkyun breathes, eyes forward before he smiles sideways at Kihyun. “Is very nearly as beautiful as you.”

“It’s a long way down, Changkyun.” Kihyun warns without bite, eyes trained forwards like his life depends on it. “Don’t make me throw you.”

“You’d have to fall, too, then,” Changkyun laughs. “And you _know_ what I’m gonna say about _that_.”

“ _Ohmygod_ , shut up. You’re worse than Hoseok!”

“You know I have no idea what Hoseok is like, right,” Changkyun chuckles softly. “Although I _am_ starting to understand this jealousy thing humans are always going on about, since you keep _bringing him up_...”

Kihyun pauses. Then shivers. “Ew.” He shivers again. _“Ewwww_. I mean… he’s great but I… I’m not…” Kihyun flails like he’s trying to get an insect off of him while not knowing where the damn thing is. “Ew! Take this out of my mind… erase, erase, erase!”

Changkyun laughs, and it ebbs into a giggle. “Okay, okay… My bad.”

Kihyun lifts his camera and angles it a little before taking the shot. “Although…” He tongues at the corner of his mouth to contain the smirk. “We _have_ shared a bed before.”

“Low blow, Yoo Kihyun,” Changkyun deadpans, turning his head a little to narrow his eyes at Kihyun.

“Hm, well. Geographically, hell is lower. So, I don’t know.”

“I feel like this isn’t _entirely_ off your mind yet.”

Kihyun frowns, the camera clicking another little noise when it flashes. “What isn’t? Wait. _Ugh_ , you made me think about it again!”

Changkyun laughs, and Kihyun realises he can feel it on his neck, there at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. Changkyun noses lightly at the exposed skin above his sweater, and kisses there with barely any pressure, just a brush of his lips against him that has Kihyun shivering all the way down.

He raises his shoulder and leans his head forwards, eyes squeezing shut. “Ahh, jesus…” He hisses. Shivering again when his neck sinks into his shoulders. “Y--You can’t just…” He shivers _again,_ lips thinning into a line to muffle the soft moan.

“I can’t?” he asks, trailing a kiss up to behind Kihyun’s ear.

“I am going to _murder you_ ,” Kihyun growls, knowing fully well he can’t move all that much. “Wanna try that again,” he shivers, “when we’re back on solid ground?”

“Now that just sounds like an invitation,” Changkyun chuckles, leaving a kiss on Kihyun’s neck and pulling away. “Solid ground, huh? Don’t know her.”

Kihyun blinks, though, and they’re in the courtyard he’d just been looking down on. He looks around first, face relaxing, shoulders slumping down a little before he remembers the squid pasted to his back and frowns, turning around in Changkyun’s hold just slightly to shove a hand at his face.

“Listen here, you little shit--” Kihyun starts and stops. A familiar hiss nearby. He lets his hand fall, gaze averting slightly to where the sound comes from. “Hey… have you… been hearing that? It’s been following for a while.”

Changkyun frowns, face immediately serious. “I can’t hear them as well as you can. Can you make it out?”

Kihyun steps back, holding Changkyun’s hand, eyes on a street nearby. “Not really… It’s weak. And I can’t quite catch its meaning.”

Changkyun bites his lip, looking around. “So. Obviously, since there is danger afoot and all I can just zap us back home. _But_ …” Changkyun shakes his head. “No, terrible idea, we’ll just go--”

“What idea?” Kihyun asks, quickly looking at him.

Changkyun rolls his shoulders. “Well. I would have been able to sense anything bigger than a mazikeen, and a mazikeen isn’t _that_ dangerous. Not to me. Not to you, if…” Changkyun groans, throws his head back, shoulders slumping as he leans it back forward to hang there. “Hey, do me a favour and talk me out of this.”

“Talk you out of…” Kihyun tilts his head. “Me the bait, you the, uhm, whatever it is you do at night when you’re bored?”

“Netflix _does_ sound like a good idea, actually,” Changkyun grumbles. He glances up at Kihyun. “You wanna learn, right?”

“Joy of joys… but yes. I do. Although I am not sure what exactly is there for me to learn when it comes to fighting demons. What do you want me to do? Throw rocks at them?” Kihyun looks around and doesn’t find even one pebble. “Or…” He looks ahead. “Drown them in the canal?”

“All wonderful ideas, but no, not exactly,” Changkyun looks around, looking neurotic. “I was thinking that it would be better for you to… Desensitise, maybe? Seen one lesser demon, seen ‘em all.”

Kihyun looks down, a small recollection of memories jumping at the front of his mind. “Maybe…” He frowns. “Maybe you’re right. Last time I…” He looks further down in embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“Sorry?” Changkyun asks, tugging him by the hand, eyes searching and alert.

“No. You’re right.” Kihyun looks up in the direction of the sound. “If this is a thing now then I can’t… have mild panic attacks every time something actually happens.” He says that but takes a small step back, like his body is fighting him even as he decides.

Changkyun stops, turning to put a hand on Kihyun’s shoulder, looking him in the eye. “No matter what I show you, they’re _demons_ . They can and will kill you. When something happens, you _call for me_.”

_It weighs._

Kihyun frowns. “I know. But I can’t just not _do_ something. Last time I…” He shudders. “Last time I could barely even call for you.”

Changkyun’s hand tightens on his shoulder. “I… I know.”

“I don’t wanna go through that again…” Kihyun laughs bitterly. “I can’t.” He gestures at his own head. “Won’t go well up here. So, I really can’t…”

“Neither can I…” Changkyun lets go of his shoulder, breathes, tugs him forward. “Come on, then. Let’s go kill something, take the edge off.”

“Ha ha,” Kihyun mocks to make light of his own fear, the sudden anticipation boiling inside his stomach. “This way.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, a bit sheepish. “Lead the way, I guess.”

“Demons, can’t do anything right.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	8. Part Of What You Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not pretty, but it’s real. And that’s what Kihyun will have to learn to deal with.

The ringing in his ears is annoying as incessant as it is, and they’re hiding behind a crate in one of the most prominent cities in the world.

“Uhm,” Kihyun starts, squinting, “why are we… hiding?”

“Reconnaissance,” Changkyun whispers back.

The city isn’t as quiet as it was, like it woke up with the sun. There’s the far off sound of people, music, shops opening. The ringing pauses and then starts again, louder, pausing one more time before it turns into a whisper.

“I think… it’s sneezing,” Kihyun mutters, shoving a finger into his ear. “Annoying…”

“See, told you this would be fun,” Changkyun peeks over the crate again, hops a little where he’s haunched. He has his hoodie pulled up over his head (pink over black, _honestly_ ). He frowns, sniffs the air. “Why isn’t it smelling you…”

“I don’t know,” Kihyun frowns. “Maybe I overdid the perfume this morning…”

Changkyun pauses, looking over, lips parted in a tiny gape. “ _That’s_ what that is?”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Do you like it?”

“I don’t…” Changkyun looks away, shrugs nonchalantly. “Not like it. Pretty sure he just thinks you smell like whatever I am, though.”

“No one told you to rub all over me like a dog, you weirdo.”

“And then you say I’m not self-aware.” Changkyun teases peeks over again. “Seriously, what is it _doing_.”

Kihyun shoves a hand in Changkyun’s face to push him back, pulls his hood down while he’s at it. “I can’t listen with you talking over my ear. You forget you have two voices and _I_ can hear them both.”

‘ _Sorry’_ the one voice says and Changkyun holds up a hand as if in surrender, falls back on his haunches.

Kihyun squints, head leaning forward slightly and turning with the sound. He gets up when it lights up like a light on a board. _There_. “Come on. It’s closer.”

“You still okay with this?” Changkyun asks, following. “I won’t let it hurt you, but it’s still not a pretty sight to behold.”

They stop at an intersection while Kihyun looks everywhere. The streets they’re in are still empty. “I can always bleach my eyes later.” Kihyun pauses. “Or spend like a good fifteen minutes staring at the sun. Works as well.”

“You joke, but my concern is _very_ real.”

“Hm. Hey, what’s a _mazikena_ … mazikeen…” Kihyun huffs before he starts walking again. “Where d’y’all come up with these names anyway?”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “It’s Hebrew. Could mean anything from a, I don’t know, demon that makes you stub your toe or serious danger. Generally somewhere in between, though.”

“Ah,” Kihyun scoffs. “Is that what you speak in hell?”

“Nah, Latin. We’re purists.”

“I thought I was the one carrying around the pure soul…”

“What, demons can’t have _goals_ ? _Dreams_?”

They turn a corner, and it’s _louder_ , stabbing at the back of his head until it comes crashing down like a headache.

Kihyun holds a hand to his head and stumbles a little, his other hand quickly flinging towards the nearest wall. “Uh… I feel sorry for whoever will have to dissect my brain. It’s turning to putty.”

“Ha ha,” Changkyun says in a way that sounds familiar. “Can’t fight a demon with a pudding brain. Come on,” he says, somehow teasing and gentle. _Stupid demon_.

“Am I sensing sarcasm...” Kihyun mumbles, following just one or two steps behind. The headache increases, the ringing getting louder and louder and louder until-- “Stop.” Kihyun says, freezing right where he is. “It’s here.”

Changkyun spins around backwards, arm out like a protective barrier in front of Kihyun.

“Oh, look,” a figure mocks from a shadow. “A stinky little guard dog.”

A second voice rings inside Kihyun’s head, a lot louder, a lot scarier, too. It whispers things. Things Kihyun can’t really understand. But he can _feel_ them.

“Funny,” the figure shifts in the darkness, “didn’t know that three headed hag had puppies… And this one is out for a walk.” And then it shifts from mockery to something darker. “And it’s got something _I want…_ ”

Kihyun sees them, the black lines on Changkyun’s skin. Sees them on the back of his hand, his neck, the bit of his face he can see, like ink spilling through water, or climbing up a wall like vines made of tar. _The taint…_

Changkyun growls at the back of his throat. “Don’t even think about it. You’re _small_. Inconvenient at best.”

The figure takes a wobbly step forward and Kihyun sees an unnatural smile stretch on its face. It’s… human. But, somehow, disfigured. Broken. Almost _gone_.

 _“Inconvenient…_ looking in the mirror are we? _Dog.”_

Changkyun sighs in frustration, shoulders tense even as he aims his words over them to Kihyun, eyes forward. “You see what I have to deal with... “

“Come on, little light…” The… _thing_ tells Kihyun and he feels a shiver down his spine. “I just need to borrow you for a while… took me too long to get here and this… vessel is… crumbling.”

Kihyun takes a step back. “It…” He breathes out, shakily. “It’s talking to me, right?”

“Scare tactics,” Changkyun says, hand in a tight fist. “The more scared you are, the stronger they are…”

“Yeah?” Kihyun laughs a little. “And why is that not as reassuring as you probably want it to sound...?” It burns slightly at the back of his head and in his chest. A memory. An office, a woman he trusted, a dented wall nobody seems to acknowledge. “I’m… _wow_ , okay,” he breathes. “I’m fine.” _Or trying to be..._

The figure takes another step forward. “You… You’ve been touched before, little light…”

Another deep growl. Changkyun. He grits his teeth as he speaks, deeper, rougher than usual. _“Tell me I can kill this fucking thing already.”_

“Touched…” Kihyun repeats. Heart loud.

And the shaky figure bends forward with a laugh, voice high and mocking. _“Come here… the little light says, and lets the taint tease, tease, tease_...” And Kihyun’s breath hitches.

“Okay! I think I’ve had enough…” He says hurriedly, taking another step back.

“ _Good_ ,” Changkyun growls, and Kihyun barely sees him lurch forward, fast and strong. The figure shrieks, a high pitched scream, as Changkyun grabs it by the throat. It scratches, desperate, ripping at Changkyun’s arm and digging in its claws.

Kihyun takes another step back, into the wall behind him. He opens his mouth to breathe as an avalanche of memories stumble back from a corner of his brain. A very, _very_ dark corner. It pulls him in, slowly. And it almost feels like he’s about to fall into it until his fist slams at the wall to keep him right there.

_Remember why you’re doing this. Forget what doesn’t matter, remember what does._

Kihyun frowns, taking a deep breath and giving a reluctant step forward. He can’t do that again. He won’t be able to take it if he lets himself _fall_. Maybe he can’t do something about the demons Changkyun fights, but he can do something about the demons inside him.

“ _GREEDY MUTT!”_ it screams. _“WANT IT ALL FOR YOURSELF!!!”_

Changkyun lifts the demon by the throat, throws it down and the bricks crack on impact. The figure’s limbs crack out of place and back into it with horrible, crunching snaps. It tries to lift itself, and Changkyun slams his foot down on the thing’s torso, and the bricks break on impact.

_“I AM NOT GOING BACK! I DESERVE THIS CHANCE!”_

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes out with every bit of courage he manages to pull, and Changkyun pauses, foot on its chest. “Desperation. It makes for strange bedfellows.” He glares at Changkyun’s back like he’s looking through him. Through him and straight at that _thing._ “Believe me, _I know._ ”

Changkyun bends down, reaches for its neck and with a sickening crunch and a scream Kihyun only hears in his head, the creature stops moving.

Kihyun breathes out and lets his knees hit the ground. He stares down at his hands, shaky with the adrenaline in his system. It’s not pretty, but it’s real. And that’s what Kihyun will have to learn to deal with.

“It’s gone,” Changkyun says, soft. At a distance. “You’re safe.”

Kihyun looks up from his hands. And it’s just like the first time. _It weighs_ . It weighs because he _knows_. He knows it's only matter of time until something bigger and stronger shows up. Kihyun is not dumb. He is many things, but not dumb.

All he sees is Changkyun’s back. Just like the first time. At a distance Kihyun might never be able to reach.

_And a life for a life is never worth it._

“Changkyun… come here?”

“Kihyun…” Changkyun says. He sounds small. He sounds so far away. So out of reach. “I’m…”

“I said…” Kihyun breathes in and his voice sounds a lot stronger when he continues. _“Come here._ ”

It takes a moment, but Kihyun hears Changkyun walk closer, head down as he falls to his knees in front of him.

“Hey,” Kihyun says softly, tilting his head a little to look at Changkyun’s face, “look at me.”

Changkyun’s head hangs. There’s black, inky veins on his hands. “I don’t want to be a part of what you fear, Ki…”

“You already are,” Kihyun says, reaching, touching Changkyun’s face with the tips of his fingers before he lets his hand slide up his cheek. “But not in the way you think.” He thumbs the corner of Changkyun’s lips and then drags the finger up and down before his hand slides further back to pull Changkyun closer.

Changkyun finally looks up. His irises are stretched, blown up across his entire eye. It’s black. As black as the lines that work their way down his cheeks, his neck. They intertwine and change, slowly, not noticeably, really, unless you can’t look away. Kihyun smooths his thumb there, and they slowly ebb away.

“You…” Kihyun smiles. “You’ve seen me at my worst. Quite literally. And… I don’t know what you’re so afraid of.” Kihyun sighs. “I think… I think I’ve told you this, maybe with different words, but I think you’re beautiful the way you are. So don’t hide.”

The lines twist, turn, dissipate as Changkyun smiles, eyebrows knitting together and he falls back on his haunches, reaching up to put his hand over Kihyun’s. “It’s… It’s not exactly a sunrise…”

“Not really, no. At least I can look at you for ages without needing eye surgery the moment I look away.” Kihyun huffs a laugh and Changkyun’s shoulders relax, just a little more. “But if you wanna go all melodramatic… then… maybe a sunset.”

Changkyun closes his eyes and chuckles, leaning into Kihyun’s touch with a shake of his head. “I don’t deserve this,” Changkyun mumbles. “Thank you...”

“Well,” Kihyun starts, lets go, gets up. “You’re welcome.” He stares down the empty Venitian street, sees the blue peek out between the old buildings. “And for what it’s worth, what you deserve or not from me is for me alone to decide, and for you to deal with.”

Changkyun runs his hands over his face, and when he looks up, he’s smiling, and it’s the eyes Kihyun had woken up to not a few hours ago. “Deal with?” Changkyun muses, looking down at his hands as the last of the black ebs away. “I guess I’ve dealt with worse.”

“Great.” Kihyun bosses, feeling slightly better. “Now stop feeling sorry for yourself. I’m the useless one here and I am doing a great job, mostly at being useless, but hey. Small victories.”

Changkyun brushes the dust from his pants as he gets up. “I’d be a bit lost without you,” Changkyun smiles, rolling his shoulders. “Doesn’t sound too useless to me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Maybe you wouldn’t know what bacon and eggs actually tastes like.”

“Nevermind the demons, now _that_ ’ _s_ scary,” Changkyun says, glancing back at the dead figure anyway. One of its’ legs twitch, like a spider that’s been stepped on.

Kihyun shakes his head to look away. “I’ve noticed people can’t see them once they… you know.”

“The vessels don’t last long after the soul descends,” Changkyun says. “No humans will be tripping over it or anything, if you were worried.”

Kihyun hums. “Well. Fine.” He looks away and rubs at the back of his neck. No loud ringing. Just _the one_ , soft, caring, reassuring.

“So, my VISA card still works…” Kihyun mumbles, looking at the far end of the street. He can see people passing by, can smell fresh food in the air, bread, bacon, eggs.

“And you’re suggesting…?”

“Food?” Kihyun says, side-glancing Changkyun a little shyly.

“Mmm,” Changkyun hums. “This sounds like you’re asking me on one of those…” Changkyun snaps his fingers, looking around as if in thought, lips threatening to pull into a smile. “Oh, what’re they called again…”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Definitely not.” He huffs and waves his hand in the air. “ _This_. Not that. This is… breakfast for lunch.”

“Brunch?” Changkyun tuts. “Nah, that’s not it either.”

Kihyun kicks Changkyun’s leg. “I told you that it’s not whatever you think it is, either. Now come on, move your ass.”

“Alright, alright,” Changkyun laughs, having the decency to at least look like the kick hurt and walking past him. “Let’s _not_ go on one of those ‘whatever-they’re-called’s.”

“Remember the pillow?” Kihyun grumbles a few steps behind, cheeks pink as he glances up at Changkyun’s back. “You’re still not safe from that. So watch it.”

“I remember,” Changkyun says, not sounding particularly threatened. “Apparently I sleep now, so maybe I _should_ be a little scared of you and that pillow… One eye open and all that.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “You never know who might try to kill you in your sleep.”

“Again, you joke, but _my concern_ …” Changkyun looks around as they enter a much busier street. It’s still early but there are people walking every which way, restaurants setting up little tables outside, Italian written on chalkboard stands. “So. Food. I’m thinking... _Italian_?”

Kihyun walks a little closer, smirking when he is close enough, and leaning in from behind Changkyun to say a little “Mhm,” behind his ear before giving a little jump to his side. “You’re in charge here.”

Changkyun smiles at him, amused. “Aren’t you paying?”

“Yes,” Kihyun sighs. “And the cambio is gonna put a hole right through my savings. But hey. _Worth_.”

“I suppose you’re morally opposed to eating and,” Changkyun snaps his fingers. “ _Poof_.”

A breeze runs behind them and Kihyun shivers a little, stuffing his hands into the back pockets of his jeans and leaning just a little bit closer. “We’re here now and I took the day off. I am very, _very_ sick. _This_ is medicine. We’re not going anywhere.”

Changkyun sighs. “Good influences. Who needs ‘em.”

“Should’ve thought of that earlier. Like… about a week ago.” Kihyun elbows Changkyun. “Come on, just a little. I _do_ want to clean the house when we’re back and I need sunlight for that.”

“Quickly, then,” Changkyun laughs with a little tug at his sleeve.

“Yeah, come on,” Kihyun grabs his hand and pulls him, “time for your morning walkies.”

The truth is never as scary when someone is there to face it with you. Maybe that's what Kihyun needed all this time, someone strong enough to help him face unseen horrors without losing himself along the way.

 

\---

 

 

“You know I’m not _actually_ a dog,” Changkyun tries, again, as Kihyun scratches behind Changkyun's ear and it _feels_ like he’s mocking him.

“You do look like a kicked puppy when you pout, though.”

Changkyun sucks back his bottom lip with a frown, ears pink.

“And you look like a hamster when you eat.”

Kihyun places the keys over the cupboard next to his camera and crouches to undo the laces on his sneakers. “What do you mean? I am, _obviously_ , a shark.”

Changkyun blinks at him for a second. He doesn’t know that one yet, so he takes his phone out of his jacket pocket, taps around for a minute and then bursts out laughing.

“I’m just going to ignore you right now,” Kihyun mutters, sighing as he gets up and walks by.

Changkyun can’t help it, but he manages to quell most of the laughter. _How is this big grey fish even a little bit like him_ . _Ridiculous._ “S-sorry, I just,” Changkyun laughs again, pocketing his phone and waving his hands around. It doesn’t help.

Kihyun has his back turned when he pulls his sweater over his head and throws it over the sofa, pulling at the sleeves of his button down. “Sure,” he mumbles absently and Changkyun watches him, reminded of their morning, the slither of skin Changkyun had seen and touched between his shirt and pants and--

Changkyun shakes his head at himself. He doesn’t know what that twist of want in his stomach is, or what to do about it, but he can definitely _not_ think about it right now.

“How about…” Changkyun tries, thinks through the things he’s seen, remembers something and smiles. “A fox?”

Kihyun’s expression doesn’t change except for the single eyebrow climbing on his forehead. Changkyun notes, however, he’s not fumbling with his sleeves anymore and is just blatantly staring at them. “A fox,” he repeats.

“A fox,” Changkyun says again, walking closer. “Sharks are… big, sure. Scary, if the teeth are anything to go by, but they’re not…” Changkyun grins. “Well, that word that nearly got me thrown off a bell tower.”

Kihyun turns just enough to openly inspect Changkyun up and down, eyes guarded. Changkyun knows that look, but he doesn’t recognize any tension or anxiety in his expression. And then he sees it, a little tug at the corner of Kihyun’s lip that he tries to hide by looking away.

“Fair,” he says.

“Gonna keep calling me a dog, then?” Changkyun laughs.

“Maybe,” Kihyun admits, shrugging one shoulder as he walks towards the kitchen. “I am curious, though. Why would _they_ call you… what was it,” he pauses, “that…” he gestures in the air.

“A guard dog?” Changkyun tries, sitting down at the kitchen counter. “Well, I only ever saw it once, but hell’s entrance is guarded by Cerberus. It’s this big, three headed dog. _Really_ big.”

Kihyun opens one of the cupboards and brings out a-- _what is that contraption?--_ “Oh,” he starts, placing the thing down and looking at Changkyun with big eyes. “Oh! I get it! It’s because you’re both guardians!”

Changkyun feels the warmth in his chest before he lets out a small laugh. He really needs to figure out how to control that thing. “I, well, yeah, that’s exactly why,” Changkyun says, rubbing at the back of his neck. Warm.

“Eh,” Kihyun grabs one of the tubes connected to the thing on the floor and stares at it, “That’s actually pretty cool, now that I think about it…”

Changkyun stares. _Seriously, what is this thing_. “What, a giant three-headed dog?”

Kihyun shrugs. “That too but…” He looks up. “You, too. I mean, the guardian thing alone is a bit… _Eh_ . But if I really think about it, now that I have _something_ I know about to compare it to, I have to admit it sounds pretty cool.” He pauses and then adds, “Although protecting me probably pales in comparison…”

Changkyun scoffs. “Seriously? Your kitchen, and this _might_ surprise you, _is a better work environment than the gates of hell_.”

“If whatever crawls out of there is anything to go by, I believe you.” Another pause just to add, “Except for you. But we’ve already established that.”

“Yeah, but I still like hearing it,” Changkyun grins, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hands. “Makes me feel all special and gooey inside.”

Kihyun makes a face but then laughs. He turns to point the tube at Changkyun. “Right. Well, I am going to vacuum. You stay put.”

“Oh, a _vacuum!_ That’s what this is!” Changkyun exclaims. “When you were talking about having two vacuum cleaners, my understanding was _very limited_ and my phone was just a tad out of range so I couldn’t google anything!”

“Top quality vacuum cleaners,” Kihyun corrects, pulling at the chord and reaching a little behind Changkyun, face just a breath away and _surprisingly_ quite relaxed, to plug the thing in.

Changkyun’s stomach twists again. He needs to learn to control _that,_ too.

“Mwah,” Changkyun says, then, with Kihyun’s lips right there. Because he can’t kiss him, can’t even touch him, but he can pretend.

Kihyun stops and stays right where he is, eyes going down slightly and then back up and away before he pulls back. “Don’t test me,” he warns but his cheeks look slightly pink.

“Enjoy the--” Changkyun tries his best to mimic holding a tube like the one in Kihyun’s hand. “Sucking.”

The reaction is immediate and wonderfully expected.

“I am going to vacuum you too, you shit!”

Changkyun laughs, ducking out of the way for a half-hearted swing at his head. “Staying put. Staying quiet.”

And he does. He stays put _and_ quiet while Kihyun moves around the house with the vacuum cleaner. He vacuums the bathroom three times, (Changkyun notes, as he looks up from his phone every time Kihyun moves about in view) the bedroom twice and the rest just once. For the last round, he switches vacuum cleaners. That’s when Changkyun almost doesn’t stay quiet with the need to _tease_ . _Almost_ , but he manages.

By the time Kihyun is done being thorough with his cleaning and plops down on the sofa next to Changkyun, eyes on the ceiling, he looks a little lost in thought. And perhaps a bit tired, too.

Changkyun turns a little to his side, smiling softly at Kihyun, at the little sweat at his hairline, at his parted lips and pointy nose. “You look contemplative. Wondering if the bedroom might need another round?”

Kihyun makes a non-committal sound, eyes still on the ceiling. “Just thinking. About today,” he says too many seconds later.

Changkyun rolls his bottom lip between his teeth. “The… good part? Or the bad part?”

“I don’t know,” Kihyun replies absently, “it was all good, I think.”

_That… doesn’t sound right. He did fight a demon, right? He didn’t imagine that?_

“What are you thinking, then?” Changkyun asks, carefully.

“You, for the most part.”

Warmth. Warm bubbles sink to somewhere in his stomach. “M-me?”

Kihyun sighs and looks down at his hands. “Yeah, apparently that’s a thing I do now.”

“Well, I mean,” Changkyun says, and he doesn’t know why, or why it’s so fast or how to stop it, really. “You didn’t really know me at all before we met so it wouldn’t have made all that much sense if you’d thought of me _before_ we, er, met.”

“Painfully obvious, I’d say.” Kihyun sinks down a little and runs a hand through his hair. “But today… today was nice. So, thank you.” He still doesn’t look up but he smiles a little, hair falling back over his forehead.

Changkyun shifts where he’s sitting, ignoring that twist in his gut again. “It was nice to see you so happy,” Changkyun admits. “There was this look on your face, when we were in the church…” Changkyun smiles to himself through the terrible, burning _warmth_.

Kihyun shifts a little, using his hands to climb back up and sit straight. “A look on my face?” He asks, _finally_ looking at Changkyun. And that’s a tug Changkyun couldn’t ignore even if he wanted to.

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, swallowing around a lump in his throat. Would he ever get used to this? “Throw me off a tower all you want, but yeah.”

“I can always throw you off the sofa,” Kihyun muses, tilting his head.

“You mean, you can always _try_ to throw me off the sofa, but I know you can’t.”

“Is that a challenge?”

Changkyun shrugs, grinning. “It’s a fact.”

There’s a shift so sudden Changkyun can almost feel it in the air change around them.

Changkyun feels a hand slide up his neck and pull, and his heart almost jumps to his throat when he sees Kihyun’s face _right there_ and it looks… looks like he is going to kiss him. The hand at the back of Changkyun’s neck pulls him closer again instead, lips on his jaw, slightly parted, hot and climbing up to his ear. The warmth in his chest feels so hot he’s not sure it won’t burn him from the inside out, the twist in his stomach unavoidable. He momentarily forgets how to breathe, _definitely_ doesn’t know how to process anything at the moment. “Wha…”

“Told you I needed solid ground,” Kihyun whispers in his ear, his other hand pushing Changkyun down until he falls back on the sofa and is staring up, right into Kihyun’s eyes. Kihyun is not smiling. Not really. Changkyun is not sure what kind of face he’s seeing because he’s never seen that one before. But the look in Kihyun’s eyes _alone_ is enough to send an unfamiliar shiver down Changkyun’s back. He needs to… he needs to _react_ , needs to actually _do something_ \--

“Doesn’t feel very solid,” Changkyun breathes, bringing his hands up to Kihyun’s waist, fingers holding probably a bit tighter than he should. But Kihyun doesn’t wince, not even a little, the corner of his lips coming up just slightly.

Changkyun’s heart almost stops as Kihyun leans down, elbow next to Changkyun’s face to hold himself up. And he’s close. So very close. So very close that if Changkyun didn’t trust him _not_ to kiss him… “I did say it was gone from the mind but….” He says, peering into Changkyun’s eyes before he’s coming down again to kiss Changkyun’s jaw and then slowly down his neck.

And it feels.. It _feels_ . Changkyun _feels_ Kihyun’s lips on his skin and he swears he can feel them everywhere. It’s overwhelming. But still, Changkyun wants. He doesn’t know what, but he _wants_ . Changkyun tugs Kihyun’s shirt out of his jeans, suppressing another shiver as he feels Kihyun’s soft skin under his hands and Kihyun’s almost silent gasp on his neck when Changkyun moves his up Kihyun's back. _Overwhelming,_ he thinks, and then, _More._

All hell breaks loose all over his mind when Kihyun goes up to his ear again and _bites_ , a leg coming up between Changkyun’s.

Changkyun makes a sound he didn’t know he could. He throws his head back and whines lowly, letting his nails drag down Kihyun’s back but he stops, almost lets go.

“I told you,” Kihyun mumbles and his voice sounds different, deeper than usual, “I don’t break that easily.”

_Want. Lust, greed, all rolled into one._

“And I told you,” Changkyun gasps, as Kihyun keeps pushing, adding pressure with his knee that makes Changkyun shiver as he moves his hands, grips again at Kihyun’s hips. “I’m a very quick learner.”

He’d barely even noticed the hand at the hem of his hoodie until he feels Kihyun hook his thumb in the soft waistband of his boxers, peeking just slightly over his jeans, Kihyun’s nail lightly scraping at the jut of his hip-bone.

It’s so close to _too much_ it hurts. It hurts because he wants more.

And then loud, abrasive, and with an incredible amount of inconvenience, the doorbell rings.

Kihyun stops, pulling up just slightly, eyes somewhere on Changkyun’s neck, and he immediately misses the soft, warm pressure of his lips. A shadow crosses Kihyun’s face for a second and Changkyun knows it’s not a good one despite the pink on Kihyun's cheeks. But once it’s gone, it’s gone and Kihyun’s eyes flick up to Changkyun’s face for a moment before he smiles and ducks his head down to laugh and finally move away once the bell rings again.

The warmth in Changkyun’s chest doesn’t go away, though. It spreads to his cheeks, to his neck, and he shifts with a pout and a whine as his stomach knots into itself. His pants feel _incredibly uncomfortable_ , all of a sudden. He wants… he wants Kihyun to do it again.

The doorbell rings _again_.

Changkyun groans, gripping at Kihyun’s shirt. “Do we _have_ to answer that.”

“It’s not like we’re busy,” Kihyun says with a short laugh and gets up, leaving Changkyun alone with his thoughts in a suddenly very lonely sofa. _How the hell was that ‘not busy’?_

“You didn’t actually get me off the sofa, though,” Changkyun grumbles, looking at the door, hugging a throw pillow for some sense of comfort. He doesn’t need to be able to see through doors to know who it is, though. Hoseok featuring his perpetually prickly Reaper pet.

“Yet,” Kihyun says over his shoulder before he opens the door and is almost run over with the way Hoseok throws himself at him.

“Kihyun! They said you were sick. You’re never sick!” Hoseok pulls away and squints at him. “You’re warm. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kihyun says stepping back. He pauses for a moment and Changkyun can almost hear his brain struggle to work before it clicks into place. “Wait. Were you at the department? I’ve told you a hundred times I don’t like you storming into my workplace just like that.”

“I called! There was no storming, I promise.” Hoseok leans in a little, putting his hand on Kihyun’s forehead. “You’re sure you’re not sick?”

“I’m not,” Kihyun says with a little exasperation. “We were just…” He throws a finger over his shoulder and then turns to look at Changkyun. “He wanted to show me something.” And then he turns around again really fast and Changkyun really wishes he could see Kihyun’s face right now, what with how excited he sounds. “That’s right! You won’t believe where we’ve been!”

Changkyun smiles a little at the excitement in his voice, hugging the pillow closer and--  
  
“You have got to be kidding.”

Changkyun almost jumps. Almost. But he does glare next to him, where there was nothing and is now an _annoyance_. “What,” Changkyun hisses under his breath.

Hyungwon gestures around and then a little at Changkyun’s chest. “What _is_ this _strange_ gooey substance that you’re… you’re,” he grimaces, “cooing about?” He leans in a little, vanishing and reappearing again closer, staring into Changkyun’s eyes and then slowly down. “Oh no, it gets worse.”

Changkyun smacks him away, hard. And Changkyun is distantly aware of Kihyun enthusing about Venice to Hoseok in the doorway but he can’t make it out over the sound of his heart in his ears.

Hyungwon reappears again by the nearby corner, holding himself tight. “This thing you’re doing? Not the best ingredient to couple with that thorny vine coming out of your soul.”

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Changkyun announces, getting up and rushing away. He almost slams the door, and when he glares at his reflection (hair in disarray, cheeks a bit red) he hisses, “ _Hyungwon_.”

“Yes, you do look like you’ve been fucked into next week.” Hyungwon says from where he sits on the toilet. He gestures vaguely. “Which makes me wonder…”

“What? If you _enjoy_ this?” Changkyun gestures to, he assumes, the thorns Hyungwon can see but he can’t.

Hyungwon makes a face. “ _Enjoy?_ I am not particularly fond of being stabbed or playing laser tag with this… this… plant.” He pauses and then glares. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you’re not… actually… _with_ … Kihyun…”

Changkyun looks away from his own eyes. “He made it abundantly clear that… we didn’t go on a _date_ , and…” He turns around, and Hyungwon’s lips are pull for a second like something smells. “What does that even mean, _with_ Kihyun? Are you _with_ Hoseok, since you’re joined at the damn hip?”

“Hm,” Hyungwon muses, tapping a finger over his chin and crossing his legs. “He is rather… _well_. It's beyond me.” He shrugs and then glares again. “You know, among all the shit you spew, the part that troubles me the most if the shit you don’t say with your mouth but scream with all your being.” The glare intensifies. “You wanted it to be a date… whatever it was.”

Changkyun feels his shoulders tense. “Even if I did, it doesn’t look like you particularly approve.” Changkyun scoffs, trying to shake his shoulders loose. “What’s it to you, anyway.”

“You are aware that you’re a demon, correct?” Hyungwon scoffs. “And there’s taint all over you. I can see it, even when it’s not feeding you power.”

 _A demon_ . _Taint_. “I know,” he says, softer than he would have liked. “So does he.”

Hyungwon frowns, eyes looking around. “If this thing flourishes I am going to quit this job,” he mumbles to whatever Changkyun can’t see. “Oh, he _knows_ does he…”

Changkyun says nothing. He crosses his arms, grits his teeth, thinks about the taint under his skin, the pull at his heart. “What…” Changkyun sighs, sitting down on the edge of the bath. “What does it look like?”

Hyungwon’s face softens considerably. He looks at Changkyun and then around and then back at Changkyun. “You want to see it?”

Changkyun blinks. “What, seriously?”

“You might not like it…” Hyungwon winces. “It’s not… pretty, looking through my eyes.”

Changkyun shivers and looks away. He hates to think about… about his connection with Kihyun being anything other than the way Changkyun feels when he looks at him, but there are facts. Facts that are difficult to face. Facts that turn red strings into thorns, and a kiss into coal.

“I don’t want to see it,” Changkyun admits, feeling small, feeling dirty as he leans forward with his head in his hands. “Shit...”

“You like him.”

He laughs, grips at his hair. “Like is… too small a word. Too trivial. And no, before you ask, I don’t know what the word _should_ be, what it is, so don’t, okay? Just _don’t_.”

“I don’t need to,” Hyungwon sighs. “Honestly, I know most of the answers to the questions I ask. I just love being annoying.”

Changkyun scoffs. “You’re doing a wonderful job of it.”

“Kihyun would agree,” Hyungwon says softly.

Changkyun lifts his head, raises an eyebrow. “What the hell did you mean, ages back, when you say you’ve known Kihyun since you were five.”

Hyungwon shrugs. “Following Hoseok around has its perks. And its downsides. I need like three pairs of sunglasses to be able to look at Kihyun straight in the face. He shines too damn bright.”

Changkyun feels himself smile and stops it halfway. “Hah. You’re protective of him. Seeing it now...”

“They’re _both_ good people. And they’ve both suffered a lot.” Hyungwon looks at Changkyun, pointed, sharp. “There’s a lot you don’t know about. And there is a lot that is beyond your small existence. Which is why I’m wary of you.” He frowns. “Guardian demon is still a demon. And unless you can prove me wrong… _Well_.”

“What am I proving, mm?” Changkyun snaps. “That… that I care beyond whatever purpose I was given? That I’m…” _Different?_

Hyungwon sighs. And then he’s not on the toilet, he’s lounging inside the bath, right behind Changkyun. And it feels like the coldest stare. Like death is right there, watching him, and in a way, it is. “You want a word.” Hyungwon mumbles. “But what I see is…” He chuckles. “You’re in for a ride, demon. And it will hurt more than hell.”

“Is there a _reason_ ,” Changkyun grits out, ignoring the cold in his bones. “You talk like this?”

“Yes. You’re incredibly easy to tease. And, I am a Reaper. I _know things._ Things I can never talk about because my punishment is… well, it’s a bit lonely when no one you want to talk to can hear your voice.”

Changkyun opens his mouth to bite something back, to tell Hyungwon that, _hey, he’s not a big fan of hearing his voice so he can zip it_ , but… But Changkyun speaks, and Kihyun hears him. Changkyun can touch him, hold him. He can make him smile. Hyungwon, on the other hand--

“Hoseok,” Changkyun says, looking around. “That word I don’t know. You know it. With him.”

“I feel it,” Hyungwon says, stares up at nothing. “Every day. And my punishment is to feel it forever until it consumes me.”

Changkyun’s chest feel tight, lungs smaller. “I… I can’t even imagine it.”

“Well,” Hyungwon laughs and it sounds bitter. “I made my choice. And I would do it again. No matter what.” He sighs. _“A million times over.”_

Changkyun feels itchy. Feels the thorns dig into him, squeeze around his heart, fill his chest with warmth--with what feels like blood. “It’s…” He breathes, and his lungs expand and the thorns dig in. “It’s no wonder you’re so damn annoying, then.”

Hyungwon actually laughs. _Laughs_. And it’s brighter than everything else Changkyun has heard come out of his mouth. “Eternity does that to you.” He sighs and it’s longer than any sigh he’s heard before as it stretches in the silence. “Please don’t hurt Kihyun.”

Changkyun sits back, lets the cold of the tiles into his clothes until he feels it on his back. “I don’t… want to.”

“Who would’ve thought…”

More silence. More cold.

“Hyungwon,” he admits softly. “I don’t know how not to hurt him anymore.”

Changkyun blinks and Hyungwon is in front of him, eyes yellow like tourmalines. “ _That’s_ the fight you’ll have to win. No matter what.” He looks down at his own hand and when Changkyun looks, too, he sees it fading slightly. “We are what we are, you and I. Where we come from, there’s no such thing as free will. I have souls to collect and you…” He reaches slowly, hand ghostly moving to Changkyun’s chest where it stops just a few inches away, and it’s so, so cold. _“You_ will have to do what you were created to do. And only then _decide_ what to do, how to fix it if it needs fixing, how to make up for it otherwise. In this realm you have free will, but you will never grasp it fully as long as you're tied down to a duty that comes from the depths of hell.” He looks up as if to ask for permission, hand frozen where it is.

Changkyun lifts his chin, as his heart squeezes itself to a pulp. He can’t breathe. He wants to swallow but he can’t move, but he can nod.

“When you do,” Hyungwon smiles a little, but it doesn’t look sunny, “remember that you don’t feel because of it. _It feels because of you_.”

And when the ghostly hand crosses Changkyun’s chest, the whole room turns grey and cold and there is a forest of dark thorns around them. Changkyun breathes the air in, sharp, and it’s cold, it stings, like ice. “The way I see the world is lifeless,” Hyungwon says, voice sounding distant. “And souls look…” He stares at Changkyun’s chest and there is a hunger in his eyes. “Warm. Yours, however....”

“S-stop,” Changkyun pleads, and he tries to breathe, tries to move.

The light in Hyungwon’s eyes dims. He looks to his left, irises focusing on something past the tiles, past the walls.

“He likes you, too.” Hyungwon says and then he’s gone.

Changkyun gasps for air. It burns... it’s so cold. He can’t think beyond _demon, demon, demon_ ; can’t see beyond the thorns at the back of his eyes, not there but clinging there, like an after-image. He lifts his hands to his hair as they shake, because all he needs, all he wants to do is--

He screams. And it sounds like a word, like a name. And it feels like a summon, too. Because it's not even a second before he hears--

“ _Changkyun?_ ” It’s a question. But it sounds close. And then again, right there. “Hey! Look at me, you idiot!”

He wants to. He wants to stop shaking, to stop pulling at his hair. But he can’t think beyond _demon, demon, demon_ . Can’t see beyond the black in his eyes, beyond the _taint._

“I swear to god…” The voice says.

And then there’s a faint touch over his hands, slowly bringing them down to his lap, squeezing just slightly in the end.

“Hey… you’re actually worrying the shit out of me right now,” Kihyun says. Because it’s Kihyun. Of course it’s Kihyun.

“Is he okay?!” Hoseok shouts from somewhere.

The afterimage of dark and ice and thorns... it fades, and Changkyun feels the warmth on his hands and he lets it spread, lets it move up his arms, into his chest. He says something. He’s not sure what. But it feels warm, too.

“Come here,” Kihyun says, tugging slightly at his hands, and Changkyun can see. He blinks and the black melts from his vision, and all he sees is light. It feels like light. But it’s Kihyun, looking at him with an expression Changkyun doesn’t recognise, but Changkyun recognises _him_ , recognises that warmth, and lets himself fall into it, as close as he can get, as much as he can.

And then there are arms around him, a hand at the back of his head, and his face lands on the crook of Kihyun’s neck.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kihyun asks him, concerned, so, so worried. “If you wanna do weird summoning rituals then rent a damn stadium. Not in my bathroom!”

“Can demons even _have_ panic attacks?” Hoseok mumbles from the doorway.

Changkyun clings to Kihyun, and feels himself breathe. “I… I wasn’t… I’m not…” He closes his eyes, presses his forehead against Kihyun’s chest. “Thank you.”

There’s a breath, heavy, out through Kihyun’s nose, and the soft, reassuring press of lips at the top of his head. “You’re welcome.”

“Kihyun, are you…” Hoseok mumbles again. “You know what, I’m gonna… wait in the living room.”

“Told you,” Changkyun hears Hyungwon say, this time without bite. Just soft, like a whisper.

 _“Great,”_ Kihyun mumbles, leaning away just slightly to cup Changkyun’s face and look at him in the eye. “Now I have to explain that, too.” He frowns. “What happened…?”

Changkyun scrunches his eyes shut for a second. _No lying._ “I… I saw it. The… the connection between us, I saw it.”

“You saw it?” The frown on Kihyun’s face grows harsher. He looks down then, thumb absently soothing over Changkyun’s cheek. “What… Why? How?”

Changkyun breathes again. Deeply, trying to shake the feeling of Hyungwon’s eyes looking straight at his soul. Sometimes a lie is no words at all. “I had to look my taint, my soul right in the eye and I was just…”

Kihyun sighs. “Can’t I have a peaceful day…” He says that but smiles at the end. “It’s okay. I don’t… I don’t need to know. Just… be okay? How the hell are you supposed to protect me if you can’t even protect yourself, hm?”

“S-stop exposing my weaknesses,” Changkyun breathes out, feeling himself wanting to smile. “I told you I needed you, too, remember.”

Kihyun kisses Changkyun’s forehead. “Yeah.... Okay,” he says, pulling at Changkyun’s hand as he stands up. “I know I cleaned the floor but…”

Changkyun stands, his legs feeling oddly stable as he squeezes Kihyun’s hand. “I didn’t dirty it, I promise.”

“Come on,” Kihyun says, tugging at his hand again.

“Tomorrow,” Changkyun mumbles, walking easily with Kihyun’s tug, “Tomorrow will be peaceful.”

“Yeah?” Kihyun laughs in his throat. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Tonight, at least.” Changkyun nods, like a promise. “At least tonight.” And he smiles, small, because he can again.

And really, the thorns barely hurt, not when Kihyun looks like that, looks at _him_ like that.

“Hey,” Changkyun hears from the wall as they enter the living room. He blinks, glancing up, and Hyungwon is looking at him, expression guarded but somehow soft at the edges. “Don’t forget,” he says, smiling a little. “And I’m sorry… Dying is not… funny.” He jokes.

“It’s okay,” Changkyun says, softly and when Kihyun frowns at him, he squeezes his hand reassuringly.

“Yeah,” Hyungwon says, smile still there but eyes somewhat sad, “He really does like you.”

“I’m still here, by the way,” Hoseok mumbles from the sofa. He flips a throw pillow in his lap.

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “One drama at a time, please. I can’t split myself in half,” he grumbles and Hyungwon laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s heard all year.

Hoseok flips the pillow again and looks up at the two of them, and smiles at their hands. “I don’t mind _that_ much.”

And Kihyun lets go, looking away. “Don’t be ridiculous…”

Changkyun crosses his arms, walks over to the couch and plops down. He’s tired. He sleeps _once_ and now suddenly, things are _tiring_. “Sorry for the… screaming and such.”

Hoseok leans in a bit. He has such an incredibly soft face for someone who easily takes up more than half of the couch. “Are you okay though?”

And Changkyun leans in too. Hoseok’s big. Warm. Different. “Difficult question,” he mumbles. “Don’t wanna.”

“Aw,” Hoseok throws an arm around him. _Big, warm, different._ “It’s okay. Happens to the best of us. And considering… recent events, I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more often.”

Changkyun lifts his head. “You also scream and forget to breathe because you have to look your demons in the eye and realise they’re yourself?”

Hoseok blinks, eyes moving to Kihyun who crosses his arms and frowns. Hoseok looks back at Changkyun. “We all have demons inside of us. And…” The corners of his eyes thin and he smiles wider. “Every day is a battle. And we _always_ have to win.”

“You sound like him,” Changkyun mumbles, closing his eyes. “S’stupid.”

“You know I’m right here,” Hyungwon complains from a corner.

“So stupid,” Changkyun adds with a lazy smile.

“It’s okay,” Hoseok squeezes. “Ugh, he _is_ adorable. Can I adopt him?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Sure. Why the hell not.”

“Still not a dog,” Changkyun mumbles, glaring without any malice.

“Says the puppy, clinging to a bunny,” Kihyun snorts and looks towards the kitchen. “So, do we still open that cake or did the mood drop too much?”

“Cake?” Changkyun asks, lifting his head a little but he can’t see anyway so he lets it fall back onto Hoseok’s arm. Big arm. His arm really is very, stupid big.

Hyungwon sighs, gestures. “The demon gets cake and I get… _This_.”

Kihyun walks to the table and grabs a knife. “Well, _I’m_ getting cake. You can both stay there and rot in the sugar you leak yourselves.”

Hoseok laughs, leaning in to whisper to Changkyun. He whispers very loudly for someone trying to whisper. “Are you aware of the concept of ‘jealousy’?” And the noise the knife makes when it hits the plate echoes in Changkyun’s ears.

“I can _hear_ you,” Kihyun warns. “Stop putting ideas in his head.”

Hoseok scoffs. “Which _ideas_ could that possibly be?”

There’s more noise and then Kihyun is walking over with a plate and… and a colourful food in it. “Here,” He mumbles, offering the plate to Changkyun.

Changkyun has to talk himself into the physical act of sitting up. Effort. His limbs feel heavy. “Cake?” he asks again as he takes it.

“Cake,” Hoseok replies over Kihyun and Kihyun frowns at him. Changkyun squints at the cake and stabs it with the little fork, and chews.

“This doesn’t taste like bacon at all,” Changkyun says, nodding. “But I will forgive it. It’s nice.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh, sitting down on the other corner of the sofa with a plate of his own.

“Hey!” Hoseok complains. “What about me?”

“Hm?” Kihyun turns slightly, mid stuffing the entire slice in his mouth. “This doesn’t have enough protein for you.”

Changkyun puts down his plate, thinks _‘cake is nice’,_ and leans back again between the two of them. Kihyun moves, his leg brushing Changkyun’s, who smiles in thought. Protein. Big arm. Small arm. He pokes them both.

Hoseok looks mildly amused while Kihyun just swats Changkyun’s hand away while he munches. _Hamster_. He should look up what foxes look like when they eat.

“M’tired,” Changkyun mumbles, leaning into the slight touch Kihyun allows him. He aims for Kihyun’s shoulder, but his head keeps… slipping. And Kihyun doesn’t seem to mind, or at least he does a pretty good job at keeping himself relaxed, when Changkyun’s head lands on his lap. Changkyun lets out a little sigh. It’s soft, and warm. Again, different.

 _Better_ , he thinks.

“Better,” he mumbles, as well.

“That’s…” Hoseok says. “Really cute.”

And Kihyun’s fingers thread through Changkyun’s hair when he says, softly, almost a whisper, “Yeah.”

“That, too,” Hoseok laughs. “A lot can happen in a day, huh?”

 _“A million times over,”_ Kihyun mumbles, fingers playing with the ends of Changkyun’s hair.

 _That sounds familiar_ , Changkyun thinks, somewhere in the back of his foggy, muddy, slow mind. Tired. _Tired_.

“A million times over, but it always starts from zero,” Hoseok says with a soft sigh.

“Would y’all shut up?” Changkyun hears Hyungwon grumble. “I’m trying to watch the TV.”

“The TV’s not on,” Changkyun mumbles into Kihyun’s lap.

“Precisely,” Hyungwon replies. “I am trying to turn it on with the power of the mind. I think I’ve almost cracked it.”

Changkyun giggles lightly, nuzzling into Kihyun. “S’stupid.”

“Kihyun, I think your demon’s broken.”

“Came defective. I just decided I like it like this.”

“So… you did, then? You made a decision?”

“Yeah, I…” Kihyun’s breath shakes a little, “Yeah.”

Changkyun wonders if this is what it feels like, to fall.

“It will definitely flourish…” Hyungwon mumbles. “Maybe we even get a rose out of it…”

Changkyun’s heart squeezes, and it hurts. But it’s okay. It’s almost… good. And he knows why. He shifts, just a little, forcing his eyes open before he can’t open them at all anymore ( _so heavy_ ) and smiles. He reaches up, poking lightly at Kihyun’s cheek.

And Kihyun looks down, frowning. “What.”

“Just reminding myself…” Changkyun mumbles, letting his hand fall and his eyes close.

“Weirdo.”

“Should I… go?” Hoseok chuckles lightly.

There’s a finger soothing over Changkyun’s cheek and then slowly tracing his jaw. “Nah, let’s watch something. Then you can leave if you want.”

“Sounds good, lemme just…”

Changkyun grumbles as Hoseok shifts and lifts Changkyun’s legs onto the couch. Changkyun curls into a ball, kicking Hoseok’s legs in mild retaliation for the manhandling.

“There,” Hoseok chuckles again. “That looked a bit uncomfortable, even for a demon.”

“Great, now he’s all over me,” Kihyun grumbles.

“You wish,” Hyungwon says bitterly.

“You wish,” Hoseok says, and Hyungwon laughs.

“This is my house. My sofa,” Kihyun complains and Changkyun hears the TV turn on, the ‘ _badump_ ’ of Netflix starting up. “Spare me the commentary.”

“Well, you’re spared half of it,” Hyungwon says.

“My favourite hobby is leading the peanut gallery,” Hoseok chirps. “Now pick us a nice rom-com or something, I feel like a good coo and cry.”

Kihyun sighs. “I’m not sure we need two babies but sure.”

They say something else. They talk over the TV, with it, until Changkyun can’t differentiate, can’t even fathom opening his eyes. Kihyun’s fingers in his hair lull him and he falls asleep, for the second time ever, thinking of warmth, of a kiss on his nose, of a sunset in Venice.


	9. More Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because it’s a choice. It’s belonging with someone. Not to them. Not something one claims, but something one accepts.

The first thing Kihyun is conscious of is a voice he recognizes, soft, at the back of his ear, pulling him back into the world from the depths of sleep. The second thing he realises is how he feels; back sore, legs prickly, stuck in a sitting position because _someone_ decided to fall asleep on him.

His neck protests when he tries to move it, cracking at all the wrong places, and even when he looks down at the unmoving ball of ‘evil’ and the word he thinks of is ‘cute’, he has to agree with the rest of his body: he’s had better mornings.

Not that this isn’t almost entirely his own fault. Kihyun remembers the movie he watched with Hoseok last night, not moving an inch throughout the whole thing and being mocked for it right before Hoseok left. He remembers playing with Changkyun’s hair, wondering how something straight from hell could be so _soft_ , but he doesn’t remember falling asleep there, on the sofa.

He sighs, head slumping back, mind foggy with sleep among other things. Things like sending Changkyun away. Sleeping a whole twenty-four hours the next day. Nightmares. Slapping himself awake and going to work. Changkyun again. Venice. Warm kisses. Demons everywhere.

Whatever _this_ is, it’s nothing like the typical slice of life. It’s different, it’s weird and therefore calling it something has Kihyun’s head spinning like a fan. He doesn’t know what to call it. Changkyun almost certainly doesn’t. And calling it something also means making it real, inviting change under whatever he’s decided to call it. And for now, Kihyun likes things the way the are, just whispers at the back of his ear. Not demons, no. Not even Changkyun’s _other_ voice. Just the voices inside Kihyun’s own head.

He looks down again, hand reaching to trail small circles over Changkyun’s cheek, and sighs. Whatever _this_ is, might be worth fighting for in the end. But maybe it doesn’t need a name just yet.

Looking away, Kihyun’s eyes catch on the cloudy sky outside the window. It’s going to rain. He knows. He knows, mostly, because the entire house feels humid, as if he had an inside pool just around the corner.

“It’s going to rain,” he tells the silence and is greeted by a soft groan as Changkyun shifts. His hand tugs in its hold at Kihyun’s jeans, stretching out his legs.

“Mhhhmpf,” Changkyun makes to blink groggily at him before he lets his head fall again.

Kihyun looks down and smiles, tilting his head a little. “Heeey,” he says softly.

Changkyun shifts, bringing his legs in again, nuzzling into Kihyun. “Goo’ mo’ning, Ki…”

“To you, maybe. My neck is killing me.”

“Hm?” Changkyun lifts his head, blinking himself awake with heavy eyelids. He notices their position and scrambles up clumsily. “You! Why did you! Why didn’t you!”

Kihyun snorts, looking Changkyun up and down. “Why would I?” He pauses, glances away to think and then looks again. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Changkyun opens his mouth to say something before he snaps it shut. “Too early for riddles,” He mumbles, reaching up to rub at his barely-open eyes.

Bringing his legs up with a groan and then stretching, Kihyun lets himself fall limp on the sofa, sliding down just a little. God, it feels like years since he last laid down. “Not going to work today either, by the way.”

Changkyun peeks at him with one eye, hand stilling as it tries to rub sleep out of the other. “Oh?”

“Got a three days leave,” Kihyun informs, gesturing around with a lazy hand. “My voice is dying. Throat burning. Can’t talk. Also, maybe diarrhea. I don’t know. I typed a lot into one message. I’ve never been sick before, I don’t know how it goes.”

“Lying to get what you want,” Changkyun hums, looking like he’s trying not to yawn. “I’ll let it slide because I want you to stay, too.”

“It’s not like I’m lying to you…”

Changkyun chuckles, getting up and seemingly attempting to touch the ceiling with the way he stretches. “Mhm, exactly.” He lets his arms fall, looking over his shoulder. “Wake me up, next time.”

Kihyun throws himself on the rest of the sofa with another groan. “If I feel like it, I will.”

“You know, I vaguely remember you telling _me_ to wake _you_ up…”

“Mh’air enou’fff,” Kihyun mumbles against the cushion.

Changkyun chuckles, leaning in to hover centimeters away from Kihyun’s face. “You’re adorable when you wake up,” he whispers.

_The little shit…_

Kihyun flickers his gaze up, storing energy to finally move his mouth away from the cushion. “I am also dangerous. _A menace_.”

Changkyun’s lips stretch into a smile, biting his tongue between his teeth. “I should really have a word with whoever made this stringent consent rule…”

“Mmm,” Kihyun moans, slumping his face back down into the cushion (his neck really is killing him), then turning just slightly to speak without sounding like he’s drowning. “I don’t mind. You know you just have to ask.”

“Takes the spontaneity out of it, though,” Changkyun hums. “May I?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “I think it’s kinda hot-- _don’t_ quote me on this later. And yeah, you may.”

The sofa dips a little where Changkyun sits down, trailing his fingers over Kihyun’s neck before pressing lightly. “How about quoting you on it right now?”

The shudder is unavoidable, but Kihyun still manages to keep a clear voice when he speaks. “You sure? Yesterday you kinda… went into the bathroom to face your demons and then, well. I hope I didn’t awaken anything weird.”

Changkyun sighs softly, thumbing and pressing at the tense muscles in Kihyun’s neck. “That… was bad timing, is all…” Changkyun’s other hand trails lightly up his arm. “Maybe tell Hoseok you’re not actually sick today, either, mm?”

Kihyun snorts. “It’s not like we--” he shivers “--were busy.”

“Then I shudder to think what busy must be,” Changkyun says, low and soft and with a last little squeeze before leaning in to kiss the back of Kihyun’s neck and letting go.

Kihyun’s brain fizzles a little. “I’ll let you know when… _if_ we get there.”

Changkyun laughs softly, getting up. “I’m sure I’ll know. In any case, I’m pretty sure I know how mornings work around here now, so feel free to take five more minutes.”

“Yes, dad,” Kihyun mumbles into the cushion, shivering one last time.

A relatively heavy bunched up ball of material hits Kihyun’s back. “Not a dog,” Changkyun laughs. “Not your _dad_ , either.”

Kihyun raises his head, frowning and reaching behind his back. Pink? “Did you just throw your hoodie at me?” He grumbles sitting up, his back cracking in the process (he can _almost_ die and survive without a scratch, but the sofa suddenly becomes his kryptonite).

From inside the hoodie falls a white shirt and Kihyun pauses, staring at it while his brain struggles with a simple thought process. He looks up, eyes questioning, when his mind fails him anyway.

“Evidently,” Changkyun grins, and Kihyun _knows_ he’s grinning because he’s looking right at him. Except Kihyun can’t help the wandering eyes, all the way down to the dents between Changkyun’s hipbones and his navel.

“Wha… what are you doing?” Kihyun asks once he manages to unglue his tongue from his palate. He’s barely there, really, and he’s fully conscious of how his blood suddenly _dropped_. “Why are you half naked?”

“It’s morning,” Changkyun shrugs, lifting one foot at a time and reaching down to pull of his socks. “I shower in the morning.”

“And what did I tell you about… stripping in the middle of the…” Kihyun is still failing at keeping his eyes on Changkyun’s face so he opts to look down at the hoodie instead. _So pink..._

“Mm,” Changkyun hums, tilting his head. “Not to?” Changkyun looks at him as he undoes the top button of his jeans, turns to the bathroom, and kicks the door closed.

Kihyun stares at the bathroom door for a few seconds before dropping the hoodie and slumping back down, face buried in the cushion. “Tease…” And against his will, his mind throws him back into a memory from a week ago with Changkyun cluelessly walking out of the bathroom, fifty percent more naked that he’d just been. “M’ fucked,” Kihyun mumbles to the sofa.

A thought crosses his mind and, before he can judge himself too hard, he pulls the hoodie (and the shirt) from the floor and throws them over his head, turning his face just enough to feel the cotton on his skin and a soft, almost sweet-like scent.

Yes. So very fucked.

So very, very fucked, body sore and hoodie soft. And he’s so busy trying to figure out why the heck Changkyun’s scent feels so addicting, that he doesn’t take care to listen to the sound of the shower turning on and off.

“If you wanna wear it, just ask me.”

Kihyun flinches a little, just a little. “M’fine, thanks,” he says from under the ball of clothes over his head.

And then it isn’t over his head. Changkyun lifts it up enough to peek at him with a little grin. “It’s only fair, I borrowed your clothes, after all.”

Kihyun blinks blearily, eyes locking the the amount of exposed skin. The amount of wet exposed skin. Fuck his life, _why don’t you._ “You’re dripping,” he says, voice a little rough, eyes roaming everywhere and then stopping at the towel around Changkyun’s waist.

Changkyun ruffles his wet hair at Kihyun and drops the bundle of clothes back onto his face. “I’ll get dressed, then, go get us some breakfast somewhere. Or make it.” Kihyun hears him walk away, to the bedroom, probably. “I still need to figure out how to get some damn money.”

“You can use mine,” Kihyun says, tugging at the clothes over his head just enough to peek at Changkyun’s back. Kihyun can’t tell if he’s jealous or if he wants to… Well. _Sinful_ . “We could…” He muses, brain cranky and _definitely_ going south. He shakes his head and throws the clothes back over his face.

_Think of something else!_

“We could?” Changkyun calls from the bedroom, and it doesn’t help, because Changkyun’s voice _alone_ \--

_Anything else!_

“Busy, right now. One sec.” Kihyun mutters. He thinks of unicorns. Of wardrobes falling over Hoseok. Pigeons, because why not. He hates the little flying rats. He thinks of the claustrophobic carriages during rush hour. He thinks of cute dogs. About anything between cute and horrible.

“I swear you haven’t moved since I went to shower,” Changkyun notes, and Kihyun hears the kettle switch on.

He looks up, clothes hanging over his head and frowns at Changkyun. Who is wearing shorts. _Shorts!_ “You realise it’s going to rain today, right?”

Changkyun pauses, a mug in his hands. “Yeah? Nothing I have is waterproof anyway.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and lets his head fall back down. And again he thinks of pink fluffy unicorns, Hoseok slipping on a banana and hitting his head and _oh_ it’s bloody, so bloody.

“Besides, I won’t be out long,” Changkyun shrugs. “Just don’t want you to always be making food for us, I feel bad.”

“I don’t mind,” Kihyun says from under the clothes, eyes glinting just slightly when the sun reflects from the window to the cupboard and the into the little hole he’s using to peek at Changkyun. “Maybe I should shower… I thought we could… go together.”

“Mm,” Changkyun says, walking over a cup of coffee he carefully puts on the table next to the couch. “Like in Venice?”

“Like in Venice… Minus the demon fight, if possible.”

“Any ringing and we leave immediately,” Changkyun says, moving forward a little to bend down next to where Kihyun is on the couch. Changkyun tugs at the hoodie again. “Morals be damned, we can go back to pay. I promised a peaceful day.”

Kihyun laughs. “Hardly peaceful so far…” He side-glances at Changkyun.

Changkyun tilts his head. “Did you run into a troublesome demon while I wasn’t looking?”

“Woke up with one on my lap, more like…” Kihyun says, finally sitting up but not even removing the clothes from over his head. He’s fine, really. _Everything_ is _fine_.

Changkyun laughs, tossing the clothes to the other side of the couch. “Troublesome, huh? I’m _offended_.”

“ _I_ should be offended! You’ve been teasing me the entire time.” Kihyun gestures at Changkyun. “This. Everything. Offends me.”

Changkyun’s eyebrow shoots up. “Teasing you?” He tilts his head with a damn near wicked grin. “You’re the one who couldn’t get me off the couch.”

Kihyun frowns. “I was interrupted.”

“Excuses, excuses. I assume this won’t be a date, either, then?”

“Is that what you want? A date.”

“No idea, apparently I’ve never been on one.”

“Then,” Kihyun says, flicking his finger on Changkyun’s forehead, “don’t complain.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, smiling as he looks away. “Now do you need to be carried to the bathroom or…”

“Shut up,” Kihyun mumbles, finally getting up. He can’t believe he slept in his jeans.

“My lips are sealed,” Changkyun quips, already walking back to the kitchen. “I have coffee to drink and stuff to Google, anyway.”

  


\---

 

Kihyun tugs at the black cap over his head and glares up at the cloudy sky. It makes his head hurt. He fixes his hoodie and then his long coat before throwing a look over his shoulder. “Are you coming or not?” He asks, noting Changkyun still has his eyes glued to the phone.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Changkyun says, shoving the phone into his shorts’ pocket, jogging quickly to his side. “Hey, do you think it’s funny that you’re wearing all black and I’m not?”

Kihyun looks Changkyun up and down (probably for the fourth time today). “Maybe. I’m mourning, though. I have an excuse.”

“Nobody we know has died,” Changkyun deadpans. “What could you possibly be mourning.”

“My sanity,” Kihyun mumbles, squinting. “Should’ve brought sunglasses. The clouds are too high and this white light gives me headaches.”

“Where do you keep them? I’m _really_ handy.”

Kihyun snorts. “Yeah, sure thing.” He sighs. “Top drawer, in the bedroom. The black ones. _Because I’m mourning_.”

Changkyun snorts. “Whatever you say, cutie.” And he’s gone. The absolute fucking--

Deep breath. One. Two. Three.

“Here,” Changkyun says, appearing again and holding out the black sunglasses, wearing one of Kihyun’s other pairs, round and reflective. As far as he can remember, Hoseok had given him those because they were ‘fashionable’ but Kihyun couldn’t go out in the things, he felt ridiculous.

“You look funny,” Kihyun laughs, taking the glasses, taking just one last glance (the fact that Changkyun doesn’t actually look terrible in those things both irritates him and makes him want to roll his eyes because _of course not_ ). Kihyun laughs to himself before flipping his own glasses on. “Almost normal.”

“We look like those people in the shows,” Changkyun says, looking around, over and under the glasses. “The ones that are either always being taken pictures of, or almost definitely have a gun.”

Kihyun throws his head back and laughs. “You’re ridiculous.”

Changkyun pushes the glasses up with a finger. “Shut up, I could be famous. I could have a _gun_.”

 _Yes, definitely ridiculous_ , but totally worth it. At least the headache is gone.

Kihyun snorts. “Yes, and I hide a bat under my coat.

“Now, that’s not a _terrible_ idea,” Changkyun laughs brightly.

Kihyun nods and starts walking. “You say that now, but we both know I would just use it to knock some sense into you, half the time.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “I walk around naked _one time_ \--”

“And one time was enough.”

“You say that _now_ \--” Changkyun laughs, ducking out of the way of as Kihyun swings half-heartedly at him. “Yeah, maybe a bat isn’t the best idea.”

Kihyun shrugs and slides his hands into the pockets of his coat, kicking a pebble in the middle of the sidewalk. “Yeah, well. So, tell me. Where do you wanna go?”

“What, like… Paris, New York, or the cafe at the end of the street there?”

 _Paris and New York?_ How is Kihyun supposed to compete with that next time he wants to impress? This can _never_ become a thing. Relationship, date, whatever. _Nope!_ His wallet is going to cry and then probably quit on him.

“I… I was thinking the cafe near the intersection…?” Kihyun says a bit unsure. He is probably making a face right now. _Yes_ , he is totally making a face right now. Thank the heavens--or Changkyun, in this case, for the sunglasses.

“That sounds perfect,” Changkyun says brightly, however, reaching out to pinch the fabric of Kihyun’s coat between his fingers, just by his wrist.

A slick, silver sports car speeds up the street and Kihyun startles, stepping slightly to the side and stopping to stare at Changkyun and his hand that stays awkwardly stretched between them.

“What.” Kihyun frowns, embarrassed. “Right now?”

Changkyun winces, hand moving away even more and shoulders tensing. “Uhm. No?”

The sunglasses slide down Kihyun’s nose just a little when he lowers his head to stare at the floor for a few seconds. _Not. A. Date._ Is what he tells himself. But maybe…

He sighs, gives a little step forward and grabs Changkyun’s hand, lacing their fingers together, and shoves their hands in the pocket of his own jacket. “Let’s go.”

Changkyun leans into him almost imperceptibly, visibly more relaxed and cheeks dimpling as he tries not to smile. “You didn’t _have to_ … I can tell you’re embarrassed.”

“Just… because you can’t touch me doesn’t mean I don’t want you to,” Kihyun mumbles.

“That sounds a bit familiar,” Changkyun says to the ground as they walk. He kicks at a pebble, sends it rolling into the street.

Worth noting, Kihyun thinks, looking around, that the trees are _finally_ , completely stripped down. Which means Winter is around the corner. Which means…

 _The year is almost over…_ And he owes his father a visit.

“It’s the truth,” he says absently. “But it’s also new to me so I don’t… know how to deal with it. Bear with me a little.”

“Bearing,” Changkyun hums, squeezing his hand. “If I can ask,” Changkyun says. “Are you embarrassed because of my, er, _state_ , or just… because of all of this. In general. I know you and Hoseok aren’t and weren’t ever…”

“We weren’t. And will never be,” Kihyun snorts. “At best, we will adopt cats and share a house when we’re both old and cranky. And dogs, because I love do--uhm. I meant. No, we’re not.” He sighs and folds his thumb on Changkyun’s hand, softly scratching his skin. “And both. You and… this. It’s not like I haven’t tried but it never works out.”

“Why… not?” Changkyun asks, careful, almost… insecure. “I mean, I’m happy it didn’t but, er.” He coughs lightly and looks away.

“Happy, huh?” Kihyun mocks.

“I’m happy it’s me.” Changkyun flushes. _Flushes!_ “Not… not anyone else.”

Kihyun smiles, tugging at Changkyun’s arm a little just so their shoulders bump. “That is the most ‘human’ thing you’ve ever told me. I’m proud.”

Changkyun tugs at Kihyun’s hand a little more, quickly leaning over to smack a loud kiss on his cheek.

“Don’t make me buy a bat, you weirdo,” Kihyun says without bite, looking down at the ground. _Don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t cringe_.

“I’m embarrassed and now you have to be, too,” Changkyun grins, and then falls back onto his feet from where he’d stood on tiptoes to reach.

“And _this_ is why,” Kihyun finally says, reaching to flick his glasses off. “It never works. Because you’re like this and… it feels natural. Because people lie. You don’t.”

“More reason never to lie,” Changkyun chirps, smiling widely and looking over at the small cafe, small tables almost leaking onto the pavement under a bright red and white awning. It smells like coffee and cinnamon. “Is this it?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, and he’s not sure whether it’s just the way the light is falling over Changkyun, but he’s practically glowing as he smiles. “Wanna pick a table or order and walk around?”

“Up to you.”

Kihyun looks around a hums a little song. “We can… stay for now and then order something to take home with us. For later.”

Changkyun smiles. That wide one where his cheeks scrunch into his eyes and his cheeks dimple as he shows his teeth. “Perfect! Come on,” and tugs him in, pushing his sunglasses up to his head.

“Actually, I have a question,” Kihyun says, mind suddenly flashing, as they sit down at the table Changkyun _excitedly_ \--what a puppy--picked for them. He lets go of Changkyun and drags the chair a little once or twice until he’s comfortable, looking up with mild curiosity. “Why a guardian demon? Why not a guardian angel? Are angels even… real?” He laughs. “Sorry, Hoseok and I have been wondering…”

Changkyun holds his own hand on the table, fiddling his thumbs as he hums. “If there’s a hell there’s a heaven and with demons come angels. Lucifer is a fallen angel, after all. So are the princes. So, yeah, they exist.” Changkyun shifts a little. “And, uhm, you just… didn’t have a connection to an angel.”

Kihyun tilts his head. “Oh? You know we were making bets, right? Hoseok and I. Wondering when some idiot, self-entitled guardian angel was gonna swoop in and challenge you to a duel or whatever. Which I kicked him for, by the way--Hoseok, I mean. I’m not a damsel in distress.”

Changkyun laughs, loud and a little high pitched as he falls back a bit in the chair. “I’m not laughing becau--because of that, I just--” He laughs. “I’d never win against an _angel_ . And imagining a duel is--” He laughs some more. “ _Very_ amusing.”

“Why the hell not?” Kihyun reaches across the table to lightly punch Changkyun’s shoulder a couple of times. “You have me, I can help. See? Punching!”

Changkyun laughs a little more, letting his head hang in a chuckle. “Yes. You punch ‘em in the wings and I’ll avoid having my soul smote to shit.”

“You know Hoseok lifts? He’ll be your shield or something. Or he can just lift you and throw you. Wings are overrated when you have a friend like Hoseok.”

Changkyun giggles some more, hand over his mouth and looking at Kihyun. “So you’d fight angels for me, then? The agents of God himself. For a demon that’s horrible at being a demon.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder, folding his legs back and crossing his feet under the chair, “You fight demons for me. It’s only fair I die trying to protect you from divine judgement. Two sides to the same coin.”

Changkyun shakes his head. “Nah, deal’s off. Not letting you die for me even in a hypothetical, three to one duel.”

Something heavy, familiar, weighs inside Kihyun’s chest but he ignores it. _Not now_.

He leans forward eyes on the menu over the table. “So? What’s your theory? Why do you think I don’t have a guardian angel?”

“Balance, maybe?” Changkyun leans back, looking at the back of Kihyun’s menu. “The connection thing, too, obviously, but…” Changkyun chews on his bottom lip. And shrugs. “Besides, demons are a dime a dozen. Angels are really special.”

“You know I don’t really care, right?” Kihyun peeks over the menu. “About the… connection thing.”

Changkyun frowns, not looking up. “I’m not sure how to take that.”

“I mean I don’t think it should…” Kihyun looks down and frowns at the menu, eyes on the hot chocolate options. “It shouldn’t matter. I don’t like to think that this has anything to do with that, even if, in a way, it does. I like you because you’re you. Not because there’s an invisible umbilical cord between us, or whatever.”

“You don’t feel because of it,” Changkyun says, sounding far away. “It feels because of you.”

Kihyun makes a face before he puts the menu down and leans back on his chair. “I bet it’s ugly as fuck, as everything else I’ve seen so far. Supernatural fire poker, is what it is.”

“It’s not pretty,” Changkyun admits. “But roses are. Thorns and all. Right?”

Kihyun smiles faintly and gets up, “Are we roses in this scenario?” He asks, shrugging his jacket off before he sits back down.

“I’d like to think so,” Changkyun says with a soft smile. “I don’t mind the thorns. Not too much. It means it’s… safe, in a way. It’s what thorns are for, after all.”

“Awfully deep of you,” Kihyun chuckles, throwing his arm over the table and wiggling his fingers in front of Changkyun.

Changkyun grins, reaching out, tapping his fingers close to Kihyun’s. “Just to clarify; the wiggling means yes?”

“Touch me?”

Changkyun does, lifting Kihyun’s fingers with the tips of his to lace them together. “So, that’s a yes,” Changkyun smiles at their hands.

Kihyun smiles a little, motioning his hand right and left to make theirs hands swing over the table. “I told you already, but I really like that we have to ask. People really take touches for granted until they can’t touch anymore.”

“ _I_ have to ask, yes,” Changkyun says, thumb brushing lightly at the back of Kihyun’s hand. “You don’t. But I… I think I understand what you mean...”

“Privileges,” Kihyun shrugs, eyes on the waitress walking towards them. His first instinct is to withdraw his hand but a rather stubborn and surprisingly strong part of his brain manages to quell the little urge. So Kihyun just smiles wider, wiggling their hands over the table as if it helps.

Changkyun’s giggling softly when the waitress approaches them, smiling brightly. Her little name tag reads _Euntak_. “Good morning. Can I get you two anything to drink?”

Changkyun looks up and at Kihyun, blinking down at the menu he hadn’t even touched. “Er.”

“A mint hot chocolate for me and a vanilla latte for him,” Kihyun says, smiling at her. “Thank you.”

She nods with a polite smile, holding a little notepad in front of her that she doesn’t actually write on, despite Kihyun’s order. “Right away. We have a buffet open if you guys wanna do that.” She leans forward a little, and winks as she says. “There’s a couple’s discount if you share.”

Kihyun perks up, mind leaping right at the word ‘discount’. “Can we get take-away, too?”

She looks over her shoulder, and cups her mouth with one hand as she speaks. “If you don’t get me in trouble, I might look the other way. So should I bring you plates? Otherwise you can go help yourselves.”

“We’ll do it. Thank you!” He smiles. “But I wouldn’t mind a container or two if you can spare them…”

She nods very seriously. “I’ll see what I can do. I’ll get you those drinks.”

Changkyun blinks at her and then at Kihyun as she walks away. He wiggles their hands. “So…” he grins, waggling his eyebrows. “A couple, huh?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I knew you were gonna mention that.”

“Well, you weren’t,” Changkyun laughs, squeezing his hand. “Don’t worry,” he leans in to whisper. “I won’t say anything. Wouldn’t wanna lose our discount.”

It weighs again and this time Kihyun frowns, unable to ignore the feeling. He looks away at the street and watches a few cars pass before he looks at their table instead. “Give me some time to think about it… if that’s what you want.” He shrugs one shoulder. “If not then it’s whatever.”

Changkyun looks at him, eyes slow as they move down to their hands. “You know. The great thing about learning everything from practically scratch… Is having no expectations.”

Kihyun’s eyes move to meet with Changkyun’s. “But is that what you want? Or are you just…”

“I want…” Changkyun starts. Bites his bottom lip. Stares at their hands. “I mean, I don’t want… I _mean_ just…” Changkyun scowls in frustration, the words choppy on his tongue. He takes a breath and looks Kihyun in the eye. “Don’t... hold hands with anyone else.”

“So,” Kihyun leans down and rests his chin over the table, raising an eyebrow. “Can I kiss ‘anyone else’?” He looks up with what he intended to be innocence, but knows he most likely just smiled like the devil.

There’s a flash of something over Changkyun’s face. It looks like… hurt.

“If you…” Changkyun starts, voice small. “Want to…”

“That’s it?” Kihyun asks, perking up and then sighing and leaning away from the table, pulling Changkyun’s hand with his, and throwing his head back to stare up. “You’re no fun when you go all puppy-eyed on me…”

And Changkyun tugs at their hands, pulling Kihyun closer. “Kihyun.”

“Mm?” Kihyun looks at him, head slowly slumping forward again with laziness.

“Those… those other demons, they,” Changkyun almost sneers. “Called your theirs. ‘ _Mine_ ’. And I hated it. I’m _glad_ I got to kill them, take those words with them. I’m not going to be like them and try to lay some sort of--sort of _claim_ on you.” Changkyun looks away, jaw tense. “So you can. Obviously, you can, you can do whatever you want.” Changkyun sighs, looking back at him. “Doesn’t mean I want you to.”

‘Claim’. That sounds nothing like what Kihyun has in mind. What he thinks of is softer, selfish but lighter and rather free, too. Free to the point it just feels whenever and however it wants without Kihyun having any power over it.

“Claiming sounds a bit too strong,” Kihyun laughs. “But I won’t mind if you’re a little selfish. I know I certainly am.”

Changkyun’s expression relaxes, his shoulders slump. “You… are?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun admits, looking down. He plays with the hem of his hoodie with his free hand to distract himself from what he says next, “a lot, actually.”

“About…?” Changkyun asks, leaning forward a little to copy what Kihyun had done earlier, to rest his chin on their hands.

Kihyun shrugs nonchalantly, “Like you said, people can do whatever they want. But… that doesn’t mean that… _Well,_ feelings can’t be helped. And respecting someone else’s feelings is what,” _relationships are all about_ , “counts. Personally, I think I’d be really upset if you… well, you know.”

“No,” Changkyun smiles. “Can’t even fathom it.” He laughs softly. “Why would I even want to hold Hoseok’s hand, or anyone else’s.” Changkyun smiles with a long breath out. “I’m all yours.”

And that did not, repeating, _did not_ just make Kihyun’s heart beat in every direction possible. It really didn’t. It also didn’t make him smile as Changkyun spoke, not really. It didn’t. It didn’t because some things still weigh heavy on his chest and this both helps and doesn’t.

“Same,” Kihyun mumbles. “S--Same.”

And Changkyun beams. Beams right at him. Because it’s a choice. It’s belonging _with_ someone. Not _to_ them. Not something one claims, but something one accepts. And it’s free. It’s not a prison or a duty or the after-effects of some connection the universe decides for you.

“Your drinks,” the waitress chirps, putting the drinks down in front of them. It’s oddly sobering, and Kihyun leans back a little, smiling politely around the pink in his cheeks.

“Thank you,” Changkyun says, still beaming at Kihyun like an idiot.

  


\---

  


It’s been a riptide of feelings lately. So, today feels like in the eye of the storm. Being back home feels even better with the way the clouds threaten the earth with rain. And maybe to contrast a little, Kihyun actually feels quite happy.

The things Changkyun manages to do--manages to make him feel are… piling up. Building a wall around the weigh in his chest. It’s there, Kihyun can feel it. He can feel it when Changkyun looks at him and Kihyun hears ‘stay’ and thinks ‘don’t go’. And he can feel it in the small touches, too. But he can’t see it. He can’t see it and he knows it’s only a matter of time…

Just like a clock. _Tick-tock tick-tock_. And Kihyun really wishes time wasn’t real.

But there’s a clock on the wall of his kitchen to remind him.

“So, I’m not saying we’re having pastries for dinner,” Kihyun starts, placing the small plastic bag atop the table, “but that is exactly what I’m saying.”

Changkyun reaches for the plastic bag, peering inside. “I don’t understand why certain foods have to be eaten at certain times and others can’t be eaten at others.”

“It’s not a science, really. Mostly just culture. Everyone also thinks dairy milk will strengthen your bones but have you seen a cow drink their own milk in the morning? Yet their femur is almost as thick as my whole leg. Eat grass. Eat a cabbage. But nooooo, milk.”

“What did milk _do_ to you?” Changkyun laughs, sitting himself down on the couch and getting out his phone again. Should never have given him that thing.

“Nothing,” Kihyun shrugs, taking off his jacket. “Milk is okay. But facts are facts and I am just trying to sound smart right now.”

“To a guy who doesn’t know what a cow is,” Changkyun teases.

Kihyun laughs, short but loud. “Google it. They’re actually quite cute. It’s the eyes, I think. It’s always the eyes--windows to the soul, yadda yadda.”

Changkyun laughs, lying down on the couch and tapping away at his phone. “Let’s see… Whenever I have to look up animals I always look at what the babies look like. I don’t know why, but it’s always cute. Every animal. Think I might just be looking for an exception by now.”

“You know sharks eat their own siblings inside their mother’s womb, right? Start’em early why don’t you.”

“I… Did not know that.” Changkyun taps away and coos. “Aw, cows! This one’s pink, is it real?”

Kihyun strolls to the bedroom to throw his jacket over the bed. “Probably edited. I doubt there are pink cows out there in the, uhm, wild.” He walks back into the living room but stops to lean on the wall, next to the sofa. “Uhm, farms. Whatever.”

Changkyun hums and types, mumbling. “Farms…” He looks up, cheek squished against the couch. “Sorry, did you wanna sit down?”

Kihyun blinks down at him. “No, it’s fine,” he says, walking around to sofa to sit on the floor in the little space the small table allows. He leans back, head back as well. It bumps on Changkyun’s arm. “See? I’m fine.”

Changkyun shows him his phone. There’s a whole google image page full of pictures of farms. “This looks nice.”

“We can visit, one day. If you want.” _If we can_.

“There are cows there?” Changkyun asks. Excited. About cows. Unbelievable.

Kihyun smiles, “Among other things, yes.”

Changkyun hums, retracting the phone. “Hey, did you know I found you on google, too?”

“What?” Kihyun frowns. _What the fuck does he mean_. “How so?”

“Look,” and Changkyun shows him his phone again. It’s the google image result for the term ‘cute fox’. And despite the little squeeze in his heart-- _unnecessary_ \--Kihyun really tries to keep a serious face.

He fails, but not monumentally. There is just a hint of a smile, threatening, and he needs to bite at his upper lip to keep it from showing. “Hm,” he says because he can’t open his mouth.

Foxes are fine. At least they’re pretty.

“Oh wait,” Changkyun says, leaning in to scroll through the pictures from were he’s lying on the couch. “Iiiiis that us?” Changkyun asks, pointing at a picture.

Kihyun snorts. “How come you’re a wolf and I’m… a fox.”

“A wolf?” Changkyun asks, shifting on the couch so he’s lying on his front, legs kicking. “I thought it was a dog.”

“In a way,” Kihyun turns slightly and props his elbow over the cushion to point at the screen, “same family. But--and this is my personal opinion here, I think wolves are a tad smarter.” He shrugs. “Also untamed. And big.”

“Hmm,” Changkyun says, in thought. “They’re… pretty. Anyway,” Changkyun says, dangling himself off the side of the couch and blinking at Kihyun with a little smile. “What do you wanna do?”

Kihyun’s brain misfires a little so he blinks in reply at first, until his neurons stop flashing like crazy. “I don’t have… I don’t--Whatever you want.” He says, looking away with wide eyes because, _What the fuck, Yoo Kihyun. You’re an adult! Act like one!_

Changkyun kicks his legs in the air a little, propping his head up with his hands. “Mmm. Lemme think. Things we do. We sleep, we eat, we go to foreign countries, we kill demons, we get interrupted by Hoseok…”

Kihyun brings his hand to his forehead, eyes boring a hole on the cushion where he’s had his glare intensify as Changkyun spoke. “So many things, so little time,” he says just to fill in the silence. He suddenly wishes they weren’t home.

And then Changkyun sneezes. Loud and sudden and into the couch cushion. “What the he--” He sneezes again.

“Are you getting sick?” Kihyun asks, looking up. Can demons even get sick? Maybe. Considering Changkyun also sleeps now.

“No,” Changkyun says, nose scrunched up in displeasure. “Can’t get sick.”

Kihyun lightly touches Changkyun’s arm with the tips of his fingers, mostly for reassurance. “Hey, I’m serious, though. If… if you feel sick or weird, tell me.” He gestures towards the bathroom. “I don’t get sick but I have medicine in the cabinet, just in case… Mostly because Hoseok gets sick whenever he catches a tad of wind.”

Changkyun scoffs. “Gets cold easy, too,” Changkyun pauses, and plops off the couch to sit next to Kihyun. “What do you mean by ‘weird’?”

“I mean weird _er_ ,” Kihyun says with a smile. “Like, not in pain but funny in a strange way. Sickness doesn’t always hurt. Sometimes it’s just bothersome. So… if you, you know, feel weird or whatever… tell me.”

Changkyun hums, leaning his head back on the sofa. “Well. Yesterday… When you...”

It skips a beat. And then it jackerhams in his chest. But Kihyun keeps his head down even if the only thing he can hear right now, besides Changkyun’s voice, is his own heartbeat.

“When I…?” He really shouldn’t be asking. He should be making coffee. But a small part of him is curious. And a greater part _wants_ it. Which beats everything else, even reason. So, in a way, he really hopes Changkyun doesn’t mean what Kihyun wants him to mean. If that makes any sense.

“Tried to get me off the couch,” Changkyun says, eyes on the ceiling.

“What about it?”

“Feeling things is very close to wanting things,” he says, low, licking his lips. “Being tired means you want to sleep. Being hungry means you want to eat. I’m not sure what I was feeling, but it… wanted.”

It’s slow and faint, but Kihyun knows his hand is moving. He knows he’s touching Changkyun’s fingers even if he can’t see them. And he knows his heart is really, really loud. “And what did it want exactly?” He asks, softly.

It’s a strange feeling, wanting something but not wanting to feel it.

“You,” Changkyun breathes. “More of you.”

A beat of silence pulses between them. Kihyun bites at his lower lip and takes a deep breath through his nose. “And... now?”

Changkyun slowly shifts, turning to face Kihyun. And Kihyun can feel his eyes there, on him. Changkyun moves his fingers, slowly, carefully, not doing anything other than commanding attention. “Now… Now I want, too, but it’s different. Different but the same.”

Kihyun stops breathing altogether when it dawns on him what he is doing, what he _wants_ to do. As if Changkyun’s little (big) confession wasn’t enough, having him right there pretty much switches gravity for his body.

Blood goes south, sanity a little as well, and Kihyun lowers his head further down, releasing a slow, shaky breath. He takes another one, another deep, steady breath to gather his courage--because it actually scares him to death, not Changkyun, not this but himself--and leans forward.

“Changkyun…” Kihyun trains his eyes somewhere down. “Touch me.”

The fingers on Kihyun’s hand tense, and his gaze shifts as Changkyun moves his hand up Kihyun’s arm, up to his shoulder, pulling at the material and ducking in to softly kiss the skin there at his neck, making Kihyun shiver, his breath hitch.

Hand reaching for Changkyun’s elbow, Kihyun pulls him closer. Because he needs him closer. This… this is not enough. He, too, wants _more_. And Changkyun responds eagerly, pulling away to move, to throw a leg over Kihyun and straddle him, hand coming up to his neck. Changkyun looks him in the eye as he licks his lips.

And it’s still not good enough. It needs more… _something_.

Kihyun’s lips part with a breath and he grabs Changkyun’s shoulder, pulls him closer to kiss his jaw up to his earlobe, his other hand sliding under Changkyun’s sweater and then trailing the skin up his torso, feeling every dent of muscle. Changkyun gasps at the touch, curling into Kihyun and leaning his head back to expose his neck.

And it still needs more… _something_.

Changkyun shifts, kneeling between Kihyun’s legs. He breathes heavily when Kihyun doesn’t stop kissing at his neck. And then hands grip at Kihyun’s legs and move up to his waist. Changkyun lifts Kihyun up, and, somewhere between careful and rough, throws him on the couch.

Kihyun knows he’s looking at Changkyun with a rather fathomless intensity. But he doesn’t care. He leans back on the sofa and pulls Changkyun along with him, on top of him, but before Changkyun can do anything more than look, Kihyun pulls at the hem of his sweater, first tugging and then up to pull it over Changkyun’s head. Changkyun helps, raising his arms and pulling at it as well, and throws the sweater across the room. He’s still looking at Kihyun when he leans in, scratching his hands over Kihyun’s stomach as his hands move under the thick hoodie. He kisses at Kihyun’s neck and then… and then laughs softly into Kihyun’s ear.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Kihyun brings his hand up Changkyun’s naked back up to his neck, trailing small circles along the way. “Quick learner, remember?” Kihyun says a lot more breathless than he’d expected, his other hand tracing the waistband peeking from under Changkyun’s shorts. “Plus, I don’t mind... if it’s you…”

Changkyun pulls away enough to look at him with those soft, puppy eyes, and then grab at his hoodie, pulling up and shifting down to kiss the soft skin of his stomach. And Kihyun snaps his mouth closed, breathing out through his nose.

There’s a familiar burn in his lower abdomen. Kihyun props himself up just enough to pull his hoodie and his shirt over his head at the same time, letting them fall on the floor. He flops back onto the sofa and when Changkyun kisses all the way up his chest, Kihyun grips at Changkyun’s waist, eyebrows almost knitting together, eyes flicking to the ceiling when he bucks his hips.

Changkyun growls, somewhere deep and low at the back of his throat. He breathes out once, then kissing down Kihyun’s chest, his stomach, his hip-bones... Moving up his chest again and, when he reaches Kihyun’s collarbone, nipping there as he pushes his knee up between Kihyun’s legs, breath hitching with the sudden, breathy almost quiet _“Ah”_ that comes out of Kihyun’s mouth.

Changkyun’s hand tightens at his hip, the other propping himself up to look at Kihyun, eyes dazed.

But Kihyun quickly pulls Changkyun back down, their chests pressing flush. “Do you trust me?” Kihyun asks, lips on Changkyun’s ear.

Kihyun can feel Changkyun shiver against him, feels him nod slightly. “Yeah… Of course I do.”

One finger teasingly sliding under Changkyun’s waistband, Kihyun drags it from his lower back to his side and then between them, using his thumb to unbutton Changkyun’s shorts and then tug at them, down.

And what are thoughts, really. Kihyun doesn’t have thoughts at this point. Or questions. There’s just… _this_ . And _him_.

And that’s it.

With one movement and a surprisingly well-timed reaction, Kihyun sits up, hand on Changkyun’s chest to throw him back, knocking Changkyun’s breath out of him and inverting their positions.

Changkyun blinks up at him, eyes wide and cheeks practically red. He squirms a little, restricted by the shorts around his thighs. Kihyun leans over and pulls them down, first a hand and then with his foot, before he starts kissing down Changkyun’s neck, hand sliding from his abdomen to his crotch, palming and then pressing.

Changkyun gasps a sound, high and breathy. He fumbles before gripping at Kihyun’s arm. “K-Kihyun, _ah_.” Changkyun bucks his hips up into the touch and it feels like electricity, running through Kihyun’s body.

It hits him like a tidal wave: the _something_ that he wants has nothing to do with him personally. It’s not about him, not really. It’s about Changkyun. It’s about making Changkyun _feel_ . It’s about… _pride_.

With that in mind, Kihyun comes up just to leave a quick, chaste kiss on Changkyun’s forehead before kneeling down between Changkyun’s legs.

There’s one second in which Kihyun breathes just to gather himself and then there’s the kisses he trails from Changkyun’s bent knee by his side, down to very last bit of exposed skin Changkyun’s boxers aren’t hiding, where he sucks and bites, _hard_ , knowing it won’t leave a bruise. And with every bite and kiss, Changkyun gasps or groans softly, or grips a bit tighter, breathes a bit harder.

And Kihyun doesn’t waste time with _thinking_ , much more worried with _doing_ , when he brushes his lips over Changkyun’s covered and already hard dick, just enough pressure to tease and not enough to relieve. “I…” Changkyun gasps. “Ki, what…”

Kihyun glances up, eyes hooded and locking with Changkyun’s for a split second before he opens his mouth around Changkyun and tongues the fabric, this time pressing, moving his teeth up as well, scratching just enough. And when he pulls back to look at Changkyun one more time, he palms his crotch again, fingers curling around the waistband and under the fabric and he feels it, smooth on his fingertips. Changkyun whines softly, curling in before falling back down. His hands fumble, reaching for something and finding Kihyun’s neck, his shoulders.

But Kihyun pays that little mind, tugging at Changkyun’s boxers, pulling them down his hips just enough to free his dick. It holds close to Changkyun’s body as Kihyun pulls the boxers down. First just slightly, using the tightness of the band to hold everything taut, and then slowly pulling them all the way down and away.

Kihyun breathes out through his nose. His face feels a little hot. _It’s been a while,_ he thinks. But then again, he’s not the type to overthink when he can just _act_ . He leans down to press a hard lick from the base to the tip, 

“Kihyun!” Changkyun gasps, grip moving from Kihyun’s shoulder and pulling at his hair.

“Yeah?” Kihyun asks, voice barely there, hovering for a moment when he notices the mole on the left side of Changkyun’s dick before he trails his lips back down.

Changkyun’s grip doesn’t relax, and he pants through his words: “It feels… so much.”

Kihyun laughs deep in his throat. “I know…” He says, mind gone blank, and licks his lips. “I know…”

He trails up with wet lips and a scrap of teeth before closing his lips around the head of Changkyun’s dick, whose voice breaks in a cry he tries to muffle. And Kihyun can’t fight his own muffled moan as he slides his mouth as far down as he can manage. With his eyes watering a little as he swallows, throat closing around Changkyun to avoid the sudden gag reflex.

His mouth waters on instinct and he breathes in through his nose once before he grips at the base and laps from his fingers to the tip, flicking the end of his tongue beneath the head.

And Changkyun’s groaning as Kihyun moves on him. He’s groaning deep and loud and breaking into little whines and pants as he grips, almost tugs at Kihyun’s hair. _“Fuck!”_ Changkyun cries out, hips bucking up. “I-- _Kihyun_ …”

Kihyun’s breath hitches loudly and he almost chokes, needing to hold a hand on Changkyun’s hipbone to keep him down. “Christ--you’re--” Kihyun breathes. There’s so much to go on, but Changkyun reacting to him so openly feels like throwing gasoline into a fire.

Then again, this is not about Kihyun. So he ignores his own uncomfortable boner, _again_ , sucks in a sharp breath and opens around Changkyun once more, swallowing him down to the hilt. Changkyun shakes under him, breathing heavily and arching slightly, even as Kihyun pushes him down. And moans. Deep and uninhibited, and it sounds like a prayer; it sounds like ‘ _Kihyun_ ’.

Gliding his swollen lips up Changkyun’s dick and pressing a sloppy, wet kiss to the tip, Kihyun looks up at Changkyun with his lips parted, struggling for breath. And Changkyun looks back, flushed and panting, eyes dark. “Ki…” he whines softly, hand in Kihyun’s hair.

And Kihyun goes down again, further down each time until there are solo tears hanging on his cheek. And he sucks harder, listening to Changkyun panting erratically, out of rhythm as Kihyun quickens his pace. Changkyun cries out, then _, loud_. He clings to Kihyun, hands in his hair, and he arches, moan breaking as he screams through his first orgasm. And Kihyun doesn’t really mind the way Changkyun holds him fast down before he could have warned him. He just shuts his eyes closed and concentrates on swallowing, on giving Changkyun something to remember.

Something to _feel_.

And whichever _sin_ possessed him to say what he says next should probably stay down before it climbs all the way up.

“Did you…” Kihyun leans back, rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth,a bitter taste on his tongue, gaze on Changkyun with his lips parted as he breathes, eyes dazed and on the ceiling, “did you feel good?”

Changkyun scrunches his eyes closed for a second, catching his breath. “That felt…” he looks at Kihyun, the corners of his lips teasing up, chest still moving up and down with slow, deep breaths. “Amazing. I don’t even… _Wow._ ”

Kihyun licks his lips and looks away fast. Great, _now_ he is feeling embarrassed, chest swelling a little with pride. “That’s… good.”

Changkyun sits up, running his hands through Kihyun’s hair and leaning his forehead against Kihyun’s. And then down his arms, pulling him closer. “Come here.”

 _“Wha_ \--What.”

Changkyun pulls away to blink at him. His hair is in… absolute disarray, sweat beading his hairline. “I want to touch you, too.”

Kihyun presses his forehead harder against Changkyun’s, a little playfully even if his smile is not big enough to match. “I’m okay, though…” _More or less okay, at least_.

Changkyun smiles softly, but pulls him up, closer, to fall back as Kihyun ends up on his lap.

“You know your dick is still out, right?” Kihyun deadpans even though he doesn’t really mind. Not as much as he thought he would, at least.

“Well, yes, yours isn’t, though,” Changkyun frowns, moving his hands up and down Kihyun’s legs. “I remember that being a bit uncomfortable.”

Kihyun chuckles. “I’m okay. I didn’t… do it to get something in return. It’s not about me right now.”

Changkyun laughs a little, letting a hand trail to Kihyun’s waist. “Well. If you insist. And… thank you, then, I guess? I had _no idea_.” He laughs again, cheeks red.

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and looks away, somewhere out the window (thank god he lives on the 7th floor and his building is the tallest). “Good thing I am a great teacher, then. And you’re a good student.”

“I didn’t…” Changkyun flushes, shifting a little. “ _Do_ much.”

“And you think I care? It’s not about me. It’s about you. And I’m _fine_.”

“Again, if you insist…” Changkyun says, reaching out to trail his fingers softly over Kihyun’s cheeks, his lips. “Not now. But not… never?”

Kihyun bites at Changkyun’s finger and Changkyun’s breath hitches. Kihyun closes his lips around it and tongues the pad before he lets go and leans down, holding his tongue between his teeth for a second. “I’m free later…”

Changkyun swallows, clearly vying for a teasing smile but his eyes wander to Kihyun’s lips instead. “I… I mean, yeah, that--that works, that’s good for me, I don’t have any--any plans or--” He swallows again. “What was I saying.”

“Something between the lines of ‘I’m cute and beautiful’.” Kihyun leans back again and shrugs. _“Oooor_ something,” he shivers a little, cringing just slightly at himself.

Changkyun pushes himself up, smiling at Kihyun with a terrible amount of sincerity. “You are. Cute. Beautiful,” Changkyun pokes Kihyun’s nose. “ _Sexy_.”

Kihyun shoves a hand at Changkyun’s face and pushes him back down, going down with him, too. Their noses touch and Kihyun smiles a little, looking Changkyun in the eye even if a bit out of focus. And it tugs, just slightly, but it’s a feeling so familiar at this point Kihyun finds himself forgetting it’s there. “See? Now I’m taking the compliment. Because I just did that. And _you_ just did that. So…”

Changkyun moves his face so their noses brush against each other and grins. “If I told you you’re beautiful every time I thought it, I’d never shut up.”

“I’m glad you don’t then. Ever say a word too many times until it starts sounding funny as hell--wait, hell probably isn’t all that funny but… stupid sayings…”

Changkyun giggles softly. “Never change.”

“Shut up,” Kihyun says, frowning, leaning his forehead on Changkyun’s, “or I’m gonna start thinking about kissing you again and… we can’t have that.”

“No…” Changkyun barely whispers. “No, we can’t…”

“Don’t go sad on me, I just _did_ that!”

Changkyun smiles a little. “I’m not sad. Because I know what sad means now and… and I’m really happy, Kihyun,” he says, pinching softly at Kihyun’s cheek with an almost wicked grin. “Just wish I could kiss you like they do in movies.”

Kihyun puffs the cheek Changkyun is pinching. “Now you’re making _me_ sad…”

“Well,” Changkyun starts, trailing his hand down Kihyun’s chest until he’s gripping at Kihyun’s waistband and grinning. “I could always…”

“You sound like a horny teenager. I am actually amused right now.”

Changkyun waggles his eyebrows. “Well, you _did_ just technically take a _demon’s_ virginity…”

Throwing his tongue on to fake a gag, Kihyun shivers again. “Ugh, you just had to go and say it.”

“Say what?” Changkyun laughs, pinching lightly at Kihyun’s side. “I am _very_ happily taken.”

“Satan must be rocking his brain against his skull downstairs. Sorry about that. Maybe not _that_ sorry.” Kihyun pauses and looks at Changkyun. “Am I still going to heaven or did I just buy a one way ticket to hell?”

Changkyun shakes his head, pointing at his own lips and tapping them lightly. “This is the seal. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, leaning really, really close, his lips just a breath away, Changkyun freezing, and then he just blows on them and smiles. “Noted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised show cows so have my top three from the first page of google images:
> 
> 1) [delicious, fluffy boy](https://laughingsquid.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/20130604-12552987-fluffycow4.jpg)  
> 2) [the smut would probably take a lot less time to write if I stopped sending her these pictures, huh](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/f7/98/87/f7988764eb4708a2c6fcaea7af038faa--show-cows-fluffy-cows.jpg)  
> 3) [I want one of these but like, a miniature one like harry potter with the dragons? yeah, that but like. this boy here](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/52/a8/dc/52a8dcc608e40007581ddc461a8b388b.jpg)
> 
> Thank you and here's hoping y'all enjoyed the blowjob!


	10. Memories: Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nothing lasts forever and sometimes memories is all we’ve got.”

“I don’t know why I feel so tired,” Kihyun mumbles from where he just collapsed, sprawled all over the bed like a starfish. “We did nothing. _Nothing_. Yet I feel like we just faced something twice our size.”

“Mm,” Changkyun hums, lying on his stomach on the bed and scrolling on his phone. He looks up as Kihyun falls, smiling a little before going back to whatever he does on that thing. Look up cows. Shit like that. “I think the term is ‘lazy’.” Changkyun pokes Kihyun’s side with his phone. “Lazy.”

Kihyun scratches his leg where his boxers have been pinching at his skin for a while. “I work two jobs, you know. There’s food on the table. And a roof. And a bed.” He pauses. “I’m making no sense right now, ignore me.”

Changkyun crosses his legs at the ankle, swinging his legs back and forth. “No, no, there’s some sense in there. I should get a job or something. Put some more things on the table besides food, a roof and a bed.”

“Don’t forget me. You might have put me on the table too, at some point.”

“Huh, now there’s an idea,” Changkyun says, grinning.

Kihyun frowns and turns his face to the other side to smile. “Not a fairly new idea, I’m sensing. Anyway, you know what I mean. And no, you’re not getting a job.”

“Oh, why not? You don’t think I could…” Changkyun gestures. “Job? Or whatever.”

“The word you’re looking for is ‘work’ and that is not really the problem. I know you can do whatever you set out to do. But,” he turns again to look at Changkyun, “what happens when… I need you and you’re doing a pizza-delivery, hm?”

Changkyun grins, biting at the plastic cover of his phone on the corner ( _Great_ , he’s eating the phone now, too). “You know, I could deliver pizza _really_ fast.”

Kihyun rolls to his side and frowns. “And what if people found out?”

“You worry too much,” Changkyun murmurs, tapping at his lips once with the phone before he continues his scrolling. “I wouldn’t wanna make a burden of myself. Eat all your food, sleep in your bed and… whatever you do with roofs.”

Not laughing is nearly impossible, but Kihyun tries to keep to a minimum. “I worry because if I don’t then no one else will. And because I _care_ . Or do you want _me_ to tell _you_ you worry too much next time I start hearing voices and creepy things…?”

Changkyun grumbles to himself before admitting, quietly, “Point made. I’m just a bit more… durable, is all. So my worry has to, I don’t know, adapt. So does yours. A fitting amount of worry.”

It weighs, again, and Kihyun frowns, _again_. “I don’t like this subject…”

Changkyun squints at Kihyun, and rolls off the bed. Literally rolls, plopping down on the floor before jumping up and pointing at Kihyun. “I wanna show you something. And it’s _not_ ,” he wags his finger for emphasis. “A city in Europe.”

Kihyun contemplates the situation, frown growing harsher, and he sits up. “I’m skeptical, now.”

“You aren’t always?”

_Little piece of--_

Sighing with perhaps too much exasperation, Kihyun gets up from the bed. “Go on, what is it.”

“I just want you to worry a bit less,” Changkyun shrugs, walking backwards out of the bedroom. “Come on.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and follows after Changkyun, arms crossed to show how very close-minded he is about the entire subject. “Going, going.”

“Okay, so don’t get mad,” Changkyun starts, walking into the kitchen. “I’ll replace it.”

“That is a terrible way to start this,” Kihyun warns, tone an octave lower. “Go on.”

Changkyun laughs, opens a drawer, and takes out probably the biggest knife Kihyun has. While still smiling. Like a fucking _psychopath_.

“I am not sure I like where this is going…” Kihyun says, glare shifting from the knife to Changkyun and then back to the knife.

“Eh, it’ll be fine,” Changkyun says, and points the knife right at his chest, both hands on the hilt. And thrusts it right into his chest before Kihyun can even process what’s happening. Except that _isn’t_ what happens. The blade shatters with the force of it and Changkyun looks very pleased with himself.

Kihyun, however, is beyond pissed. _“What the actual fuck_ are you--What did you just--?”

Changkyun’s smile falters into confusion. “I’m gonna get a new one, really.”

“A new--” Kihyun rolls his eyes and throws his hands up, the familiar, invisible weigh on his chest a lot heavier. “I give up. Do whatever you want. See if I care.” He says, turning around to walk back into the bedroom.

“Wha--Kihyun, hang on, wait--” Changkyun somehow manages to step in front of him, holding a hand out to the wall to stop him walking. “Why are you mad?”

Kihyun glares at him. _Why_ , he asks. Why indeed. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“I? No? I just showed you I couldn’t get hurt--”

 _“That you know of!”_ Kihyun startles himself with how loud his voice sounds and quickly backtracks, looking away. “I’m… sorry. I just… I know, okay? Better than anyone, I know what you can do. But I also know there is always someone better than us, than _you_. Always. And I don’t... “ He sighs. “I don’t like this subject.”

Bad things happen to the people who try to protect him. Kihyun knows that. He knew it _then_ . He knows it now. There is a reason he doesn’t go back home anymore, after all. Home- _Home._

“Kihyun, I’m not _reckless_. Or stupid.”

“You are,” Kihyun says knowingly. “You are if it’s me, or am I wrong?” He glares. “Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong.”

Changkyun looks at him for a second, before looking away, at the wall, at whatever. “Give me some credit. I can’t protect you if I’m dead.”

“I don’t…” Kihyun looks down. “I really don’t like this subject…”

“I’ll never regret dying for you, Kihyun” Changkyun says, letting his hand fall and moving forward to walk past him. “Do with that what you will, but it’s true.”

It weighs even more now. To the point Kihyun needs to make a conscious effort to breathe. “Don’t say that…”

Changkyun stops. He’s next to Kihyun, not looking at him. “If Hoseok was standing in the road, and there was a car coming, and you could save him, push him out of the way, but you’d die, would you?”

Kihyun really, really doesn’t like this subject. And it the weight keeps adding, growing. “I…” He looks up, not at Changkyun. “I’m going to bed.”

“Can I…” Changkyun breathes. “Join you? Not… not now... Later.”

Stopping at the foot of the bed, Kihyun stares at it for a while before turning his head just slightly but not enough to look over his shoulder. “Do what you want.”

 

\---

 

It’s already past midnight and Kihyun can’t fall asleep. He’s scrolling down his emails just to pass the time, looking through old documents and old photographs for old projects. It’s nostalgic, keeps his mind off things and actually manages to bring a small smile or two to his face every now and then.

He rolls to his side, folding an arm under the pillow where he has his head. He remembers taking some of those photographs. Others belong to some of his coworkers. All in all, he has to admit he’s better at it than every single one of them. But maybe not as so good with… relationships. Even if that’s not really what _this_ is.

Kihyun fumbles a little more with his phone before dropping it near his pillow and turning to face the ceiling, throwing an arm over his face, too.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, soft, unsure, from the doorway. And Kihyun feels the knot in his chest fall loose, hanging, almost gone but not entirely.

“Hey,” he says back, unmoving.

“I…” Kihyun hears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about… how it would feel, if you were me. If you told me those things.”  There’s a dip in the bed, at the foot of it. “I didn’t think… I still don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you.”

Kihyun lets his arm fall from his face, his eyes staring up at the dark ceiling. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.” He sighs, trying to untangle that last little thread. “Come here…”

Changkyun moves on the bed, slips under the covers next to Kihyun and pulls lightly at the thin material of Kihyun’s shirt. “Still. I’m sorry...”

“Me too,” Kihyun says, throwing his arm around Changkyun to pull him closer. “But,” their foreheads bump, “today was… nice. I don’t want to ruin it. Just today--well, yesterday, it’s past midnight, my judgement fails me.”

Changkyun breathes a little out of his nose in a laugh, smoothing his hand over the slight dip in Kihyun’s waist. “I promised you a peaceful day. And then I go and be stupid.”

“You are a bit stupid, but no news there.” Kihyun smiles and, just like that, the last thread, _gone_. “I knew what I was signing up for, more or less…”

“Just because I’m a dummy doesn’t mean you can be _mean_ about it,” Changkyun grumbles without bite.

“Mean? _Me?”_ Kihyun laughs, breathy. “Perish the thought.”

“Well, I mean, I did know what I was getting into… More or less.”

Kihyun blinks, eyes out of focus somewhere on Changkyun’s face, and he leans back a little just to open his mouth around Changkyun’s nose and _chomp_.

Changkyun startles, and Kihyun can almost _see_ the surprise in Changkyun’s eyes, before he bursts out a laugh. “What the hell?! Is this a thing people do?”

“No,” Kihyun says as serious as he can, “It’s a _Kihyun_ thing.”

Changkyun giggles some more, shaking his head and pinching the little roll of baby fat at Kihyun’s waist, making him startle.

“Are you--” Kihyun starts, propping himself over his elbow to look down at Changkyun. “You wanna fight for real?”

Changkyun raises his eyebrows. “Fight? What do you..?”

Kihyun sits up, rolling the covers up when he does, and throws himself at Changkyun’s feet, locking his legs around Changkyun’s one and tickling at the palm of his foot.

Changkyun yelps, laughing in a high-pitched panic. “Ah! Wha--stop it!” Changkyun kicks, and Kihyun knows that if Changkyun actually tried, Kihyun would probably be on the other side of the room, smashed over the wall like a cookie. Changkyun turns as much as he can, poking Kihyun’s sides.

“Yield, you little shit!” Kihyun laughs at him.

Changkyun laughs back, lifting Kihyun off his leg with far too much goddamn ease, tossing him just enough to the side to take the advantage from him, but rolling with him as he does. “Never!”

Kihyun knows he might have to start accompaigning Hoseok to the gym and take a shot at those protein bars if he wants to have a chance at winning these fights. Which is never going to happen, so he might as well dream.

He lets himself lie on his back. Except now Changkyun is on top on him, looking down. And the way Kihyun’s brain processes priorities goes from relevant information to _‘touch Changkyun_ ’ in first place with the very bottom of the list ending in _‘we just had our first real fight, keep it in your pants, Yoo Kihyun’_.

“You know I can hear your heartbeat, right?”

“And…?” Kihyun asks, chastising himself when his heart gets even louder inside his chest

Changkyun leans forward, grinning. “Oh, no reason.” And shoves his hands under Kihyun’s shirt, tickling at the sides of his torso.

Kihyun spits a laugh, quickly grabbing Changkyun’s wrists. “You know, this is _very_ unfair. You’re stronger than I am. _Physically_. Stronger.”

“You _initiated_ it,” Changkyun laughs, letting Kihyun hold onto his wrists as he ducks down and blows a raspberry on Kihyun’s stomach.

Pulling at his wrists until Changkyun stretches back up, Kihyun manages to lift his head to _(softly)_ headbutt him. “You are _so_ annoying…”

Changkyun laughs again, flipping them around so swiftly Kihyun almost yelps. “Better?”

“Much better,” Kihyun says with a chuckle, leaning down do kiss Changkyun’s forehead. “But you’re still annoying. You’re just lucky I like you,” he adds.

“If I was really annoying you wouldn’t like me, though,” Changkyun smiles up at him.

“If I didn’t like you, you wouldn’t like me. Luckily,” Kihyun presses his thumbs on Changkyun’s wrists, slowly bringing his arms up and then pinning them down onto the pillow, “I am not picky. I like everyone. Except the assholes.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, shifting under Kihyun to slot his hips with Kihyun’s, slowly moving against him. “Everyone? Here I thought I was special.”

Kihyun lets out a shaky breath, rolling his hips once and leaning down to press his forehead against Changkyun’s, Kihyun’s hands sliding up to lock their fingers. “Don’t you feel special?”

Kihyun can feel Changkyuns arms tense, like he wants to move but doesn't. He does, however, continue to be an almost frustratingly fast learner, and practically grinds up into Kihyun, moving his head to duck forward, biting softly at Kihyun’s ear and whispering in a low, deep voice. “About time _you_ feel special, then. Wanna make you feel special, Ki...”

And that _did not_ just stab at Kihyun’s lower abdomen like a sharp knife. _Not at all_.

Finally, after a really loud breath, with his heartbeat up to his ears, Kihyun lets go of Changkyun’s hands and leans down until their chests press, one knee between Changkyun’s legs pressing just as Kihyun slides his lips on Changkyun’s jaw with slow kisses.

Changkyun sucks in a breath, sharp and shaky. His hands grip at Kihyun’s shirt, tugging a little and then just moving down, slowly, to grab at Kihyun’s ass over his boxers, pushing them together, closer, and Kihyun groans a little, pressing himself closer, too, breathing out over Changkyun’s neck as he moves his hips, hoping to get some friction.

Groaning in tandem, Changkyun’s one hand reaches up to Kihyun’s hair, the other still firm on Kihyun’s ass as he grinds up, holding Kihyun there. “T-tell me what to do,” Changkyun groans into his ear, squeezing at Kihyun’s ass. “Wanna make you feel good, too.”

Kihyun’s hips jerk almost in response. He loses himself a little in the rhythm before he says, “Just touch me. _Touch me.”_

“ _That_ I can do,” Changkyun growls, matching Kihyun’s rhythm but pulling insistently at Kihyun’s shirt, kissing at Kihyun’s neck. “Wanna see you…”

Kihyun gasps at that, head coming up almost immediately. He looks Changkyun in the eye for a moment, frowning when he feels the familiar gravitational pull, and then sits up just enough to pull his shirt over his head.

Changkyun blinks, letting out a little breath as he reaches out, fingers dancing, gentle, over Kihyun’s chest and down to his stomach. “Beautiful.”

Eyes wide before he drops his head onto Changkyun’s shoulder, Kihyun lets his hand trail to Changkyun’s back, sliding between him and the bed, then ghostly climbing up when Changkyun arches to the touch, feeling his back, his neck, until he fists them around a handful of Changkyun’s neck. “I really wanna… kiss you right now,” he whispers, breath hot, his stomach quivering just a little under Changkyun’s fingers.

Changkyun grips at his waist and his hair, pulling Kihyun closer. “I… Yeah, me too,” he whispers back, before pressing a soft, lingering kiss on Kihyun’s shoulder.

And Kihyun shivers. “Touch me, _Changkyun_ , _touch me,”_ he says again, opening his mouth on Changkyun’s neck and biting, pulling at the skin with his teeth.

It’s not kissing, but it’s _something_.

“Fuck,” Changkyun groans, sitting up and, more gently than the last time, perhaps more gently than really necessary, moving to lay Kihyun down and kiss down his jaw, his neck, hands on Kihyun’s waist, his chest, his legs, like he’s trying to touch as much as possible, before tugging at Kihyun’s boxers even as he grinds down.

It makes Kihyun feel wanted. And, in a way, allowing himself to _feel_ wanted drives him beyond the fire burning inside him. Because he wants, too.

He turns his face just slightly, breathing on Changkyun’s ear once he comes back up to kiss Kihyun’s face, and says it. Even if saying it makes his heart stutter before if goes back into that frantic loud beating. Even if saying it makes him want to crawl--he doesn’t.

“I want you.”

And saying it feels vulnerable, but good, because it’s true.

“You have me,” Changkyun breathes into his ear with a shiver. And keeps kissing, keeps touching as his kisses trail lower, and he nips at Kihyun’s collarbone, moving both hands down to lift Kihyun’s hips and pull his boxers down.

Kihyun’s back arches just slightly, his eyes darting up, his gaze locking somewhere on the dark ceiling. His heart is so loud. So fucking loud.

Changkyun chuckles softly, throwing Kihyun’s boxers god knows where, kissing by the swell of Kihyun’s left pectoral, right over his heart. “So this is what being special feels like,” he breathes, and Kihyun feels small, kittenish licks at the nub of his nipple.

His breath hitches before he can slap a hand over his mouth to muffle a moan that comes out as _“Mmmf!”_ instead.

Changkyun pauses, giving a lingering, experimental lick, his other hand trailing down, nails scratching lightly over Kihyun’s stomach as he does. And Kihyun’s eyes snap closed, his eyebrows knitting together, and he breathes loudly through his nose with his hand still over his mouth.

Changkyun stops, reaching up with the hand not currently very, very close to where Kihyun very shamelessly yet shamefully wants it, to wrap gently around Kihyun’s wrist.

“Don’t. I like your sounds.”

And Kihyun lets Changkyun tug at his hand, lets him move it down where he lets it fall limp over the bed. His other hand still tangled in Changkyun’s hair. “O--Okay…” He says out of breath.

Changkyun’s hand falls from his wrist to trace his thumb over Kihyun’s bottom lip and Kihyun instinctively takes it in his mouth and messily curls his tongue around it, and Changkyun stares, eyes dark, for a long moment before pressing a kiss to his cheek, his neck. And then reaches down with the same hand, wrapping his fingers around Kihyun’s dick.

Kihyun breathes out a whispery “Oh god,” looking up and away at something, _anything_.

Changkyun kisses down his chest again, lingering at his stomach, nipping at Kihyun’s hip bone as he presses his thumb into Kihyun’s slit, slowly moving his hand.

Arching his back just slightly, Kihyun bites down on his lower lip as he lightly pushes Changkyun’s head down. And with a last pull of skin between his teeth, Changkyun does move down, licking up the underside of Kihyun’s dick before closing his lips around the tip with his fingers still wrapped around it.

With a soft, needy _(shameless)_ gasp, Kihyun parts his lips, his face feeling hot, his whole body feeling hot, even more when he spreads his legs further apart for Changkyun, sliding his calves over Changkyun’s shoulders.

Kihyun’s hand around Changkyun’s hair loosens up and lets go, immediately giving Kihyun the feeling of a loss of control, the frustration adding to the burn in his lower abdomen.

Changkyun looks up at Kihyun through hooded eyes- _-fucking sinful-_ -as he slowly sinks lower onto Kihyun’s dick, lips wrapped around him, sucking lightly, and Kihyun grips at the sheets. Changkyun drops his gaze and shifts, taking Kihyun fully into his mouth, hands moving to grip at Kihyun’s ass, raising him up.

“ _Ah--_ shit!” Kihyun’s eyes go wide again as he tugs at the sheets.

Changkyun groans around Kihyun, bopping up and down Kihyun’s dick and pulling off with a hard suck, lapping at the tip of his dick, and Kihyun’s voice fills the room with a moan he really wishes he could’ve held back.

It’s _messy_ and Changkyun coughs a little, lips puffy and slick, clearing his throat (a sound Kihyun had no idea he liked until now) before licking at Kihyun again, tongue curling, licking from base to tip.

Changkyun teases his tip with his tongue, licking and lapping and adding pressure there, making Kihyun hiss desperately, before taking him back in, fully, the tip of his dick hitting the back of Changkyun’s throat, who relaxes, taking him in even more, to where his nose nuzzles at the coarse hair at Kihyun’s base.

Unable to keep his hands away, Kihyun quickly grabs a fistfull of Changkyun’s hair, heels digging on Changkyun’s back almost involuntarily pulling down. And Kihyun gasps, “Oh god, I--” He tugs at Changkyun’s hair. “C--Chang--kyun, I’m gonna--a…”

Changkyun swallows around him and Kihyun shudders, his nails raking down on Changkyun’s neck as Kihyun snaps his mouth closed again and rides the stars behind his eyelids when he spills hot and hard down Changkyun’s throat. Changkyun presses down, groaning loudly as he swallows and slowly raises his head, releasing Kihyun with a soft ‘pop’.

He licks at his lips, thumbing at the corner to wipe off some remaining cum. _Fucking sinful._

One of Kihyun’s legs slips off Changkyun’s shoulders. Kihyun can feel the sweat on his skin when it does.

He looks up, breathing evening out, blinks sluggishly for a few times before he breathes out sharp and sits up. He looks at Changkyun and he knows he probably looks dazed. His mind feels dazed. But he still has at least one or two neurons flashing around.

“Do you…” He asks, his voice raspy. He blinks because he doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. Scratch two neurons. It’s just the one.

“I’m okay,” Changkyun answers, voice _much_ deeper than usual. “I, er, need to go… change.”

Kihyun’s blinks. Change? But he _\--oh. Oh!_ His one neuron flares. “Oh,” he glances down. “O--Okay… I…” He looks around to search for his boxers.

Changkyun ducks down the side of the bed, reaching out and tossing Kihyun’s boxers over with a stupidly shy smile. _Considering_.

“I’ll…” Kihyun grabs the boxers and squints, trying to figure out where’s the front and the back. “Be over here…” _Of course you will, you dimwit._

“Yeah. Good, then I,” Changkyun points a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll be right back,” Changkyun says, looks to the bathroom, and then quickly crawls over the bed to kiss Kihyun on the forehead, before hopping off the bed.

Kihyun is definitely on cloud nine. He knows because it takes him way too much time to dress his boxers the right way and he doesn’t even bother to look for his shirt. He lets his back hit the mattress and stares up, bringing arm up and looking at his hand as he opens and closes it a few times.

“Definitely,” he mumbles to his own thoughts and lets his hand fall over his face. _Definitely fucked_. And he would be feeling slightly scared if it weren’t for the fact that he just received the best blow job of his life. From someone who’s never given a blow job before.

Kihyun rolls to his side. Yeah, he must be a great teacher after all.

The bed dips again with Changkyun’s weight and he hovers his hand over Kihyun’s arm, laying down behind him. And Kihyun reaches for Changkyun’s wrist and tugs, letting Changkyun hold him. Changkyun relaxes, breathing softly against Kihyun’s neck and molding himself around Kihyun’s back, legs tangling. He places a soft kiss on Kihyun’s shoulder and Kihyun shivers.

“Can we…” Kihyun mumbles, his second neuron finally giving signs of life, “Can we just stay here forever?” He laughs. “I don’t mind not going outside and just…” He sighs and sinks in Changkyun’s hold.

Changkyun pulls him closer, forehead pressing against his back. “Yeah… Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Great. We can just… curl into a ball and stay.” Kihyun mumbles and then pauses. He sighs. “I’m glad I… asked you to stay. I’m glad you stayed.”

Changkyun lets a shaky little breath out and it dances over Kihyun’s back, over skin Changkyun softly kisses. “I’m glad you let me.”

“You wouldn’t have it any other way, would you.”

“Not even if forever was just a night.”

Kihyun laughs. “You’re so fucking sappy. I am not throwing you off the bed right now because I am actually comfortable with you here.”

Changkyun chuckles, soft. “I adore you. Allow me the means to say and show it without threatening exile.”

“Obnoxious,” Kihyun mumbles as he curls up some more.

Changkyun hums, thumbing softly at the back of Kihyun’s hand. “You wanted a peaceful day… I think this one was perfect.”

“Yeah, you are,” Kihyun says and then bites at his lower lip to keep the grin away.

Changkyun pauses. He curls into Kihyun and squeezes Kihyun’s hand and Kihyun realises he’s _giggling_ . “You--you just said--” He presses his forehead against Kihyun’s back, wiggling his head against him as he _giggles_.

“I meant it, though.”

Changkyun presses his face into the crook of Kihyun’s shoulder. It feels warm. “I’m not… But thank you.”

Kihyun reaches back with his hand to comb through Changkyun’s hair. “You don’t know what I mean.” He says, because Changkyun’s really doesn’t know. “You think perfect means flawless? It doesn’t.” He sighs. “You… _great_ , my turn to be sappy… I like you as you are. Flaws and all. So, through my eyes, you’re perfect.”

Changkyun turns his face into Kihyun’s shoulder, hand squeezing Kihyun’s hand, holding him like he could disappear at any second.

“I…” Changkyun breathes, voice thick but small.

Kihyun wiggles a little and then turns in Changkyun’s hold, arms around his neck to pull him closer. _And…_ “Are you…” Kihyun blinks, his eyes on Changkyun’s teary ones. “Are you crying?”

“N-no,” Changkyun sniffs, blinking fast and turning his face to rub it against the pillow.

“No, no, no,” Kihyun scoots closer, “look at me.” He slides his fingers up Changkyun’s neck, to his ear. “Please, look at me.”

Changkyun turns his head just slightly, enough to peek at Kihyun with one eye before sniffing again, letting his cheek squish against the pillow, bottom lip slightly jutted out and eyes reflecting in the little moonlight coming in from the windows.

_Adorable._

Thumb running up and down on Changkyun’s cheek, Kihyun leans down to kiss his left eyelid when it flutters closed. He leans back then to look at Changkyun and smiles. “You’re beautiful…”

Changkyun scrunches his eyes closed and laughs softly. “You--” he sniffs again, biting his bottom lip back when it juts out again. “You _want_ me to cry, don’t you.”

 _“Ugh,”_ Kihyun circles his arms around Changkyun’s head and squeezes. “Adorable…” They made this kid in hell, right? Kihyun needs to replay a few memories to remember because there’s no way hell looks this adorable, or feels this smooth and soft under his fingertips. And if hell feels anything like the way his chest aches as Changkyun nuzzles into him, holds him close, maybe eternal damnation isn’t all that bad.

He snorts. And then trembles with the silent laugh bubbling inside his chest. “I really…” He tries, actually laughing this time. _Wanna kiss you_.

“Yeah, me too,” Changkyun mumbles against him.

And it’s the first time Kihyun falls asleep holding Changkyun in his arms. And not the other way around. Because, somehow, home isn’t home _without you_.

 

\---

 

Kihyun presses his feet on Changkyun’s back but makes little effort to push him off the bed even when he says with a laugh, “Come on, off you go. You shower first. Go. Leave.” The sun is still peeking over the horizon and the whole bedroom looks like a golden box of cereal.

Changkyun tips forward enough to just, _just_ get off the bed before falling back, arms out like a starfish. He points dramatically at the ceiling. “Forever isn’t over yet!”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and then crawls over him, looming over, considering. “If you don’t leave now, you’re _not_ leaving in the next thirty minutes.”

Changkyun deadpans. “The problem. I don’t see it.”

“The problem? I’m looking at it right now,” Kihyun laughs again, leaning down to press his forehead on Changkyun’s. “Seriously. _Go_. Or I’m not gonna let you leave until I’m done with you.”

Changkyun’s eyebrows jump up and he blinks. “You… are not helping.” Changkyun slowly slides away, “But you’re scaring me _just a bit_ so I’m just gonna…” he slides off the bed and laughs as he lands on his ass.

Kihyun slumps down on the mattress and moans blissfully. “A whole bed just for me, _greaaat._ ” He lifts one hand just to wave Changkyun off. “Have fun in there.”

Changkyun peeks over the edge of the bed. “More fun with two,” he teases, practically waggling his eyebrows. Kihyun stares at him, blinks, the hand out of Changkyun’s field of vision moving to grab a pillow and then he swings it at Changkyun’s face.

“Don’t say that twice,” Kihyun laughs.

“You hurt me,” Changkyun says, muffled into a pillow as he splays out on the floor.

Kihyun slides just a bit closer to the edge of the bed to be able to look at him. “Do I need to go over there? You know I clean this floor, right? I don’t mind. _Going over there.”_

“Forty,” Changkyun says from under the pillow before flinging it right back and hitting Kihyun straight in the face before jumping up. He smiles as he walks backwards to the bathroom. “We’ll resume forever later, yeah?”

Kihyun grabs the pillow and hugs it. “The longer I look at you the longer it hurts. Seriously, _go!_ ” He is serious. He really needs some peace of mind. Because suddenly everything reminds him of… of… _ugh_ . _Forever._

Changkyun puts his hands up in surrender before turning around, not even bothering to close the door behind him, slipping out of his briefs and into the shower.

“I saw that!” Kihyun shouts before rolling onto his other side and turning his back to the bathroom. He could’ve done that the moment he saw what Changkyun was doing, but no. Of course not. _Fucking hell_.

“You’re welcome!” Changkyun calls back, voice echoing on the tiles with a little laugh over the sound of the water.

Kihyun reaches for his phone and notices he has a text from Hoseok. Well, a few, actually.

Hoseok  
did u sleep on the couch then  
is that a yes  
Listen i know he’s hot but this is just rude  
I might be in trouble  
Hoseok  
What???? Are you hurt??  
Not yet no  
Calm down omg  
I might be doing something really stupid  
But it’s my own damn fault  
I chose this  


Changkyun hums in the shower, a melody Kihyun doesn’t recognise and Kihyun’s phone vibrates in his hand again.

Hoseok  
what does that even mean  
...hang on...  
I might have yes  
He also kinda might have done that  
And I can’t even kiss him  
I feel quite miserable  
Just joking I’m fine  
Hoseok  
’Fine’? That’s what you’re going with?  
Damn, Ki...  
I went down  
Sorry not sorry  
Hoseok  
YOU!  
AND YOU SAY HE ALSO!!  
THAT YOU TWO!!!  
...how was it  
You really think I’d be here  
Talking to you  
If it had sucked  
Haaaaaa look at that  
A joke with a life of its own  
Hoseok  
is it even worth it to try and pry for details  
This isn’t just some guy at a bar  
This isn’t even a guy!!! aaaAAAA  
Sorry I’m… is happy the right word??? Happy for you???  
Best of my life  
That’s all I’m saying  
Personally  
Also he really is a quick learner  
And we haven’t even  
Oh god now I’m thinking about it  
This is why I don’t talk to you  
Hoseok  
:OOOOOOOO  
BEST OF YOUR  
AND YOU HAVEN’T EVEN  
KJSFGKSFHG  
Sorry, but, like  
Well done, buddy  
Now this is why I talk to you  
Anyway I didn’t text you to tell you about this  
I really am in trouble!!!  
Hoseok  
Because of…? The thing you didn’t text me about…?/span>  
We might have  
Had a fight or a glimpse of a fight  
And it made me think about some things  
Not overthink, just think  
I’m not sure but  


“Hey,” Changkyun says and Kihyun looks up from his phone. Changkyun ruffles his wet hair and smiles at him from the doorway. “Mind if I try to actually make breakfast? I’ll watch something on YouTube.”

Kihyun smiles small. “Sure.” He looks back down and then frowns, looking back up again. “Wait. Don’t…” He trails off and sighs, looking away again. “Don’t burn the house down.”

“And he still doesn’t trust me” Changkyun sighs dramatically, and calls on his way to the kitchen. “Get the fire-department on speed dial! I’m wild!”

Kihyun snorts. “I’m yet to see that,” he mumbles to himself and then rolls his eyes at himself, too.

Hoseok  
But????  
Hoseok  
There’s like, feelings and shit  
Hoseok  
Well… yeah  
Don’t take this the wrong way but  
So?  
Not the feelings bit. The worrying about it bit  
He’s not exactly running away is he  
I have a feeling I am getting myself into something that  
I don’t know how to word this to you but  
I feel like he might just  
Slip away when I blink sometimes  
What do I know really  
One day he wasn’t here and the next he was  
What if one day he’s not and I’m just here being dumb  
Idk I decided I wanted to dive into it but… help??  
Give me wisdom or whatever you have in that brain of yours  
Hoseok  
There are more things that can separate two people  
Than one of them being a demon  
Hoseok he said  
and will say if you ask him  
that…  
He said UGH I HATE THIS SUBJECT!!!  
He said he would die for me and not in the romantic way  
The literal way!  
And I have been thinking about this from the start  
I didn’t like it then and I really hate it right now  
I don’t know what to do  
But I really don’t want him to you know  
Couldn’t care less if he’s a demon or an earthworm  
Hoseok  
Kihyun…  
I know you so I know why this is getting to you…  
Especially, to you  
But…  
Fuck, Kihyun, you know what I’m gonna say»  
Please come here and slap me or something  
I’ll let you  
Underline  
Let  
Because we both know you can do it even if I don’t let you  
Hoseok  
Yeah, but I wouldn’t  
Maybe just smack some sense into you  
If everything goes to shit I am going to say I told you so  
And then you will have to let me stay at your place forever  
I am burning this building to the ground  
And  
And I want that cake  
Your mom’s recipe  
Hoseok  
Yeah, yeah, I’ll give her a call  
You two better not be busy when I show up  
...again  
Depends  
Wait what do you mean  
Again.  
YOU KNEW??  
Hoseok  
LOL I’ve only known you since I was six so  
Yeah, I knew ;D  
bye  
BYE!!!!!!  
Ttyl  


Kihyun moves his arm back with the intention to throw his phone across the room, but lets it fall onto the bed instead. He rolls with the blanket, stopping face down. And then, after thinking about his life choices, rolls again until he is a burrito and is falling off the bed all rolled up with the sheets.

“Uhm,” He starts when he notices he can’t move his arms. “Shit.”

A pause. A sound in the kitchen, and then the sound of feet padding closer.

_“Wow.”_

“Don’t laugh…”

“Am I?” Changkyun asks. Silence.

“I know you want to. But I should let you know I will get my revenge once… once I’m free.”

“Ah, now there’s the catch,” Changkyun says, bending down to smile widely. “Hey. Don’t kill me for this but I’m _totally_ gonna pick you up. Because there’s blankets so I won’t _technically_ be touching you...”

Kihyun moves his head and _glares_. “Don’t you dare…”

“He didn’t threaten my life so here we go...” Changkyun rolls Kihyun around and then he apparently just can’t help himself as he laughs, high-pitched and eyes scrunching. “Aw, come here.”

“I swear!” Kihyun wiggles around. “I am going to murder you!”

“With what, a knife?” Changkyun laughs and scoops him up with far too much ease, draping him over his shoulder. “So where will I be taking you, sire?”

“To the kitchen, where the knives are,” Kihyun grumbles. He is not mad. Not really. Not at all. But he has some honor left to defend.

“Anything you can murder me with in the bathroom?” Changkyun asks, ducking so Kihyun won’t hit his head on the doorframe on the way out of the bedroom.

“Why? Planning on giving me a bath?”

“I mean, I _could_ \--hey, wiggle one more time and I _will_ let you fall.”

Kihyun stops but gasps dramatically. “You wouldn’t…”

“I’m _wild_ , remember?” Changkyun laughs, bouncing Ki on his shoulder lightly, pushing the bathroom door open with him foot. “Come on, shower time, you still smell like forever.”

“You say that,” Kihyun sing songs, “but you like it-- _wait,_ what was it… that word… ‘adore’?”

“Oh, but _I_ can’t quote _you_ ,” Changkyun laughs, gently propping Kihyun up against the bathroom wall and pulling the sheets free from their hold. “There. You’re free. Do with me as you wish.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow, looks at Changkyun for a beat and then turns his head slightly to look at the wall. “Hm,” he hums. “What if I want it the other way around?” He asks, looking at Changkyun again and biting at his upper lip.

“Right now…” Changkyun says, licking his lips before smiling widely, cheeks dimpling. “I want to feed you and put you in a biiiig fluffy sweater so you’re soft when I hold you watching TV.”

Kihyun snorts and waves him away. “Well, then leave so I can wash the… ‘forever’--it really makes me cringe when you say it like that…” He adds, shivering and grabbing the sheets to make a huge ball in his arms before he throws it at Changkyun. “Shame you can’t touch me unless there’s something around me. No doing what you want.”

Changkyun leans in and talks softly. “It’s five times better when you want it, too.”

“Should I start walking around naked?” Kihyun laughs, eyeing the shower.

Changkyun tongues at the inside of his cheek, taking a deep, almost contemplative breath. “Should I?”

“Fair,” Kihyun says, biting both lips in. “Now go,” He gestures. “Go, go.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes as he turns around and walks away with a little wave. _Not_ closing the door behind him. Fair enough. Two can play at this game.

 

\---

  

Leaning back on the sofa and pulling his legs up over the cushion, Kihyun lets himself melt a little in the- _-ugh-_ -big fluffy sweater Changkyun picked for him. Kihyun pulls the sweater over his knees where he places his chin and stares at the images flashing on the screen.

“It pains me,” he mutters, squinting at the TV, “It pains me so much when people shake the damn polaroids…” He sighs and scrunches his nose. “Amateurs…”

“What, those picture thingies?”

“Yeah, they’re instant photos. And people are stupid and impatient. Ugh, seriously…”

Changkyun laughs a little, glancing over. “Haven’t seen you use one. Only that big black one you took to Venice.”

“Because I am a pro, duh-uh,” Kihyun scoffs. “Joking. It’s just different. Also, my camera allows me to switch lenses and it has a lot of options I can adjust. _Advanced_ options.” He sighs and lifts a hand to gesture at the screen, “Polaroids are the result of a diffusion process. The dye migrates from the negative to the image layer. If you bend and shake the film while the process is on going you just--it can cause loss of resolution and underdeveloped spots.” He rocks himself from left to right. “These hipsters are killing me, change channels, please!”

Even as he rolls his eyes, Changkyun still leans forward to press around on the keyboard. “You know, you generally sound like you know a lot just because my learning comes from you and Google and, like, experience--but that sounded really smart.”

“Are you implying I am not really smart in general?”

“ _No_ , but that appears to be what you’re getting from it,” Changkyun says, picking up the keyboard and leaning back, scrolling through Netflix. “I should be careful about the media I consume, right? Just in case I accidentally shake a polaroid once.”

Kihyun looks at him. “I might forgive you… just once.”

“Do you… _have_ one of those… polaroid camera thingies?”

“Hoseok gave me an Instax last Christmas. But I never use it…” Kihyun blinks, eyes still on Changkyun. “You… You can have it, if you want.”

Changkyun’s head snaps to him. “What? No! Hoseok gave it to you and--and I don’t even know how to take pictures besides what I’ve taken on my phone and--”

“All I hear is,” Kihyun mumbles, leaning in but ending up falling on Changkyun’s lap. He is still curled up in his sweater and he stays curled up in his sweater. “All I hear is, ‘Thank you, Kihyun, I lo-” _Abort, abort, abort_ “-adore, you’.”

“I do…” Changkyun lets his hand fall onto Kihyun’s head, fingers in his hair. “You’d really give me a camera?”

“I lo--love photography… so…” Kihyun shrugs awkwardly in the position he’s in, “If you wanna give it try, an Instax is a fun way to go at it. It’s easy to use and… I can teach you whatever you wanna know.”

“Well, then,” Changkyun cards his fingers through his hair. “Thank you, Kihyun, I adore you.”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip. “Do you… wanna see?”

“See? See your--Oh!” Changyun bounces a little where he sits, jostling Kihyun slightly. “Hoseok mentioned a portfolio, that I should ask to see it.”

“You shouldn’t _have_ to ask but…” Kihyun bounces a little in his little ball and then uses the momentum to bounce back up. He nods towards the cupboard near the entrance. “It’s over there…”

“Blue, right?” Changkyun asks even as he gets up and walks over.

“Yeah. The thick one.”

A few seconds later Changkyun falls down next to him, crossing his legs and propping the portfolio open on his lap, on the first page. “I like it already…” He turns a page. “Why photography?”

“Hm,” Kihyun looks up, thinking. “Memories are tricky, you know… A lot of the things you remember in the long-term are only half truths. And sometimes you forget, too. But a photo can last forever. It’s not changed as time goes by. And years later you can look at the pictures you took and remember, really remember.” He looks back down and bounces back and forward. “It makes me smile. Even if sometimes they bring back bittersweet memories, they always make me smile.”

Changkyun stopped turning the pages for a moment there, but smiles softly to himself and continues, slowly, looking at everything. “And all of these are memories… Makes sense...”

“Nothing lasts forever and sometimes memories is all we’ve got.” Kihyun leans his cheek on his knees. “I am a memory collector, or something like that.” He snorts.

“I look forward to helping, then, I guess,” Changkyun mumbles, flipping through the pictures, slowly, until he stops. He stares, eyes wide, hand hovering over the page.

Kihyun blinks at him and then down at what he’s looking at. His heart stops frozen for longer than what should be considered normal. Some memories really are bittersweet. “What…” He says anyway.

Changkyun parts his lips to speak but nothing comes out.

Eyes, flicking back to Changkyun, Kihyun slides his feet down, sweater quickly shifting closer to his torso. “Changkyun?”

“Who is this to you?” he asks softly, hand falling, fingers on the picture at the middle of the page.

Kihyun tries to smile, but the smile he manages is probably not the happy one. “Childhood friend…” His heart squeezes painfully tight and he looks down. “He… uhm, used to model for me when we were younger. Actually, I got started with photography because of him…”

“He… He died.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes out softly.

“Can you…” Changkyun says, soft and careful. “Tell me about him?”

Kihyun leans back and lets himself slide down a little, fingers busy with the ends of his sweater. His heart slow and heavy with each beat. It’s been a long time since he’s had to revisit those memories. Always avoiding, trying to forget… _always..._ regretting.

“We met when we were kids,” Kihyun starts. “I think I was five at the time.” He laughs bitterly and looks out the window. “We hated each other. He was… so annoying. I threw mud at his face once,” he laughs again.

_Regret..._

There’s a lump in his throat that doesn’t seem to go down no matter how many times Kihyun swallows. “Then, one day, they told us there was a new kid joining our class. Hoseok. He was really, really small and… you have no idea. Such a cry-baby.” Kihyun sniffles a little but turns to look at Changkyun with a small smile as he gestures at his own face, “He had snot on him all the time. It was really gross.” Kihyun looks away again. “He was-- _still is_ really, really… _good_. So, he talked to me and… we became friends. Someone had to kick his ass for crying all the time, right?”

Kihyun picks at a thread on his sweater, pulling the line as it makes the fabric wrinkle slightly. Changkyun’s quiet, head hanging as he looks at the picture, glances at Kihyun but quickly looks away again.

“But of course he became friends with everyone, too. And,” Kihyun gestures at the pictures, “those two, really… You could tell. Everyone knew, deep down, even if they didn’t a--accept it…” He licks his lips. “They really, really grew to… lo--love each other.” His breath feels shaky but he goes on. “And… I… honestly, I gave them so much shit, but mostly because they were so damn annoying. In the beginning when, when they started dating, it was nearly impossible to be near them. Ugh, gross as fuck…”

 _Regret and…_ Cold? So cold...

Breathing hitching just a little, Kihyun looks out the window and Changkyun finally looks up, stares at nothing, biting at his lips as he listens. “After high school, they…” Kihyun sighs and looks at the pictures again. “I think it was around Christmas of my first year, he came to me and told me that he wanted to… propose… to Hoseok. And I… I was honestly so, so, so happy for them. I mocked him when he went all sappy and decided he was getting a ring. It's not like it was an actual thing…? It was symbolic. Shit like that only happens abroad. Not here. But of course Hoseok would melt for that sappy crap. And in the end we went together and bought the damn thing…” Kihyun sighs and sniffles again. “I kept it. He didn’t want Hoseok to find it. Until one day he came by and told me he was going to go through with it.”

Kihyun feels his eyes burn and his breath hiccups. He looks away. “There’s something you need to know first…”

“I… I’m sorry for asking, Kihyun,” Changkyun finally says, voice heavy but soft. “You don’t… have to…”

“I can see them…” Kihyun mutters. “Not all of them, I think but… there’s…” He raises his hand and moves it in a circular way around his own head. “Hallows… black and… they come and go. I don’t know why or how but… I know what they mean…”

 _Death_.

He leans down, his forehead to his knees. “The day we met Hoseok. It was there. Then, it was gone. When they started dating. It was there. And then, again, gone.” Kihyun sobs. “I… I knew… the d--day he came here I… I knew. It was… huge. Black and… and all over him.” He shuts his eyes closed. “And when I gave him the damn ring… I saw it, like, like, li--like black wings and… I knew. _I fucking knew!_ I knew and I let him go! And… and…”

Regret brings about shame. A sense of loss, a distress of mind. A pain that turns to anger, too.

Kihyun takes a deep breath and lets it go. “A truck. Bad tire. He… He didn’t get to propose in the end… he died because someone didn’t do their damn job right and because I… let him go. That damn ring…” Kihyun sighs, his heart too tight. “The Hallow… every time he thought ‘I am going to marry this person’, the Hallow was there.” He bites at his lower lip. “Hoseok found the ring later on. He asked me about it and… I said I didn’t know… I said I… I lied.”

Changkyun’s quiet. Just a quiet, warm body next to his and it’s something, better than nothing, better than the sudden cold that rolls over Kihyun like a breeze.

“It’s… It’s not your fault. The Hallows, they’re…” Changkyun swallows. “A Reaper’s Mark. For them to… to follow. And once a soul is marked... There’s nothing you could have done.”

“I could have done something, I don’t know what but… something.” Kihyun sighs and his body shivers. “ _A million times over_ … that was… their thing. I should’ve never let it become real. They shouldn’t have to try a million times over just to get one of them right… But Hoseok does, inside his own head. And… I’m sure some of them are happy, happy scenarios… Except none of those is the truth.”

The portfolio closes and Changkyun slides it off his lap. “I… I have to go, I…” Changkyun stands up, reaching up to grab a little at his hair. “I have to talk to…”

“W--What?” Kihyun looks up, sniffling, blinking. “Go where? What?”

“I don’t know!” Changkyun snaps, voice small, pacing a little. “I don’t--I can’t lie to you but I don’t--I don’t know if I can _do this_ \--”

_Do… this? What?_

Kihyun feels his eyes water a little. “H--Hey, I…” He looks down. “H--hug?”

Changkyun turns, eyes wide, a little panicked, looking at Kihyun. And then Changkyun’s entire being melts, falls forward to gather Kihyun into his arms and Kihyun clings, arms coming around Changkyun’s neck.

His eyes feel tight and, when he closes them, a few tears roll down his cheek. He feels a little silly, but he knows why he's crying. He's crying because he misses a friend. Because he blames himself. And because it _weights_ . Because he doesn't want to lose someone again. Because when Kihyun told Changkyun to _stay_ he also meant _live. Stay alive._ Because when Changkyun said ‘this’, Kihyun thought it meant _them._ And he feels so guilty, so, so guilty, that for a brief moment his insecurities made him feel like he wasn’t worth it… _this… them._

“Can you… stay?” He asks. “Just a bit… I don’t know what you mean but… Just a bit…”

“Forever,” Changkyun whispers, “I’m… I’m so sorry, Kihyun, I was just--I won’t go.”

Kihyun sniffles but laughs a little at the same time, hiding his face in the crook of Changkyun’s neck. “I will descend to the depths of hell to kick your ass if you… if you don’t _stay...” … alive._

“Can’t have that,” Changkyun murmurs against him. “I… I need to tell you something. Not now,” he squeezes. “Later. But if I don’t tell you, it’ll feel like a lie, and I can’t lie to you…”

“Okay. As long as it’s not about you leaving… it’s okay.” Kihyun shivers. “Damn it, I sound so fucking needy right now. Ignore me, it will pass.”

“Well, it’s just unfair if I’m the needy one all the time, isn’t it....” Changkyun breathes against him. “Together. Whatever happens.”

“Goddamnit,” Kihyun laughs a little breathlessly, “I really like you, sappy and all.”

Changkyun laughs, too, sounding on the edge of something. “And I really like you, needy and all.”

“Sorry… for getting… emotional. You’ve seen me cry twice and I am here surviving with one from you… Where’s the equality.”

“Well,” Changkyun says, leaning back a little to smile at Kihyun and then somewhere at the ground. “Firsts and onlys should count more, I think.”

Kihyun leans his forehead on Changkyun’s. “Then you’ll be glad to know you’re not the only one getting firsts out of this. Or onlys, for that matter.”

Changkyun tilts his head, blinking curiously. “Really?”

“Really…” Kihyun says, the weight on his chest shifting slightly and, somehow, growing heavier. He feels, however, better. And maybe that has something to do with Changkyun. Happiness really shouldn't hurt. But maybe that’s what _this_ is all about. “Ask me some other time. Maybe I will overshare.”

“Okay,” Changkyun nods, smiling softly and thumbing lightly at Kihyun’s cheek and laughs softly. “I am _astoundingly_ curious, though.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and lets go, leaning back to rub his hands over his face before slapping them back down over his slacks. He blinks. “Okay. I am fine again.” He looks at Changkyun, something at the back of his mind, pinching. “What did you mean, though? When you said… you had to go talk to someone…?”

Changkyun falls back on his haunches, nodding. “Still think I should do that first, but…” Changkyun bites down on his lip, hard, looks to the side and Kihyun tilts his head.

“Who… who is it?”

Changkyun looks up again, and the room is cold. The sun’s still shining in by the window behind them, Kihyun still covered in a stupidly big sweater, but he’s _cold._ Right down to his bones.

“It’s… him…”

“Him?”

Changkyun swallows, reaching back over to the portfolio, opening it and laying it down on Kihyun’s lap. And when Kihyun looks down, that familiar, terrible feeling of _knowing_ festering, fast in his chest, the picture that looks back at him is--

“Hyungwon.”

 


	11. Everyone Has A Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Always’ sounds a lot like ‘forever’. But ‘forever’ is curled up in bed where the world doesn’t reach. And Kihyun knows they don’t have a ‘forever’. They just have… right now.

“Hyungwon,” Changkyun says and it tastes horrible. It tastes like the tears on Kihyun’s face and the thorns that dig into his heart. And he can’t look at him. Neither of them.

“What the _hell_ are you doing?” Hyungwon asks from somewhere behind him. Changkyun almost shivers at the cold, at the fear in Hyungwon’s voice.

“Y--You know of him,” Kihyun says and it doesn’t sound like a question. There’s no tone of surprise. No excitement. No happiness. No sadness. Kihyun doesn’t even sound angry, he just _sounds_.

“I… I know him.”

And when Kihyun speaks again after a sharp intake, he sounds demanding. _“Where.”_

“Don’t--don’t, you _son of a bitch_ ,” Hyungwon says, harsh, voice shaking.

And Changkyun can’t lie. He doesn't want to. Hyungwon’s name tastes bitter, but it’s nothing compared to trying to lie to Kihyun.

“Here…” Changkyun swallows. “He’s, he’s… He’s here right now, and he really wants me to stop talking.”

There’s a sniffle and, when Changkyun glances up, Kihyun is not crying anymore. He’s looking at him with eyes so intense Changkyun struggles to breathe.

“Since when.” And again it doesn’t sound like a question. It just _sounds_.

Changkyun glances back, sees Hyungwon standing there like a statue. “Uhm, five minutes ago. But I--I met him the second time Hoseok came over. He’s never here when Hoseok isn’t. Kihyun, I’m--I’m sorry, I didn’t know about...”

Changkyun hangs his head a little as Kihyun looks down and blinks. Kihyun probably doesn’t realise his thumb is stabbing nail deep into his index finger. “You…” He breathes out sharp. “You’re... asking me to take a lot on faith…”

 _Take a lot on faith…?_ Does he mean ‘trust’? Trusts are broken when lies are told. And Kihyun trusts Changkyun. _Right?_ Right… Then, why say ‘faith’?

Changkyun takes a breath, closing his eyes. And Hyungwon laughs humorlessly behind him.

“Stubborn bastard.”

“The…” Changkyun hates this. His tongue tastes like blood and his hands don’t want to _stop shaking_ . He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses Kihyun’s trust. But _trusts are broken when lies are told_ , and Changkyun’s never lied, and he won’t now, either. If Kihyun’s going to take anything on faith, Changkyun, at least, wants Kihyun to have faith in him. “The day Hoseok came over, when you’d gone to work, there was a Reaper behind him. I can’t see Hallows so I was… It didn’t make sense. So I pulled the Reaper aside, and it didn’t make any _sense.._. Why a Reaper would shadow an unmarked soul...”

Kihyun looks up, eyes on Changkyun but not really looking at him. “A Reaper…? Like… the Grim Reaper?”

Changkyun almost smiles. “Kind of. There are a lot of souls so there are a lot of Reapers and… it’s a punishment, Kihyun,” Changkyun says. “For choosing not to move on.”

Swallowing, Kihyun finally blinks himself back. Changkyun can see his irises move and refocus. “The cold…” Kihyun says knowingly. His eyes flash glossy and he looks down, face down, and laughs small and bitter. “Sounds… Sounds a lot like something he’d do…”

“What, make you cold?” Hyungwon grumbles, walking from one side of the living room to the other. “Jesus, you just had to go and tell him…”

Changkyun looks up, knotting his fingers in his own hair. “He showed me the connection. In the bathroom the other day. It’s why I…” He lets his hand fall. “I should have told you, I’m sorry.”

“So… all this time…” Kihyun says, again just _sounding_ , his voice small when he speaks again. “All this time…?”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon says. Changkyun glances over his shoulder again.

“Yeah,” Changkyun echoes, looking back.

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “Hoseok’s bad luck…”

“A Reaper following an unmarked soul is a recipe for near constant disaster,” Changkyun mumbles.

A long, silent pause follows. Kihyun keeps looking down, eyes shifting between different spots on the couch. Changkyun can almost hear the wheels turn inside Kihyun’s head, like he’s trying to connect the bright dots of an almost invisible constellation.  

And suddenly, Kihyun gets up. He glares at the TV first, jaw set. Then, he turns his head to look out the window before slowly making his way there where he stays, quiet, seemingly calm. But when Changkyun listens for Kihyun’s heartbeat, he finds it erratic, fast, so, _so_ , fast.

Hyungwon speaks, first, and he sounds near pleading. “I don’t want Wonho… _Hoseok_. I don’t want Hoseok to know, Changkyun…”

“Wonho?” Changkyun mumbles to the ground, feeling numb. He’d called Hoseok that, before, too.

Hyungwon almost pleads again when he says, “Changkyun…” Takes a reluctant, quiet step forward, like he’s about to say something else but doesn’t, just stays there, like a hanged ghost.

Kihyun’s heart seems to jump into a strange arrhythmia, suddenly, before it evens out. Like he’s been struck with a fast and furious anxiety that Changkyun feels in his own chest, too, like empathy.

“I always gave him shit,” Kihyun starts, then, his voice serious, “Always. For making decisions without considering how they might affect others. For saying too little and sometimes too much. But maybe we’re not so different after all.” He turns his head slightly first and then looks over his shoulder. But he is not looking at Changkyun when he speaks. “Are we?”

Changkyun blinks, follows Kihyun’s eyes as they lead to Hyungwon, frozen. Staring.

“You…” Hyungwon starts, taking another small step forward and wincing as he looks at Kihyun. Kihyun… who’s looking right back, eyes a little wide, lips parted, like he doesn’t believe what he’s seeing.

“You can see him,” Changkyun says. “Kihyun, you can…” _This… is this possible?_

“Everyone has a voice,” Kihyun says, frowning slowly as he speaks. “Yours…” He glares at Hyungwon. “Is the miserable one.” He turns and he looks angry. Sounds angry. _“You asshole.”_

Hyungwon gapes, mouth open before bursting out a laugh. “I… this is so fucking _typical_ ,” Hyungwon laughs, bending to grip at his stomach. “Christ, Kihyun, of course the first thing you’d do is fucking _scold_ me.”

“ _Scold_ you?” Kihyun bawls. “How dare you! You fucking--” He takes a step forward, grabs the nearest pillow from the sofa and throws it at Hyungwon, not even flinching when it goes right through him “--You can’t just- _-I will fucking murder you!_ ”

“I’m sure you’ll find,” Hyungwon says, straightening his jacket. “That I am quite incapable of being murdered. But nice effort, there, with the pillow.”

 _“He blames himself!”_ Kihyun snaps, taking another step forward. “You left and he blames himself! And yet he keeps saying he would do it all over again--because _of-fucking-course he would…_ You--He-- _God!”_ He turns around to look out the window again. “Why me… I…” He sighs and it’s shaky, his heart is loud and fast.

“You think I don’t _know that_ ?” Hyungwon snaps back. “That I wasn’t _there_ for _every single moment_ when he--he begged the universe for one more chance, when he beat himself up, cried through the night--” Hyungwon breathes in deep, and sharp. “Christ, Kihyun, you make it sound like I wanted to fucking die.”

“Why did you stay then!? If you die, _you die!_ You shouldn’t--people need to be able to move on! And yet you stayed for what--? Some selfish little desire to watch over him? When he can’t do the same for you!?” Kihyun’s voice waivers but still sounds angry. Really, really, angry. Changkyun has never seen him like this. Not this sort of outright anger. Not even when his hands were shaking, stopping him in the hallway because Changkyun was a reckless asshole who broke his knife.

“You know why,” Hyungwon grits out, not looking at him. “It’s not exactly the smartest thing I’ve ever done but _you know why_.”

And when Kihyun turns around again, his eyes go from Hyungwon to Changkyun. And then back to Hyungwon.

Kihyun opens his mouth, then closes it. He still looks angry but when he speaks, he falters, “I don’t--”

“Yes. Yes, you do, I can see it and… Shit, I know what I did, okay,” Hyungwon says, crossing his arms, tightly. “I know better than you. I’ve lived it. It’s… stupid, and cold. And lonely. For fuck’s sake, the first near decent conversation I’ve been able to have for the last four years is--” He gestures with his head to Changkyun. “This idiot.”

Kihyun’s heartbeat speeds up again for a few seconds before it evens out. “I…” He looks down, hair sliding to cover his eyes. “I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have let you leave… You should’ve stayed. I knew it then and… I know now...”

“It’s not your fault.”

And Changkyun looks up, looks at Hyungwon because of course. Of course they’d go and say that at the same time.

Kihyun laughs a little, short and breathy. “It sure feels like it is…”

Hyungwon winces again, looking away from the both of them. “Yeah, well. It’s not. So stop being a damn idiot…”

“Says the dead guy…”

“I’m a _Reaper_ , thank you very much. Spiritual downgrade and all, but still,” Hyungwon paces, into the kitchen, out, in. Changkyun watches him, looks between Hyungwon and Kihyun and slides his legs out underneath him to sit down, crosses his legs. He wonders if he should go. Give them space. But then he remembers Kihyun asking him to stay and he wouldn’t dare.

“What do I do?” Kihyun asks the floor. “Hoseok, he--” He looks back up. “Shit. He is coming here and… He said he was coming…” He looks at Hyungwon. “Why are you here right now? God, I wish I could turn it off...” Kihyun grabs at his own hair, eyebrows almost knitting together and climbing a little. _Frustration_. “I don’t… I can’t deal with this.” He closes his eyes.

“You’re telling me... I’m not going to let you talk about me behind my back, though, am I?” Hyungwon scratches at the back of his head. “Hoseok will probably be here in a few minutes.” Hyungwon sighs. “You can’t tell him.”

Kihyun scoffs, lets his hand fall limp by his side and opens his eyes to glare at Hyungwon. “You mean _lie._ Again.” He shakes his head and chuckles bitterly. “Of-fucking-course.” He turns his glare to Changkyun. “You sure I’m not going to hell? Cuz I’m pretty sure I am on my way there, already.” And looks away. Changkyun wavers, wants to reach out, open his damn mouth and say something that’ll help but… What could he possible say?

“Well, I mean, not unless you two,” Hyungwon stops, coughing, grimacing. “ _Ugh_. No, listen, it’s not… It’s not lying, not really. Not like he’s going to walk in here like, ‘Hey, have you seen Hyungwon around recently’!”

Kihyun snaps again and this time he takes a step forward. “Take it back!” He slaps at his own head. “I don’t want to hear it anymore! Take it away!”

Changkyun looks up, eyes wide. “Ki…” _Are you okay_? No, Changkyun, of course he isn’t. He’s hearing the voice of a friend he’d lost four years ago, blamed himself for, of course he’s not okay.

Hyungwon sighs and glances at Kihyun once before he looks away. “No one told you to listen for it in the first place. Those voices of yours are weird.”

Kihyun turns to the window, fists his hands by his sides. “Shut up…”

Hyungwon seems to debate with himself for a moment, like he’s trying to come up with something to say, trying to say _the right thing._ “It’s fine… I hear them, too. Not like you do, but...”

Kihyun takes a deep breath, lets his hands relax again and looks over his shoulder before he turns around again. “Fucking supernatural fire poker…” He grumbles before he shifts his gaze to Hyungwon again. “It still feels like lying… If he smiles and I… even looking at him will feel like lying, Hyu…” He pauses, eyes wide, before softening a little, “Hyungwon…”

Hyungwon smiles a little. “It’s been a while, huh.”

Changkyun hugs his legs, sits against the couch, presses his mouth against his knees.

Hyungwon takes another breath, squinting a little as he looks at Kihyun. “He can’t _see_ me, Kihyun. He can’t. You can because of your whole--” Hyungwon gestures at Kihyun, at Changkyun. “Situation. It was just a matter of time, but you were always so damn good at looking away, ignoring me when I talk. And that was _before_ I died,” Hyungwon smiles softly, lets his head hang. “But... Hoseok can’t see me. Can’t hear me, can’t touch me. Sometimes it feels like he… like he knows, but he can’t, not ever.” Hyungwon smiles but it looks…. It looks so _sad_. “Can you even imagine that.”

“I know…” Kihyun says softly, eyes down. “I know that but… I also…” He sighs. “I suddenly wish I--No… no that would be a lie, too,” He scoffs, pulling his index finger closer to his palm with his thumb. It makes a cracking sound and Kihyun winces a little, sighs and lets go.

Something tugs at Changkyun’s insides. Somewhere under his ribs. He hugs his legs a little tighter. Because it’s stupid. Because emotions and feelings and all those new, wonderful, terrible things, are at terrible odds with what Changkyun knows, with what he can reason out. Because Hyungwon would still be here, would still be dead, a Reaper, even if Kihyun had never met Changkyun. But if they hadn’t met, Kihyun wouldn’t have known about it. Wouldn’t have been hurt, too, like he is right now.

It tugs. It hurts. It hurts Changkyun, too.

“Yeah,” Hyungwon sighs. “Shit. Are you… I can’t stop you if you do, even as I beg you not to, but… I can’t see Hoseok cry like that again. I just, I can’t.”

Kihyun sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “My life is a shitshow,” he mutters, slowly walking towards Changkyun and stopping in front of him, eyes on Hyungwon. “I won’t. You’re right. I can’t. But…” He looks down. “I would want to know if I were him. If…” His gaze drifts to Changkyun. “I would want to know. So… for now, I won’t. But I am not saying ‘forever’.” He looks at Hyungwon again. “Not to you. Because Hoseok doesn’t have forever to wait…”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon swallows. “That’s the worst part, isn’t it. That and… that I’d wanna know, too.” He sighs. “Fucking hell.”

Kihyun looks down, shifts his weight from one foot to the other, thinking about something. He frowns, probably at himself. At nothing? And then pouts a little before letting whatever he’s thinking about go. He looks at Changkyun even when Changkyun tries to avoid looking back. But in the little seconds their eyes locked, for a brief moment, it felt soft and warm, reassuring almost, as if Kihyun had felt his desperation. But it’s gone the moment Changkyun averts his eyes, tears threatening to blur his vision.

“For whatever it’s worth, though,” Kihyun kneels down and leans, his head on Changkyun’s legs as he looks at Hyungwon, “I am a little glad that you’re… well, just a little. Even if it makes my whole life a living hell.” He smiles, a little sheepishly. “I’m glad you’re here… And sorry… for what I said before.”

“You weren’t completely wrong,” Hyungwon shrugs, looking away from them with a wince. “So I’ll forgive you this time, hamster.”

Kihyun laughs in his throat. “When I thought I’d be free from that one…” He shakes his head, glances at Changkyun and then at Hyungwon again. “You can see it…? That obvious, huh? Sorry. Your turn to suffer. I certainly did for 21 years…”

Hyungwon groans, glaring over at them with very little actual bite. “Ugh, you have no idea. At least we didn’t literally smack you in the face with it.”

“Excuse me…?” Kihyun scoffs. “I had bruises! Invisible bruises. Your kissing noises hurt me.”

Changkyun bites at his lips, ignoring the want to push his face into his knees and try to fall asleep. Because he’s still there, just trying to sort through every stupid emotion he’s feeling, whether reasonable or not. There’s warmth, hurt, here where Kihyun sits next to him. And there’s cold, dread, hope from where Hyungwon leans against the wall. But he leans into the warmth instead. Hides his face there, instead.

“At least that won’t be a problem, anymore” Hyungwon grumbles, ducks away from something Changkyun can’t see. Kihyun, neither, most likely. Changkyun lifts his head a little but Kihyun’s just looking at Hyungwon. No thorns, then. He lets his head fall again, then, takes a deep breath and it smells like strawberries.

“Looking at you makes my eyeballs freeze,” Kihyun says. “What are you swatting at…? God, I wish I could delete you from my brain...”

“Rude,” Hyungwon says, looks over at the window. “But it’s not like I can turn you off either.” He sighs. “This,” Hyungwon motions around. “Was a fluke. Because you two decided to, to gossip about me.”

Kihyun slides an arm under Changkyun’s legs and tugs at them to hug them. “What’s it like? Being you. Being… there.”

“I can’t really show you, like I did with loverboy over there, but,” Hyungwon shrugs, plopping down on the single couch and Kihyun frowns when nothing makes a sound. “It’s cold. I’m sure you can tell. It… feels a lot like when you think there’s another step but there isn’t and you fall but you don’t, you sort of jolt. It feels like that but stretched thin, slow motion, or something.” Hyungwon shrugs again. “I’m used to it.”

“You don’t see them, do you?” Changkyun can hear the smile on Kihyun’s face. “Behind you…”

Hyungwon pauses. “What now.”

“Black,” Kihyun says, sighing. “Black wings.”

“Oh,” Hyungwon breathes. “Oh, _that_. Fuck, Kihyun, I thought you were gonna tell me there’s archangel or something ready to beat my ass, Jesus.”

“Ugh! It pisses me off that you went and died and still look like you just walked out of a fashion show. And now wings… Seriously. Give me a break.”

Hyungwon laughs, tugging at his tie. “You’re still on that. I’m not the one who…” Hyungwon gestures at them, scrunching up his face. “Fucked a demon.” Hyungwon grumbles. “Is that what you did, it looks different.”

“T--That’s not…” Kihyun looks down. Changkyun still doesn’t find any words, find any need to speak up, but he can feel himself blush. “Shut up. That’s not what happened.”

Hyungwon grimaces again. “Well, whatever it was, I don’t wanna know, and--oh god, Hoseok is going to ask you,” Hyungwon groans into his hands.

“And now that I know you are here, I might just tell him,” Kihyun says with a shiver.

“I miss when you were a complete... virgin dork.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “You died. You lost track of things. Shit happens.”

“I know,” Hyungwon grumbles. “I was here. For every ‘ _Hoseok, there was just no spark’_ and ‘ _I guess it was okay, Hoseok_ ’...”

“I’m… I wanna throw Changkyun at you right now… maybe that will actually hit you…”

“It would,” Hyungwon grumbles. “But don’t. I wasn’t there for everything, I do have an actual… job. If you can call it that.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes and then laughs. “I should probably quit mine and dedicate myself to this supernatural hocus pocus. Seriously, when I think I’ve seen it all...”

Changkyun perks up at the same time Hyungwon does. Sound nearby. Another heartbeat.

“Hoseok,” Changkyun says and Kihyun flinches, his hold around Changkyun’s legs tightening a little.

“Ki,” Hyungwon warns, yellow eyes on Kihyun.

“I know,” Kihyun says. He looks up, eyes on Changkyun. “Later… let’s talk.”

Changkyun blinks, pulled back to the conversation like he was standing outside a window and now he’s in the middle of the room. “Me?”

Kihyun smiles, “Yeah…”

“Ugh,” Hyungwon groans, and he’s gone.

“What,” Changkyun starts and feels it again. He’s been thinking as long as they’ve been talking and he thinks, he _thinks_ , it might be guilt. “What about?”

Kihyun gets up, still smiling and leaning in to rub his nose over Changkyun’s just as the doorbell rings. “About how much I adore you? And hugs. I want hugs.” He still makes a face when he pulls away, cringing at himself. He adds, under his breath, “Gonna need’em…”

Changkyun keeps blinking, like reality isn’t there, like he needs to find it behind his eyelids and bring it forward. “Y-yeah, as much as you want… Even… Even though I didn’t tell you?”

“You did, in the end,” Kihyun sighs, turning to walk towards the door. He stops to pick up the pillow from the floor and throw it back over to the sofa. “Thank you for telling me.”

Changkyun smiles a little, into his knees as he hugs them again. _Warmth. It’ll be okay._ So he smacks himself on the cheek a bit, and gets up. “He brought cake,” He says as the doorbell rings. “I’ll boil the kettle.”

“You really are a dog,” Kihyun mumbles before he grabs the handle, twisting it. Changkyun can tell when Kihyun lands eyes on Hoseok, even if he’s not there to see it happen. He can tell because even when Kihyun speaks like he usually does, his heartbeat skyrockets like it does when he lies. “Hey, that was fast. Are you--What the fuck are you wearing?”

“It’s a _fanny pack_ ,” Hoseok says brightly. “Got all my things in it, and look, you can adjust it so it can go over my shoulder--” Changkyun laughs to himself at the unbridled excitement in Hoseok's voice, setting out three cups. Kihyun had shown him how to make coffee by now, at least. And he didn’t actually burn down the kitchen trying to make french toast.

“You’re--Okay that actually looks smart,” Kihyun admits, closing the door. “Is that cake?”

“You asked for cake,” Hoseok says, “I bring you cake. So we can--” He whispers, like Changkyun can’t hear him anyway. “Celebrate.”

“W--What are we celebrating exactly, you massive piece of shit?” Kihyun kicks Hoseok loudly.

Hoseok laughs, something like _ohohoho_ , “Well, only the best bl--” Hoseok laughs again. “Can I please put this down before you assault my leg?”

 _“Shut up,”_ Kihyun hisses.

“Alright, but I’m still gonna--” Hoseok walks into the kitchen, grinning widely. “Changkyun! Making coffee?”

Changkyun laughs, especially at the look on Kihyun’s face. So red. “Yeah. Want some?”

“Yes! Thank you,” Hoseok chirps, dragging a chair from the table. “Aw, Ki… He looks so, so, so--”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Kihyun warns.

“Aw, but I wanna know,” Changkyun pouts. “Sugar?”

Hoseok winks at Changkyun, “Yes, please.” He leans over the table and whispers loudly. “Boyfriend look? Spot-on.”

“I am going to the bathroom!” Kihyun announces in a strange pitch before he paces there and slams the door shut.

Changkyun laughs. “Yes, leave me alone with him, good idea!” Changkyun rolls his eyes, handing Hoseok his coffee. He leans forward, sipping at his own.

“But I’m harmless!” Hoseok laughs.

“Yeah, but you know things,” Changkyun sips. “Like whatever a boyfriend is.” Changkyun has a vague idea, from TV, but the concept still seems a bit… unclear. He gestures at the cake. “And whatever that is for.”

Hoseok taps his finger over his chin and looks up. “Am I going to betray my best friend?” He hums for a while and then smirks. “Maybe a little.” He points at the cake, smiling wide. “This is to celebrate the be--best blow j--job,” He cracks laughing.

Changkyun feels his eyebrows dart up, his cheeks flare red. “Well, I don’t--I’ve only ever had the one so I don’t know, b-but--”

“Not yours,” Hoseok laughs again, loud and deep, as if there is an egg stuck in his throat. “His,” and throws a finger over to point towards the bathroom.

Oh. _Oh._ “The--the one I?” He points at himself and then at the bathroom. “Was the--” Oh. “ _Oh_ .” He blushes harder, stands up a bit straighter. That’s… something. It makes his chest all warm and his lips quirk up on their own accord. _Pride._ “Huh.”

“Oh, he’s going to kill me,” Hoseok snorts, looking away and then back at Changkyun. “But he would probably never tell you. And, well, you deserve to know. It’s a big deal, right?” He asks dramatically.

Changkyun scratches at the back of his neck. “Well. _Yeah.._.“

“Cute.” Hoseok grins. “And a boyfriend is whe--” The door to the bathroom opens and Hoseok looks over to smile at Kihyun “someone with whom you have a romantic or sexual relationship, or both!” He turns again to look at Changkyun. “Someone you like. Or lo--”

“Lee Hoseok,” Kihyun growls. “I’m gonna have to stop you _right there.”_ He turns his face to grumble to himself. “I can’t fucking believe today…”

Changkyun smiles into his coffee. He still doesn’t really… know what this boyfriend thing is, but hey, quick learner, he has time. But he’s also _not_ going to get Lee Hoseok killed for it. Where _is_ his phone, anyway? Oh, and, “Here, I made you coffee,” Changkyun says, putting it down in front of him. “It might not be the _best_ coffee you’ve ever had but…”

Kihyun walks by and keeps going towards the window. “I am going to throw myself off this building, I swear.” He stops, hand on the glass, to look over his shoulder when no one says anything. “Good to know you care. Thank you for stopping me. I am going to do it,” And he opens the window, steps out and… sits down on the balcony. On the cold floor.

Changkyun rolls his eyes, picks up his coffee and gestures for Hoseok to join him.

“Don’t say that,” Changkyun starts, sitting down next to him. “Don’t know if the rules will cancel out so I can grab you and stop you so, shhh.”

Kihyun looks down. “It’s hard to lie, Kyunie…” He whispers, voice a little desperate. “Even if I’ve been doing it all my life… suddenly I--”

“Uh! It’s cold out here,” Hoseok says as he sits down.

“Then shh, I got this,” Changkyun whispers back, holding out his hand for Kihyun and looks over to Hoseok, on his other side. “You can _feel_ the cold through all that?” Changkyun asks, poking at Hoseok’s bicep.

“Well, my face is still bare, right?” Hoseok chuckles. “Makeup isn’t cold-proof. _Yet.”_

Kihyun touches Changkyun’s fingers with his fingertips and sighs. “It _is_ cold… But I thought you liked the cold.”

“I do,” Hoseok hums. “Reminds me of… Anyway,” Hoseok pokes Changkyun’s cheek. “Are you using the makeup I gave you?”

Changkyun shrugs, smiling a little as he squeezes Kihyun’s hand. “I think I’ll be saving it for special occasions. Wouldn’t wanna give this one heart-problems.” And as he says that, Kihyun’s heart does skip two whole beats before it starts bombing like crazy.

“I am not that easily affected,” Kihyun says and it sounds like… _‘bullshit’_. Changkyun smiles a little to himself, chest feeling warm.

“Oooh!” Hoseok says, smacking Changkyun’s arm. Changkyun recognises that if he wasn’t nearly unbreakable, that would have hurt. “We should dye your hair!”

“Dye his hair!?” Kihyun’s voice spikes. “Why? What are you…” He looks down contemplatively and then his eyes widen and he moves them to Hoseok. “Please don’t.”

Hoseok ruffles Changkyun’s hair. “Blonde? Maybe? Mmm… Your hair’s pretty long, actually.”

“Yeah, it is…” Kihyun agrees without looking and then flinches. “Blonde?”

“Yeah! Not like 2005 emo kid, like…” Changkyun raises an eyebrow as Hoseok keeps ruffling. “I don’t know. Nice.” Hoseok laughs, letting Changkyun go. “But I mean, if you’re _forbidding_ it... As totally _not_ his boyfriend…”

Kihyun glares at both of them. “He can do whatever the fuck he wants…” And looks away. “But I don’t trust you when it comes to hair dyes--you dyed my hair pink! _Pink!”_

Changkyun perks up. Blinks at Kihyun. “Your hair was pink?” _Cute_ , Changkyun thinks, imagining it. “Cute,” Changkyun says, having imagined it.

“I don’t li--”

“Oh! It was gorgeous,” Hoseok beams, pulling at his phone. “Look! I have pictures!”

Changkyun immediately leans over. “Ooh, I wanna see!”

Kihyun tugs at Changkyun’s hand as he tries to run his own hand through his hair, only then remembering that he can’t. He stares. “I was… He said he was going to dye it and I thought he meant something natural. But no…”

Hoseok shows Changkyun a picture and his heart honest to Satan does this _thing_. “Oh my god,” he says out loud. Because people say that when things are just Too Much. And he cohoes. Out loud. Because he can. “Why didn't you like it?” Changkyun says. “It's so cute.”

“I…” Kihyun looks at him. “You think so?”

Changkyun nods, looking over to smile at him. “Yeah. Makes you look sweet, like candy.” And he watches in pure delight as Kihyun’s eyes widen slightly and his cheeks and ears turn pink before he turns his face away.

“I--I guess.”

“We could dye yours, too, Ki!” Hoseok chirps. “Aren’t you tired of brown?”

Kihyun grabs a few strands of hair between his fingers, pouting just a little. “I like the brown…” He lets go, frowning when the hairs don't fall back into place and just spike to the front instead. He blows up at them. “But if you have any good ideas, I might… hear you out. Doesn’t mean I’ll do it.”

“Deal,” Hoseok grins, sticking out his hand. Changkyun puffs up at his own hair too, wondering if they’d do the same as Kihyun’s. Which, actually--

“Do you think I can get pink hair?”

Kihyun turns to look at Changkyun and raises an eyebrow, looking him up and down. “I don’t think it goes with your skin tone but if you really want to…” He sighs and looks away and then leans forward to glare at Hoseok. “Like I said, he can do whatever he wants.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes, retracting his hand to ruffle at his own hair. “I’ll try not to ruin his whole demon aesthetic too much, promise.” Hoseok turns to Changkyun, who’s still puffing at his hair, head leaned slightly forward. “Actually, are you sure he’s a demon?” Changkyun stops puffing to glare. “Hey, just making sure.”

Changkyun puts his coffee cup down, leaning his head on Kihyun’s shoulder. “Ki, defend my honour as an agent of darkness.”

Kihyun snorts and then _laughs_. He hadn’t laughed in a while... He bumps his head on Changkyun’s a few times, as if giving him little slaps. “He tried to stab himself and broke the knife.” Kihyun turns his face up and looks at Hoseok over Changkyun, chin on Changkyun’s head. “He’s stupid but he is definitely not from around here. Which, at this point, I don’t care.”

Changkyun lifts his head a little to glare. “Defend my honour, not disparage my intelligence.”

“I called you stupid, not dumb,” Kihyun says. “And when I call you dumb I just…” He trails off, eyes narrowing a little at nothing in particular before softening. “Only I can call you dumb.”

Changkyun drops his head again, nuzzles. “M’gonna go do some math, just you watch.”

Hoseok breathes out sharp from his nose next to Changkyun who isn’t looking as he smiles down at the ground. “You two really are gross. I can see why you always bitched about it. I don’t mind, though,” Hoseok says, reaching over to ruffle Kihyun’s hair.

Changkyun feels Kihyun freeze a little, hears his heartbeat spike, too. But when he speaks, Kihyun sounds happy. “My turn to give you shit.”

“ _Hilarious_ that you think I’m not going to give you shit,” Hoseok laughs. “You’re all _soft_ , how am I supposed to _not_.”

Changkyun moves a little under Kihyun’s chin, just enough to look at Hoseok. There’s something in his chest, then; a reminder, maybe. That Hoseok used to have… this. From what Kihyun said, he had this for a long, long time. And then… Changkyun bites down on his bottom lip to stop it from wobbling as he turns back to bury his face in Kihyun’s sweater.

“See?” Kihyun laughs, hand coming up to comb through Changkyun’s hair. “A puppy. How am I not supposed to be all soft. It’s his fault.”

“Even I’m soft…” Hoseok grumbles, pushing himself up. “Ugh. Gross. I’m gonna get the cake. Try not to get married by the time I get back.”

Kihyun laughs a little, but Changkyun can hear the bitterness. And when Hoseok walks back inside, Kihyun’s shoulders slump a little and he moves, nose into Changkyun’s hair. “It’s also your fault that I suddenly hate lying…” He mumbles. “Take some responsibility…”

Changkyun laughs, short and soft, just a breath. “I am. Trust me, nobody wanted to lie more than I did an hour ago… Still didn’t actually want to, though.” He grumbles. “Fucking sucks.”

“Later…” Kihyun breathes in deep and then out. “I am probably going to freak out a little and… yeah. Apologizing in advance. Don’t hate me too much… if I cry _again_.” He sighs. “I really need to stop doing that… seriously.”

 _I would literally die for you_ , Changkyun thinks, knowing if he said it, Kihyun would throw him off the building, _and you’re apologising for a few tears._

Instead, he lifts his head and places a quick kiss on his chin. “Would never hate you. Are you… I mean, are you gonna freak out because you’re telling him or just because… of everything.”

“I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. It’s not… easy. And when the time comes, because I will tell Hoseok, eventually, I might actually… lose a friend, Kyunie… And…” He sighs. “Let’s not talk about that right now. _Later.”_

“Okay,” Changkyun agrees, lips pursed in a smile. “Whenever you’re ready. Now come on, he made us a whole celebratory cake, it would be rude not to go eat it.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “If I told you what we’re celebrating, you’d laugh…” He says, getting up.

“Oh, no, I know,” Changkyun grins, pulling Kihyun up with him so they’re standing close, almost flush. “Let’s just say I hope Hoseok likes baking.”

And Kihyun reacts in two completely different ways: his eyes go wide, his pupils move and then he turns really red and kicks Changkyun’s leg, _hard_.

“I am surrounded by idiots!” He shouts and Changkyun laughs, _a lot_.

“Birds of a feather!” Hoseok calls from the kitchen.

 

\---

 

 

Kihyun stuffs a piece of cake in his mouth and lets his cheeks puff. It really is a good cake. And the only reason why he hasn’t tried to bake it on his own is because this gives him an excuse to call Hoseok over. And also because Kihyun knows Hoseok’s mother loves baking. And being praised for something you’re good at feels… nice.

He taps the fork on the plate, softly, and then looks at Changkyun, who’s sitting on the couch where Hoseok had left him after giving him an obnoxiously long lesson on hairstyling, typing something on his phone-- _that damn thing, does he have a Twitter account or does he type whatever comes to his mind on the Google search bar?_

“He…” Kihyun starts and swallows, “didn’t come back.”

Changkyun stops typing for a second. “Uhm. I think Hoseok said he was going home…?”

Kihyun looks down, placing the fork down on the plate. “I didn’t mean Hoseok…”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, softly before sighing. “Yeah…” Changkyun shifts on the couch, lying down and facing Kihyun, feet pointed at him, crossed at the ankle. “Maybe he had a soul to go reap..?”

“Maybe…” Kihyun says and his stomach knots. Maybe he shouldn’t have finished the whole cake. “There’s a lot, isn’t there?” He looks at his hand and starts counting. “So far I’ve seen demons, you, weird dream crap, Reapers… But there’s more. And it’s a lot… I keep wondering where I fit in all this. I can’t be just… it’s not random. And all these things I can hear and see… I just…” He sighs and drops his hand to the table again. “My dead childhood friend is alive, but dead? A Reaper. And I’m…”

“Hey,” Changkyun says from next to the table. He must have walked over while Kihyun was having his little… _thing_ . Ugh. “You’re not… a puzzle piece. You don’t _have_ to fit into anything, really. Some things just _are_ , and any patterns people see are… Well, just that. People see patterns.” Changkyun gestures vaguely, sighing. “Etcetera.”

“Yeah but…” Kihyun looks at him. “You have a role… and Hyun--Hyungwon has a role. And all those weirdass demons have a role. What is mine? Sit here and look pretty while everything happens?”

Changkyun’s eyebrows knit and he shakes his head. “I… I don’t know,” Changkyun purses his lips in a sympathetic smile. “Besides, I don’t really know what--” he holds up his fingers and mimes quotation marks. “--’Role’ you think I’m playing here.”

“You are the one who keeps saying you have to protect me…” Kihyun says, looking down. _And never shutting up about it. And saying irresponsible things like…_ like… He sighs and looks over the table, “I guess I am just having a bit of an existential crisis,” grimacing, “I ate the whole cake…”

Changkyun laughs, slowly scooting the plate away from Kihyun. “Yeeeah, maybe that wasn’t the best idea…” Changkyun leans forward on the table, “Existential crisis? Do you mean, like, the meaning of life and all that?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun laughs and looks up and down between Changkyun and the table. “Told you I was gonna freak out…”

“Yeah, but I thought you were gonna cry, not doubt your place in the universe or whatever,” Changkyun chuckles. “Or am I prematurely noting the lack of tears, here?” Changkyun moves a little closer, giving Kihyun’s sweater a little tug.

The knot in Kihyun’s stomach moves up to his chest and he reaches for Changkyun’s hand. “Maybe the second… I don’t know… I just…” He sighs, smiling small at their hands. “In two weeks I have experienced so much and learned so much… I don’t know. Maybe I should be banging my head against the wall at this point. Maybe I already did,” He laughs. “And… now this… How am I supposed to--it just won’t get inside my head. I lost a friend. I mourned that asshole. And then suddenly I learn that he has been here the whole time but… but not really here?” Kihyun sighs and it’s shaky. “How am I supposed to tell Hoseok that I… lied to him before. That I’m lying to him right now and… and expect him to look me in the face ever again?”

Changkyun squeezes his hand, walking up behind him, taking his other hand, too, pulling them in as he wraps his arms around Kihyun, kissing the top of his head. “Because when people lie it’s because they want something. And you just… wanted to spare him some hurt. And I get that. But he’ll stay, because you still told him, in the end.”

“Okay…” Kihyun breathes, swallowing the knot that had suddenly lapped all the way up to his throat. “Okay… I… yeah…” He rubs his face on Changkyun’s sleeve. “Thanks.”

Changkyun brushes the back of Kihyun’s hand with his thumb. “Always…” Another soft, lingering kiss at the crown of his head. “It’ll be okay, you know.”

‘Always’ sounds a lot like ‘forever’. But ‘forever’ is curled up in bed where the world doesn’t reach. And Kihyun knows they don’t have a ‘forever’. They just have… right now. And ‘right now’ is like a fresh new breath after staying underwater for far too long. ‘Right now’ is like coming home after a long day. ‘Right now’ is not a lie, it’s the truth.

The past hides shadows in dark corners. The future probably awaits with tears Kihyun doesn’t want to cry. Because he knows nothing is ever easy or peaceful, or without hurt. So, ‘right now’ is where he wants to be. Because that’s where he’s happy. Accepting things as they are. _Because tomorrow you might not be there with me. Neither of you..._

Kihyun smiles. “Yeah…” _It’ll be okay._ He turns and presses his face on Changkyun’s hoodie and then shifts just slightly to peek at him. “Hey,” he calls all muffled by the fabric. “Hey, hey, hey,” He pokes Changkyun’s side with his finger.

Changkyun looks momentarily baffled before laughing, squirming a little. “What, what, what?”

“Nothing,” Kihyun hides his face again. “Just wanted to make you laugh.”

“ _You just_ \--” Changkyun gapes, voice high pitched. “Hey, no fair, look at me while I blush! Take responsibility!”

And Kihyun peeks up. And… _right now._ Right now sounds damn good. So he looks back down again, rubbing his forehead on Changkyun’s hoodie. “No can do, sorry. I’m… embarrassed now.”

“You always hide when you’re embarrassed,” Changkyun points out, nosing at the top of Kihyun’s head. “You get all red and you cringe and it’s _adorable_ , now look at me, dammit.”

“No, no can do!”

“Drastic measures it is, then,” Changkyun laughs, reaching down to pick Kihyun up, wrapping Kihyun’s legs around his own waist. Changkyun laughs even harder at the sound Kihyun makes even as he throws his arms around Changkyun’s neck. He’s not proud of that little display, but who cares? “Look at me and I’ll put you down.”

Kihyun snaps his mouth closed, looking Changkyun in the eye and then away. He feels his face red. And his heartbeat is up to his ears. “You know…” He starts and his heart falters just a bit.

“Not good enough,” Changkyun sing-songs on the way out the kitchen, doing a little spin with Kihyun in his arms. “I know?”

Kihyun really wishes he could stop himself from saying stupid things all the time. But lately that seems nearly impossible. “If you do that… _this…_ then I’ll--” He stops himself, biting at his lower lip.

“Then you’ll…?” Changkyun asks, tone teasing and light as he hikes Kihyun up a bit.

Face suddenly feeling too hot for a Winter day, Kihyun tries to hide his face in the crook of Changkyun’s neck. “Then I’ll…” Can his heart stop being so _fucking_ loud all the time?

And Kihyun almost startles, as his back hits the wall of his small hallway. Changkyun turns his face, brushing his lips over Kihyun’s neck and Kihyun gasps a little. “Yes, Kihyun?”

It’s involuntary, the way Kihyun wraps his legs tighter around Changkyun’s waist and tilts his head just enough for Changkyun to kiss his neck even if it makes him shiver. It’s involuntary, but Kihyun doesn’t really mind.

Because _right now_ he wants…

“You…” Kihyun whispers. “I wanna feel you.”

Changkyun groans, pressing Kihyun against the wall and moving his hands down his chest and gripping at Kihyun’s thighs, sliding up to his ass. “You really know how to make me feel like I’m losing my mind,” Changkyun growls against his neck.

Kihyun leans his head back on the wall and looks up, laughing a little. “Well, I…” He shivers, closing his eyes when Changkyun pulls at the skin with his teeth. “I meant it, though. I-- _ah_ … I want you.”

And Changkyun sucks and pulls at the skin before kissing, hands gripping almost painfully as he presses closer. He kisses behind Kihyun ear, nips at his earlobe before whispering, deep and husky; “I need you.”

 _“Mmm--,”_ Kihyun muffles with a shiver. “I…” He lets his head tip forward and, with his arms locked around Changkyun’s neck, pulls himself up just enough to move his hips. He sighs at the friction, eyebrows furrowed. “Then _what the fuck_ are you waiting for…”

Changkyun’s breath hitches and he pulls Kihyun closer by the hips, walking backwards to the bedroom and laughing a little as he almost fumbles and trips at the doorway. “Fucking hell, Kihyun…”

“Less talking,” Kihyun murmurs against Changkyun’s neck, “more _doing_.”

Changkyun throws Kihyun down on the bed, grinning and pulling him to the edge of the bed, dragging his nails down his thighs. “Well if you insist…” He leans forward, nosing at his neck even as he undoes the buttons Kihyun’s pants. “Any requests?”

Kihyun breathes out sharply through his nose. “Maybe… But you… What do you want? I wanna know what you want.”

“You,” Changkyun says, because of course he does, as he pulls Kihyun’s jeans down to his knees, pushes his sweater up his chest. “As much of you as I can get,” he breathes against Kihyun’s stomach, making him quiver. “Just because I can’t kiss you on the lips doesn’t mean I can’t kiss every other part of you…” So, he kisses, soft, lingering by the elastic of his boxers. “I want you to scream my name...”

Kihyun throws his arms over his face. He can feel it burning. And Changkyun is sinful and shameless. But… _but…_ it makes Kihyun want him even more _._ Maybe Kihyun is the shameless one.

“Then make me.”

Changkyun grins against his stomach before he yanks Kihyun’s pants off completely, throwing them aside and pulling his underwear down with his teeth, palming at Kihyun’s ass. “So beautiful,” he breathes and Kihyun frowns, letting out a sound. Changkyun moves up again to pull at Kihyun’s sweater. “ _Off._ ”

_Fast learners..._

Kihyun hunches forward just enough to pull his sweater over his head and then lets himself fall back, the air in his lungs huffing out, forcing him to take a loud breath in. He’s not even thinking about anything that isn’t Changkyun right now. Changkyun, who keeps his eyes on Kihyun, roving over his body, his face, as he quickly pulls his hoodie over his head.

It tugs when their eyes lock. And maybe it’s because they’re both craving more that it pulls, too, sharply, with a need of its own.

“You--” Kihyun’s breath hitches and then quickens, his chest going up and down as he stares at Changkyun’s face. It feels like… Kihyun sees him, his eyes, and he feels it… like fear but not really. And it gives him a rush. _“Changkyun_ … hurry… I...”

Changkyun quickly leans forward, grazing his teeth over Kihyun’s nipple. “Okay, Ki…” Changkyun says against him before biting, sucking at the nub, reaching down to squeeze at Kihyun’s dick. “Do you trust me?”

Kihyun nods first, mouth shut, breathing uneven. But then realizes Changkyun probably didn’t see him. “I- _-ah!_ Y--Yeah…”

“Good,” Changkyun says with another squeeze, laving his tongue over Kihyun’s nipple before pulling away, looking down at him and running his hand through Kihyun’s hair. “Turn around.”

Yes, it’s definitely fear, the fear that anticipates, the fear of giving control to someone else, the feeling that runs down his spine before it gives him a rush. And Kihyun swallows thick, licks his lips and nods small before turning around, Changkyun’s hand trailing down his skin.

His heart is all he can hear the moment he sees the top of the bed. He's pretty sure he is red from head to toe. This… this is a first, too, giving control away. And maybe it doesn’t mean much to Changkyun, but to Kihyun himself it means _trust_. The kind he hasn’t had in anyone, ever.

Changkyun leans down, kissing at Kihyun’s shoulder blades, at his spine, making Kihyun arch his back, shuddering as Changkyun palms at Kihyun’s ass before raking his nails down the back of Kihyun’s thighs.

Changkyun pushes Kihyun backwards lightly and Kihyun’s arms shake as he falls to his elbows. “Gorgeous,” Changkyun whispers, lips brushing at the base of Kihyun’s spine.

And Kihyun gasps, his dick twitches, already painfully hard, his head ducking as he grabs at the sheets and pulls them closer.

“I wanna hear you…” Changkyun says, soft as he places a kiss there. “Don’t hide from me.”

Kihyun just nods breathlessly, hoping Changkyun sees him this time.

“Good,” Changkyun breathes again. He grips at Kihyun’s ass, spreading him open and pressing the tip of his tongue lightly against Kihyun’s hole.

 _“Ah--Wha-_ -" Kihyun flinches, presses his forehead down, his face burning. He pulls at the sheets again, pulls them to him and grips at them.

Closing his mouth to muffle a moan and then opening it again with a gasp, Kihyun is beyond mortified, beyond embarrassed when he suddenly pushes back against Changkyun. Changkyun, who flattens his tongue against him and licks, hard.

Kihyun closes his eyes and-- _“Changkyu--hah, just…”_ His voice sounds so high. And he knows he's making little sounds without having any control over it as Changkyun curls his tongue, moves in patterns Kihyun couldn’t possibly predict, before leaning back, taking a breath, spreading Kihyun even more and pressing his tongue into Kihyun.

“I-- fuck,” Kihyun breathes, pressing back again. He finds himself needing one thing, only. To lose himself in the feeling of being so full that there’s nothing else, no thoughts. “You… I want you…” If only there were condoms and lube in that useless nightstand right now…

Changkyun hums and presses in probably as deeply as he can, moving his tongue inside of him and Kihyun can feel Changkyun’s nails dig in lightly at the skin of his ass. And then it’s just the one, as Changkyun moves his tongue in and out of him, hand trailing over his skin, his thighs, his stomach. Like he’s made of glass. Even as he relentlessly licks into him.

Kihyun shivers. He needs to… touch. One of his hands slowly reaches down but he stops, fisting it on the bed.

“Touch me…” He breathes out as a whisper more than anything. Changkyun growls again, that oddly primal sound at the back of his throat as he gives Kihyun another long, deep lick before pulling away to kiss up his back. Kihyun hears Changkyun fumble with his jeans before his hand is reaching around to grip at Kihyun’s dick.

Kihyun yelps. Even if expecting the touch, he hadn't expected the strength of Changkyun's hand around him. Changkyun kisses up to Kihyun’s shoulder, slotting his hips against Kihyun’s ass, and Kihyun can feel the hardness of Changkyun’s dick pressing against him, and his underwear even _feels_ expensive. Changkyun groans loudly against Kihyun as he moves, matching his grinding with sharp pumps at Kihyun’s dick.

And Kihyun moans as he moves back against Changkyun, trying to match his rhythm. An urgency in Kihyun's abdomen willing him to move faster, push back harder. Changkyun groans again and it breaks into a whine against Kihyun before he bites at Kihyun’s shoulder, breathing fast and heavy. “F-fuck,” Changkyun groans, gripping tighter and pumping faster. “ _Kihyun_.”

And Kihyun’s eyes widen just before they close and he groans a little with the shiver that spreads through his body. “--Kyun--Changkyun, I--I’m gonna…”

The sting in his shoulder, where Changkyun bites harder _,_ peaks. “ _Ah--Changkyun!_ ” Kihyun presses back on Changkyun and bites at the sheets as he comes.

Changkyun cries out against his shoulder, stroking Kihyun through his orgasm as his hips stutter against him.

Kihyun shivers again, his legs quivering and losing whatever remaining strength he had. But he still presses against Changkyun, beyond caring about anything else, moving his hips in circular movements and propping himself on one elbow to look over his shoulder, eyes glossy and on Changkyun. Changkyun, who looks back at him, eyebrows furrowed and lips parted in pleasure. And as their eyes lock, Changkyun’s own scrunch closed and his mouth falls open in a loud, deep groan as his hips stutter against Kihyun, warm as he comes against the fabric of his boxers.

Strength faltering again, Kihyun lets himself lie down slowly as Changkyun leans over him.

Kihyun's grip around the sheets tightens even as he feels himself relax. His dick still giving small twitches, making him shiver slightly.

He collapses just a few inches away from the top of bed and winces a little when he feels the wet covers on his stomach. That bed will need a change of sheets.

Changkyun rolls off of Kihyun, to the side and pulls Kihyun down with him. “Weshudprobashower,” Changkyun mumbles. Or, well, something like that. “Chaisheetstoo.”

Kihyun laughs breathlessly. “You… you're,” He licks his lips and takes a shaky breath, “Gonna have to carry me…”

“In a minute,” Changkyun laughs, warm breath against Kihyun.

Kihyun moves, groaning when his muscles burn, and turns to face Changkyun. “What happened to strong, immortal, yadda yadda--power derives from Satan…?”

Changkyun gestures lazily around the two of them. “Fucked.” And laughs. “Absolutely fucked.”

“Not really,” Kihyun laughs, smiling lazily, “But almost…” He sighs, surprised when his heart doesn't flutter (although after all that, maybe it's not so surprising). He scoots closer, nose in Changkyun’s collarbone--he smells like sex-- “You're… you're amazing.”

Changkyun squirms a little, reaching to wrap his arms around Kihyun in, Kihyun assumes to be, the first steps to carrying him to the bathroom. “I’m… I’m glad you liked it.” He holds him a bit tighter. “You’re not all that bad yourself.”

Kihyun scoffs, poking Changkyun. “When did you get this cocky?” He looks up. “And how did you even know how to do that? Is that what's on your Google search history?”

Changkyun laughs. “I would like to say they’re both just simply in my nature, but no, yeah, totally did some research there.” Changkyun grins. “Knew it would be worth it.”

“Oh?” Kihyun tilts his head and scoots closer again, grinning. “Worth it, is it?”

Changkyun hums. “Mhm. Everything I do is worth every sound you make.”

“Voice kink?”

“You kink,” Changkyun smiles widely, tilting his head.

“Yoo kink,” Kihyun snorts, hiding his face closer to Changkyun. “I… I've never…” He sighs. “I told you I was getting a lot of firsts out of this, too. This was one. And…” A familiar feeling stretches inside Kihyun’s chest but he can't quite put a finger on it. “I'm glad it was with you.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, in actual, honest to God ( _honest to Satan?_ ) surprise. “Oh. That…” Changkyun smiles. It’s the oddest expression, so close to Kihyun’s face, but so… open. “That makes me happy… Really happy.”

Kihyun looks at him as if it's the first time all over again, heart finally giving signs of life as it speeds up just slightly.

He touches Changkyun’s face, thumb soothing over his cheek. “It's weird… I spend my days worrying about the future while living in the past. Anxious about things that will never happen and things that have happened but,” he smiles brightly, “You… Ever since day one, all you ever make me think about is the _now_. The present. Today. And… you. And I'm learning slowly to just take one day at a time. And worry about things as they come. So, thank you. Thank you for teaching me that.”

Changkyun leans into Kihyun’s touch, eyes shiny in the dim light as he smiles at him but not quite. There’s a pull between his eyebrows, slight but… not quite. He’s looking at Kihyun like… like something. _Like a little white light in a sea gone black._

“I never thought I could feel this much…” Changkyun closes his eyes. “Thank you for giving me that.”

“ _A million times over,”_ Kihyun says as the nameless feeling in his chest makes his heart squeeze.

 _Ah. So, that's what it means._ And funnily enough, it doesn't surprise him. After all, a lot can happen in just a few minutes. A lot more in one day.

But then time does that funny thing where it passes by unnoticed and the next moment Changkyun stretches his legs, nuzzles into Kihyun’s hand and nods. “I believe I have regained clarity of mind and body.” He sits up, quickly maneuvering Kihyun into a position so he can pick him up. _“Le’s_ go.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Let's go to the shower or let's do that again?” He shrugs. “I'm fine with both, too.”

Changkyun laughs, light and standing up, effortlessly lifting Kihyun-- _bridal style, of all things_. “At the same time, then.”

“That is if you can keep up,” Kihyun says, ignoring the urge to kick Changkyun (even though he couldn't do it even if he tried, considering the current situation).

“I am _offended_ ,” Changkyun laughs, kicking the bathroom door closed behind them for good measure and turning to grin at Kihyun, so close he’d kiss him if he could. “See if I put you down any time soon.”

Kihyun frowns. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It _means_ , I guess,” Changkyun says, letting go with one arm--which, even knowing it’s possible, it's still pretty impressive (not that Kihyun will admit to it right now, so he forces the frown on his face)--to open the shower faucet. “That I don’t exactly _have_ to put you down.”

And for some forsaken reason, that sends Kihyun’s brain into overdrive again. His heart speeds up and his blood rushes south.

 _Well,_ he asked for it…

“Oh,” He says as he tries to quell the sudden panic and actually own up to it. “Then…” He traces Changkyun’s bottom lip with the tip of his nose. “I'll allow you, this time.”

“ _This time_?” Changkyun scoffs a laugh, stepping out of his boxers and mercilessly walking forward to put Kihyun’s head under the shower spray. “We’ll see about that.”

Kihyun shivers a little, lips trailing down Changkyun's neck, “I said ‘this time’ because ‘next time’ _I_ am having _my_ way with _you_ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you love healthy sexual relationships between two men who really like each other.


	12. Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through the shadow, through the absolute lack of light and sound and everything that isn’t this voice that wants to take him, drag him down, fall fall fall--Changkyun screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Blood !!!

It’s true. Kihyun has always been good at looking the other way, ignoring, forgetting what needs to be forgotten. And, in a way, he knows that’s what has kept him alive all this time. But now, clearly, there are things Kihyun can no longer ignore. Therefore, no more lying. That’s what he promised himself. That’s what he promised Changkyun.

Acceptance doesn’t always come easy, though. Some things are easy to swallow. Others, take time and effort. And time is what Kihyun has decided to give himself. Time to let it sink in, taking effort in trying to understand that sometimes not everything needs to make sense…

 _This_ , however…? This warmth that welcomes him the moment he gets home...? That’s something easy to accept. Something that makes sense. Something nameless but real. Something scary. Something he can’t control.

“You _really_ need to stop doing that.”

Changkyun bounces with an over-exaggerated pout. “But I missed yoooou,” he whines, tugging at Kihyun’s jacket.

 _Stupid little heart twinge._ “You literally saw me this morning,” Kihyun says despite the smile on his face. Why is he smiling? He really needs to stop smiling all the damn time.

Changkyun waves his hand about. “That was ages ago.”

_Adorable._

Kihyun snorts, pausing to look Changkyun up and down before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Come on, I gotta get changed. And if you keep acting cute then we won't be going anywhere.” And no matter how much Kihyun likes Changkyun, there’s no way he's going to pass up the opportunity to eat at the fancy restaurant Hoseok _finally (_ three years later) managed to get reservations from. There’s _no way…! Right...?_

Changkyun looks down at himself, clad in one of Kihyun’s oversized t-shirts and a pair of boxers. “I can go like this, though, right?”

Kihyun stops on his way to the bedroom to look over his shoulder. He actually _considers_ the idea _(Ugh!)_. But then smiles and looks away with a shrug. “No. Only I can see you like that.”

Changkyun follows after him, fingers still holding onto Kihyun’s jacket. “Well, _what_ then. Hoseok gave me clothes but I don’t know what’s--” he lets go to do mime quotation marks. “‘ _Fancy_ ’.”

“I'll help,” Kihyun says, shrugging his jacket off and hanging it in the closet before he starts undoing his black button down. “Plus, I can always lend you something of mine. We are pretty much the same size except…” He pauses on that last button. Except Changkyun has really broad shoulders and Kihyun can't tell if he wants to kiss him or murder him for it.

“Except?” Changkyun asks, eyes curious and--not on Kihyun’s face.

“Except,” Kihyun looks up, undoing the last button and letting the shirt slide down his back. He taps his own shoulder and nods at Changkyun. “Shoulders. You have broad shoulders.”

Changkyun frowns a little, looking down at his own and rolling them before shrugging with a little smile. “Do you like it?” He teases, eyes flicking down from Kihyun’s face.

Kihyun looks away for a moment. Does he like it? _Oh_ , he does. For various reason.

He smiles and turns to the open wardrobe again. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Changkyun laughs lightly from behind him. “Well, I like yours. A lot. Also,” Changkyun adds, “What are these things? These small dots. You have a lot of them.”

Kihyun looks over and then down at himself. “Dots? You mean moles? Ah. Everyone has them. They're…” he laughs a little, “sun kisses.” At least that’s what his father used to say.

“Wouldn’t that hurt?” Changkyun asks, suddenly alarmed.

“Not really,” Kihyun says, turning and tilting his head, eyes on Changkyun’s neck. “You have them, too.” He adds, poking the one over Changkyun's throat. And Changkyun responds by reaching out and gently poking at the side of Kihyun’s top lip.

“That one is my favourite.”

“Why?”

Changkyun shrugs lightly, smiling a little sad. “It’s precious.”

Kihyun blinks, then frowns when his heart squeezes. “Now you sound like the Gollum from Lord of the Rings,” he kicks Changkyun’s leg. “Don't go sad on me… I… like you happy. I don't mind you sad but it's not,” he looks away and gestures at his own chest. “It makes me sad, too.”

The hand by Kihyun’s face reaches out again, poking, rather, at his cheek before falling back to Changkyun’s side. He smiles, the sadness in it gone, and nods, “You have plenty of other moles I can kiss. How could I possibly be sad about that.”

“You… Wanna kiss my moles?”

“I’ve already kissed a few,” Changkyun admits, swaying slightly. “The one by your knee… The ones on your back… And others.” He laughs. _Others. Others? Oh!_ That one… the one on his… _Yes, self, there are moles on your ass, own up to it!_

“I'm…” Kihyun looks down and lets go of a long breath. He face palms. “How am I supposed to _leave_ the house when you say shit like that.” He turns back to the wardrobe. “You better start getting ready, or we're not going anywhere!”

He's lost it. He is willing to trade a good meal ( _chicken!_ ) for time with this idiot. He's definitely lost it.

Changkyun sways forward onto his tiptoes to look over Kihyun’s shoulder. “I found a new one, though.”

“A new one?” Kihyun asks, raising his shoulder to bump Changkyun’s chin.

“A mole I haven’t kissed yet,” Changkyun smiles, wide. “Not getting dressed until I do.”

Kihyun turns around, rolling his eyes as he slides his hand down Changkyun’s arm and stops by his elbow. “Go ahead. Make it quick. And _not_ sexual, please. I really want to go out tonight.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, too, mimicking Kihyun’s action but doesn’t stop, trails his hand all the way to Kihyun’s and lifts it up to his lips, pressing them against the mole at the side of Kihyun’s hand.

Kihyun sighs. His heart does that thing again, like it’s trying to tell him something in a different language, a foreign language. And it dawns on him, the moment he opens his mouth to say it and stops himself just in time.

It’s not a nameless feeling. It’s not just caring. It’s… _That obvious, huh? Maybe. Definitely._

“S’that it?” He asks, looking between his hand and Changkyun.

“Well, I mean, if you’re giving me further opportunity…” Changkyun hums, unfolding Kihyun’s fingers to kiss the mole on the back of his index finger. “There.”

Kihyun laughs and shakes his head. “You’re unbelievable, really.” He bends back a little to move his leg up behind Changkyun and clumsily kick his ass. “Now get dressed.”

Changkyun laughs. “Give me something to wear, then!”

“Hmm,” Kihyun looks over Changkyun’s shoulder at the clothes he has over the bed and then looks back towards the wardrobe. “What colors do you like? Do you… like blue?”

“Blue’s good,” Changkyun hums, tossing the t-shirt he’d been wearing into the laundry basket and starfishing onto the bed.

“Is that--” Kihyun looks over and frowns. He really needs to stop thinking about… _that_ . What did Changkyun call it…? ‘Forever’? _Ugh._ It’s gross. It makes Kihyun’s face go red like a tomato. “Ok. Blue it is. Navy.”

 

 

\---

 

Navy was a terrible decision. Not only because the damn suit fits Changkyun like a glove, but also because it makes him look expensive and completely out of Kihyun’s league.

Not to mention that, lately, Kihyun has been noticing a few things… (More like, finds himself noticing a few things…) Like the way Changkyun carries himself. The way he straightens his back, hands in his pockets, when he’s deep in thought or just randomly looking around. How stoic his face looks until something interesting catches his eye. How he goes from zero to one hundred in just a few seconds, from the softest frown between his eyebrows to the most scrutinizing gaze Kihyun has been under.  The way Changkyun sticks his tongue out and holds it between his teeth when he is being silly and a tad cocky. The way he smirks, nothing close to sunny until he is smiling and _beaming_ like he means every little wrinkle on his face. How he’s quiet when there’s something he doesn’t like. How opinionated he is when it’s something he cares about. The little dance moves he makes on the couch when he sing songs to whatever Kihyun is listening on Spotify (that goddamn super-hearing). How he watches Kihyun and smiles small when he thinks Kihyun can’t _totally_ see him by the corner of his eye. His little bursts of confidence, quickly melting down the moment Kihyun tells him the things he wants to hear, but doesn’t really know he does until they’re out there. Etc…

There’s so much… The little things, the important things and the things in between. In so little time, there is enough to fill his heart for a whole month, maybe more, and yet… it feels like nothing compared to what it could be. Because nothing lasts forever…

And ‘right now’ has more meaning than ‘later’. ‘Right now’ has more meaning than any insecurities Kihyun might have. ‘Right now’ wins over embarrassment. And right now…

“Hey,” Kihyun says as he steps into the elevator, “stop tugging at it, you’re going to ruin all my good work.” He slaps Changkyun’s hand away from where it was just a second ago, fiddling with the tie around his neck.

“Your _good work_ is strangling me slowly,” Changkyun mumbles as he lifts his chin and reaches up again to loosen the tie just a little.

Kihyun presses the wrong button and then smiles as he presses all of them all the way down. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” He says, feeling quite pleased with himself as the doors close.

Changkyun turns his face to Kihyun and looks entirely unimpressed. “Exactly how does--I don’t know, getting maimed or having all your bones squished make you stronger--” Changkyun sticks out his tongue in mild disgust at himself. “God, _anyway_.”

He does that, too, now. Nevermind the cursing words. Now he, too, calls to ‘God’ for help. Which, all in all, is quite, quite funny. So, Kihyun laughs a little.

“Shout at Him. Maybe He will actually hear you.” Kihyun jokes, turning his head slightly to look as the number counts down once they reach the next floor and the doors open and close.

_Five more to go!_

Changkyun sticks out his tongue again, before laughing softly. “Odd, the things I’ve taken to saying and doing because of what I see you say and do. You, Hoseok, the people on the screens. Even Hyungwon.” Kihyun flinches a little. _That…_ is going to take a lot of time to get used to. Hyungwon… Hyungwon… still doesn’t sound right. Nevermind, _feel_ right.

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, looking down at his shoes. “Do you ever feel like… You’d like to meet more people? I don’t know, _expand your horizons_ …?” He asks casually, glancing as the number on the screen next to him changes from 6 to 5.

Changkyun shrugs, glancing at him before grinning, leaning against the side of the elevator. “Quality over quantity. You only ever bring Hoseok around, after all.” He cocks his head at the doors. “Is there a reason they’re doing that?”

Kihyun tilts his head, eyes still down, and grins. “There is a reason, yes. And, take my advice here, do what I say and _not_ what I do. I seriously _should_ make more friends. Yet it seems that whenever I actually try, they are one smile away from turning into a supernatural freak.” He snorts a laugh. “Takes the joy out of it, you know…”

Changkyun taps the side of his head. “Listen to yourself. The voices. You hear _them_ , demons, better than I do. What about that Yoongi guy, from the party?”

Kihyun shrugs. “I don’t make it a habit of making too much conversation with potential exes.” He pauses. “I underline ‘potential’ there. It was nothing, really.”

Changkyun tilts his head. “Exes..? You two...” He gestures nonsensically, clearing his throat a little and looking away. “ _Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool_.”

“I said it was nothing… went nowhere, really. Also felt like nothing,” Kihyun shrugs again, frowning. “Okay, maybe that’s just me being an ass right now…” The number on the screen turns from 4 to 3. “Anyway,” he looks up, eyes on Changkyun as he walks closer and stops just a breath away from his face. “Three floors. That gives us two minutes.”

Changkyun cocks an eyebrow, gaze flickering across Kihyun’s face. “F-for what?”

Fingers curling around Changkyun’s tie, Kihyun pulls at him, carefully leaning back just slightly when their lips almost clash. “To make a good memory,” he mumbles, eyes on Changkyun’s lips, before he ducks his head and starts trailing Changkyun’s jaw with short and soft kisses.

Changkyun breathes out, shaky, leaning back against the wall. “O-oh,” Changkyun says, hands coming up to Kihyun’s waist. “Isn’t this a bit, er,” Changkyun laughs, almost nervously, one hand leaving Kihyun to reach back and steady himself. “Public.”

“I don’t see anyone else here but us,” Kihyun mumbles against Changkyun’s neck, eyes on the way his throat bobs when he swallows. “But you can always tell me to stop.”

The doors open and close again and, once they do, Kihyun licks over Changkyun’s throat.

“Never,” Changkyun breathes, hand on Kihyun’s waist pulling him closer, groaning softly, leaning his head back to expose his neck.

“Then, shut up or I’ll kiss you.”

Kihyun trails his hand down Changkyun’s chest and curls his fingers around his belt, then trails them all the way to his lower back. And the elevator doors open and close again.

Changkyun tries to press against Kihyun with his knee, pulling them flush. And Kihyun gives him another lick, all the way up to his ear as he presses himself against Changkyun’s leg and lets out a shaky breath.

And then there’s a _ding_. And one moment Kihyun is nibbling on Changkyun’s earlobe, and the next he is already three steps away, tugging at his own coat as he steps out of the elevator.

“Come on,” he says, looking over his shoulder.

He has to smirk to himself at the time it takes Changkyun to fall into step with him.

“And they say demons are evil…”

“Maybe that is the reason why _I_ need a guardian demon. And not just a guardian angel.”

Changkyun clears his throat, tugging at his tie again before shoving his hands in his pockets. Almost defiantly. “Here I thought I was the shameless one.”

Kihyun laughs, short, and licks his lips. The front door closes behind them and he slows his pace just to watch Changkyun walk in front of him. “I’m just as surprised. It’s your fault, really. You make me like this.”

Changkyun raises his eyebrows over his shoulder at Kihyun but keeps walking, looking ahead. “I _make_ you like this? Didn’t make you press all those buttons… Didn’t _make_ you press me against a wall in an elevator…” Changkyun tuts. “Shameless.”

“Passive actions are still actions,” Kihyun says just because. “No one told you to look hot in a suit but here we are.”

Changkyun hums. “And no one told you to look ravishing in a suit, but here I am, ravenous.”

Kihyun snorts and bends forward to laugh. “Oh god, why do I--” He stops himself and smiles, looking up. “How are your feelings towards the elevator doors now?”

Changkyun laughs, loud and uninhibited. “Still opening even when I don’t want them to…”

“I’ll do something about that next time. Can’t have you hating the poor elevator. It works day and night for us peasants, carrying our sorry asses all the way up. And down.”

“You say the oddest most unexpected things,” Changkyun says softly, almost as if he doesn’t want Kihyun to hear him. “Don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it.”

“Thankfully, I never shut up. Always nagging, or so I’ve been told,” Kihyun laughs.

“Put the laundry in the basket and you don’t nag. Help with the dishes and you don’t nag,” Changkyun shrugs. “I don’t mind. It’s just a different way of caring.”

Kihyun stops walking, eyes on Changkyun’s back (he really has broad shoulders). The nameless feeling inside Kihyun’s chest makes his heart stutter again. Kihyun looks down and smiles small. He really can’t keep up with his feelings. One moment they say ‘kiss him’ and then next they say…

“Stay alive and I won’t nag.” And it sounds a lot like ‘I love you’.

Changkyun looks back as Kihyun stops, turning a little. He holds out his hand with a smile that looks a lot like ‘I love you, too’. At… at least, that’s what Kihyun sees. _Thinks. Sees._ “Yeah, but you will nag if we’re late. Come on. I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Kihyun laughs and rolls his eyes. And, when he looks back up, he sees it, like a flash, like he dreamed it. But did he? Did he see it… or…

_A dark shadow… a Hallow?_

His smile falters a little. “Yeah… we wouldn’t want that…” And as he walks his brain screams at him to put that damn smile back on. Because ‘right now’ matters more than ‘later’.

Kihyun takes Changkyun’s hand and laces their fingers together, swinging their hands a little as they walk. “Seriously,” his voice sounds way brighter than he’d expected, “Three weeks with you and you know me back and forth. Took Hoseok a whole decade. And I won’t even mention that other _traitorous_ asshole because he just won’t _ever_ get it.”

Changkyun squeezes Kihyun’s hand, rolling his eyes. “Have you told that _traitorous_ asshole everything you’ve told me? Never lied?” Changkyun smiles a little at the road next to them, cars passing under the streetlights. “Or maybe it’s just indefinable. I can hardly return the sentiment; there’s not much of me to understand.”

“You’re wrong,” Kihyun says almost immediately. “Even now I still feel like I hardly know you…” He looks at Changkyun. “But I want to. Slowly. One day at a time. And as for the asshole… He would laugh in my face if I told him an ounce of truth… And I hate feeling judged like that for, for things that matter to me.” He shrugs. “It’s fine, though. Everyone is different. And… my truths are not the ones he cares about.”

“And what are those?” Changkyun asks gently. “Your truths.”

_My truths? You mean my vulnerabilities..._

Kihyun sighs. And, when he speaks, it’s soft. “I am fucking terrified of everything I have no control over. I try really hard to keep a smile on my face because if I don’t then what’s the point. No one gives two shits about warm towels, but I do. It’s important, it’s comfortable. I like to organize things because it gives me peace of mind. I care, beyond words, about my friends. I cry more often than I like to admit. I am not angry all the time but sometimes I sound like I am. I’ve liked you from the moment I saw you because you were funny, weird but funny and really, really pretty. Even though I have spent my life lying to myself and to others, suddenly I can’t shut up with the truth. I--” _love you_ “--care about you… so fucking much… and… it’s barely been a month. And I really, really hate sappy conversations but… at the same time, crave them like dry land craves water. So… those. Those are my truths.”

Kihyun purses his lips. He doesn’t want to take the words back, but the air around them feels different. Every car that passes _feels_ different, somehow. Every little sound. A slight shift in axis that he can’t pin down. Blinking and seeing everything just a little clearer. A drop of something small in a pond.

But Changkyun squeezes his hand again and it feels exactly like what it should be. Different isn’t always bad, after all.

“Well, there you go, then,” Changkyun says, soft. “ _I_ care about your truths.” He smiles, glancing over at him and away. “It’s who you are. I hate lies, so I guess that puts truth into perspective.”

“Yeah… I… I’m learning that, too.”

Changkyun takes a deep breath, a soft frown between his brows as he watches the cars, the buildings, their hands. “I haven’t had a lot of time to… I don’t know. There are things I know about myself, about how I feel and how I see the world, and I guess those are truths.”

Thumb soothing up and down on Changkyun’s hand, Kihyun tugs at him, pulls, making their arms touch. “It’s fine that you haven’t had a lot of time. It’s enough that you’re here. Time is… irrelevant when there are other things that matter.” Like ‘right now’.

“Yeah,” Changkyun agrees easily. “Of course there’s _that_.” He pushes at Kihyun a little playfully. “I feel a lot like I have this… I don’t know, a canvas. Bigger than--” He gestures. “The side of that building there. And I have all the colours right next to me and the smallest brush you could imagine.”

“I am terrible with artsy stuff…” Kihyun says, huffing a laugh. “But… a sunset. I can paint a sunset.”

Changkyun laughs, leaning over to press his lips to Kihyun’s cheeks. “I didn’t say the canvas was empty.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder, smirking. “It’s not. But it seemed a little dark. A pretty night sky with no moon. So,” he pouts and shrugs again, “a sunset. Just to give it _a little light.”_

Changkyun kisses his cheek again. “The oddest, most brilliant things.”

 

 

\---

 

 

“There you are!” Hoseok huffs, ‘concern’ written all over his face. “You’re late,” He squints his eyes, gaze shifting between Kihyun and Changkyun and then staying on Kihyun. “You’re never late.”

“His fault,” Kihyun says, shrugging nonchalantly. “He pressed all the elevator buttons. See what I have to deal with?”

“ _That_ ,” Changkyun points between the two of them. “Is a lie.”

Kihyun lifts a hand to gesture dramatically, “The more buttons the thing had, the more he would have pressed!”

“I made _reservations_ , Kihyun,” Hoseok whines. “ _My_ buttons are pressed. Pressed, I say!”

“Wow,” Kihyun raises both hands and looks to Changkyun. “I swear I didn’t touch him.”

Changkyun laughs a little, leaning in to whisper loudly, finger-gesturing in little sideways motions at his chest. “It’s probably _those_.”

And Kihyun snorts, his forehead bumping slightly on Changkyun’s when he laughs. “Well, _I_ didn’t touch them.” He bites at his upper lip and looks at Hoseok. “I’ve had my hands busy the entire time.”

“Children,” Hoseok says, shaking his head at the two of them, hands on his hips. “I am conversing with infants.”

“Says the biggest baby around,” comes the familiar cold voice. Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches slightly but he doesn’t turn to look. Avoidance? Maybe. The feeling, though, the one that voice fuels inside Kihyun’s chest? Kihyun has been so long without it that he doesn’t know if he wants to feel it anymore. But it’s there, like an invasion. And Hyungwon has never been one to care about how inconvenient he can be sometimes. So, he goes on, “So gross, though. So gross.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “See what I meant,” he tells Changkyun. “He doesn’t get it.”

“Not sure I do, to be honest,” Changkyun laughs a little and Hoseok rolls his eyes, throwing his hands up and turning to walk into the restaurant again.

“Come to the table or eat on the pavement, hell, _eat_ the pavement, couldn’t give a damn.”

“He would totally come back for you like a cat-lady would for two stray cats.” Hyungwon mumbles.

“Nice to see _you_ again,” Changkyun says, smiling, cheeky, at Hyungwon. “Thorn in your eye?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “I think there’s one up my ass, to be honest. It’s not a good feeling.”

“I am leaving you here,” Kihyun tells Changkyun and then follows after Hoseok.

“Ignoring me won’t free you from me,” Hyungwon says loudly, smirking when Kihyun flips him the finger. _Definitely an invasion… That asshole._

“Yeah, but it’s fun,” Changkyun says, giving Hyungwon a little pat on the cheek as he walks past. Hyungwon bats at it with both hands, startling back.

“Hands!”

It really is a fancy restaurant, all the way up with a scenic view of the city’s lights through large, glass windows. Someone at the door collects their coats and they’re offered drinks while they wait for their names to be called.

(“ _My_ name,” Hoseok makes sure to remind them. “Because _I_ made the reservation.”)

Changkyun chugs a glass of champagne and Kihyun laughs as the little burp clearly takes him by surprise.

“They should put _warnings_ on these things,” Changkyun grimaces, pushing the glass aside on the counter.

“Not really,” Kihyun snorts, then smirking around his own glass. He takes a sip (no way he is going to risk it with an empty stomach), and looks around, elbowing Hoseok. “The waiters are nice…” Kihyun says, knowing that will spark something.

And Hyungwon actually chokes on _something_ nearby, probably _death_ . Wouldn’t do him bad to choke more often. “W--What are you do--” he coughs “-- _doing_ …”

“I know!” Hoseok beams.

Hyungwon wheezes, leaning on the bar. “ _Why_ …”

Changkyun laughs into his hand, ostensibly crossing his ankles where he’s half-sitting on a barstool, and manages a good kick in and Hyungwon stumbles at the contact. Changkyun is clearly trying not to laugh, by the way his lips pull into a line and his cheeks dimple as he looks over at Kihyun and Hoseok just as the waiter leads them to the table.

Making Hyungwon’s ‘life’ a living hell might be Kihyun’s slow and strange way to accept it. Accept him. And it seems quite fair, too, considering...

Changkyun seems genuinely confused by most everything that’s happening but does a decent impression of someone who belongs there. Back straight and he looks good. Expensive. But maybe Kihyun is just biased. Changkyun pokes a little at the--admittedly small--entree but looks much more impressed with the plate of food he gets soon afterwards.

“You’re _welcome_ , by the way,” Hoseok says, all previous (even if teasing) annoyance gone as he smiles.

Kihyun sighs blissfully, melting just a little over his seat. “I love chicken… and I have eaten some good chicken before but… I bet this one shat golden eggs. ‘Cause… Damn!”

Hyungwon sits over the back of Hoseok’s chair as if gravity is not a concept in his book. “I just imagined a chicken shitting golden eggs.”

“Gold doesn’t taste very good,” Changkyun says around the food in his mouth.

“I take it you speak from experience?” Hyungwon smirks.

“I haven’t tried it, but the molecule arrangement sounds  _nasty_ ,” Changkyun adds, stuffing some more of yet another elaborate chicken dish in his mouth. Well, what’s left of what Kihyun didn’t generously ‘taste’, in any case.

“Whatever you say,” Hyungwon shrugs.

“No offense,” Kihyun starts, “but gold tastes quite good… when it’s in your pockets.”

“It’s also heavy,” Changkyun points out. “But I think I get the metaphor. This chicken tastes amazing, by the way.” He turns to point his fork at Hoseok, now. “Good shit.”

A faint ringing starts behind Kihyun’s left ear. He rolls his shoulders and smiles a little when it stops. And again, by the corner of his eye he thinks he sees… But did he? Why all of a sudden…? Hallows are not that common. Kihyun can’t see all of them. Why does he keep imagining them now? On Changkyun, of all people…

 _Fear, maybe,_ he thinks. A Hallow on Changkyun is not a thought Kihyun wants to spend any time on, though, so he doesn’t.

Hyungwon groans. “Death is salivating over here… and you don’t want to make me hungry. I will be eating all of your souls for breakfast.” He gestures to Changkyun and Kihyun follows the movements vaguely before looking down at his plate. “You know what that feels like now,” Hyungwon says, almost whines.

Changkyun gives a full-body shiver and Hoseok laughs. “Damn, that good?”

Changkyun stuffs some more food in his mouth. Kihyun wants to roll his eyes.

And then he hears it again, faint scratching over his left ear. But it sounds far away. Kihyun rubs a hand over his ear and sighs.

“It’s a bit chilly in here, don’t you think?” Hoseok mumbles, pouting.

“Not really,” Changkyun says, rolling up his sleeves as if to physically manifest the irony of it. He glances at Kihyun with a small frown. “You okay?”

Hoseok looks up the moment Kihyun opens his mouth. So, Kihyun smiles small and lies, “Yeah, fine.”

Hyungwon leans over Hoseok’s shoulder. “Wonho… eat your veggies.”

“I swear they put the aircons on,” Hoseok mumbles, stuffing a forkful of pumpkin into his mouth. “By the way,” he points at Kihyun with his knife, “Are you busy next weekend?”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, looking down. “Depends. Why?”

“Saturday. What are your plans for Saturday?”

“Oh,” Kihyun looks up and down and shrugs one shoulder, “I was thinking of taking him to the Aquarium.” He tilts his head in Changkyun’s direction.

Hyungwon scoffs. “That’s _gay_ , Kihyun.” And Kihyun frowns at his plate, probably stabbing the potato a bit too hard and watching even more annoyed as it crumbles.

“Aquariums are gay?” Changkyun asks. “And yes, I know what ‘gay’ is. Helps when googling.” The little shit… _has been googling gay sex!?_

“Why would you ask if Aquariums are gay?” Hoseok laughs. “I’m guessing demons don’t use labels?”

“Nah, I’d say I’m pretty gay,” Changkyun says, grinning at Kihyun (who chokes on a carrot).

“Aw,” Hoseok smiles, “A little gay demon!” _(Kihyun is still coughing.)_

“Say it louder, Wonho,” Hyungwon laughs. “I don’t think the old lady in the bathroom heard you.”

“Can I go with you?” Hoseok asks right away, leaning forward as he speaks. “It’s been a while since I’ve visited. I wanna go!” _Like a baby…_ Wasn’t he calling _them_ ‘children’ just a while ago?

Kihyun places his fork down, frowning. “Sorry. No can do.”

“What? Why--Oh!” Hoseok smirks. “Is it… are you finally--Is it a date?!”

Changkyun stops fidgeting with the fancy little folded napkins on the table, opting to rather just stare at them.

Kihyun’s heart speeds up a bit. “Well, I--” He stops, conscience zoning out as if he’s having an out of body experience. What was he going to say? What were they talking about? He forgot. And he’s forgetting… forgetting, forgetting as something else walks into the halls of his head, without asking for permission, speaking inside his brain, saying;

_‘Puuuuuuuureeeee… Time to feast...’_

“We actually did go on a date, before,” Changkyun says, and it sounds far away. “But don’t tell Kihyun, I don’t think he knows that.”

Hoseok says something, too, but it sounds muffled. The only sound in Kihyun’s ears is the beating of his own heart, speeding up as a familiar anxiety takes over, and the echoes of something else. Something with a breath so hoarse and so faint it comes from everywhere around him.

The air chills to ice and the breathing becomes the only sound Kihyun can hear over the ringing in his left ear. He thinks, _behind me_ , but he knows it’s not there. He thinks, _in front of me,_ but it’s not there either.

His left ear rings again. Loud. Louder. And getting even--

_Louder._

It screams inside his head like a shriek from the underworld. Which is probably what it is. And it’s coming. It’s coming. It’s coming. It’s coming.

_It’s coming._

Kihyun doesn’t need to look. He knows it hangs from the ceiling, crawling ever so slowly towards him, dark and big and brooding.

Creak. Crrk. Creak. Crrk. Creak. Crrk. Creak.

_Above._

“Changkyun,” Kihyun gasps softly. “The table…” Changkyun blinks in confusion and Kihyun turns to him, eyes wide. “Hit the table, _now!”_

Changkyun slams down immediately, and the crash of the table’s side hitting the ground and something hitting the table is almost simultaneous. The table snaps like a broken shield and Changkyun’s voice rings out like a siren;

“ _Run!”_

Screams erupt through the hall.

Kihyun’s head feels like it’s going to burst, his vision blurry with the growing headache, but he still manages to grab Hoseok’s hand and pull him up from where he’d fallen on the floor. They stumble and Kihyun almost trips on a chair nearby.

Changkyun pushes back against the splintered table, throws it and the demon across the room.

“Wha--What’s happening?” Hoseok asks, there’s fear all over his face. Everyone screams around them, pacing, pushing...

“Shut up and come with me!” Kihyun shouts at him as he tries to pull him. “We need to--” Kihyun looks around and his heart stops.

_There's..._

Too many. Too dark.

_Hallows._

_“It’s payday,”_ Hyungwon says darkly from his side, his eyes shining a dangerous yellow as he looks around at the Hallows with a hunger that sends shivers down Kihyun’s spine.

 _This isn’t real,_ he thinks. But it is. It’s real.

The demon--the creature--reaches out from where Changkyun had almost buried it in the now rubble of the bar with just one throw. And it’s big. Its arms stretch, thin and fingers clawed, but body bulbous, swollen, _big_. It screams above the noise of the people in the restaurant, panicked. It screams and its mouth stretches like a snake with its jaw unhinged, showing three rows of sharp teeth.

“Oh, fuck,” Changkyun mumbles, but lunges towards the thing as it turns its head to Hoseok, to Kihyun.

_‘PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!’_

Breath hitching, the sudden stab at his head too strong, Kihyun falls on his knees, hands on the floor. “Shit--I…”

_‘HUNGRYYYY!!!’_

“Ki,” He hears Hoseok but he can’t see him. The screaming expanding like a darkness growing tenfold inside his mind. “What--”

“Do something! _Get these people out of here!_ It’s--” ‘ _SCRUMPTIOUS PERFECTION I NEED IT!!!’_ “--Ah, shit… it’s too loud!” Kihyun shoves at Hoseok with one hand. “Get out of here!”

“But you--”

_“Go!”_

Kihyun hears a crash, the creature screaming, and the sound of the fire alarm, high pitched, almost grounding.

But he can't move. His knees shoot strings of pain up his legs. And his instincts scream at him to ignore it. But he can't move.

It’s as if the voice in his head has an invisible form, separated from what can be perceived as reality, it twists and stretches over an elongating shadow and it-- _eats away the light._

Kihyun doesn’t even need to look. He doesn’t need to look to _see_ it. Underneath the gelatinous gloop its skin is gnarled, but crumpling and folding, like stretched but loose, something dark and hungry. Something Kihyun can feel, thinks he recognizes. And, in a way, he does. It’s different, twisted with sin, but Kihyun has seen it before. He’s seen it on Changkyun’s skin. _Taint_. And it’s dark. It’s so dark… darker than black. And it eats, it pulls...

Through the shadow, through the absolute lack of light and sound and everything that isn’t this voice that wants to take him, drag him down, _fall fall fall_ \--Changkyun screams.

Kihyun snaps, looks up. The place is in complete disarray. There are bodies on the floor, chunks bitten out of them, and people still trying to get out. Hoseok… _Where did he go?_ Kihyun looks and--

His heart stops. A Hallow over Changkyun’s head. Black and red mingled dripping out of his shoulder as long teeth pierce his skin. A voice icing in Kihyun’s veins as it screams inside his head. Deafening, cold. Colder, even in the background of street lights that shine through the window.

And Kihyun’s heart splits in two.

_Please... don’t..._

Changkyun pushes back, screaming in agony as he tries to pry the creature off of him and it’s not even a second. It’s not even a moment of Changkyun opening his eyes, the Hallow a dark shadow over his face as he looks at Kihyun.

_Don’t…!_

Changkyun looks right at him, features crumbled in pain, as the Hallow envelopes him and instead of pushing against the creature, he pushes himself back, shatters the window behind him, and falls.

Kihyun’s eyes dart down to the floor. There’s blood on his hands. Not his blood. Someone else’s. And then darkness swallows him, too.

It rises, a mass of tangled feelings that snaps at his emotional core. Like fear and sadness and guilt joined together and made a monster of their own, plated with a paralyzing goo seeping from black pores.

Tears flood Kihyun’s eyes when the voices in his head stop. Silence. Deafening silence. He brings his hands to his face and shuts his eyes closed. _Too soon. Too soon. Too soon_. He can’t move. He can’t look. And he suddenly feels utterly alone.

Black, muddy, bleeding red moves behind his eyelids. And his face crumples when he lets out a sob. _Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry_. Kihyun feels useless. Useless and alone. The weight in his chest finally climbing over the walls he’d carefully built around it.

And it’s fear. It’s the fear of losing someone again. The fear of going through it again. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of loving a memory rather than a person. The fear of living in the past rather than the present.

There’s no escaping it. Because fear, once lodged inside a heart, takes over, pasted like moss to a tree. It’s there, always. It’s been there from the start.

So, instead of crying, Kihyun weeps in silence. And ironically, his own voice sounds inside his head and whispers, _‘I told you so’_.

“Shut up,” he tells no one. “Shut up, shut up, _shut up…”_

He breathes in, shaky but sharp, and raises his head, looking around without _seeing_.

It's too much. Too much for one person alone. The fire alarm is still raging and Kihyun wishes it were louder.

“You need to leave,” says Hyungwon, from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

And Kihyun looks around again, eyes burning, knees hurting, hands bloody, and he gets up, slowly, one leg and then the other.

“H--Hoseok?” He calls, weakly. And the thought makes his body move, his brain click. It's something. And suddenly he is not underwater anymore. He's gasping at the surface as he keeps afloat, but he's not drowning.

The alarm rings louder, there are people screaming outside, some crying and moaning in pain right next to him.

He looks around, carefully. He doesn't want to touch anything. _Or anyone._ And he sees _him_ , Hyungwon, like a mist with yellow eyes, surrounded by, what Kihyun can only guess, _souls._ White, floating lights, clinging to him like magnets.

“Hoseok,” Kihyun says, giving a step forward, “Is he safe? P--Please, tell me he's safe…”

“Outside,” the room echoes. “He’s alive. Find him.”

Kihyun’s body moves, makes him stumble before he starts running, stopping by the nearest door, or whatever is left of it.

He looks over his shoulder, “Are you…? Okay?”

“I’m _working_ ,” Hyungwon answers, and for a moment it actually sounds like him. Annoyed. “Go!”

And he goes.

He _runs_.

The elevators are not working. So, Kihyun takes the stairs. There are people running up and down the whole staircase. Kihyun jumps four steps at once and almost falls when his knees fail him. But despite the lack of strength, he's not tired. He's running and he's not tired.

And then he stops. His shoulders and chest heaving as he breathes, heavily. He lets his hand flatten on the rail.

It's so faint… but it's there. He breathes in through his nose, his eyes burning again. And he hears it… and it sounds a lot like...

_‘Kihyun…’_

“Damn you,” Kihyun says between gritted teeth. And he runs.

It's chaos outside. And, somehow, _the police is already here?!_

 _Shit._ Kihyun passes between a few people, digs through the crowd. It's loud. So fucking loud. If only the world could shut up for _one goddamn second!_

“Ki!” He hears Hoseok call.

“Hoseok!” He calls back once he lands eyes on him. And it feels like his heart beats again.

They reach out between the crowd and Hoseok pulls Kihyun closer.

“Hoseok, we need to find Changkyun!”

Hoseok’s eyes widen, pulling away as Kihyun pushes. “He’s alive?! Shit--” Hoseok turns to look over his shoulder, at the crowd.

_‘Kihyun!’_

“He--I went to look where he would have fallen but there’s nothing, Ki--”

Kihyun shakes his head as he pushes Hoseok back against the crowd. “No, _no._ He's alive. I can… hear him. I _know!”_ He winces when someone bumps against him, almost pushing him all the way back again if it weren’t for Hoseok’s strong grip.

“You can _hea_ \--” Kihyun stumbles forward pushes again and Hoseok nods, “Okay! Okay,” and looks around, lifting a hand to his hair, gripping. “Where…”

Kihyun grabs Hoseok’s wrist. “I don't know! But I can hear him. Let's--" He tugs “--There are too many people here. We need to find him be--before anyone else does.”

Hoseok nods, eyes wide, panicked. “Okay, yeah, the--the paramedics are focused on the people in the building so if he’s--if he’s out here somewhere--” Hoseok tugs him to follow. “I have an idea.”

“An idea?” Kihyun asks, nodding. “Great,” he huffs. Ideas are good. He's not sure his brain can formulate any at this point.

“Yeah, of where he could be, there was--” Hoseok swallows, pulling him along. “Blood. Come on.”

Kihyun looks at his own hands. _Blood?_ Not his blood. _Someone else’s…_ Kihyun really wants to wash his hands. He squeezes Hoseok’s wrist. “I'm sorry… about this. It's my fault.”

“Unless you decided to be hunted by demons, it’s not,” Hoseok says, stopping and gesturing to--to a puddle of black. Behind it, the bloated, decaying body of that _thing_.

Kihyun lets go, slowly stepping away from Hoseok and closer to the dead demon. _It's dead, right?_ It better be.

His steps echo through the street, his soles stick to the floor, thick black blood sticking to everything it touches.

An ambulance rolls to a stop at the end of the street and the siren startles Kihyun, making him stop right where he is.

His breath falters a little. He looks at Hoseok over his shoulder and then back at creature.

“Ky--Kyunie?” He calls, softly, eyes darting towards every little shadow ahead.

Nothing. For a long, terrifying second, nothing.

 _‘Ki_ …’

It’s softer than before. But not fainter. Closer.

 _“Shit.”_ Kihyun breathes. “Stay there,” he tells Hoseok, and then moves closer to the wall, eyes on that _horrible_ thing.

It doesn't budge. It doesn't breathe. And it doesn't _speak_. But Kihyun keeps his back pasted to the wall anyway.

Another siren startles the shit out of him. Even Hoseok whimpers a few feet away. And once the creature is out of sight, Kihyun breathes again.

“Changkyun?”

A scream. Changkyun’s voice. Just a second then it’s gone.

 _‘I--I can’t_ …. _Not alone_ . _The alley. Please_.’

“Hoseok!” Kihyun shouts. “The alley, come on!” And walks fast, faster, until he turns a corner and...

And it’s Changkyun. Alive, ( _alive!_ ) but his breaths are too heavy, his white shirt red by his shoulder, dripping down. He’s slumped against the alley wall, face contorted in pain. And Kihyun hears it. Like a prayer.

 _‘Kihyun, Kihyun, please.._.’

Kihyun’s legs move first, slowly, until he’s kneeling down next to Changkyun. And… and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know where to even _start._ He doesn’t know what to say. His hand reaches out on its own but Kihyun realises he doesn’t know what to do with it.

 _I thought you were--_ He thinks. _I saw you fall, you idiot! I saw…_ Kihyun looks at his own hands again. Blood. Someone else’s blood. On his hands. His heart throbs and, almost instinctively, his eyes move to Changkyun.

Kihyun doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know what to think, can’t get past _‘You were dead’._ Can’t feel past the relief and the guilt of such relief.

“Ki?” Hoseok says behind him. “Ki, wha-- _oh god…”_

“I… I don’t know what to do… Hoseok… I don’t know what to do.”

“We can’t stay here…” Hoseok says, looking over his shoulder at the red and blue lights of the police, the sounds of ambulances. Changkyun breathes in, sharp, and coughs. More blood.

“T--That, on the floor…” Kihyun gestures vaguely at the demon behind him. “You can’t see it, right?” Hoseok looks back, shakes his head. “Okay.” Kihyun nods and _breathes_. “Okay, good. You--You’re gonna have to help me, I can’t… carry him on my own. He looks… he’s hurt.”

Hoseok nods quickly, pale. Pale and hands shaking a little as he smooths them down his legs. “Ye-yeah, okay. Uhm, here,” Hoseok says, stuffing his hand in his pocket and tossing his car keys over to Kihyun. “I parked in the basement. If we can--” He swallows, walking forward, towards Changkyun. “Get him to the car, at least.”

A strange, dynamic anxiety takes over and Kihyun feels his breath steadying. “Here,” he says, shrugging his jacket off. “We’ll toss this over his back. If people see the blood they-- they’ll…” He squeezes the car keys in his hand. “Come on.”

He throws the jacket over Changkyun’s shoulders and, careful, Hoseok tries to move his arm in behind Changkyun, under his legs to lift him. He manages, flinching at the pained yell Changkyun gives. Changkyun whimpers, head lolling back as Hoseok starts walking. “Christ, Kihyun… Is he gonna heal from something like this?”

Kihyun doesn’t look. He’s biting at his lower lip, eyes searching the street for… for _something_. Anything to keep his mind off of it. “Don’t know…” He mumbles. “I don’t know. Let’s go.”

They can’t take Changkyun to a hospital. Can they? But the only thing Kihyun knows is how to patch up papercuts. Not that _his_ papercuts need patching up.

He glances both right and left at the end of the alley, wondering, trying to remember where to go. “Please, tell me you know how to… I don’t know… something.” He sighs and turns left. “We can’t take him to the hospital, can we? I…” He runs his fingers through his hair. _Don’t panic, don’t panic._ “Wha--What color was your car again?”

“Yellow,” Hoseok answers softly. “I… He’d be dead if he was human. From that height.. And he’s already bleeding a lot less than… than he should be. I think he just needs a place to heal, maybe, I don’t…”

“Home,” Kihyun huffs. “Let’s go home.” He glances at the dry blood on his hands. “A--And you’re staying.” He tells Hoseok. “You’re staying, you hear me?”

Hoseok nods, glancing down at Changkyun and nods again. “Yeah, yeah of course.”

\---

 

Kihyun throws the keys over the table, not even bothering to take his shoes off. “In here,” he says, kicking softly at the bathroom door and flicking the lights on.

He gives the mirror a quick glance. And suddenly wishes he hadn’t.

He turns the shower on, feeling the water as it warms up. “Put him in here.”

Hoseok’s been quiet. Throughout the whole car ride, he didn’t say a word. The first thing he’s said since ‘I’ll drive’, is “Okay,” as he gently places Changkyun down.  “He’s out cold, Ki…”

Kihyun tugs at the tie loosely hanging around Changkyun’s neck and starts undoing his shirt. “There’s… there’s alcohol in the cabinet if you need to wash your hands,” he tells Hoseok. And then pauses, looking over. “You’re not hurt, are you? I’m sorry… I… I should have asked.”

Hoseok shakes his head, sniffing as he finally looks away from Changkyun. “No, I’m… I’m fine. I’m gonna,” he points his thumb over his shoulder. “Just… call me, if you need help or… Yeah, I’ll just go.”

“Okay,” Kihyun nods, looking back down as he undoes the last button on that _infernal_ shirt. “There’s… I have an old tracksuit of yours somewhere in there. In case you wanna change into something else…” He frowns when the button doesn't slide as it should, “Fuck this,” and tugs at both ends of the shirt to pop the button.

Hand reaching behind Changkyun’s neck to pull him away from the wall as the shirt slides down his back, Kihyun tries, really, really tries to keep his mouth shut when he looks at the deep wounds on Changkyun’s shoulder. Kihyun can see them closing, healing but… _but._

He pulls at the shower cord, not bothering with the water that runs over his head, too, thumb soothing over Changkyun’s neck while he watches the blood wash down.

It swirls before it’s gone. And it’s red. _Red._ Not black. It’s red and it feels alive. And if Kihyun didn’t know better, he’d think ‘human’, too. And Changkyun feels warmer under Kihyun’s touch as the water hits his skin. And it’s wrong. Everything feels wrong. And it serves as a reminder, once again, _a life is not worth another life._

Changkyun whimpers, small and soft. Awake. “Thank you…”

Kihyun breathes out, pursing his lips together. _Thank you?_ For what? For doing what any other person would have done? For _caring?_ For being a useless piece in this whole ordeal? For being the catalyst? There is literally nothing he can do except… except be there. _Here_ . And hope for the best. And that’s not good enough. _Not good enough._

He looks down and then at Changkyun’s shoulder. He’s not bleeding anymore but for some reason that doesn’t make Kihyun feel any better.

What can he say? Changkyun probably already knows. So, what can he say? Kihyun can’t decide if he wants to voice his anger first, his fear or… _nothing_. So, he reaches with his other hand, cups Changkyun’s face, both thumbs soothing up and down on his cheeks and… and looks somewhere else, away from the pain.

Changkyun closes his eyes and winces as he breathes, reaching out to hold onto Kihyun’s arm as he leans his head forward to lean on him. “I… I’m sorry, I had to…”

Kihyun sighs and kisses the top of Changkyun’s head. What can he say that hasn’t already been said? What can he say that won’t spark a fight? It’s an endless argument. One Kihyun knows he will never win, as if that’s what arguments are all about. He knows Changkyun doesn’t want him to die. But Kihyun doesn’t want Changkyun to die either. And that… that will, maybe, pull them closer together or… dig a chasm so deep between them they will never be able to look each other in the eye again.

“Can we just…” Changkyun says, voice thick with _something_. “Pretend? That… That we finished dinner, and, and had dessert and Hyungwon was annoying and Hoseok wore us down so he could come with us to the aquarium and…” He grips tighter at Kihyun’s arm, breathing deep and shaking as it rasps.

Biting at his lower lip, Kihyun slowly pulls Changkyun closer into a hug. He takes a deep breath and… “No lying, remember?” He says, softly.

So Changkyun sobs. But it must hurt so he tries not to and shakes and sobs anyway. He clings to Kihyun but barely moves. Kihyun doesn’t know the extent of it--if Changkyun had broken anything, just how much it might hurt. “I’m--” Changkyun tries but it hitches and breaks and Kihyun just holds him. “It hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” Kihyun says, his eyes burn but he can’t tell if he’s crying. Maybe he is, but the water running down his face might be tricking him. “I wish I could… help. But I’m here and… I’m s--sorry if that’s not enough. _I’m sorry.”_

For a time Kihyun couldn’t name if his life depended on it, they just stand there and Changkyun cries as his wounds mend until they look like scars.

“You’re here...” Changkyun sniffs, finally, when his breathing doesn’t hitch and his hands aren’t gripping at Kihyun like he’s the only thing keeping him there. “What did you think I was saying thank you for...”

And Kihyun smiles a little, eyes up on the ceiling. “You don’t have to thank me for that… ever. Plus, I… never really left.”

“You found me,” Changkyun says softly, taking a deep breath and trying to pull back, stand up on his own. It doesn’t work very well so Kihyun gets up to steady him, to help him, turning the shower off with his elbow.

“You called,” he says simply.

“You came,” Changkyun says in the same tone. “I…” Changkyun swallows. “Can we go to bed? I want to sleep, I’m… I’m tired.”

Kihyun pulls at one of the towels nearby and throws it over Changkyun’s head. “Yeah, sure.” He steps out of the shower, still holding Changkyun as he does. “You need a change of clothes. Also, Hoseok is… staying.”

Changkyun nods at the floor. “That’s good.”

“Can you walk?”

Changkyun takes a step and winces even as he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” Kihyun says sharply, mentally slapping himself when his tone echoes through the bathroom. “But I can’t… physically carry you out of here so…”

Changkyun looks at him and the expression Kihyun catches is there for probably less than a second, before Changkyun looks away, nodding again. He looks different. And for a moment, he looks so, so sad.

Hoseok is outside, on the sofa, wearing his old tracksuit and watching the news. Kihyun gives the TV a quick glance before he locks eyes with Hyungwon outside his window.

“Changkyun!” Hoseok leans forward, pausing as he gets up. “Are you…” He pouts. “Thank you! For saving us!”

Changkyun looks up, staring at Hoseok with big, shiny eyes. He nods lightly but his features crumble and he opens his arms a little. “H-hug?”

Kihyun smiles a little, looking away as Hoseok shoots up from the sofa and almost flies towards them, arms carefully circling around Changkyun.

“Silly, silly, demon,” Hoseok says. “No one dies on my watch, okay?” He looks at Kihyun. “No one.” And that hits home.

And Kihyun turns his face away, feeling sick to his stomach. “Y--Yeah…” He gestures vaguely at the bedroom. “I’m getting changed.”

Hoseok nods and hugs Changkyun a little closer. “You better not do that again…”

Changkyun sniffles and nods. “It was just… a really stupidly big demon, Hoseok.”

“Yeah? Have you seen me? Throw me at them next time!”

“He actually means that,” Hyungwon mumbles, suddenly from inside the house.

Changkyun laughs a little through his tears. “Silly, silly human.”

Kihyun searches for a change of clothes as he tries to keep himself from sniffling, taking quiet, slow breaths through his mouth, one hand furiously rubbing at his face while the other pulls out a clean t-shirt and some sweatpants.

“Hey,” Hyungwon says softly from the wall and Kihyun startles, ducking his head down to hide his face.

“Leave, I am trying to get dressed.”

“I’ve seen you naked before…”

“What!?” Kihyun hugs himself and glares. “You’re shitting me…” It would be great if he could switch it all off, the voices, Hyungwon… mostly just Hyungwon.

“I said!” Hoseok shouts from the living room. “They think it was a bomb!”

Hyungwon shrugs one shoulder and looks away, smiling. “I’ll leave you wondering about that one for a while.”

Kihyun looks down at the clothes in his hands, frowning. The tears have stopped, at least. “What do you want.” He thumbs at the soft fabric of the sweatpants. “I’m not in the mood for life le--”

“You worry about everyone else. So, let me ask: are _you_ okay?”

“I’m…” The question surprised him. Kihyun looks up and then down. “I’ll be fine.” Not like he has much of a choice. “I just feel…”

“Useless?” Hyungwon asks knowingly.

 _Useless_ . Useless would be an understatement. Maybe _like a failure_ sounds about right. Of course, this is not about him. So, Kihyun stays quiet.

Hyungwon heaves out a long, loud sigh. “Well, don’t. You saw it, didn’t you? Saw _me._ I can’t help it. It’s like a curse. A never-ending hunger for souls.” He laughs bitterly. “I want to help. I wanted to help. Help Hoseok, help _you._ Maybe--don’t tell him this--help that shitty pet of yours, too.” Kihyun laughs a little. “But… I couldn’t. I can’t. I am a bundle of angst and bad luck, really. So, please, for the both of us… get over yourself. You’re not useless. Hoseok needs you. The _dog_ needs you. And I need you to be _fine._ ”

Still not good enough. But it's something. And it's nice to be reminded.

Kihyun smiles small and nods. “Sucks to be you.”

Hyungwon closes his eyes with practiced patience, breathing deeply. “You know. _Dipshit_ . But there are two people in that living room, right now, _alive,_ who care about you a stupid amount.” Hyungwon opens his eyes just to roll them. “For some reason.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun undresses his shirt and throws it (in theory) over Hyungwon’s head, watching in disappointment as it goes through him and falls on the floor. “Because I'm so likeable.”

Hyungwon fails to hide his grin, looking away. “Yeah, I see it now…”

“See what, how good looking I actually am?”

Hyungwon sticks his tongue out. “Good to see you can make jokes,” He tilts his head to the living room. “You know they’re cuddling out there, right.”

Kihyun chuckles, pulling the t-shirt over his head. “Is that a tone of jealousy I sense? I don't really mind…” He shrugs one shoulder. “Not too much.”

“Wow. A relationship healthy enough that even the biceps of Lee Hoseok stand no chance.” Hyungwon whistles lowly. “Impressive.”

“I know he likes me,” Kihyun mumbles as he changes into his sweatpants. He pauses, though, for a second. “I _think…”_ He knows. But he also doesn't take it for granted.

“Insufferable. Cannot stand you. Don’t know why I’m even here.”

Kihyun sticks his tongue out and turns to walk back into the living room. “Because I am irresistible to y'all supernatural freaks.”

“Unfortunately true,” Hyungwon deadpans.

Stopping just before he steps out of the bedroom, Kihyun grimaces a little. “I can feel the aura emanating from them. Ugh. How do I even…” He mumbles.

“Face them?” Hyungwon asks, monotonous. “Pretend Changkyun didn’t almost just die?”

“I don't want to pretend. I'm tired of pretending.”

“Kihyun…” Hyungwon sighs. “You don’t… have to pretend, but,” Hyungwon walks closer, leaning against the wall close to Kihyun. “A part of my punishment or curse or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, is that I can _feel_ it. That fear when people die. That fear when they think they will.”

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “And…? I _feel_ like you're not done yet.”

“ _And_ ,” Hyungwon rolls his eyes before looking down, crossing his arms, frowning as he looks away. “And Changkyun… He needs you right now.”

 _Right now._ Right now wins over everything else.

“I know,” Kihyun says, biting at his lower lip and taking another deep breath. He looks at his hands, now washed clean, but sees flashes of red whenever he blinks. He wants to wash them. He wants to wash his hands. But he won’t. Not now.

_Not now, Kihyun. It’s not about you._

He takes a step forward, eyes on the TV as he walks around the small table and then sits down next to Hoseok, who's holding Changkyun in his arms like a baby.

Images flash on the screen. Kihyun leans back and snorts when he reads the small text rolling at the bottom. “Some explosive chicken that turned out to be.” He leans forward, “I can’t believe they actually _think_ that was a bomb.”

“People see what they want to see,” Changkyun mumbles with his eyes closed.

Hearing him makes Kihyun’s heart squeeze. And if he pays attention, which is what he is (actively) trying to avoid, he can feel the familiar pull.

Kihyun still looks at Changkyun, though. And he can feel his own face softening at the edges. “Are you comfortable in there? You should dress something, before you catch a cold.”

“That’s okay, I have a blanket,” Hoseok says cheerfully, pulling the blanket up around Changkyun’s shoulders.

Kihyun feels his eye twitch and leans back again. “O--Okay.” He shifts his gaze to the TV. “Do you guys need something? Tea or…” He fidgets with his shirt. “Something.”

“Well, I’m glad _you’re_ not jealous…” Hyungwon grumbles. “You know, so I can suffer alone.”

Hoseok shakes his head but Changkyun stays quiet, eyes closed, and Hoseok laughs lightly. “I think he’s gonna fall asleep.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums. He looks down, suddenly feeling a bit left out. Though, he knows, he's got himself to blame for that one. “I…” He laughs a little and glances towards Hyungwon. “Maybe a little bit…?”

“Knew it,” Hyungwon scoffs. Hoseok looks up, frowning a little.

“Mm?” And he looks at Kihyun, at Changkyun, features softening perceptively. “You know. I actually need to go to the bathroom.”

“Bless your bladder, Wonho,” Hyungwon snorts. “And remaining bodily functions.”

Kihyun keeps his eyes forward. “Hm…”

“Kihyun, could you…” Hoseok points down at Changkyun with his eyes. And the answer is, by the way, _yes._

Sighing, as if totally against his will (but not really), Kihyun moves closer. “Come here,” he says softly, hand on Changkyun's still slightly wet hair. Changkyun frowns a little, eyes opening in slits before sitting enough to let Hoseok slip out from between them, and falling back down when he’s gone.

“Hmmmn,” Changkyun mumbles nonsensically.

“You're gonna make me carry you to bed… aren't you?”

Changkyun scoffs lightly, mumbling again. “You can do that?

“You… have some _gal_ …” Kihyun grunts, getting up from the sofa and feeling his legs hurt all the way up to his thighs. _Yeah, actually… maybe that is a pretty valid question. Can you do this, Kihyun?_

He kneels in front of Changkyun and touches his hand, soft fingertips over Changkyun’s skin. “In my defense, my legs are killing me right now…”

Changkyun opens his eyes to smile at Kihyun tiredly. “It’s okay…” Changkyun sits up slowly, wincing a little as he does. He waves his hand before Kihyun can even ask. “It’s okay.” The blankets fall off his shoulders. The deep wounds are now just... pink skin.

“I… wait.” Kihyun gets up, turns around and kneels back down, tapping his shoulders. “I can carry you like this. So, hop on. Piggy back for you.”

“You’re not a piggy, though,” Changkyun mumbles as he lifts himself just enough to drape himself over Kihyun’s back.

Kihyun takes and deep breath and groans as he lifts himself and Changkyun up. “God, you need to stop… eating cereal.”

“Love the cronch,” Changkyun says and then laughs out loud.

They almost fall over the small table when Kihyun’s left knee fails him for the second time today. But he manages to steady himself.

“Just picture this as… me, a very small boat in a stormy sea right now. That's,” he walks forward, “That's what's going on.”

“Why do you have the knees of an old man?” Changkyun giggles as he clings to him.

“I will drop you…”

“On purpose or…”

Kihyun stops by the bedroom door and leans against the doorframe. He huffs. “Look. I am not knife-proof. I fell on my knees. Hard. Give me a break.”

Changkyun lets go, dropping gently behind Kihyun but not letting go, moving his arms to his waist. “Alright… just this once.”

 _Just this once?_ Right...

Kihyun sighs. Hand squeezing on Changkyun’s. “I… I thought you…” He looks down, unsure. “I thought you were… but,” he laughs bitterly, “I'm so fucking glad that you're not.”

Changkyun presses his forehead against Kihyun’s shoulder and whispers. “Me too…”

“Good. ‘Cause if you bail on me, I'll personally drag your ass back here all the way from hell, or whatever, just to kill you again!”

Changkyun laughs, soft, squeezing lightly at Kihyun’s waist. “You could barely get me to the bedroom,” he teases.

“Yeah?” Kihyun looks over his shoulder. “But I can totally put you on the floor right now. I _won't_ because I'm nice.” He gestures at his own face. “Nice person here, doing good deeds.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes fondly, before just… smiling. That smile that made Kihyun feel so sure about things, sometimes. “I’m so glad I’m home.”

 _Home_. Home is not always a place. Home is a feeling of belonging.

So, Kihyun turns around in the hold around his waist and puts his arms over Changkyun’s shoulders. “Welcome home,” he says. And it sounds a lot like _‘you belong with me’._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're sorry...
> 
> (He is, I'm not. < Cathe)


	13. In The Dark Before You See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And courage comes when you leap. So, Kihyun breathes in slow and says;
> 
> “I love you.”

Blood. On his hands.

His blood? No. Someone else’s.

And on the floor, like millions of red flowers blooming, _more blood_. A path. People, talking outloud, the clinking of the silverware. Yet, even though there is a path, no one looks at it. No one dares to follow it. Until eventually the rain comes and in a torrent of water it washes away the red, leaving flowers to wither and for the story to go unnoticed.

Kihyun opens his eyes and they focus, quickly, on the dark ceiling. Everything is quiet, or almost quiet. Changkyun breathes slowly and heavy next to him, sleeping, unaware. And Kihyun tries, really tries, to still the shy tears that roll down his face.

 _It’s my fault_ , he thinks, raising his hands up to look at them in the darkness. Blood. He knows, _knows_ , it’s not really there. But he sees it every time he blinks. And he hears it, too, soundless but there, clear screams of people and a shriek so loud that just the thought of it makes his body freeze up.

 _It’s my fault,_ he thinks. _All those people…_

But what is he supposed to do? Turn himself in to the authorities? It would be in vain. Something would find him eventually and leave a trail of bodies in its wake. Something always finds him. Something always comes for him.

When he was a kid, his father would chase the shadows away. And one day, maybe out of spite, maybe out of desperation, the shadows burnt their house to the ground. So, his father said ‘forget’ and Kihyun forgot, turned everything to voices and whispers he always did his best to avoid whenever it got too loud.

But forgetting cost him so much… Forgetting killed Hyungwon. And Kihyun will always feel responsible because he had the power to do something and yet, out of fear, pure selfishness, he chose to look away.

 _It’s my fault,_ he thinks. And then Changkyun shifts next to him and mumbles something in his sleep, throws an arm over Kihyun and pulls him close. Kihyun hadn’t even realised he’d reached out a little, brushed his hand over Changkyun’s.

Always knowing what to say. Always knowing what to do. Even when Kihyun keeps it to himself, even when he stays quiet… Changkyun is always there, like a shadow, watching over his back.

A shadow. And a little light.

Kihyun scoots closer, nuzzles into Changkyun and smiles. _You always make me feel safe, like everything is alright._ And maybe that is not always a good thing. But it keeps Kihyun alive, sane. It’s why he searches for a look, for contact whenever it feels like it’s too much to bear. It’s home away from home. It’s an anchor when nothing makes sense and everything around them is chaos. It’s different from what Kihyun found in Hoseok all those years ago. It’s love but it’s a different kind of love.

 _Repentance_ , Kihyun thinks. And his brain flashes with a question, simple in nature, normal at most, but it makes his heart jump in his chest because, _What if you’re moving too fast…?_

But what’s ‘too fast’ when tomorrow might be the last day. ‘ _If you have feelings, feel them’,_ Hoseok always says. _‘It’s what you’re here to do. To live. To get hurt and live again. You only have one chance. Use it. I know I would, again and again…’_ A million times over.

Kihyun looks at Changkyun’s face, relaxed, squished into the pillow, and then looks down at his own hands. _Clean._ No blood.

 _Clean._ Pure. That’s how Changkyun makes Kihyun feel. So, maybe Kihyun has the pure soul. But, in his eyes, he’s not as authentic as Changkyun is. Not as bright as Changkyun is.

 _For a shadow_ , Kihyun thinks, closes his eyes and smiles, _You shine so damn bright to me._

 

 

\---

 

 

Changkyun knows how a few things work by now. He knows of Kihyun’s habits, his idiosyncrasies. Changkyun also knows how the covers feel against his skin when he wakes up. He knows how it feels to wake up, now. And that, in itself, is almost too new to feel familiar, but it _does_. It feels familiar, in that same way Kihyun himself feels familiar to him, the little tug he can feel in his chest, at his soul, when they look at each other. It’s so, so comforting, to have things to hold onto when everything feels like it’s falling apart. To have someone to hold your hand while you cry. And, Changkyun thinks, it’s part of being… human, in a way.

Changkyun shifts a little in the bed. The covers move against him but that’s okay because, again, he knows how they feel now. It’s like… It feels like… like something. Safety. Comfort. And it’s odd to feel it, physically feel it, in one thing, and then look at Kihyun’s peaceful, sleeping face, and feel it as if it, too, is covering him completely. Like a blanket keeping him warm. Safe. Comfortable.

And Changkyun feels ( _he feels!_ ) guilty, almost, at the prospect of feeling safe here. That’s not… That’s not what he’s meant to do. He’s meant to keep Kihyun safe. And he would, without a doubt, without any hesitation even knowing, now, how it feels to think beyond safety, beyond the assurance of it, he knows he would keep Kihyun safe. He’d face it again. Fall again.

But he realises he doesn’t _want_ to risk it again. Risk leaving Kihyun again. In that selfish, terrible way where he just wants _this_ for as long as he can get it.

Because when he dies, when he leaves, he’ll go to a place where Kihyun could never follow. To a place he’d never want Kihyun to be.

 _But… (so many ‘buts’, so many contradictions),_ Changkyun swallows, wanting to reach over to brush the dark brown hair out of Kihyun’s eyes, even knowing he can’t.

 _But._ Letting Kihyun die would just be a different kind of hell.

It is strange to be at odds with what he feels because he knows it goes against what he’s supposed to do. Yet he doesn’t want to stop feeling all these wonderful, confusing, scary things. _And_ he wants to protect Kihyun.

Changkyun knows Kihyun is about to stir. Changkyun can feel the anticipation, the one that pervades sleep. The sudden change in Kihyun’s heartbeat. The breath Kihyun misses as his brows knit in a frown.

Kihyun closes his mouth, turns his face to the pillow and groans. “Headache…” He mumbles with a hoarse voice, hand sliding from under the covers to rub at his eye.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, soft, own voice feeling unused. He wants to slip out of bed, go to that cupboard over the sink where he saw the medicines and find something. He wants to, but Kihyun looks so… soft, in the mornings.

Kihyun finally opens his eyes, blinking lazily at Changkyun, face puffy, lips dry. “Hey…” And even though not much can be read from his expression, Kihyun moves his legs to tangle them between Changkyun’s, showing instead of _saying._ Acting instead of _expressing._

And Changkyun smiles a little because _how incredibly Kihyun of him_. Changkyun moves closer, finally smoothing out the tuft of hair pointing up from Kihyun’s head, kissing it once its down. “Can I get you a pill or something…?”

“No need,” Kihyun pulls the covers closer to his chin, covering his mouth. “I just need a few minutes… here.” He closes his eyes again and tugs at Changkyun’s legs with his own. “Stay.”

Changkyun’s heart squeezes inside his chest and his stomach does this _thing_ and when he smiles, he knows, because he knows a few things by now; “I’m never gonna get tired of waking up with you.”

Five seconds. That’s how long it takes Kihyun to open his eyes again. “Good,” he mumbles. His gaze shifts to the mattress where it stays as he speaks. “‘Cause I actually have… something I want to ask you… although I’m not sure how to start… I...” He sighs and stops talking and Changkyun _knows_ Kihyun is biting at his upper lip, even if he can’t see it.

He does that. When he wants to say something but he’s not sure he wants the words out there, actually spoken. It’s easy to take back a thought before it’s shared.

“However is fine,” Changkyun says, trying to reassure as his hand plays at Kihyun’s hair. Soft. Near gravity-defying, at present. “It’s very early for questions so this must bother you...”

“I was…” Kihyun’s heart beat spikes. Changkyun scratches a little at Kihyun’s head and hears Kihyun’s heart jump again before it evens out. “I was thinking--have been thinking about it… not for long. Maybe just a few hours, really. And… well, last night I thought about it a lot.” Changkyun can practically hear Kihyun’s brain making noise. “And… it _is_ too early in the morning, ugh…”

Changkyun frowns, confused, concerned. “It’s okay, you can ask me anything…”

When Kihyun speaks again, Changkyun can _finally_ hear the little smile in his voice, “Tempting, but…” He pulls the covers over his nose. “It’s just the one thing, really…”

Changkyun feels himself smile. It’s hard not to, when Kihyun is. “It’s gonna take me a few more days, give or take a week, to learn how subtlety works, you know.”

Kihyun looks Changkyun in the eye, irises focusing as he shifts gaze from one eye to the other before he looks down. “Yesterday…” He pauses to bring a hand up to rub at his nose and then slide it back under the covers. “Made me think about a lot of things and…” He fidgets, frowning. “Do you want to…” His eyes shift back up to Changkyun and then away. “It’s _fine_ if you don’t want to--if you don’t get it or… it’s _fine._ But I guess I wanna ask you anyway… out, I mean.”

Changkyun processes. He blinks. _Out? Out where?_  “I thought you wanted to stay here…?”

Snorting, Kihyun pulls the covers completely over his head, just a tuft of hair peeking at the top of the pillow. “I meant-- _mean_ ask you out as in… date.” He slides the covers down just enough to be able to look at Changkyun again. “As in… boyfriends.”

Boyfriends. Changkyun tries to remember. Hoseok has mentioned boyfriends. That a boyfriend was someone special… Which Kihyun was. That a boyfriend was someone you had romantic and sexual feelings for… Which Changkyun had, for Kihyun. He frowns a little. “You want me to be your boyfriend?” Changkyun asks. And again, he remembers the term from TV shows. From the movies he’s watched. From things he’s learned and it… it explains the warmth in the chest but...

Kihyun looks away, “It’s fine if you don’t want to. It’s not like… it’s going to change it-- _this_. But…” He sighs. “I just don’t want to… regret.”

“Hey,” Changkyun says again, smiling a little, shaking softly at Kihyun’s shoulder. “Be patient with me for a sec. I’m new at pretty much everything, here. And I… think I know what you’re asking, but I want…” Changkyun smooths over the covers, where Kihyun’s arm is. “I want to know what… it means to you? I’ve never seen you this nervous asking a question,” Changkyun laughs softly, past the little voice in his head that just wants to yell _yes, yes, of course, yes, I’ll be your boyfriend_.

Kihyun blinks at him a few times. “I’ve never… had one.” He shivers. Cringing? Maybe. He does that a lot. “A boyfriend.” He shrugs, the motion awkward under the bed covers. “And if I have to, well, give a shot at this dating thing everyone seems so happy about all the time then… I’d like to… try. With you. Which, well, makes me as much a noob as you are.”

Changkyun nuzzles further into the blankets, closer to Kihyun. “From what I know…” Changkyun reaches down to find Kihyun’s hand. “Boyfriends are… Well, from what I’ve _seen_ ,” Changkyun laughs a little. _So. This is what being nervous feels like._ “It’s… this. It’s waking up together, watching movies, kissing and hugging and… being together.”

“I know,” Kihyun sighs, “I know but... It’s also…” He pulls the covers down to reveal his face and frowns. “Look. I get it. This. We,” he moves his finger between them, even with Changkyun’s hand around his, “Have a problem. A big problem and… unfortunately it’s one we might never be able to solve. We are never going to agree when it comes to… what happened last night. And that’s _fine_. But it doesn’t mean I won’t get angry at you or… act in ways you won’t understand. You don’t want me to die. I don’t want you to die. And we’re always going to be at odds with each other when it comes to what takes priority--we’re both right, by the way.” He takes a deep breath. “What I want you to know is that even if one day we go to bed and you think I’m angry with you. Even if I say things just to get a rise out of you because I’m mad at you… at the end of the day I…” He locks eyes with Changkyun. “I’m not leaving, or giving up on you. That’s what I mean as ‘boyfriends’.”

Changkyun feels it. Warmth. In his chest, climbing up his neck to his ears and cheeks.

Overcome with the need to look at Kihyun even though he already is, touch him even though they already are, Changkyun reaches forward to cup Kihyun’s face in his hands and smile so brightly it almost hurts.

“Then why didn’t you just say so.”

And despite the pink on his cheeks and the loud, loud, loud (alive) heart in his chest, Kihyun still forces a frown. “I just did!”

Changkyun feels a giggle bubble up in his chest and there’s no reason to pretend it’s not there. “You’re my boyfriend. I can kiss you and hold you and you won’t leave and I can’t wait for all the other things I don’t even know about yet.”

Kihyun pouts, melting between Changkyun’s hands. “You’re so sappy, even in the morning…”

 _In the mornings!_ “This morning and every morning,” Changkyun smiles. He can’t seem to stop. Slowly but quickly, Changkyun knows a lot more, and feels a lot more and there’s at least one word for it now. _Boyfriends_.

“Ugh,” Kihyun shivers. And after a few breaths and bites of lip he speaks again. “How are you feeling? Still… hurting somewhere?”

Changkyun takes a deep, testing breath and it doesn’t hurt anymore. He shakes his head. “I’m alright, really. Good as new.” He lets go of Kihyun’s face but not his hand, bringing it up to kiss at the little mole again. “Sorry, I can’t help it,” Changkyun chuckles, lowering Kihyun’s hand again.

Kihyun sighs, smiling small and looking down. “Hey… I didn’t get to say it and, honestly, I’m a bit mad Hoseok beat me to it but…” He looks up. “Thank you for saving my life and Hoseok’s as well. I just wish we could’ve… helped more people.”

Changkyun chest falls and he nods, glancing away. “Yeah, me too… I couldn’t… I could barely… I wish it had been weaker. Or I had been stronger. I _tried_ but I just…”

Kihyun squeezes Changkyun’s hands. “It’s fine, you… minus the almost dying part, you did good. But… I think we should get smarter with these things and I…” He frowns. “I need to learn. I don’t know what or how but… I know there must to be something I can do. To help you. Help myself and everyone else, too.” He sighs. “Those things, they can’t think. They just _want._ But we have brains, _well_ , some of us do. We should use them.”

“I…” Changkyun swallows past the lump in his throat. Fear. “I understand wanting to help but the idea of you… _I_ almost died. And I break knives, Kihyun.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Kihyun snorts. “I have no intentions of rolling around in the mud with one of those. I’ll leave that to you. But… if I find a way to help then I will. And this is not something I want to do for you. It’s something I want to do for myself.”

 _I wish it had been weaker. Or I had been stronger._ Changkyun nods. “I understand. Still worried out of my right mind, though.” _All the time, actually_.

“Well, great.” Kihyun scoots closer and pecks Changkyun’s nose with his lips. “Now you know how I feel every time you have to fight one of them.”

“Hopeless, the both of us,” Changkyun mumbles. _Warmth. Warmth when Kihyun touches him, says sweet things perhaps without meaning to._ “Hey, Ki?”

Kihyun stretches his legs a little, even if still locked with Changkyun’s. “Hm?”

“Are there any special privileges,” Changkyun asks, feeling the need to tease. “To being your boyfriend?”

“Uhm,” Kihyun blinks, raising an eyebrow as he looks up to think. “I guess? Hm. Maybe a few.” He makes a face. “Some quite cringe-worthy but…”

Changkyun moves forward to grip lightly at Kihyun’s arm. “Can I know them? Please please please?”

“Well, firstly and foremost,” Kihyun turns back to Changkyun, face so close their noses brush and Kihyun smirks. “You get to experience my almost nonexistent but still existent bursts of jealousy.” He hums, “Then, you get to show off. You can tell everyone--you don’t even have _that_ many friends, but whatever. Usually, people hear ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ and think ‘taken’. I’m yours, yadda yadda- _-I’m going to cringe.”_

Changkyun brushes the tip of his nose over Kihyun’s, and says, in that deep, slow voice he’s noticed makes Kihyun’s cheeks flush, “I’m yours.”

And Kihyun blushes, glances away, eyes trained on the white ceiling. He gives a quick squeeze to Changkyun’s hand. “Mine.”

“Yes, you are,” Changkyun says in the same voice and watches in the utmost affection as Kihyun breathes out loudly through his nose and turns even redder.

“Great.” His voice sounds funny. “Now that we have established that, we can--”

“Hey! Love birds!” Hoseok shouts from the other side of the door, giving two small knocks on the wood as he laughs.

“Oh, yeah,” Changkyun laughs softly. “Did I mention that Hoseok was making breakfast?”

Kihyun shoots up from the bed and sits up. “In _my_ kitchen!?” The red on his cheeks seems to have turned white. “I hope… he’s alone. I can’t have misfortune _anywhere_ near the kitchen.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “We would have smelled the smoke, Kihyun.”

“Yes, in your kitchen!” Hoseok laughs, boisterous. “Now get off his dick before the eggs get cold.”

And Kihyun stands up. Except he’s standing up over the mattress with a pillow in his hand. “I wasn’t!” He shouts, high pitched.

“Fair, I’m sure I would have heard that--”

Kihyun swings his arm and throws the pillow against the door. Changkyun can’t see his face, but he can see his red, red ears. “I am going to _choke you with those goddamned eggs!”_ And with that he storms out of the bedroom.

Changkyun laughs, falling back onto the bed and grinning at the ceiling.

 _Boyfriends_.

“Boyfriends,” he mumbles to himself and thinks it might be one of his favourite words, now.

“What?! Your hand cramps and the whole neighbourhood knows, it’s a fair assumption--!”

“Shut up! You keep telling me I-- _you know what?! No._ I’m going to the bathroom…”

Changkyun laughs to himself, getting up to grab a t-shirt and wander over to the kitchen. Hoseok looks up, scoffing softly.

“Good morning?” Hoseok asks. “And I ask because--” he gestures to the bathroom. “Wrong side of the bed, that one. Eggs?”

“Indeed they are.” Changkyun sits down, stabbing lightly at the eggs. They look different from the ones Kihyun always makes. Messier.

Hoseok leans over the table and quickly shoots a look at the bathroom door before leaning closer, speaking lower, almost whispering. “By the way… Kihyun’s birthday is in two days. I was thinking that maybe we could… well, assuming you want to, of course, go out together to get something for him.” He pauses to glance at the bathroom again for a second. “You know what a birthday is, correct?”

Changkyun nods, only mildly uncertain. “You celebrate the years you’ve been alive and exchange gifts.” Changkyun pouts a little. He’s fairly sure he should be just a tad offended that Kihyun hadn’t told him about this annual, fast approaching event. “I didn’t know his was in two days…”

Hoseok blinks, “Oh… well,” he looks down and then up, “did you ask?”

Changkyun wants to defend himself but. “No…” He pouts a bit more. He’s being a terrible boyfriend already, he can tell.

Hoseok, however, _beams._ “I can help!” He whispers loudly. “I was thinking of… tomorrow? Wanna come with?” He asks, bouncing a little where he stands leaning on the table.

“For a present?” Changkyun nods, sitting up a bit straighter. “Yeah. Yeah, we should get him.... Something. He has two vacuum cleaners so maybe not that…”

“I have an idea… more or less,” Hoseok smirks. “It includes you, though.”

Changkyun nods again, more confident. “Good. I wanna be a good--”

Hoseok’s eyes widen, “A good--?” But before he can get an answer, the door to the bathroom opens and Kihyun walks out, toothbrush in his mouth, goes straight to where he keeps his cleaning products and brings out a few before he walks back into the bathroom and shuts the door closed. Hoseok blinks, gesturing slightly, “You like _that_ , do you…”

Changkyun sighs with mock exasperation. “At least he’s pretty when he wakes up.”

Hoseok throws his head back and laughs. “At _least?”_ He shakes his head, still laughing. “Gosh, no wonder he can’t keep them. Weirdo.” He smiles fondly for a beat, then. “A great friend, though. The best.”

Stuffing a bit more of the egg in his mouth, Changkyun nods a little, watching the bathroom door. “He’s magnificent.” He glances back. “Still a weirdo, though. But aren’t we all.”

“Some more than others,” Hoseok chuckles. “But yes. Anyway, tomorrow. Tomorrow, at eleven am. I’ll pick you up. Kihyun has work, right? So we can go and come back without him even noticing.”

Changkyun nods, smiling as he chews, cheek puffing.

The bathroom door opens again and Kihyun walks back into the kitchen to put the cleaning products away. “I think I should save some money,” he mumbles. “That bathroom really needs a ventilation system. Otherwise it’s the perfect environment for moss growth.” He looks at Changkyun and Hoseok then and frowns. “What.”

“Nerd,” Changkyun and Hoseok say in unison, before reaching out for a high five.

“You’re both weird,” Kihyun says mid grimace. He looks away, scratching at his neck and then pausing. “Ah. That reminds me,” he mumbles, giving a short run to the bedroom. He comes back not even a minute later with something in his hand. Something he places over the table between Changkyun and Hoseok.

Hoseok blinks. “Oh, this…”

“I’m giving it to him,” Kihyun informs, pointing vaguely at Changkyun. “You don’t mind do you?”

“Nope,” Hoseok says with a knowing smile.

“Great,” Kihyun leans over a little to look at Changkyun’s face and then points down. “You just got your own camera.”

Changkyun looks between them and then at the little camera. The polaroid Kihyun had mentioned wanting to give him. “Wha,” Changkyun says, feeling not exactly intelligent. He picks it up, turns it around in his hands and bounces a little on the chair. “I don’t know how this works!” Changkyun exclaims, delighted. “Thank you!”

The corner of Kihyun’s lips tips up and then slowly blossoms into a smile. “I’ll teach you. Later, if you want. We can… buy you an album so you can collect them.”

Hoseok squishes his cheeks between his hands as he leans forward, smiling at the two of them. “So cute.”

Changkyun looks at the camera in his hands, remembers what he’d seen on television and what he’s seen Kihyun do with his much bigger camera, and points it at Kihyun when he takes the picture. He thinks that’s what he did, anyway. He takes the little picture out without shaking it and…

 _I like it. It’s normal_.

Changkyun smiles to himself, swallowing against the well of _feeling_ in his throat. Because Changkyun knows how a few things work by now. He knows that he is not indestructible; that at the hands of a demon as strong as the one from last night, he can fight, but he could also die. He knows that there are quite a few feelings in his chest and he can name a few but he struggles with others. Affection, fear, happiness, worry, adoration, joy… safety, insecurity. And he feels them all when he looks at Kihyun.

And he wants _this._ Wants to cling to waking up like this every day. Wants to have this for as long as possible.

Hoseok scoffs. “You realise his entire album will just be pictures of you, right?”

“There are worse things,” Kihyun says with a short laugh.

 

 

\---

 

 

Kihyun watches his hands through the transparent water. He thumbs at his other hand, rubbing the finger in circular motions over his palm. But… it's not coming off.

His hands are clean. He knows because he's washed them five times in the last forty minutes. But he can't shake off the feeling of _dirt_ , of blood, dry blood covering his skin.

Images flashing behind his eyes, Kihyun leaves the water running and looks up at the ceiling. The bathroom really needs a ventilation system…

Kihyun thinks about moss. Then, he thinks about the crashing sound of a table hitting the floor. And then, he thinks about cake. But his brain throws him into a loop of Changkyun falling through a window, like a gif. So, he moves on to think about waking up, trying to sooth the sudden sting in his chest. But his brain leaps over that, too. And lands on _death_.

Dying. Kihyun doesn't want to die. But that's not what scares him the most. Not since… not since he almost did die. And then spent four days thinking about what a gift it is to feel alive. Not since…

He sighs, nail digging at his palm. The sudden cold over his shoulder feeling like an unwelcome blanket.

“You again,” Kihyun mutters, eyes on his own reflection.

“I think they’re clean, Kihyun,” Hyungwon says without looking at him.

“Are they, though?” Kihyun keeps his voice down, knowing Hoseok and Changkyun are just one door away.

“He says to the guy who had to look every one of those souls in the eye,” Hyungwon grumbles. But it’s too monotonous to be a grumble. He just sounds tired.

Kihyun looks down at his hands, at the way his nail manages to break through skin. “Now they're not…” He says and then sighs. “People died. And… I feel… like that's on me, somehow.”

“Right, so you’ve moved on from feeling useless to feeling accountable.” Hyungwon nods. “Very you. Would you like to go ahead and skip to the revenge part or?”

There's blood on his palm. A little pink. And then it heals in less than two seconds. Just like every wound. Just like every broken bone.

“I am like a lighthouse for danger. And yet I also want to live my life like everybody else does. Selfish, right?” He laughs bitterly, rubbing over where it healed. “And yet, once I go through that door,” he motions towards the bathroom door with his head, “it's no longer just about me. I know that. So, let me sort my own feelings. I've been doing it all my life. Nothing new.”

Hyungwon rubs a hand over his face. “The same way Hoseok is sorting out his feelings. And Kyun his. Fine. I’ll just---” he gestures to nothing. “Be here.”

Kihyun closes the tap and wiggles his hands around, knowing he won't hit Hyungwon with sprinkles but, hey, the thought counts.

“There's something I want to ask you,” Kihyun says, almost like a whisper. “Something that… I want to keep between us.”

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow, arms crossed as he leans back against the wall. “This ought to be good.”

It's the question Kihyun has been asking since the start. The question no one seems to be able to answer.

He turns around, lower back against the sink, and sighs. “Why me?” He looks up. “I thought maybe… there was a very complicated reason behind all this. But,” he squints, “Kyunie looks human. You look… more or less human. I look human. But… am I?” And once the words are out, Kihyun's heartbeat spikes.

_Am I…?_

It makes sense to say it, to ask. So far, he could never get past ‘why me?’ and now he subconsciously jumped to a different question, to a different problem.

The worst thing is when Hyungwon doesn’t answer immediately. It should be a simple ‘yes, get your head out of your ass’ or, god forbid, a ‘no’. Instead, Hyungwon looks away.

“I don’t know,” Hyungwon shrugs. “I wanna say yes, but then I look at you and my eyes _burn_.”

And Kihyun's heart beats louder. So, he thinks about cake. He thinks about baking a cake. Because that doesn't make his heart beat faster. That doesn't make Changkyun worry. Because, yes, Kihyun knows Changkyun can hear it, the fear, the anxiety, everything Kihyun’s system goes through. Changkyun can hear it.

“I see,” Kihyun says just because he _needs_ to say something. “Is Hoseok…? Is he human?”

Hyungwon laughs. “He has the soul of a saint, but yes, he’s human.” He sighs. “Look, Kihyun, whatever you are, I haven’t seen it before. But it tastes like something I can’t… I don’t know, it’s like recognising a taste but not knowing what it _is_.” Hyungwon sticks his tongue out of his mouth. “Terrible metaphor. And hey, if it’s any consolation, I have no idea what your little demon pet is either.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh, hands reaching back for the sink. “Matching, I see…”

Hyungwon laughs, then, loud, bending over lightly. “Oh, man, if you could hear yourself,” he wheezes.

“You know what's sad?” Kihyun laughs, too, “ I _can_ hear myself. I hate it, ugh.” He pauses to look away. “There's a lot happening at the same time… it's hard to focus on just one thing. But…” He allows it, the sinking feeling from a few days ago, that guilt he felt when he told Changkyun, he allows it to manifest. “I missed you.”

Hyungwon’s laughter trickles into a chuckle. “Unexpected to hear but… Yeah. Yeah, I missed you, too. Damn terrible watching Hoseok let your ego grow unmonitored.”

Kihyun laughs and bends down to keep it from bubbling. It dies down after a second or two. “Don't die again. You wasted all my slots. Can't deal with that again.”

“Couldn’t die even if I wanted to,” Hyungwon says. “So at least there's that.”

Kihyun leans away from the sink. He swings to hit Hyungwon’s arm, expecting his hand to slip through. But…

There's a _tap_. And a touch. And both Kihyun and Hyungwon freeze, eyes locking on each other to stare.

“That’s a definite no on the human,” Hyungwon manages with a thin, thin voice.

“I…” Kihyun looks at where his hand is flat on Hyungwon’s arm. “I couldn't see you before either. But… then I remembered everyone has a voice… a voice I can hear.” He frowns. “And when I focused on yours, you were there with a blink.”

Hyungwon stares down at Kihyun’s hand before startling away, delayed. “This doesn’t make any goddamn sense. You shouldn’t be able to _do_ that.”

“Touch you? Or hear you?” Kihyun breathes. “I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be able to shine like you say I do… but…”

“Kihyun, I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m a _bit_ scared of you right now.”

“Great… that makes two of us…”

Hyungwon gives a full body shiver. “I… might have an idea. It’s a terrible idea and I despise myself for even mentioning this, but that beef steak really knows what he’s talking about, so,” Hyungwon nods, looking at Kihyun like he might explode.

Kihyun withdraws his hand and stares at his palm, frowning. Like he expects a sudden laser beam to shoot right through his skull. “Beef…” He looks up, “Steak?”

“You’ll understand when you see him,” Hyungwon sighs. “Which I suppose you should.”

Kihyun’s fingers curl into a first and he lets his hand fall. “I'm… Yeah. Okay.” He looks at the bathroom door and licks his lips. “Is he… human? The beef steak.”

“Special kind of human, but yes.” Hyungwon shifts, uncomfortable. “Seer. Expert. Demon hunter. Whatever you wanna call him. Although I’ve heard he prefers ‘Shownu’.”

“Shownu…” Seer. Demon hunter? “Tomorrow, then.” Kihyun's heart skips a beat with anxiety. “Can we?” He has work. Be he can take the afternoon. After all, he _needs_ to know. He needs an answer the the question ‘Why me?’ and maybe one for the question ‘Am I?’.

Hyungwon scoffs. “I’ll ask him,” he says before mumbling, “Because I can actually do that. Shit, I hope he doesn’t have some… Reaper repellent artifact or something.” Hyungwon shivers. “The things I do for you.”

Kihyun raises a hand to his temple. “When I think I've seen it all…” He feels dizzy, stepping slowly towards the door, failing to grab the handle twice. “The world hates me.”

“Just be glad you’re Bad Reaper Juju repellent,” Hyungwon scoffs, and winces. “Christ, while you’re there, ask him about turning your brightness settings down, you give me headaches.”

 _“You_ give me headaches,” Kihyun mumbles as he flings the door open. “You and everyone else, at this point.”

“Don’t let your little pet hear you,” Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “He’s delicate.”

“I know,” Kihyun mumbles as he moves towards the kitchen. He needs more coffee. Maybe also a joint and a kick in the head. Maybe all of those at the same time. He turns the kettle on and looks over his shoulder. “I'm making coffee! Do any of you idiots want something?”

“Sure,” Changkyun smiles up, small, from where he’s still carefully looking at the camera, turning it in his hands. Hoseok shakes his head, leaning against the counter and looking at Kihyun curiously. Changkyun lifts the camera and takes yet another picture.

“He’s gonna run out of… film or whatever,” Hoseok laughs.

Kihyun chuckles, reaching for the clean mugs near the sink. His heart is still jumping around in his chest, even when he's trying his best to keep it steady. “It's fine, if he's happy.”

Changkyun looks up again, putting the camera down on the counter and frowning lightly before smiling at Hoseok. “Hey, do you wanna go find us something to watch?”

“Hm?” Hoseok looks up and then smiles. “A movie? Sure!” He hops off from the chair and walks to the living room, falling down on the sofa, switching on the TV and making to flick through movies on Netflix. And Changkyun gets up too, walking to lean against the counter where Kihyun’s trying to concentrate on making the coffee, on--well, too late for that.

“Hey,” Changkyun says gently. “Your heart’s doing a lot in there…”

“Yeah?” Kihyun laughs. “Sorry about that.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes with a smile. “Yeah, apologise for involuntary bodily functions. For _shame_.” Changkyun moves like he wants to bump him on the shoulder. “Just… checking up on you.”

“I'm,” Kihyun glances towards bathroom door, near where Hyungwon leans against the wall, and then down when the kettle clicks. He wants to say ‘fine’ but he chokes on the word like it's poison. So, he shuts his mouth closed.

“Yeah, me too,” Changkyun says. He looks outside, to where the clouds hang heavy in the sky, looking ready to break. “You know, I’ve been thinking… About what you said, about truths.”

“Oh,” Kihyun glances up and down as he serves three mugs of coffee. Mentally serving a fourth for his very weird, very dead, very strange friend on the wall. “What about it…”

Changkyun takes a deep, scratching at the back of his head. “Yeah, near-death experiences can do that to a guy… And I was thinking about… what you asked me this morning,” Changkyun smiles down, small. “I wanna ask but you’re gonna get _maaaad_ …”

Kihyun sighs, putting the kettle down and glaring at the three (four) mugs in front of him. “You’re here telling me you want to ask me something even knowing I will get mad, so I’m assuming you’re going to ask anyway.” His heart is still beating like crazy. And it’s not going to slow down _now._

Changkyun winces a little. “Yes? Ugh,” he rubs his hand over his face. “Shouldn’t have brought this up now, it’s really _not_ the most important thing… _at all_ …” He sighs and rubs at his cheeks. “Why... me _?”_

That… was not what Kihyun was expecting, _if_ he was expecting anything at all. Surprisingly, his heart slows down and he turns slightly to look at Changkyun. “What do you mean, why you…?”

“I mean…” Changkyun deflates. “I know there’s this connection and all, and that it’s my duty to protect you yadda-yadda--” _The things he’s taken to saying--_ “but… You’re giving me your _firsts_ . Some of them, anyway. _This_ one,” he points with a finger between the two of them. “And I just…” He shrugs, looking down.

It’s soft, small, but Kihyun feels it on his face before he feels it in his chest. Smile, first. Warmth, second. He takes one of the mugs and hands it to Changkyun. “There’s no reason. I just…” The words swim around in his head and Kihyun lets them swirl around until they dissipate. “It’s not because we’re connected. If we are… then I guess that’s a bonus. Although, I guess it did spark some curiosity here and there,” he chuckles, reaching out to take one of Changkyun’s hands, “why certain things felt the way they did but… It’s not, it was _never_ about that. You could’ve been as asshole. You could’ve been a thorn in my shoe. But you weren’t. You cared. You said the right thing every time I expected you not to…” Kihyun rolls his eyes, “It helps that you look like that, too, not gonna lie.”

Changkyun, smiling throughout Kihyun’s little speech, giggles softly, looking into the coffee “Ah, I see. You like me 'cause I’m--what’s the word you said I wasn’t allowed to quote back at you? Hot? Or was it sexy?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes again, lets go of Changkyun and picks up the other two mugs, “Perfect. That’s what I called you. I like you because you’re…” He makes a face and shivers a little, “...perfect for me. _Ugh!”_ And there is the full body shiver. Thankfully, he doesn’t drop the mugs.

Changkyun laughs some more, taking a cup from Kihyun. “And you’re my truth. That’s what I… wanted to tell you, before I got insecure and you made yourself cringe.”

And just like that, Kihyun’s heart beats at a normal pace. Even when he thinks about his conversation with Hyungwon, even when he thinks about last night, even when he thinks about cake.

Amazing what a little _truth_ can do.

“I think I found something!” Hoseok calls in blissful ignorance of how Kihyun had just opened his mouth to almost say something really, probably very stupid. “How are we feeling about How To Train Your Dragon?”

“Oh, yes, that movie is cute.” Kihyun straightens up, pacing to the living room, “Doesn’t Toothless remind you of someone we know?”

Hoseok frowns, looking over. “Who do you--” And his eyes flit past Kihyun to where Changkyun is walking over, dipping the tip of his tongue into the coffee and scrunching his nose when it’s too hot. Hoseok laughs. “Oh, shit, yeah.”

Kihyun lets himself fall next to Hoseok, holding the mug high to avoid spilling it all over. “Half dog, half cat and now part dragon,” he jokes. “And cute.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Changkyun asks, folding his legs under himself as he sits down, eyes on his coffee. He hands Hoseok the other mug. “What’s a Toothless and… why are you looking at me like that.”

“You think he likes sushi?” Kihyun laughs as he looks to Hoseok. “We haven’t fed him fish yet.”

Hoseok laughs into his hand. “God, I can’t look at him… Just…” He laughs, gesturing to the TV. “Please just play the thing, I can’t.”

It turns out that watching the movie turns into quite the interesting affair. Changkyun seems to catch on pretty soon when Hoseok and Kihyun relentlessly go on with the comparisons, up to the point where Kihyun nearly kills Hoseok for one.

“So,” Hoseok asks, nonchalant, during the scene where Hiccup flies Toothless for the first time. “Have you tried riding him yet?”

Kihyun keeps his eyes trained on the TV and tongues the inside of his cheek. He laughs, not really laughing. And then turns _very_ slowly to stare at Hoseok. “You… you know the window is right there, don’t you…”

Hoseok shrugs, unaffected. “You’re tiny.”

“Has anyone seen my phone…” Changkyun mumbles, looking around and patting his pants, the front pocket of his hoodie. Kihyun throws a hand over Changkyun’s chest to keep him where he is.

“Don’t bother,” he says, eyes still glaring. If looks could kill...

Hoseok laughs. “Yeah, Kyun, no need to Google it, just wait for the practical lesso--”

Kihyun places his mug down over the small table and then turns slightly to glare some more before climbing with both legs over the sofa and throwing himself at Hoseok to stick fingers in his ears. _“You are sooooooo annoying!”_

Hoseok laughs loudly, pushing Kihyun away and keeping him at arms’ length as he struggles. “Hey! Thank me before you attack me, you ass!”

“Why would I thank you?!” Kihyun tries to climb up some more, ready to throw a foot in Hoseok’s face. He’s laughing though, which kills the purpose.

“He sent me some keywords,” Changkyun chirps in helpfully.

“Keywords?” Kihyun throws over his shoulder, pausing in his attempt to murder his best friend. “Keywords for… Wait.” He turns to glare at Hoseok again. _“You!”_

“You’re welcome!” Hoseok laughs, trying to wiggle off the sofa.

“Well, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to me to _list_ them,” Changkyun says, oddly calm, reaching over to pause the movie. “The top two we’ve covered already, though--”

Kihyun falls face down on the sofa once Hoseok finally manages to move away, rolling to the floor and then rolling some more and finishing in a weird, cringe-worthy kung fu position. “I can’t believe you two…” Kihyun sighs, chin over the cushion. “I’m one best friend away from committing murder and one boyfriend away from dying…” He says that and frowns. ‘Boyfriend’, is it… still tastes weird in his mouth but… it feels warm in his chest.

“ _Boyfriend?!_ ” Hoseok screeches.

“Ah,” Kihyun waves a hand in the air, “yeah, that happened.” He feels his cheeks burn a little and turns to squish one of them against the cushion as he looks to Hoseok. “I asked…”

Hoseok screams a little into his hands and Changkyun laughs, looking over at Kihyun. “Apparently the first one.”

“I can’t!” Hoseok squeals, reaching out to shake Changkyun’s shoulder, who winces almost imperceptibly. “You! Demon boyfriend! Boyfriends!”

“Gross,” Hyungwon says from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

“You have a very interesting way of processing information, Hoseok,” Changkyun notes as Hoseok continues to squeal into his hands.

Kihyun stretches one leg down to poke Changkyun with his foot. No reason, really. But it’s not like he needs a reason now. “I only keep him around because he’s always this enthusiastic about whatever I do with my life.”

Changkyun laughs and Hoseok smacks himself on the cheeks a little. “I can’t believe your first boyfriend is a demon... “ Hoseok blinks, turning to face Kihyun. “Hang on, I thought you two weren’t allowed to kiss? I mean, the other things are _great_ but…” Changkyun looks away. “ _Aaand_ I’m sensing that this is a sensitive topic...” Hoseok sinks into the cushions just as Kihyun sits up. “Ignore me.”

Kihyun’s heart skips a beat. Not because his first boyfriend is, in fact, a demon. After all, Kihyun knows he himself might not be entirely human. But because… “We’re not. Or… we are but we can’t.”

Changkyun taps his lips again, the way he’d done for Kihyun before, and looks down as if shy. “Guess that’s just a first we’ll never have.” Changkyun shrugs, shifting a bit. “If he’s okay with it, then I don’t mind…”

Kihyun turns to Changkyun and slaps at the back of his head. “I asked you out! You think I mind? Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna do it. But… there are other things, too, important things.” He sighs. “Plus… you bet your ass that if any of us is two seconds away from crossing the threshold, I _will_ kiss you.” He grumbles. “No regrets, it’s my new motto.”

“Don’t you _dare_ ever kiss me,” Changkyun says with a little finger wag he could only have picked up from Kihyun.

“This is the weirdest conversation…” Hoseok shakes his head, blinking and softly smacking Kihyun on the back of the head. “You heard him and we have a movie to finish, cuddling is allowed, get back here.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, glaring at the TV. “Whatever,” he mumbles.

Changkyun holds out his arms, pouting. “But… Cuddles?” And Kihyun glances at him once, looking away when he reaches for Changkyun’s wrist and tugs.

“Come here.”

“So gross,” Hoseok says cheerfully, pressing play.

“So gross,” Hyungwon repeats from the walls, from nowhere-- _Where the fuck is he?_

 

 

\---

 

 

Obviously, they all cry (Kihyun doesn’t, he just… feels his eyes burn, that’s all). The flames envelop Hiccup and Toothless and they all sniffle like babies. (Kihyun’s nose is just a little stuffy, that’s all.) Kihyun doesn’t even notice he’s holding Changkyun as close as he can until he subconsciously leans his head down and buries his nose in Changkyun’s hair.

“You,” Hoseok says with a runny nose, “you scared me last night… both of you. I--I thought…”

Kihyun brings Changkyun closer again and buries his whole face in his hair. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…_ It will take a while to get over what happened last night. To accept that not everything will work as they want it to. To forgive each other. And, more importantly, to forgive themselves.

Changkyun clings, face buried in Kihyun’s chest and when the credits roll, it starts raining. It had been threatening for weeks. But besides a few night drizzles and the dark clouds during the day, it hadn’t rained in a long, long time.

Hoseok sniffles and looks down at his hands. “I… I don’t k--know how to… act. But I wa--want everyone to be happy… So, I…”

Kihyun feels his throat close, so tight he can barely breathe. Out of all the reasons why his body wants him to cry, Hoseok crying has always been Kihyun’s weakness. So then, when Kihyun finally tries to get air to his lungs, he sobs.

He sobs in that way where it hurts as it comes out of you, flawing and thick and unstoppable as it tears its way out. Changkyun squeezes his arms around Kihyun as he shakes, leaning back to wipe the tears off his face.

And the more Kihyun cries, the more Hoseok cries next to him. And while Kihyun is mostly a sobby mess, Hoseok is actually loud, so very loud and messy and so very Hoseok. Which makes Kihyun cry even more.

“Hey,” Hyungwon says out of nowhere, kneeling in front of Hoseok and smiling small. “Don’t cry, you big baby. Smile. Smile because you’re alive. Smile for me, please, because I love you, and miss you so much even though I see you every day...”

Hoseok rubs at his eyes, sniffling and hiccuping and Hyungwon nods. “There you go…”

And now Kihyun cries because of them. Because they’re a tragedy away from having what Kihyun has. Which, considering, might be what the future has reserved for him, too.

He tugs at Changkyun to pull him closer again and buries his head in Changkyun’s shoulder, rubbing his eyes on Changkyun’s shirt. And it bubbles. Like little words, like small little words carrying the weight of strong, tall, heavy feelings.

 _‘I love you’,_ Kihyun’s own voice says inside his head.

And it’s difficult. It’s really, really difficult to face everything and feel everything. Because like small words with a meaning bigger than the world, Kihyun, too, carries a lot on his shoulders.

Hoseok sniffles one last time and then tugs at Kihyun’s shirt. And Kihyun barely moves, head turning slightly, cheek pressed on Changkyun’s shoulder. Hoseok points outside and laughs a little, wet and emotional, but _a laugh._

“It’s beautiful, look,” he says.

And Kihyun sniffles and leans back, the tears stilling as he looks out the window. Looks at the way the heavy, dark clouds spread the colors of the setting sun through the sky in a mix of reds, oranges, yellows and… black.

“H--Hey,” Kihyun says, shaking Changkyun a little and then pointing out the window, “Look. _You._ ”

Changkyun sniffles as he looks up, frowning softly at Kihyun before looking and… melting. He blinks at the sky, bottom lip wobbling and eyes shiny and he stares for a while, so long it takes Kihyun by surprise when Changkyun scrambles a little to pull him closer, pressing his lips, hard, against Kihyun’s forehead, hands in his hair.

It’s still raining. And the water drops cling to the window like gravity inverted. Kihyun laughs a little, short but there, and leans into Changkyun’s touch. And yes, gravity has inverted. For him, at least. It’s been pulling him forward rather than down for the past weeks.

“Let’s…” Hoseok hiccups. “Let’s go outside!” Hoseok says, getting up. He’s still rubbing furiously at his eyes and Hyungwon hangs his head as he passes right through him. “You’ve--you’ve not been in the rain, right?”

Changkyun shakes his head, having pulled away just enough to look at Kihyun, to smile with teary eyes. “Let’s go outside,” Changkyun agrees, thumbing at Kihyun’s cheek.

“Nice, nice, lemme just,” Hoseok stumbles (probably because his eyes are still closed where he’s rubbing them). “Get the umbrellas, and you two just--” He gestures vaguely before rummaging through Kihyun’s corridor closet, things dropping as he goes.

Kihyun leans slightly against Changkyun’s hand on his face, sniffling and looking down and sometimes up just to feel the familiar pull whenever they lock eyes. And then down again as his brain tries to quell what his feelings keep screaming about.

He brings a hand up to rub at his nose and then looks out the window again. “Get a jacket,” he mumbles, his voice a little hoarse. “Two, actually.”

And Changkyun does, nodding a little before disappearing into the bedroom, something crashing ( _Hoseok…_ ) in the hallway. Hoseok walks into the living room. “Found ‘em,” and points right back at the front door. “I’ll jus’ wait there.”

Kihyun gets up, looking out the window one last time before crossing the living room. Changkyun runs to him with two jackets in hand and Kihyun hands him a pair of shoes. They’re pretty quiet, all and all, as they make their way out of the house, the elevator, the building. Kihyun holds Changkyun’s hand and Hoseok leans his weight on Changkyun.

And as they step outside, the humid cold air slaps them in the face. Kihyun sees the puff when he breathes through his mouth and looks to Changkyun, smiling when he starts puffing the air just to see the little smoke clouds leave through his lips.

And the entire landscape takes on a surreal saffron hue as the clouds reflect the fading sun. Everything around them looks bathed in red. And as the rain falls, it turns into a dusky brownish-orange.

Hoseok steps forward, spreading the black umbrella open over his head and then jumps over a few rain puddles. He turns to smile at them, eyes red with tears. “Don’t wait up, I’m gonna get something from the supermarket. Old tradition, remember!”

Kihyun lets go of Changkyun and spreads their clear umbrella open over their heads before he hands it over. “Your first rain, you hold it,” he says softly. And Changkyun takes it, looking up through the umbrella as they step out, rain hitting the transparent plastic. Kihyun follows close by his side.

Changkyun laughs up at the rain, dropping onto the umbrella, rolling down the sides. It’s a blissful, bubbly little thing, the joy in which Changkyun looks at something as simple as rain and laughs. He lets go of Kihyun’s hand to reach out, palm out. The rain hits his hand and he giggles again. He turns to smile at Kihyun, like he can’t keep the smile in, can’t stop himself from looking, bouncing a little and looking up at the sky through the umbrella. “I love it.” Changkyun laughs again, reaching to tug at Kihyun’s sleeve.

And courage comes when you leap. So, Kihyun breathes in slow and says;

“I love you.”

 _In the dark before you see_. A little light in a sea gone black. A sunset in a pretty dark sky with no moon. When ‘right now’ means more than everything else.

And Changkyun’s hand falls from his sleeve and he looks at Kihyun and it’s a lot, but barely a second.

“That’s the word. The _words_. The ones I was looking for...” Changkyun breaths out a laugh. “I love you, too.”

Kihyun’s eyes widen slightly and then he looks down, smiling, reaching out to brush his fingers against Changkyun’s. “You’re a hundred percent sure I can’t kiss you, right? Just making sure…” His chest feels so warm, and it spreads, like a tidal wave, through his body.

Changkyun laughs again, breathy, emotional. “Yeah…” He reaches up, places a kiss on his fingers and reaches out to press it against Kihyun’s lips. And despite the skip his heart makes, despite the surprise on his face, it takes Kihyun half a second to react and press his lips on Changkyun’s finger, closing his eyes and making a funny kiss noise before leaning back and smiling.

“Come here,” he says, tugging at Changkyun’s hand, who falls into his inverted gravity like it’s the easiest thing in the world. And Kihyun reaches with his other hand over Changkyun’s mouth, tiptoeing, and presses his lips over his own skin to feel Changkyun’s kiss.

And then Kihyun lets his hand fall, their lips just a breath away and he says it again, “I love you.”

“And I love you,” Changkyun says, smiling so so brightly, like the sun peeking out from the clouds. “So so much.”

Kihyun laughs, their foreheads bumping slightly. “It’s weird… suddenly I can’t stop saying it…”

Changkyun giggles. “Say it again, then.”

Rolling his eyes fondly, Kihyun cups Changkyun’s face between his hands and rubs their noses together. “I love you, you idiot. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

And with another giggle and a ‘I love you’ under his breath, Changkyun gathers Kihyun up in his arms, the umbrella falling from his hand and the rain hitting their hair, their coats. Changkyun lifts him in a hug, in a little spin. And Kihyun laughs, that warmth in his chest turning into a laugh he couldn’t help even if he wanted to and then--

Then Changkyun puts him down. And over Changkyun’s shoulder, Kihyun sees Hoseok. Standing under a black umbrella in the rain, holding four popsicles and not alone, but utterly lonely. Hyungwon is there with him, a look of raw emotion, vulnerable, _sad_. And he leans down just a little, presses a soft kiss against Hoseok’s cheek. And then Hyungwon is gone, and Hoseok is frozen, tears silent on his face.

Kihyun breathes out short, slowly letting go of Changkyun. He walks in the rain, hair parting in strands and clinging to his forehead. He walks until he’s standing in front of Hoseok, smiling small at him. Kihyun looks down at the ice creams, slowly reaches to take one and then pops the plastic open.

“It’s been a while,” he says softly. “Soon to be five years, I think… since we’ve done this.”

Hoseok stares at the popsicles in his hand. “We… Why did I…” He takes in a deep, sharp breath. “Kihyun, I bought _four_ ,” Hoseok’s voice breaks, and the look in his eyes when he looks at Kihyun is _heartbreaking_. “Why did I do that.”

Kihyun takes the popsicle to his lips, feels the cold keep his mind there, keeping it from drifting. “One for you,” he starts, his voice so soft he can barely hear himself, “one of me, one for Kyunie and,” he points to Hoseok’s chest. “One for _him.”_

Hoseok sniffs, shudders through a breath and nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I… Sometimes I forget he’s...”

“Hoseok,” Kihyun mumbles, eyes cast down. “If…” He frowns and his heart speeds up. “If you could… speak to him now… what would you say? What would you tell him?”

Hoseok’s hand shakes, he looks up, away, at the ground. “I…”

“Wonho…” Hyungwon says from behind Kihyun, a voice that carries in like the breeze.

Hoseok drops the popsicles in his hands. “Shit, I,” he bends down to pick them up, hand hovering before he drops down. “God, I miss him so much it hurts, Kihyun,” he says to the ground. “I miss him so much…”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, smiling small and looking up and over his shoulder, eyes on Hyungwon’s yellow ones. “I know.” _And if I were you, I would want to know, too._

Falling to his knees in front of Hoseok, Kihyun helps him gather the popsicles. Kihyun feels the water wet his jeans, the pain that shoots up his thighs and the way his heart throbs.

“Lately,” Kihyun mutters, “I’ve… realised that not everything is black and white. And grey… I don’t know what to do with grey. But being honest helps. Saying the truth helps. And I know you try to forget. But you don’t have to, Hoseok… You don’t have to forget. You have to allow yourself to remember. Because if you don’t then you’ll be stuck in this loop forever.” He takes a deep breath, looking up over Hoseok’s frame. “I’m sure he misses you, too. More than you can imagine. Wherever he is, he’s thinking of you, _always.”_

“Always,” Hyungwon echoes, hanging his head as Hoseok hides his tears in his hands. “I’m so tired of seeing him cry over me, Kihyun.”

And Kihyun feels full with love and empty with nothing but the echo of his own voice when he speaks without caring, because ‘right now’ counts more than everything else. “He doesn’t cry over you… or for you. He cries because he still loves you. Like you still love him, too.” He leans back when Hoseok looks up. “If you’re tired of seeing him cry… how about you try to make him smile instead?”

Hoseok hiccups through a cry. “Kihyun, what… what are you...”

Hyungwon swallows. “I can’t… How could I…”

Kihyun looks down at how the popsicles melt in his hands. “I would want to know, Hyungwon. I think… I think he deserves to know, too.”

Hoseok breathes, heavy and fast, “Kihyun, why are you talking like this, I don’t…”

“Kihyun...” Changkyun says, softly from behind him and Kihyun looks over. “Concentrate on your light. It might just work.”

Hyungwon’s head snaps up. “Oh, no you _don’t_.”

Kihyun breathes out and looks down. “You made your choice,” he says, closing his eyes. He imagines a match burning in the dark. Too small, _too young_ to do it all. “You chose what you’ve become. You don’t get to choose again.” And the little match burns brighter. A little flame and then a fire.

And in the darkness, Kihyun hears them, like hungry moths flying towards him. Because of course, there’s always a price to pay. Nothing in life comes for free. And the brighter he shines, the more whispers he hears.

Now, there’s a fire that he can’t hide. But he knows he doesn’t need to. Because the brighter he shines, the larger his shadow. And Kihyun has just the one. Right behind him, watching his back.

And he sees it, finally, around him like a forest of thorns. And it’s like looking through yellow eyes. So, maybe, he thinks, it works both ways.

It dawns on him then, a certainty he knows he needs. Something he’s known his entire life. And maybe Changkyun is not from around here but… _Matching._ Neither is Kihyun.

“No more lying,” Kihyun says, opening his eyes again.

Hoseok's eyes are wide. They’re wide and the tears just keep falling and then he looks at something he isn’t supposed to see, and he smiles. So little, so sad. “ _Wonnie_.”

Hyungwon’s voice breaks when he speaks. _“Wonho…”_

Hoseok must hear it, too, because he sobs, covering his mouth with a hand as his body shakes and he breathes, reaching out a hand like a child lost in the dark. “Is it… Wonnie, is that really you?”

Kihyun feels a sudden fatigue, his vision goes blurry.

And Changkyun’s voice is right there. “Count to ten and then let go, Ki…”

So, Kihyun cradles his hand over the fire like a candle, and counts against the exhaustion that wishes to extinguish it. Not clock, no. Not a timer, either. An hourglass. An hourglass he would turn around, a million times over if he could, just to keep this moment going.

_One._

Hyungwon gives a reluctant step forward. “I… Wonho…”

 _Two_.

“You were always there, weren’t you?”

_Three._

“Never… Never left.”

_Four._

“I knew it,” Hoseok sobs.

_Five._

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t stay in the way you wanted, the way you needed...”

 _Six_.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” Hoseok breathes, shaky.

_Seven._

“I know… I know… I miss you.”

 _Eight_.

Hoseok looks at Hyungwon like he’s trying to remember his face all over again. “I’m right here…”

_Nine._

“So am I… Always. I love you.”

_Ten._

“You’re the love of my life, Wonnie,” Hoseok sobs, and Kihyun lets go.

His head tips forward, a numbing headache making him lose his senses for no longer than a second. And the ringing… is loud. Loud and messy and coming from everywhere. But it’s fine, Kihyun thinks. It’s fine.

“You did well,” Changkyun soothes, as his two best friends cry on the pavement. “Come here.”

Kihyun takes a small step back and feels his back hit Changkyun’s chest. He brings a hand up to his head, smiling a little despite the growing headache. “Hug?”

“Hug,” Changkyun breathes, steadying Kihyun against him. Hoseok hugs his legs where he’s bundled up on the pavement, and Kihyun notes, somewhere between his headache, heartache and the warmth of arms around his waist, that it stopped raining.

“See,” he mumbles, “told you there had to be something I could do…”

“There are different ways of helping the ones you love,” Changkyun says, a soft kiss on Kihyun’s head.

“I hope…” Kihyun says, his body suddenly too heavy, “I hope I helped…”

“You… You did.” Hyungwon says from where he’s kneeled in front of Hoseok. “Thank you.”

And when he’s gone, Hoseok takes a deep, deep breath. And the last thing Kihyun remembers is the word ‘home’ and Changkyun’s arms pulling him closer so he doesn’t fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone wondering why some things are the way they are: incoming answers after this chapter.


	14. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't burn, it just... sings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to have some (or at least one) of your questions answered!!!

Familiar covers. A lot less space than usual.

Changkyun moves just a little, and realises there’s a lot more space behind him than there was when they’d all squished themselves into Kihyun’s bed last night.

Kihyun had been… out of it, was a good way to put it. Once he’d passed out on the pavement, that was about it for him for the rest of the night, and Hoseok was, for lack of a better term, emotionally exhausted. So with Kihyun clinging to his back and Hoseok holding onto him like a teddy bear, they’d fallen asleep.

Changkyun gently moves Hoseok’s limbs, loosens his grip, and rolls away.

Soft sounds in the kitchen. Careful sounds. _Kihyun._

Hoseok shifts and frowns in his sleep and Changkyun almost laughs, pushing a pillow over and Hoseok immediately clinging to it. Changkyun steps, careful, tip-toeing out of the bedroom and peeking into the kitchen.

The table is set for two people. There’s fruit, cereal, juice, milk, coffee and… and Changkyun has only seen that on TV. Usually, breakfast is a lazy meal. Today, it looks like extra care was put into it.

Kihyun is just a few feet away, pulling a red scarf over his shoulders. He wraps it around his neck and then dresses his long black coat, he does this while absently staring out the window, like he’s waiting for something, maybe the sunrise.

“Morning, handsome,” Changkyun says, clearing his throat a little when it comes out deeper and hoarser than intended, and walks over, ruffling at his hair.

At first, for about two seconds, Kihyun looks at Changkyun like he didn’t expect him to be there at all. But then, he smiles. One hand just slightly outstretched, fingers wiggling. “Come here, you weirdo.”

 _Come here_. Changkyun couldn’t even begin to try and describe his feelings towards the phrase.

Changkyun smiles, eyelids heavy as he walks towards Kihyun, stifling a yawn. “You’re… productive very early in the mornings.”

Kihyun takes his hand, fingers first, then palm and finally stops by Changkyun’s wrist, tugging slightly to lean closer and kiss his face. “Sometimes, I forget you didn’t know me before… well, before you showed up.” He rolls his eyes. “‘Productive mornings’ are like my two middle names.”

Changkyun smiles sleepily, closing his eyes as Kihyun kisses at his face.

 _He could get used to this_. Which is a ridiculous phrase; Changkyun would never, ever get used to this.

“I don’t mind, it looks delicious,” Changkyun hums. “Sorry I make you sleep late.”

Kihyun rubs his nose on Changkyun’s cheek. “Don’t worry… sometimes I need to sleep late, too.”

“Then you are _welcome_ ,” Changkyun says, willing his eyes open if only too look at Kihyun a bit longer. “Leaving for work?” Changkyun asks. There are only two places set, after all, and Hoseok would probably wake up soon.

“Yeah,” Kihyun mumbles, lingering just a bit longer before he gives a step back. “It’s still a bit early but…” He looks out the window, “I don’t wanna be here when Hoseok wakes up.”

“So you’re leaving _me_ with him?” Changkyun teases. “Because I clearly have the emotional maturity for it.”

Kihyun smiles, eyes still somewhere else. “Don’t sell yourself short. You deal with me.” He shrugs. “Plus, between the two of us, I’d say you’re the one he won’t mind having around right now.”

“Don’t sell yourself short either…” Changkyun frowns, following Kihyun’s eyes but finds nothing there. He brushes his fingers over Kihyun’s cheek. “What are you thinking about?”

Turning his face just slightly, Kihyun’s eyes move and lock with Changkyun’s. “You.”

Changkyun blinks, feeling the heat seep into his cheeks. “Wha-what about me?”

“Everything.”

Where his cheeks were warm, now they’re practically scalding. “I--Y-you--” Were words always this difficult? He remembers having a great grasp of language. From the beginning. Talked like someone from the eighteenth century, apparently. And Changkyun’s pretty sure he can speak _more_ than a few languages so what the _hell_ was his tongue doing getting knotted right in his mouth.

And Kihyun smiles again, small, face leaning into Changkyun’s touch. “I love you, too.”

“I’ll…” He undoes the knot. “I’ll never get tired of hearing that.” _Not waking up with you. Not wanting to kiss you. All of it._ “I love you. Come home and…” Changkyun laughs a little at himself but says it anyway. “We’ll work our way further down that list.”

Kihyun is smiling but still brings a hand to his face before he laughs. “And I’ll never get used to your honesty.” He laughs again, quietly. “But it’s one of the reasons why…”

Changkyun tilts his head. Kihyun had said it was him on his mind and _they don’t lie to each other_ but… “Why what?”

“Why I love you,” Kihyun says, tilting his head just a little before he looks away. “Say… would you still…” He frowns but it’s barely there. And then it softens and he looks back to Changkyun. “Nevermind.” He steps back again, away from Changkyun and gives a little stretch. “I should go. Please take care of him for me,” he says, nodding to towards the bedroom. “He’s a baby in an adult’s body, really.”

“He used me as a teddy bear,” Changkyun deadpans. “I am aware.”

“I want to be jealous,” Kihyun snorts, “but I can’t. It’s adorable, really. _Aaaannnnd,_ I never said this. Never.”

“I can’t keep track of all the things I’m not allowed to quote back at you,” Changkyun laughs.

Kihyun grabs his things from the cupboard and walks towards the entrance where he sits down to put his shoes on. _“And_ we just started dating… If you’re already losing track of things, you’ll forget everything in a month. Useless, useless,” he teases.

“You know,” Changkyun teases right back. “I was definitely joking. I have a very good memory…” He walks around to where Kihyun is kneeling, rocking back and forth from the pad of his foot to the heel. “I remember when I called you sexy and you almost broke a plate. I know we’ve, collectively, said ‘right’ sixty seven times. I remember the look you had when I told you the world spins under my feet whenever I look at you. I know I shouldn’t use the word ‘impenetrable’. I remember the look on your face when I visited you at work. I remember every sound you made when I...” Changkyun grins. “Well, I think I’ve said enough for now.”

And Changkyun knows he’d be able to see the red on Kihyun’s cheeks if he turned the light on. He knows because he can hear Kihyun's heartbeat.

“You,” Kihyun starts, giving one last tug at his laces before he gets back up. He’s looking down at his feet, but there’s a little smile on his face. “You always know what to say.” He shrugs one shoulder and looks up. “Can’t keep up with you, at all.”

Changkyun frowns at him, bemused. “Keep up with me?”

“It’s not a bad thing. I like it,” Kihyun says, the last words with a totally different tone, a brighter tone. A happy tone. _Happy_.

Their eyes meet again. And it’s just a second but it feels like forever and it tugs in that comforting way only Kihyun can. And then Kihyun steps closer and tiptoes just a little to kiss Changkyun’s forehead. His lips stay for a while, just long enough for Kihyun to take a deep breath before he steps back.

“See you later,” he says.

Changkyun smiles down and he’s not sure why he asks but he does. “Promise?”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder just before he closes the door. “Always.” And in the next second… he’s gone.

But Changkyun smiles, because he knows he’ll be back. He promised. _And_ Changkyun promised he’d take care of Hoseok. Hoseok who could be very many different things when he wakes up. Changkyun can’t even imagine what he must be feeling, how it must have felt…

He runs a hand through his hair and walks back to the bedroom. No use in Kihyun’s breakfast going to waste. He kneels by the bed and reaches out to shake Hoseok gently by the shoulder.

“Hey, Seokkie. Kihyun made breakfast,” Changkyun says, soft, voice turning to a sing-song. “ _Wake uuuuup_.”

And Hoseok makes a little noise, his puffed face scrunching just a little before he slowly starts opening his eyes. He takes his time. He doesn’t speak. He just… stares at Changkyun until his eyes glint a little glossy and he buries his face in the pillow.

“M--Mornin’,” he mumbles.

Changkyun wonders, then. It’s a different kind of warmth, seeing Hoseok like this. Kihyun calls him his best friend. And Changkyun understands the difference between platonic and romantic and while he wants to kiss Kihyun’s face all over, he just… wants Hoseok to smile. So Changkyun pokes at Hoseok’s torso, soft but there. “Sleep well? You clung to me like I was gonna run away.”

Hoseok groans and then rolls over the bed, kicking at the covers and stretching until he looks like starfish. “Sorry… about that.”

“You’re allowed, it’s okay,” Changkyun chirps. “Want some coffee? We need to go buy Kihyun a present, remember?”

“Kihyun,” Hoseok mumbles, eyes on the ceiling. He frowns and then sits up, looking around the room as if he’s seeing it for the first time. “Kihyun. He’s not here…”

Changkyun frowns softly. _Take care of him_. He shakes his head. “No, he went to work a bit early...  I’m here, though.”

“Oh,” Hoseok looks down to fidget with the loose strings of his sweater. “Yeah,” he huffs before he looks back up. “Yeah, sorry. I’m just…” And in a second he looks lost and sad and in the in the next he slaps his face with both hands and gives Changkyun a bright smile. “Busy day, busy say!”

It doesn’t feel right, but Changkyun nods, smiling back and getting up. It’ll be a long day, after all.

 

 

\---

 

 

Changkyun will never get used to the amount of color that assaults his eyes whenever they enter a supermarket, or any store, for that matter. It’s not bad but it’s not home.

“So,” Hoseok chirps, “Kihyun likes practical gifts. Things he can use.” Hoseok picks up a pack of razors from a shelf nearby and squints. “He’s a weirdo. I tried to be cute and romantic _once_ and he nagged for a month!”

Changkyun’s eyebrow quirks up, looking away from the shaving foams and deodorant. “You tried to be _romantic_? With Kihyun?”

Hoseok pouts and puts the pack of razors back in its respective place, “It’s a sad life for us hopeless romantics. There’s really no…” He pauses and then pouts even more “Sometimes I wanna be lovey-dovey, too! And Kihyun could be nice and indulge me. But if I ask for a hug, he rolls his eyes. If I try to give him meaningful presents, he nags. _‘Why would you waste money on something like this if it’s just going to sit there, staring at me and judging my lonely life’_ , he says.”

“He’s not lonely anymore…” Changkyun mumbles, sniffing at something. It doesn’t _smell_ like lavender but it says so on the bottle. “Maybe he’ll indulge you now. And, hey, I like hugs,” Changkyun smiles over his shoulder, and Hyungwon rolls his eyes from where he’s standing by a nearby shelf.

“Oh! Really?” Hoseok turns to him, smiling from ear to ear. “Hug?” He asks, arms open.

Something in the back of Changkyun’s head says _a bit odd in the middle of a supermarket_ (and it sounds just a bit like Kihyun), but another voice, his own, says _oh what the hell_ . Changkyun laughs and Hoseok is taller than Kihyun, stronger, so _what the hell_ , Changkyun thinks and jumps at Hoseok, laughing even as he does.

And Hoseok squeezes tight and lifts him just a little before he lets go. If Changkyun needed a word for this, it would be ‘squishy’.

“Two useless, _brainless_ idiots together,” Hyungwon mumbles as he walks by.

“Just ask, okay?” Changkyun laughs, reaching up to pat Hoseok on the head. “I love Kihyun, but I certainly am _not_ Kihyun.”

“Thank god,” Hoseok laughs. “Can you imagine? Two of him…”

“It’s what my nightmares are made of,” Hyungwon says from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Will he ever stop being creepy?

“Everything would be really, really clean,” Changkyun nods, in the same thought holding up a bottle of bathroom cleaner and not looking at Hyungwon. “Apparently this smells like lemons?”

“You like it?” Hoseok asks, eyes already on something else just ahead.

“Kihyun might…” Changkyun mumbles, but pouts and puts it back. “I’m his boyfriend, I’m supposed to know what the perfect present for him would be, right?”

Hoseok laughs and it sounds a little dry, not like his usual laugh. But the smile on his face looks bright, exactly the same. “You’ve known him for a few weeks. You’re not obligated to know everything about him.” He shrugs. “I’m sure he doesn’t know everything about you either.” And then his voice drops a little and the rest comes out as a mumble. “And sometimes even if you’ve known them for years, it still feels like you don’t know them at all…”

And there it is. That uneasy feeling. The one he wants to talk about, the one he knows Kihyun likes to push down, push away. “You know, I’ve only been around for a few weeks, and I’m learning new things about myself everyday… But sometimes it takes a bit longer to realise things...”

“About yourself?” Hoseok asks casually as he waves at Changkyun to get closer.

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, walking closer. “True about anyone, though.”

“Well,” Hoseok smirks and crosses his arms, tilting his head up a little. “What do you _know_ about this?”

Changkyun frowns and looks up and heat floods his cheeks alarmingly fast. His heart is very loud all of a sudden. “ _Uhm_ ,” Changkyun says intelligently. “ _That_ \--I mean--you use it for--” He buries his face in his hands. “Don’t look at me.”

“I have been possessed with the sudden urge to see your face,” Hyungwon says right next to him. “Aw, baby demon is all shy…”

Changkyun groans for full measure. “Shut up…”

Because these _things_ in front of him are doing a pretty effective job of planting images in his head that he didn’t _ask_ for. That he feels mildly guilty about thinking. Should he be asking Kihyun if he can think about him like that?

His cheeks get even hotter and he groans again.

“Again,” Hoseok giggles, “here’s something else I don’t know about Kihyun,” he gestures at the (possibly) twenty different types of condoms and lube in front of them. “And I don’t know if I’m happy that I don't know or sad because I’m failing as a best friend.”

Changkyun peeks through his fingers. “You’re sad because you don’t know which _condoms_ he likes?” Changkyun shivers. Images, _stop it_.

“I’ve never been more glad for being able to read souls instead of minds,” Hyungwon mutters and Changkyun glares to the side for a moment.

“This,” Hoseok moves his finger around, “well, I _can_ help you but you’ll need to _think_ of what you already _know_ about him.”

“He’s really ready to give the Talk to a demon, huh…”

That voice reminds him that this is _a bit odd in the middle of a supermarket._ “Well…” Changkyun lets his hands fall, face red. “It’s definitely a… practical gift.”

“And it’ll make you both happy!” Hoseok chirps.

“Depends. I have my theories,” Hyungwon shrugs. “One of them defends the possibility of Kihyun being _reeeeeaaaally baaaaad in--”_

“So!” Hoseok speaks over him, “Have fun, I’ll turn my face, er, over there,” He points at nothing, really, absolutely nothing.

“You’re paying for it anyway, so dignity be damned…” Changkyun grumbles, walking up to the shelf and snatching something to look at it in closer detail. He blushes a bit more. “Uhm. Which… Which way would, uhm.” He scrunches his face up, _images, images, images._ Changkyun doesn’t even know who’s going to be _wearing_ the damn thing. _Ah, more images!_

“D’you have questions?” Hoseok asks, he’s not looking but he’s smirking.

“It doesn’t matter!” Changkyun squeaks, tossing the little bottle into the trolley. “Which way he--eii-either way, it doesn’t matter--” _Shut up, Changkyun!_

“Strawberry flavoured?” Hyungwon asks curiously, bending slightly to look into the trolley and Changkyun smacks him on the arm. “For whose benefit, I wonder…” Hyungwon shivers. “God, why am I here again.”

Changkyun crosses his arm, glares at the shelf. They’re all just colorful boxes. There’s a lot of _potential_ to said boxes but Changkyun… He points at one, looking over at Hyungwon as if asking a question.

And Hyungwon, despite the initial look of disgust on his face, cocks one eyebrow up and smirks a little. “Depends on how much you wanna feel. Or want him to feel,” He shrugs and looks away with a cough, almost as if he’s embarrassed. “Thin. I recommend thin.”

Changkyun looks and sees it and quickly grabs it to throw it in the trolley. And thinks. And throws in another box. And another bottle. “There. Done. Don’t look at me.”

“Not looking,” Hoseok laughs. “Come on, let’s buy lunch too, since we’re here.”

Changkyun moves after Hoseok, pushing the trolley in his own embarrassment. And he’s not! It’s not like he’s embarrassed of _it_ , of Kihyun, of… well, wanting to, so _what the hell_. But Hyungwon stays behind. And Changkyun only notices the lack of annoying comments once he’s already a few steps ahead.

He looks back over his shoulder and bites the inside of his cheek and calls towards Hoseok, “Go find something, I wanna…” he blushes. “Look around a bit more.”

“Oh,” Hoseok turns to him, blinking and then smirking. “Alright.” And as he turns to walk away, Changkyun still hears; “Lucky, lucky Kihyun. If only everyone was _this_ enthusiastic…”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, pushing the trolley back to where Hyungwon is, and tries to look… casual. The lube stares back. “Hey,” Changkyun says. “We… haven’t talked about you yet but I’m sure he’ll…” Changkyun bites at his lip. _Is he sure? Would Changkyun himself be okay again if this happened to him?_

Hyungwon shifts a little, “Don’t worry. Not about me, at least.” He looks up and sighs. “Hoseok and Kihyun need to talk. That’s all. And… you and Kihyun might have to…” He slowly looks back down and then meets Changkyun’s eyes. “He didn’t tell you, did he?”

“Tell me what?” Changkyun asks, trying not to look _too_ curious, or too concerned.

Hyungwon shrugs one shoulder and looks away. “It’s not… my business. Sorry. I shouldn’t say anything. Shouldn’t have said anything. Anyway, I need to go.”

Changkyun flounders internally. “No, no, no, Hyungwon, what is it, what didn’t he tell me?”

“Changkyun, do you…” Hyungwon trails off and then scrunches his nose. Like he’s struggling with himself. Like he can’t find the right words. “I can’t. Sorry.” He starts looking around. “It’s not something… bad. At least, I hope it’s not. But…” Hyungwon sighs, troubled, eyes down again and then up again and then on Changkyun’s slightly wide ones. “I’ll see you later. Take care of him for me. I… am trusting you with my heart, here.”

Changkyun’s hand grips at the trolley and he swallows, glancing once more at where Hyungwon had just been.

_He didn’t tell you, did he?_

But… _But._ Changkyun hadn’t told Kihyun about Hyungwon. They promised they wouldn’t lie and… and Changkyun trusts him. He nods to himself because he knows he does. He trusts Kihyun, even if he didn’t tell him something, even if he’d looked miles away this morning…

Changkyun pushes the trolley and takes steady breaths as he looks for Hoseok, like a way to distract himself, maybe. And just as he turns into the next aisle, the two of them almost bump into each other.

“Oh, hey!” Hoseok says cheerfully, “They were out of pork so I got us the chicken bentos!” His smile fades a little as he speaks. “Is… is everything okay?”

“Mm?” Changkyun looks up, blinks. “Oh, uhm, yeah, I’m just… Nervous.” _Not a lie_.

Hoseok chuckles as he carefully places the bentos inside the trolley. “Can I ask what about?” He shrugs. “If it’s about, uhm, well…” He lowers his voice and whispers, _“Sex_ , you really don’t need to stress. ”

 _Well, that wasn’t it but while we’re on the subject…_ “I… don’t? I mean, uhm,” Changkyun laughs nervously, scratching at the back of his neck. “Maybe a little...”

“Please,” Hoseok smiles again. “I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. You could be really bad at it--which, and believe me, I can _tell_ , you’re not-- and Kihyun would still…” He trails off, gesturing around the air. And when words seem to fail him, Hoseok sighs. “It’s you. That’s what counts the most.”

Changkyun looks down, blushes at the floor. “Thanks… Although, I mean, you did bake that cake for a reason, right?” Changkyun laughs, looking away. “Can’t be _too_ bad…”

Hoseok throws his head back and laughs, boisterous and real. “Told you, _I can tell._ ” His features soften then and he tugs at the trolley, pointing forward with his head. “Is he gone?” Hoseok asks softly.

Changkyun’s eyes widen and his head snaps up. _No way_. “What?”

Hoseok smiles and it looks a little sad. “I can’t see him but… I know. And it makes sense... Why sometimes I’d hear you talk on your own when you thought I wasn’t listening.”

Changkyun’s shoulders slump. “Oh… Yeah, he just left. Told me to take care of his heart.” He breathes out a laugh. “Helped me choose--” He gestures to the trolley and all its sinful contents. “Those.”

And Hoseok laughs when he looks at the condoms. “Of course he did.” He breathes out and it sounds a little shaky. “Sorry. I… I’m still trying to…” He breathes again and shakes his head. “Anyway, good choice, good choice.”

Changkyun reaches over, squeezes at Hoseok’s arm. “Do you want… I mean, do you want to _not_ pretend he’s not here? I don’t know how you want to deal with this.”

Hoseok stops and looks down. His lower lip trembles a little so he bites it. “I… I have so many questions, Kyun… I want to,” He breathes, “I want to ask, I want to kick Kihyun in the ass and then hug him even if he nags and I have _so many questions…_ And… I want to see _him._ But,” He looks back up, “I know I can’t have everything I want, not all at once. It’s not… it’s not just me and I know that. It’s me, you, Ki and… and Hyungwon…” He sobs a little when he says Hyungwon’s name but stops himself before it turns into another sob, wipes furiously at his eyes and swallows it down. “Just… don’t keep me in the dark, please…”

“Okay, yeah, I can do that,” Changkyun soothes, walking around the trolley to put an arm around Hoseok as much as he can. “No lying. Just… tell me if there’s anything I can do, okay?” Changkyun smiles, squeezing a little as his heart itself squeezes in his chest.

“I’m a big boy,” Hoseok laughs, “I can deal with my own feelings. Have been doing so for a long time. But… yeah.” He tilts his head and smiles despite the little tears hanging on his lashes. “Thank you!”

Changkyun laughs softly, patting at Hoseok’s back. “No problem. I’ll tell you every snide comment Hyungwon feels is necessary to say out loud.”

“Is he giving you trouble?” Hoseok asks, brightly, as he starts pushing the trolley again.

“Nah,” Changkyun waves off, feeling his chest lighten just a tad. “He’s oddly helpful, in his own way. Calls me Kihyun’s pet, though. Could do without that.”

Hoseok laughs out loud again. “You know…” He laughs again, eyes cast down, smile growing wider as he speaks. “When everything happened, four years ago, I… I was so shaken I made a pact with myself to mourn silently. We never really talked about it, Kihyun and I. And, in a way, I think I… I hurt myself by keeping everything hidden, only because I thought I had to smile. And in turn I hurt Kihyun because I made him feel like he had to do the same for me. So, I’m really, really glad he met you. Because you helped him. And in turn, Kihyun helped me,” Hoseok kicks an invisible rock and laughs again. “So, thank you for helping Kihyun when I couldn’t. And thank you for helping me, too.”

 _Because you helped him_. Changkyun nods and smiles, slowly. “I don’t know much, but… I know that you need to allow yourself to feel. But feeling doesn’t always mean good, but it’s better than the alternative…”

_You’ll feel your ribs break with a fall, feel fear like you’ve never known, but you’ll also feel the gentle touch of the person you love._

“So, what is he?” Hoseok looks to Changkyun, smile wide and eyes glinting with a naive curiosity that makes Changkyun smile wider, too. “A ghost?”

“No,” Changkyun laughs softly. “No, he’s not, he’s a Reaper. Which isn’t _necessarily_ all that bad. Ghosts are tricky, being what Hyungwon is is more of a choice than just having a lost soul.”

Hoseok hums, “I see. Sounds a lot like him,” he chirps, smiling to himself and then giggling a little. “So, a demon, a Reaper… and Kihyun.” He blinks and then looks to Changkyun again. “Kihyun is not a demon, too, is he?”

Changkyun giggles, waving his hand dismissively. “Kihyun? No, no, he’s, like,” Changkyun lets his hand drop. “Clean...” He clears his throat. “You look at him, and he looks back with clean eyes.”

“Ah! I think I know what you mean. You know!” Hoseok grabs Changkyun’s arm. He’s suddenly a lot more excited than usual. “When we were little--like around this size--” Hoseok brings his hand down to his hips and waves “Hyungwon was always getting in trouble. And I was a useless child, creative, mind you, but really, I just wanted to play all the time. And when the other kids made fun of me or tried to pick fights with Hyungwon, Kihyun would always kick their asses!” He gestures around, “Can you imagine? A kid this size, beating other kids up to defend his friends.”

Changkyun’s heart warms, because, “Yeah,” he smiles at the image. “Yeah, I can… You know, we talked, yesterday, about, well, the boyfriend thing but he also... ” Changkyun clears his throat. “He said, ‘ _If I find a way to help then I will’_. He feels… I don’t know, guilty. Guilty and I think, useless.” Changkyun winces, shaking his head. “Stupid…”

Hoseok nods. “I’m not surprised. Kihyun has always been the proactive type. You can imagine what it feels like to lose control of your life. And…” He chuckles. “I think… he looks up to you, in a way. He respects you. You… make him want to, I think, take the reins back. The more you do for him, the more he will want to do for you.” He shrugs. “Look at us, I tried to befriend him because he was small and cute and had the cutest round face, and now I’m stuck with a second mother.” He jokes. “Care and _you’ll get ‘care’ in return_ , is what he says every time, with that stupid little frown of his.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes and pushes the trolley. “Yeah, I’ve heard that…” Changkyun tilts his head. “You keep mentioning Kihyun when he was a kid and I keep trying to imagine it. Then again, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine the pink hair if you hadn’t showed me.” Distract. He knows he’s trying to distract from… _He respects you_. Kihyun would hit him if he brought it up again, but it’s not difficult to feel dim when standing next to the sun. He shakes his head at himself. Insecurity is so terribly human.

“Wanna see?” Hoseok says around a smirk, phone already in hand.

Insecurity forgotten, Changkyun darts forward. “Show me show me show me.”

Hoseok pulls away just a little to smile like a… a little demon. “What do I get in return? You know Kihyun will kill me if he finds out, right?”

“Aw, why,” Changkyun pouts. “First I can’t look at his selcas--”

“Fine, fine,” Hoseok taps on his phone and then turns it around his hand, almost shoving it in Changkyun’s face. “Look!” He squeaks. “Cute! Baby Ki! Look at the cheeks!”

Changkyun takes the phone and stares at the picture as his heart turns itself inside out. “Oh my god.” He looks some more. “He looks--” Soft. Cute. Absolutely _freaking_ adorable. “The same.”

Hoseok throws his head back to laugh really, really loud. “Oh boy, yes! Yes, he looks the same.” He takes the phone from Changkyun’s hands. “I’ll send this to you, but don’t tell him!”

Changkyun laughs. “I promise.” And he remembers that his phone is a thing that exists, and fishes it out of his pocket. The picture they had taken what feels like ages ago looks up at him and he smiles, before frowning at-- “Oh, that’s new,” he beams, opening the messages. Messages! From Kihyun!

Kihyun  
So I don’t know why I’m texting you  
WHEN I COULD JUST CALL YOU but  
Is everything okay? Is Hoseok okay?  
Trying not to stress over here!!!  
YOU SPEND HOURS ON YOUR PHONE  
HOW COME YOU’RE NOT LOOKING AT IT THE MOMENT I NEED YOU TO  
Fml  


Changkyun laughs a little to himself. “Cute… Hey, what does ‘fml’ mean?”

Hoseok looks up from his own phone. “Oh, uh… fuck my life?” He smiles. “Sent, by the way. Three baby pictures, one pink hair little dwarf and… a bonus for you. You’re welcome.”

He sees the messages from Hoseok, but types a reply to Kihyun first.

Hoseok’s taken me shopping… again  
We talked. He’s not completely okay but I think he will be  


And the reply is almost immediate.

 

Kihyun  
!!!!!!!!!  
You replied! I am actually astonished right now  
Astonished face  
Anyway I’m leaving work a tad earlier than usual  
There’s something I need to do  
And then home  
I’ll see you there?  
I can’t wait  
(Purple Heart )  


_He didn’t tell you, did he?_ Changkyun pauses for a moment, and then opens the pictures Hoseok had sent him and lets a breath out he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. And then scrolls to the end and sucks it right back in again.

“Uhm.” Changkyun coughs. He coughs again. _Seriously, what is that in his throat?_ “What is this?”

Hoseok pulls at the trolley and stops near the self-checkout. He blinks at Changkyun’s phone and smiles cheekily. “He modeled. _Once._ For our sportswear line. Took me a whole month of convincing and a few trips to the nearest fried chicken place. Looks good, huh?”

Changkyun stares at the picture. It… It’s Kihyun, but it… It looks… He swallows. “I… I Hope we bought enough condoms.”

Hoseok laughs out loud, wobbling a little when he does. “Y--You’re welcome!”

Changkyun texts in a haze.

Hey Kihyun?  
Kihyun  
????  
You’re unbearably sexy  
Don’t be late  
Kihyun  
????????????????????????????????????  
Like I said  
I can’t wait  
(Winking Face )  
Kihyun  
Hoseok… I am going to kill Hoseok  
WHAT DID HE SHOW YOU  
You know what Idc  
Keep it whatever it is  
Gtg, ttyl  


A few seconds pass and…

 

Kihyun  
Me too  


 

“Come on,” Hoseok says with a nudge at Changkyun's arm. “There’s something else I need to go buy.”

Changkyun cocks an eyebrow. “For Kihyun?”

Hoseok winks. “For you both.”

 

 

\---

 

 

Kihyun shoves his phone back into his pocket and breathes out sharply through his nose. The train’s automated announcement for the next stop sounds and Kihyun gets up from his seat, stumbling a little when the carriage gives a sudden bounce.

“You know,” Hyungwon starts, “If you fall, I’ll laugh.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and speaks between gritted teeth. “I told you to stop talking to me in public.”

“I know,” Hyungwon laughs. “Because you can’t talk back. That honestly might be the best part.”

The train slows to a stop and Kihyun presses the round button to open the doors. He’s starting to regret this. He should’ve just come on his own. Then again, he wouldn’t know where to go. Could’ve asked Hyungwon for a map. Talks a lot less, if at all.

“So, which exit?” He mumbles. “Right? Left? South?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes and starts walking, hands in his pockets. “Just follow me. I can at least take you to the driveway.”

“Wait. You’re not… going with me? As in…” Kihyun slows his pace. _As in…_ he’s going alone? _Oh, come on, Kihyun you were just musing about coming on your own._

Hyungwon rolls his shoulders. “I’ll ask him to put away the Reaper Repellent, but he might not budge. Just a warning.”

“Oh, _great_.” Kihyun says sarcastically. “So, not a friend. Just… someone.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes to look at Kihyun. “I don’t make a habit of talking to people who could kill me…” Hyungwon sighs. “He’s _nice_. You’ll see. Stop fretting.”

Kihyun shoves his hands in his coat pockets. “I will, won't I… Not fretting… just...” He looks around the train station and then up the stairs. Hyungwon is already two steps ahead. “Thought you couldn’t die. Aren’t you already dead?”

“He has a lot of books,” Hyungwon grumbles. “Dunno what’s in those things… Loopholes. _Diagrams_. I don’t know!” Hyungwon throws his hands up. “Still a soul, aren’t I!”

Kihyun frowns and looks at his shoes as he climbs the last flight of stairs. “Didn’t mean to offend…”

“You didn’t,” Hyungwon shivers slightly. “Seers puts me on edge. With their tarot cards and _guns_ ,” he grumbles, glancing over. “Forget I said guns.”

Kihyun stops to gape. “I’ve… never seen you like this.” And… _guns?!_ He takes a step forward and then another until he’s fallen into pace. “If you’re scared…” He shivers. There’s so much he doesn’t know. “Kyunie… I guess this must have been how he felt when he came here, to… Earth…? I mean… This? Everything feels… weird and out of reach. And the moment I start getting used to something, something else gets thrown in the way and… ugh.”

“Pretty sure that’s exactly how he felt,” Hyungwon says, sighing. “I’m not _scared_. I’m…” Hyungwon looks away. “I have things to ask him, too, and there are things I want the answers to be, and they could… not be, so I’m just,” Hyungwon looks over. “Feeling probably exactly what you are.”

“I don’t know what I’m feeling, to be honest,” Kihyun mumbles. He crosses the ticket barriers and frowns at how Hyungwon just… _literally_ goes through them. “I guess being dead has its perks,” he adds to himself.

The sky is cloudy, but it hasn’t rained since yesterday. _Rain._ Kihyun wonders if he should bring it up. If he should ask. After all, no one’s mentioned what happened yesterday yet. And Kihyun doesn’t feel like taking the first step on this one.

“Did you tell Kyunie?” He asks instead.

“No,” Hyungwon says quickly, and then laughs. “There were other things, but no, I didn’t tell him you’re on your way to a… demon hunting seer. That you’re not human.”

“Okay, yeah, thanks…” Kihyun looks down. _Not human..._ “T--Thanks. He would worry and… I don’t want him to worry unless it’s extremely necessary.” He looks back up. “I guess I’ll have to tell him later, though.” He pauses when his brain clicks, eyes moving to Hyungwon. “What ‘other things’ did you tell him?”

Hyungwon snorts a laugh. “You like strawberries, right?”

Kihyun frowns. “Yeah?”

“There you go, then,” Hyungwon says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Don’t worry about it, Kihyun. Sometimes you can’t just _Google_.”

“Wha-- _Ohmygod.”_ Kihyun brings his hands to his face. “What… Ugh. Now I get it…” _So that’s what he meant…_ “Why am I friends with you, people… Why do you bother me! You’re dead!” He whines to himself. “I’m going to kill Hoseok…”

“Oh, please, Kihyun, that man sincerely only has your best interests at heart,” Hyungwon says and tries not to laugh. “Whatever those interests may be…”

Kihyun sighs into his hands and then looks up. He doesn’t want to ask. He really doesn’t want to bring it up but… “Do you think he’s mad?”

Hyungwon frowns. “What, that Hoseok bought him an outrageous amount of lube? I don’t _think_ so.”

“That’s!” Kihyun punches Hyungwon’s arm, still surprised when it hits _(it hurts too, noodle arms my ass!)_ , “That’s not--Wait. What?” He shakes his head. “Why is everyone suddenly so interested in my sex life?”

“Oh, Kihyun,” Hyungwon scoffs. “We don’t talk about things that don’t exist. _But_ …”

“You and Hoseok will rot in hell…” Kihyun grumbles between gritted teeth and shoves his hands back in his pockets. Suddenly, that red scarf on his neck feels too warm.

Hyungwon gestures to the side with his head. “This way, you idiot. We’re… almost there. If you need some more time to decide whether you want to top or bo--” The drink can Kihyun kicks his way passes right through him. “Nice try.”

“People need to stop throwing trash all over the place,” Kihyun says, glaring at the old can. He picks it up and runs a little to drop it in the trash can just a few feet ahead. He smiles when he hears the little clink of metal when he scores inside. “Anyway, that’s not what I meant. I was asking if… If Hoseok is mad at me. Or… you. If you are.”

Hyungwon sighs. “Kihyun. And I swear to God and Satan and that damn mutt at the gates of Hell and whatever else you want, this will be the only time I give you any sort of self-satisfaction, _but_ ,” he looks at Kihyun, a light yellow glint in his eyes. “You have nothing to feel guilty about. So stop it.”

Kihyun blinks and then looks down. His shoulders feel slightly lighter when he rolls them. “Okay.” He breathes out and then looks around. Time to deflect because now he feels awkward. “I’ve never been to this part of town.”

Hyungwon frowns at the houses as they pass, at the white picket fences and the well-kept mailboxes. “Not unless you and Ch-- _Kyunie_ plan on raising two point five children and three dogs, I can’t say why you would come here.” Hyungwon stops by a house with flourishing hyacinthus bushes. There’s no house number on the mailbox, and there’s an old muscle car parked in the driveway. All the windows are shuttered and there’s a rotor sprinkler on the lawn. “This, amazingly, is it.”

Kihyun looks around, frowning more as he takes everything in. “Not exactly what I was expecting. Again, I don't know what I was expecting…” He shifts from one foot to the other, suddenly feeling a lot less nervous. “Looks like someone's grandma lives here.”

Hyungwon scoffs, leaning in. “That’s because you’re not seeing what I am. This place looks like the Vegas strip of demon wards.”

 _Demon wards? That's a thing, too?_ “So, let's say I brought Kyunie with me…”

“He’d be running into the supernatural equivalent of a brick wall,” Hyungwon chuckles. “Tempting, actually.”

Kihyun chuckles. “I don't know why but I imagine that would be quite funny to witness.” He takes a deep breath.

Is he ready? Nope. Not really. There is a strange safety around the lack of knowledge regarding everything that's happening to him, to them. But not knowing won't help him, help _them_ move forward. Not knowing is the easy route and it might get them killed in the long run.

Plus, Kihyun needs to know. He needs to know his role so he can play his part. Otherwise…

“So now what?” He asks. “Are you coming with?”

Hyungwon grunts. “Yeah. Fucker took down the Reaper warding. Told you I told him we were coming…”

Kihyun touches the rusty fence, pokes it a few times. “Is there a… Kihyun ward? I sincerely hope not.”

Hyungwon laughs. “Run, see if you bounce back.”

“You'd love that, wouldn't you?” Kihyun says, rolling his eyes. “But oh well. I'm all about tradition. Dead guy first,” he adds, dramatically gesturing towards the house.

“Wuss,” Hyungwon says, walking through the fence and down the pathway.

“I call it self-preservation,” Kihyun chirps in his own defense just a few feet behind. The fence screeches as it opens and then closes and Kihyun grimaces at the sound. He's still shivering, goosebumps all over, by the time he catches up to Hyungwon. “Weird atmosphere.”

“Yeah, I get what you mean,” Hyungwon frowns, up, down, left. “Like we just walked in one door and out on another continent. Probably the warding.” He stops by the door. “You’re gonna have to knock.”

And then the door opens.

“Hi,” a man says, and Kihyun remembers Hyungwon using the words ‘beef steak’ and god forbid, KIhyun has to agree. “Been expecting you.” He holds out a pack of cards between the three of them. “Hold this real quick, I have cookies in the oven.”

Kihyun blinks, holding the pack of cards with both hands and then looking to Hyungwon with questioning eyes. Because, obviously, this isn’t… this is not what he expected at all. If he expected anything at all.

The man walks back into the house, “Close the door, would you!” and disappears into the kitchen.

“Shownu,” Hyungwon gestures between the two of them as if the man _was_ still there, speaking almost under his breath. “Meet my friend here. Yes, we would like to come in. No, I’m _not_ uncomfortable at all.”

Kihyun takes a step in and it looks like two worlds pressed together. The couch, for instance, has probably the worst floral pattern Kihyun has ever seen ( _someone’s grandma_ has _to live here, surely_ ) but on the cushions, there’s an enormous crossbow. Different sizes of bookcases clustered with old, leather bound books, trinkets Kihyun couldn’t identify even at gunpoint, and--is that a _skull?!_ It doesn’t… look human.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Hyungwon follows him in, looking down at the persian carpets. “So not just a grandma, a _psychic_ grandma who hunts on the weekends.”

Kihyun breathes in and… cookies, was it? He looks down at the pack of cards in his hands. “And a practical witch, too…”

“I’ll be right with you!” Shownu calls from the kitchen. “There’s a table, feel free to sit down and--” he pokes his head out of the kitchen. “Kihyun. Put as many cards as you feel you have to face down on the table.” He smiles, eyes in crinkly crescents, and ducks back in.

Kihyun shoots Hyungwon a look. Because-- _Wow!_ He is _officially_ freaked out! “You told him my name?” He hisses lowly, walking towards the table anyway because god knows what will happen if he doesn’t.

“No!” Hyungwon hisses back. “Did you miss the slightly psychic part of my explanation?!”

“Oh, no!” Kihyun gritts out, slowly picking a card from the pack and _managing_ to avoid slamming it face down over the table. “I _am_ a professional! I _know_ you meant that in the literal sense of the word!” He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Been doing this for so long, too!”

“Ugh!” Hyungwon grunts, falling down onto a chair by the table. “You wanted answers! Pick some damn cards!”

“I am!” Kihyun says a tad louder, this time actually slamming two other cards down. “What does _this_ have to do with that, though?” He places another card face down. “Is he going to read my future?”

Hyungwon points at the kitchen. “He’s the psychic,” he points at himself. “Not me! I don’t know!”

“Do you guys want some tea?” Shownu calls from the kitchen, and Hyungwon throws his hands up. Kihyun just startles and lets two other cards fall over the table, luckily face down.

“I…” Is the tea mystical as well? _What hell is going on!_ “I… tea.” He manages, frowning at his own caveman-like language. “Tea, please!” He corrects after clearing his throat.

“Right!” There’s some movement in the kitchen, the clinking of crockery. “Sorry, Hyungwon, forgot you were dead.”

Hyungwon blinks, looks at Kihyun. “I like him.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath, finally placing the last two cards over the table. And something in the back of his mind says ‘another’, and he does. Places it to the side of the eight already there and places the pack down and tugs at his scarf, slowly loosening the knot at the front.

He drags a chair and sits down, shrugging his coat off and then finally pulling his scarf down, too. “Of course you do,” he mutters to himself, a slightly belated response to Hyungwon’s statement. He taps his finger over the table, eyes searching the room. It really feels strange... A thick atmosphere but not… not _uncomfortable_ , really.

Shownu walks in, putting a small plate of cookies on the edge of the table, a cup of tea in front of Kihyun and glancing at the cards. Kihyun looks at him again, and he looks… Probably like a demon hunter? He’s as bulky as Hoseok, as tall as Hyungwon. Could probably be intimidating if not for the apron. Which he undoes, throws over the chair and sits down to smile at them.

Kihyun can’t help the polite little smile. He eyes Hyungwon again, quick, and then the cards before he sets his eyes on the tea in front of him. It smells like… “Green tea. Matcha?” He asks, glancing up.

Shownu nods, leaning forward to rest his arms, crossed on the table. “You still like it, right?”

Kihyun smiles but his eyes are searching for the exit button. “Y--Yeah… it’s… my favorite…” He suddenly wishes he could teleport the way Changkyun does. The way Hyungwon does. Alas, his only power is flicking like a stupid flashlight on low batteries.

Shownu reaches over, flips the first card in front of him. “The Chariot. Fantasy, pride,” he says. “Hyungwon said you had questions about what you are?”

“Y---Yes, I’m…” Kihyun looks to Hyungwon first and then down, thumbing the side of his cup and frowning at how hot it feels. “I know, _I think,_ I’m not… very human…” He breathes out a laugh. “If that makes any sense…”

Shownu laughs, low, gesturing to the skull on his bookshelf. “That’s from a vampire. A den I found under a nightclub in the middle of Gangnam. It’s okay, you know,” Shownu flips another card, smile faltering slightly. “To be scared.” He turns the card on its side and mumbles, “The Moon. Fear, danger.”

Kihyun flinches but he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t… _know_ what that means. So, he smiles again, small and soft. Careful. “So, vampires are a thing, too… Huh.” He’s not too sure how to process that information.

“They’re very rare,” Shownu assures. “And mostly passive. I wouldn’t be too worried,” he leans over, turns over another card. “The Hanged Man. Sloth.”

“Disgusting things,” Hyungwon mumbles. And Kihyun thinks he’s starting to understand where this is going, or coming from.

Shownu laughs lightly. “They are! I’m glad they’re rare, otherwise they’d be really annoying to get rid of.” Shownu flips another card. Kihyun notes he’s working his way up, down. Like they’re connected. “Nine of Swords.” Shownu looks up. “Nightmares.”

For three sleepless nights and all the others he didn’t spend with Changkyun. He gets it, he thinks. It makes sense, he thinks. And it scares him, too.

Pride. _‘So what’s in there? Rat poison?’, ‘Pride’._

Danger. _‘I have to protect you_.’

Sloth. _‘I WANTED TO WAIT! NOT NOW! MINE!’_

Nightmares. _‘You can control the voices, stop them. They’re only dreams, Kihyun. It’s okay.’_

“Go on,” Kihyun says, eyes stuck on the next card. His heart is beating so loud he can almost hear the uneven rhythm.

Shownu smiles, small, sympathetic. He flips the next two cards at the same time. “The Knight of Cups, inversed. Jealousy, envy.” And Shownu doesn’t have to read the other one. Because just as he flips it, Kihyun says--

“The Lovers…” And his heartbeat slows down a little. _‘Not a sunrise. Maybe a sunset.’_

“Nine of Cups, reversed,” Shownu says next, “Gluttony.” And his hand stops over the next card. And he slowly turns it to the side before turning it around. “Death.”

And Kihyun’s heart sinks. And he feels it, a familiar panic run up from the depths of his mind. But just before he can do something about it, quell it, keep it from showing, Hyungwon does what Hyungwon does best;

“Present,” he says, raising his hand and waving it around.

Shownu scoffs. “I want to indulge you on that one, but Death is a very misleading card.” He glances at Kihyun. “It means letting go of the past... Meaningful change,” he smiles softly. “It’s okay, Kihyun. He’s not going anywhere.”

Kihyun looks down and blinks. Why does he suddenly feel like crying? If he talks in the next two seconds, he might. So, he nods instead of saying something.

“You’ve touched light recently, haven’t you?” Shownu asks but he’s not talking to Kihyun. “You still glimmer a bit.”

Hyungwon shrugs one shoulder. “They don’t sell sunglasses _or_ sunscreen, for that matter, anywhere near my usual stops.”

“Touched,” Shownu repeats. “Not seen.”

It takes Hyungwon a while longer than usual to reply. “Might’ve… That might’ve happened, yes. The other way around, though.” He looks to Kihyun and nods. “He touched me, more than once, too. I didn’t think that was possible. It shouldn’t be possible.”

Shownu hums, slowly gathering the cards on the table. All except the last one that he hadn’t turned yet. He holds them, flashes the Lovers card at Hyungwon. “I wasn’t talking about Kihyun.”

“Oh,” is all Hyungwon says, eyes shifting between Shownu and Kihyun, like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

Shownu slowly slides the plate of cookies across the table towards Kihyun. “They’re fresh out of the oven. Don’t feel obligated, but they are, objectively, amazing.”

And it’s not like he feels obligated but it’s _polite_ to accept at least one, so Kihyun takes a cookie and gives a small bite. His eyes widen instantly and he looks up. “Lemon!”

“The pet was right…” Hyungwon mumbles to himself, shifting in his seat.

Shownu smiles, almost apologetic. “You came here for answers and I’ve been reading your tarot. There’s… truth in it, and helps me zero in on your aura, so to speak, but it’s not exactly the answers you were looking for.”

Kihyun blinks and shoves the rest of the cookie in his mouth, pushing it to the side to speak, “Wha’does that mean?” He munches, suddenly (ugh, he can’t believe cookies and tea have that effect on him) feeling a lot more comfortable and at ease. “You don’t know?” He gestures to himself. “What’s wro--I mean, what I am?”

“I might have an idea,” Shownu says, pushing the chair back as he gets up to walk across the room and open a drawer. “You only have the one parent, yes? Father? Righteous man. A preacher, reverend?”

Kihyun’s heart speeds up again, he only notices his hands have turned to fists when his palm hurts as his nails dig into the skin. “Y--Yes.” He’s not going to ask how Shownu knows about that. “A--Also a fan of drinking,” he adds. “As the years passed…”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Shownu says sincerely, and it’s quiet, until he places a small box on the table in front of Kihyun.

Kihyun looks between him and the box. “He said… once, when I rounded the courage to ask, he told me my mother left when I was just a baby.” He slides his hands under the table and nervously scratches at his legs over his jeans. “It’s… it’s got something to do with that, doesn’t it? With her…”

Shownu nods where he stands next to him. “I think so, yes. Do understand this is something I’ve only ever read about, but there is one way to know for certain,” Shownu says, gesturing to the box. “Inside is a relic. Well, part of one. A small piece from the sword of Michael. Forged in the heart of our own sun,” Shownu smiles, puts a hand on Kihyun’s shoulder. “If I’m right, you can, well, touch it. It’ll react to your soul.”

Hyungwon gets up, vanishing from where he was and reappearing by Kihyun’s other side. “And if you’re wrong…?”

“It’ll burn like a bitch.”

“G--Great thing I heal faster than a bitch…” Kihyun breathes out.

He takes another breath just in case and opens the box. It’s not… exactly what he expected. Again, a lot of things are not like he expects them to be. It’s small, looks sharp and there’s a slight nuance to the colors it reflects. Kihyun blinks once and it shines gold in his eyes. And once he blinks again he sees blue reflections all over the room.

And it…

“It sings,” he mumbles.

It’s soft, quiet, almost silent, but it’s there. And this time he hears it in his right ear, a whisper. And past that whisper a song. A beautiful song. A powerful song. And Kihyun needs to backtrack before he loses himself in it.

He blinks, hand hovering over the sparkling shard and--

“Wait!” Hyungwon grabs at his wrist. And it sends a little electric current up Kihyun’s arm. “Wait…” Hyungwon huffs and then looks to Kihyun, eyes yellow and intense. “If you do this… and it’s… you can’t go back, you know that right? There’s only forward after this.”

 _Forward_. Kihyun is not sure of what it means. It makes him anxious, yes. A little afraid, too, if he thinks about it too much. But he knows it’s the only choice he can live with. Thinking of the present while moving forward.

“I know,” he says, feeling Hyungwon’s hold around his wrist slowly begin to loosen up. “But that’s the whole point, isn’t it?”

Hyungwon lets go. “If you’re sure…”

“I am,” Kihyun says, turning to the box again, eyes on the shard. And the truth is, he isn’t. But he needs to believe that he is.

And again, it’s not what Kihyun expects. His fingertips touch the edge of that crystal clear shard and his right ear rings like his left does when demons are up and about. He winces a little, shoulder coming up in reflex, like someone just poked his neck. But it doesn’t burn. It doesn’t burn when he slides his fingers over the shard, it doesn’t burn when he grabs the shard, it doesn’t burn when he brings it out of the box, it doesn’t burn, it just… sings.

“Wha--What does this mean?” He asks, heart loud, eyes wide and on Shownu.

“Have you ever heard,” Shownu starts, careful, taking a small step back. “Of Nephilim?”

“N--Nephilim?”

There’s a long pause. Longer than a second and shorter than a minute.

“The offspring of the sons and daughters of God and those of men,” Hyungwon says, his voice coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Kihyun scrunches his eyes shut and shakes his head. “No… Dad’s just, he’s just _human_ ,” He says, opens his eyes slowly and stares at the shard. “Are you saying that my mother, that she was…”

“An Angel, yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!


	15. Undoing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And right now the world is small again. There's just this, them. No Demons. No Angels. No Reapers or Seers. Just them and a very loud heart inside Kihyun's chest.

“Nephilim,” Hyungwon says from across the room, no longer standing next to Kihyun.  _ “‘Those that cause others to fall’, _ would be the rough translation.” His voice sounds distant and he’s looking at Kihyun like he just grew another head.

Nephilim. Humans. Angels. A match. A fire. A giant on the inside.

Kihyun looks down, his mind flaring with images, with memories, with ominous flashes from a childhood he’d thought forgotten. He looks to the left and notices the strange rug on the floor and then he looks to the right and sees nothing but brown wood. There’s a shard in his hand and, despite being small in size, it weighs as much as Kihyun’s heart. He thumbs at it, not looking when he feels the edge cut through skin. He thumbs harder, then, just to  _ feel _ something that will ground him there and not take his mind somewhere it shouldn’t go.

“Is…” His voice is barely there and he needs to clear his throat, eyes panicking on their way up as they search for Shownu and lock on him faster than they can focus. “Is that wha--what I am?”

“Yes,” Shownu nods, staring at the shard. “It’s… It’s the only explanation. Anything that isn’t at least part angel would be able to touch that thing. And anything that is at least part darkness wouldn’t be able to enter this house.”

Kihyun breathes in. And then out. “So… I’m…” He looks down.  _ He is? And Changkyun is… _ “I’m not sure how… how to take this…” He looks to Hyungwon as if searching for help, something, but finds Hyungwon’s expression guarded. Nothing like the open, honest face he’d been looking for, nothing like the safety he always finds in Changkyun’s eyes. So, Kihyun asks, because he needs to ask, eyes shifting to Shownu again. “Is it bad? I mean… am I dangerous or… Is that why they say I’m… pure?”

Shownu purses his lips in a tight smile. “I’ll explain as much as I can. Can you, uhm, put that back? Please?”

Kihyun looks to his hand. “I… Yeah…” He quickly shoves the thing--shard--sword-- _ whatever! _ back into the box and slams it closed. He breathes, the wound on his finger is  _ not _ healing. “S--Sorry…”

Shownu silently takes the box, glancing between Hyungwon and Kihyun. “You might want to bandage that,” Shownu suggests, closing the drawer and walking back around the table. “It’s not a mortal wound, it won’t heal as fast.”

Kihyun shoves his thumb in his mouth, grimacing a little at the taste of iron against his tongue. He looks down again, sucking at the wound, and then up to Hyungwon, who’s still looking at him like he’s never seen Kihyun before. So, Kihyun looks back down.

“Nephilim are rare,” Shownu starts, careful, folding his hands in front of him and watching Kihyun with a guarded but honest expression. “You are the first, and most likely the only one I’ll ever see. That this generation will ever see.” 

“So,” Kihyun mumbles, slowly dragging his finger out of his mouth and then staring at the open wound. It hurts a lot more than a papercut. “That’s why...”  _ I need to be protected?  _ He shakes his head and licks his lips. “Rare. Pure. Shining…” 

“Special,” Shownu nods. “Yes, honestly, I’m amazed you’re still alive.” Shownu shifts slightly in his chair. “It’s very precarious, balancing yourself between Heaven and here. Angels,” he frowns. “Don’t have free will. You do. You can make your own decisions, you can… fall in love. I’m not sure the full extent of it, but it’s special.” 

It bubbles and then it’s out, a short, almost sarcastic laugh. Because of course. Of course he had to fall in love with a demon. He laughs again, quietly, looking at his hand before he brings it up to his forehead. “S--Sorry… I just…” His life really is a joke.

Shownu laughs. Actually laughs. “Yeah, the irony isn’t lost on me either.”

“So, you know..?” Kihyun says, dropping the hand from his forehead to his lap.

“I can see him all over you,” Shownu smiles. “Except, of course…”

“Yeah,” Kihyun smiles a little, eyes cast down. He taps his lips the way Changkyun had done for him, “He told me we can’t.”

“It’s a seal,” Shownu says. “For the taint. The last door. Kihyun,” Shownu leans forward. “You  _ cannot _ let yourself be tainted.”

He expected that. At least, this one, Kihyun expected. But then it begets the question; “Why? What would happen?”

“No idea,” Shownu smiles kindly. “But it can’t be good.” He lets out a breath, leans back. “There is a lot about this that doesn’t  _ really  _ make sense, not to me, not from this side of the coin…”

“Why,” Hyungwon says, his voice small. His eyes dart toward Shownu and  _ glare _ . “What would a Nephilim and a… demon have in common?”

Shownu tongues at his cheek. “I… don’t know.” He shrugs again. “I’m sorry, I have no idea.”

_ “Shit,” _ Hyungwon hisses, hands coming up to his hair. He takes a deep breath and then lets his arms fall back down. “I don’t… This keeps getting more and more complicated.” 

“You’re telling me,” Kihyun scoffs, looking somewhere else. He notices a painting on the wall and despite the turmoil inside his brain he decides that he likes it. “So… my mother was… an angel…” He snorts. “Sorry. And, uhm, I am… a Nephilim. I shine like the supernatural equivalent of a lighthouse. Which, in turn, attracts demons that want to…” He grimaces, “do whatever. And…” He pauses, eyes snapping to Shownu. “Is that why Kyunie needs to ask? He says it’s a rule… That he can’t touch me without my permission.”

Shownu frowns, hard, leaning forward. “He has to  _ what _ ?”

“A--Ask…” Kihyun blinks. “It’s like,” he looks to his hands and gestures, “There’s an invisible glass between us. And if I don’t move first or  _ allow _ him in any way then… he can’t touch me.”

Shownu looks down, frowning at the table. “Kihyun, do you think you’d be in danger of being killed by demons if they had to  _ ask _ to touch you?”

“I… no? I don’t know!”

Shownu reaches up, massages at his temples. “I don’t think he’s lying, if it’s any consolation to you. I just don’t… know why he’d _ have to ask _ ...” Shownu sighs. “You’re right, this is complicated. New, different, complicated… I’ll…” Shownu lifts his head, nods. “I’ll see what I can find. Sorry, but this is kind of fascinating.”

A sudden guilt spreads from Kihyun’s heart to the rest of his body. He nods wordlessly, eyes moving to give a quick glance to where Hyungwon stands. They lock eyes for a moment and Kihyun expects Hyungwon to look away. But he doesn’t. And even when he speaks, his eyes don’t leave Kihyun even as he squints.

“You… want to help?” Hyungwon asks Shownu. 

Shownu thinks, turns to Kihyun. “You called yourself a lighthouse, yes? You’re not. You’re a sun.” 

“A sun?” Kihyun asks. He searches his mind for something and… “I don't see myself as a sun… more like a… match. A match I can use to start a fire.”

“That's what you did…” Hyungwon says, frowning. “With me, and Hoseok.”

Shownu nods. “Exactly. But I assume, like a match, it burned out fast?”

Kihyun's eyes widen. “Y--Yes! I… felt tired. And then I was out.”

“Slept the whole night, too,” Hyungwon adds, finally looking to Shownu, who nods in understanding.

“That’ll happen. You overexerted a muscle you’ve never used before. But the more you use it, the stronger it’ll get, and so on,” Shownu says, reaching over to get a cookie and take a bite. He points the cookie at Kihyun, “You’re worried about…” He frowns, as if looking for a word. “Kyunie? Kyunie. And you,” he points at Hyungwon. “Want to know if there’s a way you can talk to Hoseok.”

Hyungwon frowns and then looks away. 

“Sorry,” Shownu adds, then. “I’m psychic. I know things. Can be a bit weird.”

Kihyun looks between them. Once. Twice.

“Is it…” Kihyun starts, eyes still shifting before they stop on Shownu's face. “Me. Being a--what I am. It won't cause trouble for Kyunie, right? I'm not… uhm. I don't wanna say ‘dangerous’ but I can't find another word for it…”

Shownu laughs. “Well, you said it yourself, it’s like a fire. Useful, helpful, powerful, scary… You just have to learn how to control it. But no, it won’t hurt Kyunie. I think it’s helped him, actually. I’ve never heard of a demon that sleeps. Or loves, for that matter. Demons don’t understand or feel joy. But Kyunie does, and I think that’s...” He gestures. “Because of you.”

The antsy feeling in Kihyun's chest grows. And he suddenly feels like something is missing. Something.  _ Someone. _ He really, really wants to see Changkyun right now...

“Okay,” he says, nodding. “That's… good.”

“And what about my problem?” Hyungwon grumbles lowly, like an angry cat growling at the prospect of being touched.

“I… have an idea about that. A relic that might help you,” Shownu says. “But it won’t be easy to get, if I can even find it.”

“A relic?” Hyungwon and Kihyun say in unison, glaring at each other when they do.

“Items with special powers, in a way. An artifact, you can call it,” Shownu chuckles. “Like the shard you were just holding. And I think it might function as a link between the limbo Hyungwon lives in, and our realm. Concentrated light, like what you did, Kihyun.”

Antsy but… definitely  _ something else, too. _ Because he did something. There  _ is _ something he can do, too. And now something he appears to  _ be, _ as well.

“Can we help?” Kihyun asks as he gets up from his chair. It sounds a lot like ‘ _ Can I help?’ _

“Maybe,” Shownu nods, and Kihyun notes how  _ kind  _ he looks. Shownu’s big but not imposing, serious but not unkind. “For now, I think, try to… control the matches. See what you can do without exhausting yourself. And remember; light shines brightest where it’s dark. But I think you know that. That you felt it.”

A shadow behind him. And there's only the one.

“Yes,” Kihyun nods, smiling.

Hyungwon winces. “That’s still annoying, you know.” 

“What is?” Kihyun asks with a frown.

“All that wiggling this thing does.” Hyungwon says, rubs at his temples, looking away. “Now take his number or something, text about your mental taekwondo or whatever, I’m not gonna pop in here for updates every day.”

Shownu takes another cookie, nibbling on the edge of it. “What you decide to do is up to you. I’m just here with my books, cookies, tarot cards and demon-killing weapons.”

“And weird Seer bullshit,” Hyungwon adds.

“Ah, yes,” Shownu sighs. “Lest we forget.”

Kihyun picks up his scarf and wraps it around his neck. He really, really,  _ really _ wants to go home. But he's glad he came here. He's glad he's met Shownu, glad he knows more now, even if he’s not sure what to do with it.

“It was nice meeting you,” he admits with a small smile. A smile that doesn't dim when he adds, “But I don't want demon-killing weapons anywhere near Kyunie _.” _

“Could have been useful in the restaurant, but  _ alright _ ,” Hyungwon grumbles. “Protective much.”

Kihyun sends him a pointed glare. “You could've been useful, too. Yet here we are.” He looks down. “Same for me, though…” Kihyun picks up his coat and glances at the table. “You… You didn't turn that last card. Why, what's it mean?”

“Ah,” Shownu says, reaching out to hover his hand over it. He looks up right at Kihyun. “This card shows your undoing. I wasn’t sure if… Do you want to know?”

Kihyun’s heart gives a loud, strong beat and he frowns as he pulls his coat over his shoulders. “I think…” He takes a deep breath, hands going limp by his sides. “I think I already know…” 

Shownu nods small, slowly turning the card, pausing before he says; “The Magician.”

“Greed,” Kihyun whispers, his hand slowly coming up to pinch at his bottom lip.

Shownu nods, and the card stares up at him. It’s a card. A stupid tarot card and it shouldn’t mean anything. 

It shouldn't. But deep down Kihyun knows… deep down he knows everyone has a role to fulfill.

  
  


_ \--- _

 

 

The front door clicks when the key turns inside the lock and Kihyun pushes it open with his foot. He paces to the elevator, clicks the button a few times, rolling his eyes when he notices the number seven at the top.

_ Too long, _ he thinks.

“--ey… Hey! Hamster! I'm talking to you!”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder. “What?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “I'm asking--Well, I  _ was _ asking if you're going to be okay…”

“Why wouldn't I?” Kihyun mumbles, tapping his foot on the floor. He looks up again. Six.  _ Too slow. _

“Oh, Kihyun! I don't know! Maybe because--well, everything!?”

_ Everything. _ Everything is a lot more than nothing. A lot more than  _ something _ . It's a lot but…  _ but. _

“I'll be fine,” Kihyun says, already turning towards the stairs. “For once, I'm sure, I'll be fine.” For once, he can say that and  _ mean _ it. Because he can work with the truth. Even if it's a lot, it's the truth. “Go to Hoseok, yeah?” Kihyun calls back before he runs up the first block of stairs, slowing down a little up the second one. He thinks about everything and nothing at the same time. There are so many ideas floating inside his head… but only one of them screams louder than the others.

The elevator is too slow. And there are a lot of stairs. And Kihyun feels antsy. Anxious. Impatient.

And even when there are only two blocks of stairs left to climb, it still feels like home is an eternity away.

So, he calls;

“Changkyu-- _ nhuff.” _ His face crashes into Changkyun's chest. And Kihyun doesn't need to step back or lean back to look. He just needs to throw an arm around Changkyun's shoulders and pull him close.

“H-hey,” Changkyun laughs softly, confused even as his fingers entangle with Kihyun’s hair. “When you said you couldn’t wait I didn’t know you meant it this much…”

Kihyun laughs a little, breathless from running all the way up. “So--Sorry… I just… I needed you.” 

He did. He still does. And every bit of anxiety he'd been feeling melts down to one single worry. He takes a deep breath, and it smells a little like… Like  _ him _ . Like home, but he still doesn't let go.

“I’m right here…” Changkyun says, soft, kissing the top of Kihyun’s head. “Why did you need me, baby, are you okay?”

“Not… not really,” a strange, bubbly feeling swirls inside Kihyun's chest. It burns. Or maybe it just sings.  _ Baby? That’s… new _ . “But I think it's… I'm better. Now.”

“Good,” Changkyun says softly. “That’s good. You can…” Changkyun’s fingers slow. “Tell me, you know. Whatever it is.”

Kihyun laughs a little and squeezes tightly before slowly letting go, hand lingering on his arm. “Maybe we should…” He gestures around them, “Get home, first.”

Changkyun glances around at the staircase, grey walls and cold steel and then it’s not. It’s home. “There. Much better. Doesn’t smell like staircase.”

Kihyun laughs, finally letting go to tug at his jacket. “And you say you're not a dog,” he shakes his head.  _ Yes _ , this. He needed this. Somewhat like an anchor.  _ Safe _ .

Changkyun quickly rushes to the stove, stirs at a pot, glances at his phone propped up against Kihyun’s rack of spices. “Excuse you. Can  _ dogs  _ make fettuccine alfredo?”

Kihyun snorts and kicks his shoes off, for once not bothering with leaving them in the middle of the living room, for once not bothering with missing the sofa and throwing his coat on the floor.

“You've been cooking.” He's not asking.  _ “And _ the house still stands. I'm impressed.” He walks to the kitchen, slowly pulling at his scarf to undo the knot and then throwing half of it around Changkyun's neck and knotting it again. “Look. A red string.”

Changkyun pauses where he’s stirring, reaching up to touch at the scarf. He laughs softly, ducking his head. “So you’re still letting me get away with that, then?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun murmurs to himself, nose digging into the scarf. “Guess I am…”

Changkyun turns the heat down for the stove, puts the lid on, puts the spoon down and carefully turns around, basically pressing himself against the counter as to not touch Kihyun in the process. “Soulmates, then?” Changkyun smiles, hands trailing the scarf. “You… believe that?” Changkyun glances to the side, face a bit pink. “Too..?”

Kihyun remembers looking through yellow eyes. Cold. Grey. Devoid of light. And a forest of thorns around him. Faint but there. Definitely there.

“I don't know,” he admits, eyes on Changkyun's face before landing on something else atop the counter. He tilts his head and contemplates a silly thought. “But I believe in you. And I think… I saw it, too. And well,” he looks down and at the scarf between them. “I like this string better. It's softer.”

Changkyun blinks, eyebrows knitting together. “You saw it?”

Kihyun nods, eyes going between Changkyun's face and the red scarf. “Yesterday, just before I…” He looks to the counter again. “Kyunie… there's… a lot. It's a lot. And I don't know where to start…”

Changkyun tugs a little at the scarf. “Okay… You’re okay, though, right? That’s what’s important, the rest, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter as long as…” He tugs at the scarf again. “We have this.”

Eyes on the plastic wrap over the counter, Kihyun lets the thought hang. He nods. The bubbly, single worry in his chest slowly crawling all the way up.

“Would you…” He takes a deep, shaky breath. “Changkyun. Would you still… would you still love me if I wasn't…  _ human?” _ The last word comes out as a whisper.

Changkyun blinks, head moving back a bit as if startled. “Why would you--” He laughs softly. “Kihyun, _ look _ at who you’re asking that question.”

Of course Changkyun would say that. Actually, it's something Kihyun would say too, were their roles inverted. But…

“Today,” he starts, slowly, “Hyungwon and I visited… someone. Hyungwon called him a Seer. And… he knew things. About me. About you. About Hyungwon.” Kihyun reaches out to touch Changkyun but his hand falls before he manages to, even as Changkyun just looks on in innocent curiosity. “I wanted to know… I needed to know. Things never made sense even when I tried to keep my life from collapsing in itself. There's… things I can do. I… I tried to punch Hyungwon and it didn't go through.” He laughs, eyes slowly bouncing from place to place until they land on Changkyun's face. “They called me a… Nephilim.”

Changkyun’s frown relaxes. “Oh.” He looks down. “Oh, that… makes sense.” He laughs a little. It sounds like nerves. “Explains a lot...”

Kihyun blinks. “You're not… freaked out?”

Changkyun looks up, shrugs. “Wouldn’t really be fair of me to be, even if I wanted to. Besides, all these things are kind of new to you when for a while it’s all I knew.” He rolls his shoulders, frowns again. “I admittedly don’t know much about Nephilim. Angels, yeah, but not… I don’t know. It’s a lot to process but it’s not a  _ bad  _ thing, I guess?”

“Oh,” Kihyun looks down. “I… yeah.” He fidgets a little and gives a short step back, stopped only by the scarf around them.

Changkyun scratches at the back of his head, frowns at the floor. “I wondered why you could… I mean, having a pure soul and everything already puts a target on your back, but I guess it didn’t really explain the voices, seeing Hyungwon, the light… Even if it was kind of instinctual, I didn’t really know why...”

“There was…” Kihyun looks at his thumb. There's a scar. It still hasn't healed. “A shard. Something important. There was a song, too. And… fear.” He sighs. “They… were afraid of me. Even if just for a second. I felt it.” He smiles small. “Hyungwon is never scared. And yet…”

“Angels are fearful creatures, Kihyun,” Changkyun says. “Powerful. I’ve… never met any, obviously, but,” Changkyun shivers. “An angel could probably  _ think  _ me dead. Hyungwon, too.”

Kihyun’s eyes snap back up, wide, his heart loud in his ears. “I'd never--”

“I know!” Changkyun defends quickly. “I know that.”

“I'm…” Kihyun looks down, hand reaching for the knot on the scarf. “I should go get changed…”

Changkyun sighs. “Kihyun…”

“Hm?” Kihyun looks up again as he undoes the knot and the scarf falls on the floor between them. 

“I  _ love  _ you, okay. Truly, really love you. This doesn’t change that, or anything else. Not when it comes to me, to how I feel about you..”

Kihyun smiles and looks away. “I… I know. I think. It's just… well.” He shrugs, smiling a bit more when he remembers something. “One thing I like, though…”

“Hm?”

“I think…  _ I know _ you won't lose again. Or fall, again.”

A curious expression somewhere between amusement and adoration flashes over Changkyun’s face, and then he smiles. His shoulders slump and he lets out a breath. “Not gonna need a guardian much longer, are you...”

“No,” Kihyun laughs. “But I will always need you.” He points between the two of them. “A sky with no sun or moon… is not really all that interesting. Is it? So… a sunset.”

Changkyun smiles down, ears a little red. “You’re… you’re sappy…”

“Wanna see sappy?” Kihyun takes a step back and smirks. “I've been learning a few things from you, you know?”

Changkyun snorts, still blushing at the floor. “Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around…”

“Switch culture,” Kihyun jokes even as his heart does a twirl in his chest, eyes on the plastic wrap again. He reaches for it, rolling it in his hand and snaps a chunk off. “Do you trust me?”

Changkyun blinks. “Well, yes, but I  _ did _ just start watching Dexter…” he says, eyeing the plastic.

Kihyun tugs at the plastic in his hands until he finds the size to be… reasonably  _ safe _ . “I told you I'd never hurt you. Never. Not intentionally, at least.” He pauses. “Okay…  _ maybe  _ a punch and a kick here and there but…”

Changkyun laughs. “And I believe you, but that still doesn’t explain the plastic wrap.”

“Come here?”

Changkyun shifts his eyes and then laughs a little again as he walks forward, watching Kihyun curiously. 

“I'm ashamed I didn't think of this before, really,” Kihyun laughs as he walks one step closer and stops just a few centimeters away.

He brings the plastic up, softly pressing it over Changkyun's lips, the bottom half of his face, and then kisses him.

It's the first time Kihyun can  _ feel _ Changkyun almost like he wishes he could. No doubt Greed will be his undoing.

Changkyun’s eyes are wide, almost fearful as Kihyun presses against him and… and then he melts, reaching up to cup Kihyun’s face between his hands, and presses back.

Kihyun feels himself sigh against the  _ almost _ kiss. It's everything and nothing. Feels like too much and nothing at all. But there's the mold of Changkyun's lips on his. There's warmth. And it's not the soft touch of skin against skin, but it's  _ something _ .

Changkyun’s hands shake slightly where they rest on his face, pushing their lips together as much as he can until he doesn’t. He pulls away and his eyes flutter open and before Kihyun can lower the plastic, he tilts his head and presses forward again. A small kiss, against his lips, light pressure against him. Changkyun drops his hands and takes a step back, looking down and touching at his lips.

Kihyun's heart is loud in his ears. He lets his hands fall and looks down. Regrets? None. Thoughts?  _ So many.  _

“That… that was… nice.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun agrees as he brings a fist to his lips. “Yeah…” 

And right now the world is small again. There's just  _ this,  _ them. No Demons. No Angels. No Reapers or Seers. Just them and a very loud heart inside Kihyun's chest.

“You’re… you’re still okay with…” Changkyun toes at the floor where he’s staring. “ _ Not  _ being able to… to actually…”

Kihyun looks up, eyes wide. The hand over his mouth falls back down and he smiles. “You are enough.”

Changkyun stares at the floor a bit longer, kicking, blushing. “Sappy…” He smiles up, before quickly glancing over his shoulder and turning the stove all the way down. “You call me perfect and this is how I go an act.  _ Insecure _ . How very human...”

“Well,” Kihyun laughs, balling up the plastic wrap and throwing it into the bin-- _ right into it, too,  _ he notes, mildly impressed. “Insecurities, fears. You can only call yourself brave if you have them  _ and _ beat them. Demons, like Hoseok said, everyone has those.” He shrugs and turns to walk towards the bedroom. “You told me you didn't want to become part of what I fear, remember? Because you're… you.” Kihyun kicks the door open and pulls his sweater over his head. “I told you something then, which I still stand for. But… I understand now. What you meant. And…” He opens the wardrobe and pulls at a clean shirt, smiling at the soft fabric between his fingers, “I hope… I don't become part of what you fear, too.” He laughs as he walks back to the kitchen, pulling the clean shirt over. “Insecurities work like that…”

Changkyun looks up from where he’s scooping pasta into two bowls and walking them over to the dining room table that… that Kihyun only now notices has a few candles, two glasses and a bottle of wine. And  _ flowers _ . Where did he even  _ get  _ those. And how out of it was Kihyun when he got here not to even notice...

“Well, you have nothing to be insecure about,” Changkyun chirps cheerfully, gesturing to the table. “Dinner is served, my dear.”

Kihyun tongues the corner of his lips, trying to keep the smile away, and gestures to the table and then to himself. “You called me sappy. And you do this,” he snorts. “God, I love you.”

Changkyun laughs, cheeks pink. “Well, it’s good to have things in common,” Changkyun says, walking around the table to pull out the chair for him. “I love you more. Don’t let my pasta get cold.”

Kihyun gives a full body shiver even as he laughs, but he walks around the table anyway and sits down on the chair Changkyun pulled for him and from behind him, Changkyun leans in as if to kiss his cheek and in a world where he could, he most likely would have, instead just making a loud “mwah!” and then walking around to his side of the table and picking up the bottle of wine.

“Is this what you've been up to all day?” Kihyun asks to deflect the attention from himself. He's blushing way more than what should be considered clinically healthy.

“No, only the last hour or so,” Changkyun says, taking Kihyun’s glass and tipping it as he pours, like he’s probably seen in a video or something. “Hoseok and I went shopping, remember?” He puts Kihyun’s glass down and fills his own.

“Shopping? More clothes?” Kihyun asks to make conversation. ‘ _ Not so loud!’  _ he tells his own heart. 

But Changkyun grins, sitting down and picking up his fork to start eating. “Mm, a bit,” Changkyun hums. “Just curious, but what do  _ you _ think is worse; breaking a promise, or lying by omission?”

Kihyun frowns. “I feel like I'm walking myself into a trap but I'll say ‘breaking a promise’…” He pauses. “Depends. I think it depends.”

Changkyun nods in thought, taking a drink of wine and scrunching his face up as he puts the glass down. He’s clearly trying not to cough. “Ugh. Okay, then I promised Hoseok I wouldn’t tell so--” Changkyun coughs, squinting at the glass of wine even as his face scrunches up again. “Why did Hoseok  _ buy this _ ?”

Kihyun laughs and brings a hand to his mouth to laugh some more. “Every… Every time…”

Changkyun sticks his tongue out. “I didn’t know what to expect, alright…” He looks at the wine again, takes another small sip and licks at his lips. “S’weird.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, bringing his own glass to his lips. “It's an acquired taste.” He takes a sip and snorts. “Not my favorite drink either but… Hoseok likes it. Had to learn to like it as well.”

Changkyun scooches his own glass away, turning to the actual food. “Next time you get the drinks and I’ll get used to what _ you _ like,” he nods, determined.

“Green tea with a slice of lemon and a teaspoon of honey. I like that. Now that I think about it… reminds me of you.”

“A drink reminds you of me?” Changkyun asks with a tilted head and a curious smile.

Kihyun smiles but looks away. “Makes me feel all warm and cozy. And it's bittersweet.” He nods, “Tastes like home.” He looks down at the pasta. “So, is that what you wanted to ask? ‘Cause I have a question, too.”

Changkyun nods, chewing around a mouthful of pasta and gesturing with his fork for Kihyun to continue.

Kihyun looks up and down and then picks up his fork. “Is this a date?”

Changkyun’s chewing slows and he swallows with a fist to his mouth. “Uhm. I. Well, we are  _ dating  _ so I thought you, er, might not be  _ entirely  _ opposed to the…” His eyes flick between Kihyun and the pasta and the flowers and the wine. “Idea.”

“I'm not,” Kihyun says softly, smiling to himself before he shoves some pasta into his mouth. He chews for a bit and then swallows. “Oh… it's good!” He looks up, “I'm impressed! After last time, well… you _ were  _ just a baby back then. But still.”

Changkyun squints. “So it  _ was  _ bad last time, huh…” Changkyun laughs, shrugging. “I’m glad you like it. I tried to do everything the video said.” He chews a little, hand over his mouth. “Hoseok sent me some links so if you want I can try a bunch of ‘em. It’s actually kinda fun.”

“We should do it together next time,” Kihyun suggests as he shoves more food into his mouth until his cheeks are puffed. Hyungwon was right. He used to say stuffing his mouth with food felt nice and he was right.

“There’s a word for that,” Changkyun says, tapping his fork on his bottom lip. “ _ Domestic _ .”

Kihyun snorts and brings a hand to his mouth. He swallows, “Wha… What part of _ this, us _ isn’t domestic. We shared a bed the first time we met, for fuck’s sake.”

Changkyun laughs. “True! But this is, like,  _ planned _ domesticity.  _ That _ was all accidental.”

“So,” Kihyun says, smirking a little before he manages to quell it. He taps his fork on the plate a few times before he decides to stab another forkful of pasta, “Is that what that was? Earlier. You,” he gestures to Changkyun, “planning  _ domesticity _ …? Because I’ll admit, the other… two… three times weren’t exactly on the schedule, no.”

Changkyun shrugs, cheeks pink and playing with his pasta. “I’m your boyfriend now. I want to do stuff for you…”

“Stuff for me,” Kihyun brings hs glass to his lips, “Stuff  _ to _ me. Amazing how both overlap. Or…” He pauses and looks to Changkyun. “Is that not where this is going? Because  _ earlier _ you said--wait, where did I leave my phone…”

“I remember!” Changkyun squeaks before hitting his chest and clearing his throat. “Hoseok showed me that--that photoshoot you did and I--hah, lost my mind!” Changkyun hides his face behind his hand. “Sorry…”

Kihyun blinks and then snorts, looking away and placing his glass back down. “I was just messing with you… But… Thanks, I guess? If that’s supposed to be a compliment.”

Changkyun groans into his hand. “I called you  _ unbearably sexy _ , there’s not a lot of wiggle room there...” And then mumbles, “S’true though...”

“Considering the circumstances,” Kihyun says, poking at the pasta with his fork, “I’ll allow that.”

Changkyun peeks through his fingers. “Wait, what do you mean  _ ‘is this not where this is going _ ’?” He lets his hand fall and Kihyun shoves some more pasta in his own mouth, casually looking out the window.

Changkyun squints, tilting his head again. “Where do you  _ want  _ this to go…?”

“Somewhere, hopefully,” Kihyun chuckles, eyes still on the window. “I don’t want to sit here forever...”

“Then finish your dinner,” Changkyun scoffs, sitting back and actually taking another sip of wine and barely scrunches his face up this time. He rolls the stem of the wine glass between his fingers and glances at him and away, biting at his lip. “You... make me want to break a promise.”

Kihyun glances back to Changkyun and then down to his nearly empty plate. “What are the consequences? What happens if you break said promise?” He moves some pasta to his mouth and cocks an eyebrow when he looks at Changkyun again.

“I show you what Hoseok bought us and we don’t leave your bedroom until tomorrow morning.”

Kihyun stops himself from swallowing his food (he would have choked if he did) and looks down. His heart is suddenly loud again. And to think he was fretting about theological beings just a few minutes ago, now that’s near the bottom of his list of concerns.

He bites at his upper lip,  _ finally _ swallowing his food. Timing. Maybe this isn’t the best timing. But… if he worried about timing then he wouldn’t be sitting where he is right now. Priorities come and go. They change. And  _ right now… _

“Is that a suggestion or…” He looks up again and puts the fork back down,  _ “Or.” _

“It’s what would happen if I broke my promise,” Changkyun says. “If I don’t, though,” Changkyun shrugs, taking another drink. “It’s not very long to wait.”

Kihyun frowns, propping an elbow over the table and leaning his cheek against his fist. “And why do we have to wait? Asking out of sheer curiosity.”

Changkyun clears his throat again, looking everywhere but Kihyun. His ears are very red. “Well, I suppose I don’t mind getting you  _ another _ present…”

“Present? Why would you get me a-- _Oh!_ ” Kihyun leans back on his seat and blinks. He’d totally forgotten. He’d totally forgotten about-- “My birthday…”

Changkyun winces, laughing softly. “ _ Yeeeah _ , kinda promised I wouldn’t tell you I knew about that, either.”

Kihyun laughs and looks down. “Remind me to never make you keep any promises in the future.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “No fair, it’s  _ incredibly  _ difficult to lie to you. Even by omission.”

“So that’s what that was about…”

“Kind of...” Changkyun says and grins, glancing at Kihyun and away. “Although I’m equally tempted to keep it a surprise, and to  _ not  _ keep it a surprise. Both being your fault, by the way.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes, “Oh sure, blame it on me.  _ You  _ were the one getting all horny over text!”

“Because of what  _ you  _ look like!”

“Have  _ you  _ seen what  _ you _ look like?” Kihyun shoots back.

“Yeah, but I don’t exactly want to fuck myself!” 

“Well, I d--” Kihyun slaps a hand over his mouth. And says the rest as he muffles himself. It comes out sounding like,  _ “Mmfdoff.” _

Changkyun blinks at him, wide eyed and red-faced. “Wh-what was that?”

Kihyun feels the heat on his face again and looks away, hand still over his mouth,  _ “Mffnothing.” _

Changkyun leans in. “Was that a lie.”

And Kihyun feels like a useless harlequin as he nods, hand  _ still _ over his mouth even though he knows he’s got nothing to say.  _ Where did all that bravado from a few seconds ago run to, Yoo Kihyun…? _

And then Changkyun laughs. A bubbly giggle, hidden behind his hand as he brings it up and hangs his head. “We’re both _ idiots _ .”

“Speak for yourself,” Kihyun mumbles, finally letting his hand down. “I had a stressful day. I’m entitled to erratic behaviors.” 

“And I was taken shopping with your shameless best friend,” Changkyun laughs. “And we’re tiptoeing around sex like--” Changkyun’s cheeks go red almost impressively fast. “--Well, like, like we’ve not d-done anything.”

Kihyun crosses his arms and sinks down where he sits. He pouts a little and looks out the window again. “Well, you suggested it. I teased you about it and somehow it ricocheted back to me.” He rolls his eyes, “Typical.”

“It didn’t…” Changkyun sighs a little, getting up to collect their plates. “Ricochet… I’m just always either incredibly awkward or far too cocky.” He takes Kihyun’s plate and turns to the kitchen. “Trying to find a reasonable balance.”

“We are more alike than you think, Changkyun.”

Changkyun laughs. “What, so we’re just gonna be awkward until something  _ does  _ happen and then fly off the rails completely?”

Kihyun laughs, poking at the table with two fingers and then scratching the polish off where it’s already a little worn out.  “Sounds like us. I’m okay with that.”

Changkyun smiles to himself as he clears the table, gripping the glasses with one hand and picking up the bottle with the other. “Yeah… Yeah, me too.”

“The question still stands, though,” Kihyun mumbles, trying to save some of his remaining guts from drowning down the whirlpool that is his mind. “Was that a suggestion, or…?”

The glasses clink as Changkyun puts them down, quiet for a moment as he does, arranging the dishes in that way Kihyun showed him. “Do you want it to be?”

“Don’t turn the question around. I asked  _ you--Ugh, _ we’re doing it again…” Kihyun sinks some more in his seat.

“Switch culture,” Changkyun jokes quietly.

Kihyun throws his head back and groans before he sits back up. He looks around the room and then towards the sink.  _ “I _ should be doing the dishes…” He says, mind still screaming, heart numb like it got stabbed with anesthesia. “Hey,” he starts as he gets up, “did you know vampires exist?”

Changkyun laughs, turning the faucets to get the dishes going. “I did, actually. Is this part of what the Seer told you today?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, walking closer. “It was a lot… so much. He,” Kihyun looks down, “He knew my name even though he’d never seen me before. He knew about you, too. Said he could see you all over me except for,” Kihyun gestures at his own lips and then rolls his eyes, “Then I got my 100th warning to keep my mouth away from yours, guess everyone loves to remind me. And…” Kihyun stops next to Changkyun and sighs. “He read my cards. Served me tea and there were lemon cookies, too.”

Changkyun hums, rinsing the bowls. “That does sound like a lot… Did the cards say anything interesting? I mean, I assume they were tarot cards.”

Kihyun looks at his hands and starts counting, “Pride, Sloth, Envy, Gluttony…”

Changkyun scoffs. “Well,  _ yeah _ . Obviously.”

“And…  _ Greed.”  _ Kihyun adds. “My undoing…”

Changkyun pauses, hands in soapy water. “ _ Want  _ is not the same as Greed, Kihyun…”

Kihyun pinches at his lower lip, frowning, and then lets his hand fall. “I know… I know.”

“It’s…” Changkyun continues the dishes, and the red wine seeps through the white foam. “It’s very difficult to ignore sins completely. It’s impossible to always be productive and that lends to Sloth…” Changkyun scoffs. “Pretty sure my text had more than trace elements of Lust. It doesn’t mean they’re really ‘deadly’ sins. Or undoing anything.”

“I figured,” Kihyun nods. “I mean, look at me. I should be rotting and dripping sin all over the place,” he laughs, “yet for some reason my soul is  _ pure.” _

“That’s the angel part,” Changkyun laughs. “The lustful part of you that called me sexy is part of human free-will.”

“Ironic, isn’t it?” Kihyun laughs again, softly kicking the floor with one foot and then the other. “You, a demon and me… whatever I am. Half-assed angel.”

Changkyun gestures to himself. “Half-assed demon, remember.”

“Two sides to the same coin,” Kihyun nods and then smiles. “I don’t dislike it.”

“Me neither,” Changkyun admits, rinsing the dishes with cold water and unplugging the drain. “Coins have three sides, though. Technically.”

“I am not keen on turning this into a threesome but… if that’s what you like…” Kihyun snorts. “I’ll give it some thought.”

Changkyun scrunches his face at Kihyun, making to elbow at him. “I don’t know  _ what _ I like but I’m sure it’s limited to you.  _ Just  _ you.”

“Lucky me,” Kihyun jokes, actually elbowing Changkyun. “I said that but I actually mean it.”

Changkyun blushes, drying his hands on a towel. “Is  _ that  _ something I can quote you on?”

“If you want,” Kihyun says. He places his chin over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Are you done?”

“Yep,” Changkyun says, popping the ‘p’ and taking advantage of their contact to turn his face and kiss Kihyun on the cheek. “Did I do okay? For my first planned domestic date?”

Kihyun laughs and shivers a little at the same time. “Yes. But that wasn’t your first date…”

“ _ Planned domestic date _ ,” Changkyun emphasises. “It’s not Venice or the corner cafe but…”

“Well, it’s you,” Kihyun nods awkwardly with his chin over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Are we still on a date or is it over already?”

“That’s up to you, I guess,” Changkyun says, smiling softly. “You know, Hoseok said that to me earlier today. I… asked for some advice and he said that it didn’t matter because it’s me…” He noses lightly at Kihyun’s cheek. “ _ It’s you _ ,” Changkyun quotes. “ _ That’s what counts the most _ . It’s a mutual sentiment, by the way.”

“Sappy, sappy, sappy,” Kihyun sing songs as he curls a finger on Changkyun’s jeans and tugs, “Come on, let’s watch something. Or take me to bed. I’m fine with both.”

Changkyun lets out a shaky breath and turns around, eyes narrowed playfully. “You’re really giving me the choice, huh?”

Kihyun shrugs and looks away to hide a smirk. “Well, sleeping is always an option.”

Changkyun shamelessly roves his eyes up and down Kihyun. “Afterwards, maybe.”

“Afterwards?” Kihyun tugs at Changkyun’s jeans again and gives a step back as if to pull Changkyun with him. “After we watch something? I’m actually invested in that shitty show you watch, you know?”

Changkyun laughs, eyes on Kihyun’s fingers hooked in his jeans as he lets himself be pulled. “You were asking for backstories on the characters two episodes in, Ki.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder as he walks backwards towards the living room, still pulling Changkyun with him, “Not big on slow burns. There’s too many of those, already. Also, it made no sense.”

Changkyun grins, reaching for the waistband of Kihyun’s jeans as well and tugging towards him. “I think you might be showing your hand there. Slow burns are for people who don’t know what they want.”

They stop when Kihyun’s legs bump back against the arm of the sofa. Kihyun tilts his head a little and cocks one eyebrow. “Do you know what you want?”

Changkyun leans in to brush his lips over the line of Kihyun’s jaw. “I must be doing a terrible job of being your boyfriend if you don’t feel entirely, near unbearably wanted.”

Kihyun lifts the finger curled around Changkyun’s jeans, nail scraping over skin before he curls it back down on Changkyun’s Calvin Klein boxers- _ -goddamnit, Hoseok, he gets the expensive underwear?-- _ “I guess you  _ are  _ doing a terrible job.”

“Well we can’t have that,” Changkyun says, kissing at Kihyun’s jaw, up to his ear. “You don’t break easy, right?”

Kihyun laughs a little, remembering the cut on his thumb. “I heal fast, just in case you have any ideas.” Doubtful Changkyun has holy shards inside his pockets _ \--ha ha _ . Kihyun leans back a little, “Why do you ask?”

Changkyun laughs lightly against his neck, licking down to his throat and grazing his teeth over Kihyun’s adam’s apple and earning a gasp in return. “Considering the circumstances…” 

Finger sliding from one side to other, Kihyun stops over the button of Changkyun’s jeans. He thumbs at it and it pops open, Changkyun’s grip at Kihyun’s waist tighter. “What circumstances?” 

“That I don’t break easy either.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, pushing the zip of Changkyun’s jeans down with another finger, “Noted.” He says and leans back. His knees bend when the back of his legs press against the arm of the sofa and he lets himself fall back, pulling Changkyun with him.

It makes for an awkward landing, but Kihyun leaps over that, too. He kisses Changkyun's cheek first, a short peck. And then kisses his jaw with a lot more intent. And once his lips slide over the soft skin of Changkyun's neck, Kihyun bites,  _ hard, _ teeth sinking into skin without really breaking through it.

Changkyun breathes in, sharp, almost a hiss, but grinds down in the same breath. He moves his hand from where it’s gripped at Kihyun’s waist, scratching up his stomach. “Fucking hell, Kihyun…”

Kihyun brings one leg around Changkyun to force him down, closer, and breathes sharp against his neck. He let’s go of the bit of skin and then licks. “Not there… yet…” He says and then laughs in his throat.

Changkyun drops his head to Kihyun’s shoulder to chuckle for a second, before roving his hands higher up Kihyun’s chest and lifting his face to grin down at Kihyun. “No, just your fucking couch.”

“There’s a bed, too,” Kihyun says, eyes on Changkyun’s neck. There’s no bruise. “But you were busy being cute. So, I brought us here.” He slides both hands from Changkyun’s waist to his torso, under his shirt, and pulls him closer again with the leg he has around him.

“I have quite amazing memories of this couch actually,” Changkyun grins, reaching up to pop open the first button of his shirt and grind down lightly as he looks Kihyun in the eye.

Kihyun lets out a shaky breath and moves his hips to match Changkyun’s friction on him.  _ “Amazing _ memories?” He snorts but the smile on his face falters a little. “Glad to know.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow even as he pops open another button. “What, you don’t think you give amazing blowjobs?”

“Oh, no,” Kihyun tilts his head up slightly and looks Changkyun in the eye.  _ “I know _ I do. But it’s always nice to be reminded.”

“I’ll bake you a cake next time,” Changkyun laughs in his throat, sitting up to let his shirt fall open across his shoulders, hand moving down to Kihyun’s waistband again where he’s straddling him. “So what memory do you want to make now, baby?”

Kihyun lets his hands slide under Changkyun’s open shirt all the way down to his waist. He looks Changkyun up and down and then bites at his lower lip, frowning. “Honestly, I can be persuaded to stay where I am.” Because what he’s looking at is definitely, beyond reason, a walking, mouthy  _ sin. _ “But I guess that wouldn’t be fair for you,” Kihyun sighs and rolls his hips and Changkyun groans lightly at the friction, leaning his head back slightly. 

“Looks good from where I’m sitting,” Changkyun breathes, looking down at him and moving both hands down to undo Kihyun’s jean button and pulling down his fly, tugging down at his jeans, eyes  _ incredibly  _ damn focused down there.

“What’s on your mind?” Kihyun asks, eyes on Changkyun’s chest and then his face before they go back down, and then further down to what Changkyun’s doing.

Changkyun scratches where he pulls Kihyun’s jeans down, lifting himself to pull them past his knees. And Kihyun helps with one leg and then the other, hand fisting around Changkyun’s shirt to pull him down and then flattening on his bare chest when their mouths almost clash, their lips just a breath away. 

“I…” Changkyun says, breath hot against his lips. “I’m thinking…”

“About?” Kihyun questions, turning his head just slightly as if he is actually going for it. (He’s not, but the thought counts. _A_ _lot.)_

“You,” Changkyun says easily and then laughs softly. “About what you… want to do.”

Kihyun moves his hand from Changkyun’s chest to the back of his neck. “You,” he says, breathing on Changkyun’s skin.

Changkyun grins, ears red. “You want to do me?”

Kihyun frowns, letting Changkyun lean back just a bit so he can focus his eyes on his face. “I don’t-- I don’t see you taking the initiative so…” Kihyun rolls his eyes, looking away when he starts feeling his face a lot warmer than it already way. “What’s with the tone of surprise anyway…”

Changkyun reaches back to scratch at the back of his neck, a look on his face not too far off from the awkward one across the table at dinner. “N-nothing! I just, didn’t wanna assume anything and then make a fool of myself  _ either way _ …”

Kihyun props himself up on his elbows and looks at Changkyun for a moment. “Assume what? I’m… fine either way but…” He looks away, really considering just telling Changkyun to crack open a damn window because-- _ it’s too hot in here!  _

“You--you said switch culture earlier so I assumed,” Changkyun blushes bright, pointing with a thumb over his shoulder. “I mean! I didn’t assume!  _ Ugh _ ,” Changkyun groans into his hands, oddly sheepish from where he’s sitting on Kihyun’s crotch half-dressed.

Kihyun rolls his eyes and sits up. “Hey, look at me,” he brings one of Changkyun’s hands down and then laughs. “Do you want to?” He points to himself and then then looks away when his face starts feeling all red again. They will never  _ go _ anywhere if they keep this up and Kihyun is starting to feel slightly frustrated.

Changkyun looks at him, lets out a breath and with close to zero grace, pulls Kihyun’s t-shirt over his head and pushes him back against the couch. “I don’t care  _ how _ , Kihyun, but I  _ want you _ .” He nips at Kihyun’s jaw, kisses for a moment before he takes a deep breath, licking up his neck. “You inside me, me inside you… Who gives a damn.”

“Jesus,” Kihyun huffs with a shiver. “You just go from zero to a hundred in a split second and expect me to--what.” He tugs at Changkyun’s shirt. “Don’t take this off…”

“Whatever you want,” Changkyun says against his neck, raking his hand down, pulling at Kihyun’s underwear. “Zero to a hundred…” He nips again. “Or slow…”

Kihyun glares, “Since when have we ever been  _ ‘slow’?” _

“Well, I haven’t fucked you yet, have I,” Changkyun smiles against his skin, giving a small lick behind his ear. “But if you want it  _ fast _ …”

“You’re so damn mouthy,” Kihyun sighs and grabs the waistband of those expensive Calvin Kleins, pulling at it and then letting it slap back. “If someone rings the doorbell  _ right now, _ I am going to implode! Fair warning.”

Changkyun laughs, bright and airy. “That was my  _ first boner  _ Hoseok interrupted, you know! The first one!”

“These are in the way,” Kihyun mutters, tugging at Changkyun’s jeans. “How many has he interrupted?”

“Just the one,” Changkyun says, leaning his body forward to awkwardly shimmy out of his jeans, laughing a little as he does, and when he sits back down he hisses softly as they push up against each other. 

“Well,” Kihyun sighs, slowly pulling Changkyun by his shirt.  _ “You _ walked away in the middle of mine.”

“I’ll make sure never to do that again,” Changkyun says, eyes looking unfocused as they roam over Kihyun’s face, his chest. “What--whatever you want to do, can we--uhm--”

“Do it already?”

“ _ Yes please _ ,” Changkyun breathes, desperate and heady.

Kihyun pulls Changkyun all the way down, considering a hundred different scenarios in his head as he makes a decision  _ (a completely different decision), _ and whispers in his ear,  _ “Then _ fuck me.”

Without any further hesitation, Changkyun lifts himself and pulls off Kihyun’s underwear, ducking down to kiss at Kihyun’s chest, his collarbones, Changkyun’s partially unbuttoned shirt grazing over his skin and hand moving down to leave feather light touches on Kihyun’s dick. 

“Gladly.”

Kihyun breathes out sharp through his nose, his hand around Changkyun’s shoulder gripping, nails deep, to pull him up just enough. Just enough for Kihyun to wrap his legs around him. “I get a request,” he says, voice suddenly far too hoarse.  _ “No _ holding back.”

Changkyun smirks down at him, wrapping his hand around Kihyun, tight, taking Kihyun’s breath away, and kissing at his forehead. “Don’t hate me for this,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun’s legs fall because-- _ he’s gone. He’s fucking gone. Unbelievable. _

And a second later the weight’s back and Changkyun props his legs up again. “You look mad. But I needed to get this,” Changkyun says, holding up a little bottle of lube in one hand and condoms in the other and grinning wickedly before leaning in to kiss his neck.

“Should’ve kept them in your pocket,” Kihyun sighs. “Uhm… do you need me to--no, actually.” He curls his right leg and pushes Changkyun back first with his hand and then with his foot and sits up, still pushing until Changkyun is the one lying down and Kihyun is straddling him. “Give me that,” he nods to the bottle of lube in Changkyun’s hand.

Changkyun hands it over with wide eyes.

Kihyun looks at it and, well, he can’t help the smirk and the eyebrow twitch. “Strawberry?” He snorts and leans down until their foreheads touch. “Your hand?” He asks softly and Changkyun lets out a breath and holds out his hand for Kihyun.

The pop from the bottle of lube sounds loud in the silent room. Kihyun grabs Changkyun’s wrist, slowly turning his hand as he drops lube over his fingers. It really  _ does _ smell like strawberries.

“Did you... pick this randomly?” Kihyun asks, eyes going between Changkyun’s hand and his face.

Changkyun shakes his head slowly, eyes on his own hand. “No... You usually smell like strawberries.”

Kihyun smears the lube on Changkyun’s hand with his own fingers and then bring two of them to Changkyun’s lips, tilting his head just slightly. Changkyun eyes flick up from his own hand to Kihyun, and then locks eyes with his as he parts his lips and pokes his tongue out to give a kittenish lick at Kihyun’s fingers before leaning forward to wrap his lips around them.

And Kihyun breathes out, shaky, leaning down to the side, Changkyun’s hand full of lube still between them, to whisper in Changkyun’s ear. “Now I taste like strawberries, too…”

Changkyun moans around his fingers and his hips jut up almost involuntarily. And leans back, giving Kihyun’s fingers a last long lick before saying, “You taste better...”

Kihyun brings his fingers from Changkyun’s mouth to his own, leaning his forehead on Changkyun’s as he sits further up, his other hand guiding Changkyun’s one slick with lube towards his back. Changkyun’s eyes watch him, dark and hooded, chest rising with heavy breaths.

And wrapping his tongue around his fingers one last time, Kihyun pulls them off his mouth, not really concerned with the saliva string still clinging to him. “Just this part,” he says, the heat on his face almost unbearable, “gently… and then… do whatever you want.”

Changkyun nods, leaning up to mouth at Kihyun’s neck as a finger prods gently at his hole, cold and slick and as he pulls at Kihyun’s skin with his teeth and pushes in slowly. And it feels positively surreal, as Kihyun breathes hard into the feeling, tilting his head for Changkyun to have to access to his neck and shivering when he feels Changkyun’s breath on him.

It’s not like the sensation is new. But it’s completely different when it’s someone else. 

Changkyun kisses and bites and sucks and moves his finger in and out of him before breathing a question against his neck, “More?” And Kihyun shudders, moaning softly as he nods. When Changkyun pulls out and pushes two fingers in, his kisses on Kihyun’s neck turn soft, small and lingering. “How does it feel?” he breathes.

Kihyun’s hand is at the back of Changkyun’s neck, nails scratching all the way down to his shoulder as Kihyun leans his head on Changkyun’s, breathes on his ear and spreads more for him. Again, not an unfamiliar feeling. But Changkyun is starting to go deeper than Kihyun had ever been able to go on his own.

“Feels…” Kihyun breathes. “Like you…” He closes his eyes at a subtle jab, shuddering and whining into Changkyun’s ear. “Feels g--good.”

Changkyun growls at the back of his throat, moving his fingers in and out of him, scissoring gently before crooking his fingers inside of Kihyun, prodding for-- Kihyun yelps a moan, reacting to a sensation that passes just as quickly as it registers, and Kihyun pushes back hard into Changkyun’s touch with a feinting sound and a shiver, hoping to get back to the sudden rush. Changkyun squirms underneath him, gripping tightly at Kihyun’s hip, and pulls out to, with unexpected roughness, push his fingers back in and Kihyun yelps again at the sensation, electricity shooting up his spine and a heavy, light feeling in his stomach. His dick is practically throbbing to be touched, leaking a little at the tip.

“Ju--just,” Kihyun breathes out, suddenly feeling like a live wire, “Do whatever you want...”

“No holding back,” Changkyun breathes in return, and Kihyun almost whines at the loss when Changkyun pulls out to flip them around, lifting his legs to wrap them around his waist as he leans over him, and Kihyun can feel the blunt tip of Changkyun’s dick at his entrance as he kisses Kihyun’s forehead, his cheek, his neck. He leans to the side for a second, the familiar pop of the lube bottle and Changkyun dribbles more over Kihyun’s hole and tears open the condom wrapper with his teeth. Kihyun chastises the little voice in his head that says 'that's hot'. He reaches down to roll it over his dick before tossing the wrapper and bottle aside and leaning in to bump his forehead against Kihyun’s, clean hand reaching up to thumb at Kihyun’s bottom lip. “You’re so beautiful…”

“Shut up,” Kihyun breathes out, pulling Changkyun closer with his legs around Changkyun’s waist. 

“As long as you don’t,” Changkyun grins through his daze, and slowly pushes in, gasping, loud. “ _ F-fuck… _ ”

Kihyun closes his eyes and grits his teeth, whining a little as he comes to terms with the fact that he feels like he is being cloven in half. But he still pulls Changkyun closer and, well, no holding back  _ means _ no holding back, so Kihyun takes in a breath and digs his heels on Changkyun’s lower back to pull him closer a tad sooner than intended. Changkyun falls forwards a little, breathes out a heady moan against Kihyun’s shoulder before he regains the use of his arms to shakily prop himself up again, fully buried inside of Kihyun.

And Changkyun pulls back, pulls out slowly, before thrusting back in with a deep groan, gripping  _ tight _ at Kihyun’s hips. And this time Kihyun yelps another moan right into Changkyun’s ear, his arms coming up to Changkyun’s lower back, slipping under his shirt and then up his back, nails scraping all the way back down and grabbing a handful of Changkyun’s ass, gripping, pulling him closer,  _ deeper _ . The build-up almost unbearable as the pain shooting through Kihyun’s body quickly turns to something else.

“N-need to--” Changkyun pants, hands moving to Kihyun’s waist as he pulls out almost completely, sits up higher on his knees and holds Kihyun up to thrust in at a new angle, fast, hard, once, twice and-- Kihyun’s hand flies down to the cushion and he grips, his back arching as he yelps and his eyes dart up, somewhere on the ceiling but not locking anywhere. And he feels it, that incredible rush that goes through once and then  _ twice _ until…

“F--aster…” He breathes out, almost like a whisper, right before he whimpers.

Changkyun groans, loud, and does what he’s told, thrusting fast and hard and moaning uninhibited, and it sounds sounds a lot like, “ _ Kihyun _ …”

Kihyun’s abdomen clenches slightly but he makes a conscious effort to relax, what proves to be nearly impossible. One hand still gripping at the couch and the other finally finding Changkyun’s wrist, Kihyun interrupts the noises he’s subconsciously letting out to say;

“I… I love you…”

And the couch gives in, legs keeping it off the ground collapsing and it falls a few inches to the floor with a resounding thud that startles the shit out of Kihyun, his eyes suddenly going wide. Changkyun pauses to laugh softly and kiss Kihyun on the forehead.

“I love you more.”

Kihyun can’t help the breathy laugh, “No, no you don’t…” He leans his head back down with a heavy breath. _ Fuck the sofa, _ quite literally. They’re going to IKEA next weekend, that’s decided.

And then Changkyun moves again, starting slow despite how fast the spark in Kihyun’s stomach reignites, but he speeds up his thrusts the moment Kihyun starts moaning again, fucking into Kihyun mercilessly. 

It comes in waves all through Kihyun’s body. It feels like he’s coming, but it doesn’t  _ stop _ . It’s not the usual, brief shot of pleasure, it’s _ more _ and then almost too much. What starts with a silent gasp, slowly build up into an actual sequence of loud, lewd sounds as Kihyun’s back arches just slightly and his head tilts up on its own. Changkyun’s fingers wrap around Kihyun’s dick, pumping hard and fast and in time with Changkyun’s thrusts as he breathes onto Kihyun’s neck where he bites and kisses and moans. He can feel Changkyun deep inside him, can feel the way he takes him in, walls tightening on their own accord every time Changkyun moves, grazes that spot inside him.

Kihyun feels like he’s going to explode for a few moments. He feels his abdomen clench again, harder this time, and all he wants to do is curl up, legs tightening around Changkyun, ankles digging hard into the small of his back as Kihyun cries out, loud, and comes, teeth sinking into Changkyun’s skin, biting hard and pulling.

Changkyun cries out with him, hips losing their rhythm and stuttering as he thrusts his way through his orgasm, through the tightness of Kihyun’s own, arms coming up to pull Kihyun close, to cling to him as he shakes and then collapses, falling down on top of Kihyun, sweaty and panting. 

They breathe for a while, in the silence, on a dented couch.

“I…” Changkyun swallows, panting. “I...love you… so much…”

“I…”  _ Love you too _ . Kihyun feels his whole body tremble. “I can’t feel my legs…” He breathes out as his legs go limp and shaky.

Changkyun laughs through a breath, moving his hands to unhook Kihyun’s legs and place them down slowly. “Me… me neither…”

Kihyun tries to move his arm but it falls limp over Changkyun’s back. “Correction, I can’t feel my whole body. Out of…” He slurs for a second there and laughs. “Out of body experience happening… right now.”

Changkyun smiles widely, eyes closed as he leans in to brush their noses together. “I know what you mean...” And he kisses Kihyun’s cheeks, his forehead and the tip of his nose. Changkyun leans his forehead on Kihyun’s for a moment, their eyes locked, drinking in the moment with a soft smile. 

And then Changkyun finally moves, careful when he slips out of Kihyun and the heat of his body right there on top of Kihyun’s is gone. 

“I’d never…” Kihyun mumbles, eyes locked on the ceiling, “I’d never...  _ any  _ of that, honestly…” He shivers, pleasure still working through his body, like little aftershocks. “Still feeling it, excuse my... brain is useless, here…”

“You’re adorable...” Changkyun chuckles from besides him, on his knees on the floor by the couch and wiping at Kihyun’s stomach with a warm cloth. 

“Changkyun…” Kihyun calls, frowning at the ceiling. “What… what are we going to tell Hoseok… about the, uhm, couch…”

Changkyun laughs as he cleans the mess off of him before his legs seemingly give in as he plops down next to Kihyun on the floor by the broken couch. “That it got fucked?” Changkyun giggles, ducking his head to hide his face in the cushions.

Kihyun rolls to his side with a groan and manages to curl up into a fetal position. There’s a sudden jab at his ribs before the feeling eases into numbness and then nothing. “You know… don’t freak out. But something just clicked into place,” he gestures vaguely with his hand at his chest. “Didn’t even notice but…” He snorts. How does one explain they may have fractured a rib and that it just healed in less than five minutes. “Nevermind. Are you okay?”

Changkyun blinks up at him and giggles again. “Am  _ I okay _ ? I’m…” he looks away, smiling wide. “Euphoric.”

Kihyun turns his face into the cushion to hide and laugh. “Yeah… give a few more minutes before I get there… but I’m glad.” He pauses and bites at his upper lip. “Make that two minutes.”

Changkyun looks back to frown in concern, hand reaching up to hover by his hair. “Oh, god, Ki, did I hurt you?”

“No,” Kihyun laughs again. “Maybe? But not like… not like that. It’s different. And I  _ am  _ fine.” He takes a deep breath hugs his knees before bouncing up to a sitting position. “See? I don’t break easy. Would be dead if I did.” He shrugs, face down to hide his nose between his arms when he feels his face heat up, eyeing the thin layer of sweat still on Changkyun’s wide, bare shoulders, his collarbones. Weight swims through his bones again as he laughs, ears red. “I am pretty sure first times are not usually this wild, though… Then again, I asked. No holding back.”

Changkyun slowly lets his features relax into a smile. “Next time, slower,” he says. “So I can look you in the eye... But hey,” Changkyun shrugs with a little laugh. “Sounded like you enjoyed yourself.”

_ So I can look you in the eye…  _ Kihyun swallows around a dry throat. “Did I say I didn’t?”

“No,” Changkyun’s eyes crinkle as his smile widens. “You’d be a lot madder about the couch if you didn’t.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and then lets himself slide down from the  _ dented _ couch to the floor, slowly crawling over Changkyun. “You know,” he starts, poking at Changkyun’s ribs and pushing him back against the floor, flattening his hand on Changkyun’s chest. “We’re gonna have to get a new one. These things are expensive!” He pokes him again. “You better make it up to me. I’ll have to work extra hours for the next two months!” He says that but he knows it’s also his own damn fault.

Changkyun rolls his eyes fondly, brushing some hair out of Kihyun’s eyes. “As much as I look forward to whatever sexual favours you have planned…” He pokes Kihyun back. “You could just let me get a damn job.”

_ “You know,” _ Kihyun shivers a little, “I  _ have _ been thinking about that… not actively thinking about it just, giving it some thought, at the back of my mind, on the way home.” He sighs. “That person I met today? Maybe… the two of you should meet.”

“What,” Changkyun tilts his head. His hair fans out a little on the floor. “You think he has a job for me or…?”

“He will probably sneer at the idea… but, come on, you  _ are  _ strong. And you’re only getting stronger. So, it’s both a way for you to test that and… well, maybe get something in return. I am sure he wouldn’t refuse your help. I wouldn’t, and I am a proud guy, here, so that says a lot about how strongly I feel about this.”

“Okay,” Changkyun says with a nod. “I mean, if you’re sure…”

Kihyun smirks. “The idea of you in an uniform is not entirely  _ bad _ . But I think it’s good to stick to what’s familiar. For now at least. And… well, I…” He licks his lips and looks away. “I can’t do this on my own. I mean, I could but… it would be  _ lacking.  _ I would probably do something stupid, end up in a ditch somewhere… And I think there’s stuff you need to learn, too. After all, this is not just about me. It’s about everyone. We all have something we want to protect. I am pretty sure  _ little human _ Hoseok would say the same… Therefore, we have to learn.”

“Protect, huh?” Changkyun nods again. “Everything is quite complicated, isn’t it. Part of me says the more we learn the simpler things will become, as we process them, but another part of me…” He trails his fingers over Kihyun’s cheek. “Kind of wishes this was it.”

Kihyun turns his face slightly to kiss Changkyun’s palm. “I know… Why do you think I run to you whenever things get overwhelming?”

“Solid ground,” Changkyun mumbles and then giggles a little. “Sorry, I just--I just remembered the couch.”

Kihyun snorts, head lowering as he laughs. “I am glad the bed is a bit sturdier. But…  _ Hey. _ Solid ground, huh?” He licks his lips and moves his eyes around to emphasize his point, “I clean this place. I trust this floor.”

“I think the floor would be just as expensive to replace,” Changkyun smirks, idly playing with Kihyun’s hair at the nape of his neck “When are we gonna go? To the Seer guy or whatever.”

_ “Weeeeeeell,” _ Kihyun lets himself slump down over Changkyun, breathe him in. He smells like sex and Kihyun shivers a little again. “Tomorrow  _ is  _ my birthday. And on the weekend we have places to go, things to do. But… demons don’t like to take our plans into consideration so I’d say the sooner the better…” He sighs, nuzzling over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Then again… he--Shownu told me to… practice. And I don’t know how to start. I don’t know what to do… And now I’m afraid I’ll hurt someone.”

Changkyun laughs softly. “Oh, Kihyun. You have no idea how it feels to look at you, to see that light of yours. I know you hate the word but it is ‘pure’... Anything it hurts, deserves it.”

Kihyun frowns, again his chest feels heavy with something. But he can’t wrap his mind around the feeling. It slips through his clutches as he tries to catch it. And then, with a breath, it’s lost and all Kihyun can register is the scent of Changkyun’s skin.

“Hey.” He props his chin over Changkyun’s chest. “Are you tired?”

Changkyun hums, running his hands down Kihyun’s side. “Why, do you want to test your floorboards, too?”

Kihyun sits up on Changkyun’s lap, hands coming to rest by the sides of Changkyun’s head. “Told you I heal fast.” He glances at his thumb and notices the scar left by the shard is gone. “So… unless you have anything better in mind…”

“I recently barely  _ have _ anything else in mind…” Changkyun hums, pulling him closer by throwing his arms around Kihyun’s waist, rolling his hips a little against Kihyun who hisses at the friction.

“Lucky you,” Kihyun mumbles, nose trailing down Changkyun’s jaw. “So… floor? Or bed?”

“Both,” Changkyun breathes with a cocky squeeze at Kihyun’s ass.

“Knew I liked you for a reason.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fight me, cc anons
> 
> AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


	16. Chrysanthemums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A beautiful flower. It symbolizes fidelity, optimism, joy and long life."

“I’m back,” Kihyun says as he closes the door behind him, envelope (a birthday letter from his father) in hand, the package under his arm slumping slightly as Kihyun does when he notices Hoseok’s sneakers in the middle of the hall. Will Hoseok ever tidy after himself? Probably never.

With an eye roll and a loud sigh, Kihyun kicks Hoseok’s sneakers to the side and kneels down to undo the laces on his shoes. He looks back up again, squinting when he doesn’t get an answer. No Changkyun running forward like an excited puppy and peppering kisses all over his face? What kind of world did he just walk into.

“Pretty sure I left him on the couch this morning…” Kihyun mumbles to himself as he gets up and slides off his shoes. “Kyunie?”

“I’m in here--!”

“He’s mine!”

Kihyun glances at the bathroom. The door is closed and Kihyun’s sure, locked. “May I ask why you and _my_ boyfriend have locked yourselves inside _my_ bathroom, Lee Hoseok?”

“You may not!” Hoseok calls back. “And don’t ask stuff, he’s painfully honest and I _cannot_ overpower him!”

Kihyun snorts, placing the package and the envelope over the kitchen table and shrugging off his jacket. “You know that he will teleport here if I call his name, right? Sort of…”

A pause. “That would be bad. Please do not do that.”

“Can I say stuff too, now?” Kihyun hears Changkyun ask and Hoseok shushes him with a, “Not until you learn how to lie.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and turns to the living room, eyes landing on Hyungwon. Hyungwon, who is staring down at the dented couch with a rather contemplative expression. Kihyun is already frowning by the time Hyungwon turns to him.

“Do I want to know?” Hyungwon asks, eyebrows unsure between a frown and climbing all the way up his forehead.

“Not… really,” Kihyun mumbles, looking away, frowning harder despite the heat on his face.

“Nice job on the couch, by the way!” Hoseok calls from the bathroom and Kihyun can hear Changkyun laugh.

Hyungwon grimaces a little, taking a step back with his hands up like the couch is suddenly going to bite him. “Never sitting down again… Actually, never touching anything again!”

“Oh, shut up,” Kihyun mutters with another eye roll and moves to sit down on the dented couch, sliding slightly to the side with the inclination. “It’s not what you think…”

“I am pretty sure it’s worse than what I think…” Hyungwon scoffs. “But hey, happy birthday.”

Kihyun shivers. “Death just spoke to me, I feel cursed, ugh…”

“Now you hurt my feeling.”

“Oh, you have those?”

The bathroom door clicks open, and Hoseok sticks his head out. “Close your eyes! Don’t look around! Don’t do any or both of those things!” Hoseok blinks, points but misses the subject by a few metres to the right. “And Hyungwon, don’t say anything either!”

Kihyun and Hyungwon’s heads snap to each other fast, so fast Kihyun hears his own neck crack. They blink, both turning to stare at Hoseok and blink again. “O--Okay,” they reply in unison.

They hadn’t spoken about it yet. Or maybe they had but Kihyun missed the memo. Is that what’s happening now? A strange kind of acceptance? It’s better than denial, denial, denial… _The Nile is a river in Africa, Kihyun_.

So Kihyun just laughs to himself and brings his feet up to the couch. “Closing my eyes.”

“He closed his eyes. Now, hurry up, I’m curious!” Hyungwon grumbles like Hoseok can hear him.

“Okay!” Kihyun hears before the sounds of Hoseok and Changkyun rushing into his bedroom and closing the door. “Alright, carry on!”

“Oh, this'll be fun,” Hyungwon scoffs, poking Kihyun on the leg.

Kihyun opens his eyes and snorts. “Sure… I am starting to feel anxious.” He glances towards the bedroom door. “Is it bad or good?”

“ _Well_ , I guess it depends. Good for you, amusing as fuck for me,” Hyungwon says, glancing over. “It's so weird that he knows when I'm around… And talks to me!”

“Talks to you?” Kihyun looks up, frowning.

“It's a very one sided conversation,” Hyungwon admits. “He went out and bought a ouija board, by the way. Which is objectively _hilarious._ ”

Kihyun throws himself to the side and laughs, kicking his legs just slightly. “Oh my god, tha--that’s so him!” He stops laughing and then just trembles until he starts laughing again. “Hoseok on Google in a few weeks: _‘Can you burn a Luigi board?’”_

Hyungwon laughs, pressing his hand over his mouth. “Sh--shut up, he’s trying! It’s… cute. Admit it, it’s endearing as hell.”

Kihyun snorts, throws his hands over his face and laughs again. “Oh god… yes. Yes, it is. Ugh…” He sighs. “Don’t tell him I said that… wait, nevermind, you can’t tell him.”

“I could, but it would take a hell of a long time, letter by letter,” Hyungwon rolls his eyes, a trace of a smile as he looks away. He glances at the bedroom door again and Kihyun swears he hears…

“A blowdryer?” Kihyun asks, propping himself up on his elbows. “Doesn’t… sound like mine… Hyungwon,” Kihyun asks, a sudden cold sweat running down his back. “Hyungwon, what did Hoseok do to Kyunie’s hair…”

“It’s not what Hoseok did to Kyun’s hair, but what Kyun’s hair,” Hyungwon gives Kihyun a pat on the shoulder. “Will do to you.”

“I’m…” Kihyun blinks, eyes going down and then up. He gasps. “Oh god… is… it…” He looks to Hyungwon, eyes wide. “Tell me it’s not…”

Hyungwon laughs, “Pink? No, he only hates _you_ that much. And me in college...” Hyungwon frowns. “Way to break a pattern, Wonho.”

If it’s not pink and it’s definitely _not_ black, the only other color they spoke about was… Kihyun lets himself fall back on the couch with a groan and throws his hands over his face.

“Fuck my life,” he mutters.

“Not as easily replaceable as a couch, but alright.”

“I heal fast, _physically._ Not sure about emotional scars…” Kihyun slides his hands down his face. “If I die, put a blanket around my soul and take it with you. Wherever I go, I will need a blanket. You’re really, hella cold, Hyungwon. Jesus…”

“Trying not to be offended,” Hyungwon deadpans.

“You should spend some more time around me, apparently I am a fire or whatever…” He sits up and smirks, hand slowly reaching for Hyungwon’s arm. “Come here, I will warm you…”

“Uhm!” Hyungwon scoots away. “Save that for lover boy, hamster!”

Kihyun gets up from the couch, both hands outstretched now. “Why are you running? It’s warm here… come, come… let me _strangle the shit out of you!”_

“Ack!” Is probably the sound Hyungwon makes as he scrambles away, over the couch before remembering he can phase away and does so, looking grumpy and accusatory at the other side of the room. “What did I ever do to you?!”

Kihyun shivers and lets himself plop back on the couch. “It was getting quite chilly.” He smirks. “And it’s fun.”

“Half angel my ass,” Hyungwon grumbles and the sound of the blow dryer in Kihyun’s room stops. “That demon’s rubbing off on you. Quite... literally, I guess.”

Kihyun glances to the door and then to Hyungwon, biting at his lower lip and tilting his head defiantly in his direction. “Jealous? Earthly pleasures are not a thing where you’re from now, are they?”

Hyungwon glares at him. “The hell do you think. And call it ‘earthly pleasures’ again and I really might just drag your soul to Hell before you finish your birthday.”

Kihyun does his best evil laugh, turning his face to the window. “You can barely stand next to me, would _loooove_ to see you try.” He smirks. “You forget there’s a sign of my face that reads ‘Beware of the dog’. He would never let you.”

“You talk and my threshold for punishment just--” Hyungwon gestures vaguely and rolls his eyes. “Ugh. _Ugh_ . You won at arm wrestling when we were fifteen and it still _irks me_.”

“What does? My charming personality or my winning smile?” Kihyun asks, turning to give Hyungwon the fakest smile he could think of. Of course, despite what it looks like, Kihyun really, really missed this. “You forget I did sports back then. Plus, PE.”

Hyungwon scoffs. “Yeah, classic sports anime. Pipsqueak on the soccer team, super gay with dreams of success and glory.”

“Do I need to go over there? To hug you and remind you of how much of a noodle you are?”

“You’re _threatening_ me with a hug?” Hyungwon laughs, clearly despite himself. “God, what’s next, ‘shut up or I’ll kiss you’?” Hyungwon shudders visibly, dramatic.

Kihyun makes a face but decides to roll with it. “Was not planning on that but if you insist,” he makes to get up, pausing to glance at Hyungwon. “You should really get the equivalent of a pair of glasses, sunglasses, you know. I can see you squinting at me.”

“Or maybe you can just learn to put your damn brightness setting down,” Hyungwon grumbles, looking away to smile and shrug. “After so many years you can kind of get used to it. Still annoying. You, I mean, not the light,” he laughs to himself.

Kihyun sits back down and gestures at himself. “It’s a whole package, it seems.”

“Ready?” Hoseok calls, then, suddenly from the bedroom door, _clearly_ excited.

Kihyun sighs and leans back on the couch. “Hurry, Hyungwon is bored and told me to kiss him.”

“I did not!” Hyungwon squeaks as Hoseok laughs.

“He’d rather die than kiss you so I _suppose_ …” Hoseok laughs again. “Okay, I’m sending him in.”

“Sending what in,” Kihyun turns around to look at the bedroom door and frowns.

Hoseok has to reach in and tug a bit before Changkyun steps out, looking at the floor and then up at Kihyun.

And there are _several_ things to process in a far too short amount of time. It _isn’t_ pink. As Kihyun thought, it’s… blonde. Hoseok went and made Changkyun _blonde_ , styled out of his eyes that definitely have makeup on--and--and as if that wasn’t _enough_ , he had to go and--and _decorate_ him. Because Changkyun doesn’t need glasses, but he’s wearing them. Because it’s entirely impractical to wear leather pants, and yet he is. It’s not _summer_ and Changkyun’s shirt seems to have a fair few buttons missing.

And all Kihyun can say, the only sound he manages to let out is a single, dry “Oh…”

He tongues the inside of his cheek, eyes shifting all over Changkyun before he looks to Hoseok and then Hyungwon, finally looking to Changkyun one last time and then away.

 _Damn,_ he thinks. _Shit,_ he adds.

“You dyed his hair blonde,” he says, because stating facts is easier.

Changkyun walks forward, pushing the glasses up the bridge of his nose with a finger. “Do you... like it?”

Kihyun’s brain screams obscenely at him, but Kihyun looks up and smiles. “Y--Yeah, you…” _Be still, my heart,_ “It looks really nice… different. A good different.” He nods. “I like it!”

Changkyun smiles-- _goddammit dimples--_ and glances at Kihyun’s chest and back up. “Good,” Changkyun says, and Hyungwon makes a disgusted noise somewhere in the background. “Happy Birthday, Kihyun."

“T--Thanks,” Kihyun nods, laughing a little. “I…” He licks his lips and looks down. _Brain, brain, brain, why do I have you if you don’t work when I need you to!_ “I, uhm, I know it’s not a… tradition but…” He gets up and takes a deep breath. “I got you something. For all of you, though I doubt...” He raises an eyebrow when he looks at Hyungwon, “you will get much use out of it, really. Or maybe you will,” he shrugs, “What do I know.”

Hoseok frowns, walking over. “You got _us_ a present? Dammit, Ki!” Hoseok laughs, “That’s not how this works.”

“I forgot, okay! I… I forgot my birthday was today!” He rolls his eyes and gestures as he walks to the table, has to concentrate on looking away from Changkyun. _Jesus fucking Christ_. “And I kinda… got this for Kyunie and then… things happened so… why not get something for the two of you as well, is what I thought.” He stops in front of the package he’d left over the table and slaps his hand over the top.

Hoseok sighs affectionately and Changkyun tilts his head as he walks over, leaning in to look at the package even with Kihyun’s hand over it. “What… what is it?”

“Remember when you said…” Kihyun mumbles, slowly pulling at the duct tape over the top, “You said I didn’t have…” He moves his other hand between him and Changkyun, _“us_ on my wall? Well…” He unwraps the package and brings out two mid-sized frames. One, a simple black frame with a silhouette photography of Changkyun in Venice boarded in a white background. He hands it to Changkyun. The other, a detailed white frame with an old photo Kihyun had found while rummaging through his old folders at work; a photo from the day Hoseok and Hyungwon got into college. Kihyun hands it to Hoseok.

Kihyun lets his hands fall to his sides and sighs before he starts picking at the wrapper. “I hope… you like it,” he says. “I used the laser printer at work for that,” he laughs, “You know I hate that printer.”

It’s odd, the silence that follows. The one where Hyungwon slowly walks closer to look at the frame in Hoseok’s hands. And Changkyun’s looking at his present like he doesn’t believe it’s real.

“Kihyun, this is…” Hoseok says, smiling widely at the picture before hugging it close. “ _Thank you_.”

And Changkyun’s still just staring at the picture, glasses on the tip of his nose.

“N-no fair,” Changkyun breathes, voice sounding thick and low.

Kihyun glances at him but it’s _hard_ to keep his eyes on Changkyun’s face. “You can… hang that on the wall, if you want.”

Changkyun nods, looking up at Kihyun with shiny eyes and a bright smile. “Yeah! Yeah, I--I do,” he pushes his glasses back up again and breathes in. “Where do you want to…”

“Well,” Kihyun smiles. And something… smells nice? _What is that?_ “There’s nothing over the couch right now and I think there’s an old nail hook still on the wall, so why not…”

Changkyun nods and immediately heads over to the living room and then stops. He turns around, blinking. “Why is it just... me?”

“Because _you’re_ going to take mine.”

And there’s that smile again. “I… I have nearly an album full, already.”

Kihyun laughs, blushes just a little. “Nah, I meant with,” he nods towards the cupboard by the entrance, “The fancy camera. I’ll teach you.”

“You’re trusting him with your _camera_?” Hyungwon scoffs. “Wow.”

“I’ve never even touched that camera,” Hoseok pouts for a second before just smiling down at the picture frame in his hands.

Changkyun walks over to hang the picture above the couch, looking over his shoulder at Kihyun, at Hoseok smiling down at the picture in his hands. “Soon?”

“That’s up to you,” Kihyun shrugs, “you’re the one with the--” he snorts and looks to Hyungwon “--Magic hand.”

The response is almost expected. Hyungwon makes a face and shivers. _“Ugh!”_

And Kihyun laughs. “Death got cold shivers.”

“You choose the place we go this time, though!” Changkyun beams as he slots the frame over a hook and rushes to the kitchen, arms open.

And it’s not necessary, not really, but Kihyun still says “Come here,” before he hugs Changkyun first, one arm around his waist. “You smell good,” he mumbles once he feels Changkyun’s arms around him. _So that’s what it was_ … Perfume.

“You two really are gross,” Hyungwon grumbles. _A little jealousy,_ Kihyun sing songs inside his head.

“You have me to thank for that, too,” Hoseok says to his picture. “Jo Malone. Wood sage and sea salt. You’re welcome.”

“You…” Kihyun starts, rolling his eyes but still shoving his nose on Changkyun’s neck to sniff him, and Changkyun laughs somewhere deep in his throat. “No, seriously, it smells _really_ good.”

Hoseok laughs, moving around the kitchen. “Do you two need me to go or…”

Kihyun moves, dragging Changkyun with him, arm still around his waist, and looks at the clock. “It’s almost one. If we’re getting fried chicken we should go soon.” He absently sniffs Changkyun’s neck again. “It gets quite packed near half past one.”

Hoseok sighs, leaning forward to rest his head on his elbows. “I made him too hot, didn’t I, Wonnie…”

“Admitting to that would kill me,” Hyungwon mumbles.

Hoseok laughs a little to himself, and Hyungwon almost startles at what sounds like a reply. “I’ll go make sure we have a table, then?”

“Hm?” Kihyun turns around again, still dragging Changkyun with him who simply follows, a small smile on his face and eyes on Kihyun’s lips. “No, no, we’re coming.”

“Suuuuure, you are,” Hoseok rolls his eyes fondly, turning to open the fridge and grab a juice box. Hyungwon flops down on the chairs by the counter, forehead to the marble.

“Come on, come on,” Kihyun bosses as he drags Changkyun with him to the entrance. “Ah, shit, my jacket,” he remembers, turning back to the living room again and Changkyun laughs, popping them through time and space a few feet to the left.

“You’re not gonna let go of him until we get to that restaurant, are you?” Hoseok pierces the little box of juice with a straw. “Hell, not even then.”

“Letting go once we’re out the front door.” Kihyun says to no one in particular. “You know I don’t really like public displays of--oh!” He turns to Hoseok, pulling at his jacket with his free arm, “You’re taking the stairs, by the way. The both of you.”

Hoseok pauses from where he’s drinking. “Why wou--You know what? Sure. It’s leg day anyway!”

Changkyun chuckles and leans in to whisper in Kihyun’s ear. “You smell good, too.”

“Okay, that’s it, we’re leaving!” Kihyun announces.

 

\---

 

This time, Changkyun is the one that presses every possible button.

And Kihyun pushes him against the nearest wall, mouthing at his neck, hand slamming over the _STOP_ button the moment the elevator starts moving. He tongues all the way up to Changkyun’s ear, feeling the bitter taste of perfume against his tongue and then bites at the soft skin of Changkyun’s earlobe.

“So,” Changkyun breathes out, shaky and groaning. “When you said you _liked_ the new hair…”

“I meant I really wish those two weren’t around,” Kihyun whispers over Changkyun’s ear. “Also, what are these?” He asks, leaning back just to look down at Changkyun’s leather pants, run his hands over Changkyun’s hips. “Sinful.”

Changkyun shivers, pulling Kihyun closer by the hips. “Not really easy to get into, but worth it if you keep talking like that.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and slides both hands behind Changkyun, to his lower back and then his ass over the pants (making Changkyun yelp) and pulls him closer, teeth going for his neck again to bite and pull at skin.

He tugs at Changkyun again, walking (read: stumbling) backwards with him until Kihyun’s back hits the wall on the other side of the elevator. Changkyun presses against him, their hips slotting perfectly and Kihyun gasps. “Come on, we have… places to be.”

“You started this,” Changkyun growls, pushing his knee up between Kihyun’s legs and smirking against his jaw.

Kihyun whimpers a little, rolling his hips to get more friction. He moves one hand to the front to tug at Changkyun’s shirt and then slides it under the material and over his skin, nails scratching over his nipple and Changkyun shudders. “Pretty sure… _you_ started this.”

“No,” Changkyun says, biting at Kihyun’s throat, definitely harder than he would have before Kihyun’s little ancestry revelation, hand moving down to shamelessly palm at the bulge in Kihyun’s pants, “But I _am_ finishing it.”

“Well, then…” Kihyun laughs a little, hand stilling by Changkyun’s side, under his shirt, thumb pressing on his nipple, the other hand still on Changkyun’s ass, pulling him closer, “Don’t leave them waiting downstairs.”

Changkyun grins, leaning back to take the glasses off his face, place them on Kihyun’s and lick up the line of his jaw as he undoes the buttons of Kihyun’s jeans, and drops down to his knees, pulling Kihyun’s pants down as he does, biting and licking at Kihyun’s thighs. Changkyun lifts him, then, up to wrap Kihyun’s legs around Changkyun’s face, and takes him into his mouth fully with absolutely no time for Kihyun to process any of it.

Kihyun throws his head back, letting out a sound that sounds like something between a ‘Yes!’ and a ‘God!’. His hand finds a handful of Changkyun’s stupidly smooth- _-goddamn you, Hoseok-_ -blonde hair and grips. His other hand flattens on the elevator wall to keep himself steady even as Changkyun holds him up.

Changkyun moves his mouth up and down Kihyun’s dick, one hand scratching at his ass, the other reaching up and tugging at Kihyun’s shirt and when Kihyun finds the presence of mind to pay attention to it, to look down, Changkyun’s looking up at him.

And it’s that _look_ , that one that gives Kihyun a sudden rush. A look that would inspire fear, but instead makes Kihyun fall in love even more ( _especially considering the situation, who wouldn’t fall in love_ ). But it lacks something and Kihyun wants that, too. So he says;

“I love you.”

Changkyun pulls off of him slowly, swirling his tuck and sucking lightly at the tip of Kihyun’s dick and talks around him, “I love you more,” and sinks down on him again, swallowing around him and squeezing with both hands at his ass.

Kihyun breathes in, sharp, eyes on the elevator lights, and grips tighter around Changkyun’s hair. It builds so fast and intense that Kihyun can barely register the near assault of pleasure and pressure in his stomach,. “Kyunie… I… I’m--” The feeling on his lower abdomen swells, making him curl a little over Changkyun. “He--Hey, I’m gonna--”

And Changkyun moans around him like an invitation, pressing closer and swallowing as Kihyun bites at his lower lip to muffle a moan and trembles as he comes. Changkyun slowly pulls off, lapping and cleaning Kihyun with his tongue, shifting Kihyun’s legs off his shoulders and pulling Kihyun’s pants up as he stands up, mouthing at Kihyun’s neck and zipping him up. “Finished.”

Kihyun sighs, chin landing over Changkyun’s shoulder. He’s feeling a bit dazed and definitely red. But he smiles, patting Changkyun on the cheek and laughs a little when he says, “Good boy.”

Changkyun scoffs lightly, putting his arms around Kihyun to squeeze and tease, “Yes you are.”

Kihyun snorts, softly pushing himself off the wall and walking Changkyun backwards towards the opposite wall again, reaching to click at the _STOP_ button again and then backing off to where he was. They still have a whole amount of floors and doors opening and closing to wait but they might, stressing _might,_ as well keep a few feet between them.

“Does this…” Changkyun starts, leaning against the opposite wall to Kihyun, gesturing between the two of them. “Happen to all boyfriends?”

“What,” Kihyun laughs, crossing his arms. He looks at Changkyun’s crotch, dick straining a little against the leather and his eyebrow twitches. “Sorry,” he says.

“The not being able to keep our hands to ourselves,” Changkyun laughs and shifts on his feet, tugging a bit at his pants, looking down and moving his shirt a little. “It’s okay. Think they’ll notice?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “It’s cold outside, that will help… I think.” He crosses his arms and tilts his head. “And I don’t know. I think so… maybe. I wouldn’t say it happens to everyone but… we do have a few bonuses.” He points to himself. “Fast metabolism and you… well, the same, I think.” He looks down and laughs. “But… I think it’s… also because it’s us. Chemistry.”

Changkyun smirks to himself. “Us… I like that.” He laughs a little. “I wasn’t complaining, by the way...”

“Great. ‘Cause I have a fair amount of ideas for… later.” Kihyun looks up, “My birthday, remember? I get to pick.”

Changkyun’s eyes flick to him, ears pink. “Pick, huh?” Despite the pink ears, Changkyun smirks as he looks Kihyun up and down. “Fine with me...” Changkyun tilts his head. “You know, Hoseok might have a pair of pants like these for you, too.”

The number on the wall changes from two to one and Kihyun snorts. “Would you like that?”

Changkyun licks his lips in a way that answers Kihyun’s question loud and clear.

And then one turns to zero. The elevator doors open and Kihyun pushes himself away from the wall, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “Noted,” he says, mayhaps a bit cocky.

“Took you long enough!” Hoseok grumbles from where he sits in the middle of the hall. “My ass is frozen!”

“This is _your fault, you oaf_ ,” Hyungwon says, moving to smack at the back of Hoseok's head but (obviously) doesn’t.

Kihyun pulls his phone out and clicks the home button. He smirks. “It was just ten minutes. You’re all so impatient, _Jesus…_ ”

Hoseok has to laugh, rolling his eyes as he turns to the front door. “Yeah, _we’re_ the impatient ones…”

Kihyun raises his voice, “D’y’all remember… that night during the last year of high school… _when there was a very strange, very whitish substance on the backseat of your car…”_ He warns, speaking even louder as he goes on, “and your _mom_ almost sat on that! And I almost _died_ because--”

“Conversation over!” Hyungwon growls and Changkyun laughs as Hoseok turns heel to smack his hand over Kihyun’s mouth, blushing red.

“You stop that!”

“At least we’re not that messy,” Changkyun teases, walking past them.

“You broke the couch!” Hoseok and Hyungwon exclaim at the same time.

Kihyun keeps talking even with Hoseok’s hand over his mouth but no intelligible sound comes out. He still talks, however, as if it’s the most eloquent speech he’s ever given.

 

\---

 

 

“What is about you and _chicken_ anyway,” Changkyun laughs as they walk down the side of the road, past shops and cafes. The smell of desserts and sweet potato hangs in the air, and the sky isn’t clear but the clouds look light, both in colour and weight.

Kihyun skips one step and Changkyun notices they’re walking in sync now. “What? I’m sure you have your preferences as well.”

Changkyun looks at the clouds, thinks about all the things he’s eaten and laughs lightly as his mind tells him to skip over _that_ one and lands on, “Jelly babies.”

“You’re such a baby,” Kihyun mumbles, skipping another step, to keep himself in sync with Changkyun.

“You didn’t specify! I can pick a sweet if I want.”

“Baby,” Kihyun repeats.

“Yes?” Changkyun says, biting his tongue between his teeth. Changkyun can almost _hear_ the blush on Kihyun’s face.

“Walked right into that one…” Kihyun mumbles to himself, puffing a breath just to watch the little steam that leaves his mouth. Kihyun does that when it’s cold, and Changkyun smiles to himself.

“I’m not opposed and I _do_ admit I quite like it but,” Changkyun tilts his head. “Why do people call each other ‘baby’? “‘Sweetheart’ makes sense...”

“Well,” Kihyun clears his throat. “Babies are… cute. Might be related. Hoseok’s mother still calls him ‘baby’, even though he looks like _that.”_

Changkyun laughs. “Yeah, he’s… _big_ ,” Changkyun thinks is the right word. “But he did use me as a teddy bear so I see it.”

“He does cry like a baby, too.”

Changkyun sighs. “Yeah, unfortunately I know that, too.” Changkyun keeps looking around. They’ve never walked this way before. There are more people, more colorful shops, more cars and busses that pass. Kihyun’s absolute joy at the amount of chicken Hoseok was buying for him at the restaurant had been nearly as priceless as the way he cringed in embarrassment when Hoseok and Changkyun started singing ‘Happy Birthday’. Hoseok had taught him that while they did his hair and makeup. Which, Changkyun had to admit, did have its benefits, if the way Kihyun’s heartbeat when Changkyun had walked out of the room is to be of any indication. And if not that, his enthusiasm in the elevator had definitely proved it worth Changkyun’s time.

“Ki, baby?”

Kihyun’s heart skips a beat and Changkyun hears it like someone just screamed in his ears. “H--Hm?”

Changkyun grins at the sky, feeling his own heart squeeze. Changkyun thinks a lot about how cute Kihyun is, how sexy he can be, and he barely notices it besides the fact that he always hears it at the back of his head. “Was just checking something…”

“You’re so weird,” Kihyun mutters.

“You say ‘you’re so weird’, I hear ‘I like them weird’,” Changkyun laughs. “Win win, really.”

Kihyun’s heart skips another beat. He sighs. “Where’s the lie…”

 _Cute_. Changkyun holds out his hand, wiggling his fingers. “My hand is cold, little light.”

And now, instead of skipping, Kihyun’s heart races. He looks a little panicked for a moment, eyes searching the street and looking at the people passing them by. But before Changkyun can think too much of it, Kihyun reaches out and curls a finger around one of Changkyun’s.

“Wear gloves next time,” Kihyun grumbles as he lets his hand move up to hold Changkyun’s properly.

“But then you won’t hold my hand,” Changkyun mumbles, glancing over. “ _You know,_ I didn’t dye my hair and struggle into these pants for you to be shy about me in public.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and stops walking, forcing Changkyun to stop with him, too. “There’s only _one_ thing I want to do to you in those pants and with that hair, so give me a break.” He tugs at Changkyun’s hand. “You’re dressing in cute sweaters for the rest of the week.”

Changkyun mimics Kihyun’s eye roll. “And gloves, I guess.”

“If you don’t want me to hold your hand, then yes.” Kihyun says before he starts walking again. “Also, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but… people keep staring at you.”

Changkyun’s eyebrows jump and he looks around, a girl walking past them ducking her head and blushing. “Huh,” Changkyun says. “So you’re not the only one that likes it.”

Kihyun snorts. “There are universal concepts, you know. And I am certain that right now you fit in a couple of really good ones. So, yes, the collective agrees that you look good. The girls behind you during lunch were having a _blast_.”

Changkyun puffs some air out of his nose in amusement. “You know, if I didn’t know you better I’d say you sound a little jealous.”

“Maybe I am,” Kihyun says and Changkyun recognizes the familiar twinge of anger in his voice, “But I know that at the end of the day I am the one you go home with. So, be my guests. Stare all you want, ladies!”

Changkyun laughs softly, squeezing his hand, remembering something Hoseok had told him when they were dying his hair. “You’re showing me off!”

And Kihyun frowns and mutters, “Bet your sweet round ass I am.”

Changkyun feels the laugh burst out of him, putting a hand to his mouth to stifle the giggles as- _-people really do keep looking at him! What!_ “My--” he laughs again. “My ass appreciates the compliment. Besides, don’t think I’m not showing _you_ off either…”

Kihyun looks down at his own clothes and frowns harder, “I look… normal. Average at best. And now I am pissed off. Where’s my secret makeover, Hoseok?”

Changkyun trips lightly on a slightly-raised brick on the pavement. He feels himself blush, remembers the pictures of Kihyun with pink hair on Hoseok’s phone, thinks about Kihyun dressed in pants like these--”I, er, I mean, you could always just--a-ask him for one.”

“No, thank you, I don’t want to give him the satisfaction,” Kihyun grumbles to himself. He stops then, features softening considerably as he looks at something. Changkyun follows his line of sight and notices the colorful flower shop. He feels Kihyun’s grip on his hand loosen slightly as he guides Changkyun a little closer. “These look nice,” he says softly, fingers slowly and delicately reaching for one of the smaller flowers, a white flower.

“Chrysanthemums,” a lady says from the door to the store. Both Kihyun and Changkyun look up. “They’re little buds right now, but will flourish big and strong.”

Kihyun smiles politely and looks around and Changkyun feels himself smile softly at the way Kihyun takes everything in. “Are all of these the same? There’s so many different colors…”

The lady giggles softly, “Yes,” she says. “A beautiful flower. It symbolizes fidelity, optimism, joy and a long life.” She gestures at the red and orange ones, “Love,” then at the white little ones Kihyun keeps touching with the tips of his fingers, “Truth and loyal love,” and finally to the yellow ones, “Slighted love.”

“I didn’t know flowers had meanings…” Changkyun says under his breath, reaching out to gently brush the pads of his fingers over the same flower as Kihyun.

“Take one,” the lady says with a bright smile. “Take one with you.”

Kihyun looks up, blinking, “Really?”

The woman nods animatedly, smiling between the two of them. “Whichever one you’d like.”

And it’s not even a second before Kihyun slowly picks up at the white flower he’d been touching and moves to tuck it behind Changkyun’s ear, smiling a little as his eyes go between the flower and Changkyun’s face.

“There you go,” he says, laughing and turning to the lady to bow his head. “Thank you very much.”

Changkyun reaches up but doesn’t touch ( _truth and loyal love,_ he remembers) as the lady giggles softly, “Oh, that’s alright, young man. It quite fits him.”

Kihyun looks up and then glances to Changkyun, smiling when he looks away. “It does.” He turns to walk away and bows one more time with few more ‘thank yous’ slipping from his mouth.

And Changkyun keeps wanting to reach up to touch the little petals, a small smile tugging at his lips. “That was very…” He blushes lightly. “Romantic.”

Kihyun looks at him, “Really?” He frowns and looks down to think. “Is… is that bad?”

“No!” Changkyun is quick to defend. His chest is swimming with warm, heavy feelings. “No, it’s not, I’m just--” There’s a word for it. He’s read it, heard it. Hasn’t said it. “Flustered.”

He hears Kihyun’s heart skip a beat and then, _“Come here?”_

Those words always sound like home. So he does as he always does, and gets as close to Kihyun as he is allowed, and knows Kihyun will do the rest.

 

\---

 

 

Kihyun walks towards the window in the living room and looks outside as he throws his jacket over the sad-looking and very much broken couch.

He slides the window open, shivering slightly when the cold breeze runs by his neck, and looks over his shoulder, “We should buy plants. I'm thinking cactus. They're easy to maintain. And they're cute.”

“Ooh, yes!” Changkyun says, bouncing once before moving to the kitchen. “I also saw this thing on YouTube, actually, where you can grow little plants in pots and things--like, a little strawberry or chilli plant or something.”

“Aw, I like that,” Kihyun says as he steps outside. “Succulents are cute, too.”

“Well! Once I have a job, I’ll get us some plants,” Changkyun nods, opening the fridge. “Want some bubbles?”

“Sure,” Kihyun laughs, looking around the empty balcony. He never really cared about plants. What gives? “About that… job thing…”

“You’re not second guessing it, are you?” Changkyun asks with a squint, closing the fridge and scouring the cupboards for two glasses.

“No. I'm thinking you should go on your own.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says in honest surprise. “I thought you wanted to go to learn from him? About your light.”

“I do, I do. But…” Kihyun looks over the railing at the setting sun. “It's something you want to do, right? It's your thing. I don't want to mom you, that's all. I know I do that sometimes.”

Changkyun scoffs. “You’re Hoseok’s mom, not mine.” Changkyun walks over, handing Kihyun a glass. “And… I mean sure, yeah, but didn’t Hyungwon say he had demon wards all over his house? A big ol’ crossbow on his couch? Won’t he just see a demon and--” Changkyun gestures. “React.”

Kihyun frowns and sips at his drink. “He didn't strike me as dumb. Weird? Certainly. But not dumb. Plus, I told him to keep his… weapons pointed somewhere else. Why do I hate this phrasing…”

“Possible innuendo,” Changkyun points out, taking a sip as well and leaning on the railing, eyes on the clouds. “At a guess.” He shrugs. “Not even sure what he’d pay me for. Pest control, maybe?”

“That would be counterproductive,” Kihyun says, leaning on the rail next to Changkyun, “You're the pest here.”

“No wonder I’m your first boyfriend, if this is how you flirt.”

Kihyun ignores the stab but still says, “True, had to look for someone with very little understanding of the world.”

Changkyun laughs. “Eh, being naive and mostly ignorant worked out pretty well for me so I won’t be _too_ offended.”

Kihyun shrugs, “I did give you four days to grow up. And you did. Pretty damn fast.” He sobs dramatically for effect. “They go into the world and come back all grown up…”

Changkyun laughs, shaking his head fondly. “You never did ask me what I did those four days,” Changkyun grins, swirling the soda in his glass like a fine wine.

“Figured you'd tell me if it was necessary. I don't really…” Kihyun trails off. “You did mention you were hunting some shit up and about.”

“Fair. Among other things, but mostly that.”

“Wanna know what I did?” He asks, taking another sip of his drink and frowning when the bubbles almost go down the wrong side of his throat. Changkyun nods and turns to lean on his side instead, watching Kihyun curiously.

Kihyun blinks at the sunset and then sighs and turns to face Changkyun as well. “Slept for almost twenty four hours during the first day, but kept waking up with nightmares. Went to work on Monday but couldn't stand having anyone near me. Finally called Hoseok and told him I needed to talk. Didn't sleep much for the other three nights. And had tons of time to think about things. Some of those included you. Some just me. And… then met with Hoseok and... you were there for the rest.”

Changkyun frowns softly at the bubbling soda in his glass. “I could… I’ve told you before but I could feel that fear. From the nightmares....” He looks up at him with a sheepish smile. “Staying away was really hard. _Really_ hard.”

“I know,” Kihyun looks down and smiles small. “But it wouldn't have worked out like this if… well, if I hadn't missed you throughout those nightmarish days.” He sighs. “It was not like what it is right now. But I did miss you… You're fun to be around.”

“Things…” he smiles small. “Work out the way they should, I’ve found. When it comes to us.”

Kihyun looks up and smiles, “Yeah, I know.” He looks down at the street. “I don’t work tomorrow, by the way. So, if you wanna do something, warn me beforehand so I can mentally prepare myself. I’m in a stay at home mood.”

“Me too, so don’t worry,” Changkyun says. “We’ll climb Everest another day.”

Kihyun laughs, “Sometimes I forget I could use you to go to tons of places…”

“Abso _lutely_ anywhere,” Changkyun sing-songs. “Unfortunately I can’t travel in _time_ or we’d have our own TV show.” Changkyun pauses. “Not that our lives wouldn’t already qualify.”

Kihyun leans over the rail and crosses his arms, drink still in his hand as he buries his face in the hollow and laughs. It almost sounds like sobbing, but no. He’s not sobbing. He’s _laughing._ “Oh, god. Marry me.” He snorts. “Seriously, though,” he laughs again, turning his face just slightly to peek at Changkyun, “You’re right. Think Netflix would be interested in doing a show with us?”

Changkyun blinks back at Kihyun, a soft frown before clearing his throat and looking away. “Maybe. What with the demons and the raunchy sex.” Changkyun chugs the rest of the drink and nods. “Would you look at that, I need more of this, I’ll just.” Changkyun points to the kitchen and walks to it.

Kihyun cocks an eyebrow and turns just to watch him go. “Getting used to the bubbles, are we.” He shakes his head and smiles down. “No fun.”

“I’m sure there’s other things you can torture me with,” Changkyun assures him, looking through the fridge. “Did we have any more wine? I was just getting used to--nevermind, I got it.”

“Wine?” Kihyun laughs. “What… What’s up?”

“Nothing! Really, nothing is wrong,” Changkyun says, peeking his head out to smile at Kihyun from the kitchen. “You’re kind of cute when you laugh, you know! Looks like you’re crying.”

“What? How’s…” Kihyun shakes his head and walks back in, standing by the window frame, “I don’t understand if you’re implying that crying is cute, that I’m cute when I cry--which, by the way, _Jesus_ , Changkyun…”

“What?” Changkyun walks into the counter and then gives Kihyun a thumb’s up as if to say ‘I’m okay’. “No, you just--your shoulders shake and it looks like you’re crying but you’re not, you’re laughing, and I guess that’s kind of cute? ‘Cause it’s unexpected? Do you want some wine?”

Kihyun makes a face, like he’s watching Hyungwon walking upside-down. “You…” He makes a face at the wall and then shakes his head. He looks to Changkyun again, frowning. “Why are you freaking out?”

Changkyun pauses mid-pouring. “Is… Is that what I’m doing.”

 _“Changkyun!”_ Kihyun gestures aggressively at the wine.

Changkyun startles, tipping the wine back before it overflows. He puts the bottle down. “Right, sorry. I’m not good at being human.”

Kihyun sighs and slowly walks up to him, placing his own cup on the counter. “I think freaking out is a very human thing to do…” He looks at Changkyun. “What… Why are you freaking out?”

Changkyun smiles at the wine, sheepish. “S’stupid.” He leans forward, sips some wine from the rim of the glass.

“No, apparently it’s not.” Kihyun crosses his arms and leans against the counter. “So spill it.”

“What, the wine?”

“I knew you were going to say that, you shit…”

“You said ‘marry me’. Don’t think you noticed, though.”

Kihyun frowns again and then looks down as he replays their entire conversation inside his head. His eyes widen then, suddenly, as he looks up to blink at Changkyun and then glances away as he starts to feel the heat on his face.

What is he supposed to say to that? He didn’t really mean it but…

“That was…” Kihyun clears his throat and crosses his arms tighter. “Y--Yeah, I’m…” He blinks, frowns again, looks everywhere but Changkyun and then gestures to the bedroom. “I’m going to get… changed.”

“Kihyun,” Changkyun says from where he’s leaned over the glass of wine. “I know you didn’t mean it.” He smiles softly. “But go, there’s something I wanna do in here. Call it a last minute birthday surprise.”

Kihyun’s shoulders slump and he lets out a breath, almost robotically turning to walk to the bedroom. _Call me out on my exaggerations why don’t you._

The bedroom feels slightly colder than the rest of the house. Or maybe that’s Kihyun’s body temperature lowering after that little freak out just now. He gets rid of his shirt and then the one underneath. Pulls a white t-shirt over his head and a warm old grey sweater, too. And then _off with the jeans, on with the sweatpants._ He looks down at the Adidas symbol over plain black and snorts. Back in the day Hoseok would get him expensive clothes, too. Now the demon gets everything.

Kihyun kneels down and pulls a drawer open, noticing the unpacked fluffy socks Hoseok got him last Christmas. It’s a duo, a pair of green socks and a pair of red socks. He smiles as he rips the pack open, takes his socks off and slides his feet into the new red, fluffy ones.

“Hey, Kyunie. Got something for you!” He calls, getting up and walking back towards the living with the green socks in hand.

Changkyun looks over his shoulder from where he’s standing by the television, open on Spotify. He laughs when he sees what Kihyun’s holding, walking over. “What in the name of all…”

Kihyun looks down and wiggles his feet. “Matching!”

Changkyun shakes his head with another laugh, reaching down to pull his socks off and hops a bit as he puts the new ones on. He blinks at Kihyun, a frown and a pout, lips pulled into a line. “This feels great. Why don’t people always wear these?” Changkyuns asks, wiggling his own feet.

Kihyun smiles brightly, “I don’t know but I agree! Didn’t know I had these. But now I’m happy.”

Changkyun’s expression melts. “I… That makes me happy, too.”

Kihyun laughs and looks around. “So, what are you up to?”

Changkyun takes another second to just smile all sappy at Kihyun before gesturing to the television, turning lightly and reaching for the little keyboard connected to the television. “I have a stupid idea, if you’ll indulge me.”

“Okay…?” Kihyun snorts, suspiciously eyeing Changkyun and then the TV.

“You are _totally_ allowed to laugh at me, by the way,” Changkyun says, chuckling and turning to the television, pressing a few buttons on the keyboard and slow, familiar music starts playing as he puts it down, holds out his hand and bends his knee slightly as he smiles up at him hopefully. “May I have this dance?”

Kihyun’s first reaction is to slap a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing. But it’s short and then he just bites at his upper lip to keep it at bay. He blinks at Changkyun and then at his hand and looks away as he takes his hand anyway. “Y--You know… you’re--” he laughs and then shuts himself up by biting at his lower lip instead, “You’re so fucking sappy.”

“If you were looking at what I’m looking at right now, you’d be sappy, too,” Changkyun laughs softly, pulling Kihyun closer to put a hand on his waist, holding his hand out like he’s seen what dancing looks like from a picture or a video.

And Kihyun indulges him, because why not. He puts a hand on Changkyun’s back, still snorting a laugh when he does. “Are you going to make me spin, too?”

“If you want to,” Changkyun squints, leading to have them sway slowly with the music. “Why do I feel like you’re not taking this very seriously?” he teases.

“Oh, I am, I am,” Kihyun chuckles, giving Changkyun’s a quick kiss on the cheek. “See? Serious.” He glances at the TV then and does go a little serious. “‘The Night We Met’...?”

“Mm,” Changkyun hums, nodding a little and looking down as he guides them. “I heard it recently. Beautiful, don’t you think?” He hums and then sings, deep, somewhat under his breath. _“‘When the night was full of terrors, and your eyes were filled with tears, when you had not touched me yet, oh take me back to the night we met…’_ ”

Kihyun looks at Changkyun, blinks and then smiles a little. “I like your voice…” Although, ‘like’ wouldn’t be the word. “You should sing more often.”

“Thank you…” Changkyun ducks his head, laughing softly and letting his hand trail down Kihyun’s arm to join the other at his waist as they sway. “I’ve never heard you sing, you know.”

Kihyun slides both arms over Changkyun’s shoulders and hums, looking up. “No? Hm. Maybe I’ll sing for you sometime, soon.” He smiles and kisses Changkyun’s cheek once and then twice and then many, many times. “I love you,” he says, laughing a little.

And Changkyun pulls him closer and they move in tandem. It’s another song but Kihyun doesn’t know it. Changkyun nuzzles at Kihyun’s cheek before placing a lingering kiss. “You’re my everything, Kihyun. I love you more.”

“You’re so sappy,” Kihyun snorts, playfully rubbing his face on Changkyun’s and then leaning back a little. “There. Now when you visit Shownu he will know who you are. ‘Cause,” He leans his head down and rubs on Changkyun’s shoulder, too, “He’ll see me all over you.”

“All the way down to my heart,” Changkyun laughs a little. “And then you call me sappy…”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip, his heart skipping a beat at the thought that pops in his head. He feels himself blush even before he says, “Learned from you, baby.”

Changkyun stops, the music playing further in the background even as they stop swaying to it. “I…” Changkyun giggles. “You’re a quick learner…”

And Kihyun leans in to kiss right above Changkyun’s upper lip. “There. Counts as something.” And leans in to do it again.

Changkyun closes his eyes to lean into the feeling, before sighing lightly against Kihyun’s lips, swaying them to the left and right and sing songs, “You drive me crazy, Yoo Kihyun~”

Kihyun laughs, “Never thought of you as a car, but we can arrange something.”

Changkyun grins, looking over, pointedly, at a spot on the floor next to the couch. “Pretty sure you broke a speed limit yesterday, actually.”

“You little--” Kihyun mumbles, wrapping an arm tighter around Changkyun’s neck to lock him and bring his head lower.

Changkyun laughs, letting himself be pulled down. “I yield, I yield!” And Kihyun rubs a fist over Changkyun head before letting him go.

Stepping back just a little, Kihyun sighs and throws a thumb over his shoulder. “Little light here is going to bed. Feel free to join me or…” He looks Changkyun up and down and snorts a laugh. “Amusing…” Changkyun is still wearing the obnoxiously expensive and sinful outfit Hoseok got him into _and now_ he has fluffy green socks to ‘complement’ the look. “Please, lemme get you into a fluffy sweater. There’s,” he laughs, “a lot going on.”

Changkyun looks down at himself, pinching the material of his shirt between his fingers and sliding them down, looking up at Kihyun to waggle his eyebrows, wiggling his feet. “Too much for ya?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and just turns around to walk towards the bedroom. “Come here and I’ll show you. Or don’t.”

“I’m gonna ignore that last part and come anyway,” Changkyun skips over, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt ( _that only start half way down his chest… seriously, Hoseok…_ ). “Show me what? A fluffy sweater?” Which is exactly what gets thrown in his face the moment he walks in. Not exactly a fluffy sweater, but a sweater. Just a sweater.

Kihyun jumps over the bed and plops down, sitting at the head with the pillows. He pats the empty space next to him. “Sweater on, pants off, sit here. In that order.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, undoing a button as he does, looking at Kihyun curiously. “Okay…” And he keeps looking at Kihyun at his undoes all of them, slipping the shirt off his shoulders, taking off the socks and undoing the button of his pants.

Kihyun bites at his lower lip and looks away for a moment as he nibbles at a bit of dry skin. “Are you being slow on purpose?”

“Are you looking away on purpose?”

The bit of dry skin rips and Kihyun tongues over the wound. It’s gone in just a few seconds. He looks back to Changkyun. “No, no, I’m looking.” _And trying not to combust, too_.

Changkyun smirks, and pulls his zipper down, and hooks his thumbs in the waistband of his leather pants and the expensive Calvin Kleins peeking out under them.

Kihyun feels his eyebrow twitch. The little shit is doing _that_ on purpose. _“I said,_ sweater on, first.”

Changkyun tongues at the corner of his lips and lets go of his pants to reach over for the sweater. “I’m starting to think,” Changkyun teases. “You don’t want me shirtless.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, looking away again. “And I am starting to think you have hearing problems.” He snorts a laugh despite the slight blush to his face. “I always need to tell you everything twice.”

“You know that’s not true,” Changkyun scoffs, pulling the sweater over his head with an exaggerated stretch, hair going slightly static and puffing a little at the side.

Kihyun really tries to keep a straight face but laughter breaks through his lips and he lets himself fall to the side to, well, _laugh._

“Hey, no fair!” Changkyun defends, laughing despite himself and stepping out of his pants. “I’m trying to be sexy over here!”

“T--Trying,” Kihyun snorts and laughs some more. He rolls a little to the other side of the bed and pats the covers again, “Come here, you idiot.”

Changkyun squints playfully, pointing a finger. “Tell me twice, then.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh and bites at his lower lip. He pats the bed again, “Come here, baby.”

Changkyun smiles, lets himself plop down on the bed as well and quickly crawls over, crossing his legs and he sits where Kihyun had indicated. Kihyun looks up at him and then smiles, small, looking down when he sighs.

“Did you enjoy today?” He asks.

“Of course,” Changkyun says easily. “But it’s _your_ birthday, not mine.”

“Yeah, but I am not the only one who needs ‘normal’ once in a while. Not that having Death follow you and your best friend around town and so on counts as something normal but…” Kihyun looks up. “It’s nice seeing everyone having fun. Makes for a hella good birthday.” He smiles. “You’re cute when you’re just… having fun. It’s nice to see.”

Changkyun smiles down where he’s fiddling with the sweater bundling a little in his lap. “Doesn’t always have to be your birthday for us to have fun… Every day is special.”

“I know,” Kihyun groans a little as he sits up and then sighs, “but… things like going out with friends, eating fried chicken, pissing Hyungwon off, loving you… before everything seemed nice but now I feel like I don’t take them for granted anymore. It’s better. Feels better and special. And today was magically uneventful,” he laughs. “I’m grateful for that.”

Changkyun tilts his head curiously. “You don’t take them for granted anymore because of everything that’s happened in the last twenty two days?” Changkyun shakes his head a little. “I’m a lot better at understanding things but sometimes you still confuse me a bit… in a good way! But still.”

Kihyun shrugs and slides over the bed to sit in front of Changkyun. “You don’t have to understand. Not all the time.” He grabs Changkyun by the ankles and pulls him down, easily pulling his pants off his legs (he’d left them unbuttoned, the little shit) and opening them around his own waist. “It _is_ my birthday, though,” Kihyun adds, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lip. “So…”

Changkyun turns pink pretty fast there, eyes a little wide even as he smiles. “So..?”

“So,” Kihyun says, hands sliding over Changkyun’s thighs and stopping at the hem of his sweater, “wanna be my last present?”

Changkyun swallows, eyes flicking down to Kihyun’s lips, his throat, his hands. “I…” Changkyun tries and then just nods slowly.

Kihyun pulls Changkyun a little closer around him and then leans over, elbow next to Changkyun’s head as he thumbs at Changkyun’s cheek with his other hand. Kihyun’s eyes flick over Changkyun’s face. “You really _are_ pretty…” He sighs. “Truly,” he adds and laughs a little.

Changkyun licks at his lips. “Th-thank you,” Changkyun says, trying to clandestinely glance at Kihyun and smiles. “You sound surprised?”

“I am,” Kihyun says, brushing his nose on Changkyun’s, “I am not unlucky _and_ I don’t really believe in luck but… I guess I got lucky,” he laughs.

“With great beauty comes great fortune,” Changkyun jokes under his breath.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kihyun laughs, kissing Changkyun’s cheek and then slowly kissing down his neck, “look at you, so witty. So many words.”

Changkyun tilts his head back and to the side to obediently grant Kihyun access. “I feel like you’re trying to steal them from me now…”

“Am I?” Kihyun asks, pulling a little at Changkyun’s sweater to kiss his collarbone. “You’re always so mouthy, didn’t think that was possible.”

“I… want to argue with you but…” Changkyun chest rises with a sharp breath as Kihyun nips at his collarbone. “That would require words and I’m quickly running out of those.”

Kihyun breathes out a laugh, his heart getting louder inside his chest, and slowly sits back on his heels, hands sliding down from Changkyun’s chest to his hips and then his thighs. Kihyun bends down a little to kiss at one of Changkyun’s inner thighs, slowly tracing down to his knee as he lifts Changkyun’s leg over his shoulder, pausing to side-glance at Changkyun’s face. “How are we on words available at the moment?”

Changkyun’s lips part and it just comes out as a shaky breath before he clears his throat and nods. “Fine! Good, I’m--practically loquacious.”

Kihyun laughs, muffling it by pressing his lips on Changkyun’s knee for one last kiss before he leans back down with Changkyun’s leg over his shoulder. He eyes Changkyun’s crotch right under his nose, eyes flicking up to Changkyun’s face. Kihyun turns his face just slightly to kiss the bit of skin on Changkyun’s leg still covered by his boxers. He nips at the fabric, pulling at it with his teeth to reveal more skin. Skin where Kihyun opens his mouth around to tongue in small, circular movements. Changkyun gasps lightly, leg over his shoulder instinctively pulling Kihyun closer, the movement making Kihyun slide further down.

Kihyun pauses. He gives one glance up and turns his face to ghostly trace his lips over Changkyun’s bulge. “Is this where you want me?”

Changkyun squirms, “Y-yeah…” he breathes, barely more than a whisper. And Kihyun fights his own shyness with a pointy sword and tongues at the fabric, pressing against Changkyun’s growing erection. Changkyun moans softly, hand fumbling with the sheets next to him. “Do you still--” he moans again as Kihyun moves his teeth around Changkyun’s covered dick and pauses at the waistband of his boxers. “Wa--want words from me…”

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes on Changkyun’s skin as he curls fingers around the two big CK letters and pulls the boxers just half way down to reveal half of Changkyun’s dick. Kihyun moves, then, sitting closer, and licks from the waistband to the tip before glancing up, “If you can.”

“Tall order,” Changkyun says, voice much higher than usual. He groans again, clearly trying not to move his hips as he whines, “ _Kihyun_ …”

Kihyun lets Changkyun’s leg slide off his shoulder and leans back to slowly pull at Changkyun’s boxers, dropping them by the side of the bed once they’re off. He looks down at Changkyun, butt-naked in a pink sweater, and tilts his head, his own heart beating loud in his ears. “Better than a sunset,” he breathes out.

Changkyun shivers, arching up just slightly and smiling softly as he lifts his hand to reach up to Kihyun, hand hovering between them. “Brighter than the sun.”

Leaning down to feel Changkyun’s hand against his skin, Kihyun kisses his palm and leans further down, hand wrapping around Changkyun’s dick, thumb moving slowly over the tip. “You’re beautiful,” he says once they’re just a breath away.

Changkyun’s eyes search his, cheeks red. “I…” And there’s just _so much_ love in Changkyun’s eyes. Without pretense, without anything besides-- “You’re the best thing that’ll ever happen to me.”

“Yeah?” Kihyun smiles. He kisses Changkyun’s forehead, lingering for a moment as he works his way up and down, slow movements, on Changkyun’s dick, and then moves back up. He curls a finger around the collar of his own sweater, looks down at the t-shirt underneath and then pulls them both over his head, letting them fall by the side of the bed, too. “Do you trust me?” He asks, eyes on Changkyun’s.

Changkyun squirms again, whining lowly as his eyes rove over Kihyun’s torso. “Why do you _look like that_ …”

Kihyun cocks an eyebrow and looks down. _Like that?_ He laughs a little despite the heat on his face and then tilts his head up, “Turn around for me?”

Changkyun stops squirming, looking at him with wide eyes. “That sounds familiar.”

“You’re going to make me say it again, aren’t you?”

“No,” Changkyun breathes and blushes and tries to sit up and giggles when his legs don’t cooperate so well. “But yes,” Changkyun says softly, looking over his shoulder where he’s turned around on the bed, ears red, slowly hugging a pillow closer. “I trust you.”

Kihyun crawls over Changkyun and reaches for the lube over the bedside table. He kisses Changkyun’s head on the way back and holds the bottle between his teeth as he grabs Changkyun’s hips and pulls them up, Changkyun’s head slumping down on the pillow. Changkyun yelps a little at the movement and presses a blushing cheek against the pillow.

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this,” Kihyun mumbles as he pops the lube open, “But…” He laughs in embarrassment and shakes his head a little, “Great view.”

Changkyun barks a laugh, looking over his shoulder. “Sweet round ass _wasn’t_ just a phrase?”

Kihyuns shrugs one shoulder as he drips the lube between his fingers. “Subconscious might’ve slipped into that one,” he admits, looking over when he closes the bottle. “And now you’re just making a show… aren’t you…”

A pause as Changkyun leans forward, blushing furiously as he lifts his ass for Kihyun. “Why would you say that…”

Kihyun feels his whole body freeze while his brain processes what he’s seeing and his heart pumps enough blood to make him blush to his ears. It probably takes him three seconds to react, but it certainly feels like he stood frozen for ten whole minutes.

He frowns despite the loud heart and the flushed face and leans down, one finger slowly sliding between Changkyun’s asscheeks and moving down to his balls and then to his dick.

“Shameless,” Kihyun says. But then he’s the one biting on Changkyun’s asscheek. Changkyun’s ass tenses as he juts his hips forward with another little yelp before relaxing and pushing back.

“That’s… nice,” Changkyun breathes.

Kihyun moves his lubed hand on Changkyun’s dick and trials his mouth all the way to his hole where he gives an experimental lick. “You taste like strawberries, now…”

“Taste like you,” he moans, gripping at the sheets.

“Shameless,” Kihyun mumbles, finger pressing at the slit before he trails all the way backwards and brings one finger between Changkyun’s asscheeks, sliding up and down and he kisses Changkyun’s lower back. Changkyun groans, hand still fisting at the sheet, arm gripping around the pillow.

“More...” Changkyun whines.

Kihyun pauses, finger circling around Changkyun’s hole and then he slips it in, Changkyun immediately clenching as he sucks in a sharp breath. “Kihyun,” Changkyun breathes in a tiny gasp as Kihyun wetly works him open and then, after a deep breath and a quick shudder, leans further down to add his tongue, too.

“ _Ah!”_ Changkyun cries out, and Kihyun slides his finger out and plunges his tongue inside him and Changkyun yanks at the sheets, sending a pillow flying. “ _Fuck!”_

It feels sort of intoxicating to be able to please Changkyun. It’s nothing new, it’s something Kihyun has known for a while. But, more than anything, and however unintentional, it makes Kihyun feel appreciated.

He swirls his tongue around and then leans back only to slide two fingers in, slowly and gently, as he leaves butterfly kisses up Changkyun’s back where his sweater had slipped. Changkyun turns his face to moan into the pillow, letting go of the bed sheets as he hears a tear and reaches forward to grip at the headboard. “God, that feels--” Changkyun moans loudly in the pillow again, words muffled in the pillow. “Different-- _good_.”

And it’s really hard to focus on the rhythm of his fingers sliding in and out and further into Changkyun’s hole, spreading slowly, when pretty much all remaining blood in Kihyun’s body promptly drains and shoots straight to his own dick.

Kihyun leans his forehead on Changkyun’s lower back and lets out a sharp breath as he plunges his fingers deeper in, until he can’t go further. “Don’t… don’t hold back on me.”

Changkyun’s panting, pressing back against Kihyun. “Aren’t you the one... that’s going to fuck me senseless…?”

Kihyun shivers and lets out a shaky breath, even as he beckons inside Changkyun, once in and then closer out, “Shameless,” and then insistently and Changkyun cries out, wood splintering in his grip.

“ _Kihyun!”_ Changkyun practically screams, pushing his face into the pillow and pulling at the splintered wood.

“Damn it,” Kihyun breathes, pulling out of Changkyun and forcing him to turn around, one hand already undoing the tied laces on his sweatpants. He crawls over, mouth quickly diving on Changkyun’s neck to kiss him while Kihyun gets rid of rest of his own clothes.

He nibbles at Changkyun’s earlobe then, one hand sliding under Changkyun’s sweater, up his torso, to pinch at a nipple while the other reaches for the lube again. And Changkyun gasps and squirms and it takes Kihyun by reasonable surprise when he gasps out--

“ _Wanna feel you._ ”

Kihyun’s breathes out sharp, again, popping the lube open and leaning back to drip more onto his hand and his dick, too. He throws the bottle across the room (not on purpose), and pauses to eye the condoms. All things considered, though, _to hell with it,_ quite literally.

He laughs a little to himself as he brings Changkyun’s legs around his waist, “I am starting to see a lot of benefits to this… angel, demon thing.” He rolls his eyes, _Nephilim, whatever._  “Still with me?” Kihyun asks he leans over Changkyun, one hand threading through his hair before he rests his elbow next to Changkyun’s head. Changkyun smiles up at him in a daze, hands coming up to thread into Kihyun’s hair.

“Yeah,” he breathes, chest almost heaving, sweater stretched by his neck over his collarbone. He scratches at Kihyun’s scalp, smiling up at him. “Yeah, I’m here.”

Kihyun shifts a little to line himself with Changkyun, their foreheads meeting with a soft bump, and he takes a deep breath. He lets his dick slide against Changkyun’s once before he tilts his head up and kisses his forehead, frowning when he finally lines his dick with Changkyun’s hole and firmly, yet slowly, pushes in. Changkyun gasps with a broken whine and Kihyun pauses, breathes, and then again. And Changkyun tilts his head back and tenses automatically.

Kihyun lets out a huff, _“You-_ -You’re so tight. Can you…” He groans. “Relax a little for me, baby?”

Changkyun pants, gripping at Kihyun’s hair and blinking up at the ceiling. “Yeah, I--” Changkyun closes his eyes and breathes and slowly unclenches as he clings to Kihyun, legs around his waist and whimpering softly.

Kihyun reaches over with his free hand and wraps his fingers around Changkyun’s dick while canting his hips into that tight, encompassing heat, and he strokes Changkyun as he pushes in, slowly. And Changkyun whines, before the legs wrapped around Kihyun’s waist push him closer, deeper, Changkyun rolling his hips slowly and lips parting as he gasps, a moan in his throat. “Oh, _god_ …” he breathes. “ _Kihyun…_ ”

Swallowing hard, Kihyun lets go of Changkyun’s dick, his hand smoothing over the skin under Changkyun’s shirt, up until Changkyun’s shoulder and then down until he finds Changkyun’s hand, lacing their fingers together.

“I love you,” Kihyun whispers, slowly rolling his hips, shuddering at how _real_ everything feels, every twitch, every dent, _everything._ And their foreheads meet again when Kihyun breathes, “You feel so good…”

Changkyun’s eyes flutter open and he squeezes at Kihyun’s hand, breath hot over Kihyun’s lips. “You too, I love you too,” Changkyun says in the smallest voice Kihyun’s ever heard, before his eyes scrunch closed again and he groans, deep in heady pleasure, hand tight in Kihyun’s. “ _Please_ …”

Kihyun frowns, lets out a desperate breath and starts moving, slowly at first and then a little faster. His forehead builds up sweat where it is flushed against Changkyun’s. And they breathe hot onto each other’s lips, breathe in each other’s moans and whines and words when Kihyun says, “Touch yourself…”

The hand not in Kihyun’s moves down between them and Changkyun moans, loud, legs tensing around Kihyun and Changkyun’s groaning completely uninhibited, “Fuck, _Kihyun_...” he moans, arching slightly as his hand moves between them.

It’s almost blinding, the shoot of pleasure that seizes Kihyun from top to toes. It’s _his_ voice. Of course, it’s voice. Somehow, Kihyun realises, it’s always been his voice. The one that splits in two and sounds twice. The one that sounds true and rings behind his ear. The voice he focuses on. The voice he’s loved before he knew he did.

 _“Kyunie,”_ Kihyun gasps, “Look at me… I want to… see you.” And when Changkyun looks up at him with shiny, dazed, beautiful eyes, they’re clean. They’re brown. Clean eyes.

And Changkyun smiles, dazed and open and soft, a second before his mouth falls open, features scrunching as he arches up and clenches tight around Kihyun, and it’s that last rush, that last push over the edge when Kihyun feels his lower abdomen tighten at the whisper behind his ear.

It sounds a lot like, ‘I love you’.

Kihyun curls over Changkyun, shuddering when Changkyun arches into his body, everything feeling so tight Kihyun almost loses focus. And Kihyun swears he can feel it, the thread between them, like seeing through yellow eyes, just for a few seconds before it’s gone and they come at the same time. And when he falls, it’s into warm arms that pull him close and hold him there as they breathe.

It sounds again, then, a soft, ‘I love you’. _And..._

“Forever,” Kihyun mumbles against Changkyun’s face, close to his ear.

 _That’s the promise I’m making to you_. Because even if one day all they have left is an album of memories, Kihyun will love them, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Click here for context for the funnies in this chapter~](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EShUeudtaFg)


	17. Greed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are seven Princes. One of which is his creator. And here, Changkyun is nothing but a creation, subject to the whims of those that made him.
> 
> Even Demons have rules, after all.

Changkyun falls asleep to a soft smile, to kisses on cheeks and entangled limbs, and wakes up to the blood in his veins turned to magma, his flesh to stone. It  _ burns,  _ but the air in his lungs feels like water, suffocating and thick, as he chokes on nothing, feels his skull nearly split as he falls into pure sound. A scream that isn’t loud enough. A scream that will never be loud enough.

And then nothing. Not just dark, or void, it’s the utter lack of anything. He gasps for air but there’s nothing. And then, from nothing,  _ everything. _ When he falls to his knees, the gravity is so much it crushes him to the floor. All he can hear is the sound of his body slowly crushing in on itself, stabbing into his heart. 

Everything, and then nothing again, crushing, and then falling. He falls and he freezes and he burns, and then he’s in a room, and it feels almost... normal. He stumbles on his feet, gasping for air that tastes stale. Feels nothing against his skin, not air, not heat, not cold, just  _ nothing _ . He looks around and his heart wants to turn itself inside out because he’s so sure knows where he is.

Nobody ever remembers Hell, but they Know it.. He knows it in the far off screams. He knows it in the  _ smell _ . He knows it in the heat and cold and rot... in all that surrounds him. Until walls enclose him, ground him beyond despair. Despair? Outside. But not in here...

Not in the halls of the Princes. 

Feeling flows from somewhere in his chest down to the tip of his fingers. And he’s in Hell, but he feels cold. Feels colder than he’s ever felt. Because he  _ can’t _ feel it; that painful, pulling, thorny thread around his heart. He can’t  _ feel it _ , and even as he breathes in, deep, it feels like he’s not. He reaches up, grabs at his chest where it feels hollow, like the air was sucked right out, and even the  _ thought _ of it feels hollow…  _ Kihyun. _

He’s in Hell, and he can’t feel Kihyun, and he’d rather take the stone flesh, the gasping for air.

He can’t feel Kihyun, and it’s--

“Hell.”

“Oh, it’s not so bad if you decorate it properly.”

Gravity stands behind Changkyun in the shape of a person. There’s no other way to explain it. It feels like standing on the precipice of a black hole. But Changkyun fights the hollow in his chest and turns around to face it, and red eyes look back. Just a flash of it, and he has to look away. Doesn’t  _ want  _ to, has to. 

And because knowing comes with feeling, Changkyun remembers...

There are seven Princes. One of which is his creator. And here, Changkyun is nothing but a creation, subject to the whims of those that made him.

Even Demons have rules, after all.

“Aw, look at you!” the Prince cooes, walking forward in the way where he’s on the other side of the hallway, and then he’s not. “You’ve gone native.”

Changkyun faces it but he can’t look. It feels to him like looking into a quasar that might pull him in, destroy him completely, tear him apart, or maybe that’s because the hollow in his chest fills itself with fear, like black moss growing on the inside of his lungs and all he can breathe is rot.

A finger trails under his chin, forces him to look up and--

Of course Greed would look like everything you could ever want.

Greed smiles, tilts his head and tips Changkyun’s chin further up like an obedient dog.

“You can look at me. You can talk.”

And Changkyun gasps again, and in it, he finds words. “Thank you,” is the first thing he gasps with rasping breaths. “Thank you, Your Majesty.” And Changkyun swallows. Those aren’t his words. Just his  _ being _ , reacting.

“Oh, of course, I  _ barely  _ get company so what’s the point if they can’t even entertain me,” Greed sings, and it bounces off the walls and brings with it the screams of the damned. He waves a hand and the sound stops. “And call me Minhyuk, pup.”

Changkyun nods, grasping at his chest. The thorns are still cut. And he makes himself look, because he can, but he’s not sure he wants to. There he sees the Prince dressed in black and jewels, with eyes and hair like fire.

There is no due cause for an echo in Hell, but every step he takes rings in Changkyun’s ears.

“Tell me,  _ pup _ ,” Minhyuk starts, “What do you think you are?”

_ Alive _ , Changkyun thinks. “A guardian,” Changkyun says.

“Good! Yes, I made you like that, you know? Thought it made the most sense,” Minhyuk winks, and when he grins, it sears itself into Changkyun’s skin. “A little puppy on the leash of an abomination. So very close.”

_ Kihyun _ , Changkyun thinks. “I’ve kept him alive,” Changkyun says. “It’s what you--” Changkyun doesn’t remember until he blinks and he does. “It’s what you told me to do.”

“Well, he’s not exactly  _ useful  _ to me if he’s all--” Minhyuk grimaces, eyes flashing upwards. “Ascended.”

_ Hollow _ . Changkyun hits at his chest until it hurts. Because that’s better than  _ nothing _ .

_ Hollow _ . And it feels like the most foreign thing, new, dreaded, horrific and cruel. But still… familiar.

“Useful?” Changkyun asks.  _ I want to help _ , he hears, and he hits at his chest. 

“Exactly, pup,” Minhyuk says, gesturing for Changkyun to approach where the Prince leans against a marble archway ( _ it’s bone _ , Changkyun thinks) like it’s a palm tree by the beach. “Come here.”

_ Come here. _

It sounds familiar. It sounds like home, but it’s  _ off _ , deceptive, like a sweet candy on the trigger of a trap.

Changkyun’s legs move without him meaning them to, but his heart  _ hurts _ . 

He just wants to go _ home _ .

Outside the archways where the Prince leans, skin like marble, eyes like fire on the rolling hills of flames that scream like it’s alive. Out there, Changkyun sees despair. A sun that never sets. Smoke that carries ashes with it. And enough taint to cover the Earth and beyond.

“You know,” Minhyuk starts, looking out at despair with disinterest. “I found you out there. Had to go look for you and everything. So much effort, you have  _ no  _ idea,” Minhyuk sighs. “Finding one flicker of one half of a soul is a pain in the ass, let me tell you. And here I thought it would be worth it, too…” Minhyuk tilts his head at Changkyun. “What a disappointment you’ve been.”

It shouldn’t mean anything to him, but it weighs like a consequence on a troubled mind.

“Disappointment?” He’s so confused. He doesn’t understand. He tries to think, and it feels like he’s floundering to stay afloat and not drown in the air around him. “I--I don’t understand, he’s still alive, I did what was asked of me, I’m  _ doing  _ what is asked of me--”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes and snaps his fingers and Changkyun stumbles.

Knowing comes with feeling. And he feels knowledge permeate his bones, freeze them in place as his stomach flips.

“Oh,” Changkyun breathes, and his eyes burn because he knows, now. A picture slowly coming into focus. And his eyes  _ burn _ in a way that has nothing to do with the fires around the Palace. “You--” Changkyun stumbles again, holds onto the wall of white next to him and tries not to look into a black hole. “You said half a soul.”

And there’s a stab in his chest as Minhyuk’s finger prods there. “Forged from the leftovers of Heaven,” Minhyuk laughs, and it stabs like knives. “The  _ shit  _ they didn’t want.” Minhyuk pushes away from the wall, spinning in place with palms up. “Like me! Just another leftover, but oh well,” Minhyuk waves off his own statement. “One man’s trash… The same man’s undoing.”

“Greed,” Changkyun gasps, gripping at the wall. “He--he said Greed would--”

“Not at the pace you’re going,” Minhyuk rolls his eyes, leaning back against the wall and pouting. “Which is ridiculous, considering…”

“Considering?”

Minhyuk’s eye turn cold, and it freezes, burns like dry ice. “Millions of years of waiting to be able to craft this… perfect little trojan puppy, but you are nothing. And all you love will be ground under my  _ feet.  _ You are a  _ pawn _ . A pawn that’s caused me enough fucking trouble as it is and--” Minhyuk stops, letting out a breath. “It wasn’t the  _ plan _ . The plan…” Minhyuk smirks. “ _ One night, a full moon… clean eyes and a pure soul… one touch, too soon… one kiss, _ ” Minhyuk hisses the word. “ _ As dark as coal.” _

They met one night during a full moon. Clean brown eyes and a pure bright soul stumbled towards the edge of a cliff. Taint, on Changkyun’s own skin, spreading over it, and locked on his lips. Sealed there. But in his mind he sees it pass over, sees black crawling over Kihyun’s skin, right to his eyes.

“I would never!”

Changkyun’s lungs collapse with the weight against his chest, against his back. He gasps and it tastes like blood and when he looks, there’s red, burning eyes looking up at him, a hand holding him against the wall. “You will do what you were made to do, you  _ insolent mutt _ .” Minhyuk lets go and Changkyun’s legs give in as he falls.

Hell is a lot of things. Especially for Changkyun, who walks around with Hell running through his veins.

Minhyuk looks down at him, eyes of burning fire. “This  _ thread  _ that marks you as ‘touched’,” Minhyuk hisses. “What makes you flail and  _ feel  _ is part of something I have had years,  _ millenia  _ to think about.” And the air is heavy, pressing down on Changkyun as he pushes himself against the wall, watches one of the Seven Princes of Hell speak directly at him. “I CRAFTED YOU! To assault Heaven! And I need the light to do so.”

The light. Kihyun. And Changkyun chokes on the air around him as he finds the word. Has to force it over his tongue. Has to fight against his own being, and purpose, for a single word. 

“No!”

Minhyuk pauses. “...No?”

Defiance. Defiance against one’s Creators, against a Chosen path. 

“No, I won’t. I won’t do it.”

Changkyun trembles where he presses himself against the wall, like a cornered animal, and the prince leans closer and smells like ash. “The taint I gave you  _ will  _ pass to the other half-soul.”

_ Defiance _ .  _ The hollow aches, reaches out, reaches up _ ,  _ searches, finds nothing except nothing _ .

“I see.” Minhyuk narrows his eyes. “You--you have no idea what it’s like, not to have free-will. God’s  _ design _ ,” he laughs and it’s bitter. “You have no  _ idea  _ what you’re containing. No idea what needs to be done... But it  _ will  _ be done.”

And Changkyun sees it. Sees Kihyun’s smile, sees his laugh and his soft, strong beauty, sees it blacken. Sees the little light get swallowed by a sea gone black.

And there are no words, Changkyun’s throat crushing in on itself to stop any and all of it. Because this is Hell, the domain of Princes, the domain of the demon he’s trying to defy. And his flesh is stone and his veins magma, but he still shakes his head. 

“Never.”

“Then I’ll see you again, soon,” Minhyuk promises, and it sounds almost sweet. “Three minutes should do it.  _ Pup _ .”

Changkyun screams, then, as his entire being tears itself to pieces.

  
  


\---

 

 

It’s not a feeling, exactly. It’s a sensation. It’s  _ lacking _ . Something was there and now it’s not. But Kihyun can’t wrap his mind around it until he feels like he’s falling. Like, suddenly, there’s no floor under his feet.

And even though he expects them, wings with fire for feathers, they still hurt his skin, burn his lungs and drop him when he clings for help.

_ Fear.  _ Not his. Kihyun is used to falling. He is used to hurting. And fear only comes when he wakes up. But he’s not waking up. He is stuck in a loop, falling and falling into a scream gaped mouth and embracing scorching feathers just before he hits the ground.

Fear. Not his. Someone else’s. And when infinity has an end, Kihyun’s eyes snap open and he sits up gasping, the sudden crush of gravity on his shoulders making his stomach hurl.

Fear. His fear. Now, he is afraid, too. 

_ Too? _

Kihyun stares across the room and remembers. Where once there was a tune, now silence. 

He looks to his side, hand reaching out slowly as he moves closer. “Kyunie?” He calls, soft, shaking the unmoving body next to him. “Are you awake? He--hey…”

Nothing.

Kihyun shifts closer, heartbeat heavy in his chest. “Hey,” he soothes his hand over Changkyun’s arm, biting at his lower lip as he looks at Changkyun’s shoulder, at his neck, at his profile.

Nothing.

“Kyunie,” Kihyun calls a little louder now, pulling at his arm. It’s deadweight in Kihyun’s hands, and once he rolls over, Changkyun’s head drops slightly to the side, his arm slumping down. 

_ Deadweight _ .

It’s hard to breathe, Kihyun thinks, eyes shifting all over for any sign of… anything. “H--Hey…” He calls again, fingers curling around Changkyun’s. “Baby?”

Nothing.

Kihyun blinks, swallows the knot forming around his throat and slowly moves his hand up Changkyun’s arm, his shoulder, his face and…

_ Nothing _ . He’s not breathing. 

_ Nothing _ . He has no heartbeat.

_ Nothing. _ He’s getting cold.

There are things Kihyun finds himself being able to deal with. But losing someone is not one of them. Hyungwon wasted all his slots. Took them all with him all those years ago when he died. So, no. This, whatever it is, it’s not something Kihyun knows how to deal with. It’s not something he  _ wants _ to deal with. So, he doesn’t.

“Changkyun,” Kihyun says, voice thick. The knot on his throat coming back up, tighter around his neck. He blinks and he’s crying but he doesn’t know why (he does). So, he slowly lies down, pulls the covers up, over Changkyun and puts his arm around him, nose rubbing on his shoulder. “Y--You’re cold…” Kihyun says, hugging tighter.

Kihyun thinks about light. His light. But he doesn’t even know what to do with it. So, he hugs Changkyun closer, rubs his eyes and nose on Changkyun’s shoulder to keep the tears from falling and…

“Come back…” He mumbles. “Come here…” He sobs. “I’m here… so, just… come back.”

Nothing.

Kihyun sniffles and the ters stop. He leans his cheek on Changkyun’s shoulder, pulls him closer, and starts humming a melody to a song he remembers but doesn’t know the lyrics to.

There’s  _ knowing  _ in  _ feeling. _ Kihyun knows Changkyun is not here, not really. So, he waits. He waits and hums a melody while the clock ticks.

Seconds become minutes. And Kihyun counts three.

_ And what are three minutes when eternity takes your life away. _

Changkyun sucks in a sharp, rattling breath. His eyes fly open and go wide as they stare up at the ceiling. His voice is small, absolutely terrified and desperate; “Kihyun?”

“I’m here,” Kihyun says, hugging tighter, face buried in Changkyun’s shoulder, just to make sure Changkyun won’t slip back somewhere where the light won’t reach. “I’m here…”

And Changkyun breathes in once, deep, relieved, and sobs, breathing come faster, faster, faster, hand scrambling down for purchase, for Kihyun.

“I’m here,” Kihyun says, moving up next to Changkyun and pulling him into his arms, wrapping their legs and tugging the bedcovers just enough to turn them both into a burrito. “I’m here,” Kihyun repeats, sniffling and cupping Changkyun’s face in his hands, kissing his forehead, his eyelids when they flutter closed, his nose, his cheeks, and then just hugging him tight as he shakes.

Changkyun curls in on himself, into Kihyun, “I don’t--” Changkyun sobs, voice breaking. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know, baby, I know,” Kihyun mumbles, hand threading through Changkyun’s hair. He kisses the top of his head. Changkyun’s warm. He’s breathing. Kihyun can handle anything that includes that. “You won’t.”

Changkyun lets out a loud, heart wrenching sob against Kihyun’s chest. “ _ I am.” _

Kihyun frowns and takes a deep breath. “You never have,” he says with what, he hopes, sounds like certainty, “and you never will.”

Changkyun keeps crying, keeps holding onto Kihyun. “I’m… I’m so sorry.” He sniffs, hiccups and presses his face onto Kihyun’s chest. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you--”

“I love you too,” Kihyun manages despite the familiar knot around his throat. “So much…” He kisses the top of Changkyun’s head again. “Why are you sorry?”

Changkyun sniffles, slowly evening out his breathing. Minutes pass as Changkyun breathes, shakes less, pulls Kihyun even closer. “Pl-please don’t--” Changkyun almost sobs again. “Please don’t hate me.”

Kihyun laughs a little, almost bitterly. “I would never hate you…” And even though Kihyun doesn’t know what happened, what’s happening, the only thing he hates is seeing Changkyun like this. So, he hugs even tighter and moves his fingers slowly between Changkyun’s hair. “I could never hate you.”

Changkyun takes a deep, deep breath and when he breathes out again, it shakes. But less. “Ki--Kihyun, I was just--” Changkyun’s hands shake where he grips at Kihyun’s shirt. “I was just in Hell.”

Kihyun’s hand stills. He takes a slow breath and then starts moving his fingers again, slowly, through Changkyun’s hair. “You were… gone.” Kihyun swallows the knot in his throat and takes a deep breath again. “You were literally just… gone.” 

He doesn’t want to say ‘dead’.

“Oh, god, I can’t even… if that was you, I don’t… I don’t know what I would have done…” Changkyun pulls away enough to look at Kihyun, eyes red and flowing with tears. “You were here. When I came back. Thank you.”

“Always,” Kihyun breathes as he looks in Changkyun’s eyes. “I told you. Forever.”

Changkyun’s expression crumbles, nodding. “Forever.” He sucks in a deep breath. “I--I need to tell you--but I just--” tears fall down Changkyun cheeks as he breathes shallow, sniffling. “Can we just stay here? A bit longer, I don’t--” Changkyun shakes his head. “I don’t want to…”

Kihyun smiles small and leans his forehead on Changkyun’s. “Of course we can…” He thumbs at Changkyun’s cheeks to clean the tears running down his face. “The whole day. We can stay here the whole day, if you want.”

Changkyun laughs softly as he nods, sniffing past his tears. “Do you… Do you remember when we called this Forever? We didn’t wanna get out of bed because we’d be leaving Forever behind...”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, licking his chapped lips and laughing, softly, “Yeah, I remember.”

Changkyun sighs softly against him, letting the grip on Kihyun’s shirt relax, hand against Kihyun’s chest. There’s a light tremble in his hand, still, a slight shake in his breathing, but he’s fine. He’s  _ here _ . “And then I…” Changkyun laughs, sniffly but real, alive, shaking his head. “Have a miniature freakout over ‘marry me’. Being more human is so  _ dumb _ .”

Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches and he sighs as he tries to ignore the skip to his heartbeat. A sudden relief spreading through him. “Well, not that I have much to say about it but… careful there, I  _ am  _ half human, you shit. Who are you calling ‘dumb’?”

Changkyun giggles lightly, poking at Kihyun’s chest right over his heart. “I heard that.”

“Yeah, yeah, amazing, right?” Kihyun grumbles despite the warmth in his chest. “Can’t believe I was crying over your sorry ass just one minute ago,  _ Jesus,  _ you’re obnoxious.”

“It’s obnoxious to know you love me?” Changkyun pouts. “And be gentle, I’m still kind of crying.”

Kihyun pokes at Changkyun’s ribs, “You worried the shit out of me, you dumbass!” 

“I’m sorry,” Changkyun says, eyes sincere. “If I were you, I’d have… I don’t know what I would have done...”

“Yeah, you said…” Kihyun pokes him again, frowning, “You think I knew what to do? Can’t exactly call 911 on you, can I?” He sighs, and hugs Changkyun again, closer. “It feels horrible when all you can do is wait… not knowing if, not knowing if waiting is enough.”

Changkyun’s so warm against him. So warm he can almost forget the cold from before, the nothing.

“How did you know I was going to come back?”

Kihyun bites at his upper lip. “There’s…  _ knowing _ in  _ feeling. _ I didn’t know. Not exactly. But… I felt it and...” He sighs.

“It feels like knowing,” Changkyun smiles softly. “Yeah, I know.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun nods. “Yeah, that’s…” He shivers. “It’s strange. I’m so used to hearing you, so used to the soft ringing behind my ear, that I barely notice it unless I focus on it. But… the moment it was gone, it felt like someone had hit mute. Like when we play Netflix as background noise and suddenly it stops and we notice it… even though we weren’t paying attention.”

Changkyun traces circles on Kihyun’s shirt with his finger, up to his neckline and the pale skin there. “I wish I could hear you all the time… Like a song, like reassurance, I guess…”

“Hah,” Kihyun huffs, “It would probably sound like nagging.”

“Different way of caring,” Changkyun says, sticking out his tongue up at him. “And then you say  _ you  _ have to say things twice…”

Kihyun squeezes Changkyun tighter, “Don’t get cocky with me, I’ll strangle you…”

“Or just crush me to death,” Changkyun giggles, wiggling in his arms.

Kihyun rolls over the bed and Changkyun rolls with him until they flop onto the other side, “You wish... I will kill you with kindness, because I’m nice like that.”

“I’d let you,” Changkyun smiles quickly, and looks away, eyebrows pulling. “It’s… gonna happen again, you know…”

_Why?_ _How? Who are they and what do they want?_ Are the questions Kihyun wants to ask. Yet he doesn’t. _Not yet._ Slowly...

He just looks at Changkyun, searching his face. “I’ll… wait.” Because what else can he do? What can he do? “Just don’t… take too long?” He says, smiling, smile faltering a bit in the end. Trying to be strong for someone else… Kihyun should be an expert, but it seems like it just keeps getting harder to deal with, the more it happens. “I hate waiting…” But he will wait because that’s all he can do.

“I hate leaving,” Changkyun sighs, turning his head to the side, eyes on the wall, the little table by the window. 

“Why do you have to?”

Changkyun swallows, bites at his lip. “I know what I am now. Why I am…” He shifts a little, pulling at his lip with his teeth. 

Kihyun shifts, propping himself on one elbow to look at Changkyun. He can’t help the frown, considering Changkyun’s choice of words. “And what’s that?” 

Changkyun sighs, sitting up and pulling Kihyun with him. He leans against the dented headboard, pulls Kihyun into his lap and the covers up, tucks them over Kihyun’s legs, hands hesitating there. He sighs again. “I called us soulmates. We are. Very much so.”

Kihyun glances to the side, squinting, “Because we… have this thread between us or is the thread the result of…” He looks back to Changkyun, “Of something else…?”

Changkyun nods slowly. “It’s  _ the result of _ , yeah. When… when Nephilims are born, their souls split. The light, and the shadow. I’m… I’m the shadow..”

“Wha…” Kihyun feels anxiety bubble in his chest. He looks down and then up with a frown. “I don’t get it…”

Changkyun swallows, fidgets with the covers. “It’s kind of like… magnets?” he smiles, unsure. “It can push or it can pull and with us it pulled and--” Changkyun sighs. “God, it’s just... Kihyun, I was made,  _ literally made _ , from the half of your soul that was sent down to Hell. The darkness that split from you. I am myself, I’m my own self, this is  _ my _ soul but it’s also yours, the way that your soul… is the light of mine.”

Kihyun doesn’t remember breathing in when he lets out a loud breath. In a way, it makes sense. Even if he wants to refute it, it makes sense. It makes so much sense. Yet, somehow, not knowing felt better. Even if in a dark corner of his mind, Kihyun thinks he’s known from the start, not knowing was better.

He looks away, heart heavy with something. Something... Something like… Guilt. And fear. Fear of the unknown. Because things are always so much bigger than him. So much more than just the two of them. But that’s all he can cling to, sometimes, when things get too much.

Kihyun glares at something, he doesn’t know what, he’s not really looking. “What’s the catch? I  _ know  _ there’s a catch.”

Changkyun sniffs past a laugh. “It’s the same catch there’s always been… Just,” Changkyun frowns too. “That I made a decision about it. I won’t taint you. Even if...” Changkyun just frowns more, looks away.

“You…” Kihyun tries, eyes still on something else. “You said ‘no’, didn’t you?”

“I said no,” Changkyun echoes. “I won’t let Greed undo us. Never. I won’t ever hurt you, even if… even if I hurt as a result. Nothing could be worse than hurting you.” 

There’s a light anger swirling around. Kihyun can feel it when he breathes, the burn under his eyes that makes him frown harder. 

Were their roles inverted, Kihyun would, without a shadow of a doubt, choose the same thing. 

But it’s never that simple. It’s never that simple because there’s perspective and with perspective a choice multiplies into a hundred different possibilities. And, from where Kihyun stands, he was robbed of choosing, too. Because from where he stands, he would choose one kiss, the taint he’s seen in Changkyun, over  _ this. _

“You’ve never hurt me,” Kihyun says with little emotion, “And you never will.” Because he knows that, too. “But I have to ask… What would you do in my place?” He shifts his eyes to Changkyun. “Be honest with me and tell me…  _ What  _ would  _ you  _ do in my place if I had agreed to… to--” He breathes out through his nose and bites his tongue to keep his tone from rising.

There’s a hand on his cheek, then, firmer than usual. Like he’s not made of glass but crystal.

“It’s three minutes,” Changkyun says, voice so close to begging it hurts. “ _That_ is not forever. This _is._ It’s just three minutes,” Changkyun begs. “You can’t ask me to give up Forever because of three minutes. No… No matter how much I’d want you to, if I were in your place.”

“You have no idea…” Kihyun looks away, blinking at the sudden burn in his eyes, frowning when the tears come anyway, “You have no idea how much you’re asking of me right now.”

Changkyun’s eyebrows furrow as his eyes spill over. “I do… I do, Kihyun. But  _ please _ ,” Changkyun closes his eyes, moves his hand to the back of Kihyun’s head and grips there. “I can’t lose this... ”

“Why would you?” Kihyun laughs bitterly, wet. “You chose for me, too.”

“I know. I know, I’m sorry, Kihyun, but three minutes in hell is nothing,  _ nothing  _ compared to--” He stops, takes a breath and drops his hand. “You think it’s hard to ask this of me. You can’t ask me to…” Changkyun’s face contorts. In a wince, in pain. “I can’t.”

It’s not easy. Mostly because it feels like lying, even though no promise is made, no agreement is made, nothing, it still feels like lying. But Kihyun sucks in a breath, shivers and says, “Hold me.”

And Changkyun lifts his hand again, pulls Kihyun closer by the back of his neck into the crook of his own, and slides them down into the covers, holds him as close as he can. “We can… we can figure it out, we’ll be okay, as long as… as long as we’re together.”

“I love you,” Kihyun says because it’s true. He does.

  
  


\---

 

 

Everything feels a bit surreal when they wake up on Saturday morning, have breakfast, take a shower and get dressed to leave. Kihyun can feel himself spacing out during the simplest tasks, like washing the dishes, or avoid mistaking the shampoo for the shower gel, or almost storing his phone in the fridge instead of the milk.

Maybe it’s because they spent a whole day in bed, snacking on jelly babies and popcorn, cuddling in silence and sometimes talking about stupid things until night came and Kihyun had to wait for three very long minutes for warmth to return to Changkyun’s body. It wasn’t easy the first time. And the second time felt worse. Because, this time, when Changkyun came back, he was in a catatonic state for more than two hours before Kihyun managed to get a word out of him.

So, obviously, Kihyun has a lot on his mind. Because being strong for someone else’s sake can become a double-edged sword.

They take a cab because Changkyun mentions never having been in one. But even as Changkyun keeps his eyes out the window, excitedly taking everything in, Kihyun can’t help but space out again.

Kihyun keeps replaying everything in his head, adding meaning to random memories that would otherwise make no sense.

It pulled when Kihyun first met Changkyun because they’re both halves of the same soul. There’s an invisible, ugly thread between them and it’s ironic how something so full of meaning, so beautiful in its nature can look like a decaying rose. Someone, something, created Changkyun with the intent to use their connection as a bridge. Because, somehow, for some reason, they want to corrupt Kihyun’s soul. And it pulls anyway, even if the feeling is so familiar they barely notice it, because they love each other.

That’s what Kihyun knows. That’s what Changkyun told him, in a way, and Kihyun felt, in another way.

But it feels wrong. And it feels like lying. It feels wrong because they disagree on what to do. And it feels like lying because Kihyun knows that, given the chance, he would inverse their roles with a snap of fingers. Or, better, just do what needs to be done and face damnation.

Of course, it has to be grey. Nothing is ever just black or white. And Kihyun doesn’t know what to do with grey.

So, he leans his head on the window and thinks. Thinks about the past, gives meaning to memories, thinks about the future and whatever possible scenarios and… _ forgets _ . Forgets something important. Something that has kept him going until now. And he knows. Kihyun knows he’s forgotten. But he can’t remember what it is. 

“Hyungwon said I could go for my ‘interview’ tonight,” Changkyun says, glancing over with a little smile. “Apparently it’ll be more of a tea party and a walk in the park--quite literally--than an interview but hey, excited for both, I guess…”

Kihyun looks over and blinks, turning his head. “Hm?” He blinks again. “Oh. That’s tonight?”

Kihyun sees Changkyun nod, in the corner of his eye. “Yeah. Apparently Shownu’s happy for some help. Errands and stuff…”

“Oh,” Kihyun says again, leaning his head back on the window. He stares at a building in the distance and squints.  _ What an abomination, _ he thinks. “I told you he wouldn’t turn down your help.”

“Should have listened to you,” Changkyun says softly, hand fidgeting with the worn seat cover next to his leg. The other hand picks at his lips, turning to look out the window too.

“Hm,” Kihyun hums absently. “I’m the voice of… reason,” he leans forward to look at an intersection. They’re almost there. “Should always listen to me,” he slumps back and sighs. A sudden thought makes his eyebrow twitch. He remembers, he knows Changkyun’s voice was gone because his soul was gone, too. And he didn’t feel it either, the… pull.  _ Like it got cut… _ “We…” Kihyun licks his lips and looks out the window again, “should be there soon.”

If the connection got cut then he wouldn’t be able to feel it again. But if there’s a wall, like the paper-thin wall between them whenever Changkyun tries to touch him first, if there’s something like that between  _ here _ and  _ Hell, _ then…

“Can’t believe we’re actually doing this,” Kihyun mumbles. “I’m not sure we should get a bed structure. Let’s just dump the mattress on the floor and be done with it.” It’s less expensive as well. Perhaps not as clean but…”

“Isn’t that just a futon..?” Changkyun frowns out the window. “And what about the couch? Guess we could just litter the floor in pillows…” Changkyun looks over. “I’m gonna pay you back, by the way,” he smiles. “Well. Half of it. At least half of it.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh and feels guilty when he does. He licks his lips to keep the smile away. “I was getting ready to chastise you but you saved yourself.” He shrugs one shoulder. “You don’t need to pay me, though. If we…” He trails off and bites at his upper lip.  _ We... _

Changkyun smiles, lips pulled into a line and cheeks puffing slightly. He rolls his head to look at Kihyun. “Hey, by the way, we’re out of milk,” Changkyun says softly, and looks away again.

Kihyun frowns and looks at him. “I…” He looks down at his own hands. “Shit, I put the empty container back in the fridge…” He throws his head back and groans softly. “I’m stupid.”

Changkyun sighs loudly, on purpose. “I’d blame that human bit of you but I’ve done it seven times.”

_ “Tsh, _ always the human…” Kihyun mumbles. “Demons and angels are so perfect, that’s why.” 

So perfect with their perfect little games, making everyone’s lives miserable.

“Seven times, Kihyun. Seven.”

“Shut up, you’re a fluke.”

“True enough. But perfect for you,” he hums as the cab stops outside a building. It reads ‘IKEA Home Furniture’ in big yellow letters on the wall.

_ “Jesus,” _ Kihyun grimaces. He turns on a polite smile as he pays the driver and then exits the car, patting at his jeans as if he’d been collecting dust. He grimaces again when he looks at the huge, blue monstrosity in front of him. “This building is an architectonic disgrace.”

Changkyun gapes at the enormous building. “Do they sell entire  _ rooms _ ?! Houses?!”

“Yes, yes,” Kihyun grumbles, gesturing towards the front doors. “And headaches, too. Although, I think they give those for free.”

“Sorry,” Changkyun whispers like it’ll help whatever headache Kihyun mentions, looking around with wide, curious eyes when they step inside and it is just... unnecessarily big. “Guess we won’t ever run out of couches…”

Kihyun kicks Changkyun’s knee. “Get a sponsor, why don’t you!”

Changkyun laughs a little, jumping away. “I’ll cover all extracurricular expenses soon, don’t worry.”

And despite feeling incredibly out of it, Kihyun can’t help the little skip to his heartbeat and the pink shade on his ears. He frowns and turns to walk away, “Obnoxious,” he grumbles and stops, glancing around at the banners hanging from the ceiling. 

He needs to talk to a man about a bed. Priorities. 

He turns to beckon Changkyun over to follow him and sees a head of blonde hair farther away than should be possible, opening and closing cupboards.

“What the…” Kihyun leans all his weight on one leg, crosses his arms and frowns. “Changkyun.”

Changkyun blinks suddenly right in front of him, holding a lamp. “Yeah?”

Kihyun nods in the opposite direction,  _ “That _ way. And don’t go too far, you’ll lose yourself in here.” Not that it really matters, but… Kihyun sighs. He really can’t get past his human feelings, can he? He really is a mom.

And well, IKEA really is the perfect zombie apocalypse scenario. If an epidemic struck them right now, the place would turn into a Hunger Games arena, with zombies in the mix.

However, Kihyun can’t help but nod in approval at the minimalistic settings. Simple cupboards with enough space to store twenty pairs of shoes. Nude tones and sharp corners. He likes that. He also knows, however, that IKEA uses some of the weakest materials known to man. If Hoseok sat atop one of those lean tables, the wood would shatter. Then again, tables are not exactly made with the purpose of holding someone’s weight.  _ And then again… _ The kitchen table might the next victim.

Kihyun sighs. He feels exhausted and the day has just started. He cuts a corner, almost bumping into someone’s cart, and turns around to look for Changkyun. He sees nothing. Just random people going about their business.

Blinking tiredly at nothing in particular, Kihyun sighs again and calls, “Changkyun.” 

This time Changkyun has the decency to at least look sheepish as he appears in front of him, hugging close a stupidly large teddy bear. “Hello…”

Kihyun's eyes go between Changkyun’s face and the teddy bear. “You want that?” He asks, mentally slapping himself in the face because- _ -No! Kihyun, he doesn’t want that! You have no money! _

“I was looking for a place to hide it so I could come back when I have money,” Changkyun admits, even more sheepish. 

“Bring it,” Kihyun says, unable to avoid the small smile. He turns around and beckons for Changkyun to follow him. “As long as I don’t get replaced.”

“Wh-what, really?” Changkyun hurries to walk by Kihyun’s side. “But you already gave me the camera. I don’t even have a birthday!”

“You don’t need a birthday. Right no--” Kihyun stops, wide eyes shifting between the people walking ahead. Right now. That’s what he forgot. ‘Right now’, his own promise. How could he forget?

He looks down, eyes slowly going soft. “If…” He sighs and looks to Changkyun. “If it makes you happy, then I want you to have it.”  _ And ‘right now’ you look very happy _ .

Changkyun smiles, wide and bouncing a little on his feet. “ _ Thank you _ ,” he says, bouncing again. “Hey, can I get one? A birthday, I mean, not the teddy, I mean, I  _ am  _ getting the teddy but--” Changkyun rolls his eyes at himself. 

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, smiling, raising his hand just slightly, “Hold my hand?”

If it’s even possible, Changkyun smiles wider. He shifts the teddy bear to his side like he’s carrying a baby on his hips, and takes Kihyun’s hand. “So I get a birthday, a teddy bear, and hopefully! A job! Then we can come back and get you something too. That  _ isn’t  _ something we got because I, we, er, broke it.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes fondly and tugs at Changkyun’s hand. They walk for a bit, Kihyun doesn’t even know where he’s going anymore but forward seems like a good direction. 

“The 26th,” he says absently. “The 26th of January.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says. “For my birthday, you mean. Why that date?”

“Because I don’t believe in luck,” Kihyun mumbles, squeezing at Changkyun’s hand. “Because even if someone else has other plans, we are here right now because of all the choices we made, not because someone else willed it.” He sighs. “I met Hyungwon on the 26th of January, at a school play. I decided to throw mud in his face. That was my first choice towards today. Towards ‘right now’. Towards you.”

Changkyun brushes his arm against Kihyun’s, smiling at the floor as they walk. “The 26th of January it is, then… Don’t tell Hyungwon, though, he’ll get smug.” Changkyun frowns. “Wait, it’s my birthday now, he’ll probably find out anyway.  _ Ugh _ .”

Kihyun laughs and it doesn’t feel wrong. It still feels like lying. But it doesn’t feel wrong. “Just tell him you know he had a wet dream at five years old. He will shut up.”

Changkyun laughs, too. “I feel kind of cheated now, I’ve never had one of those.”

“Oh,” Kihyun smirks, “I’ll fix that for you, then. Here to, uhm, give you the full human experience.”

“You can give me a wet dream?” Changkyun laughs. “ _ How _ ?”

“I have my means,” Kihyun says, glancing at some curtains nearby.  _ What a horrible color. _

Changkyun gives a little flail, like he’s trying to fight off a shiver. The teddy bear shifts down and he adjusts it up his hip. “Maybe I should sleep with one eye open.” He bumps him again, this time with his forehead to Kihyun’s shoulder. “This is nice…”

And it sounds like, ‘I missed you’. It sounds like ‘Don't get distant’. It sounds like ‘Don't go dark on me’.

Kihyun looks down. “Yeah… Sorry.” He sighs and lets go of Changkyun’s hand, missing a step just to get behind him and hug him from behind as he pushes Changkyun forward. 

And yes, this is nice. Even if people keep staring at them. Even if it makes Kihyun's skin crawl a little. This is nice.

Kihyun leans his chin on Changkyun shoulder. “Thank you for reminding me all the time.”

“Reminding you..?” Changkyun asks softly, bumping Kihyun’s cheek with his nose.

“Of ‘right now’.”

Changkyun huffs a little laugh, leaning into Kihyun a little. “And thank you, for reminding me, too. I love you.” He grins, ears a little red as a passing girl giggles to herself. “Love, love, love.”

“Obnoxious,” Kihyun says despite the smile on his face. “Hey, after we get what we need, we’re getting food. You gotta try the meatballs.”

“This place sells meatballs, too?” Changkyun gapes. “Wow.”

“Not just meatballs… but food, overall. It’s good. A bit overpriced but hey,” he snorts, “My wallet is already crying at this point, why not murder it.”

“Still entirely opposed to theft, then?” Changkyun winks.

“If I turn a blind eye, you  _ can  _ do whatever you want--oh, look at that, character improvement!”

Changkyun laughs, poking at his cheek again with his nose. “I knew I was a bad influence on you!”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder, “The platitudes have changed. Honestly, no one can stop you even if they tried. And I almost died from supernatural phenomena. They don’t tell you that at twenty four you’re gonna be faced with Hell and Heaven, but here I am. I’m twenty five and I am telling you, you can steal a TV. Or a couch.”

“Or both,” Changkyun grins wickedly. “ _ Steal from the rich, give to the us. _ ”

“Let’s keep it to a minimum, shall we? I am not  _ that _ morally taken by you.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, shifts the bear into Kihyun’s face. “You’re paying for this in damages, both moral and physical. Now how big a TV do you want?”

Kihyun snorts. “Oh God, what have I unleashed…”

“A perfectly tamed demon,” Changkyun chirps, giving Kihyun a loud kiss on the cheek. “At your beck, call and leisure.”

_ “Gosh, _ ” Kihyun hides his face on Changkyun’s shoulder to laugh, “You’re terrible. I love you.”

“Love you terribly, then,” Changkyun grins. “Go find a nice couch and call me. Make sure it’s sturdy,” Changkyun winks. “I have plans.”

“P--Plans?” Kihyun goes pink.

Changkyun puts his hands over the ears of the teddy bear and leans in for a loud whisper. “Not in front of the children, sweetheart.”

Kihyun leans his head back and headbutts Changkyun, hard. “You shit!” A normal person would have suffered a concussion. Thankfully, they are both weird. So Changkyun just laughs like his skull wouldn’t have cracked under normal circumstances.

“You say that now, but I saw you eyeing a set of Japanese knives earlier…” Changkyun ruffles his hair. “Find a couch.” And shoves the teddy bear into his arms before he’s gone.

Kihyun stands in the middle of the way as people pass him by, some ogling the huge teddy bear in his hands. So, he brings it up to his chest, hide his face in its head and huffs a laugh.

Happiness shouldn’t hurt. Kihyun shouldn’t lie. But at least it doesn’t feel wrong.

  
  


\---

 

 

“What did I say about keeping it to a minimum!” Kihyun huffs, loud, looking around the living room and the kitchen. “Oh God…” It’s full. Packed with little things Kihyun  _ doesn’t remember _ buying. Because he didn’t! He slaps a hand over his forehead. “Why do you never listen to me!”

Changkyun winces a little as he approaches, hands held up as if in surrender. “I only took  _ one  _ of everything--” he stops himself. “No wait, sometimes two. Matching towels. The point!” Changkyun gestures around. “Is… that… I’m sure we can donate your old stuff? ...Right?”

Kihyun crouches and lets both arms go limp and his head hang. “A demon…”

“If you don’t like something, I can take it back immediately,” Changkyun nods.

Kihyun looks up and then around, crossing his arms over his knees and pouting. “You got me an apron…” He pouts some more, eyes on the white little decorations all over the floor. “It’s cute,” he pokes a candle and then sniffs his finger.  _ Vanilla. _

Changkyun crouches in front of him, cupping his own face in his hands, elbows on his legs. “I had a good precedent for cute. Do you like it?”

Kihyun looks at him and then at the hugeass TV leaning on the wall. “That looks expensive.” He notices the SAMSUNG logo at the bottom.  _ Yep,  _ definitely expensive.

“I didn’t check,” Changkyun smiles. “But probably.”

“It’s 4K, Changkyun… 4K!”

“That’s a good thing…?”

“It’s too good!” Kihyun whines. “I feel bad for wanting to keep all of this, ugh…”

“You know,” Changkyun says. “I googled and last year, IKEA made almost thirteen billion euros in profits. Whatever a euro is.” Changkyun laughs, swaying a little. “I’m sure they won’t miss a TV and a few decorations… and… a bunch of some other stuff.”

Kihyun moves his hands and slaps them over Changkyun’s on his face. “You… you’re a little devil.” He squishes him. “I love you. Never do this again. Now, come here and let me hug you before you have to go and leave me in this…  _ mess _ of a house.”

Changkyun laughs, leaning forward to tip over, taking Kihyun with him. “Yay, we get to keep the TV! An angel, truly!”

Kihyun wraps his legs around Changkyun’s waist and cups Changkyun’s face in his hands to kiss him all over as he giggles and flails. “You. Are. Such. An. Annoying. Evil. Little. Shit.”

“I got you a toaster! A good one!” Changkyun giggles. “Your words wound me!”

“Got me? Got us!”

Changkyun cackles, poking a finger into Kihyun’s side. “Sappy!”

“D--Don’t,” Kihyun snorts a laugh. “I should--I should be maiming you right now! You stole! A lot!”

“Moral relativism!” Changkyun announces proudly before blowing a raspberry against Kihyun’s neck.

Kihyun shivers and moans a little when another shiver takes over. He pinches Changkyun’s side. “ _ Half _ moral, considering I am only  _ half  _ human.” Will he ever get tired of using this excuse? No. No he won’t. “I am letting you keep everything, am I not?”

“Yes, because they’re pretty and shiny and nice and you love me,” Changkyun says, nuzzling at Kihyun’s neck. “With a sensitive spot right--” he gives a quick, long lick. “There.”

_ “Ah-- _ He--Hey,” Kihyun shivers, flinching and unpurposely pulling Changkyun closer between his legs. Kihyun goes red in less than a second, eyes wide and on the ceiling. 

Changkyun pulls away to blink at him before grinning, all cocky. “Didn’t realise you were  _ that  _ sensitive.”

“I…” Kihyun glares, “I’m not…” He is.

“Lies,” Changkyun sing-songs, tilting his head, blonde hair falling into his eyes. “Or do you just have a thing for--” He winks. “--bad boys.”

Kihyun frowns and lets out a long breath through his nose. He needs to calm down. But he knows that’s not going to happen. “You’re terrible,” he mumbles, pushing Changkyun closer between his legs. This time on purpose. 

Changkyun groans, ducking his head forward, and Kihyun takes another small moment to appreciate what Hoseok did. He hates him, truly, but it still looks amazing. “Interesting habit of yours, Kihyun,” Changkyun breathes, eyes oddly sharp as they take him in and then, instead of licking, bites at that spot on his neck. “Little jibes when things get a bit--” and this time Changkyun pushes himself forward. “Too much.”

“You say that but,” Kihyun breathes, arms sliding over Changkyun’s shoulders and wrapping around him to bring him closer as Kihyun rolls his hips, “You like it.”

“Being called obnoxious?” Changkyun asks, licking a bit higher up to Kihyun’s jaw. 

“It’s a pack,” Kihyun tilts his head up and shivers, “You say you like me, you like that, too.”

“Fair point...” Changkyun chuckles, hand slowly moving up Kihyun’s side. “Didn’t you say you invited Hoseok over…?”

Kihyun frowns, “Way to kill the mood…”

Changkyun laughs, resting his forehead on Kihyun’s shoulder for a second. “I just  _ meant  _ that  _ that’ll  _ really kill the mood.”

Kihyun looks at him. Then at the ceiling. All he can think of is Hyungwon’s stupid face and Hoseok’s loud, annoying voice. “Nope. Gone. Dead. Get off me so I can-- _ things.” _

Changkyun whines, kicking his legs. “Unforeseen, unintended and cruel consequences!”

“Why? I am fine.” Kihyun says, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’m not,” Changkyun whines with his eyes closed, flailing again before letting himself flop off Kihyun and pouting at the ceiling.

Kihyun sits up and then crawls over Changkyun, kissing his face. “I am such a nice person I am willing to ask if you need help.” He pauses, looks down between them and then up, smirking. “Do you?”

Changkyun opens one eye to peek at him. “Is this because I stole a towel warmer?”

Kihyun looks away to snort a laugh and then looks back to Changkyun. “Among other things.” He crawls back a little and leans down, flat on the floor between Changkyun’s legs, chin over Changkyun’s crotch. “I won’t ask twice.”

Changkyun squirms again and then nods, “ _ Please _ .”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums with a smile. He moves back up, hand palming at Changkyun’s crotch, lips on Changkyun’s jaw and then his neck. “I take it back,” he mumbles against Changkyun’s neck, “I’m not fine.”

Changkyun breathes a short laugh, letting his hands rove over Kihyun’s body, teasing at the hem of his shirt. “Yeah, this is definitely because I stole that towel warmer,” he says before grabbing two handfuls of Kihyun’s ass to push his hips against his own.

Kihyun gasps, both hands coming forward to hold himself up just enough to bite Changkyun’s earlobe. “Should hurry,” he breathes.

“Then stop taking your time,” Changkyun groans, rolling his hips up and getting a muffled moan in return as Kihyun moves against him as well. Changkyun’s hands move from Kihyun's ass with a final squeeze, undoing the button and zip and tugging Kihyun’s pants down with near desperate efficiency. 

“Love you like this,” Kihyun breathes out, shivering a little.

“What, needy and cocky?” Changkyun says as he licks up Kihyun’s neck, nails scratching over Kihyun’s bare ass. 

Kihyun runs a hand through Changkyun’s hair and grabs a handful, pulling to force his head back and then biting and kissing on his throat. “Here and  _ mine,” _ he answers.  _ Here, mine, right now. _

Changkyun grins up at the ceiling, moving his hands to unbutton his own jeans. “All yours, my love.”

Kihyun reaches down between then and worms his hand into Changkyun’s boxers, wrapping his fingers around his already hard dick. “Could use less ‘cocky’ but I guess… that's part of the pack, too.”

“You like it,” Changkyun breathes, chest rising and falling and brows knitting together. “Just--” Changkyun gasps as Kihyun moves his hand around him, slowly pulling Changkyun’s dick out, thumb pressing over the slit. “--the right amount of cocky.”

“There is a very obvious... joke in there,  _ somewhere _ ,” Kihyun says with a short, breathy, laugh. He shifts, his hand wrapping around his own dick as well, “Help me a little, will you?”

Changkyun laughs low, leaning up to kiss Kihyun’s cheek and then his jaw, wrapping his hand around the two of them as much as he can, fingers overlapping as he squeezes. “You’re so bossy.”

“You… forget,” Kihyun breathes, “what I’m holding right now, so shut up.”

“Make me.”

Kihyun looks up, eyes on Changkyun’s and then on his lips. He looks away for a moment, shifting and then moves his hand around them. 

Kihyun bites his tongue once to shut down the annoying, rational part of his brain (if only it were that easy), and leans down to whisper in Changkyun’s ear, “Lemme see you come, baby…”

Changkyun groans, loud and echoing oddly against the tails and cupboards of Kihyun’s-- _ their _ \--kitchen. He moves his hips and his thumb to tease at the tip of Kihyun’s dick and Kihyun shudders, eyes snapping closed and then open when he feels the tease again.

Changkyun turns his head to try and kiss any skin he can reach, finding Kihyun’s neck and biting, hard, as he pulls it between his teeth. Kihyun moans, breathy on Changkyun’s ear, because he can’t help it and because he knows Changkyun likes it. Changkyun laves at the skin as their hands move around each other, slow and then fast, tight.

Kihyun lifts his head and leans his forehead on Changkyun’s, again fighting shyness with a pointy sword and saying, “Lemme see you…” He breathes, gasps a little when the pace picks up again. “Look... at me.”

Changkyun’s eyes open slowly, trailing over Kihyun’s face before he looks him in the eye, and again, it pulls, and it sounds a lot like--

“I love you,” Changkyun says and Kihyun feels it on his lips. “Forever.”

It’s not much, but it’s everything. And it steals Kihyun’s breath away. He frowns, gasping,  _ “Kyunie…” _

Changkyun growls at the sound, hand leaving their dicks as they move against each other, both hands on his thighs as he lifts Kihyun up, moves himself down, and with little to no grace sits Kihyun down on his face, Kihyun’s hand shooting out to keep himself upright at the sudden feeling of velvety, wet heat. 

Eyes widened, Kihyun almost forgot how to breathe for a second. And it’s too much. Kihyun shivers, dimly marvelling at the glow inside him as he comes into Changkyun’s mouth, a shoot of pleasure rushing from his abdomen to his thighs, almost rendering them useless for a moment, and then up his spine as it dissipates. Changkyun lifts him again and Kihyun slips out of his mouth even as Changkyun laps at the tip and licks at his puffy, glossy lips, staring up at Kihyun with dark eyes.

“Y--You,” Kihyun breathes out, shaky, almost dazed and definitely, definitely pink. And deep down, maybe not that deep, Kihyun knows that if he doesn’t do something, he is going to get hard again.

He sighs and slides further down, barely pulling his pants up as he does, and kisses Changkyun’s forehead, his nose, mouth opening slightly around his lips before Kihyun pauses as Changkyun’s breath hitches, eyes wide. Kihyun looks Changkyun in the eye and smirks, “Whoops.” And then moves down, leaps over everything else and moves between Changkyun’s legs. 

Kihyun kisses the tip, swirls his tongue around the head, Changkyun gasping out a groan and moving his hand down to grip at Kihyun’s hair. And Kihyun opens his mouth around Changkyun and takes him in, moving his head up and down and leaving sloppy kisses all over.

The hand in Kihyun’s hair tugs and scratches, legs twitching as they look for purchase and try not to close. Kihyun moves his head up, lips parted around the tip and looks up at Changkyun whose eyes are dazed as he shivers, nails digging into Kihyun’s scalp. 

“Beautiful,” Changkyun breathes. And Kihyun can’t help the little twitch at the corner of his lips before he takes Changkyun in again, this time all the way down, and swallows around him, Changkyun crying out and arching up, throwing his head back. 

Kihyun slides his hands over Changkyun’s thighs and grabs at Changkyun’s ass, pulling him deeper as he comes. It’s almost unbearable, the lack of air, but Kihyun stays there, taking Changkyun in with everything he’s got, until Changkyun goes limp, legs shaky as he melts down onto the floor.

Silence. There's panting, breathing and...

“You…” Changkyun giggles, mumbling. “Holy shit, Ki…”

Kihyun has his forehead on the floor. “Hu--Huh?” He huffs. He really thought he was going to die for a moment there. Which would be interesting. Cause of death: choked on a dick. Hoseok would probably laugh at his funeral. Kihyun’s father probably wouldn’t attend. And Hyungwon would mock him on the way to wherever Kihyun is going when he dies.

“I think I blacked out for a second,” Changkyun pants, words slurring before he giggles again, reaching out a hand to smooth at Kihyun’s arm, and then wipes at the wet by Kihyun’s eyes. “You alright?”

“Great,” Kihyun mumbles, turning his head to face Changkyun. Kihyun’s lips feel puffy. “Great, great.” He looks up. “You?”

Changkyun nods, running his thumb over Kihyun’s lip with a smile. “Living in the moment.”

“Hug?” Kihyun mutters, arm flapping over to Changkyun.

He laughs softly and nods again, “Lemme just,” Changkyun starts, looking down as he pulls his underwear and jeans up and helps Kihyun into his, flopping down onto him the moment Kihyun’s jeans are buttoned. “Huuuug.”

Kihyun laughs a little and squirms a bit before melting down on the floor. “Nice. And now we stay like this until Hoseok arrives. Because you gotta go soon and...”  _ I’ll worry and I’ll miss you, even though it’s stupid of me. _

“And I’ll miss you,” Changkyun says with a soft kiss to his cheek, flicking his head back to get the hair out of his eyes before nuzzling into Kihyun and mumbling, “No moving, no sadness, just hold.”

Kihyun glances at him and watches him for a moment. “Actually, I have an idea. Get off.”

“Hoseok’s not here yet,” Changkyun grumbles, squeezing tighter.

“It involves you sitting between my legs while I comb your hair,” Kihyun informs him and Changkyun groans and sits up, squinting at Kihyun from behind his fringe.

“You tempt me.”

Kihyun moves up, legs a little weak at first as he walks to the bathroom. He searches one of the drawers and finds it, a pack of black hair ties Hoseok left over a few months ago, when Hoseok’s hair was just annoyingly long, always falling over his eyes. Kihyun hurries back to the kitchen and sits down behind Changkyun, legs moving around his waist to pull him closer. And Changkyun looks at him curiously, frowning at the hair ties.

“You  _ neeff- _ -a haircut,” Kihyun says, holding the pack between his teeth as he combs through Changkyun’s hair with his fingers. “Or you  _ shoulff- _ -” He brings the pack of hair ties down and rips it open, “Should start styling your hair back.” 

“There are scissors in the drawer…” Changkyun starts, pushing his hair back with his fingers and watching as the strands fall forward again. He puffs at the hair.

“I can cut your hair, if you want. Hoseok would do a better job, though. Don’t tell him I said so.”

“I’ll ask him when he gets here,” Changkyun says, picking at a hair tie and pulling it taut, letting go to set it flying against the fridge. “Whoops.”

Kihyun slaps at the back of Changkyun’s head and calls him, “Baby,” but laughs as he does. “In the meantime...” He fits a hair tie between his fingers and combs through Changkyun’s hair again, pulling his hair back where he ties it in a mini ponytail just above his crown. Changkyun reaches up to feel at it and laughs softly. 

“Don’t I look silly?”

“Turn around,” Kihyun says, loosening his legs around Changkyun’s waist, “Let me see.”

“Kinky,” Changkyun jokes but moves a bit forward to spin around anyway, smiling at Kihyun with a tilted head and closed eyes. “Ta-da!”

Sometimes, Kihyun finds himself thinking, he makes his own bed. Other times, he builds his own coffin. This is one of those times.

“I don’t get this,” Kihyun groans, throwing his head back and then tipping it forward, letting it hang, “Unfair.”

Changkyun pouts, reaching up to pat at his ponytail. “What I do…”

“Changkyun…”

Changkyun lets his hand fall, looks over with a little, “Hm?”

“You…” Kihyun sighs and looks away, cheeks hot and probably pink. He grabs Changkyun’s hand and lets it fall between them, “That. That’s what you do.” And by ‘that’ he means,  _ Stop giving me boners all the damn time! _

Changkyun’s eyes go a little wide before he ducks his head with a soft laugh. “ _ Uhm _ ,” he says, voice higher than usual before he laughs again. “Next time, we go to Hoseok’s.”

Kihyun sighs and leans his head on Changkyun’s shoulder. 

“Mmm… Also thinking I might only cut my hair in… Oh, _ a while _ …”

“You’re  _ not  _ helping.”

“Not your definition, maybe,” Changkyun laughs. “But I’ll help when I come back from work, baby.”

_ “I swear _ I would throw you out the window if I didn’t--”

The doorbell rings.

“Well,” Changkyun says, hand smoothing down Kihyun’s back before patting lightly. “At least our pants are on.”

“Thank God,” Hyungwon says from where he’s crouching right next to them. Kihyun yelps and Hyungwon smirks for a second before shivering and frowning, “Would hate to witness nudism.”

“Why can’t you wait for me to open the damn door!?” Kihyun hisses, blood boiling, face red.

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “I don’t need doors. I did tell you I’d seen you naked before, remember?” He looks to Changkyun who’s glaring just a tiny bit. “It’s not what you think. I just went through the wrong door and he was in the bathroom.” Hyungwon smiles small when Kihyun gets up and storms away. “I wonder,” Hyungwon says out loud, “What you see in him, Kyun! Always so angry! So shy!” 

Kihyun grabs a light bulb ( _ why, Changkyun, of all the things to steal-- _ ) from the floor and throws it across the room, but it goes right through Hyungwon and hits Changkyun on the forehead. Obviously, it shatters.

Hyungwon turns around to smirk and Kihyun almost feels like a literal fire. Changkyun frowns, dusting the glass off his face and luckily for Hyungwon, the doorbell rings again.

“Ow?” Changkyun says.

“Hey!” Hoseok chirps the moment Kihyun opens the door. “Hey, hey! You know, I had to try the code three times? It wasn’t working.”

Kihyun frowns, holding the door out for him. “The code? For the door downstairs?”

“Yeah!” Hoseok puffs, hands on his hips. “Just my luck, isn’t--” Hoseok looks past him, into the house. “Er, what the hell.”

“I would say ‘don’t ask’, but honestly…” Kihyun sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. “Kyunie stole from IKEA. It’s my fault. I enabled him...”

“He--” Hoseok laughs, loud until he muffles it behind his hand. “ _ Oh my god _ , you’re  _ wilding _ , Ki!”

“I am  _ not!” _ He is.

“He threw me with a light bulb...” Changkyun grumbles as he walks in, still dusting at his forehead, a few strands falling out of the ponytail.

Hoseok bends where he stands, wheezing and shoulders shaking. “I can’t.”

“You know I wasn’t aiming at you,” Kihyun grumbles, glaring at the floor. “Next time I should just punch him, really.”

“What did--” Hoseok laughs, straightening up slightly as he wipes at his eyes. “What did Hyungwon  _ do-- _ ”

“What he always does!” 

Hoseok nods, still laughing. “Say shit no one asked for?”

“Uhm,” Hyungwon says. “Rude.”

Kihyun turns to walk to living room. He feels tired and defeated. “He called you ‘rude’.”

Hoseok shakes his head and smiles, “Never gonna get used to that…” He frowns. “Er, holy shit, is that a 4K?!” He rushes forward. “Kihyun, this says seventy seven inches! Seventy seven!”

Changkyun laughs and point between the two of them. “You said the same thing! Cute. Well, minus the inches--”

Hyungwon laughs. “Oh, man.”

Yes, Kihyun feels tired, defeated and  _ done. _ He tiptoes around a few candles and lets himself plop down on his dented couch. “Aren’t the two of you supposed to leave, like, soon?” He asks, eyes going between Hyungwon and Changkyun.

“Subtle,” Hyungwon and Changkyun say in unison.

Hoseok is still holding onto the television’s cardboard box. “Kihyun, can I borrow your demon.”

“Hoseok! You are  _ not  _ indulging him! No!” Kihyun yells, “This was enough!”

Hoseok pouts. “But I want one…  _ Ugh _ , fine.” Hoseok pats the box a little and Changkyun laughs, tiptoeing towards Kihyun. “I can help you…” he looks around. “Sort all this out, though.”

“If you do…” Kihyun says, voice soft again, “I might.  _ Might! _ Consider your case.”

“He’s gonna make you carry the fucked out couch down stairs, you know that, right,” Hyungwon grumbles.

Hoseok beams. “Deal!”

Changkyun reaches the couch and leans forward, hands behind his back. “Goodbye kiss?” Changkyun bats his eyes with a little pout.

And because Kihyun can’t help himself, despite being obviously tired, defeated and done, he leans forward and makes a kiss noise just a few inches away from Changkyun’s lips.

“Gross,” Hyungwon and Hoseok say in wildly varying tones.

Changkyun beams. “See you later, then,” and pops up next to Hyungwon, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Man the ferry, dead man.”

Hoseok blinks, “That looks very weird.”

“I swear you and that hamster fill me with dread…” Hyungwon mutters to himself, probably louder than he’d intended.

Changkyun squints. “I don’t know where this guy is, now take me.”

“Isn’t that Kihyun’s job.”

Changkyun wacks Hyungwon on the arm and then they’re gone.

_ “Ugh,”  _ Kihyun grunts, sounding displeased, feeling displeased. He glances to Hoseok. “Think we can finish this today?”

Hoseok shrugs, glancing around. “If you want… Jeez, how much stuff did he take.”

“Too much,” Kihyun sighs. He grins, though, when he says, “He got me a towel warmer.”

Hoseok gasps. “You’ve always wanted one of those!”

“I know!” He lets himself fall over the couch and then slides down with how inclined the thing is. “I hate myself for… this. But I wanna keep everything.” He looks up. “I’m a criminal, now. And I am dating a thief. And now you’re an accomplice!”

Hoseok laughs, picking up a humidifier that looks like a panda. “Kihyun, your boyfriend could just teleport you out of jail,  _ relax _ .”

“That’s cute,” Kihyun says, eyes on the humidifier. He rolls and sits up, sliding some more down the couch. “Well, maybe we should… get started?”

“Get off the couch, first,” Hoseok says, putting the panda down on the counter and smacking his hands together. He frowns as he looks over. “Actually, what  _ did  _ happen to your couch? I know it came with the house but it’s not that old.”

Kihyun feels his face go red. He looks away, “We… broke it…”

Hoseok blinks. “Yes. I assumed. But how did you…” His eyes go wide and he gapes. “ _ No!  _ My  _ god,  _ Kihyun.” He gapes some more. “It’s dented! It’s practically snapped in half!”

“I’m aware…”

Hoseok puts both hands on his hips. “I’m not helping you until I know more about--” He gestures. “That!”

Kihyun feels his face boil and when he turns around he snaps. “What do you want me to say?! We had sex! There! Here! Wha--Whatever!” He looks away again and then speaks a lot softer. “I might have told him to…” Kihyun looks over. “You know Kyunie is like super strong, right?”

Hoseok turns his head to narrow his eyes and look at him from the corner of his eyes. “Yeeees?”

“And you know I’m… not exactly… normal.” How can Kihyun explain this without it sounding like a fantasy tail.

Hoseok squints harder. “Where are you going with this.”

“Well… I can… almost…” Kihyun feels himself sweat. “With--Withstand… uhm, well.” He freaks out. “I said ‘Don’t hold back’, and he didn’t!”

Hoseok’s eyes widen. It’s practically comical. “You what.”

“I broke… a rib. I think.” Kihyun looks down. His thoughts are a mess, especially because now he keeps remembering. “It healed too fast… I don’t know. But,” he looks back up, “I’m okay!”

“Okay?! Okay!” Hoseok gapes again, blinking rapidly as his mouth snaps shut. “He… broke your rib. You had sex and he broke your couch and your rib. And then stole IKEA.”

“I would have probably turned into a smashed cookie, if I wasn’t…” Kihyun trails off. “If I was normal…”

“But instead?!” Hoseok brings his hands up to his mouth before lowering them to whisper, “...How was it?”

Kihyun blushes again. “G--Great? I…” He looks down at his hands and fidgets with his shirts. “Really… really good.”

Hoseok squeals into his hands. “Aah! I’m so proud!”

“Ah, shut up!” Kihyun rolls his eyes, face redder. “Why do I tell you these things!”

“If I broke a couch, I’d write a blog!” Hoseok jumps a little and pauses. “Hang on, if you told  _ him  _ not to hold back does that mean--” Hoseok grins at him, eyebrows up. “ _ Kihyun _ .”

“Wha--What now!”

“You did the thing! The thing you’ve never done!” Hoseok jumps a bit again.

Kihyun raises his hands to his face and throws himself back on the couch again with a groan. “Why are you so excited about this? Ugh…”

“It is my sincere belief that everyone deserves a good ol’ dickin’,” Hoseok laughs, sidestepping the decorations on the floor to poke at Kihyun. 

“Joy of joys,” Kihyun deadpans, “I am choking on the vomit of your hilarity.”

“Hilarity? Please,” Hoseok pokes again. “Now come on, let’s get it done before lover boy comes back so you can break the new furniture.”

“We broke the bed, too, by the way.” Kihyun says because he might as well, since it’s gotten this far.

Hoseok blinks. “Wow. Was it Kyunie again or…”

Kihyun crosses his arms and tries to keep a serious face despite feeling red like a tomato. “Switch culture.”

Hoseok laughs, “Indeed it is. Now get  _ off _ .”

Kihyun laughs, too, and sits up. His smile falters a little when the voice behind his ear softens. 

“There we go. Now can you just--” Hoseok gestures. “Put all the things I can take home in the corner of the room, thanks.”

“Hoseok,” Kihyun starts, getting up from the couch and looking at him, “I need to ask you something.”

“Oh.” Hoseok blinks. “That sounds serious.”

Looking down, Kihyun considers how to approach the subject. The voice behind his ear sings soft, far, away. Changkyun won’t hear. It feels like lying but…

“If you could save Hyungwon from himself, from what happened to him after his... choice…” Kihyun looks up, eyes on Hoseok’s, “Would you?”

Hoseok looks away, swallows and walks, reaching out to guide Kihyun. “M-maybe we should go to the new couch…” Hoseok sits down, frowns harder and waits for Kihyun to sit down next to him. “Why--why are you…”

“Please?” Kihyun says and his voice sounds small. “Answer me.”

“Okay,” Hoseok says, fiddling with his own hands. “Uhm. I guess that’s complicated because… There’s a very selfish part of me that’s… That’s very happy that he’s not gone?” Hoseok winces. “That sounds horrible. But... there’s also the fact that I didn’t get to make that choice for him? And, even if I could, it’s…. Not really my choice to make...”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says with a smile on his face that dims slowly. “I guess… but…”  _ I get to make a choice for myself too, don’t I? _ “I… might be about to do something really stupid… And I guess, in way, I just wanted to… I don’t know. I just wanted someone to tell me that it’s okay, that’s I’m not wrong for feeling the way I do.”

Hoseok watches him, careful. “Kihyun, what’s going on..?”

They may say, ‘it’s enough’. They may say, ‘it’s not the same’. They may say, ‘you can’t do it on your own’. But… 

But Kihyun’s decision was made the moment Changkyun decided, too.

“Kyunie chose to save me from something. Actually, it’s a choice he makes every day. But he’s paying the price and… I know. I know him. He is so, so strong. And yet he crumpled like a leaf because… because he chose to spare me from… something.” Kihyun takes a deep breath and lets it out shakily. “Is it… Is it wrong of me to want to save him, too? He’s trapped because of me. He never asked for this and yet…”

“Oh, Kihyun…” Hoseok smooths his hand down Kihyun’s back. “Of course you want to save him, too… From  _ whatever _ you’re talking about, but--and I mean, I don’t know everything, and you can tell me  _ anything  _ by the way--but I think you’re wrong about him being trapped. He loves you, Ki.’”

“He shouldn’t have to pay for feeling. Happiness shouldn’t hurt. And… it hurts me, too.”

Hoseok frowns, squeezing Kihyun’s shoulder. “I don’t… really understand what you mean, Ki…”

Kihyun looks up. He clasps his hands together, tight and turns slightly to Hoseok. “When an angel and a human…” He looks down and then back up. “A Nephilim is born. But the new soul can’t take the light, the power, not all of it so… it splits. The darkest half goes to Hell, like, like a leftover. It has no purpose whatsoever. But someone needed--something needed me,” Kihyun lifts a hand to his chest, “my light, for something. And it seems that to get it, to get me they need to corrupt me. That’s why they made Ch--Kyunie. With… my…” Kihyun licks his lips. “My other half. It’s why we can’t kiss. If we do then…” He frowns and feels it burn behind his eyes so he blinks the feeling away. “He is trapped because his whole purpose is to do something he’s refused to do because he loves me.”

“Oh…” Hoseok stares at his hands, tight on his knees. “Kay… S-sorry, processing…”

Kihyun laughs bitterly. “Sorry… your best friend is not exactly… human.”

Hoseok waves him off. “Yeah, you stupid, I know that.”

“You--” Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Nevermind.” He feels lighter but heavier, too. Like he lifted a burden and now has two more to carry.

“Kihyun,” Hoseok deadpans. “You fell out of a tree when you were six and to this day I swear you broke your legs but you ran away into a goddamn field of flowers before I could even call your dad. Amongst other things. You weirdo.”

Kihyun snorts, “Yeah… I am weird.”

Hoseok shakes his head as if to clear it. “Wait, so, Ch-- _ Kyun _ was made from the other  _ half of your soul _ ?” He blinks. “Holy shit that’s--kind of insane. If I say soulmates will you hit me, agree with me or--”

Kihyun gestures around them. “You can’t see it. Neither can I. Hyungwon can, though. The thread… it’s why it felt to strange when I met him. Like the floor wasn’t there.” He smiles softly. “I miss that… not knowing so much. Just… little touches that held so much meaning. I miss that.”

Hoseok smiles sympathetically. “Are you telling me the touches don’t mean anything anymore? I’m inclined not to believe you. Because I have eyes.”

“That’s not what I meant, idiot,” Kihyun rolls his eyes, “I just mean that… it was better when that was all we had. All we knew. Now there’s… it’s complicated.”

“I still don’t think he’s trapped, Kihyun…” Hoseok starts, “I get where you’re coming from, but I’m not sure what price you meant. The one he’s paying. He looks happy to me…”

“You say that because you’re not the one who has to…” Kihyun shivers, remembering, “Nevermind. Forget it.”

“No,” Hoseok says, softly but there. “Kihyun, I know your life is complicated and stupid and there’s demons and angels and my own freaking dead boyfriend but I still…” His face crumbles slightly. “I’m still your best friend. I want to help you, even if it’s just…” Hoseok shrugs, small. “Being here for you.”

Kihyun leans back on the new couch and frowns. “Wow,” he feels himself sink. “Woooow, this is good.” He melts down, sliding all the way down the cushion.

“Kihyun, I swear to God,” Hoseok laughs, hanging his head.

“I had already decided, anyway,” Kihyun says. “And you can’t change my mind. Like I said, I just hoped I… didn’t feel so selfish for feeling the way I do.”

“Love is selfish,” Hoseok sighs, falling back, as well. “Oh, shit, this is a fantastic couch.”

“Right?” Kihyun laughs small. “It will be gone in a poof of dick glitter, though.”

Hoseok barks a laugh. “Christ, Kihyun, you and your fucking dick jokes.”

“I hope,” Kihyun laughs again, short, softly. “He won’t hate me…”

Hoseok moves his head, lolling it to the side to look at Kihyun. “You’re not gonna let him do this are you.”

“He says ‘we’ but he chose as one. Therefore I get to choose as well. Maybe… maybe then we can think of ‘we’ and choose as ‘we’, as well.” He pauses and smiles. “If there’s a ‘then’.

“An eye for an eye, Kihyun…” Hoseok sighs. “Can’t you just  _ talk  _ to him? Heck, I don’t even know what it is he’s doing for you but there must be a good ass reason. Right?”

“I like fairness. He shouldn’t have to go through it for something so simple and so… ugh, I will say innocent, no sex jokes allowed,  _ innocent _ as this.”

Hoseok frowns, rolls his lips between his teeth. “He can’t kiss you, can he. You… mentioned it was ill-advised, before.”

“He can. It’s what he was made to do. But he won’t. He won’t because, ironically, he loves me.” Kihyun looks down. “And because of that he…”

Hoseok bumps Kihyun on his arm with his own. “He…?”

“Hell,” is all Kihyun can say about it.

Quiet.

“He… Kihyun, what happens if he kisses you?”

“He will be free,” Is the simplest answer. But Kihyun adds anyway, “And I will become… something else.”

Hoseok looks away. Fiddles with his shirt, takes a deep breath. “Kihyun, can… can  _ I  _ ask you not to change?”

“Y--Yeah, you can…” He laughs a little. “But you see… that right there,” He points to Hoseok’s chest. “That’s exactly how I feel. Multiplied by infinity when… when he leaves and comes back.”

“But what if you leave and you don’t come back,” Hoseok mumbles to himself. “I know Hyungwon’s.... Here, but… You’re still kind of all I have.”

“Those of you, with little faith,” Kihyun says poking Hoseok’s ribs, “You really think, all of you, that I am… willing to just give up? Come on, you know me. I am stubborn.” He sits up, “Just because I wanna help Kyunie, doesn’t mean I am willing to throw myself in the fire.”

“Yeah, you are stubborn,” Hoseok mumbles. “But if I lose you, I’ll kill you.”

Kihyun laughs and lets his head fall on Hoseok’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t have it any other way… Wonho.”

Hoseok puffs. “Oh, God, I’m flashing back to uni.”

“Wonho, Wonho, Wonho, Wonho,” Kihyun mutters like a mantra. “Think I will summon Hyungwon like this? Wonho, Wonho, Wonho, Wonho…”

Hoseok elbows Kihyun, hard. “I can do that now, you little roughhouser.”

“Ow! You know, it still hurts, right?”

“ _ Good _ ,” Hoseok laughs. “Do stupid shit and I’ll do it again.”

He will do something stupid. But at least he has…

“You. You will kick me and save my ass if I get in trouble.” He smirks, “Like I did for you back in preschool.”

Hoseok sighs, leaning his head on Kihyun’s. “I told Kyunie about that, by the way.” He sighs again. “Shit, he loves you a lot, huh…”

“Yeah… and he doesn’t deserve the shit he gets… except the shit he gets from me.  _ That  _ he deserves.” Kihyun moves his eyes and looks around. “Can’t believe he stole from IKEA…”

“Shit, we should probably…” Hoseok lifts his head, looks around as well. “Do stuff.”

“I  _ hate _ everything about that choice of words.  _ Everything.” _

“Ah, but could I break your rib,” Hoseok sighs wistfully.

“No. And your dick doesn’t glitter.” Kihyun gets up and looks down.

“So  _ that’s  _ where the Twilight thing came from? Sparkling demon dick?”

“I take it back. I will throw myself into the fire and die and leave you alone with your ghostly boyfriend.”

Hoseok sighs again, ever so wistful. “I’d let him break my ribs…”

Kihyun makes a face and then gags. “Ugh!” He shivers. “Oh god… Hyungwon would break  _ his  _ ribs trying to break  _ your  _ ribs!” He shivers again. “Oh god!”

Hoseok guffaws. “Your face!”

“Ugh! Shut up! Let’s just,” Kihyun gags again and gestures around the room, “Move things! Do--not- _ -Ugh!” _

Hoseok laughs again. “I really do love you very much, Kihyun.” Hoseok tips back, before tipping himself onto his feet and standing up, ruffling at Kihyun’s hair. “Never change.  _ Now! _ I’m gonna start moving your old shit into the hall.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes but smiles to himself when Hoseok turns around.

_ I promise I will try. _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worry not Minhyuk stans. Don't be mad. Just... keep reading and you'll know why. ;)


	18. A Giant With Black Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And back to the start: a match. And leaping in the dark. Leaving fears collecting dust. And a match just a little bigger than before burns and stays burning, like a flame.  
> And a light, just a little brighter, casts a shadow just a little larger.

The first thing Changkyun thinks, as he looks around lazily, is a resounding _‘this is better than IKEA’_.

The second thing Changkyun thinks is ‘I wonder if Kihyun’s been here before’.

It’s so _green_. Everywhere Changkyun looks there are trees and flowers and paths that twist and turn amongst them, little wooden bridges and fountains in clear ponds. Changkyun leans over a wooden railing, watches colorful fish in all shapes and sizes.

“Hell of a meeting place,” Hyungwon mutters, hands in his pockets. “The goddamn botanical gardens. Who _is_ this man.”

Changkyun turns to look at Hyungwon and then at the trees. “I like him already.”

 _“You_ have questionable taste,” Hyungwon says, looking around the place like he expects the plants to eat him at any moment. “You’re dating Kihyun.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, crosses his arms on the railing. “What _is it_ about meaningful relationships and the constant insults to hide the fact.”

Hyungwon eyes Changkyun up and down and then turns to a tree nearby with the exact same expression. Changkyun can almost hear the _‘Eugh’_ when Hyungwon talks, “You say that because you… just know Changkyun's Kihyun.” Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “Before he met you he was… has always been a stuck up little shit.”

Changkyun scoffs, raising an eyebrow at him. “I know. His favourite nickname for me is ‘you shit’,” Changkyun laughs. “I’m not entirely disillusioned.”

“The two of you broke a couch, Changkyun…” Hyungwon sighs, he sounds tired. “If you had told me this a few months ago I would have laughed in your face. No way Kihyun would engage in such... As it is…” He makes a face, “It just sounds disturbingly real.”

Changkyun laughs a little, watching a couple stroll through the gardens not too far from them. “What’s real? The thorns or whatever? Or the fact that I really _am_ here to,” Changkyun shrugs. “Well. Stay.”

Hyungwon sighs again and turns around to lean back against the rail. He crosses his legs where he stands and looks down. “You're… good. For him. And I guess I…” He frowns. “Don't make me say it.”

Changkyun feels himself straighten up, try to rationalise what Hyungwon says. Good for Kihyun. Could he really have been made to corrupt Kihyun, but end up being _good for him_? Changkyun shakes his head a little. Rationality be damned. “If you don’t say it, I won’t know it.”

“I _hate_ you,” Hyungwon says, stressing the word ‘hate’ but smiling when he does. “But I guess I'm just a little jealous. Because you can… care for them in a way I am no longer able to.” Hyungwon takes a deep breath and looks around. “I trust you. And… even though I know your initial purpose was not _good_ , I will still trust you if you ever decide to fulfill it, whatever it is.” He looks to Changkyun and his eyes look like ambers, color moving around the irises as if it's alive, “Because you love him. And because you're good for him. I like Changkyun's Kihyun a lot more than… old Kihyun.”

Changkyun nods slowly, watching the fish as they swim. It’s beautiful, in a calming kind of way. “I’ll try to be good for him for as long as I can,” Changkyun purses his lips in a faint smile. “And do what I can, the moment I’m not.”

“Fair warning,” Hyungwon chuckles, moving away from the rail to turn around and lean over it next to Changkyun, “He _is_ still a stubborn ass. So, good luck with that.”

Changkyun bites at his lip, hard. He remembers the look in Kihyun’s eyes that whole day they’d spent in bed, talking, doing whatever. He’d looked… haunted. “Yeah. They really gave a guardian to a man whose main mission in life is to take care of others before himself,” Changkyun scoffs, shaking his head.

“That’s why he needs you,” Hyungwon nods, “Always. Even if he acts stubborn and says he doesn’t.” He frowns and scoffs. “He does that a lot. _‘I’m fine’_ , he says. Cries the whole night, he does. He and Wo-- _Hoseok_ are like big brother and little brother.”

“He did, that…” Changkyun sighs. “He’s promised not to lie anymore, at all, and I don’t lie either. We tell each other…” _Too much, maybe._ “Everything. It can be hard to protect someone when you can’t lie to them.”

“Protecting someone with a lie will always end up badly for you,” a voice says from behind them. “All you can do is try your best to defend them from the truth.”

 _“Annnnd,_ dad is here,” Hyungwon says, turning around and rolling his eyes. “Why are you holding a cat…?”

Changkyun looks around and sure enough, there’s a small, black and white kitten held in arms that makes it look even smaller. “It’s cute, right?” the man (who Changkyun assumes by way of unlikely coincidence and apt fit of description from Kihyun, to be Shownu) says, scratching at the kitten with a single finger. “It’s a stray, I couldn’t just leave it here.” Shownu looks up, smiles at Changkyun. “You… actually don’t look like what I expected.”

Changkyun points up at his hair. “It’s the ponytail. Bit out of fashion in Pandemonium at the moment.”

“I assume the whole scorched wings visual is still the new black…?” Hyungwon says, sighing wistfully. “Would still love a tour. _Anyway,_ ” he gestures between Changkyun and Shownu, “Changkyun, full time half-assed demon, bearer of whatever the _fuck_ this is,” he swings his wrists as he looks around himself, “And Shownu, a grandma who kills demons on the side.”

“Doesn’t exactly _sound_ like a perfect match,” Changkyun says, eyebrows raised.

“That’s alright, I only kill _full_ -assed demons,” Shownu laughs.

“His other half is busy being the other half-assed angel,” Hyungwon grimaces, “What a stupid sandwich this turned out to be…” He pauses and then raises a hand, “Can I be the ham?”

Changkyun gives him a little pat. “Only if Hoseok is the cheese, dear.”

 _“Don’t_ call me that,” Hyungwon hisses, disappearing and reappearing a few feet away, “Nasty.”

Changkyun laughs, walking forward to look at the little kitten, reaches out a little tentatively. “May I?”

Shownu shrugs, lifts the kitten with one hand and hands it to Changkyun carefully. “Sorry about having to meet all the way out here, by the way. It’ll take a bit more time to recalibrate those wards on my house to exempt you. Better safe than sorry,” Shownu shrugs. “Wouldn’t want to anger a Nephilim, after all.”

“He would probably just throw things at you until you begged for mercy,” Hyungwon mutters.

“True,” Changkyun agrees, smiling down at the little kitten biting his finger. “Like lightbulbs.”

Shownu blinks. “Right. We wouldn’t want that…” he shifts a little, gesturing with his head for them to follow as he turns to walk down the path. “Hyungwon said you were looking for a way to make money?” Shownu smiles to himself. “I suppose working at a coffee shop or an arcade would be a bit beneath your abilities.”

“Er, Kihyun suggested it,” Changkyun shrugs. “I said I could just be a bounty hunter or something, but alas.”

“Always listen to mommy,” Hyungwon says casually.

“Kihyun does have a point,” Shownu points out, holding his hands behind his back. “There’s… a lot of dangerous things in this city, but I’m sure you two know that. Changkyun even eradicated a few dens near the beginning of the month. At least, I assume it was you.”

“Dens,” Hyungwon echoes, he shakes his head, “I am officially part of a Shadow Hunters sequel...”

“Yeah, that was me…” Changkyun scratches at the little kitten’s chin in the utmost delight and coos. “Hyungwoooon, look at iiiiit.”

Hyungwon tilts his head, “I am… looking.” He frowns. “Cats and Death don’t…” He shivers. “Sorry, sorry. Don’t mind me.”

Changkyun keeps cooing, scratching at the kitten’s tummy. “Hyungwon’s just a little party pooper, isn’t he? Mmm? _Isn’t he_.”

“Cats can absorb negative energies,” Shownu hums. “They can perceive fear and have been considered as familiars and spiritual guardians since… well, since the beginning, really.”

“Another friendly reminder that I am just a black hole for souls and bad luck, thank you,” Hyungwon grumbles.

“That’s right, he’s just a little black hole,” Changkyun coos further, before glaring a little at Hyungwon and walking a bit faster when Hyungwon glares back. Changkyun sticks his tongue out at Hyungwon before facing Shownu again. “There are a lot more,” Changkyun says. “Dens and demons and the lot. I… admit I got distracted when Kihyun accepted me back. Kind of a _deal with it as it comes_ situation.”

“That entire sentence sounds...” Hyungwon says before he makes a gag noise. “What a married couple the two of you are. And it’s only been a month! There will be no living with you come Christmas!”

Shownu cocks an eyebrow at Hyungwon. “I can’t tell if you’re jealous or bitter or both.”

“I am dead. That’s what I am.”

“And what if I said I have an idea for how you can get into contact with Hoseok?”

Hyungwon stops walking and glares, “Then… I would be a hundred times nicer to you…? Seriously, though, you’re not joking, right?”

“I’m generally hilarious,” Shownu says factually. “But no.” He keeps walking, motions with his head as they reach the outskirts of the park. “There’s a house there, almost definitely haunted. A lot of ghost sightings. But generally humans can’t see ghosts--or Reapers, Really--they can perceive them but not _see_ them, but in that house… They can. And I don’t think it’s the house.”

A black mist stops Shownu in his tracks and Hyungwon appears in front of him, “Some _thing_ , then?” He sounds… hopeful. Changkyun looks up, kitten still nibbling on his finger. He’s never seen Hyungwon look anything other than mildly pissed or amused despite himself.

“Yes,” Shownu says, glancing at the two of them and then at Changkyun. “How does that sound for a first job?”

Changkyun realises he looks taken aback, and sounds it too. “You really get paid for this?”

Shownu shrugs. “There’s not a lot of people you can hire for ghost infestations. It’s good money.”

“Ghostbusters it is, then,” Hyungwon says, looks at the house, and for an unsettling second, it feels like the house is looking back at them.  
  


\---

  


“This looks cryptic,” Hyungwon says, looking around and passing right through a broken table.

Changkyun takes a breath and when he lets it go, his breath shows in the cold. It looks like a normal house; like if Kihyun had had a bit more money and wanted someplace bigger, they could live here, except, of course, for the signs of distress. Human distress, at least. Things thrown about, tables broken, lights shattered. It’s _cold._ Changkyun wonders if this is how Hoseok feels; knowing something, someone, is there, but…

“What are we… gonna do?” Changkyun asks, stepping over some broken glass.

“Well,” Shownu starts, whispering as he goes around the same table Hyungwon walked through, “People always talk about possession. Demons possess bodies because they don’t belong in this realm. Their essence decays over time. So, they keep jumping from body to body, devouring souls and growing stronger.” He stops to look at a painting on the wall. “The longer a demon has been around, the stronger it is. Like,” He turns to Changkyun, “The one marked on your shoulder.”

Changkyun instinctively reaches up. _Gluttony_. “I almost died killing it…”

Shownu smiles small, “There is no alternative universe in which you die killing that demon. But there are many alternative universes ending with you alone. It all came down to a choice that wasn’t yours to make.” He turns to the painting again, and Changkyun can feel the weight of his own heart squeezing in his chest. _Alone_. “When souls walk the path of penance, they are stripped of sin. Call it soul-sweat, if you’d like.” Shownu chuckles, the glass beneath his feet cracking in the silent room. “That essence clings to the only possible means of transportation, like dust in a very old house.” And he looks to Hyungwon. “You.”

“What?” Hyungwon looks over his shoulder and frowns. “What do you mean?”

_‘Hello? Please, I just want to go home.’_

Changkyun turns around to the doorway where he’d heard the whispers of a voice, sees nothing there but feels the cold on the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine.

Shownu looks around, eyes narrowing, “Reapers open the doors between realms. Angels use them. Demons use them, too. Soul essence passes through like smoke. And it lodges itself in the corner of young souls,” Shownu sighs, fingers brushing over the ripped and worn out wallpaper. “That’s what you’ve been fighting. Soul essence taken form by the sin it represents. Other demons are not as easily described. Some, are quite…” Shownu stops to lick his lips and then glances at Changkyun, “Greedy… and powerful. Almost… godlike.”

Changkyun looks away from the door, uneasy, remembers the smell of ash.

_Of course Greed would look like everything you could ever want._

“Ghosts are different. They don’t need to possess living beings. They _can’t_ possess a body that has a soul because ghosts are souls, too. Ghosts can turn into demons. But that is a whole different story.” Shownu shrugs and looks at the wall behind Hyungwon, smiling at another painting.

“I do see a lot of souls floating around,” Hyungwon mumbles, eyes a little too yellow for Changkyun’s taste. He still remembers the Reaper’s touch on his soul. In fact, it’s something he will never be able to forget.

Hyungwon pauses then, eyes on Changkyun. “There’s something behind you…”

And Changkyun doesn’t have to look around to know that’s true. It feels cold, but if Hyungwon was ice, this was a breeze carrying snow, snow that clings to his skin and seeps through his clothes. He doesn’t want to look, so he just nods. “Yeah, I know… It wants to go home...”

Hyungwon smirks. “I really _do_ wish I could help…” He shrugs. “But ghosts are troublesome. Not worth the trouble. A good meal, though.”

Changkyun levels his eyes on Hyungwon. “You _eat_ the souls?”

“What,” Hyungwon scoffs, looking around, following something with his eyes and smirking, “You think celestial beings are vegan? I don’t fast. Angels don’t fast. Demons _certainly_ don’t fast.”

“Don’t worry, he can’t eat your soul,” Shownu laughs. “Or mine, for that matter.”

Changkyun still squints at Hyungwon, though. Just for good measure. “He better not. My bark and bite are practically equal.” Changkyun only gets a sly smile and two raised eyebrows in reply.

“So, ghosts can’t possess people. They just float around? Waiting for… whatever unfinished business they have to be, well, finished?” Hyungwon questions.

“And how are you different?” Changkyun snaps, before drawing back, looking away. “I didn’t mean that.”

“Reapers are born when another Reaper is about to collect a soul,” Shownu explains. “But said soul still clings with a will to live. A trade is made and the soul stays, bound to a duty. Ghosts are souls that escape a Reaper’s radar and swim between the limbo and our realm. They can only possess objects. And once something from this world is touched, so to speak, it can reflect both worlds.” He tilts his head. “Especially if the nature of the object is already… like looking through a mirror…” And he nods at the small hand mirror atop the dusty cupboard.

Hyungwon’s eyes widen slightly, and walks forward. He gives a little laugh and if Changkyun didn’t know him better, he’d think he was nervous. “I’m gonna try and pick this thing up and my hand’s gonna go right through it, I can tell.”

“Or not,” Shownu says.

“Or not,” Hyungwon repeats, winces like it’ll hurt, and picks up the mirror. “Oh.” He looks at himself. He _looks_ at himself. Changkyun walks closer, little kitten meowing in his jacket pocket.

“I’m pretty sure Reapers aren’t supposed to have reflections.”

“If I were you,” Shownu says smiling at his own shoes, “I wouldn’t let Kihyun look at that. He might not like what he sees.”

Changkyun blinks, shifting his eyes to Shownu. “Why? What would he see?”

“A giant with black wings.”

Changkyun takes a step back. He swallows past something in his throat. “And… what would I see?”

Shownu blinks and looks up. “What does Kihyun believe you to be?”

“It…” Changkyun feels his shoulders relax and he’s not sure why. “It matters that much?”

“Like a looking-glass,” Shownu says with a smile. “I don’t know why or how but, now that I’ve met you, I can tell. You will always reflect him. And, in a way, he reflects you. You will see what he believes you are. Be that something good or something bad.”

And suddenly Changkyun needs to see it. He has to know. He walks forward, and tiptoes up and sees--

Himself.

Himself with brown, clean eyes.

Changkyun falls back on his heels and looks away as Hyungwon says, “I look older.”

“Reapers don’t age,” Shownu scoffs, shifting again and making the shattered glass crack.

“Maybe he sees himself the way Hoseok is meant to,” Changkyun says, lowly and with a dry mouth.

“I can’t.”

Changkyun looks up as Hyungwon shakes his head, puts the mirror down.

“I--I can’t do it. He wouldn’t--he wouldn’t _hear_ me, it’s not like we would be able to--” he shakes his head. “I’d be doing to him what I’ve done to myself.”

Shownu nods, “True. But Kihyun might be able to help. And I can… if you want, of course, craft you a ring out of that. You would be able to wear it. Hoseok would be able to see you.” He looks to Changkyun, “Kihyun can hear voices, can’t he?”

Changkyun nods, “He says everyone has a voice… Well, another voice.”

Shownu nods again, “He would need to… practice. And it might not always work. But if he could amplify that, charge the ring to resonate with the wavelength of his soul, to reflect it, refract it… The way, I assume, he did when…” He looks at Hyungwon. “It is your choice, in the end. I am just here to show you a way.”

Hyungwon laughs, a harsh, bitter sound. “Great, I’ll have to keep the hamster around, then…” Hyungwon sighs, reaches up to massage at his temples. “Shit, I… I want…”

 _Greed,_ Changkyun thinks.

“Yeah,” Hyungwon says, then, quiet. “I’ll do it. If… if I were in his shoes, I’d want to see him. Fucking hell.”

A loud noise echoes through the house. Changkyun jumps slightly, reaches in to comfort the little kitten in his jacket and Shownu sighs, looking up.

“Give me the mirror,” he says, hand outstretched. “It should stay with me, just in case, until I can… well, do something with it.”

Hyungwon picks it up again, hands it over and walks away. “Do what you have to.”

“Is this going to make the ghosts stop?” Changkyun asks, looking around. “I mean, I’m assuming we don’t get paid if the ghosts stay.”

Shownu smiles but his eyes don’t. “Hyungwon needs to leave. And you should… Keep the little fellow in your jacket.”

Hyungwon grumbles, “Yeah, you should… Kihyun would love it.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, and then giggles a little as the cat suckles on his finger. “Shownu, this really isn’t what I was expecting, you know?”

“Oh, don’t worry, we’ll look into getting you a gun and going hunting,” Shownu laughs. “Don’t be discouraged.” He breathes. “Well, then. Let’s see how strong a half-assed demon can be.”

“Hyungwon, hold the cat and leave.”

“For fuck’s sake, I can’t _hold things, Changkyun--”_  
  


\---  


 

“Kihyun?” Changkyun calls out, hears the shower running. He shifts the little kitten around in his arms as he kicks off his shoes and into the shoe closet by the door, looking around at… what looks like a whole new house. But there’s a picture of him in Venice above the new couch, and it still smells faintly of strawberries. He walks to the bedroom and laughs a little at the mattress on the floor (perfectly made, of course, in new colours Changkyun had liked and therefore stolen). “Kihyun, I’m home!”

The shower stops and there’s a moment of silence before Changkyun hears, “Give me two minutes!” And then, “How was it?”

“Weird!” Changkyun says honestly, laughing softly. _Two minutes? He can’t possibly be shy, can he_. “Not a bad weird, though!”

“So, you liked it? Him?”

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, carefully shrugging off his jacket and crawling onto the bed, putting the kitten down on the covers. “We met up at the Botanical Gardens and then cleared a house of some ghosts.” The kitten yawns and Changkyun’s heart does _this thing_.

Changkyun hears Kihyun’s soft laugher and then the sound of a door clicking open. “Oh,” Kihyun says as he walks into the bedroom, rubbing a towel over his head. _Of course he got dressed before he came out of the bathroom._ _What a shame_.

Kihyun stops by the door and lets the towel fall over his shoulders and he doesn’t _look_ like a giant with big black wings. He just looks like a boy. Freckles a lot more noticeable than usual, skin pink. _He probably showered in scalding, hot water again._

“Hey,” Kihyun says softly, smiling a little, eyes soft and on Changkyun’s.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, because it doesn't matter if Kihyun is a boy or a giant with wings, not really, not when he looks at Changkyun like that, sees him the way he does. “I got this, too,” Changkyun smiles down and the little kitten peeks out from Changkyun’s crossed legs. “Didn’t steal it, I promise.”

And it’s positively heartwarming, the way Kihyun’s face changes with a look of surprise, mouth slightly open, as he gives one little step forward. He blinks and purses his lips together and… and _beams!_ “Is that… It’s so tiny!” He says with a voice Changkyun has never heard before. “Can I--is it…?” Kihyun walks slowly towards the bed, dipping one knee over the mattress before he kneels down and reaches out, carefully. “Can I hold it?”

Changkyun blinks up at Kihyun, and it’s unfair, really, the way his heart squeezes. “Of course, lemme… Come here, little guy,” Changkyun coos at the kitten, carefully picking it up in his hands to hold it out for Kihyun.

And of course Kihyun takes the kitten and holds it up once before cradling it between his arms, like it’s precious, like it will break if he doesn’t hold it close, “Oh my god…” He breathes. “It’s so soft…” He smiles and leans his head down, just close enough to rub his nose on the kitten’s. He smiles even wider and then looks up, eyes on Changkyun’s, and it pulls harder than it has in a while, “Can we keep it?”

And then it pulls him completely, like a tide out into the ocean.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing.”

Kihyun scoots closer and Changkyun knows the light touch of Kihyun’s knee on his hand is on purpose. Because Kihyun puts meaning in everything he does. “Look,” he tells the kitten, turning it softly to Changkyun, “It’s daddy.”

The little kitten meows almost as if in acknowledgement, and Changkyun laughs, smiles so wide he has to stop himself to lean in, boop the tiny creature with the tip of his nose. “You have two daddies, kitten.”

“I’m the nagging one,” Kihyun says with a laugh, lifting the kitten just a bit, “And the one who will clean the litter, most likely.” He looks at Changkyun, “What do we call it?”

“Oh, right, a name…” Changkyun hums, smiling at the black and white kitten looking even smaller in Kihyun’s hands. He laughs softly. “Well, it definitely takes after us, doesn’t it.” He scratches at the underside of the kitten’s timmy, the white fur there, “You,” and the behind its ear at the black fur there, “Me.”

“Oh,” Kihyun blinks, looks up and down between Changkyun and the cat, “You’re right.”

“Much cuter, though,” Changkyun jokes and it meows again and Changkyun almost flails. “Ah, so cute!” _Name, Changkyun, try to think--oh god it’s so cute_.

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, glancing at the bedside clock, it reads 8pm, “We need to go out, buy things,” he looks down at the kitten, “Buy you food and toys and, I think you need a bath, too.” He laughs. “That will be interesting.”

“Dammit, wish I’d have known we were getting a kitten when I was ransacking IKEA earlier today.”

Kihyun holds a kitten paw between his fingers and softly hits Changkyun with it, “No more stealing!”

Changkyun pouts at the kitten. “But it’s for _you_.”

“You work now,” Kihyun says, slowly handing the kitten back to Changkyun, “Act like it.”

“What, I’m not allowed to have hobbies?”

“Your hobby is right here,” Kihyun says, leaning in to kiss Changkyun’s cheek and then slumping back and looking around the room. “Do you… like it?” He gestures around, looking everywhere but Changkyun’s face, “I think I almost made a split, helping Hoseok carry the old sofa to the elevator--and then it didn’t fit, _obviously_ …”

Changkyun laughs softly as he looks around. “You could have waited for me to just zap it downstairs, you know…” And they’re still touching by the knee, so Changkyun can lean in, kiss Kihyun’s cheek when he’s looking away. “I like it. Do you? Picked stuff I thought you’d like.”

Kihyun turns so suddenly their noses boop. He smiles and nuzzles, “Yeah! I love it!”

Between this, the cat and the smile on Kihyun’s face, _right now_ really is all that matters.

“Hey. I have a sappy stupid idea for what we can name the cat. It’s _horrible_.”

“Like everything that comes out of your mouth,” Kihyun scoffs, leaning back. “Shoot.”

“Ki,” Changkyun starts, tilts his head. “Kyun. Ki-Kyun”

Kihyun blinks once as if registering the idea and then snorts a laugh, leaning forward again to kiss Changkyun’s forehead. He looks down at the kitten in Changkyun’s hands and pokes its head, “Heard that, Ki-Kyunnie?” And the kitten meows back.

 _Soft_.

“That’s yes in Kitten,” Changkyun nods.

“Yeah, well, we should really get going if we want to catch anything open,” Kihyun says, looking between Changkyun and the cat. “What do we do with him, though? Bring it? I don’t want him exploring the house without having a litter where he can, well, pee and poop?”

“Well, it survived a haunted house.”

“Let’s bring him with us, then.” Kihyun leans back and makes to get up but stops. “Hey,” he says, getting closer again, Changkyun blinking in surprise before he smiles. _He loves smiling. He’s so glad Kihyun taught him how._

“Hey yourself.”

“I love you.”

“Knew you were gonna say that,” Changkyun laughs softly, kissing the tip of Kihyun’s nose. “I love you, too.”

  


\---

  


Mondays aren’t a problem. It’s just a day like any other. Yet, for obvious reasons, today Monday sounds dreadful. And it doesn’t just _sound_ dreadful, it _feels_ dreadful. And it’s either because Kihyun can’t wait to get home (he has two pets now and both need equal amounts of attention--maybe the cat is a little less dependant) or because Death has been following him around since ten in the morning.

“For the fifth time!” Kihyun hisses, slamming a finger over the off button of the laser printer and then turning it on again. He really hates this printer. “I have no idea how to do that!”

“Well, the beefy hunter said you could do it!” Hyungwon insists.

The laser printer beeps and makes a mechanical noise before it stops again. Kihyun kicks it. “I can do it! Apparently, but… You’re talking about something constant, something I need to maintain and...” He looks around the office and then sends Hyungwon a pointed glare, “It’s complicated. I can--” he gestures, “Mold it. But maintain it? That has nothing to do with shining brighter! And for now that is all I can do! I can’t just--”

“Not with that attitude!” Hyungwon exclaims and then just sighs, slapping a hand over his face. “Can’t you even just--I don’t know-- make him _hear my voice_ or something?”

“Maybe?” Kihyun mumbles, “How do I,” He shakes his head, _“Amplify_ it? Maintain it?” He shrugs and restarts the printer again. “I have never tried that, sharing voices… Not even with Kyunie.”

“Well, I’m sure you two will get to that, at this rate…” Hyungwon groans. “Listen, you’ve done it before. That… That night in the rain, he could hear me _and_ see me.”

“But you’re asking me to maintain it! I could barely stand up throughout those ten seconds…” Kihyun sighs, loudly. He is starting to feel like a useless flashlight again. “Let’s… let’s try but I can’t promise you anything.”

Hyungwon straightens up a little. “Well, all you need to do is find a way to… not burn out like a match. Maybe just… I don’t know. Do the voice bit without the light bit? The light is what exhausts you, right?”

The printer makes another mechanical noise and spits out a bunch of white pages. Kihyun blinks tiredly at the floor. He really hates this printer. “And finding out how to do the voice bit without the light bit is exactly what I am afraid I might not be able to do.” He crouches to pick up the stupid mess around him. “But…” He glances up, shyly, “I’ll try… For his sake, not yours.” _And for my sake, too._

Hyungwon looks away. “Thank you, Kihyun… Next time Hoseok is around… Uhm. Yeah. Thanks.”

Kihyun nods, “Yeah, don’t mention…” He picks up the last paper and gets back up. It is a rather melancholic music, the one he can hear. It sounds like a plea and sometimes it sounds like… “You know,” Kihyun says, laughing a little, “You really are a tad scarier now that you’re, well, there. If you could hear what I can, I think you’d agree with me.” He looks up, “You’re sure about this?”

“Yes, well,” Hyungwon says a bit awkwardly, kicking at the floor with his foot. “What would you do in my shoes, hey,” Hyungwon laughs a bit. “I’m… sure, but only if he can hear me. I don’t want to really just be a ghost to him.”

Kihyun blinks and looks away. _What would I do? What would you do in my shoes?_ He smiles small and shrugs one shoulder. “If you get past those creepy, yellow eyes, it’s not so bad.”

“Damn, if you tilt your head and close your left eye, that almost looks like a compliment.”

“Key word; _almost._ ” He presses the the off button, shoves the papers back in and then turns the printer on, _again_. It has to work at some point, right? Maybe… maybe if he tries, actually tries, he will get it to work, too. The light. The voices. And this really shitty printer.

Kihyun’s phone vibrates in his pocket, for only the second time today (the first had been Changkyun asking Kihyun if he was safe, even though Kihyun hadn’t heard any ringing in his ears).

Kyunie  
[](https://i.imgur.com/vN4M1nx.jpg%22)  
We miss you! We’ve been watching Daredevil.  
He doesn’t like Karen either. Takes after his dad  


Kihyun smiles a little, jolting when he remembers Hyungwon is right there with him, right behind him, too, looking over his shoulder.

“Cute,” Hyungwon says and Kihyun knows he doesn’t mean it. “Did you name it?”

“Y--Yes, obviously,” Kihyun says, turning away to look again. The printer makes another creepy noise and Kihyun kicks it again before looking at his phone to type.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Cute cute cute cute cute  
I miss you too  
The printer is acting funny  
I think it’s Hyungwon’s fault  
Kyunie  
Almost definitely  


Hyungwon blinks slowly. “I assume you would tell me the name if you wanted to.”

“It’s Ki-Kyun,” Kihyun says. He gets what he expects; Hyungwon tries to keep a straight face, but his lips tremble until he bends over in a laugh.

“You two got a pet!” He wheezes. “And Bradgelinad it.”

Kihyun groans and kicks the printer again. No reason. He knows Hyungwon is right. But ‘Ki-Kyun’ is, well, a cute name. “I don’t wanna hear that from you, _Wonnie.”_

“Do you have plants, too? I bet you have plants, too.”

“He… he stole some plants. Yes…”

“You _let_ him?” Hyungwon laughs again. “Wow, I told him _yesterday_ he’s good for you… Tsk.”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder and frowns. “He is, is he… Is that what you do when I’m not around? Talk behind my back?”

“It’s what friends do,” he scoffs, and then realises, eyes wide. Kihyun can’t help the smirk “ _I mean--_ ”

“I’m glad,” he says, turning away to look at Ki-Kyun’s picture. _Set as; Lockscreen wallpaper._ “He needs friends. And you’re… strangely, a good friend.”

“You take that back,” Hyungwon deadpans.

He has been bothering me since 10am  
And he is not leaving  
Also he called you his friend  
Thought you should know  
Will piss him royally haha  
Kyunie  
Well, Hoseok just told me he’s working out  
(Eyes )  
If that might distract the reaper  
AND AW REMIND ME TO HUG HYUNGWONNIE  
Let me guess  
Hoseok sends you workout pics  
Cuz he knows only you compliment him  
Kyunie  
He looks good! He works hard!  
...yeah, he’s sent me quite a few pictures of his biceps  
If I didn’t know better… I’d be slightly concerned  


“Hey, beanpole,” Kihyun calls, turning around, “Your human boyfriend is sending workout pics to my demon boyfriend.” He glares. “Would you _please_ stop him?”

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow. “Glad you’re not the jealous type, pretty sure his upper arm is the size of your head.”

“Listen here, I--”

Kyunie  
Have a chillout selfie then~ (Purple Heart )  
[](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/70/66/e4/7066e4a36a6a042602247a0275235f0f.jpg%22)  
Hope work goes better and Hyungwon buggers off  
One can only switch wallpapers ever so often  
You’re cute  
Don’t screenshot this, I WILL KILL YOU  
Anyway, I will see you later  
Kyunie  
[](https://data.whicdn.com/images/305672666/large.jpg%22)  


Kihyun pockets his phone and glares at the printer. Then at Hyungwon. “You’re still here?”

“Don’t have to tell me twice, I guess,” Hyungwon grumbles before disappearing. The printer makes another high pitched noise, nice and drawn out too. Just like Kihyun hates it. Except this time it doesn’t stop. It echos.

It takes Kihyun a few moments to realise the sound is not coming from the printer anymore. It’s in his head. Right behind his left ear.

His heart sinks and he lets out a shaky breath.

“Hey, hey, hey, Kihyun?”

Kihyun blinks and looks up, eyes on Jungkook’s. “Hm?”

The boy points over his shoulder, eyes big and, somehow, young. “There was someone looking for you downstairs…? A friend of yours.”

“A friend of mine?” Kihyun frowns. He is pretty sure he doesn't have that many friends. And the ones he has are either dead or busy. “Are they still there?”

Jungkook shakes his head. “I don’t know. They asked everyone for you and then I think, I think they left. Ah… what was the name…”

The ringing behind Kihyun’s ear stops. “Hoseok?” He asks just in case.

“Nah, I know Hoseokie… Uhm…” Jungkook frowns and looks down. “Something--yun something… Hyung? Kyun?”

_Hyung? Hyungwon? Nah… Kyun?_

_Changkyun?_

Kihyun holds his phone inside his pocket. “Well,” he says with a smile. “I guess I will know when the time comes.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Now, help me with this thing,” Kihyun mumbles, kicking the printer again. “It keeps making weird noises and it spit paper everywhere.”

“Sounds like Yoongi,” Jungkook laughs, nodding as he walks forward, opening a tray on the printer Kihyun didn’t even know existed.

Kihyun crosses his arms and tilts his head. “I have worked here for four years. You’ve been here for six months. How do you always know things I don’t?”

“Taehyung says it’s ‘cause I’m a Virgo,” Jungkook nods knowingly, pausing to look at Kihyun from the corner of his eye as he messes about inside the printer. “Er. Not that I believe that.”

_Virgo? Ah, the zodiac signs._

“And what does Taehyung have to say about--” _What was it_ , “Scorpios?”

“Well,” Jungkook says quite sheepishly, “He talks a lot when he’s excited so I guess I know a bit.” Jungkook squints. “You’re a Scorpio, eh? Fits pretty well, actually.”

“It does?” Not that Kihyun believes any of that. But he didn’t believe in tarot cards until quite recently either. Yet, here he is. Maybe, just maybe, there is a little bit of truth to everything. Even… the lies. “Let me guess. Naggy? That _is_ what everyone tells me, anyway.”

“Passionate,” Jungkook laughs. “Headstrong. Combines into nagging, I guess.”

“Now you’re making me blush…”

“That!” Jungkook closes the printer, kicks it a little before pressing the start button. “Is an Aquarius’ job. For you, anyway.”

“You just spoke, I heard words, but I have no idea what they mean,” Kihyun laughs. “Anyway, will this thing work, now?”

“It should,” Jungkook nods, points a thumb over his shoulder. “I should go get Yoongi that coffee, though, before he starts making weird noises and spitting papers.”

Kihyun snorts a laugh. Funnily enough, that’s how Kihyun met Yoongi. And, maybe for a while, Kihyun really didn’t mind picking up the papers Yoongi kept throwing around the office whenever he was beyond done with everyone around him. Sounds like it happened yesterday. And yet, Kihyun can count three years between then and now.

“Sure,” Kihyun says. “We wouldn’t that--well, you wouldn’t. I’m not the one who has to deal with him.” He waves Jungkook away. “Off you go, off you go. And thanks, by the way!”

“No problem,” Jungkook calls before sticking his head in by the door again, “Shit, yeah, almost forgot--Tae told me to tell you--Well, he said to change your security code at home.” Jungkook winces. “That sounds bad but he’s…. Weirdly intuitive so, just… passing it along.”

“The se--” Kihyun pauses. Hoseok’s voice sounds in his head;

_‘You know, I had to try the code three times? It wasn’t working.’_

He takes a slow breath and forces a smile. “Yeah, okay. Thanks…”

The printer makes another noise. A screech and then a pause. There’s a hum Kihyun recognizes as it warms up and then it starts printing.

Kihyun stares at an all black paper as it rolls out of the printer. And then another. And another. And finally, a keyboard smash all over one of the pages. Unreadable. Nothing makes sense. Nothing. Except for the only word his brain catches, in the middle of the soup of letters, like it is trained to do, to find meaning. And the word reads, ‘mine’.

  


\---

  


“You want to practise with me?” Changkyun asks, lowering the polaroid camera aimed at the kitten asleep on top of his teddy bear.

Kihyun sighs, shifting from one foot to the other where he stands between the kitchen and the living room, hand still outstretched like an idiot. “Yes, move your ass. The faster I learn how to do this the better.” He looks down. “I… I don’t know if it’s going to work but…” He looks back up. “I started something. I guess I gotta finish it.”

Changkyun pretends to melt into the couch before jumping up towards Kihyun. “Okay, but no burning yourself out,” Changkyun says with a strict squint. “Hoseok still wants to watch How To Train Your Dragon 2. He’s been raving about it all day.”

“Hoseok is coming over?” Kihyun frowns. “That’s… Hyungwon said ‘next time’ but I didn’t expect ‘next time’ to be, well, _today!”_

“Hey, it doesn’t have to be,” Changkyun says with a concerned frown. “And I’ll kick his ass if he goes on about it.”

“He spent _hours_ after me today!” Kihyun stresses. “I told him ‘no’ until I just rolled with it, for various reasons. But… He is… he wants this and, well, I started it but…” He sighs. “I don’t know.”

Changkyun holds his hand as close to Kihyun’s as he can--that thin, paper wall. “What are you worried about? That you won’t be able to do it?”

Kihyun looks down, one finger brushing slightly over Changkyun’s hand. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to maintain it. It’s… I have to visualise it but I can feel it fighting against me, exhausting me… He is asking me to maintain it.” Kihyun shakes his head. “The voices as a separated thing from… Changkyun, I don’t know how to visualise that. And even if I manage to do it, how will I be able to set him apart from all the other voices I hear? I don’t want Hoseok to…”

The slight touch tears the paper wall between them as Changkyun slowly threads his fingers with Kihyun’s, pulling him lightly to sit down with him. “Want Hoseok to be disappointed...?” Kihyun nods wordlessly and climbs over Changkyun to sit on his lap, facing him.

“If you can’t do it, you can’t do it, it’s good of you to even want to try,” Changkyun says, thumbing at Kihyun’s hand. “He knows this is all very new to you… And Hyungwon is just,” he looks away to think. “The only word I can think is ‘Hyungwon’. He’s just very Hyungwon.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh. “Yeah… Yeah, he is. But I get him, you know. Which is why I--If I were in his shoes, I would be nagging him so much he would consider throwing himself into a river. He hates swimming, that’s my point.”

“Aw, for me?” Changkyun teases softly, eyes pushing up into crescents as he smiles. “You can practise with me all you want, though,” Changkyun sing-songs.

“Yeah, well… I have been thinking…” Kihyun looks down between them and then up. “I can’t use the, uhm, light. Not yet. But maybe if I could… I can never hear something clearly until I know what it is. It’s all static in my head until I know what to look for.” He nods. “If I can… if I can make _you_ hear something you are not supposed to be able to hear… then maybe I can do the same for Hoseok.” Kihyun pauses and licks his lips. “There is… one voice I can’t hear. Just one. But maybe I can make you hear it for me.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, an odd expression on his face, somewhere between curiosity and... hope. “...Yours?”

“Mine.” Kihyun nods and smiles small. “I have no idea what… I sound like.”

Changkyun perks up, nodding. “I want to--I mean, I wanna try,” he smiles, wide.

Kihyun laughs. “Of course you do…” Because of course he does.

Changkyun pinches his arm. “Hey, don’t say it like that!”

“You know I have no idea how to do this, right?”

“You’re a quick learner, too, though,” Changkyun says with a soft poke to his cheek. “And very adaptable.”

Kihyun leans forward, his forehead brushing on Changkyun’s. “I have no idea… So, don’t laugh at me if this doesn’t work, in the end…”

“Like you could stop me,” Changkyun teases softly. “I won’t, though.” And then in a soft voice behind Kihyun’s left ear, _‘I love you.’_

And that’s what he focuses on, even when his eyes shift somewhere else, like he’s deep in thought but not really. It’s not the same. He can’t think of himself as a match because that fuels the light inside him. And sound is formless. Kihyun can’t see it. He can only feel it.

And if ‘I love you’ was a sea and Kihyun was a shore, the waves would be short, calm, almost nonexistent. Like a paradisiac beach with a storm on the horizon.

And it’s soft, small, but Kihyun swears he can feel it, too. A little soul, too small, too young, curious, a little fire on the inside, too.

He laughs, softly. “I can hear Ki-Kyun, too…”

Changkyun laughs, too. “Fiery little thing, huh…”

Kihyun nods, eyes still somewhere else. “Say, how do you… see me?”

“The sunshine through storm clouds.”

Sunshine through storm clouds. And maybe a mountain, too. That’s what it feels like. To stand at the bottom and hear what people scream from the top. But unable to speak back.

“I don’t think I can move mountains,” Kihyun mumbles to himself.

“Can you climb them?” Changkyun questions softly.

Kihyun blinks, eyes shifting to Changkyun’s. “I haven’t tried…”

A hand smooths down his arm, and up to the middle of his back. “Mountains are small for giants that can fly.”

And it feels like breaking through a barricade. A flame just a little stronger. A voice just a little louder. Because if a giant screams, then the world will hear. If a giant flies, then the world will see.

And if a giant kneels, then the world will break.

It makes sense, in the same way that _knowing_ comes with _feeling_. A giant should never kneel. A giant should always fly and never feel. But if ‘I love you’ sounds like anything a giant would say, then maybe that one… the one at the back of all the other voices, the one always speaking at the back of his head, collecting dust but turning shadows into whispers, whispers into songs and songs into feelings. That… that’s the one. And right now, that voice sounds a lot like…

_‘Forever…’_

Changkyun gasps. “Kihyun, is that…”

Kihyun frowns. It sounds familiar. Like he could hear it all this time… The voice that speaks in his head sometimes, the voice that whispered _‘I told you so’_ when Changkyun fell. “Is that…” Like a looking-glass. _‘It echos…’_

‘ _You sound... vast.’_

_‘You sound… small…’_

‘ _I used to be smaller_.’

And back to the start: a match. And leaping in the dark. Leaving fears collecting dust. And a match just a little bigger than before burns and stays burning, like a flame.

And a light, just a little brighter, casts a shadow just a little larger.

 _'Moving mountains sounds a lot better than climbing mountains,’_ the light says.

 _‘Take me with you,’_ the shadow says back.

 _'Always,’_ and it sounds like ‘Forever’, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the texting format? Thank Dan! He's our hero.  
> Also!!! We will be updating every Wednesday now as well, since the bulk of the fic is already all written. So, Wednesdays and Sundays!!!
> 
> EDIT// Chapter explanation!!!  
> Kihyun can sense soul wavelengths. But his brain can’t compute that sixth sense. So it turns it into something it can recognize (aka sounds, images). The voices Kihyun hears are the soul whispers (everyone’s true self).
> 
> When he made himself shine brighter in Chapter 13, he wasted a lot of energy. He made his soul mimic Hyungwon’s soul wavelength so that Hoseok could hear him (and at the same time he shone brighter so Hoseok could see Hyungwon, too.)
> 
> What they want Kihyun to do now is to do the hearing bit without the seeing bit. The ring Shownu will craft for Hyungwon will show him as he is because it reflects the other side to this world (like the ghosts in that house). But they still need Kihyun to mimic Hyungwon’s wavelength for Hoseok, so Hoseok can hear Hyungwon speak.
> 
> Except Kihyun doesn’t know how to do one without the other. He doesn’t know how to mimic Hyungwon’s voice without spending his own light (his energy).


	19. Three Minutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If he won’t go to Hell, Hell finds a way to come to him.
> 
> It's just three minutes. But what are three minutes when eternity takes your life away?

Kihyun blinks and his eyes focus on Changkyun’s brown ones. He blinks again, a strange light flickering and reflecting as they stare into each other’s eyes. It feels warm, bright and…

Kihyun looks down and notices the tight grip of his hand on Changkyun’s wrist. Stronger. Much stronger than it used to be.

“I’m going to… assume,” Kihyun starts, heart loud in his chest. His fingers hurt from the pressure they are exerting around Changkyun’s wrist, “That… we weren’t talking just now and that I am… hurting you…” His hand feels like it has petrified. Kihyun needs to make a conscious effort to loosen his grip around Changkyun, who puts his hand over Kihyun’s as he lets go.

“We weren’t talking out loud, no,” Changkyun winces, and Kihyun’s fingers have made blue, long bruises around Changkyun’s wrist that dissipate even as Kihyun stares at them. He blinks up at Kihyun, eyes a little wide and searching.

“S--Sorry, I didn’t…” _Mean to_.

“It’s okay,” Changkyun says softly, holding up his arm as the last purple fades. “See? I’m fine…”

“What…” Kihyun searches Changkyun’s face for something. Something he hopes he won’t find. _Fear._ “What did I do…?”

“I think you looked into yourself and saw more than you expected,” Changkyun says, softly kissing the hand that had been locked around his wrist, before softly poking at Kihyun’s chest. “Big.”

“I’m afraid I…” Kihyun looks down and sighs. “It felt… liberating. Like I could do anything. I could… hurt, if I wanted to… But,” he looks back up eyes wide, “I don’t want to!”

Changkyun eyebrows knit together as he reaches out to cup Kihyun’s cheek. “If you can do _anything_ , then you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do…” He smiles soft. “That makes sense, yeah?”

Kihyun nods, smiling small. “You trust me that much…?”

“You’ve never hurt me,” Changkyun says, and Kihyun remembers saying it. “And you never will.”

Kihyun nods again, looking down. He hopes, somehow, that it’s all but a metaphor. He remembers asking Changkyun ‘And you? What do you look like right now?’ and he remembers feeling relieved when Changkyun said ‘I look like what you see’. But, maybe, it’s not about what Changkyun looks like. Maybe, just maybe, it’s about what Kihyun looks like.

He can feel it. Well, _could_ feel it. Now it just feels like a memory. But he doesn’t know if he would like to see it. To see what Changkyun might have seen.

“So, it doesn’t scare you? Not even a little?” Kihyun asks, just in case.

Changkyun’s touch on his cheek is so damn soft. “I’m… scared of more complicated things. Things that make it more than just this. But I’m not scared of you…” Changkyun frowns a little. “You are, though...?”

Kihyun huffs a laugh, “Changkyun… two weeks ago I would have broken my wrist if I had tried to punch a wall… I am not sure I would _have_ a wall if I tried to do that right now…” He shakes his head. “It’s scary. Mostly because I don’t know the extent of it and how to control it.”

Changkyun nods, drops his hand from Kihyun’s face to squeeze his hand. “Yeah, that makes sense… But hey, a month ago I couldn’t feel anything, and then I did and it was… terrifying. Now look at us.” Changkyun smiles. “I know I sound optimistic but the stronger you are, the safer you are. And I can’t find myself upset about that.”

Kihyun snorts and looks away, leaning in just a little. “You know this works both ways, right?” He looks at Changkyun. “Every single time I… _try_ , I can feel you there.”

“See?” Changkyun pokes at him again. “You don’t have to do it alone.” Changkyun tilts his head. “So… I get stronger, too, then?”

Kihyun blinks and then leans back a little, one hand up, open. “Well, I don’t know. Punch?”

Changkyun laughs softly, holding up a fist. “Not scared of me, then?”

“I heal fast.”

“I know, but it still hurts,” Changkyun says, softly pushing his fist against Kihyun’s hand. “And like I said, if _said_ is the right word, I used to be smaller.”

Kihyun laughs, fingers around Changkyun’s fist. Again, he needs to make a conscious effort to hold his hand softly. It’s… a strange feeling. “I could make a really interesting joke right now. But,” he shrugs, “I’ll spare us both the embarrassment.”

“It’s not about size, it’s about how you use it, right?” Changkyun laughs.

“I’m proud of you, Kyunie. You truly are a quick learner,” Kihyun squeezes a little tighter and then looks at their hands. “How do you do this…? Before. You always held back. Even now. How do you…”

Changkyun chuckles. “Remember when you told me not to touch you like you’re made of glass? That. I… do still do that. Unless you, well, tell me not to.”

“Changkyun… You’re aware no furniture on earth is… well…”

Changkyun’s eyebrow shoots up as he smiles. “I can steal another. And hey,” Changkyun says, poking lightly at Kihyun’s cheek. “I’m here. If you’re scared, and if you hurt me ever, I know you won’t have meant it… And hey, I heal fast, too.”

“I know. You almost died in my bathroom but then you didn’t,” Kihyun says, rolling his eyes. He lets go of Changkyun’s fist and his hand fall between them. _Like glass,_ he thinks, as he reaches up then, thumb slowly and softly pressing over Changkyun’s bottom lip. “I’m glad, though. I am a terrible nurse.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “See? If I could survive you _then_ \--”

Kihyun pinches Changkyun’s lip and tugs at it, frowning, “Survive _me,_ huh? Is that a complaint I hear?”

“Noooo,” Changkyun says and it sounds funny with Kihyun pulling at his lip and then warmbles around something that sounds like, ‘What could I possibly complain about?’

“Well,” Kihyun says, letting go and booping Changkyun’s nose, “Kiss me, then.”

Changkyun narrows his eyes. “ _Funny_ . But you know, you didn’t exactly specify _where_ so it gives me, just,” Changkyun groans like he’s frustrated. “ _So much_ free reign! What to do!”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “Luckily, I am quite ‘normal’ sized on the outside.” It makes him wonder how much his soul can grow. And if what he imagined, what he felt is anything to go by, then… ‘tall’ would be an understatement.

“Mm, true,” Changkyun hums. “You _are_ shorter than I am after all…”

 _“Excuse me?_ ”

Changkyun kicks his legs, making Kihyun wiggle a little on his lap. “I have longer legs.”

“Oh, yeah?” Kihyun scoffs. “Well, that just makes you look like a king crab.”

Changkyun gapes, dropping his legs. “Is that an _insult_ I hear?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and tilts his chin up, “If the shoe fits…”

“Well, I mean, for a crab, at least I have a _title_ ,” Changkyun lifts his chin. “King of the crabs.”

 _“Yeah, yeah_. For a crab with a title, they certainly end up in a lot of cooking pots.”

“Is this where I make a ‘eat me, then’ joke? ‘Cause I’ve got it right there and it’d be a damn shame if I didn’t use it.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow and leans back a little, crossing his arms. “Yeah, sure. I need a crab knife, a crab mallet, a seafood cracker, _yadda yadda._ You do know I prefer chicken, right?”

Changkyun frowns, looking away. “I think this metaphor may have gotten away from me just a bit.”

“I _could_ just use my bare hands. But if we go there then…” Kihyun trails off, turning to look in the direction of the front door. “Why are they coming over again?”

“How To Train Your Dragon 2,” Changkyun winces, feels for his phone in his pocket. “I mean, I could always just reschedule it?”

Kihyun snorts, “And make Hoseok pout? You know, that face he does when he’s sad and he wants you to pick up on it but he won’t tell you because he is annoying like that?” Kihyun gestures to his own face and pouts. “Like that.”

Changkyun stares at it for a second. “Yeah, see, that’s just not fair.”

“What isn’t? Hoseok’s face or mine?” Kihyun asks, tilting his chin up again but smiling when he does.

“This adorable nonsense I’m looking at right now,” Changkyun says with his own pout, poking at Kihyun’s bottom lip. “ _Shtawp it_.”

 _“Nonsense?_ ” Kihyun gapes dramatically and scoffs, slowly moving away from Changkyun. “I am _oooouuutta_ here. Gonna roll somewhere else, maybe where someone will make _sense_ of the _nonsense_ , you know?”

“ _Noooo_ ,” Changkyun whines, clearly trying not to smile as he paws at Kihyun’s sweater. “Things don’t need to make _sense all the time_.”

 _“You_ are telling _me_ that, are you?” Kihyun snorts, letting himself fall back on the sofa. “Can’t believe it’s only been a month since all this shitshow started. It feels like forever ago.”

“Oh, I’m a _shitshow,_ now?” Changkyun throws his hands up. He shakes his head. “Then I’m perfect, then I’m a crab, then I’m a shitshow. Amazing.”

Kihyun shoves a foot in Changkyun’s face. “Look at that, so many things, so little the man. You _truly_ are a remarkable specimen.”

Changkyun grabs at Kihyun’s ankle, pulling him closer on the couch. “A specimen to be poked and prodded, huh?” Changkyun says as he pokes Kihyun just beneath the ribs. “Is _that_ what’s going on here?”

Kihyun karate chops Changkyun’s hand away, _“Don’t,”_ he warns. “Also, as far as I am aware, I wasn’t--well…” He snorts. “Seriously, _don’t_. I will kick you.”

“Don’t what?” Changkyun pokes again and Kihyun kicks with a laugh. “Oh, _that_?”

“I said--” Kihyun grabs both Changkyun’s wrists, probably a little harder than intended, _“Don’t_.”

Changkyun pauses, gently turns his wrists so they slip out of Kihyun’s hand by his thumb and index finger. “See,” Changkyun says, holding up his wrists. Barely a bruise. “You’re already better at it.”

“Sorry,” Kihyun mutters, looking up at the ceiling. He really needs to learn and fast. Otherwise it might get complicated. “I should probably avoid touching anyone… except Hyungwon. He deserves it, whatever he gets.”

“Subconsciously, you know I can take it,” Changkyun says with a small smile. “You’ll be fine. But yeah, maybe do punch Hyungwon through a wall. _For me_ ,” Changkyun bats his eyelashes.

Kihyun stares at Changkyun for a moment and then rolls his eyes fondly, wrapping his legs around him and pulling him closer, “Well, when you ask nicely like that. I forget the two of you are friends now.” Kihyun snorts a laugh. “He looked so constipated when he realised what he was saying...”

Changkyun sighs wistfully. “Once you get deep with someone in a bathtub, there’s no real turning back.”

“A bathtub?” Kihyun frowns. “Wait. _My_ bathtub?”

Changkyun scoffs. “Yeah, he was trying to look _cool_ whilst we shared our inner turmoils, etc etc. You know how he is.”

Kihyun throws his head back and laughs. “Oh god, yeah… Sounds like something he would do.” He looks at Changkyun again, “Also, let’s not bring the whole voice thing up. I… I don’t want to give them false hope?” He shrugs. “For all we know, this just now was a fluke. So… for now…?”

Changkyun nods, “Don’t say anything, gotcha,” Changkyun says, making to poke at Kihyun but instead just smooths his hand there. “I’m glad I could hear you, though. If that’s any consolation.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums. He stares at the ceiling and remembers his own echo. It felt a little like the first time he heard his own voice recorded, different, unknown but familiar. “Would you like to hear me again?” His eyes shift to Changkyun. “The goal _is_ that I maintain it. So…” Kihyun shrugs and looks away again. “We can… try…”

Changkyun frowns. “Are you… shy?”

“M--Maybe? Maybe a little scared, too,” Kihyun admits with a sigh. “It feels like spacing out. I am not really aware of what my body is doing…” A soft, uncomfortable ring whispers on his left ear and his heart skips a fearful beat. He swallows. “So… y--yeah. Might be…”

Changkyun lets out a long breath, hand on Kihyun’s side soothing up and down. “I heard that,” he says under his breath and tips himself over to flop on top of Kihyun. “You… you take care of me, when I’m…” He winces, takes a breath. “I just mean--” He presses his face against Kihyun’s chest. “Ugh, you know what I mean. Shit’s crazy. But I’m your damn boyfriend. And that’s that. Uncomplicated.”

Kihyun threads his fingers through Changkyun’s hair and sighs. “Then maybe I shouldn’t make it--” The ringing screeches and Kihyun flinches for a second. He sighs again. “Hey… I love you. That’s simple, right?”

“Effortless,” Changkyun says.

 _Liar,_ Kihyun thinks.

The ringing stops and Kihyun feels himself relax. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and then opens them again, focusing on the white ceiling.

It’s easier this time. And it only takes a second. He can feel it, his vision going out of focus, like he’s getting lost in thought and is just wordlessly staring at something. Except it’s also a little scary. First, it feels like falling. Then, it feels like growing. And finally, it feels like glowing. And he is trapped and lost in a dream that doesn’t feel like his own, but is.

If Kihyun had to find the right word, maybe ‘transcending’ would be fitting. It’s like being conscious of things but not feeling them. Because giants don’t feel, they _are_.

But words are real and Kihyun knows how it should feel.

So, he thinks, _‘I love you’_ , and it feels like saying.

And he hears ‘ _I love you, too_ ’ and it sounds like feeling.

But it roots. It roots beneath his feet, it makes him want to kneel. Because if he doesn’t he will fall. And giants should never kneel. Kihyun knows that. He knows the world will break. But… he wants to help. And _want_ is a very powerful feeling… sounds a lot like _‘Greed’._

‘ _Kihyun!’_ he hears and it sounds like… like the world breaking. Like thunder from a cloud.

‘ _Kihyun!’_ he hears and it sounds like fear.

It snaps. And he blinks. And his heart jumps to his throat.

Changkyun is pinned down over the sofa and Kihyun is… less than a breath away, barely there, like there’s a paper-thin glass between their lips. And Changkyun is frozen and wide-eyed, heartbeat erratic from where Kihyun can feel it under his hands, wrapped around his wrists.

Kihyun’s breathes, suddenly afraid to move. Like he will mess up and crash their mouths together if he does. So, _slowly_ , he thinks, thumbs soothing over Changkyun’s wrists as he loosens his grip. Because it shouldn’t be like this.

Even if Kihyun wants to help, it shouldn’t feel like this.

He breathes again and feels Changkyun tense up under him. So, _slowly,_ Kihyun tips his head up and leans down to kiss Changkyun’s forehead. Kihyun thinks, ‘I’m sorry’ and hopes it conveys the feeling.

Changkyun swallows and says, low, under his breath, “Don’t…”

“I know,” Kihyun says, kissing his forehead again, pressing his lips over the line of Changkyun’s hair and breathing in. “I’m sorry…” _Maybe this is enough practice for a day_...

“It’s okay,” he says just as low, wiggling out from underneath him and… and Kihyun tries to think of any other time where Changkyun had been the first to break contact and... He can’t.

Kihyun looks at him, eyes searching up and down, and then smiles small and looks away. “It’s not…” He mumbles, sitting down and crossing his legs. He looks at his hands and wonders if this is a good idea, at all. If anything is a good idea, at this point. It feels like having the power to help but being unable to do it. And it’s just a little, maybe more than a little, heartbreaking.

“Yeah, you scared me a little--” Changkyun stops himself. “Not… not like that, just…” Changkyun frowns at himself, shakes his head. “Sorry.”

Kihyun scoffs, “Why. You did nothing wrong.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Changkyun says, looking up from where he’d been hanging his head.

“Maybe because I just did something stupid,” Kihyun says, a little angry now. “And I wasn’t even aware. _Maybe_ because I know it’s something that would break us up? Or something…” He frowns and rubs a finger over his own palm. “I _am_ sorry.”

Because even if he wants to help, it shouldn’t feel like this.

“I know,” Changkyun says and then sighs, walking closer again and plopping down next to Kihyun, head in his hands. “I know…” He pulls a little at Kihyun’s jeans, propping his head up with one hand, elbow on his knee. And then he scoffs. “Break up with you, huh?”

“S--Shut up,” Kihyun makes a face, his heart suddenly too loud. He turns away from Changkyun. “I… _Ugh._ ” Kihyun doesn’t take certain things for granted. And that’s why ‘right now’ matters so much. “I feel sick.”

“Kihyun, I’m not gonna ‘break up with you’,” Changkyun says, tugging a little more. “Even if… even if you break my heart.”

“Oh, shut up and hug me.”

Changkyun smiles past a sigh and scoots forward, gathering Kihyun up in his arms. “Dummy.”

Kihyun clings a little even if his subconscious keeps chastising him for acting needy. “Send me flying across the room next time, _please_. I would rather break a table than…”

“Well,” Changkyun says, soothing his hand down Kihyun’s back. “That’s not exactly how I want to break your table, but if you insist.”

“Why are you like this,” Kihyun says, turning his face to Changkyun’s chest and huffing a laugh. “I am trying to be angry at myself, right now. You’re not helping.”

“You laughed! That’s helping in my books.”

Kihyun shakes his head, rubs his nose on Changkyun’s shirt, “I love you,” he sighs. “I wish you knew how much…”

“Enough to make a month feel like forever?”

“Enough to want to go through it all over again.”

Changkyun scoffs. “That’s… really sappy, but I’d prefer not to fall off a building again, but we can _definitely_ get a new couch.”

Kihyun pokes at Changkyun’s ribs. “Why are you making fun of me when I am trying to make up for my terrible slip up, hm?” He pokes again, “And _stop_ insinuating you want to have sex. Hoseok is coming over.”

“Yeah, but he’s not _staying_ over,” Changkyun laughs softly. “You don’t need to make up for anything, dummy. I love you so much. You think a mistake you didn’t want to make changes that?”

“Does it?” Kihyun asks, leaning back to look at Changkyun. It’s a sincere question.

Changkyun looks back, frowns softly. “I’ll always, always, _always_ love you more than words can say. No matter what happens or what you do or what the universe throws at us, whether I’m gone or you are or everything has turned to ash, I will _love you_.”

“S--Sa--” _Same,_ “--ppy.” Kihyun says despite the heat on his face and the burn behind his eyes and the heart jackhammering in his chest. He looks up and blinks to keep his eyes clean. He hears an echo, familiar but unknown. Something he recognizes as his own. And if he turns it around it sounds a lot like…

_‘Always.’_

Changkyun smiles wide, kisses Kihyun on both cheeks. “Hey, does this new super strength of yours include super hearing? ‘Cause Hoseok is talking to Hyungwon on the staircase. It’s a _very_ one sided conversation.”

Kihyun snorts and lets his head hang, hands coming up to rub at his eyes. “Why the stairs? Why not the elevator?”

Changkyun shrugs. “Something about ‘leg day’.”

“Of course it is,” Kihyun mutters. He wishes he didn’t feel so sappy. Like he wants reassurance when he knows he doesn’t need it. “Ugh, next time, it’s like you said. _We_ go to _his_ house.”

Changkyun laughs as he stands up, picks Kihyun up with him and squeezes him tightly, giving him a little spin and putting him down to kiss all over his face. “We--” _Kiss_ . “Will--” _Kiss_ . “Gross them out--” _Kiss._ “With cuddles--” _Kiss._ “During the movie.” He pulls away, smiles all cute. “Okay?”

And once again, it’s beyond him but, Kihyun rolls his eyes and leans just close enough to make a kiss noise. “You have possessed me. I am going to say, ‘of-fucking-course we will’.”

“I want to leave,” Hyungwon says. “And I just got here.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes again and smirks, tiptoeing to kiss Changkyun’s nose. “Do you hear that?”

“ _Bzzzzz, bzzz_ ,” Changkyun says. “Like a mosquito.”

Kihyun kisses Changkyun’s face again. “I swear I have bug spray somewhere in the kitchen.”

“This is repellent enough, thanks,” Hyungwon gags. “Just… open the door for the big oaf, the passkey isn’t working. _Again_.”

Kihyun pauses, eyes on Changkyun’s. “Again?”

“ _Yes_ , again,” Hyungwon stresses, disappearing in a little wisp of black.

Kihyun looks down and frowns. He changed the code when he got home and sent it to Hoseok. It should be working. “Kyunie…” He starts, unsure of how to finish the sentence or the thought swirling around his mind.

“You changed it when you came home,” Changkyun blinks, looking over at the door. He clears his throat. “We’ll just…”

“Kyunie.”

Changkyun sighs. “Yeah…?”

“When I slip away… like earlier. Does my soul shine brighter, too?” Kihyun looks up, eyes on Changkyun’s. “To the point someone like you can see it the way Hyungwon can?”

Changkyun nods, slow. “Yes… Why do you want to know..?”

If it happens now, it has happened before. The first time, that night under the rain. And if every dark corner smiles at a match-like light, then what will smile at a flame as bright as a beacon?

“I think…” Kihyun swallows and looks away. “Back when, when Gluttony attacked, just a few minutes before and then a few seconds before, I heard a loud scream.” He shivers. “It was deafening. It made my brain feel like it was going to implode…” Kihyun brushes a finger over Changkyun’s hand. “I’ve been… hearing something like that, again. And today at work… weird things happened.”

A short banging on the door. “Ki _hyuuuuuuun_.”

Changkyun blinks, rapidly before his eyes widen and he squeezes Kihyun’s hand. “Kihyun, you should have _called_ me.”

 _“It was nothing!”_ Kihyun whispers loudly. “It just… I heard it and at first it was far away. But I knew it was big… and by big I mean strong. But I hear shit all the time. If I called you whenever my ears ring then I’d have to take you to the bathroom with me!”

Changkyun nods, “Yeah, sorry, I just--you’re gonna have to kick this protective bullshit out of me, but just, when you hear the big thing again, you _have_ to call me. Okay?”

“Kihyuuuuuuuun. Open uuuup.”

“One second!” Kihyun yells at the door. He tugs at Changkyun’s hand and pulls him along as he walks up to the cupboard near the entrance. He lets go of Changkyun and opens the blue folder, brings a few pages out of the mica layer.

He shows them to Changkyun and points at the ones painted black from top to bottom, his voice wavers a bit when he speaks. “It started like that. There’s, like, fifteen of those. It started after I heard the ringing. And…” He flips through the papers and brings the last one atop the others, eyes going between it and Changkyun’s face. “What do you see? The first thing that pops. What can you read?”

Changkyun takes the page, face stoney. “Mine.”

“Y--Yeah…” Kihyun breathes out. “That’s what they all say. But to mess up with the printer? It wasn’t anywhere _near_ me. And, _and_ everytime the security fires and blocks the code, last time too, I heard it… a faint ringing, but strong, too.” Kihyun takes a deep breath. “I… I don’t know what could do something like that…” He shrugs. “I wasn’t even sure it was… this bad. But now I have to admit I am tad scared.”

“Me… me too,” Changkyun admits, the paper crumpling in his hand. He looks up at Kihyun, chewing on his bottom lip. “It’s… It’ll be okay. You’re stronger now, me too, we…” He looks back down at the paper. “We’ll be fine.”

Kihyun throws his head back and groans. “As if I didn’t have enough on my plate…” New, supernatural powers; Changkyun taking trips to hell; regular stupid demons; and now something new, something different and powerful.

“I’m fine out here, by the way! Floor’s comfy and the wifi connects from out here!”

Changkyun pulls a knowing face. “Ugh, I know. I have a _cat_ now, who has the time for… this stuff.”

Kihyun scoffs and his shoulders slump a little. He looks at Changkyun, “You think… it will be fine, right?” He nods at his own question as if answering it himself. “Ye--Yeah. It… It will be fine.” Although if last time is anything to go by, ‘fine’ won’t be good enough. “Just promise me that you won’t get reckless again.”

Changkyun pauses, looks at Kihyun, carefully levelled. “I recently learned that there was no way that encounter could have ended with _my_ death, but many with yours. I had to get that thing away from you, and I wouldn’t have died in that fall. Even if… Even if I may have gotten scared that I might. I know the choice wasn’t mine to make, but you _need_ to trust me. I knew what I was doing.”

Kihyun frowns and kicks Changkyun’s leg. “You.” _Kick_ . “Still.” _Kick_ . “Broke.” _Kick_ . “My.” _Kick_ . “Heart, you shit.” He grumbles and looks away, turning towards the door. “Me, _oh maybe I love him._ You, _oh maybe I will throw myself out the window!”_

“Well, I knew.” Changkyun shifts where he stands. “I didn’t know what the word was, but I knew it, so I threw myself out of a goddamn window. I’m sorry. We do… stupid things for love.”

Kihyun’s hand hovers over the handle. He bites at his lower lip to avoid agreeing. But that other voice, the one he can almost hear all the time says, _‘You will, too’_. It’s both comforting and scary. “Since when?” He asks, turning his face but not looking over his shoulder.

“Since you asked me if I trusted you. Since you told me to go,” Changkyun says, small. “And I did.”

A tooth breaks through skin and Kihyun can barely register it before it heals. He lets his hand fall over the handle and turns the keys with the other. “Come here…”

The door clicks open and Changkyun walks forward and takes Kihyun into his arms. Kihyun flinches, hand flattening over the door and slamming it closed. Did… Did Changkyun just...

“You know, I can just leave,” Hoseok grumbles from the other side of the door.

“Happily,” Hyungwon adds. “I might add!” And he did.

Kihyun blinks and looks up, eyes on the wooden door. “Wha…”

“I know what ‘come here’ means, now,” Changkyun breathes soft.

“That…” Kihyun lets out a breath and melts a little, “That feels nice…” Because even if it means the same thing, it’s not exactly the same thing. It feels nice to not take the first step. “Now I am tempted to leave them outside.”

“Hoseok, can we go?” Hyungwon begs. “Hear meeee.”

“The sooner we watch it,” Changkyun giggles, “The sooner they’ll leave.”

“I wanna see the kitten!”

“You know,” Kihyun sighs, smiling as he grabs the handle again, “The downside, maybe an upside, of not being able to kiss you is that I have to come up with a thousand different ways to show you how I feel and it’s still not good enough.”

Hyungwon screeches on the other side of the door. “Wonho! I beg you!”

“Mmm,” Changkyun hums. “I have _millions_.”

“Come on, now, you two annoying little shits,” Kihyun says already mid eye roll as he opens the door. He moves a little with Changkyun still hugging him from behind and stops to stare at the plastic bags between Hoseok’s legs. “Is that food? Take-away?”

Hoseok scrambles up, “Finally!” and grabs the bags to push past the two of them. “Yeah, you damn hornt teens, I got calamari. And sushi! Sushi! Ungrateful bastards--” Hoseok puts the bags down on the counter, looking at them as though with a whole new thought. “We can give Toothless sushi!”

Both Changkyun and Kihyun tilt their heads to the same side, at the same time. “Huh?”

Hyungwon walks by and leaves a trail of cold air behind him. “Wait until he finds out what you named the cat…”

“Oh!” Changkyun says, leaning back to shake Kihyun a little. “It’s me! I’m Toothless!” And, ironically, Changkyun smiles all big and toothy.

“Ah, right. Right, right,” Kihyun snorts, hand reaching to pat Changkyun’s head. _This is fine. This is safe. And we will, maybe, figure it out._ “I have never fed you sushi before, have I?”

“Fed him, huh?” Hoseok says, packing out the little styrofoam containers and small plastic tubs of soya sauce. “Sounds promising.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, you idiot,” Kihyun complains, moving to the kitchen with Changkyun still all over his back. “Did you get fatty tuna?”

“Yes!” Hoseok says, delighted. “Can I see the kitten? Please, please, please. Changkyun sent me a picture but I wanna seeeee.”

“I’ll go get ‘im,” Changkyun laughs a little, leaving for the bedroom after planting a big kiss on Kihyun’s neck, making him shiver all the way down.

Hoseok raises an eyebrow, setting out three plates. “The Kihyun I knew and loved would have murdered someone for doing that.”

Kihyun glares and then rolls his eyes, walking around the table to the counter and tiptoeing to reach the cupboard. “I have a feeling I will be hearing that for the rest of my life.”

Hoseok pauses, grins at him with mischievous eyes. “The rest of your life, huh?”

“That,” Kihyun slumps back down with two glasses in his hands, “Is not what I meant. But sure, have it your way.”

“You have known him for a month and you wanna spend the rest of your life with him?” Hyungwon whistles. “Beautiful. Seriously. Crying tears of blood.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and places the two cups down on the counter before reaching out for two more and stopping himself. He just needs one more. “I’m not saying it’s gonna happen. But it’s how I feel right now.” He sighs and places the last cup down. “You two, better than anyone, should know. If it ends then it better end with nothing left unsaid.” He looks over his shoulder. “Even if someday I don’t feel the same way. Or… he doesn’t. Right now, I mean every word. And that’s what counts.”

Hoseok blinks at him, letting out a low whistle. “Kihyun, I’ve known you my whole life, and you still have the same beliefs as you did when you were fourteen. If you say you want to spend the rest of your _life_ with someone…” He whistles low again, leaning against the counter. “That’s too big a belief to change.”

 _“That_ coming from someone who made me pinky promise we would be friends forever,” Kihyun grumbles, turning around with the three glasses in his hands.

“And here you are,” Hoseok laughs, sliding over a bottle of soda and getting distracted by something over Kihyun’s shoulders. “ _Oh my god, so cute._ ”

“Hoseok,” Changkyun starts, holding Kikyun in cupped hands by his face. “Meet Ki-Kyun. Ki-Kyun, meet Hoseok.”

“And we will hear screeching in,” Hyungwon raises a hand and counts, “Three, two, one…”

“ _BABY_!” Hoseok screeches, rushing forward to push his face up against the kitten, Changkyun laughing as he does and the kitten paws at his nose. “You guys! Got a kitten! And it’s so cute! I’m in love!”

“Realisation,” Hyungwon raises his other hand and counts. “In three, two, one…”

Hoseok gasps, turning to face Kihyun. “You called it _what_ _now_?”

“Ki-Kyun”, Kihyun says as he places the cups over the table. It’s out there now, he might as well own up to it and show a little pride. Because even if it is a rather sappy name, he _is_ proud.

Hoseok keeps gaping at him, and then back at Changkyun, at the little kitten. “I can’t believe my best friend is married. With pets and everything,” Hoseok says before quickly saying, “Can I hold him? Please please _please_.”

Changkyun narrows his eyes, amused, handing the little kitten over and Hoseok coos. “ _Ki-Kyun_! That’s so cuuuute.”

“I am _not_ married!” Kihyun says a little louder than he intended, heart loud in his ears and face burning. _Don’t turn around, don’t turn around, don’t turn around_. “It’s… a cute name.”

“Let’s not forget the plants,” Hyungwon scoffs.

“Could demons even get married?” Hoseok hums, petting at the cat. “It's not like you have a social security number, Kyun… Would it be ‘in the eyes of Satan?’” Hoseok makes a thoughtful little noise. “Ah, well, _Korea_. It's a semi-free country. Did you know Hyungwon loves cats?”

“In a past life,” Hyungwon mumbles, eyeing the cat. “Now cats kinda hate me and, well, _hiss hiss_ , little fuckers.” He sighs. “It is kinda cute, though. Even if it tried to kill me back at the haunted house…”

Changkyun breaks out into laughter, bending forward to hold his stomach. “ _Barely killed you_! It’s tiny!”

Kihyun pauses and blinks. “Wait. Cats. You can touch cats?”

“Beefy guy says cats are special like that. I guess that’s why witches keep them around.” He nods and then his eyes go wide. “Oh! The Egyptians, too, just remembered that.”

“You know, the Egyptians used to worship cats,” Hoseok says, scratching under Ki-Kyun’s chin. “Even had a Cat Goddess called Bastet. Punished anyone who harmed a cat.” He looks up at the room, where Hyungwon blinks at him but Hoseok obviously doesn’t blink back. “They were, er, even mummified. There was a documentary on Netflix...”

Changkyun’s still laughing, pointing at Hyungwon. “ _He bit you_.”

“Hey!” Hyungwon shouts, frowning, and raising his finger, “Look! It’s marked! See? That little shit has knives for teeth!”

Changkyun wheezes, reaching for the counter.

“Well, _I’m_ gonna hold this little fella,” Hoseok coos, “While you two are being gross. It’s what I deserve.”

Kihyun blinks at the cat and then at Hyungwon. He blinks again when he looks to Hoseok. “Interesting,” He mutters.

Maybe that will be useful. The more things Hoseok and Hyungwon have in common, the less Kihyun will have to filter. Changkyun. Hyungwon. Hoseok, too. And Kihyun himself. Maybe he can do that…

Kihyun crosses his arms and smiles, “You should get a cat, too, you know,” he tells Hoseok. “Or a dog.” He swoons, “Dogs are so cute… _Mmm!”_

Hyungwon turns his glare to Kihyun. “Where are you going with this, Hammy?”

“Well, you _know,”_ Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and tongues the corner of his lips to keep the smile at bay. “Considering Hyungwon likes cats so much, maybe, since he is almost always around… You know.” He shrugs the same shoulder again and bites at the inside of his cheek.

“You’re an evil little man, Yoo Kihyun.”

Kihyun bends forward a little and raises an eyebrow before straightening back up. “Oh, thank you! I am always this nice.”

“Are you two bickering again?” Hoseok asks, walking to go sit down with the kitten.

“ _Bickering_ is what married couples do--this is--this is _sparring_. A duel of wits and he’s winning because you can actually fucking hear him.” Hyungwon deflates. “I’m so tired.”

“Oh, then maybe you should sit,” Kihyun points at a chair. “And eat. _Oh,_ wait.” He sticks his tongue out. “You can’t do that.”

“I can _pretend_ ,” Hyungwon snaps with barely any bite, plopping himself down on the two seater couch next to Hoseok and grumbling inaudibly. Changkyun shakes his head with another, last laugh, walking into the kitchen to attend to the food Hoseok had abandoned for the sake of an adorable kitten ( _who could blame him, but still_ ).

Kihyun drags a chair and sits down at the table, eyes on Hoseok and then Hyungwon and then his own hands. He rubs at his palm with his thumb and fights the urge to go wash his hands. It’s been a while since he’s felt it, but he’s not surprised the feeling is still there, considering it wasn’t that long ago.

Guilt is a terrible thing. Kihyun doesn’t know which he likes less, guilt or fear. Maybe both are equally bad. One festers, the other eats him from the inside out.

It’s a lot. So many things happening. So many things he feels guilty for. So many things he fears. But then it’s also just this, them, no matter how weird it would seem to people outside their ‘special’ circle.

“Weird,” Kihyun mumbles to himself and smiles. Weird feels normal, too.

“You called?” Changkyun says from nearby, separating the food into three equally overpacked plates. “And hey, don’t get comfy here,” Changkyun gestures to the living room. “There be dragons.”

Kihyun looks up, scoffs and then looks back down at his hand. “I think…” He shrugs and gets up from the chair with a stretch. “Nevermind. You think everything fits in those?” He asks, gesturing at the plates. Maybe he should buy bigger plates. Like those from gourmet restaurants. So much plate, so little food.

“I’ll…” Changkyun looks at the plate, moves some more calamari onto a pile next to the sushi. “Make it fit!”

Hoseok and Hyungwon scoff at the same time and say, “That’s what he said.”

Kihyun groans a little. “I love that we have all grown up to be respectable adults.” He sighs. “That was sarcasm, by the way. Hoseok, feet off the table.”

Hyungwon puts his on as Hoseok mournfully takes his off. “Not like you _paid_ for the table,” Hoseok grumbles.

“Yeah, I stole it,” Changkyun adds, walking two plates to the living room. “Out of the love and goodness of my heart so feet _off_.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lip twitches up so he tongues at the corner of his lip and follows after Changkyun. “It’s still my table. And it’s still _my_ house.”

Changkyun smiles, blinking as he looks at him, hand coming up to his chest. “Ow?”

Kihyun blinks back and then looks to the side. “Our house.” He obviously cringes the moment the words are out. _“Ugh.”_

Changkyun lets his hand fall with a roll of his eyes. “See, now you’re just saying that,” he jokes, turning heel with a flourish and stalking back to the kitchen.

Kihyun sighs and moves to sit down on the floor, next to Hoseok. “Do you really need a love declaration every five minutes?” He grumbles to himself, knowing Changkyun will hear. And the moment Kihyun sits down he realises how tired he feels.

He moves his head a little and cracks his neck but then his head just tips back and he hits Hoseok’s knee. He flinches when he realises that might have felt like an actual kick. “Sorry.”

“Is your head made of _stone_?!” Hoseok gapes, shifting away. “Careful with that thing.”

“Sorry,” Kihyun mutters again, looking down. That will take some time. But hey, he didn’t break the glasses earlier. That’s a victory, right?

“You look brighter,” Hyungwon says idly, turning to look at the TV. “It’s annoying.”

“Then go away, if it bothers you that much,” Kihyun says as casually as he can manage.

“Kihyun,” Hoseok says as Changkyun plops down next to Kihyun, holding out a plate and a pair of chopsticks. “Stop chasing the Reaper off your lawn.”

“He called me annoying,” Kihyun says, again, as casually as he can and takes the chopsticks and the plate.

“He’s literally always called you annoying,” Hoseok says and Hyungwon laughs, giving a little two fingered salute.

“Thanks, babe.”

 _“Ew!”_ Kihyun cringes with the plate in his hands. “Ugh, no. It’s back… Six years of peace, gone.”

Hoseok perks up, kicking Kihyun lightly. “Why? What did he say?”

“‘ _Thanks, babe,’”_ Changkyun says, actually casual, and Kihyun cringes again, one shoulder coming up to shield his ear from those annoying, _terrible_ words coming out of Changkyun’s mouth.

Changkyun laughs. “What’s wrong, _babe_?”

Hyungwon yells; “No! Stop it!”

Kihyun shivers again and leans back, carefully setting the plate over his stomach as he lies on the floor and shivers again, _“Eeeeewwwww!”_

Changkyun cackles, popping a calamari ring into his mouth and leans forward where he’s got his legs crossed, struggling a little to reach the little keyboard for the TV before he eventually manages, opening good ol’ Netflix. Hoseok kicks at Kihyun again.

“Don’t be mean, let the demon call you ‘babe’.”

Kihyun sets the plate aside and turns to his side, shivering. _“Please!_ Stop saying that word.”

And on his other side, even as Hoseok laughs, holding the kitten up to his face, Changkyun tugs at his shirt lightly. “Baby?”

“Hm,” Kihyun says, covering his face with an arm. Of course Changkyun had to go and expose him like that.

Changkyun tugs again. “Come on, you promised.”

“I am _begging_ the three of you to just start this goddamn movie about animated dragons before I lose the only shit I brought with me to the afterlife.”

Kihyun snorts and starts laughing, rolling to his other side. “S--So that’s why you sound so co--constipated all the time.” He laughs again and curls into a shivering ball next to Changkyun, moving his head to at least catch a bit of the movie in his peripheral. Hoseok kicks his legs out and Changkyun leans back against the couch, poking at Kihyun’s mouth with a calamari ring.

Kihyun snorts another laugh and then bites the calamari, nibbling a bit before he fits the whole thing in his mouth. He puffs a cheek with food and then points at Changkyun’s plate. “Try the sushi. Tell me if you like it.”

Changkyun prods at some sashimi with his chopsticks as the movie plays in the background. “It looks weird.”

Kihyun smirks and sits back up, leaning closer, lips on Changkyun’s ear. “So do you,” he whispers before leaning back and picking up his own plate.

“Fair,” Changkyun says, popping the sashimi into his mouth and making a variety of interesting faces, the last of which accompanied with an excited little, “Mmm!”

“Told you.”

 

\---

 

 

“Maybe I should grow some stubble,” Changkyun muses, tilting his head at the television and scratching at his chin.

Kihyun chokes on his tea and it comes out through his nose. “Yo--” He coughs. “You what?” He blinks, sniffling and rubbing at his nose, eyes on Changkyun.

Changkyun leans away from Kihyun in surprise, blinking. “Like--” He gestures to the TV. Hiccup’s father is there in his full-bearded ginger glory. “I don’t know, it was just a thought--are you okay?”

“He’s being really gay,” Hyungwon drawls. “Ignore him.”

Kihyun coughs again to clear his throat but the feeling in his nose doesn’t go away, “I think I lost the ability to--” He sneezes. “Ugh, disgusting. Hoseok, pass me a napkin.”

Hoseok throws a napkin at his head. “And then you call yourself functional.”

“I _am_ functional,” Kihyun grumbles, taking the napkin and blowing his nose. It still doesn’t feel like much but at least he can breathe again.

Changkyun watches Kihyun curiously before standing up, pointing at Kihyun. “He promised gross boyfriend cuddling,” he says. “You two can be _lucky_ he’s not functional.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I feel like an animal, stuck in a cage, being poked on one side by you two,” he gestures vaguely at Hoseok and Hyungwon, “And on the other side by you.” He sighs and looks at Changkyun. “Come here, I’ll hug you.”

Changkyun sways, eyes narrowed. “Promises, promises…”

Kihyun tilts his head, sniffling a bit. “Come here, please?”

Changkyun pouts and Hoseok coos, and Changkyun sways once more before falling down to his knees and then just tipping forward onto Kihyun. “Hmmmm, soft.”

“Okay,” Kihyun leans back and holds Changkyun’s face between his hands. “How gross do you want me to be? I am giving you one chance to gross them out.”

Hyungwon groans, “ _Oh god_.”

“Well, they _do_ have _years_ on us, Ki,” Changkyun sighs, smiling with pink cheeks. “That’s a _lot_ of catching up to do.”

Kihyun looks up and sighs, too. “I am going to regret this forever,” he tells no one in particular and then tip back, pulling Changkyun with him, over him, and kissing his face all over. “Yep,” Kihyun jokes once his back hits the floor, “Already regretting.” The type of regret he will remember and get embarrassed about for the rest of his life.

Changkyun giggles in the same few seconds Hyungwon uses to gag and Hoseok to coo loudly. Changkyun leans back to smile widely, all pink and kissed. “Regret feels _awesome_ ,” Changkyun laughs, giving Kihyun a big smooch on his cheek. “Also I think if you kiss me again, Hyungwon might actually spontaneously combust.”

“Me _too_ ,” Hoseok says, kicking his legs on the couch. “My best friend is happy and it’s so cute, _ugh_!”

“Oh, then,” Kihyun rubs his nose on Changkyun’s. “I love you, baby,” he says and then he is the one puffing into a tomato and falling back to look at the ceiling and reconsider his life. He doesn’t really reconsider all the much, though. “Did Hyungwon combust? I can’t tell, I think I’m going through it as well.”

“I want to die,” Hyungwon deadpans. “Again.”

“Yeah, pretty combusted,” Changkyun laughs. “Love you too, baby.”

“I’m gonna _cry_ ,” Hoseok cries.

Kihyun pats Changkyun’s cheek, “There. We made Hoseok cry and Hyungwon die. Happy?”

“Ecstatic,” Changkyun laughs, nuzzling his forehead against Kihyun’s before pushing himself up, arms next to Kihyun’s face. “I want popcorn. Be here when I come back.”

“Who, me?” Kihyun snorts. “I have combusted. I am not going anywhere.”

Changkyun grins, getting to his feet and stepping over Kihyun to the kitchen. Kihyun sighs, hands coming up to rub at his own face before he sits up.

It’s not exactly a thought. It’s not exactly knowing. But Kihyun feels it sink in, pull him down, like gravity. It’s a feeling. And there’s a knowledge that comes with feeling. Especially when it feels cold and then too hot.

Kihyun knows what to expect. And he expects what he gets.

Ringing.

A song.

A whisper. And it sounds a lot like, _‘Home’_ . Except what Kihyun knows is _Hell_. And just as he turns to look, well. If he won’t go to Hell, Hell finds a way to come to him.

And it does, as Changkyun falls to the floor like a puppet with its strings cut.

“Changkyun?!” Hoseok exclaims in surprise, sitting up with wide eyes and Hyungwon stares wordlessly, eyes amber and knowing, before he looks away, jaw tense.

Kihyun doesn’t even remember getting up. He doesn’t remember closing the distance, either. He is barely aware he’s kneeling down next to Changkyun, eyes on the clock, mind ticking as well.

Three minutes. _But what are three minutes when eternity takes your life away?_

Hoseok scrambles up but hovers by the couch, looking a lot like the standby at a car accident, kept out by police tape. “Oh, God, is he okay?! What--” Hoseok swallows, hand coming up to his hair as he takes a small step forward.

“Don’t…” Kihyun hears himself say, softly. He pulls Changkyun closer and _God_ , he’s heavy. So heavy. Just deadweight in Kihyun’s hands. “It’s…” Kihyun starts and Changkyun’s voice echoes in his head, _“Just three minutes.”_ But not even a full minute has passed and it already feels like too much. And even if Kihyun tries to keep his breath steady, his heart feels like it wants to punch a hole right through his chest.

“Three minutes, what--” Hoseok wavers, eyes widening as he looks at the way Changkyun's head lolls as Kihyun turns him. “Oh, God, he looks--Kihyun, _what's going on?”_

Hyungwon's jaw tenses as he looks at the wall. “Leave it be, Wonho…”

A voice bubbles in the dark and it’s angry. Kihyun hears it whisper in his voice inside his head. So, he breathes again. Silence. He just needs silence.

And one minute ticks by.

Kihyun pulls Changkyun up a lot more effortlessly than he’d expected and sits him up against the counter, a hand on his forehead to keep his head from falling. “You said… three minutes.” He mumbles. “I’m counting, you idiot...”

And Changkyun already feels cold under his hand. Kihyun would like to pretend, pretend Changkyun's just sleeping, but he's seen Changkyun sleep so many times before, peaceful and beautiful. There's nothing peaceful or beautiful about this. There’s just the abnormal, fast cold under Kihyun’s hand. And an anger bubbling under Kihyun’s skin.

“I don't understand…” Hoseok says to himself, voice thick as he sniffs. And Hyungwon is right there, hand hovering by his shoulder without touching.

Kihyun sits on the floor, back against the counter, the hand on Changkyun’s forehead helping as Kihyun pulls him closer. And closer. Closer, until he’s holding Changkyun in his arms, Changkyun’s head tipped forward over his shoulder.

“I told you…” Kihyun says, eyes on Hoseok but not really looking at him. He is angry. He is _so_ angry. He can’t really grasp the magnitude of what he’s feeling but he can feel it move inside him. He can feel it sizzle, push against his skin like it wants to come out. “I told you… And you said…” Kihyun blinks and then blinks again, frowning when the feeling sizzles again. “I _told_ you.”

The blood drains from Hoseok’s face. “This… this is the price? Changkyun dying for three minutes?” Hoseok blinks down at the floor. “ _Oh, god…_ ”

“As if,” Kihyun scoffs bitterly, holding Changkyun’s closer. “As if that was all…” As if Hell was a stroll in the park. As if Kihyun couldn’t feel it, too, the fear and the scrambled mind Changkyun comes back with. As if Kihyun didn’t know that a lot can happen in just three minutes.

Hoseok frowns but he’s not an idiot. The clock ticks for two minutes, and Hoseok brings a hand up to his mouth, feet moving him forward a step. “Changkyunnie...” Hoseok says, voice so damn emotional.

“Don’t,” Kihyun warns. And something else, something a lot brighter, a lot larger whispers, _‘Don’t come here’_.

“We can at least put him on the couch or--” Hoseok takes another step.

 _“_ Don’t!”

“But!”

“I said, _DON’T COME HERE!”_

It explodes in a blinding light. Kihyun feels the air in his lungs rush out, a silent gasp as everything expands from him and away. It’s warm and vast. And it wants. A passive want, but Kihyun can feel it as his own. Even more when Changkyun’s body feels slightly warmer beneath Kihyun’s fingers.

The light dims into a misty blue, slowly evening out. The entire house beams in whites and blues, like someone shot a blue flare in the middle of the living room.

Hyungwon stands in front of Hoseok, eyes molten ambar, both surrounded by a mist of particles and warmth. But Hoseok’s eyes aren’t on Kihyun, hand halfway held up towards the Reaper, the shadow, protecting him from the _bright_.

“Kihyun,” Hyungwon says softly, almost out of breath, “You… You could’ve…”

“I said,” Kihyun repeats, small, the voice in his head echoing, “Don’t.”

“Okay,” Hoseok says, voice shaking as taking a step back. “Wonnie, what was that?”

Hyungwon flinches. Slowly turning his head to look over his shoulder. The light is starting to fade. And with it… “His soul…” Hyungwon says, eyes on Hoseok. Hyungwon smiles small. “Be glad it didn’t hit you.”

“Thank you, Wonnie...”

And as three minutes tick by, the light around them dissipates. And it hits Kihyun, as everything comes back to him, back inside. It hits him. So much anger, so much frustration. Because he feels useless, because he wants to help, because he knows the cost, because it shouldn’t be this complicated to love someone.

So, Kihyun tips his head down and feels a few tears roll down his face.

He was angry. And now he’s just… helpless.

And he feels it tug, like a lifeline, a ringing behind his ear before Changkyun coughs, loud and harsh, like a drowning man gasping for air, clinging tightly to Kihyun as he does.

“Hey, hey,” Kihyun says softly, one hand quickly rubbing at his own eyes as he hugs Changkyun closer, who coughs again, gasping at a breath, shaking. Kihyun leans his cheek on Changkyun’s forehead. “It’s okay…”

“Come on,” Hyungwon says but Hoseok doesn’t react as he stares, wide eyed at Kihyun and Changkyun. Hyungwon looks down, nodding. “Yeah... Yeah, of course not.”

He hopes it won’t take hours, again, for Changkyun to come back. Not just his soul, but _him_. It’s horrible, the things one can get used to. Even something like waking up from Hell. Changkyun still gasps though, breaths coming fast, difficult. He grips at Kihyun, eyes wide and fearful, even now. But the longer he looks, the longer he follows Kihyun’s breathing, it evens out, even as tears run down Changkyun’s face. He tips forward then, his body feels warm in Kihyun’s arms. As it should be.

“I’m--” Changkyun gasps, voice raspy and faint even as he nods over Kihyun’s shoulder. “I’m okay…”

“What do you need?” Kihyun asks, kissing Changkyun’s forehead. Three minutes. And Changkyun is not the only one dying. Three minutes. And it feels like eternity. “What can I do…?”

Changkyun shakes his head, clings tighter, voice small. “Just--just hold me.” And Kihyun does. As close as he can.

Kihyun looks up, eyes on Hoseok, and then down again. “Sorry… About before…” He bites at his lower lip. “I can’t… control it…”

“You’re protective,” Hoseok says, still very pale as he nods, turning to walk back to the couch. “It’s okay, will…” He plops down, glances over. “Will he be okay?”

Kihyun looks up again. “He will,” he says and he means it in two different ways.

Hoseok nods slow, leans forward with his hands in his hair and breathes. And Changkyun does, too, fast at first, as always, before it evens out, and the tight, _tight_ grip at Kihyun’s shirt loosens with a final shaking breath. He smooths over the shirt, over the wrinkles he made. “I--I’m sorry, we were--” Changkyun swallows, leans back, nodding with red, watery eyes. “B-busy. I was...” he bites down on his lip, hard. “Going to…”

“Kyunie,” Kihyun thumbs at Changkyun’s cheek, not really caring this time when he realises how hard his hand is pressing on Changkyun’s face. Kihyun bites at his lower lip, too, unsure. “Wha--What do you need?” _What can I do for you? Just tell me something._

Changkyun’s eyes dart to Kihyun’s, eyebrows furrowing and eyes wide. “I… I need…” Changkyun blinks, looks down. “I don’t know,” Changkyun admits, soft. “I just… I just wanted to,” Changkyun swallows, bottom lip trembling. “To--to watch a movie and--and have popcorn and hold you and…” He bites at his trembling lip, leaning his ducked head forward to bump against Kihyun and stay there.

Kihyun takes a deep breath and swallows the lump in his throat, hand smoothing back to Changkyun’s neck. And it’s so difficult to be strong for someone else. Kihyun hopes his eyes don’t betray him when he smiles. And he barely manages it, but he smiles anyway, small but there. “I think I know what to do. And I can’t wait to show you. About earlier? S--So…” _Don’t cry_. “So, when the movie is over and… Well, I wanna show you. It’s kinda scary but it’s pretty, too.”

Changkyun wipes at his eyes, nods a little and smiles, sad but… hopeful. “Okay… Th-thank you.”

“Help me make the popcorn?”

There’s something behind Changkyun’s eyes when he nods, slowly getting to his feet with Kihyun’s help, nodding again when he lets his grip loosen on Kihyun’s arm. “I can do it,” Changkyun nods, looking around for the popcorn and moving away to get it and silently walk to the microwave, popping it in and leaning forward to watch it.

Kihyun looks down at his hands, vision a little blurry. It’s a weird sensation _once everything comes back into focus and he finds himself staring at someone who, in turn, is ogling the microwave like he wants to eat it._ Kihyun blinks, eyes on Changkyun.

“Do you remember,” Kihyun says softly, “What the first thing you told me was? When we met?”

Changkyun looks around at Kihyun, scoffing softly. “What, ‘ _Hello, it’s nice to meet you, I’m a demon_ ’?” Changkyun scoffs again, eyes soft before he looks away. “Yeah, very romantic.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh and looks down. “And I said,” ‘ _Sorry… “I just stumbled here. I’m not drunk, I promise. Somehow my head just…’”_ He shrugs one shoulder.

Who would’ve thought their very first words would define how it would end. ‘Hello’ and ‘Sorry’.

Kihyun scoffs. “Definitely romantic. We really stepped up, in a way.”

Changkyun laughs, shaking his head. “You still make no sense sometimes… I love you so.”

“If you didn’t, I would worry,” Kihyun gasps dramatically as he starts walking backwards into the living room, _“Oh, no, Changkyun is only in it for my body!”_

Hoseok scoffs into his hands, and Hyungwon sighs as he says, “The poor thing.” Hoseok runs his hands over his face and looks up, eyes red and puffy as he purses his lips in a smile.

“The poor thing,” Hoseok breathes, swallowing and smiling some more at the ground.

Kihyun stops near the sofa and crawls over the arm, throwing himself on top of Hoseok. “Here, hug me. I’m letting you.” He glares at Hyungwon then, “Not you, though.”

“Ugh, who needs it,” Hyungwon grumbles, loitering somewhere near the kitchen.

Hoseok blinks, surprised even as he squeezes Kihyun tightly, pushes his face into Kihyun’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry you have to endure that,” Hoseok practically whispers against him and Kihyun hears the microwave beep.

“I’m not the one you should worry about,” Kihyun whispers back. He leans back and looks at Hoseok with a smile. “But hey, I think I might be able to do something for you. Soon. Consider it an apology for almost knocking you out earlier… And for… Everything else.”

“You already did,” Hoseok says, smiling at him a little before just staring up at the ceiling. “Do something for me, I mean. I’ve… Seen Wonnie twice now. So thank you.”

Kihyun blinks and then smirks. “You’re welcome.” He looks at Hyungwon then, one arm around Hoseok’s shoulders. “I can do it, I think.”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon admits. “I think so too.” And Hyungwon looks over to smile a little at Kihyun before he jolts forwards with the force of Changkyun glomping himself onto his back.

“I’m hugging you now and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

“Aw,” Kihyun scoffs. “Hoseok, I would pay to see through your eyes right now. It must be hilarious.”

Hoseok blinks towards the kitchen as Hyungwon tries to smack Changkyun off, flailing in a circle. “I… Kihyun, I don’t even know how to describe…”

“GET OFF ME YOU DAMN DEMON!”

“Let me love you, dead boy!”

“Beautiful,” Kihyun snorts and then looks down. “What are you doing on Wednesday?” He asks Hoseok, finger poking where his hand hangs from Hoseok’s shoulder.

Hoseok hums contemplatively. “Hmm, let me see… What with the dead boyfriend and the practically married best friend…” Hoseok shrugs. “Not much!”

“Then let’s meet,” Kihyun looks over, “I have something I want to show you.”

“Something…” Hoseok squints. “Supernatural…?”

Kihyun laughs a little despite the heavy heart. “Yeah, definitely.”

Hoseok whines, “Can’t we just watch a movie at the cinema or something, ugh.”

A crash in the kitchen and a loud laugh. “He threw me off!” Changkyun laughs.

“We can, after,” Kihyun nods. “But I pick the popcorn.”

“Control your dog!” Hyungwon calls from the kitchen and Changkyun keeps laughing.

“Although… I don’t know if you’ll want to watch a movie after I… show you…”

“See, now you’re just scaring me,” Hoseok says, pushing himself off the couch and shoving affectionately at Kihyun. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go hug your boyfriend too before I cry.”

Kihyun falls on his side over the cushion. “Yeah,” he says, eyes on the TV, narrowing slightly and unfocusing when he gets lost in thought. “Yeah, you do that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now Playing: [On And On](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5wHdUT2a_s) by The Score.  
> 


	20. Memento: Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sometimes I wonder what heaven looks like,” Changkyun hums.  
> “Like this,” Kihyun says, moving his hands in front of Changkyun and holding up a handful of bubbles. “See? All white and fluffy and warm.”

Changkyun moves the blankets around in the pet bed they’d bought for Ki-Kyun, the one they’d been worried Ki-Kyun would simply wander out of. The little thing slept when they did, though, wandered harmlessly and aimlessly when they were awake. The kitten is already cuddling up against the smaller version of Changkyun’s giant IKEA teddy bear (at least it looked like it, and Changkyun had insisted the kitten absolutely  _ needed it _ ), yawning. Maybe the cat is tired, too. Changkyun is tired, and it’s not that tired where his body doesn’t listen properly or moves as quick as he’d like, it’s the kind of tired where he keeps breathing deep but it feels like the air just doesn’t want to fill his lungs.

When Changkyun ambles into the bedroom, he hears Kihyun shift in bed, a rustle of sheets as he types on his phone. Kihyun has been a bit out of it since… _ well _ . Since Changkyun had to go and come back. Changkyun feels his heart jump in his chest even at just the thought of it.

He hates going, but coming back can be... Worse. Changkyun tries not to sigh. It takes a toll on him, he can feel it with every time he zones out and struggles to come back at random intervals during the days, but it also takes a toll on Kihyun. Every time it happens, even if Kihyun tries to hide it, Changkyun can tell, can feel Kihyun’s mind wander. And that is not always a good thing.

Living in ‘right now’ is hard when he’s the only one in it.

Changkyun flops onto the bed before he crawls over, hovering over Kihyun. And Kihyun is just lying there, hair all over the pillow (sure to defy gravity in the morning), face illuminated by the phone but Changkyun doesn’t look at what Kihyun’s looking at, instead tilts his head, smiles at him and asks, “Whatcha dooooin’?”

Kihyun almost startles, even though he should’ve felt Changkyun hopping into bed, if he wasn’t so distracted. The phone falls on Kihyun’s face and he rolls to his side, facing Changkyun with a groan.  _ “Argh! _ What the hell…”

Changkyun presses his lips into a line, trying not to smile wider. “Sorry. Thought you’d know I was approaching whatever planet you’re on.”

Kihyun sighs and then peeks up. “Earth?”

Changkyun gapes. “What, really?” He tugs a bit at the blanket with a playful pout. “Act like it, then.”

“Come here, then,” Kihyun says, hand on Changkyun’s wrist, soft, like it’s barely there.

Changkyun wants to roll his eyes, tease Kihyun a bit, but he can’t get enough air into his lungs to warrant unnecessary effort, so he reaches out to put his hand on the one Kihyun has on his wrist, lifting it to his lips to kiss at his palm. “I’m here.”

It’s fast, gone in a blink, but Changkyun is sure he saw a flash of something cross Kihyun’s face. He can’t tell what it was. But he knows he saw it.

Kihyun smiles a little, though, hand slowly turning inside Changkyun’s, fingertips brushing softly where they touch Changkyun’s lips, his chin, his hand… and then slowly sliding down to Changkyun’s wrist and tracing, fingertips ghosting, down to his elbow, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Kihyun’s eyes follow the skin his fingers touch, eyes going slightly soft as well. His breathing sounds even and his heart seems calm. But Changkyun knows there’s a feeling there, too. He can see it in Kihyun’s eyes, feel it in his touch.

“It still feels the same...” Changkyun breathes softly. “As when you asked me if it was a rule...”

“I know,” Kihyun says, “Maybe a bit more, too…”

“Feels different in my chest,” Changkyun laughs softly, “And the way you touch me is different but… it still feels…” Kihyun glances up, eyes on Changkyun’s. So he smiles. “Special.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lip twitches slightly into a smile before he can do something about it. He looks back to his hand on Changkyun’s elbow and starts tracing his arm up to his shoulder. Again, touching just enough to be felt. “It was always special to me…”

Changkyun smiles, feels it on his face before he can even think about it, “It always will be,” Changkyun assures, reaching out to trace his own lines on Kihyun’s shoulder. “I know this is a stupid question and I kind of want to just stay here and touch you for ages, and hopefully you’ll let me, but…” Changkyun’s eyes flicker down. “Right now…” he says, words heavy with meaning. “Are you okay?”

Kihyun’s hand stops over Changkyun’s shoulder where it pulled his sleeve up. Kihyun stares for a moment, eyes starting to shift between his own hand and something else in the background behind Changkyun. And if Changkyun didn’t know better, he can tell Kihyun is fighting a big-ass lie in his head right now.

“Would you be?” Is all his says, softly, like it doesn’t really matter.

Changkyun lets his head fall.  _ No. I would be everything but. _

“No,” Changkyun admits because lying, while it isn’t even an option, never helps. “But I’m selfish.”

The tug on Kihyun’s lips pulls a bit more and he smiles, eyes back on Changkyun’s shoulder as his hand starts trailing back down. “So am I.”

“What are you selfish about?” Changkyun asks, feeling himself wanting to sink down, give in to the small touches Kihyun gives him, to be selfish and take his heat for himself.

“You,” Kihyun says with a sigh that Changkyun can barely hear. “I’ve always been selfish. But today I realised that,” his hand stops on Changkyun’s elbow again and then moves down his forearm in slow circles, “That you make me feel even more selfish.”

Changkyun leans forward, drops himself to his elbows and watches Kihyun, eyes slow as he takes in every part of his face. “It’s okay to be selfish sometimes… right?”

Kihyun huffs a laugh and looks up. Their eyes lock like magnets and it pulls so much… “Yeah, I think so… Otherwise, what’s the point, right?”

“This,” Changkyun says, letting it pull him as far as it wants. “This is the point. Sharing a bed that smells like you… Taking care of the cutest damn kitten that makes your eyes go so soft it physically hurts me to see… Touching you so softly, you touching me,” he smiles, feeling his eyes soften as his chest warms. “Everytime you laugh, or smile, or look at me like you just love me so damn much. That’s the point.”

Kihyun blinks. His expression doesn’t change until he looks down and smiles again. “To me… the point is... I get to love you. Which is both one of the most selfless and yet selfish things I have ever done. If, one can be two things, no matter how different in nature, at the same time.” He looks up again. “I think you’re trying to prove a point here. But so am I.” He shrugs, hand dropping over the mattress. “We are both different and yet alike in so many things…”

Changkyun hears him, processes it with a little sigh that tugs at his heart, eyes cast down. “I wasn’t… trying to prove anything,” he says, plopping sideways, keeping his hand on Kihyun’s arm. “I was just trying to… go back to ‘right now’.”

Kihyun’s eyes widen slightly and he looks away. His eyebrows furrow slightly and his eyes go glossy for a moment, but then it’s gone. He takes a deep breath. “Earlier… I…” He glances at Changkyun again, trying for a smile. “I did something…”

Changkyun peeks from where he’s lying on his side, one eye squished into the pillow. “And what was that?”

“Come here?” Kihyun says, waving Changkyun closer.

Changkyun keeps his hand on Kihyun’s wrist as he rolls his eyes a little, rolling over in a little spin and attaching himself to Kihyun’s side. Kihyun tangles his legs with Changkyun’s and leans his forehead on Changkyun’s.

“Close your eyes for me,” Kihyun says, eyes shining with… something.

“For you, huh?” Changkyun teases even as he complies.

“The window is right there,” Kihyun says without bite.

And then nothing.

Changkyun can’t hear anything. But he can feel warmth. Like there’s a fire around him, growing and getting warmer. And warmer and warmer until…

_ ‘Open your eyes,’ _ he hears inside his head.

Changkyun almost startles. It sounds like light, sounds familiar, like home, like ‘ _ Kihyun?’ _ as he opens his eyes, and sees him there, smiling softly, eyes slightly blue, neon blue lights around them.

Kihyun turns his face slightly to look up at the floating warmth. “It’s a bit scary… but it’s really pretty.” He looks at Changkyun again. “And it’s yours, too. Like this there’s no… thorny vine,” he laughs, “There’s just… us.”

_ ‘And I love you.’ _

Changkyun sees the lights there but doesn’t look, eyes on Kihyun who… looks bigger, but lighter.  _ ‘I… love you, too… It’s beautiful.’ _

“Yeah,” Kihyun agrees, shifting closer. “But it’s also a bit scary. It tried to kick Hoseok out of the building,” he sighs, “it tried to… kiss you. And the worst part is that it’s all me. Like a very stupid and unconscious part of me.” He sighs. “A very selfish part of me…”

Changkyun closes his eyes, because it shouldn’t be this beautiful. He closes his eyes because what Kihyun’s saying, it makes him feel the thorns even though he can’t see them. It’s not surprising, love is selflessly selfish, and he’d do it too.

“I know,” Changkyun says.

“This is what everyone wants,” Kihyun says softly. “But it’s not theirs. It’s ours. As much mine as it is yours. Never forget that.”

“It can’t be ours if we’re not together,” Changkyun frowns, biting at his lip. “I don’t want to have this and be alone with it…”

“I would never leave you alone, unless it’s your choice,” Kihyun says.

“Every choice I make is so I don’t lose you.”

“Same.”

The warmth shifts. It feels closer, smaller but still there. Like a blanket over them.

“So,” Kihyun says, voice a little thick, “Don’t forget that… I’d… I won’t leave. Please, don’t forget that...” There’s a soft sob and then the warmth is gone. A soft sob and sudden cold and Changkyun’s body reacts before he can even think about it, pulling Kihyun closer and scrunching his eyes closed. God, he hates this. Hates the selfishness of it, of wanting to help because  _ he  _ can’t handle seeing Kihyun like this. Hates how he  _ can’t fix this _ .

“I’m not leaving you, you’re not leaving me, and nobody’s giving up on anything or anyone,” Changkyun says through whatever he’s feeling, and his chest hurts. “Boyfriends, remember.”

Kihyun sobs and snorts a laugh at the same time, and the little sound makes him laugh again. “Y--Yeah… I remember.”

Changkyun stays quiet, just to hear Kihyun’s heartbeat for a moment, like a steadying anchor. “And do you remember… ‘Marry me’.” And Kihyun’s heart skips a beat.

“That again…”

“I would,” Changkyun shrugs and then laughs softly, sniffling a little. “Not that we should, or are, or probably legally can, but it’s just another word for forever so I just… Wanted you to know that I would.”

Kihyun’s heart sounds like it’s going to skyrocket out of his chest. “I-- _ Why _ would you-- _ Ugh…” _ He shifts closer, pulling at Changkyun’s shirt.

“Because I’m annoying and obnoxious, obviously.”

“Yes, you are…” Kihyun says with affection. “You really are.” And in a tiny corner of his mind, Changkyun can hear it, a whisper, that sounds a lot like  _ ‘I do’. _

And ‘ _ I do _ ’ echoes back like a voice in a cave.

Changkyun giggles, soft in their quiet bedroom. And Kihyun snorts another laugh, poking Changkyun’s tummy and then giggling, too.

And right now, everything’s fine.

“ _ I’m _ not telling Hoseok about this,” Changkyun giggles some more, because it’s just so silly and wonderful, and as ephemeral as it might be, it feels like forever.

“Oh, thank god,” Kihyun huffs, sounding actually relieved. “You have no idea what a nightmare those two are. And then they wonder why I never had a boyfriend. It would be over in two seconds thanks to them.”

Changkyun laughs, “Don’t worry, I’m actually starting to get it,” Changkyun shifts a little, propping himself on the elbow to look at Kihyun, stare at that little mole by his lip. “That has to be it, too. Can’t see how no one ever threw themselves at your feet.”

“Maybe because I never really show much interest,” Kihyun admits with a wistful sigh. “And because I do nag, a lot. I know I do.”

“It’s oddly endearing,” Changkyun grins. “Really gives you, like,  _ direction _ , you know. ‘Fold the laundry!’ Huzzah, a goal.”

Kihyun pinches at Changkyun’s side. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, look at you. If you were a normal human being and not joined to my hip, you probably wouldn’t even be here right now.”

“No, if I was human, we probably wouldn’t be mind-married,” Changkyun jokes and dodges a smack. “Why would you even  _ say  _ that?”

“Because you’re really good looking?” Kihyun scoffs and raises an eyebrow. “I mean, maybe I am biased, here, but seriously. You are really… What’s the word…” He sighs and looks away and gestures all over, “I don’t know! There’s a lot going on. It’s like you’re the ultimate boyfriend pack. And then you’re obnoxiously cheesy, you make me say cheesy things, too. And, wow, unbelievably loyal.” Kihyun shrugs. “Who wouldn’t want that.”

Changkyun’s chest seems to fill with color as he purses his lips in an attempt not to grin. That would be obnoxious, right? “Boyfriend pack. Includes unlimited cheesiness and a lifetime supply of--” Changkyun tips his head back as he dramatically gestures to himself. “All this. Limited edition. Sold out.”

Kihyun shoves at him, even if he keeps his legs tangled around Changkyun’s. “You. Are. Horrible. Terrible!” He says, pushing Changkyun away from him and then hiding his face in the pillow. “I don’t deserve you, really… But I’ll try to...”

“Not really about what we deserve, is it,” Changkyun says with a little poke. “But you deserve to hear how amazing you are,” Changkyun sing-songs, scooching closer. “If you want~”

Kihyun peeks at him with one eye. “What are you on about?”

“Nothing yet~” Changkyun sing-songs again before placing a loud kiss on Kihyun’s nose. “Your nose is so pointy, it’s so cute. I wanna hold a balloon to your face and see if it pops.”

Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches. “It gives me a great profile. Your point?”

“I love it,” Changkyun says with a smile and another kiss. “I love your pointy nose and the fact that the apples of your cheeks dimple when you smile widely, that your eyes look like like crescent moons and I can see the silver tooth right--” He pokes at Kihyun’s cheek. “There. And I love when you blush,” his hand smooths on Kihyun’s cheek. “Like that. And I can feel it cos it’s warm and see it cos you get so red. I love that our hands look so different, and you always hold mine so tightly. I love your  _ entire  _ body,” Changkyun says, face serious. “Just all of it. And then sometimes you’re just sitting there, drinking tea or something, looking so perfect it hurts, and then you read something on your phone and your nose scrunches up and it’s just the cutest damn thing. But then you brush your hair back and tilt your chin and I am on  _ fire _ .” Changkyun nods. “Seriously! It’s too much, I have to leave the room! Leave the room, Kihyun! And then you’re kind. And easily embarrassed and so overwhelmingly good and beautiful. That’s what I’m on about.”

Kihyun blinks, face red, heart so loud it would probably hurt if he wasn’t made of crystal-like bones. He’s breathing through his nose and Changkyun knows it’s because Kihyun is forcing his mouth shut, but then there’s a warm hand on Changkyun’s waist, pulling him closer. Kihyun’s eyes move down to Changkyun’s lips and then down again before they come back up just in time to focus on Changkyun’s face once, before their noses touch.

He’s still not saying anything, but the hand on Changkyun’s waist moves to his wrist and then, slowly, Kihyun pulls Changkyun over and slides under him, their chests pressing.

“And that,” Changkyun adds softly. “Was so caught up I almost didn’t mention that...”

Kihyun trails his fingers on the bit of exposed skin on Changkyun’s waist and slowly runs his fingertips under his shirt, up his back. Kihyun doesn’t talk but tilts his head a little, like a question.

Changkyun swallows, blinking a little as his heart tries to claw up his throat. “You want to hear more? Uhm, I don’t have a lot of  _ experience _ \--” Changkyun frowns, dubious at the trajectory of his current tactic. “But, uhm, I’m trying to think of a  _ word  _ right now but my mouth is very  _ dry _ .”

Kihyun’s hand stops and he lifts his fingers, all but one. One finger that trails down Changkyun’s back and stop at the waistband of his boxers. Kihyun’s lips part like he is going to say something, but he doesn’t. His other hand is still on Changkyun’s wrist, thumb soothing over his skin.

“You--you really like compliments, huh,” Changkyun breathes, back arching at Kihyun’s touch, eyes struggling to focus on anything that isn’t Kihyun’s lips. His stomach twists into a warm knot and he has to actively think about gaining control of his hips.

“Hey,” Kihyun breathes, his heart far too loud for the composure he’s showing.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, having to clear his throat when he does. 

The hand on Changkyun’s wrist slowly traces a ghostly touch to his elbow and the one at his lower back slides under the fabric of his boxers but stops. And with a shiver and a pull somewhere in his gut, Changkyun growls low and reaches back to guide Kihyun’s hand to his ass, pushing forwards with his hips and rolling himself on top of Kihyun within a second.

Kihyun gasps a little, his hand tightening on Changkyun’s ass, pulling him closer, the other hand joining to help, and Kihyun bucks his hips, too, a shaky breath living his lips. “You. ‘ _ Right now’, _ I want you.”

And it’s so very selfish to like feeling wanted, but Changkyun can’t deny the way the feeling spreads through himself, leaves him a little red and breathless and desperate. And he’s always stuck somewhere between wanting to slowly undress Kihyun, savour every inch of skin, or just dive in head first. So he fumbles a little, ducking forward to lick a strip up Kihyun’s jaw as his hands do whatever they’re doing at the hem of Kihyun’s shirt.

And the hands on Changkyun’s ass tug at his boxers, pull them down as far as they can reach, and Kihyun tilts his head back and breathes, “Fuck me as if ‘forever’ ended tomorrow.”

Changkyun ignores the painful sting in his chest to lean back and look at Kihyun, head tilted up and cheeks pink and Kihyun looks like ‘forever’ and when Changkyun leans in again to place a kiss on Kihyun’s throat, he tastes like ‘always’. 

But now,  _ now  _ they don’t have time for that. Cramming forever into a moment is what they do, after all.

Changkyun bites at Kihyun’s neck, lifting himself up to rid of his underwear completely and insistently tug at Kihyun’s, hissing as he melts into the feeling of their erections pressed up against each other. “Then tomorrow can wait until I’m done with you,” he groans, even as he wants to push closer, be closer. Feeling Kihyun’s touch on his  _ arm  _ had left goosebumps and threatened at shivers. This? Changkyun can’t grasp it, can’t even begin to.

Kihyun shifts a little, pulls his own shirt over his head and throws it somewhere across the bed, legs around Changkyun’s waist once he’s rid of his boxers, too. Kihyun’s hand blindly searches under the pillows for something and then he shoves it on Changkyun’s chest, the small bottle of lube. 

“Want me to do it…?” Kihyun asks a little breathless.

Changkyun shakes his head, reaches up for the lube to snatch it out of his hand and duck down to kiss Kihyun’s neck, his collarbones, moving his way down as he presses with one hand at Kihyun’s dick, fingers wrapping around him and squeezing just to hear and feel the way Kihyun melts under his touch. 

Changkyun smirks against Kihyun’s skin, letting his teeth graze over the swell of Kihyun’s pectoral, nipping and tasting at him. “I wanna do it,” Changkyun breathes, kissing Kihyun’s chest as he speaks. “Wanna feel you…”

Kihyun’s eyebrows almost knit, his lips pursing together when he lets out a needy, whiny moan that makes Changkyun shiver to his core. His hands on Changkyun’s back lift, fingertips that trail up his skin, but Kihyun is the one letting out a shaky breath, shivering as if he’s the one feeling it.

And it still feels like the first touch, like it’ll be the only, like next isn’t a guarantee and time isn’t a given. Every touch feels like forever condensed into a moment, as it always has, and Changkyun has to pull away, look down at Kihyun to anchor himself. 

God, he’s just--“So beautiful,” Changkyun mutters, ducking his head to kiss at Kihyun’s neck as he squeezes lube onto his fingers and reaches down. “Do you want to feel my fingers inside you, baby?” He asks, voice deep as he teases at Kihyun’s hole, finger circling as he licks a stripe up Kihyun’s neck.

Kihyun shivers again, eyes shut when he breathes out and then opening slightly when he says, “Yeah.” More of a whisper than anything else. But the legs around Changkyun’s waist pull him in, just as enough confirmation. “I wanna feel you…”

Changkyun pushes in, biting down on his lip when Kihyun whimpers a little. Changkyun remembers how it had felt the last time, knowing both sides of the equation and knowing how he must make Kihyun  _ feel _ … Changkyun breathes out, pushing in deeper and biting down on Kihyun’s collarbone.  

Kihyun lets out a sound, short but a little louder than before, his eyes snapping open and locking somewhere on the ceiling as his breathing picks up, chest heaving up and down. Changkyun had barely noticed the hand on his other arm until he felt it grip. Changkyun’s hips grind forward on their own volition as he pulls his finger out to slowly push in another, leaning back to watch Kihyun’s expression. And he looks completely undone. Eyes glossy, a ‘need’ dancing around his irises blown with ‘want’. Eyebrows furrowed. Lips parted just slightly as he breathes. Cheeks pink. And, in a way, a vulnerability that slaps Changkyun in the face. 

Because Kihyun shows everything but. And no matter how vulnerable he might actually feel on the inside, it’s not something he likes to show. But right now? It’s all out in the open. And Changkyun’s heart squeezes so tight it almost painful, so tight he almost forgets how to breathe. He pushes in to the knuckle, kissing, lingering and soft, at Kihyun’s forehead. 

‘ _ I love you _ ,’ he says, using his soul as a voice, and his soul, however lost and dark and torn it might be, is overshadowed completely by the warmth of the little light he can feel inside his heart. And he’s not sure if it’s his own, or Kihyun’s own claim there, but it’s beautiful.

“I--” Kihyun’s breath hitches, his eyes close for a moment, but when he opens them again Changkyun can see a blue shadow in them. A blue shadow that is gone in a blink. “I love you, too...” He breathes in deep again, eyes closing, a little moan escaping from his lips. “You…” The hand on Changkyun’s arm grips just a little tighter and tugs. “Inside me…”

Changkyun has to concentrate not to shiver himself into a little heap, taking a deep breath as his dick throbs, hips almost stuttering as he pulls his fingers out, knows,  _ knows  _ he should spend more time prepping Kihyun because whatever happens it still  _ hurts _ , fast healing or not but the way Kihyun pants through his words… Kihyun would kill him if he didn’t comply immediately. Calls him a tease all the time when all he’s trying to do is be thorough, not break any damn bones again.  _ Bossy, bossy, bossy... _

“Fuck,” Changkyun breathes through another shiver, fumbling for the lube to quickly coat his dick and sit back, pulling Kihyun’s hips up, scratching from Kihyun’s ass down his thighs. He lines himself up, struggling to look away from Kihyun’s lips, parted and full, and reaches up to trail his fingers over them. The tip of Kihyun’s tongue pokes at Changkyun’s fingertips once before he gives them a temptative lick and Changkyun can feel himself suck in a sharp breath, eyes going dazed and he presses forward with his fingers, with his dick, and gasps at the heat he finds there when Kihyun takes him in, moaning around his fingers, tightening around his dick even as he pulls Changkyun in deeper with his legs around Changkyun’s waist.

It’s so much. It’s almost too much, as Changkyun grips at Kihyun’s hips, feels Kihyun’s tongue against his fingers and imagines how Kihyun’s tongue would feel against his own, how Kihyun would taste in his mouth. 

“ _ Kihyun _ ,” Changkyun moans as he tips forward, pushing in deeper, not in control of the long, loud groan that slips from his lips.

And then the hand on his arm grips tighter and pulls him down, the motion breaking the whole dynamic and Changkyun’s focus as Kihyun throws his arms around Changkyun’s neck and curls into him, pulling him closer and then, with a shiver, completely in.

Changkyun cries out-- _ so much, too much, not enough _ \--at the tight heat of Kihyun and slips his fingers out of Kihyun’s mouth, focuses his eyes on Kihyun’s and slips the slick fingers into his own mouth, moaning at the foreign, terribly familiar taste that can only be Kihyun. Changkyun’s fingernails dig into Kihyun’s soft, strong thigh as Kihyun tightens even more around him. He doesn’t move into the heat, against it, simply savours the way it makes his head swim and his stomach pull. Until he can’t help it as he moves his hips back and slowly pushing back in, sending heat down his legs, into his stomach.

Kihyun’s nose scrunches, his eyes shut closed as he brings his head up to the crook of Changkyun’s neck, lets out a loud breath as if trying to relax and just clings harder to Changkyun, dick pressing, leaking between them. He shudders, tightening again, almost unbearably closing around Changkyun before he relaxes. Changkyun’s hand reaches to entangle his fingers in Kihyun’s hair, so soft he almost feels bad for how hard he’s gripping as he moves his hips back again, thinking back to where he’d angled in the last time, how he’d made Kihyun come completely undone, and thrusts in hard.

The grip of Kihyun’s arm around his neck tightens and Kihyun lets out a cry, his head almost shooting all the way back into the mattress. He clings to Changkyun, though, pressing his cheek on Changkyun’s and breathing hard over his ear. Changkyun can’t think past the enveloping heat, past the way they feel, flushed and warm against each other, the way Kihyun feels and smells and tastes and sounds. He grips at him, keeping him as close as he can as he moves, rolling his hips in deep, slow thrusts.

Kihyun moans between short breaths, his voice so close to Changkyun’s ear. They’re so close he can feel the way Kihyun’s voice vibrates in his throat. But then Kihyun stops, little noises muffled with lips and a breath and he says, “You… feel so good you make me mi--miss you…”

Changkyun groans, grips tighter and gives a harder, shorter thrust, his stomach in a tight knot he’s carefully keeping from snapping. “Not going anywhere…”

Kihyun squeezes a little around him and Changkyun feels Kihyun’s lips open around his ear, breath hot and loud and tongue on his earlobe and then circling around the rest of his ear. Changkyun whimpers, the knot in his stomach pulling taut, so he changes his rhythm, pushing Kihyun’s up even more as he thrusts, harder and faster, groaning loudly and turning his face to Kihyun, mouthing at the skin he finds there under the line of his jaw. And as Kihyun shivers something warm drips between them and Kihyun tightens, tenses around him before breathing out, shaky, moaning.

Changkyun feels himself tipping over the edge, legs shaking as he struggles to keep the rhythm with how much he’s feeling. He moves to kiss soft at Kihyun’s cheek, snaking his hand down between them, thumb digging into Kihyun’s leaking tip as he moves his hand, fingers tight around Kihyun. “Come with me, Kihyun…”

Kihyun tightens again, so, so, so much around Changkyun, his breath hitching right next to Changkyun’s ear, and when nails dig at the skin on Changkyun’s shoulder, something in his chest feels like it’s being sucked out of him as it pulls towards Kihyun. Like suddenly the thread between them is so short they can barely be apart. Kihyun must have felt it, too, because his loud heartbeat skips a beat, or maybe two.

Kihyun sucks in a breath, tightening around him again, as close as they can be, and the knot in Changkyun’s stomach pulls taut and snaps. He cries out with a low whine, breathing onto Kihyun’s skin as lights dance in front of his eyes, arms holding Kihyun as close as he can as he spills inside of him.

Changkyun feels Kihyun tense up for a moment before he melts, arms and legs still hooked around Changkyun, probably with no intent of letting go.

“I… Kinda felt that…” Kihyun mumbles, a little breathless. 

Changkyun’s body feels so warm, like it’s going to melt, so he lets it, laying them down even with Kihyun wrapped around him. “Y-yeah, me too,” Changkyun says, still out of breath, voice hoarser than usual. “Like it was shorter…”

There are warm fingers threading through his hair, the legs around him slowly sliding with the sweat on their skin. And then a shift. Kihyun hooks his legs around Changkyun again and slowly rolls around until Changkyun’s back is on the mattress.

Kihyun looks down at him, cheeks pink and lips red and swollen and then his eyes wander to Changkyun’s lips as Kihyun’s eyebrows furrow a little and he moves his hips. Changkyun hisses, hands shooting out to grab at Kihyun’s thighs as Changkyun moves inside him, eyes going wide. “Wha--what are you doing…”

“‘Tomorrow’ isn't here yet.”

Changkyun swallows, stomach pulling. Kihyun looks… sinful, eyes dark and skin shining with sweat, lines of white on his stomach.

“And you're not done with me yet,” Kihyun adds, moving again, sighing when he does and despite the sting of oversensitivity, Changkyun feels his stomach knot again, slowly.

“You’re…” Changkyun breathes. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re like this…”

The corner of Kihyun’s lips tips upward for a moment as he leans down, rolling his hips once he’s just a breath away. His eyes are dark, irises taking over the dark brown circle around them, as he looks at Changkyun through strands of hair. “Better do me good again, then…” He says, and blows hot on Changkyun’s lips, who shivers and licks his lips, biting his tongue between his lips. Changkyun smooths his hands down Kihyun’s sides, eyes on Kihyun’s like magnets. 

“Not gonna lie, I feel like the one being done right now.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh, eyes shifting slightly to the side. “Is that what you want?” He asks with another roll of hips, this time arching his back a little. 

Changkyun tilts his head back with a groan. “Ju--just keep moving, you asshole.” And Kihyun does. He moves slowly, his own dick rubbing over Changkyun’s stomach with every roll of hips.

“Interesting... Choice of words,” Kihyun teases before he licks at Changkyun’s jaw all the way up to his ear. “What else…?” He asks with a whisper.

Changkyun shivers. “God, Kihyun…” Changkyun moves his own hips, hissing at the drag, feeling himself harden inside of Kihyun. “Use me. Do whatever you want to me.”

Kihyun stops, like he put his whole body on pause. And then he says, “Felt that, too.” He leans back slightly, looks at Changkyun’s face and… “No,” he says first. And then, forehead leaning on Changkyun’s, “You. You do whatever you want to me. Until all I can remember is your name.”

Changkyun grips at Kihyun’s hips, lifts him up and slams him down onto his dick, biting down so hard on his own lip he breaks the skin, tongues at the wound as he watches Kihyun’s breath leave him, his eyebrows furrowing when he cries out a moan.

“Turn--Turn me around,” Kihyun breathes out.

Changkyun’s breath hitches and he raises Kihyun off of him, kissing at his neck as he sits up to his knees, “Not very romantic,” Changkyun grins, nipping at Kihyun’s jaw.

“Not the point,” Kihyun says a little dazed, breath heavy, completely fucked over. And with that, Changkyun’s mind goes a little haywire. He flips Kihyun around, who bends down and arches his back and Changkyun runs a finger between Kihyun’s asscheeks, slick with lube and Changkyun’s cum.

Kihyun shivers, head ducked, hands gripping at the sheets. “Tease,” he breathes out.

Changkyun huffs a laugh, moving closer and gripping tight at Kihyun’s hips. “Oh yeah?” he asks, positions himself and thrusts into Kihyun with no warning.

Kihyun tenses up despite how his body moves back to meet Changkyun’s, back arching, breath hitching, a moan that sounds a lot like something between ‘Oh’ and ‘god’. Changkyun thrusts in again, leaning forward to bite at Kihyun’s shoulder and breathe out;

“Wanna come so many time you lose count, baby?” And Kihyun just whimpers in response, shuddering before he kind of melts.

“You,” Kihyun tries between breaths, “Feel… so… good...”

Changkyun bites at Kihyun’s shoulder again before lathing at the skin with his tongue as he slowly moves himself out and into Kihyun. “You feel amazing…” Changkyun sighs, leaves a soft little kiss on the pink skin he’s sure would be a bruise if Kihyun wasn’t Kihyun. “Now hold onto something.”

“Wha…?”

And Changkyun grins, smooths his hands down Kihyun’s sides, grips tightly at his hips, moving Kihyun against him as he fucks into him, fast and hard, Changkyun’s moaning loudly at the sensation, at the way Kihyun tightens around him first before he loosens up and makes little, loud sounds with every thrust, with every slap of Changkyun’s hips on Kihyun’s ass. It’s a loud, sinful sound that fills the room along with every sound that escapes their lips. 

Changkyun reaches over, leaves feather light touches at the base of Kihyun’s dick, who pushes back against Changkyun, lips pressing to suppress a loud moan. He feels Kihyun’s legs shake but he holds him up, secures him there as he slows and deepens his thrusts, raking his nails down Kihyun’s back, gasping a little at the tug in his stomach, eyes scrunching shut. “You’re so good… So perfect.”

And Kihyun falls in line. Suddenly there is nothing systematic about the way they move as Changkyun frantically fucks Kihyun into the mattress like they’re going to rip through it. And Kihyun whimpers and bites down at his lip, cheek down over the sheets, eyes dazed and on something else across the room, eyebrows knitting together.

But then his eyes widen just slightly and his breath hitches and he watches Changkyun by the corner of his eye for a moment before he turns his face down and cries out into the sheets, pulling them closer to him to muffle the loud sounds. Kihyun’s back arches again, body welcoming every thrust of Changkyun’s hips. 

And then Changkyun sees Kihyun’s hand reach down. And Kihyun tightens so much, like he’s going to swallow him whole, and then shivers and can’t help it when he comes, hard, and it feels different than before, intense. Changkyun loses track of time completely. He doesn’t know for how long he grips at Kihyun, how loudly he cries out or for how long. But then it’s over and his body feels like jelly and he can’t breathe properly even if he tries, legs shaking as he slips out of Kihyun and falls down onto his back, blinking at the ceiling as he waits for it to come into focus. It’s taking a while.

Kihyun melts down slowly next to him, face squashed down  _ (How can he even breathe? _ ), back moving up and down with every breath. The limp hand between him and Changkyun twitching just slightly before sliding over the bed just enough to brush on Changkyun’s skin.

And it still feels like the first time.

Changkyun looks over, eyes trying to focus but when he sees Kihyun’s face, all squished into the mattress, hair sticking to his forehead and his neck, he can’t help the smile on his face. Changkyun can’t verbalise it; can’t tell Kihyun just how much he means to him, because it’s  _ scary _ . Because Changkyun would do anything for him. He thinks about Hell, and it’s the worst thing anyone could imagine, even when he can only recall about one percent of it, but he’d do it for Kihyun, he’d go through it for him. He’d die for him if he had to, but he doesn’t  _ want  _ to, because then he’d have to leave him.

So instead he just says, “Hey…”

Kihyun blinks, eyes bleary, irises moving slowly to focus on Changkyun’s face. Changkyun doesn’t know what kind of expression Kihyun is trying to form but, with his face squished into the bed, the only thing he manages is a pout.

“Hey…” He says back, the fingers lightly touching Changkyun moving just a little to sooth over his skin.

_ He’s so cute.  _ Changkyun’s brain fizzes a little in his skull so again, he says, “Hey...” He blinks. No, that’s not right, he’s said that before. “Can’t find my brain,” he says. Doesn’t sound right either but he’s gonna go with that for now.

“Can’t find my body…” Kihyun mumbles, still pouting like a baby.

Changkyun pokes at Kihyun weakly. “S’right here. And it’s  _ great _ .”

“I wanna…” Kihyun moves his head a little, licks his lips and then slumps back down, “I wanna kick you out the window. But… Yeah. Gimme five minutes. Will get back t’ya on that...”

“Gotcha,” Changkyun nods, giving Kihyun a little salute before his hand falls limp on the bed and tries to blink Kihyun into focus. He looks pink. Pink and cute and entirely wrecked. But then again, Changkyun can’t move his legs.

“Oh!” Kihyun says all of a sudden, raising his head a little, mouth shaping an ‘O’ while the rest of his face remains so relaxed it almost looks like he’s faking surprise. “I can feel my toes.” 

Who would think this person was the same who had looked like a sex demi-god just two minutes ago? In fact, who would think this person, the sex demi-god and the first ‘Kihyun’ Changkyun met a month ago were the exact same? It feels like so long ago… and yet…

Changkyun smiles wide. “Oh  _ no _ , my exit via window approaches steadily…” he throws an arm over his face. “Oh, woe is me.”

Kihyun shifts a little and groans, too, before he goes back to his previous position. He bumps his head on the mattress. “I need to… shower again. There’s stuff- _ -your  _ stuff all over me…  _ ugh.” _ He squishes his face down again. “My family would disown me for this… whatever is left of it, anyway.”

Changkyun laughs, trying to turn over to his side. “Hey, it’s not just  _ my  _ stuff. But I should shower, too,” he mumbles, before squinting a little at Kihyun. “Wait, did I just fuck the son of a preacher?”

Kihyun smirks, “Who knows.” He shrugs. “He’s a good man, though. I think he would like you if you weren’t… Well, one, fucking his son, two, a demon.”

“Would he have a problem with me fucking his son if I  _ weren’t  _ a demon?” 

Kihyun blinks and props an elbow over the bed, placing his chin over his palm, eyes on Changkyun. “Hm, yeah, I think he would still have a problem with you.” He points to himself. “He doesn’t really accept the whole… yeah. It’s fine, though. Doesn’t bother me anymore.”

Changkyun feels life return to his body, slowly. All at once would probably kill him on the spot. He pushes himself up a little, looks at Kihyun. “One, I’m very lovable and I’m sure he’d  _ love  _ me if he gave me the chance and two,” he pokes at Kihyun’s arm. “I’m glad. If he’s a preacher he should know to love unconditionally, yadda yadda,” he glances around. “Do you wanna shower or bath?”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Are you asking because you’re going to join me or… just because?”

“I’m glad  _ your  _ legs work, but I ain’t going in there alone.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums, using his elbows to push himself closer to Changkyun, so close their noses boop. “Great. ‘Cause I was thinking…” There’s a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Maybe a bath?”

Changkyun can feel his eyes widen and he sits up straighter. “Can we finally try the bubbles?”

“Yeah. On one condition.”

Changkyun nods enthusiastically.

Kihyun tilts his head and looks away, the pink in his cheeks returning in less than two seconds. “You help me… clean up.”

Changkyun nods even more enthusiastically. “Ass and bubbles!” he announces proudly before rolling off the mattress, face first onto the floor.

“That’s karma for you,” Kihyun snorts. “Didn’t even give me time to slap you, damn.”

Changkyun gestures with a hand to his own ass. “Full access.”

“Wait,” Changkyun hears Kihyun move closer and, when he looks up, Kihyun is looking down at him, face squished between his hands, “To whom? Karma or me?”

Changkyun shrugs. “I could call you karma, if you’d like.”

Kihyun smiles but still slaps his hand on Changkyun’s head. “Idiot.” It kinda sounds like ‘I love you’.

So he says, “Love you, too,” and pushes himself up, stumbling a little before looking over his shoulder at Kihyun. “Need some help? I think my legs are… I’d say 70% functional?” But Kihyun takes too long to reply, eyes going up and down on Changkyun’s body.

_ “Hmnah,” _ Kihyun says, or at least it’s what it sounds like, before he starts to get up, “I’m fine.” And of course he reaches over for Changkyun’s shirt on the floor and slides it over his own head. Because Yoo Kihyun doesn’t walk naked around the house. Not even if it’s just a quick run to the bathroom. A damn shame, really.

“I’m gonna open taps and see what happens!” Changkyun says, rushing to the bathroom butt-ass naked as God literally intended.

“You know there are windows in this house, right?” He hears Kihyun complain. “You wanna blind the old lady across the street?”

“You wanna show me off? Show me off!” Changkyun glances around at the bath, at the taps. He messes with one of them until water comes out. “Enjoy, old lady, your time is short.”

“Rude!”

“I have it on good authority that she’ll be just fine, Kiki.”

A towel gets thrown over his head with excessive force. “I think ‘Kihyun’ is fine,” Kihyun says and Changkyun can’t help but notice how small he looks in Changkyun’s shirt, despite them being the same size. Also, those are Changkyun’s boxers…?

“I have to do something!” Changkyun almost shouts, pushing past Kihyun with the tap still running and gunning it to the living room. “Don’t take your clothes off!”

“What…?” Comes the flat tone.

Changkyun finds the little camera exactly where he’d left it, and sneaks back, holding the camera up to his eyes when he reaches the bathroom, Kihyun bent over the bath and fiddling with the taps. “Hey, Ki?”

“Hm?” Kihyun turns around just a little, face a little puffed and so, so, so, so naturally cute.

So Changkyun smiles and takes the picture, hoping it’ll show Kihyun the way Changkyun sees him, but truly doubts it. But  _ still _ . He takes the picture after it prints and, of course, doesn’t shake it.

“What was that about?” Kihyun asks, a curious smile on his face.

“You’re wearing my clothes,” Changkyun admits softly, walking to put the camera on the nightstand on his side of the bed.

“Mine were tossed across the room,” he hears Kihyun say. “Sorry. I think my shirt was over the bed but I couldn’t find it in that mess.”

“I still do not understand the aversion you have to walking around naked,” Changkyun laughs, carefully setting the camera down and walking back over, leaning against the bathroom door frame. “You just had your ass in the air and yes, there are windows in your bedroom.”

And it’s beautiful, the way Kihyun’s face pales and then flushes, completely red. Not pink, no. Red. And even though Changkyun expected a reprimand, Kihyun just turns around, ears red, too, and gives Changkyun the silent treatment. Changkyun rolls his eyes. “The curtains were closed,” he says, walking closer and sitting on the edge of the bath as it fills up, looking up at Kihyun with wide, innocent eyes. Well, he’s trying for that, at least. 

Kihyun tugs at the collar of his (Changkyun’s, actually) shirt and peeks down, face still a little red, before he lets it go and pats his chest softly. “The--There are things I’m not used to… Probably never will be, by now. But... some of them, well, you…” He blushes red again. “You make me forget.”

Changkyun tilts his head, remembers how… maybe not shameless but  _ needy _ Kihyun could be, and then how embarrassed when not in the moment. Changkyun tends to do the same, but finds himself leaning towards the not being embarrassed about walking around naked in Kihyun’s house and fucking him into a mattress. Life is, life does, etc. 

“Good,” Changkyun says, reaches out to tug at his own shirt. Seriously, it looks  _ loose _ ,  _ how…?!  _ “I don’t mind making you forget, because I know there’s a lot you’ll always remember.”

Kihyun hums a little and then turns around to crouch in front of the drawers and pull at the last one. “Hey, turn that off, please,” he gestures at the bathtub and brings out a flask from the drawer before he gets back to his feet with a wince. Changkyun turns the taps shut and frowns over at him.   


“Did I break something again?”

Kihyun snorts, “If you did, I didn’t notice.” He walks over and hands the flask to Changkyun. It reads ‘BUBBLE BATH’. “It’s… healing a lot faster now. Look,” He pokes Changkyun’s lips with his index finger. “Bite. To bleed, otherwise it’s pointless.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, taking the flask. “Yet, I cannot stab myself? Hypocrisy.”

“It’s completely different, you know?” Kihyun pokes Changkyun’s lips again, “Come on.”

“You’re into some kinky shit, Yoo Kihyun,” Changkyun says, before leaning forward and biting quickly at Kihyun’s finger, actually tasting a little bit of blood. He scrunches his face up and leans back, mouth in a line. “There.” But when Kihyun shows him his finger, not even a second later, there’s nothing there. Not even a scar. 

Now while Changkyun was aware of Kihyun’s healing abilities (never would have ‘stopped holding back’ if he didn’t know Kihyun would always be okay), he hadn’t realised he could heal  _ this  _ fast. 

Changkyun blinks at him, before looking up at his face. “That’s... “ Changkyun laughs a little, standing up. “That’s amazing! You won’t--I mean, you’re not gonna be hurt even if you get hurt.”

“Yeah, well,” Kihyun shrugs and then pulls the shirt over his head. “Still hurts? But it’s just that first sting. Then it’s fine.” He takes a deep breath and looks at Changkyun before tilting his head to the side and smiling. “So? Are you gonna make this a bubble bath or am I gonna have to kick your naked ass?”

“Do you  _ want  _ to?” Changkyun jokes, wiggling his eyebrows with a laugh as he turns around, inspecting the little bottle and slowly pouring it. It smells… Actually, he has no idea, but it’s nice, sweet. He sniffs a little and stops pouring. “What smell is that?

Kihyun crouches and winces again, “Ugh… it’s, it’s vanilla.”

Changkyun splashes at the water, turns his hand and feels his eyes widen as it turns to bubbles. “Whaaa,” he gapes, putting the vial down to splash around with both hands. “Oh my god, this is amazing.”

“Well, hop in, then,” Kihyun says, laughing a little, and Changkyun scrambles into the water, smiling widely and splashing at the water. There’s just more and more the more he splashes! And Kihyun keeps looking at him, biting at his lower lip, so Changkyun stops, smiling at him and sinks into the bubbles, arms held out and wiggling his fingers.

“Com’ ‘ere.”

He watches Kihyun bounce a little and look down, rustling a little with something. And then Kihyun’s throwing Changkyun’s boxers into the laundry basket and making a cute face when he scores. He looks over then and gestures, finger circling for Changkyun’s to…  _ to turn around? _

Changkyun blinks. “ _ Really _ ?” he asks even as he smiles, sitting up to turn his head to the wall. 

“Really,” is all Kihyun says back before Changkyun hears him stepping into the tub and feels the water shift when Kihyun sits down behind him, a bit of skin (probably a toe) pressed on Changkyun’s lower back. Kihyun lets out a long, blissful breath, “Ah… it’s so warm…”

Changkyun looks over his shoulder at Kihyun, smiling softly. Kihyun’s pink from the heat, eyes closed and hair already damp from the steam and bubbles. Changkyun scooches forward a little, leaning back onto Kihyun and letting out the same kind of blissful breath. He could melt, probably, if he let himself.

There’s an arm around his torso then pulling him until his back presses on Kihyun’s chest, while Kihyun moves the bubbles on the water’s surface closer to them and then picks up a few in his palm and drops them over Changkyun’s head. Changkyun can hear them fizzle so he giggles, reaching up to feel at it but Kihyun slaps his hand away.

“Don’t, I’m making art.”

Changkyun lets his hand fall, somewhere north of Kihyun’s knee and he smiles, trying not to turn his head. How is he already so damn relaxed. “I am your canvas,” he sing songs and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath of the vanilla scent around them.

Kihyun hums and then asks, “Can I ask you something? You don’t have to tell me if it…” He sighs, “Nevermind. Forget it.”

Changkyun whines, pinches at the flesh under his hand and Kihyun flinches a little. “Nooo, ask me.”

“Fine, fine, fine.” A pause. “You know how,” he stops again and Changkyun can tell Kihyun is biting at his lower lip again, “How what we see, what I see, is just…” He sighs again. “Demons and whatnot. No offense, but they’re ugly as fuck.” Changkyun can feel Kihyun shrugs. “So, I sometimes wonder if… that’s like, key-rule number one in hell. But then I look at you and… well. You know where I’m going with this, don’t you?”

“I can’t tell if you’re asking me why I’m attractive, or asking me if everything in hell looks like dog shit,” Changkyun laughs.

“B--Both…? I mean… I assume it… sucks. ‘Suck’ being a rather modest word for it. But… Not everything that is bad looks bad. Actually, I think, the worst things, most dangerous things in life always look kind of… beautiful.”

“You’ve got that right,” Changkyun says, remembering the beauty of the Prince that drags his soul to hell, and shivers just a little. “Ugh. Well, to answer both your questions, I guess, well-- _ firstly _ , I think it helps that my soul came from a beautiful Nephilim, whom I, obviously, adore. Beauty is danger and temptation, lust and desire, etc. So while there are some truly disgusting things in Hell, you’re right. The most dangerous things are the most beautiful.”

Kihyun sighs and leans his chin over Changkyun’s head. Over the fizzle of bubbles in Changkyun’s hair. “I see…”

Changkyun opens his eyes, looks at nothing in particular, losing himself for a while in the heat and bubbles and Kihyun being right there. 

“Sometimes I wonder what heaven looks like,” Changkyun hums.

“Like this,” Kihyun says, moving his hands in front of Changkyun and holding up a handful of bubbles. “See? All white and fluffy and warm.”

Changkyun smiles lazily, watching the bubbles pop on the edges before blowing, sending them bubbles flying. He giggles. “Sorry, I had to.”

Kihyun moves his head and squishes his cheek against Changkyun’s ear. “You know, Kyunie…” He starts and his voice sounds a little sad. But then he doesn’t speak. Not for a handful of seconds. And before Changkyun can ask, Kihyun huffs a laugh and says something else, “While I wouldn’t mind staying like this forever, there is, well… Uhm.”

Changkyun blinks, eyes widening as he realises-- “Oh, right!” Changkyun wiggles, trying to sit up. “Er, assume the position. Whatever position that may be.”

“Wha--” Kihyun slaps the back of Changkyun’s head.  _ “God _ . Why do I like you?”

“Good to know we’ve downgraded to ‘like’,” Changkyun teases, sitting up and looking straight at the tiles contemplatively. “Baths are small.” But then Kihyun shifts behind him and, a lot more gracefully than should’ve been possible, slides through Changkyun’s side, leg over Changkyun’s lap, before he shifts again and sits, straddling Changkyun. 

Kihyun lazily brings his arms around Changkyun’s shoulders and then looks at him, tilting his head for a moment to shake the hair out of his eyes before leaning his forehead on Changkyun’s. “You were saying?”  _ There. _ There it is again, that shift.

Changkyun reaches out, glides his fingers over Kihyun’s shoulder, down his arm, and it’s smooth, silky to the touch. Kihyun’s hair is darker with the moisture that settles there, clinging to the strands. So with his other hand Changkyun reaches up, rakes his fingers through Kihyun’s hair. And Kihyun doesn’t look like this often. 

“You were wrong,” Changkyun says softly. “This is what heaven looks like.”

“What,” Kihyun says, eyes on Changkyun’s lips, “There is a lot happening right now, so I can’t tell what you mean…”

Changkyun smiles a little, touches light on Kihyun’s skin. “Up there, everyone has their own heaven, in a way. I think you would be mine.”

Kihyun squints his eyes, eyebrows furrowing a little. “You are so sappy…” He leans in and kisses Changkyun’s nose. “I do love you so.”

Changkyun closes his eyes, relishes the feeling of his lips, his words. He lets his hands trail down, taking their time to touch him. “S’not sappy if it’s true,” he states confidently, nails raking softly at Kihyun’s skin to his lower back. Kihyun lets out a shaky breath, slowly kneeling up until the water and the bubbles float around his waist.

He runs fingers from the back of Changkyun’s neck to his hair. First, softly and then fisting slowly around a handful of hair to force Changkyun to look up, who’s lips part in a little gasp as he does, locking eyes with Kihyun and it  _ tugs _ .

“Your eyes,” Kihyun breathes out, eyes shifting between both of Changkyun’s, “They’re so brown compared to before…”

Changkyun blinks, feeling his eyebrows furrow, remembers his reflection in the hand mirror.  _ What does Kihyun believe you to be? Himself with clean eyes.  _

“You really see right through it, don’t you?” Changkyun says, surprised by how small his voice is.

Kihyun smiles and it’s small but full of fondness. “No. I just see you. Everything else is...” He leans down again and kisses near the corner of Changkyun’s lips. “It’s not yours,” he says. “It’s not you. It doesn’t define you.”

Something wells up in Changkyun’s chest, up to his throat, his eyes. He tries to swallow past it but it gets stuck, pushes up even more until he has to scrunch his eyes closed to keep it at bay. It feels like when Kihyun had called him perfect.  _ Ages _ ago, it feels like. 

This taint was his purpose. And Kihyun doesn’t even see it anymore.

_ No matter your true purpose. Don’t forget that in this domain you have freewill. It doesn’t matter what someone else told you. What matters is what you decide to do with it. _

He chooses Kihyun. He’ll always, always choose Kihyun.

“I--” Changkyun has to swallow again, breathe and open his eyes despite knowing they’d betray him, leave warm tears down his cheeks. “Thank you for loving me.”

“It’s your fault,” Kihyun laughs a little, kissing between Changkyun’s eyebrows with a loud kissing sound. “Always saying the right thing, being pretty and weird and…” He sighs. “So damn pure.” He kisses Changkyun again. “Everyone keeps telling me that.  _ Oh, Kihyun, your soul is pure and shiny and-- _ Ugh. No.  _ You  _ are pure and shiny.  _ For a demon _ ,” he laughs, “ _ you really do suck at this whole demoning thing.” _

Changkyun laughs past the well in his throat, “I--It’s your fault...”

“I didn’t do anything. All I said was, ‘stay’. The rest was all you.”

Changkyun smiles a little, chest feeling so damn full, letting his fingers trail Kihyun’s skin, the soft swell of his ass and resists the urge to just hold Kihyun tight and never let go. “I’d like to think so…” He leans forward, pressing a soft kiss on Kihyun’s cheek. “Thanks for letting me stay, then.”

“Can’t even complain when you keep touching me like that.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m never ever gonna stop,” Changkyun smiles even wider, knows Kihyun will remember his predicament soon enough, and when he presses his finger against Kihyun’s hole, it feels different with the water, with the slick already there. And Kihyun’s lips part in a gasp, his eyes on Changkyun’s, irises growing, darkening as he moves slightly up at the surprise but then down a little when he exhales.

“I feel like we’re trying to set a record,” Changkyun has to tease, pressing in deeper with little resistance and throws caution out the window, pulls out and presses two fingers in, crooked and all the way to the knuckle.

Kihyun’s eyes widen and his opens his mouth to let out a sound but only air comes out. His eyebrows furrow and he shut his eyes closed, arms around Changkyun’s neck tightening a little as Kihyun leans his head down on his own arm, breath heavy. “Y--You were crying… two seconds ago… I swear--” He shivers and shuts up, tightening around Changkyun’s fingers who hums, fingering deep, cleaning Kihyun out as he kisses at his neck.

“I was gonna say I love you,” Changkyun breathes. “But then I thought I’d show you instead.”

Kihyun shudders, tightening again before relaxing with a loud exhale. He moves his head slightly, lips right under Changkyun’s ear. 

“More…” He mumbles, and Changkyun shivers, slowly pulls his fingers out, adds a third and pushes into Kihyun, dick twitching.

Changkyun growls somewhere in the back of his throat, turning his head to bite at Kihyun’s neck and pull at his skin, earning a little muffled moan that echoes through the bathroom and makes Kihyun shiver. 

“Fuck, you take me so well, Ki…” Changkyun says, and Kihyun gasps, rolling his hips when he does, his fingers moving in and out of Kihyun without Changkyun moving them, making Changkyun shudder, rolling his own hips up to try and find friction. 

“I--” Changkyun laughs, then, breathy and shaky. “I think you’re clean now.”

Kihyun shudders, too, and stops moving, breath hot on Changkyun’s neck. “Y--Yeah… About that…” He shivers again, goosebumps all over his skin. He leans back a little, head ducked but Changkyun can see the red in his ears. “I seriously don’t get this…” Kihyun mumbles, glancing down at his dick, hard against Changkyun.

Changkyun grins, teeth biting at his tongue. “When a boy and another boy love each other...” he starts with a little sing-song.

“Keep going, it might go down…”

Changkyun laughs softly, nipping at Kihyun’s earlobe, crooking his fingers inside of him. “You know… I don’t mind getting a little dirty.” Kihyun’s hips move almost in response and he breathes out sharply. 

“You say that but,” He looks up, eyes on Changkyun’s. Kihyun looks completely dazed, cheeks pink, breathless, skin shining a little. “I am not going anywhere if… if you keep doing that…”

“Keep looking at me like that and I’ll keep doing it,” Changkyun says, slowly pulling his fingers out of Kihyun, pulling at his earlobe with his teeth as he does. He grins, tongue poking out to give little kittenish licks behind Kihyun’s ear, pushing him back so Changkyun can take his place, straddling Kihyun and grinding his ass down on Kihyun’s crotch.

Kihyun hisses, hands coming down to grip at Changkyun’s ass. Their whole shift makes the water move around them until it spills over. Changkyun sees the almost glare Kihyun sends across the bathroom and the little, almost absent eye roll before Kihyun closes his eyes and bucks his hips a little.

“I’ll clean it up,” Changkyun promises, leaning down to mouth at Kihyun’s neck. “After I ride this bathtub empty.”

Kihyun groans softly, “Yo--You realise the lube is in the bedroom, right? And I know you can snap there in a second, but wet my floor again and I’ll castrate you.”

Changkyun groans, leaning his head forward to puff sadly against Kihyun. “ _ Ugh _ ,” Changkyun shifts again, shifting up to move his ass against Kihyun’s dick, sliding it between his asscheeks.

Hands grip at Changkyun’s hips. “You… You can’t be serious…” Kihyun breathes, frowning. Changkyun can tell he is trying to stay still and Changkyun smiles to himself, slowly moving his hips forward and back, moving his hand up Kihyun’s leg again as he leans back, looking down at Kihyun with eyes that find it hard to focus, but still, he grins.  

“Quick learner,  _ and  _ adaptive.”

Kihyun leans his head back over the edge of the tub and sighs. “I want to drown myself right now…” The frown on his face intensifies when he rolls his hips to find friction against Changkyun, one hand moving from Changkyun’s hip to grab Changkyun’s dick. “You…” He sighs again. “You make it impossible for me to think…”

The hand on Kihyun’s leg grips, moving to scratch at Kihyun’s ass. “Don’t see how that’s entirely bad,” Changkyun groans, leaning his head back as he grinds down on Kihyun, water sloshing over the side of tub again as he thrust into Kihyun’s hand, fully aware of how he must look as he locks eyes with Kihyun. 

“Oh god,” Kihyun breathes out in a whisper. He scrunches his eyes shut, takes a deep breath and reaches for Changkyun’s wrists, steading him as Kihyun sits up. 

“Bed. Now,” Kihyun says, mouth already over Changkyun’s jaw.

“You--” Changkyun shudders. “You’re gonna be so  _ mad  _ later--”

Kihyun bites at the soft skin under Changkyun’s ear, the hand around Changkyun’s dick tightening, thumb dipping over the slit. “I am mad right now,” he breathes out and Changkyun almost laughs. 

“I’m saving you from yourself,” Changkyun says, popping himself into the bedroom, fumbling for the lube on the bed, laughing to himself as he hears Kihyun make a loud frustrated groan in the bath. “Do I put it on before I come back or--!”

“Just get back here before I change my mind!”

Changkyun pops himself back into the bath, laughing softly at the little slosh the water makes when he does and the  _ done  _ look on Kihyun’s face. Changkyun moves to grind down on Kihyun again and shoves the lube at his chest. “You do it then.”

Kihyun lets out a loud breath and takes the lube from Changkyun’s hand, leaning forward as he does and says, “Put your legs around me…” Changkyun groans, shifting up to wrap his legs around Kihyun’s waist, digging his nails into his back. Kihyun breathes through his nose, leans his head on Changkyun’s shoulder for a moment and then looks up with a face Changkyun can’t really understand. “Hold onto to me, tight.”

Changkyun blinks a little before nodding faintly, hooking his chin over Kihyun’s shoulder and holding on, gasping a little as his dick rubs between them. “O-okay…”

And then Kihyun leans forward, Changkyun’s back dives into the water a little before he’s being lifted up. There are two hands on his ass before Changkyun feels a little gravity shift and Kihyun needs to throw a hand over the wall to avoid slamming Changkyun too hard against the tiles. Changkyun gasps, eyes flying open and his mind running at a million miles an hour. 

“Kihyun!” he gasps again, legs tightening around Kihyun even more. “We’re gonna fucking fall,” he notes and hears himself laugh. Kihyun breathes against his neck, forehead leaning on the wall as he slides his hand from the tiles and fumbles with the lube in the hand that holds Changkyun’s ass.

“Don’t move then,” Kihyun says and even though he sounds out of breath, there’s a tone of authority slipping in. Changkyun shudders, leans his head back against the tiles and tries to breathe but it shakes. 

And then there’s a slick finger sliding between his asscheeks, stopping to tease at his hole, dipping in ever so slightly before circling around it. “ _ Ah! _ ” Changkyun cries out, scrunching his eyes closed and biting down onto his bottom lip and he wants to move his hips, move against Kihyun’s finger but,  _ don’t move then _ . “Stop teasing.” But he doesn’t, finger dipping in just a little again and circling around the rim.

“Why would I?”

Changkyun whimpers, fingers digging into Kihyun’s back and then Kihyun finally pushes one finger in, slowly until the end and then pulls it slowly all the way back. 

“Talk to me, baby…” He breathes out on Changkyun’s neck.

Changkyun shudders, trying to find his breath, his voice. “Feels amazing,” Changkyun groans. “More, Kihyun,  _ please _ .” And even though the first finger had barely worked its way around, Kihyun adds another finger, slick and sliding in with very little resistance, before he beckons his fingers inside Changkyun. And there’s very little he can do to stop his hips from rolling forward, clenching around Kihyun’s fingers and panting out a,  _ “Kihyun,  _ oh god…”

The arm holding Changkyun up falters a little and Kihyun breathes out a shaky breath. But he keeps working his fingers in and out, beckoning every now and then until Changkyun feels something shoot a shuddering, warm feeling to his stomach and down his legs, all the way up his spine to his shoulders and the neck of his head. Changkyun’s eyes shoot open and he clings desperately to Kihyun, heels digging in. “Right there!” he gasps, loud. “Yes! Fuck!”

_ “Jesus,” _ Kihyun groans, hitting Changkyun again in the same spot and for a split second he sees only dark as he whimpers with the feeling. Kihyun sighs and then kisses at Changkyun’s neck, licking all the way up to his ear, moving his fingers around to hit the spot again from a different direction and Changkyun hears himself cry out again, hand shooting up to grip at Kihyun’s hair. His body feels like it’s on  _ fire _ , everywhere Kihyun’s touching him, even the tiles that press against his back. 

_ “Shit,” _ Kihyun hisses,  _ “I need-- _ wha--what do you want…? Tell me what you want.” He moves his fingers all the way back and presses Changkyun harder against the tiles before he slides them back in and Changkyun almost chokes on a whine.

“Wanna feel--” Changkyun manages, moving his hips on Kihyun’s fingers and groaning loud. “You-- _ Kihyun, please-- _ ”

Kihyun bites on Changkyun’s earlobe and pulls back just enough to slide in another finger all the way in, working in short, fast movements inside Changkyun. And then fingertips brush over that  _ something _ inside Changkyun that hits like a hammer, Changkyun’s voice breaking around a cry and Kihyun shudders.

He pulls his fingers back, lingering at the rim of Changkyun’s asshole at the same time Changkyun feels himself slide down a little, the tip of Kihyun’s dick pressing lightly against him. Kihyun moves his hand to Changkyun’s other asscheek and spreads him open, breath leaving him as Kihyun’s dick pushes in.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Changkyun gasps, nails scratching down Kihyun’s back, Changkyun’s head falling back and he moans, loud and echoing in the bathroom as Kihyun presses in deeper. And with every sound he makes, he can feel Kihyun’s dick throb, he can feel Kihyun pushing himself closer, the underside of Changkyun’s dick rubbing over smooth, wet skin.

“Y--You’re so fucking sinful,” Kihyun groans, gripping even at Changkyun’s ass as he slides all the way in, Changkyun groaning up at the ceiling when he feels Kihyun’s hips against his ass before he gets his body to listen to him, eyes focusing on Kihyun’s, and it doesn’t feel like a tug as much as it feels like two magnets just snapping together with resistance only to the contrary. And he shivers with the knowledge that Kihyun’s seeing brown eyes, not black. Seeing  _ him _ . He fumbles to wrap an arm around Kihyun’s shoulders, head swimming.

“ _ Fuck me, Kihyun _ .”

Kihyun’s breath hitches and he bends down just enough to hold Changkyun hard pressed against the wall before he starts moving, first slowly, long drags that quickly turn into a loud, slap of lewd sounds that fill Changkyun’s ears, silenced to nothing but a voice when Kihyun says, “Touch yourself.”

Changkyun swallows, a whine spilling from his lips when he reaches between them and grips at his dick and a shiver wracks his body as Kihyun thrusts in, electricity shooting through his stomach, down his legs and he grips tight at the base of his dick as he lets it, mewling into Kihyun’s ear, wet at the corners of his eyes as he slumps back from the high, breathing sharp even as he starts moving his hand, trying to keep up with the rhythm Kihyun is setting.

And then Kihyun’s falters a little, his breath hitching again,  _ “Shi-- _ I…” He pushes harder against Changkyun, against the wall. “I’m gonna--”

So Changkyun grips tighter at himself, almost painfully, feels himself teeter on the edge as he licks a stripe up Kihyun’s neck. “ _ Scream for me. _ ” And Kihyun falters again, Changkyun’s name coming out as a whisper before he says it louder, voice breaking a little at the end when his hips stutter and Changkyun clenches around him with the force of his orgasm, painting white streaks across his stomach, crying out a broken, desperate version of Kihyun’s name, legs pulling Kihyun close and holding him there.

Kihyun breathes heavily, his forehead is pasted against the tiles and one of his arms is shaking a bit every now and then. But he wait. Changkyun doesn’t know for how long, can’t even process the amount of time they just stand there before Kihyun slowly, carefully slips out of Changkyun and lets himself and Changkyun down into the water. It feels almost cold against the warmth of their bodies, but Kihyun keeps their chests pressed, even when his limbs go a little limp.

Changkyun rests his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder, smiles, dazed, over at the sink. He can’t move his legs. Or his arms. “How is it every time we have sex it just manages to get even  _ better.. _ .”

Kihyun huffs a laugh, hand reaching back to the faucet and clumsily flumble until he manages to get hot water running. “I’m pretty sure it has something to do with you being sinful to look at and,” he sighs, “I don’t know, there’s a lot going on. Hoseok would be totally jealous, though… And Hyungwon. Which gives me even more satisfaction.”

Changkyun laughs, turning his face to squish his cheek on Kihyun’s shoulder. “You’re… strong now what with the…” Changkyun gestures behind him at the wall he hopes is still there. “S’good.”

“Almost dropped you twice.”

Changkyun presses his face into his shoulder as his own shake with laughter he’s trying to keep silent. “G--good job, then.”

Fingers touch gingerly over Changkyun’s lower back. “Thank you,” Kihyun says before he snorts a laugh. “Thought it wasn’t going to work. Glad it did.” 

“Me too,” Changkyun says with a loud, smacking kiss against his cheek. “One day we’ll have to see if I won’t drop you either…”

“Looking forward to that…” Kihyun says, rubbing his cheek on Changkyun’s nose, “We are back to the start now, though. Someone needs to get cleaned up,” He says, leaning back to look at Changkyun who,  _ somehow _ , feels himself blush again.

“You--” Changkyun sputters, before just pressing his face into his hands. 

“You can do it on your own,” Kihyun says, shifting slightly to look at the wet floor before slumping down until the water is up to his eyes. Most of the bubbles are gone, but Changkyun finds a few, plops them onto Kihyun’s head.

“You just wanna watch me like a pervert,” Changkyun says, sticking his tongue out at Kihyun as he looks for more bubbles, finds a few and adds them, too.

Kihyun blinks and then comes up just a little to breathe before he submerges completely. He makes air bubbles underwater and then comes back up and pulls his hair back. “I can go. Otherwise I doubt we’re gonna leave…”

Changkyun feels himself pout as he looks at Kihyun, wet hair pulled away from his face (eyes lingering on the moles he barely gets to see), completely naked and it’s just--” _ Not fair _ ,” Changkyun whines, shifting a little where he sits.

“That,” Kihyun says, leaning forward to kiss Changkyun’s nose, “Is your problem.” He throws a hand back to close the tap water. “Although I do need you to get off…” He adds, one hand thumbing at Changkyun’s waist.

“Hnn,” Changkyun somehow manages to voice. “Just a few more seconds…” He ducks down, kisses the mole by Kihyun’s hairline. 

“Changkyun, you’re sitting on top of me…”

“Mmm, keep talking, baby,” Changkyun says and then laughs before he groans almost as if in frustrations as he kisses that damn mole again before pushing away so Kihyun can move.

“I didn’t even say something sexy,” Kihyun mumbles, rolling his eyes as he gets up and grabs for a towel.

“Tha’s your opinion,” Changkyun sighs, leaning back into the water and throwing a leg over the edge of the bathtub as he looks at Kihyun, head tilted and moving his hand down regardless. Getting clean is getting clean, after all.

Kihyun brings the towel around his shoulders and steps out, almost slipping on the wet floor. He looks around, eyes down, a few strands of wet hair falling back over his forehead. “This will be interesting to clean,” he mumbles as he lets the towel slip off one shoulder before he brings it down to his waist. Changkyun is practically mournful but still easily slips two fingers into himself, tilting his head more and letting out a soft breath.

“I said I’d help,” Changkyun mumbles.

“It’s okay,” Kihyun says, walking to the mirror to comb through his hair. “I don’t mind.”

“Neither do I,” Changkyun says, roving his fingers around and hissing low, leg over the bath tensing for a second before a relaxes back into the water with a soft whine, concentrating on not letting his eyes, heavy or no, close, instead focusing them (as much as he can) on Kihyun. And Kihyun seems to have noticed because he frowns at the mirror first before looking over and… gaping.

“What…” He tries. Changkyun can see him go pink.

“You said I could do it on my own,” Changkyun chuckles, before he accidentally brushes over that stupid spot inside him that he should have known goddamn _ better about _ . “ _ Ah, shit _ , j-just gimme a few minutes.”

Kihyun seems to have gone mute. He stares, wide eyed and red before he gestures vaguely behind him and turns to walk away, goosebumps all over his skin. Changkyun lets his eyes fall shut, leans his head back and throws all caution and pretense out the window.

“You didn’t have to go,” Changkyun manages, before only having to think back five minutes and it’s Kihyun holding him against a wall, fingers strong and merciless and Changkyun melts into the water with a low moan.  _ Okay _ , Changkyun thinks as his stomach twists, arousal making him shiver a little despite the hot water,  _ maybe less than a few minutes. _

Through the daze, he hears it. Kihyun is talking, almost whispering, but talking from the bedroom when he says, “Come here.”

Changkyun kicks out the plug for the bath, moans again as he slips his fingers out of himself to try and get up, grab for a towel. Kihyun  _ thinks  _ he’s okay with a wet bed but he is not and will not be and it is Changkyun’s duty as a boyfriend to foresee danger and prevent it to the best of his abilities. Changkyun spots a towel and pushes himself up, laughing as he falls out of the bath. 

“M’comin’!” He reaches for the towel, quickly runs it over himself and ruffles at his hair, picks up the bathroom mats (so wet, damn) and hangs them over the bath before stumbling into the bedroom.

Kihyun looks up from where he’s sitting, all wrapped around his towel, cheeks still red, and waves Changkyun closer. Changkyun, who ruffles more at his hair as he stumbles forward and falls with his knees onto the bed, towel hanging over his head.

The corner of Kihyun’s lips twitches slightly, but he’s still looking at Changkyun with a blank expression. “I swear, I don’t get this,” he says, reaching for both of Changkyun’s arms and pulling him closer as Kihyun himself leans back and Changkyun falls on top of him.

By ‘this’ Changkyun assumes Kihyun means what Changkyun can feel poking at his hip bone. So he has to laugh a little, mostly because  _ same. _

“We’re not exactly human, Kihyun. If you can be fine a few minutes after breaking a rib, then,  _ well _ …”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and then kisses at Changkyun’s neck, hands smoothing over Changkyun’s back and going down. “Can we stop bringing that up?”

“I don’t know,  _ can  _ we?” Changkyun teases, leaning back to wink.

Kihyun pauses and blinks. “Did you just--” He spits a laugh and leans his head over Changkyun’s shoulder, hands stopping at Changkyun’s lower back. “Idiot.”

“Ah, yes, my favourite nickname,” Changkyun breathes with a smile, warmth pooling in his stomach. “I was just saying it’s, like, physiology or whatever. And you’re just really very attractive, makes it hard--” he laughs.

A finger slides between his asscheeks and stops before beckoning slightly in. “Thought your favorite nickname was ‘baby’.”

Changkyun lets out a shaky breath, lets himself melt against Kihyun completely. “Was being sarcastic… S’definitely ‘baby’…”

Kihyun breathes out over Changkyun’s shoulder and slides his finger completely in, adding a second one, too. “We’re gonna have to stop at some point…”

Changkyun moves his arms (even though they feel like jelly at this point) to reach up and tug at the towel off of Kihyun’s shoulders to softly kiss the skin. It still smells like vanilla. “Why, do you have work tomorrow?”

Shifting a little, Kihyun lifts Changkyun up to slide under him, kissing his neck, his chest, stopping to suck on a nipple before continuing down, fingers working Changkyun, going deeper the farther down Kihyun gets. Changkyun has to concentrate to  _ breathe _ . 

“No,” Kihyun says. “Maybe,” he adds, mouth around Changkyun’s dick, closing his lips to give a small suck before tilting his head up to peek at Changkyun. “Do I?”

“That’s becoming,” Changkyun whimpers a little as he squirms a little, involuntarily, and Kihyun’s lips graze over the tip of his dick. He can feel himself practically burn up. “Increasingly irrelevant…”

“What. My job?” Kihyun asks, moving his fingers out as he takes Changkyun’s dick into his mouth. He gives him a lick, tongue tongue out just a little under Changkyun’s dick, and slides his fingers back in. “Move,” he mumbles.

_ Anything that isn’t right now _ . Changkyun whimpers softly at the tone of Kihyun’s voice, gripping with his hands on the sheets as he starts to slowly move his hips and he has to grip tighter, eyes flying open. “ _ Oh fu--Kihyun _ !” Kihyun takes him into his mouth, fingers pushing in to his knuckles, forcing Changkyun forward, deeper into Kihyun’s mouth. And Kihyun moans around him when Changkyun’s dick hits the back of his throat. Changkyun cries out, loud. He moves his hips, the heat of Kihyun’s mouth making his head spin and when he looks down, sees the way his dick slides between Kihyun’s lips, eyebrows scrunched and water still clinging to the strands of his hair, his hand between Changkyun’s legs, the other reaching down to touch himself. For a few seconds he can’t breathe, can’t think past the image in front of him or the feeling there.

His hips move forward and Kihyun’s mouth--he’s going to lose his  _ mind _ .

“I love you so fucking much.”

Kihyun lets go of Changkyun’s dick with a soft gasp and licks at his navel before he says, “I love you, too,” and takes Changkyun’s dick back into his mouth, the fingers inside Changkyun moving insistently until they brush over that spot that electrifies every part of Changkyun’s body and he curls in, one hand coming down to grip at Kihyun’s hair as his hips move on their own account, thrusting into the heat. Changkyun tries to loosen his grip. “F-fuck, sorry, I--” But Kihyun’s fingers hit there again, aware of the consequences as Changkyun thrusts in again with a loud moan, leaning his head forward as he curls and clings, “ _ Ah, Kihyun, fuck _ , you feel so good...” he moans, voice hoarse and husky. 

And Kihyun tenses up, moaning short and loud around Changkyun, voice breaking a little. Changkyun growls, almost, low in his throat. “Fuck, you--” And he opens his eyes, sees Kihyun again, his hand around himself. “You look amazing…” And Changkyun whimpers around the pull in his stomach, the warmth around his dick, the fingers inside him. It’s so fucking much. “Not gonna last with you--” He cries out, clings even more. “Look--looking like that.”

Kihyun shudders, the fingers inside Changkyun stop and beckon and Kihyun spills a little over his own stomach as Changkyun’s hips thrust forward again in a stutter, crying out as he comes, biting down at the sheets as he rides it out, arm holding him up giving in as he slides himself out of Kihyun’s mouth and falls to the side, honestly seeing nothing but the force of his orgasm like light in front of his eyes.

He can hear Kihyun’s heartbeat evening out as he breathes. He can also hear him licks his lips and swallow, wincing a little when he does. Changkyun, hand still in Kihyun’s hair, relaxes and soothes there. “Been there, done that.”

“I…” Kihyun clears his throat, “I don’t know what I was gonna say just now… Ignore me.” His voice sounds raspy. It’s kind of hot. Really hot, actually.

_ No, Changkyun _ . 

“Can’t do that, sorry.”

Kihyun licks his lips again and when Changkyun looks over he sees them swollen and red. “I think I’m,” he clears his throat again, “Out.”

Changkyun nods. Well, he tries to. “Think I’m kind of dead, actually. I can feel myself floating above myself like--” he gestures vaguely, arm flopping down weakly. “Out of body... thingy.”

Kihyun moves a little and raises his head to look around. “I should put something on and go clean--” He looks down at his hand, “Ugh.”

“Nooo,” Changkyun whines, hand reaching out as he scoots closer. “Don’t go, just gimme.”

“Give you what?” Kihyun asks, crunching his nose. 

Changkyun scoots even closer, keeping his hand on Kihyun so he can pull him up the bed, and licks at Kihyun’s stomach, licking up the little streaks of salty white.

Kihyun jolts, “What are you doing!?” He grabs Changkyun’s chin and tilts his head up. “What. Are. You. Doing. We’re not doing this again…” He’s blushing like a tomato.

Changkyun blinks at him. “I know.” He tilts his head a little, reaching out for Kihyun’s wrist. “I’m just cleaning you up so we can sleep.”

Kihyun blinks and Changkyun had no idea he could go even redder, but here they are. Kihyun frowns and throws his head back with a groan. “There’s something  _ very  _ wrong with me…”

Changkyun laughs a little, “Well, I’m fairly certain we  _ did  _ fuck like forever ends tomorrow…” He ducks down again, licks again just to make sure before moving up, moving Kihyun so his head is on his pillow, on his side of the bed, moves Kihyun’s hand to his mouth to lick a stripe up his palm. “It doesn’t, though.”

Kihyun stares at the ceiling. “You need to stop doing that… I did say I was out but I don’t trust myself at this point.” He glances over. “My throat doesn’t hurt anymore so that should serve as warning.”

“You like this, then?” Changkyun smirks, before licking at Kihyun’s fingers, tongue pushing between them.

“I said--” Kihyun shudders eyes closing for a moment, “Please stop…”

Changkyun laughs, leans back and Kihyun’s hand looks fine, so he flops it to the side and lies down, pressing his cheek to Kihyun’s chest. “Sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” Kihyun mumbles, pulling the covers over them. “Tomorrow you better leave that bathroom spotless… Because I’m gonna have to change the bedsheets and…” He sighs, hand moving to thread fingers through Changkyun’s hair. “You smell like vanilla…”

Changkyun takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and listening to Kihyun’s heartbeat. “So do you…” He smells like vanilla and sex. It’s near intoxicating, makes all Changkyun’s muscles slowly relax as he breathes it in.

“I can’t believe you’re making me sleep naked…” Kihyun says, voice still a little hoarse.

“You should always sleep naked...” Changkyun mumbles. “All pretty and stuff.”

“I have a feeling…” Kihyun says, playing with the ends of Changkyun’s hair, “This is going to look awkward when we wake up.”

“Why awkward? S’comfy.”

“Right now, sure. But then you’re going to wake up all cute and recharged and…” He trails off and sighs. “I am going to have nightmares with the bathroom floor… Like, it will grow moss overnight and… and attack us or something.”

Changkyun giggles at the image. “S’okay, I picked up the--the whataretheycalleds. Mats.”

“Aren’t you just perfect.” Kihyun kisses the top of Changkyun’s head. “Your hair is going to be all oily tomorrow… Mine too, though.”

“We’ll shower,” Changkyun mumbles, points at his side. “Think positive! These sheets are Egyptian cotton!”

Kihyun snorts and tugs at the covers, pulling them tighter around them and rolling to his side, hugging Changkyun close when he head flops to the bed. “Yes, yes, you’re perfect and stole from IKEA and,” Kisses Changkyun’s face all over, “I love you.”

Changkyun’s chest fills with so much warmth so sudden it breaks out as a giggle, tangling his legs with Kihyun’s and nuzzling at Kihyun’s face with his nose. “Every time you say it I just!” Changkyun wiggles a little as if to flail. “Every time!”

“What,” Kihyun chuckles, “I love you?” He looks at Changkyun all mischievous. “I love you, then. More than yesterday and less than tomorrow.” He shivers with a cringe attack but smiles and it’s so  _ Kihyun _ . It’s so Kihyun that Changkyun’s heart tightens a little and he needs to get closer, need to just squeeze him tight. 

So he does, he holds him as tight as he can and whispers, “I love you too, mind-husband.”

Kihyun cringes again in Changkyun’s arms, “I swear, if you tell anyone…”

Changkyun laughs. “Nah, it’s too much fun to make you cringe like this,  _ hubby _ .”

“Oh. My. God. Stop,” Kihyun shivers and hides his face in Changkyun’s chest. He sighs and Changkyun feels him on his skin. “Also… I’m going to tell you this because I can’t just  _ shut the fuck up _ right now but… you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Seriously, you make me lose my mind.” He shivers. “Now please choke me to death. I want to die.”

Changkyun blinks, leans back to look at him, ears red. He can  _ feel  _ how red they are. Changkyun has, since coming to Earth, seen some incredibly beautiful things. Sunrises and sunsets and images on the television and Kihyun’s face beaming with joy and the pictures Kihyun’s taken, and… and beautiful doesn’t mean tainted, damned. Beautiful is for… other things. But maybe it’s okay that Kihyun doesn’t see that. Sees  _ him _ . Even if Changkyun doesn’t, not really.

“I’m not going to do that,” Changkyun says, soft and looking away. “Because then the world will really lose its most beautiful person.”

“You’re biased. And probably don’t look in the mirror that often. But okay…”

Changkyun laughs softly. “Hey, will you do me a favour? If I ask nicely and put a strawberry on top?”

Kihyun looks up and blinks, face all innocent despite the redness to his cheeks. “What…”

“Send me a selca?” 

“I’ll send you all of them.” Kihyun says simply, blinking again, like it’s not a big deal.

And Changkyun can feel himself beaming right back. “Really?! I thought I couldn’t look at them!”

Kihyun frowns and blushes again. Will he ever stop? Changkyun hopes not. “That’s because--be--because back then it was… we weren’t…” He looks down. “Dating…”

“I knew there were boyfriend privileges!” Changkyun smiles, wide. “I could send you mine, too, if you want.”

“Yes! I mean… Yes.”

“Selfie for a selfie?” Changkyun asks before he shakes his head. “No, you’re way ahead of me, I should definitely get more.”

“Well,” Kihyun wiggles closer and boops his nose with Changkyun’s. “You know the one on the wall? It’s not a selca but… I have like… ten more. They’re nice. And hidden. On a folder. That you will never find.”

Changkyun squints. “Are you proposing… a trade…?”

“I’m proposing an album,” Kihyun says, bouncing a little on his side. “Like my portfolio? But with memories from the places we visit. If we visit more places. Which we will. Because I am totally using you for that. Also,” He smiles, “A selca a day. A trade.”

Changkyun grins, nodding enthusiastically. “Deal!” he says, leaning forward to kiss the tip of Kihyun’s nose. “Where are we gonna go next?”

Kihyun huffs a laugh. “I don’t know yet. But snow. Somewhere with snow. And Christmas lights. Because it’s good foreground material and because you’ll love it.”

Changkyun’s still smiling when he asks; “What’s Christmas?”

“It’s the annual Christian festival celebrating Christ's birth, held on 25 December. At least that’s what they say. We just like to trade presents,” Kihyun snorts, “My father would kill me for that…”

Changkyun frowns. “But Jesus was born in July.” He shakes his head. “Humans…”

“Lies. Humans lie,” Kihyun nods. “History is no different.” He shrugs, “Not the point, though, I don’t care about that. But I get to give you presents and show you pretty things.”

“And I get to do the same?”

“If you want.”

“I do…” Changkyun smiles mischievously. “I do, I do.” And Kihyun shoves a hand to his face to push him away but holds him close with his legs at the same time.

“Deal then, you obnoxious idiot,” he says, laugher tinting his voice.

“Hey,” Changkyun laughs. “Can I take your surname? I don’t seem to have one.”

Kihyun stops and moves his hand to look at Changkyun. “Oh right… You’re not even legal… or, you don’t legally exist, I guess? Ha.”

“I assume that could, in the future, be a tad problematic.”

“Yeah…” Kihyun says, looking away to think. “But registering you would be troublesome, too. Because how do we even explain you?” He snorts. “Also, marriage is not legal here so you could only take my name if I or, even more interesting, my father adopted you.” He laughs.

“Ew!” Changkyun laughs. “Incest is very… Old Testament.” Changkyun shivers with a little ‘ack!’ sound. “We’ll---We’ll get married in Vegas! I’ve seen that in shows. Anteloping? Eloping!”

“But why? It’s just a piece of paper.” Kihyun snorts another laugh. “I like it this way.”

Changkyun nuzzles himself into the pillow, smiling. “I do, too. It’s just…” Changkyun shrugs. “The sentiment.”

“Oh!” Kihyun shoots up, then, sitting up and looking around, hair all combed back and a little oily. “I know, lemme just--” He moves and rolls over Changkyun, rolling the covers with him when he does and smacking his lips near Changkyun’s when their eyes meet. Kihyun flops down on the floor and pulls at the little drawer under the nightstand.

“You know,” he starts. “I should’ve remembered this sooner but…” He searches through a few tiny boxes, “I think it’s obvious but I never really met my mother,” he mumbles absently, “Never even cared to be honest. Despite being strict and a little over the top, my father did a pretty good job at raising me on his own. But…” He smiles a little, eyes locking on something, “When I turned twenty one, he gave me these…” He says, moving a small linen bag over the bed and opening it in front of Changkyun.

Two thin, shiny silver chained bracelets that seem to sparkle a lot more than usual silver roll over the bed, shining even more when Kihyun shifts and the moonlight reflects on them. Changkyun sits up, frown curiously at them.

Kihyun picks one up, pulling Changkyun’s left hand closer, and puts the bracelet around his wrist. He does the same to himself on his right hand with the other bracelet and then lets his arm fall over the bed, fingers poking at Changkyun’s hand, their bracelets shining even more.

_ “Memento,” _ he says. “My father said they were my mother’s. Silver embroidered with Selenite.” He shrugs a little sheepishly. “Not sure if it’s true or not, but considering what we know now?” He looks up. “There. It’s something.”

Changkyun lifts his hand up, stares at the little chain around his wrist.  _ Sentiment _ . A memento.

“Remember,” Changkyun mumbles, blinking. There’s a heavy feeling in his chest, but it’s… nice. Like being covered in blanket after blanket. “You… You’re giving me one?”

Kihyun blinks and then nods. “They never had much meaning…” He looks at the bracelets. “We can give them meaning now. I guess…” He looks up. “It means more to me than a piece of paper.”

Changkyun smiles, and that heavy feeling in his chest warms. God, he loves this man. He loves him so much it should be as illegal as he is. “A piece of paper, or this... I don’t care as long as they mean forever doesn’t end after tonight.”

Kihyun smiles a little, eyes soft, and then slowly climbs back over the bed, all tangled in the bedsheets, and plops down over Changkyun. Kihyun crosses his arms over Changkyun’s chest and leans his chin down. “It means ‘right now’.  _ Remember ‘right now’. _ ” He looks away. “So I can remember, too.”

_ Right now, for as long as that might be _ .

“I’ll remind you, if you forget,” Changkyun nods seriously. “As long as ‘right now’ is the most important thing.”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums and slides further up. “Between ‘not at all’ and ‘dead on the floor’, how tired are you  _ right now? _ ”

Changkyun squints at him purposefully, lips quirking up. “Whatever would you ask that for, dearest?”

_ “Ohhhhh,” _ Kihyun shakes his head, frowning and leaning forward. “No, no. Now you’re gonna have to pay for that.”

Changkyun laughs. “What did I do?!”

“Oh, nothing,” Kihyun shrugs, leaning down to kiss Changkyun’s jaw, “Nothing at all.”

Changkyun tilts his head back because tired or not, Kihyun’s lips there still feels amazing. “I  _ thought  _ we weren’t doing anything else…”

“Changed my mind.”

“It was the emotional intimacy, wasn’t it. You really have a thing for that...”

Kihyun looks up and blinks. “Maybe…” And ducks back down to kiss down Changkyun’s neck.

Changkyun blinks up at the ceiling, hands coming up to interlock behind Kihyun, the small of his back. “You don’t fool me, you know.”

“Shut up and kiss me, before I change my mind again.” A pause. “Actually, no. Don’t shut up.”

Changkyun laughs, pulling Kihyun in closer to whisper in his ear. “I noticed that, too, you know.” And Kihyun shivers all the way down. “All of this started because I told you nice things.”

“Well,” Kihyun mumbles, “Don’t tell anyone.”

“Mm,” Changkyun says, sliding his hands down to squeeze Kihyun’s ass. “Remind me to call you at work once.”

Kihyun lets out a soft moan, “W--Why…”

Changkyun grins, nips at Kihyun’s earlobe before, on purpose this time, making his voice deeper, softer. “Wanna see what just my voice can do to you, baby.”

For starters, it makes Kihyun’s heart race. It makes his skin warmer, too. And then, it makes Kihyun look at him, eyes dazed, cheeks red with a want that shouldn’t be possible considering what they’ve been doing for the past four hours. But it’s there. Right there. And it’s all directed at Changkyun.

And Changkyun’s always been willing to take the things Kihyun gives him, and return it twofold.

Because ‘forever’ might not end, but right now always will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan was loopy and I was high and we were dreading the upcoming pain.  
> Hope you enjoyed the love makin'.


	21. What Perfect Looks Like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, life finds a way to make up for certain things. Because if Kihyun was just Kihyun, then Changkyun would have never existed; Hyungwon would just be dead; Hoseok would forever feel a void so big Kihyun would never be able to fill it, no matter how hard he tried.

Kihyun has always considered himself self-aware. Even in the midst of things he forcefully avoided at all costs throughout, well, his entire life, he’s always been self-aware and decisive. What he didn’t expected, however, is that he’d still have new things to learn about himself at twenty five. Because, sometimes, it’s not about doing the right thing or the wrong thing or the thing everybody does. Sometimes, it’s about letting the right person in. Sometimes, it’s about letting down the walls so carefully built to keep people from hurting him, or vice versa.

If someone asked him, about two months ago, ‘Hey, Kihyun, what kind of Christmas present would you get for your best friend?’, Kihyun would probably decide on something practical. Because practical is good. Hoseok likes practical, too. No one is going to turn down something they need. No one is going to turn down something that could or could not have a deeper meaning.

And yet, today Kihyun is stressing out over a ‘present’ he can’t exactly call ‘practical’. Because it’s more of a feeling than a real thing. And Kihyun only has one month and a few weeks to go by on how to be, he’d say, _a romantic piece of crappy sap_.

“I hope this is enough money,” he says after he’s finished counting those annoying USDs. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, completely forgetting he’d styled it after their last nap.

After figuring out where they wanted to go, Kihyun had spiralled into planning everything as much as he could, down to making sure they wouldn’t be tired or jetlagged ( _Changkyun-lagged?_ ) when they got there. So; sleep late, nap before going. Perfect plan. And now he went and messed up his hair.

“Mm, your hair looks like how I left it,” Changkyun says, hefting two full travel bags into the living room.

Kihyun looks over. He can feel his hair defying gravity. “You think that’s enough?” He asks, gesturing at the bags. “It’s just one night so it should be enough…”

Changkyun blinks, gestures with a sweeping motion. “ _This_ is all the stuff you left on the bed for me to pack.”

Kihyun squints and then looks back to the dollars all scattered over the table. “Right… Right. Ah, did you pack my laptop?” He asks, turning around again. “I need to finish something for work due tomorrow… well, due after tomorrow.” He is not even across the globe and he is already messing up the time zones.

“Yep, and all the chargers,” Changkyun nods, walking over to look over Kihyun’s shoulder. “You wouldn’t mind if I go steal myself a laptop, would you? A nice American one. All the way from South Korean Samsung factories.”

Kihyun blinks and looks at him. “You want a laptop?”

“Yeah! One of those colorful fancy ones you can play games on,” Changkyun plops himself down, starts putting the dollars in little matching piles.

“You want a gaming laptop…” Kihyun sighs, rubbing his fingers over his temple.

Changkyun shrugs, smiling a little to himself. “Could be fun. And, er,” Changkyun pushes two small stacks together. “I was thinking of…” Changkyun glances over, frowning. “I don’t even know how I’d be able to, though.”

Kihyun scrunches his nose and makes a face. “What?”

Changkyun fiddles with a twenty dollar note. “I wanna maybe try and… study something.”

Kihyun’s heart skips a beat-- _Why!!!???_ He blinks, eyes a little wide. “Really?”

Changkyun nods shyly. “Yeah. I’m a quick learner, right?”

“But you…” Kihyun combs his hair down and parts it down the middle, a little to the side. “You wanna go to school or… ‘Cause--Look! I am supporting this idea, like, a lot? But the bureaucracy involved…”

“I know!” Changkyun says, putting his hands up a little. “That’s why I said, I don’t even know if I could do it!”

Kihyun looks over the stacks of notes Changkyun made and then looks back at him. “Is there something in particular you’d like to study?”

Changkyun scratches at the back of his head. “Well, I did a bunch of googling and there’s a lot of stuff I find interesting, so I took this aptitude test thingy?” Changkyun accidentally tears a dollar’s edge, blinks a little and puts it down. “Apparently not Humanities.”

Kihyun snorts a laugh and slaps a hand over his mouth to muffle it. “Sorry,” he waves a hand in the air. “Sorry…”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow and smiles. “Kihyun, you can laugh, it’s funny.”

What’s funny, or rather not funny, is that, suddenly, Changkyun’s interest in pursuing an education has Kihyun feeling all hot and bothered-- _Again, why!!?? How petty can I get!?_

“Well,” Kihyun says, eyes flickering all over Changkyun, “Think about it. And when you find something you wanna do we can… figure it out.”

Changkyun looks up, eyes bright. “Oh, I did! I was gonna say--the tests say Science. I’ll have to find something more _specific_ obviously, but I took some online tests after reading up on stuff. Science-y stuff, maths, blah blah, and all the scores were really good.” He nods. “I make enough money with Shownu to pay half the rent and buy food and I’ve saved up some, too. Shownu made an account thingy for me. I should really get the card from him...”

“I love you,” Kihyun hears himself say, surprised when he does.

Changkyun looks up, just as surprised. “I love you, too… Are you okay? Not sure what your face is doing.”

Not even Kihyun knows what his own face is doing right now. But he leans forward anyway and kisses Changkyun’s cheek, leaning back just a little to look at him in the eye before kissing his cheek again. “I’m proud of you.”

Changkyun flushes, fast and red. “Oh. Because of my test scores? I can show you if you want, uhm...”

Kihyun kisses his cheek again. “Not just that but yeah, I wanna see.” They have things to do, places to be but… “Why wouldn’t I wanna see?”

Changkyun’s eyes light up again and he leans back a little to dig his phone out of his skinny jeans. “I practised a lot and there--well, there’s these free numerical aptitude tests you can take? So I did and,” Changkyun still looks so shy, tapping and scrolling on his phone before he holds the phone out for Kihyun. “There!” Changkyun smiles, looking expectantly between Kihyun and his phone.

Kihyun blinks at the screen. He bites at his lower lip and then at both lips and then turns to kiss Changkyun’s cheek again. “Good job, baby.” He kisses his cheek again and again. And then can’t help it when he beams a little. “I’m so proud of you!” And he is. He really is.

“Thank you...” Changkyun says, soft and cheeks blazing red as he takes his phone in hand again, looks at the screen. “It’s actually kind of fun… But yeah, it was just an idea. Like you said, I’m not exactly legal.” He looks up with a smile, shoving his phone back in his jeans.

Kihyun looks at him a little hesitant. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

Changkyun shifts a little. “I wanted to surprise you, I guess? And I only took this test last night,” he laughs a little. “And I wanted to make sure I was good at it before I brought up wanting to study it...”

Kihyun gets up and walks behind Changkyun’s chair to hug him and kiss his face when he looks up. “I’m happy for you. So, let’s figure something out. Okay? It’s your thing and I don’t wanna meddle but… I want to help.”

“Good, ‘cause I might need it,” Changkyun pouts. “I don’t exiiiiiist, Kihyun,” he whines playfully. “How will the world recognise my genius if I don’t even _exiiiist_.”

“Well,” Kihyun laughs a little and leans down to squeeze his cheek against Changkyun’s. “When I was, hm, eight, maybe ten? I had this motto; when people don’t listen you scream, when people look over your head you kick them so they’ll look down.” He laughs again. “I took that quite literally, by the way…”

Changkyun laughs. “Kick the bureaucracy, then, I guess? Is that the message here?”

“You stole from IKEA. And bureaucracy is useful until it gets in the way.” He kisses Changkyun’s cheek again. “If it gets complicated we can always adopt you into the family. Long lost twin brother.”

Changkyun pouts. “I’ll be Hoseok’s brother, then. Shownu could probably get away with being my dad.”

Kihyun boops this nose on Changkyun’s neck. “Gonna pretend I am not slightly offended right now. But sure thing.”

Changkyun levels him with a look. “ _Old Testament,_ Kihyun.”

“Still offended. I would be a great brother.”

“For someone else,” Changkyun chuckles, kissing him on the cheek. “But you’re _my_ lover.”

Kihyun fakes a gag reflex and then kisses Changkyun’s neck. “Look at you… Now you’re sappy _and_ smart…”

“ _Only now?_ Definitely offended.”

“Not old enough to be offended,” Kihyun teases, kissing Changkyun’s neck down to the collar of his sweater.

“Well, then I’m definitely not old enough for you to be doing--” Changkyun gestures. “This.” He turns his face, smacks a loud kiss on Kihyun’s neck. “Or register for studies. Etc. Make up your mind, Yoo. And put all this money away, it makes me wanna steal shit.”

Kihyun uses his weight over Changkyun’s shoulders to lean the chair back, front legs leaving the floor. “All I hear is, I love you blablabla I love you,” Kihyun says looking at Changkyun’s face. “Wanna see something cool?”

“Is it you naked in sunglasses?”

“I am still not over that, by the way. Please never repeat it,” Kihyun sighs. “But no, it’s not.” He inclines the chair a little more. “Look, if I kiss your forehead like this, you can kiss mine.”

Changkyun blinks up at him, lifting his chin to test it out, pressing his lips to Kihyun’s forehead as Kihyun does the same, and giggles a little. “You’re a genius in your own right, you know.”

“My Masters would agree,” Kihyun says, waggling an eyebrow.

“Mmm, cocky,” Changkyun says, mimicking his expression. “Maybe I should get a Doctorate and they can be friends.”

“Maybe I should _nhanhanhanhanha_ ,” Kihyun says with a face before kissing Changkyun’s forehead again and letting him go and Changkyun tilts forward again, laughing.

“Hoseok is probably gonna be here soon,” Changkyun reminds. “But I’ll be sure to tell you at the hotel how hot you are when you’re cocky. Now, money; seriously, I wanna steal shit, put it away.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and grabs the tiny bag over the table to stuff the stacks inside, “You klepto…”

“With wonderful interior decorating sensibilities, yadda yadda.”

“You should wash your hands. Touching money is never very sanitary,” Kihyun mumbles as he moves to store the tiny bag inside one of the travel bags. “And I should probably do my makeup.”

Changkyun pauses where he’s walking to the sink. “You’re going to do makeup today?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and stretches, “Well. If everything goes to shit and this doesn’t work… I might as well get a date out of it.” He looks over his shoulder. “No?”

Changkyun reaches to open the faucet and his hand just sort of flops around until he looks over and turns the tap. “Yeah! I mean, yeah, that sounds great, I’ll, er, do mine too? Yeah? Yeah, cool.”

 _Adorable_ , Kihyun thinks. But now he is starting to get nervous again. Because what if it doesn’t work? What if he can’t do it? Hoseok doesn’t even know what he’s getting into, but Kihyun did tell Hyungwon he could do this… More or less. And what if Hoseok starts hearing other things, too?

Kihyun sighs and walks to the bathroom to wash his hands and do his makeup. He’s just finished with his foundation when Changkyun wanders in, looks himself in the mirror and ruffles his hair. It’s a dark brown, now. It hadn’t grown out, but it hadn’t stayed blonde either. Like his hair itself was rebelling against the dye, or healing itself from the bleach.

They both do their makeup in companionable silence; Changkyun has far fewer steps, just colors his eyes a little and tints his lips and props himself up by the elbows to look at Kihyun.

Kihyun glances at Changkyun through the mirror, his own eyelids a little gold at the corners, “Your hair is getting darker again,” he says.

“It must have finally realised what was going on,” Changkyun says, smiling a little. “Can’t be stabbed, but bleach? Damn.”

“You joke,” Kihyun chuckles, “But maybe next time we should try throwing bleach at a demon. See if it burns. That stuff is powerful. Even _I_ have to wear gloves when I clean the bathroom with it.”

“Not a bad idea,” Changkyun laughs, smacks a kiss on Kihyun’s cheek without touching it and walks out of the bathroom. “You look pretty, by the way.”

“You always look pretty,” Kihyun sighs to himself. He blinks at his own reflection and then shoves all the makeup into another bag and rushes back to the living room. “I neeeed,” he says looking around as he tries to fit the makeup bag into the other travel bag, “My camera and… my wallet. And my scarf.” He looks down at his white socks, “And shoes.”

“Wallet’s on the bookcase!” Changkyun calls from the bedroom. “Which scarf?”

“The blue one!” Kihyun calls even though he knows he doesn’t need to. He grabs his camera from the cupboard near the entrance and reaches down for the camera bag. His hands tremble a little and he laughs, “I feel like a phone on mute.”

Changkyun walks closer, scarf in his hands that he makes to drape around Kihyun’s neck with a little frown. “Vibrating or…?” Changkyun looks down, sees Kihyun’s hand and offers his own. And Kihyun takes it without really looking.

“Sorry, it’s stupid,” he says as he packs the camera with his free hand.

“It’s okay if you can’t do it,” Changkyun sighs softly, draping the scarf around Kihyun’s neck with the hand Kihyun’s not holding. “I know you’re worried…”

Kihyun nuzzles down on the scarf and peeks at Changkyun for a moment before tilting his chin over the cotton. “Even if you tell me it’s okay I guess I will be disappointed in myself if I don’t manage it...”

Changkyun smooths over the soft material of the scarf. “You can keep trying… If you want. If it doesn’t work at first. And remember, we have help; the ring will show him Hyungwon, regardless of what you do.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun nods faintly. “Yeah, you’re right.” He blinks at the floor and then turns around, sliding his hands into the pockets of his yellow, fluffy jacket. He leans forward just a little, weight on the front of his feet, and smiles small at Changkyun. “Hey, hey.”

Changkyun smiles back, head tilting as if in curiosity, and Kihyun would have to be blind to miss the way his eyes soften. “Yeah, cutie?”

Something else Kihyun has learned about himself; he actually doesn’t mind when Changkyun calls him cute names. He just pretends it bothers him half the time.

He leans forward and boops their noses. “I’ll try my best,” he says. “Can’t let you be the only one doing cool stuff all the time.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes affectionately. “Oh, yeah, my job as a hunter of all things dark and dangerous is _very_ cool.” Changkyun pauses. “I think I did sarcasm wrong, there.”

Kihyun laughs and leans in just enough to rest his chin over Changkyun’s shoulder. “It’s kinda hot, if you want my most honest opinion.” He snorts. “Not the sarcasm fail, your job. And also wanting to do more. Like studying and so on… Definitely a turn on.”

Changkyun chuckles low, swaying Kihyun along with him. “Oh, _really_ ? I learn more about you every day.” He gives Kihyun a tight squeeze. “Should I… do some equations in my underwear, talk about my _savings_?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and turns his face to blows air on Changkyun’s neck. “ _Definitely_ a turn on.”

Changkyun squirms away, letting out a short, high pitched laugh. “Ah! Don’t do that, I’m sensitive!”

“Cute,” Kihyun mutters to himself. He walks to the bookshelf to fetch his wallet and then walks back to the entrance to grab a pair of black Converse.

Changkyun’s phone beeps and Kihyun mimics the sound at the same time Changkyun does.  Kihyun smiles to himself as he ties his laces. Feeling a sudden stab at his heart, his smile falters a little but he forces it back on. It keeps happening, lately. Guilt really is trying to eat him from the inside out.

Changkyun walks over, shows his phone to Kihyun with a knowing smile.

 

Seokkie  
Tell Kihyun to stop worrying about whatever he’s worried about  
I’m just down the street whee~~~

“I hate him,” Kihyun informs in a flat tone. He doesn’t, but he does hate being called out.

Changkyun snorts, types something back before he coos. “Aw, he says he loves you, too.”

“Ew,” Kihyun shivers. He finishes tying his laces and then looks up, patting the floor right next to where he’s sitting. “We have seven minutes, more or less. Sit here.”

Changkyun wastes no time in plopping down, stretching his arms over his head for a second, eyes closed. “Ah, yes, my old friend The Floor.”

Kihyun scoots closer, dragging his ass over the wood, and then places his legs over Changkyun’s, scooting closer again to lean on his chest. He looks up and blinks. “Hey,” he says softly and Changkyun pulls him closer, kisses the top of his head.

“Hey...”

“Hug?”

So Changkyun pulls him down to the floor, arms around his waist as he squeezes him tightly. “How could I say no...”

Kihyun chuckles, “Well, be warned I am going to catapult out of here the moment I hear them nearby. I don’t appreciate Hyungwon’s side commentary on my life.”

“Oh, nobody does, but he’s a giver alright.” Changkyun squeezes again, places a soft, lingering kiss on Kihyun’s jaw. “Hey, do me a favour and get this right so we can mock them incessantly? Seems like fun.”

“Now I am extra motivated,” Kihyun laughs. “And yes, it’s fun. You’ll see.” It’s how Kihyun survived all those years of romantic pain and sappy slaps.

“Yes, I will, because you are smart,” Changkyun smacks a loud kiss to his neck. “And talented.” _Kiss_ . “And determined.” _Kiss._ “And just so very beautiful.” A last, long kiss. “I believe in you. I really, really do.”

Kihyun heart skips a beat and he looks down, cheeks feeling slightly warm. “Okay,” he says. And just like that, something so simple, Kihyun doesn’t feel anxious anymore. Maybe a little nervous, but not nervous enough to fuck it up. “Thanks,” he says.

Changkyun nuzzles into Kihyun’s neck. “Don’t thank me. It’s just something I do.” He kisses softly where he can reach, leaning back to smile.

“What, kiss me?” Kihyun smiles. “You do that a lot, true. I wonder why,” he says playfully.

Changkyun chuckles lightly. “Would you like the list alphabetically or chronologically?”

Kihyun squints and leans closer. “Hm,” he hums, “Is it a long list?”

“It’s a _stupidly_ long list.” Changkyun whistles, low. “Like, damn.”

“Then maybe we should skip to the end?” Kihyun suggests, blinking innocently.

Changkyun squints. “What happens at the end?”

Kihyun kisses Changkyun’s cheek and moves to whisper something in his ear but he stops right after he takes a breath and sighs instead. “This voices business,” he says, glaring at the door and moving away from Changkyun, “Is really annoying.”

He can hear it behind his left ear, the melancholic song that follows Hyungwon wherever he goes. It’s only gotten worse ever since Kihyun made his soul explode inside the house.

Changkyun laughs before he lets his limbs fall like a starfish. “Better than being surprised.”

“Are you guys gonna take an hour to open for me again?” Hoseok calls on the other side of the door.

Kihyun gets up and leans against the door, arms crossed and a smirk on his face. “I don’t know. Are we?”

“Stop poking me with thorns and making me wish I was actually dead!” Hyungwon shouts, and Changkyun stumbles to his feet.

“I gotta water the plants!” Changkyun announces, cheeks pink.

“Ah,” Kihyun opens the door and looks over his shoulder, “I already did.” He turns again to hide behind the door as he slides it open and peek at Hoseok from the corner. “Hey, hey…”

Hoseok leans himself into the house, feet still on the threshold as he smiles, excited, wide, a big backpack on his back. “Hi!”

“He’s _really_ excited, Kihyun, good luck,” Hyungwon says, strolling in and looking around.Kihyun ignores him, eyes still on Hoseok.

Kihyun pulls his sleeves father down and steps away from the door. “Look what I’m wearing…”

If at all possible, Hoseok smiles wider, hopping into the house, hands on the straps of his backpack like a college student new to the whole idea. “Ah, you look so cute! I knew you would! Yellow looks great on you.”

“Thank you,” Kihyun says, looking down at his clothes. “I really like it.”

“It’s fluffy, I like it too,” Changkyun calls from the kitchen, looking around as if making sure they have everything.

Hoseok hops like an excited bunny. “I can’t believe!” Hoseok hops. “We’re going to New York!”

Kihyun walks back to the living room and glances outside. It’s so dark he can barely see anything past his reflection in the glass. He looks at the clock on the kitchen wall. “It’s almost midnight so that means…” He counts the fingers in his hand. “10 am there, right?”

“Yep!” Hoseok nods, grins and hops again for good measure. “I slept before we came here--”

Hyungwon stops, blinks. “ _We_?”

“--And I made some coffee, here!” Hoseok reaches back, gets a stupidly big coffee pack out of the side of his backpack. “It’s Arabic!”

Kihyun beams, shoving down his remaining anxiety into a deep, secluded corner of his mind. “ _Ohmygod,_ lemme smell it!”

Hoseok hands it over, Changkyun sniffs absently and Hyungwon is still mildly frozen in the hallway before he moves again, closer to Changkyun. “He said we.”

Changkyun nods, nibbles on one of the strings of his hoodie. “Yerp.”

Kihyun almost stuffs his entire face inside the pack of coffee and breathes in before stepping back mildly dazed. “I'm in love,” he declares, handing the pack back to Hoseok and startling a little when Ki-Kyun rubs between his legs. “Aw, hey there, baby,” he smiles and picks up the kitten, booping their noses together. “Please don't burn the house down while we're away.”

Changkyun laughs, “You used to tell me that. And I said I’d come check in on him…”

“Question,” Hyungwon says, leaning into Changkyun's bubble, “Did Kihyun get kidnapped by aliens and they replaced him with a cheap copy or…?”

“I'm right here,” Kihyun says absently as he smiles at Ki-Kyun.

“If anything, it’s an _expensive_ copy of him,” Changkyun points out. “With better performance and a longer battery life.”

Kihyun pauses to register and turns to glare at Changkyun. “You need to shut up.”

“Wait… Was that a sex joke?” Hyungwon gapes. “Ew!”

Changkyun blinks. “What? No. Well, probably a little.”

Hoseok sighs dramatically. “You’ve both grown so much!”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and looks down at the kitten in his arms. It's faint. Very faint, but Kihyun can hear it, that little purr behind his left ear. If he can somehow mimic that wavelength then…

“We should get going,” he mumbles, finger rubbing at the back of Ki-Kyun's ear.

Changkyun gestures widely at himself. “Your chariot awaits.” He walks closer, scratches under Ki-Kyun’s chin. “We can go whenever you guys are ready.”

Kihyun puts the cat down and moves to get his things. It's been a while since he's had to carry the camera bag around. He'd forgotten how heavy it actually is, with all the lenses inside and the extras. This time maybe he won't feel like an old lady by the end of the day, though.

“I think I have everything,” he says, looking around as he steps closer to Changkyun, hand already outstretched. “Hand, hand,” he says, looking over his shoulder one more time just to make sure he didn't leave anything behind.

Hoseok hops closer, hugs at Changkyun’s back and Changkyun squeals as Hoseok lifts him off the ground for a second. Changkyun laughs and moves his hand towards Kihyun’s, flailing a little as he laughs before grasping Kihyun’s hand. “We have to take--” Hoseok squeezes again with a loud “NEW YORK!” and Changkyun wheezes, “ _The bags_.”

“Yes, yes,” Kihyun says, stretching a leg over to pull one bag closer and then the other. He sits down on top of them, hand still holding Changkyun's, the ring Shownu had given him heavy in his pocket and looks up. “I’m ready.”

Changkyun grins. “Then let’s go.”

 

\---

 

Cold temperatures, bare trees, a fresh layer of snow frosting the benches and carpeting the ground. It’s barely 12pm and the sun is already high in the sky, but the breeze feels really cold. And despite the sledding and cross-country skiing activities, there is a strange, but special hush in the air. Strange, considering it’s a park in the middle of a big city. But definitely one Kihyun’s favorite places so far, and they just got started.

Changkyun is laughing, pelting snowballs at Hoseok’s head with probably five percent of his total strength, but Hoseok still yelps, ducks to the ground for more snow, and lands a big throw on Changkyun’s chest. Changkyun dramatically falls to the ground. “You got me!”

Hyungwon stands by Kihyun’s side, looking at the screen over Kihyun’s shoulder everytime the camera clicks. There are so many wonderful things to photograph, so many wonderful things to see, but Kihyun can’t take his eyes off the two goofballs running around in front of them.

“Who would have thought you’d be bypassing customs and avoiding travel expenses just by getting your own personal demon,” Hyungwon teases without much of a teasing tone. “This is like a... Sugar-Demon Daddy.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes, blindly adjusting the ISO before lifting the camera again and taking another shot. “You should be kneeling at my feet throughout the rest of day, you know?” He mumbles. “If you mess up with my, uhm, _energy levels_ and piss me off, I am obviously going to fail.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes as well, tries not to smile as he watches Hoseok practically bodyslam a demon, who laughs and lets him.

“Maybe anger fuels this shit and I should keep annoying you, who knows…”

“Hm,” Kihyun looks down at the preview and tongues at the corner of his lips. He looks back up and lifts the camera again, crouching and changing the focus. “Got me there,” he admits. At least that’s how it worked last time.

“Ah, but that was more protectiveness than anything…” Hyungwon tilts his head. “Maybe if I try and dump a whole mountain of snow on the puppy…”

Kihyun chuckles, “Would love to see you try.” He looks over and then down. “You don’t even leave footprints…” He scans Hyungwon up and down and then switches the camera off. “I’m curious. Do they give you those clothes in the afterlife, or is it all a figment of my own imagination? Like, _wow, would hate to see you naked_ , so my brain kind of paints your image with clothes on.”

Hyungwon snorts a loud laugh. “ _Well_ , actually saw myself recently. I was clothed. I looked older. Not sure if I do for you, too.” He shrugs. “At the end of the day we are our souls, and at least, in death, that’s what others see too. The ones who can. And it’s how you see yourself, I guess? I wouldn’t wanna walk around naked, alive or dead. Not too sure about your Sugar-Demon.” Hyungwon pauses. “Or Wonho, for that matter.”

“Ugh,” Kihyun scrunches his nose and gets up. “Sometimes I wonder… they’re so alike…” Kihyun shivers. “Am I secretly dating my best friend?” He gags. “Eugh!”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “Oh, relax, they’re as similar as you and I am. Conservative Brothers or whatever he used to call us. And that demon is _not_ my type. So no.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun tilts his head. “Hoseok is a bit…” He squints and tilts his head even more, it’s almost comical, “Too big…? Too soft…?” Kihyun shivers again, “He looks like a baby in Captain America’s body with, with a baby face…”

Hyungwon blinks, tilts his head too. “That’s it? That’s my type?” Hyungwon tilts his head back and shakes it. “Yeah, next year, get him a Captain America costume. Captain Korea. Something.” He waves, seemingly in thought. “Give him a shield. Paint a trash can lid.”

Kihyun tongues at the inside of his cheek to avoid smiling and looks down. “And you? I know you were the one sabotaging all his attempts at flirting every time we went out.”

Hyungwon laughs again. He’s doing that a lot today, more than usual. “ _That_ was _barely_ my fault. We were childhood sweethearts, the man never learned to flirt as much as just state things.”

“Huh,” Kihyun huffs, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Gross? But hey, be glad you’ve never heard Changkyun flirt.”

Hyungwon goes serious. “Please. I need humour in my life. How is he managing it.”

“I’m just nice,” Kihyun mumbles. “I thought you were a joke in itself. Want better humour than that?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes, throws his hands up. “Fine, if you won’t amuse me, I’ll just think of all the times I saw _you_ try to flirt. It’s a good thing you got Changkyun fresh out of Hell.”

Something sharp stabs at Kihyun’s back and he glares. “Wow, thanks. Always lifting my spirits and self-confidence, aren’t you?” He rolls his eyes. “For the record, I am _great_ at flirting. I just never really cared enough to actually _try.”_ He is not entirely sure he agrees with himself, though.

“Whatever you say,” Hyungwon sing-songs, watching as Hoseok tries to explain making snow angels and Changkyun insisting they’re not big enough. Kihyun watches them for a while and then snorts.

“What about you, then?” He looks at Hyungwon and purposely makes his voice two tones deeper, “ _‘Wonho, Wonho, do I have something in my eye?’_ Hyungwon asks for the third time in the past ten minutes.” Then Kihyun makes his voice higher and silly, “ _‘No, Wonwonie! You don’t! Stop doing that! It gives me heart skips!’_ No?”

Hyungwon stares afar, contemplates and then squeaks a--“Well it worked didn’t it!”

Kihyun brings his shoulders up and shivers even as he laughs. _“Ugh!_ It was so gross! I rolled my eyes so often I thought they were gonna get stuck at the back of my skull at some point!”

“Ah, yes, that was my favourite part,” Hyungwon sighs, smiles softly at the two of them, covered in snow. “It’s hilarious that you were actually _there_ for our first kiss, accidental as it may have been.”

Kihyun squints. “What, the paper game?” He makes a face. “Oh god, _that_ day…” Hoseok was so annoying throughout the rest of the day. Kihyun had been on the verge of hatred at some point. “He didn’t shut up the whole night with _what if this, what if that, what if he hates me, what if ugh._ I think I started saying ‘yes’ to all his questions after a while.”

Hyungwon laughs. “‘ _Does he hate me?’ ‘Yes’._ Such a good best friend.”

“He also asked me if you liked it and I said yes. You are welcome.”

Hyungwon blinks slow. “Freaking… Choir boy…”

Kihyun throws his arms up and pulls at his sleeves as he stretches. “Well,” he starts, voice strained before he relaxes again and starts walking. “It was kinda like… _‘What if he liked it!’_ ” Kihyun gasps dramatically and looks over his shoulder. _“‘No way!’_ And I go, _‘Yes’_ . And he goes, _‘Really!? Ya think?’_ And I go, _‘Yes’_ . And he goes, _‘Kiiiii, what do I do?’_ ” Kihyun snorts a laugh. “He realised I wasn’t paying attention when I answered _‘Yes’_ again.”

“Clearly you were paying attention…” Hyungwon grumbles. “Quoting him like that…”

“Best friend duty,” Kihyun informs. “You gotta pay attention even when you have to pretend you don’t care.”

“You were always mine, by the way,” Hyungwon shrugs. “Thought you oughta know.” Hyungwon coughs. “Butter you up for the… whatever.”

Kihyun stops and looks over. “Your what…?”

“Oh, shut up, you heard me.”

Kihyun squints and waves Hyungwon closer. “No, no, what was that?” He places a hand near his own ear. “I think the ringing spoke louder, couldn’t hear you for a second there.”

“I said you’re _annoying_ ,” Hyungwon says, walks determinedly past Kihyun. “Why the hell would I have someone so annoying as a best friend, geez.”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip and sinks his feet in the snow, the fabric of his Converse is starting to get wet, too. _These heart flip flops really need to stop_ , he thinks. But lately it seems everyone is keen on making each other feel happy and giddy. He, for instance, would be wearing the crown if Changkyun wasn’t so damn sappy all the time.

Energy sensing is not always positive. Kihyun knows that. Sometimes both ears ring. But the hurtful ringing only screams at his left. Changkyun is there, too, all the time. It’s what helps muffle everything else. And Kihyun can hear him when everything else is quiet, sometimes even when the world is screaming.

Hyungwon, however, has a very melancholic song. Kihyun wonders if all reapers sound like that, or if it’s just a Hyungwon thing. It’s so fucking dramatic that if Kihyun had to listen to it for a whole day he would probably end up crying. Like a build up, a hopeful build up and then a dramatic drop of never ending sadness. Almost fitting, considering…

Humans have no sound. Or, they do, but only the supernatural screams like it wants to be seen. Humans sound… small. And ‘sound’ isn’t even the right word. Their wavelength is so low Kihyun can only _feel_ them.

And then there’s Ki-Kyun. Maybe all cats sounds like that. A little purr at the back of Kihyun’s head. A little flame that shines between realms. Like Kihyun himself. If Kihyun can charge the ring with a wavelength that small, he can make it without exhausting himself. A small flame. A small, powerful flame of low consumption.

And then there’s a laugh Kihyun would recognise anywhere as Changkyun slips somewhere nearby, falls into a pile of snow. Kihyun looks up from his shoes. His feet are soaked and cold. He squeezes at the ring inside his pocket and sighs.

Just sound, no image. Like an old TV cable? Easier said than done.

He tries, tries to shine a little less and he can also feel the cold spread from his feet to his legs, from his hands to his arms. He shivers. How can someone sound as small as a cat when they burn like a wildfire? Can he do that without turning into a human--Nephilim popsicle?

Holding the ring a little tighter just to keep himself grounded, Kihyun tries again. But making himself brighter is a lot easier than shrinking his soul aura to a fist-sized ball. All he manages is a headache as his blood rushes to the extremities of his body to keep him warm.

He unearths his feet and sighs. First try, _a failure_.

“Kihyun!” Changkyun laughs, looking a lot like he’s being swallowed by a small bank of snow, arms flailing as Hoseok keeps adding snow to the pile. “Kihyun, welp me, I’m dwoning!”

Kihyun spits a laugh and then frowns. “Not falling for that. We both know you can blink your way out of there.”

But Changkyun keeps flailing, practically digging himself deeper into the pile and making loud, warbling noises before he lets his limbs relax. “Just bury me where I lie, Seokkie. Let the earth claim me.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and steps closer to Hyungwon while turning around to pretend to look at something else nearby. “Say, can I ask you something a tad… complicated and hope for a honest, serious answer?”

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow, watches Changkyun blink out of the pile and push Hoseok into it with a high pitched cackle. “Yeah, shoot, always ready for a heart to heart, me.”

 _‘So, if I talk to you like this… you won’t freak out?’_ Kihyun looks over and smiles a little.

Hyungwon’s chin retracts and he blinks. “ _Uhm_. Since when? It’ll definitely attract less attention on your side, I’ll give you that.”

“For once you will be the one talking to the air,” Kihyun laughs and reaches for his camera. The frozen branches over their heads look so beautiful. He angles the camera up and sighs.

_‘You’ve been there, right? Down there.’_

“What, Hell?”

 _‘Cryptic, please. Changkyun can still hear you.’_ Kihyun takes a few shots and brings the camera down to look at the previews. _‘Yes, down there.’_

Hyungwon bites at his lip, hard. He’s not an idiot. It’s not exactly a random question. “I’ve been there but I’ve never… Gone in? I kinda get stopped at customs, so to speak. Deliver the package and turn back.”

“I am going to ask you for a favor,” Kihyun says as he turns the camera off again. “Feel free to say no. But know that I will do it anyway, with or without you.” He looks over.

“You’re scaring me,” Hyungwon says and looks away. “Because I know you mean that.”

Kihyun looks down and then turns around to look at Changkyun, who’s trying to jump and reach a branch covered in snow, laughing when it does and the snow falls onto him. Kihyun smiles.

_‘I need help getting there. I don’t know the way. But you do.’_

Hyungwon’s reaction is expected, eyes wide and on him. “ _What_?! Are you insane?!”

“Well, I guess I have my answer,” Kihyun snorts, wanting to avoid any more outbursts. “Good talk.” He pats Hyungwon’s arm, and Hyungwon reaches out for his elbow.

_‘You don’t just get to leave after saying something like that. And I didn’t say no. This is about Kyun, right? You wanna save him?’_

Kihyun frowns. _‘I want to see if three minutes every night are worth it… He won’t tell me and I have a feeling that means it’s something really bad, which is expected.’_ He yanks his arm away and sighs. _‘I promised Hoseok I wouldn’t throw myself into the fire but… I need to know.’_

Hyungwon’s eyebrows are knit together, eyes down and hand hovering where Kihyun had let go. _‘Three minutes… Here or there?’_

Kihyun can’t help the way his heart drops. He knows Changkyun will hear it, but it can’t be helped. So, he pretends he slipped on something and wobbles, throwing a hand back to grab at Hyungwon’s hand.

“Sorry,” he huffs. “Slippery,” he lies. _Lies._ He shouldn’t lie.

_‘Here...’_

The air around them, if possible, feels even colder. The snow sticks to Kihyun’s clothes, and Hyungwon’s hand grips at Kihyun’s as if he’ll fall again.

 _‘All of humanity's’ sins, all their eternities, were paid in three days here, Kihyun…_ ’

And what can Kihyun say to that? Is it lying if Changkyun doesn’t tell him? Is it lying if Kihyun doesn’t tell Changkyun? It’s starting to feel grey again and Kihyun really doesn’t know what to do with grey.

_‘I just need to get to the door. The rest of it is on me. Will you help me or not?’_

Hyungwon lets go, swallows and nods. _‘Yeah. You fucking idiot, I’ll help you.’_

“Thank you,” Kihyun says. “I promise I will help you, too.”

Hyungwon nods again, steps back. “Go… Go hug him, he looks worried.”

Kihyun chuckles and walks away, giving a little run across the the path of puffy snow to where Changkyun and Hoseok are sitting on the ground. “Hey, are you two done?” He asks. “I was thinking we could get something to eat?” He grins at Changkyun who is looking at him with a soft frown, bottom lip sucked in. “I was thinking burgers? Because this is America.”

“Oooh!” Hoseok scampers up, dusts all the snow off of himself and smiles, nodding brightly. “Yes! And tonight--” he holds his hands up as if the next words are going to be ‘ta-dah!’ but instead it’s, “Pizza.”

Kihyun holds his hand out. “Come here? I’m cold. Thanks to…” He looks down and then over his shoulder to glare at Hyungwon, “Well. Yeah,” he looks back at Changkyun.

Hoseok gasps. “Was Hyungwon _bothering you_? The nerve. I’m gonna--” He picks up some snow, throws it to where Kihyun had been glaring. “There.”

Changkyun smiles softly, takes Kihyun’s hand and grins wide as he tugs him down, puts his hands over Kihyun’s pink ears. “I’m buying you a beanie.”

“With what money?” Kihyun groans, feeling cold everywhere. “I’m in charge of the dollars. Y’all my servants, now.”

“Not for long if you die of hypothermia,” Changkyun sticks his tongue out before kissing the tip of Kihyun’s nose and scrunching his own. “Cold!”

Kihyun points to himself, “Nephilim. I don’t get sick.”

“Yeah, but your feet are still cold as all fuck at night,” Changkyun laughs, pulls them both up.

“Careful with the camera!” Kihyun stresses.

“ _I know_ ,” Changkyun rolls his eyes, gives him a kiss on the cheek and turns to Hoseok who’s still just chucking snowballs at thin air. One or two actually go through Hyungwon.

“Great. Great,” Kihyun mumbles. “Now, food? I’m starving. My stomach is going to start eating at itself and it’s gonna regen and then digest and then regen and then- _-Please?!”_ He stresses again.

“Ah, yes, let me just check my mental library,” Changkyun says, taking his phone out of his pocket. “For my knowledge on New York burger restaurants…”

“Your mind palace looks rather small,” Kihyun teases.

“I need time to fill the database, Watson,” Changkyun teases back, sticks out his tongue and pokes at his phone. “Burger Joint. Sounds good enough. You in?”

“Joint?” Kihyun snorts. “Suuuuure. Hoseok?” He looks at him. “You good?”

“Tell me,” Hoseok wheezes, chucking another snowball and Hyungwon laughs behind his hand. “That I at least got him once.”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder and smiles. “Yeah. He--Yeah. Once or twice.”

Hoseok puts his thumbs up. “Then a joint sounds great, thanks.”

“Ohmygod…” Kihyun groans. He knows that joke will never die now.

 

\---

 

They have hamburgers and under the table Changkyun Googles ‘joint’ and doesn’t understand why it’s funny until he adds ‘slang’ in the keywords and laughs into his hand, wondering if that would even work on him. Maybe. Probably not. He’ll ask Kihyun later. But they eat and laugh and Changkyun remembers all the places he’d seen in articles as being good places to visit in New York, to take pictures.

But there’s this thing about bridges. Bridges, little connections between two things. And Changkyun knows they can be scary and beautiful, but… he likes them. Remembers Venice and the Rialto. Smiles softly as he takes Kihyun and Hoseok’s hands after lunch and blinks them to the one end of the Brooklyn Bridge.

Hoseok yelps and smacks his hand to his eyes and Kihyun laughs. The wind blows strong up there and everyone’s hair gets messy in less than a second. Hyungwon looks fine, though. Like he’s standing _behind_ the wind-turbine at a fashion shoot.

“Come on,” Kihyun lightly pokes Hoseok, “It’s a big, steady bridge, see?” He jumps. “It’s fine!”

Hoseok flails at Kihyun. “Don’t jump, you’ll make it angry!” He shifts with barely open eyes, past Kihyun to stand in the middle and grasp at their arms. And Kihyun throws his head back in a silent laugh that has his knees bending a little.

“Some things never change,” Hyungwon chuckles.

Changkyun’s lips form a little “Oh,” as he remembers, “Shit, sorry, you’re scared of heights.”

“No, I’m not,” Hoseok whimpers a little..

“No,” Kihyun laughs out loud now, “No, he is--n--not…” He turns away from them and wobbles as he laughs.

“We went bungee jumping,” Hyungwon starts, clearly trying not to laugh. “And even the pictures of how high we were scared him. We tried to get him to the edge but he started crying for his mother.”

“Can we walk now please,” Hoseok says in a small voice. Kihyun is on the floor a few feet away, still laughing.

“Do you want to go somewhere else, Seokkie?” Changkyun asks, voice wavering close to a laugh. “No--nobody will be mad.” But Kihyun _keeps laughing_ and Changkyun has to bite on his lip to stop himself from smiling as he imagines this man, nearly twice his size in width, crying for his mother. And _Kihyun keeps laughing_.

“Your boyfriend is kind of an asshole, Kyun,” Hyungwon says with a laugh of his own.

Hoseok whimpers a little and clings to Changkyun. “H--Hold my hand, okay? Don’t let go…”

Changkyun nods seriously, taking the man’s hand. “We’ll leave Kihyun here, too.” And Changkyun glares without kick over at Kihyun as he starts walking, Hoseok’s legs wobbling. “Just say if you need me to pick you up, big boy. It might look a bit odd but who cares.”

“What the hell,” Hyungwon says by the edge of the bridge, like gravity is not a thing. “Watch your hands, _demon._ ”

Changkyun smiles, pats Hoseok on the arm and blinks unbothered at Hyungwon.

“Kihyun! Collect your boyfriend, please?” Hyungwon calls, flinching when a seagull flies over him and shits through him, too. _“Great.”_ He glares. “Some respect would be nice!” And well, Kihyun just starts laughing all over again. He is not leaving that spot on the floor anytime soon.

Hoseok chuckles a little, eyes scrunched closed. “He’s still laughing, isn’t he?”

“Quite a lot, yes,” Changkyun says simply, gives him another pat on the arm. “Hey, Kihyun! We came here for pictures! He’s suffering for your art over here!”

“Yeah, _Kihyun,_ ” Hyungwon gritts out, “Respect!”

Kihyun snorts another laugh and wobbles as he gets up from the floor. “It--It went t--through,” he starts laughing again. _“Ohmygod,_ I can’t!”

And Changkyun looks forward, smiles to himself. It’s a beautiful bridge, crusted in white snow, and Hoseok is always warm, and good, and he can hear Hyungwon indignantly defend his permeability.

Kihyun is still laughing a little by the time he catches up to them, smiling at his camera as he paces and turns to stop in front of Hoseok.

“Hey, hey, look,” He holds his camera in front of of them. “You two look cute.”

Changkyun looks, squeezes Hoseok’s hand (“Hey!” Hyungwon calls from the peanut gallery) as Hoseok manages to open his eyes a little to look. He laughs and Changkyun smiles. Oddly enough, Hoseok looks almost smaller than Changkyun. There’s snow everywhere, on their clothes and heads and the bridge.

“Definitely going in the album,” Changkyun nods.

Kihyun brings the camera down just a little to look over as well and point at a corner. “He is right there, by the way, or, well, he _should_ be right there,” he chuckles.

Hoseok’s eyes open a little more, like he’s actually trying to see Hyungwon in a picture even Changkyun can’t see him in. “Oh,” Hoseok says, smiling a little and swallowing. “He’s… Probably jealous, isn’t he.”

“Yes,” Kihyun says at the same time Hyungwon says “No!”

“Also,” Kihyun snorts, “A seagull pooped over his head and, and, and it went th--through,” he snorts again, muffling the laugh with his hand, but it’s too late, because Changkyun _knew_ that that happened but he was a strong, strong whatever-he-is but then Hoseok starts laughing and it’s just too late. Changkyun and Hoseok both bend forward in a laugh, Hoseok clinging to Changkyun like an anchor.

And it’s so subtle Changkyun barely notices, but for a moment he couldn’t feel Kihyun right there next to them. Like his soul had shrunk so much it imploded. But then Changkyun looks up and Kihyun is right there, smiling a little at the floor. And when he looks up and their eyes lock, Kihyun’s smile looks a little sad, but he shrugs.

He must have tried. Must have failed.

“So!” Kihyun exclaims all of a sudden, “Where to?” He asks, slapping both hands on Changkyun’s cheeks-- _damn, he is cold!_

Changkyun blinks at him, cheeks pushed together and lips automatically pouting. “You said you wanted to show me a big tree?”

“A big tree is a terrible metaphor,” Hyungwon grumbles. “I doubt it’s that big anyway.”

Kihyun glares at Changkyun instead of Hyungwon. “Yes, a huuuuuuuuge tree. With pretty lights,” he squishes Changkyun a bit more. “And then Times Square!”

Hyungwon actually looks up at that and drops the frown. “I’ve always wanted to go to Times Square...”

“Times Square…?” Hoseok mumbles, nods. “Yeah, I wanna go there, too…”

Kihyun grins and leans in to make a kiss sound near Changkyun’s pouty lips. “Let’s go, then.”

 

\---

 

The sun is setting by the time they reach Rockefeller Center. And it’s so, so beautiful. All the lights have been turned on already, every tree Kihyun can see covered in fairy lights. There are people bustling around, families, couples, best friends… And then there’s them, all four of them, looking around with big, bright eyes.

“Wow,” Hoseok gapes, tugging at both Kihyun and Changkyun’s hands. “Oh my god!”

Hyungwon blinks, wanders a little, not even minding as people pass right through him. “I’ve seen pictures but… damn.”

“Do you like it?” Is the first thing Kihyun thinks to say, eyes on Changkyun, expectant.

“That,” Changkyun gapes, squeezing Kihyun’s hand and beaming up at the enormous Christmas tree in front of them, covered in red and yellow and all colour lights. “Is a really big tree…”

Kihyun moves his hand inside Changkyun’s and tangles their fingers. “Told you it was,” he says, looking around. Everything is so shiny… “Covered in little lights…” He mumbles and Changkyun lifts his arm to shift behind Kihyun, prop his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder as he looks at the lights.

“Like the night sky in one small place…”

Kihyun’s smile drops a little. _Three minutes is too long_ , his brain thinks. “Like forever in ‘right now’,” he says instead.

Changkyun’s arms squeeze around Kihyun’s middle, lips soft on his cheek. “Hey…”

“Yeah?” Kihyun says softly, sighs and melts a little.

“I love you,” Changkyun starts, pressing forward with his lips before nuzzling at Kihyun’s cheek with his nose. “We’re going to fill that album with memories, okay? We’ll… eat somewhere we can see the Eiffel Tower, make love under the stars somewhere tropical… Maybe not take a picture of that, maybe just the beach,” Changkyun chuckles. “We’ll fill that album and then get another one.” He kisses Kihyun’s cheek again, and Kihyun can feel the smile on his lips. “And another.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says softly, smiling despite the little heartache. “Promise.” He says. He doesn’t ask. It’s not Changkyun’s promise. It’s his own. “Also. I wanna go on a cruise.” He adds because he can’t help it. “But I will pay for that one…”

“A cruise?” Changkyun asks, swaying them a little. There’s a song playing in the background, on giant speakers on the sides of the ice rink. Some English upbeat summer song. “Like, on one of those big boats?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun laughs, “Like that movie I showed you, the Titanic. But bigger. And a lot safer, too.”

Changkyun gasps. “That movie was sad! I still can’t believe you made me watch it!” He leans away to pout before it fades into contemplation. “...They still have cars on boats, yeah?”

Kihyun shoves at him. “Oh god, don’t even!”

“Kihyuuuuuuuun ~” Hoseok whines and throws his arms around him. “Into the ooooceaaaaan,” He shakes Kihyun by the shoulders.

“Ugh,” Kihyun rolls his eyes, “No.”

“The ocean?” Changkyun asks, eyebrows raised and smiling curiously at Hoseok and Kihyun.

Hoseok throws an arm around Kihyun and flings his other arm, almost hitting a passerby in the face. “Sing with meeeee!”

Kihyun glares. “No!”

Hoseok whines, loud, startling a passing woman. “ _Kihyuuun_.”

“Oh, I do not like this at all,” Hyungwon throws into the conversation as Changkyun laughs.

“Hey, you’ve heard me sing before, Kihyun, it’s only fair.” Changkyun complains without bite.

“It’s too high,” Kihyun whines, “The key is too high, I can’t--”

“You did it last summer! Drunk and all!” Hoseok grumbles. “ _Come ooon_ , the song’s only that _loooong_.”

Kihyun coughs and clears his throat just in case. His face is burning up for some reason. And Hoseok starts singing on his own, loud and off-key-- _Why!!_ Kihyun hates it when he does that. He can feel himself cringe, eyebrows knitting when Hoseok throws in a verse, out of rhythm, too.

Hyungwon’s groaning, “Wonho, _please_ , I know you can sing, you _asshole_.”

So, because it annoys him--only because it annoys him, Kihyun sings a little, too. Softly, under Hoseok’s loud voice, still cringing as he does, his voice sounding in falsetto because he can’t reach the damn key.

He mumbles, mumbles, and then _“Somewhere,”_ sounds a little louder, because Hoseok is so loud, too, it’s killing him. So Kihyun scrunches his nose and grabs at his earlobe, eyes closing when he tries to reach for the right note, his voice comes out a little husky,   _“I can go and feel unknown, that’s all I need; all I want is to stay a little longer now; arms around me like a border.”_

And Hoseok sings, too, loud and still a little off-key, totally on purpose, _“Like an endless stream you take me in, to a place that I’ve never been; now I’m--”_

_“Giving in to your touch; I will never get enough.”_

And they both talk over the lyrics laughing a little when they ‘rap’, _“Dive in deep into the ocean.”_ Hoseok finishing with a loud “Woh!” and spins away from Kihyun, lifting Kihyun’s hand to spin him whether he consents or not.

Kihyun rolls his eyes as he does and then slap Hoseok’s arm away, “Go away, you expose me, I hate you,” he says, laughing anyway because why not. Something tugs at his cardigan and Kihyun looks over, sighing a little when he does.

“Hey!” Changkyun says, almost chastising, eyes a little shiny. “How come you never said you could sing like that!”

Kihyun chuckles, fingers brushing over Changkyun’s who immediately takes his hand “I don’t know?”

“I’ve been deprived!” Changkyun announces, a passerby looking curiously at the loudly exclaimed Korean.

Kihyun shoves a hand at his face, “Shhhhhhhhhh, no, you haven’t, I’ve--” He stops himself, licks his lips and looks away. “A--Anyway.”

And Changkyun gently trails his fingers by Kihyun’s jaw, a little force to make Kihyun look at him before he kisses his fingers, loud and scrunching his entire face into it, eyes crinkling into little lines before he smiles and presses his kissed fingers to Kihyun’s lips.

Kihyun blinks a little wide eyed. His chest feels warm, his face feels warm, he can hear his heart knock at his eardrums. His shoulders slump and he looks down, a little pout, too. “Hug me, you idiot…” He mutters. Because this is America and no one cares.

So Changkyun laughs, scoops Kihyun up and spins him around in a tight hug. “Next time, Vegas!”

“We are not getting--” _‘Married…’_

Changkyun leans back with a massive smile and a little sigh. “True, we already are,” he sing-songs.

“Ugh,” Kihyun wants to say he hates it, but he doesn’t. So, he fakes disgust, “Eugh…” And shivers. But he still tugs at Changkyun’s hand, lifting both their arms to reveal the silver bracelets.

Which Hoseok seems to smell like a damn bloodhound. “Is that!”

Kihyun flings their arms back down, “Nope!” He almost shouts.

“That’s not suspicious,” Hyungwon adds helpfully.

“ _Kihyunnie_ ,” Hoseok coos, paws at Kihyun’s arm. “Are those your mum’s bracelets?” He throws his head back. “I’m so _emo_.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes, “Shut up,” he pouts and Changkyun’s still just smiling at him like an idiot.

Hoseok lets out another loud dramatic cry before he gathers the two of them in his arms. “ _I love you guys_.”

Changkyun laughs, lifts both of them just a little but must have thought better of it. “Hey, Seok. Ready to see Times Square?” Kihyun feels like a sundae squished between the two of them, but he just scrunches his nose and pretends it bothers him more than it actually does.

Hoseok squeals in delight and Changkyun takes it as confirmation, and suddenly they’re surrounded by people so busy going from one place to another they don’t even notice three people popping out of nowhere. One guy blinks at them for a second before shaking his head with a laugh and carrying on, but that’s about it.

It’s not as busy as Kihyun had seen in pictures before, and it seems a lot more like a tourist trap than anything else, but Hoseok lights up, eyes apparently trying to take in every single billboard and screen on the buildings around them. There’s music nearby, and it sounds live. Changkyun plopped them down somewhere near food, too; it smells like pretzels and hotdogs.

And it’s _big_. Kihyun isn’t sure how big he’d imagined it to be, but just having to completely look up to see the tops of buildings in every which direction is enough to make him feel small.

He takes in a short breath, eyes wide as he looks around. Kihyun is used to feeling his soul touch every dark corner, every wall, every large street… He is used to feeling like he needs to hide because he burns so bright the darkness smiles at him even in broad daylight. But here? Here everything is brighter than him. Here everything is bigger than him. It makes him feel antsy. Like a small soul in a big, big world.

“It really is… _something,”_ he says to himself, slowly letting go of Changkyun’s hand.

Hyungwon smiles a little to himself, watching as Hoseok apologises in broken English for bumping into someone in his excitement to spin around and behold everything.

“When he was being ridiculous,” Hyungwon says, eyes a little sad. “Just talking in bed, late at night, he’d joke, say you’d--” Hyungwon gestures at Kihyun. “--Take a picture of me so beautiful they’d have to put me on every billboard in Times Square.”

Kihyun looks down and smiles, “You’re not that pretty. Don’t get smug.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “I said when he was being ridiculous, put your ears on, hamster.”

“He is always being ridiculous.”

Hoseok tugs at Kihyun’s arms, startling him slightly as he looks at him with wide eyes, bright with a smile. “You’re talking to Hyungwon, right? He always wanted to come here.”

Kihyun nods a little. He starts fidgeting with his camera, the antsy feeling bubbling in a mix of sadness and anxiety. “You’re both here, now…” He mumbles. It feels a little like fear, but he’s not sure what he’s supposed to be afraid of.

“I was gonna,” Hyungwon swallows, looks away. “Get those stupid rings from you and book a flight…” He reaches up, pinches the bridge of his nose. “ _Ugh_.”

It bubbles like boiling water and Kihyun realises it’s not fear, not exactly. It’s guilt. Something he’s been wanting to say but never had the chance. Something he’s been wanting to face but was kind of hoping he wouldn’t have to.

“Hoseok,” he calls.

Hoseok blinks away from staring at a nearby billboard, smiling wide. “Hmm?”

How to even start? From the beginning? There is no beginning. There’s just an inevitable end. And it starts with a little of truth. The second-to-last step.

“I lied to you,” Kihyun says simply, voice calm despite the loud heartbeat and the guilt eating at his stomach. “You asked me if I knew what, what the rings were for and I said I had no idea.” He feels his eyebrows knit as Hoseok’s smile dims, Hyungwon straightens up, tense, and the corners of Kihyun’s lips dip, “I lied. I… I don’t know why. Part of me just wanted you spare you but I think in the end I was just sparing myself.” He shifts and sighs, giving his best to force the words out. “He… Hyungwon was… He told--”

“I know…”

Kihyun looks up. “Huh?”

Hoseok laughs, sniffing a little as he nods, looks down. “I’m… I’m not an idiot, you know.”

“But,” Kihyun frowns. “You never…” He shakes his head. “He was there. That day, he came over to, to get the damn things and…” He looks down. “I’m sorry… I… knew.” There. Truth. And it chokes him a little.

“You knew he was going to propose?” Hoseok laughs again, wipes at his eyes. “Anyone who knew him knew he was going to propose, the man’s a window.”

“N--No, Hoseok… I… _knew.”_

Hoseok pauses, hand falling from his face. He frowns like he’s trying to solve an equation, scrunches his eyes closed. “You… what.”

Kihyun fidgets, eyes trained down. His hand wants to reach out for Changkyun but he palms at his own jeans instead. This is not something Changkyun can help with. It’s Kihyun’s own problem.

“When people make a decision that will take them down a _short_ path of life, a Hallow appears over their heads,” Kihyun explains slowly. His feet feel cold again. “I can’t always see it. But ever since we were little I…” He glances quickly at Hyungwon before looking down. “Sometimes, it was there. Every time Hyungwon made decision towards this end, I could see it. It’s a Reaper’s brand.” Kihyun licks his lips and looks up, eyes on Hoseok’s face. “The day he came by… it was there. Huge. All around him. I knew… I knew I should’ve done something… All this lying, all this time trying to forget… It cost me a best friend and it cost you someone you loved. I’m sorry…”

“Love,” Hoseok gasps a little, like he’s trying to find solid ground, trying to breathe underwater, hand out for something to hold onto. “Not loved, I…”

“Yeah,” Kihyun says, feeling cold up to his shoulders. “Someone you love.” He reaches for the ring inside his pocket and fidgets a little with it. “I… I can’t do much now… and it’s okay if you hate me but…”

“I couldn’t,” Hoseok says and Kihyun knows he’s crying, even with his head ducked, still looking like he’s going to topple over at the slightest breeze. “Do you think you could have saved him?”

Kihyun feels a burn behind his eyes and looks up. “I don’t know… but maybe if I knew as much as I do now or more… maybe I could have done something. Because it was my decision, too. Or rather, my lack of… because I chose to do nothing. Everything counted, I guess. But I should’ve been more responsible.”

Hoseok nods, slow, still not looking up. “I’m not… sure what to think about this, Kihyun, I just _don’t_ …”

It’s a strange sensation. It pulses loudly in his ears but Kihyun is certain only he heard it, like a thump, a heartbeat, loud, his but also not his. And then everything feels ten times bigger, monumental, magnanimous, like he just shrunk himself into nothing.

“I--It’s okay,” he says and it echoes behind his ear. “You don’t have to… deal with it. Or rather, do it however you like. But I needed to tell you. It’s… been eating at me since forever. I’m tired of lies holding me back… Sorry. It’s selfish, I know…”

“If you knew he was going to die,” Hoseok asks with almost no emotion. It barely sounds like him. “Why didn’t you do anything.”

Kihyun’s eyes move to Hyungwon but before they jump to Changkyun, Kihyun trains them forward again. “Because I was afraid… Because it was better to think it was something out of my control. But I kind of knew and I know _now_ that… I could’ve done something. Fate is… something that changes with every decision you make. And… yeah.”

“Right,” Hoseok nods again, takes a deep breath. “You… you didn’t kill him. It’s not your fault.”

“I…” Kihyun thumbs at the ring and brings it out of his pocket to stare at it. The glass gem at the centre is shining a little blue. “I will always regret it. And this is, in no way, me trying to make up for it but,” He sighs and steps a little closer, walking around Hoseok until they’re side by side, and hands the ring to Hyungwon. “Merry Christmas, Wonho…” Kihyun says with a little smile before he steps back and shoves his hands in his pockets.

And Kihyun watches as snow falls onto Hyungwon’s shoulders, sticks a little in his hair, and he stumbles back like he’d been hit with a strong wind.

“What…” Hyungwon starts, and someone passes by, bumps into him. He startles again, jumps away from it, eyes wide and when he looks at Hoseok, Hoseok looks right back. Hyungwon’s face freezes, eyes wide. “You…”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip and looks down, feet rooting where he stands. He lifts a hand, though, and pushes Hoseok a little with his fingers. Just enough to will him forward.

Hoseok stumbles, stares for a moment longer. And Kihyun barely hears the choked out “ _Hyungwonnie_ ,” before he falls forward and pulls Hyungwon into a crushing hug. And when they touch, Kihyun feels his soul expand again, a slow pulse that dissipates around the four of them and whoever passed them by.

It’s not tiring. It just is. Like a little purr behind his ear, waiting back home.

“C--Can I…?” Kihyun asks, his voice wavering a little.

Hoseok’s arm shoots out from where he’s obviously sobbing into Hyungwon’s chest, grabbing at where he supposes Kihyun is. “You--” Hoseok sobs. “You’re so stupid. Get in here.” And Kihyun doesn’t even have time to give a step forward because Hoseok pulls him into the hug, Kihyun’s face squishing between both their shoulders.

“Gosh,” Kihyun gasps, “You’re cold. I thought you’d feel warmer now…” He clings to them anyway. Because the last time they hugged like this, they were probably ten years old.

“I’m still dead, you moron,” Hyungwon says, also definitely crying. Which, the last time Kihyun had heard _Hyungwon_ cry… So very long ago.

Nearby, Changkyun sniffles, explains to a woman in English. “They’re--It’s just been a while for them and--Oh, a tissue? Don’t mind if I do.”

“Ah,” Kihyun sniffles, his nose blocked, his voice a little thick even if he hasn’t actually cried, “I should warn you I have a ten meters radius for this thing… Sorry…” He looks to Hyungwon. “He will always be able to hear you and see you, though. Unless I die.” He jokes because he can’t help it.

“Or I do,” Hoseok jokes as well, leaning back to furiously wipe at his face but Hyungwon’s hand stops him, fingers wiping at Hoseok’s tears, eyes wet with tears but nothing short of in wonder.

“I… I can finally do that,” Hyungwon breathes, wiping away another tear.

Hoseok laughs. “Hyungwon, please, my best friend is literally right here, you _gross_.”

“Yeah…” Kihyun stays stuck between their chests, one considerably _‘chestier’_ than the other. “I am still here. Major throwback…”

“Hey,” Hoseok says, smacks Hyungwon’s hand away to wipe at his own tears. “Remember when we thought it was a good idea to go to the prom. Like, all three of us.”

“Ohmygod, why would you bring that up?” Kihyun grumbles. He wiggles his arms, flails actually, but he’s stuck. “Help… I don’t wanna be here for the rest of this reminiscence.”

Hyungwon and Hoseok both laugh, and Hoseok leans back a little to wave his arm back at Changkyun, who’s blowing into a tissue. “Kyun, join for a sec and then steal him away but not too far, I have a dead boyfriend to smooch.”

“Ew!” Kihyun whines, “I knew you were into some weird shit!”

“Desperate times,” Hoseok laughs, tugs at Changkyun who startles and topples over them, bringing them all down. “And shut up, you’re not better!”

“No idea what you could possibly mean,” Kihyun says. “My alive boyfriend can’t even touch me without my permission and--ugh this sounds so weird to say… I can’t even kiss him!” Kihyun wiggles to try to get away.

“Bitter, bitter,” Hyungwon tuts, helps Kihyun along with a light shove, Changkyun squeaking loudly and rolling away from Kihyun.

“Say that again,” Kihyun grunts as he gets up, patting the snow away from his clothes and hurrying to check his camera, “I will run so fast the two of you will have to run after me if you wanna smooch.”

There’s no reply, and when Kihyun looks over his shoulder to chastise them for ignoring him, Hyungwon’s face is barely visible between Hoseok’s hands, faces squished together in a kiss Kihyun has to look away from. For many, many, _many_ reasons.

“By the way,” Kihyun says, voice flat, eyes on a building across the street, “Reapers can’t get it up. _Earthly pleasures_ are beyond them,” he teases, a glint of evil slipping into his tone.

“Ya!” Hyungwon says, breaking the kiss to smack, hard at whatever he can reach that’s a part of Kihyun. “Not like it fucking matters in a ten metre radius, you asshole!”

Kihyun looks over his shoulder and down at him, eyebrow raised. “It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. The wall was _very_ thin…”

Hoseok blinks down at the floor. “Oh, _no_.”

“Bit of a delayed reaction, there, Wonho…”

Kihyun scrunches his nose and shivers, turning around to glare. “We are in the middle of the street, Hoseok! In the middle! Of a very. Busy. street! What the fuck is wrong with you! Go think about that somewhere else!” He breathes and turns away again. “It’s not even been ten minutes, I am so tired already… God.”

Changkyun stares up, starfished on the pavement. There’s a little cap in the flow of the crowd, as if to accommodate for the kid lying on the floor for no real reason. “I’m glad earthly pleasures aren’t beyond demons.”

Kihyun points somewhere, “I am going to walk in that direction now. Have fun, y’all.” He announces as he tries to keep his head down so people won’t look at his face.

“Hey!” Changkyun flails from the floor, before blinking himself next to Kihyun. “Did you just cancel our date so Hyungwon and Hoseok can make out in Time Square?”

Kihyun glares over his shoulder and turns to look away again when he sees the other two, well, making out. “If I were them, I’d put me on a leash. So I kind of get it,” He mumbles.

“Jealous we can’t make out in Times Square?” Changkyun raises an eyebrow. “I am. But!” Changkyun turns a little, cups his hands over his mouth. “I LOVE THIS MAN!”

Kihyun startles, eyes wide as he tries to hide his face like he doesn’t know Changkyun. Kihyun is not excellent at English, but he understood that.

“THIS ONE RIGHT HERE! HIDING HIS FACE, PRETENDING HE DOESN’T KNOW WHO I AM! I LOVE HIM!”

“Shut up,” Kihyun yells, throwing a hand over Changkyun’s mouth, _“Shhhhhhhhh!”_

There’s a nearby cheer and a wolf-whistle, a shout from a stranger; “Yeah, get it!”

These people are way too liberal for Kihyun’s taste. But despite the cringe attack, he can’t deny he is a little happy.

“Please, don’t shout,” Kihyun says in a whisper, pulling his hand back a little to let Changkyun talk, “Why would you do that?”

“ _Because_ I think we just made a few people jealous, ourselves,” Changkyun teases, tongue between his teeth.

“Gosh,” Kihyun groans, pulling Changkyun into a hug and hiding his face in the crook of Changkyun’s neck, “I don’t care about that…” Maybe he does, just a little.

“You’re also a damn catch,” Changkyun laughs, squeezing Kihyun tight with a loud kiss on his cheek. “They should know.”

“Are they still making out?” Kihyun asks to jump over the _who’s better looking_ conversation.

“It’s like a crime scene, honestly.”

He sighs. “I wanted to eat something… I honestly had no idea they’d be able to touch… Maybe I tried too hard, ugh.”

“Overachiever,” Changkyun teases, moving them back, away from Hyungwon and Hoseok just a tad. “What happens if we move out of radius, do you think…”

“Hoseok will have Hyungwon inside him. Literally.”

Changkyun stops walking, shivers and shakes his head. “Nope. No. Thanks.”

“Wouldn’t want a Reaper phasing through me either…” Kihyun shivers. “He is so cold…” He squeezes Changkyun tighter. “You on the other hand, are so warm.” Kihyun wiggles his fingers and slides them under Changkyun’s coat, hoodie and shirt, cold palms slapping at his lower back. “Oh! So warm!”

Naturally, Changkyun squeals and arches forward, away from Kihyun’s cold fingers. “AH! WHY AREN’T YOU WEARING GLOVES?”

Kihyun presses his hands on Changkyun’s skin again and grins. “Because fumbling with my camera while wearing gloves would end in a disaster I would like to avoid.”

Changkyun has that kind of pout where he knows Kihyun’s right, so he arches a little closer, pulls Kihyun’s hands up on his back and tries to keep them covered with his jacket. “Gonna have to just _make_ you warm then.”

Kihyun looks over to where Hoseok is now sitting on the floor, crushing Hyungwon between his arms. “That turned out rather alright, didn’t it? I mean… had it not worked, I would be… in trouble,” he chuckles.

“I think... you might have to start believing in fate, Kihyunnie,” Changkyun says, idly looking around.

“Why. Fate sucks. I’d rather believe in people and their ability to choose.” He frowns. “Believing in fate is what… What got me in trouble.”

“Fate is what go me here, at all,” Changkyun says. “And I’m destined and all that crap, but fate _brought me to you_ , so I’d rather believe in fate than most.”

“So if fate tore us apart… would you still believe in it?” Kihyun asks, leaning back to look at Changkyun. “Accept it that easily?”

“Fate brought me to you, and purpose wants to tear us apart and to that I said ‘no’.” Changkyun shifts, eyes everywhere but on Kihyun. “And our destiny is ours to make.”

Kihyun blinks and lets his hand fall from under Changkyun’s shirt. “If you say so,” he steps back and glares at Hoseok. “Hey… Hey! I get it but can we get off the street?”

Hoseok turns to beam at Kihyun, turn it to Hyungwon. “We have the nicest hotel rooms!”

“Five feet apart because it’s not gay,” Kihyun mumbles. “I hope you are still _not_ thinking about what I think you’re thinking. I swear…” He warns but lets it hang.

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “You realise there’s a reason I _knock_ before I visit you two…  Like _rabbits_.”

“Ra--” Kihyun’s eyes widen and his face heats up. “Gross!” He turns around and starts walking away. “Bye!” He can almost see it, a faint, almost transparent aura that moves when he does. He misses it if he stares at it directly, but he can notice it by the corner of his eye or in the background when he focuses on something else.

“What time is it?” Changkyun asks himself from closeby, unlocking his phone, one of Kihyun’s recent selfies smiling up at him (and Changkyun can’t help his own smile too, then). But then he sees the time and kind of nods, swallowing. Kihyun can practically _hear_ it.

He looks over his shoulder and sees Hoseok scramble up to run after them. “What’s up?” Kihyun asks, looking at Changkyun then.

“It’s not happened yet,” Changkyun shrugs casually. “Been kinda worried about just giving you guys a dead body for three minutes and explain it to the police or whatever.”

Kihyun stops, eyes automatically down to glare at the floor. Someone bumps into his shoulder and he barely looks up, only mildly aware that Hoseok is now behind him. He wants to ask about it… but now it’s not the right time. It’s never the right time to ask about it. And up until now Kihyun has barely asked anything because he knows Changkyun doesn’t want to talk about it. But…

He looks over his shoulder and glares at Hoseok. “Oh, look, you’re not kissing him anymore. What a surprise.” _Shut up, Kihyun, you just admitted to lying about something big, just shut up._ He frowns and looks down. “W--Where do you guys want to go. I… I’m hungry.”

“You said pizza, right?” Hyungwon asks, looking around at them, quite obviously lingering at Hoseok. Probably weird that he can actually look _back_. “Well, one of you did, anyway.”

Hoseok points to himself and beams at Hyungwon, “I did!”

Hyungwon visibly flusters. “Y-yeah, then you guys get… that, then.”

“I will eat two for you, babe, don’t worry!” Hoseok says, smile growing even wider (if that’s at all possible). He clings. “So, let’s go!”

Kihyun looks down and smiles a little to himself. Because it feels like what they would have had, maybe. If everything had been normal. If Hyungwon never died, if Changkyun was just some random kid at a party (maybe with a rich family who would sponsor them for international travel…). If Kihyun was just… Kihyun. “Yeah,” he breathes before looking up. “Let’s go.”

Sometimes, life finds a way to make up for certain things. Because if Kihyun was just Kihyun, then Changkyun would have never existed; Hyungwon would just be dead; Hoseok would forever feel a void so big Kihyun would never be able to fill it, no matter how hard he tried.

“So… pizza joint?”

“ _Ugh_.”

And Changkyun laughs, blinks them somewhere else, to a hipster looking pizza shop with exposed light-bulbs, chalkboard on the walls and a wooden swing inside, old-timey red and white canopies. It smells like pepperoni and garlic and Hoseok wastes no time dragging Hyungwon in with him, bouncing in line and beaming at Hyungwon who’s doing very little else besides just smiling back, thumb soft on the back of Hoseok’s hand.

Changkyun’s hand squeezes on Kihyun’s, moving to hold him around the waist, side by side. “Hey, you wanna know something?”

Kihyun glances down at Changkyun’s hand resting over his hip. He licks his lips and looks around without making much of a fuss. “Hm?”

“Without you,” Changkyun looks over at him with a small smile. “None of us would be here.”

Kihyun looks back and blinks. He needs to look down right away, though, because something burns at the back of his eyes. “O--Oh.” He says, laughing a little. He swallows the lump in his throat. “Without you… all of you, I… I wouldn’t be here either.” He nods. “I’m glad I am, though. No matter what. I’m glad I am.”

 _Even if everything ended tomorrow_.

Changkyun leans in, gives Kihyun a lingering kiss on his cheek. “Getting to love you is the best thing I’ll ever do. Thank you for existing, for letting me feel so much.”

The burn behind Kihyun’s eyes snaps and he turns to shake Changkyun. “Ugh--You made me cry! How am I supposed to go inside, now?” Kihyun leans his forehead on Changkyun’s arm and rubs his eyes and nose on Changkyun’s jacket.

Hoseok screeches from inside: “THAT’S GUCCI!”

“I don’t care!” Kihyun shouts back, bringing his arms around Changkyun to hug him, face moving to rub his nose on Changkyun’s  shoulder. “Here, take my snot!”

“ _Best thing I’ll ever do_ , he says,” Changkyun squirms, laughing. “ _Take my snot_ , he answers. Geddoff with your damn juices.”

Kihyun squeezes. “No! Now you have to let me cry until I’m done!” He’s not even crying anymore. But he might as well just take advantage.

Changkyun sighs dramatically, pats Kihyun on the back and kisses at Kihyun’s head. “There there. Would an ‘I love you, you’re even beautiful when you cry’ help this situation or…”

“Hm,” Kihyun thinks, leaning back just slightly to look at Changkyun. Kihyun knows he probably looks like a puffed tomato right now, which is not exactly beautiful but… “Maybe. If you say it like you mean it.”

Changkyun smiles soft, reaches up to thumb away the wetness on his cheek. “You’re perfect,” Changkyun says in a breath and Kihyun closes his eyes and shivers all the way down.

“I’m not what perfect looks like,” Kihyun says and sticks his tongue out. “Joking,” he scoffs and tugs at Changkyun’s hand. “I’m handsome as fuck. Come on. I’m not crying anymore.”

“Yeah, I know, your stomach told me. In many tongues.”

“Yeah, tongues. Later,” Kihyun mumbles, snorting a laugh to himself.

“Sounds promising,” Changkyun laughs, moving to have his arm around Kihyun’s waist again, leading him in. “Now. What’s pepperoni and is that what’s smelling so damn good.”

It was. And Changkyun liked it so much Kihyun had to smack his hand away from eating it off the pizza. Hoseok, unused to thin base and also promising to eat for two (even telling a confused looking waitress that he’d be ‘eat for two’) ate an _incredible_ amount of pizza, and the whole night, Hyungwon smiled. Small, barely there, but genuine, hand in Hoseok’s.

All in all, a perfect double date.

Because _yes_ , that’s what perfect looks like right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now playing: [The Ocean](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGQFZxIuURE) by Mike Perry.


	22. Ashes: The Gates of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An inordinate desire to possess more than one needs. Heavens’ scapegoat. And a tune so pure in its nature, it almost sounds too beautiful to be stuck in a place like this. It swirls around the air like a whispers, a breeze that scatters the ash as it flows.

Kihyun manages a soft landing over the bed, face deep into the pillows. Thankfully, hotels usually have pillows to spare. There’s no such thing as too many pillows.

“I need to work on that thing but I feel exhausted,” he says. “If I fall asleep, _please_ , wake me up.”

“But you’re so pretty when you sleep,” Changkyun comments idly, rummaging around in the mini fridge. “I don’t know if I could convince myself to bring the frowns back.”

Kihyun flops to his back like a fillet and stares at the ceiling for a moment before he sits up. He frowns. Then notices he’s frowning and tries to make another face, but that only aggravates the frown. He shivers. “You know we will have to pay for whatever you take from the fridge, right? Well, _you_ will. I am _not_ paying for that.”

Changkyun sheepishly puts a pack of chocolate covered peanuts back into the fridge and kicks it closed when he gets up. “I _could_ if I wanted to, by the way. My days of living off of you are _over_. I owe you so much,” he sighs dramatically, spotting the fluffy gowns on the dresser. “Oooh.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Kihyun says as he rolls his eyes. “But if you’re bent on paying me back then kisses and hugs are fine.”

Changkyun laughs, “You’re sappy when you’re tired.” He walks closer, hovers his face close to Kihyun’s. “I should tire you out more often.”

“I am not exactly physically tired,” Kihyun mumbles, eyes shifting over Changkyun’s face before he looks down at his own hands. “Just emotionally tired.” He shrugs, noticing the familiar purr behind his ear. It feels weird being able to maintain it without making a conscious effort but realizing he _is_ making an effort when he focuses on it.

Changkyun smiles, pulling his lips into a line to let his dimples show, bent forward with his hands behind his back as he nods. “It’s been a long day… For a lot of reasons. Are you okay..? I was worried the thing with Hyungwon tired you out, too, but it didn’t _feel_ like it.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder, eyes going between Changkyun and his own hands. “Telling Hoseok the truth was ten time more exhausting than making my soul shrink.” He chuckles. “I can’t believe I just said ‘soul’ and ‘shrink’, one after the other, in the same sentence, out loud.”

Changkyun laughs softly, spinning before he falls down on the bed himself. “Try ‘demon boyfriend’ or…” Changkyun frowns. “Well, I’m sure there’s _more_ but you get my point. Normal is…” He gestures vaguely at the ceiling. “Weird.”

Kihyun lets himself fall back next to Changkyun. “I think part of me still wants things to be normal… well, some things, not _all_ of them. But at the same time… I’m… I don’t want to say fine? Things are never fine on this end, but… well, yeah. I don’t think I’d be happy if suddenly everything went back to normal.”

“I’m flattered,” Changkyun says with a small smile. “I want to say ‘I get it’ but I didn’t exist in this realm less than two months ago so…” Changkyun trails off.

“Well, I’m glad you do. Even if it’s selfish of me to say so.”

“Hey, I like it here! Great realm, nice sights, good company, yadda yadda.”

Kihyun scrunches his nose and sighs. He turns, flops over Changkyun and lies his head down on his chest. Changkyun’s arms come up to fold around Kihyun. _Warm. So warm._

“You know your heart is really loud, right? It sounds like it’s going to explode at every beat,” Kihyun says and then laughs.

“And _whose_ fault is that?” Changkyun laughs with him. “If you didn’t notice, the most beautiful boy in the world just _draped himself_ all over me.”

“It’s been almost two months, Changkyun. Shouldn’t you be used to it?” Kihyun teases even if his body is currently melting over Changkyun like cheddar over a burger.

Changkyun hums with a smile. “Mm, not sure. Say something nice, let’s see what happens.”

“Something nice. Let’s see what happens.”

“Truly, the man I feel for,” Changkyun sighs before laughing again, squeezing at Kihyun’s waist. “You’re _silly_. Admit it.”

“I am twenty, uh, five. There is nothing silly about that,” Kihyun mumbles. “You’re the silly one.”

“Well, yes, I am,” Changkyun tilts his head. “What’s wrong with being silly?”

Kihyun pushes himself a bit up and plops back down. He kisses Changkyun’s cheek. “Nothing. I love you, silly.”

And there it is. The little skip in Changkyun’s heartbeat, a break between the loud rhythm. “Maybe weird will be our normal.”

“I heard that,” Kihyun laughs. Usually it’s the other way around. “And no, I don’t think it _will_ be. I think it already is.”

Changkyun smiles soft, before it falls. “ _Kihyun_. How many ‘rights’ has it been?! Oh my god,” he deadpans. “I stopped counting. I am a failure.”

Kihyun snorts and raises his head to look properly at him. “I told you we should have bought a board.” He brings a hand up to comb through Changkyun’s hair, pulling it all the way back to kiss his forehead. The skin there is so soft Kihyun can’t help himself. He rubs his lips a bit and then kisses Changkyun again. “Shame, though. That was fun.”

Changkyun giggles, squirming a little under Kihyun’s lips. “That was wasting at _least_ ten percent of my brain power,” Changkyun jokes. “Seriously, we say ‘right’ a _lot_.”

“Right?” Kihyun jokes.

“Two hundred and something!” Changkyun says through a laugh. “I don’t know!” He moves a hand up, pokes the apple of Kihyun’s cheek where it dimples. “Cuuuute.”

Kihyun scrunches his nose. “Suuuure.”

Changkyun pokes at the scrunch. “ _Cuuuuute_.”

“I’m gonna bite that finger off, I swear…”

Changkyun retracts the finger, wiggles his eyebrows. “I don’t need a finger to point, you know.” And then breaks with a loud laugh, hand coming up to his mouth, voice muffled. “Why did I say that!”

“Oh my god…” Kihyun lets his head fall over Changkyun’s chest. “I’m… Why… Why!”

Changkyun’s still laughing, legs actually kicking a little. “I don’t know--” And laughs again, hands coming over to hide his face. “I’m sorry! Media did this to me! I’m a product of the system!”

Kihyun pulls himself up and sits up, stradling Changkyun and poking his tummy. “You are the worst! I swear!” He says that but he’s laughing and rolling his eyes because he’s laughing.

Changkyun laughs even harder, curling into the pokes. “S-stop that!”

“Make me,” Kihyun sign songs, poking Changkyun again and actually feeling his belly-button under his finger. “Oh! Found it!”

Changkyun screams even as he laughs, legs kicking and hands swatting at Kihyun’s hands. “That feels _so weird_ , s-stop!” Changkyun laughs, actually manages to catch one of Kihyun’s hands by the wrist, shakes it around before trying to retaliate, poking blindly at Kihyun’s stomach. But Kihyun grabs Changkyun’s hand before he can hit anything worth squirming about.

“Nah-ah,” He shakes his head, laughs a bit and then clicks his tongue. “You’re the one being terrible, not me.”

“You’re literally pressing my buttons!” Changkyun laughs, moving his head with a flick to get the hair out of his eyes. “How am I supposed to _make you_ stop if I’m being poked and prodded, huh?”

Kihyun coughs a laugh and then gapes. “Do you even hear yourself? Like, when you speak?” He lets go of Changkyun and tugs at Changkyun’s shirt, lifting it just enough to peek. “Also, I don’t know what you mean. I haven’t pressed any buttons yet.” He lets the shirt fall.

“You always _ask_ me if I hear myself,” Changkyun hums and jokes, “Like everything I say isn’t just some _elaborate_ ploy to get myself into this _exact_ position…” He bites his tongue between his teeth and grins up at Kihyun.

“What. You like being straddled?”

“No,” Changkyun deadpans. “It’s the absolute worst.”

Kihyun tongues at the corner of his lips and looks to the side, shrugging. “Well, I’ll leave then. Wouldn’t want you to feel _uncomfortable_.”

Changkyun throws his arms around Kihyun’s shoulders and brings him close, eyes narrowed. “No. Mine.” And Kihyun replies by sticking his tongue out. He pauses for a moment, though, and frowns a little.

“Hey…”

Changkyun frowns amused. “Hey...?”

“The seal…” Kihyun tilts his head and looks at Changkyun’s lips. “That’s a kiss, right? Just a kiss.”

Changkyun blinks. “Er, yeah. Lips to lips. Why?”

Kihyun grins a little because he can’t help it and then looks away, licks his lips. “So, so, so literal…” He looks back at Changkyun. “Trust me?”

Changkyun’s eyes go a little wide but he nods, shifting slightly underneath him, eyes on Kihyun’s lips. “Yeah, of course…”

So, Kihyun leans further down, nose brushing over Changkyun’s for a moment.  Kihyun contemplates the thought one more time, just in case. But like everything else he finds himself needing to contemplate, he just thinks ‘fuck it’ and closes the distance to lick at Changkyun’s bottom lip. Kihyun needs to lean back, though, because his whole body tenses at the thought of actually kissing Changkyun. Which, again, Kihyun needs to shove down before he starts thinking about it.

And Changkyun is _red_. He stares up at Kihyun, struggles to swallow before he lets his tongue run over his lips, slow and deliberate, eyes practically fluttering. His arms around Kihyun’s shoulders pull to bring him closer, staring at Kihyun’s lips. “You taste good…”

Kihyun feels himself shiver, his face heat up. “Uhm, yeah… sure.” His brain is going haywire. He needs to shove that thought down as soon as possible. “I’ve also been betrayed by my own idea, so don’t get too close, please…”

“I can see you’re trying really hard not to think about something right now,” Changkyun grins. “You’re impressively red.” Changkyun’s grin wavers a little as a he blinks. “Though, to be fair, so am I…”

“L--Let’s change the subject…” Kihyun mumbles, letting his face down to rest over Changkyun’s chest. He goes through a mess of thoughts to find something to say, something to ask. The first think he finds is what he throws out, “You think… You think they’re fine? Those two…”

“I’ve tuned them out by now,” Changkyun smiles. “But… yeah. It’s hard, I think, to have someone back but not… not really.” Changkyun sighs. “Say what you want about their little display in Times Square, I wouldn’t be any different. And they’ve just been talking since we got here. And Hyungwon’s listening, asking questions like he doesn’t know all of it anyway, like he wasn’t there...”

Kihyun nods a little. “Yeah… I wonder if… If I did the right thing…” He frowns. “I mean… We can all agree that if we were Hoseok we would want to know. But in the long run…? Will it be enough? Hyungwon will always be… and Hoseok…” He sighs. “Hoseok is human, Changkyun…”

Changkyun breathes, eyes closing. “I think ‘right now’ is just as important to them as it is to us… Nothing lasts forever. And even if it hurts in the end, it’s… For me, and I think I can say the same for them, it’s worth it.”

Kihyun glares at the wall across the room but stays silent. He lets a hand slide under Changkyun’s shirt and come to a rest by his side, thumb soothing over soft skin. Kihyun can’t say he disagrees. But he can’t say he agrees either. He’s torn between the two. Especially because three minutes are not three simple minutes.

As if on cue, Changkyun suddenly feels a million miles away. Kihyun pulls himself up, eyes wide and on Changkyun’s, breath catching, heart dropping.

And suddenly ‘right now’ is a thousand years ago. ‘Right now’ is looking up, seeing Changkyun look back at him even as he can feel him slipping away. ‘Right now’ Changkyun looks terrified. Unguarded, eyes wide and scared as his heartbeat spikes and his breathing picks up like he’s already in the middle of a panic attack.

Kihyun’s hand instinctively holds Changkyun’s tight. “I’ll be here…” Is all he can say before his throat closes on itself as if forbidding him to speak.

“I love you,” Changkyun chokes out in a tiny, soft voice before his eyes close slowly, head falling to the side. The hand Kihyun’s squeezing relaxes. No more heartbeat. And the air leaves Changkyun’s lips in a last, hushed breath.

The burn behind Kihyun’s eyes makes it impossible for his eyelids to close even as tears pile up and start falling. He cleans the few that fall over Changkyun’s face, sniffling a little as he does, and then just leans down, falling to the side and pulling Changkyun close to him.

“I love you, too…” He breathes out before he starts crying, softly as he clings. Because sometimes waiting is easy. Some days it’s a little harder. But today, of all days, it’s a nightmare.

A breeze as cold as snow flows over them, like Kihyun had left the window open, but it’s Hyungwon at the end of the bed, eyes down.

“You did your part,” Hyungwon grits out, looks at Kihyun for a moment, eyes glinting yellow before he looks away, jaw set. “My turn, I guess.”

Kihyun sits up slowly, eyes on Hyungwon. Kihyun is vaguely aware of their agreement, but it’s really hard to remember, to think about anything at all right now. He feels so small on the inside, even as his soul stretches everywhere in the room. He knows he should say something, but all he can do is stare as a few more tears roll down his face.

Hyungwon lets out a breath even as it shakes, walking forward, looking down at Changkyun. “It… It doesn’t have to be now… It doesn’t have to be at _all_ ,” Hyungwon looks up, eyes serious. “I’m not kidding, Kihyun, I don’t know what something like this might do to you. I can’t foresee anything, but what I can guess is... fucking terrible.”

“I just--” Kihyun pauses when his stomach knots. He feels sick. “I just need to know… I don’t--I don’t care if it doesn’t work but… I need to know.”

“You’re a damn idiot, Yoo Kihyun,” Hyungwon sighs, looks past Changkyun and nods tensely at Kihyun. “From start to finish, this is going to hurt. You’re sure? Knowing or not, he’s--” Hyungwon looks at Changkyun again, jaw tensing around the next thing he wants to say, but doesn’t.

“No,” Kihyun swallows, tears stilling. “I’m not sure… But I…” He nods and looks away, eyes wide, heart beating faster with a preview of fear that soon bubbles and spreads through his body.

It’s insane. Talking about it is one thing. Hearing about it another thing. But going there? That’s something else entirely. No matter how bad Kihyun expects it to be, he knows it will be way worse, beyond his imagination. And if what he’s seen so far is anything to go by, then…

“Please…” He begs, voice small. “Before I change my mind…”

“Well, you literally asked for it,” Hyungwon says, and reaches for Kihyun, reaches straight into his chest with a hand made of black mist.

Everything feels cold, from every extremity to the heat in his chest, the warmth is gone. The world dims a little and everything turns grey, cold, a forest of thorns around them, so close Kihyun is afraid to move.

Hyungwon’s eyes glint a molten yellow, like the center of a burning star, and he sighs. _“Tempus mori…”_ And then everything is black.

It’s like falling asleep. Kihyun feels tired. Feels his mind zone out in the darkness. Feels a cold blanket around him. And then nothing. Like being lulled into slumber against his will.

And then something wordless.

Like being formless but remembering what it’s like to feel, what it’s like to have a body. Like thinking about stretching an arm but not feeling the action. Like trying to curl, remembering how it’s done, but feeling nothing. Just thoughts… Just thoughts and memories of what it’s like to feel while being unable to do more than think. While being nothing more than a conscience.

It’s disorienting. It feels like going everywhere and nowhere at the same time. It feels like an unending action of trying to move but never making it.

Then it’s like falling asleep again. Too tired to be something. Even too tired to be just a conscience.

 _“Memores sumus,”_ the cold whispers. _And in the darkest hour of all, there may be light_.

There’s a loud thump and a pain in his chest. Like a heart being restarted. Cold air fills lungs that had shrunk into nothing. It hurts, too. They hit his thorax so hard as they expand, Kihyun feels himself choke.

His eyes fly open and he feels solid ground. Wherever he looks, there’s just darkness. Darkness and a massive grey door, full or ornamented figures, angels, demons, fallen angels, _The Fall_ and the beginning. It’s a knowing that comes with feeling. There’s always been a Hell. And Hell has always needed a ruler. That angels should pave its floors now, is but the biggest irony of all.

“Where are we?” Kihyun asks without noticing he spoke until his voice echoes back.

“The Gate to Hell,” a voice echoes back, and it sounds like Hyungwon but it also sounds like nothing. “As far as I can go.”

Kihyun swallows and looks back, over his shoulder. There’s a thin blue line that stretches all the way from him to the horizon. “What is that..?”

“The only thing that’ll get you out of here. A lifeline, so to speak,” Hyungwon says, sighing where he appears next to Kihyun, there but not quite _there_ at the edges. Blurred, misty. “We can still go back…”

Kihyun looks down at his own hands. They’re barely there, too. His heartbeat spikes. “J--Just… I…” He looks at the door again. It seems to be about ten meters tall. And it’s beautiful but… every time his eyes linger, Kihyun can feel a slight tug. “Promise you’ll just… pull me out if…” He lets out a shaky breath.

Hyungwon laughs, bitter. “I give you one second. Two, tops, and then I’m pulling your ass back to Earth.”

“Hyungwon…” Kihyun says, giving a small step forward. “It feels like we’ve been gone for hours… But… How long has it really been?”

Hyungwon’s jaw tenses. “I said I’d give you a second. Still waiting for it.”

Kihyun’s heartbeat drops, a loud thump at the end like it’s going to stop. He looks over his shoulder again and feels it vibrate. That thing, that’s what keeping him alive.

Turning his head back to the door, Kihyun gives another step forward. And then another. And another one. And then there’s a crack, like a giant rock fell nearby. Kihyun stops walking, watching in horror as the doors slowly slide open, a loud sound echoing around them, like pebbles hitting glass.

There’s nothing but darkness on the other side, too. Like going from a dark room into a darker room. But Kihyun can feel it, first cold and then hot wind burning the skin of his face. His brain screams at him to stop, fear lurching inside his chest, wanting to crawl all the way down to his legs, to make him turn around.

But Kihyun takes another step. An before he knows it, there’s just an inch between his nose and the thin plasma on the door. _Like glass_. Like that invisible sheet between Kihyun and Changkyun. And it doesn’t take much. He doesn’t even need to take another step forward. Because the moment one of his fingers crosses the threshold, he hears it, like a whip, rushing all the way from behind the plasma, the thin, thin glass, breaking it, shattering it to pieces and tugging at his chest.

There’s a sharp pain at the back of his head and Kihyun almost loses his senses, falling down to his knees. He can barely breathe, eyes slowly focusing on the thorny cord stretching tense between him and the other side of the doors. It feels like it’s eating him alive, from the inside out.

And suddenly, it pulls, harsh, strong. Kihyun needs to sit back and dig his heels on the floor, even as he slips and is effortlessly pulled in, barely having time to throw a hand back at the door frame to hold himself there. He barely has any time to catch his breath before the darkness becomes something else.

Red. Fire. Ashes. _Red_.

An endless stairway leads to where it shines even brighter. Except it doesn’t feel promising, it doesn’t look beautiful… it just looks distorted. Cave-ins of distortion and red and an endless stairway. And like a whip, a voice rushes all the way down to Kihyun, almost knocking him back until it hits at the back of his head, ricochets to his ears and… _screams_.

It screams and cries and whimpers and Kihyun knows it’s not even been a second, but each feels like months. Years? Endless screaming, ages spent crying out in pain, in agony, and the quiet whimpers of someone completely alone. And Kihyun can feel it, like bruises all over his body.

Everything mixes, Changkyun’s voice screaming so loud Kihyun can feel his left ear bleed even if it’s not really bleeding. The eyes that suddenly turn to him, from the distance, hungry and loud, too. The foul breath of an elongating figure that rises over him and stretches all the way to the horizon, eyes big, teeth sharp, growl that reverbs in three.

And it’s too much. Everything is too much. His brain feels like it’s going to implode, his ribs feel like they’re crushing in, piercing through his lungs, his stomach, his heart. And the ash he breathes burns his throat.

It’s that feeling… the one from the dreams… It’s like falling. Sometimes he just falls. Sometimes there’s a scream-gaped mouth. And at the end, just before he hits rock bottom, wings… wings that burn like fire and fill his lungs with ashes.

One second is taking too long.

And between all the eyes, all the voices that Kihyun can feel rushing towards him like hungry animals, he sees them… slowly, slowly turning and locking with his: _red eyes_.

Red eyes and a knowing smile.

An inordinate desire to possess more than one needs. Heavens’ scapegoat. And a tune so pure in its nature, it almost sounds too beautiful to be stuck in a place like this. It swirls around the air like a whisper, a breeze that scatters the ash as it flows. It soothes the pain, it stops the ringing, it muffles the screaming… but when it speaks, right behind Kihyun’s right ear, there’s nothing that can describe the sinking feeling in his heart.

Crestfallen.

And when it speaks, Kihyun can hear it behind the crooked smile: _Greed_.

“He’s only here because of you,” it says, and it sounds like a beckon, like the urge to jump. “Come back if you want to make a deal, small fry.”

But there’s no possible answer to that. Because just as the voice fades and its eyes turn to look away, the pain is back, like the crushing weight of gravity but a hundred times worse. Like a fire burning through skin. And a ringing so, so loud everything else goes out of focus.

It lasts. Kihyun is not sure for how long, but it lasts. Too long. Until he can do nothing but scream back inside his head to hear his voice instead of all the others. And it works for all, except one. Except _the one_. Seconds turning into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into a numbing amount of days in a place where the burning sun never sets. Until it feels like falling again. And all Kihyun registers is the loud crash of rock against rock, a heavy door closing just as his eyes fall shut, too.

And when he gasps, feeling like he’s been tugged on the end of a taut rope wrapped up somewhere in his chest, it’s so cold it burns.

“Are you happy now?!” Hyungwon screams, and it’s a different kind of ringing, It’s dull, like a pillow is pressed over it. “Jesus _fucking_ Christ, Kihyun.”

Kihyun jumps up, falling from the bed and hitting his back against the wall, hand clasped to his left ear and the loud ringing snaps. He gasps, a sharp pain freezing him as he loses his vision in his left eye, the world blurring before he feels something hot and liquid run down his jaw.

“I-- I can--” He chokes and tries to get up. “I can’t see…” And he can barely hear himself.

Something cold and steady holds him against the wall by the shoulders, pins him there. “You can heal yourself, you moron, I know you can.”

“Ba--Bathroom,” Kihyun manages, swallowing the burn in his throat. His vision is starting to come back. “Help me out…”

Hyungwon looks around before he groans, hefts Kihyun’s arm over his shoulder and practically drags him to the bathroom. “You have two minutes…” Hyungwon grumbles, leans Kihyun against the wall and stands back. “I’m not holding the kid when he wakes up.”

Everything sounds a bit muffled. There’s a sting inside Kihyun’s left ear and then a soft ringing. And after a loud snap, everything comes back into place. His vision evens out, his eyes focus on Hyungwon.

“How long…?” Kihyun breathes as he moves towards the sink to wash the blood on his face. “How long were we gone?”

Hyungwon looks away. “Three seconds. Almost four. Had trouble getting you out at the end, there.”

The cold water feels like a blessing between Kihyun’s hands. His brain is mute, only processing rational thoughts, like it forgot to feel somewhere along the way. “It felt like… months.”

“I told you,” Hyungwon says, jaw tense and staring out of the bathroom. “Time works differently down there.”

Kihyun stares absently at the water running between his fingers before he remembers he needs to wash his face. It feels like waking up. And the only thing he can remember all of a sudden is the cold glare of red eyes on his own. “I saw it… him. Whatever or whoever that was…”

Hyungwon frowns, glancing over. “What do you mean..?”

Kihyun’s reflection in the mirror looks dreadful. Kihyun can barely even look. “Whoever started all this is down there.” He closes the tap and turns to walk back into the bedroom. “And that’s where I need to go.” He stops, eyes on Changkyun’s motionless body over the bed. “I need to go back there… but it’s not going to work like this…”

Suddenly Hyungwon is at the other side of the bed, staring at him in disbelief. “I always knew you were a martyr, but _this?!_ You can’t--You can’t just _talk_ to--Whoever did this is fucking _powerful,_ Kihyun and you--” Hyungwon pulls at his hair, and something in his eyes shift as he looks down. “Cannot possibly love him this much, can you?”

“I would never let anyone go through something like this for…” Kihyun trails off, looking down. He takes a deep breath and crawls over the bed to sit next to Changkyun and hold his hand. “No one deserves this, Hyungwon… Especially not him.”

Hyungwon closes his eyes with a deep breath, head hanging and hands on his hips. “I feel like there’s a lot of shit we don’t know, Kihyun… Exactly why Changkyun’s agreed to do this, why someone would go through so much effort for…” Hyungwon shrugs. “God knows for what…”

“It’s an impasse,” Kihyun mumbles as he watches Changkyun’s face. “And we’re both stuck. If something needs to happen it will happen,” He looks up. “Don’t you get it? You really think someone that powerful will just sit by and, I don’t know, watch us stroll around the issue like little puppies. No! They won’t! And you know that. Deep down, you know that.”

Kihyun knows he’s forgotten. He’s forgotten about the insanity. But he remembers what he needs to remember. Remember he needs to be afraid. Because he is. Because no one wants to feel pain, even if they don’t remember what it actually felt like.

It takes four seconds for Hyungwon to nod (four seconds where Changkyun’s still _there_ , and three minutes is lifetimes compared to four seconds.) “I hope you know what you’re doing, Kihyun…”

And Changkyun’s entire body jolts with a gasp, eyes flying open, wide and searching. Hyungwon looks away and then there’s nothing where he used to be but mist that lingers for barely a second.

“Ki?”

Kihyun’s heart gives one loud beat and emotion flows back into his veins. He squeezes Changkyun’s hand and smiles a little even as his eyes flood. “Here…”

Changkyun looks over like he’s seeing Kihyun for the first time, features crumbling as he holds his arms up weakly. “Hug…?” And Kihyun takes Changkyun down with him when his arms circle around Changkyun’s shoulders, both falling back over the bed where they’d been just a few minutes ago… just a few months ago… just a few years ago.

What is ‘right now’ when so much time without it has passed?

‘A lot can happen in a day’, Changkyun said once. And too much can happen in just three minutes. When eternity is three minutes long, then it’s not worth waiting. Not when something can be done.

“You are,” Kihyun sniffles, eyes scrunched shut, “So cold…” It barely feels like Changkyun. “I missed you…” Because he did. Because he knows it’s been far too long.

“Warmer now,” Changkyun manages, voice hoarse and muffled where he’s pressed against Kihyun. “I’m…” He swallows a sob, but Kihyun can feel him shaking. “I’m so tired…”

Kihyun turns his face to kiss Changkyun’s cheek and then looks at him. “It’s late…” He frowns and looks down. “You should sleep…”

Changkyun looks back and despite the soft, ever present affection in his eyes, they’re duller. Like they forgot how to be bright, when it had only been minutes (months, years) ago that he was laughing, smiling there with Kihyun. Changkyun nods, leans forward just a little to press a lingering kiss to Kihyun’s cheek before falling back, eyes barely open. “You too…” he breathes, eyes falling shut and turning into Kihyun, legs curling in. “I missed you, too…”

  


\---

 

 

When Changkyun wakes up, it’s easy enough to remind himself where he is. To feel the weight by his side, to hear Kihyun’s heartbeat and be able to steady himself there. What used to be a simple pull of a thread Changkyun couldn’t see, suddenly is an anchor. Because if it’s there, if Changkyun can feel Kihyun there, he’s fine. He’s safe.

He opens his eyes and stays as still as he can. But of course, Kihyun’s already awake. He always does that. “No fair,” Changkyun mumbles, closing his eyes again. “Where’s my allotted unabashed morning staring time if you’re always already awake…”

Kihyun huffs a laugh, barely there. “I can pretend I’m asleep, if you want.”

Changkyun peeks at him, finds a smile somewhere in the warmth in his chest. “S’not the same…” He nuzzles closer, feels that thin glass wall he can’t breach on his own. “And now I get to see your eyes…”

“My eyes?” Kihyun pokes Changkyun’s leg with his toe. “They’re pretty dull.”

Changkyun catches Kihyun’s leg between his, scooching closer. “I can’t tell if you’re fishing for a compliment or just blind.”

There’s a hint of a smile on Kihyun’s face. “Maybe both.”

Except Kihyun’s eyes don’t look like they usually do in the mornings. Changkyun frowns softly. “You didn’t sleep very well, did you…”

Kihyun shrugs, curling himself into Changkyun. “It’s okay. I just need coffee.”

“He says, making no effort to get any,” Changkyun teases, pulls Kihyun closer. “I say, not letting you go, either.”

“Why are you narrating? It’s too early for that.”

“He complains, adorably, the other finding it quite endearing.”

Kihyun bumps their heads hard enough to hurt a little. “You are _sooooooo_ annoying.”

Changkyun laughs softly. God, he misses Kihyun. Every time he goes ( _for three minutes_ , he tells himself) he just comes back having _missed_ him. It’s difficult not to get sentimental, not to cling for all he’s worth.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, bumps his nose on Kihyun’s cheek. “You still love me, though. Riiiiiight?”

“Always,” Kihyun smiles, eyes thinning a bit, too. His face looks so puffy, it’s almost unbearably adorable. It’s so unbearable, Changkyun can feel himself bubble up, feeling _silly_.

“And Changkyun’s heart leaps with joy!” Changkyun announces, rolling to his side to put his hand up, as if reaching for the ceiling. “For the promise of ‘always’ from the most adorable man to ever live!”

Kihyun cringes, shivering a little before headbutting Changkyun. “Too sappy!”

“Never,” Changkyun cackles, putting a hand to his head. “Although, _ow_.”

Kihyun blinks, frowning as he stares at Changkyun and then pouts. “Hey,” He scoots closer, “Hold me?”

Changkyun blinks over. Kihyun’s mostly only vocally needy when something’s… not alright, but with Changkyun heading off for little trips to hell on a daily basis, that’s not exactly much to judge on. So he rolls over again, pulls Kihyun to his chest and buries his nose in Kihyun’s hair. “You sure all you need is coffee, sweetheart?”

“You’re warm,” Kihyun mumbles and Changkyun can feel him melting in his arms. “I love you.”

Changkyun closes his eyes with a small sigh. _I’d do anything to keep you safe_ , he thinks, and while three minutes is such, such a long time to miss something like this, something like this is worth three minutes. “I love you more,” he breathes, kisses Kihyun’s hair that still smells like home.

And for the first time ever, instead of trying to counter Changkyun, Kihyun just mutters, “Maybe.”

Changkyun has to smile a little to himself. “I’m oddly okay with that,” he teases, soft, fingers finding Kihyun’s hair, softly playing with the strands. “As long as you know.”

The steady pace of Kihyun’s heart rate drops after a skip. He says, “I know,” voice flat, almost not there and then curls more into Changkyun. _“I do know.”_

Changkyun’s hand stills as Kihyun’s heart goes wild, mind racing as he frowns at the wall. “You… know…?”

“I know how long it takes for three minutes to go by.”

 _Fear_. Changkyun feels it in the way his heart almost stops, the way a cold washes over him, a pressure builds in his chest. He opens his mouth to ask if Hyungwon had told him, if he’d found out somehow, but he looks down and falters.

“You’re… Why is there blood, Kihyun,” Changkyun asks softly past the lump in his throat.

One of Kihyun’s hands reaches up to cover his ear, where Changkyun could still see bits of dry blood clinging to his skin.

 _Cold, horrible, terrible fear_.

“Kihyun, what did you _do_?”

“Nothing…” He says softly. “I couldn’t do anything… I couldn’t do anything but listen.”

He shouldn’t, but he holds Kihyun tighter as he tries to find his breath. “That was you? I felt something, but I thought… I thought it was just another trick.” His eyes _burn_ . “Why would you _go_ there, Kihyun…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

And Changkyun closes his eyes, keeps the burn at bay but it’s no use. He knows. What is he supposed to do when Kihyun _knows_. All he can do is hold him there, and hope. Hope that trust is enough.

“Because I know what I’d have done if it were you…”

Kihyun sighs, the hand over his ear falling down between them as Kihyun clings. “You’re here for one day… and there for three months. If not more… How is that worth it…?” He shudders. “Don’t answer that… I know what you’re going to say.”

Changkyun pulls away. He has to see Kihyun’s face, then. He has to. He holds it between his hands and tries his best not to give too much away with his own. “ _Because_ ,” Changkyun starts anyway. “Even when I’m not here, you are. _You_ . Not whatever will happen to you if I don’t _do_ this, Ki… I’d rather have _you_.”

Something glossy shines over Kihyun’s eyes but it’s gone with a blink. He puffs his cheeks between Changkyun’s hands. “I knew you were gonna say that… So, for now, I’ll leave it at ‘maybe’.”

“Kihyun,” Changkyun starts slow. “I’m gonna say something and you’re going to hate it, but you need to hear it.”

The soft edges of Kihyun’s eyes seem to sharpen a little, even as his face feels like it’s melting against Changkyun’s palms, warmth between his fingers. Kihyun looks at him, eyes flicking between Changkyun’s eyes, like he’s pondering.

“Try me,” He says.

Changkyun tongues at the inside of his cheek, and the tightness in his chest presses down. He’d thought about this before, but hadn’t said anything. Hadn’t wanted to put that on Kihyun, put more on him than he already has but… but he knows that look.

“I was made, I _exist_ to taint you,” Changkyun says, voice even. “Once I do, there would be no reason for me to _exist anymore_.”

There is just a slight change in Kihyun’s expression. His eyes are guarded with something Changkyun doesn’t understand. But the soft frown on Kihyun’s face tightens a little more. “Why are you telling me this now?” He asks.

“I told you,” Changkyun sighs, looking down. “Because I know what I’d do.”

“Thankfully,” Kihyun starts flatly before he smiles a little and puts an arm around Changkyun’s waist to pull him closer. “I am not that dumb.” And he sticks his tongue out.

And so does Changkyun, leaning forward to poke the tip of Kihyun’s tongue with his own. Kihyun leans back and withdraws his tongue, eyes a little wide. He gapes, half actually shocked, half dramatically shocked.

“That is…” He blinks. _“Dangerous_. You like playing with fire.”

“I like pissing off whoever made this stupid no-kissing rule.”

Kihyun snorts a laugh and looks up again. “Well, then.” He reaches between them and beckons, “Tongue out.”

Changkyun blinks, heart leaping a little, ears red. “You’re… kidding, right.”

“No,” Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “I’m mad at someone and I wanna make them suffer. So, come on. _Out.”_

Feeling somewhat silly, even as his heart is keen on beating so hard it hurts, Changkyun pokes his tongue out again. And Kihyun grabs Changkyun’s tongue between his fingers and tugs a little.

“Tell those annoying gossiping-hags about this,” He glares, “And I will maim you…” And before Changkyun can even nod, Kihyun leans forward and licks Changkyun’s tongue from whatever is exposed to his upper lip.

Despite himself, Changkyun makes a low, keening noise and melts into the bed with a shiver. He tries to warble something but his tongue is still caught between Kihyun’s fingers so he stops, blinks up at him almost expectantly.

Kihyun lets Changkyun’s tongue slide between two fingers as he presses them over Changkyun’s lips and leans forward to catch Changkyun’s tongue between his own lips. Changkyun stays still, like there’s a snake in the room, but pushes his tongue forward, licks at Kihyun’s upper lip slowly, carefully. But then it’s not just Kihyun’s lips there. It’s his tongue, too, brushing against Changkyun’s.

Changkyun lingers there for a second, revelling in the foreign feeling before his eyes open, and his heart jolts in his chest with a sudden panic. He pulls back, hands on Kihyun’s shoulders before he even realises what he’s doing, breathing heavy, face red and heart beating _fast_. Kihyun is still looking at him, cheeks a little pink, lips a little wet, but he doesn’t even look shocked, he just… looks.

And then he looks away, propping himself up on one elbow and reaching for his phone. He plops back down with a heavy sigh and stares at the screen after hitting the home button. “Thirty minutes.” Is all he says in a raspy voice.

Changkyun laughs. “Wow. Somehow that is… enough, but not nearly enough.”

Kihyun frowns, the pink on his cheeks a little redder. He takes a deep breath and turns back to Changkyun, throwing the phone over his shoulder and not even flinching when it bounces off the bed to the floor. “Is that a challenge…?” He leans over Changkyun and their eyes lock.

Changkyun grins, shifting to throw his legs around Kihyun’s waist. “Maybe…” He feels a hand under his shirt then, soothing all the way up.

Kihyun bites at his lower lip and then, after another deep breath, he boops his nose on Changkyun’s and says, “Don’t be loud…”

Changkyun shudders and leans up to bite at Kihyun’s ear, “I promise _nothing_.”

  


\---

 

 

Everyone came back from New York a little different. Hyungwon was doing a lot more smiling. Hoseok looked like he was on cloud nine all the time, overly optimistic (even more than usual). Changkyun was talking more about the future, enthusing with Hoseok about algebra (to which Hoseok just nodded politely). And Kihyun a lot more certain, a lot more steeled, not as scared and definitely a lot angrier.

The first night after their return, again, Kihyun had to wait for three minutes. And then, again, the night after. And the next one, too.

Everything feels a bit surreal. Because while, to him, it’s three minutes, to Changkyun it is way more than that. Anyone else would forget, lose track of things. But Changkyun doesn’t. Like what happens every day before he goes is what he holds on to and hopes to return to, for as long as he is away.

Kihyun’s four seconds in hell had felt like months, the only reassurance he had was being _conscient_ that it was all in his head, and Hyungwon’s voice somewhere at the back of his head. But Changkyun doesn’t have that. Changkyun is alone…

Sometimes, Kihyun finds him staring off into the distance or at a blank wall, like his brain stopped working and needs a reboot. So, Kihyun waves a hand in front of his face every time and says, “Heeeey,” as softly as he can. And Changkyun will blink himself back, smile softly, usually ask for a kiss, and continue with what he was doing.

Little by little, Kihyun can feel Changkyun slip away. And again, that feeling that feels like knowing, a knowing that comes with feeling… it knocks at the back of his head and tells him to hurry up. That ‘right now’ won’t last very long. Because nothing lasts forever. Not even ‘forever’ itself.

So, on the 21st of December, Kihyun finds himself alone, knocking at a door he hoped he wouldn’t have to see again so soon.

It’s cold outside. Not even the gloves Changkyun made Kihyun wear this morning manage to keep his hands warm. Fortunately, Shownu doesn’t take too long to open the door.

“Kihyun,” Shownu says, and it’s hardly usual to see surprise on his face, but it’s there in the small frown even as he holds the door open for him. “What are you--” He shakes his head. “Nevermind, come in, it’s freezing.”

Kihyun smiles and bows politely before cleaning his shoes on the doormat and stepping inside. The house is so warm Kihyun needs to tug at his scarf right away and pulls the gloves off. “Sorry for showing up unannounced…” He looks over. “But we need to talk.”

Shownu hefts a sigh, nods and gestures for the living room. “One day there will be a time where we won’t have to talk about something that isn’t just the weather, but that’ll be the day,” he tries for a smile, follows Kihyun into the living room. There’s a fireplace, and Shownu chucks another small log in before he sits down, the coffee table pulled towards an armchair. There are what looks like arrows scattered on the table, little silver tips and bright yellow feathers in little rows. “I have a pot of coffee, if you want some.”

Kihyun looks around and then sighs and shrugs his jacket off before slowly sitting down on the edge sofa. “No, thank you. I’m okay.” He swings his arm a little to let the silver bracelet fall from where it had been all the way up his forearm. “Going hunting?” He asks as casually as he can, eyes on the arrows.

Shownu scoffs, leaning forward and entwining his own fingers, elbows on his knees. “I like to think it’s precautionary, but a lot can go wrong when you try and convince a pack of werewolves to relocate.” Shownu tilts his head with a frown. “What’s that on your arm?”

“Oh,” Kihyun blinks and smiles, lifting his wrist. “A memento. From my mother. Or,” He shrugs, “At least that’s what my father told me…”

“Hm,” Shownu hums, reaches forward and picks up one of the silver tips on the coffee table. “Catch,” he says, tossing it over, Kihyun clapping his hands together to catch the little flash of silver. “Look familiar?”

Kihyun holds it down and stares. “It’s… the same material…? Silver, right?”

Shownu nods, “Pure silver. Incredibly powerful in the right hands.” He smiles a little. “Your dad wasn’t lying. That was your mother’s. You can see it in the way it reflects light. The selenite worked into it. An angel’s gem.”

Kihyun’s heart skips. It was probably the only thing in the world his father never told him to ignore. Ever since Kihyun started listening, things have spiraled out of control. Maybe, in a way, his father was trying to protect him, too.

“I gave the other to Chan--” Kihyun stops and clears his throat. “To Kyunie.”

Shownu nods, slow, holds his hand out for the silver piece which Kihyun tosses back. “I assume that’s why you’re here. You should know; demons? Can’t wear silver. Not… _demon_ demons, anyway.”

Kihyun chuckles, thumbing the silver chain around his wrist. “Kyunie is not very good at… _demoning_.”

Shownu sighs with a smile. “You’re telling me. I work with the guy. Tried to get him to go ‘undercover’. He laughed at something within a minute.”

“Should have seen him at the start,” Kihyun says, heart full with warmth. “He would mimic people smiling all the time because he didn’t know how to do it… or when to do it. Then, one day he just shows up and laughs like he means it. Creeped the shit out of me…”

“I asked him about that,” Shownu laughs. “Can you guess what he said?”

Kihyun looks at the ceiling. “Was it something sappy…?”

“He said he was ‘touched by an angel’,” Shownu laughs again.

“Ugh,” Kihyun grimaces. “That little shit, I swear…”

“You really did a number on him,” Shownu shrugs.

 _“Me?”_ Kihyun scoffs. “He was the one doing a number on me!”

“Sometimes tornadoes merge,” Shownu smirks, sitting back.

Kihyun’s nose wrinkles. “I don’t like the implications of that sentence…” He looks away. “Anyway… yes. I’m here because of… him. But also because of me. Mostly, because of me.”

Shownu nods, crossing his arms over his wide chest with a suddenly serious expression. “I’m listening.” And maybe this time someone will listen without interrupting or judging too much. _Maybe…_ Kihyun doesn’t know Shownu that well.

“Well,” Kihyun licks his lips and looks at the fire. The flames are almost hypnotic. “For this to work, I guess I have to be one hundred percent honest with you.” He looks over and his heartbeat thumps louder. “So, straight to the point. There’s someone in Hell I need to talk to. But I can’t get past the front door,” He scoffs. “Believe me, I tried… Therefore, I need another way in. A safer way in with a trail I can follow back out…”

Shownu shifts, clears his throat. “Oh… kay. You realise you just told me you’ve been to Hell and want to go back to ‘have a word with someone’.”

Kihyun laughs bitterly. “I would appreciate it if you could keep this between us.”

“I’ll keep it out of the weekly email blasts…” Shownu smiles a little, shifts again to sit forward. “Who… Why…?”

“No idea…” Kihyun mumbles, looking down.

“That helps…”

“As for my reasons… well, they’re _my_ reasons.”

“Gotta be one hell of a reason,” Shownu says. “Excuse my phrasing,” he says, reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. “I assume the Reaper took you?”

“I kind of forced him,” Kihyun lies.

Shownu hefts a sigh. “Well, shit, okay. You don’t just come here to ask to borrow sugar, do you…” he glances to the bookcase by his side, gets up with a frown, clearly looking for something among the leather-bound tomes.

“By the way,” Kihyun says, casually crossing his legs, “It worked out, in the end…”

Shownu raises an eyebrow at him, taking out a book. “The ring? Hoseok could see him?”

“Hoseok can touch him when I am around…”

Shownu huffs. “As inconvenient as that must be… Well done,” he says, sincere. “That should almost not be possible. I didn’t even mention it for that fact.”

Kihyun’s chest swells a little with pride and he smiles. “Y--Yeah… Well. I guess I am a candle now, too.” He snorts a laugh. “Little light…”

“It takes more than a little light to reach across realms, Kihyun,” Shownu says without looking up, sitting down with a large book open on his lap. “Even more to make something from another realm tangible to ours.”

“On the contrary,” Kihyun smiles small. “All it took was a kitten…”

Shownu looks up, frowning in confusion for a moment before he laughs. “ _Ah_. You can sense the kitten, can’t you?”

“I figured that if I was always on max heat, I would burn out pretty quickly. And I was the only connection between them… But then… Hyungwon touched Ki-Kyun. So, I figured that if I could mimic his small soul-wavelength somehow, it would work without tiring myself out.”

“You’re a natural,” Shownu comments, flipping through the book. “And it’s only been, what, two months?” Shownu scoffs. “If I didn’t know you, I’d actually be scared of you.”

Kihyun narrows his eyes a little. “Are angels that powerful?” Changkyun had mentioned them before. But he wasn’t as strong then as he is now.

“The only thing stronger would be God themself,” Shownu says. “Or, well. You.”

“Me…” Kihyun repeats, mouth dry.

Shownu turns the book on his lap, looking up with a nod, lips in a line. “Supposedly. God created humans in his own image, and angels as his warriors. Push those two together--warrior of God, image of God... “

Then whoever wants Kihyun is probably up to something apocalyptic. Not that Kihyun thinks he can do much, not at this point at least. But… if that taint sealed inside Changkyun were to pass to him…

“Shownu…” Kihyun frowns. “Demons have black eyes, right?” Shownu nods easily, as if Kihyun had just asked if the sky was blue. “Then, what would, say, a fallen angel’s eyes… look like…?”

Shownu takes a breath, jaw tense. “If you want to go to Hell to have a conversation, I assume you already know.”

Of course. If angels are almost as powerful as God, only an angel could have pulled off something like this and make it work. Something like creating a life out of a trashed half soul… angels really are miracle bringers. Even after falling all the way down.

“Red,” Kihyun says. “I assume mine would turn red, too… if something were to happen to me.”

Shownu studies his face for a moment. “All of this for one boy…”

“No…” Kihyun says, “All of this to avoid hurting more people.”

Shownu frowns, suddenly critical. “You don’t know that. I have no idea what I’m helping you do here, Kihyun. How it’ll turn out. These things are _beyond_ us.”

“Beyond _you_.”

“You’re very confident.”

“I am,” Kihyun admits.

Shownu hefts a sigh, stands up to hand over the book, open somewhere in the middle. “Just don’t credit me if the world ends up burning.”

Kihyun takes the book, eyes lingering on Shownu’s face before looking down. He frowns when he read, “‘Soul projection’?” His eyes skim over the text.

“Some call it astral projection, but yes,” Shownu sits back, messages at his temples. “It’s like lucid dreaming, in a way. You’ll be able to go but your soul will still be connected to your body… I’m trying to think of a way for you _not_ to fall ill to the terrors of Hell while you’re at it, though…”

Kihyun pauses and looks up. “I would need to be lucid if I wanna make sense when I talk to… whoever they are. One step in and I lost myself. Hyungwon could barely pull me out and--and I barely remember anything. Although, I guess that’s for the best.”

“Hah,” Shownu laughs through his nose. “Definitely for the best.” He bites at his lips. “So, _how_ confident would you say you are? Willing to walk through Hell with nothing but your own light to protect you?”

Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches. “When you put it like that…” He mutters, eyes back on the book. “I would say about… sixty percent, I guess…” The less he thinks about it the better. “Maybe sixty five?”

Shownu purses his lips politely. “Might need a bit more than that to face off a fallen angel, Kihyun.”

“Ugh, yes…” He sits back and sighs. “I… I will work on it.”

Shownu gestures. “Take the book, if you want. Come back to do it, if you really think you have to. You need supervision and I have a safe room.” Shownu lets his head hang back. “Ugh, why do I feel like I’m kickstarting the apocalypse...”

Kihyun huffs a laugh. “Worst case scenario… maybe someone dies and apocalypse is avoided. Sounds a bit lonely. Let’s hope it’s not me. Would hate to have Hyungwon carry me anywhere. _Again_.”

“Bad reviews, huh?”

“You’d think a good cover makes a good book…” Kihyun mumbles and then frowns. “I did _not_ say that.”

“I’m sure he felt a disturbance in the force or something,” Shownu mumbles back with a little smile. “Hey, if it’s any consolation, you and Kyun? Bravest people I’ve ever met.”

Kihyun looks up. “My father always told me… the greater your fear, the greater the fall when you leap. People who fear the most, are usually the bravest.”

Shownu grins. “Truly a man an angel could love, I guess.”

“I wonder what he will think of me now…” Kihyun muses, eyes on the fire again. It’s oddly comforting the way it manages to lull him in. “He always kept everything away from me… told me to forget, to focus on what was normal.” A feeling of longing presses against the walls of his chest. “I haven’t been home in a while…” Not _that_ home, at least.

“I think he was just trying to protect you,” Shownu says, staring into the flames as well. “Worked for a while, didn’t it.”

Kihyun smiles a little. “Maybe when this is all over… maybe I’ll visit…” Something knots inside him as his words leave his mouth. Like he wants to believe them even if he knows it might not happen.

“Now that sounds like it could be _nearly_ eighty percent confident.”

Kihyun actually laughs, breathy but right there. “Told ya I’d work on it.”

  



	23. Truth And Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because the time where Changkyun was the one who protected Kihyun is long, long since over.

The elevator doors close and Kihyun sighs, leaning his back against the elevator wall as he flips through Shownu’s book. Kihyun is not even one hundred percent sure he knows half of those words. The texts go on from Theosophists to hallucinogens, self-hypnosis and…

_Soul strings? What the hell is a soul string…?_

_‘Ancient Egyptian teachings present the soul (ba) as having the ability to hover outside the physical body via the ka, or subtle body.’ … Astral journeys…_ Many complicated explanations.

So far, Kihyun has relied on instinct. It’s a feel-do thing, like learning a new language on his own. Some things feel right. Others don’t. The ones that do usually work. So, all he needs to do is search for what feels right and stick to it. It feels a lot like breathing. Something he’s always known how to do on a subconscious level but is only aware of it once he tries to take control.

Is it possible to be aware of his subconscious breathing? That’s a way to put it. And maybe it’s possible, but it’s also a bit tricky. Because when he tries to analyze his breathing with this question in mind, he needs to do a little bit of mental trickery to keep himself from taking the wheel. Just like what happens if he thinks too much about how to keep Hyungwon visible to Hoseok.

It’s different, reading about something that feels like a state of mind in such a detailed and ‘scientific’ way. _Brain stimulation, ketamine, phencyclidine--what the--Quantum Leaps...?_

“Yadda yadda,” Kihyun closes the book and frowns. “Freaky pseudoscience…” He looks down and holds the book closer to his frame at the sudden spike of anxiety. It’s never felt this lonely to return home. But Kihyun knows that _home_ was, somehow, lost along the way.

Or maybe ‘lost’ isn’t the right word…

_Stolen_.

He knows what to expect every night. And it doesn’t get easier. He’s already lost _home_ and now, little by little, he’s losing Changkyun as well...

There’s a _ding_ and the doors open. Kihyun sighs, groaning a little as he forces himself to move and step out of the elevator. He stops as the doors close behind him, though. Instincts flaring at the _lack_ of something...

_Strange_ , he thinks, eyes shifting from door to door and finally stopping on the door to his house. Changkyun should be home. But the soft ringing behind Kihyun’s ear still sounds far away. Like it did back at Shownu’s. Like it does whenever Changkyun is nowhere nearby.

Kihyun slides a hand into his jacket and brings out his keys, twirling them around once or twice as he walks towards his door and stops again, eyes on the light wood. There is something bothering him at the back of his head, a light prickling feeling, but the moment he slides the key in and turns it around inside the lock, something even stranger but oddly calming makes his mind go blank for a moment.

He needs to blink himself awake before he steps inside, carefully closing and door and stepping out of his shoes. “Kyunie?” He calls just in case.

“Hey,” comes the familiar, expected reply as Changkyun peeks out of the bedroom before padding closer with a little smile, arms swinging by his sides, hands covered by the overly large hoodie on his frame. Changkyun stops in front of him, tilts his head. He looks a little pale, eyes wide without meaning to. “Where have you been?”

“I, uh,” Kihyun frowns, leg half lifted where he pauses mid taking his other shoe off, book still under his free arm. He can feel his brain pull at the little strings, trying to think, think, think of something he knows he needs to remember. But the more he looks at Changkyun the less he remembers. “Shownu’s…”

Changkyun reaches out but pauses, pulls his hand back with pursed lips before he nods. “Ah,” he says, sways a little where he stands before hanging his head, pouting deliberately up at him. “I missed you…”

Kihyun huffs a laugh as he finally slides his shoe off and places the book over the cupboard. Everything smells horribly sweet, like someone’s been baking the entire day.

“Well, I’m home now,” he says. And when Kihyun licks his lips, they taste sweet, too. _Odd_ , he thinks, but the thought doesn’t linger long. “Sorry. Can’t skip work all the time.”

Changkyun waves a hand with a tut. “I’m sure I can convince you more often than you think.” He tilts his head, takes a small step forward, bites at his bottom lip. “Don’t need to now, though, you’re already here…

Kihyun looks up at him, eyebrows furrowing a little. He looks down then, smiling before he takes Changkyun’s hand. It’s… soft. So soft he thumbs at it for a moment, like trying to remember something on the tip of his tongue. “You know it’s not that simple. I do have a sense of responsibility.”

Changkyun immediately takes another step forward, smiling crookedly. “That’s quite attractive, you know... Knowing how hard you work…” Changkyun tugs a little at the front of Kihyun’s shirt, eyes down and still biting at his lip before his eyes flash up.

Kihyun narrows his eyes and keeps soothing his thumb over Changkyun’s hand. It feels unbelievably softer than usual, seriously... “Me. Going to work. Attractive?” Kihyun chuckles and looks down at their hands. “That’s a first.”

For some reason, his brain feels muddy and his body… _craves_ … But something keeps him from acting on it. Something strong, _vast_ , angry and knowingly powerful.

Changkyun hums distractedly, slowly walks backward and pulls Kihyun with him by the shirt, toying with a button. “Mmm, should get you in a tie, all professional…” Changkyun grins. “I can think of a few uses for a tie.”

“You’re,” Kihyun sighs, offering little resistance, “Oddly eager today…?”

Changkyun pouts at him, making his eyes all big. “You don’t like it when I’m needy…?”

“I…” Kihyun blinks and looks away. Suddenly his face feels too warm and his stomach turns in on itself. “I didn’t say… that.”

Changkyun quickly grins, pops open a button of Kihyun’s shirt, leaning in to whisper at Kihyun’s ear, “ _Good_.” And it sounds incredibly soothing, like a lullaby covered in honey. Kihyun lets out a breath, his head leaning slightly to the side, bumping on Changkyun’s.

Again, Kihyun’s brain tries to remember something, but it’s a lost battle before it even starts, mind scattering and giving in to the strange feeling taking over his body. Like chocolate melting on his tongue. Even the air tastes sweet as Changkyun’s lips brush over the skin of his neck, pulling even more insistently towards the bedroom.

“Because I am, you know,” Changkyun breathes there, popping the buttons of Kihyun’s shirt with near practised ease before he smooths his hand over Kihyun’s chest. “So very needy…”

Kihyun frowns despite himself, despite the loud beating of his heart, the way he needs to breathe in deep to actually _keep_ breathing… despite the hand on Changkyun’s elbow, guiding him closer. “Come here…”

Changkyun pulls away to grin, and Kihyun can’t quite recall when they reached the bedroom, but then Changkyun’s pulling him down with him to the bed, face dangerously close, breath on his lips even as he tilts his head up. “I’m all yours, baby…”

A breath hushes out of Kihyun and he barely looks at Changkyun’s lips before he starts kissing down his neck, tugging at the hoodie to reach for Changkyun’s collarbones. It feels off. Everything feels off. But even being conscious of it seems futile. It’s like being drunk with _want_ while knowing it is a fake feeling.

Changkyun groans, squirming under him. “Kiss me…”

Kihyun pauses for a moment. The fingers on the hem of Changkyun’s hoodie pinch at the fabric before they slide under, ghosting over Changkyun’s ribs all the way to his chest. Kihyun bites at his neck and thumbs at a nipple, lips closing around skin and sucking, and it tastes _sweet_ , to the point of intoxication. His mind goes blank. But before he can lose himself in the feeling, Changkyun squirms again, tugs up insistently.

“ _No_ ,” he groans, pulling at Kihyun’s clothes until they’re at eye-level, and he leans forward again but stopping when Kihyun resists. “ _Kiss me_.”

Heart dropping and then jumping up to his throat, all Kihyun can do is blink. “Wha...What?” His brain can’t come up with anything, but he knows, he _knows_ this is the one rule between them, the line neither of them dares cross no matter how often they linger on the edge. It’s so ingrained in him at this point that even if he lets the thought consume him, there’s always a fear at the back of his head that not even a scattered mind can get rid of.

Changkyun rolls his eyes, pushing up to switch their positions, hand on his chest pushing Kihyun onto the bed and leaning in again. “You know you want to. So _kiss me_.”

Kihyun frowns and swallows as he tries to shove the thought away and holds on to the wary fear at the back of his head. “Changkyun…” He doesn’t even know what he wants to say. Concise thoughts are the least of his capabilities right now. He pushes Changkyun back a little to look at him. “What are you… saying…?”

Changkyun’s face goes blank, voice hollow. “You’d rather let me suffer in Hell, is that it?”

“Hey,” Kihyun brings both hands up to cup at Changkyun’s face, “Hey, hey…” Kihyun breathes out, shaking his head. There’s a knot inside him and it keeps getting tighter as the seconds tick by, hurting him. “Please, talk to me… What’s…” He doesn’t know what to say. After all, part of him agrees. But Changkyun would never… He has never...

Changkyun smacks his hands away, looks away. “You’re so fucking selfish…”

“Se--Selfish…” Kihyun frowns and sits up, Changkyun sitting up with him. “You gotta be kidding me…”

“Am I?” Changkyun snaps, looking at Kihyun with eyes that brim with tears. “I’m the one paying the price so,” Changkyun laughs bitterly. “So what? You can galavant around all care free? Fuck me and call it even?”

“What!?” Kihyun scoffs, feeling angry despite also feeling incredibly guilty. “ _You_ are the one who keeps saying we can’t. _You_ were the one who made that stupid decision!” Kihyun glares and then shakes his head. “You think it’s easy to be on this side? What the hell is wrong with you today?”

Changkyun grits his teeth, levels a glare at him. “If you _loved_ me, you’d kiss me. You’re a damn _coward_.”

Kihyun’s eyes widen and then rush down. He feels so incredibly lost all of a sudden. “What…” He looks up and he can’t help the way his voice breaks a little when he says, “Kyunie…”

Changkyun scoffs, looks away. “Loving you was a mistake...”

It bottoms out. A feeling bouncing between disbelief and an anger fueled by guilt and sadness. Kihyun feels his heart slow down, his eyes flicking between Changkyun’s face and the rest of him. Even if Kihyun wanted to speak, he’s not sure he’d be able to.

But then his eyes lock on Changkyun’s neck and the redness on his skin. Everything seems to stop, Kihyun’s brain racing to remember something, something he knows he noticed the moment he laid eyes on Changkyun, something…

Something he had found oddly human. A little imperfection on smooth skin.

He looks up, fingers slowly circling around Changkyun’s wrist. “Hey… Look at me…”

Changkyun hesitates. And when he locks eyes with Kihyun, there’s no pull. No tug. No voice. And his eyes--

Dark. Like black onyxes.

Everything clicks. As if the spell had been lifted. Kihyun’s brain rushes to think, anxiety seems to kickstart his heart as it picks up speed. And fear swells. Because that’s what happens when instinct takes over. Except, for the first time ever, he’s not panicking. And the longer he stares, the angrier he feels.

Kihyun opens his mouth once to say something but closes it. And then opens it again, after a second to reconsider, “Do you remember…” His fingers around _Changkyun’s_ wrist tighten. “Do you remember what I told you, back at the bell tower…? That I trusted you… because…?”

_Changkyun_ tenses, looks away again. “Because,” he starts. “You… Knew I wanted what was best for you.”

Kihyun frowns. He can feel the bruises forming under his fingers. “Because you told the truth,” he corrects. “Because you _always_ tell the truth. So, I’ll ask…” He leans closer and glares, fueled by the anger that manages to quell his fear. “Who _are_ you?”

_Changkyun_ stares back, before a small grin forms on his lips. “A _liar_ ,” he says and rips his wrist from Kihyun’s grasp. _Changkyun_ pushes him back and laughs, leaning forward again to pin Kihyun to the bed with a hand to his chest. “Took you long enough.”

There are so many questions, but so little time. Kihyun’s mind races to connect the dots. The loud ringing that sounded a lot like Gluttony but never stayed long enough, coming in phases, like testing a border. The malfunction with the printer. The number of times he had to reset his password for the door downstairs…

“You…”

“I’ve been around,” _Changkyun_ smiles, leaning closer and brushing his nose on Kihyun’s cheek, breathing in sharply in a way that makes Kihyun tense.

“I wouldn’t even try, if I were you,” He warns, fisting his hand on the collar of _Changkyun’s_ hoodie who pulls back just enough to stare. “Where is he…?”

“With a friend,” _Changkyun_ sing-songs, tilts his head and leans in close, eyes roving Kihyun’s face. “Of yours, and one of mine.” A friend of Kihyun’s…? _Hoseok? No, no, no, it better not be him._ Kihyun’s fist on _Changkyun’s_ hoodie tightens.

_Anger…_ so much anger and… something else.

“If you hurt him…”

“You’ll… What?” _Changkyun_ grins. “Light up for me…?”

Some things are still the same. But after a little trip to the gates of Hell, nothing on Earth will ever feel as desperate, look as terrifying, smell as horribly rotten and burn so much that even Death’s cold kiss sounds pleasing.

Pride. Sloth. Envy. Gluttony. Greed. _Lust and Wrath…_ Hell’s seven domains.

“Let me guess,” Kihyun mumbles, pushing that _thing_ back just slightly, “Lust…?”

Lust rolls its eyes, using Changkyun’s voice to grumble a, “Clearly I’ve lost my touch,” and push back. “Stop making my job _so difficult_. I can give you what you want, after all.”

“What I want,” Kihyun huffs a bitter laugh. “What I want…” What he wants almost feels like boiling hatred and waiting for it to explode.

“Don’t tell me that didn’t work either…”

“I wouldn’t take it personally,” Kihyun sighs, looking up at the ceiling and then back at Lust. “It’s hardly your fault. I’m quite angry right now.”

Lust laughs, high pitched. “Oh, the irony of that is so lost on you,” and then growls, eyes darkening even more. “You’re _cocky_. It’s annoying,” it says, pushing forward with the obvious aim of kissing him.

And it’s odd how, even though Kihyun can finally think straight, Lust still seems to pull at every little desire inside his body. Like it wants him to give in to desire. Which, despite being a great temptation, is hardly near Kihyun’s greatest sin. His own personal place in Hell...

It’s just one breath between them, just an inch between skin when Lust gets thrown back across the room and slams against the wall.

Kihyun sits up, a blue aura around him. He takes a deep breath, swallows the lump in his throat and gets up. “Where are they…?” He asks and gives a step forward.

Lust laughs, a hysterical edge to its voice, and it still looks like Changkyun but it couldn’t look _less_ like him. It slides down the wall, lazily sitting on the floor. “Heaven’s trash has learned a few tricks, I see.”

Kihyun glares and steps closer, kneeling over Lust, hand on its wrist as he twists and Lust gives a surprised, loud scream. “I can hardly compete with Hell… but I can definitely send you back there…” He says. And when he speaks again, there’s a second voice resonating in the background. _“I asked you a question!”_

Lust stares at him with wide eyes. “You--You shouldn’t be able to do this alrea--” and screams again as Kihyun twists, something snapping under his grip.

“You think you’re safe because you look like him?” He asks a little amused and so, so, _so_ angry it’s almost blinding. He’s tired of feeling useless, tired of being played, tired of being afraid, tired of games.

Lust whimpers. “You wouldn’t--”

_“Try me.”_

Lust stops, swallows. “Minhyuk’s not very patient, you know. He’s not going to just _wait_ for you. Why do you think _I’m_ here, Nephilim? Once I kiss you, you won’t be able to resist the real thing anymore.”

Kihyun leans back just slightly, eyes narrowing. _Of course_. Of course, nothing is ever simple. “What happens if Changkyun doesn’t kiss me?” He asks softly but guarded.

Lust laughs again. “You already know,” it says. “He’ll be _undone_.”

_‘Greed, your undoing.’_

“So it wasn’t me, exactly…” Kihyun mutters to himself, almost able to ignore the way his heart drops, frowning when he feels its weight on his chest anyway. “It was him…”

“You know, you kind of look like someone I know,” Lust grins, smug.

Kihyun rolls his eyes and leans over Lust again, squeezing at the broken wrist. “Enlighten me. And while you’re at it, tell me where they are.”

“You’re going to kill me anyway,” Lust gasps. “Whether I tell you or not, _Pride_.”

Kihyun glares, his heart skips and then beats faster. “And would you like a second chance, or would you like to just… vanish?”

Lust tilts its head up. “You don’t decide what happens to me.”

“Who does?”

“Minhyuk,” it says. “My Prince. Your lover’s Maker. _Greed_.”

_Prince… Greed… The seven princes. One for each domain. And Lucifer’s Pandemonium._

Kihyun leans back and gets up. He is disgusted. Angry. But, most of all, he is…

“Do me a favor, then, _baby._ Tell your prince we need to have a chat.” And as he tugs at his shirt and turns to walk away, the blue, soft and warm aura around him thumps loudly and expands, burning Lust to ashes before it can even screech.

_Most of all, he is…_

… _Pride_. The Capital sin.

"Good talk. _”_

  


\---

 

 

The floor is cold and everything smells like ash and iron when Changkyun wakes up. Except it’s not iron, exactly. His stomach turns because even before he opens his eyes he knows, _knows_ that’s the smell of blood.

“Oh, good, I was getting bored.”

Changkyun jumps up with a start but screams as something pulls him back down. His hands hit the floor, and he sees it; a demon trap, his palms red and slick with the blood that twists in the shapes that keep him there.

_He was…_

Changkyun sucks in a breath, tries to remember, fast, to orient himself, but the last image he sees in his mind is him and Hoseok, walking through the city looking through window shops and marvelling at Christmas decorations. He blinks again and sees a new image that it fills all his senses... A scream, like an explosion had gone off. Like that time at the restaurant when he’d--

Changkyun looks up and sees exactly what he fears.

Hoseok is grinning at him, wide and near manic, but it’s not him, it can’t be, because _Hoseok_ is passed out on the floor, arms red with blood, hair matted with it. Changkyun feels such a sharp stab of fear in his chest that his vision blackens for a second, the taint spreading like black inky vines over his hands.

_Hoseok can’t be… No..._

But he listens and there’s a heartbeat. Faint, but there.

“Get away from him,” Changkyun says, and he _hates_ how small he sounds, how tired. The trap under his hands, painted on the floor with his friend’s blood, it _drains_ him, he can feel it, and he’s unsure how long he’s been here, how long it’s been draining at him. It takes all his effort to stay on his knees, hands pressed to the floor like the blood glues him there.

There’s a deep and dark chuckle and it doesn’t sound like Hoseok at all. Especially not when it smiles like the devil, eyes blackened with taint. Changkyun can see it twisting under its skin, bubbling like oil, shifting and then sharpening before it’s gone. It sounds like bones cracking in the distance under heavy feet.

“I wonder how little old you keeps all that taint in such a small body,” it says. “I can barely contain it,” its eyes narrow when it looks at its own fist and Changkyun sees it, _anger_ slipping through gritted teeth, “It’s almost…” It closes its eyes and rolls its head, smiling a little, “Unbearable…”

Changkyun glances down at his hands. It doesn’t boil. It’s matte, but it moves, again, like ink through water, or vines up a wall. Somewhere in the middle of that, there’s him.

“Really,” Changkyun grits out. His taint. His reason, his purpose. “I barely notice it…”

He holds onto it, then. That soft heartbeat by Wrath’s feet. He scrunches his eyes closed, tries to _think_ . He doesn’t know what to _do_. He’s trapped and Hoseok is… if he doesn’t do anything, he’ll die.

“I can see the wheels turning inside that head of yours,” the demon says.

_Wrath..._

“ _Oh,_ you can, can you?” Changkyun glares up at Wrath. “Can’t say I share the sentiment.”

“Don’t get crafty with me. Wrath isn’t known to have patience.” There’s a twitch on he demon’s face. It turns its head to the side, eyeing Changkyun like an animal. “You truly are Pride’s half-soul… _demon_.”

Another tug, somewhere deep in his stomach. “What--” he says before he finds his mouth, snaps it shut. _Pride_ .. _? Kihyun…_ And the demon smiles again, crooked and ugly and strange to witness. It has Hoseok’s face.

“Lust is going to hate this…” Wrath says, smiling wickedly. “If the small fry talks like that as well, then,” It breathes and rolls its head again, “Everyone hates Pride… A shame I wasn’t entrusted with _that_ job. Could use a good beating…”

Changkyun’s fingers dig into the concrete as he processes what the demon is saying. Lust is with Kihyun--Kihyun, that this thing keeps calling Pride and he’s _stuck_ . He wants to scream, wants to jump up and tear this demon to pieces but he can’t even _move_ . His teeth grit so hard it almost hurts. “If he’s Pride,” Changkyun grits, trying to _think_ , “What makes you think he’ll be swayed by something as contemptible as _Lust_?”

Wrath looks down and smiles at Hoseok. “Lust has a sense of humor.” It looks up. “If I look like this… What do you think Lust looks like…?”

And this time Changkyun does scream, lets his hands crack the concrete under them because he can _see it_ , despite how hard he tries not to. Something as horrible as this thing in front of him _touching_ Kihyun, it--he screams again. Feels it scratching at him. _Wrath_.

But this is Kihyun. And it might be Pride, but Changkyun believes in him, in a way he can’t find himself believing in much else.

Wrath takes a deep breath and kneels down. It contemplates Hoseok for a moment, eyes narrowing, and then it rolls its head again. The skin around its neck bubbles and Changkyun hears bones crack again, like rocks falling in the distance.

“Give me a reason,” it glances up. “Try to get out of there again. I won’t hesitate to kill the both of you. I am certain _He_ wouldn’t mind,” it smiles, “Too much…”

Changkyun doesn’t have to ask. He sees those red eyes every time he gets dragged down to Hell. He knows.

And when he blinks his eyes open, it clicks. _Hyungwon_.

If he’s not here, trying to murder Wrath for all its worth for what it did to Hoseok, then--

Changkyun laughs. He lets go of the concrete, lets the trap drag him down as he falls back, hard onto his ass. He laughs again. “ _Wow_. As stupid as Lust can make someone, there’s nothing quite like Wrath to set a fine example of refined idiocy.”

Wrath’s head snaps up, eyes even darker than before. “You talk too much…” It gritts out. “I have little patience… Very little patience.”

“Well,” Changkyun says, feels a stupid little light of hope somewhere in his chest. It’s almost scary how much he believes in Yoo Kihyun. He smiles, sardonic. “I have a _lot_. Try me.”

There’s a moment of silence while Wrath simply stares back at him. And then it smiles back, slowly getting back up, skin bubbling again. “Oh…” It breathes in deep and rolls its head again. “I truly hate your kind…” It gives a step over Hoseok and then another towards Changkyun.

“What,” Changkyun blinks. “Handsome people?”

The bubbling skin on Wrath’s neck descends to its shoulder. Again, Changkyun hears the sound of bones cracking, except this time they pierce through skin, growing out of Wrath’s back as it contorts and smiles wider, eyes predatory and on Changkyun.

“Let’s hope Lust is having a good time,” Wrath huffs out, throwing its head back when another loud, cracking noise echoes through the abandoned building. “Wouldn’t be... the only one…”

Changkyun sighs, throwing his head back, fighting hard against the press of panic in his chest. _Believe_ . “So duuuuumb. Kihyun is _not,_ though,” Changkyun looks back at him. “He’ll know it’s not me. The way I know _you’re_ not Hoseok, even without the whole--” He gestures. “Skeleton malfunction you’ve got going on.”

Wrath takes another step forwards. And then another, and another, and another, getting heavier as it paces closer, bones cracking with each step, ribs growing out of its body, opening its chest like a mouth. _“So… very… annoying…”_

“What’s the plan, then?” Changkyun asks, takes a deep breath, swallows his fears because Wrath is now much closer to him than it is to Hoseok. “Lust… what?” He swallows again as his stomach turns. “ _Plays around..._ and? What do you get out of it?”

_“Ooooh,”_ Wrath lets its head hang and a long, a sharp tongue slips out of its mouth. “She gets to play. All it takes is one-- _”_ It looks up. “Kiss,” it says, and the S sibilates through the building. “And I get to… have a feast.”

“No, you don’t,” Changkyun deadpans. “There’s a reason I’m still alive. _He_ made sure to give me hell for it, too.”

Wrath closes the distance between them, its face just a breath away. It smells rotten when it speaks, its eyes like black holes, skin boiling with taint. “You still think this is for you…? You’re not the one who needs convincing…”

Changkyun closes his eyes, tight. He tries not to breathe this _thing’s_ air. Tries not to hear the bubbling, the cracking of bones. “No,” he chokes out. “But you don’t see my body giving in from the taint, do you? You’re not as strong as you think you are.”

Wrath smiles and tilts its head. It’s barely there, but Changkyun can see a faint black mist around Hoseok’s body. Wrath tilts its head again, leaning closer and smelling Changkyun before it leans back, skull cracking as its face contorts and its mouth opens in four.

_“Time to feed...”_ Changkyun hears behind him and then in front of him. _“TIME TO KILL!”_

And Changkyun tastes it, like a familiar, bitter wine; the fear of death. The fear of leaving it all behind, of staying in hell for the rest of eternity without the knowledge that for, at least one day, he’ll be so, so loved.

But just as Wrath lurches towards Changkyun’s face, something loud and metallic clinks and Wrath coils, swings around as it twists and screams and twists again, silver arrow stuck on its back, between warped ribs. Changkyun recognises the bright yellow feathers. Shownu made him hunt those damn things himself.

Changkyun looks, and it’s… almost overwhelming, to have one's beliefs become true right in front of your eyes.

And maybe it is prideful. But Changkyun can’t find it in himself to care, just then.

‘ _I knew you’d come’_ Changkyun says, trying to catch his breath, trying to concentrate on the sight of--

Shownu in the shadows of the nearest corridor. He’s setting an arrow on his crossbow, face almost unreadable except for the frown. “When you said it looked like him,” he mutters and tilts his head slightly, “I was expecting a clone… not a… whatever that is.”

Hyungwon holds Hoseok closer now, eyes wide and yellow and on Wrath. “I am pretty sure it didn’t look like that when I left…”

“My bad,” Changkyun croaks, hand coming up to his throat. It’s dry, and scratches. _How_ _hard did he scream?_

_‘Demons, can’t do anything right…’_ He hears. And then _he’s_ there, steps echoing until he emerges from the shadows too, right next to Shownu. “Mine was not as ugly…” Kihyun mutters, eyes soft and on Changkyun’s despite the hardened face.

“I want it dead,” Hyungwon grits out, eyes bright yellow as they stare at Wrath’s twisting form, Hoseok’s blood seeping into his clothes. “ _He’s just a human, you asshole!”_

As if in acknowledgement, Shownu shoots another arrow and Wrath twists and screams. But instead of turning to Hyungwon, it turns to Kihyun and Shownu, eyes dark and wide and tainted. Shownu hurries with another arrow and Kihyun takes two steps forward. And just as Shownu lifts the crossbow again and it clicks, Kihyun lifts his hand as if to grab for it. Except as it flies by, it catches fire when his soul thumps just slightly, and the arrow rushes towards Wrath, hitting it straight in the face.

Wrath screams, Changkyun’s eyes wide on it as the fire, bright, white, spreads over its form, eats away at it.

_A giant with wings_.

Shownu lowers the crossbow, turns to look at Kihyun with wide eyes. “I saw you less than two hours ago!”

Kihyun doesn’t even look at him, eyes on Wrath and frown increasing. “A lot can happen in two hours…” The blue aura around him shimmers slightly as it grows around him and Shownu. “It won’t hurt you. So keep it distracted.”

Shownu gapes, and Changkyun opens his mouth, wants to move, but the floor drags him right back down. It’s draining. God, it’s so draining, like the symbols on the floor are holding him there like a magnet, sucking at his being like a black hole. “Kihyun…”

Because the time where Changkyun was the one who protected Kihyun is long, long since over.

Shownu loads the crossbow again and brings out a handgun. “You better run fast, I only have one arrow and six bullets.” And he takes the first shot with the crossbow, switching to the handgun and walking closer as he keeps shooting and Wrath keeps screaming and Kihyun runs towards Hyungwon and Hoseok, a faint blue thread stuck between him and the giant aura he leaves behind, around Shownu.

Kihyun ducks and slides toward Hyungwon and Hoseok when Wrath screams again and sends bone scraps flying everywhere. A few hit Changkyun, but the ones that fly towards Shownu turn to dust when they pierce through the blue aura.

“You have to get him out of here,” Kihyun stresses as he helps Hyungwon with Hoseok. “I’ll try for… for a longer reach, _please_ get him out…”

‘ _I can take him_ ,’ Changkyun wants to say, but the floor pulls him down. He’s so drained, _tired_. And, he realises with a cold shiver, still incredibly scared.

Hyungwon nods, and Shownu gives Wrath another clear shot to the forehead as he moves towards them. Hyungwon steadies Hoseok with a hand on his shoulder.

“You can kill it?” Shownu asks Kihyun, but it barely sounds like a question, and Changkyun lets his arms give in as he sinks to the floor.

Kihyun looks up and the fear on his face is there, clear as day, just before he gets up and the little blue thread snaps. The shimmering aura around Shownu rushes back towards Kihyun like a magnet and Hyungwon phases slowly with Hoseok in his arms, vanishing completely when the aura grows wider, past the building walls for a few seconds before collapsing back into Kihyun and making him stumble to the floor.

Changkyun even feels it, for a second. And he’s reminded of hearing Kihyun’s voice in his head, sitting on a couch together what feels like ages past, as his soul grew bigger in the shadow of Kihyun’s. But he feels lighter, somehow, and when he blinks his eyes open, the floor is black.

Burnt.

He can move, but he doesn’t particularly want to. His muscles ache like he’d been running a marathon, bones feeling heavy as stones. “Fucking demon traps,” he grumbles to himself, and the air smells almost, but not entirely, like hell.

“Guys,” Shownu calls out as Wrath twists again and bleeds black to the floor, “I’m out of bullets.”

And despite his leaden bones, his chest that feels like ash is clinging to his lungs, weighing him down, Changkyun pulls himself up, stumbles and looks over at Kihyun, past Wrath’s twisting body, and smiles. ‘ _I believe in you_.’

And turns to Wrath, calling out like a drunken spectator, “Hey, shit for brains!” And Wrath contorts and turns, stilling when it looks at him for one split second before Changkyun blinks and he feels his back smash against a wall across the building with the strength of Wrath’s punch.

He barely has any time to breathe in before he sees it lurch towards him, mouth open in four, teeth like a hagfish. And Changkyun smells its breath on his face before it’s there, but he never feels the impact. He just sees a contorted face in front of him, out of breath and frozen like someone just stopped time. And when his eyes wander down, there’s a burnt hole right through Wrath’s chest, wide and smoked.

Changkyun feels himself slide down the wall, breath heavy, eyes looking past where Wrath’s form gives in, folds in on itself like a burnt leaf. Kihyun isn’t even looking at him. The clothes on his arm, raised and pointed at Changkyun, are burnt, smoking, his head down. Changkyun looks down at himself, directly in the path of whatever Kihyun had done, and there’s nothing.

“So-sorry,” Changkyun breathes out, head spinning, senses still filled with rot, with burning, with the image of this thing so close to him he would have had his head eaten off if they hadn’t showed up when they did. Wrath burns away in front of him, into a pool of thick, black blood that bubbles like tar. The place they’re in--an abandoned warehouse, Changkyun finally notes--looks like a bomb had gone off. He tries to take a deep breath but coughs at the putrid air.

“Angels are…” Shownu whispers, “Terrifying beings…”

Kihyun’s arm trembles a little before it falls limp on the floor, even as his hand fists a little. “What... are you sorry for…?” He asks, breathy, head still down.

“Not sure...” Changkyun laughs, soft, out of breath, and he notes, slightly hysterical. “But I’m sure you’ll tell me soon enough...”

Kihyun raises his head but he’s looking at Shownu. “Let’s not do this everyday…” He mutters before he tries to get up, almost falling back down when he rises to both feet. He looks around a little dazed before his eyes settle on Changkyun. However, they don’t linger, quickly flicking back to Shownu. “We need to take Hoseok to the hospital…”

Shownu nods, hefting his crossbow on his back and already stepping backwards. “Coming?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun nods and walks forward, stopping and frowning when his legs almost give in and he needs to kneel and quickly throw a hand at the floor so he won’t fall. “Y--Yeah, just a sec…”

Changkyun pushes himself up, ignores the weight in his bones even as he stumbles. “I…” He doesn’t know. Between Hoseok, Pride, Kihyun, _all of it_ , Changkyun just… stumbles.

“You should go home,” Kihyun mutters, eyes somewhere else as he gets back up and manages to walk properly.

Changkyun hangs his head, feels everything from guilt to fear to worry and right back to guilt, “He’s my friend, too…”

Kihyun takes a deep (and Changkyun can hear annoyed) breath and walks past Shownu, back into the shadows of the nearest corridor, without saying another word. All Changkyun hears are Kihyun’s soft steps and then nothing.

Shownu turns his head slightly as if to look over his shoulder but doesn’t. He licks his lips and looks at Changkyun. “Are you alright?” He smiles a little. “Good job keeping it away from Hoseok.”

“Yeah,” Changkyun breathes in reply to both statements, nods past the hollow, sinking feeling in his chest. “Go… go with him. He doesn’t…” Changkyun swallows again, but the hollow feeling stays there as nods to himself. “He’ll call me if he needs me.”

Shownu stays silent for a moment and then Changkyun hears his feet shuffle on the floor. “Don’t stay here for too long…” Shownu mumbles, eyes on Changkyun before he turns to walk away, too. He stops, though, just before he turns into the corridor. “I know… it’s none of my business. But I think he needs you as much right now as you need him.” He glances over. “Just give it time to sink in… He was terrified when he showed up at my door and even though he was trying to keep it from showing, well, you could smell the fear.”

_As long as it doesn’t take four days again_ , Changkyun thinks, nodding slightly, blinking at the burnt ground. “I think that might be why I said sorry, just then…” He nods again, curt as he looks up, ignores the sting in his eyes, “I’m seconds from passing out, I can literally feel it.”

“Then go home,” Shownu smiles. “I will make sure Kihyun gets back safely.” He chuckles. “Or the other way around…”

Changkyun glances at the puddle of black. It’s stopped boiling. “Thanks for the arrows,” Changkyun mumbles, head spinning as he uses the last of his energy to blink himself home, hates himself for it, and collapses two feet away from the bed.

  


\---

 

 

Not many things are easy to deal with, lately. What started as something scary but quite simple has now turned into a complex tidal wave.

One of the scariest things is how, when Kihyun gets home, the door makes the same sound it’s always made when it closes behind him. The walls are still the same off white color the landlord refused to let Kihyun do anything about. And he doesn’t have to check to know that the window to the far right of his living room refuses to open completely unless Hoseok does it. It feels like all of it should be different. That he wouldn’t be surprised if he came home to a pile of ashes instead of the furniture Changkyun had blatantly stolen from a Swedish furniture-retail company.

Or maybe it did. Maybe everything burnt into ash and then built itself up again and he’s the only one that can still smell it.

He walks in, tired, brain too busy filing memories into long term to think of anything else but what feels mechanical. He spent the entire night at the hospital. The sun, already high in the sky, mocks him and the dark circles under his eyes but Kihyun can’t even fathom falling asleep. Despite how heavy his body feels, how muddy his brain feels, his eyelids seem stuck, glued, eyes wide open in awareness, like he expects something to happen soon.

Ki-Kyun is no longer on the sofa on the pile of blankets and soft things where Kihyun had left him the day before. He’s resting atop Changkyun’s back like a cat spaceship, eyes open and ears perked up, and it meows softly when it sees Kihyun. Who would have thought that little ball of fur had been so scared it had hid under the sofa...

It makes Kihyun smile. Because of course Changkyun collapsed before he even reached the bed. And of course Ki-Kyun claimed the warmest spot on Changkyun’s body. That… in itself, is something simple. Something Kihyun misses a lot. Like when his two biggest concerns were not knowing if Changkyun liked him back and how to survive a demon attack. It seemed like so much to deal it, but now…? Now Kihyun wishes that’s all he had.

Ki-Kyun jumps from over Changkyun when Kihyun drops two warm blankets over him and tucks his head on a pillow. Ki-Kyun follows Kihyun into the the kitchen and meows for food and Kihyun sits there with him while the kitten devours an impressive amount of wet food in less than five minutes and then collapses on the floor with a huge, swollen tummy.

Kihyun pokes at it and smiles when all Ki-Kyun does is blink lazily at at him and starts purring. “Such a baby…” Kihyun mumbles, and Ki-Kyun purrs louder, rolling on the floor with its four legs up. But it’s not just a loud purr right there, trembling under Kihyun’s fingertips as he pets Ki-Kyun. It’s also that other one, soothing and small, right behind Kihyun’s ear.

When Kihyun goes to the bathroom to take a shower, Ki-Kyun follows, too. It’s like he knows Kihyun is going to enter a cycle of self-loathing if he’s left alone. Ki-Kyun sits on the little towel next to the bath and eyes the water spray with wide, curious eyes, eyes that grow wider and pupils that blow every time Kihyun takes a peek.

And then it’s just the two of them, on the sofa, curled up in blankets and Ki-Kyun’s scent. And cats smell so damn good, comforting and sweet. Kihyun can’t stop rubbing his nose on the kitten’s head.

They probably fall asleep once or twice, even with the sun shining through the window. The TV is on, but Kihyun is not even paying attention. The images just seem like a distraction where he can train his eyes while his mind floats everywhere else.

He’d felt so angry… So, so, so angry at everything… But that’s the thing about anger, it’s easy to deal with. It fuels purpose, it wills a body to act. And now that it’s gone and other feelings are starting to replace the empty hole in Kihyun’s chest, he feels trapped. Guilt and fear are confusing and freeze him. Disgust and uncertainty fuel more guilt and fear. And all Kihyun has to keep himself from falling into it right now is a little ball of fur between his arms.

The sun sets too early now, just one day after the solstice. It paints the living room in reds and pinks. And when Kihyun looks out the window he feels a lot more serene. Because sunsets are beautiful. Bittersweet, but beautiful. Like an end that begets a new beginning.

Kihyun hears movement from the bedroom, a low groan and the sound of blankets rustling. Because of course Changkyun would wake up when the sun sets. When Kihyun looks over, Changkyun’s standing there with the blankets wrapped around his shoulders, hair in disarray and eyes barely open. He licks at his lips and shuffles closer with a groan.

“What are they putting in demon traps these days… Didn’t sleep this much even when I fell out a damn building…”

Kihyun blinks and then looks at the TV, smiling a little as he tucks Ki-Kyun closer. “I’m glad you could rest…” He rubs his nose over Ki-Kyun’s head again just to feel that comforting, sweet scent that grounds him and pulls him away from a mess of feelings.

Changkyun pauses, a few feet away from the couch, looking down as he tugs the blankets closer to himself. “Did you…? Rest, I mean...”

“No idea,” Kihyun says with a sigh. “I think I fell asleep a couple of times but… I can’t really tell if I’m sleeping or if I’m blinking… Can’t tell the difference.”

Changkyun hovers where he is, voice small. “Yeah…” He glances up, lingers on the sunset outside of the window. He frowns a little, sighs and looks down again. “I don’t… know what to say… or do… everything’s different but the same...”

Kihyun looks up at that, eyebrows knitting a little. Feelings are so much easier to ignore when the source is nowhere near him… But now Changkyun is right there and even just the sound of his voice makes Kihyun’s heart squeeze.

“I… Don’t know what to say,” Kihyun echoes and then looks away, eyes flicking everywhere on the small table. “What to do. How to feel… It’s… okay, I think…” It’s okay if they don’t know what to say, or do, or feel. There is something quite consoling about just saying, or doing, or feeling things in the present, as they come.

“It is...?” Changkyun asks, shoulders slumping, pulling the blankets even closer to himself without looking at Kihyun, eyes on the little kitten in his arms.

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes out and his throat feels tight. “Yeah, I… I think so…” It’s okay if they don’t know. It’s comforting if they don’t know. But… “But _please_ say something… anything is fine… just whatever…” Kihyun says, head hanging a little.

A second of silence before the blankets drag behind Changkyun, and he sits down on the floor in front of Kihyun, between him and the coffee table. “I…” Changkyun sighs, his head hanging. “When I was confused, trapped, powerless in that horrible place with that horrible thing…” He takes a breath, looks up. “I love you. And I think, whatever happened, whatever happens, I wouldn’t… be here, be alive, be able to love you if things didn’t happen the way they did. So I don’t know what to do, or say, or feel, but…” he nods again. “That’s okay.”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip and looks at Changkyun. “I love you, too…” That’s something he knows how to feel. “Thank you for… Protecting Hoseok…” And that’s something he knows he should have said as soon as possible. He just wishes he could bring himself to reach out, like he knows how to do, reach out and touch Changkyun. It’s the first time Kihyun wishes that consent rule didn’t exist.

Changkyun scoffs where his head is hanging forward, body tilting, too, stopping in front of Kihyun’s knees. “Of course I would, but yeah, I had to do some… really stupid shit. If you hadn’t showed up when you did…” He turns to look to the side, voice trailing, looking up with a deep breath, eyebrows knit as he tries to smile at Kihyun, eyes glossy. “I’m scared, Kihyun.”

Kihyun feels something burn at the back of his eyes and his throat closes up before he can say something. He tries to reach out, hesitating a little, but when his hand trembles the moment he raises his arm, he lets it fall over his lap. “I…” He tries to say and his voice sounds strained. “I’m sorry…” He looks down at his hand, the other loosening around Ki-Kyun as he tries to wiggle away from Kihyun. Suddenly, Kihyun feels cold, without the comfort of something in his arms. “I’m sorry I didn’t… realize sooner. I should have. I should have… It was so confusing and lulling and…” He scrunches his face, “tempting but at the same time it felt… wrong and… I was…” His heart bottoms. “I’m sorry…”

And for a second Kihyun thinks Ki-Kyun had come back to rub against his hand, to paw at his lap. He’s cold but the hand slowly closing over his is so, so warm. He looks down, eyes a little wide, and then up at Changkyun, who smiles gently, leaning up to wipe a tear from Kihyun’s face.

“You don’t always have to say it for me to know...” Changkyun says, hand smoothing out over his cheek. “It was a Lust demon, Kihyun… A powerful one. Anyone else would have…”

_“‘Kiss me’,”_ Kihyun says and Changkyun stills. But then Kihyun sighs, hand turning in Changkyun’s to hold him, too. “That’s… that’s when I knew. Ironically… It was...” He turns his face a little, lips brushing on Changkyun’s palm. “A cheap copy…”

Changkyun takes a deep breath and it shakes as he exhales, blinking against the wet in his eyes. “There’s… so much that happened and,” Changkyun lets out a small laugh, sniffling a little at the end. “You’re apologising for _not_ kissing a Lust demon that looked exactly like me…”

“What else am I supposed to apologise for…?” Kihyun tugs at Changkyun’s hand. Because he needs him right there with him, warm, making sense of things that make no sense.

“Nothing,” Changkyun laughs again, brings the blankets up with him as gets up just enough to plop himself onto the couch, onto Kihyun. “That’s kind of the point…”

Kihyun looks at him and then down. “I still should have known…” He frowns, remembering things he wants to forget and won’t really regret if he does, in fact, forget. “I know it doesn’t sound like me at all but… I’m…” He scoffs, words taste bitter in his mouth. “It felt good when it burnt away…” He hates himself for feeling like that, but he can’t help it. And deep down he knows ‘good’ is not the right word. An understatement compared to reality. Because killing Lust and Wrath felt like the most satisfying thing he’s ever done. And that… that scares the shit out of him.

“It deserved it,” Changkyun says, voice even, sounding far away. “For touching you. I would have done it myself, if I could.”

And finally, like he knows how to do, Kihyun leans in and kisses Changkyun’s cheek. He leans back a little and blinks. “That…” Doesn’t smell or taste sweet. But it feels sweet. Like the _real_ thing. Like the _real_ one. “Yeah…” He looks away.

Changkyun pulls them down, pulls Kihyun close so they’re lying on their sides, legs tangled, faces close but far enough to look. Changkyun’s eyes are serious as he looks over Kihyun’s face. “How did you do it?”

Kihyun frowns, tugging Changkyun’s legs closer and tighter between his. “Do what…?”

“Grow so fast,” Changkyun says, almost a whisper. “You’re… so much bigger than the last time I saw you, when I kissed your cheek and you went to work…”

Kihyun huffs a laugh and looks away, feeling a little shy all of a sudden. “You almost made a dick joke out of that…”

“It was a really, really close call, yeah.”

“I don’t know,” Kihyun admits. “It’s like… whenever I need it, like truly, truly need it… it just… helps.” He squints. “I say ‘it’ but ‘it’ is me and… ugh. I don’t know.” He looks at Changkyun. “But apparently anger is a growth motivator… Whenever I’m angry it just… I don’t know, it works.”

Changkyun listens, expression barely shifting until Kihyun says ‘anger’ and he frowns softly. “That’s not it… It called you ‘Pride’, but…” Changkyun takes a breath, shakes his head a little. “Thank you. For saving my life. However you did it…”

Kihyun looks at him. The line between ‘humility’ and ‘pride’ is an easy one to cross. Kihyun knows he’s been jumping between the two all his life. But lately… lately, Pride does feel quite fitting. Not that he is proud of everything he does, everything he feels, everything he says… But truth… Truth and Pride seem to hold hands a lot. He always thought Humility would be a lot closer to Truth, that’s what everyone says anyway… But it takes a lot of courage to speak the truth. And courage brings about a lot of pride.

“I don’t mind…” Kihyun says, sighing when he remembers Lust’s words with Changkyun’s voice in his head. “If it’s… Pride or… whatever. I know you and Hoseok will never let me become _too_ annoying.” He smiles a little. “Everyone needs a little of both. Virtues help you build character. Sins help you move forward.”

Changkyun smiles a little. “I’ve certainly felt a little of everything by now… I think it’s just part of being alive,” he leans up, kisses Kihyun’s forehead. “Call it Pride but I know that… That whatever happens, we’ll be okay, you and I…”

Kihyun looks away for a moment, heart a little anxious. The name ‘Minhyuk’ coming to mind together with a bunch of other things. “Yeah,” Kihyun says, eyeing Changkyun again and smiling. “We’ll… We’ll be okay.” But he tells those words more to himself than to Changkyun. Because Kihyun is the one who needs to be reminded that whatever happens, someone will always be there to fight for him, too.

The things Lust kept spewing about… Nothing like that would ever come out of Changkyun’s mouth. Because that’s not what Changkyun thinks, believes, feels… That’s what Kihyun thinks, believes in and feels… And not just because he does love Changkyun enough, more than enough, but because there’s a lot more, more than just them, at stake. Kihyun has always known it would never be something he could just ignore. Because even if he grew to agree with those three minutes away from _home,_ there’s a timer on that, too. And it’s days away from going off. And Kihyun knows that, too, in a way that knowing comes with feeling.

“I love you,” Kihyun says and then sticks his tongue out playfully.

The serious expression on Changkyun’s face crumbles, a little bright light turning on behind Changkyun’s eyes, the smile that tugs at his lips. “Oh yeah?”

Kihyun leans closer and their noses boop. “Yeah.”

Changkyun moves a little, so their noses brush in an eskimo kiss. “I don’t think me loving you so much was part of anyone’s plan, you know…”

“Yeah,” Kihyun shivers a little and snorts a laugh. “Yeah. On a side note,” he leans back, face going just a little serious, “His majesty must be so pissed he forgot to call for you… Which,” he throws an arm around Changkyun and hugs, “Could start happening more often, to be honest. I would take a hundred Lust demons over that.”

Changkyun barks a laugh. “Now there’s an image!” He laughs again, nuzzling closer. “You know about him, then? Figured you might,” Changkyun sighs. “You know, sometimes he’ll just interrupt whatever is going on down there, probably about a minute and a half in just to come rant at me about not putting the seal on my dick.”

Kihyun throws his head back and coughs a loud laugh. He brings an arm up to cover his eyes and just keeps laughing.

“It is _so_ satisfying,” Changkyun laughs.

“H--He,” Kihyun snorts another laugh. His chin wrinkles when he tries to keep his mouth shut. _“Pfffft!”_ He trembles. “W--We’d get crafty. He would regret not putting the se--seal on your lips.”

Changkyun hides his face in Kihyun’s arm as he laughs. “ _Oh god_ ,” he laughs again, makes his voice go a little higher. “ _How did we not add blowjobs to this thing?!_ ” He laughs, loud. “He actually sai--said that, I _can’t--_ ”

Kihyun’s voice spikes again in a laugh. “I--I think he--” He starts laughing again, first low and then silently and wiggles. “He underestimates us.”

Changkyun squeezes Kihyun’s arm with a lower, deeper laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I really think he does.” There’s the press of lips to Kihyun’s temple, his cheek, another soft laugh when he pulls away, presses his forehead against Kihyun’s shoulder. “It’s good we have more pride than greed.”

“Huh,” Kihyun chuckles. “Which is why, next time you do see him, tell him something for me…”

“ _Fine_ ,” Changkyun sighs, dramatic. “He’s not gonna like it, is he.”

“Minhyuk sounds like a flower’s name,” Kihyun snorts. “I bet no one takes him seriously so all he does is throw tantrums.” He sighs.

“Oh, you’ve met him?”

“Would love to, though you won’t let me.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “At this point I wouldn’t mind seeing you kick his ass in my honour or whatever… But no, I’ll tell him he’s a delicate little hell-flower myself next time.”

“Someone who makes a kiss a curse…” Kihyun chuckles. “Must have had quite the broken heart…”

“I did ask him, once, mid torture-tantrum-whatever...” Changkyun mumbles. “He said it was _ironic_ … And then got pissy and stormed off.”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip. He tries to keep his mind away from the word ‘torture’ even though he already knew about it. It’s the first time Changkyun's mentioned it. And it’s the first time Kihyun tries to make light of it, instead of feeling guilty.

“Don’t misunderstand, I really hate that guy,” Kihyun mumbles. “But… I also feel sorry for him…”

Changkyun looks up, frowns a little. “What for?”

“Angels have red eyes when they fall…” Kihyun says, “Someone so… _pure_ once. To fall like that… Whatever he did to fall and suffer to the point where souls and lives are just numbers to him…? I can’t imagine what that’s like. But I know it could have been me. Maybe, if things had happened differently, that _would_ have been me.”

It’s so quiet for a few moments that Kihyun can almost hear Ki-Kyun purring at their feet.

“Lucifer fell because of Pride...” Changkyun says, softly, carefully. “And it gave humans free will. Gave _us_ free will…” Changkyun takes a deep, deep breath. “I should thank him.”

Kihyun smiles a little. “I used to believe in the dichotomy between good and evil because that’s what I was taught. But after meeting you… after all this… Heaven doesn’t always mean ‘good’ and Hell doesn’t always mean ‘bad’.” He hugs Changkyun closer and squeezes. “Heaven didn’t give me Changkyun,” he sing-songs, “Hell did.”

Changkyun laughs, eyes crinkling into crescents as he wiggles in Kihyun’s grip weakly. “Sappy! Terrible! I love it!”

“The _dickotomy_ between good and evil, that’s us,” Kihyun snorts and Changkyun wheezes around a laugh.

“I fucking love you and your stupid dick jokes, oh my _god_.”

“Thank you, thank you,” Kihyun laughs. “But I think Nephilims are demi-gods, not actual gods.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “Would you prefer ‘oh my Kihyun?’”

Kihyun headbutts him softly. “God no.” He says but snorts another laugh. “Unless the mood calls for it. Then by all means…”

“Wow,” Changkyun blinks. “That praise kink is really starting to make sense now…”

“Shut up,” Kihyun shoves at him, barely trying, “I’ll throw you off the sofa.”

Changkyun laughs, practically a cackle. “I was talking about mine.”

“Can still throw you off the sofa.”

“Only if you call me pretty, that’s the rules of the ‘Push Off Sofa Praise Kink Arrangement’.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes, smiling when he looks away. “Yes, yes. You’re pretty.” He looks at Changkyun and pokes his cheeks with both index fingers, “And you’re pretty when you dimple,” he runs a finger over Changkyun’s bottom lip and it’s soft.

“Why do I feel like you’re talking directly to my cheeks,” Changkyun laughs and, as they do, his cheeks dimple in the grin that stays there.

“Wrap yourself in festive paper and gift yourself to me…?” Kihyun says, blinking. “It’s almost Christmas.”

Changkyun tilts his head, blinking curiously, not dropping the smile. “But I’m already yours.”

_“Ugh,”_ Kihyun hugs Changkyun’s head close to his chest. That definitely sounds like Changkyun. And Kihyun missed it even if it’s only been a day. “I love you.”

“I know,” Changkyun sing-songs, nuzzling into Kihyun’s chest.

Ki-Kyun yawns with a little meow and jumps to the floor. Kihyun bites at his lower lip, listening to the little sounds of Ki-Kyun’s nails hitting the floor as he walks and then--and then Ki-Kyun starts rummaging through his sandbox.

Kihyun snorts a laugh. “I was gonna suggest something but… the cat killed it for me.”

“M’quite happy here, ‘ctually,” Changkyun says, voice incredibly muffled where he’s pressed against him.

“Never said you had to leave ‘here’.”

Changkyun pulls away just slightly. “I’m moving the sandbox to the bathroom tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow morning?”

“Now that you mention it that is a very long time away, isn’t it.”

Kihyun chuckles and buries his nose in Changkyun’s hair, taking a deep breath. “Thought we were supposed to enjoy ‘right now’...” He huffs a laugh. “I am using that to my advantage now, yeah.”

Changkyun looks up, eyes narrowed playfully. “ _You’re_ not a Lust demon, right…?” He reaches up, pokes at Kihyun’s cheek. “Looks like one, doesn’t feel like one, mmmm.”

“Excuse me,” Kihyun frowns. “That thing looked and sounded like a cat on heat. _Annnd_ that… yeah, I just burned myself, ugh.”

Changkyun laughs, “Ah, but I feel it, Kihyun!” He wiggles again, waggles an eyebrow. “The lusty lusts.”

Kihyun can feel his face hot so he wiggles and turns around, back to Changkyun. “Forget I said anything.” He pauses. Pouts. And then sighs despite the evil thought that crosses his mind. “It feels _amazing_ that the last thing I kissed with _intent_ ,” he mumbles, scrunching his nose at the memory, “Was a Lust demon. _Amazing_ , I tell you. Like overly sweet candy that makes your teeth rot and your stomach go all funny…”

Changkyun tugs, almost harsh, on Kihyun’s arm. “ _Where_ ,” he asks, presses himself closer and narrows his eyes. “Show me where.”

Kihyun frowns at him over his shoulder. “Where what.”

“I want to replace its lips with mine,” Changkyun says. “Make you forget it ever existed.”

“You’re--” Kihyun shivers and turns around again, slowly, “You say the weirdest things sometimes…” _‘And I love you for it.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Hello!! This is a hagfish. People eat these in my country. It's gross. It stinks. Bleh. You're welcome.](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pemixhyLDKo/UMa6FxkvlCI/AAAAAAAAAIE/-Ec6mDXIrQE/s1600/ohio%2520lamprey2.jpg)


	24. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels like letting go, like a hand slipping from Changkyun’s grasp. For a moment, just for a moment, before the fall, before the fear, Changkyun hears; ‘Thank you for letting me save you.’

At first, Kihyun doesn’t know how to take it, the sudden peace, like the calm before the storm. Changkyun doesn’t descend to Hell for two nights. Kihyun doesn’t hear any strange ringing for two days in a row. And before they notice the passing time, Christmas is just around the corner.

Changkyun hadn’t seen Hoseok yet. And Kihyun did tell him to avoid staring and making a face because what happened is  _ not _ his fault. But Changkyun still falters a little when Hoseok walks in with red scratches all over his skin and a few bruises that he managed to hide under that big, fluffy Christmas sweater.

Hoseok beams at them, though, like everything is normal, like nothing happened in the first place, like he didn’t just wince a little when he leaned down to place the giant box he had between his arms.

Kihyun eyes Changkyun, carefully, for a moment, leaning down over the table, arms crossed. His eyes flicker to Hoseok then and he smiles. “Is that a tree? I thought the doctor told you to take it easy…”

“Yes, well,” Hoseok huffs, and the chair creaks a little when he sits himself down. “ _ I  _ don’t plan on doing anything, just thought certain people might like the novel quality of it all.” Changkyun smiles a little, eyes on the box, and Hoseok narrows his eyes at Kihyun. “You still have decorations, right?”

Changkyun glances behind him at the oven, taps a bit at his phone, the latest selfie of Kihyun Changkyun had gotten his hands on lighting up the screen as he mumbles to himself, “Five more minutes…”

Kihyun blinks at Changkyun, biting at the inside of his cheek. For some reason, everything feels so natural it’s almost overwhelming. Kihyun looks down, then, at the way his hands fidget over the table and leans back on his chair to bring them down and hide them under. 

“Yeah, I think so.” He mumbles, pausing when he realizes he actually needs to move. He smiles and drags the chair as he gets up. “There’s a box inside the wardrobe, I think. I’ll get it.”

Hoseok claps his hands excitedly. “Yes! God, I love Christmas.” Hoseok pokes at Changkyun, who startles a little. “Whatcha waiting for?”

Changkyun’s face lights up. “I wanted to try making cookies, so Kihyun showed me.”   
“ _ That’s  _ what I’m smelling? Oh  _ man,  _ I love Kihyun’s cookies.”

There’s a mist around them for a second just before Kihyun steps into the bedroom to look through his wardrobe.

“You do?” He hears Hyungwon ask. “Last time I ate one of those, I almost choked. I think he put poison in it. Actually, I am sure he did…” A pause. “Also, hello.”

Changkyun laughs. “I assume the only reason you’re not already wearing a Christmas sweater is because you physically couldn’t touch it, huh?”

“Yes,” Hoseok deadpans. “That’s why I brought them with me.”

“Ugh,” Hyungwon grumbles. “You…  _ Fine.” _

“Hyungwon, that was  _ barely  _ resisting,” Changkyun says and Kihyun can practically hear the way he rolls his eyes. 

“I think he actually likes them,” Hoseok whispers, but loud. “Especially the big ones that make him feel small.”

Kihyun kneels down to grab the box at the far end of the wardrobe and holds it tight when it almost crumbles in his arms. He gets back up and slides the door closed with his foot. “Found it,” he announces as he walks back into the living room, almost bumping into Hyungwon. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Hyungwon greets back, looking mildly disgruntled. Changkyun perks up, though, looks at the box in Kihyun’s arms.

“Have at it,” Hoseok says, kicking at the giant box he’d brought and grinning at Changkyun. “If you ask nicely, I’ll even let you put the star on top.”

Kihyun places the box on the floor, next to the big one, and sighs. “Well, I’d help but…” He looks at Changkyun. “I doubt I am needed. Have fun.”

Hyungwon runs his thumb over the edge of the table and then looks at it, like he’d expected to catch a thin sheet of dust over it.  _ Rude. _ The only dust in this house is the one he brings with him. “I guess I wasn’t too late, then.”

“For what?”

“For the show,” Hyungwon grins, eyes on his fingers as he rubs them together. “I wonder if he knows how to set the whole thing up.”

“I don’t!” Changkyun cackles excitedly, gets up to pick up the giant box and head into the living room, plopping down and pulling at the box to open it. “Don’t forget the cookies, I put my heart into those.”

“Gross,” Hyungwon grimaces. “Sweeney Todd, are you?”

“Sweetie,” Hoseok says, gentle. “You’re deliberately making references he won’t understand.”

“That is the entire point,” Hyungwon scoffs. “Feel dumb, demon.”

“There’s a difference between being dumb and not knowing things,” Changkyun says, confidently, as he takes out bits of plastic tree and sets it out in front of him, and stares cluelessly at a circle of branches before blinking and sticking it onto the base. “Hah!”

Kihyun smiles with a sigh and then turns towards the oven to take a peek inside. “He is rather smart, you know? He just acts dumb.”

Changkyun points at him with another piece of plastic Christmas tree. “Rude.”

Hoseok looks around as if in thought. “I wonder if I brought the Reindeer one that lights up…”

Kihyun almost flails with the oven door. He looks over his shoulder. “The big one? No. I don’t want that in my house.”

Hoseok pouts up at him, eyes all wide. “But Kyun would look  _ so cute _ in it.” There’s the sound of a small crash in the living room but by the time Kihyun’s looks around, Changkyun is holding the tree upright and Hyungwon is cackling.

“Sorry!”

Kihyun looks back to Hoseok. “Fine.” Because at least now he won’t be the one wearing it and because Hoseok is right, Changkyun might actually look adorable in it. “But for the record, I hate that sweater.”

“That sweater’s never done a thing wrong in its life,” Hoseok defends, leaning to the side to rummage in the frankly enormous sports bag he’d brought with. ‘ _ Take it easy’,  _ the doctors had said. “Ooooh, I have the snowman one, too… Mmm, now I’m uncertain.”

“I will take that one.”

Hoseok gapes, sweater halfway out of the bag. “ _ Wha-- _ ? Willingly? I don’t have to chase you down and force it over your head or anything?”

Kihyun turns the oven off and lets the door hang open, swatting at the hot air with a mitten. “I know you will do it and this time you’ll have help. I might as well just pick the one I dislike the least.” Lies, he likes them all, he just hates feeling embarrassed when everyone starts making fun of him in Christmas sweaters.

“Did I do it?” Changkyun asks, then, peeking around the tree as Hoseok rolls his eyes and hands Kihyun the big, cream coloured sweater. “I’m pretty sure I did it.”

And as if having everyone over suddenly filled the house with energy, Ki-Kyun dashes out of the bedroom, tail curled and fluffy and jumps around like a gazelle in Hoseok’s direction before running towards the living room and stopping in front of the tree. Kihyun can barely see the cat, but he can spot the wagging tail.

“I think you have an enemy, Kyunie!” Kihyun laughs, bringing the cookies out of the over and setting them atop the stove. He eyes the cookies and smiles. “These actually  _ look  _ nice…”

Changkyun tilts to his side, reaches out for the kitten that starts circling the tree, even as Changkyun tries to stroke him, looking up curiously. “Really?”

Hyungwon lets his head fall onto the table with a resounding thunk. “Why is Christmas so  _ gooey _ …”

Hoseok reaches out, ruffles Hyungwon’s hair. “It’s notoriously the second gooiest holiday, live with it.”

Kihyun grabs a cookie and blows at it before taking a bite. “Oh!” He beams. “They taste nice!”  _ Of course they do, you helped _ . “Good job, Kyunie.”

Hyungwon looks over, eyes narrowing. “Why do you look… extra fluffy today… like, like a ham--” A cookie hits Hyungwon straight on his forehead. “Wha--What the hell…”

“Whaaaaat, I like it!” Hoseok swoons. “Hair all fluffy and curly. It’s cute!”

Kihyun shoves another cookie in his mouth and munches, eyes on Hyungwon. And then Changkyun is there, reaching over to grab a cookie, smiling wide. 

“I  _ love  _ it,” Changkyun emphasizes, taking a bite.” Oooh, this is good.” He sways in place as he munches, eyes staying on Kihyun's, glancing over his hair and face with a soft smile. 

Kihyun tilts his head up and stops munching. “What…” 

Changkyun shrugs with the same smile. Hyungwon groans, swatting at nothing.

“Just when I thought I’d get used to this shit,” Hyungwon grumbles but Changkyun just looks at Kihyun a bit longer, gestures to the box of decorations without looking away.

“Wanna help me with these?”

Kihyun points to himself. “Hm?” He tongues at the inside of his cheek. “Sure.” He was going to suggest helping anyway. It would kill him if the tree didn’t look at least fifty percent symmetrical. 

“Hey, before you go,” Hoseok points. “Sweater. You said you would and that he could, too.”

Changkyun blinks. “Do  _ I  _ get an opinion in this?”

“I am dead and I don’t get an opinion,” Hyungwon scoffs. “Hoseok always gets what he wants.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun sighs and then glares, walking around the table to get his sweater. “And whose fault do you think that is? I didn’t raise him to be this spoiled…” He grumbles, picking up the sweater with a fluffy snowman embroidered in the middle. There’s glitter on the snowflakes and the actual texture of the snowman is way too damn soft. 

Changkyun bends down, pulls out the thick-knit green and red sweater, reindeer all over the front, nose red and, Kihyun knows from experience, lights up if you press on it.

“Oh, and I raised him then?” Hyungwon grumbles as Changkyun eyes the sweater curiously. “He pouts and the sun dims, it’s not my fault.”

Kihyun shoves his head inside the sweater and pulls it over. “You’re weak.” And the moment his head goes through the collar, Hoseok shoves a headband over his head. “What is this…” Kihyun asks, blinking unimpressed.

“A chick!” Hoseok beams.

Hyungwon rests his forehead on the table. “That has… literally nothing to do with Christmas, Wonho…”

Hoseok pouts. “They only had one reindeer…” He slowly picks up another headband and puts it over his own head. “And it’s for me, obviously.”

“Why do you love Christmas so much?” Changkyun asks, voice muffled as Kihyun realises he’s trying to pull his head through the sleeve, but corrects, hair static and face looking mildly disgruntled when it finally pokes out the collar.

Hoseok blinks. “Well, because we have Christmas lights, Christmas decorations, everything looks pretty and magical and people act nicer to you, too.” He nods. “It lifts my spirits!”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and reaches with his fingers to comb through Changkyun’s hair. “Don’t forget the food…”

“Oh! Of course. The food. Ki always gets chicken…”

“And the presents,” Hyungwon mumbles as if to himself. “November was always reserved solely for hunting down ‘The Perfect Present’.”

“This all sounds kind of nice,” Changkyun chirps, smiling at Kihyun as he smooths down his hair. “What are you so grumpy for, then, mm?”

Kihyun stills, eyes narrowing. He lets his hands fall and sighs, Changkyun looking away sheepishly. “No reason.” Kihyun points at the massive box in the middle of the floor. “Maybe that will cheer me up…?”

Changkyun smiles at him again, a little dimmer than before, shaking his head slightly. He picks a shiny red garland out of the box, brushes it against Kihyun’s cheek before walking to the tree. “It’s my first Christmas. No grumps allowed.”

Hyungwon grumbles something under his breath, and Hoseok reaches over, props his chin on his one, folded arm as he pokes at Hyungwon’s hand with a smile. “You’re not  _ just  _ a grump. You’re my present this year.”

“An expensive one,” Kihyun mumbles under his breath and walks up to the big box. He crouches and takes a peek inside before he brings around an impressive bundle of LED lights. “Why do you never store your things properly, oh my god…”

“Half of the fun is untangling the lights,” Hoseok laughs. 

Kihyun falls on his ass and groans as he starts turning the bundle over his lap to find where to start. “You and I have different takes on fun.” He finds an end of one of the lights and shakes the whole thing, bringing it up and raising his arm as he watches the bundle of lights roll down to his lap like a ball of wool.

Changkyun comes back for more decorations, dragging the box closer to himself and inspecting it and the tree with an incredibly serious expression before he picks out all the baubles, putting them in little matching groups.

Untangling the lights actually proves to be a challenge worth of Yoo Kihyun. And by the time he’s done, he drags his ass to the nearest wall to plug them. He almost spits a laugh, though, because he’s covered in shiny LED lights now. 

“Wanna use me as a tree?” He asks, actually amused. “I think I qualify.”

Hoseok and Hyungwon look over from where they’ve been talking amongst themselves, and Hyungwon grins as Hoseok bursts out laughing. 

“I don’t see any difference,” Hyungwon scoffs as Changkyun rummages purposefully in the box of decorations. “You always look like a damn Christmas tree to me.”

Changkyun laughs, “Hey, wait, hold still,” he says, carefully removing the chick headband and setting the angel topper on Kihyun’s head. “Ta da!”

Kihyun stays very still but still manages to peck Changkyun’s chin before he leans back. “Great, who needs plastic trees. I am a portable one.”

“Start photosynthesising and we’ll talk,” Hyungwon scoffs, clearly amused as Changkyun just beams at Kihyun, falling back to his haunches. Hoseok’s still dying, but manages to get his phone and point it at Kihyun to take a picture.

“H-hey,” Hoseok wheezes. “Is now a bad time to make an ‘angel topper’ joke or--” But Hoseok bursts out laughing again anyway.

Hyungwon leans back where he sits and crosses his arms, grinning. “Get under that tree, Changkyun.”

“I will poison your food, I swear,” Kihyun glares.

Hyungwon laughs. “I’m dead. Try me, bitch.”

“I’m confused about the logistics of this ‘angel topper’ joke,” Changkyun mumbles to himself, reaching out to take the topper of Kihyun’s head as it wobbles. He leans in with a whisper. “Are you an ‘angel top’ or am I an ‘angel topper’?”

Hoseok wheezes. “Both.”

Kihyun closes his eyes and sighs as Changkyun leans back, lips in an ‘oooh’. “I will strangle the three of you with these LED lights and hang you all out the window.”

Hoseok waves him off, wiping at his eyes. “Oh, save it for Halloween.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, laughs. “You’re not incredibly intimidating covered in lights and wearing a fluffy snowman sweater, baby.”

Kihyun gets up, almost tripping over a cable. He glares at it, shoving it to the side with his foot. “One day I will show you all just how intimidating I can actually be. Don’t come crying.” He looks at the lights in his hands and feels the warmth on his skin.  _ Little lights... _

“I might,” Changkyun smiles, soft, gets up as well and reaches out. “Do you need help with this?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun looks at him and grins. “You hold them, I spin?”

“Oh, this’ll be good.”

  
  
  


\---

  
  


 

The only lights are those from the tree, and the little sliver of cold that comes in from where Kihyun had opened a window brings in a few snowflakes. The apartment still smells like chicken and gravy and wine, and Changkyun laughs from where he’s leaning against Kihyun on the couch they haven’t managed to break quite yet.

“And I’m thinking to myself,” Hoseok says, propping himself up again from where he’d slid a little, glass of wine in his hand. “ _ Why are my legs cold _ ?” Kihyun laughs next to him like he knows the answer, and Changkyun’s just grinning, chest warm with… heck, with  _ Christmas _ . “I don’t know what these things were they were giving me, but I look down and bam, legs! Did the covers shrink?! Did I  _ grow three feet? _ ”

Changkyun groans in second-hand embarrassment, covers his face with his hands, only the tip of his fingers sticking out of the gigantic sweater they’d put him in. Kihyun laughs silently next to him, grabbing at Changkyun's arm so he won’t fall off the couch, and then lets out a loud “Hah!” before he starts laughing again.

“Which, obviously, I didn’t. If growing three feet was easy, Kihyun would have done it by now.”

Hyungwon cackles delightfully as Hoseok continues, “And these fucking things were the wrong way round,” Hoseok shakes his head with a tut, throws back the last of the wine. “And they just wouldn’t turn the right way, no matter how much I kicked!”

Kihyun starts laughing again after pausing for a few seconds. He falls to the side, doing that thing Changkyun loves where Kihyun huffs a high laugh and then goes silent as he trembles before he does it again. Changkyun’s cheeks almost hurt from how much he’s been smiling, but he doesn’t dare stop. Hoseok grumbles and Hyungwon laughs behind his hand.

“It’s not  _ that  _ funny,” Hoseok says, leaning forward to make a grab for the bottle of wine. 

“I can’t,” Kihyun manages before he starts laughing again, kicking his legs on the couch. Changkyun makes a grab for them when Kihyun kicks him on the thigh, despite the odd wave of weariness he feels but quickly blinks away, laughing even more when Kihyun does. 

“You kept talking to me even when Kihyun left,” Hyungwon laughs. “They all thought you were losing your mind, Wonho.”

Kihyun’s laugh bubbles into a chuckle and he clings closer to Changkyun. “Y--You’re lucky they didn’t think you were having some sort of post-traumatic stress.” He huffs and slaps at his cheeks. “Oh god, my face hurts…” But just as he says that, he starts chuckling again. Squishing his cheeks to keep them from pulling his lips into a smile and making a funny face instead. 

“Ugh,” Changkyun grumbles teasingly, embraces the soothing warmth that spreads in his chest as he pokes at Kihyun’s hand over his cheek. “Cute...”

“They did actually ask me if I was having some sort of mental breakdown,” Hoseok admits sheepishly.

“Wonho, they asked who you were talking to and you said ‘your fiance, the Grim Reaper’,” Hyungwon laughs, shaking his head. “I’m honestly amazed they let you out of there.”

Kihyun cackles, throwing an arm over his face. “Please, sto--op… Y--You’re torturing me…”

“Oooh, incentive,” Hyungwon says, rubbing his hands together. “I think we can all do with some more hilarity, don’t you think?”

“No!” Kihyun sits up, still snorting a laugh or two as he speaks, “Please, n--no. My abs hurt… or whatever I have instead of abs.”

“Free time,” Hoseok says, pointing the glass of wine at him, and Changkyun blinks again as he, for a second, goes a little out of focus. “Full time job, those fuckers.”

Changkyun nuzzles himself into his sweater, tugs at Kihyun to get a little closer. “I don’t have funny stories,” Changkyun mumbles, pouting. “Haven’t had the time, I guess.”

Kihyun turns to look at him, eyes a little wide. “What? Of course you do…” He blinks and then grins. “I know a few.”

“Not sure if we wanna know those,” Hyungwon comments but Changkyun ignores him in favour of tilting his head to blink at Kihyun, leaning into the comfort of the couch that feels almost especially soft tonight. Must be the lights.

“We’ve already told them about Venice,” Changkyun says. “Not really that funny, either.”

Kihyun clears his throat and coughs when he almost chokes. “I think…” Kihyun licks his lips and look away. “I don’t know but when I think about some of the things you said the night we met… I just--” He snorts a laugh and gives himself a little slap on the cheek to make it stop.

Changkyun does laugh, though, remembers the startled look on Kihyun’s face when he’d plopped himself down on the couch. “Hey, no fair, I was very  _ new _ , then.”

“You said,  _ ‘Pretend that we are engaged in regular mutual carnal p--pleasure’ _ ,” Kihyun trembles with a shiver and then he chuckles. “I wonder how you planned on doing that.” He glances over. “You realize you’d have to kiss me right? Or was that the point…”

Changkyun hides his red face behind his hands, peeks out at Kihyun when he thinks back. “I had singular purpose, then,” he lets his hands fall, not even bothering to suppress the full body shiver he feels.  _ Shame _ . “It changed. Quickly.”

Kihyun kneels on the sofa, grabbing at Changkyun’s writs and leaning closer, face serious, “ _ Kihyun! I have to check your irises!” _ He leans even closer to look Changkyun in the eye. “Dammit, can’t see shit,” he snorts.

Hoseok hiccups. “I remember that. ‘ _ We can’t leave his pupils unmonitored _ ’.” Hoseok snorts. “You say some weird shit. Good enough funny story for me, that.”

Changkyun flushes again. He barely remembers, really, how it  _ actually  _ felt to grow. He remembers the way he used to think; take what he’s given, analyse, react. But he can’t remember the exact point where Kihyun’s laugh meant even a little bit as much to him as it does now. It’s like falling asleep on a train, not realising how far he's come until he wakes up and looks outside.

Another wave of odd, dragging weariness, but he breathes deep, smiles back at Kihyun and it’s okay again. “Looking pretty dilated right now,” Changkyun says, waggling his eyebrows as he looks up into Kihyun’s eyes. His hair is still all fluffy and curly and it really does make Changkyun just want to wrap him in blankets and give him cake. “And hey, it worked. Kind of.”

“That’s the wine,” Kihyun says, sticking his tongue out before he leans back and lets Changkyun go. He doesn’t stay away for long, though, turning around to sit closer and pull Changkyun’s arm over his shoulders. He laces their fingers and then tilts his head in Hyungwon’s direction. “Do  _ you  _ have any funny stories? Not the ones I know about. Like, Reaper stories. Or is death just boring…?”

Hyungwon puts a hand in the air, drags it across like revealing the main titles of a movie. “ _ The Death and Times of Chae Hyungwon, Reaper Extraordinaire.”  _

Kihyun scoffs. “How do you put up with him?” He chuckles when he looks to Hoseok, who shrugs.

“The heart isn’t picky,” Hoseok teases, sticking his tongue out as Hyungwon gapes at him, offended. “He’s like a prickly little porcupine that just needs love and attention and it’ll flower into a beautiful butterfly.” Hoseok frowns. “Wait, that’s not right.”

Kihyun throws his head back and wheezes. “Oh god!”

Hyungwon frowns. “I am  _ offended. _ Also, butterflies are ugly. Have you seen them up-close? They have dicks for mouths and not just normal dicks. Sucking dicks!”

“Do you not think you’re a beautiful butterfly, Hyungwon?” Changkyun laughs. “Don’t wanna see you up close, either, dick-for-mouth.”

Hoseok hums. “Lips,” and takes another long drink of wine. “He has those. Like, a lot, it’s great.”

“Ew!” Kihyun rolls to hide his face on Changkyun’s neck. “I imagined it. Why!  _ Ugh!  _ Help!”

“I could have made a lot of money with these, if I wanted to,” Hyungwon sighs, falling back to stare at the ceiling. “In like, a modelling way, not a porn way.”

“I was scared for a moment,” Kihyun says, voice low and surprised.

Hoseok wavers, leans forward. “It didn’t count when it’s just us, right?”

Hyungwon laughs. “Hey, short-shits, there’s an idea for you. It’ll definitely help with the insurance company.”

“I am so confused and for once I don’t want enlightenment,” Kihyun mumbles. He shivers. “Gross.”

“You’re the one that gets drunk and admires the beauty of dicks,” Hoseok scoffs.

Changkyun hears Kihyun’s heart skip. “Hey!” Kihyun whips around. “It was confusing, okay? They tell you to look at women and expect you to think ‘they're beautiful, that's attractive’. No one ever told me dicks were--” Kihyun grimaces and gestures, “Like they are!” He throws his head back and groans. “I am sorry, dad.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow. “Fair, I can’t think you and your Preacher father ever discussed ‘the beauty of dicks’ at the dinner table.”

Kihyun chuckles. “No, not really. Oh god…” He shivers. “I go to church and say, ‘Father, I have a confession to make’, oh god, stop me.”

Hoseok hiccups. “‘Forgive me father for I have sinned’ sounds a hell of a lot better than ‘sorry, daddy, I’ve been naughty.’”

“Men suck,” Kihyun nods. And then laughs. “I certainly do.”

Hoseok laughs, holds up a hand and it only takes Changkyun a few seconds to register it’s for a high five that Changkyun kicks away with his foot.

Hyungwon laughs. “How’s that gonna go down, do you think? ‘Hey, dad, so I found a demon with the most beautiful dick and I’ve decided to keep him.’”

Kihyun snorts a laugh and rolls to Changkyun again. “He would hate me… No. God, no.” He pauses and then looks over. “Do you think he would understand if I told him there’s a mole?”

Hoseok frowns, hard. “What, on his dick?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun nods all serious, dragging the ‘Yeah’ a little longer than he usually would have. Hoseok and Kihyun on wine is definitely  _ interesting _ \--except Kihyun drank a whole bottle by himself and he is still a lot sober.

“You know,” Hyungwon hums, tilts his head. “Changkyun would look fairly decent in a dress…”

Kihyun pulls Changkyun closer and hugs him. “Don’t think of him in that way, you pervert…”

“I  _ meant  _ so you could introduce him to your dad, but if that’s where your mind’s going with it, be my guest.”

It’s all very warm and soft where Changkyun’s sitting. Kihyun smells like vanilla (delightful memories, those) and Changkyun blinks away the comfortable, blanketing weariness as something catches up to him with all the grace of running into a glass door. He gapes at Kihyun, cheeks quickly pinkening. “Why are you telling them about my dick?!” He blinks. “What is  _ happening  _ right now.”

Kihyun’s eyes narrow and he tilts his head, gaping. He seems to be thinking for a few seconds and then snaps his mouth closed and shrugs. “Never said it was  _ yours.” _ He bites at the inside of his cheek.

Hoseok grimaces. “You two have matching dick moles? The fuck goes on.”

“I’m pretty sure there are no funny spots on mine,” Kihyun mumbles. “Never stared at it that much, though.”

Hyungwon sighs, sounding incredibly put out. “Dear god, can we talk about  _ anything  _ else.”

“Yes,” Hoseok nods all serious. “My dick. It’s lonely.” He says and almost,  _ almost _ spits when he laughs. Kihyun makes a face but laughs, too.

“This is Christmas! Jesus’s birthday!” Hyungwon yelps. “For the love of all--”

“I’ve never met Jesus,” Changkyun hums. “Wonder what he’s up to.”

Kihyun grabs at Changkyun’s shirt and shakes him while going all “Pfffft.” His chin is all wrinkled.  _ Cute. _ Changkyun resists the urge to kiss it, and laughs instead.

“Hey, there’s an idea,” Hyungwon grumbles. “ _ Hey, dad, here’s Jesus, please bless my gay love affair with this demon, thanks _ .”

“I  _ should _ go see him soon, though,” Kihyun says, sniffling a little when he almost sneezes.

“Who, Jesus?” Hoseok says.

“My dad,” Kihyun chuckles. 

Hoseok squints a little more. “God…?”

“Not--” Hyungwon laughs behind his hand, shaking his head. “I hate everything about this.”

Kihyun flinches and turns to look at Changkyun, eyes wide. “Wait. Wait, wait, wait!” He slaps his hand over Changkyun’s arm to demand attention, even if Changkyun is already looking at him. “If… if my mother was an angel… and God created angels, like, directly… doesn’t that make Him… Her...? Why assume God is male, right-- _ Anyway _ , doesn’t that make Them my… grandfather or… I am missing a gender neutral word, here, guys, help me.”

“Grandparent,” Hyungwon says, blinking up at him. 

“That!” Kihyun turns to point at him.

“No,” Hyungwon says quite confidently. “No?” He says, less so. “Dude, I don’t wanna think about Jesus being your half-brother or something, I have enough shit in my life.”

Changkyun’s eyes widen as much as they probably can. “Oh… Oh no. Is Minhyuk my  _ dad _ ?”

Kihyun makes a face and then looks at Changkyun. “The implications of that are slightly disturbing…”

“Who’s Minhyuk?” Hoseok chirps. “Friend of yours?”

Changkyun leans back a little, eyes still wide. “Prince of Hell. Possible father.”

Hoseok throws his arms up. “What the hell! Why am I so normal?” He drops his arms with a groan. “I feel like a bruised peach, you assholes.”

Kihyun sighs and crosses his arms, glaring at something. “There was a time I really wished I could be as normal as you,” He says to himself. He turns his face a little but doesn’t look at Changkyun. “Do you… like him? Minhyuk… It never occurred me to ask… but I guess I should have asked.”

“What?” Changkyun asks on reflex because that is an incredibly odd question to ask about the fallen demon prince that drags him to hell on a daily basis. “Haven’t really gotten the time to get to know him, Ki.”

Kihyun shrugs. “Just asking…”

Changkyun frowns, thinking. “I’ve told you about the tantrums. They’re very…  _ human _ . I can’t help but wonder what he’d have been like if he wasn’t, well.” Changkyun shrugs and Hoseok is just blinking at him like he’s speaking ancient Latin or something. He rolls his eyes to himself and throws his head back with a groan. “Can we talk about dicks again, please. I have unheard opinions.”

“But do  _ you _ have opinions?” Hoseok asks, leaning forward, eyes wide.

“Hoseok,” Kihyun warns.

“ _ Why do you wanna know _ ?” Hyungwon practically pleads, and Hoseok waves him away.

“Oh, shush, let a man live vicariously.”

“Have I mentioned hating  _ everything about this _ .”

“ _ Well _ ,” Changkyun starts, puffing out his chests. “Definitely one of my biggest surprises. Who knew they could do the things they do? Amazing.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and hides his face between his hands to laugh a little. But Hoseok just leans closer, eyes wider. “Is it true you don’t get tired?”

“What.” Kihyun lets his hands fall. 

Hoseok leans back and waves a hand dismissively. “Well, you know. I’ve heard you talk and I just  _ assumed…” _

Changkyun tilts his head. “What’s our record, so far? Six?”

Hoseok gapes. “Times?!”

“Hours.”

“Hyungwon,” Kihyun looks at him. “I’m ready. Take it,” Kihyun gestures at his chest. “Just take it.”

Hyungwon lifts his chin, lips pulled in a grimace. “I don’t want it, stop looking at me.”

“But Hyungwon... Ugh.”

“The universe is so cruel,” Hoseok says to his feet and Changkyun laughs, belatedly blushing and hiding his face behind his hands as he sinks into the cushions. He’s not tired, but he could sleep. 

Kihyun sighs and leans back and then slumps over Changkyun. “All this dick-talk got me tired.”

Hyungwon blinks. “Oh, but six hours of direct exposure is  _ fine _ .”

“Shuddup,” Kihyun brings his feet over the sofa and curls into a ball. He frowns. “I don’t know. I just feel tired all of a sudden.”

Changkyun frowns, looks at him, moving his hand to brush some of the curls aside. “You too?”

“I’m tired too if anyone cares,” Hoseok grumbles. “Says the bruised peach human in the corner.  _ Six hours… _ ”

Hyungwon sighs and then combs through Hoseok’s hair. “You’re not going to let that go, are you…?” He looks away.

“How is that  _ justice _ …”

Hyungwon sighs again, rolls his eyes. “Want to go home?” Hoseok nods, leans forward to put his glass down, the tiny bit of deep red sloshing as he does. Hyungwon helps him up with a soft smile, straightens the antlers still on Hoseok’s head.

“Hey,” Kihyun calls, turning slightly to look at them. “Thank you for coming,” he says with a smile. “Merry Christmas.”

Hoseok beams and Hyungwon groans. “Oh, god, he’s comin’ in--” and sure enough, Hoseok moves to flop forward as Hyungwon puts his hands to his hips.

“Merry Christmas!” Hoseok exclaims as Changkyun lets out a loud ‘ _ oof! _ ’ at the sudden weight. “I love you guys.”

“I’m being squished,” Kihyun gritts out. “He--Help!” He says, even though, Changkyun knows, Kihyun could totally push Hoseok back with a finger if he wanted to.

“Merry Christmas,” Changkyun laughs, gently pushing Hoseok back into standing position, Hyungwon reaching out to steady him by the shoulders. “Thanks for all the clothes.”

Hoseok clicks his fingers before pointing them at him with a grin. “Yeah, you wear those thingamajigs and you wear ‘em  _ good _ . Wonnie,” He adds, smacking lackadaisically at Hyungwon’s arm. “Can we get ice cream on the way home?”

“Ice cream? In this cold?  _ In this economy?” _ Hyungwon shakes his head. “We absolutely can.”

Kihyun chuckles and clings to Changkyun. “So weird…” He mumbles, nuzzling Changkyun’s arm.

“Yeah, it’s a club,” Hyungwon says, leading Hoseok to the door and bending down for the bag, draping it over Hoseok’s shoulder. “I’ll get us some T-shirts printed.”

Hoseok laughs, that silly, silly laugh and turns. “Kiss?” He smiles. “Before he’s out of range.” And Kihyun just raises his arm and pretends he’s an antenna.

Changkyun laughs, nuzzles his face into Kihyun’s hair and putting a hand over Kihyun’s eyes. “Don’t look. It’s like watching two marshmallows squish against each other, it’s terrible.”

“Wouldn’t mind some marshmallowing, though,” Kihyun says with a grin, wiggling his fingers up in the air as if that helps with the whole range thing.

Changkyun laughs, throws his head back and just laughs, pulling Kihyun with him and kicking his legs a little. This is one of his  _ favourite  _ Kihyun moods; all silly and cute.

“Outside your door is still in range, right?” Hyungwon grumbles even as he drags Hoseok a bit more insistently towards it.

Kihyun takes a peek, one eye closed, mouth in a small ‘o’, chin wrinkled. “Yeah,” he slumps back down. “Yeah but careful with the elevator.” He snorts a laugh.

Hoseok grins, “Great idea, thanks.”

“The stop button is the bright red one!” Kihyun says.

“You’re a good friend, Yoo Kihyun,” Hoseok says with a last little wave over his shoulder before Hyungwon steers him outside. Hyungwon, who looks back, smiles small.

“Merry Christmas, smalls.”

Kihyun’s arms are around Changkyun’s torso and he squeezes lazily. “Merry Christmas, Changkyunie…” Reaching with his foot to…  _ wave? _ Yep, wave. Wave weirdly at Hyungwon.

Hyungwon sighs, looking away as he smiles. “Why do I try,” he mumbles and closes the door behind him.

Changkyun squeezes at Kihyun, ruffles his hair. “You’re so  _ soft  _ tonight, you’re killing me.”

“I’m just happy…”

Changkyun’s chest warms, and he kisses at the crown of Kihyun’s hair. “Keep killing me, then, I’m a masochist.” He nuzzles his nose in Kihyun’s hair, smiling to himself. “I wuv yous.”

Kihyun chuckles and moves his head, resting his chin on Changkyun’s chest. “You’re a baby.” He sighs, eyelids looking heavy when he blinks. “I don’t know why I feel this tired.”

As if speaking it into existence, Changkyun feels his own sense of weariness sit heavy in his chest. He swallows a yawn and shakes his head. “It’s all the food,” Changkyun assures. “And all the, as you said, dick-talk,” he chuckles. 

“Oh, yeah. That. Yes.” Kihyun huffs a breath that almost turns into a laugh and then eyes the Christmas tree. “You know… it’s been…” He licks his lips and smacks them. “Not that I’m complaining but it’s been a while since Christmas felt this lively. Hoseok really likes Christmas so… Yeah.”

Changkyun follows Kihyun’s gaze, watches the little lights reflect off the window. He smiles a little, lets his shoulders relax into the soft, tired feeling that tugs at him softly. “I really like it, too. Tonight was… I don’t know, I wanna say ‘warm’. It was nice to see everyone so happy…”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Kihyun rests his face down again on Changkyun’s chest and squishes his cheek there. “I can hear your heartbeat. So loud…”

“S’your fault,” Changkyun mumbles. “Told you ages ago, don’t go being beautiful and cute at the same time, it’s not good for my cardiovascular health.”

“You’re still so weird. I love you.”

Changkyun giggles, closes his eyes as he squishes his own cheek on Kihyun’s head. “I’m always, always gonna be weird so you’re always, always gonna have to love me.”

“Have to…? You say that like I have a choice,” Kihyun chuckles. He glances up. “Pretty sure it’s for as long as you’re you.” He looks away. “And maybe even then.”

Changkyun takes a deep breath, eyes not really focusing on anything as he looks across the room. “Hey, by the way, I think I thought of a surname for myself...” He blinks, trying to focus his eyes and Kihyun raises his head to look at him, eyes a little wide. “Was lookin’ through a thingy. One of ‘em stood out.”

“Well…?” The corner of Kihyun’s lip twitches up.

“Im,” Changkyun chirps, smiling softly. “Geddit?”

Kihyun blinks, eyes narrowing and then his whole face lights up. Changkyun swears he saw that tired gloss on his eyes, too. “Oh!” Kihyun sits up, straddling Changkyun. “ _I am!_ That’s so…” He chuckles. “That’s so you!”

Changkyun can feel himself smile wide as he looks up at him. “You like it, then?”

“Im Changkyun,” Kihyun smiles. “Yep. I love it.” He leans down and the grin turns playful despite the obvious tired eyes. “Get this then.  _ Yoo _ Kihyun.  _ Im _ Changkyun.”

Changkyun laughs, delighted. “I know! I was thinking of that, too!” He straightens up, lifts his chin up. “I’m gonna say something and you’re not allowed not to like it because I worked really hard on it.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow but chuckles. “Alright…?”

“ _ Im _ ,” Changkyun starts, tilts his head to the one side. “In love,” and tilts to the other. “With  _ Yoo _ .”

Kihyun grins. “That’s going on your tombstone, for sure.” He laughs. “So sappy. So  _ you. _ ” 

And then,  _ ‘I love it’ _ .

Changkyun narrows his eyes playfully, like he’s focusing hard.  _ ‘You’re so beautiful when you smile.’ _ And Kihyun’s heart does that thing. That thing when it skips more than one beat, like it’s going to stop but doesn’t. 

_ ‘You too.’ _ He says and his smile goes a little sad. Or maybe he’s just tired. Either way, it won’t do. So Changkyun thinks about something that makes him happy, and smiles because he is, brushing a curl from Kihyun’s forehead. His arm feels heavy, tired, but he’s so, so happy where he is right now. In a way that he wishes he could take a picture with his mind and live in it forever.

“Hey, did I ever tell you about the moment I knew I loved you?” Changkyun lays his head back on the couch to smile at him. “Or, well, the moment I knew I would. Actually two different moments if you’d like to be indulged,” he chuckles.

“I think you might have mentioned something, but go ahead,” Kihyun chuckles, “indulge me.”

Changkyun lets out a little breath, securing his arms around Kihyun’s waist with a smile he knows is perhaps overtly cheeky. “Ah, but now I’m worried I give you an ego…”

Kihyun peeks at him with a funny face, half frowning, half smiling, like he can’t decide between the two. “No. No, now you have to tell me!”

Changkyun laughs. “ _ Have to _ , huh?” He lets out a sigh, long and dramatic. “ _ Fine _ , I’ll pretend I’m not the one that brought it up in the first place.” He laughs. “What do you think about… ‘love at first touch’?”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Huh…” He blinks and looks away, squinting like he’s concentrating on something. “Never heard of it.” He smiles, still looking somewhere else. “Why?”

Changkyun hums. “‘Cause I do… And before you say whatever it is you’re ready to say--I can see it on your face, Kihyun--that’s not when I knew I  _ did, _ just when I knew I would.”

“But that was…” Kihyun looks at him, finally frowning. “Like…” He looks away again and bites at his lower lip.  _ He’s embarrassed _ . “Halloween night. When I kinda…” Kihyun lets his head fall and hides his face on Changkyun’s chest. “Ugh, thinking about it is embarrassing now…”

Changkyun laughs softly, runs a hand through Kihyun’s hair as if to reassure him. “Hey, don’t, that’s one of my favourite memories… It was like… To me, anyway, it was like standing near an open flame. Putting your hand over a candle, or something. You don’t really notice it at first but the longer you’re there…” Changkyun takes a breath, chest feeling all heavy again. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just a romantic.”

Kihyun turns his head slightly and then rests his chin over Changkyun’s chest again, lolling his head from side to side a little playfully. “I’ve never… believed in soulmates or… love at first sight. I think I am forced to believe in soulmates now, because… We are literally it.” He snorts and looks away. “But… I do believe in… ever changing puzzles, if you’ll have it. Everyone is, like, a puzzle piece and some fit together, some don’t. Sometimes, pieces change and they are no longer compatible. And sometimes, no matter how much they change separately, a few will always match. I think you and I are like that.” Kihyun’s eyes lock with Changkyun’s and the pull there is so, so comfortable. “It was easy to love you. It still is. I don’t ever have to try. And looking back, I think… I think I knew, too. Not that I loved you, but that I would. Like you said, it’s not something you realize until much later on.”

Changkyun ignores the burn behind his eyes. It feels a lot like when Kihyun had just gone and called him perfect. It wraps itself around Changkyun’s heart so fully it’s almost unbearable. He lets out a little laugh and it feels a bit better, but he still… can’t seem to find a way to  _ let it out _ . Like he’ll stand on the edge of a cliff and scream and still not feel tired. Except it’s feeling, a feeling so raw and warm he’ll never be able to do it justice except to just tell Kihyun how much he loves him, yell off that damn cliff, until his voice gives in.

But sometimes, for him, to them, ‘I love you’ sounds a lot bit like, “Come here...” 

Kihyun blinks at him and climbs up, slumping down again and kissing Changkyun’s face all over. His cheeks, his forehead, his nose, between his eyebrows, his chin… And then it stops. Kihyun looks at Changkyun’s lips and then up at his eyes and lowers a little to rub the tip of his nose over Changkyun’s lower lip.

“I’m here,” Kihyun says. And Changkyun hears what Kihyun doesn’t say, too. _ ‘Always’ _ .

“I know,” Changkyun says softly, smiles and kisses Kihyun’s nose where it’s so conveniently within reach. He wiggles a little, then, with the way his stomach does little turns.  _ Butterflies _ , he thinks they call them in the movies. “Ugh, I’m  _ emotional _ .”

Kihyun turns a little and squishes their cheeks together. “I’m tired, lazy and slightly emotional.” He sighs. “Haven’t felt like this in a while… weird. I mean  _ tired _ . Not emotional. You make me emotional at least once a day, I hate you.”

Changkyun cackles a little. “Good. I’m tired, too, though. Maybe we should move to the bed before we fall asleep on the couch.  _ Again _ .”

“Well,” Kihyun pats him, “Do your thing then. I am not moving a finger.”

“Do my thing, huh?” Changkyun teases.

“You’re gross,” Kihyun snorts. “I am soooo using it in the future, though. Like, I can stay in bed for another hour if you can just… teleport me to work.”

“I feel used. But, like, in a good way.” He pauses and then cackles again. “Hey, next time you’re not so tired--”

Kihyun pokes Changkyun’s belly button, who squirms with a yelp he has literally no control over. “Gotcha.”

Changkyun laughs, squeezes Kihyun tighter as he concentrates on popping them a few feet over into the bed. But when he opens his eyes, there’s still a tree, still the lights making reflections on the window. He frowns to himself and scrunches his eyes closed to try again. It feels a lot like… moving his arm. It’s natural, but it feels like he’s been lying on the thing and now it won’t respond.

“Er,” Changkyun blinks, then. “I can’t.”

Kihyun looks up. “Too tired?”

“I guess,” Changkyun mumbles, and yeah, he can feel it, weariness sitting right there in the middle of his chest like a paperweight pressing down. He tries to blink it away again, but it just presses even more. “I don’t know, something doesn’t feel right.”

It’s not like he meant to worry Kihyun. And it’s not like Kihyun meant to show it. But even when he just blankly stares at Changkyun, there’s that thing Kihyun’s heart does every time before it speeds up. Like an arrhythmia. Like his heart can’t keep up with him.

“I’m sure it’s fine, though,” Changkyun nods and he’s not sure who he’s trying to reassure more. He knows he’s long, long overdue for another trip downstairs but he’d still held onto a terrible, ephemeral hope that maybe Minhyuk would just let him be. When he nods, though, he has to blink again, blink everything back into focus and take a breath against that weight between his ribs. It’s claustrophobic, and he holds Kihyun just a little tighter, a little closer.

Kihyun’s eyebrows furrow a little, like he  _ knows _ . He looks up at Changkyun’s forehead and brushes a few strands of hair away. “It’s okay…” He says. And then smiles small, thumb soothing over Changkyun’s cheek. “Still wanna… move to bed?” He tilts his head and the smile grows a little brighter, playfully so, like he’s… trying. “I can carry you.”

Changkyun laughs a little again, and focuses on Kihyun, and when it’s just a little bit harder to breathe, he ignores it. “You can pick me up? Haven’t I used that line before…”

Kihyun leans back, kneeling between Changkyun’s legs, and pulls Changkyun closer. “Come on. Legsies around me.” Kihyun jokes and Changkyun pushes himself forward, wraps his arms and legs around Kihyun, smiling with his chin propped on Kihyun’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

“Mmm, not a terrible form of transport, actually.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kihyun scoffs. “S’cuse them hands,” he mumbles as his leans forward a little and then slides a leg off the sofa to get up, hands coming to grab at Changkyun’s ass. Kihyun gets up with a soft groan and stumbles for a moment. “Gee… I’m tired.”

“True, this is kind of unfair,” Changkyun mumbles, and holding on takes more effort than he appreciates. “Sorry.”

Kihyun hikes Changkyun up a little and then Changkyun feels dizzy, like he can’t tell in which direction he’s going. He feels a little bump on his back and Kihyun snorts and says “Sorry.” And then there’s the softness and the comfort of the mattress where Kihyun slowly lies down with Changkyun still in his arms. He holds on, squeezes Kihyun’s arm to ground himself. The world still feels like it’s spinning, even as it presses. 

And he doesn’t want it. Changkyun wants to go back, back to five minutes ago, to half an hour ago, when the feeling in his chest was light and even when it wasn’t, it was happy. He bites down on his lip, squeezes his eyes shut because if he says it, says anything, it’s real. The bubble bursts and it will all come crashing down. Changkyun feels like a dam wall, cracking as silently as it can.

But he’s selfish. God, he’s so, so selfish.

“Kihyun…” he says, and a little bit of water seeps through the cracks. His lungs feel limited, like there’s only so many breaths left. “Something’s…” It presses, constricts the words as they try and come out of his mouth and he gasps around it. “Wrong.”

There’s a hand at the back of Changkyun’s head. Warm. Warmer than usual. But still familiar. And it makes sense. It makes so much sense. Minhyuk never forgets. Minhyuk never forgot. He’s been trying and trying and trying. But Kihyun pulled the thread between them so taut there couldn’t  _ be _ any give. Like something has been wrapped around Changkyun’s leg all this time, pulling and pulling… And Kihyun’s been holding his hand, keeping him from falling. Except now they’re both just… so tired. 

It pulls with so much determination, in a way Changkyun recognises, but more. Worse. And he feels it again; fear. But more. Much, much worse.

He shakes as he grips onto Kihyun, like it’ll help, and in a way, it does.

And when he looks at Kihyun with eyes he knows show too much, he tries to remember all of it. Because it feels like the last time, but feeling means knowing, and Changkyun knows Kihyun will wait, but this time, he’s not sure if there's much left to wait for.

It takes a deep breath, one of his lasts, to say something he knows he shouldn’t. He should be better, selfless, say ‘I love you’ one more time, but he can feel how scared he is, and he hates it as much as he hates what he says next but he can’t help either.

Because it’s true.

“I don’t want to go.”

Kihyun’s eyes go a little wider, wider than before. He searches Changkyun’s face, like holding a silent question Changkyun has the answer for. Maybe he finds it, or maybe he doesn’t. All Kihyun does is smile a little.

“Thank you…” Kihyun says softly. 

It feels like letting go, like a hand slipping from Changkyun’s grasp. For a moment, just for a moment, before the fall, before the fear, Changkyun hears _ ‘Thank you for letting me save you.’ _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whelp here we go


	25. One Kiss As Dark As Coal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ‘could be’ wrapped in ‘can’t’.

Blue light. That’s what everything shines like as Kihyun holds Changkyun close and watches the little flashes his soul makes, small pulses as it shimmers. It’s warm, like standing next to a fireplace. Yet, Changkyun’s body still feels cold in Kihyun’s arms. What’s left of Changkyun only gets colder as time passes. 

Seconds turn to minutes. And then it’s been more than three very long minutes.

Kihyun’s only assurance shatters like a room made of glass.

He glances at the bedside clock, hoping he counted wrong but still knowing, deep down, that he didn’t. So, when another minute ticks by, he feels his heart throb near slight desperation.

It’s not like he hadn’t expected it. He knew it, from the start. This,  _ them… _ It was supposed to be temporary. They weren’t supposed to click, but they did. They weren’t supposed to fall in love, but they did. They weren’t supposed to help each other grow to the point where being apart was just unthinkable, but they did.

Kihyun knows that this was supposed to be a goodbye. He knows now and he knew, then. He knows in that strange way he does because he  _ feels. _ And because of that, he knows what he needs to do, too.

At first, Kihyun didn’t kiss Changkyun because he was told not to. Then, he didn’t kiss Changkyun because he respected Changkyun’s decision, no matter how much Kihyun wanted to relieve him of his burdens. And then Kihyun learnt that no matter what, kissing Changkyun, not kissing Changkyun…  _ no matter what _ … the outcome would always be the same. 

And now? Now he’s scared. He’s scared because he doesn’t know what’s going to happen. Kihyun doesn’t want to lose Changkyun… But he doesn’t want to lose himself either. And kissing Changkyun, right now, would be… a double suicide.

The little lights floating around them shimmer brightly like a subconscious plead to be heard. It’s strange to think of his soul as himself when Kihyun can see it and feel it but very rarely understand it. However, at least for once,  _ both  _ seem to want the same thing. One is just slightly more fearless than the other. Pride and Humility. One and the same.

Three minutes has turned to six. 

Pride aside, there are so many reasons why he shouldn’t do this… and so many more why he should. And fear,  _ oh,  _ fear is a horrible thing to feel. And being humble feels like opening a door for it to rush in and take over.

So, Kihyun takes a deep, shaky breath. He clings to Changkyun, nuzzles on his cold, cold cheek and  _ tries…  _ because all it takes is trying.

Pride. Pride covers Kihyun like an invisible cloak. One that’s been waiting to be worn. Waiting by the dusty corner of his heart. 

There is no walking in Hell without something to stand for, and Kihyun stands for honesty, for truth and for whatever else connects him to the world. So he wears  _ Pride  _ with pride. If only to scare his fear away.

Then again, he doesn’t know if it’s going to work, but trying feels near humbling. 

He closes his eyes and holds Changkyun close. It’s like falling asleep, slowly and fast. Peacefully, too, if not for Kihyun’s loud, scared heart. 

Kihyun’s body feels heavy and then limp. Such a strange feeling to be aware of… Like he is conscious he’s fallen asleep. And again, he  _ tries _ . Because when it counts, trying works. Because when it counts, both Kihyun and that shimmering blue thing he calls his soul want the same thing.

This time, however, it doesn’t feel like falling. It doesn’t feel cold either. It just  _ feels _ . Kihyun finds himself  _ thinking _ he doesn’t know where he’s going. But just like a little voice at the back of his head, he hears  _ ‘Yes, you do’ _ . There is only one, possible way to go, one possible path to follow. Certainly, it’s full of thorns, but as every single one of those goes through him, Kihyun finds himself wanting to keep going.

So, he keeps going until it feels mechanical, like breathing. He keeps going until thorns feel like leaves. Until pain is a distant memory.

And then,  _ finally, _ he falls. And then,  _ finally, _ he sleeps.

He sleeps. Only to wake up. Except he’s no longer lying in bed. 

Kihyun looks down and see his own hands. Slightly faded but right there. And then the blue shimmer around him dims and clings to his body, like a thin sheet of glass, until there’s nothing but a slight shimmer over Kihyun’s skin. 

He stumbles, a pit in his stomach, like looking down from a great height through glass. His stomach turns, and when he looks up, it feels like looking at a painting, or an angle of something famous that makes it look like something else, just that little bit  _ wrong _ . The tower of Pisa standing straight, or the Roman Colosseum, brand new. Not quite real but real enough to imagine. It looks like a castle made of marble, jutting out from pits of fire and despair. It looks  _ clean, _ ghostly white against the blackness and the pulling depths of everything else. 

And this time he knows it’s coming, but it doesn’t help, not much, as Changkyun’s scream pierces directly into his soul. 

Kihyun stumbles back. His head feels like it’s going to explode. Everything is too loud, too much,  _ again _ , just like last time. He falls to his knees, the ashes on the floor puff a little red and warm and it  _ still _ burns. The headache grows and Kihyun can feel it everywhere, behind his eyes, his ears and… it’s too much…  _ too much. _

It takes every bit of sanity left to breathe and…  _ scream. _

_ “MINHYUK!” _

It resounds. Kihyun’s voice and the other one… the one that clings to him and keeps him alive.

_ Silence _ .

A whimper, directly into his soul.

Kihyun gasps and coughs. He tries to get up, eyes on the white bridge ahead. Just as he gives a wobbly step forward, everything else comes to light: the river of fire; the unstable ground, filled with ash that piles like fresh snow, blue little bits of souls scattered everywhere as more, darker ones fall from a clouded, stormy red sky and… demons… everywhere. They cling from the river to the borders, like starved dogs reaching for a piece of fresh meat. They crawl from under the ashes, broken, disfigured, like so many others Kihyun’s seen back on Earth. And from the rocks, eyes open in search of something, hands, arms, clinging to grasp at thin, hot air.

Everything looks horrible. And this… this is what Kihyun forgot. This and how it felt. He remembered the pain as pain but not as death. He remembered the ash and the red sky, but not like this. 

This… is insane.

It startles him, as he takes another small step forward, when something tries to grab his foot. There’s a spark-like sound and his soul expands ever so slightly. Kihyun jumps to the side, eyes wide and on the…  _ thing _ that crawls to him, wants to cling to him, wants to…

_ ‘Feed…’ _

And fear comes back, running fast, pushing hard and jumping over Kihyun’s barriers before he can punch it back down. Because not just one  _ thing _ crawls towards him now…

There’s hundreds… thousands… And there’s only one way to go… across that bridge. So, Kihyun whips around and  _ runs _ because his life  _ does _ depend on it. He runs so fast despite how heavy his feet feel, despite the awareness of how he’s about to trip and fall even when he doesn’t.

The hot air burns his lungs, and then something else burns at his ankle and Kihyun does fall. His soul thumps again, loud and bass and the lesser demon clinging to him turns to dust. Kihyun tries to get up again, stumbles all the way up the stairs and then falls again, almost throwing himself inside the palace. And as expected… nothing follows him inside. He doesn’t think they can.

The marble feels cold. Kihyun gets up to one knee and then to both feet. It hurts to breathe. He looks around, eyes burning. And then fear is replaced with something else:  _ anger. _

“I’m here to make a deal.” Kihyun sounds loud and strong as he takes a step forward and walks down the massive dark hall. His steps echo through the place. “I know you can hear me!” Kihyun shouts, frowning.

“But still, he yells.”

Kihyun stops, lips pursing. He takes a deep shaky, breath and his hands fist. “You wanted me here. Well, I’m here now.”

Still, he looks around and sees no one. Just dark hallways leading to nothing, walls that feel like they’re pressing closer. 

There’s a long, drawn out sigh and when Kihyun blinks, it’s like stepping into the library of an old, Victorian mansion. A figure in all black, hair a fiery red and orange, skin like marble as he stares at the fireplace (which Kihyun realises is just a window) and taps his foot up, down, as his legs are crossed and he doesn’t look over.

“Good to know I found the button that works,” the figure-- _ Minhyuk _ \--says with a grin Kihyun can see in his profile. “Just needed to hold it in a bit longer, I guess…”

Kihyun’s heart speeds up. He’s nervous. His hands tremble. But he’s also angry and… confused. He takes a small step forward. “This… is funny to you, is it…? Playing with people’s lives… with their feelings.”

Minhyuk scoffs, hand in front of his mouth. “Look who you’re talking to here!” Minhyuk finally looks over, and his eyes flash red. “I’m a  _ Prince of Hell _ . What do you expect me to do?”

Kihyun feels his shoulders slump, his breath leave him is a quiet hush. 

“That’s not all you are. Not all you  _ were _ .”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes. “You said you were here for a  _ deal _ , not a psychological evaluation.”

“I  _ am _ ,” Kihyun says in a rush, his heart so loud it’s almost deafening, “I am… And I know you’ll take it.” 

Minhyuk tilts his head. “Oh, good, he’s embraced what he is… The son of Humility, twisted by the sins of his father,” Minhyuk grins and leans forward, and when he grins, the room almost darkens with it, the flames Kihyun can see through the wall behind Minhyuk spark up. “If you’re looking for a psychological evaluation,” Minhyuk scoffs and sits back, “I’ve kept an eye on you. I know what you’re going to say.”

“Then you know I want you to leave Changkyun alone.” Kihyun huffs out. “And I want him alive, no matter what happens.”

Minhyuk gestures vaguely, “When you say  _ alive _ …”

“I mean  _ alive _ . Not dead inside like half the  _ shit  _ you manufacture here.”

“That’s  _ my  _ part of the deal, though...” Minhyuk says, sounds like the hiss of a extinguised fire, leaning forward expectantly. 

Kihyun looks down. There’s a hollow feeling in his chest. He’s so scared… so, so scared… and so angry and at the same time so, so,  _ sorry. _

“In exchange…” Kihyun breathes out before he breathes in and looks back up. The shimmering around his skin pulses lightly and expands slowly, shining but not shining enough. Just a little light in a sea tainted black with the ashes of a fire that shouldn’t be possible. “I’ll give you this. Me. And… I’ll kiss him. I’ll take it, the taint.” Kihyun glares. “As long as you keep your part of the deal. Otherwise… I’ll take all that taint and I will personally  _ end you.  _ Changkyun stays alive,  _ sane,  _ untouchable. And you’ll get what you want.”

Minhyuk tongues at the inside of his cheek as he looks away with a grin. “Take the taint and I’ll give you what you asked for…” He gets up, tilts his head. “I can tell you’re scared. And still you threaten to, what was it,  _ end me _ ? Like you even have a clue what you’re asking for, but I shan’t discourage you, not when we’ve gotten this far,” he waves another hand, and then grins something wicked. “Kneel.”

Kihyun takes a step back. “What…”

“You’re Pride, I know it, but I can also tell.” Minhyuk laughs. “Kneel. Show me you mean it. A handshake, of sorts… Or did you need some more incentive?”

It’s hard to swallow. Kihyun feels his hands shake again. With anger? Fear? Probably both.

“What, did you think I was just going to take your word for it? Let you go, let him go?” Minhyuk sounds angry. “I’ve waited too damn long to just let two idiots in love ruin it all.”

“Waited for what…” Kihyun takes a slow, short breath and tries to focus on something other than the way his body feels, like it wants to start running.

“Come on, I’m sure you have a  _ theory _ ,” Minhyuk scoffs. “As to why a Fallen Angel would spend his time on trying to taint one little half-angel.”

Kihyun turns his head to look away, but his eyes are stuck on Minhyuk’s face. Like Kihyun can’t look away. Or maybe he doesn’t want to look away, afraid of what might happen if he does. 

“Half-angels are not so little… but I assume you want…” What would Kihyun want if all he felt was Greed? What could he possibly  _ need  _ besides Changkyun safe and alive, his friends safe and alive? Maybe… Just maybe… “Revenge?”

Minhyuk’s eyes narrow as he tilts his head up, taking a step forward that pulls like standing at the edge of a cliff. It pulls like the need and the fear to jump, all at once. 

“Justice,” he says, then. “And you’re handing me the executioner’s knife, all bright and shiny,” he smirks. “Now  _ kneel _ , before I show you your precious martyred lover in his current state.” Minhyuk pouts at him mockingly. “I think your heart might just break in two at the sight…”

The air in Kihyun’s lungs rushes out through his lips as he kneels down, slowly. His word should be enough. He  _ doesn’t _ lie. Not when it comes to Changkyun. But… 

“Justice…” Kihyun mutters, eyes still on Minhyuk’s shadow.  _ But  _ he can’t find it in himself to refuse doing what he’s told, like suddenly he  _ needs _ to do it. Like trying to breathe when there’s no air. “Justice for whom…?”

Minhyuk looks so smug, sauntering forward to tap at Kihyun’s chin, tilt it up. “For me, silly. Unlike  _ you _ , free-will was never an option.” There’s a shift in Minhyuk’s eyes, sudden, like a window slamming closed in the wind. “I was an  _ angel _ ,” he grits out, eyes flashing a dangerous red where he looks down at Kihyun. “Banished, cast down for the one thing that gave you the strength to quite literally walk through Hell. That doesn’t sound  _ fair,  _ now does it?”

“No,” Kihyun breathes out, “It doesn’t…” He leans away from Minhyuk’s touch, eyes finally cast down, and bows his head, eyebrows furrowing. “I’ll do it. So long as you keep your end of the deal.”

“I’ll let the puppy off his leash,” Minhyuk says, leans down so he’s eye to eye with Kihyun. “Enjoy the kiss, Juliet, and don’t let the poison get you down.” Minhyuk winks, blows at Kihyun’s lips and laughs. “See you soon.”

And then darkness. 

There’s no air. Kihyun can’t see, can’t sense, can’t breathe. And, suddenly,  _ drowning. _ It feels like he’s drowning. There’s water entering his nose and mouth and subsequently his lungs. He thinks,  _ knows _ he needs to stay above the water, so he flails even when he doesn’t know where to go, what to swim towards. But his face never reaches the surface of the water and, at some point, he can feel himself sinking further down.

_ Silence _ .

No thoughts.

Darkness. Just like dying.

An endless silence.

And then his eyes snap open and he gasps, sitting up so quickly his head spins. 

Kihyun looks around, hand reaching for his throat as he tries to breathe. He’s so confused, so disoriented. Like up is down and down is up. His heart doesn’t stop slamming against his chest, like it wants to go through and it  _ hurts. Everything hurts… _ And he can’t think beyond what he’s starting to forget, panic being shoved in the darkest corner of his mind to be forgotten until it needs to be remembered again.

However, many things stay behind to be remembered. And the moment Kihyun’s eyes land on Changkyun’s motionless body, everything else seems to click and stop.

Kihyun just made a deal with the devil. He just made a deal with the devil. He just sold himself out, to fight for a war--whatever war-- he doesn’t believe in but that still, somehow, rings close to home.

Everything is so much more… so much bigger than them, than him… and they are both so, so selfish. So  _ rightfully _ selfish.

Kihyun never asked for this. Neither did Changkyun, who didn’t even know what he was protecting in the first place.

_ One’s life is never worth another’s life… _

Kihyun takes a deep breath, reaching to brush a few hairs away from Changkyun’s eyes and lean down, stopping, almost startled, just a breath away. It’s stupid, so stupid, to feel so determined to do something but still fear the first few steps. It’s so stupid to cry because  _ this _ … this was not how it was supposed to end. 

One’s life is never worth another’s life.  _ So, please… _

“Wake up…” Kihyun leans his forehead on Changkyun’s and scrunches his eyes shut. “Don’t let me do this… Please don’t make me do this… Please, please,  _ please… _ ” He doesn’t want to do it. But, at the same time...

Seven minutes is too long. Six minutes waiting, one minute in Hell. Bodies don’t last long without a soul to keep them warm. And so it swaps, again, like a cloak, because Pride is not needed here, Humility is.

And slowly, so very slowly, eyes scrunched shut because he  _ can’t _ look, what’s just a breath away turns to almost nothing. Just a small, quiet whimper. And then almost nothing turn to…  _ nothing. _

A kiss as dark as coal.

It’s like lying, like pretending everything is ‘normal’, like starting all over again. Because it’s soft, even if a little cold, and sweet and  _ right there _ . But then, that soft brush of lips stings. And when Kihyun gasps back, eyes snapping open and wide, he sees them, sees  _ it _ …

Black veins. Taint. Slowly vanishing from Changkyun’s face. 

And then Kihyun  _ feels _ it. Burning. Like poison. Bubbling under his skin, stinging down his neck, down his throat, to his chest, arms, legs, hands and feet…  _ Everywhere _ . He gasps again, leaning back, heart fast, to look at his hands and there they are… black lines, black veins… taint. 

And it  _ burns. _ It burns so much that the tears rolling down his face feel like ice cubes on bare skin. And he hears it, like a glass shattering all over the floor… But it’s worse when it expands just slightly and it’s no longer a shimmering blue… just a broken, shattered soul, flashing dim little lights to fight the darkness.

“I… I’m so--sorry…” Is all Kihyun manages to say. Because he did this to himself.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Changkyun wakes up, and for a second, he thinks he’s still in Hell. It fades--fast, as it always does--like a dream, but screams and burning and ash still echo inside his skull, hurting as it cascades like snow that melts before it even touches the ground.

He gasps for air, but the screaming should be gone. It should be gone. He startles at how much it burns to breathe, like he’d forgotten how, how warmth spreads through him as his heart beats painfully, like it had been bruised. 

But still, the screaming should be gone.

Changkyun looks and he sees Kihyun, looking smaller than he ever has, trembling in a ball at the foot of the bed, and the wall Changkyun had kept from cracking bursts as it comes crashing down. It feels like a physical pain. Like something had reached into his chest and emptied him out and left nothing but hollow and hurt. He knows what happened, even before he sees the black lines spreading over Kihyun’s skin. He knows what happened, because he wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t, because the only thing Changkyun remembers from his last stay in Hell are the words ‘I don’t want to go’ teasing, mocking, slashing at him because he  _ knows what happened _ . 

Changkyun barely notices the way his limbs fumble, drained and weak, in his attempt to get to Kihyun.

Because it might not be his fault. It might be, still, but it’s not  _ fair _ .

“Kihyun…” Changkyun says and it sounds like a plea, barely there and broken. 

There’s no more thin, invisible paper that stops him from reaching out and touching Kihyun. Because what would be the point. He’s done what he was made for, even if Changkyun wasn’t the one who actually did it, the result remains. The result hurts.

It hurts like hell.

“You idiot,” Changkyun wants to sob as he folds himself around Kihyun, pulls him closer and Kihyun’s trembling, shaking so damn much. Kihyun keeps him arms over his face even as he doesn’t resist, doesn’t speak and just… shakes. 

To be tainted, Changkyun’s been told, a blissfully unaware carrier of it himself, feels like dying. Like being burnt alive. The hollow in his chest aches and the words spill from his mouth as the tears roll down his cheek. “I’m here, I’m here, I’m so sorry, I love you, I’m  _ so sorry _ …”

“I didn’t--” Kihyun shakes a again, like a shiver ran down his body, and he whimpers a little. “I didn’t want… I didn’t… I didn’t want to…” He clings to Changkyun, still hiding his face between his arms until he manages to bury it in the crook of Changkyun’s neck. “I’m sorry… I ha--had to…”

Changkyun nods a little, takes a deep breath and looks up, tries to quell his own shaking. Not now. 

“I know, I know,” Changkyun tries to soothe, keep his own heart at bay.  _ Not now _ . He swallows, though, feels his features crumble and his voice break. “Thank you for saving me… I’m so sorry you had to.”

Kihyun shakes again and then it stops. Like going limp. He lets out a weak breath and then something warm wets Changkyun’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, too… But…” He hiccups silently. “I don’t regret it.”

“Idiot,” Changkyun says again with no bite, hand soothing through Kihyun’s hair and when he opens his eyes, the black vines are still there, and he hates them. God, he hates them so much. He hated when he had them and touched Kihyun with them lurking under the surface, but now… Now it’s very difficult to deny himself that hatred. “It’s… it’s okay, I would have…” He sighs. “I would have done the same…”

Kihyun breathes again, this time a little stronger than before. The black lines on his skin shift when he does, like reacting to him and what he does. “I might… be in trouble,” Kihyun says. He sniffles a little and then chuckles. Because of course he would. And the black lines shift again before they start to fade away.

“You can’t just break my heart and then laugh, you ass...” Changkyun says, and the ache in his chest pulses like it’s been provoked.

“Y--Yeah, about that…” Kihyun clings a bit more. “That’s not the only thing I broke… And… I  _ am _ sorry. Not that I did but that I had to…”

“Shh, it’s okay…” Changkyun swallows. “You walked through Hell for me, who am I to complain, right…”

“Changkyun…” Kihyun starts but trails off. He breathes out again, loud and strong and the lines on his skin fade completely. His whole body relaxes, like it’s melting onto Changkyun’s. “I had to… make a deal.”

Changkyun bites down, hard, at his bottom lip, tries to cut out everything that isn’t just the way Kihyun’s holding him. “I assumed you had to… What…” He can’t. He swallows again. “Do--do you know how long we, you have..?”

There’s an unbearable silence that pulses between them and then Kihyun shifts. He leans back, head down. There’s a little, weak pulse and a shimmer. But instead of sparkling blue, Changkyun sees black. 

Kihyun raises his head and glances up. He looks so, so tired. There are little lights flashing around in the darkness. Some pulse away and then back in, like trying outrun the taint. Others pulse away only to fade once they’re pulled back in. What was once blue is now shattered in black. And what remains of Changkyun’s heart bleeds. He remembers how happy Kihyun had been, how proud he’d been of how pretty it was. His soul. 

“I don’t… want to sound too optimistic…” Kihyun scoffs, but his eyebrows furrow and his eyes water a little. “But… May--Maybe a few days…?”

Changkyun nods slightly, like he understands, like he has any  _ clue _ how to process this. Like his eyes aren’t burning and his stomach isn’t twisting itself into heavy, thick knots that claw at his throat. “Okay,” Changkyun tries, feels himself suck in a deep breath. “We… we’ll…”

And for a solid second Changkyun thinks ‘ _ I’m still in Hell. _ ’

Kihyun looks at him, like he heard him, eyes all shiny despite what Changkyun knows to be running behind them, like a poison, festering. 

“Don’t look at it,” Kihyun says. “When you look at me.  _ Please,  _ don’t look at it.”

Changkyun feels his bottom lip tremble, eyebrows knitting together. And when he looks into Kihyun’s eyes, they’re still… his. Still clean. He nods weakly, tries to smile but it crumbles. “I--I’m  _ so sorry _ …”

“Why?” Kihyun tilts his head and smiles a little. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“S-stop that, you w-wouldn’t have had to if I didn’t--” His chest  _ hurts _ . “Stay.”

“Say that again and I’ll slap the shit out of you…”

The laugh that bubbles from Changkyun’s chest takes him so completely by surprise. “It’s--” he sniffles. “It’s  _ true,  _ though.”

“Changkyun…” Kihyun reaches out for him but his hand falls halfway there. “If…” Kihyun frowns at it and then looks away. “If you hadn’t stayed… We wouldn’t have… had this. And I would still end up tainted. And it would be worse… because if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have…” His eyes flood with tears and he looks up to blink them away. “If… If you hadn’t stayed I wouldn’t know how to fight it. I wouldn’t have  _ days _ I would have  _ seconds _ . And I wouldn’t have known there was so much out there, so much worth fighting for…” 

Changkyun feels the tears escape without his permission, and he fumbles forward, reaches for the hand Kihyun had let fall and presses it against his cheek and presses into the warmth. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” Changkyun hiccups as he cries and hates himself for it because this isn’t  _ about him _ , he should--he should be stronger,  _ he should be _ .

Kihyun chuckles and sniffles. He looks at Changkyun, thumb soother over his skin. “Well, someone has to feed the cat.” He smiles. “And keep the house clean and… and keep Hoseok from doing something stupid, like trying to summon Satan in his fireplace...”

“Stop--stop talking like you’re already--” Changkyun swallows the words and shakes his head against Kihyun’s hand. 

“I’m not…” Kihyun leans closer, eyes on Changkyun’s. “I’m not. I just… No matter what, I promised I would never leave. I won’t. But…” He looks away. “If I try to fight it... It will rip me apart. And I don’t… I can’t. I don’t want to…” Kihyun shakes his head. “I need you to believe in me… Even if… I give you all the reasons in the world not to… Because if  _ you _ don’t then… who will, hm?” Kihyun’s eyes flood again and this time, when he blinks, the tears roll down his cheeks. “If  _ you _ don’t then no one else will… And I can’t do this without you…”

“You’re everything I’ve ever believed in,” Changkyun says, heart in his throat. “Even now I… I can’t help but…” He sniffles, smiles despite the way his forehead wrinkles. “ _ Hope _ .” Changkyun wants to cry, wants to scream, wants to tear a building apart with his bare hands. “I’ll always believe in you, Ki… always.”

“Okay,” Kihyun says, blinking and smiling a little, face all wet, the curls falling on his forehead clinging to his skin. “So… let’s do what we always do. Let’s… figure it out.”

“We will,” Changkyun nods, sniffs and blinks and shakes his head, reaching up to brush away the curls. “No stupid universe is gonna stop us, yeah?”

Kihyun’s head hangs and he laughs, softly, bubbly, and sniffles. “Yeah… I know I’m all sorts of broken but I can still kick some ass.” He snorts. “I think Minhyuk wants to throw this thing at the gates of Heaven or whatever…” He looks up. “By ‘this thing’, I mean me.”

“That’s okay,” Changkyun tries, voice small. “I don’t think Minhyuk can throw very well.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “I have a feeling that… shooting  _ straight _ is not in his skillset. But that’s some tea I’ll have to collect before I can share…”

“All demons are gay, it’s part of the rules,” Changkyun laughs softly, cheeks wet and his heart aches because he  _ wants  _ to laugh, he wants to go back to an hour ago, to the comfy couch and Kihyun being silly and perfect and happy. 

“Not just demons, apparently,” Kihyun scoffs, eyes moving to look away, out the window. Changkyun can hear his heart, loud and clear and  _ afraid. _ And yet he still tries, like he always does, to smile, to be strong, to make others smile, too. “By the way…” Kihyun glances back at him. “I know we are like… feeling apocalyptic right now but, for the record, our first kiss sucked.”

Changkyun feels himself pull a face, somewhere between indignation and a gape. “I! I was!” He closes his eyes and lets out a breath. “I can’t believe you right now…”

“What,” Kihyun snorts. “I had Venom crawl all over me and it hurt like hell!”

“And now you’re cracking jokes about something I wasn’t even there for!” Changkyun defends, smacks weakly at Kihyun’s arm. “Why won’t you let me be sad!”

“You will have time to be sad. Right now I need you happy. Just like you need me happy.”

Changkyun looks away, feels himself pout. “That makes sense but I’m still sad.”

“Then find something to be happy about,” Kihyun tilts his head. “I’m happy you’re safe. Like, really,  _ really _ happy. That’s what I’m choosing to focus on.”

“That’s what kept me going, before,” Changkyun admits softly, tells himself to focus, to look at Kihyun, because he still can. Because he knows how it feels now to look and think it’s the last time. “I’ll… I’m happy we have some time,” Changkyun smiles a little. “I’m happy before wasn’t our goodbye.”

“I don’t like goodbyes,” Kihyun sighs. “It makes me feel all cry-cry.”

Changkyun pouts again, blinks back the tears despite what he says next. “I’m feeling all cry-cry.” And he glances at Kihyun again, and laughs softly. “You--we’re still wearing the sweaters.”

Kihyun goes “Pffft,” and looks away. “I threatened Minhyuk dressed like this. No wonder he didn’t take me seriously. I should ask Hoseok for a wardrobe remake… How am I supposed to challenge whatever the fuck Minhyuk wants me to challenge if I...” He looks down at his clothes.

Changkyun laughs, hard, at the mental image, turning his face into Kihyun’s hand as he does. “Oh my god you really went to Hell in that thing, didn’t you.”

“Look, I didn’t really have time to pick an outfit!” Kihyun snorts a laugh and gapes. “Like,  _ ‘Oh, Kyunie, do you think this fluffy sweater of mine looks intimidating enough…? Oh! Right! You’re dead.’” _

Changkyun actually snorts, hand coming up to cover his mouth, the other smacking at Kihyun as he shakes with laughter. “Stop it, I can’t--!”

The smile on Kihyun’s face grows wider, like he actually means it, and his eyes turn to crescents. “Stop what?”

Changkyun wheezes and the hurt in his chest is still  _ there _ but he… files it away, in a fragile box made of glass.  _ Not now _ , he thinks, again.  _ You’ll have the rest of your life to miss him _ . And then shakes his head, chastising himself because Kihyun’s isn’t going anywhere, no matter what.

“I--I keep--” He laughs again, hand coming out to grasp a little at the sweater, the snowman on Kihyun’s chest. “I keep  _ imagining it _ , you just, like--like,” Changkyun lets go, holds up both fists and they’re partially hidden by the thick green wool of his own sweater. “ _ Fight me _ .”

Kihyun shoves at him with both hands. “Hey! It wasn’t that bad!” He grabs both Changkyun’s wrists and shakes him. “I was cool! Or trying… Honestly, I was scared shitless but… You ever have, like, this perfect idea of how it’s gonna go and then you get there and words just die in your mouth? Yeah... Must have been the sweater.”

“No, you--” Changkyun laughs again, shakes his head. “Were amazing. Must have been, to even get that far,” Changkyun smiles, then, trying to embrace the little seed of happiness in his chest. It’s fleeting, but isn’t everything, even the bad things? “But still,” he laughs again, shakes his fists slightly in Kihyun’s grasp. “ _ Unleash him, you scoundrel! _ ”

“Wow!” Kihyun leans back a little, eyes wide. “I should have said that…” He looks down at their hands and both his thumbs sooth over Changkyun’s skin. “He has a strange sense of self-satisfaction… really.”

Changkyun tilts his head, narrows his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Besides making me kneel…?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Well… apparently he’s throwing a tantrum. And even though I get it… I also don’t get it.” He looks up at Changkyun. “I think he was in love with someone… and something happened. He made a choice and he fell. Now he wants revenge. Ironic that his tools would fall in love as well.”

Changkyun blinks. “I will get back to that big romantic tragedy in just one second, lemme just--” Changkyun blinks again, faster, moving his head back as if scandalised. “He made you  _ what _ .”

Kihyun glances away, eyes narrowing a little-- _ Oh, he is pissed about it. _ “Kneel.”

“I’ma whoop his ass,” Changkyun says seriously.

“Oh, no. It’s fine. I’m hoping I’ll get to do that myself…”

“Making Pride kneel...” Changkyun grumbles. “Well, watch me piss of Greed and take away something he wants.”

“That would be me,” Kihyun looks back at him and then rolls his eyes. “It’s great. I feel great. Like, so, so wanted.” He cringes.

“Sorry,” Changkyun scoffs, wincing himself. “Just meant… I won’t let him have you, is all…” He moves a little closer, pulls Kihyun with the wrists in his grasp. “But I guess there’s something else to be happy about, at least just a litte…”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Changkyun smiles small, even though he knows his eyes are sad. “I can kiss you now...”

Kihyun blinks. His face goes a little soft and he stops moving his thumbs over Changkyun’s hands. For a moment he just stares, like he’s thinking, considering whatever he has to consider. “Yeah…” He looks away. “Yeah, we can do that now.”

“Ah,” Changkyun wiggles his wrists free and nuzzles in, eyes out of focus on the cream coloured sweater. “I wouldn’t suggest it, apparently I’m terrible...”

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes, “So, so, so terrible.” And then there’s a shift and Changkyun doesn’t even have time to look up before he feels Kihyun’s lips on his own, warm, soft and  _ right there _ .

It’s perfect. Among horrendous happenstance and potentially world-ending decisions, heart-shattering revelations and emotions that make Changkyun’s head and heart spin in different directions towards the same wall, there’s  _ this _ . Them. A ‘could be’ wrapped in ‘can’t’.

Changkyun blinks in surprise, though, body tensing for just a moment because among everything, he’s never actually done this before. Not  _ really _ . But trying always works when he need it to. So he lets his eyes close, loses himself in the little slice of perfect and pushes back, hand smoothing down Kihyun’s arm.

Kihyun’s hands cup at Changkyun’s face and the press of lips is slight before Kihyun leans back a little to look at Changkyun and blink. He pecks him again, playfully this time. “Yeah,” he smiles. “So, so, terrible.”

Changkyun flushes despite himself, looking at Kihyun’s lips as he tries to blink everything into focus. It doesn’t work all that well. “Don’t joke about that, I’m a sensitive bean.”

“Is it bad if… I wanna kiss bean-you all night long?”

Changkyun smiles, and the emptiness in his chest fills with warmth just for a moment. Long enough, for now. “Only if you don’t.”

So, of course, Kihyun kisses him again. And it feels like all those moments they had, bundled together in one single gesture, one single moment. A sunrise in Venice. The warmth under a handful of blankets. All the times Changkyun wanted to kiss Kihyun but couldn’t. A glowing pocket of warmth.

It feels like ‘I love you’. Even more so when Kihyun kisses deeper, moves closer, holds Changkyun’s face between his hands like he’s afraid it will end too soon.

‘Forever’ would be too soon. This? This is just cruel.

But this is ‘right now’ and as hard as that has been to maintain, this feels like a reminder. So Changkyun runs a hand up Kihyun’s back, the other tangling in his hair as he chases the warmth, the soft smell of vanilla and strawberry, melts in Kihyun’s hands and careful, uncertain, with haste but not insistence, moves his lips against Kihyun’s.

And it’s so warm, in a way that almost makes him forget, makes his mind go blank. And as Kihyun kisses him, tongues at Changkyun’s lips as he does, he sighs. Kihyun sighs and it’s loud, like a sudden rush of relief, like everything is fine. Changkyun grips even tighter, pushes closer into the warm, near hopeful consolation of a single kiss. And Kihyun still tastes like Christmas and wine. Changkyun isn’t sure who pulls back to breathe first, but he immediately ducks back in once he has, licks at the seam of Kihyun’s mouth and his head spins--he’s still tired, so  _ tired _ \--and his heart aches at the little gasp Kihyun gives when Changkyun tilts his head and kisses him deeper, holds him closer. 

Changkyun kisses him like the apartment is burning up around them and touch will keep them safe. And he hopes Kihyun hears it, feels it in the desperate edges around the kiss. 

Because it feels a lot like ‘ _ thank you _ ’.

And maybe Kihyun hears him, maybe he doesn’t. He presses against Changkyun until they fall back. But Kihyun doesn’t stop kissing him, not even when Changkyun’s back hits the mattress and they bounce a little and all Kihyun does is smile a little into a kiss. 

And maybe Kihyun’s soul is broken and no amount of tape will put it back together to the way it was, but Changkyun still hears  _ ‘Thank you’ _ , back. So, maybe Kihyun heard him. Or maybe he didn’t. But even if he didn’t, he knows. Just like Changkyun knows, in that strange way they  _ feel _ and therefore they  _ know. _

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


They don’t kiss the whole night, but almost. Somewhere along the way they laugh and finally take those damn sweaters off, and it’s not two months’ worth, but almost. 

And even though Kihyun knows his world is about to end, that’s not what he thinks of when he falls asleep. He falls asleep feeling warm kisses on his face, between mumbles and ‘I love you’s and so many other happy things. He falls asleep thinking of how he can finally  _ almost _ convey the feeling in his chest with something as simple as a kiss on the lips. He falls asleep thinking of  _ home _ , because now home feels like home again.

But no matter how much Kihyun clings to the happy bits, he knows… He knows, the moment he closes the bathroom door behind him in the morning after, that he won’t be able to hold it in. It’s like he has a match in his hand and there’s a raging storm he needs to cross. And that match, that’s what he needs to protect, that’s what he needs to keep alive, that little, little fire that still feel like him.

The door clicks and Kihyun feels tired. He leans his back against the wood and feels himself sink, slowly, an itch all over his skin as black lines shimmer until they run dark over his body before they vanish again.

It’s so, so difficult to keep it from showing… and the worst part is that he knows what his eyes look like when it does. Kihyun is no demon, he wasn’t forged in Hell. He knows what he’ll see when he looks in the mirror. And now he understands how Changkyun must have felt like when he didn’t want to let Kihyun see him overflowing with taint. Because the last thing Kihyun wants, right now, is to let Changkyun see him with red eyes.

Kihyun takes a deep breath and feels his chest hollow. It’s strange, to accept what’s going to happen but still, somehow, not want to go through it. The fear of the unknown, the fear of what he’s going to miss even if he knows he won’t actually  _ miss _ anything, the fear of what he’s leaving behind… Kihyun doesn’t want to leave Changkyun behind. He doesn’t want to leave Hoseok alone… He promised he wouldn’t, but he needs that reassurance as well.

He knows he can’t cry. He can’t cry because Changkyun will hear. But he wants to cry. Kihyun wants to cry until he can’t anymore.

Getting up from the floor takes considerable effort, but he manages anyway. He ignores the faint whispers at the back of his ears, telling him things he doesn’t care to know, brushes his teeth without looking in the mirror once and then takes a moment to collect himself, to stop his hands from shaking, before he needs to walk out of the bathroom.

_‘Damn,_ ’ Minhyuk sighs, and Kihyun’s blood runs cold as he hears the voice whispering at the back of his head, scratching. ‘ _And here I was really looking forward to watching your inevitable mental collapse. But that’s okay, I’m patient.’_

Kihyun’s hands tense and grip around the sink. He tries to keep his heart from going rampage and it’s nearly maddening how much willpower it costs to keep himself breathing steady. He swallows dry. His eyes almost wander off to the mirror but he trains them down as quickly as he can.

_ ‘Patience… thought that wasn’t part of your dictionary, considering how desperate you’ve been…’  _ Kihyun hears himself say. It sounds so much… smaller than usual, but still there, still him.

_ ‘I’ve been waiting millions of years, gimme a break, _ ’ Minhyuk grumbles and Kihyun wants to swat it away like a mosquito. It looks so out of place, too, hair red, clothes a stark, deep black, like a sky without stars. Minhyuk looks around the little bathroom, stretches his neck by slowly moving his head around.  _ ‘Not much longer to wait now, though… _ ’

Kihyun closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.  _ It’s just in my head, _ he thinks to himself. He opens his eyes again, looks Minhyuk up and down--it doesn’t look like a mind trick at all, it looks like he’s  _ right there _ . Kihyun really needs to remodel the bathroom. It calls for uneventful happenings and eventiful meetings.

_ ‘What do you want…?’ _ He looks at the tap and reaches for it. The sound of the water running, the pipes blurting a little as they fill up… that helps.

Minhyuk waves a hand lazily, grins a little. ‘ _ Torturing the dead can get boring _ .’

Kihyun tilts his head, eyes narrowing a little, but he grins, too, despite himself.  _ ‘Lonely?’ _

Minhyuk rolls his eyes. ‘ _ Don’t flatter yourself, I was just… _ ’ He gestures again, does a little spin. ‘ _ Checking. _ ’

_ ‘On me? Flattered either way,’ _ Kihyun looks at the sink, at the way the water swirls around before it vanishes. _ ‘You call me Pride but then you’re scared I won’t keep my end of the deal?’ _

Minhyuk scoffs, loud and obnoxious. ‘ _ I wasn’t checking  _ that.  _ All of Heaven and Hell could feel  _ that _. _ ’ He tilts his head, hums.  _ ‘Nephilims… Another creation God should never have allowed _ …’

Kihyun feels it sting under his skin again. He closes his eyes and frowns to keep it at bay, to keep it from showing.  _ ‘Then you wouldn’t have much of a plan,’ _ He opens his eyes again.  _ ‘Would you?’ _

Minhyuk laughs.  _ ‘Exactly! Funny, isn’t it? He’s all powerful and omnipotent and all that, yet He lets this happen? It’s almost like He wants it to _ .’

_ ‘It’s all part of God’s plan’ _ , Kihyun bites at his upper lip and closes the tap.  _ ‘That’s what my father used to say anyway. If you believe that then…’ _

‘ _ Tell that to the pup outside, then, trying so hard to be strong. _ ’ Minhyuk sighs. ‘ _ People assuming God knows how to plan anything, _ ’ he laughs again, shaking his head to himself.

Kihyun actually huffs a little as he smiles. It’s weird, like there’s an irrevocable irony floating around him, one he can’t help but laugh at. Maybe that’s what dying does to a person. Maybe that’s why Hyungwon is always so-- _ Nah, he was always like that. _

_ ‘He made you and He made me…?’ _ Kihyun scoffs.  _ ‘I doubt He knows what he’s doing. If He did then maybe I would’ve believed my father when he told me God was real.’ _

_ ‘Only Pride could be a Nephilim and blaspheme, _ ’ Minhyuk says, looks into the mirror but there’s no reflection. He seems to hesitate, for a minute, jaw clenching, unclenching.  _ ‘Just remember, Kihyun. It’s not fair. Never has been, never was. If this is God’s plan, then we’re both nothing but pawns moving across a board, taking tiny steps to reach the king. Feel cheated, feel sad and spiteful and like you want to rip the world apart because of what it’s done, because that’s exactly what we need to win _ .’

Kihyun looks at Minhyuk’s face and then at what would be Minhyuk’s reflection.  _ ‘Careful,’ _ Kihyun says, smiling a little.  _ ‘Keep talking like that and I might actually start liking you.’ _ He sighs and looks down again, avoiding his own reflection.  _ ‘I thought I would hate you. And for a time, I think I did. But now that everything is done. Now that I’m… here, there’s just… nothing.’ _

Minhyuk shrugs.  _ ‘Maybe you just have a thing for demons _ .’

Kihyun rolls his eyes and turns towards the door. He stops, though, hand hovering over the handle. He looks over his shoulder.  _ ‘My mother…’ _ He never really cared because it never really mattered. But…  _ ‘She fell, didn’t she?’ _

‘ _ I told you _ ,’ Minhyuk says, looking right at him. ‘ _ It’s never been fair. Your mother... Was just an angel. Not an archangel, one of God’s chosen. She fell but,’  _ Minhyuk shrugs. ‘ _ Maybe you saw her, on the bridge outside _ ,  _ who knows _ .’

Kihyun never really cared. He never had reasons to care. But for a second, for a split second, just a tiny little heartbeat, he misses something he never had, someone he never met, someone he knew he would love unconditionally no matter what, someone who would love him back and accept him as whole.

It makes his eyes burn a little, makes his throat clench. It makes him angry and… Yes. It’s unfair. But then it’s gone.

He looks down at his feet.  _ ‘Maybe I’m stupid because what I fear is not having you throw me at… at whatever it is you want to fight. Maybe I should be afraid of God, of… the things I’ve heard so much about but have never once seen.’  _ He looks up at the door and sighs.  _ ‘But I am also half human. And humans are fucking stupid and selfish. So, do whatever you want with me. Kick your father’s ass for all I care. As long as Changkyun is safe, as long as they’re all safe then…’ _

The world is too big a burden to carry. But a few people…? That’s all the  _ world _ Kihyun cares about.

‘ _ They’re safe from  _ me _ , at least, _ ’ Minhyuk says, smiles a little to himself and then he’s gone, like he was never there. 

_ ‘Yeah,’ _ Kihyun says anyway.  _ ‘I’ll make sure this taint of mine knows what not to touch.’ _ And he feels a lot better for it. At least, for now, it doesn’t sound scary at all. Maybe because he’s tired. Maybe because--ironically--he finds himself trusting Minhyuk, even if just a little. Maybe because it’s worth something. Or maybe, just maybe, because he actually wants to kick God’s ass.

But then Kihyun laughs to himself. Because those are all true and he’s just a little insane. But that’s fine. After all,  _ crazy and weird go well together. _

Speaking of  _ weird _ , Kihyun’s pretty sure his house doesn’t  _ normally  _ smell like bacon. He grabs at the handle and opens the door and…  _ Yep. Bacon and eggs. _

“Trying to burn the house down?” Kihyun asks as he walks towards the kitchen. Changkyun makes to flip the bacon in the pan but fumbles and smiles over sheepishly.

“This time? Not really, even though it feels like I might,” Changkyun grumbles, and, Kihyun notes, quickly wipes at his face with the sleeves of his hoodie before sliding the bacon out of the pan and into two plates, eggs looking fluffy and yellow.

Kihyun walks up to Changkyun from behind and places his chin over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Smells nice,” he says, the words echoing in the sudden hollow he feels in his chest.

“Thanks! I tried Hoseok’s Christmas present,” Changkyun grins, chin up and leaning over just a little to reach for the toaster. “The fancy schmancy perfume.”

Kihyun glances away and smiles before he leans in to peck at Changkyun’s neck twice. “I like it.” And it echoes again. It’s like the hollow is there when he speaks and it vanishes when they touch. Of course it would be something like that, it’s not surprising. They’ve always said everything with little touches. Words? They’re treacherous. So, truth. They fight deceit with truth. “Guess who I was just on the phone with…”

Changkyun pauses where he puts a piece of toast each on the plates in front of him. “You sound annoyed, it could only be... Minhyuk…?” Changkyun says, takes Kihyun with him when he turns to open the fridge, takes out the juice and margarine and kicks it closed gently and grumbles. “How did he get your number, anyway…”

Kihyun shrugs and wraps his arms around Changkyun’s waist. “No idea… But I think I’m on speed dial now.”

“Try the block button,” Changkyun says lightly, manages to reach for glasses and pour juice even with Kihyun clinging to him as he talks. “He’s not, like,” Changkyun glances up. “Here right now...  right…?”

“Nah,” Kihyun chuckles. “Apparently, my bathroom is a portal between worlds or whatever. I am scared to go in there, now.”

Changkyun laughs. “Great, now I’m imagining him crawling out of the damn toilet like that--what was it, the Ring? Why you show me these things is beyond me.”

“It would be way worse for him if you had just done number two…”

Changkyun makes to smack at him with a butter knife. “I just made food, shut up!”

“So, so diligent,” Kihyun sing-songs, kissing Changkyun’s neck again. “Who taught you that? Gotta thank them.”

“Nyeah!” is the sound Changkyun makes as he squirms at Kihyun’s kisses. “You’re killing me here! Let a demon butter!”

“Lemme butter the demon!” Kihyun complains dramatically as he nuzzles into Changkyun’s neck.

“Eeeew,” Changkyun laughs, and turns, leaning back so Kihyun can see his face. “Not your  _ best  _ line.”

Kihyun shrugs and rolls his eyes, “I don’t  _ need  _ lines. I have you for that.”

Changkyun points the butter knife at him, eyebrows jumping up. “‘ _ I don’t need lines’ _ is actually a great line.”

“It is…?” Kihyun squints at him. “I mean!  _ It is.” _

“ _ I don’t need lines _ ,” Changkyun sing-songs, wiggling in Kihyun’s grip in a little dance. “ _ I have you for that _ . Ooh, it’s like honey to my  _ ears _ .”

“You’re awfully obnoxious, is what you are.” Kihyun sticks his tongue out. “Plus, I didn’t use any lines. Still got you. Worked out just fine.”

Changkyun hums, leans in to press a soft kiss to Kihyun’s lips, smiles a little once he does. “It’s a good thing you’re so pretty.”

“Yeah, admit it,” Kihyun’s heart flutters a little. Amazing that it still manages to do that, even after all this, even with that stupid hollow, that black hole eating at his chest. “You’re just in it for my body.”

Changkyun winks and grins wide, laughing with another kiss before poking at Kihyun’s side. “Yeah, a body that needs  _ breakfast _ .” 

“Among other things,” Kihyun mumbles, looking over Changkyun’s shoulder and smiling a little when he sees Ki-Kyun hunt its own tail over the sofa. “Takes after you,” Kihyun says, nodding.

“Mm?” Changkyun blinks, confused, before looking where Kihyun is and laughing. “Yeah, he’s been doing that the whole morning.” And frowns. “Wait, what does that mean? Am I supposed to be insulted? I feel mildly insulted. I have  _ never  _ chased after my ass, that is--” Changkyun pokes Kihyun. “Your job.”

Kihyun laughs. So, so much. Maybe it’s not even funny, but he needed to laugh, still does. So, he does. “Goddamn you,” He snorts and then sighs, still chuckling a little before it dies out. “I just meant that it’s cute. Weird but cute.”

Changkyun smiles, shrugs almost shyly. “Yes. Well. I’m  _ still _ learning so--” He shrugs again, turns in Kihyun’s arms. “Or maybe I am just like this. Either way,” Changkyun squints at him. “My eggs are getting cold.”

“You know me well enough not to say those things and expect me not to make a joke,” Kihyun says, voice trembling with laugher. 

Changkyun’s lips thin as he tries not to smile, biting down on his lip and his cheeks dimpling. “Why won’t you give my eggs any attention, Kihyuuuun.”

Kihyun’s breath leaves him like, “Pfft,” and he leans his forehead on Changkyun’s shoulder and presses so hard as he rolls his head on it, it almost hurts. “W--Why are you like th--this…” Kihyun shivers with a little cringe. “I love you.”

Changkyun laughs, squishes his cheek against Kihyun’s head, “I love you, too, silly.” He squirms again with a whine and Kihyun can practically hear him pout. “ _ Me eggs, though _ .”

Kihyun steps back, still laughing a little, and slaps half-heartedly at Changkyun’s arm. “Fine! Feed me.”

Changkyun grins, turns to pick up a plate and hand it to Kihyun, purposefully making his voice deep and silly as he holds it out. “ _ Eat me, Kihyun _ .”

“I will smash this plate all over your face, I swear…”

“ _ That’s a terrible attitude to have first thing in the morning _ ,” Changkyun continues, wiggles the plate a little. “ _ Nom _ .”

Kihyun glares at him, tries to keep the smile away--because, damn Changkyun is embarrassing, but damn, Kihyun is going to miss getting pissed at him for it. He takes the plate and looks down for a second before he looks at Changkyun and closes the distance between them to kiss him on the lips. It’s fast and short but Kihyun still grins and says, “Nom.”

Changkyun flushes slightly and again, Kihyun thinks about how, surely, with everyone going on, after almost two months of dating and everything that had entailed ( _ six hours! _ ) Changkyun still  _ blushes _ . 

“Y-yeah,” Changkyun agrees, laughs a little at the ground. “What you said.”

“Also,” Kihyun says, still really, really close, “you better clean that stove before I lay eyes on it again. In this house we clean after ourselves, Kyunie.” And leans back to wiggle the plate and smile. “So. Nom and then  _ nom? _ Or do you have other plans?”

Changkyun coughs gently, “Well, you’re the only thing on my to do list so far…”

“It’s, sadly, a tremendous task, to keep up,” Kihyun shrugs and walks to the table. “I get it.”

“Definitely not an angel of chastity, this one,” Changkyun mumbles to himself, follows Kihyun to the table and almost tripping when Ki-Kyun darts towards him and he has to sidestep to avoid stepping on the poor thing. “See? Definitely takes after you, too.”

Kihyun looks over as he places his plate down. “How so…?”

“Surprising,” Changkyun laughs, sitting down. “But cute.”

“Oh…” Kihyun licks his lips and looks down. “Yeah.” An already familiar sting bubbles under his skin.  _ Not now, _ Kihyun thinks. He takes a deep breath but it doesn’t help. So, Kihyun looks away, out the window, hoping it goes just as fast as it comes. There’s a warm, steady pressure on his hand, then, the familiar feeling of Changkyun’s thumb rubbing across the back of it.

“It’s okay, I’m here…”

Kihyun tenses a little, jaw set as the feeling festers. It makes his vision unfocus for a few moments before it focuses back as the stinging fades. “You can do that, too, now…” Kihyun breathes out.

“Yeah, yeah I can. I gotchu,” Changkyun says, small.

“How does it feel?” Kihyun asks, glancing over when it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Changkyun’s not looking at him, though, eyes somewhere to his right. “Like holding down the lid of a pot that’s boiling over.”

“Turn off the heat, then,” Kihyun says with a little smile before he looks at the eggs. “We should eat,” He mutters, frowning a little. “And by the way, your eyes are really pretty.”

Changkyun instinctively looks over in confusion, frowning, eyes a little shiny. “What...?”

Kihyun looks up and blinks at him. He hesitates for a moment and then grabs Changkyun’s wrist and pulls him along towards the living room, towards the small table near the sofa. Kihyun points at the small pocket mirror, tilting his head a little when Changkyun hesitates, too.

Changkyun takes a breath, reaches for it but doesn’t look at him as he holds it out for Kihyun. “I never know what’s going on in your head, I swear…”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “You do,” he says, taking the mirror and cracking it open before he almost shoves it in Changkyun’s face. “Your eyes.”

Changkyun pulls a face, like he wants to disagree but can’t, glances at Kihyun before looking at the mirror in his hand. His shoulders slump, and his features relax. “Oh.”

Kihyun grins, his heart a little loud.  _ Something to be proud of, after all. _ “Yeah.”

Changkyun’s hand shakes a little as he picks the mirror out of Kihyun’s hand, blinks at himself like he doesn’t recognise what he sees. “That’s… me now…” His bottom lip trembles and he takes a breath, snaps the mirror closed and shoves it back at Kihyun. “G-give it back… I don’t--” he hangs his head so Kihyun can’t see his face.

“Oh, come on,” Kihyun holds the mirror close to his chest, like it means something. “It’s pretty. Plus, that’s not…  _ you ‘ _ now’.”

“It never was me to you,” Changkyun breathes out. He pushes forward again, then, hand on Kihyun’s that’s wrapped around the little mirror. “I wanna go back,” Changkyun sniffs. “I hate this…”

“No, you don’t,” Kihyun mumbles. “Not yet, you don’t. And we can’t go back. No matter how much I wish we could, in a way, we can’t. But we can go forward. And…” He tilts his head and smiles. “I like your eyes.”

Changkyun pushes again, weakly, half-hearted. “You would… They’re all clean, now...”

Kihyun chuckles, reaching to hold Changkyun’s hand close to his chest as well, over the hand holding the mirror. “Yeah. It’s unfair… I know. But… It will be fine.”  _ Right? You will be fine... _

“Ugh,” Changkyun groans, leans forward so his forehead pushes against Kihyun’s shoulder. “I’m all emotional.  _ Again _ . And,” he scoffs, shaking his head against Kihyun. “God, why  _ am  _ I like this.”

“Because,” Kihyun leans his head on Changkyun’s, “You’re perfect for me.”

“So I’m… doing the right thing?” Changkyun sniffs, presses forward a little, hand squeezing. “Just… hoping, believing, pretending this isn’t happening… Letting us be happy when we can be…”

“You always do the right thing. And you always say the right thing.” Kihyun sighs. “Even when you steal from IKEA. Maybe it’s not the right thing for everyone else… but even when you make me angry at you… it feels right. So, I wouldn’t worry too much. You will be alright.” 

“So will you,” Changkyun says. “No me without you,” he teases, soft, groans again. “Ugh, my eggs.”

“Which ones?”

“My poor, poor neglected chicken children.”

“Gross!”

“It was the first thing you taught me,” Changkyun laughs weakly.

“Nah,” Kihyun says, moving to throw his arms around Changkyun’s shoulders. “This was the first thing I taught you.”

“That’s the other moment, by the way,” Changkyun sighs against him. “Not the one where I knew I would, the one where I… did. But I think you already know that...”

“Yeah,” Kihyun sighs, pushing Changkyun back towards the table again. “Hugs are nice. Yours, at least, are.”

“Learned from the best.”

They walk backwards until the small of Changkyun’s back hits the table and the tableware clinks. Kihyun blinks at the eggs from over Changkyun’s shoulder.

“How sad do they look? Be honest.”

Kihyun hums a little. “Mine looks a little old, like it aged, all wrinkled and shit…” He lets his arms slump down from Changkyun’s shoulders, hands stopping near his waist.

“They grow up so fast…” Changkyun sniffs dramatically, makes to dab at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Yeah, well, we can always make more,” Kihyun says, groaning a little when he grabs Changkyun and sits him over the table. “Right? Or are we,” Kihyun chuckles when he looks at Changkyun’s face, “out of eggs…?”

Changkyun blinks, eyes a little wide. “N-no, but I’m really efficient at running errands what with the,” he blinks again, seemingly distracted as his eyes fall a little before coming up to Kihyun’s eyes again. “Er.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Kihyun says with a nod, eyes shifting across Changkyun’s face. “Although, for a moment I thought you were going to suggest microwaving the eggs…”

Changkyun shoves at him playfully, gaping and kicking his legs a little. “We can do that! I forgot!”

Kihyun wide eyes Changkyun and gasps dramatically, “No! You? Forgot about the wonders of the microwave? _ No…” _

Changkyun reaches up to shake Kihyun a little by the shoulders. “Who am I?  _ Who have I become? _ ”

“I don’t know. I want Changkyun back,” Kihyun looks over his shoulder and calls, “Changkyun! Where did you go! This is an imposter!”

Changkyun laughs, sitting forward a little to bat his eyelashes up at Kihyun. “Minhyuk made a mistake and sent a clone who forgot about microwaves. Gotcha.”

Kihyun looks at him and frowns. “One more reason to kick his ass.”

“I really wanna see that, though,” Changkyun says seriously, juts his chin up a bit. “Hey, maybe a kiss will bring back your resident microwave enthusiast…”

“Did Lust get an upgrade? I swear that’s actually a good line.”

Changkyun laughs, eyes turning to crescents. “No, it’s not, it’s terrible!”

“Changkyun… Lust said,  _ ‘Don’t you like me when I’m needy’ _ and then pouted!”

Changkyun’s eyes narrow and his smile drops. “You really thought that was something I’d say?” And then looks away. “Shit. I would, though.”

“I know. That’s the worst part. That’s the only thing that actually sounded like something you’d say. But… not in those circumstances, I guess.” Kihyun shivers. “Anyway! Eggs.” He slaps at Changkyun’s thighs.

“That’s tactful,” Changkyun laughs, voice breaking in a high pitch as he does. “See me try  _ that  _ one.” Changkyun slaps at Kihyun’s thigh as if in retaliation. “Cuddles!”

“What? But the eggs!”

Changkyun shrugs, wiggles off the table and gives Kihyun a loud kiss on the cheek before he takes the plates back to the kitchen. “I was just saying. It’s a good strategy. Very straightforward.”

The hollow is gone. For now, at least. Kihyun realizes as he breathes, easily. He can’t tell what made it go away, but it doesn’t really matter as long as it stays away.

“Hey! We’re getting nothing done!” He complains, trailing after Changkyun.

“Then slap my thigh and ask for it,” Changkyun laughs, turning to face Kihyun as he puts a plate in the microwave. He holds his arms open, though, pouts determinately. 

And Kihyun rolls his eyes and walks up to hug him. “So, if I slap your thigh and ask you to kiss me, will you?”

“I’ll think about it,” Changkyun teases, even as he leans back, moves his hands up to cup Kihyun’s cheeks and leans forward, brushes his lips over Kihyun’s before pressing forwards.

Is it strange to feel like he will never get used to it? To this? Even when everything feels familiar,  _ safe _ , a steady place to let down his defenses, it also feels new, like it’s never enough even when it is. Maybe because, in a way, they don’t have that much time, even when both of them hope for more.

It’s so soft, though, that Kihyun finds himself forgetting about everything else. And a part of him, a slightly delusional and broken part of him, the one that whispers from the dark corners of his mind, wishes that this could’ve been their first kiss. So many days ago, in this kitchen, when all they had were the little touches and nothing more to worry about than keeping each other safe and happy.

The microwave dings and Changkyun leans back. But Kihyun grabs his face and says, “I wasn’t done kissing you.” Changkyun laughs, soft, and it’s hot on his lips.

And ‘right now’ is all they have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 chapters away from the end!!!  
> Things will escalate from now on. Get ready for lore!!!


	26. Worth Fighting For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light. Pure, pure light. Holy light.

Fear is a kind of madness, too. To be afraid of the past and to be afraid of the future when neither exists in any place but the imagination. Kihyun thinks that, by now, he should be used to it, and, in a way, he is. Because fear is _ a kind of madness, _ but one that is useful when it counts, one that is useful once it can be controlled.

Face fear with courage. Understand it. Let it flow. And, then, let it go.

It’s the fear that wakes him up at night again and again,  _ and  _ again in the morning. The fear that tells him who he really is. The fear that leads him to  _ finally _ take that much needed breath and look at his own reflection in the mirror as his skins boils with taint.

Without fear,  _ life  _ is stronger, brighter, lasts longer… But that red, the one Kihyun sees in the eyes looking right back at him, that red is scarier than anything else he’s faced so far. Because it doesn’t just stare. It smiles, too. It smiles, face contorting into a grin that looks nothing like what Kihyun remembers. And it has Kihyun’s face.

Funnily enough, Kihyun is not afraid to… die. It sounds almost peaceful. Even when he  _ still  _ wants to live. But that  _ red _ ? That’s what he will leave behind. Something twisted that will walk around looking like him, looking back whenever someone calls his name. And that’s not dying. That is being replaced.

Kihyun ducks his head down, his hands slip from the sink and go limp by his sides. He takes a deep breath as the black lines on his skin start to vanish. 

“I hate this bathroom…” he mumbles to himself.

Just before he can turn away, though, walk away, get out of there, he hears a whisper. Somewhere at the back of his head. 

‘Hey’. 

And when he looks up, eyes wide and heart jumping frantically inside his chest, Kihyun barely has time to breathe, barely has time to  _ register _ as his own reflection lurches from the mirror and grabs at his throat.

The image snaps and Kihyun startles, blinking fast at the mirror and then down at his own hands. He looks up again and sees himself. Normal. Brown eyes. Was he dreaming just now…? It felt… real. Too real.

Kihyun closes his eyes and breathes slowly. “Fucking hate this bathroom.”

There’s a soft thumping at the back of his head, like a headache asking for consent, and he blinks, slow, and realises it’s a knocking on the door. 

“Hey,” he hears Changkyun say, soft, the door staying closed. “Are you okay in there?”

Kihyun’s heart throbs a little before he answers, “Ye--Yeah!” He looks at his reflection again and sighs before he turns to the door, peeking outside first once it’s open. He blinks at Changkyun. “Sorry… I’m done, if you need to use the bathroom.”

Changkyun shakes his head, smiling soft. “No, no, it’s fine, I was--” Changkyun gestures past Kihyun, though, before shrugging, puts both hands in the front pocket of his hoodie. “Thinking we should redecorate…”

It’s something so simple, yet it fills Kihyun’s chest with warmth. He grins, “Planning on stealing from IKEA again?”

“Maybe. Under supervision,” Changkyun smiles down, shuffles his feet a little. “Wouldn’t know what to get.”

“I  _ have _ told you what I do for a living, yes? I have a whole folder on interior decoration.”

“Why do you think I’m asking  _ you _ ,” Changkyun rolls his eyes gently, scratches at the back of his head. “I’m thinking,” he starts, walks past Kihyun and gestures widely. “Purple!”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “You want a purple bathroom…?”

“Yeah! And we can have, like,” he laughs, lets his hand fall. “A karaoke machine in the corner, right…”

“In the corner of the bathroom…” Kihyun smiles, amused.

“Obviously?” Changkyun scoffs. “Have you heard the acoustics in here?”

Kihyun licks his lips and looks away, tilting his head a little. “Yeah. Yeah, I have.”

Changkyun tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. “Mm, exactly. See?” Changkyun walks past him again, kisses Kihyun quickly on the cheek. “The bathroom’s not all bad.”

_ Oh. _ Kihyun’s shoulders slump a little and he looks down. “Yeah… I guess you’re right.” He takes a deep breath and then turns to follow after Changkyun. “So, purple, huh. You like that colour?”

“I think so?” Changkyun hums, plops down on the bed and pulls the laptop closer, crossing his legs. “Like, if I had to choose a colour from like, some criminal colour line-up or whatever, I guess.” Changkyun laughs to himself. “Look at me, having a favourite colour.”

Kihyun sits down next to him. “It’s cute…” He shrugs and crosses his legs as well. “Usually, that’s the kind of trivial information people share when they’re trying to get to know someone. Like, ‘what’s your favourite colour’, ‘what foods do you like’, ‘do you prefer summer or winter’... And so on.”

“I know those about you, though,” Changkyun says confidently, pointing his chin up a little and closing his eyes in a quick smile before turning back to the laptop. “Blue! Chicken! And… winter? Winter.”

Kihyun smiles and hunches a little to peek at Changkyun’s face. “Yeah. Sorry… I… Can’t say I know…” Kihyun looks down. “Wow, now I feel bad. What the hell…” He frowns. “I am a  _ terrible _ boyfriend.”

Changkyun moves his head back as if startled. “What? You take that back, you know ‘em. Just don’t think you  _ know  _ you know them.” Changkyun pokes him. “Guess. I’m sure you’ll be right.”

“I’m scared now…” Kihyun pouts, chin wrinkling a little. “What if I get it wrong…”

“Then you never will again,” Changkyun laughs, taps away at the keyboard and leaning forward to rest his chin on his hand, propped up by the elbow on his knee. “Because you’ll feel like a  _ terrible  _ boyfriend.”

Kihyun shoves at him a little and laughs despite himself. “Don’t say that. It’s different when you say it! I’m a  _ great  _ boyfriend.”

“Oh yeah?” Changkyun teases, tongue between his teeth. “Tell me something about me that  _ I _ don’t even know, then. Stroke my ego a little.”

“Eeeeh,” Kihyun throws himself back over the bed and stares at the ceiling. “I spend so much time complimenting you, you probably already know everything there is to know…”

“ _ Great  _ boyfriend, giving me a self-esteem,” Changkyun sighs dramatically.

“Ah!” Kihyun’s eyes widen and he sits back up. “You’re left-handed!”

Changkyun draws his left hand back from where he’s moving the cursor with the little touchpad, blinks at it. “ _ Huh _ .” Changkyun makes another little sound, like he’s  _ impressed _ with his hand, wiggles his fingers at Kihyun. “This is my smart hand. Actually only figured that out a bit later on. Kept instinctively doing things with my left hand and then seeing you do it with your right and tried to compensate.”

“Ooooh,” Kihyun snorts. “Yeah. Well, I noticed when you…” He blinks, almost, almost laughs and almost takes a hand to his mouth but then both hands go to his ears. “Nothiiiiiiing.”

Changkyun wiggles his fingers more, leans to the side a little to narrow his eyes. “You were having a dirty thought, Yoo Kihyun, I can see it in your eyes.”

Kihyun smiles and leans down, face to the mattress as he covers his ears. “Nothiiiiiiing!”

Changkyun laughs, leans down and nuzzles his nose against Kihyun’s neck. “Admit it!” Changkyun blows a raspberry there, then, and Kihyun shrinks visibly and makes a little sound before he rolls away, snorting a laugh. “Own up to it, damn you!”

“Who sa--says I’m not,” Kihyun giggles as he turns into a ball over the bed.

“Ugh, so cute!” Changkyun chirps, pokes at Kihyun’s side. “The duality!”

Kihyun wiggles away, farther towards the top of the bed, “What duality?”

“You don’t know?” Changkyun gapes playfully. “Wow, we really are learning about each other today. Your  _ duality _ , Ki!  _ Duali-Ki _ .”

“What?” Kihyun coughs mid laugh, rolling over the look at Changkyun. “You’re ridiculous,” he chuckles.

“What, isn’t this a thing people say? When you’re  _ really  _ cute the one second and then just,” Changkyun lifts his fingers to kiss the tips like an Italian chef. 

Kihyun grabs at the pillow behind him and swings his arm to throw at Changkyun. “Why do you take pleasure in exposing me like this, hm?”

Changkyun grins as the pillow bounces off his face. “Hey, if anything I’m exposing  _ myself  _ right now.” Changkyun closes the laptop, moves it off the bed before plopping down over Kihyun gracelessly, heavily. And Kihyun huffs a laugh, brings his arms around Changkyun with a little stretch and a little sound before he melts.

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Mm?” Changkyun replies without lifting his head, kicks his legs a little. “You called?”

“You’re warm,” Kihyun mumbles, face leaning a little closer to Changkyun’s ear. So, so warm. It’s hard to remember how cold Changkyun used to feel every night. Changkyun, ironically, shivers a little, balls himself up slightly on top of Kihyun. 

“You’re kinda cold...” Changkyun grumbles and then wiggles, shoves his hands under Kihyun’s shirt, palms warm on his back. “Warm up!”

Kihyun hisses a little. “Warn me next time! Jesus…” He shivers and then nuzzle a little into Changkyun’s hairline, just above his ear. “You need a haircut…” Kihyun mutters when he almost eats a handful of hair.

“Really?” Changkyun shakes his head, leans back and smiles big, eyes completely obscured by now almost completely black hair. “Oh god, I can’t  _ see _ ,” he laughs, then, as if taken by surprise.

“You need a headband,” Kihyun chuckles, brings a hand up to pull Changkyun’s hair back, away from his forehead. “Let’s ask Hoseok to give you a haircut. Maybe you could,” Kihyun moves his other hand over Changkyun’s hair line, softly, “Get an undercut.”

“Mhm,” Changkyun hums, clearly distracted, eyes cast down. “Yeah, that thing, we’ll do that, whatever that is, m’good...”

Kihyun grins, looks up at the ceiling and runs his fingers through Changkyun’s hair. “What’s on your mind…?”

Changkyun blinks, like a video buffering. “Huh? Sorry, wasn’t listening, too busy thinking about kissing you.”

“Just thinking?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Two months and all you do is  _ think _ about it?” He tries to make a serious face and sighs dramatically.

“You’re so unnecessarily extra, I adore you,” Changkyun laughs softly, leans forward to brush his lips on Kihyun’s. “What, not even a slap on the thigh?”

“Hey,” Kihyun smiles a little, pecking Changkyun’s lips. “Close your eyes for me…?”

Changkyun leans back, eyes narrowing playfully before he closes them, forehead evening out as his features relax. “Okay…?”

There’s a little sting at Kihyun’s hand and it twitches slightly before Kihyun fists it over the sheets. So, he brings up his other hand, thumb soothing over Changkyun’s face. “Promise you won’t open them until I tell you to do so…?”

“Aish, so bossy,” Changkyun teases softly even as he nods. “Yeah, yeah, I promise.”

The moment Kihyun’s hand relaxes, a burning pain runs over his arm up to his shoulder before it spreads through his body. Kihyun sighs and sits up a little. His thumb over Changkyun’s cheek moves down to Changkyun’s lips, thumbing at his upper lip first and then at his lower lip, parting them slightly before Kihyun kisses him.

Their tongues meet in the middle and Kihyun sighs again, losing himself in the kiss instead of the bubbling pain under his skin. It feels like turning his back on the ever-consuming darkness, knowing it will end up lunging at him, latching onto his back before it takes over. And Kihyun feels it, again… another little light… one of the last blue sparks left…  _ vanishing. _

And then, as if the job is done, the taint vanishes again, slowly, until there’s nothing but a breathy kiss on Kihyun’s lips. And as if to compensate, Changkyun pushes a little closer, tilts his head and leans in again, pressing his lips hard against Kihyun’s, tonguing gently at the seam of Kihyun’s lips before leaning back, eyes still closed, smiling softly, lips pink, cheeks flushed. 

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself there…” He says.

Kihyun kisses Changkyun again, playfully making loud kissing sounds before he leans back with a smile. “Okay. You can open your eyes.”

Changkyun only peeks the one eye open, though. “You know I don’t… care  _ about that _ . Right?”

Kihyun tilts his head. “About what?”

“Keeping the lid on the pot that wants to boil over,” Changkyun says, blinking open both his eyes and leaning his chin down, kisses Kihyun’s adam’s apple with a small scrape of teeth. 

“No idea,” Kihyun mumbles with a small shiver even as he leans his head back a little and sighs. “Don’t know what you mean.”

“I know you,” Changkyun breathes soft against his neck, places a small kiss at the little dip between his collarbones. “I know you’ll never hurt me. I know you want to protect me from everything, the way I wanted to, back when everything was still new.”

Kihyun brings a hand up to rest at the back of Changkyun’s neck, where it stays. “Maybe,” Kihyun breathes, the tips of his fingers tracing up and down a few times before he runs them through Changkyun’s hair. “But there’s a difference. I don’t want you to… blame yourself. I don’t want you to look at me and regret… Honestly… Not even I want to look at myself…”

“If I was going to do  _ that _ ,” Changkyun sighs. “I could never look in the mirror again, could I? Clean eyes and whatnot.”

“Yours are pretty, though,” Kihyun snorts. “Still really dark, for brown eyes. Which is so, so you. They’re all warm.”

“For the record…” Changkyun’s hand smooths up Kihyun’s side, warm and under his shirt, nipping at Kihyun’s collarbone. “There are things to regret, but I could never regret loving you.”

Regret… Kihyun has lived his life regretting so many things. But this? These past two months? Were he to relive them, he would only try to summon more strength. Because, in the end, he failed himself and…

“You, too.” He smiles. “Could never regret loving you, too.” And it’s so unfair. So, so unfair. So unfair that he grew up not knowing what it was like to call someone ‘mother’. So unfair that he grew up to realize he couldn’t stay with his father. So unfair that he grew up to find out there were things in the shadows he was supposed to fear. So unfair to meet the love of his life only to realize it was mere chance, that nothing would have happened the way it did if fairness was real. So  _ unfair _ to give him a taste of something he wouldn’t be able to have if life was fair, if God was fair.

Damned be the rules. Minhyuk is right. It’s unfair and ironically… Kihyun is both glad and sad for the lack of fairness in this  _ game _ God calls life.

Maybe this taint of his… truly was supposed to consume him after all.

“Hey,” Kihyun says, voice barely there. Words are hard, sometimes. Especially when they barely feel like his anymore. But touch. Their own little language. That’s for Kihyun alone. Not the taint, nor the voices that plague his mind.

And touch might make them both a little greedy. Sometimes they lose themselves in it a little. But it’s safe. It speaks loud. And it quiets the voices. It always has. It always will.

“Kiss me…?” Kihyun sighs. “And then let’s… go somewhere. Anywhere.”

Changkyun’s hand stills on his side, and he lifts his head, kisses below Kihyun’s ear. “Okay,” Changkyun says, deep and low, before he kisses the side of Kihyun’s mouth. “Still my favourite one…”

“Pffft,” Kihyun giggles. “What, the mole?”

Changkyun laughs softly, breath warm on Kihyun’s lips. “Yeah.” He kisses there again, soft, before pressing their lips together, gripping with the hand by Kihyun’s side. And Kihyun kisses back, smiling a little when he does before he breaks away and locks eyes with Changkyun.

“The big pack that got delivered this morning…?” Kihyun grins. “Where did you put it?”

“Next to the couch…” Changkyun narrows his eyes, playful. “Still don’t know why you won’t tell me what’s in there…”

“Your Christmas present,” Kihyun says. “Just didn’t wanna open it when I was having a midlife crisis. Endlife crisis.” He shrugs. “If you catch my meaning.”

Changkyun perks up at ‘Christmas present’ and skips past the rest. “You got me something?”

Kihyun sits up. “Obviously. Shownu helped with… the other one, though. I wanted to give it to you as soon as possible but… Had a date with a fallen angel and things escalated and then we were emo...” He shrugs again. “Convenient that the big one was a bit late. So you get both at the same time.”

Changkyun sits up and smiles, wide, bouncing a little. “You got me something!” He leans forward again to kiss at Kihyun’s face, quickly, and jumps up, running for the living room like it really is Christmas morning and Changkyun had woken up early to wait for Santa, or something. “Lemme get it!” He calls from the living room, coming back with the pack and plopping down on the bed with it on his lap. 

Kihyun reaches for the drawer on the nightstand and pulls out a little envelope. He looks at it and takes a deep breath before he hands it to Changkyun. “Embracing the thug life, quite literally. But considering you can just teleport wherever you want… this should be fine.” He looks up. “You stole from IKEA. I… got you this. We’re officially criminals, the  _ both  _ of us.”

Changkyun gapes, pausing where he’s pulling at the tape around the pack to take the envelope. “ _ What _ ? You broke the law?” Changkyun pouts. “ _ Aw _ , you broke the law for me, that’s so sweet.”

“You have the weirdest kinks…”

Changkyun scoffs, carefully opening the envelope, shaking it over his palm. A few folded papers and a card. Shownu had said ‘it wouldn’t be easy’ and Kihyun had said ‘his surname is Im’ and here they are. 

“You… Literally made me exist.”

Kihyun laughs, chest warm. “Legally, yeah.” He grins. “Welcome to the world, Im Changkyun.”

Changkyun laughs, too, opening one of the papers and then laughs again. “The 26th of January and everything. Wow.” He reaches up, squishes the back of his hand against his eye and clears his throat. “1996… So I’m 22, then?”

“I am obviously older than you,” Kihyun scoffs, tilting his chin up.

“You have the weirdest kinks.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and looks down at his own hands. “Well, you said you wanted to study and… you need an ID if you want to enroll and,” he gestures at the papers, “Fake documents. I am mad at how you  _ apparently  _ make more money than I do! But whatever. The other one,” Kihyun points at the big box, “Will help, too.”

“It’s because I work hard labour,” Changkyun nods with a teasing smile, putting the papers down to continue opening the box. “Thank Shownu for making me so smart, by the way,” he laughs a little, and stops, then, staring at the box once the squishy, protective delivery wrapping is off. “You…” He laughs, somewhere between giddy and a little sniff. “You really went and did that, huh…”

“You said you wanted one…” Kihyun mumbles, eyes going between Changkyun’s face and the OMEN box over his lap. “A gaming laptop… I don’t know much about gaming but… I argued with the retailer at the shop and then with a really annoying five year old who understood far more about computers than I ever will. And well, that’s the result.” He squints. “I hope it’s good…”

“It’s…” That same laugh again, but a louder sniff. “It’s amazing, Kihyun, I…” Changkyun shakes his head, turns the box over and laughs again. “I am going to cry and you’re just gonna have to let me.” 

“You can,” Kihyun says, blinking and then looking away with a smile so small it is barely noticeable. “You can cry if you want.”

Changkyun puts the box down, juts out his bottom lip that trembles a little and reaches to jostle lightly at Kihyun’s shirt. “You’re perfect, it’s perfect, thank you…” 

“Do you want a hug…?”

Changkyun jostles for a second again and then pounces forward, squishing their lips together again. “No!” Changkyun laughs a little as he pulls back, kissing both Kihyun’s cheeks. “Kiss!”

Kihyun sighs and smiles. “Such a baby…” He brings a hand up to the back of Changkyun’s head and pulls him close into a kiss. “So,” Kihyun mumbles between kisses, “Wanna open that…? Or… Go somewhere? Because I still wanna... go somewhere, anywhere.”

“I’ll open it later,” Changkyun says, tilts his head to kiss Kihyun deeply before pulling back with a dazed but cocky smile. “Now put your shoes on, Yoo, we got a world to see.”

Kihyun shoves playfully at Changkyun and groans. “I sometimes forget you say weird shit like that.” He rolls off the bed and gets up. “What about you? Are you going barefoot?”

“ _ Im  _ getting there,” Changkyun cackles, rolls off the bed and a few times over the bedroom floor before pushing himself up. “Hah, I’m a real boy now, Kihyun!” 

“Whatever that means,” Kihyun scoffs, pacing out of the room. “So weird…” He whispers to himself.

“I’m gonna fill in the registration forms tonight!” Changkyun says, hopping excitedly towards his high tops by the door. “On my new laptop!”

Kihyun sits down next to the Converse he left by the entrance the day before and smiles a little to himself.  _ One down, three to go. _ “There’s someone I should call later. I guess I’ll do that while you  _ adult _ around.”

“ _ Student _ around, thank you very much,” Changkyun says, pulling his shoes on and smiling brightly, and it falters just slightly when he looks over. “There’s a difference.”

And if Kihyun was the person he was two months ago, he wouldn’t have smiled like he does and said, “Can’t wait to see that diploma.” It’s not a lie. And it has a little hope in it, too. Even if he doesn’t believe in it himself, it’s not for him anyway… “God, you’re gonna be so smug…” He looks down and shakes his head.

“Of course I am! And I’ll have the hours of studying behind me to completely validate it, thank you very much,” he nods, standing up with his hands on his hips. “I shall graduate with a degree in science, cum laude for joke purposes.”

Kihyun throws his head back to laugh and falls back, too, kicking his legs a little. “Ohmygod,  _ why!” _ He rolls to his side and turns into a trembling ball.

“Because then,” Changkyun laughs, bending down to smile at Kihyun even as he laughs through his words. “I can say I cum laude-ly.”

Kihyun swats at him, but obviously just fans his hand around, like he’s trying to hit an annoying fly. “G--God, I hate you… Oh, shit… Why!” He snorts another laugh. He hides his face between his hands a laughs a little again, voice spiking a little at the end. “You do, though.”

“So do you!” Changkyun laughs and ducks out of the way of another smack. 

“I am dating a comedian,” Kihyun scoffs, sitting up. He sniffles and cleans the solo tears by the corners of his eyes. “Thank god one of us has a sense of humor.”

“What?” Changkyun pokes at Kihyun, before holding out his hand to help him up. “You’re funny. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone who isn’t funny.”

“Oh, no,” Kihyun shakes his head and sighs dramatically, “I am  _ cranky aaaaaall the time.” _

Changkyun rolls his eyes dramatically. “Oh, yeah, and you  _ never  _ smile or laugh, pfff. You? Laughing? Being adorable? Nah, never.”

Kihyun snorts a laugh and pokes Changkyun’s tummy. “Wanna know a secret?”

Changkyun gapes. “What, that you  _ do  _ laugh all the time?”

“Suuuuure, but no. Not that.” Kihyun reaches for the scarf over the cupboard and throws it around Changkyun’s shoulders, fixing it around his neck for him. “I actually  _ like _ being called cute.” He shrugs one shoulder. “Not a word many people would use when mentioning me, though. So, don’t share that one around.”

Changkyun gapes again, for real, this time. “But you’re the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Kihyun shoves his hands at Changkyun’s face and smiles, eyes turning to crescents, “Now you’re making me feel embarrassed!”

“I know!” Changkyun laughs, grabs at Kihyun’s hands. “It’s cute!” He brings Kihyun’s hands up to his face, kisses his knuckles. “I’m glad you like it, then.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun takes a deep breath and looks down. Something, a prickly feeling, bothers him at the back of his head. “Hey…”

Changkyun tilts his head. “Mm?”

Kihyun swallows, thinks his words carefully. “It’s going to keep happening. And… it’s worse every time it does. But…” His heart throbs. “Let’s keep… doing things and… yeah. Let’s do that. Okay?” He looks up. Maybe he doesn’t say it with words, but he pleads with his eyes. Because this, laughing, is so much better… and Kihyun really likes to laugh.

Changkyun pushes his forehead against Kihyun’s hands, still in his. “Okay… I just… When I met you, this is what you did, in a way? Denial…” Changkyun shakes his head, looks up with a careful expression. “Sorry, I just mean that there might be a moment where… I’m not okay? And I’m not sure I can help it.”

Kihyun nods slowly. “I’m not lying to myself, the way I used to. Or you… But I just don’t want to lose time. That’s all.” His throat closes on itself and Kihyun needs to shut his eyes closed and force a smile as he rubs his forehead on Changkyun’s. “I can’t ask you to do the same all the time… but just for a little bit…?”  _ Just a few more days... _

“I don’t want to lose time either,” Changkyun smiles, small. “Not these times… You’re beautiful when you smile and cute when you laugh, and the more smiles and laughs we have, the more…” Changkyun swallows. “I have to remember.”

Kihyun nods again and then opens his eyes, out of focus on Changkyun’s. “So? Where are we going before Venom tries to eat me again?” He grins.

“You gave me an idea for that,” Changkyuns says, laughs softly as he shakes his head. “Aish, Venom, really… Come on, you know how this goes. Close your eyes, wait for the smooch and woosh.”

“Ah,” Kihyun chuckles and closes his eyes, his cheeks feel a little warm. “You’re adorable sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” Changkyun asks, and Kihyun feels Changkyun wrap his arms around him, and when he talks, Kihyun feels Changkyun’s breath right there. “I need to step up my game…”

“Please don’t?” Kihyun chuckles, lowly, breathy, “You’re busy being sinful the rest of the time. There’s only so much my heart can take.”

Changkyun laughs softly against Kihyun’s lips, “Now imagine how I feel,” Changkyun says, and leans forward, kisses Kihyun softly and the air shifts around them, a few voices nearby and a cold wind ruffling at Kihyun’s hair. It smells like the ocean.

Kihyun opens his eyes and sees everything dark. Blotches of white and red and blue floating around his vision as he blinks and his eyes adjust to the darkness. It smells like the ocean but he hears no waves. It feels humid and, when he moves his feet, he hears the splash of water underneath his soles. It’s a little cold, but not too cold.

And slowly, so slowly, when Kihyun looks down he sees… “The sky?” So, he looks up, quickly, eyes widening. “Whe...Where…?”

“Salar de Uyuni,” Changkyun says, squeezes Kihyun’s hand and looks around. “We’re in Bolivia. In the middle of the biggest salt pan on the planet and if it rains or it’s wet season, it’s the biggest mirror… And that’s the Milky Way,” Changkyun chuckles, looking up. 

Stars fill the sky like the promise of life in the darkness, a sense of warmth springing from the cold. So vast, so humbling, so… eternal. It reminds Kihyun of something. Something he shattered. Something he broke. And looking down, a reflection. Like the night is but a curtain pulled back, revealing a window to the universe and suddenly they’re through.

“It’s beautiful…” Is all Kihyun can say. Because he doesn’t know the words to describe what he sees. He breathes out and takes a reluctant step forward, eyes up again to look at the sky. He smiles small. “So many little lights…”

Changkyun’s hand is warm in his own, and he takes a deep breath. “Yeah, yeah, it is…” Changkyun squeezes his hand. “Much bigger than a little handheld mirror,” he says, eyes on their reflections. 

Kihyun huffs a laugh and looks down, too. “Well, yeah…”

“It’s  _ symbolic _ ,” Changkyun scoffs. “Thought it would be a good way to… show you, I guess. That I... accept it.”

Kihyun blinks and then looks up at Changkyun. “Accept what…?”

“My reflection. Clean eyes.”

“Oh,” Kihyun blinks again. Suddenly, he doesn’t know where to look. So, he deflects the sinking feeling with a joke. “I might need to go to a doctor,” He squints. “Mine keep changing colour lately. You think it’s something I ate?” He snorts.

“Nah, this was way later,” Changkyun replies, laughing softly and shaking his head. “I think it was probably something contagious, though.”

“Damn space parasites…” Kihyun chuckles, looking at his feet, watching the mirror-like ground shift in ripples. _ Ripples… _ That’s what’s happening to him, too, isn’t it? A distortion of something heavy hitting a glass-like form. It looks broken, shattered, but is it, really? Or is it just… changing. “I hope Venom has a sense of humor…” Kihyun tells no one in particular.

“You already turned one bad thing into something good,” Changkyun says, then. “You have that effect… Maybe Venom likes you, too.”

Kihyun laughs, scoots closer to nuzzle into Changkyun’s arm. “Not everything and everyone is a good as you.”

And like snowflakes in the night, like snow piling over and over and over, Kihyun feels it again, a weariness.  _ Something _ at the back of his head, like it’s knocking at the door, wanting to come in. Except, it’s not going to wait in the shadows forever. Because Kihyun knows what happens if he doesn’t let it in, willingly. Shattered pieces of his soul like a room of broken glass in his head.

“Kyunie…”

The arm he’s leaning on wraps around him, holds him steady. “I’ve got you…”

“Tomorrow… let’s go somewhere nice, too…?”

“Anywhere you want, my love…”

It knocks again and Kihyun fists his free hand, hides his face down, forehead pressing harder on Changkyun’s arm. It’s like a darkness coming with strong protective arms, except it’s not here to protect. It’s here to  _ take _ . And yet, in this place so open to the skies, eyes cast down on reflections of bright constellations above, it doesn’t feel scary at all. Because there are so, so many little lights in the starry sky… Like the ones he’s missing. The ones he had to let break.

And smooth, then, instead of pressing in, it kisses up to his skin. From his fist to his shoulder, whispering excitement into his ears, or that’s what it wants him to believe. It unlocks whispers with a different voice that Kihyun recognizes, voices he remembers Changkyun silencing himself.  _ Pride. Sloth. Envy. Gluttony… But, still not scary at all. _

Darkness curls around his neck, climbs to his face, clouds his eyes and Kihyun still smiles a little, even if just a little.  _ Remember, _ he tells himself.  _ Remember what needs to be remembered _ .  _ Remember what matters.  _

And then there’s nothing. Just darkness.

And pain.

  
  
  


\---

  
  


 

Sound travels through glass, but this is a mirror of water, so Kihyun’s scream ripples but travels no further than what Changkyun can hear. Changkyun doesn’t stumble as Kihyun’s body shakes, his legs give in under him, he just gently pulls him closer before Kihyun can fall. 

The black lines spread across Kihyun’s face, his skin, and Changkyun had promised he wouldn’t look but he does, looks right past it, hand on Kihyun’s cheek as they move under his palm, hot to the touch even as Changkyun’s blood runs cold.

Kihyun had three minutes to hold onto. When Changkyun left, Kihyun had that assurance. Three minutes and Changkyun would be back. And while Changkyun can’t even imagine what it would feel like to hold Kihyun, lifeless and knowing where his soul had gone and for how long, he imagines it feels a little bit like this.

Helpless. Useless.

Guilt.

But that’s not his to feel. He’d told Kihyun he was thankful, and he is, he always will be, but… God, he wants to take it away. He wishes he could do something. He wishes there was anything to do. But all he can do is hold Kihyun close, and wait.

And then it’s bright. Too bright, burns at Changkyun’s eyes. A flash of light, like one of the stars had fallen onto the mirror without cracking it.

Instinctively, Changkyun turns his face and Kihyun away, turns his back to the light. He blinks but the stars swim in front of his eyes, and then he realises how much it burns. 

Light. Pure,  _ pure  _ light. Holy light.

The first thing he wants to do, the first thing he tries, is to take them home. But it feels like the demon trap from before, draining, dragging him down.

Helpless. Useless.

Changkyun looks around, and out of the light steps what can only be a servant of God. An angel. A white glow. And where he is there is more light instead of less, even as it dims, the white around him making new snow look dirty.

Almond-shaped eyes cut through the light with a gaze so strong, so heavy it makes Changkyun freeze where he is. And then the light dims again, vanishes, and large, white wings take its place.

“Do not be afraid,” the angel says, pale lips, clothes almost as white as his hair, grey eyes shifting from Changkyun to Kihyun’s trembling body, so calmly it’s frightening.

Changkyun is terrified. Cold, terrible fear. Angels are a certain death sentence for demons. Changkyun is barely sure how he survived even looking at one. 

The angel steps forward but the water under his bare feet doesn’t ripple. His wings, wide and--and Changkyun dares to think,  _ beautiful _ \--curl a little towards the angel’s back. “I am an angel of the Lord.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Changkyun hears himself say. He feels himself move away, his own body feeling cold and leaden in its movement, but Kihyun is still warm against him. Changkyun was made to protect him and would die for that, that’s never changed, never will. “What do you want?”

The angel’s calm gaze shifts between Kihyun and Changkyun again. “I have no quarrel with you, guardian-demon.”

“Not here to kill me, then,” Changkyun says, heart hammering in his chest as Kihyun trembles in his arms. “You’re here for Kihyun, aren’t you? Sounds like a quarrel with me, then, if you are.”

“Kihyun,” the angel repeats the name, like he’s tasting it. “What you’re holding in your arms right now is not Kihyun. It is but a well of darkness, eating away the Nephilim’s soul.”

Changkyun’s heart gives a painful lurch as he says, “I know. But you’re wrong, too. And I--” 

_ Won’t let you _ tastes a lot like  _ can’t stop you _ . Changkyun told Kihyun, ages ago, that he’s not reckless, or stupid. But Kihyun was right. He is when it comes to Kihyun. 

“Leave him alone,” Changkyun says, and it sounds like begging. Changkyun knows he’ll fight, but he knows he’ll die.

“Guardian-demon,” the angel calls, face unchanged, voice unwavering, “you know not what you protect. Deal with me now and you shall be spared the wrath of the Heaven. My brothers aren’t as patient as I.”

“Deal with you?” Changkyun asks, blinking, hard, as his eyes burn with the light of just looking at an angel. “Nothing you have is worth Kihyun.”

The angel takes a slow, soft breath, eyes closing as he does. It’s the most emotion Changkyun has seen yet and it’s still not much. The angel opens his eyes again, cast down on the reflection of the sky below them. “What are you called?” He asks, looking up again.

“Omnipotence isn’t hereditary, then,” Changkyun swallows, and when Kihyun whimpers, his heart twists despite the situation. “Changkyun. Do angels have names?”

“Us, bearers of the Sword of Mercy, preachers of forgiveness, are called Elerial,” The angel says. “But you can call me Jooheon.”

Jooheon. It should scare him more. But a name scares Changkyun less than a title. Angels are feared, incredibly so, by demons. Then again, Changkyun’s never heard of a Jooheon.

“Jooheon,” Changkyun says, then, heart falling into his stomach. “You know what I am, you even called me by it. Guardian.” 

“I can recognize an equal.”

Changkyun frowns, almost.  _ Equal _ ?  _ To an angel _ ? Impossible. 

“If you recognise that, you know I can’t do what you ask.” Changkyun breathes in, steady, the cold air biting at his lungs. “I’m his Guardian, and I will protect what I can, no matter how little is left.”

Jooheon takes another step forward, wings stretching back. “I know. But it never hurts to ask. And you deserve that much from me.” He looks to Kihyun again, lingering when Kihyun whimpers again and shakes. “I can end his pain… It will just get worse and worse until there is nothing left.”

_ Fear _ .

“I believe that,” Changkyun admits. “But I believe in him. I can’t not believe in him.”

“Changkyun,” Jooheon breathes out. “The Nephilim cannot reach the gates of the Silver City. Never. My brothers and sisters won’t let it happen. They will rip him to pieces with no concern for his soul.”

Changkyun hangs his head, and the burn in his eyes has nothing to do with the light. Kihyun’s skin is almost completely inky, his features strained in quiet, terrible, burning pain. “He’s… he’s strong.” Changkyun looks up, looks light in the eyes. “I  _ can’t _ .”

Jooheon looks away. “I will ask you one last time, then. Let me take the Nephilim. I will spare his soul. It will undergo the path of souls and be cleansed of sin and taint. Maybe one day it might return.” He looks over again. “Last chance.”

_ Believe in me _ .

For a minute, Changkyun pauses, thinks. He’ll die. He’ll fight, but he’ll die. This is an angel, most likely an archangel, and Kihyun could… be cleansed. It could take millions of years to walk, but he could be saved. Changkyun would never see him again. Changkyun will die protecting what will likely destroy Heaven, and happily, too because underneath all that, there’s the small shimmer of Kihyun’s soul.

_ I’ll always believe in you, Kihyun _ .

Small, feeling a tear run down his face at the knowledge of impending oblivion, Changkyun shakes his head.

“No,” Changkyun says to an angel of the Lord, the way he had to a Prince of Hell. “No.”

“Very well,” Jooheon says, feet lifting from the floor with a strong flap of wings. “Then I will take you, too.” He adds, his right hand glows with a blinding light.

Kihyun whimpers again, clings to Changkyun, eyes scrunched shut. “D--Don’t…”

It’s a terrible sound. It echoes in Changkyun’s head as he looks down, eyes wide on Kihyun’s face and he knows, then, that he wants to be someone Kihyun can believe in, too. 

The light from Jooheon reflects off Kihyun’s face, but not off the black on it. And then, just as Changkyun looks up and Jooheon raises his hand, there’s a hand on Changkyun’s chest, pushing him back.

The light shoots from Jooheon’s hand and hits something in front of Kihyun, projecting him back and onto Changkyun. Both fall back and slide a few meters over a glass of salted water. And when Changkyun looks up again, tries to get up, Kihyun is looking right at him with red eyes before he looks away and glares at the angel floating in the skies.

Kihyun’s features crumble, though. He curls down a little, whimpering, eyes shutting closed again. He breathes once, slow and loud. His eyes open, slowly and Changkyun sees Kihyun stare at his own reflection on the floor.

“You… re--member?” Kihyun stutters a little. “I’ll take the… wings.” He glances over. “Punching… was it…?”

Kihyun is so strong. Changkyun can see it in the way his fingers dig into the reflective salt, the way he keeps his eyes steady even as his body shakes. 

“Yeah,” Changkyun swallows, but it’s too dry. “You--You punch the wings and I don’t get smote to shit.”

Kihyun huffs what almost sounds like a laugh and he looks up at Jooheon, who’s looking right back. “Shit…” Is what Kihyun says first. “The--They actually fly…”

“You actually sound impressed,” Changkyun wants to smile, even with near certain death hovering a few feet above the mirrored surface, Kihyun’s body still trembling. 

“You can’t win this fight,” Jooheon says calmly. “None of you can.”

Kihyun frowns. “You’re welcome to leave th--then.” He shakes again and the darkness on his skin shifts.

“Not without you, I won’t.” 

Another flash of blinding light appears to strike them, except it doesn’t and it hits the shimmering dark aura around them instead, shattering it and sending them both rolling back a few meters again.

“If… he does that again, I can’t…” Kihyun breathes as he tries to sit up but fails, salt clinging to his jacket, his hair.

“It’s okay,” Changkyun pushes himself up, glances over at Kihyun, and the expression on his face is reflected on the floor. “I’ve got this,” Changkyun stands up, straightens up. “I hope.” He takes a deep breath, takes a step forward and says what he hopes won’t be his last words, “I love you.”

“Y--Yeah…” Kihyun says, softly, looking up with one brown eye and a red one. “Don’t forget we have… places to, to go tomorrow…”

Changkyun almost laughs. Of course. Not even an angel of the Lord can disrupt the plans of Yoo Kihyun. But Changkyun stands his ground, somewhere between Kihyun and Jooheon, and looks up. 

Jooheon looks down at him, and, when he flies towards them, barely has to lift an arm to lift Changkyun from the ground, toss him aside. Changkyun tastes salt, and the water is cold on his face where he skids across the ground. 

Jooheon lands without a sound in front of Kihyun. “I see it, Pride.” He frowns. “And Humility, too.”

“I wouldn’t take my eyes off him if… I were you,” Kihyun mutters, face down.

“What?”

Because love makes you do stupid things, and sometimes the only thing you can do in a given situation is perhaps not the best thing to do, Changkyun throws himself at an angel. It burns where he grabs at Jooheon’s wings, grips and tugs. And then he’s on the floor again, hitting Kihyun as both of them get pushed back. 

Light reflects off Kihyun’s face again, off the mirror, and Changkyun turns again, runs forward, reaching for Jooheon’s wrist to at least aim the light away from them. If he can. 

Jooheon’s wrist feels like marble, and with a flick of it, Changkyun gets thrown aside again. Something cracks as he does, and when he tries to move his hand, Changkyun realises that it had broken with the force. He hits the ground, harder than before, head spinning, something warm ( _ blood _ , he thinks) trickling down his face. He pushes himself up again, though, with the hand he hasn’t broken ( _ yet _ , he thinks).

Changkyun is stronger than he was. A light grows, and so does the shadow it casts. But still, every punch Changkyun tries to get in, Jooheon pays little attention to in the way he brushes it off, counters with movements that look near lazy in its ease. Changkyun screams with every bone he can feel break, with the blood he can taste in his mouth. He gets thrown around but tries again, and again and again.

Jooheon’s touch burns, cuts through his skin like a sharp razor. Holy light. Changkyun falls to his knees, watches his blood mingle in the water, hiding the stars. But Jooheon makes to walk past him, to Kihyun, and Changkyun reaches out, for a leg, an ankle, anything, holds on as much as he can with his wrist as broken as it is, with the way his hand burns at the touch.

“Please,” Changkyun begs. “ _ Please… _ ”

It’s the first time he sees something on Jooheon’s face other than an empty, patient stare. He’s frowning. Looking at Changkyun like he’s a creature of another world--which, in fact, he is. 

“Why,” Jooheon asks but it doesn’t sound like a question. “Why do you try even knowing it will be the end of you.” He turns to Kihyun, then. “Why do you try when you  _ know _ what it does, what it will do.”

Changkyun stands, ignores the pain in his hand, in his head. “I’m a  _ Guardian _ , angel.”

“Made to protect him from the taint,” Jooheon says. 

“Isn’t that the reason you want to take him away?” Changkyun asks. “The taint is the reason you’re here. I  _ am  _ protecting him from the taint.”

Jooheon’s eyes widen a little for only a few seconds. He stares at Changkyun with patient eyes again, as he walks to stand between them, again. 

“Who taught you  _ Hope _ , demon.” And again, the question is so authoritative it doesn’t even sound like a question.

“The same person that taught me resilience, kindness, courage, love… and pride.” Changkyun takes a breath. “And part of pride is fighting even if all you have is hope… And I said  _ no _ .”

“No one says ‘no’ to God.” Jooheon says, eyes on Kihyun again. “There are… consequences.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes out, raising his head as he tries to get up, eyes brown but skin still trailed with a few black lines. “You would know.  _ Consequences, _ ” He almost spits out. “Maybe He should taste a little of that, too.”

Jooheon frowns. “Don’t blaspheme.”

“Yes, well,” Changkyun says. “‘Free will’ is great and all, until you don’t choose what God wants you to and get a one-way ticket to Hell.”

“I know…” Jooheon mumbles, eyes cast down. “Doesn’t make it less righteous.”

“And I say you shove your righteousness up your ass,” Kihyun shouts. “You all think yourselves high and mighty when you sin just as much as we do. Yet you get the pedestal and we get…  _ What.” _ Kihyun scoffs. “A taste of the consequences?”

Changkyun looks at Kihyun, sees a flash of red in his eyes and… Is this what Minhyuk is fighting for? What… What Kihyun is going to fight for?

“If not for what you trash away to Hell, I wouldn’t be here,” Kihyun says, taking a step forward. He frowns for a moment when the red in his eyes vanishes. He looks confused. But it’s barely more than second before it’s back again, redder than before. “A _taste_ of something, forbidden that shouldn’t belong with me. That’s what _you_ gave me! I would walk through hell all over again just to make that stupid deal and watch you all _burn_.” Except that’s not Kihyun speaking, not really, even if it sounds like him. It’s that thing, the red in his eyes, taking memories, fueling hatred. Building something out of pure taint and a broken soul.

And again, Jooheon’s face shifts for just a moment. Changkyun recognises it. Anger. 

“It’s already too late,” Jooheon says. “Or it will be, if I don’t stop it.” He raises his arm again, palm shining with light and Changkyun hears it in his head, Kihyun saying he can’t. If Jooheon does that again, Kihyun  _ can’t _ . It takes a lot for Kihyun to admit that he can’t do something.

But maybe Changkyun can. Because as something grows, so does its shadow. And the brighter the light, the more distinct the shadow becomes. So Changkyun turns his back to an angel and tries to run between limbs that mend far too slowly, reaches to cup Kihyun’s face between his hands, looks directly into the red eyes there, at the confusion he sees in Kihyun’s face the moment they touch.

Changkyun smiles, soft. “I got this.”

And Jooheon aims the light right at them, and it feels like bursting. Like Changkyun just grew fifteen sizes in a split second, like his soul wants to escape, like the dam is bursting again. And then it’s just them. At least, it feels like it’s just them. Surrounded by lights that look familiar, look like Kihyun’s, but glow a deep, dark purple. 

“I’ve got you,” Changkyun says, feels something scratching at the back of his head, a muffled  _ bang  _ like thunder miles and miles away. The lights flicker just a little as another flash of light comes from behind. Changkyun takes a deep breath, nods, thumbs at Kihyun’s cheeks to ground him there. “I--I’ve… I’ve got you.”

And red eyes flicker, a little glossy before they’re brown again. Brown and warm and looking at Changkyun with that  _ kindness _ that never disappears, not even when Kihyun is mad.

“You do,” Kihyun says. And it sounds a lot like  _ ‘I believe in you’ _ .

Pressure. It pushes against the lights, and they move closer, like the gravity between them pulls them tighter together, folding over Changkyun and Kihyun like a blanket. Changkyun lets his hand fall to Kihyun’s shoulders, anchors himself there, again. 

“T-tomorrow I’ll show you--” Changkyun breathes, deep, and the lights expand again. “Something beautiful...”

And because it’s them, because it’s Kihyun, of course Kihyun beams a little at him, between a few rogue tears and tired, kind eyes. “Yeah?”

“Y-yeah,” Changkyun nods. Another flash of light. He winces, just a little, before he smiles, sincere, at his  _ goddamn soulmate _ . “Yeah, the Grand Canyon, maybe? Some big waterfall somewhere…”

Kihyun smiles a little and leans a little closer. “Today was beautiful, too.” And he kisses Changkyun. And as always, it makes the little spark of warmth in Changkyun’s chest light up, and the lights around them flicker like a bulb finally figuring out how it works, bright and purple and Changkyun pulls Kihyun even closer, ignores the way his hand still pulses with pain, and the pressure builds, the scratching tears, and Changkyun has to pull back to gasp, pull Kihyun down with him as he falls to his knees, the lights hugging tighter again. 

“No regrets, right?” And Changkyun laughs a little.  _ Right _ . “I lost count of those rights, by the way… My bad.”

“Ah, now there’s a regret,” Kihyun smiles. “Should’ve kept counting.” He sighs. “First demons. Now angels. This is homophobia, just saying.”

Changkyun laughs and the lights flicker again, leans forward to pull Kihyun closer. He’s warm. Cold water seeps through his clothes, but Kihyun is warm. And maybe that’s all he needs, for a bit. Kihyun’s warmth. “Would have been… A big romantic gesture, or whatever.” 

More pressure. It feels like a battering ram, right at Changkyun’s soul. He tries not to wince but he does. “I don’t know how… how long…”

“If I let it slip through a little,” Kihyun says. “You made it stop. But if… maybe I… Just a little bit…” He sighs. “It’s like trying to hold a door closed with a storm raging on the outside. But I can… I think I can.”

“Feel free to show off, then,” Changkyun says, low, as the storm  _ rages _ , and the door shakes. 

“Hoping it’s that simple,” Kihyun says, clinging a little.

Changkyun breathes and as he does, the lights expand, contract like they’re breathing, too. “Hey, look,” Changkyun tries to smile. “Purple…” He feels Kihyun look up, head shifting. 

“Feels like home,” Kihyun says. 

One last pressure, and the door flies off its hinges, and Changkyun ducks in case of splinters, pulls Kihyun’s head down to wrap himself around him as much as he can. “I--” And screams as the light burns at him, like knives digging into his back.

And he doesn’t know how long it takes, how long he waits unmoving, just expecting it to end at any second. To die with Kihyun, for him. Lights dance behind his eyelids, each colour slowly fading into another, purple the last to go.

“No need to look at me with red eyes,” Jooheon says right from behind Changkyun. “I won’t hurt you.”

Changkyun’s back tingles, and the hand that’s gripping at Kihyun’s shirt stops pulsing with a stabbing pain. He looks up, breathes deep and Kihyun’s looking past his shoulder, features stony, eyes red.

_ We should be dead _ .

He runs his eyes over Kihyun’s face, looks down at himself.  _ No, not dead _ … 

“Why not?” Kihyun gritts out, like he’s trying to keep himself from barking at the angel.

“Because you remind me of someone.”

Changkyun looks around, at the reflection of the angel with wings pulled in against himself, arms by his side. “What?” Changkyun asks, despite the incredible relief at, well, not being smote to shit. “Who..?”

“Me,” Jooheon says, features unchanged. He looks Changkyun in the eye. “To fall in love with a soulmate…” He looks away. “That’s the biggest ‘no’ you could give me. Soulmates are forbidden for a reason.” He glances over, looking at Kihyun instead. “God fears them.”

Kihyun lets out a breath. His eyes shine brown again and Changkyun can almost feel him melting. “The thorns…”

“A warning,” Jooheon explains, looking away again. “I’ve met soulmates before. A long time ago. But they betrayed each other, afraid of the forbidden. I expected the same from you.”

Changkyun feels his soul breathe, but it’s  _ heavy,  _ like a yawn. He grips at Kihyun’s shirt again, leaning his head forward. 

“Why,” Kihyun asks even as he brings a hand up Changkyun’s back to pull him closer. “Why does…”

“Because a big light casts a bigger shadow,” Jooheon says like it’s obvious. “If God is light, don’t you think He has a shadow, too? A soulmate…?” He sighs. “He killed His soulmate, afraid She would outshine Him. As if a shadow could ever shine… But you do,” he tells Changkyun. “So, maybe, His fear wasn’t misplaced. Soulmates are powerful. Forbidden. And you’re the first ones I’ve met besides my Father and my Mother.”

“Sounds familiar…” Kihyun mumbles. “But I still don’t get it. What changed?”

There is a long silence that follows before Jooheon says, “Your taint. It speaks like him…”

Kihyun pulls Changkyun closer again. “Him…?”

“Minhyuk.”

Changkyun forgets how to breathe for a second. Oh.  _ Oh _ .

“Why did Minhyuk fall?” Changkyun asks without looking around, without letting go, almost sure he knows what the answer is going to be.

“Because we were in love and he took the blame.”

Of course.

“Then you’d think he’d see this coming,” Changkyun mumbles as he leans his head on Kihyun’s shoulder. “Thank you… For not smiting us.”

There’s a soft sound that almost sounds like a chuckle. Changkyun doesn’t turn over but he can see the way Kihyun’s face relaxes, eyes soft at the corners.

“Thank  _ you _ for making me realize before I got smote,” Jooheon says with a voice so light it doesn’t sound like him. “I might be an angel. But I am no Nephilim.”

Changkyun has so many questions. There’s an angel right behind him.  _ Him _ , a  _ demon _ , and he’s not  _ dead _ . It’s gonna take a bit to just get used to that fact, nevermind anything else. 

He looks up, though, and behind Kihyun, the stars still shine, both in the water and in the sky. “I’m glad we came here,” Changkyun says, soft, head spinning.

“Yeah,” Kihyun hugs Changkyun tight. “Imagine the remodeling if this had happened back at home.”

“Hopefully the bathroom, then,” Changkyun mumbles, eyes heavy and the stars blur even as they multiply.

There’s a shift, like a shift in gravity, Changkyun can feel it behind him, can see the shadow of wings behind Kihyun’s back.

“You’re both strong,” Jooheon says. “But the taint will take you. And… I can’t let Minhyuk take a tainted Nephilim to Heaven. I want to save Minhyuk from himself, if I can. But I can’t do that if he’s trying to start a Holy war.”

Changkyun’s hand lifts like he wants to touch the wings he can’t see on Kihyun’s back. His eyes shift back to Kihyun, then, head still swimming, eyelids heavy. “What…” Changkyun’s wondered about this, tried to ask Minhyuk, and maybe he did, but he’s forgotten, due to Kihyun’s deal and the basic rules of Hell. “What is the taint… Is it really enough to crumble the Silver City?”

“Taint is blood,” Jooheon explains and Changkyun feels a warm hand on his back. It feels like an electric current, powering him up. “What remains, so to speak. And like everything else, it’s thrown into Hell. Hell is, after all, nothing but a Goddess’ carcass.” Jooheon breathes and Changkyun feels the hand on his back get warmer. “Just like Heaven itself is God. And the Silver City? His heart.”

“I felt them, though… the sins,” Kihyun says. “And it’s… angry…”

“Death does that to you,” Jooheon says. “She was a Goddess. And She is angry. It’s why those who fall go mad. Taint mixed with sin… Never a good combination.”

Changkyun shivers against Kihyun’s warmth. “I’d be angry, too, if I had to be the wasteland for my own creations… For the ones my murderer didn’t approve of.”

“Honestly, I’m starting to think… Minhyuk should just… do it,” Kihyun sighs, frowning. “All this suffering, all this death… and for what?” He scoffs. “I’m tired… And maybe this is what the taint whispers in my head but… I’m starting to feel like I want it to happen.”

“Don’t,” Jooheon winces, lets his head hang. “Blaspheme...”

Kihyun mutters something only Changkyun hears, “According to the bible my whole existence is a sin, whatever, whatever…” He keeps on grumbling to himself, something about ‘homophobia’ and ‘dicks’. And then something else about ‘angels are gay, dad’.

Changkyun laughs quietly. The shirt on Kihyun’s back feels oddly rough, like all his senses are a little... nitpickier. “Hey, Jooheon,” Changkyun sighs. “You’re an angel… Do you believe in God?” 

Silence. Even Kihyun is not grumbling anymore.

And then a last spark on Changkyun’s back and the hand in gone. “Do you feel better?” Jooheon asks instead of replying, and sure enough, a warm sensation lingers where Jooheon’s hand was, and when Changkyun straightens up, it doesn’t  _ feel  _ like his back had been burned to a crisp. No cold breeze, either, and he reaches back and feels unburned cloth. 

“Huh,” Changkyun says, blinks and leans back a little. “Angels are handy…”

“The two of you should take this seriously,” Jooheon says. “What’s coming is beyond just you and I. And… I don’t know… what to do.” He sighs. “Killing the Nephilim is still the only way I see for this to end well.”

“You’re trying to convince me to sacrifice myself for the greater good?” Kihyun asks, pushing Changkyun away softly and standing up a little wobbly.

“Well, I’ve already and clearly said  _ no _ to that,” Changkyun says, narrowing his eyes and looking between the two of them. “Thank you for the offer, but the answer remains.”

Jooheon glances over and the corner of his lips twitches up a little. “You would watch the world burn for something as simple as… this?”

“You make it sound like it’s one option or the other,” Kihyun mumbles. “I usually prefer the third one.” Kihyun’s eyes narrow a little when Jooheon’s wings shift a little. “The world is… too big. I’m just one person. You can’t ask me to…”

“The world burns, and takes everything with it,” Jooheon says. “Don’t you see? Even if the flames don’t touch them, they’ll be standing alone amongst the ashes.”

Kihyun looks down. “I never asked for this.”

“Of course not,” Jooheon says. “Who would ever ask for this. We’re only created and set upon a path…” Jooheon looks down, at his own hands before he relaxes them and lets them fall. “He created you, He must have… But Minhyuk broke  _ so  _ many rules…” Both Jooheon and Kihyun glance at Changkyun.

“I was never supposed to exist,” Changkyun says, then, and… Has no idea how to feel about it. He knows it, always kind of did but… “I have no path.”

“You make your own,” Kihyun says simply, looking away. “And you’re here now. Alive. That gives you every right. As for me, I…” Kihyun licks his lips and shrugs. “I don’t know. There are… ideas in my head and I doubt they’re my own ideas. I don’t know if that’s what I want or if it’s what someone else needs me to want. But when I started this,” He raises an arm and point at Changkyun, “it was just him and my friends. That’s all I wanted, so…” Kihyun lets his arm fall. “That’s what I’ll keep aiming for…”

Jooheon’s eyes glance at them, before he looks down at his feet, at the reflection there. “There was one thing Minhyuk always wanted… Always aimed for. He was,” something in Jooheon’s face shifts, but he shakes it off, wings ruffling in a breeze Changkyun can’t feel. “Temperance. He was so  _ good _ … So good, I think, it drove him mad. Because we were good. We, us. It was  _ good _ . And he couldn’t understand why God would condemn something good… Tell me, Nephilim,” Jooheon says, then, looks up. “Humor me, rather. What did Minhyuk say his motivations were for all… this.”

Something softens on Kihyun’s face and he smiles a little, looking down. He looks… small. Like when he’s happy and acts like a bubbly kid. “Justice,” he says. “But he’s hurt. Not like… physically,” Kihyun raises a hand and taps on his own chest. “Here. And even though I wanted to--want to hate him for what he did…” He shrugs and scoffs. “I understand. And maybe that’s why I’m so confused. Because I understand and because I want to…” His eyes widen a little, like he’s just realized something. “I want to help him.”

Changkyun looks at Kihyun, and his heart almost skips a beat. “To do what?” He asks, stumbles up. “I…” Changkyun laughs a little, feeling his brain struggle to process what’s going on right in front of him. And then remembers. 

_ I hope you win. For whatever it’s worth _ . 

“Oh,” Changkyun says. “When--when I first met Hyungwon he told me to ‘win’. I think I finally get what he meant.”

“Hyungwon?” Jooheon asks and Kihyun looks over, blinking.

“Old friend of his, new one of mine, Reaper,” Changkyun says distractedly, looks back at Kihyun. “I… I’m not sure who should win, though. You? Me…?”

Kihyun opens his mouth but Jooheon speaks over him, takes a step forward, eyes a little wide. “Wait. You’re… friends with a Reaper?”

“Yeah,” Changkyun almost laughs. “Stranger things have happened, angel. To us, almost specifically.”

Jooheon blinks and then looks away. “The sons and daughters of Azrael, the angel of Justice and Death.” Jooheon looks at Changkyun. “A fallen angel. Reapers exist thanks to her. They continue her job as soul collectors. They…  _ know _ things. Things not even I know.”

“Reapers take people to where they… deserve to go,” Changkyun says, and almost laughs again except he does, just a little. “And justice can be either deserving the best, or the worst.”

“If a Reaper told you to  _ win _ . Then it means whatever path you take will only have two possible outcomes.” Jooheon says. “And I’m guessing you will still want to protect him,” he glances at Kihyun, “Even after…” Kihyun frowns a little and Jooheon looks away. “What does winning mean to you?” He asks Changkyun without looking at him.

Changkyun opens his mouth but realises he doesn’t know what to say, shuts it and looks down, but his eyes catch on Kihyun’s figure, helping him take the small step forward, reach for Kihyun’s hand to entwine their fingers. 

“This,” he says, small but steady. “I can’t ask for much, I’m the… the result of what happened to you, what I can’t let happen to us, but… this. As simple as it is.”

Kihyun glances away, smiles a little. “Some things never change…”

Changkyun reaches up, pats down a stray hair on Kihyun’s head. “Yeah, well. What’s a Guardian with nothing to guard.”

Silence follows. And it’s almost deafening. The only sound echoing in Changkyun’s ears is Kihyun’s beating heart, steady, alive, right there next to him.

_ This is worth fighting for. _

And as if he heard him, Jooheon sighs and looks up. “Very well,” he says, wings stretching back and rustling back in as he turns to Changkyun and takes a step forward. Jooheon looks down at his own reflection and closes his eyes, kneeling down on one knee, wings falling over him like a white blanket, dipping into the thin sheet of water. He reaches for one of the feathers and doesn’t wince when he plucks it. “I think I understand, then… What I have to do.” He glances up, hand up with a long feather dancing over his palm. “I vow to help you achieve your goals, as long as they don’t stray from your purpose.”

Changkyun stumbles back a little in surprise, Kihyun’s hand steadying him, even as Kihyun himself is looking at Jooheon like he just grew another pair of wings. Changkyun gapes down at Jooheon, at the feather in his hand. “But I’m… A demon. Is this even  _ allowed _ , I…”

Jooheon’s eyes shift from Changkyun’s face to somewhere in Changkyun’s chest, except it looks like he’s not really  _ seeing _ Changkyun right now. “You asked me if I believed in God. This is my answer,” He looks up. “I believe in you.”

Changkyun’s eyes widen, and even though he blinks, hard, nothing changes. This is really happening. Changkyun glances at Kihyun, lifts one shoulder as if to shrug, before carefully reaching down. It feels like the feather might  _ burn  _ him, but whether it actually might is somewhere between a few centimeters and Changkyun’s own preconceptions.

It’s heavy when he takes it out of Jooheon’s open palm, and for a second, it shines.

“Thank you,” Changkyun says, then, head spinning somewhat. It still doesn’t feel real, even as the hand an  _ angel _ had healed, holds up a feather an angel had offered. “For believing in me. And, well, still not smiting any of us, that’s still pretty great of you...”

Jooheon smiles.  _ Smiles…? _ That’s a first. His eyes almost turn to thin lines on his face. “Patience is my virtue.” He makes to get up but pauses. “Wrath is my sin.”

“I’ve met Wrath,” Changkyun mumbles, stares at the feather in his hand, wraps his fingers around it, and there’s no give, there. Like it’s made of marble. “Can’t reason with that one…” He looks at Kihyun, then, smiles small. “Hey, honey, I got us an angel. What do you think?”

Kihyun looks at him, eyes wide and then ducks his head and bursts into laughter. Jooheon smiles again, even as he gets up and takes a step back.

“You will need all the help you can get, Changkyun,” he says. “It’s not just Minhyuk you’ll be fighting.” He looks at Kihyun. “Besides that taint of yours, there’s the sins collected along the way. And then an army of demons. Not to mention the army of angels.” Jooheon looks at Changkyun again. “You stand in the middle. So, if you have friends, might be a good time to make sure they’ll stand with you.”

“Sorry, I won’t be able to join the party,” Kihyun chuckles.

“That’s okay, we’ll bring it to you,” Changkyun says, looks up, finally, at Jooheon. “You’re willing to fight him? Minhyuk.”

“I, too, have something worth fighting for,” Jooheon says softly, looking away. “All this time, I’ve been looking for a way to help him, to save him from himself. Maybe now…”

“Patience will prevail?” Changkyun tries. “I sure hope so.”

“Maybe,” Jooheon smiles again, eyes on the distance. “But that is my problem. You will have something else to face. Because once that taint takes over, it will be so ingrained in his soul there won’t be one without the other.”

Changkyun squeezes Kihyun’s hand, lifts his chin a little to look at the stars. “Yes, well. An angel just fell from the sky, tried to kill me and now wants to help me. Apparently miracles are a thing, so I’m not going to discount another one just yet.”

Jooheon nods a little, looks around at the sky and then at the water. 

“You should go.” His eyes narrow a little and, this time, Changkyun does feel the breeze.

“Home?” Changkyun asks, then, to Kihyun, leaning a little closer so their arms brush.

Kihyun blinks at him and nods before he looks at Jooheon. “How will he find you…?”

Changkyun hears thunder in the distance even though there are no clouds in the sky and Jooheon’s wings stretch wider than they have before. “I’m his guardian angel.  _ I’ll _ find him. Now go.”

“See you then,” Changkyun smiles small, and sees Jooheon’s wings lift him up, leaving ripples in the mirrored water, before Changkyun’s blinking around at--”Home,” Changkyun sighs.  _ Relief _ . “Sorry, broke the smooch and woosh rule there…”

Kihyun slumps down, knees on the floor, still holding Changkyun’s hand. “S--Sorry. It just hit me… What happened...”

“Hasn’t hit me yet, I think,” Changkyun mumbles, lets his legs wobble before he plops down, too. “Any second now, though...”

Kihyun stares down at the floor, his other hand is shaking a little. “What the hell just happened…” He looks up. “I…” Then at Changkyun. “That was an angel!” 

Changkyun nods, slow, swallows. “Pretty sure about that, yeah.”

“Look, I know I talk big, but I have no idea how to… feel. How I should feel.” Kihyun shivers and looks down again, wincing a little. “There’s just numbness. Everything is so… vast.”

“You’d think it would be so busy being vast, it would leave us alone,” Changkyun says, “Small doesn’t mean… we don’t matter. I think we might matter a little too much…”

“I feel like a tool,” Kihyun mutters. “To the point I feel like I’m losing myself…” He scoffs. “I kinda am, but I’m not talking about angry Venom, here. Just… everything else. And then my head is a mess… I just… Don’t get angry but, it almost makes me wish this shit would eat me away and leave me alone…”

Changkyun feels his lips thin as he purses them, but Kihyun’s right. Kihyun’s a great big cog in the universe, but Changkyun’s the spanner someone threw in to watch the parts misalign. “Yeah,” Changkyun sighs. “You feel like a tool? Key, meet lock.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh and glances over. There’s something in his eyes, like Kihyun wants to say something but doesn’t. He looks away, frowns and squeezes Changkyun’s hand. “It’s not fair… that I have you here now but… I won’t be here for you when you need me…”

“No, it isn’t,” Changkyun says past the ache in his chest, sudden and sharp. He takes a deep breath, reaches over to put the angel’s feather down on the nearby coffee table. “It’s why I’m gonna work so hard to bring you back, yeah? It’s only fair.”

“Say…” Kihyun scoots closer, pulls Changkyun closer and holds his other hand, too. “Do you think… Minhyuk is right? Do you think taking this taint to Heaven is…  _ right _ ?”

“No,” Changkyun says, more simply than he thought he could. He leans forward, breathes out slowly. “Justice isn’t revenge. And light should never be shadowed for the sake of…” He bites at his lip, shakes his head. “It’s about…  _ balance _ . Good things shouldn’t be punished. And I agree with Minhyuk about that, but… Not like this. Like I said. Nothing is worth you...”

Kihyun’s eyes widen a little and he blinks. “That…” He breathes out. “Yeah! That!” He smiles and looks down. “That’s it… Ah, my head’s a mess… but yeah, that’s what  _ I  _ think, too…” He looks at Changkyun again. “Thank you for reminding me, Kyunie.”

Changkyun’s shoulders slump, just a little, the tenseness that creeps up the back of his neck and into his head dissipates. “You wanna know a secret, too? Only fair, after all.” Kihyun tilts his head, smiles a bit more, eyes almost turning into crescents. Changkyun leans in, kisses the tip of Kihyun’s nose. “I love when you call me Kyunie.”

Kihyun shivers a little, face scrunching a bit despite the smile. “Your name’s too big!” He says with a laugh.

“It’s two syllables!” Changkyun laughs, too. “Your name is two syllables, too! Hell,  _ Kyunie _ is two syllables, you absolute madman.”

“I’m caught,” Kihyun says, leaning forward and kissing Changkyun’s lips once. “Honestly, it’s just cute. And requires less effort to say. Open vowels are difficult in the morning.”

Changkyun feels his eyes soften before they close, leans into Kihyun's warmth. “Yeah, definitely worth fighting for.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where they went: https://i.imgur.com/BZJzUyI.jpg


	27. Even After Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One thought manages to connect, and the first thing Kihyun finds himself thinking about as the pain eases off, is a of a sunrise in Venice, where it began. A nameless feeling, then. Now, they call it ‘love’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new character; some smexy times; and the beginning of a goodbye.  
> We apologize for the lack of updates this week (Wednesday's specifically) but we've been working on two other projects, one of them you can expect on Valentine's day!

It feels weird waking up. After cleaning Bolivian salt water off of them, Changkyun had insisted he was ‘stubbly’ and then did a truly terrible approximation of Santa Claus coming to give Kihyun his present (his present being Changkyun himself, shaving foam beard and all). It wasn’t a very good one-man show, as they are, but it was pretty funny. And now the room still smells a little like the cologne Changkyun had used.

Kihyun rolls over, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. He blinks blearily at the ceiling and then turns again to look out the window. The sun is coming up. Again, he woke up far too early. He feels slow. Bone-idle lazy, like his body just won’t work even when Kihyun thinks ‘ _ get up _ ’.

Maybe it was the angel fight.  _ Angel fight? Right, that’s a thing they do now. _ Surreal. And yet, Kihyun finds himself  _ strangely _ accepting it. Or maybe it’s just the taint. That thing that makes him feel things, weird things, gives him thoughts that aren’t his, makes him angry when he’s trying his best to stay calm and understand, makes him want to act before he thinks, makes him say things he doesn’t mean--or maybe he does.

It’s scary. But Minhyuk helps, sometimes, when he pops out of thin air and fills Kihyun’s head with his voice. Changkyun, too. With soft kisses and reassurances. And maybe it’s stupid, but Kihyun almost feels hopeful. Like even if the taint takes over, everything will be fine. There’s an angel, too, now. That should count for something, right? And Changkyun sounds so… full of hope when he talks about saving Kihyun… How could Kihyun not hope a little, too? Even when he’d made his mind up, counted all the things he needed to do, needed to say before the time is up.

Which, by the way, reminds him he should probably call his father. It’s been a long time since they’ve spoken, actually spoken. Four months, maybe more? That  _ is _ a long time.

Kihyun glances over his shoulder and watches Changkyun sleep for a while, smiles to himself and then, finally, manages to roll off the bed. He grabs his phone from the nightstand and stretches silently as he tiptoes his way out of the bedroom.

At half past six? His father should be awake. Early risers. That part runs in the family.

Kihyun sighs, walks slowly towards the sofa and slumps down with another sigh. “Here goes nothing,” Kihyun mumbles to himself and swipes his thumb over the screen, brings the phone up to his ear and waits. Kihyun almost doesn’t realise his dad’s picked up. The man always fumbles before he talks.

“Kihyun!” His dad greets cheerfully. “Hey!”

Kihyun huffs a soft laugh, pulls at the sleeves of his sweater to cover his palms and brings his feet over the the couch. “Hey,” he greets back. “It’s been a while.”

“I was about to ask you if something’s wrong, actually,” his dad says, and there’s some more fumbling and then the tell-tale huff of a man over forties sitting down. “How--how’ve you been, son?”

Kihyun’s heart flip flops. He bites at his lower lip when his throat gets a little tight and waits for a second or two before he says, “Good. Great, actually. And you?”

“That’s good, I’m good. I’m at the church, one of the--you remember those three big wooden crosses we got outside, on the stones? One of ‘em just fell with the wind, I got here early to fix it before Mrs Jung calls it a sign of the end times, or somethin’.”

“Ah,” Kihyun chuckles. “Glad to hear she hasn’t changed. I will never forget how scared I was when she told me the thunder was because I picked that flower, the one from the vases outside? Yeah, she’d just potted those. Jesus was mad at me.” He licks his lips and huffs a laugh. “Gullible. Wasn’t I?”

“Nah, just trustin’.” His father takes a breath. “I’ve told her to stop doing that, don’t worry. You--you gonna come visit anytime soon, Kihyun? Your cousin was askin’ about you yesterday.”

“All good things, I hope?”

“Somethin’ about your cookies,” his dad laughs. “Not sure what she misses more.”

Kihyun smiles. “I could… bring some with me, next time I visit.”  _ If there’s a next time... _

“Never gonna give up that recipe, mm? You and your aunt’ll take that to the grave, I’d have better luck prayin’ for God to text it to me.”

“Pffft,” Kihyun lets his head hang a little and laughs. “God is like an angry ex girlfriend. Stalks you all the time but never answers back.”  _ Although God’s ex girlfriend, in this case, would love to have a word... _

“You got one of those, then?” his father asks, with intentional light-heartedness. “You know I told you not to break any hearts out there in the big city.”

Kihyun laughs again and glances out the window. He misses home. Misses the people back home. Misses his family, too. “Not a girlfriend, no…”

“Ex… boyfriend, then?” Kihyun can practically hear his father straighten up where he’s sat. “Lock your doors.”

Kihyun grins.  _ As if that would work on this one. _ “Not an ex, either…”

“Oh,” his dad says. He pauses for a second, then. “Thought you sounded happy. I’m…” He clears his throat. “You better not give him that recipe before I get it, or he’s not invited to Chuseok.”

“Uhm,” Kihyun looks down at his sleeves. “So… I can... bring him…? Next time I… visit.”

“It’s about time, right?” His dad laughs softly. “Is that why you haven’t been calling, then? Busy? Or… worried?”

Kihyun bites the inside of his cheek. “A bit of both…”

“Mm,” his dad says. “I gave you those… those bracelets your mum left, right? I can’t remember.”

“M’yeah, I’m wearing… one of them right now.” Kihyun breathes in quietly, slowly and then out, a little louder. “Hey… dad?”

Another little pause. “Yeah?”

_ Don’t tell him. Tell him. Don’t tell him. Tell him. Don’t tell him. Tell-- _

“Remember when--” Kihyun stops himself, brain scattering a little. “Uhm.” He looks down and sighs. “Remember when you… told me about the fire? How our first house burnt down and you just had time to grab me, the dog and that funny pillow you liked…”

“Yeah… Yeah, my boy, I remember. Still got that pillow next to me at night.”

“That’s why I don’t… call often. I know. What happens when people try to… you know. Protect me…?”  _ That’s why I left, too. _ “I know you told me to forget. But it was getting problematic, y’know… forgetting all the time. And… I found someone who helps me deal with it, face things head on without being afraid…? So… You don’t have to worry, too much. I know you’ll always worry and… I know you give me space out of courtesy. I’m just saying that you don’t need to stress about me.”

“I know I don’t need to, Kihyun. I’m…” His dad sighs. “I’m glad you’ve got someone, yeah? To worry about you when I can’t. To buy you a silly pillow you’ll save from a fire.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t called in such a long time…”

“You called me now, son, it’s alright. You got my postcard? For your birthday?”

“Oh!” Kihyun chuckles. “Yeah. Ducks, though? Seriously, dad?”

“You never see how they kick,” his dad laughs. “They work their feathers off, those things.”

“Yeah?” Kihyun grins. “And then you go and write ‘look at all these chickens’ like that video I showed you? Are you trying to sound cool?”

“It helps me with the  _ youths _ , Kihyun, give an old preacher a break. I can’t put the word of God into a six second video.”

Kihyun sighs. It would be grand if his father knew how far the ‘word of God’ has gotten everyone in trouble. “Are they giving you trouble? Are you healthy? Do you need me there, like, tomorrow? I can yell at them. Learned well from Mrs Jung.”

His dad laughs. “I’d appreciate that. They like my yelling voice as much as they like my singing voice and it ain’t much.” The phone statics a little, where his dad moves it from his one ear to the other with a little sigh. “I miss you singin’. Reminds me of your mother.”

Kihyun stops for a moment, eyes a little wide as he tries to keep the tears down. “I… miss you, too.”

“Then call more often, you dummy. I won’t preach,” his dad laughs. “I do enough of that.”

“Y--Yeah, I will…” Kihyun says, voice losing a little strength midway. “I was going to… call you sooner, I mean. But I’ve been busy…” He chuckles. “A lot’s been happening.”

“Oh, yeah? Need me to get out my big walking stick and chase those silly shadows away again?”

Kihyun hides his face in his knees and nuzzles there. “You can join Kyunie, then. You’d either love him or hate him. There’s no inbetween.”

“Now you know I’ve never hated anyone in my life, Kihyun,” his father scolds lightly. “Especially not if… well, I assume he’s wearing the other bracelet. Kyunie, is it?”

_ Not even if I tell you he’s a demon? _ Kihyun snorts a laugh and slaps a hand over his mouth. “Sorry. Uhm, yeah… He is. And his name is Changkyun. Im Changkyun.”

A weight on Kihyun’s side. He should have expected it. Wrapped in blankets but there--Im freaking Changkyun, with an impressive case of bed hair and one of his eyelids still glued down. “Whas’it, wha’s happenin’.”

“You’ve never told me about anyone else,” his dad says and Kihyun can hear the smile. 

Kihyun smiles a little and tilts his head, eyes on Changkyun’s face as he reaches out to comb his hair down. “No one’s been important enough…”

Changkyun frowns, confused, opening his eyes with obvious effort even as they quickly fall back into narrow slits, like a cat trying not to fall asleep even as Kihyun pokes it. 

“Thank you for telling me, then,” his dad says. “I’m… Your mother would have bought you two a bus ticket already, insisted you come tomorrow.”

Kihyun chuckles. “You always do that… bring up mom, sell yourself short. You know, and I will tell you every time if I need to, you’re a good mom, too, dad. You did great. I think I turned out pretty okay…?” He pauses, eyes on the gravity-defying hairs on Changkyun’s head that don’t want to come down, and frowns a little. _ Nothing left unsaid... _ “I’m proud to be your son.”

Changkyun’s expression falls, eyes a little wider as he looks between Kihyun and the phone, lips in a little ‘o’. 

“Kihyun…” his father says, then. “You sound like your mom, again. That tone of yours.” His father sighs, then, long and heavy. “I did a lot of things wrong, but I’m glad you can still sound like someone you’ve never even met.”

“Don’t care,” Kihyun squishes his cheek on his knees, “Got you.”

“Yeah, you do,” his father says. “Hey, er, how good does that boyfriend of yours look in a dress? Maybe we can slip him through the ceremony without anyone realisin’.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow, eyes Changkyun up and down and squints, trying to picture it. “Does Mrs Jung still have those good, expensive wigs she bought for the drama club? The long ones.”

“Thinking of wearing one?”

“He’s got a pretty face.”

“So do you. Maybe I’ve got this the wrong way round,” his dad laughs a little, sounding… sadder. Like when he talks about Kihyun’s mom. Like when he has to ready for, well, a funeral. Strong but sad.

Kihyun gasps playfully. “How  _ inside _ the church are you? Don’t let God hear you!”

“Well, then,” his dad says, and calls out, phone a bit away from his face. “Send me the recipe!”

“Keep on dreaming, dad.” Kihyun sighs. “Well… I…” He turns his head to look out the window. “Shouldn’t keep you. Mass at nine sharp, right?”

His dad groans. “True, I have to fix the cross, prevent the apocalypse, etcetera. Don’t be a stranger? Introduce me to Changkyun next time?”

“I will…” Kihyun’s eyebrows almost knit. He shouldn’t but he still says, “I promise.”

“Good. I’ll put Mrs Jung on a leash for that one. Oh, before you go--do you need any money? I know you never ask, but--”

“Nope!” Kihyun says hurriedly. “No, no! Go--I mean… Uhm, no.”

“I’ll pay some over, anyway,” his dad says. “Account details still the same?”

Kihyun fists his hand over his forehead and groans. He wants to swear so badly. “Dad… You don’t need to, please. It’s fine.”

“Give it to Changkyun, then. I’m gonna go throw my back out hefting up a cross. Greatest sympathies to Jesus.”

“Dad! Ugh, fine. I’ll… We’ll take it. And give it back to you in an envelope when we visit. Deal? Deal.”

“At least buy me something nice, Kihyun.”

Kihyun sighs but laughs a little. “Okay, I will.”

“Good. Goodbye, then. Talk soon?”

Kihyun’s heart breaks a little. “Goodbye, dad…”

_ Beep _ . 

Changkyun leans his head forward, boops Kihyun on the shoulder with his forehead and Kihyun smiles a little, at his phone first before he looks over.

“Still weird, having you touch me first,” he says.

“I like it,” Changkyun boops him again, voice small. “Gonna do it all the time…”

“Yeah?” Kihyun throws his phone over the sofa and scoots closer, fixing the blankets around Changkyun, covering him some more. “Now you can  _ initiate _ things, too.”

“Does that mean you’re gonna stop?” Changkyun smiles a little. He boops again. “Are you okay…?”

Kihyun pauses, eyes on the blankets before he tugs them tighter around Changkyun and lets go. “Yeah. I’m okay.” He looks up and smiles. “Are you?”

Changkyun tilts back, frowns softly. “Me?”

“Yeah?” Kihyun blinks. “I mean… we got our asses delivered to us on a plate last night.”  _ Oh, great.  _ He can swear again.

“Yes, well,” Changkyun shrugs, and the blankets weigh him down. “It turned out pretty well? Who knew I could do that thing you do,” Changkyun laughs. “Well, kind of. It’s purple.”

Kihyun smiles and leans a bit closer. “It’s beautiful.”

Changkyun smiles, then, small. “Really...? Thanks…” He leans his head down, props his chin up on his knees like a mirror of what Kihyun’s doing. He looks away like he’s… Shy? “Your dad sounds nice… You told him about me…”

“He wants to meet you,” Kihyun admits, looking away, too. “I skipped the demon part, though.”

“At least he knows I have a pretty face,” Changkyun laughs softly. “A wig, huh? What is it with you people wanting to dress me up…”

Kihyun grins, eyes on Changkyun again, and shrugs, licks his lips. “Never said it was for you.”

Changkyun blinks, shifts in his makeshift blanket cocoon. “That’s…” Changkyun blinks some more. “Processing. Don’t mind me.”

“Huh,” Kihyun huffs, amused, tongues the inside of his cheek and looks away. “He just joked about actually marrying us. Not that he’d do it. He wouldn’t. But it’s a good joke.” Kihyun shrugs. “Especially considering…”

“Gonna initiate,” Changkyun says before he tilts over, falls onto Kihyun. “Considering...?”

Kihyun holds Changkyun close, tries to fight the blush away but fails, and says, “Mind married. Can’t beat that.”

Changkyun wiggles to face Kihyun, smiling wide. “Mind husband,” he giggles. “Sorry, I just love saying it.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes fondly and leans his head down to rub his nose on Changkyun’s. “And I love you, so I’ll let it slide.”

“You brought it up!” Changkyun sticks his tongue out, pokes at Kihyun’s lips and laughs. “You left me alone in bed. Terrible mind husband.”

Kihyun’s eyes go between Changkyun’s lips and his eyes. “Was gonna come back with breakfast, though.”

“Fine, I take it back,” Changkyun tilts his chin up, pouts a little, his bottom lip brushing Kihyun’s before he pulls back. “Best mind husband… And I love you, too. But we know this.”

“Do we?” Kihyun smiles a little and then leans closer to kiss Changkyun. Just a soft press of lips. But Changkyun instinctively leans into it, just for a second longer before he lets his body… just melt. Makes his body go lax, drapes himself over Kihyun and the couch.

“I can’t,” Changkyun says, melts a little more, falling slightly off the couch. “Too cute. Goodbye, world.”

“Wha--” Kihyun blinks, shakes his head and snorts a laugh as he pulls Changkyun over him some more to keep him from falling off. “What?”

Changkyun flops himself over, wiggles out of the burrito of blankets and lies there like a dead weight. “I have the cutest--” he lifts his head. “Only?” he shrugs and plops down again. “Mind husband in the world. It’s too much. I’m just one man.”

“One demon man, melting over me,” Kihyun sighs, amused. “You’re so dramatic.”

Changkyun cackles, then, lifts his head to grin down at Kihyun. “Thanks,” Changkyun chirps, nuzzles his face into the crook of Kihyun’s shoulder. “It’s part of my charm.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “What charm?” But he backtracks, laughing a little. “Yeah, you do have charm. Can’t joke about that. It’s like,” He gestures with one hand, “You ooze charm? Do you even notice the fandom you have? Half the women in this neighborhood smile at you and those who don’t are either blind or into women.”

Changkyun laughs, pulls away with pink cheeks. “ _ What _ ? No they--They smile at Hoseok like that, too!”

Kihyun looks to the side. “They used to smile at Hyungwon like that, too…”

Changkyun tilts his head. “You talk like they don’t look at  _ you  _ like that.”

“Only the ones who know me personally.”

Changkyun narrows his eyes. “I’m mad. Humans are idiots.”

“Maybe if I walk around in leather pants and nice shirts, with makeup on, they’ll notice?” Kihyun shrugs.

Changkyun smacks lightly at Kihyun’s chest. “Right! So I get a wig, we get you some leather and eyeliner--”

“Is this a kink?” Kihyun snorts.

“Now, you keep  _ saying that _ and I’m just going to assume it means ‘things I want to do’ and you in leather pants and eyeliner definitely fits the bill.”

“Hm,” Kihyun grins, wraps his arms around Changkyun’s waist. “‘S that so…? Guess I know what I’m dressing for New Year’s eve.”

Changkyun’s eyes widen a little. “Yep, definitely the best mind husband,” Changkyun says and then laughs. “Hey. I’m gonna…” he waggles his eyebrows just a little. “Initiate. And stop announcing when I do,” Changkyun laughs again, pushes forward and presses their lips together, arms up to throw them over Kihyun’s shoulders.

Kihyun sighs a little into the kiss, his hold around Changkyun’s waist loosening a bit. He licks at Changkyun’s lips to part them open and kisses deeper. Changkyun, tilting his head in response, presses his tongue softly against Kihyun’s. He pulls Kihyun down with him onto the couch, arms around Kihyun’s neck before he trails the one hand down, brushes his fingers at Kihyun’s hip as the other tangles in his hair.

There are things Kihyun wants to say to Changkyun, too. But he can’t. Not yet.  _ This _ , however, feels really close to conveying those feelings. And it’s so nice… It’s nice because he doesn’t have to worry about words, what fits and what doesn’t. It’s nice because he can just lose himself a little, showing instead of saying just how much he’s going to miss Changkyun.

And then there’s the things he’s already said, in a way or another. Things like,  _ thank you for staying; thank you for believing in me; thank you for saving my life; thank you for making me laugh, even when it was the last thing I wanted to do; thank you for helping me fix things; thank you for helping me grow as a person; thank you for understanding even when you didn’t; thank you, thank you, thank you… thank you for loving me back. _

So, maybe Kihyun kisses more, begs for more because he wants to show… Show just how thankful he actually feels for all the little things, like stealing from IKEA, to the bigger ones, like facing Hell or Heaven for him… And because this is what Kihyun wants Changkyun to remember, not the anger that bubbles deep in Kihyun’s soul, pulsing, waiting to be let out.

And then Changkyun pushes Kihyun away gently, barely anything but enough. He blinks up at Kihyun, cheeks flushed as he swallows, eyes roving over Kihyun’s face. “I think I’m getting the hang of this kissing thing, hah.”

Kihyun blinks, perhaps confused but smiles a little, anyway. “Yeah…? It’s not a science.”

“I’m quite good at science,” Changkyun mumbles, fingers soft at the nape of Kihyun’s neck, pulls him closer again, sighs a little against Kihyun’s lips and into the kiss. And Kihyun kisses back, cautiously, this time, hand on Changkyun’s face, thumb soothing over his cheek.

It’s not the first time Changkyun has pushed Kihyun away these past few days, or stopped things before they got heated. And Kihyun doesn’t really mind… Or at least he tries not to mind. But he won’t bring it up if Changkyun won’t.  

Changkyun moves his hand down, smooths over Kihyun’s arm as he relaxes into the couch. And then grips softly, pulls back only to push his forehead up against Kihyun’s.

“Ki…” Changkyun sighs softly, moves his head, squishing his cheek into Kihyun’s hand.

Kihyun smiles, “Yeah?”

“I love you…” Changkyun says, bottom lip jutting out just a little. “I really, really love you…”

“I know,” Kihyun says and it feels weird, but a good weird. Because he does  _ know _ . Maybe not enough, maybe he doesn’t grasp the extent of it, but he knows. “I love you, too…”

Changkyun closes his eyes for a second, breathes in deep and smiles softly. “I… Can I ask you something? It’s stupid. But I have to.”

“No, you can’t,” Kihyun says but barely manages to keep a serious face. He rolls his eyes at whatever. “Obviously, you  _ can’t. _ You think you can ask  _ me _ questions?”

Changkyun lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “Why do I  _ try _ !” He tilts his head, narrows his eyes. “Google is my only friend… Never sasses me, answers every question I throw at it--seriously,  _ any  _ question, maybe I should just--” Changkyun makes to look around. “Get my phone…”

Kihyun licks his lips and glances away. “If that’s what you want. But your phone doesn’t hug or kiss back. Just saying.”

Changkyun giggles. “ _ Back _ . What a distinction to make, there…” 

“Double meaning intended.”

Changkyun reaches up to cup Kihyun’s face between his hands and squish just a little. “I… I wanna touch you…”

“Okay…?” Kihyun manages, lips puckered a little as Changkyun squishes more. “You are, though…? Trying to make juice out of my face, apparently. Was that your question or?”

Changkyun scoffs, stops squishing to thumb lightly at Kihyun’s cheeks. “Yeah, I am  _ touching  _ you, technically.” He lets his hands fall, throws an arm over his face. “Ugh. Sorry, I barely know what I’m thinking or doing right now, I’m just.” Changkyun puffs. “Conflicted?”

Kihyun leans back a little and blinks. He nods, then, slowly, glances away. “That’s… okay. I kind of… caught that. But it’s fine. Don’t worry.”

“ _ Nooo _ ,” Changkyun says, arm sliding off his face as he pouts. “No. I worry. I…” Changkyun sighs. “I told you, right? That I might not… always be okay. Obviously not but… And I mean, an  _ angel  _ gave me his  _ feather _ , things don’t look too bad right now but I still feel…” 

Kihyun sighs, falls back to his haunches between Changkyun’s legs. “And I’m telling you that it’s okay to not feel okay all the time. I don’t… feel okay all the time either.” Kihyun mumbles, frowning at the small table like it’s its damn fault. “And I still…” _ No, Kihyun, you don’t get to say that. _ “It’s fine.”

“Please say it...” Changkyun says, small. “The thing you just decided not to.”

Kihyun swallows and lets his eyes wander around the living room as he takes a deep breath. “Changkyun…” He says instead, not really as a warning but as a break.

And again, it feels odd to be touched first, but Changkyun reaches out again, sitting up, eyes all open and big. “Please?”

Kihyun looks at him, feels something weird inside his own chest and looks away again. “Imagine what… No.” Kihyun shakes his head. “You don’t need to imagine. You know. You know what it’s like to have a clock over your head. A timer, actually, ticking down way too fast. And even though you trust the people around you and even though things looks promising and good… part of you,” Kihyun’s eyes look everywhere, moving just because he’ll probably cry if he doesn’t keep them moving around, “A big part of you…  _ knows _ it’s not that simple. And I’m scared…” Kihyun huffs a laugh and it tastes bitter. “I’m not lying to myself, I know I’m scared… Walking through Hell to get to you was the fucking paradise compared to this… Because I knew then I could do something. But now…? Now I’m just…” Ki shrugs and gestures lazily at himself. “This. A walking time bomb. And what if I never get back…? What if Jooheon was right and it will just… become me…? I don’t wanna…” Kihyun lets his head hang and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to just… vanish.”

Changkyun presses his lips at the top of Kihyun’s head, sighs softly. “I do know… I’m so sorry. There I was begging you for ‘right now’ and then  _ I  _ get stuck on… On something that’s not going to happen, remember?” Changkyun kisses there again. “Said I won’t let it and all that…”

Kihyun huffs another bitter laugh and this time his eyes tear up. “Even if… that doesn’t happen. The irony is that, even knowing how it ends, if I could go back I would do it all over again.” He sniffles and a little tear hangs before it rolls down his cheek. “If… If we had been smote to shit, yesterday… I would have been happy… Not! Not to be smote to shit, god… But… It’s stupid and selfish but… It would end and it would just be happy memories… you know?” He shrugs awkwardly. “I’m tired of ‘the world this’ and ‘God this and Hell that’... I just… want everyone to leave us alone…”

Changkyun pulls Kihyun closer again, pulls him down and wraps his arms around him. “Yeah… Yeah, I get it… I’m so sorry…” He lets out a breath. “Just you and me… I forgot about that, for a second. Let the world get the best of me…”

Kihyun clings a little. “It’s not easy… being on that side… is it…” He huffs a laugh.

“I’m sure you know well enough…” Changkyun buries his face in Kihyun’s shoulder. “Except…” He laughs softly. “Yeah, I’m definitely a little dramatic but… I don’t think of Hell the same, anymore. I know what it is. I’ve been there. But… I don’t think of Hell as fire. Hell is… Waking up without you there with me...” Changkyun clings, hand fisting at Kihyun’s shirt. “Don’t go. I believe in you, I always will but I just… Stay.”

Kihyun buries his face in Changkyun’s chest and sighs to keep himself from sobbing. “I…”

There are fewer lights. And every few hours, another one vanishes. But maybe… just one is enough. A little light. That’s how it started, a match in the darkness. Just one little light, that’s all Kihyun needs to protect.

“Okay,” he says, hoping willpower will be enough. “I promise.” And those, the promises? Kihyun always keeps those.

Changkyun squeezes lightly, as if to pull Kihyun even closer than he already is, before he pulls away to look at him. Changkyun’s eyes are all watery, and his lips tremble just a little. “Good.” And presses a quick kiss to Kihyun’s lips. “You-you better. And this…” Changkyun thumbs at Kihyun’s cheek, eyes soft. “This is something the world can’t get to, no matter how much it can try. Nothing,  _ nothing _ , can stop me loving you.”

“Shit, you’re sappy,” Kihyun says, nuzzles on Changkyun’s cheek. “So fucking sappy…”

“And dumb. Don’t forget dumb.”

“And weird. Can’t do anything right, stupid demons…” Kihyun snorts even when another tear rolls down his face. Of all the ‘goodbyes’, this is the only one he won’t be able to give. “And silly, so, so, silly. And perfect for me.”

“I’m already crying enough, you stupid nephilim,” Changkyun says, voice wobbly even as he wipes away Kihyun’s tears. “We--we’re supposed to--make good memories, not cry on the couch…”

“You started it!” Kihyun whines.

“I know!” Changkyun whines right back. 

“Then,” Kihyun looks up, sniffles and glances at the clock on the wall. “Since it’s not even eight--shit, you made me cry before eight, fucking hell, Changkyun!” Kihyun headbutts him.

“Ow!” Changkyun pouts. “Hey, at least it, y’know, gets it out of the way. Daily crying quota filled.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I gotta go to the bathroom first but…” He can feel himself cringe internally before the thought even completes itself in his head. “Let’s go back to…” He narrows his eyes. “Let’s go back to ‘forever’?”

Changkyun smiles, blinks away the last of his tears with a little nod. “Yeah,” Changkyun breathes, quickly ducks up for another soft kiss. “Meet you there?”

“Sure,” Kihyun mumbles, mostly embarrassed because-- _ ugh, so gross.  _ They’re both gross _. Changkyun ruined me, _ Kihyun thinks to himself as he slides off the couch and wills himself towards the bathroom. “Don’t leave the blankets there,” he remembers saying.

And whatever hesitance there had been before, like the thin paper that had previously kept Changkyun from reaching out first, it’s gone. Changkyun sits at the end of the bed, reaching out the moment he sees Kihyun. There’s a soft look in his eyes, emphasised by the sun, recently risen, bleeding through his curtains.

“Come here...”

Kihyun sighs, gives a glance towards Ki-Kyun on the small bed, still tucked in between a little blanket, and takes Changkyun’s hand. “I’m here…”

And Changkyun pulls him down, and forever is unsure, but forever is a desperate kiss and a steady hand, fingers soft and smoothing over Kihyun’s skin like even the slightest pressure will crack it like glass. He picks Kihyun up, smiles a little playfully as he inverts their positions, immediately ducking in to kiss him again, licks at the seam of Kihyun’s lips and scratches softly down his stomach.

Kihyun gasps a little, wraps his arms around Changkyun’s neck to pull him closer, lick his mouth open and kisses him. Except he stops and frowns. “Can’t believe you were holding back on me, you little shit…”

The hand on Kihyun’s stomach smooths up, nails scratching lightly up his chest, pulling the shirt up with it as Changkyun kisses by Kihyun’s ear. “I was trying to be a considerate mind husband...”

“For yourself, must be,” Kihyun grumbles as he tries to pull his shirt over his head.

“I learned the error of my ways,” Changkyun says, leaning back to help Kihyun with his shirt, smiling softly. “And I intend to repay my debt.”

Kihyun makes a face even as he falls back pulls Changkyun with him, “So weird,” he mumbles against Changkyun’s lips, biting at his lower lip then, pulling it between his teeth and sucking a bit. Changkyun makes a sound, somewhere between a moan and a light growl, grinding down and gripping harder at Kihyun’s hips.

It feels different somehow, doing this  _ while _ being able to kiss. And while there are so many things Kihyun could be doing with his lips, he still brings a hand over the nape of Changkyun’s neck to pull him closer into another kiss that leads to another and another, legs wrapping around Changkyun’s waist. And it feels like a long time coming, being able to do this the  _ right _ way, if there’s a right way at all. But Kihyun likes to believe so.

And they kiss even as Changkyun runs his hands down Kihyun’s legs, shimmies him out of his pyjama pants and underwear, brings his legs back up as he pulls down his own. He licks into Kihyun’s mouth with a heady moan as he moves against Kihyun. Kihyun feels his lower abdomen heavy, tugging at a familiar feeling of  _ wanting _ more.

He doesn’t want to stop kissing Changkyun, though. Not even when everything turns a little messy and Kihyun is trying to reach for the lube between heavy breaths and loud kisses, and the feeling of Changkyun grinding down on him.

So, he fumbles a little, misses the nightstand a few times, hand rushing to cup Changkyun’s face and kiss him properly. And then giving up on trying to reach for it again when Changkyun makes another little noise and Kihyun’s brain scatters. 

He manages, though, finally, and Changkyun chuckles lowly against Kihyun’s lips.

“Need help there, baby?”

Kihyun holds the lube behind Changkyun as he brings his arms around him again to pull him closer. “No, shut up.” Kihyun doesn’t need help. Then again, that lube is trying his patience as he struggles to pop it open.

“Mhm,” Changkyun hums, one hand coming up to pinch lightly at Kihyun’s nipple, rolling the nub between his fingers, his other hand lightly wrapping around Kihyun’s dick. And Kihyun’s finger slips from the head of the bottle again as he raises his head to catch Changkyun’s lips in his own and muffle a loud moan.

And Kihyun sure as hell doesn’t need help. But that was a low blow. On many, many levels, beyond the joke itself. It adds to the frustration. His eyebrows furrow and he lets Changkyun’s mouth go, just a breath way.

“Still don’t need help,” Kihyun mumbles, almost smiling when he finally hears the  _ pop _ .

“I know,” Changkyun mumbles back before he runs his tongue across Kihyun’s bottom lip, grinding down again and pressing his thumb into Kihyun’s slit, fingers tightening around him. And this time Kihyun’s eyes scrunch as he brings his head up and leans his forehead on Changkyun’s, letting out a sound.

It’s hard to focus on what he’s supposed to be doing with his fingers, so a bit of lube falls from his hand onto Changkyun’s back who hisses and squirms a little. 

“Do you need me to lie down?” Changkyun asks

“I said, shut up.”

Kihyun can feel Changkyun grinning. “But what if I say all the right things…”

“Can you, though?” Kihyun asks, bring a hand wet with lube down and sneaking it between them. “Hm?” He tilts his chin a little even as he curl a bit more, breathing in when he feels his own finger, slick with lube, slide between his asscheeks.

Changkyun blinks at him, mouth open. “You--” Changkyun starts but leans forward with a low growl and a soft “Fuck it” before crashing their lips together again. “You’re so--” He groans as he leans back again. “Fucking hot.”

Kihyun feels his face quite hot, yes. And as if that wasn’t enough, it gets even warmer as he gets that first finger past the tightness and gasps a little, close to Changkyun’s lips. Changkyun lets out a shaky breath, hand gripping at Kihyun’s hip. It makes Kihyun shiver a little as he works his finger in and out and around before he tries for the second one, actually moaning once they’re both in.

Changkyun bumps their foreheads together, breath hot on Kihyun’s lips. He leans back just a little, eyes on Kihyun, glancing down and shuddering somewhat before letting go of Kihyun’s dick to lick at his hand before reaching down again, gripping tighter.

“Kyunie,” Kihyun breathes out, almost a whisper and Changkyun shivers. Kihyun drags his fingers out, shivers a little, and plunges them back in.  _ “Kiss me…?” _

It’s like whiplash, almost, how softly Changkyun kisses him, even though he’s pressing his own lips desperately against Kihyun’s, the edges are soft, the hand on Kihyun’s dick letting go until it’s just a touch of fingers, ghosting up and down. Changkyun’s other hand reaches up to scratch softly at the nape of Kihyun’s neck and up into his hair, pulling him close, and Kihyun moans into the kiss. He moans into the kiss, sighs, too, because that’s almost  _ nothing _ but feels like almost everything.

Squeezing the lube in his other hand, Kihyun brings his fingers out and props himself up on one elbow. He doesn’t stop kissing Changkyun, not even when he inverts their positions and Changkyun’s air almost gets knocked out of him.

The bottle of lube makes a funny sound as Kihyun squeezes it empty in his hand. He doesn’t laugh, not really, but he hints at a smile he tries to hide by licking his lips.  _ Tough bottle, that one. _

Kihyun looks down at Changkyun as he brings his hand full of lube around Changkyun’s dick, who whines, loud. Kihyun leans down, licks at Changkyun’s nipple and then gives it a soft bite as he works his hand around him. 

“ _ Kihyun _ ,” Changkyun moans, throwing his head back and gripping at the back of Kihyun’s head, pulling a little at the hair there.

Kihyun gives a few last strokes before leaning back, pulling Changkyun, too, sitting him up as Kihyun gathers himself closer, stradling Changkyun, arm around his neck. Kihyun kneels up a little from Changkyun’s lap and reaches back to adjust before slowly letting himself down again, locking eyes with Changkyun as the tip of Changkyun’s dick presses against him. Changkyun gasps against Kihyun’s lips, pressing his forehead forward, hand gripping at Kihyun’s hips, his own perfectly still. 

And it’s on purpose… It’s totally on purpose how Kihyun lets himself down slowly as he peers at Changkyun’s face, into his eyes even if out of focus, just to feel that familiar tug that still pulls even after everything that’s happened.

Kihyun bites at his lower lip to muffle a little moan at the sudden feeling of being full. He looks up, then, gasps a little when he stops himself and takes a moment to breathe. And maybe it’s stupid, it hasn’t been that long, but a lot has happened and Kihyun can’t help but think, just for moment, that he missed this, missed Changkyun like this.

So, he looks down, brings a hand up to Changkyun face to lead him to lock their lips together, and moves the rest of the way down, slowly, just a slowly as he kisses Changkyun. 

Changkyun whines softly into Kihyun’s mouth, hands coming up to cup Kihyun’s cheeks, leaning into the kiss before smoothing his hands down again, over Kihyun’s neck, his shoulders, down his sides to his waist where he clings, holding tight.

Kihyun leans back a little to angle himself better. He brings Changkyun closer with the arm around his neck, kissing him as he rolls his hips a little, temptatively at first, feeling the little, slow drag of Changkyun’s dick inside him. Changkyun moans lowly against him, hand tightening at his waist. 

“Wow,” Kihyun breathes suddenly, gasping when he feels it again against the tightness. He leans his head back, looks at Changkyun’s face. “Did you just... get harder…?”

“Can you blame me,” Changkyun gasps softly, fingernails digging a little into Kihyun’s skin. He smiles, then, soft against Kihyun’s lips where he presses a quick kiss. “You’re beautiful.”

Kihyun feels his lips thin and he frowns. “Shut up…” Kissing Changkyun to actually shut him up, moving his hips up a little, groaning at how tight everything feels, before he moves back down, slowly. 

“Make me.”

So, he does. Hand on Changkyun’s chest to push him back as Kihyun leans forward a little, too, hands by the sides of Changkyun’s head. Kihyun moves again, faster this time, letting his head hang a little as he concentrates on just keeping a rhythm and breathing. But Changkyun keeps Kihyun there, hand on his cheek, ducks in to lick into Kihyun’s mouth, follow the rhythm Kihyun sets, rolling his hips up as he pants, a low whine breaking his voice.

Kihyun feels his breath stutter a little. He reaches between them to fist his hand around his dick, tightening around Changkyun a little when he does. 

Changkyun gasps again against Kihyun’s lips, holds Kihyun close and whispers, “I love you... So much.”

Warmth. That’s what spreads from Kihyun’s chest to the rest of his body, to his throat where it gets stuck and he whines a little, leaning back to chase Changkyun’s lips. Because he needs to kiss him. Because if Kihyun doesn’t kiss him and Changkyun keeps talking, Kihyun is going to end up crying. So, Kihyun catches Changkyun’s lips in his own and kisses him deep, moves his own hand around his dick slowly, gasping against Changkyun’s mouth when a ghost of  _ something _ electrifies his body, makes him shiver.

_ “Kyunie,” _ Kihyun begs. He wants that  _ something _ . Wants to think of nothing else.

“I’ve got you, baby,” Changkyun breathes, grips at Kihyun’s hips and rolls his hips up into Kihyun. And Kihyun falters a little, groans out a short  _ “Ah” _ as that  _ something _ builds up, warmth on his lower abdomen, giving him a rush. “I’ve got you...”

Changkyun kisses him deep, between the way he pants, hands hot where they hold Kihyun down but simply hover there when Kihyun moves even slightly. He keeps his rhythm and smooths his hands up Kihyun’s sides and back down, and Kihyun can feel Changkyun’s dick twitch inside him when Kihyun whines at a slow, deep thrust.

And as the warmth builds up, Kihyun can feel the cold sweat on his own skin where Changkyun’s hands touch, where their skin meets. And it’s sudden, it always is, like blinking, the feeling that renders Kihyun’s body useless when Changkyun hits that spot. 

It’s not even an exact sound, what Kihyun manages to let out. But, inside his head, it’s like his body screamed and then went mute. He breathes hot on Changkyun’s mouth as the sudden rush wears out. But Kihyun wants to feel it again.

He’s about to say something, anything, but his voice is stolen from him, again, as Changkyun thrusts up at a different angle. Kihyun lets his head fall into the crook of Changkyun’s neck, gasping for air. But he’s barely had time to breathe in when Changkyun rolls his hips up, hits that spot again, and again and Kihyun cries out, “Ahhh, fuck! Yes!” in a unique high pitch.

Changkyun grips tighter and when he breathes out, it shakes. “ _ Fuck _ ...” Changkyun gasps, thrusting faster, up into Kihyun, nails dragging up Kihyun’s back. He reaches then, between them, ghosting his fingers where Kihyun’s own are wrapped around his dick. “You’re so tight, baby, so good… lemme feel you, wanna feel you…”

Kihyun moans and shivers in that way he knows he does because-- _of course…_ _his_ voice, it’s always _his_ voice. So, he lets go, hand trailing up Changkyun’s torso and stopping over a nipple. Kihyun thumbs at it softly (or as softly as he can, considering), rubs the pad of his finger in circular motions and starts nibbling at Changkyun’s earlobe.

Changkyun leans his head back a little, grips at Kihyun’s dick, thumbing at the tip before tightening his fingers, moving them slowly up and down as he rolls his hips, slowly increasing the pace at which he thrusts up. “Kiss--Kiss me,” Changkyun stutters, pants, “Come with me…”

Kihyun shivers again, whines close to Changkyun’s ear before he manages to raise his head and catches Changkyun’s lips in a rather sloppy kiss. Kihyun makes little sounds against Changkyun’s lips as his thrusts increase speed, faltering just a little when Kihyun rolls his hips, too, searching for that rush again as that burn in his lower abdomen starts pulsing to his dick. Changkyun’s breathing turns to high pitched whines and deep moans, hips stuttering a little before he kisses deeper, whispers against Kihyun’s lips.

“I love you, I love you, I love you…” He leans forward again, pumps at Kihyun, shifts up slightly to find a new angle, fucking into Kihyun. “Kihyun…” He groans. “I’m…”

Kihyun’s eyes nearly water when the feeling rushes through his body. It hits like a hammer, so hard that no sound comes out, just a silent yelp through parted lips close to Changkyun’s as Kihyun comes all over Changkyun’s torso, shivering when he does. Changkyun grips tight, hips stuttering before he whines into Kihyun’s mouth, stilling and shaking, back arched as he rides out his orgasm, coming hard and hot inside Kihyun.

Suddenly, everything  _ feels _ . Changkyun’s breath feels too hot on Kihyun’s lips, the air too cold over Kihyun’s skin, every little touch makes Kihyun shiver a little. It’s like his body is hypersensitive and all Kihyun wants to do is crawl away from touch.

He doesn’t, though.

Kihyun raises his hips a little, pulling himself up, too, to let Changkyun slip out of him. The room smells like sex, Changkyun smells like sex and everything is sweaty and… “Gross…” But Kihyun sighs and drapes himself over Changkyun anyway, fingers ghostly climbing on Changkyun’s side, feeling the cold sweat, until Kihyun lets his hand fall limp.

He’s tired. But he knows he won’t feel tired for much longer. Still, he revels in the feeling, like he  _ wants  _ to be tired, like it’s a luxury nowadays (and in a way, it is). Changkyun breathes and Kihyun feels his chest rise and fall, runs his fingers up to Kihyun’s neck, smooths it into his hair.

“I’ve asked it before and I’ll ask it again. Seriously, h-how does…” Changkyun laughs softly. “This just keep getting better…”

“Hm,” Kihyun hums lazily. “Dunno. Not complaining.”

“Me neither,” Changkyun chuckles softly, moves his head to press a soft kiss against Kihyun’s neck. 

Kihyun scrunches his nose, eyes shut, and shivers. He sighs and tries to push himself him, wincing a little when something drips out of him.  _ This part is so fucking gross… _

He looks down at Changkyun and raises an eyebrow. “Two minutes and I’ll need a shower…” He glances to the side. “Make that one minute.”

“Oh! I actually got--” Changkyun reaches an arm out, fumbles with the side table, holds Kihyun steady as he has to roll a little but manages to grab, with an excited grin, “Wet wipes!”

Kihyun squints. “What…? No way.”  _ Is this the extent of our relationship? _

Changkyun wiggles the packet a little. “Yes way,” he says, pulls a few wipes out and wipes at himself and Kihyun. “See? It works. Why are you looking at me like that.”

Kihyun sighs and leans forward to press his lips against Changkyun’s. He lingers for a bit before he backs away, just a little. “I love you, too.” Kihyun looks down at the wipes and takes one, too. “Was busy before, couldn’t say it back.”

Changkyun’s face visibly softens, bottom lip jutting out a little. “You’re all soft, now,” Changkyun giggles, leans forward to nuzzle his nose against Kihyun’s. “You…” Changkyun blushes, of all things, reaches up to brush Kihyun’s hair back with his fingers. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Kihyun looks up, blinks. He licks his lips and looks down again, cleaning a little over Changkyun’s hip bones. “Why? Didn’t do much…” 

Changkyun rolls his eyes fondly, looks down. “Yeah, sure you didn’t…” Changkyun squirms a little, probably also feeling sensitive with the way his stomach clenches visibly where Kihyun cleans. 

“Not yet, I didn’t,” Kihyun mumbles, trying not to sound mischievous. He looks up, then, as he reaches further down and starts cleaning Changkyun’s dick, carefully. Changkyun hisses, body tensing before he relaxes, narrows his eyes at Kihyun and reaches for the wipes again.

“You’re…” Changkyun laughs softly, squirms again, eyes darting down before back up at him. “A good teacher, you know?” And reaches down to wipe between Kihyun’s asscheeks, fingers brushing over his entrance.

Kihyun frowns and shivers a little. He pauses for a moment, considers himself and the situation and then just-- “You think…?” He looks up, lets the wipe falls somewhere next to them and pushes himself down, away from Changkyun’s touch. “How good, would you say…?” Kihyun asks, face hovering over Changkyun’s crotch even as he looks up at him.

Changkyun swallows thickly, looking down with eyes that are a little wide, sweat still shining on his face. “Like I said… Better every time.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lips twitch up a little and he leans down to lick at Changkyun’s dick, even as it hangs tender towards Changkyun’s navel. It tastes bitter, like cum and wet wipes, not at all graceful or welcoming but Kihyun doesn’t care. There’s a clock ticking over his head, a timer. He sure as hell won’t be stopped by wet wipes.

However…

Kihyun looks up, brings his lips and his tongue all the way from the base near Changkyun’s pubes to the tip and then raises his head a little. “We’re out of lube…”

“Do you think IKEA keeps it in stock?” Changkyun jokes, even as his hand grips lightly at the sheets.

Kihyun frowns. “Why would IKEA sell lu-- oh.” He snorts a small laugh. “Sorry, I’m slow.”

“I’m not,” Changkyun waggles his eyebrows before quickly letting his features fall. “I can’t tell if I just insulted myself or not.”

“In my head,” Kihyun huffs another laugh and tilts his head to the side a little as he shrugs that same shoulder, “It sounded good.” He looks down. “So… how creative can we get?”

Changkyun clears his throat. “I, er, well, I mean, this is our first time where we could  _ kiss  _ and we only got lube quite--quite a bit after we started--” He clears his throat again, ears red and eyes up.

“So…” Kihyun licks his lips and glances away-- _ Sorry, dad-- _ trying not to smile as the words form in his brain and rush out of his mouth. “You want me to…” Kihyun leans down between Changkyun’s legs and kisses at one of his thighs. “Suck you and then kiss the shit out of you?”

Changkyun throws his arm over his face. “Oh god… I--I mean, yeah, if--if I can do the same?” He lets his arm fall, face red and squirms again. “I’m being ineloquent. Yes. Yes, I do, is what I meant.”

Kihyun trails his lips up to that little dent between thigh and asscheek and licks there before raising his head and placing a kiss on top of Changkyun’s dick. “You can do whatever you want, baby.”

Changkyun swallows again, with effort this time, looking at Kihyun through eyes that look heavy, eyelids that flutter just a little. He reaches down, combs Kihyun’s hair back again, eyes lingering when it sticks to more hair and stays back, wet with sweat. 

Kihyun breathes hot on Changkyun’s dick and wraps his lips around the head to bring it into his mouth without using his hands. He moves his tongue, carefully holding Changkyun between his lips as he feels his dick twitch a little, slowly getting harder again.

“Ahhh,” Changkyun groans, grins a little, “D--Do you want to break our last record, then? I can--” He melts a little against the mattress, legs tensing up, moving them up to dig his heels into the covers. “Get lube. Won’t time it. Other--other words,  _ god _ …”

Kihyun takes Changkyun all the way in, swallowing around him, and then drags his lips back up with a slight scrape of teeth at the tip. “You wanna get lube…?” Kihyun’s voice sounds raspy, so he clears his throat.

Changkyun makes a small noise that couldn’t be a word in any language. “Want you inside me... Lube is a technicality.”

“Wha--” Kihyun blinks, makes a face despite himself. “What are you implying…?” He parts his lips on the side of Changkyun’s dick and kisses the mole there.

Changkyun’s heels dig a little more into the mattress, head lolling to the side as he keeps his eyes on Kihyun. “I can barely talk, Kihyun,” he laughs softly. “Brain’s mush…”

“Yeah, well,” Kihyun sighs. “Think about it.” Except he doesn’t really give Changkyun ‘much room’ to think about anything but the way Kihyun works his lips, tongue and teeth around him.

It’s sloppy and fast. Changkyun pressed his head back into the bed, heels digging in and hands fisting at the sheets, panting through small whines. It tastes like Changkyun now, as he weighs heavy on Kihyun’s tongue, and Kihyun can feel him harden with every bop of his head, with every little suck and lick.

And Changkyun has always been responsive. But the way he reacts to Kihyun, the way he shows Kihyun just how much he wants every little touch, that’s the biggest compliment of all. And it’s selfish, to the point a level headed Kihyun would never admit to it if asked, but Kihyun finds himself thinking:  _ this is for me. _ And Pride? That’s something Kihyun has never been ashamed of.

And maybe Greed’s rubbing off on him, too. Or maybe it’s just that bloody timer over his head. But a little greed has never done anyone harm. So, Kihyun takes a breath and goes all the way down until the tip of Changkyun’s dick hits at the back of his throat, and then further down as he relaxes and takes it deeper, his lips touching the base.

The groan Changkyun lets out is loud, uninhibited, and breaks somewhere near the end into a soft whimper, pulling at the sheets. “ _ Ah _ , Kihyun...:”

Kihyun swallows around him to avoid the gag reflex and moans when he feels Changkyun’s dick twitch. He pulls back up, gliding his tongue all the way up and breathing through his nose in relief as he gives a hard suck around the head. One of Changkyun’s hands tangles loosely in Kihyun’s hair, gripping behind his head but not moving, guiding or holding. His legs shake a little, tensing as if to close. Kihyun smooths a hand down his leg though, pushing down to keep them open, his other gripping at the base of Changkyun’s dick as Kihyun works his lips closer to the leaking tip.

It’s that bitter but sweet taste, the one he can only feel when he breathes out. That’s what Kihyun wants from Changkyun right now. That and every little sound, every little stutter and twitch. The things only Kihyun sees, hears and feels, no one else.

The fingers in Kihyun’s hair tighten a little as Changkyun breathes out a shaky, “Ki, I’m close, I…” And swallows down the way it teeters into a whine, nails raking down Kihyun’s neck.

Kihyun feels his lower abdomen tighten a little but he ignores the feeling and focuses on what he’s doing, instead. Kihyun works his mouth and his hand, pace growing faster as he feels Changkyun tense. 

And in a way that is so not himself, but at the same time kind of is, Kihyun comes up, raises his head, brings his hand up on Changkyun’s dick, finger pressing over the slit, just to say it, those words he’s said before and that will always ring true, “Love you like this…”

Changkyun shivers, the muscles in his stomach tightening, rolling a little as his hips move up just a little, a desperate, small movement. He looks at Kihyun, stray strands clinging to his forehead, eyes soft and a little watery. 

And a small voice rings softly at the back of his left ear. ‘ _ Yours… All yours _ ...’

Kihyun really wishes he could say something back. So, he just smiles a little, kisses Changkyun’s thigh and then brings his lips around Changkyun’s dick again, letting go with his hand and just taking him all the way down. Kihyun can’t say it back, not really, not anymore, but he still thinks,  _ All mine. _

Changkyun curls up with a cry, clings a little at Kihyun where his one hand grips at his arm and the other at his hair, legs shaking in the effort to stay spread as he comes.

Kihyun takes it in, gives one last lick at the tip as he pulls back and then quickly leans forward to lock his lips with Changkyun’s, tongue pushing in to meet his. Changkyun moans softly at the back of his throat, pushing back and smoothing his hands down Kihyun’s sides to grip at his ass, their chests flushed, Kihyun’s dick pressed between them and leaking a little on Changkyun’s stomach. 

Kihyun nibbles at Changkyun’s bottom lip before pulling back just enough to look at him, almost out of breath. He glances up at Changkyun’s forehead sprinkled with sweat and reaches to comb his (pretty much all black with some bright highlights still left) hair back. “You’re... so fucking pretty… I never get tired of looking at you,” Kihyun breathes out.

The corners of Changkyun’s lips perk up, dimpling his pink cheeks. “No need to flatter me, I’m already in bed…” Changkyun teases lightly, squeezing playfully at Kihyun’s ass, kissing softly at his jaw, one hand smoothing down his leg.

“Not flattery if it’s true,” Kihyun mumbles, eyes shifting to lock with Changkyun’s.

He kisses up, then, to Kihyun’s cheek, hand moving to scratch lightly at Kihyun’s stomach. “Truth is funny, I’ve found. It can vary, sometimes, from person to person,” he speaks soft, fingers ghosting over Kihyun’s dick, mouth nipping by his ear. “One thing could be true for me, but the fact can shift, be different for you...”

Kihyun shifts up a little, licks his lips and then huffs a laugh. “Perspective.” That’s what he told Changkyun to find.

“You’re the most beautiful thing in the world,” Changkyun says, then, nips again. “How’s that for perspective.”

Kihyun narrows his eyes a little and smiles, tilting his head, “Hm, not exactly, not from where I stand.”

“See? Truths shift,” Changkyun pulls back to smile then, press a soft kiss to his lips before he speaks against them. “That’s my truth. And you kind of have to believe me,” he laughs softly. “Since I don’t lie.”

“Does it bother you…?” Kihyun asks softly, leaning in just a breath away. It still feels surreal that now he can close that distance without fear. “Never lying to me…” He props himself up on one elbows resting next to Changkyun’s head and brings his other hand down, fingers curling around Changkyun’s wrist, lightly pushing Changkyun’s hand closer, palm on Kihyun’s dick.

Changkyun curls his fingers around Kihyun, thumb teasing, circling the head. “Why would it bother me… I don’t  _ want  _ to lie to you, ever.”

“What if you…” Kihyun breathes out through his nose, sharp, eyebrows furrowing a little as he shivers. “What… What if you had to?” He’s not sure why he’s asking. It’s not like he wants to know. He just wants Changkyun to keep talking.

Changkyun moves his hand, slow and tight around Kihyun, nosing at his neck. “Then I will… I’ll hate it, but if I  _ had  _ to, and there are very few things I  _ have  _ to do…” He bites softly at Kihyun’s neck, just a slight pull of skin between his teeth before he kisses there. “Anything if it’s for you…”

Kihyun closes his eyes and gasps a little. His brain feels empty. He can’t come up with questions. So, he just says, “Don’t stop... Keep talking…”

Kihyun can practically feel Changkyun smile against him, and when he speaks again, it’s lower, headier. “You’ve always liked my voice…” he squeezes softly at Kihyun’s dick as he moves, licks a little stripe up his neck. “What do you want me to say, baby?”

Kihyun hisses a little and then groans. “I… I don’t know. Talk about the weather.”

Changkyun laughs lowly, moves his hand and speaks into Kihyun’s ear, “I’d rather talk about you. How you sound when I touch you…” He squeezes softly, pace achingly slow even as it builds, and Kihyun lets his head fall in the crook of Changkyun’s neck, breath heavy, face hot. “How beautiful you look when I fuck you, how good you taste in my mouth…”

Kihyun leans his cheek on Changkyun’s neck, breath stuttering a little.  _ “Ky… Kyunie…” _ Kihyun’s lower abdomen tightens and he shivers, feels the goosebumps run from his shoulders down his arms.

The hand on Kihyun’s ass gives a little squeeze before it trails up his side, his arms, pads light on Kihyun’s cheek. “Look at me...?” Kihyun bites at his lower lip, hesitates, but raises his head and looks at Changkyun who smiles softly, thumbing gently at Kihyun’s lip. “You’re my world… My whole world… I didn’t know light before you, didn’t know joy. But then I touch you and everything is perfect,” Changkyun says, kissing softly at Kihyun without moving away his thumb, presses their foreheads together. “You’re perfect…” And he kisses again, by the side of Kihyun’s mouth, licks lightly at the seam of his lips. “Look at me when you come… Say my name.”

Kihyun glances down at Changkyun’s lips, thinks he wants to kiss him, but he also doesn’t want to shut him up. So, he takes Changkyun’s thumb between his lips instead, tongues at the pad, gives a small bite before taking the whole finger into his mouth and sucking, eyes shifting back up to Changkyun’s.

Changkyun’s eyes daze, fluttering as he takes an unsteady breath. “Love you like this…” And Kihyun’s heart skips a beat and hits the next one louder. “Always making me lose my mind… Always feel so good, take me so well…” Changkyun shifts under him, lightly tracing his hand down again, fingers ghosting at Kihyun’s hole. 

Changkyun’s finger pops out of Kihyun’s mouth when Kihyun gasps, his body moves back a little against his will. “And you can be so shameless…” The hand by Kihyun’s ass moves back to squeeze at his dick, as Changkyun ghosts his fingers over Kihyun’s mouth before moving them to his own, slipping two inside his mouth after giving them a long lick with the flat of his tongue. “I never know if I want to fuck you or have you fuck me,” he says, then, fingers popping before he reaches down to prod at Kihyun again, wet and teasing there as he moves his hand around Kihyun’s dick. 

Kihyun shivers again, breathes hot and heavy on Changkyun’s lips. His whole body feels like a livewire, hot, sweaty, mouth suddenly dry. It’s true, though, Kihyun loves Changkyun’s voice. So, he closes his mouth, wets his tongue, and then licks at Changkyun’s lips as some sort of incentive. “I’m…” His voice feels raspy, barely there, “I’m telling you, though…”  _ Showing you. _

Changkyun grins. “You always do. So, so demanding… It’s really sexy,” Changkyun says, moving his hand faster as he teases his hole. “Always knowing what you want, giving me what I want without me even knowing what that is… I’ve always wanted what you give, will always want you...” 

Instinctively, again, Kihyun’s body pushes back against the fingers at his back and Kihyun’s eyebrows almost knit together in a frown, except it’s a desperate frown. “Want you, too…” He breathes out, almost a whisper. 

Changkyun slips a finger in and immediately beckons, hand tight and fast on his dick and he looks Kihyun in the eyes, the tug there, but tight, insistent, like a taut rope. “Then...  _ Come for me _ .”

Kihyun’s lower abdomen clenches and he bites at his lower lip. But the wave that washes over his body makes him gasp and yelp a little, like he choked on a high pitched moan he couldn’t hold back, as he comes over Changkyun’s stomach, shoots halfway up his chest.

“Good,” Changkyun whispers, leans up to kiss the last of Kihyun’s whines, hands moving down to pull at his legs and flop him down onto his back. He licks lightly at Kihyun’s lips before leaning back, wiping at his chest before flopping down again, propped up by the elbow as he smiles at Kihyun. “You know, I really love this… Forever. It still feels like that, despite everything.”

Kihyun blinks brearily at the ceiling. “Like,” he licks his lips and smiles a little, points at himself, “Bumping uglies nonstop?” He snorts a laugh. “Joking, joking…”

Changkyun pokes at Kihyun’s side, laughing softly. “Wow, how romantic.  _ Bump my uglies tenderly, lover _ .”

“Pffft,” Kihyun rolls to his side and slaps half-heartedly at Changkyun. “Shut up.”

“You said it  _ first _ ,” he laughs. “But no, not actually what I meant, but I guess… kind of what I meant?”

Kihyun sighs, brings his knees up a little and curls. “Never been one for romance ‘till I met you… Ask anyone. Kihyun? Not romantic. Guess I just hadn’t met the right person,” He snorts a laugh. “See? I would never say that! Now I do!” He shoves at Changkyun. “It’s your fault!”

Changkyun cackles, grins wickedly and clings, grabbing at Kihyun’s waist. “You can’t make me feel bad ‘cause I  _ love  _ it,” he squeezes Kihyun’s waist a little, and the grin smooths into a smile. “ _ Bumping uglies  _ doesn’t really encapsulate what I feel when we…” he smiles a little wider, a glint in his eyes. “Make love.”

Kihyun feels the full body shiver even before it actually happens. He scrunches his nose, shoves at Changkyun again but scoots closer when he does. “Gross, so gross… And I love it.” He looks up at Changkyun’s face, feels his own go red, “Making love to you is… a mood.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, amused. “A… mood. Making love is a mood.”

“Like when you see something sad and you wanna cry? Or something pretty and you smile? Or think of something happy… Like that. Thinking about you gives me many moods, that’s one of them.”

Changkyun’s ears go red where he nuzzles lightly into the bed. “So you see me sometimes and you… Because I get  _ that _ , I wanna kiss you all the time, it’s maddening. Making you laugh is a mood. Getting you all comfy and snuggly on the couch, definite mood. When you wear your hair back? Damn. Mood.”

Kihyun’s smile falters a little at the sudden lack of inner stability. But he forces it back on, because  _ not now, not here… _ “You know,” he clears his throat, gets even closer to Changkyun, “I thought about this once… in the shower, I think,” Kihyun snorts, “The night we met? What if… It was just… you know, two people. You, me. No demons or angels or…” He rolls his eyes, “Reapers, sorry, Hyungwon.” Kihyun blinks and takes a deep breath. “Think it would have worked out?” He chuckles. “Would you have even looked at me?”

“Considering I wouldn’t have introduced myself as ‘Hi, I’m Changkyun, I’m a demon’, I’m sure things would have gone  _ differently _ ,” he smiles softly before he frowns. “You really need to stop talking like that… What you  _ are _ isn’t what makes you special to me. Nobody chooses what they are. You’re  _ kind _ , and smart and funny and so much prettier than you know. Where else could I have possibly looked, demon or not.”

“Theeeeen,” Kihyun bumps his forehead on Changkyun’s and lets his head fall again, “What would you say? If then was now and… you weren’t a demon sent to corrupt pretty-me.”

Changkyun scoffs, frowns a little at the ceiling. “If I was me now but hadn’t met you back then? Minus the demon bit… Mmm…” He laughs then. “Probably would have made a fool of myself trying to impress you or something. Tripped over my bootlaces. Told a stupid joke and hoped you’d laugh.”

The  _ lacking _ feeling is back again and this time it tugs a little more, but Kihyun swallows it down.  _ Not now _ . He points at Changkyun’s face and then lets his hand fall. “That. Make me laugh once? I’m happy. Twice? Curious. More than three times? Imma get your number.” He shrugs. “Doesn’t really apply now, though. You’re the one I like laughing at  _ and  _ with the most.”

“You  _ are  _ romantic, that was adorable,” Changkyun sticks his tongue out a little, watches Kihyun’s face closely. “Would you have talked to me, then? If I didn’t.”

“Hm,” Kihyun glances at the ceiling to think. “Not at first. Maybe I would have… looked at you, thought you were hella pretty, maybe consider the word ‘hot’ for a second or two…” The corners of his lips twitch up slightly. “I would have told Hoseok. And  _ then _ he would have embarrassed me, saying something like, ‘Hey, my friend here thinks you’re hot, bye’.”

Changkyun laughs, cheeks pushing his eyes into crescents. “Would have asked for your number  _ on the spot _ .”

Kihyun feels his hand cramp a little. He flattens it over the bed and then turns it to a fist, squeezing the feeling away. Begging for it to go away won’t change anything, but he can at least hold it back, just for a little longer.

“I think… that it would have worked out fine,” he says. “Even without… well, everything else.”

Changkyun puts his hand over Kihyun’s, thumbs softly at the back of it. “You and I… Everything else is just happenstance. Background noise...”

The pain pulls at the rest of his arm, like it’s  _ demanding _ to be released. Kihyun sighs, frowning a little and looking down. “Is it…?” He asks.  _ Is this thing background noise, too? _

“I want it to be…” Changkyun says, frowns softly, squeezing at Kihyun’s hand. “It is, sometimes. That’s what… what I mean, when I said that I love this. After everything, always, it always comes back to you and me, and we…” Changkyun swallows. “Always laugh and kiss and talk and make love like everything’s okay…”

Kihyun smiles a little, one corner of his lips coming up when he looks at Changkyun. And even when the prickling pain reaches Kihyun’s elbow, he still holds it back, just for a little longer. “So… we make ‘forever’, right?”

Changkyun nods, small, moves a little closer. “Yeah. Forever will always be here, be… be us, e-even if we’re not.”

“Gonna have to,” Kihyun closes his eyes and breathes in, slowly unclenching his hand, “Gonna have to put ‘forever’ on hold for a bit… Sorry…” And as if that was the cue, Kihyun feels it run over his arm, fast, burning like poison under his skin, all the way up to his shoulder, black lines tinting his skin. He curls as much as he can, jaw set so hard his teeth hurt due to the amount of strength he presses them together with. And then, slowly, burning his neck and down his back, all the way down before it claws at his throat and finally his face.

“Don’t apologise,” Kihyun hears but it sounds far away, feels arms wrap around him, warmth against him, but it’s so  _ far away _ . 

It hurts so much. That’s all Kihyun can focus on, that acid burning inside him, eating at him, spreading to his lungs, choking him, to his heart, squeezing it until it almost stops. Except it doesn’t want to kill him. It  _ needs _ him alive. So, this… this is just torture. It’s torture and it whispers with a voice that sounds like Kihyun’s but isn’t. It whispers and it says,  _ ‘Give in…’ _

Kihyun curls in like he wants to disappear, curls until there’s nothing left, until his body can’t bend more. Pain sears through his abdomen better than a branding iron, because that’s what the taint wants. And, almost unwillingly, Kihyun’s mind concedes to the torment, unable to bring thoughts to completion. Everything is just  _ pain, pain, pain, pain, burn, burn, burn, burn _ … And he can’t think beyond the pain, can’t think beyond the taint.

And just like before, like the night before, under the starry sky and the little lights, Kihyun finds himself finding comfort in the only thing the taint seems to agree with:  _ it will be over soon. _ And it’s sickening. It’s nauseating. Because Kihyun wants to hope, too, he wants to believe Changkyun when he says he will save him--doesn’t he always? But… but this…  _ thing _ , this thing is too much. And Kihyun knows, has known since that first kiss, that he would not come back from this. That the moment he gives up, he’s gone.

Fear takes over with the anticipation of  _ nothingness, _ feeling nothing, breathing nothing, seeing nothing, thinking nothing. Nothing. To not exist. Kihyun has no idea what that’s like… but he hates it. He hates it because he knows what he’s leaving behind.

And just like that, the taint takes another light, devours it in the darkness that is becoming his soul. The sound it makes inside Kihyun’s head is deafening, terrible, and he wants it to stop. Begs it to stop. And like the tender kiss of a mother Kihyun’s never met, the taint drapes over him like a blanket, whispers,  _ ‘Mine’ _ , and crawls back into the depths of his soul.

One thought manages to connect, and the first thing Kihyun finds himself thinking about as the pain eases off, is a of a sunrise in Venice, where it began. A nameless feeling, then. Now, they call it ‘love’. Like every sunrise begets a sunset, every beginning begets an ending. Only one thing remains the same, except now it has a name.

And it takes everything, all the remaining little lights but one, to shine as Kihyun manages,  _ ‘Loved you then, too. Will love you even after ‘forever’…’ _

Because giants never kneel. But this one did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now playing: [Tightrope](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dptMwh2xJcU) by The Score.


	28. A Goddess' Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people have their mothers, their families. Others have their friends, their best friends. Changkyun has Kihyun; his first connection to the world.

“Wait, what do I type in again?” Changkyun asks, phone pressed up against his ear, kept there with his shoulder. Kihyun is watering the plants outside, grumbling to himself because some ‘stupid bird’ shat all over the rail, and Changkyun glances up at the sound, with a private smile.

They… hadn’t talked about it. Kihyun having put forever on hold, or whatever he’d called it. Changkyun doesn’t want to think about what it should _actually_ be called, but the words flash through his brain anyway.

 _The little lights are going out_.

Changkyun doesn’t know how many are left, hasn’t asked, hasn’t wanted to, but little lights mean time, and time… _time._ Time. They’re running out of time.

Changkyun looks away to clear his throat and pay attention to Shownu on the other side of the phone.

“The security code,” Shownu sighs. “561. And then just proceed to checkout and download it.”

“Nice!” Changkyun says, as he does, bouncing a little on the couch. He’d finally managed to open up the present Kihyun had gotten him, in a moment of boredom when Kihyun had insisted on organising the kitchen cupboards. He’s been playing around on it, a little. But he doesn’t intend to stay on it much longer. Time much better spent doing other things, after all. “Thanks, dad,” Changkyun sing-songs and Shownu laughs.

“Yeah, yeah, Merry Christmas. Don’t buy anything without asking me first, okay?”

“I do what I want.”

“Changkyun.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s my birthday in January anyway,” Changkyun says, sticking out his tongue even if Shownu can’t see it. “Thanks, though, seriously.”

“No problem. Talk later. Tell Kihyun I say hi.”

“Will do!” Changkyun says cheerfully, pressing download and putting the laptop aside, tossing the phone onto the couch.

The sound of water hitting the floor catches his attention, though. He looks up and sees Kihyun staring at the angel crouching on the rail, blinking back at Kihyun like he’s never seen him before.

The water pail in Kihyun’s hand hangs as the water spills on the floor instead of inside the vase. Changkyun scrambles up, even as he registers that he _knows_ this angel, has his feather in the front pocket of his backpack, it’s… It’s still an _angel_.

“Jooheon, what the hell?” Changkyun calls. “Dude, get down from there, people are gonna think you wanna jump.”

Jooheon blinks at Kihyun one more time and Kihyun frowns, blinking back, like it’s a contest of who is going to look away first. And, effortlessly, like gravity doesn’t affect him, Jooheon drops from the rail, bare feet touching the floor without making a sound.

“Hello,” he says, finally looking at Changkyun. “Your floor is wet.”

Kihyun startles out of his daze and fumbles with the pail, brings it up to hold it against his chest as he gives a step back and Jooheon walks into the living room.

Jooheon pauses just a little by the window as he, Changkyun assumes, calculates how much he should shrink his wings. Obviously, Kihyun just silently stares at the water footprints Jooheon leaves trailing behind him.

“Right,” Changkyun says, swallowing a little trying at a smile. “So you know how to teach supernatural beings how to be human. Right..?”

“Uhm,” Kihyun tries, eyes on Jooheon’s wings, like he hasn’t seen them before. It’s a little off putting, to be honest, to have angel walk into the house, unannounced, but Changkyun only realises what might _actually_ be going inside Kihyun’s brain when Kihyun turns to look at the rail again, specifically, at the bird poop.

Jooheon’s wings flutter a little and he squints as he looks around, lips puckered and slightly parted. “You two live here together?”

A mop. Changkyun should get a mop, before Kihyun’s head explodes. “Er, yeah? Yeah,” he steps around the puddle in front of Kihyun, glancing between the two of them. “We do, glad to see you found us.” And then mumbles, “Could have texted, though… Wiped your feet…”

“Oh,” Jooheon turns to look at him. “I sent the birds. Didn’t you hear them?”

Kihyun pauses. His whole body pauses. “The birds…” He glares. “The birds?! What is this, a Disney movie?” Jooheon blinks at him and Kihyun rolls his eyes, shoving the pail into Changkyun’s arms. “Supernatural useless shits,” Kihyun grumbles to himself as he walks away to grab the mop, slapping it on the floor and throwing a glare at Changkyun to get out of his way.

“I was gonna do that,” Changkyun says, as he does move out of his way. “If you’re gonna hit anyone with that thing, aim at the angel.”

“Well, I’m doing it, so…” Kihyun sighs. “He’s obviously here for you.”

“ _Because_ of you,” Changkyun says, then groans. “Leave a demon alone with an angel, why don’t you…”

“We have a contract,” Jooheon says simply, curiously eyeing the mop, “I can’t hurt you unless you break it first.”

Changkyun looks over. “So it’s fine if _he_ whacks you with a mop, but if I do, I get smote? Asking for a friend.”

Jooheon looks up at Changkyun. “The mop is not in the contract. Why would you want to… whack…?” He nods. “Why would you want to whack me with it?”

“Is it just me,” Kihyun mumbles as he moves the mop around, “Or is every single one of you celestial beings a dumbass on Earth… Pretty sure I wasn’t this clueless about _your_ worlds.”

“Yes, well, _you_ have a whole book on it. We had budget cuts and had to stop the pre-Earth orientation classes,” Changkyun rolls his eyes with a smile, walks closer to Jooheon despite everything in his body (every hell-spawned cell) telling him he’s _going to freaking die, that’s an angel, you moron!_ He thinks it must be like what divers go through, when told to breathe underwater, that they won’t drown. That feather is Changkyun’s oxygen tank.

Kihyun stops the mop near Jooheon’s feet and glances up at him. “Don’t move an inch.” He orders _. Orders!_ Only Yoo Kihyun would boss an angel around. He takes the mop with him to the bathroom and returns with a towel that he throws and Jooheon catches midair. “Clean your feet with that.”

Jooheon soothes his thumbs over the towel and then _actually_ sits on the floor-- _oh god_ \-- to clean his feet, wings clutched to his back, the feathers near the ends spreading on the floor like a white carpet.

Kihyun sighs, crosses his arms and glances at Changkyun. “So…?”

“Are you going to scold me?” Changkyun asks. “I feel like you’re going to scold me.”

Jooheon throws the towel back at Kihyun, stays seated on the floor, and Kihyun grimaces at the towel in his hands, shivering as he turns to walk back towards the bathroom.

Changkyun pinches at the bridge of his nose. “I actually _do_ have questions,” He mumbles. “‘ _Why are you here right now’_ is taking priority.”

Jooheon blinks and then looks up. “I had to see you.” There’s a loud sound in the bathroom but only Changkyun startles. Jooheon keeps looking at him. “You called for me.”

 _Oh, great, now the birds are my fault_. “I…” Changkyun squints. “...Did?”

“Yesterday morning,” Jooheon says. “But I couldn’t come. So, I sent the birds.” He lowers his head a little. “I apologize for the delay.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, pales slightly. He forgets; for all intents and purposes, Jooheon is his guardian angel. And guardian angels can sense distress. Yesterday morning was… bad. “Right. Of course, uhm,” Changkyun looks over his shoulder to where Kihyun had gone. “Don’t… don’t tell Kihyun I was distressed..?” Changkyun sighs. “Already asking an angel for favours, wow Changkyun…”

Jooheon looks at him again and smiles and-- _dimples?_ “Sounds important. Don’t worry. I won’t.”

Changkyun shifts a little where he stands, eyes on Jooheon’s cheeks. They really do have a lot in common, don’t they. “I’m not in distress right now… Not overtly, anyway.”

Kihyun walks out of the bathroom with Ki-Kyun under his arm, like one of those french baguettes, and casually paces towards the kitchen without even glancing at them.

Changkyun gestures with his head towards the couch, eyes on the angel. “Try couches. They’re actually _better_ than the floor. Sometimes. Depends on your mood? Anyway,” Changkyun says, without anywhere to go other than just moving towards the couch.

He has questions. Of course he has questions. His same-soulmate is tainted with what Changkyun can only assume is sin in its purest form, with a timer over his head, and a cat under his arm. There are _questions_. And Jooheon might not know about not walking over Kihyun’s floors with wet feet, but he might be able to answer a few of them.

“Don’t eat the teabags, you idiot!” Changkyun hears Kihyun grumble from the kitchen.

Changkyun laughs a little, shakes his head and sits down, carefully moving his laptop onto the coffee table. “At least I never tried to do that!”

Jooheon eyes the sofa for a little longer and then slowly, almost suspiciously, moves from the floor, poking the cushions first before he sits down. “Oh!” He beams at Changkyun. “Much better, indeed!”

Changkyun knows he’s surprised, can feel it on his face. Not that he _had_ expectations of angels, but Jooheon had already exceeded expectations just by, well, not killing him. Then the dimples and now the same excitement Changkyun remembers from every small, unfamiliar thing. It still happens, sometimes, but now he definitely takes couches for granted.

“I told you,” Changkyun laughs, scratches at the back of his head and wiggles into the cushions. Probably shouldn’t mention that the couch an angel is sitting on was illegally procured. Still makes him laugh, though. “Wait until you feel _beds_.”

“You hear stories, you know?” Jooheon says, palming at the cushions around him, “About Earth. But actually being here…? Everything is so… strange.” He pauses, face suddenly serious. “So free.”

Changkyun remembers that, too. “In this realm, we have free-will,” Changkyun smiles softly. “It can be overwhelming.” He hears the kettle reach boiling point and then sees Ki-Kyun dash out of the kitchen so fast he can barely make the turn into the bathroom, drifting a little on the floor, nails scratching to keep himself from bumping against the wall.

Kihyun makes a “Pffft,” sound and says to himself, “He’s afraid of spaghetti.”

Changkyun hangs a little off the couch where he grins into the hallway. “Did you try and open the packet or something? Last time I packed out the groceries, I ruffled the plastic bag and he just lost his mind.”

“Oh, no, I was,” Kihyun peeks into the living room, “Storing the leftovers and a strand of spaghetti fell on the floor and--” Kihyun laughs and turns to walk back into the kitchen, “He jumped like crazy.”

Changkyun scoffs, shaking his head and glancing over at Jooheon. Is Jooheon a strand of spaghetti? Is Changkyun a cat? “You really can’t hurt me, then?”

Jooheon turns to look at him, still wearing the same half smile he was just looking at Kihyun with. The wings on his back flutter a little. “You’re wary of me.” He nods. “I told you, we have a contract. It’s against the rules and my own morals to hurt you for as long as the contract is on. Even if we don’t agree, as long as you keep working towards what you set out to do, I will always help.”

Changkyun squints, smiling a little. “And after the contract? Once we save Ki and all that. Humour me, I’m confident.”

Jooheon narrows his eyes, straightening up a little where he sits. “You’ll be fine as long as you don’t cross me.”

Changkyun grins, holds his index fingers up and against each other perpendicularly, before moving them to poke at Jooheon. He laughs at Jooheon’s baffled expression, letting his hands fall into his lap. “Get it? I _crossed_ you?” Changkyun laughs. “Oh, man… This is how I die, isn’t it.”

Jooheon looks between Changkyun’s face and his fingers, eyes a little wide and then turns his face and chuckles. “You’re silly.”

“If you allow him,” Kihyun says, walking into the living room with three mugs between his hands, “He won’t stop. ‘Silly’ is his middle name.” Kihyun places one of the mugs down, glances quickly towards Jooheon and then offers one of the other two to Changkyun. “Tea, with honey,” Kihyun says. He looks to Jooheon again. “I didn’t know if you…” He looks at the mug. “Well, it’s there, if you want to.” And with that he walks around the small table and plops down on the sofa next to Changkyun, leaning back and blowing at his own mug. “Don’t mind me. You can talk. I’m not listening.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes fondly, picks up the cup and sits back, into the couch, scooching closer to Kihyun in a way he’d probably call ‘subtly obnoxious’. “I’m glad you can laugh,” Changkyun says, takes himself by surprise as he does. “I remember what it felt like not to know joy. Angels have that, at least, I guess.”

Jooheon side-glances at them and then at the mug over the table. He reaches for it, slowly, and Changkyun notes that Kihyun smiles a little to himself the moment Jooheon takes the mug to his lips and hisses at the heat. _Some things never change. And Kihyun is still a little evil._ Like when he gave Changkyun fizzled drinks and laughed at his reaction. _Evil._

Jooheon blinks at the mug and then blows at it before he takes it to his lips and sips. He smacks his lips a little and says, “Thank you. I like this drink.” Kihyun licks his lips to hide another smile and Jooheon leans back on the sofa, elegantly crossing his legs. “Demons tend to forget joy. Those who fall forget. Those born in Hell never learn the wonders of feeling beyond their own desires. They crave something, eat souls hoping to get that something… Little do they know. What they so aimlessly search for will always be beyond their grasp.”

Changkyun shifts a little, tasting honey and tea on his tongue. “Thanks,” he says, absentmindedly, takes another sip and then a deep breath. “Is that what would have happened to me? I know I’m… New. Different, but…”

Jooheon chuckles. “You _are_ different. Surprising, at first. Not so much once I actually _think_ about it.” He glances over. “Minhyuk created you, after all. Maybe he never expected that you would grow this much… but the capacity to love? That’s always been there. Locked, most likely. Thankfully, your soulmate seems to be perfect for you.”

Kihyun chokes on his tea and turns his face towards the window. He sniffles a little and then sighs. “So, it’s not..?”

“No. It’s not. You could hate each other and still be connected.”

“And probably hate the connection,” Changkyun mumbles, taking a long sip. “I told you,” Changkyun says, smiles up a little at Kihyun. “ _You don’t feel because of it. It feels because of you._ ”

Jooheon nods. “Interesting choice of words. Couldn’t have said it better.”

Kihyun sinks further down on the couch and leans his head on Changkyun’s shoulder. “Sure.”

“See? This is what I get,” Changkyun teases, smooches his cheek against Kihyun’s head to look at Jooheon. “‘ _Sure’_ . Like we aren’t the only soulmates in the world. _Tsk_.”

“You say it like you hate it,” Jooheon and Kihyun say at the same time. Jooheon smiles and Kihyun snorts a low laugh.

Kihyun licks his lips, raises the mug to take another sip but stops, lowering it back down. “So, why are you here? Checking up on me or something?”

“Me, actually,” Changkyun says. “You get the guardian demon, I get the guardian angel, these are the rules.”

Jooheon nods. “The rules,” he echoes and Kihyun chuckles.

Changkyun grins. It’s odd, but he feels like he could really like Jooheon, if something like that were to be given time and space to occur. “How powerful _are_ you, by the way..?”

Jooheon scoffs. _Scoffs! Thank God angels have a sense of humor. Literally._ “Compared to, what…?”

“Er,” Changkyun blinks. “Like, if you had to make a list out of the most powerful of like, me, Kihyun, Minhyuk, a Reaper, and you, where the first is the most powerful and last is the least.”

Jooheon takes a drink and swallows loudly. “Are you considering… Kihyun as he is now or… a Nephilim with its full potential unlocked?”

Changkyun bites at his bottom lip. “Pretty sure that influences my place on that list, too, huh?”

“You’re his shadow,” Jooheon acknowledges. “You tell me.”

Changkyun sighs, then, “I… I could _feel_ you trying to smite me. Kill me, whatever. All that holy power, and it couldn’t get past the purple lights. My soul, I mean. I don’t feel as small as I used to.”

Jooheon nods and looks down. “Patience is not… the strongest virtue. We share a name. Elerial. But there are many of us. You call us archangels. Although, unless you are one of the Seraphim, being an archangel doesn’t really mean anything. Except… obedience to Him.”

“Okay…” Changkyun says, carefully. He’s never felt that. Obedience towards anything. He knows he derives his power from _Hell_ , but he can’t think himself obedient to Satan. Minhyuk, maybe, before Changkyun said ‘no’ and broke that obedience he wasn’t even aware of. He shakes his head as if to clear it, coughing lightly. “So, if I’m Kihyun’s shadow… I’m _not_ a Nephilim, but that still sounds like I could hold my own against one. Without the taint, at least.”

“Hm,” Jooheon pauses for a moment and then nods, nods again like he’s got something to say but skips over it. “Hm... Kihyun would be first on that list of yours, because of the taint. Otherwise, you two would be paired up as number one. I’m guessing Kihyun’s powers look a lot like mine…?” Kihyun shifts next to Changkyun but doesn’t say anything, brings his mug to his lips instead. Jooheon sighs. “You can’t look to him to find your own. But I’m certain there’s a lot you can do, Changkyun.”

“Could I look at Minhyuk?” Changkyun asks, then, leaning forward to put his cup down, chewing at his bottom lip. “If you two are light, then… we’re the shadows. Right?”

“Yes,” Jooheon says, eyes cast down, eyebrows furrowing a little. “Maybe the only zero in your list would be the Reaper. Although, Reapers are quite powerful as well. They hold the knowledge of the world. Whether they know it or not is up to what they experience. But they are lonely creatures. No one messes with them. Not even angels do. Creatures with souls fear Death. Angels are no different.”

Changkyun thinks of Hyungwon, and for the first time, he wonders why he’s always so cold, and realises it might not be just the traits of a Reaper, but just… Hyungwon. Truth is lonely, Changkyun remembers. Lonely and cold.

Changkyun tries not to shiver as he feels loneliness, there, at the end of Kihyun’s timer.

“The first time I met a Reaper, I threw him across Kihyun’s living room and took him clothes’ shopping,” Changkyun mumbles and scoffs. “I really didn’t know anything, I guess. I was supposed to be intimidated, or whatever, and I was just… confused and annoyed.”

Kihyun turns to look at Changkyun, blinks first and then pokes Changkyun’s shoulder with his nose. “And that’s okay,” he mumbles.

Changkyun scoffs. “I was also half-naked.”

Jooheon nods. “No one is born with clothes on,” he says and Kihyun snorts a laugh. “Not even I was.” He looks at Changkyun. “There’s truth in that, you know?”

“Oh man,” Kihyun trembles, voice wavering with laughter “I would _love_ to take you to church with me.”

“See!” Changkyun laughs, smacks lightly at Kihyun’s arm. “Walk around naked, like God intended!”

“Adam and Eve,” Kihyun snickers, “With little leaves!” And, surprisingly, Jooheon laughs a little, too. “I kept asking my father,” Kihyun starts and laughs a little into the back of his hand, “If they’d glued those on. It just made no sense!”

“Censorship, my love,” Changkyun laughs. “That’s all it is. Leaves, _for the children_.”

“Ah,” Jooheon looks up, contemplates, “Religion, is it?” He nods. “Politics, we call it.”

“Ah, Satan,” Changkyun laughs, then, into his hand. “A true democrat.”

“The morning star,” Jooheon says. “I think you call it Venus? Or… Lucifer. The Light-bearer. An archangel, too. A Seraphim. The most beautiful of them all, or so I’ve heard. And with him fell many others. Satan is their collection. All of them, The Fallen.” He sips on his tea and then tilts the mug a little as he finishes it. “Good tea. It’s tea, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Kihyun replies.

“Quali-tea,” Changkyun nods seriously. Kihyun rolls his eyes but Jooheon throws his head back and laughs, boisterous but short.

Changkyun pokes at Kihyun. “We’re keeping him.”

Kihyun chuckles and gives Changkyun a look. “Where, exactly. He won’t fit in the bed with us.” Kihyun shakes his head. “He gave you a feather, Changkyun. I guessed you wanted to keep him just for that. Whatever that feather does.”

“Miracles,” Jooheon replies right away, leaning forward to place his mug next to Changkyun’s, turning it a little over the table until the handle is facing the opposite way of Changkyun’s mug. Jooheon smiles, pleased with himself, and leans back. “An angel’s feather holds a miracle.”

“Oh. Huh. _Well_ … This might sound like a stupid question but if I don’t ask it and the answer was actually ‘yes’, I’ll throw myself off a cliff, so please bear with me but…” Changkyun says, narrows his eyes. “Can I use a miracle feather to get rid of the taint?”

“Not really,” Jooheon looks over. “That’s not the purpose I gave it, after all. But… I doubt feathers are powerful enough to deal with something like the taint.”

Changkyun pouts. “Dammit, that would have been _awesome_.”

“My feather will keep you alive, in case you die. That’s its purpose. After all, I agreed to help you.” The wings on Jooheon’s back move as if breathing. “My Father gave me these. They’re an angel’s pride. They hold a portion of divine power. To be stripped of one’s wings is…” Something Changkyun recognizes as hurt crosses over Jooheon’s face for a moment but it’s gone when he blinks. “Humiliating.”

“Kihyun has wings,” Changkyun notes out loud. “Reapers, too. I don’t.”

Jooheon blinks and tilts his head back to look at Kihyun from behind Changkyun, as if trying to see wings. He blinks again, smiling a little and then tilting his head forward. “Reapers are an echo. A ghost of an angel. Azrael? I’ve told you of her. The first Reaper. The angel of death. She fell, too. Both in love and to Hell.”

Changkyun frowns. “What, _seriously_? Are only humans allowed to be in love?”

Jooheon sighs. “They’ve been abandoned, Changkyun. Their free-will was a gift from God. When Lucifer fell, he tempted humanity to use that free-will to disobey. The Paradise was abandoned and… humanity forsaken. It’s why He doesn’t interfere or listen anymore. But He watches. He always, always watches.”

Changkyun looks over at Kihyun, watching him curiously. “Minhyuk wants to, what, destroy Heaven? He calls it Justice. Sounds to me like he just wants to piss off God…”

Kihyun glances at him and then away. He brings his feet over the couch and brings his arms around his legs, holding the mug with one hand as he looks at it. “I’m… not sure. I can no longer tell them apart…” He frowns. “Unless you remind me, I don’t know how tell the difference between what I want and what he wants. Sometimes, I agree with him. Hell, I want to help him… But I don’t know if I want to help him do this or… help him see the error of his ways.”

“Nephilim are forsaken, but they have the ability to see Heaven, and walk through Hell. It’s free-will, but also…” Jooheon shakes his head. “Minhyuk’s always wanted justice. He said it even before he fell. And there’s nothing Just about the gates that separate Heaven, Hell and Earth, to feel the same but be judged differently for nothing more than which side of the gate you are.”

“Before,” Kihyun starts, “You told me not to… blaspheme. What did you mean?” He looks at Jooheon. “You say these things, made a deal with a demon and you’re still…”

“As long as I don’t break the rules,” Jooheon nods, “I will be fine. As long as I stay true to my calling, respect God… The truth is harsh but it is the truth. I haven’t lied. Can’t lie. There is nothing Just about the way of things. But that doesn’t make them less righteous. After all, Justice fell, too. Maybe… God is not Just. But who am I to pretend to know the intentions of a being like Him...”

“Do you really think it could fix things?” Changkyun swallows. “I mean, does Minhyuk really think it’ll… work? Whatever it is. Whatever ‘works’ is…” He hangs his head. “Ugh, I just wanna get rid of this taint. Call me selfish but I don’t _care_ about the rest of it. The moral implications or the consequences of having an unjust God or a Heaven filled with taint, I don’t _care_ , I just…” He sinks a little into the couch, pulls his feet up to push his forehead against his knees and drown the rest of the words there.

There’s a hand atop his head, then, carding through his hair. Changkyun doesn’t need to look to know it’s Kihyun’s. But it’s not Kihyun who speaks, “You’re surprisingly more human than some humans I’ve heard of.” Jooheon sighs, and Changkyun lifts his head enough to look. “But I understand. Even if… I don’t agree with you.” Jooheon shrugs one shoulder. “Can Earth survive without the Sun? Will the tides work the same way without the moon? Just because your star keeps you warm, doesn’t mean it won’t burn your skin if you stay exposed for too long. It doesn’t mean it won’t swallow your home planet when the time comes. Good and evil…? It’s perspective. But it doesn’t mean you don’t need it, the Sun. God.” Jooheon looks over. “So, no. Killing Him is _not_ an option.”

Changkyun laughs, then, quick and high-pitched. “ _Woah_ , I get your point, when did I say I wanted to kill God?”

“That’s what the taint will do, if Minhyuk succeeds.”

Kihyun’s hand stills over Changkyun’s head. “It’s not just Minhyuk…”

“Wait,” Changkyun blinks, frowning in near horror at the angel on their couch. “Are you saying the thing I walked around with for months, the thing that’s currently leaching off my goddamn boyfriend, is strong enough to _kill God_?!”

Kihyun’s heart seems to stop. “It’s not just Minhyuk…” He says again.

“Ah,” Jooheons nods. “You’ve figured it out.”

Kihyun lets his head fall, stares at the wall, at the TV and then at the floor. “The taint… it’s the blood of a dead Goddess, you said…? And it speaks. It has a will. It confuses me,” He frowns. “Imagine… hearing it over and over again for millenia… eating at your fears, twisting justice into… revenge…?” Kihyun looks at Changkyun and he seems… scared. “It’s not Minhyuk. Don’t you get it? It’s Her, too…”

“She’s using Minhyuk?” Changkyun frowns, heart heavy in his chest. A whole Goddess. The shadow of God Himself, rising to take the Silver City. “She must have… sensed it, that he wanted Justice, when he fell. Took a hold of him early, to… to wait? For you?” Changkyun blinks, head spinning, looking over at Jooheon. “You want to save Minhyuk from… Her?”

“She’s not all that powerful anymore but… Her will remains. And it works in shadows and whispers. All of Hell wants all of Heaven. Lucifer, perhaps, is one of the only few who’s figured Her out. Minhyuk, however, is just a pawn, like many others. And Kihyun is not the only plan, I assume.” Jooheon makes to get up, pauses for a second, and the rises to his feet. He stretches his wings and curls them back in. “There have been many plans. There will be many more.” He looks at Kihyun. “You were a happy coincidence.”

Changkyun narrows his eyes, watches the way the feathers reflect light. “Not really how I see it…”

“Why not?” Jooheon smiles at him. “You found each other. Seems pretty happy from where I stand.”

 _A million times over_. Changkyun looks away, wants to swallow but his mouth is too dry. “An inconvenience, Minhyuk called it…” And Changkyun smiles a little. “Yeah, maybe you’re onto something, Jooheon.”

Jooheon lets out a short, low, laugh, and when he turns he slaps Changkyun in the face with one of his wings. “I don’t lie. Can’t lie.” He raises an eyebrow and tilts his head. “I have a feeling you know what that’s like.”

“I _can_ lie,” Changkyun says, frowning, head pulled back from where he’d been smacked. “I choose not to. There’s a difference.”

“Can’t relate,” Jooheon mumbles, eyes still on Changkyun’s face and looking a little playful.

“To a demon?” Changkyun scoffs, feeling himself start to smile. “What a surprise...”

“Does it bother you?” Jooheon asks, looking between his feet when Ki-Kyun dashes in and circles around him, rolling on the floor like a ninja and jumping over the couch, behind Kihyun. “Being a… demon…” Jooheon pouts at the cat.

Changkyun raises an eyebrow. “It would, if I was like any other demon I’ve ever met, but I’m not, so it doesn’t. And you can pick him up, if you want to, by the way… The cat, I mean. He loves the attention.”

Jooheon seems to hesitate when Kihyun pries Ki-Kyun from the back of couch and reaches over with the kitten, back legs flopping down, body stretching like a long, long cat. “You’d like him,” Jooheon mumbles, slowly trying with one hand, fingers dipping into Ki-Kyun’s furr. “Satan? Lucifer? You’d like him, I think.”

“Why, because we have so much in common?” Changkyun jokes lightly, booping his head against Kihyun’s arm. Just because.

“Because you’re both Pride,” Jooheon smiles, taking Ki-Kyun between his hands. “And Pride has the best sense of humor.”

Changkyun laughs, then, shaking his head. “I’m flattered. We’re flattered?” Changkyun pokes at Kihyun. “Told you you were funny.”

Kihyun snorts. “That explains why everyone hates Pride. Even Hell hates Pride.” He looks between Jooheon and Ki-Kyun and smiles wider. “I’m guessing you don’t mind…? Pride, I mean.”

Jooheon’s eyes turn to slits as he smiles wide at the kitten. “I’m Patience. And I fell with love with Greed. That should tell you enough.”

Kihyun blinks and then elbows Changkyun. “Can we adopt him?”

Changkyun laughs, looking up with his eyebrows raised. “What, even after the bird poop, wet floor incident?”

Kihyun whines a little, pokes at his own cheeks with his fingers, “Dimples, dimples and fluffy feathers… He’s forgiven…”

Changkyun rolls his eyes fondly, tilting his head to look back at Jooheon. “I’d say ‘we can keep him’ but he’s kind of keeping me at this point, but yeah, what the hell, adopt an archangel, _why not_.”

Ki-Kyun moves his tiny little head and glances at the feathers, irises blowing out of proportion before he lurches over Jooheon’s shoulder and tries to play catch. Kihyun almost melts over Changkyun’s shoulder when, instead of startling, Jooheon spreads his wings a little, making the feathers rustle.

“I like this creature,” Jooheon chuckles. “After those annoying insects, I thought everything that didn’t walk with two legs was going to creep me out.”

Changkyun laughs. “ _Spiders_ , God said. _I object!_ Jooheon replied.”

Jooheon pulls Ki-Kyun away from Changkyun, protectively, and frowns. “They have too many eyes. And those, what do you call them, the ones with colorful wings…” He shivers. “Horrible!”

“Demons are told to fear the living shit out of you guys,” Changkyun laughs again. “Meanwhile I could just chuck a butterfly at you and run. _Wow_.”

Jooheon squints. “I grew up hearing stories of Beelzebub, The Lord of Flies. I know what insects can do.”

“Why do I keep picturing naked baby angels, swarming over the clouds of Heaven?” Kihyun snorts.

“I don’t know, were you there?” Jooheon asks and Changkyun barks a laugh, pressing his hand over his mouth.

“Yeah! Yeah, we’re keeping him. Hyungwon’s gonna be _pissed_.” Changkyun laughs again. “A demon, a Nephilim, a Reaper, a seer, a human and an archangel walk into a bar…”

“Oh!” Jooheon nods. “The demon irks, the archangel smites, the nephilim coos, the seer coos back, the reaper drools over the human and the human gets drunk.” He nods. “Sounds about right.” He nods again. “I wonder what getting drunk feels like.” He looks at Changkyun. “That’s what a bar is right?” He gestures, like he’s milking a cow. “They serve drinks and you get drunk because you have too many?”

Changkyun pauses, looks over at Kihyun. “Is this what I used to sound like?”

Kihyun snorts a laugh and hides his face in Changkyun’s shoulder. “Ye--Yep!”

“Great,” Changkyun sighs, but smiles despite it. “Yes, Jooheon, a bar is a place where people get shitfaced. It’s a word. Dunno if you can say it. Can angels swear? Can angels even _get_ drunk?” He looks at Kihyun again. “Did you not understand the punchline of that joke or is it just me?”

Jooheon blinks, lets Ki-kyun jump to the floor, and Kihyun doubles with it next to Changkyun. Jooheon looks between them. “That sounds disturbing. Why would you smear feces on your face?”

“Gross!” Changkyun laughs, cringing into the couch and Kihyun. “It’s an expression! Ah, get it out!” Changkyun smacks lightly at Kihyun. “Make it stoooop.” But Kihyun just keeps laughing in that breathy way that spikes every now and then, eyes like crescents.

Jooheon blinks again. “Humans have the strangest rituals…”

Changkyun pauses his smacking, narrows his eyes curiously over at Jooheon. “Hey, buddy. Question. Do angels…” he tries not to laugh. “I mean, you and Minhyuk…” he tries not to laugh, again. It works a little less than the first time. “When an angel and another angel love each other--” And then trying is of no use, as Changkyun laughs into his hand and Kihyun punches him hard on the arm even as he keeps laughing.

Jooheon blinks-- _he just keeps doing that!_ “The jokes flew over my head now, please… explain.”

Changkyun wheezes a little. “Ki--Kihyun, I have to know. I _gotta_.”

Kihyun punches him again, a bunch of times, repeatedly, and then hugs him and squeezes him, “Why a--are you likes this!?” Kihyun laughs.

Changkyun stops laughing for a second, barely, just enough to look up at Jooheon and ask, “Do angels bang?” And then burst out laughing again, pulling Kihyun closer to squeeze and kick his legs a little.

“Bang…” Jooheon repeats, eyes squinting at the two of them.

“It’s--it’s an expression,” Changkyun laughs. “ _Ruffle each other’s feathers? Roll around in the clouds? Bump halos?”_

“Ah,” Jooheon looks down, contemplatively. “We sometimes care for each other’s feathers…” He nods. “And I think I might have rolled, yes, but it was grass, not clouds. You would just go through those, right?” He frowns. “What’s a halo?”

“I think--” Kihyun breathes in loud, “I th--think I’m… dying…!” He kicks his legs on the floor and then brings them over the sofa. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t--” He pulls Changkyun closer and cover his mouth with both hands. “Do--” Kihyun snorts and then tries again, “Do angels ha--have sex?”

Jooheon makes a face. “Uh… How do you think you were born…?” He tilts his head. “You know what you are, right? How you came to be…”

Changkyun snorts amidst his laughter. “ _Came_ to be…”

And Jooheon actually snorts a short laugh and looks away, cheeks slightly pink. “I understood that one.”

Kihyun slaps at Changkyun’s arm. “So cute!”

“We should _definitely_ take him to church,” Changkyun wheezes, wipes at his eyes, smacks Kihyun lightly again. “And hey, watch it, I’ve been known to be quite possessive,” he sticks out his tongue, teasing.  

“S’that so?” Kihyun glances over and cocks an eyebrow.

Jooheon, on the other hand, just shakes his head and turns to walk slowly towards the window. “I can’t believe the world as we know it is literally depending on the two of you…” He looks over his shoulder and smiles. “You’re the farthest from heroes.”

“I went to hell for him and he walked through it for me,” Changkyun says, then, still grinning wide. “We’re tough. Maybe not the most likely of heroes, but then again, who is.”

Jooheon smiles at Changkyun and then glances at Kihyun, eyes lingering for a moment, shining a little blue, before he looks away. He steps out into the balcony, stretches his wings. “Changkyun… Can I have a word?” He doesn’t looks over, though.

“Er, yeah? Sure,” Changkyun says, spinning a little to plant his feet on the floor and get up, ruffling at Kihyun’s hair before he walks to the balcony, gives one last glance when Kihyun makes a little playful sound when Ki-Kyun jumps over the couch all electric, and then slides the door closed behind him. “If you can’t say it in front of him, I’m going to assume it’s… bad.”

“Depends,” Jooheon breathes out. “Perspective, I’d say. But,” he side-glances at Changkyun, “After today, I think I know what you’ll--what you feel, how you feel, how you think.” He nods. “It’s nothing you’ll have to lie about. Kihyun knows.”

Changkyun’s throat threatens to close up as he nods, eyes somewhere over the balcony, at the little lights in the distance. “Something he knows, but I don’t. Something he wouldn’t just tell me.” Changkyun sighs, because he thinks he knows, but he doesn’t… want to ask. Not Kihyun, not Jooheon. But he says nothing else. A selfish, terrible part of him that doesn’t want to ask but still wants to know.

Jooheon looks straight ahead and sighs. He tilts his head up as if to look at the sky, but has his eyes cast down. “You should kiss him today. And tomorrow, too…” He pauses and the silence stretches. “I’ll meet you at sundown.”

Suddenly there’s a number on the timer and Changkyun can’t breathe. He fumbles a little, reaches for the railing and nods, finally managing to take a breath around his heart, lodged somewhere in his throat. “Y-yeah. See you then…”

Jooheon looks down. He seems to hesitate, hands twitching by his sides. But then he just says, “Be safe,” and he’s gone with the sudden blow the wind takes.

Two more sunsets.

That’s what Changkyun gets. Two more sunsets.

He closes his eyes and concentrates, breathes in deep and wills the edges of his chest to stop _bleeding_. Not yet. He’ll have time, then, after the sun sets for the last time, to learn how to cope with the darkness. But not yet.

Changkyun fumbles a little with the door, blinks everything back into focus, and closes the door behind him, walking directly to the couch. He doesn’t know what his face is doing. He doesn’t really care. Kihyun is here right now. Even if right now has an expiry date.

He flops down onto the couch, onto Kihyun, and pouts because he knows Kihyun can’t see his face. “Angels have no manners,” he mumbles. “Didn’t even say bye…”

Kihyun chuckles, tilts his head to bump it against Changkyun’s and then turns a little to show him Ki-Kyun’s paws, nails crawling out every time Kihyun squeezes the little toes. “Maybe you’ll becomes friends if he sticks around…?” He squeezes the little toes again and giggles. “Looks like you. All soft and cute. But if you poke, _dang_ , nails out to scratch.”

“Looks like me, sounds like you,” Changkyun teases, the feeling of emptiness in his chest already ebbing. It’s _terrible,_ really, how fast Kihyun can remind him to forget.

“You’ll never stop insinuating that I’m loud, will you?” Kihyun glances at him as if to glare, but just looks slightly amused.

“What? Me? Insinuate something like that?” Changkyun gapes, lifting his head. “Preposterous. Utterly absurd.”

Kihyun shakes his head and sighs, smiling a little and then letting Ki-Kyun wiggle out of his lap. “I liked him, I think.”

Changkyun sighs a little, props himself up by the elbow. “Yeah, me too... I thought he’d be all uppity and arrogant and all those other lovely synonyms for ‘angel’ but,” Changkyun shrugs.

“I wonder, though…” Kihyun looks over. “He said he can’t lie? And he said he doesn’t know what free-will feels like…” He smiles. “I think he does know. And I think he did lie, just a little.”

“Maybe he forgot a little,” Changkyun hums, smiles softly at Kihyun. He’s so beautiful. Changkyun never really forgets it, but sometimes he’s reminded. “It was millions of years ago that he was rolling around in the grass, or whatever. And the last thing he did was pledge allegiance or protection or whatever to someone else so…” Changkyun frowns. “That sounds like free-will but also he’s just choosing to follow something else? I don’t know.”

“Yeah, well, he sounds like he knows what he’s doing. So, I won’t worry about him, too much.” Kihyun rolls his eyes. “He strikes me as one of those with those incredible smart-dumb dualities?” He chuckles. “Like, he will smite down your enemies and then trip over a rock or something…?”

“So, all not-Earthbound beings?” Changkyun laughs. “Seriously, I feel like you say the same thing about me. Starting to think you just think everyone is dumb.”

Kihyun grins and leans in to nuzzle into Changkyun’s shoulder. “Maybe. Maybe I’m just too smart!”

“Kihyun, you thought the ‘L’ on the headset I bought for myself was for ‘Large’. You literally asked me if there were mediums.”

Kihyun headbutts him. “Don’t tell anyone, okay? I have a Pride to defend.”

Changkyun laughs, reaches up to rub at his head as if that hurt. “What’s the ‘R’ for, then? Regular?”

“I hate you…” Kihyun snorts and looks away. His smile falters a little for a moment while he eyes the small table. “Hey, tomorrow… do you…” He blinks and then looks over, eyes a little wide. “Do you wanna time travel?”

Changkyun frowns, jokes instead of admitting he’s confused. “What, nephilims can do that?”

Kihyun grins. “Not that I know of… But you can.” He leans a bit closer, looks Changkyun in the eyes. “Let’s go to Venice…”

Changkyun’s heart falls from somewhere in his throat, to the lowest part of his stomach. He smiles a little, though. It’s almost impossible not to, with Kihyun so close. “Turn back time and turn the not-date-date into an actual date?”

And Kihyun beams at him. “Yep!” He points at the camera on the small chair. “And this time, you take pictures!”

Changkyun’s chest squeezes, even as he nods with a wide smile. “Yeah?” He wiggles his hand into his pocket, unlocks his phone and grips at the front of Kihyun’s sweater, pulling him a little closer. “Mind if I take a picture of this, then?” Kihyun’s smile falters a little when he falls closer, stilling himself just a breath away. He blinks and then smiles again, like it took him a while to understand. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’, then,” Changkyun says under his breath, pulling just a little more to softly press his lips against Kihyun’s.

Forever is not a long enough time. It never will be.

Changkyun quickly glances over to the phone just to make sure they’re in shot, before he takes the picture and tosses the phone somewhere on the couch, wrapping his arms around Kihyun’s neck to deepen the kiss, smiling softly before he probes at Kihyun’s lips with his tongue. He tastes like honey tea.

Kihyun laughs but it’s barely perceptible, just a breath through his nose. He nuzzles in, even mid kiss, and then bumps his forehead on Changkyun’s. “You’re so silly,” He says, pouting a little even as he smiles, chin a little wrinkled. “Don’t get too excited. We’re meeting with Hoseok later.”

“Later being the keyword,” Changkyun pouts, trying not to smile as he pokes lightly at Kihyun’s side. “And what, do you think this morning wasn’t enough to keep me going for a few hours?” Changkyun laughs, shivering a little at the sudden flash of images in his brain. “I need to think about something else, oh my god.”

Kihyun’s cheeks seem a little pink when he nuzzles in again. “Shut up…”

“Seriously, distract me!” Changkyun laughs, wiggling a little. “It’s too much! I’m just one man!”

Kihyun cups at Changkyun’s face and then leans back a little to look at his face before he raises an eyebrow, cheeks pink. “So, pick: option one or option two.”

“Er,” Changkyun says, eloquent as always. “Do I get to know what the options are or?”

“No,” Kihyun grins and glances away, “But you’ll like both of them. Nothing to lose.”

Changkyun clears his throat, blushing for _some reason_. “Option… two?”

Kihyun doesn’t move for a few seconds, eyes on something else, and then licks his lips and looks over. “Alright.” He leans forward, sits Changkyun back on the couch and throws a leg over his lap, sitting up and straddling him. Kihyun wraps his arms around Changkyun’s neck and kisses his nose. “Option two it is.”

Changkyun laughs softly, despite the warmth in his cheeks and down his neck. “Exactly how is this supposed to distract me from wanting to ravish you?”

“Oh,” Kihyun tilts his head, blinking obliviously (or trying to), “Is that what this was supposed to be? You just told me to distract you,”  shrugs, “Didn’t say from what.”

Changkyun smooths his hands up Kihyun’s thighs, smiling as he tilts his head in the opposite direction as Kihyun’s. “Also didn’t say I minded…”

“Told you,” Kihyun chuckles, leaning in to peck at Changkyun’s lips. “You’d like both options.”

“I don’t know, I’m not feeling sufficiently distracted just yet,” Changkyun teases, biting his tongue between his teeth in a cheeky grin.

Kihyun glances at the laptop over the coffee table and then looks at Changkyun, leaning down again, tonguing at Changkyun’s tongue when they kiss. “What are you downloading?” He asks when he leans back, not a lot, but just enough.

Changkyun blinks because he knows he knows but the knowledge seems so far away suddenly, as he stares at Kihyun’s lips. “Er. Overwatch. It’s a… game, thingy.”

“Show me later?” Kihyun asks, licking at Changkyun’s lower lip and pulling him closer, tighter between his arms.

Changkyun suppresses a shiver, nods, brushing his nose against Kihyun’s. “Sure. I’ve never played it. Should be funny.”

“I’m counting on that,” Kihyun grins. Changkyun feels a thumb rub at the back of his head, nail scraping at his undercut. “So, what can we do in two hours?” Kihyun kisses the side of Changkyun’s nose.

“Well,” Changkyun starts, glancing past Kihyun at the kitchen before smiling wickedly. “You could always bend me over that table and fuck me, see how long until it breaks.”

There’s a long period of silence. Kihyun is blinking at the wall behind Changkyun, face blank, but his heart already skipped too many beats is now currently racing a sports car. There’s a slight twitch to Kihyun’s eyebrows and he probably tries to keep himself from frowning, and then there’s the look he gives Changkyun.

“Interesting choice of words, considering I told you not to get too excited but then you go and…” And Kihyun doesn’t need to finish that sentence because Changkyun knows it ends with _‘get me excited’_.

“Just saying,” Changkyun shrugs, seemingly nonchalant, “Option three. Two hours is a long time...”

It’s interesting, funny too, to look at someone’s face and be able to tell they’re struggling with their thoughts just by the way their eyebrows move. And Kihyun is, all in all, a very expressive guy.

“I hate you,” he says. And that tells Changkyun two things: one, _‘I love you’_ ; two, _‘I can’t believe you made me consider this’_.

And then, a third thing, a question Changkyun decides to answer before it’s even asked, “Sure you do, but I’ve already gone to the shop and come back so, you’re welcome.”

Kihyun glares a little. “So silly,” he mumbles before he kisses Changkyun. Kisses him as he slips away, standing up and pulling Changkyun with him. Kisses him as he pulls Changkyun’s sweater over his head. And then kisses his neck, mumbling, “So silly…”

“Yeah, I’m definitely better at dirty talk than you are,” Changkyun laughs, gripping at Kihyun’s ass as he pulls him along, feels his own hit the side of the table, giving a squeeze there before making quick work of Kihyun’s jeans’ button and fly.

Kihyun breathes hot on Changkyun’s ear, fumbles with Changkyun’s belt even as he slips his other hand inside Changkyun’s jeans once there’s a slight gap at his back, palms at Changkyun’s ass and brings him closer. “I feel like that’s a challenge…” Kihyun mumbles against Changkyun’s neck.

Changkyun tilts his head back to expose his neck, palms at Kihyun’s crotch even as he grinds into him. “It is.”

Kihyun pauses for a split second. It’s like he hesitates, but doesn’t. Changkyun’s belt makes a clunk sound when it hits the floor and Kihyun works his fingers around the buttons of Changkyun’s jeans, sliding his other hand in and then squeezing at his ass with both hands, grinding into that slight gap between them that quickly turns to nothing.

“Lube?” He asks, lips on Changkyun’s cheek.

Changkyun breathes out, stomach twisting into knots. “On--on the counter, plastic bag, next to the keys.”

There’s a hand on Changkyun’s wrist then and it tugs sharply, demanding, flipping Changkyun around before there’s another hand at the back of his head, slowly pushing him down, face against the table.

“Stay.”

And then the hand is gone but Changkyun doesn’t move, head spinning and hands looking for something to hold onto. He finds the edge of the table and grips. His heart feels like a jackhammer in his chest, feeling so… vulnerable? Changkyun thinks that might be the word. But then again, he’s never minded being at Kihyun’s mercy. In fact, he thinks, as the thought tugs at the knots and Changkyun feels his dick strain against his jeans, he wants to drown in it. He’s Kihyun’s, completely, and in moments like this, he can _show_ it, too.

He snaps out of his thoughts when he feels a hand soothe over his skin, trail his spine all the way up, soft kisses on his lower back. The hand is gone when the kisses trail up, too, and then Changkyun feels his jeans being tugged down, slowly. And as Kihyun pulls the jeans down, he keeps kissing, skipping over Changkyun’s boxers to kiss at his thighs, the back of his knees, giving a temptative lick there, too.

And it’s odd, the way Changkyun feels his body relax even as his stomach tightens, the now familiar feeling of arousal spreading up his chest, down his legs, all the way to the tips of his fingers.

Kihyun lets the jeans hang just below Changkyun’s knees and then reaches up to work his boxers down the same way. Except Changkyun feels Kihyun’s lips on his asscheek, feels the hot, loud, sigh against his skin. Changkyun groans against the table, tensing for a moment before making a conscious effort to relax.

“You,” Kihyun sighs again as he comes back up, places a kiss on Changkyun’s lower back, “Look so hot right now…”

Changkyun swallows thick, mouth dry, neck and ears hot. Kihyun’s… never been one to shy away from a challenge. “Yeah..?”

There’s a pop Changkyun recognizes, or thinks he recognizes. There are the soft kisses trailing down to his ass. And then there’s the slick finger between his asscheeks, sliding over first and then teasing. Changkyun whines, low, pushing back against it, another wave of arousal making him grip the table at the memory of how it felt to be filled by Kihyun. And Kihyun’s breath hitches a little, finger circling around before it presses in, slowly, teasingly staying at the entrance.

Changkyun whines again, then, high pitched and, he’s self-aware enough to know, needy. “ _Please_.”

Kihyun breathes sharp through his nose as if in acknowledgement and the finger presses in as Kihyun’s other hands smooths down Changkyun’s thigh, stops at his knee, thumb pressing the soft skin at the back.

“Love you like this,” Kihyun mumbles, kisses at Changkyun’s asscheek as he pushes his finger further in.

“ _Ah_ ,” Changkyun gasps, pushing his cheek against the table as he breaths. “L--Like what?”

“Like,” the hand on Changkyun’s knee moves to palm at his dick, “When your breath pauses when I put my mouth on you,” Kihyun mumbles, finger deep in to his knuckles before he drags it back out, teases the rim and Changkyun whimpers a little at the feeling of _not enough_ . “Like when you grab the sheets when you’re about to come. Like how crazy you make me for you.” A second finger tries in, “Take responsibility, _Kyunie…”_

Changkyun can feel the way his breathing picks up, the way his heart beats in his ears. “Is that not--” his breath hitches again, as he pushes back against Kihyun’s fingers. “What this is…”

But Kihyun pulls his fingers back, too, when Changkyun presses against him. “This is you being all mine. Showing me something only I can see,” he says before he lets Changkyun take him, fingers beckoning inside him.

Changkyun groans, loud, and he wants to spread his legs more, but the jeans stop him and he almost growls in frustration. He tries to turn a little, to look at Kihyun but all he can do is push against the table, push against Kihyun as he tightens around his fingers.

“I…” Changkyun’s breath shakes as he speaks. “Need you inside me, baby, _please_ …”

Kihyun’s fingers spread him open and then there’s a slight shift and Changkyun feels Kihyun’s tongue press in between them.

“ _Fuck… Kihyun!_ ” Changkyun cries out, loud, grip splintering the edges of the table as he pants. He feels the tip of Kihyun’s tongue tease the rim and then push inside, licking into him as he moves the ends of his fingers, too. And Kihyun’s other hand fists around Changkyun’s dick, pressing at the slit. Changkyun’s stomach tenses, and his breath hitches, moving against Kihyun’s hand, against his mouth, desperate. And when Kihyun brushes that spot inside him, it takes everything in him not to snap the table in half then and there. “Ah! More, please, _fuck_...”

Again, a shift. Kihyun moves, breath and lips trailing over Changkyun’s back as he pushes two fingers into him and then a third one. He licks between Changkyun’s shoulder blades. “Hm? What is it, baby?” He mumbles teasingly.

This time, Changkyun does growl a little, wants to lift his head but his entire body feels heavy, mind foggy. “ _Fuck me_ ,” he groans, pushing back against Kihyun’s fingers and letting out a shaky whimper.

Kihyun’s fingers beckon inside him one last time and then the feeling is gone. But it’s not too long before Changkyun feels Kihyun’s hand move to grip at his hips and push in against him, slowly, the fabric of Kihyun’s jeans, barely undone, scratching at Changkyun’s skin.

“ _Yes_ ,” Changkyun whimpers, revels at the feeling of Kihyun filling him, pushing back against it before tightening, making Kihyun gasp, grinding into Kihyun’s hand as his face and chest slide a little against the table, slick with a thin layer of sweat. “Feels so good, Ki…”

He feels Kihyun’s breath on his back and then feels Kihyun’s forehead between his shoulder blades. “You, too,” is all Kihyun says, voice barely there. He kisses Changkyun’s skin, mumbles something Changkyun can’t grasp and then starts moving his hand on Changkyun’s dick, faster than he moves against him. It’s like he can’t decide if he wants to go slow or fast.

“Faster,” Changkyun decides for him, words slurred and the corners of his eyes collecting tears, trying to roll his hips but his legs feel like jelly, all the strength he has in pushing against Kihyun, gripping at the table. And then Kihyun lets go of his dick after one short, possessive squeeze, grips at Changkyun’s hips and leans back, fucks Changkyun faster, harder. And Changkyun can’t see it but he can imagine it when Kihyun groans a little, the way Kihyun lets his head hang back, the frown on his face, eyes closed.

Changkyun knows by now what Kihyun looks like when he gets fucked, and, vice-versa, when he fucks Changkyun. There’s a slight difference in the frown, and he’s less loud during the latter, but more possessive, more demanding.

The feeling in Changkyun’s gut tugs, hard, when Kihyun fucks into him, grazing that spot that makes Changkyun cry out, the sound mingling with the harsh slaps of skin, the way the table creaks under him, digging into his hips right below his stomach. He cries out with every thrust into him, pressing his cheek against the table as he scrunches his eyes closed, embraces the rush that comes with letting his dick twitch and leak, a shudder wracking his body as it does. His cries ebb into whimpers, wiping his cheek lightly against the table when a tear escapes.

But then Kihyun pushes back a little, fucks Changkyun fast, closer to his entrance. Kihyun’s breath falters a little and he hisses, then. And Changkyun can feel it sometimes, the head of Kihyun’s dick on the rim of his asshole, the way it pushes in, stretching Changkyun’s walls. Kihyun pushes in again and Changkyun tightens, hand faltering at the side of the table with the temptation to give in and touch himself.

“I wanna--” Kihyun gasps a little when Changkyun tightens around his again, “I wanna hear you, baby…”

Immediately, Changkyun whimpers. There’s _something_ about the way Kihyun sounds when he’s fucking him, voice deeper and rougher, and it tugs again, Changkyun’s dick aching, and so he gives in, reaches down to wrap his fingers around himself and try to match the rhythm Kihyun is setting, letting the moan from the sensation echo through the kitchen. “Fuck me harder,” Changkyun gasps, pressing his forehead against the wood of the table’s surface. “Fill me, Ki, _please_.”

And even though he asked for it, the air in his lungs rushes out when Kihyun pushes all the way in again, a little slower but precise and strong. “Ah! Fuck! _Yes!_ ”

Kihyun groans at the back of his throat, hips stuttering a little and Changkyun knows he’s close, really close, even before he says, _“Kyunie,_ I’m…” Kihyun shudders. “You’re so good… so good, you feel so good, baby,” He mumbles, like a mantra that falls off his lips. And Changkyun flutters his eyes open, as much as they can, really, everything a little hazy as he grips tighter at himself, pushes back against Kihyun, moaning loudly as he feels himself, the tug in his stomach, edge.

Another tear escapes him, as words tumble from his lips, “I… I love you… _Ah_ ,” he whimpers, gripping at the table as his legs shake, walls tighten and dick spills in his hand. And as he comes, there’s one sudden and last brush against that spot that makes his body startle awake before Kihyun comes, too, curls over Changkyun when he does and breathes hot against the skin on his back.

“I love you, too.” A pause. “Changkyun.”

Changkyun breathes, bones heavy with the _post orgasmic euphoria_ , as he calls it. “Yeah?”

“Nothing,” Kihyun sighs, “Just wanted to say your name.”

Changkyun laughs softly, panting through breaths, sweat cold on his skin. “That’s… really sappy… Especially since you’re still inside me…”

“I’m comfortable, thank you.”

“I won’t move, then,” Changkyun breathes, closing his eyes. But Kihyun still slips out of him and Changkyun winces a little at the uncomfortable feeling.

“Can’t believe we just…” Kihyun trails off. “In the… kitchen… There was an _angel_ here...”

Changkyun chuckles softly, pushing himself up a little, still struggling to bring the world into focus. “Every room in the house, _check_ …”

Kihyun kneels down and taps at Changkyun’s legs, “Come on, take these off,” he says, tugging at Changkyun’s jeans and boxers, “Can’t believe I am letting you walk butt-naked to the bathroom but…” He sighs, gives a quick kiss on Changkyun’s thigh, “You need to clean yourself.”

Changkyun groans, stepping out of his pants, chest still on the table. “Your aftercare is lacking,” he grumbles without bite, flopping his arms a bit. “I feel uuuused.”

“Do I need to recall you of what you were telling me not even three minutes ago?”

Changkyun scoffs, wiggling his ass a little. “Are you not entertained?”

And, much unlike him but also very like him, Kihyun does slap at Changkyun’s ass before he paces somewhere, “Get your ass to the bathroom, if you may. Or I will.”

“Promises, promises,” Changkyun mumbles, looking over his shoulder before popping himself into the bathroom, hesitating before he closes the door in front of him. He takes a deep breath and ignores when it shakes, when he pushes his forehead against the door, feels the warmth leaking out his ass. He winces against the burn in his eyes, the hollow ache in his chest because…

Despite the hope. Despite right now. Despite the timer, and an angel promising to help him, and knowing that he’ll never, ever give up on saving Kihyun, he still…

Fuck, he’s going to miss Kihyun so much.

Changkyun has, quite almost literally, not known a life without Kihyun. Can’t _see_ a life where he’s not falling asleep next to him. Kihyun was, after all, Changkyun’s first everything. Changkyun’s first connection to the world. Some people have their mothers, their families. Others have their friends, their best friends. And Changkyun has Kihyun.

Changkyun takes a shuddering, anchoring breath, reaching over for a cloth as he turns around, glances up at himself in the mirror. At least Kihyun didn’t see the tears. At least, Changkyun could attribute them to something else, even if Kihyun did.

Changkyun wets the cloth and cleans himself, avoiding his reflection. There are moments like these where Changkyun can’t help but not be okay. He’s cried a few times, a handful of stolen moments where he just couldn’t look past the sadness of what’s to come, the loneliness that awaits after their last sunset, how hard he’ll need to fight, because as sad as he’ll be, _that’s_ when he’ll have to be strong. If not for his own sake, for Kihyun’s, for the whole goddamn world. He’ll have time to grieve, if grief is what will happen. At least, then, he won’t have to muffle his sobs for the sake of the one he’s crying for.

When he looks up at himself again, Changkyun smacks his cheeks, nods sternly and swallows. No more time wasted crying in a bathroom about how little time he has left. Changkyun makes sure his eyes aren’t red, before stepping out of the bathroom, looking towards the kitchen.

Nothing.

But then he sees Ki-Kyun by the bedroom door, sitting, ears perked up, looking into the bedroom. The kitten turns his head like an owl to look at Changkyun with big, round eyes.

“So,” Changkyun hears Kihyun say, “Apparently our baby doesn’t like sprays? He just got all worked up when he heard the perfume.”

“Perfume?” Changkyun asks before he looks over, feels himself pale at the sight before him. Kihyun in the tightest pair of black pants he’s ever seen on him, thin, silver chains dangling from his belt loops, draped over his thigh, a sleeveless, slightly ( _slightly!_ Changkyun’s head screams) see-through shirt, and something around his neck. Changkyun doesn’t know what it’s called, but he feels himself choke. “Wha--” Changkyun gapes, eyes wide and mouth dry. He can’t think of anything else to say. ‘ _Wha_ ’ is what he’s going to have to go with, here.

Kihyun looks up, blinks at him and then grins. “Too much?”

 _Words are for men stronger than he,_ Changkyun thinks, and stares, mouth open. “You--When--Why-- _I’m fine_.”

“If you want to touch whatever it is you want to touch,” Kihyun says, looking at a long black button up over the bed, “Do it before those two get here.” He pauses. “Also, don’t get too comfortable. You and I,” he moves his finger between them, “Are having dinner out.”

Changkyun walks forward, eyes roving over Kihyun with a quirked eyebrow. “What, I can’t go out like this?” Changkyun reaches out, smooths his hand over the mesh material of Kihyun’s shirt, down his chest. “But you can go out looking like…” _Yes, Changkyun_? “You’re trying to seduce me.”

Kihyun smiles and-- _damn, he is so beautiful when he smiles_ . “Oh,” he glances at Changkyun. “I am not _trying_. I’m doing it.”

Changkyun narrows his eyes, smooths his hand further down to feel the skin-tight pants over his thigh, his ass. “Why…? Because I mentioned wanting to see you like this or..?”

“Yeah, well,” Kihyun shrugs, leans a bit closer, mouth over Changkyun’s ear and adds, “You can have fun getting me out of these when we get back home. If you want.”

“Who says I want you out of them,” Changkyun grins despite the little shiver that works its way down his spine. “Well. Completely, at least…” He bites back at Kihyun’s ear, ignores the tug in his stomach. “Do I get an outfit too?”

“If you want,” Kihyun sighs softly and then kisses Changkyun’s cheek before he steps back and points at the bathroom. “I’ve got makeup to apply, apparently.”

“Join you in a sec,” Changkyun says, glancing at the wardrobe. He’s sure he’s still got those leather pants in there somewhere.

  
  


\---

  


 

Having makeup on means two things: Kihyun can’t rub at his eyes; Kihyun can’t cry or he will ruin all his good work. Which is great, considering what he’s about to do, or feels he’s about to do. Because no one really knows, except perhaps Changkyun, that Kihyun is saying goodbye.

First his father. Now his two best friends. Maybe a text to Shownu, he deserves that much. And then that one goodbye that will never feel like a goodbye. The one Kihyun won’t be able to say; Changkyun’s.

It’s been difficult to stay upright. To keep himself from curling into a ball and crying his heart out. Because Kihyun doesn’t want to vanish. He doesn’t want his essence to disappear and let something else take over. He doesn’t want to die even if sometimes it’s all he can think about when the pain takes over and clouds his senses.

Kihyun wants to go back home for the holidays. Wants to see his father. Wants to have Mrs Jung chase Changkyun around with a stick because she feels it in her bones, that he is a demon. Kihyun wants to be around to keep Hyungwon around, to keep him from vanishing from Hoseok’s life again. Wants to be around to kick Hoseok through the floor, because someone has to do that, right? The idiot cries too much. Wants to be around to bicker with Hyungwon, because again, someone needs to do that, right? Hoseok doesn’t clean after himself and Hyungwon won’t tell him to. They’re both a huge mess without Kihyun. And Kihyun wants to see Changkyun smile. Wants to come home and hear his voice, tell him stupid things, tell him about the new things he’s learned, tell him about what he wants to do next… And it’s stupid and selfish, but Kihyun doesn’t want to feel like Changkyun has to move on from someone who still loves him and always, always will.

And hope… Hope is bleak. Maybe there’s an archangel. Maybe there’s a stupidly stubborn boyfriend with equally stupid friends. But hope is bleak. Sometimes, Kihyun finds himself smiling because he knows something will work out. But then, not even two minutes later, everything feels like it’s the last time, the last chance. And Kihyun keeps bouncing between the two. Keeps feeling like everything will be fine and like everything is going to shit and he won’t even be around to help.

And it’s not, lying, not really. Because he knows. And because he knows Changkyun knows as well. But maybe… smiling at Hoseok when he eyes the splintered edges of the table…? Maybe that is lying. And again, so selfish. Because Kihyun is saying goodbye without allowing them to say it back. Then again, not everyone needs to feel as hopeless as he does. So, this is his way to helping them, too. Or so he thinks.

“Does that,” Hoseok points at the table and then moves his finger to point between Kihyun and Changkyun, “Have anything to do with… the fact that you’re dressed like you’re going to a party tonight, or…” He shakes his head. “I mean. _I_ would dress like that to go to work. But this is you two we’re talking about.”

Changkyun puts a hand to his chest, barely covered by the shirt he’s seemingly forgotten to button up completely. “How _dare_ you assume I don’t go to work dressed like this. There’s an _aesthetic_ to being a hunter of supernatural creatures.”

Kihyun snorts a laugh, glances over, eyes Changkyun up and down. “It’s a good technique, seduce your enemy and then pounce but with, like, kill-intent?”

“Wendigos aren’t as easily swayed by my boy-ish charms, I’m afraid.”

“Wendigos,” Kihyun nods, smacks his lips and looks away. “I swear, whenever I think I’ve seen everything…”

“You’re changing the subject,” Hoseok grumbles, eyes narrowing at the two of them.

“I kind of want them to change the subject, though,” Hyungwon admits, eyeing the table suspiciously.

“A little jealousyyy,” Changkyun sings, swaying his hips a little to bump at the table and then reaches out to stop it from toppling over. “Hah. What was the question again?”

Hoseok closes his eyes and holds a hand up. “You know what? I don’t care. I am glad the two of you look fuckable. And I don’t mean that in the sense you’re taking it--Yoo Kihyun! Stop making faces!”

“What? What faces?” Kihyun winces. “Eugh, gross.”

“Dear, you do make quite a lot of faces,” Changkyun nods, smiling sheepishly and crossing his arms. “You’re very, very expressive.” He points a finger at Hyungwon. “In general. Don’t look at me like that.”

Kihyun glances over, raises an eyebrow. “Is that so…”

Hoseok sighs loudly and drags a chair to sit down. But the moment he absent-mindedly puts his elbow on the table, it wobbles and fall on the floor with a loud _bak!_ , legs sprawled to the sides. Kihyun tilts his head and gives it a pitiful look. Mad? Nope. It’s his fault. Distress? Hell no. He is actually quite amused. He’s changed, hasn’t he? It feels like it. Or maybe he’s just embraced the chaotic in him.

“Huh,” he huffs, looking at the nearest wall then, licking his lips and trying not to smile.

“Definitely lasted longer than I thought it would,” Changkyun says under his breath before laughing behind his hand, eyes on Hyungwon who looks absolutely mortified.

“Kihyun… I take everything back.” Hoseok says, eyes a little wide. “You… the two of you are something else. Damn!” He fists one hand and hits his other palm. “So jealous…”

“Well,” Changkyun says, laughter making him waver a little. “I’m sure _your_ dick works just fine.”

“Hey!” Hyungwon snaps.

“It does!” Hoseok whines.

Kihyun clears his throat and walks between them, rolling his wrist a little as he gestures at Hoseok, “No, no. What was that? Take what back, let’s hear it.” He tilts his head, “Come on, say it.”

Hoseok grumbles. “Listen, I’m just saying. Not bad for a guy who had to go with Hyungwon and I to prom…”

“We really thought we’d have to hold your hand during your first time,” Hyungwon adds. Of _fucking_ course he had to go and say that. He will never let that one go.

Kihyun glares at him. “Yeah and have sex through a hole in a sheet. You’re all adorable and hilarious. I am on the floor,” Kihyun gestures at the floor, “ _On the floor_ ,” he repeats for dramatic effect.

“Well, at least the floor doesn’t break that easy,” Hoseok says, staring down at the broken table. “And you seem to… know what you’re doing. At a guess.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes, sighs loudly. “Wonho, they handed him a virgin demon soulmate. What does he know.”

“How to get it up,” Kihyun says.

“This is bullying,” Hyungwon says, as Changkyun laughs and holds his hand up at Kihyun for a high five.

Kihyun slaps his hand over Changkyun’s and then glances at Hyungwon. “Look at you, such a victim. What do you call it when you’re the one telling jokes? Ah. That’s right, _‘facts’_.”

“And in the middle of all this,” Hoseok sighs loudly again, “I am the true victim.”

Changkyun snorts, hides it behind his hand again. “So-sorry.” And snorts again, waving his hand. “I mean!” He looks at Hyungwon. “You have a mouth, don’t you?”

“Okay!” Hyungwon shouts. “Discussion over!”

Kihyun slaps half-heartedly at Changkyun’s arm. “Like a cavern in the middle of the Arctic.”

“I said, it’s done! Finished!” Hyungwon bristles, crosses his arms and looks over at Hoseok. “And you shut up. I’m not taking this abuse from people with working circulatory systems.”

“Oh,” Kihyun huffs a laugh. “That’s what you call it?” He turns a little to snorts a laugh into Changkyun’s shoulder. “Not very romantic, I’d say.”

Hoseok laughs, too, then, unsuccessfully hiding it behind his hand. Hyungwon glares and Hoseok immediately looks apologetic. “Sorry about your dick, babe,” he says, sincerely.

Kihyun cackles then, “So--Sorry! About!” He slaps at Changkyun’s shoulder. “That is so bad… Oh, god.”

Hyungwon takes a deep breath as they all laugh, again, and Kihyun knows what Hyungwon looks like when he’s trying not to laugh, too.

“Should have gone to Heaven like I was promised…” He grumbles. “You assholes…”

“Aw,” Kihyun manages, “You’d miss us.”

“Not as much as I miss my dick.”

“You think you’d be able to use it in Heaven?” Kihyun asks, actually curious. He remembers Jooheon mentioning angels _do_ have sex, obviously--Kihyun was born, after all. But the extent of it still lays in the middle of a mist.

“It’s _Heaven_ ,” Changkyun says, then. “There are much sturdier tables in Heaven.”

“Imagine fucking through the clouds,” Hoseok sighs wistfully.

Kihyun frowns. “Then you’d just get wet…”

“Exactly, friend.” Hoseok nods and gestures. “Precisely.”

“Can we have _one_ conversation that doesn’t turn vulgar?” Hyungwon almost begs. “Just one. _Please_ . I grew up going to _church_ . With _him_ \--” he points at Kihyun.

“Now church comes to me,” Kihyun grins. “We met an angel.”

Hyungwon gapes. “And you’re _still alive_ ?! What the _fuck_?”

Hoseok beams up at them. “So they do exist?!”

“There’s wings!” Kihyun says, because he’s still so in awe with those. If he didn’t think it rude, he would have asked Jooheon to touch them. “They’re so fluffy!”

Hyungwon stills looks like somebody had told him up was down and left was right. Hoseok, however, jumps a little in his seat, like an excited child. “Really?! That’s so cool! Do they wear white? Have halos?” Hoseok gasps. “Can they _swear_?”

“Yes, yes,” Changkyun narrows his eyes at the kitchen cupboard. “I don’t know? They can’t lie, so I think they might be automatically be profanity filtered?”

Hyungwon shakes his head. “But wait, why would an angel…? Are you so heavenly touched that… What… How… Why!?”

“I feel that,” Changkyun says, pointing at Hyungwon. “I still sometimes wonder if I actually got my ass smote and this is all just a vivid fever dream.”

“At least you’re getting laid!” Hoseok exclaims and Kihyun snorts.

“Stop it!” Hyungwon whines. “It’s not my fault! And we have angels to worry about now! Because apparently _everyone_ wants a piece of his ass, I cannot _believe_ \--Seriously, did you _fight_ an angel and actually win? I’m fading, I can feel myself just… woosh.”

“Nope,” Kihyun chuckles, looking at the floor. If Hyungwon is asking then it means he hasn’t seen it yet, Kihyun’s soul. “We lost. And then he kneeled for Kyunie.” He frowns, though, remembering something similar. “What’s with angels and this ‘kneel’ kink, anyway…”

“An angel,” Hyungwon says, slowly. “Kneeled for a demon… I’m really going through it right now…”

“It’s a long story,” Changkyun winces. “But basically, he saw our connection, took pity, maybe? He understands. So he’s decided to…” He glances over at Kihyun. “Help us. With… whatever.”

“That’s so cool and nice of him! Angels are nice!” Hoseok smiles wide, eyes wide. Which is expected from someone like him. Hyungwon however…

“An angel,” He repeats, eyes on Kihyun now. He frowns. “Decided to help a demon and a Nephilim who just broke a hundred rules and brought a soul back from Hell… Right.”

“Nice, right?” Changkyun says, glancing at Kihyun again before smiling. “Look, it’s a good thing. I’ll take it.”

Kihyun keeps glancing between Changkyun, Hyungwon and the floor, training that stupid smile on his face. “Enlightening, too, I’d say. If you heard the shit he said… about… Heaven and…” Kihyun shrugs one shoulder, eyes on the table on the floor. “We’re gonna need a new table…”

Changkyun smiles softly, reaches out to scratch at the back of Kihyun’s neck. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll get one. It was my idea.”

“Ew,” Hyungwon says, simply.

“Wait,” Hoseok says, pointing between the two of them. “You can do that now?”

Kihyun flinches but still smiles when he looks up. “Ah, the, uh…” He glances at Changkyun. _Something, something, something._ “There’s a lot of things he can do now,” Kihyun tries to deflect, tugging at Changkyun’s shirt a little. “Show them that thing!”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, smile teasing. “I _just_ put on pants, Kihyun.”

“Your soul, you idiot,” Kihyun snorts, punching Changkyun in the arm with little intent.

“Again, I _just_ put pants--” He laughs, dodging. “Alright, alright! Hang on, lemme just,” he shakes his shoulders loose, puffs a little. “Remember how without an angel aiming a bazooka of light at me…”

Hoseok perks up. “A bazooka of light?! They have those?!”

“They shoot light beams from their hands,” Kihyun explains, amused.

“Like Iron Man?!”

“Ehm… Y--Yeah?”

“Cool,” Hoseok keeps gaping, as Changkyun closes his eyes to focus. He puts his hand out, wiggles it at Kihyun.

“Gimme that,” he mumbles with a frown.

Kihyun glances at the hand and smirks. _“Again,_ I just put pants on…”

Changkyun slaps lightly at Kihyun’s thigh and then laughs at the unspoken inside joke, wiggling his fingers again. Kihyun sighs, as if it took a lot of effort, and holds Changkyun’s hand, lacing their fingers together.

“Can’t have a shadow without any light,” Changkyun chirps. “That’s just… darkness,” and as he says it, the room fills with tiny, bright purple lights, hovering in the air as if held there by a bunch of invisible threads. Hoseok gapes even more (if that’s possible), eyeing the lights and reaching out a little to touch one, only for it to fly away like a scared firefly.

It fills Kihyun’s heart with warmth and the first thing he thinks of is _‘home’._ And _home_ is so damn beautiful. Filled with little lights, too. For a shadow, Changkyun’s soul shines really, really bright. And Kihyun is so, so, so fucking proud of him. _This_ , Kihyun thinks. _Worth everything else_.

Changkyun peeks an eye open as he asks, “Did I do it?” And then smiles, bright, when he takes it in. “Woah!”

And _that_ , too, fills Kihyun’s chest with warmth. Because that stupid pretty smile, that silly excitement in Changkyun’s voice, that’s what Kihyun will miss the most. It would be bearable to see it happen, even if he wouldn’t be the one behind it anymore. But like this? That’s just…

“It’s beautiful,” Kihyun says, looking at Changkyun.

“It’s disquieting,” Hyungwon whispers, eyes shining yellow as he looks around. “Being inside souls is… weird.”

“I bet it looks real pretty, even prettier if you mix them,” Hoseok chirps, eyes sparkling and on the ceiling. Kihyun’s heart falters for a moment, but he smiles and agrees silently.

The lights flicker, then, and go out. Changkyun’s hand squeezes his and his smile turns sheepish, shy, almost. He clears his throat and looks at Kihyun, cheeks dimpling in a tight mouthed smile. “Sorry, had to put my mental pants back on.”

Kihyun chuckles, swings their hands a little, thinks, _don’t you dare letting go_ , because he might cry if he does. “Yeah. Well…” Kihyun doesn’t know what to say, suddenly. He rushes through his thoughts in search of something, anything, and then decides to stay quiet. Changkyun turns his smile to Hoseok, speaks when Kihyun doesn’t.

“So, we’re _not_ going to a party? I put eyeliner on, Seokkie. _Eyeliner_.”

“A party? Oh,” Hoseok looks between them. “Were you going on a date after this?”

“Yeah, well,” Kihyun shrugs, finally finding his voice, “You’re welcome to join us, though.” He grins and gives Hoseok a thumbs up with his free hand, “We’re getting fried chicken.”

Hyungwon blinks at Kihyun with a serene expression, but Kihyun ignores the question in his eyes. It’s only a matter of time before Hyungwon figures it out. And when he does… well… Kihyun doesn’t know how that’s going to turn out. He’s already replayed all possible conversations in his head at least twenty times each. But he’s sure that, when the time comes, he won’t know what to say.

Hoseok scoffs. “Of _course_ you are,” Hoseok sighs, looks over at Changkyun. “I really hope you like chicken, Kyun. You’re going to be living off chicken if you stay with _this one_.”

Changkyun nods. “I like them! It’s a shame we eat their babies, though.”

“Hey! I eat other things, too!” Kihyun whines.

“Lemme guess,” Hyungwon deadpans. “Ass?”

Well. Kihyun walked right into that one. So, he just shrugs and says, “Only his,” and points with his thumb at Changkyun. “Are you joining us?” He pauses. “For chicken. _Not_ to eat his ass, god…”

Hyungwon cringes, face all scrunched up. “Ugh! Have I ever told you I hate your sense of humor? Just a reminder.”

Hoseok, however, cackles. “Aw, but that’s kind of sweet! Only eats his ass. _One rim to rule them all_ \--”

Kihyun throws his head back and groans, then turning to hide his face on Changkyun’s arm and laugh. “Y--Yeah, yeah, I’m a hopeless romantic. Go, on” He gestures at Hoseok, “Say it. I know you want to.”

Hoseok laughs behind his hand before composing himself to loudly announce, “ _And in the darkness, grind them_!”

 _This_. Them? All of them. The best of Kihyun’s life. And he’s going to miss them. Because even though Kihyun tells himself they need him, the truth is… He needs them, too. So much...

Even Hyungwon laughs, shaking his head as he hides his face. “That’s… fucking awful, I hate you.”

And Kihyun would walk through Hell and kneel before a demon prince for every single one of them. _A million times over._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our fingers typed this idek... Our bad??? Nah.
> 
> ALSO: CHECK OUT OUR VALENTINES' DAY ONE SHOT [HERE!!!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17668943) It's fluffy, it's cute, it's definitely NOT Clean Eyes in any shape or form. Enjoy!!!


	29. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they kiss Kihyun is not afraid. When they kiss there are no thoughts other than ‘I’m home’. So, Kihyun sighs and counts: Ten.
> 
> And, as the sun vanishes in the horizon, Kihyun lets go.

There is sadness in saying goodbye. In leaving  _ home _ , a place where fond memories grew as fast as that clover in the grass, near the sidewalk. It’s strange. Most people think there’s a conscience that remains after death, after vanishing. But Kihyun knows it’s all an illusion. If not for the thin blue thread that holds his soul fast to his body, he wouldn’t have been able to do much the moment he decided to die for a few seconds and walk through Hell to make a deal with a demon prince. And maybe there are ghosts, but that’s not something Kihyun wants to become, either, if he could become something else altogether. Because in the end, he will vanish, like he never existed at all.

But those who remain will remember. And that’s why, in a way, Kihyun wants them to remember the happy bits more than the sad bits. Goodbyes are sad, but they bring closure.

And maybe it’s a selfish closure--no, it definitely is selfish, on Kihyun’s part, but he’s the one leaving and, as terrible as it is to think, or say, he’s letting himself be a little selfish. It’s like that ‘last wish’ before it’s over. Purely, purely selfish, but so damn gratifying. 

It’s not obvious, Kihyun knows, for everyone else to figure it out. To realize that when he says ‘goodbye’ he means ‘farewell’. But they will know when the time comes. They will think back and realize, _ ‘Oh, that’s what he meant…’ _ , they will think Kihyun is really, really gone, perhaps give up, although Kihyun doubts Changkyun ever will. But at least he gets to say goodbye, in his own way.

Kihyun doesn’t have enough fingers to count the amount of times he should have died already. Even at that stupid Halloween party. And then, again, at the office. Later, during that fancy dinner. And Changkyun could have died when he fell off that building and he would have never been able to say ‘I love you’. So, this? This isn’t new. The difference is, this time Kihyun knows he has to accept it. There’s no fighting his way out of this one. There’s no hoping for his demigod powers to save him, either. There is only the taint and then the fall.

And yet, despite consciously being aware of how he feels about all this, part of him doesn’t want to go. Kihyun doesn’t want his friends to move on from calling him when the microwave breaks, to reminisce on how it used to be when they had to call Kihyun whenever stupid trouble knocked at the door. Kihyun doesn’t want his father to mourn him too, his own son--no one should have to mourn a son or a daughter. Kihyun doesn’t want Changkyun to move on, either. And it’s so, so selfish, too, for Kihyun to wish he could have all this love all for himself forever. 

But he can’t. He can’t and he knows it. And despite these darker feelings, the ones that his fear of vanishing keeps fueling, Kihyun is a better person than that.

So, when they turn the street and it’s time, time to look Hoseok in the face and say ‘goodbye’ with meaning, hope Hoseok will smile and say ‘see ya soon’, Kihyun puts a smile on his face and keeps his eyes clear of tears.

Yes, tears. Because this is his goddamn best friend. The only person, besides his own father, Kihyun’s ever said ‘I love you’ to before he met Changkyun. And maybe, if Changkyun had never showed up in the first place, if Hyungwon was but a memory from the past, maybe they would have gotten that stupid house Hoseok kept daydreaming about, dogs and cats and lived the rest of their lives nagging at each other.

And Kihyun promised… He promised he wouldn’t jump into the fire. He promised he wouldn’t leave Hoseok alone. So, he won’t. He won’t leave Hoseok alone, not completely.

“I’m actually surprised,” Kihyun teases, looking between Hyungwon and Hoseok. “You two are very… controlled. I figured you’d be all over each other the moment I’m, like,  _ in range.” _

Hoseok scoffs, cheeks a little pink when he squeezes Hyungwon’s hand. “My hand is  _ freezing _ , Kihyun. I love him but I value my fingers, lips or other appendages not falling off from frostbite.”

Hyungwon grumbles, looking away, “It gets warmer, stop overreacting…”

Kihyun snorts a laugh, feels the cold on his face and sniffles a little. “I’m terribly sorry… He didn’t come with a heater incorporated. I’d ask for a refund.”

“I was told there’s no return policy,” Hyungwon says, corner of his mouth threatening to turn up in a smile, as Hoseok leans to the side to push their arms together and nuzzle lightly.

“S’okay, I’ll warm you up!” Hoseok chirps.

Changkyun laughs from next to Kihyun, hand light on Kihyun’s back, “ _ Gross _ .”

Kihyun looks towards the middle of the street, sees something, a shadow, look back at him. He smiles when it looks away, when it ignores him, his light. Because now there’s taint in him, too. No shadow would want to look twice at him…  _ Not so pure anymore, am I…? _ And, for some reason, it bothers him a lot more than it should.

He turns his smile to Hoseok, though. “Will you be okay on the way home?” He asks, tilting his head towards Hyungwon, “You know he can’t protect you, right? Even if he looks like the main character of a TV drama. Hair bleached… Bet your asshole is bleached, too.” Kihyun scoffs.  _ One last stupid fight, come on. _

Hyungwon runs a hand down his face and Hoseok laughs, waving a hand. “Yoo Kihyun,  _ behave _ .”

Hyungwon throws a weary look at Hoseok. “It’s okay, he’s just jealous. Always has been.”

Kihyun grins, feeling quite pleased with himself. “Of you? Why? There’s nothing you have that I want.”

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow, sticks a hand out, palm down, to gesture between the two of them, hand going over Kihyun’s head. “Really? Nothing?”

And maybe Hyungwon won this round. It’s not so bad, to leave it like this. So, Kihyun sighs, swatting Hyungwon’s hand away and peeking to look at Hoseok. “Still, be safe?”

“I will be, don’t worry,” Hoseok smiles wide, reaching out as well to smooth down a tuft of hair Hyungwon must have awoken. “There are angels watching over us. I know that now.” He lowers his voice. “Plus, your boyfriend shows up whenever I say his name, it’s all good.”

Kihyun sighs. “Well, I trust Changkyun will kick ass whenever necessary.”

“Hell yeah,” Changkyun says, chin up. “Bring me an ass and I’ll kick it.”

“What was that?” Hyungwon squints. “Kiss it? Sounds about right.”

“Hyungwon,” Hoseok says cheerfully and it sounds a lot like being scolded.

Kihyun laughs, eyes cast down. “Well,” he licks his lips and looks up, smiling wider and waving, “Goodbye, then.”

Hyungwon frowns a little as Hoseok waves, too, pushes Hoseok forward a little. “Hug him.”

“Hm?” Kihyun blinks and then frowns. “Why?”

“Because you’ll never ask,” Hyungwon scoffs and Hoseok pouts, holding his arms open.

“These muscles aren’t just for show,” Hoseok says. “Lemme at ‘em.”

“I’m not moving an inch,” Kihyun grumbles, glancing away. 

“He loves hugs, really,” Changkyun betrays him, as Hoseok pounces forward and wraps his arms around Kihyun, lifting him from the pavement in a tight hug.

“I know!” Hoseok cackles.

“Ugh,” Kihyun keeps grumbling, “Put me down, you idiot…”  _ I’m going to cry if you keep being silly... _

“Hug me back first, you coward.”

“I can’t! You’re crushing me with your big arms!” Kihyun wiggles.

Hoseok laughs, and Kihyun can feel it against him. “I’m putting you down in hopes of a hug  _ back _ ,” he says, and Kihyun’s feet find solid ground again, Hoseok letting go once he does and, despite what he’s said, taking a little step back even as he smiles, wide, in that way that makes his eyes turn to crescents and the gums of his teeth peek out. 

And Kihyun doesn’t waste a second longer and just closes that distance, throws his arms around Hoseok and gives him a squeeze--a bit stronger than what he would have been capable of a few months back.

“Geez,” Hoseok laughs, surprised, making sure to return the favour. Hoseok’s always given really, really good hugs. “Have you been exercising?”

“Meditating,” Kihyun jokes, smiling a little.

“Ah, strength of  _ will,  _ I see.”

“Yep,” Kihyun says, letting go and giving a few steps back until he’s standing next to Changkyun again, able to reach for his hand. “Happy now?” Kihyun asks, giving Hyungwon a look.

Hyungwon narrows his eyes. “Satisfied? Maybe. Happy? Questionable.”

“Well,  _ I’m  _ happy,” Hoseok says, looking particularly chuffed. “I’ll cash in for another Kihyun Hug in a month or two.”

Kihyun’s heart drops a little but he snorts a laugh to hide it. “If you catch me.”

Hoseok laughs brightly, gives Changkyun a  _ look _ . It must be a look he understands, though, with the way Changkyun groans in mock exasperation before jumping forward, Hoseok stumbling back a little with the force of it before he laughs, squeezes tight, and lets go. 

“See how easy that is?” Hoseok teases, rolls his eyes and reaches out to tug a little at Hyungwon’s hand. “Come on, Mr. Manhwa.”

“Oh, God, not you, too.”

“I like to look on the bright side of things, Wonnie, keeps me going.” Hoseok waves a little bit again, tugs at Hyungwon as they turn around to walk away.

Kihyun looks at them and then at the ground. He bites at his lower lip, tonguing at the wound that heals too fast when he bites off a bit of dry skin. He reaches for Changkyun’s hand and catches his pinky. “Home?”

Changkyun nods, shifts his hand to intertwine their fingers. “Mind if we walk?” He asks, eyes on the faraway lights of the city. 

“I was gonna suggest it,” Kihyun chuckles.

“My teleporting finally giving you stomach cramps or something?” Changkyun teases as he leads them, takes the first few steps that lead to home.

“No, not really, I just…” Kihyun stumbles on a rock and chuckles. “Sorry. Just don’t wanna go home yet. Or… I do but… Hm… Don’t know how to word it.”

“You want time to feel a little longer,” Changkyun says, soft, shrugs a little. “At least, that’s why I suggested it.”

“Sometimes we think alike,” Kihyun grins, swinging their hands a little. 

“And sometimes we think in completely different directions,” Changkyun laughs. “Works out well, I think.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Kihyun asks, glancing over. “I’m happy.”

“Me too,” Changkyun says, a little soft. “Tonight was nice. Felt like, what’s that thing? A ‘double-date’?” He scoffs. “We got a few looks, too, I’m quite proud.”

“You are?” Kihyun asks, amused. “And well, it was a double-date.” He snorts. “Except, to others, it must have looked like Hoseok was a burning candle. Anyone outside the range could only see three people.”

Changkyun laughs, bringing his hand up. “Wow, there’s an image…” He laughs again. “So--sorry, I feel bad for laughing.”

“Nah, it’s okay.” Kihyun sighs, smiling small as he skips over a few spots on the pavement, “It works, you know? Not sure it would work as well for us. But it works for them, because of who they are.”

Changkyun bumps at Kihyun’s arm with his own. “Hey, I’d still love you if your dick didn’t work, shame on you for insinuating otherwise.”

“Shhhhhh!” Kihyun snorts a laugh but keeps it quiet, under his breath. “Shut up.”

Changkyun gapes. “Would you not love  _ me  _ if my di--” Kihyun shuts him up with a kiss on the lips. And then leans back just a little.

“I would,” He says. “Always.” He shrugs and adds, in a whisper, “Would still be very sad about your dick, though.”

Changkyun sighs, deep, “Yeah, me too.” And then laughs, something between a giggle and a breath. “I’ll--I’ll go get us a new table, by the way.”

“A sturdy table, please.” Kihyun nods. “I allow you to steal from IKEA.”

“Thank you, dearest,” Changkyun says, leaning in for a quick kiss to his cheek. He leans into him a little as they walk. And they do it in silence, for the most part. A comfortable silence.

Kihyun keeps his eyes on the pavement, kicking invisible rocks and smiling to himself when his brain pictures them rolling loudly in front of him. And Changkyun walks next to him, hand warm in his. It’s their own little bubble, their own quiet place.

Until Changkyun stops and Kihyun stops, too. He looks at Changkyun first and then forward.

“Hyungwon…?”

Hyungwon glares back, arms crossed. “Yeah, no shit. What the hell is going on?”

Any other day, any other situation, Kihyun would have frowned and acted defensive. But today? Today he just looks down and then up again and smiles. “What do you mean?”

“Hyungwon…” Changkyun just sighs, and Hyungwon bristles, rolling his shoulders.

“With  _ you _ . I don’t need sunglasses to fucking look at you anymore and I thought it was just because you’ve been learning how to control it, but something is  _ off _ .”

“I kissed him,” Kihyun says simply. No point in lying, is there?

Hyungwon, though, looks like he’d just been slapped in the face. “What?! Why-- _ are you insane _ ?! What were you  _ thinking _ \--” 

“It’s not that simple, Hyungwon,” Kihyun says calmly. He glances at Changkyun for a moment and then sighs. “It was inevitable, if not now then… later. If not Changkyun then someone else. It was only a matter of time and… And he was going to die… Changkyun was not going to come back if I hadn’t--” Kihyun stops. Remembers. And then shakes his head. “I had to…”

Changkyun squeezes at his hand and it feels like ‘thank you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ all in one. 

“You didn’t have to do  _ shit,  _ Kihyun! Nobody fucking asked you to be the universe’s martyr!”

Kihyun frowns a little. “That’s not the point, Hyungwon, and you know it.”

Hyungwon bites on the inside of his cheek, hard, as he stares down at the ground like it’ll give him more reason to be angry. “You should have told us earlier. Shit, you should have  _ told  _ Wonho, not just...”

“Why? He’ll find out anyway. And… If I’d told him he’d have denied it for the sake of optimism like he always does.” Kihyun glances to the side. “It would happen eventually, Hyungwon, you know that. I’ve been… inches away from this since I was kid. At least now I get to decide how I want it to happen.” He looks back at Hyungwon. “And  _ you _ know that, don’t you? You didn’t just stay because of Hoseok…”

“Don’t bring this around on me,” Hyungwon says, voice icy. “You could have at least given Hoseok the chance to say goodbye. I never had that. I was hit by a fucking truck, I didn’t purposefully step in front of it.”

“Say goodbye?” Kihyun breathes out, smiles a little sad when his heart squeezes inside his chest. “It wouldn’t be goodbye. Not for him. And he’d be crying, he’d be fucking wrecked and I wouldn’t be able to… do anything about it,” Kihyun eyes water a little. “I know, okay? It’s selfish but… Goddamn it, Hyungwon. If you knew… If you knew, wouldn’t you rather go with a smile? Instead of spending the last moments bawling your eyes out and feeling like shit? I…” Kihyun blinks fast and takes a deep breath. “I just want him to remember the happy things… He deserves that much and… Ugh.”

“I--” Hyungwon starts, sighs and shakes his head. “Shit, yeah, you’re… you’re right. Fucking hate to say it, the words taste goddamn sour in my mouth but, yeah, you’re right.”

“I’m sorry,” Kihyun mumbles, looks down. “But in the end I… I’d rather do it on my own terms, say goodbye when I want to, as I want to… Not have someone steal those moments away and take a few lives with them, too.”

“Yeah. Fuck! Ugh,” Hyungwon groans, pulls a little at his hair. “Hoseok… Hoseok doesn’t… Ugh, you’re right but you’re still an  _ asshole _ ...”

Kihyun frowns a little. “I don’t… I don’t know what’s going to happen, Hyungwon. But if the glimpse I’ve had is anything to go by, the last thing I want is to have Hoseok involved in all this… Please…” Kihyun takes a step forward. “Not him…”

“You think I do?” Hyungwon snaps and then sighs, shoulders immediately slumping. “He’s just a human, a silly, optimistic,  _ good  _ human who just…” He sighs again. “Shit… That’s why you guys have an angel, isn’t it? He tried to kill you because of this taint you have? Which, I assume,” Hyungwon says, glancing between Changkyun and Kihyun. “Comes with a timer.” He grimaces. “Why do I know this!? I hate that I only know shit once I say it.”

Kihyun chuckles, looks up at the sky and sighs. “Yeah, the angel said that, too…” There’s a silent pause and Kihyun finds himself looking back down. “Do you want a hug, too? Is that it?” He shrugs and the smile he’s wearing, the fake happiness he’s feeling right now tastes bitter. 

“Fuck off,” Hyungwon says, and his voice wavers a little. “I just… I just got you guys back…”

“Shut up,” Kihyun mumbles. He wanted to avoid this, he really did. Confrontational goodbyes are not his thing. Because they’re not just sad. There’s desperation in these, desperation that leads to anger and then more desperation. “You… I promised Hoseok I wouldn’t leave him alone… You won’t vanish for him. That much I can promise you…”  _ A ghost like wish. I know I can do that. _

Hyungwon breathes out again, “Oh,” he says around a swallow. “Thanks, I guess... I don’t think I could have handled that.” He clears his throat. “You’re a stubborn bastard, do you know that?”

“Says the dead guy, who’s not really all that dead.”

“Yeah, well,” Hyungwon scoffs. “Follow my lead why don’t you...”

Kihyun squeezes at Changkyun’s hand, smiles at Hyungwon and says, “At least we got you back… More or less. I really don’t mind having you like this for the rest of my life, but Hoseok might complain.”

Hyungwon scoffs. “He doesn’t. Hasn’t complained once. Not even when all we had with a Ouija board,” he laughs softly, shaking his head as it hangs. “I’m… I’ll see you later. I better.” And there’s no point in lying, so Kihyun just, pulls Changkyun closer and smiles at Hyungwon.

“Byyyyyyyeeeee,” Kihyun sing-songs. “Worry about yourself, dead guy. And Hoseok. That’s all you should worry about.”

“‘Should’,” Hyungwon says, glances at Changkyun and then looks at Kihyun, watery eyes before he’s gone in a puff of black mist, yellow, misty eyes that linger for a moment before they, too, are gone.

Kihyun feels his shoulders slump a little, feels his throat all stuffy. He tries to swallow but the feeling doesn’t go away. He takes a deep breath, stutters when he does, and then lets it back out. “Say,” He starts, tugging at Changkyun’s hand to follow him. “Say, how hungry are you on a scale from ‘not at all’ to ‘hella’?”

Changkyun laughs softly, “I--Kihyun, we literally just had fried chicken. We are walking home from a restaurant.”

Kihyun forces a smile back one and looks over his shoulder. “No popcorn for you, then.”

Changkyun stops, jutting out his bottom lip and doing a wonderful impression of a kicked puppy.

_ “Ugh, _ fine,” Kihyun tugs at his hand again, “Don’t make that face. Makes me want to kiss you.”

Which… was probably the wrong thing to say. Changkyun tilts his head down, juts his lip out a little more as he puffs his cheek and bats his eyes at Kihyun.

“Oh, for the love of--” Kihyun rolls his eyes, pulls Changkyun by the wrists and then reaches up to cup at his face and kiss the pout out of those lips.

Changkyun giggles a little, leans forward a little before leaning back, smiling widely. “So… I  _ can  _ have popcorn?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun frowns, pouting himself now, “And cuddles and kisses, even though you’re dressed like that and I kinda also wanna do other things.”

“I think…” Changkyun starts, smile turning slightly wicked when he leans in again without much pretense, pulling Kihyun closer, biting softly at Kihyun’s bottom lip before pulling away, pulling slightly at Kihyun’s lip with his teeth as he does. “Cuddles sound  _ great _ .”

Kihyun blinks, his heart going a little faster than it was just a moment ago. He frowns. “You can’t do that and then say ‘ _ cuddles’…!” _ He complains.

Changkyun laughs softly, hands on Kihyun’s waist. “It was  _ your  _ suggestion.”

“Then,” Kihyun sighs and leans in-- _ you’re in the middle of the street, Yoo Kihyun, _ “Then, take us home so we can do all of those?”

“Gladly,” Changkyun says, pressing his lips to Kihyun’s again as his eyes fall closed and the world feels a little less solid under his feet.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


It’s today.

Kihyun wakes up and that’s the first thing his brain scrambles around with. It’s today. His last day. Their last day. Kihyun expected that, by then, one of the sides would have won, either the one that accepts going or the one who refuses to go. Yet, it’s today. It’s today and he’s still at odds with himself.

Leaving… The thought has been killing him slowly, as sure as a dagger can stop a beating heart. One would think it’s easy to leave when it’s only available option. But it’s not. It’s harder. It’s harder because there’s no option B, no possible happy ending, there’s just…  _ an end _ .

And it’s an end. Not  _ the end _ . Because life will go on without him. And that chokes him up, makes his eyes water, makes tears roll down his face, makes him start crying silently before he even reaches the bathroom.

Yesterday was great.  _ Today will be great, too. _ That’s what he tells himself over and over, looking at his own reflection in the mirror, a reflection that looks back at him with red eyes.

So, Kihyun showers. Fast, because if he stays alone for too long he will start crying again. He dresses something nice because his father used to tell him he would go to Heaven looking like what he would have dressed that morning. And it’s silly. But the silly things are what Kihyun treasures the most. He kisses Changkyun once they meet eyes again and makes sure to kiss and love every single spot of skin he can find before kicking him into the bathroom because, “You smell like ‘forever’.”

It’s funny… There are things Changkyun says now, things he’s taken to saying because of Kihyun’s influence. But there are so many things Kihyun says and feels due to Changkyun’s influence, too… Maybe, if they had more time, they would end up with a shitty-coupley language of their own. Like Hoseok and Hyungwon. And it’s gross. But Kihyun wouldn’t mind having that with Changkyun.

But there’s not much time. There’s barely a day. And suddenly, instead of slowing down like it does whenever Kihyun is stressed about something, time speeds up. Ten minutes go by in two minutes. Kihyun looks at Changkyun, thinks ‘You’re beautiful’ and half an hour passes just like that. 

It’s in times like these that Kihyun remembers, with Changkyun’s voice loud inside his brain, ‘Time isn’t real’. But it is, isn’t it? Every cell in Kihyun’s body has a timer. A long, long, timer, willing to give him the long run. Yet his soul hasn’t been as kind.

So, Kihyun holds Changkyun’s hand and kisses him again. Not because Kihyun will want to remember, but because he doesn’t want Changkyun to forget.

Slowly, everything starts to blur. Images, memories, feelings, present touches and past touches… Like Kihyun’s brain is flashing his life in front of him, like those few last moments before one’s last breath.

It’s so hard to hold on… It’s been so hard to hold on… But it’s time. So, Kihyun smiles. He looks at Changkyun and smiles. Because if he doesn’t, then what’s the point?

And again, Changkyun’s voice from ages back speaks, like a comfort even now;

_ Count to ten. And then let go. _

So, Kihyun counts:  _ one _ .

“Do you get it?” Kihyun asks, shoving the strap over Changkyun’s head and grinning as the camera hangs off his neck. “You look so professional.” 

“Not for long, I’m dead-set on making a fool of myself,” Changkyun rolls his eyes, a small smile on his face. “But yeah, I get it, don’t worry.”

Kihyun looks at him. “Look, this,” he gestures at the camera, “Is my heart you’re holding. Treat it as such. No fumbling! And careful with the lenses.”

“I  _ said _ ,” Changkyun laughs, holding the camera up to his eye the way Kihyun had taught him, mimicking him clicking the button before he lowers it. “ _ I’ve got it _ . Trust me,” Changkyun chirps, then, aiming a wide smile at him.

“I do,” Kihyun sighs, giving a step back. “I do.” Kihyun finds his mind zoning out so he blinks himself back. “Alright, uhm… I’d say ‘keys’, but you don’t need those…” He pats the pockets of his jacket, trying to feel his wallet. “Wallet, here…” He pauses, looks at Changkyun and then hurries to take the wallet out of his own pocket and shove it in Changkyun’s. “Better.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with  _ your _ pockets?”

Kihyun snorts and looks around, searching for Ki-Kyun. That stupid, silly, adorable cat.  _ Damn it, _ Kihyun misses that ball of fluff already. “I don’t want Venom running off with my credit card,” he mumbles absently. “Did you see the cat?”

“Well, I don’t want Venom running off with my boyfriend,” Changkyun says, pokes Kihyun with the wallet before pocketing it, gesturing to the couch. “He was hiding behind it earlier, dunno why. If I wiggle the ribbon in front of him, he usually jumps out.”

Kihyun pouts a little, peeks into the bedroom but sees nothing. “Well… that’s fine.”

Changkyun narrows his eyes, walks backwards until he reaches the couch and spins around, crouching down, head tilted to look down the back of it. “Hey,” he says, then, soft and with a higher pitch than normal. “Come ‘ere, Ki-Ki…” And then Changkyun moves back, frowns a little and a small, bright purple light shines next to him. It’s not even a second before Kihyun sees the black and white kitten (so much bigger than when they’d gotten him) jump out and try to catch it.

“You can do that?” Kihyun asks, actually surprised. “That’s so… adorable…”

“Apparently, yeah,” Changkyun laughs softly, watches as the light moves forward, Ki-Kyun jumping to catch it but missing. “It feels like… squinting? Opening a tap just a little bit, so it drips.”

Only Changkyun would think of using it like that. Kihyun can’t help the warm smile. “It’s so you…”

“It’s so you to call my soul adorable,” Changkyun says, ears a little red when he gets up, the little light disappearing and Ki-Kyun looking appropriately confused. 

Do cats have a sense of object permanence? Ki-Kyun pats at the floor like that’ll bring it back, and Changkyun giggles, picking him up with both hands and holding him up to Kihyun. 

“Hello,” Changkyun says, making his voice go a little higher, and Ki-Kyun reaches out, pats at Kihyun’s nose with a soft paw. “The little light isn’t there either? Darn it.”

Kihyun scrunches his nose a little, smiling as Ki-Kyun paws at his cheeks. “There’s one,” Kihyun says just because. “Just the one. But,” he nuzzles in and kisses the kitten’s head, “Gotta keep it safe. Sorry.”

Changkyun lowers Kikyun a little, smiles soft, eyes a little sad but more than that. Sad but hopeful. “Yeah,” Changkyun says, leans in to rub his forehead against the kitten’s fur. 

Ki-Kyun meows faintly, kicking his legs. Changkyun laughs a little, bends down to put him down, and Ki-Kyun rubs against Kihyun’s legs, tail up and curling as his big blue eyes look up at him.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re cute,” Kihyun smiles, “But you need to stop bringing your poop out of the litter. You have toys, actual toys.”

Ki-Kyun meows as if in his defence. Changkyun laughs, says, in that same high voice that apparently belongs to the kitten, “But  _ daaaad _ .”

“Yeah, Kyunie won’t nag at you like I do,” Kihyun sighs, reaching down to scratch at the end of Ki-Kyun’s back, near the tail. “Enjoy, you little shit.”

“I’m gonna,” Changkyun starts, voice a little thick before he clears his throat. “Nag. In your honour. I know how the vacuum cleaners work, now.”

Kihyun chuckles and looks up, giving one last pet to Ki-Kyun. “Why am I still worried?”

“Because he’s terrified of the vacuum cleaners and I think it’s hilarious?”

“And you say I’m evil,” Kihyun grins leaning in to kiss Changkyun’s nose. “Anyway,” he looks around as if looking for something, eyes rushing to Changkyun’s again the moment his own feels his throat a little tight. “Ready?” Kihyun asks, although he’s not sure to which question.

“No,” Changkyun teases, voice soft as he reaches out for Kihyun’s hand. 

Kihyun closes his eyes. Because that’s it, isn’t it? That’s how it was, last time. “Well, my eyes are closed,” He states the obvious because it’s funny and it makes him smile. 

And when Changkyun kisses him, it’s different. It was on the cheek, last time. The first time. But that’s okay. Changkyun kisses him, hand on his wrist, and the air around them shifts, smells different, like salt water and petrichor. 

_ Two. _

“You can open them again,” Changkyun says, right there. “I think there might be a party going on.”

But Kihyun barely lets his eyelids flutter open. He grabs Changkyun’s face between his hands and kisses him deep, like they do in the movies, in the middle of the street. Because they’ve never done that before and this is a first, too. Because no one really cares where they are, what they’re doing. So that, Kihyun hopes, fulfills one of Changkyun’s first wishes:  _ ‘Wish I could kiss you like they do on TV, in the movies.’ _

Changkyun’s hand shakes a little on Kihyun’s waist, the other gripping at the back of his neck, pushing forward a little. Kihyun feels Changkyun smile a little with how he tips him back. _ The little shit… _ His little shit. Who kisses Kihyun the way he wants to be kissed, the way he must have learned to, without expectation or comparison, moving his lips with Kihyun’s and pushing just a little, always asking, always careful for the first moment and then desperate, passionate the next.

And that would have been  _ the  _ kiss. The one Kihyun would have given him that evening. On the lips, not on the nose. The one that held more meaning. The one that meant, ‘I will probably fall in love with you’. But right now, as it is, it means ‘I love you’.

_ Three. _

Kihyun pulls back, looks at Changkyun’s lips all pink and glossy and then at his eyes. “I love you,” Kihyun says with a smile, soothing his thumbs over Changkyun’s cheeks.

Changkyun pulls Kihyun up again, hand gentle but firm on his waist, eyes full of so much love he doesn’t even have to say it, but he does, “I love you, too…”

Kihyun kisses him again, just a short peck of lips and lets go. Kihyun looks around, glancing at the sun for a second, just to make sure. “I know we had dinner like… three hours ago. But,” He takes Changkyun’s hand and links their fingers together. “Remember the tiny, frilly sandwiches?”

Changkyun scoffs softly, nods and bumps his head against Kihyun’s shoulder. “Yeah. Let’s get those. And, I cannot stress this enough,” he leans back to look at him. “Dessert.”

Kihyun laughs a little, tugs at Changkyun’s hand. They walk for a bit, looking around and then Kihyun laughs again. “Sometimes you say things and I just go… ‘ _ What do you even mean… _ ’, you know?” He swings their hands a little. “Did you know desserts can have desserts? Hoseok told me so. I regret asking what he meant. Something about fondue and whipped cream, yadda-yadda, cherry on top?”

Changkyun blinks at him, ears a little pink. “Am  _ I  _ gonna regret asking you what that means or are the images you can only imagine I have in my head accurate enough?”

Kihyun glances over and snorts a laugh. “Yeah, I think you’re onto something there.”

Changkyun smacks half-heartedly at Kihyun’s arm, before he pushes him a little closer, taking the camera and, Kihyun is proud to witness, being careful with the lenses. With the whole thing, really. 

“Not planning on breaking your heart,” Changkyun teases, holds the camera up. “Now come on, let’s immortalise your moment of perversion. A beautiful landscape of Venice, with thoughts of whipped cream behind it.”

“You’re so gross,” Kihyun grins. “I love you.” Which are two statements that should never come together but, in this case, make so much sense that it’s stupid to set them apart.

“You brought it up,” Changkyun laughs, then wavers. “Er. The whipped cream conversation. Not my--” He clears his throat, brings the camera up again. “I love you, too. Shut up.”

_ Four. _

There’s lots of people around. It’s New Year’s eve, though, no surprise. Kihyun wonders if there will be fireworks. And then feels sad because he wishes he could watch those with Changkyun. Another first, checked out of that stupid list pinned on a wall of Kihyun’s mind. But he won’t. They won’t. Probably never will get to do that… And that’s… sad. So, Kihyun shakes his head and drowns that thought in tiny, sweet, sugar-coated cakes.

And again, Kihyun learns something about Changkyun, watches the way his face scrunches up when he shoves an entire cupcake into his mouth and then complains it’s too sweet. They move from stall to stall, and it feels like a small festival, with bright lights and dancing and little games. Changkyun takes pictures of stupid, small things that Kihyun wouldn’t have paid any attention to otherwise. 

“You can send them to your laptop without connecting the camera, by the way,” Kihyun informs him. Kihyun blows at his small cup of mulled wine, yet another thing he didn’t know existed--red wine with spices and raisins? Who would have thought. Plus, it’s warm! “It’s got a wireless option,” He adds, getting closer to shove a finger on the screen and click on the connection option. “See that?” 

“Yep,” Changkyun says, confidently, not looking.

Kihyun side-glances, tries to keep the smile away. “You’re not even looking…”

“Watching you explain it helps,” Changkyun nods, smiling a little brighter. “Really soak in that knowledge, you know.”

“Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re mocking me or if you’re actually serious,” Kihyun mumbles, sipping at his wine and smacking his lips. “Oh… this is good!” He turns to Changkyun and offers him the cup. “Try, try!”

“Okay,” Changkyun says easily, quickly ducks in for a kiss before laughing, pulling back to lick at his lips. “You’re right, it  _ is  _ good.”

Kihyun blinks. After all this time, not many things should surprise him. He should be a Changkyun-behavior expert. But these things, the little things, still make his heart skip beats and his face go pink. It makes him wonder if it would still happens months later, years later… It makes him wonder if he would ever stop feeling like this.

“Do you…” Kihyun tries, shoves a bunch of thoughts to the side as he tries to thinks of  _ words _ . “Do you want one?” He raises the cup a little, to emphasize. “They’re not very expensive.”

“I’m okay sharing,” Changkyun smiles, lifts the camera again to take a picture as performers dance on a small stage, dressed in bright reds and oranges, everything except their wide smiles hidden behind beautifully decorated masks.

If there’s something Kihyun wishes he could take with him, if nothing else is allowed, then a photograph. He looks at Changkyun, bright colors in the background, notices the pink cheeks and pink nose from the cold, his hands around Kihyun’s camera and… And Kihyun wishes he could immortalise that image, at least. Take it with him. Feel it, losing himself in it for eternity. Seems way better than not existing at all. In fact, if there’s something, anything, after death, Kihyun wouldn’t mind at all if it was just an endless album with pictures of the people he loves.

_ Five. _

There are Christmas lights all over the streets, tangling and untangling over their heads, sparkling all at once the moment the sky turns just a tad darker, the sun threatening to set. It gives Kihyun a sudden rush of anxiety. And, for a few minutes, he knows he’s making a face--whatever his face does when he’s worried.

Except he’s not worried, or at least that’s not what he’d call it. He just… doesn’t want today to end. He doesn’t want that sunset. He doesn’t want to go. Because… Who will take Changkyun home? Make sure he’s safe? Who will feed the cat before it’s time to sleep? Who will make sure Changkyun dresses something warm the next day and not some random ripped shirt Hoseok got for him? Who will clean the house? Who will call Hoseok to make sure he’s okay? Changkyun? Yes, maybe. He said he would. But…

_ But _ .

But Kihyun doesn’t want to go. So, he looks back, over his shoulder, as if begging for one more day, just one more day, just a few more hours to… to  _ something! _ But the red eyes he sees in the crowd say, ‘No’.

Surprisingly, deals made  _ with  _ Hell are quite fair and never deviate. Kihyun made a deal with Minhyuk to save Changkyun. And then,  _ that  _ morning, Kihyun gave all those lights away at once to save just the one. Two deals. Fair and square. So, of course, nothing will change now, no matter how much he begs.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, then, like speaking too loud would break the silence, despite the music and the laughter around them, his hand soft at the back of Kihyun’s neck, thumbing at the fine hair there. “Look at me…” And Kihyun does, reluctantly, unable to mask the fear on his face. And Changkyun’s touches, his words, have always been sincere. Changkyun wears his heart on his sleeve, on the tip of his tongue, and Kihyun can hear the hope, the assurance, the promise when Changkyun says, “It’s gonna be okay.”

Kihyun lets go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding, hand squeezing at Changkyun’s. “I…” ‘Don’t wanna go…’ He wants to say. “I know,” He says instead. And he smiles. Because if he doesn’t, then what’s the point?

_ Six. _

They sit on a tiny table outside despite the cold. And Kihyun distracts himself quickly, set on the task of organizing the napkins someone spread all over the place.

“Why would someone take them out if they’re not going to use them,” He grumbles, trying to neatly shove them back into the little napkin box in the middle of the table. “You’ll say ‘kids’ and I’ll say ‘parents’. Not the kids’ fault their irresponsible peers don’t know how to educate them, properly…”

“You’re pontificating, dear,” Changkyun laughs a little, reaches forward to move the little box out of his reach. “And fiddling.”

Kihyun frowns and pouts. “I’ll shove these in your mouth, I swear…” He tries to reach for the napkin box but Changkyun pushes it further away from his reach. “Changkyun, I will pop a vein if I don’t get these back inside the box, please…”

“Fine,” Changkyun says with narrowed eyes, putting the box back where it had been in the first place. “If I get some mulled wine. Hah, that rhymed a little...”

Kihyun scoffs, feels his face relax, but keeps fitting the napkins inside the box, all except one. One that he folds and folds and turns into a little origami boat. He places it over Changkyun’s hand. “There, a sailboat.”

Changkyun gapes, eyes wide. “Wah! How did you do that, that’s so cool.”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and pulls at another clean napkin. “Mrs Jung taught me. When the kids would get antsy and throw tantrums because they wanted the shiny new toys they saw on commercials, she would get angry. ‘Go out and play, make your own toys’, she’d say.” He chuckles and makes a silly voice then, “ _ ‘When I was your age…!’ _ ” And Changkyun laughs, high and silly, watching Kihyun with attentive, excitable interest.

“So,” Kihyun starts, getting a bit closer, “You fold it in half, first… and then,” He says, folding the little napkin around, slowly so Changkyun can learn. “And now, you open it like this and, tada! It can be a hat, too, if you want,” Kihyun laughs, putting the tiny boat over his own head, watching the way Changkyun’s eyes soften.

“I love it,” he says, quickly leaning over to get his own napkin, smiling bright when he folds it, holding up a sailboat that looks just…  _ a little  _ wrong. He pouts, but then smiles again. “This is my boat and it’s not a very good boat but I love this boat.”

“Not bad, for your first one,” Kihyun admits, looking over. “Here, I’ll show you again.”

Five minutes later, they have a whole armada of small paper boats.

_ Seven _ .

They walk around St Mark’s Square, holding hands. At some point, Kihyun lets go and rushes somewhere. He comes back with a bag of paper full of corn and hands it to Changkyun.

“It’s to feed the pigeons!” Kihyun explains. “I didn’t understand much, that man’s English was as broken as mine but I think he said that if you hold out your hand, the pigeons climb all over your arm.” And well, Kihyun kind of hates pigeons. But today, just today, he’ll make an exception. Even Changkyun looks apprehensive, but hasn’t been known for rejecting new experiences.

And it’s true. All they have to do is hold out their hands. Changkyun is covered in pigeons in less than seconds and Kihyun makes a face when a few fly over to his hands and arms. Definitely the strangest thing (between what’s considered normal and not supernatural) the two of them have ever done together. But it makes Changkyun laugh. So, Kihyun laughs, too.

A pigeon sits, content, on Changkyun’s head, his shoulders up a little at the strange sensation, peeking at Kihyun. “It’s gonna poop on me, I can sense it.”

But before Changkyun can shoo at it, Kihyun holds his phone up and takes a picture. “Cute,” He says, looking at the preview.  _ Definitely cute. _

_ Eight _ .

Changkyun shoos at it, flaps about a little, looking a lot like a cat touched in a place it doesn’t like. He laughs, though, ducks out of the way of another pigeon and clings to Kihyun’s arm. “Enough! Too many pigeons!”

And as if they heard him, the lot of them, all those pigeons picking and nipping at the floor of the Square, take flight. They’re like a cloud made of birds, flying up and then around the Square twice before they start landing on the roofs.

Kihyun sighs. “I don’t like the flying rats but I gotta admit… that was pretty.”

“Feels  _ weird _ ,” Changkyun says, shivers a little and pats off his arm before grinning at Kihyun. “Flying rats?  _ Really _ ?”

“They certainly breed like rats,” Kihyun sighs again. He glances to the side, looks at the water, at the golden sky.  _ A sunset _ . One sunset. His last one, too. “Hey, do you… Wanna go sit by the water?”

Changkyun nods with a little smile, “Yeah, come on, I know where we can go,” and takes Kihyun’s hand. “Somewhere close to a familiar bridge.”

_ Nine. _

Kihyun closes his eyes, awaits the warmth that comes with Changkyun’s lips, the way gravity and space itself disappear for a second before everything comes back with new sounds, new smells. Kihyun can smell the water, can smell the perfume Changkyun put on before they left. Sea-salt and wood, as Changkyun licks at the taste of mulled wine and spices and leans back, smiling soft with eyes somewhere distant, over Kihyun’s shoulder.

The last goodbye. The one Kihyun will never be able to say. 

He tries to remember, tries to recall… Did he ever say ‘goodbye’ to Changkyun? It’s always been ‘See you later’ or ‘See ya’ or… Kihyun can’t remember actually saying ‘Goodbye’. Not even when he told Changkyun to leave.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Kihyun jokes, smiling small.

“That’s where we had our first kiss,” Changkyun says, immediately, looking back to Kihyun with a matching smile, reaching up to tap at the bridge of his nose. “Right there.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh. “I’d never been that nervous for a kiss,” He admits. “And it wasn’t even on the lips. But… I guess it’s the meaning that counts.”

Changkyun laughs a little, too, squeezes at Kihyun’s hand. “It… How do I explain it,” he says, bites a little at his lip. “I thought I wasn’t enough. I loved you, then, even when I didn’t even know what that meant, but I thought… ‘You’re a demon, Changkyun,’... ‘He can’t even kiss you, Changkyun…’” He huffs a laugh. “Shit like that. And I was okay, wanting and loving without knowing if… if you… but then you  _ did _ …”

“Who wouldn’t?” Kihyun asks easily, heart a little loud in his chest. Because who wouldn’t? “Honestly, I just got lucky. It helped that you did--love me? Yes, that helped. But still.” He shrugs. “Got lucky. We’re a match. In many way, really. But… who knows, maybe there’s an alternate universe where you fall in love with someone else. I’m glad it was me, the idiot who kept trying to live a normal life, kept trying to outrun the shadows, knowing well enough how it would end up.”

“Stop talking like that…” Changkyun says, soft. “Like we don’t deserve a happy ending…”

“I think we do, actually,” Kihyun says, eyes cast down. He can feel the air, cold and colder as the sun starts to set and approaches the thin line of the horizon. “Which is why I agree with whoever says it’s unfair…” Because it is unfair…  _ unfair that we might not get the happy ending we deserve _ .

Changkyun moves a little closer, reaches up to cup Kihyun’s cheek, press their foreheads together. “We just have to fight for it a little, yeah?”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip, feels something heavy in his chest, a stone stuck in his throat. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to swallow. It hurts to hold back the tears. What’s the point in crying? What’s the point if he doesn’t smile until the end?

So, Kihyun looks up, looks at Changkyun and smiles. He smiles despite knowing his eyes look like glasses of water, almost spilling over the borders. “Just for a little bit…” He says, softly, melting a little between Changkyun’s hands. ‘I don’t want to go’, he wants to say. ‘Please, don’t let me go,’ he wants to beg. But he just takes a small breath and says, “Thank you.”

And Changkyun’s features crumble. He nods a little as he takes a breath, eyes like a mirror of Kihyun’s. “I’m gonna get you back,” he says, voice thick, breaking a little at the edges even as he smiles, thumbs soothing over Kihyun’s cheeks. “Hold on for me, and I’ll believe in you, and I’ll get us that happy ending, I promise.”

The sun pokes at the horizon, changing the sky slowly between hues of orange and then almost tangerine. It merges in the distance, silhouettes of birds flying home across the now magenta sky.  _ Home. _ Kihyun wishes he could  _ stay _ home. Home, somewhere between two warm hands on his face. Home, where the sun never sets and always, always rises.

One single tear manages to break free and rolls down Kihyun’s cheek. He frowns a little, nods, too. “Sorry… No, no, I mean--” He shakes his head.  _ No sorries. _ “Thank you! For always, always saving my ass,” He smiles and this time he means it. “And for being so naive at first and so intelligent now.” He nuzzles in. “And for being an idiot all the damn time.” Kihyun reaches for Changkyun’s wrists with both hands and squeezes. “Thank you for being  _ you _ . I wouldn’t have… I wouldn’t have made it without you.”And that takes humility to say. But also… “And I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. And how far you’ll go. So, if… If anyone can do it, that’s you. You.”  _ Not me. Not someone else. You. Because you’re smart and stubborn and amazing. Because you’re all the things that I am and the things that I’m not. And…  _ “Everyone used to make fun of me before, because I just wouldn’t commit… but damn… Damn, am I proud to say you’re the love of my life.” 

Changkyun lets his head hang for a moment, pressed against Kihyun’s chest before he takes a steadying breath and leans back. “And you of mine,” Changkyun says, smiles through wet cheeks. “Thank you… For letting me in, and then letting me stay. For letting me go when I needed to and for not letting go when you’re forced to… For being brilliant and beautiful and kind and understanding me when I didn’t understand anything,” he laughs a little, sniffles and frowns as he tries to breathe, to hold himself steady. He pushes forward a little again. “For teaching me joy, and love, and friendship, for making me laugh and teaching me how… For being you, too, because me wouldn’t be me if it weren’t for you.” He breathes again and looks at Kihyun, every part of his face, into his eyes where it still, softly, like a lifeline, pulls. “I… _I_ _love you_.”

The sun casts its golden rays down upon the city. It’s probably a beautiful sight. But Kihyun is too busy looking at the way Changkyun’s wet cheeks glisten through the golden hour. And then, from golden, everything is a bit redder, like fire.

Sunsets go by too fast. And it’s funny because there’s nothing pulling Kihyun down. There’s nothing giving him the urge to look over his shoulder. No anticipation. There’s just the red sky and them. But then again,  _ sunsets go by too fast. _

“Kiss me?” Kihyun asks, and Changkyun closes his eyes for a second to breathe, to nod, and smile, soft and sad. Changkyun brings him closer, hands still on his cheeks, slotting their lips together and it feels a lot like ‘ _ goodbye _ ’. The one they will never say but as always, as ever, will show.

And when they kiss Kihyun is not afraid. When they kiss there are no thoughts other than ‘I’m home’. So, Kihyun sighs and counts:  _ Ten. _

And, as the sun vanishes in the horizon, Kihyun lets go.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


It feels like all the stars are going out. Kihyun had once called Changkyun a night sky, had said he needed some light, and so Changkyun made Kihyun his light. Because in that light, shines joy, but when it’s gone, when all Changkyun can see and feel is darkness, it’s hard to imagine having ever felt joy at all. Changkyun can feel the difference, it’s immediate, apparent. He opens his eyes and sees Kihyun and knows that’s not who it is. No light, just darkness.

And it stabs into his heart like a knife with the words ‘it’s your fault’ etched into the blade. Changkyun scrambles up and stumbles back a little, his legs feeling separate from his body, from his capabilities in that moment, and looks, desperate, at red eyes, for any, any sign of light.

“Kihyun..?”

Scarlet, then amethyst, emblazoning the enormous sky and then obsidian. Kihyun’s features look soft at the edges but his eyes are wide open, looking at Changkyun--No, looking past Changkyun. Looking at nothing.

Something shimmers under Kihyun’s skin, black lines, like black glitter, and then they’re gone. His head hangs, his eyes move down to the floor and there is a deafening silence between the two of them.

And it’s foolish, selfish. Kihyun believes in him but Changkyun can’t  _ do  _ anything if he dies right here, right now, because he’s standing in front of something, someone, more powerful than he can comprehend, looking for a little light. 

Changkyun steps forward, just a little, like it’ll burn if he gets too close. “Ki…?”

And ruby-red eyes look up at him, an expression so serene it barely looks like Kihyun.  _ Pride. _ Pride is what Changkyun sees when… when the taint moves in Kihyun’s body, looks at him through Kihyun’s eyes, head tilting up just a little. Pride is what Changkyun sees when  _ Kihyun _ gives a step towards him, mirroring his action. Pride is what Changkyun sees when, like a thunder cracking open the sky, a deep black soul-like aura expands, pushes Changkyun back and slams him into a wall, moves the wind around the empty street like the beginning of a hurricane. 

“We meet again,” Changkyun hears in Kihyun’s voice. But it sounds so empty, so without joy, emotionless… “ _ Demon.” _

The taint. The black blood that lived in Changkyun for so, so long. Those years in Hell he can’t remember, and months that feel like forever. Changkyun winces against the pain at his back, knows it’ll pass, and looks up at--at Pride. There’s no use pretending. 

“Miss me?” He gasps a little around the little air that hadn’t been knocked out of his lungs, pushing himself up to stand.

“Not really,” Pride says. It looks at its own hands, Kihyun’s hands, rolls its shoulders a little, cracks its wrists and takes a deep breath. The bracelet, that thin silvery thing Kihyun had been so proud of burns through Pride’s skin, through Kihyun’s own skin. Changkyun can see it, steam. Can hear it fizzle. And watches the tiny wrist flick Pride gives when black blood comes out even as the skin tries to mend the wound.

“I’m right where I should be. You, however,” Pride says, ignores the always opening, always healing wound on its wrist and looks up at Changkyun, “Miss being a prison. My prison.”

Changkyun grits his teeth,  _ hates  _ the way Kihyun’s voice sounds. Even that sounds tainted. “I’ll just find a new cage… If one little demon could keep you locked up, it can’t be that hard, can it?”

Pride slides its tongue between its teeth, looks around and then at Changkyun again. It takes a step forward, and then another and another, walking slowly towards him. “Did you see his soul in the end? Did he show you his soul? Do you know what I did to it?” Pride stops in front of Changkyun, closer than it should be. “How could you possibly know… You were created for me, to carry me around like a  _ sack _ . But this soul?” Pride palms at its own chest. “There was no place for me here. So I made one.” And as it leans forward, closer, its voice darkens, too.  _ “I ate and I ate, bit by bit, fit myself in the emptiness left. _ There is no me without him and no him without me. There’s only Taint. Pride.”

Except it’s not. Not for Changkyun. Not with the anger that bubbles up in his chest, the anger fueled by every stolen word from Kihyun’s lips, from every second this  _ thing  _ sounds  _ proud _ of how it must have torn Kihyun to pieces, devoured his soul. 

“There’s no me without him, either,” Changkyun grits out, hands clenching into fists by his side. “That soul you broke? The one you sound so  _ proud  _ of emptying out for your own use? That was only  _ half  _ of it, and the other half is fucking pissed. You’re not Pride, you’re Hubris, and I’m not a demon, I’m the shadow of a Nephilim who’s far stronger than you think.”

_ Pride-- _ Hubris leans even closer, face just a breath away. It tilts its head, studies Changkyun’s expression like it’s seeing him for the first time. “Is he?” It asks. “Maybe.” It reaches up and it presses one finger on Changkyun’s chest and that single gesture, that single touch makes pain shoot through Changkyun’s body, black lines shooting through on his skin. It spreads from his chest to his shoulders and arms, renders him breathless, and then down to his legs to make him fall. And before it dissipates, it twists his brain so hard it feels like it’s going to explode. “That’s only half of what he had to endure. But in the end, I won. So, maybe he’s strong,” Hubris leans back, steps back and makes to turn away, to walk away, “But if you’re a shadow, then I am darkness itself.” 

_ Only half.  _ The words move down his spine like a shiver, chills him to the core and his throat, his body itself, freezes up. Hell isn’t hot, Hell is cold. Hell is being responsible, being the reason for the love of his life to… vanish. But even in darkness, there are stars, and Changkyun needs to believe they’re there, even if he can’t see them. He looks up from the floor, the little cobbled street, to look Hubris in the eye as it looks over its shoulder--like sensing Changkyun’s presence.

It looks like Kihyun. It isn’t Kihyun. But maybe, just maybe, Kihyun’s still in there, somewhere. It’s all Changkyun has to believe in, now. All he has to cling to. He promised he’d save him, promised Kihyun he’d never give up on him, and he can’t do that if he doesn’t believe, truly believe, there’s something left to save. 

“Yeah? Well,” he wants to look away, unsee the red eyes that used to look at him, brown, soft with love and… the kind of pride Changkyun misses already, but he doesn’t falter, just frowns, eyes narrowing. “Good luck putting out the sun,  _ darkness _ .” Kihyun would never hurt him, but Pride, Hubris, might. And yet… Kihyun would never let it. “He walked through Hell for me, I’m more than welcome to take this hell for him, too.”

Hubris watches him. That serene look on its face is starting to feel sickening. That’s not what Changkyun wants to see on Kihyun’s face. Emotion, joy, all those beautiful, painful things Kihyun taught him… That’s what’s missing. That and much more. Kihyun gave them to him, it’s only fair to die trying to get them back to Kihyun. Emptiness doesn’t belong in that body and neither does darkness.

There’s a pause, a long pause. Hubris doesn’t blink. It barely breathes. Like a statue of wax, looking back into Changkyun’s eyes where once he felt a pull and now there’s nothing.

Hubris glances away, though, turns its back on Changkyun. “My quarrel is not with you, demon. We are kin. I sheltered you once. Or… part of me did. So, would you be  _ kind _ and extend the courtesy? Let me go without a fuss?”

Changkyun laughs, bitter. “Now? Sure. But you, what,  _ sheltered  _ me, did you say? Then you should know me well enough to know how much of a  _ fuss  _ I’ll put up for  _ torturing  _ the person I love, for eating away at Kihyun’s soul.”

Another pause. However, this one is short.

“Mayhaps you’re right,” Hubris lowers its head and then turns to look over its shoulder. “I should relieve you from your suffering on this forsaken place. It will avoid conflict when it’s not needed, too.”

Changkyun swallows, then, feels fear, sudden and sharp, somewhere in his chest. Even… even if Kihyun is in there, even if Kihyun would never hurt Changkyun, this thing still might, and Kihyun could be  _ in there _ and not stop it and that? If it were Changkyun, he wouldn’t be able to handle having Kihyun’s blood on his hands.

There are too many memories, too many moments that Changkyun has of Kihyun that no one else does, and if Changkyun dies, those die with him. Kihyun’s sacrifice,  _ this _ , means nothing. 

Changkyun feels the camera on his side, hand moving to feel it, make sure it’s okay.  _ This is my heart _ , Kihyun had said.  _ Protect it _ .

And Changkyun knows… He knows he can just think himself out of there, he knows that. Think of home and there he will be, but… Home is not a place, it’s a person.

“You’re,” Changkyun starts, tries to swallow again. His mouth still tastes a little like mulled wine, and it’s a recent memory, but that, too, is precious, hurts, so damn much. “More powerful when I’m alive. You’d just be hurting yourself.”

Something black glitters at the tips of Hubris’ fingers. It climbs, slowly, covering its entire hand, hiding under the sleeve of the black shirt Kihyun had picked that morning, burning it, turning it to ashes as it climbs up its arm. It stops near its elbow, veins of taint spreading around up to its shoulder, ends faded, glistening in the low lights.

And something inside Changkyun’s head, a voice that sounds a lot like Kihyun’s, screams ‘ _ Run! _ ’

“Maybe,” Hubris sibilates, eyes shining like the scarlet sun that just set. “It will be fine if I just… eat you, too.”

_ Running sounds like a pretty great idea, actually, _ Changkyun thinks, thinks of home and  _ hopes _ . Gravity shifts and then feels five times stronger, pushing him down onto the ground only a few feet away, Changkyun’s hands wrapped around the camera.

“Where are you going, little thing?” Hubris asks right on top of him, knee on his abdomen, black hand right over his chest. “We’re not done,  _ pup.” _

“Who’s the one making a fuss  _ now _ ,” Changkyun says as he sucks in a breath, focuses on his soul, on how it had felt before, like moving a barely used muscle, but finds it, little purple lights bright in a shadow. He can’t let Hubris do this. Kihyun would never forgive himself, even if someone were to save him. 

Changkyun’s soul expands the moment Hubris touches his chest. It knocks it back, barely, just a few feet away, not enough to run away if Changkyun decided to turn around and blink himself somewhere, but enough to keep it off him.

And Changkyun has seen darkness before. He’s looking at it in the eyes. But this isn’t like that, not when the face looking back changes in what could be an emotion but isn’t. The corners of Hubris’ lips twitch before it smiles, crooked, looking at him, at the purple lights that float around them. It smiles and it looks nothing like Kihyun, then. Because this is the darkness that robs someone of their best sense and replaces it with a paralysing fear.

“Beautiful soul you’ve got, little thing,” Hubris says. It reaches up with its tainted arm, catching a little light between its fingers. “Or should I say…” It squeezes and Changkyun’s breath falters. He can feel it, around his throat, around his chest, a slight burn. And then Hubris squeezes harder and the little light vanishes in a purple mist as Hubris call him, “Changkyun,” with Kihyun’s voice.

_ No _ , Changkyun thinks, again, in that same way he’d looked Greed in the eye and refused to be a pawn, accept whatever plan he was made for.  _ No _ , Changkyun thinks,  _ because they already stole our first kiss, and I refuse to admit that we’d just had our last _ . He pushes back, with his soul, with as much strength as he has in his arms, Changkyun pushes back and screams, “No!”

But Hubris just keeps smiling, tainted arm stretched, pushing against Changkyun’s soul as if walking against a strong wind. “I can feel your fear, Changkyun. It would be so much easier, less painful, too, if you’d just let me have you.” Hubris stops, though, a few steps away from Changkyun when the purple lights shine brighter as if in defense. It brings its forearm closer to its face and frowns. “So reckless, aren’t you…”

“Give me some credit,” Changkyun says, and it feels familiar, even as his head throbs with dull pain as he pushes back, back. “I can’t save Kihyun if I’m dead.”

_ Kihyun, I’m not reckless. Or stupid. _

_ You are. You are if it’s me. _

And, of course, Kihyun was right. But Changkyun’s learned, now. He’s stronger, now. Kihyun  _ needs  _ him not to be stupid right now.

There’s the cracking sound of thunder and then a black soul pushes against his, washes the purples lights away, behind Changkyun.

“So, so reckless,” Hubris says, letting its arm fall as it steps forward. “So, so small. If only you knew the true extent of your powers. Join me and maybe you’ll find out. Maybe you’ll see  _ him  _ again, too. Whatever’s left.” Hubris grins. “Whatever is not screaming in agony right now.”

And maybe Changkyun loves Kihyun just a little too much, because for a second, he almost,  _ almost  _ considers it. But of course he doesn’t, he never would. He’s going to save Kihyun, he’s going to get out of this, and get Kihyun back. 

Changkyun concentrates again, and the little lights flicker as he pushes back and hates,  _ hates  _ that smile on Kihyun’s face. 

But then there’s light. And, with a blink, Changkyun sees them, white, fluttering right in front of his eyes as Jooheon’s bare feet touch the cold ground without making a sound.

His wings spread and, when they do, an invisible gust of wind rushes towards Hubris, making it stop, frown, glare and then sneer.

“Patience,” Hubris greets. Jooheon ignores it, lets his wings down a little and looks over his shoulder with eyes so soft Changkyun barely registers he’s the one Jooheon is looking at.

“It seems being late is a virtue of mine, as well,” Jooheon says softly. “Are you hurt?”

For a second it reminds Changkyun so much of Kihyun that he struggles to breathe, as he shakes his head, small, and laughs. “Ye-yeah. I would like to go now, actually.”

“Go, then,” Jooheon says, turning back to Hubris. “I’ll keep it busy.” A pause. Changkyun can  _ hear _ Jooheon swallow dry. “And then I’ll find you.”

Changkyun wonders, then, if Hubris can feel the sudden stab of fear Changkyun feels in his chest. “Come with me, I can’t lose anyone else today,  _ please _ .”

Hubris keeps its eyes on Changkyun. It’s like he’s marked. Like he’s a prey with a soul Hubris intends to collect, to  _ eat _ . But then Jooheon’s wings are between them again, keeping Hubris out of sight and, possibly, Changkyun as well.

“It’s locked on you, quite literally,” Jooheon says. “I’m not a threat. You are. Go and I’ll find you.” And then a shaky breath. It seems, Changkyun realises, that angels fear, too. And it seems they  _ beg _ , too, even if it’s beneath them. Because Jooheon’s voice changes from even to something a little anxious, a little stressed, when he says, “ _ Please _ , get out of here.”

And it’s easier to leave when Changkyun can’t see past Jooheon’s wing, can’t see what he’s leaving behind. He doesn’t know how far he can go, but as long as it’s far enough... So, that’s all he thinks as he reaches for the camera again, like it’ll help, strength within a memory.  _ Far enough. _

_ Far enough away,  _ he thinks. 

Gravity shifts, and his head nearly splits itself open with pain, stumbling before he steadies himself, takes in where he is. A view of Venice from a tall tower. A familiar view, from only a few months back. 

Changkyun feels his legs shake, his hand holding the little stone archway as he slides down, careful to protect Kihyun’s camera, Kihyun’s heart, and… And Changkyun he can’t see. His vision swims and his chest aches so, so much. It feels like days, days that feel like months of trying to pretend this particular day wouldn’t come. And now an angel, willing to die to protect him from the person who… already has.

“I’m so sorry,” he says to no one, to nothing, a sob tearing itself free from where Changkyun had kept it safe in a little box where it couldn’t hurt him, hurt Kihyun. He lets it go and it hurts, wracks at him with a sadness he didn’t think was possible. And that’s all he feels. Sadness. Unstability. A world where, suddenly, even the touch of a stone wall feels foreign.

Changkyun doesn’t know for how long the stars shine without him being able to see them, curled in on himself with Kihyun’s heart tucked in close. But, in the silence, everything comes back at once;

_ ‘A pretty night sky with no moon. So, a sunset. Just to give it a little light.’ _

The look of relief on Kihyun’s face when Changkyun saved him, that first time.

_ ‘No one gives two shits about warm towels, but I do. It’s important, it’s comfortable.’ _

Changkyun’s first hug. Warm, sweeter than strawberries.

_ ‘It’s a long way down, Changkyun. Don’t make me throw you.’ _

The way bubbles stuck to Kihyun’s hair, white, soft, fluffy.

_ ‘Demons, can’t do anything right.’ _

Everytime Kihyun said ‘come here’.

_ ‘For a demon, you kinda suck at… well, demoning.’ _

The first time they’d said ‘I love you’, under an umbrella in the rain.

‘ _ I do _ .’

Stars fill the sky as the night moves in. And Changkyun just sits there, alone in the cold, under the constellations that have witnessed centuries and millennia just the same, watching over him now, like he’s a figment of something so small, something that doesn’t matter compared to the rest of the universe. And yet, to him, the whole universe starts with a  _ little match-like light _ and ends in the cold hands of someone he’d never thought he’d call a friend.

_ A friend.  _

_ Friends. _

And as if thinking it makes it real, Changkyun feels the air around him shift just slightly, hears someone sit next to him, feels a rustling warmth curling around him, tucking him closer, shielding him from everything else as if that’s exactly what he needs right now.

“It’s okay to cry,” Jooheon says softly. ‘Okay’, that’s a new word on Jooheon’s lips. But it feels familiar. “It’s okay,” Jooheon repeats.

And maybe the warmth is what Changkyun needs right now. A friend. So he lets it envelop him as he cries, shoulders shaking and hand gripping onto Jooheon’s white shirt, forehead against his chest. “How--” he sobs. “How do you stand it…”

Jooheon curls both wings around Changkyun, hand over his head, pushing Changkyun against his chest. “I suppose you know what it’s like… To connect to a part of someone’s soul they never wanted to let out into the world. To touch someone and  _ see _ them, see their reaction, beautiful and raw.” Jooheon’s feathers rustle when a breeze Changkyun can’t feel washes by. “In those moments,” Jooheon takes a slow, deep breath, “In those moments, Minhyuk was more real to me than the blood in my veins. And I felt him like the beating of my own heart. You know what that’s like, don’t you, Changkyun?”

Changkyun nods a little, as much as he can. And curls in just a little more at the pain in his chest that stabs with every beat of his heart, every shaking breath. 

“Even when he fell,” Jooheon goes on, voice soft, a little raspy as he speaks slowly, “the bond we forged was still molten… And I still feel it.” He places his chin over Changkyun’s head. “Time… only erases what you allow it to erase. It gets easier, certainly, but that doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten. It just means you’ve gotten used to the pain. And that’s why I’ve waited. In hope that when I call for him, hold my hand out for him, someday, he will reach for me. Maybe I think too highly of myself. Maybe it’s not that important anymore. It’s been millennia, after all. But… I will never stop trying. And that’s where I find comfort. In knowing that I will never give up on him, even after he’s given up on me and himself.”

As lonely as Changkyun might feel, he knows, in that moment, that at least he’s not alone. And if it takes a millenia to get Kihyun back, so be it. Patience, but more than that, the stubborn pride to never give up. 

“I’ll help you, if I can,” Changkyun sniffs. “You deserve a happy ending, too.”

Jooheon chuckles and Changkyun can feel it. “I doubt I’ll get one. Helping Minhyuk will… cost me something greater than… than whatever my soul is worth. But I will give it up, nevertheless. If it’s a gift I deserve no longer, then so be it.” He pets Changkyun’s head. “But thank you, for thinking I am worthy of such. Might not mean much to you, but it means a lot to me.”

Changkyun sniffles through a little laugh, “ _ Why _ ? I’m a demon, why would you care what I think you’re worth…”

“Because it’s ironic, don’t you think?” Jooheon says, voice a lot brighter. “You’re a guardian demon. It’s ironic that an angel, such as I, had to look at the gates of Hell and feel worthy because a demon said so, not because God willed it.”

“You’re silly,” Changkyun says, feels so, so small. “Stupid angels…” He smiles a little to himself. “Can’t do anything right…”

Jooheon snorts a laugh. “Can’t argue with that.” He sighs and pats over Changkyun’s had, softly, not as if Changkyun was made of glass, but as if he were a plum. “You’re going to be sad for a long time. But you’ll always find reasons to smile. Don’t shy away from those. Kihyun… would want you to smile, I think.”

“I will,” Changkyun says, softly, like a promise. “I’ll… think of him and smile. I’ll use the joy he gifted me And when I don’t…” He has to squeeze his eyes shut. There are no more tears left, but still, it burns. “It’s okay to cry,” he mirrors what Jooheon had said. “Thank you.”

“No need,” Jooheon smiles. “It’s in the contract.”

Changkyun snorts a little, pushes at the stupid, silly angel, finally lifting his head to look over his wings at the little lights below, the sounds of people, St Mark’s square filled with laughter and dancing and pigeons, looks at the stars, looks for a reason to smile. 

He startles, first, at the loud, ringing sound that comes before the lights. They fly up into the darkness and scatter into colours. Greens, reds, yellows. It’s loud and it makes Changkyun’s ears ring but he can’t stop looking. There are so many, and it’s so beautiful, and it looks a lot like  _ hope _ .

“What are those?” Jooheon asks, eyes shiny.

Changkyun laughs, feels his face crumble again as he smiles, throat tight, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I… I think those are fireworks.” 

Jooheon glances over, expression guarded at first, and then looks back at the sky, at the fireworks. “What do you think Kihyun would say if he could see these right now?”

Changkyun swallows. It hurts. “He’d… It’s loud so I’m sure he’d have a complaint or two,” Changkyun says, finds a reason to smile. “And then say something cheesy. Point at it and say ‘that’s you’...”

“I see,” Jooheon smiles. “Well, then,” He looks at Changkyun. “Let’s teach you how to make some fireworks. Light up the dark sky.”

Changkyun winces, he finds,  _ playfully _ . Stupid angel. “That’s terrible.”

“Is it?” Jooheon tilts his head, pouts, too. “I can’t tell…”

“Ugh, no,” Changkyun admits. “It’s just… cheesy. Guess supernatural creatures or whatever we are really do have a lot in common…” He looks out, again, watches the lights dance and fall from the sky. Something weighs him down, and he sighs. “I’m… tired. I’m so tired, Jooheon…”

“I know,” Jooheon huffs a laugh, keeps looking at Changkyun. “You’re going to be tired for a long time, though. There’s… a clock, you’d call it, and there will be no time to stop and take a breath. Hold my hand?” Jooheon says, holding his hand out for Changkyun. 

Changkyun scoffs, even as he reaches out to take it. Warm. “I’m flattered, Jooheon, but I’m taken.”

Jooheon’s hand shines a little, warms Changkyun’s, too. “Just sharing some energy. Feel free to ask for it whenever you feel it weighting down on you.” He smiles, eyes turning to slits. “Not trying to take your heart. Just trying to give it a boost.”

Changkyun stares at their hands. Jooheon’s feel smaller than Kihyun’s. “Jooheon,” he says, then, frowns softly even as he feels warmth spread through his body like he’s drinking a warm cup of tea. “Why… Why was it you? That night, on the salt flats. And why has it only been you? If Kihyun’s--if  _ Hubris _ \--is as big a threat to Heaven as he sounds to be, why not send a whole angel armada? Why was it just you?”

Jooheon’s face seems to freeze for a moment and then his smile falters a little. He looks away. “Because… I came on my own free-will.” He says like he’s admitting to something huge.

Changkyun blinks. “You _ have that _ ?”

“No.” Jooheon whispers. “No, I don’t. Or at least I didn’t. Not until I found myself thinking I had to do something. I’m sorry. I did say I never lie. But I might have… omitted the bit where I explain that this was a gamble on my behalf.” He sighs, glances at their hands. “They’re going to kill them, Changkyun. Not just the demon army Minhyuk has been breeding in the darkness. They’re going to kill Minhyuk. Kill Kihyun. And everyone who stands in their way. I couldn’t… I couldn’t let that happen.” Jooheon takes a breath and it’s shaky. “So, I thought that if I could stop the taint before it took over… I’d… be preventing what’s to come. But the moment I decided to leave, I betrayed Heaven. Whatever I do now won’t change the fact that, sooner or later, I, too, will fall.”

“See?” Changkyun wipes at his eyes with his free hand. “Unfair. I betrayed Hell, don’t see me with a golden ticket to an escalator to Heaven or whatever…” 

“Heaven isn’t Just,” Jooheon says. “But it doesn’t make it less righteous.”

“You’ve said,” Changkyun grumbles, shoving at Jooheon’s hand a little to jostle him. It actually works. Is he strong or is Jooheon just letting himself be jostled? Who knows, definitely not Changkyun. “You said I couldn’t take a breath, that I’d be tired all the time, but,” Changkyun sighs, leans his forehead in again, finds more warmth. “I just… Wanna sleep.”

Jooheon puts his hand over Changkyun’s head. “You’ve mentioned ‘friends’ before. A Reaper? I hope you’ve got more than just a Reaper.”

“I’ve got… a human. He’s pretty beefy,” Changkyun snorts a little. “But I’m keeping him far away from all this…” And his chest aches again. He… He has to tell Hoseok. If Hyungwon hadn’t already. Fuck, that’s gonna hurt. “And a Seer, my boss, so to speak… He’s pretty beefy, too, now that I think about it… And me. That’s about it, I’m afraid. Sorry.”

“Hm,” Jooheon hums. “So, there’s four of us. And thousands coming to clash from both Heaven and Hell. Interesting fight.”

“Your bedside manner is  _ lacking _ .”

“I’ve never tried one of those you call ‘beds’,” Jooheon mumbles, looking down at Changkyun, making a little double-chin when he does.  _ Adorable _ , Changkyun thinks.  _ Like a lil cherub _ . “Is that where you’re going? To sleep?”

“Ugh, yes,  _ beds _ ,” Changkyun groans, longingly. Is jet-lagged the appropriate term for teleporting between timezones? Maybe it’s just all the crying. “I miss  _ my bed _ .”

“Hm,” Jooheon hums again. “Very well,” He lets his hand fall from Changkyun’s head.

“There’s feathers in the duvet and the pillows, I hope you’re not offended.”

“Not in the slightest,” Jooheon smiles and gives a step back. “Tomorrow, at sunrise, I’ll find you. Unless you call me first. We need to round up those friends of yours as quickly as possible. Kihyun is on his way to Minhyuk, if he isn’t already  _ with _ him.”

“Don’t call it Kihyun…” Changkyun mumbles. “Kihyun’s… He’s not…”

“Sorry,” Jooheon looks down, face actually sad, for once. “Didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay,” Changkyun sighs. “Can you… I don’t know how angels travel, I just…” He hangs his head. He doesn’t feel drained, the way he did, but… His heart hurts, weighs, and he’s so, so tired. “It hurt to bring myself up here, I don’t know if I can make it home on my own.”

_ Home _ . He scrunches his eyes closed again. 

“So…” Jooheon looks up, a smile threatening at his lips. “You want me to take you to bed?” He raises an eyebrow. “Did I get the joke right?”

Changkyun raises his hand, eyes still closed, to swat weakly at Jooheon. “Stop making me laugh, I’m supposed to be a depressed heap…”

“I apologize. It was, truly, intended.”

“Again, Jooheon, I’m a taken guy,” Changkyun scoffs, grips lightly at Jooheon’s shirt. “I am going to fall asleep and off this tower, you stupid angel.”

“Certainly,” Jooheon looks at him, up and down, and then leans a bit to the side to peek over the edge. “You might survive. And you’ll be a lot more quiet when I have to pick you up and take you home.”

“Worst,” Changkyun swats. “Guardian angel,” and again. “ _ Ever _ .”

Jooheon grabs Changkyun’s wrist so effortlessly it takes Changkyun by surprise. “I take offense to that,” Jooheon says, frowning and pouting. “You tell me you’re ‘taken’ again after I pick you up and I  _ will _ drop you.”

“But Jooheon, my impeccable comedic timing,” Changkyun whines, having long given up on getting his eyes to open properly. 

“Put your arms around me--Not a word.”

Changkyun cackles a little, flops himself forward and holds on. Who knew, in his darkest hour, when the world around him shakes and his heart breaks into two, he’d find a friend.

There’s an arm around him, too, but Changkyun can barely feel it there. And then his feet are no longer on the hard floor. Changkyun can feel himself floating, can feel gravity pull at his stomach. And he doesn’t know if he actually falls asleep along the way or if it’s just been a second and Jooheon blinked himself somewhere. But when everything shifts again and Changkyun finally opens his eyes, he’s being let down on the floor of his balcony.  _ His… _ No.  _ Theirs. Their balcony _ .

“I can stay, if you want,” Jooheon says softly, wings flapping silently once to keep him afloat in front of Changkyun.

Changkyun looks into the house. The lights are still off. The keys weigh heavy in his pocket, Kihyun’s heart resting against his hip. “I… I think I need to be alone,” Changkyun smiles, small. “For now, at least, for this.”

Jooheon nods and then reaches inside one of his sleeves. He brings out something small and-- _ Kihyun’s phone _ . He holds it out for Changkyun. “I figured this was important. Almost forgot about it, my apologies.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, hand shaking a little as he reaches for it. His chest feels a little tight again. “I… hadn’t even thought of this, I… Thank you...”

Jooheon nods again, wings flapping silently one more time. “I’ll be back at sunrise. Whether you’re ready or not, there are things that must be done.”

Changkyun nods a little, holds the phone to his chest as he looks at the angel. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. See you then. Don’t step in bird poop again.”

“There are worse things,” Jooheon says. And with a loud flap of wings that moves the air around Changkyun, the angel is gone.

The sky is clean. The waxing crescent moon shines. And then silence.

Changkyun fumbles a little with the key, hands cold and shaking, before he slides the door open, shut, and everything smells so much like ‘home’ that it makes his knees go a little weak. He reaches for a light even though he doesn’t need it, laughs a little softly because, yeah, of course everything is spotless. He’d known it when they left but it looks like Kihyun vacuumed at  _ least  _ thrice. Even the glass door behind him is so clean it barely looks like anything is there. 

And truly? As much as it hurts, Changkyun had been sure it would hurt more. But his body feels numb. He knows it’s, perhaps, just that he’s tired but… He feels empty. He’s never been this far from Kihyun, never been this alone. Never closed his eyes and not  _ felt  _ Kihyun there, somewhere. 

He kicks off his shoes, puts the camera away the way Kihyun had showed him. Changkyun makes sure Ki-Kyun still has food, water, that the small bed of blankets is still clean. He checks the doors the way Kihyun used to. And he can’t look anywhere and not see Kihyun there, like fingerprints Changkyun can feel on his heart. 

He cries without sobbing. He cries, silent, unassuming, unwanting of anything besides just trying to get it  _ over with _ . He takes off the clothes that smell like Venice and water and pigeons, finds the big, white t-shirt Kihyun always looked so very cute and small in, pulls it over his head and falls onto the bed. It smells like strawberries. 

Changkyun shakes with a sob he can’t find, doesn’t have the strength for, sits up, shaky, pulls Kihyun’s pillow closer from where he used to sleep. It smells clean, like fabric softener and soap, but it’s still there, the smell of home. 

Changkyun’s never fallen asleep alone. He’s not sure he can, as heavy and tired as he is. He wraps his arms around the softness of the pillow, presses his face into it. It stops him from crying. Because home is a person, not a place. Home is a feeling. Home is a smell and all the sounds that makes him feel safe and all the things he likes, walls that hold memories. Home is a comfort, even now.

Something small and soft crawls over the bed, rubs against Changkyun’s legs while purring. Ki-Kyun plops down next to him, blinks sluggishly in that way Kihyun had explained,  _ ‘It means he loves you’ _ , and then makes a little sound. Changkyun smiles small, remembers the look on Kihyun’s face the first time he saw this little ball of fluff, so Changkyun reaches out, scratches lightly behind Ki-Kyun’s ear.

“Hey, baby,” he coos lightly, chest tight and eyes burning. “It’s just you and… and me for now, but your other daddy will be back soon, I promise…”

Ki-Kyun blinks slowly again and then tilts his head, flopping to his side and stretching, small paws clawing softly on Changkyun’s shirt. Changkyun laughs softly, gently takes Ki-Kyun’s little paws and shakes them. “No, you know he’ll get mad if you ruin his shirt…” And Ki-Kyun bites at Changkyun’s fingers, trying with small bites, hoping Changkyun lets go. When he doesn’t let go, however, Ki-Kyun just licks at his fingers. So, Changkyun lets go, scratches lightly at Ki-Kyun’s tummy and feels tears he didn’t know he had left. “Wanna sleep on the bed tonight? I won’t tell if you don’t.”

And as if he understood that--maybe he did--Ki-Kyun looks up, makes to get up and stretches as he does, and then walks slowly next to Changkyun’s pillow, flopping back down, paws on Changkyun’s face. 

Changkyun smiles, then, Ki-Kyun pawing a little at the movement and Changkyun just closes his eyes, hugs Kihyun’s pillow as tight as he can, and thinks of everything he’s going to fight for when the sun rises again.

Ki-Kyun’s paws tap all over Changkyun’s face and then there’s a pause. The kitten starts clawing at Changkyun’s pillow and then under the fabric. He pauses again, throwing both paws further under the pillow like he’s hunting something, tail wagging. Changkyun’s hand comes up as he frowns, eyes closed, to swat gently at the kitten. 

“M’sad and trying to sleep, stop it…” But Ki-Kyun just hits him in the face with his tail and keeps trying to slide under the pillow. Changkyun groans, “What do you  _ waaaaant _ ,” and lifts his head a little, feeling with his hand under the pillow to show this damn cat that there’s nothing--

Changkyun freezes when his hand feels a hard edge, blinks and lifts up the pillow. Even in the dark, Changkyun can see the word ‘memories’, in a big, silly font on the front of a book. Changkyun’s heart lurches, skipping a beat before settling into one faster than before. He fumbles for the bedside lamp, flicks it on and opens the book on the first page. His mouth trembles and he brings a hand up to it, breathes deep to steady himself because looking back at him is their first picture together. A quick selfie on the couch. Kihyun’s head a little tilted, mouth parted in that way he always does on purpose, and Changkyun just looks confused. 

It feels like ages ago, years, not barely three months.

Ki-Kyun puts his little paw down on the plastic that covers the picture, puts it right on Kihyun’s face and meows softly. Changkyun quickly lets his hand fall, gathers the little kitten into his lap, holds on like a lifeline as he turns the page. 

Kihyun had… He’d said they should do this. Collect the pictures from all the places they’d been. And here they are, arranged beautifully, and Changkyun sees himself playing in snow, sees Hoseok laugh somewhere in a restaurant in New York, sees his own polaroids, the favourites he’d shown Kihyun, a quick picture of Kihyun looking pink and cute with a bottle of vanilla scented bubble bath in his hand.

Changkyun makes to turn another page, fully aware of how he’s ardently wiping at his face to make sure the tears don’t fall onto the pages.

There are pictures of New York, of him and Hoseok playing in the snow. Venice, selfies and so many pictures that make Changkyun’s heart ache so poignantly that he can taste sorrow on his tongue. With another page turned, there written are a few simple, beautiful words on a blank page;

_ ‘To many more memories to come.’ _

Ki-Kyun purrs between Chankyun’s arms.  _ ‘There he goes,’ _ Kihyun would say,  _ ‘Engine on, towards the moon or whatever. It’s so loud!’ _

Changkyun laughs softly at the thought, wipes at the last of his tears and carefully puts the book down on the nightstand. He smiles at it, a little, says, “Thank you, Ki…” and switches off the little light, lying down and bringing Kikyun up with both hands to press his face into the soft fur. “See you soon, too, yeah?” he asks an empty room, swallows a little. “I miss you already…”

‘ _ Sappy _ ,’ Changkyun hears in the back of his mind, smiles a little even as closing his eyes lets another tear escape, and breathes in the smell of home until exhaustion claims him. 

And the last thing he sees is Kihyun’s smile, the last thing he thinks is ‘ _ I’ll bring you home again, my love _ .’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're sorry ;;  
> If haven't yet, read [Sweet Disposition](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17668943)! It will make you feel better, we promise.


	30. The Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revenge sounds sweeter, but Justice will hurt them, too.

In a moment’s flash, Hubris stands in the midst of a vast darkness. It welcomes them in that same way a parent would. Not that Hubris knows what it’s like to have a parent, but Kihyun does. Kihyun remembers. And what he remembers feels like an echo in a mind so vast not even Hubris themself can fully comprehend its full extent.

_ And oh, isn’t it remarkable? _ To be able to walk between broken bones that rise like chalked walls; to be able to look at the fire that quickly envelopes them and feel the peculiar scent of what once was. An uncanny sensation,  _ exotic _ , Hubris thinks as the word pops into their mind.

But the problem with shared memories and a shared conscience is that there are things beyond what Hubris can actually control. The moment the fires of Hell and that beautiful scorching, never setting sun--once such a beautiful soul, now just the fiery remains of one--take the view and stretch as far as the eye can see, fear hits them like a falling tree in an ice cold storm.

Hubris reaches up, hand on their chest, wrist burnt by silver. They frown and say, “You’re scared.” As if in reply, the feeling grows and their heartbeat increases. “And alone,” Hubris adds and grins when their heart beats even faster.

Red eyes scan the horizon and then eyelids flutter as Hubris takes their first steps. To physically walk through one’s own body… What an empowering feeling. After all, Hell is but the remains of a Goddess. Of  _ the  _ Goddess. The taint, the blood that never dries, Hers. Now theirs.

_ 'Pride… no one likes pride. Believe me, I know.’ _

“You’re right, little light,” Hubris says, grins. The ashes under their feet burn through their soles. “No one likes Pride.  Not even I do. But what can I say…? I am beautiful, am I not? Even dead, I am a beautiful Shadow.”

_ ‘No,’ _ Kihyun says. And when Hubris looks over their shoulder they see themself, alone in the darkness, looking back with clean eyes.  _ ‘You’re just… fleeting.’ _

Hubris frowns. “And you’re not even self-aware, little light. You’re just as fleeting as I am.” They grin. “Or maybe even more… considering I am more than half of what you are.” Kihyun smiles and it’s a sad smile. It makes Hubris’ chest feel tight, so their grin grows wider, “You talk so much for a mere figment of what you once were.”

_ ‘And you overestimate yourself, a remnant, while underestimating me, another remnant.’ _

“Hah,” Hubris tilts their head. “You’re smart with words. I can feel them,” they gesture, “As my tongue curls to form sounds I have never once heard before in my life. So, tell me, little light, how does it feel to stand alone in the dark, knowing no one will save you? How does it  _ feel  _ to know you’re dead while being unaware of such knowledge. We are a paradigm, you and I. But I won against mine.”

Kihyun looks down at the thorny vine, thin, burnt, almost dead.  _ ‘You had this, too… and you hated it so much…’ _ He looks up, water in his eyes,  _ ‘I just wanted to… I just wanted to…’ _

_ Poor little light. It just wanted to be happy. Such a pity He didn't allow it. Yes, little light _ , Hubris thinks as it turns to keep walking down the fiery path,  _ this is all His fault. _ Twisting and turning everyone’s desires against them. Free will? A joke. Him? The joker.

“Once upon a time,” Hubris starts, fingertips reaching for the nearest stone, “Light met Shadow and said  _ ‘What a beautiful darkness you carry inside you, what a beautiful cloak you’re letting overflow.’ _ , and then Shadow replied, _ ‘For a light, you carry such an enormous blight.’ _ ” Hubris sighs and frowns. Because what a strange reaction for a body to have and yet so relaxing once all that air is out of their lungs. “And the more Light shone, the stronger Shadow became. They gave each other meaning. Alone they were strong, together even stronger. They made the universe and watched in wonder as it unfolded in two and then three and then so many galaxies, so many stars.”

_ ‘Stars…’ _ Hubris hears in their head. Such a small voice. No one would think it belongs to a giant.

“But no one was as obedient as mankind. My own creation,” Hubris smiles with something close to fondness. “And they were perfect. So perfect. Created in the image of our firstborns. Angels... He gave them a face, I gave them wings. But then…” Hubris stops walking, eyes on the bridge ahead. “He grew angry because my creations were better than His.” Hubris tilts their head. “So, He spoke of love and I was His. But with a kiss His blight became my own, His sin became my sin. He was  _ clean _ and I was tainted, doomed to fall and die like…” Hubris’ face contorts in disgust, “Like something unworthy.” 

_ ‘You’re as bad as He is.’ _

“Perhaps,” Hubris says, palming at their cheek and soothing. “But worry not. You’ll have the best view, my darling. And when the world burns,” Hubris walks again and the white bridge cracks under their feet, “The world will be reminded that once there was a Goddess, too.”

_ ‘Live your life and people will remember…’ _

“Oh,” Hubris grins, “I intend to.”  
  
  


 

\---

  
  
  


Immortality, living for millions and millions of years, can get pretty boring. Especially if the high-point of entertainment is watching a line of new souls insist they ‘don’t belong here’, that they ‘went to church every Sunday’, and Minhyuk can only laugh because going to church every Sunday doesn’t automatically make anyone a decent human being, as much as walking around in an aquarium makes one a fish. 

Not that Minhyuk can take the high horse on morality, at the moment. He is trying to assault the literal Heavens, after all.

Minhyuk sighs, taps his fingers against his knee. There’s no reason to be waiting. If he wasn’t literally trapped in Hell, at least. Kihyun should have been turned by now, there’s no damn reason to be waiting... 

‘ _ Patience _ ,’ a little voice reminds him, as soft and sweet as honey.

Immortality, for all it’s worth, boring and insightful, can get pretty lonely, too. 

Footsteps echo on the marble floor. It’s so aesthetically pleasing to hear that sound, like a compass, like the passing of time, so relevant for some and irrelevant for others. The stillness in the hall is almost breathtaking in a way that makes the corners of Minhyuk’s lips tug into a smile.

The rhythm doesn’t slow but it doesn’t sound faster either. It generates a melancholic melody, one Minhyuk hasn’t heard in a long, long time. Everyone has a voice. And a Nephilim’s voice rings closer to home than any of the fallen’s.

It’s looks like a painting, those colorful things Minhyuk has heard of. Except this one is dyed black with streaks of red. He smiles to himself and thinks,  _ maybe I am an artist, after all _ .

The figure stops in the middle of the hall, something close to reverence on their face as red eyes scan the room and stop to look at chaos, at the endless fires outside, at the sun that never sets. But then, as if drawn to Minhyuk, those ruby-red eyes are on him with a slow blink. And reverence is the last thing Minhyuk thinks of when that familiar face changes.

Respect? No. Acquiescence? Submission. Minhyuk’s submission.

“Nice makeover,” Minhyuk says, tilts his chin up a little and tilts his head as if trying to defy his own realisations.

“It’s been a long time coming,” a familiar voice says. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Only a few million years,” Minhyuk scoffs, pushes himself away from the wall to take a step closer, circle this figure that looks like Kihyun but isn’t, like admiring a statue Minhyuk had carved himself. “Thought you’d be here sooner. I assume the Nephilim didn’t give in without a fight.” Minhyuk tuts. “Typical.”

Red eyes follow Minhyuk as he walks, but nothing else in that body moves until lips parts and a familiar voice sounds again, “We made a deal in the end. For a heavenly creature, the little thing knows better how to abide by our rules.”

“A deal,” Minhyuk says, voice low. “Sounds familiar.” He clenches his jaw, walks away from where he’d circled the figure and takes a breath. “What  _ deal _ ? He’s already managed to sever my connection from one half of his soul with his little  _ deals _ .”

“Deals are what make us so appealing to mankind,” the voice says in a tone so prideful it almost sounds like Lucifer himself is speaking, “Always ‘fair’. Always ‘just’. And justice is what we want. What  _ you  _ want. Isn’t it?” A pause. Revenge sounds sweeter, but Justice will hurt them, too. “The Nephilim fought back so I had to eat its soul. By doing so, however, I was also debilitating its capabilities. It said it would let me in if I spared the core of its consciousness. Little did it know, I never intended to take it. It… gives me a few restrictions. But a deal is a deal. And I can access its unlimited power thanks to such a deal.”

Perhaps everything would have been easier if the only Nephilim for a hundred years  _ wasn’t  _ the most incorrigible person Minhyuk had ever had to deal with.

Minhyuk sighs, turns to face the tainted soul. “As long as you can still taint the Silver City, make whatever damn deals you want. All we need is that vessel, and a dash of angel,” Minhyuk scoffs, glances at the arched windows and smiles at despair. “I’ll have an army. Every soul that hates what’s been done to it, ready to fight against it. Nobody is angrier at God than a condemned soul.” 

_ Nobody is angrier, perhaps, but me. _

“Let it fuel you,” the voice says as if they know, as if they heard Minhyuk’s own thoughts, “It will burn like the fires of Hell. But it will make you stronger.”

“Spoken like the first fallen himself,” Minhyuk says as he thinks it again. Locked away in a pit, a cage inside a cage, Lucifer sits, burns, stronger than all of them but far more trapped. Minhyuk narrows his eyes at the taint. Same face, same eyes just a different colour, but Minhyuk struggles to see the man who’s walked around with that face before. “As expected from Pride…” Minhyuk tilts his head, eyes roving up and down. “Is that what I call you, then?”

“Pride?” There’s a slight frown and something close to disdain crosses that familiar face. “Nothing so quaint. Nothing so simple.” They look aside for a moment and then back at Minhyuk. “I’ve been called Hubris. And I’ve taken the name.”

Minhyuk cocks an eyebrow. “Oh? Seems a bit insulting to me, but what do I know,” Minhyuk shrugs, nonchalant, glancing over at Hubris with narrowed eyes. “I assume it was the pup that called you thus.”

“Hm, an interesting little half soul,” Hubris says, nods. “It will cause problems. As well as…” They trail off, blink slowly once and then twice. “As well as Patience. Patience and a dash of Pride working together.”

“Patience,” Minhyuk breathes the word like he’d forgotten it, feels his heart beat for the first time in a millenia. “The pup has an angel of Patience protecting him?”

Red eyes scan Minhyuk up and down. “Is it going to be a problem? For you, I mean.”

“Depends which one it is,” Minhyuk says, reaches up to pinch at his bottom lip, eyes coming up to glare. “You are not to touch an angel of Patience without my go ahead, do you understand?”

Justice isn’t worth Jooheon. Nothing is.

“So many restrictions…” Hubris breathes and it sounds poisonous. “You almost sound like the voice inside my head. The only difference is… I didn’t make a deal with you.”

Minhyuk bristles, lifts his chin again before he steps forward, towards red eyes that make his own look pale. “I made a deal  _ for  _ you. You wouldn’t  _ exist  _ if it wasn’t for me, if I hadn’t given you a way out of here on that damn Pup, if I hadn’t made the deal that broke the lock on your cage.”

It’s faint, but there’s a grin threatening to bloom on Hubris’ face. “And I am so grateful. But there is something you need to understand,” Hubris gives a step forward, looks Minhyuk in the eyes and says,  _ “Kneel.” _

Minhyuk had kneeled to God, before. He’d kneeled and he’d begged. He’d kneeled for Jooheon’s life, then, had kneeled for Jooheon and only Jooheon, even when he’d fallen in front of God, the reason had been Jooheon. Always Jooheon. 

Anger burns in his chest like the fires outside. “How  _ dare  _ you… After everything I did for you!”

Red eyes glare back at him, and Minhyuk feels it again. Strength. Power. Pride. His own submission. “I said,  _ kneel. _ ”

His legs give in, knees hit the floor and he’s so angry. Minhyuk hasn’t been this angry since he had to beg his own father not to abandon him for making him capable of love in the first place. There was a reason he’d made Kihyun kneel to him. Justice? Maybe. It felt a lot like revenge.

Hubris steps forward again, stops before Minhyuk and leans down just a little. “The difference between Heaven and Hell is that He listens to no one but himself while  _ I _ listen to all. As long as justice, respect and fairness are kept as pillars, I will listen, like I always have, and I will compromise, like I always have.” There’s a hand in front of Minhyuk’s face, palm up. “An angel’s life for a bent knee. And you even went with both.”

It doesn’t sound like Lucifer, then. Hubris speaks and Minhyuk hears a Goddess. A co-creator of the Universe. The lifeblood of Hell. 

“Is that all you want from me, then?” Minhyuk asks, feeling smaller than he ever has. 

“For now,” Hubris says softly, like a blanket, “And forever. Respect, justice and fairness.”

Minhyuk nods, small. “It’s what I’ve always wanted, as well. We’re not so different.”

“Good,” Hubris says, the hand in front of Minhyuk's face twitches. “The little light says the view is not so bad. Typical of Pride, wouldn't you say?”

Minhyuk feels his jaw tense again, his teeth grit against each other.  _ Kihyun, the little shit _ . “Quite.”

“Be thankful it gave me this much control. It's not even self-aware and it keeps… what's the word… ‘nagging’.”

“I don’t envy you,” Minhyuk says, looks away. “Can I get up now? Are you happy or whatever? I’m ruining my suit over here.”

Hubris withdraws their hand. “And we wouldn't want Greed to look anything less than ravishing when leading an army of condemned souls. Would we?”

“Exactly,” Minhyuk grins, then, pushing himself up and dusting himself off with a wronged frown.  _ Stupid Hubris. Stupid Kihyun. _ “I’m glad you at least have a sense of appropriate dress,” Minhyuk scoffs, moves away. He’s not scared, truly, but he is cautious.

“Anything correlating with temptation has been cast away, like it's a sin to feel luxurious. Like it's a sin to inspire lust in the minds of others, to inspire greed, envy… Why would  _ I _ not want you to feel, to be something that you're not?”

“I don’t know you,” Minhyuk says, puts some more distance between them. “But I assume you’re going to tell me to have  _ Pride  _ in what I am.”

Hubris blinks slowly and glances away, like they’re listening for something Minhyuk can’t hear. “There are… memories in this body,” They say, hand reaching to clutch at their chest. “There are things I know. Imagine being a mother, falling in love, bearing fruit of that love and  _ dying _ for it. Imagine loving and being cast away for it--Oh, wait,” Hubris glances up and grins. “I suppose you don’t  _ have _ to imagine that.”

“I can’t tell if you’re trying to bond with me or insult me,” Minhyuk says, eyes narrowed before he looks away. 

“I am part of what remains,” Hubris says and sighs but then pauses, like sighing is something strange, something they didn’t expect their body to do on its own. “It started with me. A simple ‘no’ and my life was over. Many others fell in-between. But it can end with you and the light that remains in this soul I now call mine. So, what do you say?”

Minhyuk nods, curt, glances at them and away. “I’ve been waiting for this, ever since I fell. I’m ready.”  _ Ready to do whatever I can _ , he thinks,  _ to make Heaven pay for what it’s done. _

“Good,” Hubris says, turning towards  _ despair _ and walking forward, steps echoing in the vast hall made of marble. Their head hangs as they smile and their shoulders move uncomfortably. Minhyuk hears something crack and rip, sees Hubris’ back contort as two black, slick with blood, rolled up wings grow up and then down.

Hubris stops by the windows and their wings shake, spread, black feathers fluttering with a wind Minhyuk doesn’t feel.  _ Wings. _ He used to have those, too. Now they’re just a ghost of a feeling on his back. Scars. And he remembers how it felt when his  _ pride _ was taken, ripped off his back. He remembers how much it hurt, how much he bled. He remembers… and they had been so beautiful and white with strikes of grey.

“The Fallen can’t fly,” Hubris says and they turn a little to look over. “But we can. Take my hand and receive the gift a Goddess once bestowed upon Her children and God claimed as His own.” Hubris sybils and raises a hand, again, palm up, like an invitation.

Minhyuk’s eyes widen where he looks at the hand, reaches for it like it’ll burn him. But Minhyuk is so, so used to fire. He takes it, feels millions of years of being trapped, being angry and wanting, wanting,  _ wanting _ , turn to hope. “Thank you.”

“Thank the little light,” Hubris says and Minhyuk feels something sting under the skin on his back. “I wasn’t going to offer. But I liked the idea.”

Minhyuk scrunches his eyes closed, feels his jaw tense as the muscles, the flesh, skin and bones of his back scream in pain.  _ Kihyun… What are you doing… _ And he wonders, then, if this is what lizards feel like when they grow back their tails. Except Minhyuk can barely remember what it felt like to have wings, to have freedom. He wants to say something, do something other than keeping himself up with a hand much smaller than his, but at least manages not to scream when his flesh tears itself away to make space for long lost limbs.

The wings feel heavy on his back, blood dripping down onto white marble, and when he stretches them out, it feels like breathing for the first time in lifetimes. Like all Minhyuk had had were steady breaths to keep him going, but now he can breathe in deep, breathe in fully. He looks at Hubris and even though he’d long ago lost the ability to truthfully smile, he can still grin.

“The Fallen will rise,” Minhyuk says, and his mouth tastes like ash.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


Changkyun wakes up feeling cold. The kind of cold that permeates bones, that doesn’t ebb away even when Changkyun had woken up, found more blankets from where Kihyun had showed him, pressed his face into Ki-Kyun’s fur and tried to suppress every little shiver. Changkyun’s not sure how long he cried or how long he slept. He wakes up again, though, and his eyes hurt as they turn to look at the light that shines through the curtains, onto the other, untouched side of the bed. He takes a few breaths, still so, so tired, and sits up. 

It’s probably early. Changkyun doesn’t want to check. It’s probably still very, very early but he doesn’t think he can sleep again, doesn’t know if his body will allow him despite how heavy the cold and exhaustion weigh at him. Jooheon will be coming over, today. Changkyun will need to call Shownu, talk to Hyungwon, tell… tell Hoseok…  _ Tell him what? _ That Changkyun going to try his best to make sure his best friend isn’t dead? That the world won’t end because of it? 

Changkyun breathes in a little shudder, pulls his legs closer and hugs them, chin on his knees.

It’s going to be a while before he can sleep again. He’s not sure if he even  _ can  _ sleep alone. What a funny, funny thing.

Ki-Kyun starts clawing at the side of the bed, stretching as he does, and then almost flipping around the moment Changkyun moves closer to stop him. The kitten sits down, eyes big and on Changkyun, and meows. 

“You want food, don’t you?” Changkyun grumbles, smiling small. “Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. It’s a reason to get out of bed, I guess...”

Another thing Changkyun has learned from his eventful time on Earth, is that there is a big difference between what he  _ wants  _ to do and what he  _ has  _ to do. Kihyun had explained that, one of the many mornings where Changkyun had kissed his face and asked him to stay in bed even when he had to go to work.  _ Had to  _ being the driving force behind Kihyun getting out of bed and explaining this whole ‘wanting’ and ‘getting’ and ‘needing’ thing. 

Changkyun shakes his head. “Shit, this is gonna happen a lot, isn’t it…” he says to himself against the pain in his chest brought up with memories, to the cat, that just keeps looking at him. He scoops the little kitten up, moves to stand up and scratches behind the cat’s ear on their way to the kitchen. 

Changkyun has a world and a powerful being of a boyfriend to save, but first, where the  _ hell  _ did Kihyun put the cat food?

As if the universe heard him, Kihyun’s phone beeps from the bedroom. Changkyun has never heard that sound before without Kihyun mimicking the it. It feels wrong, not to, somehow.

“Be-Beep,” Changkyun says, even as he blinks, confused, puts the kitten down by his food bowl, shakes the bowl a little to move the dry food so it covers the bottom (to distract the cat with the illusion of new food) and then walks over to the bedroom. 

The phone on the bedside table is lit up, a picture of Ki-Kyun and Changkyun sleeping next to each other looking back up at him. The first thing he notes is the red battery icon in the corner of the screen, so he fumbles a little for the charger to plug it in before he unlocks it, reads the little message that popped up:

**REMINDER: 1st January 2019**  
  
Hey silly!!  
If you’re reading this then… well. You know!!!  


Anyway!!! Don’t forget to feed the cat!!!  
Food’s on the top shelf, next to the cookies  


DO NOT FEED HIM THE COOKIES YOU HEAR ME

Also!!! The plants need watering but don’t drown them or they’ll die  
Pls don’t forget to eat  


I love you

Changkyun doesn’t realise he’s crying until a tear falls onto the phone and the screen freaks out a little, tries to copy a bit of the reminder’s text. He sniffs, swallows a little as he wipes it off and looks up at the ceiling, scrunching his eyes closed before he laughs.

“Of course…” Changkyun breathes, shakes his head and lets it hang. “How come you’re so perfect for me, mm?” He asks the phone, puts it back onto the bedside table. “I love you, too…”

Changkyun does his best to find strength in that, then. In the memories that pop up like messages on a phone. He showers and it reminds him of Kihyun washing his hair after realising that Changkyun was using the conditioner  _ first _ . He gets dressed, finds the old leather jacket from the night they met, wonders if Kihyun still has that cape anywhere around and laughs a little at the image. He waters the plants. He even makes breakfast ( _ ‘Pls don’t forget to eat’ _ ) and stops himself when he almost makes enough for two. He eats alone, in silence, thinks of the past, thinks of the future, forgets ‘right now’.

Because sometimes ‘right now’ is fucking terrible. Sometimes it’s good to remind himself of good things, to imagine better things in the future and hold onto that instead. There’s no right now for Changkyun if there’s no Kihyun.

The sun peeks over the horizon, washes the living room in tones of yellow. And, as promised, Jooheon is there with the first light.

Except… he’s outside and covered in mud.

Changkyun sighs, already sees himself hosing down an angel. Why is his life like this? He gets up, opens the sliding door and closes it before Jooheon can get any ideas.

“Did you visit the local spa?” Changkyun deadpans. “I hear they’ve got great mud baths.”

Jooheon pouts and looks at his own hands as he gestures, “There was a, what do you call it, a puppy? A puppy. Near the river. And then I saved it but the bugs came.” He frowns and pouts even harder. “I hate bugs. So I rolled in the mud and they left me alone.”

Changkyun feels his lips quirk up in a smile.  _ Dammit _ . He was so intent on being depressed the whole day. “Oh? What’s  _ that _ on your head…?”

Jooheon looks up, eyes a little wide. “What’s… what…?”

“Is that a  _ spider _ ?”

Jooheon turns around so fast he almost slaps Changkyun with his muddy feathers. The sound that comes out of the angel’s mouth sounds like something between “Yeeeeeek!” and “Where!?”

Changkyun tries not to but he laughs, bends over a little and waves his hand around. “I was joking! I was kidding!” Changkyun manages between laughs. “Stop screaming!”

Jooheon slaps a hand over his own mouth and frowns, glares even, eyes on Changkyun. “Demon!”

Changkyun reaches for the hosepipe, points the end at Jooheon with his other hand on the faucet. “Angel!”

“What is that?” Jooheon asks cautiously. “Why does it look scary…?”

“Angels have light bazookas and me? I have a house to keep clean,” Changkyun says, gives the faucet a quick turn and points the hosepipe at Jooheon’s chest. “Begone, filth!”

“Aish!” Jooheon winces, curls into himself a little and pouts some more. His wings flutter and Changkyun notes how the water doesn’t stick to them, only droplets cling between feathers like morning dew. “That’s cold…”

Changkyun looks a little apologetic, even as he motions for Jooheon to turn a little so he can get all the mud. “Sorry. We’ll get you into a hot shower now, don’t worry.” He switches the faucet off and walks forward, ruffles at Jooheon’s wet hair and blinks them into the bathroom.

Jooheon looks around with wide eyes. “I’ve never been to this part of the… house.”

“It’s not great,” Changkyun shrugs, heart a little tight in his chest and he’s not all too sure why as he checks for a clean towel under the sink. “Gonna paint it purple soon...”

“Hm,” Jooheon hums. His wings flutter again and he sprinkles water all over the place and on Changkyun’s face, too. “Why not dark blue?”

Changkyun squints a little at him, pushes a towel against his arms. “Why dark blue?”

“It’s what you get when you join purple and blue.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, doesn’t try to stop the smile on his face. “Are all angels such terrible romantics or is it just you?”

“Depends,” Jooheon shrugs, pokes at the nearest wall, “I’d say some are quite… ill-tempered. The oldest ones, especially.”

“Are you a young one?” Changkyun crosses his arms. “I’m not explaining to you how showering works, by the way. Definitely not  _ showing  _ you.”

“I’m twenty four thousand years old,” Jooheon mumbles before glancing over his shoulder. “24 Millenia, whatever you want to call it. But you measure it in years here, don’t you? In Heaven, being a thousand years old is the equivalent to being one year old on Earth. Except on Earth you’re a baby and you’re treated like a baby. In Heaven? You’re old enough, mature enough, but you’re treated like a baby.”

Changkyun leans against the wall. “Huh,” he scoffs. “I have no idea how old I am, to be honest with you.” He tilts his head. “You look like an adult, though. I’m sure Earth won’t treat you like a baby.”

“Hm,” Jooheon nods slowly and then shrugs. “I assume you shower naked?”

“Yes,” Changkyun says, slowly. “You’re sure you’re not a baby?”

“Just asking. Not that I mind but I assume you do,” Jooheon looks over pinches at the white fabric over his chest. “I assume you’ve picked up their morals, too, is what I mean.”

Changkyun blinks slowly. “Kihyun is the one who cares about naked people. I couldn’t give a damn. And by the way,” he leans in to whisper loudly. “I stole every piece of furniture currently in this house.”

Jooheon blinks, too, slowly, his lips so pouty Changkyun is starting to think that’s a constant. “I see. Anything else?” Changkyun assumed Jooheon would take off his shirt, or whatever that thing covering him is, like someone normal. But no. Jooheon burns the thing! It just vanishes from his body like it was never there to begin with! And the pants--or whatever those were--go with it as well.

Changkyun gapes. At nothing in particular, really. He’s not gawking at a naked angel, that’s for sure. “I guess you can borrow some of my clothes then? Yikes, what a move...”

Jooheon turns to him in all his naked heavenly glory and blinks, again. “You think those fit?”

“Well I don’t know!" Changkyun laughs. "You just burned your only outfit!”

“You means this,” Jooheon looks down at himself, “isn’t an outfit?”

“Birthday suit, maybe,” Changkyun says, running his hand over his face. He peeks.  _ That’s one more penis I’ve never seen before, I guess.  _ “Are you gonna magic some pants on afterwards, then?” Changkyun asks, sitting down on the toilet. Might as well carry on the conversation, angel dick out and all. “Sounds handy.”

Jooheon steps into the bathtub and stares. He reaches for the faucet on the right side-- _ that’s cold _ , Changkyun thinks and grins. But Jooheon stops, hand outstretched, and frowns, then reaching for the faucet on the left.  _ Angels. _

“So, tell me,” Jooheon says, rather brightly, looking up as water starts falling on his face, “You’re not against stealing?”

“From big companies? No,” Changkyun puts his head back against the tiles and shrugs. “From people who need the things I take? From people who worked hard for it? Yep. I’m picky about morality. Call me a demon, I guess,” Changkyun rolls his eyes, smiles a little. He’s… glad. Glad he’s not alone. Alone means thinking and missing and crying and… Jooheon is sweet, and funny. It’s nice to have him around, especially now.

“Good,” Jooheon says, smiling when the water turns warm and then, most likely, scalding. He doesn’t seem to bother, though. “Because we might need to… do some of that. Stealing, I mean.” He grins. “I don’t know why thinking about it makes me feel a little excited.”

Changkyun laughs. A full bellied thing, head thrown back and eyes closing. “You’re--you’re like the little choir boy in movies that’s never done a wrong thing in his life and his friends make him like, skip school or something and it’s the most  _ exciting thing  _ he’s ever done!” Changkyun laughs a little more, bends forward, holds at his stomach. “That’s so cute, oh my go--er, goodness.”

Jooheon picks up the conditioner and stares at it. “Do you put this on your body?”

“Huh?” Changkyun looks up, laughter ebbing into a chuckle. “Oh, no, there’s another bottle like that called Shampoo, you put that in your hair first, rinse it out, and then put the thing you’re holding now on. Just a little bit, though.” He tilts his head again. “Wait, so what are we stealing?”

“Hm,” Jooheon nods and does it the way Changkyun told him. “You’ve never fought an army of demons before, have you?”

“Not as I can recall, no,” Changkyun answers with a roll of his eyes, watching the way Jooheon scrunches his features closed to not get anything in his eyes. 

“I’ve noticed people are picky about the water they drink. As they should,” Jooheon says. “Your friends and you will need to drink purified water. Holy water. And not just drink it but bathe in it as well. I can purify the water. But it needs to be drinkable.”

Changkyun blinks. “Er! Hang on! I’m a  _ demon _ ! Remember, the big scale theft?  _ Pretty  _ sure that’s going to burn the shit out of me, Jooheon.”

“Physically? Yes. It will sting. But it’s not for your body. It’s for your soul.”

“Right. Actually, can I--I have questions about that.” Changkyun blinks. “I was told I’m a demon, Minhyuk said that’s what I am, but demons don’t  _ have  _ souls, do they?”

“No, demons don’t have souls… not the ones born in Hell. They’re just,” Jooheon shakes his head a little under the rinse of the shower, “Sin mixed with taint. The taint gives it will… The same way it… speaks for Kihyun.” He shrugs. “Except you were tailored to amass a great amount of taint. More than any demon I’ve seen. But I assume you already know this…” He glances over. “Isn’t it obvious? What you are.”

“A Shadow,” Changkyun says, swallows. “The Shadow of a Nephilim. I’ve… called myself that before, when… when I talked to Hubris, but… I don’t really know what it means? I just feel that that’s what I am. And feeling feels like knowing but I… don’t know.” Changkyun shivers a little. “Ugh.”

Jooheon brings his wings around his body and lets them catch water. It doesn’t cling to his feathers, but he moves his hand over them as if to wash them, too. “When an angel and a human create a new soul, the soul splits in two. But the Nephilim is not what remains. The Nephilim is the new soul. Under the sunlight, doesn’t your shadow look just like you? They’re always born in pairs. Because the soul splits. But only one sees the light of day. The other soul just… becomes demon food.”

Changkyun turns his head, eyes narrowed and brows furrowing because… “You can’t really believe that I’m… I can’t be a Nephilim. That’s…” He blinks, like a video buffering, trying to process. “ _ What _ ?”

“A Nephilim?” Jooheon looks up. “Is a giant soul. The powers of an angel and humanity’s free-will. You? There’s never been one of you. You are a demon, true. But your soul? That’s the soul of a giant. Everything Kihyun can do? So can you. Except he’s light and you’re his shadow.”

Changkyun can  _ feel  _ his mind racing. The Shadow  _ of  _ a Nephilim, sure, that seems processable, but this? “Then why didn’t Minhyuk not just… use me? Taint me completely? Why Kihyun?”

“Because you need light to enter the gates of Heaven. Because you needs wings.”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, small. “Right.” He reaches up, pinches at the bridge of his nose. “Every time I ask a question, things just… get more complicated.” He sighs. “I’m… I’m not as powerful as Kihyun is…”

“That is a lie,” Jooheon says as he turns the faucet and the water stops.

“I don’t lie,” Changkyun says, simply, staring at the bathroom mat. 

“You were… powerful before. And then Kihyun started looking for answers and stopped needing you to save his life…?” Jooheon’s wings flutter a little. “You stopped trying, didn’t you?”

He wants to say no, but... “Maybe,” Changkyun admits, looking back, biting on his lip before spotting the naked angel again. Changkyun’s heard of humanity’s lust, knows he’s certainly on the homosexual side of life, and yet… Nope. Nothing. If it was Kihyun, though... “Er, your towel,” Changkyun adds, holds up the fluffy towel. “Look, I… managed to protect him from  _ you _ , didn’t I? Must mean something. But still. I don’t even have wings,” Changkyun scoffs.

“Be glad,” Jooheon says, taking the towel. He shoves his face in it and sighs. “They’re my pride. But they’re the chains I carry as well.”

“Are you going to lose them?” Changkyun asks, gently. “Because of this fight? Because you’re… making your own decisions.”

Jooheon brings the towel down, brows almost knitting together for a moment. He sighs, then, and smiles small when he looks up. “Certainly.”

“I’m sorry,” Changkyun says, and he knows he means it. “Thanks, I guess, too? Ugh,” Changkyun says again. Just…  _ ugh _ . He’s not sure what kind of mood he’s in, but it includes wanting a hug. “You still haven’t told me what we’re gonna steal.”

Jooheon grins. “Clothes. And lots of water. And this thing you guys call gasoline.”

“You confuse and scare me sometimes, Jooheoney.”

Jooheon’s eyes widen a little. “I like that,” He says, sounding a little surprised.

“That you confuse and scare me or that I called you Jooheoney?” Changkyun laughs a little. “I assume the latter…” 

_ Kyunie. _

Changkyun swallows. “Jooheoney it is, then,” he smiles softly, looking at the angel. “But only if you explain  _ why  _ we’re stealing  _ water  _ when I can just open the tap and get some.”

“Because freedom is not given, it is taken,” Jooheon says. “And because you’ll need to drink it  _ and _ bathe in it. The more pure the water already is, the better.”

“Not the gasoline, though, right..? I really don’t wanna do that.”

“Nah,” Jooheon grins. “That’s because we have demons to fight. And we’re few. Gasoline burns and demons are not immune to fire,” He makes his wings flutter. “Besides, some of them might have wings… Hubris’ gift. And we need them down.”

Changkyun really wants to swear. Say ‘Jesus Christ’ or ‘oh, for fuck’s sake’ but there’s a naked angel in front of him and while he hasn’t learned much, tact is mildly essential. “I… Fine, yeah, sure, sounds lovely.”

His phone vibrates against his leg and he frowns, reaches in and his heart drops all the way down to Hell again.

“Friends of yours?” Jooheon asks softly. He smiles small. “I felt that, too, you know…”

Changkyun swallows, taps to open the message. “What, my heart crushing itself?” he asks, soft.

 

Seokkie  
Hey! Got the day off! My boss is like, super drunk lololol   
Happy new year’s, world  
Did you guys wanna do something? Hyungwon seems a bit down  
Well, more gloomy than usual, anyway  


“But yeah,” Changkyun says. “Friends of mine. The, er, human, Hoseok? I don’t know if you know...”  _ God, this is going to hurt _ .

Jooheon looks down. “I don’t know… but… I think I understand.” He looks up again. “For what it’s worth, I’ll be right next to you. After we find me some clothes.”

Changkyun laughs softly, past the tightness in his chest. “Yeah, yeah, let’s get you a leaf or something, make you decent…” The phone feels so damn heavy in his hand as he tries to type something.

I’ll let you know  


_ Ugh _ , Changkyun thinks again, as something like guilt and fear smelt itself together in his gut and he gets up to leave the bathroom. “Find something that fits for now if you can’t magic some pants on or whatever. Hoseok should have some clothes around here somewhere, too… He’s bigger. “I’m getting coffee… And I need to call someone.”

“Very well,” he hears Jooheon say.

Hoseok sends a bunch of excited emojis back in response to Changkyun’s mildly dismissive text (bless his soul) and Changkyun smiles, scrolls to Shownu’s contact and calls. He might as well start somewhere. 

“Hello,” Shownu answers not even two beeps later.

Changkyun scoffs. “Were you playing games on your phone again?”

“You made me lose my combo,” Shownu says and then sighs. “What’s wrong? Calling to wish me a happy new year?”

“There’s… a lot wrong, but, hey, happy new year in any case…” Changkyun nibbles on his bottom lip, reaches up to pinch and pull at it as he looks over his shoulder. “It’s about Kihyun, Shownu… It’s… bad.”

There’s a long pause. Changkyun can’t even hear a breath. And then, noise on the other side of the line. “Tell me,” Shownu says softly.

“Remember that time we were… on a case, and I passed out? I told you not to worry about it…”

“I remember…”

“I didn’t pass out, my--my soul was being taken to Hell. Every day, for three minutes, in exchange for Kihyun’s soul to… to remain untainted.”

Another long pause. “You kissed.”

“He kissed me, yeah. Didn’t like the whole arrangement,” Changkyun smiles a little. “But I don’t blame him. If he… if he hadn’t, the forces of Hell would have found another way, I would have been unmade or driven insane by what was done to me in Hell, Kihyun could have died, or been tainted without anything to… to fight for…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, easily, and then sighs. “Yeah, I’m just… Reminding myself. That this had to happen the way it is. But Shownu, I’m… I need your help. I’m sure you know that.”

“That’s what you should have started with. It’s yours.”

Changkyun sniffles, feels his eyes well up a little. “Th--thank you. I have…” He looks over his shoulder. “More help. Not just Hyungwon, I have an angel willing to help us, too.”

“An angel?!” Shownu almost yells but in his tone it just sounds like soft surprise.

“Wings and all. No halos, though. It’s a long story.”

“Can’t wait to hear all about it, then.”

“Can we come to yours?” Changkyun asks, suddenly, surprising himself a little. He looks around, fiddles, pulls at a loose thread on his jeans. “Me, the angel, the Reaper, yadda-yadda…”

“Of course,” Shownu says and then Changkyun hears some more noise. “Just a question, though…”

“Shoot.”

“What are we up against, exactly…?”

Changkyun scoffs. “Well, apparently a demon army. But the angel’s suggested gasoline, so… Y’know.”

“I… what…? Nevermind. Come here.” Shownu sighs loudly. “I’ll be ready for you.”

“See you soon, then,” Changkyun sighs before he ends the call, runs his hand over his face and up to tangle in his hair. “Shit…”

“Sorry,” Jooheon mumbles from behind him. And when Changkyun looks over his shoulder, the angel is already dressed. He looks so casual in jeans and a sweater--except there are wings ripping through the fabric in careful tears, clinging to Jooheon’s arms like a cloak. “I wish there was more I could offer you than just,” He gestures at his own chest and looks down, “Myself.”

Changkyun frowns, as if offended  _ for  _ Jooheon. “What? No, don’t… Don’t apologise, you’re…” Changkyun melts a little. “You’re my friend. Because you’re you. And I think that’s exactly what I needed.”

Jooheon looks up, lips pouty. “I’m your friend…?”

“The  _ pouting _ , what  _ is that _ , it’s like your lips  _ inflate _ ,” Changkyun complains dramatically, slips off the barstool by the counter and walks over to Jooheon before he smiles. “Yes, you’re my friend. Deal with it.”

There’s one wing around Changkyun then, pulling him closer fast before Jooheon flicks his finger on Changkyun’s forehead and smiles. “Dealing,” he says, propping his wing atop Changkyun’s head, then, like a veil. . Changkyun scoffs.

“Oh, boy, you’re already clingy,” he jokes, even as he puts his arms around the angel and squeezes a little, feels himself pout. “What, you’ve never had a friend before?”

“Not for a long time, no,” Jooheon admits, hands over Changkyun’s head as he covers the rest of Changkyun’s body with both wings. “I made a deal with you. But this I say as a friend, then; Let’s kick that taint so hard it will not see the light again for a  _ very _ long time.”

Changkyun snorts a laugh. “See! This is why you’re my friend. That and,” Changkyun melts a little. “Your hugs feel like sleeping  _ inside  _ a fluffy duvet…”

Jooheon chuckles and looks down. “Did you know every pair of wings is different?” He flutters his and Changkyun feels them soft against his skin. “Minhyuk’s are white and grey. Mine are white. They say Lucifer’s were so white they reflected all the light in the universe.”

“Hmm,” Changkyun hums, trying to imagine something like that. Wings that shine like diamonds. He frowns, then, pulls away a little to look at the wings. “They’re beautiful and comfortable and all but you realise my friend is going to pet you like a cat, right?”

“The human friend, I assume,” The wings around Changkyun fall a little, giving him space, and Jooheon smiles. “I don’t mind. You forget, I  _ am _ Patience.”

“Fair,” Changkyun mumbles. “Now find some shoes. We have bread to go eat.”

“...What?”

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


“Bread?” Shownu asks, not even a minute after Changkyun and Jooheon make their way inside, Shownu’s eyes wide and glued to Jooheon where he sits next to Changkyun on the couch. Changkyun gestures. 

“See? Nervous baker.”

Jooheon leans forward and takes a piece of banana bread. He blinks at it, turns it around in his hand and then plops it into his mouth and swallows. Note,  _ swallows! _ He didn’t even munch! Changkyun smiles at him fondly, like Jooheon’s a child who just accidentally ate paint. 

“This is Jooheon. He’s my angel buddy. Note the big-ass wings. He’s pretty cool, but doesn’t know how to eat bread, it’s adorable.”

“Hello,” Jooheon says, one hand up before he lets it fall to his lap. He smiles and his cheeks dimple and Changkyun smiles even wider. “I’m Jooheon.”

“Right, I got that,” Shownu says, setting down the cookies and wiping his palms on his jeans, over his thighs. “Is, uhm, Hyungwon still coming or?” Shownu asks, glancing at Jooheon again.

Jooheon looks around the room and his feathers rustle loudly before Changkyun can answer. “You have something that doesn’t belong to you,” Jooheon mumbles, glancing over to Shownu.

Changkyun’s never seen Shownu so nervous. Shownu laughs a little, “Right! That! Yes, sorry, I was just--” and quickly walks over to his bookcase, takes the little box and puts it down in front of Jooheon with a little bow that he seems to reconsider halfway through. “I was keeping it safe.”

Jooheon looks down at the little box and then up at Shownu, squinting a little. “Thank you, then,” Jooheon says. And as he raises his hand, something small, sharp and glowing like a flashlight breaks through the top of the box and jumps to Jooheon’s hand. “It’s powerful. And in the wrong hands…”

Shownu nods, serious, and Changkyun just looks at the glowing object in fascination. “I know,” Shownu says. “I saved it from an expedition headed by some incredibly greedy humans who, I’m sure, would have sold it to the highest bidder they could find.”

The light in Jooheon’s hand makes a noise, too, soft. And Changkyun almost recognizes a song. But just as he tries to pay attention, Jooheon speaks again, “I see. Yes, I sense its allegiance has changed,” He looks over.

“To Kihyun?” Shownu asks with a frown. “He’s… the last and only to have touched it. I never dared.” Shownu glances over at Changkyun, shifts a little in his seat. “It’s… how I tested whether Kihyun was a Nephilim or not,” he admits, sheepishly. “I may have omitted some facts when you asked me about that.”

“What is it?” Changkyun asks, eyes wide on the shard. It glows in a way he  _ swears  _ feels familiar. “It’s… Angel?” Changkyun asks, not seeming to be able to think of another way to phrase it. 

“A sword,” Jooheon explains, “Once used by the Archangel some of you call Michael.” He chuckles and twirls the shard again before reaching out and nodding at Shownu. “And now it’s yours. Or so it tells me.”

“Mine?” Shownu pales. “I--I mean I guess I’ve kept it for a while but I’m no Archangel.”

“It doesn’t matter what you are as long as you  _ are _ worthy,” Jooheon says and nods again. “Maybe you can’t make it flare up like an angel could. But it is yours and it will help you. If you let it help.”

Shownu moves back a little to plop down on the chair. “Okay… Okay, I’ll,” he smiles a little then. “I’ll try my best. Thank you.”

Changkyun’s brain begins and stops with ‘ _ help _ ’. They can use help. All the help they can get. His phone vibrates in his pocket again and Jooheon immediately looks over in reactionary concern. Changkyun smiles sheepishly, “That’s… probably them. I texted him the address, told him to trust me and come over…” Changkyun tries not to sigh, unlocks his phone.

Seokkie  
WHERE ARE YOU  
We’re at the house I think????????????????  
Why does it look like my grandma’s house??????  


Changkyun snorts a laugh and gets up. “They’re outside, I’ll get them…”

“No, wait, I--” Shownu gets up but the moment he opens his hand, the shard in Jooheon’s palm jumps and literally flies like a firefly towards Shownu’s. He catches it almost in reflex and frowns. “O--Okay…?”

“It’s happy,” Jooheon smiles.  _ Dimples! _

Changkyun blinks, eyes wide. “Er, shouldn’t he be on fire or something?”

“Changkyun,” Shownu says, voice steady. “Let’s not tempt the angel sword shard, shall we?”

Changkyun puts his hands up. “Listen, I’m just saying, it’s how you knew Kihyun was half-angel or whatever.” He turns towards the door, walking backwards before he does.

“It wouldn’t,” He hears Jooheon say. “It was asleep. I woke it up. And now it’s happy to be with you. It has a will of its own, you see? Since angel swords are forged out of souls.”

Changkyun pinches at the bridge of his nose. He’s pretty sure there would be a mark there, by now, if he didn’t keep healing. “I’m… Gonna get Hoseok. And Hyungwon. We need to tell them about Kihyun so just… put the magic soul angel sword shard whatever the hell away for a second, yeah? I think the wings are enough excitement for one human.”

“For a moment,” Shownu coughs a little, “You sounded just like Kihyun.”

“I  _ am _ his soulmate,” Changkyun smiles. “There are worse things.”

“Well, hurry up,” Shownu chuckles. “The angel is pouting.”

“He does that,” Changkyun laughs, finds some courage he isn’t sure will last very long, and opens the front door. Hoseok waves brightly from the gate, reaches down to wiggle it open and walk in.

“Changkyun! Are we meeting your, like, demon grandma or something?” Hoseok asks, pausing as he looks around. “There’s literally garden gnomes, wow.”

Hoseok looks so… Happy. Changkyun’s chest aches. “Not exactly. More of a weird, adoptive god father or something,” Changkyun says with a little smile, gesturing with his head. “Come on, both of you.”

Hyungwon mists himself in front of Changkyun, gives him a quick (not very friendly) glance and walks in. “This better not be about what I think it is…” He mutters and Changkyun swallows down guilt so thick he can only nod and try to breathe evenly. Hoseok smiles around, peeks his head in before spotting Shownu and waving. 

“Oh, hello, I suppose you’re who I’m meeting to--” And spots Jooheon. Hoseok freezes, eyes wide and mouth open from where he’d been talking and just stopped mid word.

“Hello,” Shownu greets with a smiles as he gets up from his chair. “Hyungwon, Hoseok. Nice to finally meet you, Hoseok.”

“No flirting,” Hyungwon says for some unfathomable reason, plopping down on an armchair that Changkyun knows by now he can’t even touch. He lets it go, though. There’s enough to tease him with already than poke fun at his attempts to still feel human. 

“You’re--you’re an angel,” Hoseok says, hands up to his face. “You’re an  _ angel _ !”

And as if proud, Jooheon smiles and his feathers rustle a little. “Jooheon is my name. A pleasure to meet you, Hoseok.”

Hoseok screams a little, muffled behind his hands. Shownu takes a step forward and then stops, gesturing towards the sofa. “Please, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable.” He glances at Hyungwon. “Which you already have…”

“I’m almost literally part of your furniture at this point,” Hyungwon grumbles.

“True enough,” Shownu nods.

Changkyun reaches out, puts a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder and guides him to the couch, between himself and Jooheon, on whom Hoseok keeps his wide, awed eyes.

“Wow,” Hoseok breathes, hand moving out and hovering over the feathers. “Can I touch them?”

Hyungwon groans. “You can’t just ask an angel if you can touch his wings, Hoseok.”

“I don’t mind,” Jooheon says, the way he had to Changkyun before. Hyungwon glares though, eyes on Jooheon. Changkyun assumes he’s just cautious. And Jooheon seems to catch on that because he looks back, except it’s soft and mixed with a smile. “It’s been a while since I’ve been surrounded by so many.” The feathers rustle and Hoseok startles a little but totally, still in awe. “It feels warm.”

Changkyun stands up. It’s a bit sudden, probably too sudden by how Shownu’s eyes follow him. But every smile on Hoseok’s face feels like a lie. Guilt keeps gnawing at him, even as Hoseok smiles wide and gasps a little, hand on Jooheon’s wing. 

“It’s so  _ soft _ …” Hoseok says.

“So,” Hyungwon starts, eyes now on Changkyun. “Where’s Kihyun?”

Hyungwon must know. Or at least suspect. Hoseok looks up, too, then, at the name, eyes immediately turning concerned. “Is he not coming? They’re not making him work today, are they?”

“No,” Changkyun says, voice small. He walks forward, bends his knee to kneel a little in front of Hoseok. “No, he’s not… Something’s… Something’s happened, Hoseok…”

“Fucking knew it,” Hyungwon grits out and Hoseok’s eyes widen, hand falling from Jooheon’s wing. 

“What is it?” Hoseok asks, careful and soft, like speaking too loud will break something. It still manages to break Changkyun’s heart a little, though. He glances over at Hyungwon, Hyungwon’s face turned away, behind his hand. Changkyun swallows before he can face Hoseok again.

“Seokkie, I’m so sorry, Kihyun’s...”

Hoseok’s eyebrows knit a little. “What..?”

“He’s…” 

_This is so hard._

“Kyunie, what...”

“He...” Changkyun's eyes burn. He can't say it.

Hoseok’s hands fly up to his mouth, eyes wide in terror. “ _ No _ , please, no, say he’s not--not dead, Kyunie,  _ please _ .”

“He’s not,” Changkyun tries to reassure even when he feels his own voice waver, his eyes fill with tears. “But he’s in trouble. There’s a lot going on and I’ll do my best to explain it all to you but I’m so, so sorry…” 

“Then you better start talking…” Hyungwon says and he’s not sitting down anymore. He’s standing up, eyes molten yellow and on Changkyun. Jooheon’s one wing moves a little, making to cover Changkyun like a shield. Changkyun’s heart lurches a little in his chest, but something else pricks, sharp, at the back of his mind.

“You know more than he does,” Changkyun says to Hyungwon, getting up as well. Hyungwon’s taller than him, always has been, but it’s only now that Changkyun really notices it, as Hyungwon looks down at him with amber eyes. Changkyun hears a sound behind him; Hoseok, crying. He can’t bear to look around, trying to blink away his own tears. He’s cried enough.

“What--” Hoseok sniffles. “What’s wrong with Kihyun? Where is he, what’s going on--”

Changkyun closes his eyes, opens his mouth and Hyungwon yells.

“He’s just human, Changkyun!  _ Tell him _ . He deserves that, at least, and then it’s done, it’s over, I won’t let him take part in any of this, it’s too much, too big, I can’t risk him.”

“Hyung--”

“No!” Hyungwon bristles. Suddenly, there’s so much emotion on his face. “No. No, this needs to stop. You and Kihyun need to stop making decisions that end up with one of us nearly dead! You need to stop dragging everyone into your own shit!”

“What the hell are you--”

“Shut up!”

Jooheon gets up at that, eyes narrowed and on Hyungwon, but he doesn’t move closer, he doesn’t move at all. He just breathes and says, “Let him do it his own way. Let him speak. And then you can say all the things you want to say.”

Hyungwon tenses his jaw, looks away. Changkyun feels a tear escape and wipes at it, quickly, turning to sit down, to face this for all it’s worth. He reaches out, soothes his hand over Hoseok’s knee.

“Did…” Changkyun starts, feels the way his voice wavers before he swallows it down, evens it out. “Did Kihyun ever tell you where I went, those times you’ve seen me…” He glances up at Shownu before back at Hoseok again. “Pass out?”

Hoseok’s eyes go wider and he looks down. “He… H--He promised he wouldn’t… Go. He promised!”

“He kissed me, Seokkie,” Changkyun says, small, squeezes a little at Hoseok’s knee. “He saved me. I’m--I’m so sorry, I--” Changkyun doesn’t know. He’s so sad, so tired. 

Jooheon sighs and looks at Changkyun. “Kihyun saved him and paid the price. But it’s not Changkyun’s fault. It’s not Kihyun’s fault. It’s not Minhyuk’s fault.” He looks to Hoseok. “A long, long time ago, God killed His shadow, His soulmate. There are many sides to this story. There’s the one God tells Himself. There’s Her story. And there’s the one shared between us. Whatever His reasoning back then, what matters now is this: She’s been trying, even dead, She’s been trying to get revenge. She is Hell. He is Heaven. And She wants to kill Heaven. She used Minhyuk, my--” He pauses and frowns-- “Friend… to get her hands on a split soul. Changkyun. He’s Kihyun’s half-soul. And Changkyun came here unknowing. In the end, he did what he had to do. And Kihyun did what he had to do. But fact remains, there’s a ghost of a dead Goddess inside him now and She is bringing a huge army with Her to tear the Heavens apart.” Jooheon looks to Hyungwon. “If you want someone to blame, someone to direct that anger at, then it’s Her. Not Changkyun. He’s trying his best. I’d like to see any of you do even an inch, go through a minute of what he’s been through.”

Silence. Hyungwon looks on, a little pale (paler than usual, anyway) before he lets his head fall and, if Changkyun isn’t just slowly losing his mind, he swears he sees… tears. In front of him, Hoseok sobs into his hands, shoulders trembling. 

Changkyun feels... shrunken. 

Nobody says anything, but Changkyun feels it. Mourning. Loss. Like a black cloud descending and pushing them down, dense and Hoseok tries to breathe but just drowns in it. And Changkyun hates it, hates it so  _ damn  _ much because it weighs so dark and heavy that for a moment, he stops believing. He stops hoping. Because everyone else isn’t, right? They all think Kihyun’s dead, if not worse. And it  _ gets to him _ , in a way he shakes fast but still leaves a stain. Changkyun lays his head on Hoseok’s knee, where he’s crouched down in front of him. 

Shownu shifts a little where he seats, probably leaning forward. “I assume that… Whether or not Kihyun is…” He trails off. “I assume they still have to be stopped.”

“Yes,” Jooheon says. “But that’s the problem. Whatever Kihyun is now… that’s the head of the snake. Stopping anything else, anyone else, will get us nowhere.”

“Hubris,” Changkyun says, soft, lifting his head and letting his heart hurt as he sees Hoseok before looking away. “That’s what it’s called. It’s not Kihyun. I believe he’s in there but that--that  _ thing  _ is not him…”

“It has a name…” Shownu mumbles. “Interesting.”

“I gave it the name,” Changkyun says, eyes cast down and voice so steady it sounds dead. He knows he doesn’t sound like himself. Can’t really find it in himself to care though. “If… If we can just save Kihyun from it, then they won’t--they won’t have the vessel they need and we can stop it all from happening, but for that I need…” He looks up, eyes pleading. “I need your help. I need you to believe that he’s--that Kihyun--is strong enough to fight back against Hubris, that he’s… that he’s still alive.”

“I believe if you believe,” Jooheon says, looking at Changkyun. “But…”

“Faith is easy for an angel,” Hyungwon comments, sounding far away.

“Changkyun…” Hoseok starts, sobbing once more, wrist up to rub at his nose. “Remember what I told you? I… I t--told you, ‘don’t keep me in the dark’...” He looks up. “Kihyun is my best friend,  _ my _ best friend! He’s like a brother to me! Family! And I--” His eyes flood with tears again and cries, sobbing again, voice breaking as he speaks. “I didn’t even know… I didn’t know that when he said ‘goodbye’ th--that he was actually s--saying goodbye…”

Changkyun feels his heart, tearing just a little more. He’s… He’s hurt them so much. Hurt Kihyun, hurt Hoseok. And a lie by omission is still a lie. And breaking a promise? Even worse. 

“It--it wasn’t my call to tell you or not, I--” Changkyun swallows, aware that he’s crying and he hates  _ that,  _ too. He’s cried  _ enough,  _ for fuck’s sake. Hoseok is crying, Changkyun should just  _ stop _ ,  _ God… _ “I don’t know why he--why he didn’t tell you...”

Hyungwon appears next to Hoseok like he’d been there the whole time but Changkyun hadn’t seen him. He’s there, hand over Hoseok’s even though Changkyun knows he can’t touch. Changkyun looks up and he knows he wasn’t imagining anything. 

_ Who knew Reapers could cry? _

“I promised I’d save him,” Changkyun says, voice small. “And I will.”

“And that’s what we should start with,” Shownu says, finally getting up. He looks at each and every one of them, eyes soft and calm, and then stops on Changkyun. “I know you’re all feeling…” Shownu chuckles, looks down. “You’re probably feeling so many things right now. Desperation leading all the others but,” he looks back up, “we don’t have the luxury to sit around and do nothing. I’m certain Hubris is not waiting for you to collect yourselves.” He takes a step forward and looks around. “We need to stop them. Or try, at least. And we need to save Kihyun. But, Changkyun…” Shownu frowns. “If, to stop this, we have to destroy Kihyun, too… Then, I ask you to think about what you’ll want to do.”

Changkyun stares at him, eyes wide and blurred with tears. He speaks but it barely sounds, “What..? No.” He shakes his head, looks away, at the floor, at the wall, at anything. “No, I can’t, I can’t, I  _ can’t _ …”

“I don’t understand much about souls… But I assume the taint latched on to Kihyun’s soul. If that’s all there is to it, then it shouldn’t be too difficult.  _ But _ ,” Shownu stops for a moment and then sighs, “Changkyun, if it replaced his soul then it’s impossible to have one without the other.”

“He’s right,” Hyungwon breathes.

“Replaced?!” Changkyun exclaims, wide eyes looking up. “He’s still in there! He’s--He’s strong, he’s not just going to--”  _ Die _ . “Let it--”

Kihyun’s voice. Not Kihyun’s words. They ring inside his head;  _ I ate and I ate, bit by bit, fit myself in the emptiness left. There is no me without him and no him without me. There’s only Pride. _

“I promised, I  _ promised--” _

_ But in the end, I won.  _

“I can’t--I couldn’t--”

_ Maybe you’ll see him again, too. Whatever’s left. Whatever is not screaming in agony right now. _

“You’re  _ wrong _ ,” Changkyun insists.

“If…” Hyungwon looks down, scrunches his eyes closed as a few tears roll down his face and the sighs as if trying to calm down. “If the taint is just a cloak around him then I can… I can cleanse him. But if… If it’s part of his soul then separating them will kill it, kill him. The taint, however, will… will always remain, alive.”

“And if he’s still in there?” Changkyun asks, begs. “He--he can reject it, he can sever himself from it, if there’s just a little bit left of him, he can  _ help  _ us--”

“Could you pick up a fork with no limbs…?” Hyungwon asks bitterly. 

“Shut up,” Changkyun bites back. “You wouldn’t even be--” His eyes widen. He stares.

“I know!” Hyungwon raises his voice. “I fucking know! Okay?!” He glares at Changkyun, eyes neon yellow, angry, wide. “I know!”

“Hyungwon…” Changkyun says, swallowing as his eyes move from Hyungwon to Hoseok. Something twists inside his chest. “Hoseok can see you.”

Hoseok looks up and Hyungwon frowns. “No shit, Sherlock,” Hyungwon grits out.

“No, you idiot,” Changkyun says, and feels it, a smile. “He can  _ see  _ you.”

Hoseok looks down again, sniffles. “Kihyun never breaks his promises…” He shrugs and his face contorts again and he sobs. “He promised he wouldn’t leave me alone… But I guess… ‘alone’ meant without you…” He glances at Hyungwon. “I kind of figured he meant it like that. He’s stu--stupid.”

Hyungwon looks down and then at the ring. “Maybe… But… I don’t know.”

“If Kihyun saw you right now, all of you, he would have you all turned upside down,” Shownu says with a chuckle. “Let’s not get off track. Changkyun,” He looks over. “What did Hubris tell you? What did you see?”

“What did I see?” Changkyun frowns, realises he’s fiddling at his wrist and drops his hand. “What do you..?” He blinks, brings his hand up again. “The bracelet burnt it’s skin..? Is that what you mean?”

Shownu’s eyes widen a little and he nods, turns and paces to the nearest shelf. “If that happened then it means it’s rejecting the taint. Which means it has taken full control. But… You’re right.” He pokes between a few books and then stops to look over his shoulder. “If Hoseok can see Kihyun then maybe… Hm.”

“Still doesn’t change a thing,” Hyungwon says, getting up. “Souls are like…” He looks at his hands and brings them closer to each other, “a body you can’t touch. If the taint replaced parts of his soul, then it might never be able to function on its own. I…” He lets his hands fall. “I don’t want to say it but… it’s… nothing. If the taint took chunks, then Kihyun’s soul is… just a remnant. Even if part of him is still there.”

“No, but,” Changkyun says, knows how desperate he sounds, is fully aware of it but can’t stop it. “It’s only half a soul. I’m--I’m the other half, and I’m--I’m fine, I’m not tainted, I can…”  _ Can you? _ “Stop it...” 

He says it, unsure if he means he can stop it, or if he just… wants Hyungwon to stop. Changkyun believes, of course he does, but… But his legs still shake a little before he reaches out and sits down on the couch, clasps his hands together as they shake.

“First,” Shownu pulls one of the books out of the shelf, “we need a plan. Going all out against an army of demons? I’m not signing up for that.” He tilts his head a little and opens the book over the table. It depicts a few circles with descriptions in a strange language. “But if you want my help to isolate Hubris then… This,” he points at the book and looks at Jooheon. “You said they’re going to assault Heaven? Hyungwon probably knows this, too, but… Nothing that isn’t part light can pass the gates. Hell accepts all. God, however, is,” Shownu chuckles, “Picky.”

“Very…” Jooheon mumbles.

Shownu nods. “They will probably cross the limbo, between Hell and Heaven. If we want to get Hubris, we should trap it here on Earth and do whatever we can to… Well… save Kihyun. And if that’s not possible, then the alternative.”

“I’m the only one even remotely strong enough to  _ consider  _ doing that,” Changkyun grits out with sudden anger. “You can’t expect me to do that, Shownu.”

“You’d sacrifice everything for that?” Hyungwon scoffs.

“Would you?” Changkyun bites back. “Kill Hoseok or Heaven falls. Go on, make the choice, I’m sure it’s  _ really  _ easy.”

“It’s not just Heaven, you dumbass! We have no idea what happens if Heaven falls!”

“And we don’t know Kihyun is unsavable! I’m his Guardian, Hyungwon, my entire fucking existence is to keep him safe and you expect me to--” He can’t say it. Changkyun looks away, remembers how to breathe even if it shakes. “I know, okay, but you can't ask that from me…” He can’t.  _ I can’t _ .

“Whatever happens,” Shownu says, voice far too steady, “Will happen soon. Changkyun, you will have to fight Hubris either way. I’m sure the rest of us will just tickle it. Focus on that for now, okay? One thing at a time.”

Changkyun stares at the floor, at the weird persian carpet. And then at Hyungwon. “Separating the taint from Kihyun’s soul will kill him? And… even if there’s something left, it won’t be enough, will it?”

Hyungwon looks away. “His soul… did you see it? In the end? What color was it?”

“Black,” Jooheon says for Changkyun.

Hyungwon nods. “It won’t be enough…”

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, to nothing, to no one, feels his voice but doesn’t hear it. “Right. Do whatever you want, then,” he says, gets up and turns to walk up the stairs. There’s a hand on his chest then, stopping him. Changkyun looks up and sees Jooheon, his eyes trained on something over Changkyun’s shoulder.

“Can I have a word with you?” He glances at Changkyun. Hyungwon frowns and looks between the two of them before Jooheon adds, “In private.”

“Whatever,” Changkyun says, pushes past him and walks up the stairs, to the left into the spare bedroom. He kicks the wall for good measure and then has to remind himself to tell Shownu to take the damages off his pay. 

Changkyun doesn’t hear Jooheon come in, only notices he’s there once the door clicks and he has to turn around. Jooheon looks at him once, expression a little sad and then looks down. 

“What?” Changkyun says, knows his anger is displaced and looks away, unable to quell it. “Here to further diminish my belief, my hope of keeping the only promise that’s ever mattered to me?”

“As a guardian, you should know, I have no wishes for you to die anytime soon,” Jooheon mumbles, his wings move a little behind his back, he looks uncomfortable. “I’m supposed to protect you. And I want to protect you.” He looks up. “I’m supposed to because we have an arrangement. And I want to because you’re my friend.”

“Who said anything about dying?” Changkyun grumbles, turns around to lean his back against the wall and slide down. 

Jooheon sighs and walks over, kneeling down in front of Changkyun, eyes flicking across his face. “Remember what I swore to you?” He smiles a little. “I can’t help you if you die trying, right? And… that’s why I gave you my feather.”

“A miracle,” Changkyun says, head leaned back and eyes on the roof. “Lot of good that’ll do us, with Kihyun’s soul tainted and broken… It’s the only miracle I could ask for.”

“Dummy,” Jooheon says, pokes Changkyun’s forehead. “I told you the purpose I gave that feather, didn’t I? Life. If you died before you could fulfill our agreement, it would bring you back. And life? It doesn’t matter if it’s a broken body or a broken soul… Both  _ are _ part of what it means to be alive…”

“Oh,” Changkyun says, and something bubbles up in his chest. “Oh, wow, I… I am a dummy.” He laughs, loud, reaches up to put a hand in his hair. “I wish Kihyun was here just to kick my ass…”

Jooheon laughs a little and then looks down. “No one can die except Kihyun, if we want this to work. He will have to die to be reborn, so to speak. And if there’s a bit of him left, as you say, then… He will be fine. But we can’t lose anybody else… otherwise, you will be held accountable by your own conscience. And if you die then the feather will automatically bring you back.”

“It’s fair to say,” Changkyun does. “That I hate this plan.”

“So do I,” Jooheon says, “which is why I didn’t want to speak in front of the others. Only you and Kihyun know about the feather. I’d like to keep it that way. After all, humans… they wish miracles to shower down on Earth like the rain does… but it’s never that simple.” He sighs and brings his wings closer and around the both of them. “If I could I would give them all away. So many need second chances… But I don’t get to decide.”

“You gave me one, though,” Changkyun says, leans his head to the side where it bumps at Jooheon’s shoulder. 

“One miracle per angel,” Jooheon sighs. “I hope mine counts and I hope…” He groans. “I hope it counts  _ damn _ well--Oh! That was nice…” His eyes turn to thin lines and the feathers on his wings flutter. “Teach me swear words, Kkukkung!” Jooheon whines.

Changkyun laughs, shakes his head and shakes at Jooheon, too, for good measure. “Kkukkung?! Where are you even getting this stuff,” he laughs and pokes at Jooheon’s side. “We’re gonna go down there, and we’re going to tell them that we’re ready to…” He leans in, smiles wickedly. “Fuck shit up.”

Jooheon’s eyes widen a little and his mouth turns around the shape of a little ‘o’. “Is that what we’re doing? Great,” he nods, “I like it.”

“Yeah, me too,” Changkyun breathes, leans his head on Jooheon’s shoulder completely as he lets out a sigh. “Do me a favour?”

“Anything.”

“Don’t let me lose faith again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading this far! If you like it, please, please leave a comment <3 it makes us happier than you can imagine


	31. A Guardian Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One step closer to Kihyun. One step higher on a staircase that, Changkyun hopes, leads to a happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cathe, going through this chapter: Wait... This is chapter 31????? ALREADY???

They stay there for a bit while Changkyun figures out his own thoughts, figures out how he’s going to deal with the things he’ll have to do. Because despite knowing it’s for the best, despite knowing that there’s a high chance Kihyun will come back, killing Kihyun will be… The hardest thing Changkyun will ever have to do. And Changkyun has been through hell. Literally.

“Ugh,” Changkyun decides on, turns his face to push his forehead against the angel’s shoulder. “We should go down there again…”

“Hm,” Jooheon says absently. “I think I have an idea.” He props one of his wings over Changkyun’s head. “A plan, so to speak.”

Changkyun peers at him from under the wing. “Pray tell.”

“There’s a lot more swearing involved than actual prayer,” Jooheon says and then looks down and blinks. “Before… Hubris was locked on you, remember? With killing intent. Which means it knows you’re powerful enough to stop it…  _ and _ …” He glances at Changkyun. “Powerful enough to join them.”

Changkyun lifts an eyebrow, blinking at him. “ _ Uhm _ . Are you suggesting I offer myself up as bait?”

“No,” Jooheon blinks again, “But I am suggesting you bait Hubris.”

Changkyun hums. “Well, it would be more powerful with a  _ full  _ soul. I suppose I could…” He sticks his tongue out. “Lie.” Ugh. “Should I lie? I’m gonna have to lie, aren’t I...”

“Not really… I mean… You  _ are _ still connected to Kihyun and if Kihyun is still--” Changkyun lifts his head to glare. “Okay, let’s assume he is… Hubris will sense your power. Which means, the more powerful you are… The more interesting you’ll become. Gods love power,” Jooheon winks, “Take it from me, I know. And Hubris is a remnant of a Goddess, it should work.”

“I’m not… sure what kind of powers I have, by the way,” Changkyun frowns. “You say I’m as powerful as Kihyun is, but I haven’t…” He thinks some more. “I suppose the shield counts? And you were all starry eyed about me teleporting everywhere, but I don’t think I can make that more effective than it already is.”

Jooheon pouts and looks down. “Well, maybe we should ask the soul expert. We have one.” He frowns. “But I don’t think he likes me very much…”

“At the moment? I don’t think he likes me much, either.” Changkyun pushes himself up with a groan. “He’s just a tough cookie to crack, don’t let it get to you.”

“Tough?” Jooheon gets up and crosses his arms.

“Yeah, like, you gotta chew a bit,” Changkyun explains. “Throw it against a wall and see if it cracks. Maybe just put it in the microwave for a minute or two.”

“What’s a micro… microwave…?” Jooheon glances over.

“A wondrous human invention, my fluffy feathered friend,” Changkyun sighs, shoves both hands in his hoodie pockets and heads for the door despite the way his heart weighs. “I’ll show you at some point, yeah? After the war or whatever.”

“War,” Jooheon chuckles and follows after Changkyun, arms still crossed like he just figured he could do that and can’t stop himself, “Please. Leave the war to my brothers and sisters. We’re just fighting a tainted giant.  _ Eaaaaasyyyyyy…” _

“Kihyun is the giant,” Changkyun says. “Not Hubris.” He smiles a little, then, over at Jooheon. “So, yeah. Easy.”

“You’re so much better when you’re all optimistic,” Jooheon shoves at him lightly  and smiles. “Glad I could help.”

“You did,” Changkyun sighs. “I  _ hate  _ being pessimistic. I’m glad you’re around,” Changkyun says, swallows fear when he walks down the stairs and starts paying attention to the voices in the living room.

“Absolutely fucking not!”

“But!” Hoseok tries.

“No!”

Changkyun winces, sure he doesn’t need much context to know what this is about.

“There must be  _ something  _ I can do--he’s my  _ best friend _ , Wonnie!”

“And you’re not going to help anyone by dying!”

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” Shownu says. “Maybe there is something he can do. He doesn’t need to be  _ in _ the action but…”

Hoseok looks up, eyes all wide and hopeful. It makes Changkyun feel absolutely terrible. 

“Anything, really! I--I can do some research, or, or, heck I don’t know, I can--”

“Shownu,” Hyungwon grits out. “He’s just human. They’re  _ squishy _ .”

Shownu chuckles. “Humans might be squishy, but as a human myself I gotta say, don’t underestimate them and him.” He looks to Hoseok then. “Then again, you  _ are  _ squishy and your soul is the perfect appetizer for any demon we might encounter. So… If you’d like to help me with these,” He points at the books now scattered all over the table. “Look for anything that you think might have something to do with wards. We’ll need lots of them.”

“Yeah!” Hoseok nods enthusiastically, standing up. “I mean, yeah, yeah I can do that. I can draw too if you need me to, if they need to be… drawn. I don’t know how wards work.”

“I’ll explain,” Shownu smiles and nods, “And if you have questions, please, ask them. Better knowing than not knowing.”

“I still don’t like this,” Hyungwon grumbles through his teeth. “Too close to the damn fire.” He glances, then, over to where Jooheon and Changkyun hover in the doorway, but quickly looks away. 

“Kihyun would do the same for me,” Hoseok says then, far more confident now, sitting behind a pile of books, “And he wouldn’t give up. So, I don’t care about what you two say. If Kyun says he’s in there, then he’s in there. And if Kyun thinks he can save him, then I want to help him!” He looks at Hyungwon and frowns. “Stop acting like a grumpy old man and help!”

Hyungwon gapes. “I’m not  _ grumpy _ !”

“Yes, you are,” Jooheon and Changkyun say at the same time.

Shownu tilts his head and mumbles, “You kinda are,” under his breath.

“Unbelievable!” Hyungwon says, throwing his hands up. “I try to be the voice of  _ reason  _ among you people and this is what I get.”

Hoseok raises an eyebrow, clearly amused. “I’m pretty sure Shownu and I are older than you are.”

“I am  _ dead!” _ Hyungwon dramatizes. “What is  _ age  _ when you’re dead?”

“Yet, you still manage to sound grumpy  _ and  _ old,” Hoseok rolls his eyes and opens one of the books Shownu had been pointing at. “Remarkable, really...”

Changkyun scoffs and Hyungwon aims a glare at him. 

“Glad you’re over your emotional hissy fit or whatever,” Hyungwon grumbles.

“I’m keeping all those pesky emotions locked up, right here,” Changkyun says, hand to his chest. “Until I die.”

“Will gladly carry your soul across the threshold.”

“Love ya, too, grandpa,” Changkyun rolls his eyes, before he turns them to Shownu. “You don’t maybe know a bunch about souls? This Reaper is aging me, but I have questions.”

“It’s so you die faster,” Hyungwon bites back and Changkyun gestures lazily at him.

“See? Five years of my life I’ll never get back, right there.”

Shownu scoffs, shakes his head as he carries a pile of books over to the table, Hoseok’s eyes widening a little.

“Unfortunately, no, he’s the expert.”

Hyungwon grins smugly and Changkyun groans. Hoseok lifts the cover of the top book on his pile, and swallows. “Does anyone want coffee?” He looks at Shownu. “You don’t mind if I make some coffee, do you?”

“I’ll help you,” Shownu says and gestures towards the door. “Coffee for everyone minus the dead guy. We’re going to need it.”

“This is bullying…” Hyungwon mumbles.

Changkyun rolls his eyes, walks up to Hyungwon to bump him on the shoulder. As he does, it occurs to him that he’s… Changkyun is the only person, most likely, that can touch Hyungwon right now. He glances at Jooheon curiously. He probably can, right? Anyway-- “I’m sorry,” Changkyun starts, sincerely. “About all this.”

Hyungwon’s eyes move to Changkyun’s and then to Jooheon before they’re back on Changkyun. “If you want to ask about Kihyun’s soul then I’m afraid I’ve already told you all I know.” Hyungwon looks away, his nose wrinkles. “You’re all just idiots who don’t want to accept it. Optimistic shits.”

“I accept it,” Changkyun says. “I just don’t like it. But no, this isn’t about Kihyun’s soul.” Changkyun sighs, walking over to the couch to plop down, already feeling weary despite the day not even being half-done. “It’s about mine. Which… I guess is also Kihyun’s soul? Just my bit, though.”

Hyungwon frowns. His eyes follow Jooheon as the angel moves to sit down next to Changkyun and put a palm over his back. It shines a little and it’s warm. It feels like raw energy. Changkyun sighs a little and leans into it, into Jooheon like a warm, fluffy blanket. And Hyungwon frowns harder.

“Your soul is yours,” he says calmly, “Just like Kihyun’s is his. The soul split before any of you were born…” He looks away. “Wait… what?” He looks up and squints. “Ugh, I hate this job.”

Changkyun scoffs, moves a little closer to Jooheon until he’s practically on his lap. He’s like a portable charger, honestly. 

“You seriously only know stuff once you talk about it? That’s  _ weird _ .”

Hyungwon glances over and his nose wrinkles again. “Alright, I gotta ask. What’s the deal with you two?” He tilts his chin up once and moves his finger between Changkyun and Jooheon. “Are you two an item or something? Is this some sort of… Hurt-comfort thing?”

“An item?” Changkyun asks, frowning and leaning his cheek onto Jooheon’s head. It’s white and fluffy, like a cloud. Or a sheep, except Changkyun doesn’t think sheep are very soft, really. “What do you mean?”

“What do I--” Hyungwon shakes his head. “What do I  _ mean? _ Well, I don’t know? Maybe that from where I’m standing it looks like he’s Kihyun’s replacement. Except… fluffier and… horribly clingy…”

Changkyun feels immediately and highly offended. “What?!  _ Seriously _ ? It’s not even been a full twenty four hours, Hyungwon, what the fuck!”

“That,” Hyungwon points at Changkyun, “Is exactly my point. Maybe wait a few days next time?”

Changkyun tongues at his cheek, eyes narrowed as he lifts his head. “Jooheon is my friend, you dimwit.  _ Friend _ .”

“Uhuh,” Hyungwon grimaces and looks away. “I’m so sorry Kihyun. But I am so glad you’re not here to see this...”

“Do you have a  _ problem  _ with platonic affection? Because I’m actually incredibly fucking offended that you think I’d--that I’d just  _ jump!  _ To next nearest available--” Changkyun grimaces. He can’t even say it!

“Ah,” Jooheon raises a hand, “Sorry. I’m taken.” 

“Me  _ too _ !” Changkyun glares, as if for emphasis. 

“God doesn’t count, angel,” Hyungwon scoffs.

Jooheon lets his hand fall and leans back to look at Changkyun. “What?”

“Don’t mind him, he’s stupid,” Changkyun grumbles, lets his head fall again. It hadn’t even occurred to him. He was aware of the  _ idea  _ of jealousy, but he’d never seen himself with anybody but Kihyun and knows he never would. 

“So,” Hyungwon licks his lips, “You’re telling me you’d still be doing that if Kihyun was here right now?”

Changkyun’s heart does a little thing. Like it forgot how to beat for a second. “I’ve slept on Hoseok’s lap and been used as his personal teddy bear. I’d probably be in Kihyun’s arms right now, but alas, I don’t exactly have the option and I’m finding comfort and, quite literally, energy being comfortable with, arguably, my best friend.”

Jooheon blinks, eyes wide. “Be--Best friend?”

“I’ll get us matching somethings later,” Changkyun jokes, eyes still in slits and trained on Hyungwon. The  _ gall _ .

Hyungwon chuckles. “Alright, I’d like to see you if this was the other way around.” He waves a hand in the air dismissively and then sighs. “I don’t care, anyway.”

“About  _ what,  _ exactly?” Changkyun raises an eyebrow, smooshes his cheek a little in Jooheon’s hair. So soft.

“A little respect would be appreciated,” Hyungwon grumbles. “I thought demons were a pain in the ass. Now there’s an angel, too.” Again, Hyungwon waves his hand around. “If you think Kihyun wouldn’t mind,” he shrugs and grins a little, “Be my guest. Anyway,” he sighs dramatically, “What  _ about  _ your soul?”

“I want to know the extent of it,” Changkyun says. “The potential, I guess. I need to… be more powerful, if we stand any chance against Hubris.”

Hyungwon looks down and takes a deep breath. “Usually, someone’s energy reflects their soul. It’s trickier with humans because they have low wavelengths. But supernatural creatures quite literally scream with their souls.” He glances over. “Like… Your soul gives you qualities. People who are good with other people, who are caring, take Hoseok for example, would develop healing powers because that’s what their soul  _ is _ in its essence. Kihyun’s soul is part heavenly so he shines and shoots laser beams or whatever it is you angels do--”

“Bazookas of light,” Changkyun nods seriously. “Go on.” 

“Same with your platonic boyfriend over there.” Hyungwon shrugs and Changkyun kicks at Hyungwon’s leg. “ _ Ouch _ \--Do you want to know or not? Ungrateful... _ In your case _ , I’d say…” Hyungwon’s eyes shine a little neon yellow as he looks at Changkyun’s chest. “You’ve said so before… that your skin is--”

“Impenetrable?” Changkyun asks and then blinks. “Oh, I get it now.” He winces. “Yikes...”

Hyungwon smiles a little, sighs and sits down. “And dark, like a shadow. Which means it’ll grow darker and bigger the stronger the light. That teleport of yours, too. A soul quality. Needing to be by Kihyun’s side whenever he needs you.”

“I remember you using your soul as a shield,” Jooheon nods and glances at Changkyun. “Remember? Between the starry skies.”

Changkyun nods. “Yeah… I think that and the whole, er, can’t be, er, penetrable, thing, is connected? I felt a lot more vulnerable inside that shield, for some reason.”

“Your soul clings to your body like a cloak,” Hyungwon says. “Once you expand it, you’re as squishy as, let’s say, Kihyun. You’ll heal as fast as he does, though.” Hyungwon stops then, flinching at himself a little. “I give you shit and I keep saying ‘is’ instead of ‘was’...” He looks away. “Say… do you really think… do you really think we can… that  _ you  _ can… save him?”

“Yes,” Changkyun says, and sounds more assured than he thought he would, so he smiles a little, nods, and adds, “Yes. I’m gonna bring him back.”

Hyungwon bites at his lower lip. “You better… You fucking better…” He glances over and for a moment he looks… so, so vulnerable. “Or I will personally escort you back to where you came from… You hear me?”

Jooheon breathes through his nose. “Over my dea--”

“Shut up,” Hyungwon grumbles. “I’m talking to my friend, not the heavenly chicken.”

Changkyun’s features soften a little, remembering the tears he’d seen on Hyungwon’s face. He pouts. “Did you just call me your friend?”

“Did he just call me a chicken?” Jooheon asks under his breath and Changkyun waves a little dismissively because yeah, he did, but  _ not now. _

Hyungwon flinches and looks away. “You, Kihyun, Hoseok and I… that’s…” Hyungwon’s eyes go all watery. “Ugh…” He turns away. “Fucking hate today… Yes! You’re my friends. All of you, except the chicken.” He sniffles. “I want the gang back together not… not this mess. It’s not so bad being dead when… when I’ve got you guys…”

“You just don’t know the chicken yet, he’s very nice...” Changkyun says, feeling his eyes tear up.  _ Again _ .  _ Fucking hell _ . He scoots over, plops himself onto Hyungwon before he can say anything. “You’ve still got me, yeah?”

Hyungwon frowns, lips turned down, and he glances away from Changkyun. “I want the hamster back. He’s a lot more easy to tease than you are…”

“I’m great fun, take that back,” Changkyun says, and, despite how cold Hyungwon is, still wraps his arms around him. So much skinnier than Kihyun. Jooheon had actually been a bit bigger than Kihyun. Changkyun wants to laugh, then, at how everything seems to just be measured on a Kihyun Scale. But he hugs Hyungwon tighter. “I’m just a bit delicate right now, but you can still call me a dog or whatever you want, if it makes you feel better.”

“M’fine,” Hyungwon mumbles. And it’s barely perceptible to anyone that isn’t Changkyun, but Hyungwon actually clings a little--with his head and body, not exactly arms and hands.

“So,” Jooheon peeks over, eyes curious, “Does this mean that now  _ you’re _ the platonic boyfriend? Or is that not how this works?” 

Changkyun barks a laugh. “Oh my god, it’s called ‘friend’! He’s my friend, you’re my friend, it’s a word people use!”

“Yes,” Jooheon nods while Hyungwon grumbles to himself, “But what’s a  _ boy _ friend? Is it like… a male friend?”

Changkyun sighs softly, fondly, turns himself around so he’s still leaning his full weight onto Hyungwon but facing Jooheon, throwing his legs over his lap. “I love you guys. But I’m not  _ in love  _ with you guys. It’s a silly word but it’s, like, your significant other or whatever. Boyfriend. Or girlfriend, I suppose, although the thought never occurred to me…”

“Ooooooh,” Jooheon nods and then squints. “What if you have no gender? Is it a personfriend?”

Changkyun squints, turns a bit to face Hyungwon. “Is it?”

Hyungwon shrugs, looking farther away. “I guess? What do I know. My dick doesn’t even work.”

“We left to make coffee and we come back to this,” Hoseok says, pouting, holding a tray with cookies in both hands. “Why are you all soft? We should be working! Working, I tell you!”

“This--” Changkyun gestures. “Is the Couch of Good Vibes. This is where we recharge.”

Jooheon raises both hands and both gleam with a warm light. “I have plenty,” he says seriously. “I can share.”

Hoseok’s eyes widen and he walks closer, quickly forgetting the cookies as he places them over the table. “Can I try?” Hoseok asks excitedly. Shownu chuckles as he passes by and gives Changkyun a small smile and a nod before looking away.

Hyungwon groans. “Oh, great, crowd the chicken…”

Changkyun gestures again. “He’s a dove.”

“I want to go now,” Hyungwon says. “Let me go, please.”

Changkyun relaxes his body, making sure to put his full weight on Hyungwon. “Mmm… Hoseok, get in here, it’s great. The puppy pile of the century.”

Hyungwon grabs Changkyun’s wrists before Hoseok can even get any closer and uses Changkyun as a puppet to pull Hoseok over. 

“See? Now you’re being useful,” Hyungwon says as he uses Changkyun to hug Hoseok, who laughs out loud and falls down on the now increasingly crowded couch. Changkyun feels a lot like the contents of a sandwich, but laughs, squeezing Hoseok tighter when Hyungwon pushes a little at his arms.

“I’m not kissing him!” Changkyun laughs. “You can’t make me!”

“Aw, why not, come heeeeere,” Hoseok squishes at Changkyun’s cheek and Hyungwon uses Changkyun’s hands to keep Hoseok at a safe distance.

“Wonho, I swear…” Hyungwon warns. “It’s enough that he has a platonic boyfriend. He doesn’t need two! Especially not with my actual boyfriend.”

Hoseok grins. “You’re jelly.”

“Yes,” Hyungwon says easily, “So stop.”

Hoseok laughs, even as he leans back a little, stops squishing at Changkyun’s cheek. “Yes, well, you’ve always been the jealous kind, I think that’s where Kihyun picked it up.”

Changkyun freezes where he’d been reaching up to pat at his cheek indignantly. His throat feels a little bit tight again, and Hoseok’s gaze falls, letting out a little sigh. 

“Sorry, I just--”

“It’s okay,” Changkyun says, pushes Hoseok just a little so he can sit up, move away. “We have stuff to do, anyway, so.”

“Well,” Shownu says from where he’s sitting at the table. “There’s a mug for everyone and some cookies. Take what you need and get to work. Hoseok, can you help me with these?”

Hoseok nods, walking over. “Yeah, no problem...” He glances around, spots the television. “Maybe we should keep that on? News channel or something. Just, just in case.”

Changkyun walks over, turns it on at the side without even looking. “Not a bad idea,” he mumbles, looks back at Jooheon. “This is, like, apocalypse level shit, right? I’m sure there’s gonna be a few things popping up.”

Jooheon smiles and it’s the first time Changkyun sees something wicked in the way it looks. “That would be an understatement, friend.”

“I’m sure you two kissing was just one of the seals,” Shownu sighs, pours him and Hoseok a cup of coffee before he sits down on the opposite side of the table stacked with books. Changkyun narrows his eyes a little at the angel, though.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

_ “‘For behold,” _ Jooheon starts, voice a little dark,  _ “The Lord will come in fire and His chariots like the whirlwind, to render His anger with fury, and His rebuke with flames of fire. For the Lord will execute judgement by fire and by his sword on all flesh, and those slain by the Lord will be many.’” _

“Isaiah,” Shownu nods, “66:15-16.”

“You think Hell is bad?” Jooheon chuckles and looks away. “You haven’t seen Heaven on a bad day.”

“You really,  _ really  _ need to work on your bedside manner,” Changkyun says, knowing he’s said it before, but like,  _ damn, Jooheon _ . “Why did you just quote the bible at me? I’m a demon, it makes me  _ itchy _ .”

“Because,” Jooheon glances over, “If we don’t hurry up, you’ll be more than just itchy.”

“You mentioned holy water?”

“And gasoline,” Jooheon grins and then shrugs. “But don’t worry, I’ll take care of that.” He gets up and stretching, wings stretching too. Everyone seems to glance at them for a moment before looking away. No one blames anyone, though. Those wings are… fucking impressive. “I’ll be back in an hour or two,” Jooheon tells Changkyun. “Don’t get started without me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Changkyun mumbles to himself. “I’ll… Stretch my soul a bit while you’re gone, though,” Changkyun smiles a little, crosses his arms. 

“You’ll stretch your what now?” Hoseok asks, glancing over.

“About that,” Hyungwon starts and stops. He seems to be considering whether to say whatever he’s thinking about or let it hang. “I might…” He growls and vanishes before reappearing on the other side of the room. He glances at Jooheon for a second and, when Jooheon looks back at him, Hyungwon goes, “Shooo, shooo, I’m allergic to plumage.”

Jooheon blinks and then shrugs. “I’m hypoallergenic,” Changkyun hears him mumble before he is out of the house, door closed behind him  _ (at least angels are decent about doors and personal space) _ .

Changkyun walks over to the cookies and the coffee. Small blessings, to be honest. “You were saying?”

Hyungwon looks up and then down. “Well, let’s say a demon is coming at you and you make it bounce back by expanding your soul, yeah?” He looks up again. “But something powerful like Hubris manages to get through. What then. You’re vulnerable. Super strength won’t keep you standing for long. Remember the diner?”

Changkyun lifts an eyebrow, sits down on the couch with his coffee, blowing over the top. “You’ve watched a lot of science fiction, haven’t you? The way you talk...”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “Ah  _ yes _ , the  _ demon _ tells the  _ dead guy _ . Do you wanna live or what?”

“Fine, go on, tell me about my superpowers, I’m  _ living  _ for it. Especially the way you’re telling it,  _ gold _ .”

“Not yours,” Hyungwon says plainly, lifting a hand as it starts to fade into that mist Hyungwon always carries around with him. “Mine.”

“Your superpowers, then,” Changkyun gestures, moving his hand in a little circle. “Continue.”

Hyungwon frowns. “I feel like you’re not taking this seriously, but whatever.” He rolls his eyes again. “You and I have one thing in common. We’re both shadows. Which means you  _ can _ learn to do this, I think…” He scrunches his nose. “Or… I know, apparently.”

“Never gonna get used to that,” Changkyun says, taking a long sip of coffee before leaning forward to put it down, crossing his arms on his legs. He frowns. “I’m taking this seriously, though, I’m just… me.”

“If Hubris is as powerful as you and the chicken say then…” Hyungwon glances at his own hand and it turns to mist. Hoseok raises his head to look, too, and Shownu glances up from where he has his nose buried in an old book. “Then, if it wants to kill you all it needs to do is rip your heart out. You’re strong but you’re as mortal as anything with a beating heart. But if you can make yourself fade…” 

Changkyun blinks, head moving back, surprised. “Seriously? You think I can do that?”

“It would take years of training,” Shownu mumbles.

“Maybe,” Hyungwon sighs. “Which we don’t have. But if I…” He looks to Changkyun. “You’re not going to like this…”

Changkyun narrows his eyes. “That does not lend me to any sort of confidence in what you’re about to do, you know.”

“Remember the bathroom?”

Changkyun suppresses a shiver. “How could I forget…”

“Well,” Hyungwon shrugs and lets his hand fall, and as it falls it reappears. “We’ll have to do it again. And, this time, I might have to actually kill you for… Just a sec?” He smiles and it’s  _ creepy. _

Hoseok squeaks from nearby. “You’re gonna  _ what _ ?!”

“You won’t even notice!” Hyungwon defends, pauses. “Well, he will. You won’t.”

“You’ll notice when Kihyun comes back just to fucking kick your ass, Chae Hyungwon!”

“Oh, don’t tell him, please…He’ll nag for decades.”

Changkyun sighs, a deep, steadying thing before repeating the hand movement from before. “Just… try not to enjoy it too much, okay? Trusting you with my life over here. Literally.”

Hyungwon scoffs. “I  _ am _ a Reaper. I  _ am _ going to enjoy it. But I promise I won’t eat you.”

“My life has never been this interesting,” Shownu says from the desk. “Er. Sorry, go on with the, er, momentary killing.”

“Platonic boyfriends don’t get eating rights,” Changkyun jokes to try and make himself feel a bit more at ease with said killing. He sits up straighter, though, looks at Hyungwon. “Anything I should know about? Orientation class or something?”

“It will be cold…” Hyungwon looks up. “And you might have a panic attack once you’re back...”

Changkyun swallows. So, like going to Hell then? Except, back then, he had Kihyun to come back to, to comfort him. 

“Any particular reason or just because of the dying? I’ve died before. Technically. Three minutes a day, at that.”

“Yes,” Hyungwon smiles a little sad, “But no Reaper took your soul then. You will experience everything you’ve lived these past months in less than a second. It will overwhelm you. You will forget about it but the emotional toll it takes remains in the aftermath.”

Changkyun already feels a little cold. He nods, tries to steel himself. He glances over at Hoseok. “Hug me when I get back, yeah?”

Hoseok gets up. “Yeah!” He says, worry all over his face even when he smiles, sits down next to Changkyun. “Of course!”

“Thanks,” Changkyun says, soft, nods. “Just… just do it.”

Hyungwon sighs. He vanishes in a mist and reappears in front of Changkyun, one knee down, hand blending in the dark fog. “It will be less than a second…” Hyungwon looks up.  _ Is he trying to sound reassuring? _ He looks even more up and then away. “There’s… a Hallow over your head by the way. It’s been there for a few minutes. Funny how these things work sometimes.”

Changkyun lets out a breathy laugh through his nose, shakes his head and closes his eyes. “Not the first time I’ve had one of those…”

“Keep your eyes closed,” Hyungwon says. “Don’t open them…  _ even if it sounds like ‘come here’.” _

And then everything is cold.

Changkyun feels his limbs ice so quickly he can’t even make a sound. Images flashing so fast behind his eyelids he can’t make heads or tails of it. 

_ ‘Sorry,’ Kihyun said, ages ago in a kitchen Changkyun can barely recall. ‘Sorry, I just stumbled here. I’m not drunk, I promise. Somehow my head just…’ _

_ ‘Well, yes, that can happen, considering the circumstances.’ _

_ ‘Do you like it?’ Kihyun asked over Changkyun’s first breakfast. _

_ ‘Tastes like molecules,’ Changkyun replied. ‘Nice molecules. Bigger picture it tastes--’ _

_ ‘So I save your life and you cook me bacon. Right?’ _

_ ‘Lies aren’t always words--Kyunie… The next time…’ _

_ ‘And every time you feel something’--’Hey! Kyunie! Look!’-- ‘there’s a thorn stabbing your heart.’ _

_ ‘No one dies on my watch’-- ‘Maybe I overdid the perfume this morning…’ _

_ ‘A little light in a sea gone black.’ _

_ ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’-- ‘I’m not giving up on you. That’s what I mean with boyfriends.’ _

_ ‘I’ll see you later.’ _

_ ‘Promise?’ _

_ ‘Always.’ _

_ ‘Sun kisses! Everyone has them.’ _

_ ‘Matching, don’t you think?’ _

_ ‘Come here, silly…’ _

_ Come here. _

There’s darkness and then… and then, in the darkness, red eyes turn towards him.  _ Come here. _ Changkyun feels that. He feels it in his soul, in his body and… Hubris. Hubris felt that, too.

_ ‘Stay.’ _

_ ‘Maybe a sunset.’ _

_ ‘Kiss me?’ Kihyun asked. And it felt a lot like ‘goodbye’. _

_ Come here… _

_ ‘Please…’ _

_ ‘He’s a loud one, isn’t he?’  _ Hubris whispers behind Changkyun’s ear.  _ ‘And he’s not even aware… always demanding, always asking… Pride… no one likes Pride, save perhaps Patience...’ _

_ Come here… _

_ ‘Is all it says,’ _ Hubris hisses,  _ ‘The voice. A little light in the darkness.’ _ And red eyes glare before they turn to look away.  _ ‘Time to go, little light. There are shadows up and about…’ _

Gravity pulls and Changkyun feels himself try to breathe.

It hits him like falling onto concrete, and when he breathes, it’s not enough, it’s too fast, it’s not  _ enough _ \--He gasps for air, reaches out, hands fumbly and numb, and he can’t think beyond the things he feels, the incredible pain, the love, the loss, the way it felt to have joy, to feel so much in so little time. And guilt. Guilt he can’t seem to shake. His throat hurts, his chest hurts, his lungs feel too empty and he’s aware of arms pulling him closer, holding him steady.

“Breathe, Changkyun--”

He fumbles to grasp at something, anything, finds the softness of fabric between his fingers and holds. There’s a heartbeat.

“Kihyun--?”

“Changkyun, it’s okay, just breathe, you’re okay--”

“Kihyun!” Someone sobs, and it sounds far away but Changkyun feels it in his chest. The arms pull him tighter. “Ki, I’m so sorry...”

“Shh, it’s okay, just breathe…”

And he does. It keeps going fast and he can’t seem to get it down, but there’s a hand soothing down his back, someone taking steady breaths against him like a guide, and he follows it, and soon enough, matches it, and the world slowly comes back into focus. 

“Wait,” a familiar voice says, “Let me help.” 

A pause and Changkyun feels a warm hand over his forehead. 

“Hey, Kkukkung…? You’re fine. You’re okay. We have you.”

Warmth spreads through his body. Literal warmth that feels like melted gold. 

“Ki--Kihyu--” someone sobs and he hates it, hates the sound of it, especially once he recognises that it’s his own voice. Changkyun blinks past the water behind his eyes and sees Hoseok, sees Jooheon leaning over him. But no Kihyun. Kihyun’s gone and it’s his fault, it’s  _ his  _ fault… “It’s too much,” he sobs, clinging. “All of it, I can’t…”

“You can,” Jooheon says softly, “You’re not alone in this, you know? Just… hold on a bit longer.” He glances over his shoulder then. “Did you really have to do that? I was gone for fifteen minutes and you try to--!”

“Hey, think of the long-run?” Hyungwon says. “Waaaaiiit… did you run here like a headless chicken? That would be fun to watch.”

Jooheon sighs and looks at Changkyun again. “Do you want me to smite him? I’m tempted…”

“N-no,” Changkyun sniffles, shakes his head. 

“You sure? I can… Bazooka light him out of here.”

“Try me, chicken! I’ll make soup for dinner!”

Changkyun wipes at his eyes, leans more into Hoseok’s arms and breathes past the last of the tightness in his chest. 

“You--you’re silly,” Changkyun says, voice small as he shakes a little, Hoseok smoothing his hand down his arm.

“Hey, pet demon,” Hyungwon calls, “Want chicken soup for dinner? I hear it warms the soul.”

“I swear to God, Hyung--Ah, sorry… Can I swear to God?” Hoseok asks.

“Be my guest,” Jooheon mumbles. “I don’t care anymore.”

Changkyun swallows, feels the corners of his lips quirk up a little. “I’m… I’m okay, I swear…” 

Hoseok hugs him a little tighter. “I’m not, shhh.”

Jooheon smiles reassuringly, eyes flicking across Changkyun’s face, and then gets up. “Can I go back to my task? I have water to steal. And gasoline.”

“Why are you stealing water when we can just open the tap--”

“Filth,” Jooheon hisses. “Humans are a lot more careful with what they put in their mouths than what they bathe in. And then they even profit out of it. Filth.”

“If the angel stays in our company for much longer,” Hyungwon chuckles, “I’m afraid we might corrupt him.”

“He’s just stating facts,” Changkyun breathes instead of saying. He’s gonna need more of that angel mojo at this rate. “Go,” he lifts his hand and lets it fall again. He’ll be fine in a second, really. “Get that holy juice. Or whatever. I won’t die again, I promise.”

“You’re lucky this was fast or our plan would have failed…” Jooheon mumbles under his breath.

“Yeah…” Changkyun says, thinks,  _ Shit, right... _

Jooheon pouts and then looks at Hyungwon and moves two fingers between Hyungwon’s eyes and his own. “I’m watching you, Fog.”

Hyungwon grins. “Aw, I’m starting to like you, Chicken.”

Jooheon ruffles his feathers a little, chin up before he walks past him and outside. 

“Guardian angels,” Changkyun winces, sitting up. “Make for odd… best fellows.” He frowns. That doesn’t really make sense. “Ugh, I hope this was worth it, Hyungwon…”

“Only one way to find out,” Hyungwon shrugs, glancing away. “And look at that, I have no idea how to finish that sentence!  _ Yes!” _ He throws both arms up. “Feels good not to know!”

Changkyun narrows his eyes at the Reaper. “Not to me it  _ doesn’t _ . Did you seriously just kill me and now you don’t even know if it worked or not? Whatever it works for, being all--” He gestures. “Foggy or whatever. I need more coffee…”

“Uhm,” Hoseok starts. “Kyun… Do--Do that again…”

“What,” Changkyun sits up, points idly at where the coffee had been earlier as he looks at Hoseok. “Ask for coffee?”

“Fuck, I hate this mouth of mine--” Hyungwon grumbles, “Souls are like second members, you idiot. You say ‘do’ and it does. Can someone!  _ Please! _ Sew my lips closed? Thank you! It’s not funny anymore!”

“Your hand, Changkyun,” Shownu says, expression serene.

“What about my-- _ Ah! _ ” Changkyun screams and shakes his hand. Or, well, the weird, foggy, deep purple shape that he knows  _ is  _ his hand but doesn’t really look like it, not until he shakes it some more, begs his hand to--”Stop doing that!” and it’s his hand again. His actual hand, all tan and fleshy and not--”What the hell?!”

Hoseok blinks. “I really just saw that and it was… creepy.”

“Misty boy,” Hyungwon says with a cocky smile.

“No!” Changkyun says. “No superhero names! Why can I do this now?! Why is this  _ working _ ?!”

Hyungwon points to himself. “Uhm.. Soul expert? Reaper? It’s like adding salt to a dish, really. Quite literally considering what I eat, hah.” He shrugs. “It worked because I know what it is and how to do it. You had what we’d like to call a soul projection, except I tugged at it and taught it karate, or whatever.” He turns to looks at Changkyun, face serious. “May have licked it.”

“He didn’t,” Hoseok chuckles.

“That you saw! I have quick reflexes.”

“So do I,” Shownu says and Changkyun has to admit, yeah, yeah he does. 

Changkyun gets up, eyes glued to his hand. “You took my teleportation and you turned it into--” Changkyun thinks about his hand being fog instead of solid and yeah, there it goes! What the fuck! He shakes it again, shivers a little. “That?”

“You might want to get used to it,” Hyungwon says as he looks at his nails, turning his hand around to have different perspectives. “You know what I hate? Having the Hamster’s voice in my head saying ‘misty dick’.” He glances up. “Do  _ not _ use it like that…”

“I don’t even know how that would  _ work _ \--”

“Guys,” Shownu says, with an extraordinary amount of patience. 

Changkyun rolls his shoulders a little indignantly, eyes narrowed at Hyungwon. “I  _ barely  _ know how to use my shield, and now you give me this?” He sighs. “I’m gonna tire myself out with this shit, I can tell…”

“Thankfully,” Hyungwon flicks his hand, “The chicken is a portable battery  _ and _ there are so many demons in every damn corner of this city that you will never run out of target practice.”

“Only time,” Changkyun sighs, drops his hand. He glances at the television. It’s still on, but there’s no sound, just pictures. Shaky footage of dark skies, storms and strong winds. Fire and shadows people can’t name. “But this makes me more difficult to kill so, thanks for killing me, I guess.”

Hoseok walks past him to the desk. “Never gonna get used to this shit…”

“These runes,” Shownu slides one of the books closer, “Will allow you to see what we see as we see it. It will be helpful in case you need to run away.”

“While you do that,” Hyungwon glances at Changkyun. “Walkies?”

Changkyun blinks slowly at him before he laughs, shaking his head even as he walks towards the door. 

“ _I’m_ _not a dog.._.”

_ ‘Wolves are prettier.’ _

Changkyun shivers a little, puts his hand around the bracelet by his wrist and holds there. And then, for a brief moment, there’s a slight pressure at his back, a hand pushing him forward, making him stumble a little.

_ ‘I’m proud of you,’ _ Kihyun’s voice says from right behind him. ‘ _ Go, be good _ .’

Changkyun whips around, knows nothing will be there but he’s somehow still disappointed. His hand tightens a little at his wrist and he thinks, loud, clear, hopes it’ll reach Kihyun, if… if that is what it was. 

_ ‘I miss you.’ _

_ ‘I never left…’ _

“Hey!” Hyungwon calls. “We have  _ hours! _ What are you doing?” He gestures towards the door. “Walkies!”

“S--Sorry,” Changkyun says, moves his legs despite them feeling more like steel than flesh and bone. “I…” He laughs, a little nervous, fumbles with the door. “Think I’m losing it a little. My bad.”

“Damn, already?” Hyungwon chuckles. “Stupid… Please, don’t? You’re the only one holding this strange gang together. Without you, we’re just… lost.”

Changkun blinks, finds the door handle and pushes it open. 

“Oh,” he says. It’s odd, every time they give him meaning beyond ‘Guardian’, his chest gets all warm and he feels… He  _ feels _ . It’s still something to get used to. “Okay, then, I won’t… Just thought I…”  _ Heard Kihyun _ . But no, he’ll tell Jooheon, not Hyungwon. Less emotional involvement.

They step outside and a strange, warm breeze welcomes them. Hyungwon taps at Changkyun’s shoulder and points at something in the distance.

“I think that’s not normal… is it?” Hyungwon asks. “Shit… That’s literal  _ black.” _

And sure enough, when Changkyun looks up, it looks like an ocean of black. It barely looks like clouds, barely looks like the sky. Looks more like the dark lines he’d seen on Kihyun’s skin. 

“Lemme guess,” Changkyun mumbles. “A side effect of the upcoming apocalypse…”

“I don’t know…” Hyungwon breathes. “But I have a bad feeling about this…” He shivers and shakes his head, slapping a hand over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Come on, puppy. We have tricks to teach you.”

Changkyun cracks his neck a little, rolls his shoulders. “Not gonna kill me again, are you?”

“Maybe if you beg,” Hyungwon tilts his head, smiles and then looks away. “Look, I’m going to be honest with you.” He looks at the black clouds in the distance and sighs. “We are way in over our heads, okay? It’s a literal ghost of a Goddess! A demon army! And a stupid hamster with a giant soul… Not to mention what’s waiting on the other side of the limbo… Angry angels powerful enough to look us dead.” Hyungwon glances over. “My mouth is telling me and you we can’t do shit about it. And that we can’t--” He frowns. “Save Kihyun.  _ But… _ I really want to believe you, Changkyun.”

“I… Kind of really need you to believe me?” Changkyun says with a sheepish smile. “Jooheon believes we can do this, Kihyun did-- _ does _ , too. It’s not going to be easy,  _ obviously _ , but if I don’t believe I can save him? If I really have to kill the love of my life?” Changkyun shakes his head with a little shiver. “I can’t do that. But I  _ can  _ save Kihyun.”

“Hm,” Hyungwon grunts. He seems uncomfortable as he looks around. “So you and the angel are not a thing, then…  _ Look! _ I’m just asking! Because if we’re saving Kihyun I don’t want to be the one explaining to him that I let his demon boyfriend run away with an angel while--”

Changkyun throws his hands up in frustration. “Hyungwon! You can have meaningful, affectionate connections with someone  _ without  _ wanting to fuck them! Shocking, I know!”

“I know!” Hyungwon grumbles. “What do you think I watch Hoseok do all the fucking time?”

“Then why are you assuming different of me?!”

“It’s not…” He makes a face. “I am just being cautious. You’re like--Nevermind. Let’s go! Before it rains demons on us!”

“I’m like  _ what _ , Hyungwon?”

“Fine!” Hyungwon throws his hands up dramatically. “Jesus, Kyun, Kihyun cares about you a lot okay? He fucking--  _ cares _ about everyone, to be honest, which is annoying as fuck, but guess what, unless you’re an asshole to his face, there he comes to save your day. But!” Hyungwon gestures vaguely at Changkyun. “He is  _ in love _ with you, like… I haven’t seen him before. So! Forgive me for caring about you hurting my best friend. Or whatever. And for the record! I’d be pissy about it as well if it was him going all mushy with someone else.”

“I’d never hurt him,  _ ever _ ,” Changkyun says, shoulders slumping a little. “Why do you think  _ I’m  _ so pissy about this? I love him, too. More than anything. I thought that was obvious…”

“Great! Now let’s drop this before you make me say more useless shit--next thing I know I’ll be confessing my undying love for Wonho or whatever…” Hyungwon flicks the finger to the sky. “Thank you very much!”

“ _ Undying love _ , huh?” Changkyun rolls his eyes. “Interesting turn of phrase…”

“Nothing is as certain and as eternal as death,” Hyungwon grumbles. “Now, can we  _ please _ get a move on?”

“From your vicarious jealousy in Kihyun’s stead? Sure, yeah, show me my new--” Changkyun lifts his hands to wiggle his fingers. “-- _ Superpowers _ .”

“I swear to the soul of that hamster, I will personally drag you to Hell…”

“Come on, kick my ass, I dare ya!” Changkyun turns his open hands into fists, takes on a fighting stance he’s seen on TV before and waggles his eyebrows. 

Hyungwon looks over and snorts. “You’re so full of shit, I love it. So… I say we start good with, let’s see, something tagged Gluttony? You lost against one last time.”

Changkyun lowers his fists a little. “No fair, back then, that thing was powerful…”

“Well,” Hyungwon licks his lips and smirks, “I sense a few Hallows a few miles north. That many? Only a demon with a big hunger could be behind it.”

Changkyun looks over his shoulder as if he’ll see it, shivers a little at the memory even as he walks closer to Hyungwon. “I still don’t know how it pierced my skin--well, my shield, I know that now, but--” he shivers again. “And those damn demon wards made it impossible for me to teleport. I could barely teleport away in Hubris’ proximity.’ 

Hyungwon glances over and raises an eyebrow. He glances away, then, and props his elbows lazily over Changkyun’s shoulder. “Maybe because you’re a wuss.”

“Wow, thanks, will  _ really  _ help us win this war,” Changkyun rolls his eyes again. “Come on. Pop us over, lemme at ‘em. Won’t jump out a window this time, I promise.”

Hyungwon smiles a little, “I mean it, though. Ever since Kihyun got stronger you… you… Hey, you don’t actually feel insecure do you?”

Changkyun winces. “No... Shut up.”

It’s only a blink and a drop into a pond. A bit of mist and they are somewhere else, somewhere a lot darker under black clouds and a red sun threatening to set under the horizon. It’s an empty parking lot. The road tar is wet, which means it rained not that long ago. But Changkyun doesn’t remember it having rained today.

Changkyun expected people. He doesn’t know how or in what state he expected them to be but he expected someone to actually  _ be _ there. Hyungwon had said ‘hallows’, right? Right. Yet, the parking lot seems empty.

“Are you…” Changkyun starts, glancing around. “Sure you’ve got the coordinates right, Hyungwon?”

Hyungwon gives a step forward and frowns. “Strange… There should be souls--I mean, people. There should be people here.”

“Or at least a demon,” Changkyun scoffs. “No use fighting an empty parking lot. When did it rain, anyway?”

“No, no, I can  _ feel _ them here.” Hyungwon looks around, eyes neon yellow. “They’re not in the limbo and they’re not on Earth, though… where the fuck--”

Something, something Changkyun doesn’t see, hits his shoulder so hard it sends him stumbling back a few feet. Changkyun’s fought ghosts before and that? That wasn’t it.

“ _ Hyungwon _ \--” Changkyun starts, somewhere between scared and pissed, when it hits him again from the back, almost pushing him off balance. He swings an arm around as if to punch whatever it was, but there’s nothing. “What the fuck is going on?!”

Hyungwon’s whole body mists away, yellow eyes in the dark, and a few lights start floating towards him, like he’s a magnet. They cling to the mist as it envelops them and then they vanish. “We’re inside it, Changkyun. We’re inside the demon. Everyone’s dead.”

“What?!” Changkyun exclaims, “How the hell am I supposed to kill it  _ if it’s already eaten us _ ?!”

Something goes through the black mist, pierces a hole through it and Changkyun can  _ hear _ it going in his direction. He ducks out of the way, aware that his eyes are a bit wide and he doesn’t look entirely as composed as he probably should.

“Do I have your permission to eat these souls?” Hyungwon asks way too casually for the type of question it is.

“What happens to them if you do?” Changkyun asks, heart in his ears. The air around him tastes, smells, suddenly,  _ foul _ . Like rotting meat.

“I fart glitter,” Hyungwon deadpans. “What do you think happens?!”

“I don’t want them to just vanish, Hyungwon! These were people!”

“If I eat one I can see what killed them, souls and ghosts all want one thing if they don’t walk the path; revenge and, or a second chance. So, can I? I really don’t want us to become this thing’s next meal before the war breaks out or whatever.”

_ There’s always a price to pay, isn’t there? _

“Fine! See if I care,” Changkyun grumbles and something else pushes at him again. “Ugh!” He reaches back and again, nothing.

“My bad,” Hyungwon says suddenly, “I ate two.”

“That’s literally gluttony, you assho--”

Hyungwon phases through something and appears right behind Changkyun. “Okay, time to go all Kihyun on me. I know you can do it, too--” and then Hyungwon’s voice doesn’t sound from behind him, it sounds inside his head.

_ ‘Soul whispering.’ _

And Changkyun sees it. Rows of teeth like a door, and the stink is almost unbearable. “I can’t--” He coughs, concentrates. ‘ _ I can’t believe you teleported us inside a fucking demon-- _ ’

_ ‘Blablabla, get us out of here and then we talk!’ _

_ ‘I’ll do you one better _ ,’ Changkyun ‘says’ back, closes his eyes and focuses on the lights, feels them tickle like electricity running through his skin, and then out, in front of them, around them. It shimmers a little, the air between the lights shining a little purple as if connected. Hell, Changkyun isn’t even sure he  _ can  _ do this. He lifts his hands and, like pushing through a wall, pushes forward and the shield expands around them.

_ ‘It’ll do whatever you want it to,’ _ Kihyun says from right next to him.

The shield retracts a little as Changkyun sucks in a breath, before pushing out again, looking towards the voice. It’s Kihyun, but he looks like a ghost, like air concentrated in colour and shape next to him. Changkyun’s heart lurches, squeezes inside his chest. And then he smiles a little, feels himself straighten up, pulling his arms back to gain momentum for one, big push. The shield seemingly explodes with how quickly it expands, pushing against the door of teeth, against the darkness around them.

And the darkness collapses. Taint rains as little purple lights hang in the air around them. The ground is no longer wet. But the sky is still dark and the sun is still red.

Kihyun takes a step forward, eyes up and a little shiny, lips parted in awe.  _ ‘That’s so cool…’ _

Changkyun lets his hands fall, feels the way his eyes water a little. 

_ ‘You like it?’  _ he asks, smiling a little despite the pressure in his chest. ‘ _ I can… I can do this, too, now _ ,’ Changkyun says, gives into the instincts that have kept him alive until now, fueled by the purpose to keep himself and Kihyun alive, remembers and thinks ‘ _ Fog,’  _ and barely feels himself phase until he’s on Kihyun’s other side, blinks a little disoriented. 

It feels  _ different.  _ Like blinking but not really closing his eyes.

Kihyun blinks and then smiles, all bright like Changkyun remembers from just two days ago,  _ ‘Of course you can, can’t wait to see all the other things you’ll learn, too.’ _ A pause. But Kihyun’s smile doesn’t falter when he waves his hand a little, and with a blink, he’s gone.

Changkyun closes his eyes, swallows back the emotions that well up so fast he can barely catch them, but he does, catches them and pushes them back with a deep, shaky breath. He turns to Hyungwon. “Told ya, didn’t I...”

Hyungwon is looking at him, eyes a little wide. “What the fuck was that…” He breathes out instead of actually asking.

“The reason I’m fighting,” Changkyun says, rolls his shoulders and looks in front of him. He’s learned now, that he can stretch his shield further than he thought he could, before.  _ ‘It’ll do what you tell it to.’ Alright, Kihyun, let’s see what I can do.  _ “So. Next?”

Hyungwon blinks, eyes still wide, “Changkyun… we… we have to hurry… He’s--” Hyungwon gestures at his own chest. “Bleeding so much…”

Changkyun blinks, eyes wide as he looks back. “Wha--what do you mean? I didn’t--I didn’t see any blood...”

“Your connection,” Hyungwon looks at Changkyun’s chest, “Is rotting. The taint must be getting to it slowly. If that bit of his soul loses you, then we might as well quit now.” He looks up. “We’ll have one chance. We better use it well.”

“That connection is all I  _ have,  _ I can’t lose that, too--” Changkyun stops himself, steels himself. “I need to get stronger.  _ Now _ .”

Hyungwon tilts his head east. “Let’s go, then.”

Changkyun tongues at his cheek. “You know how Kihyun would use his light and then every demon in a five mile radius suddenly descends like it’s a free for all-you-can-eat buffet?”

Hyungwon puts his whole body on pause and squints. “Don’t tell me you’re a multifunctional and shine, too…” 

“I don’t know, am I?” Changkyun grits, presses down on his finger until he hears it crack, moves to the next one. “For a shadow, I shine pretty bright, don’t you think?”

“One second then,” Hyungwon mumbles. He brings his hand up and conjures some sort of mist in the shape of sunglasses before he puts them on, “Won’t do much but the thought counts. Now, hurry up with the smashing, I have a few souls to take home.”

“You can leave if you want,” Changkyun scoffs, focuses on his soul and watches as purple lights appear around him again. “As much use as you’ve been so far…”

“You love showing off,” Hyungwon says and sighs, “You and Kihyun both do. So, go on, I’m your crowd, cheering all the way from here--Now can you please hurry? Or did you not get the part when I said your boyfriend, my best friend, is bleeding out?”

As if on cue, Changkyun lets his soul expand again. It’s a loud, bass thump. And both the air and then ground shake a little. Changkyun brings his soul in completely, then, face scrunching closed as he pulls all the little lights into one, big light and lets it go. When he opens his eyes again, he has to squint past the light just before it dissipates. “That ought to do it…”

Growls, movements in trees nearby, the sky itself seems to shift a little. Demon after demon spills onto the lot like insects. Fear pricks like a needle at the back of Changkyun’s mind, but there’s not time for that. His half-soul is bleeding out, after all. 

The first demon pounces at him and Changkyun simply grabs at its arm  _ (if you can call it that) _ and arcs it over his head before slamming it into the concrete as he pushes another back with the shield, concentrated to stretch as big and wide as Changkyun’s body. 

Then, Changkyun brings it down sideways onto the grounded demon, slicing it in half. His brain registers it in a strange slow motion, the tain sprinkling everything around him, sticking to his face without consuming, without burning.

When something growls over his shoulder, Changkyun phases himself up, above the demon before bringing his weight down onto its head and cracking it open on the pavement. 

Two down, many,  _ many  _ more to go.

Changkyun weighs a little light in his hand for a second, smirks and turns it sharp, like something between a dagger and a sword, immediately brings it up to slash at the advancing demon, its head falling separate from his body onto the pavement. Changkyun quickly turns to kick at another demon, throwing the soul-dagger between its eyes. He thinks it back into his hand and, just like that, the purple fizzy dagger is his again. 

Phasing behind another demon, Changkyun confuses the snarling creature long enough to easily snap its neck, send it flying with a pulse of his shield into another another.

“Okay!” Changkyun admits, as he uses the sharp edge of his shield to cut through two advancing demons with a laugh. “Maybe I do like showing off!”

“Told ya,” Hyungwon says from where he’s sitting on the floor, cheek squished against a little soul as the others cling to him. He gives a small lick at the soul. “Now, hurry, this is like tempting Hoseok with ramyun…”

Changkyun looks at the advancing demons, small ones, big ones, all of them ugly and hungry. “Yeah? Give me five minutes.”

“Ugh,” Hyungwon grumbles, “You’re worse than Kihyun…”

Changkyun laughs, sends three quick sharp flashes of soul into three demons’ skulls and watches them crumble. “Kinda hope he’s watching...” And phases up again, pushes his shield wide and down at the circle of demons that had formed around him and crushes them against the pavement, blinking himself to the other side of the lot and watches in slight amusement as they all look around desperately before spotting him and running forward. 

“You said five minutes! I am going to eat this soul!” Hyungwon shouts at him all the way cross the lot. “Ten seconds!”

“Jeez, okay!” Changkyun rolls his eyes and his shoulders, brings his shield back to him, concentrates it into his hand, into a long, sharp shape that twists like a snake in his hand and with one, sweeping gesture, moves it across the lot and watches as every demon splits itself where it hits. 

A few demons twitch on the floor, taint all over the lot. But quickly, just like that, everything starts rotting, turning into dust like demons do once they die. Demons that aren’t Changkyun… Because he’s a special demon. A demon with a body. A demon with a soul of a Nephilim.

Changkyun blinks himself back to Hyungwon’s side, kicks hard at his leg. “Stop licking the souls!”

Hyungwon looks up, unimpressed, and offers one to Changkyun. “They’re so warm, though. They make me feel alive and warm and,” Hyungwon shivers and straightens up. “Are you done?”

Changkyun gestures widely at the lot full of decomposing demon corpses. “Did I miss one or..?”

Hyungwon takes a peek behind Changkyun and raises an eyebrow. “No. Well done. Now go to Shownu’s. I’ll meet you there in five.”

“Five minutes, five licks, who knows…” 

“Look carefully, Kyun,” Hyungwon grins and cups the soul between his hands, “This is what I am going to do with your soul when the time comes--”

“Aish, gross, stop that!” Changkyun yelps, grimacing before he blinks himself away for his own mental safety, gives a full body shiver as he looks around Shownu’s living room. “That fucking Reaper, I swear to all…”

Shownu looks up from his book, the glasses on his face slide down his nose a little. “Someone looks happy…” He mumbles, quickly eyeing Hoseok next to him, who barely spares Changkyun a look before he resumes drawing whatever he is drawing with black ink on that piece of paper. 

_ Runes? _ Shownu had started explaining those to Changkyun a bit ago, had showed him the ones tattooed onto his skin, on his chest, arms, a few even peeking out from his shirt by his neck.

Changkyun walks over, hums. “I just killed a literal shitton of demons.” He leans his chin onto Hoseok’s shoulder. “What you up to?”

Hoseok grins and moves his shoulder a little to make Changkyun’s head jump. “Learning how to draw runes. These are for me and those,” he points at a few papers scattered across the table, “Are for you.”

Changkyun looks at the shapes, and they look  _ almost  _ distinguishable. As if they’re characters or hieroglyphics in a language Changkyun had seen before but can’t recall from where. He moves away to lean over them, glance at Shownu. “For me? What do they do? I already have to bath in holy water or whatever, I don’t need even  _ more  _ shit that’s gonna burn me.”

Shownu chuckles. “I assumed you wanted energy, though? They’ll keep your batteries running.”

Changkyun almost sighs in relief. “Great! Seriously, I don’t wanna get trapped in one of those demon wards again and I can’t even get up, nevermind use my powers. Last time Hubris drained me, too, I could barely move.”

“Hm,” Shownu hums. “I have an idea for you, actually…”

“Oh?” Changkyun asks, turning a page to face Shownu. “Anything to do with this?”

Shownu reaches for the papers scattered around the table and lines them down. He grabs a pencil then and traces down the side of each rune, like he’s caging them in between two symmetrical vines. Hoseok stops what he’s doing to look over and blink in awe.

“You’re so precise…” He says. “That’s so cool.”

“Years of practice,” Shownu explains and then looks at Changkyun. “We can put this one on your back, over your spine. It will be more effective. And… since it’s  _ your _ rune, I can make it personal. Anything you’d like? Think of it as a tattoo.”

Changkyun frowns, as if in thought as he takes in the runes in front of him and thoughts swim. “What, it’s permanent?”

“All runes are permanent unless you dispel them.”

“A wolf,” Changkyun says, a little under his breath as he thinks back.

_ ‘I think wolves are a tad smarter. Also untamed. And big.’ _

_ ‘Hmm,’ Changkyun had said, in thought. ‘They’re… pretty.’ _

Shownu smiles and looks down as he starts sketching something at the top. Hoseok squishes his face between his hands and looks up with a little smile when Hyungwon mists himself right next to Changkyun.

“Missed you,” Hoseok says softly. And Hyungwon smiles at him. “Look,” Hoseok points at his paper, “Mine have flowers. Pretty right?”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon says without taking his eyes of Hoseok’s face. “By the way,” he blinks and then looks down at what Shownu is doing, throwing his thumb over to point at Changkyun. “He talked to Kihyun.”

Hoseok perks up, eyes wide. “What?!” He looks at Changkyun, who winces a little. “Seriously?”

_ He’s bleeding _ .

“Yeah,” Changkyun smiles a little, soft, somewhere between sad and hopeful and repeats what he’d said before in a completely different tone. “Told ya… He’s stronger than Hell.”

“You certain that’s what you saw?” Shownu asks a little cautiously.

“It was him,” Changkyun nods. “Hubris can’t smile like that.”

Shownu looks down and tilts his head a little. “If you say so, I believe you. But…” He glances at Hoseok and then at Changkyun. “It might have been something Hubris wanted you to see.”

Changkyun shakes his head. “It made me stronger, Hubris would be an idiot to show me something like that if it ever wants to win. Because now there’s nothing that’s going to stop me.”

“I see,” Shownu smiles a little and sighs. “Still. If that was Kihyun trying to reach you, Hubris might know. And it might not like it all that much… We should be cautious.” He scribles something else at the top of the runes and then leans back a little to look at it before he turns the paper to Changkyun. “Think about it. If I were Hubris and had to share a body with someone else, I’d hate it if they kept trying to undermine my every advance.”

“Undermine,” Hyungwon nods, “Sounds a lot like what Kihyun would do. Even if his soul is just a figment, souls are powerful like that, even human souls can create strong ghosts.” 

Changkyun stares down at the picture, smiles a little. A simplistic, beautiful wolf, sat atop the line of runes that trail down like vines. And the wolf sits there, as if… Well, as if guarding something. A scared, strong fox, maybe, trapped in a cage of black.

“Then we should hurry,” Changkyun says, glances up at Shownu. “This is beautiful, thank you.” 

“Is Chicken back yet?” Hyungwon asks, shoving his hands into his pockets. “How long can it take to bless some rains down in Africa, jeez…”

“Well, time is of the essence,” Shownu says, getting up, “So I can start imprinting these on you.” He looks at Changkyun’s runes and then glances to Hoseok. “Finish yours.”

“I like the flowers,” Changkyun says softly, shoving lightly at Hoseok when he’s sure he won’t make him smudge anything. “Suits you.”

“Thank you!” Hoseok beams.

Changkyun smiles again and follows Shownu, already letting the leather jacket slide off his shoulders and throwing it over the couch’s arm. Shownu points at him and then at the couch.

“Lie down,” he says, “With your back up. And try not to move. You might also want to strip your shirt, unless you want removable runes.” He jokes.  _ Jokes… _

“A superhero suit,” Hyungwon snorts.

Changkyun snorts as well, pulling the black hoodie up over his head and doing as he’s told, lying on his stomach and, for the hell of it, closing his eyes. Might as well take a break, he did just kick a ridiculous amount of demon ass. “So this is just one big portable battery or does it do more than that? It’s quite  _ big _ , for a rune…”

“Well,” Shownu starts as he kneels on the floor and gestures for something Changkyun can’t see, “Usually energy dissipates in the environment. When you move or use your abilities, you release it, and that can be exhausting because then there’s nothing to keep your basic functions going. I know you have a fast metabolism, but this fight will ask for everything you’ve got… So,” Hoseok brings a sharp needle and a bowl with black ink and places them down next to Shownu, “Some of these, the top ones, will collect ambient energy. The ones in the middle will hold on to every bit of wasted energy that passes through them. And the ones on your lower back will store it. You might feel like there’s something slightly heavy pressing on you sometimes, but don’t worry. You’ll get used to it.”

“Will it protect against demon wards?” Changkyun asks, feels something prick at his skin, between his shoulder blades, but after all the pain he’s been through? It almost tickles. “I could feel them physically drain me…”

“Cage-wards do that,” Shownu explains, smooths a hand over the prickly feeling on Changkyun’s back and then goes on, “They don’t exactly cage you but they drain you, drink your every thought and move. This will give you enough energy to beat them. While they drain you, the runes will feed you. Therefore, you’ll have a window of opportunity to move.”

Changkyun nods a little, eyes focused on nothing as Shownu works on his back, Changkyun feeling the drag and stab of a needle etching runes onto his skin. 

One step closer to Kihyun. One step higher on a staircase that, Changkyun hopes, leads to a happy ending. And he finds that hope, the little spark of it somewhere in his chest, and lets it grow, lets it fuel him along with a smile Hubris could never imitate, with the promise of an angel he now calls his best friend, and the help of the others he’d met and loved along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Changki had a theme song in this fic, it would definitely be 'Giants' by Ruelle (all her songs are Clean Eyes, tbh). But lyrics wise and vibe wise? It's that one song that will always remind us of this fic.
> 
> So!
> 
> Now playing: [Giants](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoY1tRGGTN8) by Ruelle (Silverberg)


	32. A Red Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world outside screams, burns, but here? Only silence. 
> 
> And a decision that has to be made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This is the final battle. There will be death. As we've said; there is a happy ending. But not... right now. Shit's bad. If you don't think you can handle it, come back after the next update.

The sunrise means many things as it drifts in, igniting the colors in the room. Changkyun has seen a few sunrises before. They’re usually golden and paint the sky in soft pinks, blues and yellows. Today, however, the sun rises red.

Hoseok is asleep over the table where he’d been reading through Shownu’s books for most of the night. He’s dressed in some of Shownu’s clothes; shorts and a t-shirt, both arms and one leg bandaged to let the runes dry. Hyungwon, like a watchdog, looms close by, against the wall, eyes on the window, eyebrows furrowed. Jooheon sits on the floor, legs curled up, wings around his own body like a feathery ball. He’s been bouncing back and forward, eyes serene, gaze absent, probably lost in thought. And Changkyun watches him for a little before he looks back out the window at the deep, dark sky. 

There are bandages all over Changkyun’s torso and he was told not to move. So he doesn’t. Not when Shownu passes by and places a mug of coffee in front of Hoseok, and not when Shownu goes back into the kitchen to get two other mugs or when he sits in front of Changkyun and places them down on the floor.

“Red sky at night, sailors’ delight.” Shownu says with a soft smile. “Red sky at morning, sailors take warning.”

“These be treacherous waters, Cap’ain,” Changkyun says, smiles a little, watches a flock of birds move across the red sky, a stark black silhouette against the light. 

“It’s an old rhyme,” Shownu looks up and smiles wider, “Mariners used to say it a lot.”

Changkyun scoffs. “Any particular reason or did they just like rhymes?”

Shownu looks at the window over his shoulder. “They said the reddish glow of the morning sky is caused by haze or clouds related to storms.” He sighs and looks down at his coffee. Changkyun can see the dark circles under his eyes. “And there  _ is  _ a storm coming…”

Changkyun sighs, looks at the sky and tries not to feel the weariness that has nothing to do with being tired. “Maybe the sky just doesn’t want us to know its bleeding.”

Hyungwon shifts a little and scrunches his nose. “I feel restless and I don’t know why… It’s not… I don’t know.” He frowns. “It’s not just worry… It’s… a feeling.”

“I feel it, too,” Jooheon says, eyes still dazed and absent. “Like a ballad. He’s calling us Home.”

“Let’s hope it’s not a swan song,” Shownu sighs soft, looks over at Jooheon. “He? You mean God?”

“At the gates there are…” Jooheon gestures a little but doesn’t seem to come back from his daze, “Giant bells. And they will ring to call us Home, the first morning of a--” He pauses and relaxes, like he’s fallen asleep with his eyes open. “It’s really hard to resist…”

“Hey,” Changkyun says, like he’s calling out, snaps his fingers a little. “You’re my Guardian Angel now. You stay. Ignore them.”

“Yeah,” Jooheon breathes, voice a little deep and raspy. He curls on himself again and goes back to bouncing back and forward. “I’m not going, don’t worry. But… it’s still a beautiful song.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, glances at Hyungwon before back at the angel. “The end of the world sounds beautiful?”

“God has always been dramatic like that,” Shownu chuckles. He glances at the clock on the wall and then at Changkyun. “You can take them off, now.”

Changkyun rolls his shoulders--they tense so easily--as he gets up, reaches to undo the bandages (he’s never used bandages, never needed them, but Shownu had said it was a silver needle, so, Changkyun took his word for it). “So?” he asks, turning his back to them, hands up as if in question. “How does it look?”

Everyone except Jooheon looks at him. Even Hoseok seems to wake up, lazily blinking as he raises his head and smiles at Changkyun.

“Wow!” Hoseok exclaims with a voice that should not belong to someone who just woke up. “So cool!”

“Not bad,” Hyungwon says with a quick smile before he resumes to glare out the window.

Changkyun scoffs a little, “Good enough for me,” and ignores the hoodie and jacket on the couch to walk over to Jooheon, tousle a little at his hair. “Hey, you okay? You don’t have to lie.”

Jooheon blinks and looks up, one eye blue and the other brown.  _ Weren’t both eyes blue before? _ “I’ll be… ‘okay’. It’s just…” He brings his wings tighter around his body and glances away. “Home is calling and I… can’t help them. But I want to. Even if…” His eyebrows almost knit together. “I’ll tell you later.”

Changkyun smiles, lips pulling into a line and up at the corners. “Okay, Joohoney…” Changkyun says, and wonders if it’s just the light, just the way his eyes perceive things among Shownu’s books and oddly patterned furniture, but Jooheon’s feathers look… pale, greyer, duller. “We’re gonna save your home, okay? Don’t worry… That’s why we’re doing all this, remember? To save your home, and to save mine.”

Jooheon glances up and nods, wings hugging his body even tighter. “Yeah… I remember.”

“Well,” Shownu starts, taking one last drink from his mug as he gets up, “I still have a few things to do. The gasoline Jooheon brought us should come in handy.” He glances over. “Whatever you do about that water, though, careful where you dump the bottles. We’re not here to save Earth from damnation if we’re polluting it as well.”

“You and Kihyun should hang out more,” Changkyun scoffs at Shownu, moves his head forward to nudge at Jooheon. “Baaaathe me, buddy.”

Jooheon looks away for a moment and then sighs. He keeps his wings close to his body as he gets up and looks around the room. “Do you have a… hm…” He squints and looks at Changkyun. “One of those recipients in which you bathe… a lub? No…” He frowns. “That’s not right…”

“Nah, a ‘lub’ is something  _ waaaay _ different,” Changkyun says, nods seriously. “ _ I lub you. _ It’s when you really love someone but their body doesn’t naturally produce any lubricant so you have to--”

“Changkyun. He’s an angel.”

“Angels need lube, too, Shownu.”

Shownu sighs. “There’s a  _ bathtub  _ upstairs.”

Jooheon looks between them. “Yes. A tub. That’s what I said.”

“Adorable,” Changkyun says, ruffles the angel’s hair. “So exactly _ how  _ naked do I have to be for this and  _ are  _ you going to explain why I’m doing this?”

“Yes. And yes. Also,” Jooheon points one finger up, “Our wings do lubricate on their own. It’s why they’re impermeable.”

“Chicken lube...” Hyungwon winces. “Ugh, why does that sound like something Kihyun would like…” He shivers. “Hoseok! Say something nice, I need to bleach my brain!”

“You’re still pretty even though you’re dead!” Hoseok calls from the desk.

“Thanks, babe!”

Jooheon glances at them over their shoulder and then follows Changkyun up the stairs. “You call each other strange things. Boyfriends and… babes.”

“We’re not all boyfriends,” Changkyun scoffs. “But we’re all babes.” He pats at Jooheon’s shoulder. “Didn’t Minhyuk ever call you anything? Like a nickname, something sweet or whatever.”

“Heoney,” Jooheon says under his breath. “And he was Sunny. Sometimes Sunshine.” There’s a short pause and Jooheon takes a deep breath. “Kkukkung, you’ve been to Hell haven’t you?”

Changkyun smiles softly. “I like being called Kkukkung, by the way. It’s cute,” he sighs, misses  _ Kyunie _ , even though he knows it’s not the same. “Yeah, a few times by now. Why? Are you… wondering about Minhyuk..?”

“Yeah… I wonder if, I don’t know. It’s been a long time, you know? And Hell isn’t kind with its guests, much less those who actually live there…”

“You’re worried it’s changed him?” Changkyun frowns, leads Jooheon to the bathroom and closes the door behind them. 

“Yes.”

Changkyun nods a little, “What--What was he like?”

Jooheon looks at his hands as they slowly start to glow. “Clingy. Funny. A great sense of humor. Always had a tendency to demand justice, even before what happened… And he always wanted from everyone the things he was willing to give and those he wasn’t willing to give. He was loud and bright, deep down he knew he had to try his best. And I loved everything about him. Still do… That’s why I wonder about how much he’s changed. And if he’s different, then if I can learn to love the new him. If I will or if I won’t. It’s… scary.”

Changkyun stops before he unbuttons his pants, glances at the bath. “I think we forgot the water…” He mumbles, scratches at the back of his neck. “Look, I really get where you’re coming from, trust me… Kihyun always used to say that he’ll love me, always, but I don’t know what I’m gonna be the more I learn, do I? Neither does he. People change all the time, but… love is easy. If you love him, you love him. And yeah, it’s scary because you haven’t seen each other in, what, millenia? But he still loves  _ you _ . I know that much. Otherwise he wouldn’t be trying to usurp the entirety of Heaven, now would he?”

Jooheon looks up. “Because of me?”

Changkyun blinks. “That’s obvious, isn’t it? The Goddess might be using him, but only because She understands his motivations, knows he’s angry about falling, knows he fell because he loved  _ you _ .”

“Oh…” Jooheon blinks and then frowns. “I’m going to kick his ass…”

Changkyun laughs. “That’s why I’m keeping you around, isn’t it?” He nudges him a little again. “It’s a good thing, Jooheon. It means he’s still capable of love. The kind of love that makes you… do a lot of stupid, stupid shit.”

“Yeah…” Jooheon sighs and then slaps at his face. “Right! Water! We forgot the water! Also, you don’t need to strip. Unless you want to.”

“Better than dealing with wet clothes. And besides,” Changkyun scoffs. “I’ve seen yours, it’s only fair.”

Jooheon makes a face. “Not interested, unless it’s a matter of pride. Then I totally understand.” He pauses and then grins. “By the way, if the Reaper asks… tell him I drank the water and then peed it into the tub. Like a water purification system. A filter? Yes. A filter.”

Changkyun slaps a hand over his mouth as he laughs. “Oh, god! I’ll--I’ll let him know.” He’s still laughing when he just pats slowly at Jooheon’s shoulder, trying to regain sanity. “Shit, angels are funnier than I thought… How many bottles should I get?” He asks, and then laughs again. “So you can  _ pee-rify it! _ Hah!” 

“Well, I need to pee-rify you--” Jooheon starts and Changkyun laughs, hard. “--and then we need to refill the bottles with pee-rified water and gasoline so Shownu can take them with him. Funnily enough, pure fire makes angels unable to fly. But it will be good to trap Hubris.” He pauses and points at his wings. “Ah, right… I should’ve told you. It’s likely that Hubris has them, too.”

Changkyun blinks, tries to find the image in his head. Kihyun. With wings.  _ Not  _ Kihyun but…  _ Wings _ . “A giant with black wings,” he says at the same time he realises he says it. “I thought he might…”

“Yeah,” Jooheon chuckles, “Might be an impressive sight. Who knows. Anyway,  _ water.” _

  
  
  


\---

  
  


 

Changkyun had thought he’d feel different after his holy skinny dip. He doesn’t. He doesn’t feel more powerful, doesn’t feel less demon. He pulls a little at the grass outside from where he’s sat on the edge of the porch, feels it between his fingers and looks up at the slowly pinkening sky.

He’s dressed again (Hyungwon had bitched so incessantly about it that Changkyun had purposefully walked around in his boxers for a while just to watch Hyungwon’s eyebrows twitch) and Hoseok had just finished his cleansing. It had taken a  _ lot  _ for Changkyun not to laugh and admit that no, it isn’t  _ actually  _ angel pee, but Jooheon had looked so chuffed about his little joke that Changkyun couldn’t  _ not _ .

“My first sunset without you,” Changkyun muses softly, like Kihyun’s right next to him and not... “Feels like it, anyway…” He sighs. “Remember those four days, when I’d gone away? I thought I missed you, then.” He scoffs. “I was an idiot…”

Sounds in the house behind him. Changkyun glances over his shoulder, and sees  _ (hears) _ Shownu and Hoseok though the window talking about runes. Hyungwon looks over their shoulders to read as Hoseok turns the pages for him. Jooheon is sitting, silent, in a little ball on the couch. Changkyun turns to watch the sky again, moves his fingers as if to flick at the air and sends a little purple light out into it, like a firefly. And then another, and another, as if filling the sky with his own stars. 

“You’d like this…” Changkyun smiles a little, watches as the lights pulse a little, and he tilts his head with a little frown, with a theory. He thinks of Ki-Kyun, and nothing. Thinks of the last show he’d watched on TV, nothing. Thinks of Hoseok, Hyungwon, nothing. Thinks of Kihyun, and the little lights sparkle. He laughs softly, “They like you…”

And  _ they _ swirl between each other, tint the air around them just like little bulbs of purple. But then…  _ A different colour. _

Changkyun blinks, sure he’s not seeing right. One of the lights is blue. It moves among the purple lights, swerving as if to miss them before bumping into one and Changkyun’s heart skips a beat, because it… It  _ feels _ .

It feels like shy touches, like soft kisses on foreheads and the tips of fingers smoothing over skin. It feels like soft brown eyes and the apples of cheeks that dimple in a big, wide smile. It feels like the sunset behind the lights, feels like wanting to spend every morning with limbs entangled and hair in disarray. 

It feels so much it hurts.

Then the little blue light shakes right in front of Changkyun’s eyes before it flies away, fast, towards an aura of darkness. It circles around the blackness that engulfs Changkyun’s thoughts, stretching out in front of him like a map. And then, it flies closer to the center, to the catalyst, to the shadow in the middle.

Changkyun doesn’t know if the silence is only in his head of if the voices have stopped, if the breeze has stopped, if time itself is ticking by. And darkness, a darkness that’s overcome any sense of purity, dims until it outlines the edges of long, black wings, red eyes shining back at Changkyun.

“Thought you might like to see him,” Hubris says in Kihyun’s voice, soft and right there.

Changkyun scrambles up, eyes wide and heart loud in his ears. 

“It’s... beautiful,” he breathes, watches the way the black feathers seem to take the light instead of reflect it.

Hubris tilts its head, brings its wings closer to its body before it stretches them again, far and wide. “Aren’t they…?”

Changkyun doesn’t feel different, but this does. The last time he’d seen Hubris, there’d been an intent in its eyes, and while there is one now, it’s different, too. 

“What are you doing here?” Changkyun asks, knows he’s calmer than he should be, even with his heart sounding in his ears. “Don’t you have an army to lead…”

Hubris watches Changkyun for a long, long moment. And then it looks down and takes a step forward before it looks back up. “Would you like to make a deal with me…?  _ Changkyun.” _

Changkyun wonders if Hyungwon knows Hubris is here, if he felt it. He doesn’t look around, though, simply lifts his chin. “I doubt it, but go on.”

The little blue light circles around Hubris’ head and Hubris follows it with its eyes. 

“I have two offers. Take whichever you like or perish.” Hubris looks at Changkyun. “My first offer to you still stands. Offer me your soul. Join him. It won’t be  _ this…  _ but it won’t be nothing.” Another moment of staring at each other. “My second offer is… join me in this battle as yourself and I will allow you to…” Hubris closes its eyes and frowns as it takes a deep breath. When they open again, one of them is brown, clean, like Changkyun knows it should be. “See him.”

Changkyun sucks in a breath. Kihyun’s never lied to him, even by omission, but Hubris just did. Kihyun doesn’t have much time. Even if Changkyun was stupid enough to take this deal. “You need me, then? Or else you wouldn’t offer. Light shines brighter when its dark, and this Shadow just got a lot bigger.”

It’s strange to watch, but half of Hubris face contorts in a frown while the other half keeps staring at Changkyun, eye a little wide. “Maybe… Or maybe I am offering you a choice between life and death. You are an asset. But it won’t change the outcome whether you’re on that side or…  _ our  _ side.”

Changkyun grits his teeth. He feels antsy. His eyes keep glancing at the brown, at the small, familiar tug. “Then why are you asking? If it won’t change the outcome, then why are you here at all?”

“Kihyun asked me,” Hubris says simply.

Changkyun frowns. “For me to  _ join  _ you, or for you to see me?” Changkyun wants to laugh, and he does a little. It tastes bitter in his mouth. “He’d never ask me to join you…”

Hubris grins but only with half of its face. “Wouldn’t he? All alone in the darkness… a bundle of thoughts he has no control over. He’s not even self-aware and yet he talks so much… And most of the time it’s you… always, always you. And you’re stronger now… So I figured, why not. I wouldn’t have to waste my time with you in the upcoming battle if you’re already fighting with us.” Hubris glances down and moves its hand around something Changkyun can’t see. “He keeps reaching you, feeling you through this… it’s starting to become a little  _ annoying _ . I can’t… focus.”

“Good,” Changkyun says, fueled by spite as he takes a step forward. “If I’m anything to you, I hope at least I’m annoying. A little thorn in your side,” Changkyun says, takes another step forward, eyes glancing at the wings. “Something that’ll make you stumble a bit, make you--” Changkyun grins, and when he takes another step, he’s right there, closer than he’s been in a while. “Come all the way here just to avoid future inconvenience. I’m not just inconvenient, I’m practically obnoxious.”

And it’s fear, fear and something else all mixed together and tugging at his stomach.

Changkyun glances at the red, back to the brown and smiles a little before looking back at the red. 

“This isn’t for you,” he says and closes the remaining distance, presses his lips over Hubris’ to feel Kihyun there. He brings all the little lights back to himself, lets them shimmer over his skin before they dissipate. 

Black clouds Changkyun’s vision. And, for a moment, it spreads through him as fast as his heart keeps bombing fear into his veins. Blackness comes with such completeness it obliterates the memory of the day that had just been. There is nothing but a soft press of lips, one little light and… darkness.

Changkyun pulls away, looks around and sees nothing but black. And pushes forward again, presses harder against soft, familiar lips, moves them slowly, desperately, like saying  _ ‘come here’ _ , over and over and over. Something turns in his stomach, like missing a step for solid ground. It feels wrong, but he pulls the body closer,  _ begs _ .

He recognises Kihyun immediately. 

Changkyun doesn’t know much, but he knows what it feels like to be kissed by the man he loves, and for a second, that’s what he gets. A spark that doesn’t ignite. A flash of  _ something _ . And when he pulls away, a pair of clean eyes look back.

It’s just one second. And all Changkyun needs are five more minutes. Just five minutes. But they have a second. And the moment Kihyun tries to reach for him, something pulls him back, makes him stumble and drags him back into the darkness.

“It’s lying!” Kihyun screams with a pain in his voice that projects, hurts Changkyun. “She’s lying!  _ Go!” _

“I know,” Changkyun calls back while he still can, pushes forward as much as he can to still see Kihyun, even if it hurts more than he thought anything could. _ I just wanted to see you again. I needed a reminder. I needed... _

Kihyun claws at something, at darkness, but whatever is pulling at him seems to be way stronger than he is.  _ “Go!” _ Kihyun screams and then he’s gone, and Changkyun is pulled back to a backyard at sunset so violently he stumbles, stumbles away from Hubris, both eyes red and narrowed at him.

“You’re  _ both  _ inconvenient,” it spits out. Its hand glints black as veins stretch along its upper arm. And Changkyun watches in horror as Hubris grabs at something between them, grabs at thin air, and tugs, making Changkyun stumble one step forward. “Take my offer,  _ demon _ , or this is the end.”

Changkyun gasps, grips at his chest. It feels like the string around his heart, the one he’s always, always had, is strangling him on the inside. “Of--of what?”

Hubris squeezes and Changkyun sees it between them, vines of thorns intertwined, thorns spiking everywhere. And on Hubris’ side, they seem to pierce through skin, red blood seeping through clothes. 

Fear. Like dying, but not as sudden, not as silly and painless and simple as death.

“Stop!” Changkyun screams, voice breaking as he gasps and Hubris bleeds and the connection between them pulls and tears slowly like a rope carrying too much weight. He can't lose this, too.  _ He can’t lose this, too.  _ “Stop--!”

It snaps.

Changkyun screams, his legs giving in as he falls to his knees. 

“Good,” Hubris growls. “Just where you belong.”

It feels empty. It feels like nothing, a nothing so overwhelming it nearly swallows him up like a black hole. 

Suddenly, the noise is back. Leaves flutter in the garden and the wind howls as it makes the branches from the nearby trees crack in the darkness.

Hubris stumbles back, hand on its chest, and flaps its wings to rise up over the horizon. 

“Now he will die and that is your fault,” it says and then it turns around and flies away. It could have taken Changkyun’s soul. It could have fought back. But if it’s feeling all the things Changkyun himself is… then…

Then it must feel broken, too.

And besides seeing Kihyun again, wasn’t that the point?

“Hey,” Jooheon calls behind him. “What happened..?”

Changkyun can’t feel his body, but feels it shake. “It’s--the war, it’s gonna happen, now--it’s--there’s no wait, there’s no time, it’s now, it’s now--”

“I know,” Jooheon says, kneels down on one knee next to Changkyun. “Gabriel’s winds are strong… And they always bring a message with them.” Jooheon glances over with worried eyes. “Kkukkung… what happened..?”

“I--” Changkyun shakes, reaches out for solid ground. “I had to do it--I had to, it--oh, God, I feel so  _ empty _ , so--so lost, like my soul--” He grips at his chest. “Doesn’t…. Doesn’t have a home anymore. Oh, God, Jooheony…”

Jooheon touches Changkyun’s elbow and tugs a little. “What did you do?”

“Severed my soul from his soul,” Changkyun says, like it’s so simple, like he could look at Jooheon without him blurring beyond the tears in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry…” Jooheon says softly as he pulls Changkyun into a hug. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“It makes him weaker,” Changkyun says, as tears run silent down his face, and he wants to hug him back but he can’t feel his body, can’t feel anything. He’s crying but it feels like a physical reaction more than an emotional one. He’s so numb. So, so numb. “It--it makes me weaker, too, but that’s okay, that’s okay… I couldn’t risk the taint coming back to me through the connection, I had to do it, Jooheon, I had to, I had to, I--” he sobs. “--I had to.”

“What the hell is going on?” Hyungwon asks from the entrance.

“Kyun?” That’s Hoseok’s voice.

Jooheon holds Changkyun tighter and kisses the top of his head. “You’re so reckless… But you’re right. And we don’t have time to sit around.”

“I know, I know, I--” Changkyun rubs at his eyes to stop them crying, steels his body to stop it shaking. “It’s--it’s going to do it, now, right now, we have to--” Changkyun gets up, stumbles for just a moment, before he pushes himself away from Jooheon and walks to Hyungwon. “We have to go. Now.”

Something beeps from the road. Shownu’s muscle car flashes at them as Shownu holds the key up over Hoseok’s shoulder. “Remember the abandoned building? The one where Wrath trapped you and Hoseok?”

The memories should hurt but they don’t. They just appear and then they’re gone and Changkyun nods. “I remember.”

Shownu hands something to Changkyun, a little bag with something small inside. “They’re runes,” Shownu explains. “The ink has holy water and gasoline. It will trap anything that is part angel. It won’t last long but… set them on fire and the trap is made.” He nods. “I’ll meet you there.”

Changkyun nods again, feels the weight of the bag in his hand. “See you there,” he says, turns to look at Hyungwon. “Are you ready or not?”

Hyungwon glances at Hoseok and then looks back at Changkyun. “Can I have… two minutes?”

Changkyun sees Hoseok and walks towards him as he says, “On that thought,” and stops in front of Hoseok. “You do not follow us, do you understand? You stay away. I don’t care what you’re going to say now, what you think you have to do, I don’t  _ care _ . You stay out of this.”

Hoseok blinks in confusion and nods small. “So--Sorry…” 

“Shut up,” Changkyun says and pulls Hoseok close into a hug, closes his eyes for a moment. Just a moment. “I love you, okay?”

“Me too, Kyun…” Hoseok sniffles. “Please, bring everyone back…  _ everyone.” _

“Hey,” Hyungwon slaps at Changkyun’s arm, “You’re stealing my two minutes!”

“You can get your own,” Changkyun sighs, gives a little squeeze and tries a smile. “Stay safe, Seokkie. We’ll see you soon.” And walks away, towards the angel that stands out in odd contrast against the now black sky. 

“You know,” Jooheon glances over and smiles a little as he stretches his wings. He looks back at the sky. “This will be the last time I’ll fly. I’m glad I won’t be doing it alone.”

A twinge of something in his chest. Changkyun ignores it, but still lifts an arm, puts it around Jooheon and pulls him to his side. “You’re falling, aren’t you?”

“I already did. The moment I didn’t go back.” 

“You won’t be alone,” Changkyun says. “Even after everything. I promise.”

“Well,” Jooheon shrugs. “Will you still want me around? Even when I’m no longer fluffy?”

“I’ll have Kihyun back,” Changkyun says. “He’s fluffy enough. Also has a lap and the innate ability to make me feel better. So you can stay, regardless of fluff.”

“Yes, you will,” is all Jooheon says before he flaps his wings and flies over Changkyun’s head, turning around to glance down and grin at Hyungwon who phases right next to Changkyun. “So, what did he say?”

Hyungwon grumbles something to himself and then glares at the angel. “What do you think?”

“Are you asking me for my personal opinion or--”

“He said ‘yes’, for fuck’s sake.” Hyungwon growls and then glares at Changkyun. “If I die again, I will fucking haunt you and Kihyun forever.”

_ ‘He was going to ask Hoseok to marry him _ , _ ’  _ Changkyun remembers Kihyun saying. He swallows a little, reaches forward to squeeze at Hyungwon’s arm and smile.

“Congratulations.”

Hyungwon frowns but it doesn’t last long. “Yeah,” he scoffs. “I finally managed to  _ ask. _ Took me a lifetime. Literally.” He sighs. “Ready…? ‘Cause I’m not.”

“Wuss,” Jooheon grins.

“Stop stealing my swear words!”

“He’s learning,” Changkyun says, pinches a little where he’s got a hand on Hyungwon’s arm before letting go. The sky thunders like its weighed with clouds, but when Changkyun looks up, he sees only stars.

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, then. “I’m ready.”

“We get Hubris and we’re out. It looks like Kihyun right?”

“Yeah,” Changkyun says again, scoffs. “Hot, too. It’s fucking weird.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sa--” And Hyungwon takes them away in a blink.

It’s different entering the limbo as a soul and walking through it in a physical body. Only Reapers can open the pathways. Changkyun remembers that. He knows angels fall to Hell or Earth. He knows those who go to Hell can never come back--unless something heavenly flies them out of there. And he knows what to expect. But everything is so much greater than what he expects. It stretches as far as the eye can see and there is nothing but grey mist. 

And then, sound. Explosions. Screams.  _ Things _ crawling at his feet, grabbing at his ankles as they try to pass through. A bitter wind sweeps the battlefield and the floor Changkyun’s stepping on turns slick with blood.

“You gotta be kidding…” Hyungwon mumbles, scared, as he turns his whole body to mist.

A loud sound echoes. A bell ringing in the distance. Yet, it sounds like it’s ringing inside Changkyun’s head, loud, loud,  _ loud _ , like he’s right at the top of a church as it rings.

Angels fly and lurch towards demons with swords of fire, wings glowing with a light that doesn’t seem to come from anywhere, and the demons just keep crawling out of the floor, like muck. They’re of all shapes and sizes, some move like cats and others like snakes. Poisoned jaws and poisoned claws. Some big, bigger than Gluttony, others slick and slim with tiny wings that take them up in the air as they lurch to sink their teeth into the angels’ necks--just deep enough to let them bleed out slow.

And the angels are beautiful and glisten with silver armor, blondes, white haired women and men with wings on their backs and a power akin to Kihyun’s.

Something sharp--a silver lance-- flies in Changkyun’s direction, but he simply phases himself a few feet to the left, turns to look, to find Jooheon and grab his arm. “You with me? Come on,” he says, and tugs, “Ignore the rest. Don’t fight if you don’t have to. Find Hubris.”

“Easier said--” Jooheon says as he shields them both with one of his wings. Fallen or not, even if paler than before, they’re strong-- “Than done.  _ Shit _ . No. Wait.” Jooheon blinks. “I said ‘shit’.”

“Congratu-fucking-lations,” Hyungwon grits out, mist around the two of them, “Now find the asshole who’s trashing my house and kick him out!”

“No,” Jooheon’s hand glows and something close to an aura blast sends a few nearby demons flying away. “Find Minhyuk. He’s easier to spot. White-grey wings in the darkness. Find him and we’ll find Hubris.”

Through the floor glistening with red, something black like liquid tar passes through. It leeches to whatever it touches. It catches an angel and it burns her wings. It catches a demon and turns it to ashes.

Jooheon flaps his wings up just in time, grabbing Changkyun by the wrist. “That thing… has no friends.” Jooheon growls as he glares into the battlefield. “It just destroys.”

“Really wish I could fly right about now,” Changkyun says, as he watches a creature’s silhouette against the mist, big, undefinable. It walks and even though they’re above ground, he can feel it shake the earth. Changkyun looks, searches among the fire and bodies and shapes and muck. 

“There--” He says, points, as he feels despair, sees it, tangible, on the horizon. “They’re coming from Hell.” Spilling like ants. 

Jooheon dives to dodge a light beam and the pull of gravity is strong as he uses the momentum to fly faster. “I’ll have to throw you…”

“Do it,” Changkyun says, immediately. And Jooheon flies low, gives one light step on the floor and turns over his heel to throw Changkyun. Changkyun doesn’t feel any air against his face, even as he moves so fast the shapes blur underneath him, and lands, rolling twice before he digs his heels in, landing on one knee, hand steadying him on the ground, hot and breaking under his hand. He looks up and sees it.

Big, grey-white wings. 

“Minhyuk!” Changkyun screams, and as the fallen angel looks up, Changkyun phases himself behind him, kicks, hard, at the small of his back and watches him fall, growling low as he turns back to Changkyun, red eyes flashing and wings bristling. 

“Oh, hi little pup,” Minhyuk greets with a little smile that makes Changkyun’s blood boil. He shouldn’t be mad. He shouldn’t feel anything. He should do what he has to, save Kihyun, and go  _ home _ .

“Where is it?” Changkyun asks, and the twisted bodies of twisted souls move past him like he’s parting a river of black that smells of death.

“It? Rude.”

“The thing that took Kihyun,” Changkyun says, walks forward with hands fisted at his sides. “ _ Where is it _ ?”

“Oh,” Minhyuk says, laughs and stretches his wings. “You still think you can stop this. You still think you can save him…”

Changkyun growls at the back of his throat, pushes a light forward and it hits Minhyuk in the shoulder, makes him stumble and fly up. “Puppy’s learned some tricks…” Minhyuk mumbles, and when he wipes at his shoulder, there’s no trace of anything. “Try playing dead, might do us all some good.”

“Inconvenient, am I?” Changkyun wants to scream. He wants to yell. He wants to break this world apart. “You  _ made  _ me, you’ll have to learn to fucking deal with it. You sent me like a fucking bullet aimed at Kihyun and you--you make a fucking deal with him to  _ save the bullet  _ even as it kills him!”

Changkyun puts out his shield, to the side to cut into something, just to feel something die.

Minhyuk laughs again. “And you couldn’t even aim properly… Quite obvious,” Minhyuk gestures to his lips. “Still couldn’t get it right without a little prodding…”

“You tortured me!” Changkyun yells, but still, so,  _ so numb _ . He knows what Kihyun would do if he were here. Slap him silly, tell him to calm down, to be less reckless, less irrational. But he’s  _ not  _ here. And that’s why Changkyun gets to be angry. “You tortured me for doing the same thing you did! You punished me the exact same way you were punished, and yet you vye for justice?! I fall in love but that wasn’t part of your plan, so you pull me to Hell and yet you think you’re still above this? That you still deserve to judge anyone?! What the fuck makes you different from what you’re fighting against?!”

“It’s a means to an end,” Minhyuk says.

“Is that what God said? When he threw you out of Heaven?” Changkyun walks forward, and the floor cracks under him, like suddenly he’s bigger, heavier. “Now where--” He takes another heavy step. “The fuck--” Another. “Is Hubris?”

A loud sound and then a chasm opens between them. Hubris hangs in the air, wings black, eyes red, skin overrun taint. 

“Keep it up,  _ demon, _ you might just--” an aura of black pulses from Hubris in Changkyun’s direction. Changkyun looks, really looks, and he struggles to see Kihyun anywhere in the face that looks back-- “Finish this war for me...”

Changkyun sees a mist, black, close-by. 

‘ _ Jooheon…’ _ he thinks, loud, lets distress in. Just a little, just enough, before he pulls it back again. 

“I intend to,” Changkyun says, glares up at the figure. 

Hubris grins, hand open. Something,  _ taint, _ bubbles all the way from the chasm and swirls around Hubris before it bundles in its hand. “You’ll have to scream a bit louder then…  _ Nephilim…” _ Hubris hisses and shoots black at Changkyun.

It takes someone strong to feel the sting of darkness and remain steadfast in a will to work only for the light.  _ Light. _ Probably all the light that remains in Jooheon’s wings shields Changkyun as they curl around him. And it’s loud. Darkness is so  _ fucking _ loud. Full of whispers and screams.

Jooheon lets his wings curl back and Changkyun watches a few feathers fall as he gets pushed back and the angel takes a step forward. “To see the dagger in your hand at the exact moment you feel compelled to use it and still be loving and kind…” Jooheon breathes out. “You taught me that… Minhyuk.”

“Jooheon…” Minhyuk says in a way Changkyun wouldn’t have recognised if he hadn’t seen his mouth form the word.

_ “Patience…” _ Hubris spits. “You’ve fallen from grace.”

“It’s been a long time coming,” Jooheon says, glancing over at Minhyuk, and then down, arm up in front of Changkyun. 

Hubris lets itself fall lower, black wings glistening as they drink the light around them.  _ It shouldn’t look this beautiful, _ Changkyun finds himself thinking. Something so evil, so bent on destroying the world shouldn’t look this beautiful. But chaos, no matter how unwelcome, it’s always breathtaking.

“We have a deal. What do you want to do with him?” Hubris asks Minhyuk without looking at him.

“Get out of here,” Minhyuk says, soft, pleading at Jooheon. It reminds Changkyun of a pained, terrible ‘ _ Go!’ _

“A deal?” Jooheon asks, eyes a little wide and looking everywhere, between the black wings and Minhyuk’s red eyes. “What deal?”

“I assume it’s similar to the reason I’m not dead yet,” Changkyun says, hates the sound of his own voice.

Hubris’ feet touch the red floor and the whole battle field ripples. “I can’t touch you. Any of you. Unless you touch me first.” It looks at Changkyun. “Sounds familiar?”

Changkyun laughs, loud and bitter, “Oh, fuck you.”

Jooheon glances over his arm, slightly under his wing, at Changkyun. “You know what you have to do, don’t you?” Something sharp is deflected by Jooheon’s aura, causing a loud thunder-like sound and a flash nearby.

“I hold them down,” Changkyun grins, then. “And you punch the wings.”

Jooheon chuckles. “It’s been a pleasure, friend.”

“ _ Best  _ friend,” Changkyun corrects with a wink, and phases himself behind Hubris, arms around its neck. Changkyun pushes his shield out, around them, gives in to gravity and pulls them both down onto the floor, puts his full weight on Hubris’ back, between the wings that he then pushes down as Hubris bristles.

“Come with me,” Changkyun hears Jooheon say softly. “I’m not watching you fall twice…”

“I can’t give up now, Heoney,” Minhyuk speaks. “I’ve come too far…”

A dark pulse makes Changkyun choke and Hubris manages to free one wing. It turns around over Changkyun, hand glistening with taint moving to grab at his throat. It smiles at him, eyes so red they shine. _ “I am going to eat your soul…” _ It says and it doesn’t sound like Kihyun at all.

“Minhyuk…” Jooheon breathes, “Don’t you already have what you wanted…? You never lost it.  _ Please. _ Don’t take my sunshine away…”

“They already did,” Minhyuk says and it sounds like a voice trapped in glass. 

Hubris’ nails rip through the skin on Changkyun’s neck.  _ ‘I would never hurt you. Not willingly.’, _ Kihyun had said. But this is not Kihyun. So, like having to learn to breathe underwater despite one’s instincts, Changkyun grabs at the wrist ( _ it’s not Kihyun--even if it feels like it is, it’s not Kihyun _ ) and with as much strength as he has, turns it in his hand until he feels it snap. Hubris doesn’t cry out in pain, he just frowns, like it’s another inconvenience. Changkyun flips Hubris by the broken wrist but doesn’t let go.

“Once,” Jooheon says and it sounds like he’s smiling small. “And yet here I am, looking right at you. Please come with me… I don’t know if I can… find you a second time.”

“A third time…” Minhyuk says. “This is the second time.. Jooheon,  _ please _ , I have to do this, you know I do…”

“Do you, though? Do you  _ have _ to do this? Because it seems to me what you  _ have _ is the power to make a choice. Not follow the whims of a dead Goddess who preyed on you.”

Hubris tries to pierce through Changkyun’s chest with its other hand, but Changkyun phases himself in time. Just in time, actually. A millisecond and Changkyun’s not sure he’d be here to fight anymore. Jooheon needs to  _ hurry the fuck up-- _

“And save the God who threw me away?” Minhyuk sounds so, so tired. “Don’t ask me to do this, Joohoney… You know I could never-- _ never _ say ‘no’ to you…”

“Let Him choke on his own light for all I care,” Jooheon scoffs. “I am here for you. Not for Him. And while I will always believe some things happen for a reason, I-- Minnie, I’ve learned so much… Seen so much. And I wish I could show you… Just a few days. That’s all it took. And I’ve never been more certain of this; I love you and I miss you. But I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”

Another dark pulse, this time a lot stronger, pushes Changkyun away just a little, just enough for something that feels like a claw glinting in black to slash across his face. It feels hot and Changkyun knows it’s blood, but he can’t think about that, and he can’t kill Kihyun now-- _ kill Kihyun,  _ even the thought makes Changkyun’s stomach turn. 

He pushes the hurt back, back, back--until the  _ taint  _ is gone from his soul, but he has to fight something that wants him dead and do little but defend. So, he brings his shield out completely, pushes it over Hubris’ body like a net holding him to the floor. He can feel his soul scream against it, like a overextended muscle, but he keeps it there, feels more heat on his face and wonders if anyone would even notice a nosebleed. He can’t keep this up for long.

“Jooheon!” Changkyun screams.

“I--I can’t--I--” And Minhyuk sounds uncertain. Scared. “I can’t stop this anymore, Joohoney, it’s too much--”

Hubris pulses its soul and reaches forward. Its dark hand on Changkyun’s skin hurts him. He can see black veins spread from Hubris to him, burning him. And just as Changkyun is about to scream, the taint recedes for just a moment, just long enough for him to push Hubris away from him.

It looks up with one brown eye that quickly fades to red. And it looks  _ beyond _ pissed. 

“You’re all so  _ small _ yet so inconvenient…” Hubris spits out, claws at its own face as nails shred skin and everything heals before blood can seep through. And as it does, it closes its eyes and for a millisecond, it just looks like Kihyun--Kihyun in terrible, horrific pain. And Changkyun had expected this to make him hesitate, but instead it makes him angry. 

He pushes his soul against Hubris’ darkness, reaches for it, hands on its wrists to hold it down and screams again;

“Jooheon! We don’t have time!”

A flash of light nearby and then something loud, like a giant bell falling down a mountain. The wave of impact knocks everything down in its wake. Changkyun’s soul manages to shield him from a wave of fire-like dust. But when he looks down, Hubris is smiling at him, like it just won the day.

“Oh, darling… If only you knew how little time you actually do have…” It says. Sings, almost.

“Minhyuk…” Jooheon says from somewhere. Coughs a little, too. “ _ Please… _ I beg of you. Come with me… Give me one chance--just one chance to show you.”

A black mist that Changkyun recognises as Hyungwon moves behind Hubris, fast, near frantic. 

“The world… it’s  _ broken _ , Joohoney. I can’t forgive them for what they did to me, to us.”

“ _ ‘For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?’.  _ Remember?” Jooheon is smiling when Changkyun glances over. An angel, vulnerable, wings curled to his back, hand outstretched, eyes begging, and a fallen prince of Hell, shrinking away. “You said that once. No God. No man.  _ You.” _

“Okay,” Minhyuk says, so soft Changkyun barely hears it. 

The mist flies past again and Changkyun knows it’s now or never. He tastes blood in his mouth, feels the way his clothes have burnt in places, but picks himself up to look Hubris in its red eyes.

“You made a mistake,” Changkyun says, hands clenching to fists by his side. “All those eternities ago when you made us capable of love. And barely a damn hour ago, when you didn’t kill me, but took my heart away.”

Hubris smiles and its crooked. “You might be right. But you’re also wrong. Gods don’t make mistakes. And one day, all will fall in order.  _ My _ order. Might not be now. Might not be tomorrow. But someday… After all,” Hubris raises its head and leans to touch Changkyun’s forehead with its own. “Hell never forgets.  _ Never. _ There are countless prophecies in my name to prove it. And one day… One day, you will learn,  _ Wolf.” _

“No, Gods don’t make mistakes, but you’re not a God anymore. You’re just an inconvenience,” Changkyun says, grabs onto Hubris’ arms and the black mist envelopes them both. 

Changkyun remembers Kihyun mentioning them before; black wings like death. But he never expected to see them on a formless mist, like a shadow over him and Hubris as the mist spreads to envelope Jooheon and Minhyuk as well.

And for a moment, it’s like falling asleep.

Except they don’t wake up as much as Changkyun feels consciousness split his head open like an axe at the same time he hits the ground, falls onto something and holds onto it because it feels like home, but then again, home is in ashes and right now--

“Changkyun!”

“Do it!” Changkyun gasps, and the first thing he sees is fire. Surrounding them in a ring, Jooheon and Minhyuk obscured by a wall of blue.

Hubris gets up from the floor, slowly, eyes cautiously looking around.  _ Trapped. _

Changkyun notices the frown, the way its wings cling closer to its back. It looks around and it looks up before it trains its eyes on Changkyun.

“Are you challenging me?” It asks, tilts its head. “An interesting battle it would be. Two giants, smashing the Earth’s crust with every step.”

Changkyun shakes his head. “No, I’m not going to fight you.” Changkyun takes a small step backwards. “I had to do more than enough of that when you were under my skin.”

“Then, what’s all this for?” Hubris asks, its soul shimmering close to its skin and growing darker. “Want to share the front seat? Is that it? To watch this world catch fire?”

“No,” Changkyun sighs, shakes his head. “For the ghost of Goddess, you really know how to miss the obvious--it’s for him, you idiot.” 

The flames around them makes sweat bead at the back of his neck, and he doesn’t know what Hyungwon is  _ waiting for _ . He glances around, doesn’t see any mist, sees Jooheon outside the flames, looking with wide eyes and shakes his head a little. It would burn his wings, too. 

Changkyun’s… Changkyun’s the only one without wings.

“There are demons pouring from the sky…” Minhyuk whispers and it echoes in the empty building. A whisper that loses itself between the sound of fire.  _ Fire. _ The most beautiful weapon of them all. It shines with all its glory. And yet, Changkyun hates it, hates the heat around his skin. “There’s a man outside,” Minhyuk adds.

_ Shownu _ . 

Changkyun looks over, feels his eyes go a little wide. “Help him,” and looks to Jooheon. “Please, I can’t lose anyone else.”

“Our deal isn’t off yet,” Jooheon mumbles under his breath. “Bet on it.”

_ ‘Hyungwon!’ _ Changkyun yells inside his head.  _ Where is that fucking Reaper?! _

“All in vain,” Hubris sighs. “Maybe you should take a look around, my dear half.  _ This world is burning. No one is safe from the fires of Hell… no one.” _

_ ‘Changkyun!’  _ a familiar voice summons inside his head.

Fear. For the first time since he’d severed his soul from Kihyun’s, Changkyun feels fear. He hadn’t felt it in the limbo, hadn’t let himself, didn’t feel it when seeing demons pour across the landscape, but this--

“Hoseok,” Changkyun breathes and it shakes. Things are worse than they thought. Nobody is safe from the fires of Hell, after all. 

_ ‘Changkyun!’ _

“Go,” Changkyun hears. He doesn’t really connect the voice to its owner until he sees Minhyuk walk across the wall of fire. Flames burn some of his feathers, yet he looks at Hubris with a smile that hides the pain. “I’ll keep two eyes on them.” Minhyuk’s feathers turn to ashes that glint on the way to the floor and despite the fire that seems to keep Hubris’ wings pasted to its back, Minhyuk spreads his own unafraid. “I have endured the fires of Hell for millenia. This is  _ nothing  _ compared to that.” His face looks a little sad, suddenly, but he keeps smiling. “Now go, before I change my mind.”

“What are you doing…  _ Greed _ …” Hubris sybils as it smiles back, turns to face Minhyuk instead of Changkyun.

“Challenging you,” Minhyuk says simply. “Because apparently there’s something I need to  _ see _ and you’re in  _ my _ way.”

“Thank you,” Changkyun breathes because he knows Kihyun would want him to choose Hoseok, would choose Hoseok over himself, and therefore, so would Changkyun. But now he doesn’t have to.

‘ _ Changkyun!’  _ he hears again and then he’s there, where the voice needs him to be, breathing in smoke and fire and Hoseok’s coughing nearby, so he quickly reaches and blinks Hoseok out of Shownu’s house as it goes up in flames.

The sky is broken, torn open. It’s red and it bleeds black, demons and fire. All at once, green gardens are no more than ash and charcoal. The air is heavy with the smell of burnt flesh and smoke hangs in a haze that partially obscures the blood-red moon. 

“Hoseok?” Changkyun asks, as Hoseok coughs so hard it sounds painful. Changkyun doesn't want to look around. Doesn’t want to see what the Earth has come to, what will be left. “Hoseok, are you okay?”

“It’s… hard to breathe…” Hoseok gasps.

“He needs water,” Hyungwon says, stressed. “But he gave his last bottle to the old lady next door--this fucking idiot has a heart bigger than his brain!”

“This is where you went,” Changkyun says to Hyungwon, wants to sound angry but he can’t, he would have done it, too. He looks up again as the world burns above him, around them. “Minhyuk is fighting Hubris, but no--nowhere is safe anymore, Hyungwon, nowhere--” 

_ Fear. Anger _ .

“We have to bring him with us… If we leave him alone for a second, he’ll either burn with the rest of humanity or a demon will consume him.”

“No…” Hyungwon shakes his head, eyes a little wide.

“Hubris... Hubris is the eye of this storm, it’s the only place he’ll be safe,” Changkyun says, pale, hates the way the words taste. “It’ll… It’s not safe but there’s nowhere else, Hyungwon, there I can at least--”

Hoseok coughs, weak, tries to reach for Hyungwon but he can’t even touch him, so Changkyun holds him up by his arms. 

“There I can try to protect him… We have to stop Hubris or there will be no planet for Hoseok to  _ live on _ , for fuck’s sake.”

“If I have to carry any of your souls in the end…” Hyungwon grits out, “I will drop you in the river and let Leviathan have His way with you.”

“I’ll let you,” Changkyun says, swallows. “When we go back there, you have to--you have to do it. Remove the taint. I know what will happen, and you have to let it.”

“You mean Kihyun will die.”

“Yes,” Changkyun says. It’s not a lie.

Hyungwon looks down as his hands as they start to fade. “Very well. He’s already dead, though. What remains is not enough to be considered… life.”

“Yes, yes, I am aware,” Changkyun grits out, holds Hoseok up as he coughs. “There’s no  _ time _ , Hyungwon...”

“What do you  _ mean…” _ Hyungwon looks up and grins. “I am already there.” And he’s gone with the wind.

“If we survive this,” Changkyun sighs. “I’m going to kill him.”

And when he blinks them back to the warehouse, he sits Hoseok against the wall. “Breathe, Seokkie, breathe…” And looks over, sees the black wings and the grey surrounded by blue fire. “I’m going to go save Kihyun, okay? Be here when he comes back…”

“I--” Hoseok starts. Stops and his eyes widen when he sees something behind Changkyun.

There’s a clink sound Changkyun recognizes as Shownu’s crossbow, and when he turns to look, there is a demon turning to muck on the floor.

“Go,” Shownu says, face glistening with sweat and blood as he frowns and fits another arrow into his crossbow. “I have water with me. I’ll watch over him.” He glares at the blue fire. “Jooheon is outside. And the grey one might not be able to hold on much longer.”

_ “Changkyun!” _ Hyungwon calls from nowhere. “Hurry the fuck up!”

“Thank you,” Changkyun says, and phases, grabs Minhyuk just as he falls. 

Changkyun glares up, then, at Hubris, who looks furious. It’s an odd expression to see on Kihyun’s face, and for the first time, Hubris also looks  _ rattled _ . Hair in slight disarray, a swipe of black over his cheek.

Minhyuk coughs a little but grins and whispers, “You better hurry… The last light just vanished. It’s barely there. Faint. She will take your soul to replace Kihyun’s.”

“See?” Changkyun says, looks up at the black mist. “No time. Do it.”

“I hope you have good aim,” Hyungwon says as he lets half of his body materialize and the other half stretch towards Hubris, “You’ll have to strike right in the middle. A little to the left or to the right, and you kill Kihyun once and for all.”

Hubris frowns, pulses a dark aura that pushes Hyungwon’s mist back. But he switches, then, phases the physical half as the other becomes a body that is pushed out of the ring of fire. 

The mist latches onto Hubris before it can pulse again. Hubris grabs at it, grabs fog with a dark hand and tries to pull it away from its chest. But fog is way worse than water. It changes shape fast and it’s impossible to keep track of.

Hyungwon pulls it out, slowly, and Changkyun watches something small, fading from blue to white, seeping through Hubris’ chest as something else, a lot darker, like a muck with a life of its own, grabs onto the little light and tries to pull it back in.

“It’s alright if you kill him. Just don’t let him take any of that taint with him when you do,” Minhyuk mumbles and glances over. He looks tired, eyes red but not nearly as intense as Changkyun remembers them. “That feather is a wish. Use it well.”

“I will,” Changkyun says, and has to look away. That’s Kihyun’s soul. The little light that barely shines anymore, that’s… “Make sure it’s gone, Hyungwon, all of it.”

Hyungwon keeps pulling and Hubris slides forward a little before it grounds its feet, the floor breaks under its heel as it keeps pulling back. 

“You’re all… so naive…” It says. “Tiny little brains...”

The taint strings itself, like a lifeline, clinging to Kihyun’s soul. And all Changkyun hears is;

“Now!”

And again, like instinct, the same one that told him to tell Kihyun to count to ten and let go, that knew the tug between them makes them connected even when he didn’t know what that meant, Changkyun lifts a hand, concentrates his soul and turns it sharp, aims it at the string between the black and the little blue light. 

And cuts.

The light shines, so beautiful, so, so bright, before it disappears.

And then a scream sounds inside Changkyun’s head. But it’s not Kihyun. It’s something else. Something dark, a ghost of something so powerful it renders everyone nearby to their knees.

Hubris turns, red eyes on Changkyun as it stumbles towards him but stops. “No… Severed and… Too strong,” it spits midst black muck that comes out of its mouth, body collapsing in on itself. Its eyes rush to Minhyuk. “Fa--llen…  _ No good...” _ And then to Shownu. “Tempting…” It steps forward, walks forward, veins of taint spreading across its skin. But then Hoseok coughs and Hubris pauses, predatory eyes on him. “You… weak, but inside, your soul,  _ there is strength… you…” _

Changkyun screams past the screaming in his head,  _ “No!” _

Black wings flap, help Hubris lurch forward before any of them can move. It stretches its hands, something glints and it’s sharp, wings burning in a last desperate flight. 

“Mine!” Hubris says, and pierces Hoseok’s chest, taint spreading fast even as he gasps.

There’s a pulse that throws Hubris’ body--Kihyun’s body across the building. It crashes on the floor, limp, rolling. And Hoseok’s soul expands in a blinding light as taint spreads through it like vines that announce death.

And then, with a thump, the light collapses on itself. It sounds like glass shattering. And then silence. Silence and darkness.

Hubris needed a strong soul, but Hoseok’s body would never be strong enough to contain all that taint. And body and soul always work as one.

Shownu is the first to get up, eyes wide, hands falling to his sides as he lets the crossbow fall down. And Hyungwon… Hyungwon is just looking. Staring, at Hoseok’s unmoving form, face so open, so blank, even as his eyes water and a few tears roll down. He just… stares.

The world outside screams, burns, but here? Only silence. 

And a decision that has to be made.

One feather, one miracle, as Kihyun and Hoseok lie dead.


	33. For A Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And as he breathes in deep, closes his eyes and breathes in all the air he can fit into his lungs, Kihyun’s chest rises, too.

Changkyun knows he’s moving, but it’s slow, the darkness pulling him down with every foot he walks, stumbles and then crawls. Sounds ring in his ears. Pain pushes, rips at the edges of his chest and all he can think is;  _ it wasn’t supposed to happen like this _ .

Changkyun had wanted a miracle, and then he’d gotten one. A shiny, beautiful feather that would save everything, that would give him back his world. 

But a miracle isn’t enough. Not when he reaches for the unmoving, broken body of a soul lost to war, of the reason for all this and the reason to stop it, and a miracle isn’t enough. The worst part is that it finally looks like Kihyun. If Changkyun shuts out the noise, the fire, the blood, the pain and all its bedfellows, it looks like Kihyun’s just sleeping.

“Do something!” someone shouts, and it sounds loud in Changkyun’s ears but he can’t look away, tears falling onto Kihyun’s face before a shaking hand reaches to wipe them away.

“I… I can’t, Hyungwon, I’m sorry…”

“What is the point!? Of this? Of you?! He’s just human!”

“Jooheon,” Changkyun breathes, shudders and moves the hair, clumped with blood and taint, out of Kihyun’s closed eyes. It doesn’t go away, though, it just smears over his face but Changkyun smooths a thumb over the skin, tries, tries,  _ tries _ .

“I’m here,” Jooheon says, like an angel perched on his shoulder.

Changkyun had once asked Kihyun about his truths. His vulnerabilities, his weaknesses, and Kihyun had told him. Changkyun remembers the way the lights reflected on the pavement, covered with just a little water, from a cloud that barely broke--he remembers the way the air smelled, the way Kihyun’s hand had felt in his when Kihyun had told him his truths. And at that time, Changkyun hadn’t known what his were. Hadn’t had the time, the perspective, the pain, maybe, to know. Hadn’t lived and lossed and suffered enough to truly know himself and what he wanted and needed and believed. Didn’t know his truths.

But now he does.

A terrible, poignant truth that Changkyun knows he can never deny, is that he loves Yoo Kihyun too damn much.

“Use the feather,” Changkyun swallows, just keeps crying, watching the way the taint lessens where the tears fall on Kihyun’s face. “Save Hoseok.”

Changkyun loves Yoo Kihyun too damn much. 

Enough to know that Kihyun would choose Hoseok. Enough to know that if Changkyun used that miracle to save Kihyun, Kihyun wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt. Kihyun would always, always choose someone else; would choose Changkyun, as he had, would choose Hoseok, as Changkyun now must.

“I’m so sorry, Kihyun,” Changkyun cries, looks up to Jooheon who still shines, among the ash and ruins. “Please tell me you can save Hoseok, Jooheon,  _ please _ . I brought him here, I promised I’d protect him...”

Jooheon looks at him with sad, heterochromatic eyes. Sad eyes he moves to Kihyun and then away. He nods, faintly. 

“It’s your feather,” he breathes, sighs. “Your miracle. It will do whatever you wish it to do as long as it fulfills its purpose.” A pause. “One life.”

Changkyun sobs, head hanging and when his forehead meets Kihyun’s chest, there’s no heartbeat, there’s nothing there, no light,  _ nothing _ . He sobs so hard it hurts. 

“Ho--Hoseok,” Changkyun sobs again, clings, cries and wants to scream but all he says is, “Save Hoseok.”

“You’re the best of all of us…” Jooheon says as he steps away. “You both are.”

Changkyun rubs his face on Kihyun’s chest. It’s so, so faint but he catches it there, a scent he recognizes. Something that reminds him of home. 

_ Home. _ The heart, the soul Changkyun has lived inside of all this time. _ Home. _ Between arms that now lie limp.  _ Home. _ Once bright and full of light and now dark and cold.

But it will still always be home.

A flash of light nearby and Changkyun glances up even though he can barely see past his tears.

Jooheon’s wings shine, even as his feathers turn to dust and join the ashes on the floor. “Heaven has many good things. It made… all of this possible. It made all of us real. But it brings the bad with it, too. Hell is just a reflection. Evil things crawl out of its gates every day. But sometimes, it sends its best, too.” He kneels in front of Hoseok, looks at Hyungwon, and as the last of his feathers falls, Hoseok breathes, once, faintly, and his heart gives one small beat. “Our deal is over, Changkyun… I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help you fulfill your end.”

Changkyun just nods a little, looks back to Kihyun. And even though he knows,  _ knows _ it’s not Kihyun anymore, Changkyun pulls him into his lap, sobs again as Kihyun’s head just lolls and Changkyun has to reach for it, to hold it in place, close to him. 

“It’s--it’s what you would have wanted, right?” he asks, soft, laughs a little and it hurts in his chest, in his throat. “We really should have kept track of those ‘rights’, huh?” 

Changkyun buries his face in the last smell of home, the last comfort he’ll ever get and sobs, shakes and wants to scream, so he does. A broken, terrible thing, muffled by Kihyun’s chest.

The world burns outside, and Changkyun feels it in his chest. The world won’t end anymore, but Changkyun? Might as well be back in Hell.

Hoseok’s heart beats stronger with every minute, and silently, Hyungwon cries.

“You saved Heaven,” Minhyuk mumbles, closeby. “Ironic…”

“Not--” Changkyun sniffs, shaking hands correcting Kihyun’s collar. He would have wanted that. “Not mine...”

_ ‘Sometimes I wonder what heaven looks like.’ _

_ ‘Like this,’ Kihyun had said, moving his hands in front of Changkyun and holding up a handful of bubbles. ‘See? All white and fluffy and warm.’ _

“What does your Heaven look like?” 

“This is what my Hell looks like,” Changkyun says, voice hoarse as he holds Kihyun’s body closer. “Heaven is… all white and fluffy and warm.”

Changkyun doesn’t hear Minhyuk get closer. But he’s right next to him when he says, “Like this?” 

In Minhyuk’s hand, something white and fluffy and so bright it shines warmth on Changkyun’s skin.

It doesn’t register. Changkyun blinks at it, eyes wet and he doesn’t understand. “How… You’re not an angel, how can you…”

Minhyuk looks away. “I fell once. But Kihyun gave me my wings back. Through Hubris, yes, but apparently it was his idea. Not Hers. I never got the chance to use my miracle. So, here. God can’t take these wings from me. Because he didn’t gift them. Kihyun did.” He sighs and nods. “‘ _ For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul’.  _ Bring him back. I guess I did have something to  _ see, _ after all. And something to do.”

Changkyun’s hand shakes when he reaches for the feather, and the warmth of the feather in his hand doesn’t register at all. What’s  _ happening _ doesn’t register. Hope has no place in his heart anymore, it’s too broken, but he wants to find it again. 

“What--what do I do?” Changkyun stutters, sniffles.

“Min,” Jooheon breathes.

“Ah, right,” Minhyuk frowns and kneels down next to Changkyun. “I vow to… stop calling you ‘pup’.” Minhyuk glances up. “And you? What is your end of the deal?”

“My…” Changkyun looks down at the feather, the way it glimmers and shines. He folds his fingers over it and feels his face crumble, eyes water, cheeks bunch up in a wide smile. “I promise to…” Changkyun lowers Kihyun down, careful with the hand behind his head as he lays him down gently. “To have and to hold from this day forward,” he laughs a little, knows Kihyun would  _ kill him _ if he heard him. “To love and to cherish, till death us do part… This I vow,” Changkyun turns to Minhyuk with a smile he can’t believe he’s allowed. “How’s that? Wrote it myself.”

Minhyuk’s eyebrow twitches and he sighs. “One day I will start liking you, I think.” And then he looks at Kihyun. “One life, then. Is my miracle. It… It’s the least I can do...” And as he breathes in deep, closes his eyes and breathes in all the air he can fit into his lungs, Kihyun’s chest rises, too.

And then falls when Minhyuk breathes out, slowly and steadily.

“What a terrible deal…” Minhyuk says. And Kihyun’s heart beats once, so loud it’s deafening to Changkyun’s ears. “But it’s  _ my  _ deal...”

“Never tell him what I said,” Changkyun laughs, bewildered and overwhelmed as he puts a hand to Kihyun’s cheek and it’s  _ warm _ . He can feel Kihyun’s heart. He’s alive. He’s  _ alive _ . Changkyun laughs again, realises he’s crying. 

Crying because of happiness. Emotions are so fucking weird.

“It’s okay,” Changkyun manages, breathes in sharp and nods. “Just breathe… Just come back. I’ve got you, remember? Always…”

And as if on cue, Kihyun’s eyes scrunch a little, his eyebrows knit in a frown. And clean eyes look into Changkyun’s, irises blowing out of proportion before they readjust.

Except what Changkyun sees is not happiness, nor sadness, nor relief. All he sees is fear, panic. And he remembers that look. He remembers it from when Kihyun had told him to stay away the first time, and then the second time, before being dragged away into darkness.

Kihyun opens his mouth, to say something or to scream--Changkyun can’t tell--and he chokes, rolls to his side, coughs something black onto the floor. He keeps coughing, gasping, reaching out for the wall nearby, crawling away from them, from Changkyun who had automatically reached out, to comfort, to do  _ something _ .

Kihyun leans his shoulder against the wall, curls his legs in, eyes moving everywhere, body shaking. From close-by, Changkyun can see Hyungwon, a face that looks like it would be covered with tears if Reapers could cry, looking up with wide eyes.

Changkyun’s heart tightens in his chest and his hand hovers in the air, eyes wide. “It’s okay, you’re safe…”

Kihyun flinches at the sound of Changkyun’s voice, and he curls even more, hugs himself and then whimpers a little, one hand reaches as far as it can to touch his back where not that long ago heavy black wings weighted on him.

“I don’t blame him…” Minhyuk says and it’s a whisper. “It took me five hundred years to get past my catatonic state… And he’s been… swallowed by Hell itself.”

“What do I do?” Changkyun asks, desperate when he looks over to Minhyuk and swears his heart can’t take this anymore. He doesn’t know how to help the love of his goddamn life. He doesn’t know what to  _ do _ . 

_ What if home doesn’t want me anymore? _

“I don’t know…” Minhyuk says, eyes tired and on Kihyun. “I don’t know. It’s not up to you. This is… his own battle.”

“He’s fought  _ enough _ ,” Changkyun says, feels his voice falter, and all the happiness he’d felt not a minute ago falls away so fast Changkyun can feel the whiplash before it settles in his stomach. 

“Ki…?” Hoseok tries, voice so weak it’s barely there.

Kihyun flinches again and his eyes go a little wider. He glances down at his hand, soaked in blood and taint, and it’s so easy to know what he’s thinking when his shoulders slump and he turns his face towards the wall instead of them, leans his forehead there and cries silently.

_ ‘I killed him…’ _

Changkyun knows that’s what Kihyun keeps repeating in his mind. And he wants to say,  _ ‘No, you didn’t, it wasn’t you!’. _ He wants to scream it with all the air in his lungs. But then Kihyun curls into himself again, turns his back on them and Changkyun sees them through Kihyun’s burnt shirt… wounds on his back. And they’re not healing. Blood keeps dripping and it doesn’t heal. And Changkyun wants to say ‘It’s not your fault’, but he knows Kihyun… how is he supposed to tell him something like that when he carries the weight of the evidence on his back?

“We should… leave him.” Minhyuk says.

“I can’t…” Changkyun shakes his head. “How could I…”

“Changkyun… Kkukkung…” Jooheon starts, hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. “Hey…”

“I was--” Changkyun says, eyes fixated on Kihyun’s shaking body. “I was supposed to save him--I was supposed to--”

“We can’t stay here…” Shownu says. “The sun will rise soon and the world is… I don’t know.”

“I can’t leave him here!”

“Can’t we…” Hoseok stumbles forward, away from Hyungwon. “Ki…? Kihyun, please, lo--look at me… Let’s go home?”

Kihyun turns his face a little but doesn’t look at them. “Ho… Home?”

Changkyun’s hand falls. He falls back to his haunches. He’s trapped, somewhere between hearing Kihyun’s voice again and the absolute uselessness of not being able to help, and he doesn’t feel, know, beyond numbness.

“Yeah,” Hoseok nods, eyes wide with concern. “Yeah, Ki, let’s take you home, okay..?”

Kihyun shakes a little again, eyes lost somewhere. He hugs himself tighter. “Home is… gone. You took… No… I did.” His eyes go a little wide again. “I re--remember…” His hands fist at his own shirt. “I held it and I… crushed it…” He turns a little again, eyes so full of fear and so hopeless as they lock with Changkyun’s. It hurts to be looked at like that. “Are you… real?”

Changkyun finds his way back to his body and nods, small. “Yeah…”

“Everyone lies,” Kihyun mumbles and then looks away, closes his eyes and curls into himself. “In the darkness… everyone lies.”

“He’s confused,” Shownu says. “I don’t think he believes he’s alive… Damn, what the hell did he see inside Hubris?”

Changkyun remembers darkness. Remembers the look on Kihyun’s face as darkness itself pulled him back. 

“I saw him,” Changkyun breathes, pushes himself up even as his legs shake. He takes a deep breath in and they stop. “For a second, just a moment… I’ve never seen anyone look so scared…” 

_ What would Kihyun want? Before this, before fear, what would he want me to do? It’s his life, it’s his… battle. How do I help him fight? _

“I spent some time with Hubris…” Minhyuk says. “And I crafted Changkyun for Her… It’s not difficult to create a carrier. You tailor it with a purpose. Changkyun carried the taint physically. Kihyun had to carry it in his soul. And Hubris was…  _ is _ \--under whichever rock She crawled under--cunning, manipulative, vengeful… every demon that doesn’t have its own soul is part sin, part taint. That should tell you enough. He wasn’t self-aware… that’s what Hubris said. But I think even that was a lie. Part of him must have been in there, somewhere… and the little light Hubris kept bragging about must have been an echo.”

“He died,” Hyungwon says, voice monotonous. “When the light went out, Changkyun, did you see? That was him.” He shakes his head. “We can’t help him. Honestly… With his soul restored, he might as well kick us into another dimension without even noticing...”

Changkyun takes another little step back. He looks outside and the sky is still red. He looks back and shakes his head. “I don’t know…” He reaches up, pulls a little at his hair at the side of his head and he wants to  _ scream _ . “This was the outcome? This is what we worked for? The sky is bleeding and Kihyun’s…” Changkyun looks at Jooheon, finds it odd to see him there without his bright, white wings. “I just want him to be okay.”

Jooheon glances at Kihyun and then looks down. “Minhyuk, do you think--”

“I wouldn’t. If he hurts any of you in instinctive self-defense, he will blame himself.”

Jooheon nods and pouts a little. “I didn’t know Kihyun for long… but… I think he’d want you to be ‘okay’.” Jooheon looks at Changkyun. “If you’re okay, he will be, too.”

“How would he know how I am? And how can I be? If we leave him in--in this place and he doesn't even--we don’t have the connection anymore, Jooheon…”

“And I want to say I’m glad,” Hyungwon mumbles, “But honestly? Not really…” He sighs. “Go. I’ll watch over him. I am dead anyway… what harm can a hamster do to a Reaper?”

Changkyun shakes his head, moves back, fast, frantic, when Jooheon reaches out. “No, I’m not leaving him--” There’s an outstretched wing in front of him, white with flashes of grey.

“We  _ have  _ to leave, we’re the eye of the storm,” Minhyuk bristles. “I am dragging you out of here by that stupid, fucking useless dick of yours if I have to, but I will.”

“I’m not leaving him!”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes and throws an arm around Changkyun’s neck as he walks him by and starts dragging him, “If you turn into that annoying mist of yours, I will knock you out!”

“Do it then!” Changkyun says, phases himself out from under Minhyuk’s arm and feels a moment of actual relief as the world goes dark and he feels nothing.

  
  
  


\---

 

  
  


A colossal monochromatic canvas. A memento of a fallen era. So much darkness, pulling and demanding everything. Kihyun remembers cities that stood like skeletons, barren wastelands, empty after disease had taken whatever the fire did not. Even the oceans stood still like stagnant pools of death and decay, no waves. And the wind? The wind had left the Earth. No birds flew or sang. And suddenly, the oppressive fire of a soul burning out rained down like the breath of Hell.

Kihyun remembers all of that. But those memories are not his own. And yet he lived them. Lived through each and every single one of them. Felt them on his skin, in his lungs, lurch at his stomach, punch through his soul.

It wasn’t just  _ death _ . It was a Goddess’ death. 

All Kihyun wanted to say was, ‘I’m so sorry… I want to help’, but the taint laughed at him, the darkness laughed at him. And then, after flashes of a life he didn’t live, but did, pure black.

Kihyun remembers hearing Changkyun’s voice so many times. Remembers staying silent instead of screaming, finding a little hope in just  _ hearing _ him.  _ ‘I can do this now, too’ _ , he’d said. And Kihyun remembers smiling before the taint clouded his vision and forbade him to  _ see _ . He remembers trying to run, tired of days feeling the heat of Hell without seeing despair. And he remembers how the taint pulled at him, latched onto his skin and  _ pulled _ him further down, showed him lies, a hundred different outcomes to a battle Kihyun would never witness with his own eyes. And he remembers a soft press of lips, releasing him from that torture for a brief moment. And then  _ anger… _ so much anger. Anger took home away from him. Then, a tug of hope before everything went dark and cold, like being petrified in time, aware of death, but without feeling its comfort.

Dying afraid is the worst feeling ever.

But then there was light. And Kihyun remembers feeling warmth. Remembers thinking ‘I want to go home’. Yet when he looked  _ home _ in the eye, he remembered…  _ It can’t be real. It doesn’t feel real. Darkness--I took it and… snapped it. I killed Hoseok. I hurt Changkyun. It can’t be real. I would never… _ But his back burns with the weight of something that’s missing and his hands are covered in blood and taint.  _ It can’t be real. _ So, Kihyun closes his eyes and waits. Waits for the never ending darkness and for the lies.

He remembers opening his eyes once and watching a sunset. For some reason, it made his eyes water a little, made tears run down his face. So, he closed them again and waited.

_ Darkness is late, _ he thought.

And then another sunset came. And Kihyun watched it in the company of someone whose face he can’t recall. He remembers hearing words, words that were supposed to mean things. And then he closed his eyes again and waited.

_ So late… _

One sunrise. And a sunset. And then again and again and again. So many times that Kihyun started to forget he was supposed to close his eyes and wait. And the first thing he sees, after looking at the sky for so long, is a pack of juice in front of him followed by five other packs.

_ Six days… _ He thinks. He’s been waiting for six days. But he can’t recall what he’s waiting for anymore. So he counts; First, he was waiting for hope. But hope took long. Then, he was waiting for darkness. But darkness left him, too. And now? What is he waiting for now?

He glances at the pack of juice in front of him. He likes that, he thinks he does. He remembers liking those a lot. So, he reaches for the first one, fumbles a little with it, and then stabs the top with a straw. And for some reason, something so, so, so, so simple, makes his eyes tear up, makes his heart squeeze  _ (he feels!) _ makes him… so, so happy. So, Kihyun leans on the wall and drinks his orange juice. 

_ Yep, I like this... _

“Welcome to the land of the living,” a voice drawls nearby, gestures towards the other five juice boxes. “Drink up. If you die, I have to face the consequences.”

Kihyun keeps his eyes on the floor and slurps until it makes a sound. His throat hurts a little when he breathes through his mouth and speaks, “Sorry… I forgot your name…” He glances up, sees yellow eyes and remembers the person, remembers his friend. His  _ very _ dead friend. But he can’t remember his name.

A sigh. “Chae Hyungwon,” his long-dead friend says, voice displeased. “The First.”

It’s strange but Kihyun feels the corners of his lips tug into a smile--he hasn’t smiled in what feels like  _ ages. _ And he remembers, too, that he loves it, loves smiling, loves laughing.

“My stomach hurts,” he says even as he brings the juice pack down and reaches for another. “Why are you here, Hyungwon?”

“To make sure you drink your damn juice,” Hyungwon scoffs where he’s sat against a wall closeby, eyes on the small rectangular window that shows a light blue sky outside. “Too pretty to be a babysitter, but alas…”

“Are you getting paid?” Kihyun stabs another pack with a straw. “We’ve been here for six days. Yes, I can count.”

“Ah, so you  _ are  _ aware of your surroundings…” He moves his eyes from the window, trains them on Kihyun. “Your stomach hurts because you’ve been throwing up black. You haven’t eaten. Pretty sure the only reason you haven’t been shitting slash peeing all over yourself is because you don’t have anything in there.” Hyungwon rolls his shoulders. “No offense, but thank fuck. I’m not even being paid for this stupid job…”

“I missed you, too.”

“Shut up. I’ve been taking care of an approximation of you for six days. Get better and then you can be as sappy as you fucking please.”

Kihyun munches at the straw, flattens it between his teeth. “How long did it take for you…?” He asks, flashes of memories behind his eyes. 

“A day. Barely a day, Kihyun.”

“I remember… a sunset. And then I remember counting the days. But I lost track of time after a few weeks… and… then I lost track of everything.”

“Part of me is a little envious, actually,” Hyungwon sighs. “Would have loved to lose track of the apocalypse…” Hyungwon looks up. “I’m sorry, by the way. About what you’ve been through.”

Kihyun pauses for a moment and then looks away. “It’s not your fault. You don’t have to be sorry…” He finishes his juice with a loud slurp and then looks at the next pack. “This is the longest conversation I’ve managed to have in a while… Are you real?”

Hyungwon laughs, then, a short, sharp sound. “Yeah, I know the feeling…” He quirks an eyebrow at Kihyun, moves his leg and kicks lightly at Kihyun’s. “Yes, you doofus, I’m real. You asked Kyu--” Hyungwon stops, but not for long. “She showed you stuff, didn’t she? Illusions. It’s why you’re asking.”

“I think so…” Kihyun says, frowns and reaches for the third pack of juice. “No. I… I don’t know. I don’t know if they were illusions or memories or… But I remember thinking it couldn’t be real because… because sometimes you were dead and then you weren’t. And sometimes I was the one who killed you and… sometimes you just--” Kihyun pauses and takes a deep breath. It feels good to fill his lungs. And the air feels fresh, almost pure. “I died, didn’t I?”

Hyungwon frowns, looks away, nods. “More than that, I think. Your soul didn’t exist. Neither in Heaven, nor Earth nor Hell. Just nothing. That’s not death, that’s just… Nothing. I’m amazed it only took you six days to come back, really…”

“But am I back?” Kihyun asks, looks at Hyungwon. “I’m not… sure I’m back. There are things I can’t remember and then suddenly they come in flashes...”

“I said ‘back’, not okay. That might take a bit longer,” Hyungwon seems to smile. “But four juice packs down seems like a good sign to me…”

Kihyun feels his face flush and looks away, stabs another pack and slurps. “I remembered I liked them. Thank you for helping me remember something that isn’t just…” His throat closes up a little. “Yeah…”

“I was gonna get the apple ones,” Hyungwon sighs, long, puts his head back against the wall. “I know how you hate those.”

“I’m sorry, by the way… about,” Kihyun chokes a little on his juice, “Hoseok.”

“He’s fine,” Hyungwon says immediately. “He came by a few times but I told him not to stay. He…” Hyungwon’s hand clenches into a fist on his lap before he relaxes. “Everything happens for a reason.”

Kihyun feels it in his hand like it’s still happening. He feels a beating heart between his fingers, warm blood covering his hand… He shivers and closes his eyes and think about oranges. He loves oranges. And tangerines! He loves those, too.

“What does that mean?” He asks just to keep the conversation going. “That… what you just said. What does it mean?”

Hyungwon scratches at his neck, moves where he’s sitting, lowering himself where he’s leaning against the wall. “Not my words. Two or so days ago, your… The demon came here. Started explaining something like he was reciting it from a book, but you could tell he knew it. Like,” Hyungwon sighs again. “I met you, I met Hoseok, and I died. You meet a demon, you Romeo and Juliet yourselves, an angel falls from the damn sky and somehow it all… had to happen that way.” Hyungwon shakes his head. “He said it much better, I’m just repeating it. Badly.”

“So… everything had to happen… so you could bring me orange juices instead of apple juices…?” Kihyun asks and reaches for the final pack.

“Yes?” Hyungwon scoffs. “No. So we could save the fucking world, you idiot.”

“We did?” Kihyun turns to ask, eyes a little wide.

“Me, mostly,” Hyungwon shrugs nonchalantly. “But I suppose, yeah, we did.” He gestures to the window. “It was raining demons and fire six days ago and now it’s just a little humid.”

“What happened?” Kihyun shoves the straw into the juice pack and turns where he sits to face Hyungwon.

“Where would you like me to start?” Hyungwon gestures dramatically. “As I am obviously known to be a wordsmith of the highest degree.”

Kihyun frowns, finds himself reaching with his leg to kick at Hyungwon’s. “I was asking about that,” Kihyun gestures outside, “I remember… I don’t know what I remember.”

“I know, but I haven’t been able to tease someone in  _ ages _ , everyone’s all tense because of your catatonic ass…” Hyungwon scoffs again, crosses his arms. “So. Goddess gets pissed for being fucked over by her soulmate, who, as we all know--” Hyungwon points up. “Big beardy man in the sky. Except he isn’t in the sky and we’re all alone in this shitshow of a realm…” 

Kihyun blinks, looks up at the ceiling.  _ God has a beard and lives in the sky-ceiling. Noted. _

“So, this Goddess got fucked over because of all these little humans running around with their own ideas, wanting to bump uglies and feel emotionally connected to the owners of said uglies. His own kids, the Angels, God  _ literally _ forbid, look down and think to themselves,  _ ‘Hey, what if I wanna bump some uglies?’ _ And they do! With each other, with a special little human running around. In a church, probably. And voila, we get you.”

Kihyun slurps at his juice, points to himself.  _ Me. _

“Except your soul is all weird and big and doesn’t really belong anywhere, so it freaks out and splits itself in half and one half ends up in Hell. Just chilling, as souls do.” Hyungwon stops, looks over again. “An Angel who had bumped uglies with another Angel finds that one half soul and fashions you the perfect boyfriend. Unwittingly, but still, I think it’s pretty funny, so I’m going to say it like that and amuse myself because life is short  _ and  _ I’m telling this to the main character of this damn screenplay!” Hyungwon sighs, puts his head back again. “So the half soul that  _ isn’t  _ in Hell, chillin’, runs around on Earth being small and gay and uptight--” 

“Hey…”

_ “And _ for  _ some reason  _ these two really handsome guys decide to be friends with him. It goes well for a while, until one of the handsome guys--whether he’s the most handsome, who knows, it’s all subjective--dies. Being him, he decides  _ not  _ to go to Heaven and enjoy the afterlife the way it was supposed to be enjoyed, but instead, sticks around to watch the small gay and the bigger gay muck around on the planet.”

“Uhm…”

“Not like that, you perv,” Hyungwon scoffs and shivers. “Ugh! Anyway, where was I?  _ Oh, _ yeah, Handsome Guy stays as a Reaper. Which is pretty cool. Lonely and cold and all that shit, but with the innate ability to know a lot of shit as soon as it's said and have tickle contests with souls. That bit’s important, remember that.” Hyungwon scoffs. 

Kihyun frowns a little, almost drips some juice out of his mouth and is suddenly aware he has a  _ tongue! _ Weirdest sensation ever...

“God knows why I stuck around...  _ And then _ the angel sends the Demon in to do his thing. Except the Angel’s thing and the Demon’s thing turn out to be two very different things. Remember that Goddess I mentioned earlier? Demon’s got that thing piggy-backed and, for some stupid, true love, Disney-esque reason, needs to kiss the small gay to be able to set the Goddess free--”

“Wait… Am I the small gay?”

“Yes. Always have been, keep up,” Hyungwon scoffs again. “Anyway, that doesn’t happen. A lot of  _ other _ things happen, apparently, if the angel’s saltiness is anything to go off of... but no True Love’s Kiss. Angel gets pissy, drags the Demon back like a boss scolding a burger flipper for making out with the burgers instead of flipping them, and insists he flips the burger sooner rather than later or they get fired and the burger gets… Who knows, really. Given a new flipper?” Hyungwon frowns, shakes his head. “Anyway. The Demon says no, the Angel says yes, it goes like that for a while until the Angel goes ‘fuck you’ and puts the Demon in time out. The small gay panics--”

“For the record,” Kihyun coughs, already having aligned all the packs of juice in front of him, “And I am not stopping you because you seem to be having fun, I might need to pee, soon.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes and looks away as he smiles. “You’re ruining my perfect narrative spiel, hamster.”

“I know,” Kihyun fixes the line of juice boxes just so no edges at sticking out, “Makes me feel alive. Go on…”

“Ugh, I have a point to this, you know? Lemme just,” Hyungwon gestures meaninglessly for a second or two. “Okay? Good. So. You panic, say you’ll take the taint if the Demon gets to come back. Except now you’re going to fight back. If it had happened earlier, if it had been someone you didn’t love, maybe, or--or, well, if Minhyuk had undone Kyun and sent someone else to corrupt you in another way, your soul wouldn’t have lasted long enough. So it’s… good it happened that way. You get to fight against it, buy enough time for the angel that had been in love  _ with Minhyuk-- _ ” Hyungwon emphasises. “To promise to help Kyun get you back.”

_ Joo...heon? _

“So, the Chicken gives the dog a miracle. And we make a plan. Kyun even goes as far as to sever you two so the taint can’t find it’s way back, which, I’m not sure was necessary, considering what Hubris had said at the end there, but the point stands, it was an understandable precaution. Kyun never gave up, constantly said you’re still in there and that we should save you, bla bla bla, which again, wouldn’t have happened if anything had happened any other way and--” Hyungwon takes a breath. “We catch him. Her. Hubris.  _ Whatever. _ And Kyun must have known he could bring you back if you died, because he insisted we get rid of the taint completely. And we tried, we severed it from you, but it… it went to Hoseok. The easiest, most vulnerable soul it could find. And Hoseok died and took the taint with him. Gone. Completely. Like it never existed. And shit, I’m not sure if I should thank you and Kyun but… he used his miracle to save Hoseok. Not you. It was the most selfless thing I’ve ever seen.”

Kihyun blinks at Hyungwon and then at the lined packs of juice. So many things he remembers and so many things he doesn’t. The little things? The important things… Kihyun has forgotten those. The warmth that comes with a touch. The breeze tosling his hair. The taste of coffee. Familiar scents. The weight of someone else’s hand in his… He’s been feeling so many horrible things for so long, living so many lies… that he’s forgotten about what matters, about joy, about… love.

But he knows he loves oranges and tangerines. And drinking orange juice makes him happy. So, maybe that’s a start. Because he knows he’s waiting for something, but he doesn’t know what it is.

_ The little things… _

“I want to… see the sun,” Kihyun says, licks his lips and closes his eyes, “I want to… take a warm bath… I want to sleep, I feel like I haven’t slept in… so long. And I think…” He looks at Hyungwon. “If this is really real then… I want to go home.”

_ Home. Where it began. _

Hyungwon watches him carefully, expression oddly guarded. “Do you want me to take you..?”

Kihyun leans the side of his head against the wall, blinks a little. “Do you know where to go?” He smiles and suddenly feels--he can’t believe he is  _ feeling _ anything that isn’t fear and desperation--a little silly. “‘Cause I don’t…”

“The start, I think,” Hyungwon sighs, pushes himself up and the steps he takes towards Kihyun echo in the big empty space. “Your dad’s still got that place on the edge of town, yeah?”

Kihyun feels his smile grow. “Yeah? I think so… I can’t remember very well but I think I will once… once I’m there.”

“Okay, doofus,” Hyungwon holds a hand out and smiles just a little. “Maybe memory lane will put you back on the right path... or whatever.”

Kihyun glances at Hyungwon’s hand and then up at his face. How long has it been…? He can’t remember. He can’t remember how long ago it was, in Venice, at sunset…  _ touch. _ Maybe it’s been a few days for everyone else. But for him? It’s been far too long.

He feels his heart squeeze a bit. A feeling he thought he’d never go through again. And his eyes burn a little, just a little. He  _ knows _ it won’t be warm. Hyungwon’s never been warm. But Kihyun reaches for his hand anyway, his own shaky even as he misses Hyungwon’s the first try.

_ Touch. _

Kihyun remembers that now, too.

Hyungwon’s eyes soften and he takes Kihyun’s hand first. He leans forward a little to take Kihyun’s elbow, too, to help him up and keep him steady.

The sunlight hits Kihyun in the face the moment he’s on both feet. It feels so warm… So, so warm he reminds him of…  _ ‘They’re sun kisses’. _

“You remember the popsicles?” Kihyun asks, eyes squinting at the blue sky, at the sun. “We should do that, next time it rains.”

“I hope you’re paying,” Hyungwon scoffs, follows Kihyun’s eyes. “We don’t even get pension, us Reapers. It’s a hard life… death.” He looks over, a little down at Kihyun where he holds him steady. “I’m gonna take us now, okay? Might feel a bit weird.”

“I’ve haven’t felt ‘weird’ in a long time, Hyungwon,” Kihyun chuckles, squeezes at Hyungwon’s hand despite the cold. “I don’t mind.”

Kihyun blinks and the slate, grey walls are gone, replaced by a hill draped in green. 

“Think I’ve got the right place, it’s been a while,” Hyungwon grumbles, looks around. A few dogs bark nearby, and there are clouds, now. White and fluffy. “Yeah,” Hyungwon says, squeezes Kihyun’s arm. “Look.”

But Kihyun doesn’t look. He closes his eyes, first, takes a deep breath. It smells like green, fresh grass, like winter, like naked trees and rice fields, all scents the breeze carries with it up the hills.  _ The little things, _ Kihyun remembers. It smells like a sunny day in winter.

He opens his eyes then, lets them take in the view, and then turns, looks over his shoulder.

_ Home. _

It’s a house. His house, too. And not far behind, the view of a city he remembers, too. Goyang. 

“Kinda wish you could come with me…” Kihyun mumbles and then huffs a laugh. “But he can’t see you. A shame. He always liked you, you know?”

“He likes everyone,” Hyungwon rolls his eyes, gently lets Kihyun go, hovers a little there, hand over his arm. “It’s better to do this alone, anyway, I think. Hoseok loves you to bits, but we’ve always been more similar than I’d like to admit, and… I’d want to do this alone.”

Kihyun looks down and nods. “Yeah… I know, I just…” He breathes in, shaky. “Don’t want to be alone again, even if just for a bit… It’s…” His eyes burn again so he brings a hand to his temple and takes a deep breath. “Sorry… Ignore me…”

“I  _ can  _ come with you,” Hyungwon says, eyebrow raised. “He wouldn’t know. It’s up to you, Kihyun.”

“No, no…” Kihyun shakes his head and takes a step forward. “It’s okay. Go. You’re right… I have to, have to do this alone.”  _ Alone… but please, please, please never lonely again. _ “Tell… tell Hoseok I’m okay. I know he worries. And--” Kihyun’s heart squeezes again. Like a warning. “Tell…” He can’t finish that sentence. So, he sighs and walks forward. “Thank you, Hyungwon…”

“Good luck,” Hyungwon says, and a voice inside the house shushes the dogs that bark excitedly. “Really. And… come back, yeah?”

Kihyun stops in front of the door and makes to look over his shoulder without really looking. “Always…” He says. And it’s familiar. It sounds like a promise. 

_ Promises. _ Kihyun remembers them, too, now. Bittersweet things, really.

Kihyun doesn’t even hear the door open. “Kihyun?” a voice asks, riddled with disbelief and something akin to wonder. And Kihyun’s eyes flood with tears and his face crumbles against his will.

He glances up, shyly, and tries, really tries to smile. “He--Hey… Sorry for showing up unannounced.” 

“Always a pleasure, my boy,” Kihyun’s dad smiles-- _ Dohyun, _ Kihyun knows, doesn’t have to remember--face tan and wrinkled mostly at the eyes, stubble a little grey. He’s wearing one of those old, old plaid shirts Kihyun had asked him so many times to replace because of all the holes he’d had to patch up, but they’re ‘comfy’ so he keeps them. His dad’s smile falters, though, the more he looks. “Are you alright?”

“I…” Kihyun tries to swallow but his throat doesn’t let him. “I want to say ‘yes’, but… I don’t… think so.” He feels his body sway a little, feels the tears run down his face. “I think… I forgot  _ things _ , important things… so I thought I’d come here… To remember? I don’t know. I keep forgetting. I feel so…”  _ Feel.  _ “Selfish… and… empty?”

Hands come up to steady him, lead him inside and closer the door. “Shh, it’s okay, you’re always welcome here, Ki--” And Kihyun hears his dad quickly scold a dog pawing at his leg. But when Dohyun speaks again, there’s so much concern in the soft way he speaks that the tears on Kihyun's face run a little faster. “Your room is still the way you left it... Do you need something to eat, drink?”

Kihyun rubs his knuckles over his eyes, looks around and…  _ remembers. _ “I should…” He glances down at himself. “Shower… I think… I’m dirtying the house.”

“Aish, of course you’d worry about that, like the dogs didn’t just walk in with mud all over their paws,” his dad shakes his head, squeezes at Kihyun’s arms to lead him to the bathroom. Kihyun knows where it is, had lived here for almost nineteen years, but he’s still grateful for it. “I’ll make kimbap, yeah? Or we can have some leftover kimchi your aunt brought over?” Dohyun asks, careful to let go before he finds a towel. “You have some clothes here, still, I’ll just get those, and…” His dad looks at him a little sad, before reaching out to put a hand over Kihyun’s head, hair matted with blood and muck. “Thank you for coming home, son.”

Kihyun looks up, feels his chest warm up with something and smiles a little. Because, of course, this is not just for him. It’s for someone else, too. In fact, it’s for everyone. His father deserves to see his own son as often as he wants. Just as Kihyun deserves to come home no matter what happens. Hyungwon deserves his friend to come back, just as Hoseok does. And Kihyun deserves the time to find himself and come back just as he remembers. And…

Another squeeze at his heart.

And maybe that’s what Kihyun is waiting for. He’s waiting for himself. So, he can try to fix things one last time and hope they will never need fixing again.

“Next time,” Kihyun says, “You should come visit me, too. I know I’ve never… invited you and I’m sorry. But I really want to… have you over.” That’s a start, right? Right. He looks down at his hands, tinted with red and black. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know…”

“You don’t have to, son,” his dad smiles gently. “I’d love to come, though. We’ll talk about it, okay?”

A familiar word blocks Kihyun’s throat before he manages to pull it out. “Dad…?”

The hand squeezes at his arm again. His dad’s hands have always been bigger than his own, even if the man himself was shorter than his son. “One and only, yeah.”

“Thank you…” Kihyun sighs. “For falling in love with mom.” It may have been what caused all this, but Kihyun knows he’s thankful. And he knows he would like to hear it, too, if he were in his father’s shoes. After all, Kihyun would have never met…  _ Changkyun. _

“Gave me you,” his dad smiles, eyes a little watery. “Best thing I’ve ever done.”

_ ‘Loving you is the best thing I will ever do.’ _

Kihyun finds his eyes tear up again--must have been all that orange juice--and smiles, laughs a little. “I know the feeling…” At least he thinks he does… Now he just needs to  _ remember _ how it actually felt.

His father smiles a little knowingly, in that way he always did before he’d say something like ‘I’m  _ older  _ than you, so I know stuff’. But he doesn’t. “Come eat when you’re ready...” Dohyun says instead, pinches lightly at Kihyun’s cheek before he leaves and closes the door behind him.

‘ _ Come back _ ,’ Kihyun hears in one voice. And, ‘ _ When you’re ready _ ’ in another.

  
  
  


\---

  
  


 

Changkyun looks up as Minhyuk turns on the kitchen light. Changkyun pulls the hoodie a little more over his face, arms around his legs on the couch.

“Do you…” His voice is hoarse, scratchy from desuse. “Need something to eat?”

Minhyuk blinks, points at Ki-Kyun’s bowl. “Can’t I eat that?”

Jooheon scoffs lightly. “I’m sure you can? But I’m not sure you should.”

Changkyun shakes his head as if to say--No, you shouldn’t eat that--and hugs his legs a little closer. It should feel warmer, right? Ki-Kyun jumps onto the couch, wiggles in between his thighs and calves, and Changkyun relaxes a little, but just keeps looking at the opposite wall. Did there used to be a picture there? He glances down, sees glass on the floor under it. Did he do that? He can’t remember.

“This… Cube that makes tinier ice cubes…” Minhyuk starts, wings pasted to his back, “Has apples inside?” He’s practically  _ in _ there, a few feathers falling onto the floor as he goes through whatever is left in the fridge.

“You can eat the apples,” Changkyun says, chin on his knees. Ki-Kyun peeks out and makes a small sound, but Changkyun doesn’t look at him. 

“When’s the last time you ate something?” Jooheon asks from nearby, closer than he was before.

Changkyun shrugs. Keeps staring at the broken glass on the floor against the farthest wall. “Dunno.”

Minhyuk closes the fridge and walks into the living room with an apple in his mouth and another in his hand. His wings look… like they’re going to vanish sooner or later. Not many feathers left. But Minhyuk doesn’t really seem to mind.

Changkyun agreed to have him over until he falls completely and the wings are gone. And yet it’s been a week and well… Minhyuk is still here.

It’s… been okay. Minhyuk saved Kihyun’s life, at the end there, but it’s hard to look at him sometimes without seeing Kihyun’s unmoving body, or the red eyes, or himself, being dragged to Hell over and over and over again. 

Minhyuk tries, though. He tries. Maybe because Jooheon (who just always, always watches without interfering) told him to try, or maybe because Minhyuk actually wants to make up for his mistakes.

So, when he plops down on the floor in front of Changkyun and stares at him as if waiting for something, it’s not surprising at all that he tosses an apple at Changkyun in the next second.

Changkyun just blinks, as the apple bounces off his legs. “No thank you.”

Minhyuk squints, brings a hand up to hold the apple between his lips as he bites onto it. “Hm,” he munches. “I know some force feeding techniques, too, if you’re into that.”

“Pretty sure you’ve given me enough shit I don’t want.”

Jooheon looks between the two of them and Minhyuk squints some more, says, “Pretty sure I’ve also given you things you didn’t know you wanted until you were face to face with them.”

“By accident,” Changkyun mumbles, looks away. “Doesn’t count.”

Minhyuk bites at his apple again, loudly, munches with his mouth open just to make even louder noises and stares. “Huh. Yes, I sneezed that feather at you,  _ by accident. _ ” He picks up the apple on the floor and reaches forward to let it fall between Changkyun’s legs before slumping back down.

“Damage control,” Changkyun sighs, puts his face between his knees. “Sorry, I’m just…” 

“Tell me about it,” Minhyuk says but doesn’t explain.

“Maybe later,” Changkyun mumbles, muffled by his knees.

Things were supposed to be okay, now. Things were supposed to be okay. They worked so hard, gave up so much...

“I’m not asking about you, idiot.” Minhyuk grumbles. “I’m asking about Kihyun. Tell me about him.”

Changkyun’s throat closes up so fast, and he looks up, frowns. “What? Why?”

Minhyuk munches, swallows, glances at Jooheon and then looks at Changkyun again. “You forget you and I were connected for a long time. And you forget that Kihyun might not be alright yet but he’s alive.” Minhyuk bites onto his apple again. “So, tell me about him. Might help you remember.”

“Alive,” Changkyun nods, sighs, “Right. I know, I know, I just… I imagined what it would be like, you know? To have him back? And it doesn’t matter what I imagined because… because he’s safe now and alive but… I just wish he was here. I wish I could help him the way he needed me to. And that just makes  _ me  _ feel like shit because I am way,  _ way  _ too attached. I can’t be his everything, and I shouldn’t be, either, that’s not healthy, that’s not what it should be, but…” Changkyun’s eyes water, and he sniffles.

“Such a baby,” Minhyuk sighs. “These apples are sweet, by the way. You’d like them, I think.” He bites onto the last bit of his apple and munches as he speaks, “You forget Kihyun has been alive for…” He counts. “Twenty five years? He’s not even a butterfly. Hasn’t learned to fly. But he’s been here long enough to have connections beyond you. You, however? He was your first connection to the world. No one can or should judge you for feeling the way you do. But you can’t judge him for searching for his first connections, too.”

“I’m not,” Changkyun says, soft, sniffles again, pressing his eyes against his knees. “I’m not, I just… I miss him and it’s stupid and I kinda needed him to be here and he’s not and that’s--that’s okay, but…”

“It hurts,” Minhyuk says, brings his knees up and crosses his arms loosely over his legs. “I know. And that’s fine. You’re allowed to hurt. But… You really should eat that apple.”

Changkyun looks up, looks at the apple for a moment before just nodding and reaching out to take it. “Thanks…”

Minhyuk blinks and smiles. It’s the first time he’s smiled like that. But it makes Jooheon smile, too, as he watches them.

“Do you have apple preferences?” Minhyuk asks, wiggles the leftover apple in his hand. “I prefer the green ones.”

“The small red ones,” Changkyun says, voice still small. And Minhyuk’s right. Kihyun’s feelings are his own, and Changkyun’s his own, and the way they handle them or perhaps, need to handle them, is different, and that’s okay. 

Minhyuk looks at Jooheon and then at Changkyun again. “Just because he’s not here, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you less. It just means it’s different. But different is not always bad.”

“Yeah,” Jooheon whispers. “It really isn’t.”

Changkyun nods a little again, and reaches out a little to tug Jooheon a little closer. “Okay… Guess we both just need to work on being okay on our own first, yeah?”

“Knowing you,” Minhyuk scoffs, “You won’t get off each other once he’s back.” He scoffs again. “Ah, yes. He’ll be back, don’t worry. No one walks through Hell to dump someone.”

“This Earthly language of yours is amusing,” Jooheon chuckles as he moves to sit down next to Changkyun, who leans a little against his side.

“Why?” Changkyun scoffs lightly, and it tugs a little at his chest. “Because of the word ‘dump’?”

He bites a little into the apple, and chews. It doesn’t taste like much, not really.

Minhyuk points behind him, “I’ve been watching TV. I know things now.”

“I know the feeling…” Changkyun turns the apple a little in his hand, sighs and lowers it a little. “What--” he swallows. “What are you two going to do, now..?”

Minhyuk looks at Jooheon, who shrugs, and then down. “Well… First, my wings need to go. Which should happen soon. Then… That handsome human friend of yours said he could help us. So, we’ll see. But I suppose we’ll… Have to learn how to… Human?”

“It’s not that hard,” Changkyun smiles soft, lifts the apple, takes another small bite. 

Minhyuk raises an eyebrow. “Learned lesson one from your memories. Remember?” Minhyuk’s eyes move to the apple in Changkyun’s hand and then to his face,  _ “‘If I eat, you eat.’” _

Changkyun pouts. “You’re using Kihyun against me.”

“Pretty sure Kihyun himself uses Kihyun against you,” Jooheon chuckles, brings an arm around Changkyun to pull him closer. Changkyun melts a little, pouting at the apple before taking a larger bite, looking at Minhyuk.

“Happy now?”

Minhyuk smiles even wider than before and Changkyun understands now why Jooheon calls him ‘Sunny’. Because just like Kihyun is Changkyun’s star, Minhyuk is Jooheon’s.

  
  
  


\---

  
  


 

It’s not that hard, really, just putting one foot in front of the other until the finish line. It’s like connecting memories (knowing) to feelings (remembering). All it takes is trying and Kihyun finds himself  _ feeling. _

He knows how souls work. And his will do whatever he wants it to. So, if he wants it to open up, expand and feel, it will. Just like he’d asked it close on itself, to shatter in so many pieces darkness would never be able to find them all in time.

But knowing joy and feeling it are two different things. Kihyun knows there are scars on his back, scars that will never heal. He remembers the look on his father’s face when he saw them. And thankfully, the man said nothing about it, not even a breath. But, of course, sometimes Kihyun feels despair again. Especially when he’s alone with his own thoughts.

Sunsets, in particular, seem to be the hardest part of the day. Sometimes, Kihyun cries silently while staring at the orange ball in the sky until it vanishes. Other times, he looks at it and feels so empty he needs to look away.

Life is never a continuum of joy or sadness. It’s both, intertwining as they interchange with each other. Kihyun knows he would never know joy if he hadn’t known its opposite, its shadow. Just like he would have never known himself fully if he had never met Changkyun.

_ Changkyun... _ The word, the name that makes Kihyun’s heart leap and squeeze so hard it’s almost unbearable. Kihyun remembers how easy it was, even when the world was falling apart, to look Changkyun in the eyes and feel safe. Joy or sadness and their forever interchanges were so easy to go through whenever Changkyun was there with him…

But Kihyun is scared to go back to that. Scared to look Changkyun in the eyes and feel anxious instead of safe. Scared the chasm between them runs so deep it’s no longer possible to cross over to the other side. After all, Kihyun--No. Hubris. Hubris broke it… their bridge. And Kihyun knows, _ knows _ he loves Im Changkyun. But he’s scared to let himself feel it because every time he tries, his heart squeezes so damn hard it might just kill him.

“Hey, dad,” Kihyun calls after staring into the sun for far too long. Even though it was just a sunset, he keeps seeing little orange balls behind his eyelids every time they flutter. “Don’t forget to take these with you tomorrow,” Kihyun walks into the living room and places the little box full of cookies over the small table. “I made enough, I think…” He shrugs. “Considering the kids always want more than their own share.”

Dohyun looks up from where he’s combing at the over enthusiastic sheepdog, lying on its back with its legs in the air. “You’re sure you don’t want to come with? I’m sure those kids like you more than they like me.”

Kihyun smiles and kneels down to pet the dog. “Don’t misunderstand, I’d love to… But,” he smooths his hand over the soft fur and sighs. “I don’t want to feel overwhelmed. And they’re so many and so clingy…” Kihyun looks at his father. “Maybe next time?”

“I’m just glad you’re here,” his dad laughs a little, scratches at the dog’s head that just looks so unabashedly delighted. “I always thought you’d get a dog, actually. You mentioned a kitten and I was a little surprised. You always walked around with pictures of dogs on your phone, dunno if you still do.”

His phone? Right. He doesn’t even know where that is. “Kyunie brought it home. How could I say no?” Kihyun scoffs. “It was so small and cute. But maybe I’ll get a dog someday…?”

“Better to have a yard for that, anyway,” his father muses and the dog jumps up as he gets up, gestures for Kihyun to follow him to the kitchen. “Hey, do you remember those drinks I always used to make when you’d get stressed about tests and the like?” His dad asks with a near wicked smile on his face. “Well! I got bigger cups. And more ice cream.”

His dad opens the freezer as he talks, brings out an excessively big tub of ice cream. “I got sprinkles, too!”

“Pffft,” Kihyun laughs. “So silly. So you decorate them now?”

“This will be my first attempt, let’s see how it goes,” Dohyun chuckles, rolling up his sleeves before he gets the soda from the fridge and gestures for him to sit down. “I’ve wanted to ask but…” Dohyun frowns a little, struggles to open the soda bottle and holds it out for Kihyun. “Aish, my hands are giving in, would you?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes fondly and takes the bottle. He twists the cap, hears the fizz and then passes the bottle back to his father. “But?”

“Your face does this thing when I do,” Dohyun says vaguely, gestures up at his own face before pouring the soda halfway into two, truly necessarily big cups. “I used to see it when I talked about your mom.”

Kihyun takes a deep breath and looks down at the table. He pulls a chair, carefully so it won’t drag, and sits down. “Okay?” He can’t help it, the guarded feeling that spreads through his body, like he’s trying to shield himself from whatever is coming.

His dad tries to scoop at the ice cream but the spoon bends so he just sighs and waits with it still sticking up from the tub. “Should I be upset that the boyfriend you were so highly praising hasn’t even called? Isn’t here? You said he was going to come with you next time you came here, so I was just… curious.”

Kihyun feels them, feelings and emotions, bumping against the barrier he’d built around his heart. It still squeezes, though, like a warning. “Would you be this… curious or upset if it was a girl?” Kihyun glances up, eyes guarded. 

“Perhaps a little less protective,” his dad admits sheepishly. “But no less upset, no.”

“Hm,” Kihyun thumbs at his hand, soothes his finger over his palm. “Can I ask you something first?” His dad just nods, tries to pry the spoon out of the ice cream. Kihyun feels his face so serious it’s almost… on instinct that he takes a breath and licks his lips just to give it a little expression. “After the house burnt, you started drinking. You stopped when I left. Then, last time we spoke on the phone you… and now, too. You were never ‘okay’ with…”  _ Don’t say choices. _ “What I am. Not saying you have to be. I know you love me. I love you, too. But… why now?” Kihyun looks up. “On the phone, last time, you sounded… open about it. Not complaining. But it took me by surprise, I guess. And now you’re asking about it, too…”

His father sits down, too, then, rubs a hand over his face and stares at the spoon, glancing at Kihyun. “I drank because of your mom, Kihyun, not because of you. I know that’s… what it must have felt like, and I’ve always been a bit hard on you,” Dohyun smiles down a little, shakes his head. “I had this image in my head, you know? Ever since you were little. Of you growing up and bringing home this sweet girl that makes you smile the way… the way your mother used to make me smile. I was going to walk her down the aisle, play with your grandkids, all that normal lark.” Dohyun sighs. “It’s… still hard for me to accept that won’t happen… I admit I was scared for you for a lot of reasons, and your… who you are, isn’t easy. I was just scared that your life would be made even more difficult, scared I would never truly understand that what your mother gave for me you can find in… in another man.” 

Dohyun reaches again for the spoon and this time the ice cream gives, and he scoops some into the cups, a frown on his face. “And then you called me a few days ago. And I realised I was part of what made it difficult for you, part of what I feared. You spoke and I heard your mother, I heard me. The way you talked about him, you sounded so… Happy. In a way I hadn’t heard before, and I was so happy to  _ hear  _ it from you, that you’d still share it with me despite…  despite the things I’ve said. And I thought to myself, ‘ _ And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them _ .’ I lost your mother because of what  _ she  _ was,” Dohyun frowns a little more, moves Kihyun’s cup closer. “I didn’t want to lose you, too.”

Kihyun looks at the ice cream, watches it melt a little as it fizzles and then brings the cup to hold it between both hands. “That’s… more or less how I feel, too.” He admits and sighs. “That… I’ve made things harder for him… That things won’t be as they were because of what happened. And so much has happened. I know it wasn’t… my fault.” That was hard to say, because part of him still blames himself. “But when I remember? They’re  _ my  _ memories, inside  _ my  _ head. I sent him away without meaning to… And now I’m scared to… go back. I’m scared to allow myself to feel and have it break me… Although I guess… in the end, if that’s what’s going to happen, then I need to let it happen.” Kihyun feels his lips turn to a thin line.

“Do you think it will?” Dohyun frowns, concerned, looks so much like Kihyun himself. “What you  _ fear  _ will happen, do you think it actually will? Knowing him.”

Kihyun feels his heart squeeze again. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I don’t know how much I… hurt him. And I didn’t even  _ mean  _ to. I’m so scared to find out…”

His dad nods a little, reaches out to squeeze at Kihyun’s hand. “I’m--I’m sorry for insinuating that he doesn’t care because he hasn’t reached out or whatever, I’m--” He frowns a little. “Not great at this, but… I know what it’s like to hurt someone without meaning to.”

Kihyun glances away. “I remember being way more confrontational before. And now I just…”

“It's easier when you're not scared of losing anything.”

“What…” Kihyun clears his throat and looks at his father’s hand over his own. “What should I do?”

Dohyun smiles a little. “Never used to tell me about your boyfriends and now you're asking me for advice? How things change…” His father pats at his hand. “Trust that he knows it wasn't your fault. Trust that he loves you more than what you did hurt him. I can… I can see how this weighs on you and after everything that's happened, I just want you to be happy. So trust that he does, too, the way you trust that you can make him happy in turn.”

Kihyun smiles a little. “Maybe… I’ll go with you tomorrow, after all.”

His father looks so surprised and delighted, eyes wrinkling in a smile. “Fantastic! And you'll bring Kyunie next time..? Wouldn't wanna miss out on my soda floats.”

Kihyun nods and laughs a little. “Yeah. Yeah, he makes funny faces when he drinks fizz.” Remembering makes Kihyun smile.

“See?” His father points to Kihyun's face. “That. That's why I don't care that it's not a girl. A damn shame it took me so long.”

“Better late than never,” Kihyun says and he knows he’s talking to himself.

“Perhaps have him wear a wig for Miss Jung, though,” his father winces playfully before taking a sip of the soda float, ice cream covering his top lip. “He doesn't have a very deep voice, does he?”

Kihyun leans his head down and and laughs, voice breaking a little when he does. “Ma--Maybe  _ I  _ should wear the wig?”

“That would be--” his father laughs. “A whole different situation. One step at a time, son.”

“Yeah…” Kihyun breathes and thinks, thinks so loud he hopes it still works.  _ ‘Miss you…’ _ But maybe it’s fine if it doesn’t work. Maybe… that’s how it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third to last chapter ;;;; Are you emo? I'm emo. This was hard to write ahahaha


	34. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s home. Home away from home. But still home.

The sun sinks lower in the sky, light of day draining away, giving way to the velvety dark of night, crickets chirping, dusky colors subduing in the fading light. Kihyun sits outside over the small wall that boards his house. He hates it, that first buzz of small, small, small and annoying mosquitoes that jumps on him the moment the street lights click on, day winding down as the first star in the night sky shines.

Kihyun’s breath puffs as it escapes through his lips. He feels the air cooling, temperatures rushing down the grid as the twilight falls. The sharp shadow of the nearest lamppost fades into the dark of the sidewalk. And then the sky darkens, too, a close silence in the dim evening light.

January is almost over. The sunsets have been stretching closer to six o’clock. And Kihyun knows because he watches them every day, glances at the clock on the kitchen wall before he comes outside and sits down on the wall, near the always open front gate.

The air feels damp and it makes humidity crawl to the walls of Kihyun’s nostrils. He sniffles when he feels it and he hates it. It’s like being sick without feeling sick. And these damn mosquitos… He misses the city lights, the last floor of a tall building in the suburbs of a city so big it never sleeps. He misses the noise of cars rushing everywhere, misses smelling the faint, nauseating fumes he knows will not harm him as much as they harm everyone else.

He misses his job, even though he knows he’s probably way beyond fired. Misses Hoseok and Hyungwon. Misses bickering. Misses making jokes. And there were so many jokes! Oh, so many…

But most of all, Kihyun misses Changkyun. Misses Ki-Kyun. Misses home away from home. And maybe it will never be like it was before the world ended. Maybe Kihyun will find himself missing _home_ forever. But that’s okay, too. At least, in theory, he thinks it’s okay.

Kihyun takes a deep breath and jumps to the ground. He pats at the back of his jeans and glances at the house before looking up at the sky. The full moon has turned into a third quarter. _It’s time._

“You’re going to leave soon, aren’t you?” He hears his father ask nearby and as always, there’s no real assumption there, no judgement, truly, just wondering out loud.

Kihyun looks at his father and then down, smiling. “I think so… Though,” Kihyun looks up again, “I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to lend me some money so I can catch the train.”

“Finally, he asks for money!” His father laughs, punches lightly at Kihyun’s arm. “Took you long enough. I should be proud of your stubborn independence, but I like feeling useful.”

“Dad… you’re a preacher. Of course you like feeling useful.”

“And talking, yes. But mostly about Jesus.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and then glances up at the moon again. “What day is today…?”

“Friday. More specifically, the twenty fifth of January.” His dad smiles a little. “It’s been nice having you stay so long.”

Kihyun smiles and then sighs. “Would you mind terribly if… I left first thing in the morning?”

“You know I wake up early, in any case, so no, Kihyun, leave whenever you want. If!” His dad tries to look stern. “You also come back whenever you want. I’ll give you enough money for a ticket back to Seoul tomorrow, and then two back here whenever you’d like. Okay?”

“Thank you…” Kihyun smiles and then sways a little. “Hey, dad?”

“Some people call me, that, yes. Just the one, actually, but go on.”

“Let’s forget for a moment that I am _waaaay_ beyond the age and…” Kihyun lets the sleeves of his sweater cover his hands and wiggles his arms like a child. “Hug.”

His father laughs, walks forward and squeezes Kihyun tight. He smells like wood varnish and dog shampoo. This is home. And now it’s time to go back to _home away from home._

 

\---

 

To say Kihyun can feel the crowd as much as he can sense the raindrops hit his coat is an understatement. Because he’s fine, he’s better. But _touch_ still sends shivers down his spine.

Every time someone brushes against his back, there’s a spark and a hint of pain. Like his body remembers, like it hasn’t forgotten how much it hurt to lose them; wings.

And the crowd has a life of its own. It’s impossible to avoid slight bumps and brushes. Kihyun feels like he’s about to throw up his heart when he manages to exit the station, sweat beading on his hairline.

He takes a deep breath and wonders, wonders where he needs to go. The city is busy, for sure. He missed it. How nobody cares about what he’s been through. How nobody remembers what a few people and a thousand angels sacrificed for them, too.

So, he scoffs a short laugh. Because of course no one remembers. And, in way, there’s safety in that. There’s bliss in that. In not knowing about the bigger things, the things beyond a job, a family and what the hell to eat for breakfast.

The rain stops and Kihyun feels his heart slow down. And he doesn’t need to turn around, not really. Because he can hear it, as melancholic as ever.

“Here to pick me up?” Kihyun asks, eyes on a clear puddle just ahead. He brings his impermeable hood back and glances over his shoulder, smiling a little at Hyungwon. “Nice to see you again.”

Hyungwon glances away, at the rain just out of reach. “So… Who are you and what have you done to Kihyun?”

Kihyun looks up at the strange, thick cloud that takes the rain away with it, makes half the street look like a winter day and the other like a spring day, just after a storm.

It’s… weird to be back. He missed it. Missed this. This city smells different. And maybe Kihyun didn’t have much to go on before, but now he does.

“Don’t worry, ten minutes of taking your shit and we’ll be back to normal,” he says and smiles. Smiles because, _fucking shit, I can swear!_

Hyungwon narrows his eyes a little. He looks better. Not in a way Kihyun thinks he can define, but where Hyungwon’s skin had been pale since the first time Kihyun saw him again like this, he looks pinker. Tanner. “Haven’t taken your shit in a while… Are you okay, then?”

“Meh,” Kihyun squints moves his head from side to side. “Not yet. Unfinished business, you know how it goes. But… I’m fine. Better, at least. Much better… Say what you may, but preachers have a way with words and my father is great at what he does.”

“Ah, right, the healing powers of Jesus. That works, then, or?” Hyungwon scoffs, hands in the pockets of what’s covering him, ‘clothes’. It looks like a coat, anyway.

Kihyun sighs, turns to face Hyungwon. “Maybe… I do need…” _A favor?_ “Hm.” Kihyun puts his hands inside his pockets as well and looks to the side, shrugs. “How are you? You look healthy. Less anemic, too.”

Hyungwon actually laughs. “Right, yeah. I’d drink iron pills if I could, but alas, I can’t interact with the world around me. You know how it is.” Hyungwon looks over, eyes narrowing again. “Are you... gonna go talk to Wonho?”

Kihyun’s breathes in, bites at his lower lip, eyes moving between a few people talking loudly nearby and Hyungwon. “I want to. But I won’t unless… Unless he wants to see me, too.”

“He does,” Hyungwon sighs. “It’s just… He’s different.”

Kihyun frowns, heart going heavy for whatever reason. He looks at Hyungwon and frowns some more. “Different? Different how?”

“He died, Ki,” Hyungwon huffs. “And when he came back… It didn’t start right away, he was fine, like new, for the first few days. He missed you. Tried to cheer up your pup… But... He’s kind of like Shownu, now.” Hyungwon looks over. “Except he wasn’t born like that so he’s not adjusting well. Every shadow scares the shit out of him. And he’s not psychic, he just… Well, we don’t need you around to touch anymore. A brush with death and now it’s all around him.”

Kihyun feels his shoulders slump. _Oh…_ “I…” _Think I can help…_ Yet, for some reason, he doesn’t want to say. Because even if rationality tells him that it wasn’t his fault, he still feels guilty. “Can you…” Kihyun clears his throat. “Can you take me to him?”

“I think he’d dump me if I didn’t,” Hyungwon mumbles and reaches out to put a hand on Kihyun’s shoulder (it’s hard to keep the knee-jerk reaction at bay but Kihyun manages). It’s not as cold as it used to be. And in a blink, there’s mist-like smoke, and they’re standing in front of Hoseok’s front door. “Shownu’s been coming around a lot. For obvious reasons.”

Kihyun scoffs a laugh. “Yeah… Baby demon hunter in training?” He glances at Hyungwon, heart suddenly fast, anxiety climbing over his shoulders, making them tense a little.

“Not exactly,” Hyungwon scoffs. “He’s more the… lead the lost souls to the light, kind of person, you know that.”

“Of course,” Kihyun chuckles, sighs and steps forward. He brings a hand up, finger hovering by the bell. “You know those… Moments… Like, when you feel like you’re taking a leap of faith and even though there’s a haystack right under you and you know you’ll be fine, you still feel like you’re going to die? Very Assassin’s Creed, I know but…” Kihyun sighs again, if only to relieve the stress from his chest. “I kinda feel like that,” he says and rings the bell.

“Yes, well,” Hyungwon sighs. “Be nice. That’s _my_ haystack you’re talking to.” And disappears in a puff of smoke.

“Sturdy thing,” Kihyun mumbles to himself just as the door opens slowly and big curious eyes peek from the tiny space of darkness Kihyun can see. “Uhm…”

“Kihyun…?” Hoseok asks, eyes going a little wide, opening the door completely.

_Haystack, haystack, haystack--_

“He--” Kihyun’s voice cracks and he frowns, clears his throat. “Hey…” _Oh my god, why am I so nervous… Ugh…_ He looks at Hoseok, doesn’t know if to smile if to stare. But he kinda knows he needs to fall into the haystack. Quite literally at this point. “So, uhm, before you say anything--” Kihyun starts, takes a deep breath and swallows, looks down. “I’m… I’m sorry… Like… The word doesn’t work because…” He looks up, takes another breath as Hoseok’s bottom lip trembles. “I _am_ sorry. For everything.”

“It--it wasn’t your fault,” Hoseok says, eyes all shiny. “You’re--You’re really here? You’re really back?”

Kihyun flicks his wrist, frowns when he does, a strange numbness in his arm. Because he remembers… He remembers the feeling. Holding life in his hand, his best friend’s soul, and just…

_Ugh._

“Yes.” Kihyun says, heart suddenly heavy again. “I… I suppose I am,” he laughs a little and looks at Hoseok’s face. “You look terrible… Here I was complimenting Hyungwon for not looking like a corpse… And you’re as pale as a sheet.”

Hoseok laughs a little, wiping at his eyes and stepping aside for Kihyun to come in. “I haven’t been outside in a while… Hyungwon told you?”

Kihyun glances down as he steps in but stops in front of Hoseok. _Haystack._ And he needs to fall into it. So, he just lets himself fall slowly to the side, startling a little when his shoulder touches Hoseok’s body but staying there. Hoseok leans in too and the next thing Kihyun knows, Hoseok’s lifted his arm and moved to pull Kihyun into a hug.

“So--sorry, I just--” Hoseok sniffles. “Missed you… Didn’t know if you were gonna be okay again...”

Kihyun feels his body melt a little. “Ah, you know me… M’stubborn. And…” He sighs, closes his eyes and frowns when the numb feeling climbs up his arm again. He flicks his wrist a little. “I was afraid you would be scared of me, to be honest… So… Thank you for trusting me.”

“It wasn’t you,” Hoseok says softly. “You’re my best friend… That wasn’t you.”

Kihyun frowns, turns his face to Hoseok’s shirt and pouts. He knows he doesn’t say it often. Maybe not as often as he should but, “I’m glad you’re here. I love you. And I’m still sorry.”

“It’s okay… And I love you, too, Ki,” Hoseok says, squeezing Kihyun a little before letting go, wiping at his eyes. “Have you… Seen Kyunie yet?”

Kihyun scoffs a laugh. “No…” He sighs. “I should, though. I want to. But I think I’m stalling. So, you first.” He steps in, looks around and then at Hoseok.

“Aish,” Hoseok laughs, eyes still leaking a little as he swats at Kihyun’s arm. “You dummy. You should go when you’re done here, no stalling. If you think I look like a corpse…”

Kihyun looks down, suddenly feels hollow inside. “Yeah… I know. Is he… Do you think it will be okay? I mean… I’m fed and healthy but my brain has been a mess. I kinda just expected you all to hate me or be scared of me or… I don’t know…”

“Sit down before you start crying in the hallway,” Hoseok teases, walking into the living room and sitting down. “Look, nobody hates you. We all risked our necks to try and save you, remember?”

“Eh,” Kihyun looks down, kicks at the air and laughs a little. “You’ll realize in time that I remember very little and mostly it’s just… Leading a demon army into the limbo--Oh, no. It’s great. Very Sauron and Lord of the Rings.” Kihyun scoffs, walks slowly towards the sofa and sits down, too.

“Didn’t lose your sense of humour, though…” Hoseok pulls his feet up on the couch, arms around his legs. He looks so, so pale. And he’s always _been_ pale. But this is just unnatural.

Kihyun watches him for a moment, tilting his head in concern. “Enough about me, though. What about you? Hyungwon said you… Can see things now, too?”

Hoseok nods small, hugs his legs a little closer. “It’s okay, though… At least I’m not the boring human anymore, right?”

“Hey,” Kihyun frowns, slaps lightly at Hoseok’s arm. “Take that back. You were never boring to me!”

“You were boring to me,” Hoseok teases. “See how that worked out.”

“Wow,” Kihyun deadpans. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome,” Hoseok laughs. “Listen, it’s okay, it’s just… a lot to get used to. But if I don’t look at them, they don’t look at me, but it’s still--” Hoseok shivers. “I never realised how many things were right around us and we had no idea.”

Kihyun nods. “Yeah… It’s… Background noise to me, now. And… Shit, I don’t know. I feel terrible about it but I’m just going to say it anyway; if… if you need anything at all…? I can help.” He shrugs. “I don’t have much to teach but… Creepy shadows and weird whispers?” He looks at Hoseok and smiles small. “I can help you tone it down.”

Hoseok smiles back. “Yeah. Hyunwoo’s helped a bunch with that, so far, but… Glad I’m not alone. He put wards all over this house, too, just so I’d have a little safe space to come back to…”

Kihyun nods, looks at his hands, squeezes them closed before slowly opening them again. “Right… Well, I’m the demon noise volume expert, so if I can help with anything, let me know.”

“Haven’t really heard any demons yet,” Hoseok smiles. “Well, except the one, obviously…”

Kihyun thumbs lightly at his fingertips, little touches that make him smile. “I’ve missed him. Even when I didn’t know it was him I missed.”

Hoseok takes a breath and presses his chin against his knees. “I think he’s the worst off out of all of us… Except for you, obviously, but… You had somewhere to go, at least…”

“Hm…” Kihyun feels his eyes burn a little all of a sudden. He blinks and brings one hand up to scratch his nose. “I… Have avoided it. Thinking about him. I mean, I did, many times. Even when they were just passive thoughts. But… It was just…” Kihyun gestures at his own chest. “Too much? Especially knowing he needed me, needs me and I couldn’t be there for him.”

“We tried to be, you know. If that helps. We tried not to leave him alone for too long but he wanted to be left alone so it was a little hard.”

Kihyun nods. “What about the angels? I mean… I assume Minhyuk stayed?” He looks at Hoseok.

“Yeah. He lost his wings completely a few days ago.” Hoseok smiles, though. “They’re very sweet, the two of them. Minhyuk’s not what I thought he’d be like, at all. He’s like a really big puppy that just wants as much love as he can get, really.”

Kihyun squints. That is something that will take some time to get used to. But still… It warms his heart to know that everything worked out for the best. Well, so far… there’s still that other matter…

“Hm,” he nods, sighs and tongues at his bottom lip. “Say, do you have dreams, too?”

Hoseok frowns. “You have them, too?”

Kihyun nods, licks his lips. “Yeah, sometimes…” He looks at Hoseok’s face. “The same dream, usually. Over and over again until something happens. And then it changes.”

“Do you…” Hoseok leans in. “Dream about a wolf?”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow, shakes his head. “No… It’s been quiet, lately…” He bites his lower lip in for a moment. “Have you been dreaming about wolves?”

Hoseok shakes his head. “No, just the one…” Hoseok sits back, moves his legs so they’re crossed under him. “Hyungwon says that I’m just worried about Kyun, so I’m projecting or whatever. Or my dreams are, anyway. But it’s like… this big, black wolf, and it’s howling at the weather itself. Like it’s trying to fight it. Up at the lightning.”

“Does it…” Kihyun looks down at his hands. “Does it scare you? This wolf…”

Hoseok nods. “Yeah. Because it wins. Every time.”

Kihyun frowns a little. From experience… He’s known dreams can be like little premonitions. Not they’re very clear about what’s coming. But Kihyun dreamt about Hell for days and days before going there. And he dreamt about turning into Hubris before he’d even decided to take that taint.

In a way, for special people, Kihyun has found that God, whatever it is… Speaks in strange ways. And Hubris might have been a pain in the ass, but She taught Kihyun a thing or two, as well… Specifically, like a familiar voice would say, that everything happens for a reason.

A wolf, though? Doesn’t sound familiar. Although, if Kihyun focuses, loses himself a little in the dark songs that still echo inside his head, he can hear it… Like a curse.

_‘Shall the darkness fall, and my angels call. In despair, He will be there.’_

“Tell me if it changes,” Kihyun says, smiles.

“Maybe it does,” Hoseok smiles, too, kicking lightly at Kihyun’s thigh. “When the wolf finally gets out of the storm.”

Kihyun laughs a little, rolls his eyes and looks at Hoseok. “Missed you, too, you big marshmallow…” _Hyungwon’s haystack and my big marshmallow._ “And after that’s done with, I am camping here,” Kihyun bosses, frowning a little. “I’ll feed you until you collapse. Also, you need to catch some sunlight. Your vitamin E is all off! Seriously… I go away for one month! And Hyungwon looks like a prince and you all look like hell.”

Hoseok laughs, leans until he tips over onto Kihyun. “Did you seriously just call Hyungwon a _prince_? You’ve changed.”

“I’m appreciative of the little things,” Kihyun scoffs. “Don’t tell him. He’ll get smug. And I’m working on making him look like a corpse after wearing him down.”

“Just keep making those dick jokes of yours, Ki, you’ll get there sooner than a week.”

Kihyun laughs, pokes Hoseok’s bicep. “You’re thinner. You need to build. Seriously. Your pride and joy is washing down the toilet at this point.” He pokes harder. “What is this?! It’s going away!”

“I can still pick you up!” Hoseok laughs.

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Oh… Try me. I’ve been fattening up.”

Hoseok pokes at Kihyun’s stomach. “Oh, yeah, I can see that--”

Kihyun straightens up, flattens his hand over his stomach and caresses the shirt up and down. “Yep. Still handsome.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Hoseok pauses, and then laughs. “Shit, I’ve been hanging out with Wonnie far too much.”

“I can see that,” Kihyun scoffs, raises an eyebrow and looks Hoseok up and down. “It’s like you two swapped persona--Oh. God. You two swapped personalities. Oh no. Oh no!”

“Nah, he would still never eat cabbage.”

“My theory still stands.”

“Hug him and I’ll get back to you.”

 

\---

 

Dynamic. That’s something Kihyun knows he can count on. As long as he’s moving, as long as he’s _doing,_ he doesn’t have to think much, feel much, overthink. But the moment the lock clicks and that rusty spare key he got from Hoseok doesn’t crumble in his hand, Kihyun feels suddenly anxious.

A familiar scent flows by as the door moves away from the doorframe. It’s _home._ Home away from home. But still home.

Kihyun takes a deep shaky breath and notices his brain go mute the moment he places a hand on the wood and pushes the door open, slowly. Only his heart sounds loud in his ears. And, while Kihyun is glad to hear it beating, he’s also scared. He’s scared and that’s why his heart beats like it wants to race out of his chest and crawl under a rock.

The door clicks back, latches into place, as Kihyun steps in and leans his back on it. Everything looks… clean. Pristine, almost. But dark, as if no one’s home. And Kihyun knows it’s sunny outside, knows the sky is clean without a single cloud. But the house is dark, curtains shielding it from the outside.

Kihyun takes another deep, shaky breath, squeezes that rusty key in his hand and walks, slowly, into the living room, first. It feels like ages since he’s been here. And for him, it’s been ages. He glances around and then over his shoulder and notices the camera over the cupboard. It’s intact. _Of course it’s intact._

Something, noise, catches his attention then. And Ki-Kyun is curling his tail around Kihyun’s ankle less than a second later, meowing and purring and meowing and purring. Kihyun smiles and reaches down to pick up the kitten.

“You’ve gotten fatter,” Kihyun whispers and nuzzles in, rubs over the round, fluffy, tummy as Ki-Kyun stretches his paws and turns long and languid on Kihyun’s arms. “Missed you, too, little guy.”

“Oh,” a familiar voice sounds from the doorway. Just… sounds. “It’s you.”

Kihyun’s heart gives one loud thump as if to dispel his anxiety, and then he looks up. And it’s… strange. Anticipation is scary and it made him feel so many things. This? This is different. This is the present. And it’s happening. All Kihyun can do is react.

Changkyun’s hair is completely black again, peeks out from under the hoodie over his head and Kihyun’s not sure if it’s the lack of light, or just that everything Changkyun’s wearing matches his hair, but he looks pale. Hoseok was right, he looks… worse. Much worse. Even though there aren’t any bags under his eyes, he looks tired, looks at Kihyun, doesn’t move. Like an old black and white photo of him instead of the real thing.

The kitten tries to bite at the rusty key and the sound of teeth nibbling at metal startles Kihyun. He glances at Ki-Kyun and then puts him back down, sliding the key into one of the pockets of his jeans.

“He--Hey…” Kihyun says, looks down, clears his throat a little and looks back up, unsure.

But Changkyun’s already turned away. He flicks on the light in the kitchen and opens the cupboard door, puts the cat food down with a loud thud on the counter and closes the door with a swift flick that sounds, harsh and sharp, in the silence.

Kihyun glances at the floor, frowns a little. He’s not sure of what to say. Not sure Changkyun wants to hear whatever Kihyun needs to tell him. So, he asks; “Can we talk?” And looks up again.

Changkyun rolls his shoulders, bends down to fill Ki-Kyun’s bowl with food before he puts it back on the counter, leaning against it with his arms crossed. Changkyun’s face is blank, completely, even as he nods a little, doesn’t look at him.

Kihyun breathes in and takes a small step forward. “I’m sorry,” he starts, because he is so, so sorry. “It’s not an excuse and I’m not trying to excuse myself here… I just… I hurt you. I don’t know how much but I know I did and I’m sorry.”

Changkyun crosses his arms a little tighter, voice small. “A _lot_.”

Kihyun’s heart breaks a little. “Yeah… I… I’m sorry. I didn’t know…” _Come on, Kihyun, you know you can do better than that._ “I just--I thought--” But words are not working. Kihyun looks up at the ceiling and sighs. “It felt empty. I felt empty. I looked at you and _now_ I know it was you. But then I just… I looked at you, at all of you and felt like you weren’t really there. Just more lies. I spent so much time just seeing, hearing lies. Feeling them like real things… And… I know. It doesn’t excuse anything.” Kihyun looks at Changkyun. “But… I just want you to understand that… I didn’t mean to. If I knew…” _If I knew, I wouldn’t have looked away._

“Right,” Changkyun says slowly, nods slowly and for the first time there’s a shift in his face. The slight tension in his jaw. “You didn’t mean to look at me like I didn’t risk everything to get you back? Look at me like I’m a stranger. You didn’t mean to leave me in the dark. I had to just be happy knowing that you were alive. And yeah, I was, I am, it’s the only damn thing that has kept me going as I wait until _you_ decide I’m worth seeing...”

“What?” Kihyun shakes his head and takes another step forward. “No. That’s not--It’s not about worth. Damn it. I--” Kihyun stops himself. _Don’t get angry._

“You went through a lot,” Changkyun says, turns around. “It’s fine, I get it, I understand. I always do. I always understand, I always… do what you say, I always wait, I always--” Changkyun stops with a sigh.

_Of course… Of course… But--_

“You think you were the only one waiting…?” Kihyun feels his eyes burn a little, so he looks down. “I had to wait… for months. And then I forgot what I was waiting for. I waited for so long I just--I forgot. And suddenly I’m back but not really? And I had to wait again. Had to wait for this shit--” He slaps at the back of his head-- “To work properly, to remember properly, to _feel_ properly…”

“I haven’t felt a thing in twenty five days,” Changkyun says, sounding far away as he glances up again, but away before Kihyun can catch it. “Kihyun, I very recently realised that I love you too much. That you literally mean everything to me. That I’ll… stay when you tell me, go when you want me gone, wait when you want me to and save you when you ask. Forgive you for anything if you cry.”

“I don’t need you to forgive me,” Kihyun says, mumbles almost, heart fast in his chest. “I just… Want to go back to… Forever. And--” His eyes burn again. _Shit._ “And… If you’re angry at me then be angry. If you’re disappointed in me then so be it. And if… if you think you need time then… I’ll wait. Because now I know what I’m waiting for.” Kihyun swallows and it hurts. “It’s basically what I’ve been waiting for all my life, even when I didn’t know. But in the end I just… I want to go back to Forever.”

No sound except for Ki-Kyun meowing a little on the couch, the breeze rattling a window. And then Changkyun speaks, and it rattles, too; “I don’t--I don’t need time. I never did, I just--” Changkyun’s voice breaks, and he slides down the counter a little. “I needed you… That’s the problem with loving you too much, Ki...”

Kihyun gives a step back, shoulders slumping a little. “The…” _Problem._ “Oh… I see.” He looks down at his feet and feels a bit sick.

“I love loving you,” Changkyun says, voice small and a little broken. “It’s my favourite thing in the world. But then… But then I expect you to do that, too? And I shouldn’t, you’ve… You’ve been alive a lot longer than I’ve been, you have best friends you grew up with, somewhere else you can call home and I have--” Changkyun looks up and his face is just a damn wreck. Tears on his cheeks and lips trembling and pulling. “I have this. And then I didn’t. I didn’t have anything to fall back on. No comfort here. And I just… couldn’t handle it.”

Kihyun brings a hand up to his stomach, hopes the warmth of his hand will make the sick feelings pass. “I know… And I am sorry. I am. Be--Because I couldn’t be here for you when you needed me to. And if I’d known, if my head wasn’t weird I should have taken you with me… Because I needed to go but…” He takes a shaky breath in. “But you needed to come with me. But… No…” He shakes his head. _‘Problem.’_ “Is…” Kihyun looks up, doesn’t realize he’s crying until everything turns blurry. “Is it really a problem? Am I? A problem for you…”

Changkyun mouth pulls a little as he cries, shakes his head. “The biggest problem is… That I don’t mind.” Changkyun shrugs with a shaky breath. “I don’t mind that I love you too much…”

“Oh…” Kihyun blinks and the tears fall so he brings a hand up to clean his face.

“I--Because I know why you went. To your dad, I mean, I know why, and it’s fine--” Changkyun cuts himself off with a sniff, head back against the cupboard as the tears just keep falling. “Because I just wanted you to be okay again… So that I could be okay again.”

Kihyun shakes his head as if telling himself not to cry. But it’s not working very well so he sniffles to avoid looking like a waterfall. “I… I meant what, what I said, shit, I don’t know when I said it. But I remember saying and I meant it. Tha--That… Loving you is the best thing I’ll ever do.” He glances up but looks back down.

Changkyun shrugs again, hugging his legs. “Then do it…? Please?”

“I do… I do, I do, I do…” Kihyun sobs and frowns when he does. “I do… Because… Because you deserve it and because I want to. And even if I didn’t, I just do, because it’s so fucking effortless. And I’m so sorry… I’m sorry… But to do it, to do it I had to find myself again… Because… I’m the one who loves you, not whatever husk came back who couldn’t even remember your name…”

Changkyun visibly shrinks at that. Like the memory of that physically hurts.

“I’m sorry… I tried…”

“It’s okay...” Changkyun says softly, voice thick.

“I… I tried but…” Kihyun shrugs, looks around as he blinks as if that helps and shrugs again, arms loose by his sides. “It took a while to find all the pieces… And” He looks at Changkyun. “There’s just one left… Because to fit the one in the middle, I needed to find all the other ones. The ones that led to you.”

Changkyun lets out a breath and it shakes. “I… I get that, I do… It’s what I told myself. That I’d hurt myself even more if I had to see you like that but… I wanted to help you so much…”

Kihyun feels something catch up to him. “Do… do you still… _Right now_ . Do you need me right now? Do you want to help me right now?” He laughs a little, bitterly, mostly, and shrugs again. “I’m having trouble getting the last bit right…” He can’t do anything about the past. He can’t go back and fix it. But he can try to fix things right now. Make up for it in the future. “And if you don’t, it’s okay… I can…” _Go?_

In the same movement, Changkyun lifts his head, lifts his teary eyes to Kihyun’s and raises his arms with a small, “Mind helping me now, too?”

And Kihyun feels his face crumble even before he starts walking, the last few steps he runs them, and throws his arms around Changkyun’s neck, pulls him so close and so tight that it doesn’t matter--it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t tug anymore--but it’s been so long since he’s wanted to do it, do this.

_Home._

“I’m… I’m so sorry…” Kihyun says, sniffles a little then, “I missed you so much…”

Changkyun holds him tight as he shakes out a broken, desperate, “ _You died_ , Ki. You died and came back and then you left and it was too much, I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I couldn’t…”

“You’re so silly,” Kihyun smiles even though he’s crying and kisses the side of Changkyun’s neck before hiding his face there. “I promised, remember? _Always.”_

Changkyun smacks a hand a little playfully on Kihyun’s arm despite how he cries. “I--I was so happy you were okay… I’m so happy you’re back,” he bundles Kihyun up in his arms, pulls him as close as he can. “Please don’t go again… I can’t handle it if you look at me again and there’s just, just nothing, Ki…”

Kihyun squeezes and then lets go, leans back, pushes back a little just to look at Changkyun’s face. “I won’t,” He promises, lets the sleeves of his sweater cover his palms and then brings his wrists up to clean the tears away from Changkyun’s cheeks. “Where would I even go, Kyunie? Where would I even go…?”

“You--” Changkyun hiccups as he breathes, eyes scanning desperate over Kihyun’s face and then his bottom lip wobbles a little. “You were gone…”

“But you weren’t…” Kihyun says, scrunches his nose even though he’s crying, squishes Changkyun’s cheeks between his hands. “Even when I didn’t know… everywhere I looked I just… always thought of you. The sunsets. The sunrises. The rain. Stupid fizzle drinks… Kids laughing without a care in the world. Everything and everyone reminded me of you. Even when you weren’t there and even when I missed you terribly, you never really left me.”

Changkyun’s entire face crumbles and it’s almost silly, how he talks with his cheeks all squished up. “You’re my whole life, Kihyun… All the good things… I told you, I don’t care that you left, not really, I just--” Changkyun brings his hands up, too, thumbs soft on Kihyun’s cheeks. “Didn’t know how to live without a heart.”

_So dramatic. So silly. So you._

“Well…” Kihyun smiles a little and nuzzles in. “I’m… back now. Sorry for taking so long and…” He smiles when he leans back a little, squishes Changkyun a bit more between his hands and then smooches him. “Happy birthday, Kyunie. I love you.”

Changkyun laughs softly through his tears. “I--I love you, so much…” And pushes Kihyun just a little, pulls him back and pushes again. “Ugh! I missed you so much!”

Kihyun laughs, feels his heart beat loudly. _Joy._ And sadness, too. But it’s okay. Both are important. Just like light and shadow have no meaning without each other.

Kihyun runs his fingers through Changkyun’s hair and then pulls his head closer to kiss at his face and with that, Changkyun giggles a little.

And then Kihyun hears it like a cracking sound, something snaps and tugs and makes Kihyun fall closer to Changkyun. It’s feels familiar, a shift in axis, like the world is spinning. It makes Kihyun gasp a little. It makes Changkyun gasp a little, too. But it’s so familiar and so welcome that all Kihyun can say besides laughing a little is;

“Promise I’m not drunk.”

Changkyun traces Kihyun’s face with slightly wide eyes, the hands on Kihyun’s cheeks holding tighter, pulling closer. “Who needs it…” And firmly presses his lips over Kihyun’s and whimpers just a little. “It’s you,” he breathes, and presses forward again, “It’s you, it’s you,” and presses again, again, in small, desperate little kisses.

“Yeah,” Kihyun breathes, lets the little shield around his heart expand, lets the little lights float, blue and shiny and so free, like blue snow falling around them. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Kiss me?” Changkyun asks, soft and tracing his thumb over Kihyun’s bottom lip. “It’s okay that you needed time, it’s okay, just… kiss me.”

Kihyun smiles and bumps their foreheads, “You’re gonna have to stop me.” And then squishes Changkyun’s cheeks again.

“Why would I?”

“Shut up.”

Changkyun giggles again. “Why would I--”

Kihyun kisses him to shut him up, sighs against Changkyun’s lips and pulls Changkyun closer, pushes in with his tongue and sighs again. Kihyun knows he will never be able to make up for all the lost kisses, but he still kisses Changkyun as if he’s trying to.

_‘Boyfriends?’_

Changkyun smiles against his lips before kissing deeper with the stupid, logic-defying and incredibly _Changkyun_ words at the front of his thoughts. ‘ _Mind-husbands, you dummy.’_

The little lights bump against Changkyun’s skin and then Kihyun’s, but they keep kissing. They kiss until Kihyun takes a deep breath and then pulls back just a little, just enough to give a small peck at Changkyun’s lips. He looks up, their eyes lock, and Kihyun feels it, that little tug. It makes sense. After all, they don’t feel because of it. It feels because of them. And Kihyun is so glad it’s love and not hatred. And in that sense, he is luckier than God Himself. Luckier, than anyone, really.

“Look,” Changkyun whispers against his lips before another soft press, and purple lights float among the blue.

Kihyun looks around, eyes a little wide. It’s so beautiful… So warm. The little lights match with each other when they meet, float closer together, phase through each other back and forward just like merging galaxies.

“Thank you for saving me, Kyunie…”

“You saved me, too,” Changkyun smiles, leans forward to put their foreheads together. “I can’t…” Changkyun sniffles a little as he laughs. “Believe our big reunion is on the floor of our kitchen...”

“Maybe in some alternate universe you walked into the bedroom instead?” Kihyun jokes. _Jokes_ and feels himself relax, feels himself overflow with a stupid amount of happiness because _now_ , for the first time in days, in months, Kihyun feels the puzzle complete.

Life makes sense again. Not because they’re soulmates but because they _match._ And luckily, everything happens for a reason.

“There’s so much I wanna do…” Kihyun whispers, feels his eyes tear up a little again. “For the first time ever I can… kiss you without feeling like there’s a clock on our heads. Take you on stupid dates without feeling like any of them might be the last. Remember the Aquarium? I said I’d take you there and… in the end things kept happening and… I didn’t get to take you. And I _need_ to bring you with me to Goyang or my father will have me killed. And I probably need a new job… And I wanna see you sign up for uni or whatever you decide to do… And… all those things. Travel, kiss the shit out of you until you get tired even though I know you won’t.” A few tears roll down his face and he sniffles. “I wanna show you around Goyang. They’re gonna shove a wig on your head, please let them. They’re old and silly. And, and… and I’ll kick ass to whatever demon, angel, venom-like-Goddess shit tries to stop me from doing all of these with you. And… Damn it, I’ll dye my hair pink just so I can watch you swoon like an idiot.”

Changkyun melts a little, smile so small and sincere and eyes so openly vulnerable as he says, “I definitely, _definitely_ will. And see?” He points up at his head, traces a little infinity symbol in the air before reaching out to wipe away Kihyun’s tears with the soft sleeve of his hoodie. “We’ll have forever. To do all that and more. Preferably not _all_ of it in the kitchen.” Changkyun pouts a little, drags his thumb gently under Kihyun’s eye. “S-stop crying, it’s my birthday, I’ve cried enough for the whole damn year already…”

 _Forever._ Forever sounds so damn good.

“Well,” Kihyun sniffles and then opens his arms a little, “Tadah, I’m your present. Sorry… I didn’t get you anything. I promise I will.”

“I think you did, actually,” Changkyun smiles, leans in for another kiss and when he pulls back (Kihyun can _feel_ the reluctance, it’s so endearing) the ground is much softer because the ground isn’t what they’re sitting on, the bed is. “I was gonna--” Changkyun gestures vaguely before another kiss with a little laugh. “Show you but now that you mention it...”

Kihyun blinks, waves a lost blue little light away, slaps it away more likely, when it wiggles in front of his eyes. “What?”

“Missed you,” Changkyun says, then. “Sorry, the words keep playing in my mind like one of those annoying neon signs that just flash the same thing over and over.” He brings up his hand, fingers out and into a fist and out again like trying to imitate a flashing light; ‘Missed you’, ‘missed you’, ‘missed you’.”

“Me too,” Kihyun smiles, then pouts and brings his hands up to squish at Changkyun’s cheeks. “When I… left, when I fell… She--Hubris showed me Her memories. And… I felt everything as if they were my own. It was so confusing. And then that was over and you were the first person I thought of. But I couldn’t see you, couldn’t see anything so… I called for you, said your name so many times. And then Hubris answered for you, told me so many lies… showed me so many lies…” Kihyun soothes his thumb over Changkyun’s cheek and looks at it, the long scar across Changkyun’s cheek, easier to feel than to see. “I’m sorry She hurt you. I didn’t want Her to. And I couldn’t see you but I could hear you. And I just missed you so damn much… Minutes here, weeks in Hell, days in the limbo… I missed everyone, but I missed you the most.”

Changkyun squishes his cheek against the palm of Kihyun’s hand, smiles a little shyly. “I know the standards aren’t really high quite yet, but so far? Best birthday ever.”

Kihyun smiles and leans in to press his lips on Changkyun’s just for a little. “Is that a challenge? I’ll make the next one better than this one. And then the one after the next one, too. And so on and so forth.”

“Promises, promises,” Changkyun smiles. “Gonna kiss you again because I can,” and he does, before leaning away and to the side with a little smile. “And this is _actually_ why I brought us in here, although I am easily swayed,” Changkyun says, puts the picture album Kihyun had left under Changkyun’s pillow onto Kihyun’s lap. “I added some memories… While I was waiting, I guess...”

Kihyun blinks, thumbs at the hard edge of the album and sighs. He remembers doing this in the bathroom under the pretense of ‘cleaning’. A white little lie, he supposes, but in the end he always cleaned _something_ so not exactly a lie. He remembers wanting to feel hopeful but still making sure everything would work out even if he never came back. He remembers feeling desperate, confused with emotions that weren’t his own. And it was all so long ago…

“Show me?” He says, looks up and smiles as he scoots closer.

Changkyun smiles brightly at him and moves to get as close as he can before he opens the book. “I cried my eyes out when I found this thing, you know. Well, when Ki-Kyun did, I was just trying to sleep but that cat is incorrigible… Kept me going and all that. So thank you,” Changkyun says, presses a quick kiss to Kihyun’s cheek before turning to a page Kihyun quickly recognises.

Kihyun leans his head on Changkyun’s shoulder and sighs. “I cried my eyes out when I made this thing and then blamed it on the bleach I was using to clean the bathroom.” He gestures. “Yes, I made this on the toilet.” And snorts a laugh.

Changkyun laughs. “No wonder that place was spotless. Sorry for not carrying on the tradition, but I made this in bed. And I really hope you like your face because…” he turns the page that says _‘To many more memories to come.’_ and it’s just… all those polaroids Kihyun remembers Changkyun taking, pictures of Kihyun with Venice as the backdrop, selfies of the two of them laughing and kissing on cheeks and foreheads and later, lips. “I was... going through some shit, okay.”

“Please, I know I have a handsome face,” Kihyun says. “I just don’t… ‘care’ is not the word but... Then again, you’re a lot more handsome than I am.”

“Maybe,” Changkyun teases, pokes the tip of Kihyun’s nose. “But you’re beautiful. I’ve… missed saying that.” Changkyun makes to turn another page, peeks at it, rather, before closing the book. “Yeah, this is just embarrassing, nevermind.”

Kihyun gapes, leans back and gapes some more. “No. _Now_ you have to show me,” He reaches for the album, “Show me!”

Changkyun blushes red. Not even _pink_! Red! He glances down at the book. “It’s one of my… favourite pictures of you. Don’t kill me?”

“Promise I won’t. Now, show me.”

Changkyun opens the book with a shy smile, and Kihyun can see why. It’s him, which he expected, but... They’d made love the whole day, into the night, and Kihyun had fallen asleep naked. This must have been the next morning, early, early in the morning, too, with the sun shining through the curtains as he sleeps on his front, covers barely ‘covering’ anything, face smooched against the pillow and arm dangling off the side of the bed, bracelet catching the light.

Kihyun feels his face heat up and then glances away. “Ah…” Is what he manages to say. He hadn’t really thought about it yet, hadn’t reached that point yet, was too busy coming to terms with everything else but… “I guess I missed that, too.” He shrugs. “Just… waking up and looking at you first thing in the morning. That. I forgot what that feels like. But I know I missed it. Still do.”

Changkyun puts the book to the side, leans his weight onto Kihyun with a little sigh. “Haven’t been sleeping…” Changkyun shrugs. “Once or twice, but… Just couldn’t. I told you, I’ve never slept without you… Guess that wasn’t really an exaggeration as much as I just… _can’t._ ”

Kihyun squishes his cheek on Changkyun’s head and then slides down and pulls Changkyun with him, throws a leg around him and cuddles him. “Well… I’m here now. And… I wanna hear you talk all day and kiss you while you tell me things. Because I want to know everything and… hear your voice. And then I’ll make us dinner because I miss cooking and my father is very basic when it comes to food. And then… we’ll come to bed and sleep. And tomorrow I’ll wake up and look at your face until you wake up as well. And then I’ll make us coffee and… we’ll figure the rest out as we go. Sounds good?”

Changkyun moves a little to smile up at Kihyun. “That sounds amazing…” And then laughs soft, nuzzling into his chest. “I’m… so happy. Truly. Something like this felt so… out of reach. An hour ago, even, I thought I’d just spend the day on autopilot again…” He sighs a little against him, hand at Kihyun’s shirt, palm flat against him, gentle but grounding. “We should let Hoseok know you’re back… Hyungwon told him you’re with your dad but he still worries…”

“Nah,” Kihyun tilts Changkyun’s chin up and reaches to kiss him before pulling him close again. Kihyun rolls Changkyun on top of him, then, looks at his face and shoves black strands of hair away from his eyes. “I already went to him… And… I’m worried about him. Very, very worried. But… Today, at least today, it’s just us. Tomorrow, I’ll go back to worry again. But today? Yours. I owe you that much but I owe myself that, too. And… this? Right now? Worth everything, yeah? Don’t ever let anyone, nor yourself, not even me, make you think otherwise. Because I swear I’ll kick their asses and my own if I have to.” Kihyun sighs, looks at Changkyun’s lips and then at his eyes. “I’m looking at you right now and I just feel so damn lucky… And all I can think of is… _we made it.”_

Changkyun breathes out, shaky even as he smiles, gently touches at Kihyun’s cheek with his fingertips. “You always know what to say…”

“Pretty sure that’s you,” Kihyun smiles back. “We made it…” He pokes Changkyun’s nose with his own.

“You’re perfect for me, too,” Changkyun says, lips soft on his cheek. “I never got to say that…”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kihyun squeezes Changkyun and laughs. “Now tell me, I wanna know. Hyungwon did a poor job and just blabbed about things I already knew. But…” Kihyun kisses Changkyun’s cheek. “I wanna know about you and… all the things you can do now. And--And what the hell happened to Jooheon and Minhyuk? Hoseok told me a bit, but...” Kihyun pauses. “Mmm… Joohyuk. Let’s call them that?”

Changkyun laughs, wiggles a little to make himself cozy using Kihyun’s body as glorified pillow, fingers playing idly at Kihyun’s hair. “Sure, why not. Do you know about the miracles? They both fell, lost their wings but still managed to give their miracles first. Although I guess Minhyuk couldn’t fall _twice_ , but he still gave up the wings. Apparently you gave them to him. Or, at least, it was your idea.”

“Hubris told me, sort of…” Kihyun nods. “In the end, I guess She knew… The last thing She said to me was… _‘You won the fight. I’ll win the war’_... As for Minhyuk… I don’t remember giving him anything. But… Maybe I did. It’s complicated.” Kihyun sighs. “I couldn’t see what was happening. I was seeing things, sometimes, but they were all lies… Thoughts. Like dreams…”

“Hey,” Changkyun says, gentle, letting his hand trail down from Kihyun’s hair to his forehead, the line of his eyebrows, and down his cheek. “It’s okay now… I’m real,” Changkyun smiles, cheeks dimpling. “Not a dream.”

“I know…” Kihyun smiles. “And all it took were six packs of orange juice. Hyungwon. That’s what he got me. And in a way,” Kihyun kisses Changkyun again, “In a way, I’m glad it was him there. Don’t misunderstand. I missed you. And… Hoseok, too. But… Hoseok always tries to help even when he should just sit quietly and wait. And you… there was so much… so many feelings connected to you that whenever I tried to think about it I felt like I was going to explode. So… I’m glad Hyungwon stayed. I’m just sorry I couldn’t come back like you needed me to.”

“Remember when I said right now was the most important thing?” Changkyun asks and then sighs. “That. The past is over, you’re here right now, and hey--” Changkyun pokes a little at Kihyun’s stomach. “You said you’re gonna make it up to me,” Changkyun grins wide, pokes again and Kihyun wiggles, pokes at Changkyun, too.

“Yes, yes, now go on. Sorry…” He mumbles on Changkyun’s cheek and then squishes his own against it. “Soooooooooft.” He giggles. “Sorry. Go on.”

“So cute,” Changkyun giggles, too, squishes himself against Kihyun for a second before smacking at his cheek. “Okay, yes, going on. So Joohyuk…” He tilts his head a little. “Got what they always wanted, I guess..? For some reason--and Shownu’s seriously looking into it--but when we stepped out of the warehouse, the world was… fine. No burning skies, nobody had died, it was like it never happened. I’m sure you noticed but nobody besides us even remembers anything. It was like we’d just stepped out of the eye of a storm that had never even happened.”

“Ah… yeah, that explains it…” Kihyun wiggles them both a little. “There was nothing on the news. My father didn’t mention anything either besides… Well. I showed up covered in black and red, I guess I had to explain that bit. But he just nodded and took it in stride. I didn’t tell him I had an actual ghost of a Goddess inside my body. Shit. He thinks there’s only one God. Imagine if I told him one dude couldn’t do all this on his own...”

“I’ve managed to keep Jooheon away from churches and Christians,” Changkyun sighs, dramatic. “Please don’t break the poor man…”

“Is it bad that I don’t care _how_ it happened? Whatever miracle made it right and fixed the world… Well, you guys did but...” Kihyun looks at Changkyun’s face. “I’m just so glad it’s over… And that everyone is safe.”

Changkyun’s face crumbles just a little. A frown, his bottom lip jutting out a little. “I’m… I’m so sorry about what happened with Hoseok…”

Kihyun’s heart squeezes, his eyes flick across Changkyun’s face. “No… No, baby, no…” He holds Changkyun close and hugs him tight. “It’s not your fault. And it’s not… my fault either. Please, don’t blame yourself. You did so good, you fought so well… for the both us.”

Changkyun relaxes a little in his arms. “I… I almost lost you. If it wasn’t for Minhyuk...”

“But you didn’t,” Kihyun says, swallows hard against the feeling in his throat. “‘Right now’, Kyunie. ‘Right now’...”

Changkyun nods. “Sorry… Sorry, yeah, I’m…” He laughs softly. “Thanks for reminding me…” He takes a breath and leans back to look at Kihyun again. “I don’t care either. But I’m glad it worked out the way it did... “ His eyes widen a little, and he smiles, bright. “Kihyun! Hoseok and Hyungwon! Hoseok, actually, he--” Changkyun bounces a little, excited. “He can touch Hyungwon now! Side effect of touching death is being able to, well, touch death.”

“Yeah, I know, but… Ugh I still don’t know how to feel about that,” Kihyun says, looking aside and frowning. “I mean, I’m happy for them but at the same time it’s like… Being happy that Hubris killed-- _Ugh!”_

Changkyun shrugs. “With our lives? Dying is like. Who hasn’t, right? Hyungwon killed me, too. Just for a second, though!”

Kihyun pauses. “He… what?” And glares at Changkyun. “Why?!”

Changkyun lifts a hand and Kihyun’s eyes widen as he sees him phase--smoke purple instead of black but _definitely_ the same as what Hyungwon himself can do. “This saved my life a few times. He just needed to rewrite my soul’s… code a bit. Or whatever.”

“Hm,” Kihyun frowns, pushes down a huge amount of overprotectiveness. Will still kick Hyungwon for it though, because Kihyun bets the asshole fucking enjoyed that.

“Those were dark times, Kihyun,” Changkyun sighs a little, kisses at Kihyun’s forehead. “Saw some angel dick, died a little, got a tattoo, kind of--” Kihyun headbutts him.

“Wait, wow, wow, wow, what?” He pushes Changkyun back. “What?”

Changkyun blinks, hand to his forehead. “Which bit?”

“All of it?” Kihyun shakes him. “So they have dicks?! And you just tell me now?!”

Changkyun laughs, a high pitched thing. “See! I knew you weren’t the jealous type. Fucking Hyungwon, honestly…’

“Oh.” Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “I am. But… only if--nevermind. They have dicks! Oh… I am going to have a blast with Minhyuk next time I see him…”

Changkyun scoffs. “Yeah, angel dick is a thing. Jooheon rolled around in mud because he’s scared of insects and then I had to shower him before he ruined the house.” Changkyun blinks. “He saw my dick, too. Bathed me in holy water. Man, those were wild times.”

“What the fuck…” Kihyun slaps his own face and laughs. “Wait. You thought I’d be pissed?”

“No,” Changkyun laughs, too, starts pulling his hoodie over his head for… some reason. “Hyungwon did. He started getting all protective of you, I guess?” His words muffle a little as he pulls the hoodie off, throws it to the side. “When Jooheon and I became friends. I was _offended_.”

Kihyun glances at the moles on Changkyun’s arm, the ones his white t-shirt isn’t hiding anyway. “Ah… yeah. Well, don’t worry. I mean, it’s not like I’ll be overly fond if you’re staring at dicks every time you have the chance but…”

“I was not! It was just there, and I noticed.”

“Shame, I would have stared,” Kihyun admits with a snort.

“You have a thing about dicks, man, I’m not going to question it,” Changkyun scoffs, pulls his shirt over his head.

“Like I was--” Kihyun pauses and raises an eyebrow and then glances at the curtains-- “Like I was saying… Boyfriends, remember? And that means trust. So… I don’t really care.” He looks at Changkyun again and smiles a little. “As long as Forever is with me.”

“Always,” Changkyun says, leans forward to kiss Kihyun like a promise. “Wanna see the runes? It’s kinda cold in here…”

“I was wondering why all the stripping--” Kihyun laughs and gestures.

“Didn’t hear any complaints, though…”

“Why would I complain? Come on, show me. I am ready to face damnation.”

Changkyun laughs, leans back with eyes turned into near crescents. “ _What_? How does--Nevermind, lemme just--” Changkyun sits back a little, before turning where he is until he’s completely facing away from Kihyun. “What do you think?”

“Oh, _wow,”_ Kihyun says before his thoughts catch up to him. He knows he’s staring, gaping, even. He hadn’t expected that. Then again… _wow._

A wolf. _A wolf?_

“That’s…” He reaches for the wolf at the top, between Changkyun’s shoulder blades. _That’s so you,_ Kihyun thinks, trails his fingers down Changkyun’s spine, down the lines that look like vines, boarding an incredible amount of runes. “What… what are they for?” He asks, mind buzzing, dark whispers in his memory, whispers that make him squint;

_‘I call upon the giant of the night, full and free of blight.’_

Kihyun’s heart skips a beat. _What._

“I don’t get tired as easily using my powers,” Changkyun breathes, sits up a little straighter at Kihyun’s touch, goosebumps on his arms and he shivers, just a little. “A lot of different wards, things like that…”

Kihyun smiles a little, breathes the thoughts in his head away. He missed this, too. It’s not even _like that._ It’s just… _touch._ And theirs, all of them, have always held so much meaning. Like unspoken words, feelings before they’re actually felt, an island for a small boat to anchor during a storm in a very dark sea.

“I love it,” He says, softly, lets his fingers trail all the way down to Changkyun’s lower back and then lets his hand fall to his own side. “It’s beautiful.” And strangely familiar… Like Kihyun’s seen it before. But he ignores that, too.

“Th--” Changkyun clears his throat, looks over his shoulder with a little smile. “Thank you.” He leans back a little then, like falling back into Kihyun’s gravity.

“Gonna have to have a word with--Shownu did that?” Kihyun asks.

“Mhm,” Changkyun hums. “Silver needle. Wait, why does it sound like you’re gonna scold him?”

“He just made my hot boyfriend ten times hotter! There are _rules_ to this, you can’t just… upgrade like that.”

Changkyun’s legs curl up as he laughs, turning a little to his side. “Kihyun! That’s--!” He laughs again.

“What?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow at him. “I am right. You know I’m right.”

“God, I missed you,” Changkyun keeps laughing, reaches up to pull Kihyun closer for a sloppy upside down kiss. “Hey,” he starts, then, waggles an eyebrow. “Maybe you should get a rune or two..?”

“Maybe?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow again. “Can’t possibly compete with that, though. I’ll have to wear leather for the rest of my life, or whatever.” Kihyun snorts. He feels so silly. But he missed being silly.

“Kihyun,” Changkyun says, oddly serious. “I’m gonna say a thing, and you are not allowed to judge me for it.”

“I’m worried…” Kihyun admits, scoffs. “Go on…”

“Demon you? _Really_ sexy.”

_What._

“Pffft--” Kihyun laughs. “Wha--What? You-- _Why?_ ”

“I don’t know! Your hair was all slicked back the whole time and you were dressed like--like!” Changkyun throws his hand up. “Some succubus!”

“Oh my god…” Kihyun falls to his side and laughs, hands over his face, cheeks probably a little red. “Why! Ugh… I hope Hubris didn’t make… didn’t do anything weird with my body.”

“Didn’t have enough time, I think, don’t worry,” Changkyun assures, smooths a hand up and down Kihyun’s leg. “Jokes aside, it was… weird. You looked hot and all but it wasn’t _you_ so it was just…” Changkyun shivers. “Creepy...”

“Glad to know Hubris made me up to ‘hot’ standards. At least that’s something.”

Changkyun raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Do you forget that I called you unbearably sexy? This was most definitely pre-Hubris. And! The second day, with the plate. Definitely always been sexy.” Changkyun nods. “I can always get the picture album again…”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and pulls the sleeves of his sweater over his hands before wiggling his arms in front of Changkyun’s face. “Yeaaaaah, look at meeeeee, so hot.”

Changkyun melts against him. “Uuugh, sweater paws, the deepest kink of my heart.”

“Sometimes you say the weirdest things and-- _God_ , I missed you so fucking much…” Kihyun says, clings to Changkyun and pulls him closer. He missed being more than just ‘okay’. He missed Forever. Because Forever is curled up in bed where the world doesn’t reach. He missed knowing there’s a place to go back to whenever it gets tough. He missed home away from home.

Changkyun pushes himself up enough to flip himself over, take Kihyun’s face between his hands again as he straddles his hips. “Nothing will make us have to miss each other ever again. Nothing and no one.” Changkyun smiles, then, sugary sweet. “You know what else I missed? Telling you how much I love you. And then you calling me sappy for it or whatever. But I do. And I’ll never get tired of saying it, never not feel it. I love you, love you, _love_ you.”

Kihyun smiles, pokes at Changkyun’s navel, “I love you, too, you sappy, silly, silly demon. Always. And forever.”

Changkyun laughs a little, squirming away from Kihyun’s finger. “Stop it, I’m delicate.”

“Delicate, he says,” Kihyun snorts and then sighs, places his hand over Changkyun’s chest, over his heart. “Only in here.”

The one side of Changkyun’s smile turns up just a little more, dimpling his cheek. “Yep! But I’m clumsy,” Changkyun says a bit softer, takes the hand on his chest and kisses Kihyun’s palm. “That’s why you have to take care of it.”

“Haven’t been doing a very good job, apparently, but…” Kihyun’s eyes go between his hand and Changkyun’s face. “I will. From now on, I will.”

“You always did, I was just,” Changkyun pouts a little. “Like I said, love you too much.”

Kihyun huffs a breath through his nose and smiles. “Just don’t forget yourself, too.”

“Pff,” Changkyun waves a hand, looking up a little and to the side. “I’m awesome. Who wouldn’t love all this.” And as if to accentuate his point, wiggles a little on Kihyun’s lap.

Kihyun looks up as if to roll his eyes and lets his hand fall over his chest. “You know what I meant. Although… I get it. Me too. We just… show it in different ways.”

“What,” Changkyun asks with a little glint in his eyes. “Self-love?”

“No,” Kihyun pokes at Changkyun’s navel again, “I love you too much, too. Sometimes at my own expense… Which kind of goes against who I am? So it gets messy. The difference is, I’ve had a whole life to learn how focus and compensate. But if you had told me you didn’t want to… you know--What I mean is,” Kihyun sighs with a little exasperation and glances at the curtains, at the light that barely manages to slip through, “I was scared to come back… ‘Cause I didn’t know how much I’d hurt you. And… I didn’t… _want_ to have you tell me something like… I don’t know. That would have been… yeah.” He looks back at Changkyun. “You’re the person I trust the most. If, suddenly, I didn’t have that… I don’t know what I’d do.”

Changkyun hangs his head a little, bumps his forehead on Kihyun’s, softly. “That’s… what I felt, too. Not that you’d broken my trust, I guess? More that… you didn’t trust me. When I saved you and you--you _left,_ I didn’t know what to feel and Hyungwon told me to get over myself and so I tried to do that, tried to be rational, but I haven’t had much… experience with heartbreak.” Changkyun scoffs a little. “Not to sound dramatic or anything.” Changkyun bumps his forehead against Kihyun’s again. “Just glad you came back…”

“Yeah, me too…” Kihyun breathes, smiles a little and pokes at Changkyun’s navel, _again._ “But I would have. Even if just to have you kick me away. I would have. I promised.”

“Yeah, you _did_ ,” Changkyun emphasises with trying to find Kihyun’s belly-button. At least, that’s what Kihyun thinks he’s doing. All he does is poke at Kihyun’s tummy, before frowning a little and lifting his shirt. “How did I miss that…”

“How did you save the world?” Kihyun chuckles, slowly pushes his sweater back down, “If you can’t even hit that?” He pauses. “Oh wait…”

“If only the seal had been your belly button, right?” Changkyun laughs, making as if to lift Kihyun’s sweater again. “Peek-a-boo,” he sing songs. “Missed you, too~.”

“You’re silly,” Kihyun laughs, ruffles at Changkyun’s hair, swallowing a little and pushing some stupid worry down. “Hey, kiss?”

“No slap on the thigh?” Changkyun jokes just before he leans in, arms up around Kihyun’s neck as he presses his lips against Kihyun’s, tongues softly at the seam with a deep breath in through his nose. Kihyun leans back just a little, searches Changkyun’s face for, well, nothing really, he’s just looking at him, and then nuzzles in, closes his eyes when he does and smiles.

“Didn’t wanna get violent just yet. I mean…” Kihyun shrugs. “It’s not even been two hours.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, leans forward for a small, quick kiss. “What, so we have the rest of our lives for you to smack me around?”

“Well… Yes?”

“Nice,” Changkyun chuckles, and the next kiss lingers a little but stays soft, unassuming and sweet. When he pulls away, he smiles, moves some hair out of Kihyun’s eyes. “Welcome home, baby.”

 

\---

 

Suddenly the house is alive. For a long time, it felt a lot like some… sacred shrine, that Changkyun just had to upkeep. He’d kept it spotless, of course, gone about his days as usual but now? The lights are on, the windows are open, it _feels_ alive. Even Ki-Kyun seems… Better.

With Kihyun gone, Ki-Kyun had just slept, oftentimes on the bed where Changkyun would lay for hours and pretend he was sleeping knowing he can’t.

Suddenly, the house feels like _home_.

Changkyun leads Kihyun to the kitchen, hands over his eyes and smiling because he knows it’s silly but he loves it, missed being silly and normal and just… happy. “I cheated and opened it earlier, even though Hoseok said I could only use it _on_ my birthday, but I am a demon so, you know, it is what it is. You’ll _love_ it.”

“I’m… scared…” Kihyun says and laughs when he does.

“Hoseok is the best gift giver _ever_ , you know this.”

“Debatable,” Kihyun says and then admits, “Although… Sometimes, yes. I quite literally had to _train_ him to make him realize that practical gifts are always better than… Well, nevermind.”

“We never did use all those condoms…” Changkyun muses, turns Kihyun around by the shoulders. “You can open your eyes.”

And Kihyun does, at least Changkyun thinks so because Kihyun gives a small step forward, “No way… He got _you_ a Nespresso machine?” Kihyun gapes, reaches for the packs of capsules laying over the counter. “That’s it, I’m handing him over to you. He gives you clothes! And then this? What the--Shit. It’s a really good present.”

“Right?” Changkyun laughs. “It’s _ours_ now, though, so don’t get too--” Changkyun gestures vaguely in the air. “Y’know. That thing you do.”

“I will totally get _that thing I do,”_ Kihyun says even though there’s no bite. He turns the packs around to read them. “I have no idea what any of this mean--Arpeggio? Anyway, now I wanna try them all,” He glances over, eyes all shiny, “Can I? I know it’s your present but…” He looks back at the packs and opens of the them. “The pods are so colorful.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow, amusement tugging at his lips. “I haven’t used it yet, I was waiting for you.” He notices Kihyun pause for a moment before he goes on with peeking into all the other packs. He stops, though, grabs all the packs and hands them to Changkyun, shoves them all on him.

“Then, _please,_ go ahead and try them all?”

Changkyun shoves them back. “No, you dummy, I was waiting for _you_ to do it! I googled this thing, it’s expensive, I’m not gonna incur anybody’s wrath for breaking it!”

Kihyun looks up with shiny eyes again, pouting, too. “You sure?” He asks as he places the packs on the counter.

“Yes!” Changkyun laughs, pokes at Kihyun’s cheek. “Now, please, _please_ make us coffee? Literally anything, go mad.”

“Alright,” Kihyun beams and turns to stare at the coffee machine, leans down, elbows on the counter to stare at it from every angle. “Pick whichever one you’d like and pick one for me, too.”

Changkyun leans forward to look at all the little pods. “I have no idea what any of them are… Er… This one,” he says, then, pointing at a brown one he picks up, studies from all angles. “Whatever it is.” _The colour of your eyes, for one_. “Aaaaaand…” Changkyun pouts, tilts his head. So many tiny little pods. What do they mean. What do they even do.

Kihyun reaches for the jar with water nearby and turns a little as he explains, “Okay, see this container at the back? You fill it with water. Never past this line though.” And he does exactly what he’s saying. “Fetch me a cup--mug--something that’ll take warm liquids, please.”

Changkyun listens, picks two coffee cups from the cupboard and puts them down, mouth turned up in a smile. He’s missed having Kihyun teach him how to do things, even silly things like making coffee.

Kihyun reaches for one of the cups and places it in the coffee machine, under the little tap. “Okay, soooooo… Brown one, was it?”

Changkyun leans forward on his elbow, watching Kihyun. He can’t stop smiling. “Mmmhm,” Changkyun hums. “Indeed.”

“Okay, you open this compatiment here, see on the lid? You gotta place them the right way.”

“The right way,” Changkyun nods, watches the way Kihyun pouts when he speaks. “Yep, gotcha.”

“You shove it in there--again, the right way,” Kihyun warns. His eyebrows move so much. “And then you close this and…” He reaches back for the cord and tiptoes a little to plug it in. A little light appears at the top and then it turns green. “Alright,” Kihyun leans back and squints, frowns at the machine. He points. “This button is for short coffees… whatever they’re called. This one for half cups and this one will fill a mug.” He tilts his head. “I’m guessing the shorter it is, the stronger it is, too. So watch that.”

“I’m watching,” Changkyun nods, eyes on the way the sun makes some of Kihyun’s brown hair seem golden. “Definitely watching. You’re enjoying this, aren’t you.”

Kihyun glances over, catches Changkyun’s eyes on him and leans back, blinks and frowns, lips threatening to smile. “Did you even listen to what I said? Or is it all just blablabla, to you…”

“I’m listening,” Changkyun smiles brightly. “I’m just admiring, as well. Do continue.”

Kihyun slaps Changkyun’s arm. Changkyun sometimes forgets how much those slaps actually hurt, even if playful. “Shut up and press the button--Not that one! The one in the middle.”

Changkyun pouts as he rubs at his arm purposefully before pressing the button. “I was listening…” And suddenly everything smells like coffee and nothing else matters. He melts a little, watches the cup fill up. “Uuuuuugh, why did you have to get me so addicted to this stuff? Day one and you were already giving me coffee.” And then there’s a soft, warm press of lips on his cheek.

“That was the first thing we shared, my love for coffee.” Kihyun grins. “Besides my bed, of course. I love my bed, too. Took me a whole afternoon to pick the right mattress.”

“Glad we haven’t broken that yet, then,” Changkyun says, turning his face to smile at Kihyun, just a _little_ cocky. Not too much. Just a smidge.

Kihyun glances at the Nespresso machine and nods. “There you go.”

“Thank you,” Changkyun says but doesn’t look away. “Hey, is it bad that I’m glad things feel… the way they did before? Better, actually… Thought things would be tenser or weird or whatever but I should have known we’d just…” Changkyun smiles again, shrugs a little. “Be us.” Kihyun smiles at that and Changkyun can’t tell if it’s a sad smile or a happy one just a little on the soft side.

Kihyun gives a small shrug. “Don’t we always?” He glances over and then away. “We talk about things… so that helps. But also… Isn’t this just the best part? The little things. I don’t know. I always find myself trying to fall back to this.”

“Me too,” Changkyun says, soft. “I’m just glad we could, is all. And yes. It’s the best. The absolute best thing,” he adds.

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “It’s not like we argued. I mean we kinda did a while ago but… It’s not like we broke up. It’s not like we go in our own way… So… I’m not surprised it’s this easy. I’d be worried if it wasn’t.”

Changkyun looks away to carefully take the coffee cup out from the machine. It smells _amazing_. “Yeah… Pick one for me? I only picked one and this is yours.”

Kihyun hums as he looks between the other packs, brings a hand up up grab at his own shoulder. “The black one… Milano?” He tilts his head. “Yeah, Milano. Go on, you do it this time.”

Changkyun takes the pod, horrified by the knowledge that if he screws this up, his arm will definitely get another smack. But he was paying attention… Right? Changkyun opens the lid, puts the pod in and when he looks to Kihyun, there’s no smack incoming, so he assumes it’s the right way. He moves the other cup under the tap and looks to Kihyun before pressing the button he had before. “Tada?” And that earns him another kiss on the cheek.Changkyun blinks, points at the machine. “I can make another one, if you want.”

Kihyun reaches a little down his back, smiles but, for a second, there was a glimpse of something else. “You know you just need to ask if you want me to kiss your face.”

“I always want you to kiss my face, we’d never get anything _done_ around here.” Changkyun tilts his head, though, reaches to put his hands on Kihyun’s waist. Still not used to that, being able to just touch if he wants to.

Kihyun reaches for the cup once the machine stops and then glances at Changkyun. “Yours.”

And this is Kihyun. So, Changkyun knows that the choice of words, the tilt of lips and the way Kihyun quickly glances away suggests ‘yours’ doesn’t just mean the coffee.

So, with a soft smile Changkyun leans in, kisses at line of Kihyun’s jaw and says, “Mine.”

Kihyun smiles and smells the coffee he picked for Changkyun before he hands it over. “They smell so different. So nice… Gimme mine.”

Changkyun hands it over, gestures with his head to the living room. “Wanna go sit on the balcony?”

Kihyun blinks. His eyes shine so much. It’s hard to believe they were red just a few weeks ago. Now they’re just… clean, shiny and a brown so warm it makes Changkyun’s heart melt. “Have I told you that,” Kihyun blows at his coffee but keeps his eyes on Changkyun, “I love you? Yeah. Balcony.”

Changkyun blinks, a little surprised but delighted just the same. “I love you, too. Now come on,” Changkyun says, headed to the big sliding doors. “I haven’t been cleaning pigeon poop off the railing for nothing.”

“Again,” Kihyun grins and nods towards the balcony as he starts making his way there. “I love you.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, despite the warmth in his chest as he opens the door for them. “I say anything, you say I love you. ‘I wore your t-shirt to sleep in the night you left’, ‘I love you’, ‘I took Ki-Kyun for his vaccination injections’, ‘I love you’... Not that I’m _complaining..._ ”

Kihyun steps outside and closes his eyes when the breeze washes by. “Hmmm,” He hums and then sighs, looks around, smiles and sits down, careful so he doesn’t spill the coffee as he tries to cross his legs. “Because those things make me feel all warm inside? Because you remember. Because you’re responsible. And because you’re adorable. And while you might think it’s natural… it really isn’t. So, it’s my way of telling you I notice that you remember, that you try to be responsible and it’s a way of thanking you too, for being adorable.” He pauses to sip at his coffee. “I love you because of that and a lot more. And I will love you despite everything else.”

 _God, I missed this_ . Changkyun feels his ears redden and he slowly sits down next to Kihyun, to put his cheek on Kihyun’s shoulder and just _feel._ It had been so easy to just turn it all off, to just walk around on autopilot like demons are supposed to but he’d take this any day. This and all the pain, as long as this is where it all ends up.

“Despite, huh?” Changkyun teases softly, takes a sip of his coffee. It’s… _Wow. Thanks, God, you did something right, at least_. “I love you, too, just… just by the way. And you saying it makes me all warm inside, too.” Changkyun scoffs. “It’s going to be sappy emo hours for a while, isn’t it?”

“Isn’t it always with us?” Kihyun chuckles, squishes his cheek on Changkyun’s head.

“Sappy, emo, and hornt. The only three emotions.”

“I am taking that phone away from you… and that laptop.”

Changkyun laughs. “Hey, no fair, it’s not the phone or the laptops fault for giving me words for the way I feel, towards _you_ , might I add.” Changkyun looks up. “ _Loml._ ” It sounds more like ‘low-mill’, though.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Kihyun shivers. “Gosh… I swear, tell me you’re hornt and I will kick you out of this house.”

“You call it ‘bumping uglies’ and it’s _fine_ , but _noooo_ …”

“I only do so because Hyungwon does and he rubbed off on me during high school.”

“Heh, _rubbed off on me_.”

 _“Im Changkyun,_ I will have you hanging upside down…” Kihyun warns, glances over and then rolls his eyes and looks away to smile. “Silly…” He mumbles, downs the rest of his coffee in one go and then scrunches his nose and shivers. “Ah, that was so nice.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Changkyun smiles, finishes his own to put the cup down and properly nuzzle, unimpeded by very hot drinks (and yes, Changkyun _had_ learned that the hard way). He looks over the balcony railing, the sun high in the cloudless sky that looks warm but isn’t. “I’ll get us all kinds of pods or whatever and we try one every day,” Changkyun nods. “Sounds good, right?”

Kihyun is looking up at the sky when he smiles and starts bouncing a like back and forward. “Yep. I like that.”

And again, Kihyun is just… so beautiful. Changkyun smiles as if to himself, watching Kihyun’s profile next to him and reaching out to soothe a hand over his shoulders, down his back. But then Kihyun jolts a little, eyes going a little wide as he leans away from Changkyun’s touch.

“Wha--” Kihyun starts, blinks and then his eyes go even wider and he looks away. “Sorry. You startled me.”

Changkyun retracts his hand like it had just been burnt, holds it in the other. He looks at Kihyun with wide eyes he knows must look as worried as he feels. “I’m sorry…” Hyungwon had warned him Kihyun would be a bit… jumpy. Maybe a little different, despite that things feel the way they always had. “Maybe you should just… tell me when to touch you,” Changkyun smiles a little, looks away because he knows it probably doesn’t look very genuine. “Like the good old times, you know?”

“No…” Kihyun mumbles. “I don’t know.” He sighs, face relaxing and then glances over. “It’s okay… It’s just that…” He looks away again. “Please, don’t stop.”

So, Changkyun reaches over, just for his hand, just a light touch. “Kihyun, why do you look scared…?”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip and turns his hand to hold Changkyun’s and squeeze at it. “There’s… something I need to show you.” He looks up at the sun. “It was gonna come up eventually, I guess... I just didn’t want to… ruin the mood or whatever.”

Changkyun smiles a little, reassuring as he squeezes Kihyun’s hand. “What could ruin our mood, mm? After all the shit we’ve been through? Show me… Please?”

Kihyun smiles a little, still looking a little jumpy, and grabs at his cup as he gets up, tugging at Changkyun’s hand when he does. “Inside.”

Changkyun grabs his own cup, nods with a little frown and follows Kihyun all the way to the bedroom, where Kihyun glances at the big, glass windows but leaves the curtains open.

Changkyun wants to say a lot of things, like ‘ _it’s fine, I don’t care, whatever it is, we’ll deal with it’_ and all that, but he has no idea what he’d even _be_ comforting so he just… waits. Mostly, it feels like Changkyun’s just telling himself that. It’s the truth, but he knows Kihyun knows it, anyway.

“The balcony too much PDA for you?” Changkyun teases around the tension in the room.

Kihyun chuckles, a breathy laugh. He pulls his sweater over his head, the shirt underneath climbing a little before it slides back down. “Something like that…” He seems to be hesitating, even with his back turned, Changkyun can tell Kihyun is hesitating. “Do you know what… a phantom limb is?”

Changkyun shakes his head. “No, sorry, haven’t reached that wikipedia entry yet…”

Kihyun looks over and his eyes seem distant, like he’s not really there. “It’s the sensation that a missing limb is… still attached. Like, if suddenly you lost your arm, your brain would still react as if it’s there.” He looks away and then down at the floor. “That’s… more of less how it feels, except it’s the other way around…” And then Kihyun pulls his shirt over his head.

“Your wings...” Changkyun breathes. Of course. God, sometimes he’s so _dumb_.

“Not mine, no…” Kihyun says, head down as the shirt slides from his hand to the floor.

On his back, on his shoulder blades, two thick scars, like two crescent moons, healed but not nearly enough. It looks like someone burnt the skin. Where once there were wings, now nothing, just scars to remember.

Kihyun raises his head but doesn’t make to turn around. “Hubris’.”

Changkyun takes a small step forward but stops himself, unsure about the swirl of emotion in his chest, unsure what to do with it. But then he remembers Kihyun’s face at the mention of not touching him anymore, so he reaches out as slowly, as gently as he can, to trail his fingertips over one of the scars.

“Sometimes…” Kihyun says even as he visibly tenses under Changkyun’s touch. “They hurt a little. And then… when I think I’ve forgotten, if someone touches my back, it… It feels like they’re still there.” Kihyun glances over his shoulder. “Just now, when we were outside and you touched me? I didn’t… I forgot that was you and I thought…” He looks away again. “I’m sorry. I know they’re not very pretty…”

The fingers trailing over the scars still, before Changkyun flattens his hand against the skin, leans forward to place a soft kiss at the nape of Kihyun’s neck. “I won’t touch them if you don’t want me to, Kihyun,” Changkyun says. “But I, in no way, want you to think that I don’t still think every single inch of you is beautiful.”

Kihyun sighs, hand reaching to scratch at where Changkyun kissed him. “You can, if you want to… As long as it doesn’t bother you.”

“All it does is remind me how happy I am that you’re here, Kihyun,” Changkyun sighs, kisses a little lower, between Kihyun’s shoulder blades and feels Kihyun shiver a little. “Reminds me how strong you are, how much we had to fight so we could have this… It doesn’t bother me, Kihyun,” Changkyun says, ducks down a little to kiss at the scarred skin, one side and then the other, before smoothing his hand over it and putting his chin on Kihyun’s shoulder. “I love you, because and despite. But this is most certainly not the latter.”

Kihyun leans his head on Changkyun’s. “It might take a while for me to… forget completely. Not in a bad way, just… forget they’re not there anymore.”

“We have time, remember?” Changkyun says, turns his face a little to kiss Kihyun’s neck. “All the time we need.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun shrugs the shoulder Changkyun is leaning on. “Double time, apparently. Nephilims last twice the amount of time, it seems.”

Changkyun smiles, brings his arms up to wrap them gently around Kihyun’s waist. “Oh yeah?”

“Hubris said so,” Kihyun says, huffs a laugh and then lets himself lean back against Changkyun. “I guess we’ll just have to let Hoseok piggy-back on some of that. Which reminds me…” Kihyun turns his head a little and kisses Changkyun’s jaw. “I just remembered something reeeeeaaaally, really sappy.”

Changkyun grins, lifting his chin a little, warmth spreading from Kihyun’s kisses all the way down to his toes. “Gonna share with the class, Mr. Yoo?”

Kihyun leans back a little, eyes narrowed even if playfully, and then bites at a bit of skin on his lips. “Yes. Because it’s embarrassing for you, not me, in a way.” He nuzzles in. “How much did Jooheon tell you about miracles?”

Changkyun blinks, before he squints. “Why, do you know something you think I don’t?”

“Well,” Kihyun laughs a little and then licks Changkyun’s lips, “I don’t know if it’s like that for everyone, if Hoseok felt the same but…” Kihyun gestures faintly at thin air, “One day I was in the shower and it came back to me, like a flash? I had a lot of those during the first few days…”

Changkyun leans back a little, eyes wide. “Oh, no…”

“So. _To have and to hold from this day forward,”_ Kihyun grins. _“To love and to cherish, till death…_ yadda-yadda, sappy, sappy.”

Changkyun scrunches his features together, ears red and stomach dropping. He leans his head forward, hiding his face on Kihyun’s chest. “If the Earth could please hurry up and swallow me up, that would be great…”

“I do,” is all Kihyun says.

Changkyun takes a second to process the words. It shouldn’t take that long, it’s like… three letters, all in all, but--He looks up, eyes a little wide. “You--you do?” He shakes his head. “Sorry, I’m just-- _You do?_ ”

“That’s what I heard,” Kihyun says, glancing away. “Like a question. And then I said ‘I do’ and… _pop_ , we back, fellas,” He snorts and turns to look away, to hide his face.

Changkyun gapes a little, and he wonders if this is what people feel like when they win the lottery. He reaches up, fingers on Kihyun’s jaw to make him look at him, unsure of the expression on his face, if it, at all, does justification for the unadulterated joy in his chest. “I do, too…”

Kihyun’s cheeks seem a little red. He smiles, though. “I know.” And then snorts a laugh and glances away. “Well, this will be hard to top. What now? Do we get pregnant for your next birthday or can we skip that one?” A pause. “And I say _we_ because I am not carrying the child on my own we--” He laughs and waggles his finger between them-- “Do like seahorses and swap--switch. Switch culture.”

Changkyun bursts out in a laugh, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth and accidentally snorts a little but he doesn’t care, he’s--”I can’t, I’m--” he guffaws again, has to bend a little, other hand coming to his stomach. “I’m gonna--I’m gonna let you take my phone away because all I can think about--about--” He laughs again, “ _Am I pregarnate.”_

Kihyun snorts a laugh and it bubbles into a chuckle before he looks away and it spikes in that way it always does, in that way Changkyun loves and missed so fucking much. Kihyun reaches for Changkyun’s arm, shakes him a little like he wants to talk but just keeps on laughing.

From the beginning, even when Changkyun knew very little and had to learn with tiny steps and giant leaps, Kihyun’s laugh had always been one of his favourite sounds.

“But wai--wait--” Kihyun laughs and then slaps at his own cheek as if to make it stop (it doesn’t work very well). “Can you… _down a twenty foot waterslide pergnat?”_

Changkyun laughs again--his stomach _hurts_ \--and manages a--” _Starch masks,”_ before he just crumbles, pulls Kihyun down onto the bed with him as he laughs, and laughs and lets himself because this is what it was all for. Every scar, every time Changkyun felt lonely or sad, everything they had to face just to get… here. Laughing themselves silly over silly things and loving each other just a little too much.

“Hey,” Kihyun says and then laughs a little, “After--” He snorts. “After I get my _pill for aboration,_ I can only top that if I tell you we’re getting a dog. An actual dog. Not…” He gestures at Changkyun.

Changkyun swats wildly but softly. “I’m still not a dog! Let it die!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kihyun huffs a laugh.

“And keep the baby talk for after we’ve known each other long enough for a baby to actually be _made_ ,” Changkyun swats again. “We’ve known each other for barely one trimester.”

“Actually, _considering,_ I have know you for… more than ten years. And you have known me for at least five.”

“Is this some sort of ‘dog years’ joke cos I don’t appreciate it.”

Kihyun snorts and gets closer before he rolls over Changkyun. “I’m adding Hell years to this whole thing. And… yes, sorry, not a dog,” Kihyun kisses Changkyun’s nose. “A wolf.”

Wait. What?

Kihyun blinks but quickly forgets, frowns as he forgets because ‘right now’ pulls him in like a magnet. _A wolf… howling at the thunder..._

“ _Thank you_ ,” Changkyun says, raising his chin a little and pouting his lips like a question. “Did you really think I wasn’t going to like the scars?”

Kihyun blinks slowly at him and then glances away. “I wasn’t sure. I don’t like them… so I can’t ask anyone else to.”

Changkyun just puffs a little in response. “Stop looking away, you’re disrupting my view.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lip twitches up and he glances back at Changkyun. “I can give you a better one.” He leans closer but stops. “Then again… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what…?” Changkyun squints again, tilts his head with a little smile. “View looks pretty good from where I’m at right now.”

Kihyun looks up at Changkyun’s eyes and Changkyun feels the pull that has always felt like a comfort to him. He’d known they were ‘connected’ from the beginning, and despite it not being a reason for how they feel, back then? It felt a lot like an anchor. Something to fall back on, something to rely on. Changkyun is… so glad it’s back, even knowing everything would still be fine, this happy, this beautiful if it wasn’t... it’s still nice to have.

“I’m gonna say something,” Kihyun starts, “And then I am going to cringe. But you can either say yes, or no.”

Changkyun’s always loved hearing and saying the things that make Kihyun cringe, so he smiles a little wider and nods. “Go on.”

Kihyun shifts a little, leans back to properly crawl over Changkyun and then looks at him again with clean eyes and a pure soul. “Wanna make love?”

And Changkyun answers with a deep kiss, with pulling Kihyun close and not letting go until they realise the golden hues outside the big glass windows are a sunrise, not a sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 34 done. 1 to go.  
> Thank you all of sticking with these Changkis until the end!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Click [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EShUeudtaFg) for laughs.


	35. Always and Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touch. It’s always been about touch. Touch taught Changkyun how to feel and, in turn, taught Kihyun that, sometimes, love is a touch that makes him feel like bodies and souls could meld together, too. And no amount of words will ever show as much as this does. Maybe for someone else, but not for them.

Twelve months ago, maybe due to naivety or lack of wisdom, if asked what he thought he'd be doing a year from then, Kihyun would have blinked, frowned and said, ‘Isn't it obvious?’ -- Things like a normal job, normal friends and a normal life had a different meaning back then than they do now. And time? A continuum. A pursuit in the present for something in the future.

But today? A whole year later?  _ Right now _ matters more than later, than what ifs and whatnots.  _ Right now _ means striving for happiness in the present so when the future comes Kihyun can look back, smile and say,  _ ‘Yeah. We made it. We were happy, we are happy, we will be happy. A million times over. Even when everything starts from zero.’ _

So, what changed? 

A word. A decision. Because everything starts with a word. And, sometimes, words don't have to be spoken to be real.

“ _ Stay _ ,” Kihyun says, pauses for effect and then adds, “Put.” He keeps his eyes on Changkyun, on the barely visible scar that shines a little paler in certain light. “I'll go in, force it to come outside and then you do the rest. You're a lot faster than I am. I can't possibly keep up with it.”

Changkyun spins the silver tipped stake in his hand, catches it with a nod. “Think I can break my record this time? Don’t know if they’re getting slower or if I’m getting faster.”

“You’re getting cocky, is what you are,” Kihyun mumbles without bite. He sighs and turns to the warehouse. His nose automatically scrunches the moment he catches a whiff. “Told you something smelled fishy…” He gestures. “It’s a canned fish factory.”

“You’ve been keeping that joke in since you found that out, haven’t you?”

Kihyun grins and sticks his tongue out. “Mmmmmmaybe?”

Changkyun catches his tongue between his teeth and spins the stake again. “Well, I’m ready to  _ stick it to ‘em _ ,” he says. “Maybe also been waiting to use that.”

Kihyun glances at the stake. “Why not? Also,” He sways a little and then finally starts making his way towards the warehouse. “If Shownu shows up say ‘thanks for nothing, dad’. Seriously… Can’t believe he lost us.  _ Again.” _ Kihyun wiggles his wrist, lets the silver chain catch in the moonlight for a moment and sighs, stops in front of the warehouse. “At least we found the vampire…” He mumbles.

“Before it started making his own clan or whatever,” Changkyun rolls his eyes, visibly shivers a little before leaning against the wall by the door. “Stupid vampires. Don’t even have the decency to sparkle.”

“You’ve been watching Twilight again, haven’t you…”

Changkyun smiles a little sheepishly. “Minhyuk said it was good research material. I see now that that was a lie.”

The sun hasn’t risen yet and the moon still shines bright over their heads. They need to get this done before sunrise, or there’s no way they’re catching the vampire. They camouflage, cocoon themselves inside hard as iron nests once the sun is up and become a lot harder to find.

It’s cold and Kihyun’s silver harness (magical protection, blah blah) clings to his chest and makes him shiver a little, even under his shirt. “Should’ve brought the hoodie…” He grumbles, brings his hands together to fidged and nervously crack his fingers.

“We’ll be warm soon enough,” Changkyun says, nods at the door before smiling. “Good luck kiss?”

They do that, every time, but Changkyun still asks.

Kihyun smiles a little and glances over, tilts his head, too. “Come here?”

Changkyun grins, steps forward with the stake behind his back, other hand on Kihyun’s chin as he slots his lips over his, and Kihyun can feel it, like a spark running through his skin. It usually feels a bit like that, but now the spark glimmers a little purple, shines on his skin for a moment before ebbing away. “There,” Changkyun says with another little kiss. “Be safe.”

_ “You _ be safe,” Kihyun says before the world turns a little blue and his body mists through the front door.  _ Yoo be safe. Im safe. _ Kihyun snorts a little as he materializes inside the warehouse, but quickly slaps a hand over his mouth.

The place  _ feels  _ empty. Doesn’t mean it  _ is  _ empty. Long tables cover the full extension of the warehouse, strange contraptions by the walls. Kihyun notices stairs, which means there’s another floor, if not two more. It’s a really big warehouse. A really big, dark, smelly warehouse.

_ ‘It smells terrible in here’, _ Kihyun soul whispers. He takes a step forward and hears it echo through the place.  _ ‘I hate, hate, the smell of fish.’ _

_ ‘Shh, we have coffee and me at home,’  _ Changkyun’s soul whispers back. 

Kihyun walks further into the warehouse, pokes at a table nearby and feels something icky stick to his finger. He gags a little.  _ ‘Shownu better make this up to me, I’m dying over here… Ugh.’ _

Something like laughter tickles at Kihyun’s brain. ‘ _ Focus on the bloodsucker! You can complain on the way home.’ _

_ ‘What do you mean with complain on the way home? You should be a lot more concerned! It’s fish, Kyunie! It stinks. It’s sticking to my soles--Ah! Fish eye!’ _

_ ‘Hey, do you think vampire fish is a thing? I should check, they probably are…’ _

Kihyun waves at the random fish eye over one of the tables as if that will make it go away.  _ ‘We’re never eating canned fish again. I tell you--Wait, what? Oh god. You’re giving me nightmares…’ _ He glances at a chain nearby, hanging all the way down from the last floor.  _ ‘There’s a movie… I watched it once when I was a kid. In it, there’s this woman with a… a… a… Well, you know how vampires have teeth? Hers were between her legs. I told dad that’s why I turned, yes I said turned, gay when he gave me the choices, choices, sexuality is a choice conversation.’ _

_ ‘What?! That’s… I like biting but that seems a bit like overkill--speaking of biting, seen any hemophores?’ _

Kihyun gets closer to the stairs and looks up. Hand on the rail, he places one foot over the first step and leans forward as he tries to peek at the second floor.  _ ‘No, not really I--’ _ The chain hanging all the way down from the third floor clinks behind him. Kihyun stops.  _ ‘Nevermind. I know where it is.’ _

Fighting vampires in theory is already something for advanced classes. And practically? It’s even more complicated. Vampires refract light, become invisible for short amounts of time. Their skins are hard to pierce through (only silver seems to work). Their claws are no joke. And their fangs? Those carry a taint of their own.

Kihyun takes a silent deep breath and lets himself phase a little, mist all the way up through the floor to the second floor and then the third. Except the third floor looks like a huge mess. Tables turned upside down, the chain hangs from the ceiling and goes down through a hole on the floor, and the smell…  _ it smells like shit _ .

_ ‘It’s getting ready to nest, I think…’  _ Kihyun’s soul whispers as he looks around, slightly cautious about letting himself come through completely or not.  _ ‘The stench… Gross.’ _

_ ‘Lemme know if you see it headed in any particular direction… Not sure how many exits this place has that we don’t even know about _ …  _ And I’m sure I don’t have to tell you not to go into the nest if you find it _ .’

Kihyun frowns. As he takes a step forward, the mist fades. He looks around, trying to catch anything shimmering in the darkness. But he sees nothing. It’s dark.

_ Too dark. _ Not even the moonlight shines through. But in the darkness...

“All it takes,” Kihyun mumbles, shakes the bracelet around his wrist a little and blue warmth builds over his skin, “Is a little light.” 

His soul expands quickly with a loud thump before it vanishes. Something heavy falls from the ceiling between a few broken chairs just a few feet away.

Claws, sharp and black sneak over one of the chairs and then Kihyun hears it, a shriek. The vampire thrashes the chairs around, throws them to the sides as it steps forward. It looks human, but not really. Just something with a humanoid form.

Kihyun walks back as it steps towards him, breath catching a little in a gasp when the vampire vanishes, shimmers away, and Kihyun barely has time to call for it, that purple energy that lingers between souls, all the way to him to shield his back the moment something tries to pierce through.

It’s an advantage. But it came as surprise when one night, a few months back, Changkyun realized he could use Kihyun’s powers and Kihyun later that day realized he could use Changkyun’s. They don’t know what triggered or if it’s always been a skill of theirs, prompted by the string that holds their souls together. That, and time. A year later and they’re still learning about each other. But it’s useful. Very, very useful.

_ ‘It’s huge!’  _ Kihyun shields himself again, this time towards the right.  _ ‘And fast! And I think it’s pissed.’ _ And now, he barely has time to look up and pull at the shield, right over his head.

It’s coming from everywhere at almost the same time, sharp claws, pointy teeth accompanied with shrieks from the underworld. Kihyun stumbles a little, feels himself a little frustrated since he can’t keep his eyes on the damn thing.

_ ‘How bad-- _ ’ He phases through a table and then pulls at the shield again--  _ ‘Would it be if I--’ _ The thing shrieks again, like it’s actually complaining  _ (the gall) _ \--  _ ‘If I shot this thing through the wall? It’s pissing me off.’ _

‘ _ Well, you wouldn’t kill it but you’d break a wall. But if that’s how you wanna work through your anger, honey, I support you.’ _

_ ‘I’m just saying I’m considering shooting it through the wall instead of walking it out the front door!’ _

A pause. ‘ _ Huh. Point me to a wall, then.’ _

Kihyun groans a little, puts on a full shield as the vampire keeps trying to get to him. He lets his hand warm up, white light shining through.  _ ‘No need. Watch your head--’ _ And when the shield vibrates a little in front of him, Kihyun lets it go, both the shield and the light in his hand.

It beams the vampire towards the wall and then through as the wall cracks. The creature loses the invisibility and falls.

“I hate this job,” Kihyun mumbles as he walks towards the hole in the wall. Kihyun glances around, down at the vampire between rubble on the street and shrugs. “The place needed a ventilation system.  _ Air au natural.” _

The vampire hisses, then, seems to weigh its options between coming back up through the hole in the wall and the Nephilim standing in the way, or running into the open world. As predicted, it chooses the wall. As it may not have predicted, there’s a Shadow in the way, ready to trip it up. 

The vampire scrambles on the floor and Kihyun can hear Changkyun laugh a little. Kihyun looks down again, peeks down more like, considering how far away he stands form the edge. No way he’s letting the vertigo take the best of him.

“So what’ll it be? Fight or flight?” Changkyun asks.

The creature jumps to its feet, eyes frantic before it takes off.

Changkyun sighs dramatically even as he starts running. “Maybe one day one will surprise me and pick fight!” And the two figures quickly disappear as they turn a corner.

Kihyun sighs, rolls his eyes. “Why do I even bother…” And phases after them.

  
  
  


\---

  
  


 

Thirty seconds below his record, Changkyun’s got it cornered. Not that vampires can’t literally climb walls (they can, it’s creepy, no one wants to see that shit) but they can’t go very far up if there’s a demon throwing shields at it. And it happens every time; they run away, they get caught, they pick ‘fight’. 

_ ‘It would really just save us so much time if they’d pick the ‘fight’ one first, honestly.’ _

As cornered creatures do, it pounces and tries to sink its fangs into Changkyun’s shoulder, which proves difficult for the thing once Changkyun concentrates his shield there, over his skin (and his clothes, too, for good measure--no need to ruin a nice jacket) and flips the thing onto its back, bringing his foot down, hard, on its torso. 

For the consideration of Seoul’s city infrastructure, he presses down just hard enough to pin it but not crack the concrete beneath.

_ ‘Shownu doesn’t want this thing alive, right?!’ _ Changkyun calls over their mental connection as the thing squirms, claws at Changkyun’s leg but only lights it up purple where it connects.

_ ‘Nope. We need its blood, though. For the runes.’ _

_ ‘Right,’  _ Changkyun answers, bends down with the stake firmly in his hand to push it down into the vampire’s head. It shouldn’t bleed  _ too  _ much. Changkyun gets up, grimaces at the way the vampire’s body twitches and the terrible sound the stake makes on its way out again.  _ ‘Ugh _ ,  _ you were right, even the body smells like fish…’ _

_ ‘Heeeeey, it has a friend!’ _ Kihyun sing-songs. For someone who says he hates this ‘damn job’, he certainly seems to have fun.  _ ‘We spoiled date night. M’briging the party to you.’ _

Changkyun grimaces again at the stake, knocks it against the wall to get some of the gooey black blood off. ‘ _ Ew, now I’m just thinking about vampire sex. Blowjobs must be terrifying. _ ’

_ ‘Wait until I tell you flowers have dicks… Oh wait. Guess I just did.’ _

Changkyun scoffs, shaking his head and squinting a little at the ringing behind his ear. Must be close. He still pulls at his earlobe though and scowls. Never, ever going to get used to that.  _ ‘Maybe those toothed girl bits from the movie was just a Venus fly trap. Hah!’ _ Changkyun laughs. _ ‘Penis fly trap.’ _

A flash nearby. And then something gets thrown against the wall next to Changkyun, breaks through it on the way down and slams against the concrete.  _ Great. Who’s irresponsible now, Kihyun? _

‘ _ The infrastructure!’  _ Changkyun thinks even as he laughs, makes for the creature squirming in the hole in the ground but it shoots itself up, crawls on the wall and-- “Yeah, that is still super fucking creepy.”

Blue mist phases through the wall right above the vampire and Kihyun appears from it, lets himself fall surrounded by purple light and hits the vampire in the face, sends it falling back down. Kihyun phases again on a wall nearby then, leans his back against it, hand to his chest.

“I hate… falling.” Kihyun huffs, wiggles his wrist a little as the silver bracelet clinks--he does that now. Ever since Hubris. Maybe it’s a habit he picked up. Changkyun has never dared ask, to bring attention to it and from that, possibly spark insecurity. “Also, I pay taxes for a reason. And this is a private company. And I am the sanitary inspection.  _ Failed. _ I tell you,” Kihyun gestures as he leans away from the wall. “Failed.”

Changkyun grins, wonders if Kihyun will ever know how great he looks kicking supernatural ass. “Lemme guess, the pests?” And elbows the vampire, hard, where it tries to run away again, grabs it by the throat and presses it against the wall. “How about… _ The Exterminators?  _ For our Netflix show?” 

Kihyun walks closer, nose scrunched, and slaps at Changkyun’s shoulder. “There were eyeballs! Eyeballs!”

Changkyun blinks as the vampire struggles futilely. “Fish ones, I hope,” and brings the stake up again. “Can I kill it now or were you having fun with my powers?”

Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches and he lowers his voice and mumbles. “I wasn’t…” Pouts even. He glances away. “They’re just useful. And since we can share them…”

“I don’t mind,” Changkyun grins, quickly and sharply pierces the vampire’s skull. When he lets go, it hangs a little off the wall. Changkyun directs his grin at Kihyun. “It’s actually really sexy to see you go all superhero.”

Kihyun cringes, his chin wrinkles when he makes a face. “I hate it when you say it like that.” He looks away as he reaches for something in his pocket and then hands it to Changkyun without looking at him. “Here, fill the bottle. You have yours, too, right? Or did you lose it again…”

“I lost it  _ once _ \--” Changkyun says, reaching inside his pocket to then shake the bottle in front of him. “Once! And can’t we get Shownu to do this bit? It’s  _ grooooooss _ .”

“Shownu is not here,” Kihyun shoots over his shoulder and then shivers. “Ugh… I’ll do it,” he turns around and waves Changkyun over. “Gimme those, I’ll do it.”

“Thanks,” Changkyun mumbles, handing it over with a little shiver. “I’ll make dinner.”

Kihyun takes the little bottles and crouches near the half sitting, totally dead vampire, leans in a little to squint at the blood that drips down its chin and soon into the bottle Kihyun holds under it. 

“Trying to do this without making a mess… I hate washing blood off my hands.” Kihyun says and shivers but manages to quell it. “D’you think there’s more?”

Changkyun pulls a little at his earlobe but hears nothing. “I don’t  _ think  _ so… They protect each other, so I’m sure we would have seen more of them before killing both of these. And I don’t hear anything.”

“How’s that working for you?” Kihyun chuckles, shrugs one shoulder and gestures at his own ear with his free hand. “The hearing…”

“S’annoying… Glad I can turn it off, to be honest,” Changkyun says, lets his hand fall and shakes his head. “I don’t envy you.”

“It gets better,” Kihyun says and then swaps the bottles. “To me they’re just voices in the crowd now. I just listen for the big, loud ones.”

“You mean Minhyuk?” Changkyun jokes with a laugh, taking the filled bottle and screwing it shut. 

“God,” Kihyun snorts. “He’s so loud… And never shuts up. And he’s so fucking picky with his food! And then--”

“He’s  _ happy _ , though,” Changkyun says, crossing his arms with amusement all over his face. “His happy ending just… doesn’t include cucumbers, apparently.”

“Among other things!” Kihyun says all indignated and leaning back to look over his shoulder. “He complained about every single thing I put over the table last time!”

“You know he put a whole onion in his Spaghetti Bolognese? I wouldn’t be too offended.”

“Changkyun…” Kihyun sighs and turns to fill the rest of the bottle. “He says he doesn’t like people who are picky with food and then has the gall to be picky. I swear… He irks me.” Kihyun pulls back and gets up as he slams the tap over the bottle. “And you’d think Jooheon keeps a leash on him… Nope! He’s… They’re both--!”

“That’s my best friend you’re talking about, Yoo Kihyun,” Changkyun laughs with a shake of his head. “And I actually think I did see a leash on Jooheon once--”

“I don’t wanna know,” Kihyun says and sighs. He pauses then, though, and glances over. “Unless that’s a suggestion?”

“It could be,” Changkyun grins. “Although I was thinking more of a--” He gestures to his own neck. “A collar.”

Kihyun frowns. “A what…?” He looks away and shakes his head. “You spend too much time on the internet.”

“Just enough, I think,” Changkyun says, stepping closer and wiggling the little bottle. “Leach blood. All packed and ready to go. All in a day’s work, right?” Changkyun sighs dramatically. “We don’t get paid enough for this…”

Kihyun wiggles his wrist a little again then brings a hand up to scratch at his neck as he looks back at the two dead vampires. Changkyun catches a glimpse on that silver harness Kihyun always wears to work under his clothes. 

“They’ll melt once the sunrise comes…” Kihyun mumbles.

“So very gross...”

“Yeah. We should go.” He looks at Changkyun. “Did Shownu call you?”

“About anything in particular or just your usual Son/Dad chat?”

“He turned the wrong way, Changkyun, he said ‘go left’ and then he went right…”

“Don’t you just love him, though?” Changkyun scoffs, reaches into his pocket for his phone. “He says, and I quote, ‘ _ I think I went the wrong way’. _ ” Changkyun holds the phone up for Kihyun to see. It vibrates in his hand even as he does, and Kihyun reads the message with a laugh just before Changkyun turns it to see, ‘ _ stopped to get some bread’.  _ “Wow.”

Kihyun snorts a laugh and starts to walk away. “Let’s just go home. I feel like I’ll want to sleep once the adrenaline wears off.”

Changkyun takes a quick step forward to wrap his arms around Kihyun’s waist and grin. “Once the adrenaline wears off, he says…”

“Watch it,” Kihyun says softly as he sways a little and gestures back, “They’re watching.”

Changkyun scoffs, noses at Kihyun’s neck. “Ah, yes, let me just get us away from the prying eyes of dead things.” And laughs as Kihyun rolls his eyes. 

The absolute convenience of instant teleportation can never, ever be understated. 

Changkyun blinks them home, falling with his back on the bed as he pulls Kihyun closer, grinning and speaking against Kihyun’s lips. “Honey, we’re home.” And Kihyun grabs at the collar of Changkyun’s shirt with both hands and pulls him closer into that kiss. Changkyun can still feel it, the thrill of fighting, running, the adrenaline that pumps through his veins as he groans against Kihyun’s lips, hands sliding down to scratch at his thighs, grip at his ass. 

Kihyun deepens the kiss, lets his hands trail down. But just as Changkyun notes them anywhere near his crotch, Kihyun snatches into Changkyun’s pocket and brings out the little bottles filled with vampire blood. 

“Nah-ah,” Kihyun says as he leans back, straddles Changkyun and wiggles the two little bottles in front of Changkyun’s face. “Not on the bed.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes fondly, takes the bottles in one hand and pulls Kihyun down, flips them so their positions are inverted before he climbs off the bed. 

He puts the bottles down on the wardrobe, walks over to the bedside table and tosses over a bottle of lube. “Catch,” he quips before walking over again, leaning down to undo his shoelaces and kick off his shoes and pulling Kihyun’s off with a little grin. “If you get mad over cookie crumbs in the bed I can only  _ imagine  _ vampire blood…” He fumbles a little when Kihyun pulls him back onto the bed.

Changkyun lands over Kihyun, hands on both sides of Kihyun’s head and barely has any time to formulate a question before Kihyun raises his head to lock their lips. Changkyun smiles a little against Kihyun’s lips before tilting his head, licking into Kihyun’s mouth and pushing against his tongue with his own.

After all this time, Kihyun still tastes a little like strawberries. After all this time, the kisses, the touches, still feel so, so special.

Changkyun smooths his hands down Kihyun’s neck and barely fumbles with the buttons (too much practice, really) before scratching a hand down Kihyun’s chest to his stomach, revelling in the loud sigh Kihyun lets go against his lips. 

The silver of Kihyun’s harness is still, somehow, a little cold against the skin, and Changkyun hooks his fingers into it as if to pull him even closer, before moving his lips down Kihyun’s jaw, hands making fast work of his belt. 

“What do you want, baby?”

“You,” Kihyun gasps, his skin full of goosebumps where the cold harness touches. 

It’s all the motivation Changkyun needs to pull the belt loose, undo Kihyun’s fly and push his hand into his pants, palm over the bulge in his underwear to squeeze, nipping at Kihyun’s neck, down to his collarbones. 

Changkyun grins a little, then, lifts his hand to reach into Kihyun’s underwear and bite softly at the nub of Kihyun’s nipple, rolling it between his teeth between little licks. And Kihyun arches a little, hisses, too, before it breaks into a whine.

Changkyun feels fingers grab at a handful of his hair and forcefully yank him back.

“I wasn’t done kissing you,” Kihyun mutters before pulling Changkyun to him again, to kiss him, press his tongue against Changkyun’s, even as he rolls his hips a little against Changkyun’s hand. 

Changkyun bites lightly at Kihyun’s bottom lip before licking into his mouth, moving his hand against the silky texture of his dick before giving a final squeeze to let go and pull Kihyun’s pants down, underwear following shortly afterwards.

One of Kihyun’s hands fumbles a little with the button of Changkyun’s black jeans as the other slides down to Changkyun’s neck, nails scratching at skin. 

“How come... I’m naked and you’re not…” Kihyun complains between a kiss.

“Because you like it,” Changkyun says, even as he reaches to pull his hoodie over his head and pressing their chests together with a grin, feeling the cold of Kihyun’s harness on his skin, too, hand smoothing up the side of Kihyun’s chest. “And I like this.”

Kihyun tilts his head and smiles playfully. “Aw, me? Awwww, thank you.”

Changkyun scoffs a little. “Exactly,” he winks, kisses at the side of Kihyun’s mouth before pulling at his bottom lip as he sucks on it lightly. He glances down, sees Kihyun’s dick, pink and straining against his stomach, kisses Kihyun again when he works on his own jeans, groaning into Kihyun’s mouth when he manages to pull them down, feels his erection slide against Kihyun’s. “You, always you. Wanna feel you, every inch…” And then, stubbornly, feels blindly at the covers to where Kihyun might have put the lube after Changkyun had tossed it over.

“Here I thought…” Kihyun wraps his arms around Changkyun’s neck and pulls his head down, rolls his hips against Changkyun’s. “Here I thought I was gonna get some sleep…”

Changkyun hums, finds the bottle and pops it open. “You always sleep better after I fuck you.”

“So mouthy,” Kihyun mumbles, bites at Changkyun’s earlobe and then licks at his ear and says, in a whisper, almost, “What else do I do better after you fuck me?”

“Fuck me back,” Changkyun grins and shivers a little, tilting his head a little as if to give Kihyun further access, eyes a little dazed where they look at his fingers, coating them in lube before reaching down, other hand guiding Kihyun’s hips and legs up. 

“How do you want me?” Kihyun asks and then laughs a little, even as he does as Changkyun leads. 

“In every way imaginable,” Changkyun teases lightly, circling two wet fingers over Kihyun’s entrance before slowly pushing in with one. Kihyun breathes out loudly through his nose, frowns too, but keeps his eyes on Changkyun’s face. “But for now…” Changkyun licks at Kihyun’s collarbone, bites at the skin before leaning up again to speak against his lips. “Love you like this.”

Kihyun closes his eyes for a moment, tilts his chin up a little and when he peeks through his eyelids again, he’s looking at the ceiling, chest heaving faster, the harness glinting a little when it moves over his skin. And because Changkyun knows Kihyun’s body by now, more than Kihyun most likely does, he pulls out slowly to add another finger, pressing in slow and deep before beckoning inside him, pressing against the tight heat. 

Kihyun bites at his lower lip to muffle a moan, grip loosening around Changkyun, one hand soothing over the light scar on Changkyun’s face before Changkyun feels Kihyun’s fingertips on his lips.

He looks up to find Kihyun’s eyes, and gives a kittenish lick to Kihyun’s fingers as he feels that familiar tug. Changkyun works his fingers in and out of Kihyun, careful for any shift of expression on Kihyun’s face, and watches attentively, carefully but firmly pressing in a third finger, taking Kihyun’s fingers into his mouth as he does. 

Kihyun’s eyebrows knit together and he tilts his chin up a little when he whines and tightens around Changkyun’s fingers, the feeling making Changkyun’s stomach knot up in arousal. 

“Hu--Hurry up,” Kihyun gasps, “I wanna feel you.”

Changkyun groans, leaning his forehead on Kihyun’s chest after letting go of his fingers with a long lick, thrusting with his fingers into Kihyun once, twice more, and Kihyun moans before Changkyun shushes him, crushing their lips together in a sloppy kiss as he pulls out. 

He keeps their lips locked even as he pulls them both up, inverts their positions and leans against the headboard.

“Turn around for me, baby,” Changkyun breathes against Kihyun’s lips.

Kihyun pulls back, his eyes go between Changkyun’s, eyebrows twitching a little as if in question. But then Kihyun licks his lips and glances away before turning around. And, as he does, Changkyun sees them, lines that start on the back of Kihyun’s arms and connect all the way to his back in the shape of beautiful black wings that cover his scars.

He’d gotten the tattoos just a few months ago and yet the sight of them still manages to send shivers down Changkyun’s spine. Especially when the wings look like they’re moving with Kihyun’s back, shifting when his shoulder blades do. 

“Beautiful,” he says, because he never can help himself, never will stop saying it. Changkyun leans in to brush his lips over the painted skin, reaching for the lube to coat his dick. 

He brings Kihyun’s legs in, smooths his hands down to Kihyun’s hips to lift him onto his lap. Kihyun falls a little forward, hands on the mattress to hold himself up. Changkyun feels the tip of his dick against Kihyun’s hole, lowers Kihyun just slightly onto it as he peppers kisses over his back.

Kihyun shudders and Changkyun watches as goosebumps erupt all the way down his back, watches the way Kihyun takes his dick in, breaths in deep and shaky. 

Changkyun’s head tilts back at the waves of pleasure from feeling Kihyun’s tight heat around him. But then Kihyun breathes in deep and quick once and then twice and folds one of his legs to sustain his weight on his haunches as he straightens up and slowly leans back a little to allow Changkyun better access. 

Changkyun kisses, lingering, soft things on Kihyun’s back as Kihyun adjusts to him, takes him in deeper and Changkyun can’t help but bite onto Kihyun’s shoulder when he bottoms out, pulling Kihyun flush against him before kissing and mouthing up Kihyun’s neck.

Kihyun yelps a little, mixed with a groan, tightens so much around Changkyun it’s almost blinding. Changkyun pants against Kihyun’s tattooed skin, hands tightening on his hips before he moves them to Kihyun’s chest, one trailing down to his stomach, leaving featherlight touches on his dick.

“I love you,” Changkyun breathes, “You feel so good, baby, sound so good…” And Kihyun gasps a little at the sound of Changkyun’s voice, starts moving back against Changkyun.

“I…” Kihyun starts but shivers, more goosebumps all over his skin. “I love you, too…”

Changkyun grabs at the silver harness on Kihyun’s chest, holds him as close as he can without moving him by the hips, simply rolling his own, tightening his grip around Kihyun and giving slow, steady strokes.

“Feels weird like this,” Kihyun mumbles, even as he rolls his hips and Changkyun feels the slow drag on his dick. “You feel,” Kihyun breathes in and then out in a short laugh, “Harder…”

Changkyun mouths at Kihyun’s neck, presses his thumb into Kihyun’s slit. “Is that what you want, baby?  _ Harder _ ?”

Kihyun whimpers, breathes a little and then says, teasingly, “You’ll have to bend me over for that.”

“Maybe later,” Changkyun breathes against Kihyun’s neck with a shiver, rolling his hips up again and shivering again when arousal spreads from his stomach to his limbs, like electricity. “Love having you so close…” He feels Kihyun reach up, hand on Changkyun’s chin to tilt his head a little as Kihyun leans his own back and catches Changkyun’s lips for a kiss.

Kihyun sighs against Changkyun’s mouth, moves his body against Changkyun’s, hand reaching further back to Changkyun’s neck to leave soft touches on his skin.

Sometimes Kihyun feels like a whole force of nature, a hurricane that eats away everything Changkyun is willing to give. But more often than not, Kihyun touches Changkyun as if he’s about to slip away, still looks at him with a fondness that has been there from the start. Like, that first time, in the kitchen, a whole year ago, when Kihyun taught Changkyun that he shouldn’t get undressed in the middle of the kitchen--a rule he’s only allowed to break if they’re about to break a table or bend the other over the counter.

_ Touch. _ It’s always been about touch. Touch taught Changkyun how to feel and, in turn, taught Kihyun that, sometimes, love is a touch that makes him feel like bodies and souls could meld together, too. And no amount of words will ever show as much as this does. Maybe for someone else, but not for them.

Maybe that’s why they say ‘I love you’ so often. Because no amount of ‘I love you’s will ever compare to a brush of fingertips over a palm.

When they move there’s no rush beyond what Changkyun still feels in his head, that throws him off centre and dazes him, even now. Changkyun kisses Kihyun deeply, rolls his hips like drinking in every wave of pleasure, every little shiver and breath, reaches to hold Kihyun’s hand in his over Kihyun’s stomach, fingers entangling with the silver chain.

Changkyun adores the way Kihyun moves on him, all the little gasps and the soft whines that start deep in Kihyun’s throat before Changkyun feels them on his lips. And then breaks the next kiss and leans his head back on Changkyun’s shoulder.

_ “Kyunie--” _ He begs. 

“I’ve got you,” Changkyun breathes before mouthing, licking and biting at Kihyun’s neck, the hand not in Kihyun’s coming down to his hips to lift him slightly as he rolls his hips up, fucking into him and shifting to find the angle that always has Kihyun make the best sounds.

And Kihyun does. He tenses a little before moans erupt through his lips and his body melts all over Changkyun. Kihyun shivers then. His head lols a little over Changkyun’s shoulder and he starts leaving sloppy kisses over Changkyun’s skin. 

The little tug between them pulls taut as Changkyun feels his stomach clench, and he moves a bit faster, more urgent, guiding Kihyun by the hips. 

“You feel amazing, baby,” Changkyun pants between kisses at Kihyun’s neck, tension building in the pit of his stomach. He slows for a moment before speeding up again, intent on coming around the sounds and tightness of Kihyun’s own orgasm. “Come for me, Ki…”

Kihyun’s hand almost flies from Changkyun’s neck to his own dick. And Changkyun feels his lower abdomen boil when he looks at the way Kihyun’s hand moves around his own dick and then feels the way Kihyun tightens around him, the sound of their breaths and moans mingling with the slap of skin.

Kihyun muffles a moan then, fists his hand over his dick as he comes. Changkyun’s vision goes dark for a moment with the force of his orgasm, spilling into Kihyun with a long, deep moan, a squeeze to Kihyun’s hand in his. He pants against the skin of Kihyun’s back, covered in a thin layer of sweat that tastes almost sweet as Changkyun kisses the skin.

There’s a shiver that seems to go between the two of them when Kihyun shifts and Changkyun slips off of him. But then, Kihyun turns around, eyes still a little dazed, reaches (more like fumbles) for the drawer nearby to pull at a couple of tissues to clean his hand (Changkyun’s wet wipes are now and forever a thing), and then moves to straddle Changkyun, arms around his neck.

“Feel good?” Kihyun asks, eyes shifting on Changkyun’s face, as if watching for little cues.

“Amazing,” Changkyun slurs a little, mind still foggy and Kihyun’s voice sounding a little muffled in his ears. And it seems that’s precisely what Kihyun wanted, or expected. Because after a soft press of lips between Changkyun’s eyebrows, Kihyun moves again, shifts down, one hand reaching for the lube, and gives a small lick at the tip of Changkyun’s dick--still sensitive after just coming. And Kihyun knows that, knows that sensitivity makes Changkyun’s stomach tense immediately, sending little shivers down his arms, his legs and up his spine.

The pop of the lube sounds deafening in Changkyun’s ears and then he feels it, really, really cold, dripping all over the tip of his dick before Kihyun takes him fully into his mouth and the cold is replaced with heat. Changkyun cries out at the sensation, one hand shooting up for the headboard while the other grips in Kihyun’s hair as he feels heat pool in his stomach, blood quickly moving down to his dick again, a little painful with oversensitivity, in that way that makes his stomach pull even more as he gasps a little for air. 

He feels the tip of Kihyun’s tongue prodding a little at the slit before he starts moving his lips up and down, slowly, leaving sloppy kisses at the head every time he comes up for air. But then, just as Changkyun starts getting used to the rhythm and the heat, Kihyun scrapes his teeth a little under the sensitive tip and lets go. Changkyun whines at the loss of heat, scratching at the back of Kihyun’s head as he squirms.

Kihyun cleans his lips with the top of his hand and then tilts his head a little, eyes still a little dazed even as he says, “Turn around.”

Changkyun simply flips himself over, groaning a little at the friction when his dick moves over the covers and he can’t help but grind into it a little. But then he stops at the sudden sting he feels when Kihyun’s hand slaps over his ass.

“No.”

Changkyun turns his face, cheek pressed against the mattress as he lifts his hips obediently, hands fisting at the covers, legs a little wobbly at the way the skin on his asscheek tickles in the aftershocks.

“Don’t move,” Kihyun says. And even though he means it as an order, his voice comes soft.

He preps Changkyun between kisses at his lower back, bites at his ass and fingers that work restlessly in and out as he jerks Changkyun off with his other hand. It takes all the strength Changkyun has to not let his legs give in, eyes barely open but focused on Kihyun even as he moans into the covers at the sharp bursts of pleasure Kihyun finds inside him. 

“What do you want, baby?” Kihyun asks then.

Changkyun gasps, Kihyun’s voice and the beckoning of his fingers rushing into his head and down to his dick at once, knees weak, hands fisting tighter at the sheets. 

“Fuck me,” Changkyun gasps again, lifting his hips as he turns his face into the covers with a loud groan. “Until I lose count…”

Kihyun kisses at Changkyun’s lower back and then up his spine as he stretches Changkyun’s hole with his fingers and slips them out almost at the same time Changkyun feels the tip prod at him. “Don’t touch yourself, okay?”

Changkyun nods weakly, wants to push back against Kihyun but Kihyun told him not to move, so he doesn’t. Still, the way Kihyun pushes slowly into him might as well be testing his patience, even as Changkyun focuses on the way his dick stretches him.

Kihyun gasps a little, places a hand between Changkyun’s shoulder blades and then drags himself out a little even though he wasn’t even fully in. 

The hand on Changkyun’s back is gone and Changkyun feels Kihyun grip at his hips with both hands then as he thrusts into him, fully now, making Changkyun arch with a loud cry, something between “Yes!” and “Kihyun!” But he has to lift his hips again, as he feels the tip of his dick brush against the covers, sending shivers down his back. 

“More,  _ please _ …”

And the best thing about Kihyun is that even though he’s demanding, he gives back in the same amount--sometimes more.  _ ‘If you care, you get care back’. _ It’s been true throughout their entire relationship.

So, it’s not even surprising that when Changkyun falls over the bed, completely and utterly fucked in every way possible (his brain is not working very well,  _ definitely  _ can’t manage to think of any number), Kihyun crawls over his back, kisses all the way up his tattoo up until Changkyun’s undercut and whispers in a raspy voice;

“Happy one year anniversary, Kyunie.”

Changkyun reaches up with a weak, shaky arm to find Kihyun’s hair, tangle his fingers between the soft strands and smile as he says, “You too, Ki…”

Kihyun nuzzles in, laughs a little as he rubs his nose on Changkyun’s hair. “Hey, I know we’ve been busy lately and… things pile up. But I’m happy, okay? Really happy. I hope you’re happy, too.”

Changkyun tries to turn around--it takes some doing, what with his legs being made of jelly and his arms of cooked noodles--and smiles up at Kihyun, breath still coming a little faster, sweat beading his forehead and red all over his cheeks. “The absolute happiest.”

Kihyun presses his lips on Changkyun’s, soft and warm, and then leans back. “Stay here? I’ll be right back.”

“Mmm,” Changkyun mumbles, brain on a different planet. At least the inhabitants are beautiful, looking at the figure in front of him. “Can’t move anyway… Don’t be long?”

The sun is already shining through the curtains. Which means, there go Kihyun’s plans of sleeping in. But… one year…? Has it really been that long? In a way it feels like yesterday. But at the same time, Changkyun feels like he’s been in Kihyun’s life ever since the beginning. 

Maybe that’s just the way Kihyun makes him feel, with the stories he tells and all those albums full of photographs he’s been printing and putting together whenever he’s free. Or maybe, just maybe, and this Changkyun will never admit--it’s like his own little secret--maybe he’s always been around, in one way or another. After all, they’re connected.

Kihyun is back, sits on the edge of the bed and holds two papers in his hand. He grins a little and pulls the papers back before Changkyun can reach for them, brings the camera up  _ (so he went to get that, too, huh?) _ and Changkyun hears the shutter. One more for that very secret album of theirs Kihyun keeps in a (locked) drawer somewhere.

“So, I’ve been hitting my head against the walls for the past three months…” Kihyun starts, moves to sit closer to Changkyun, silver harness glinting a little with the few sunrays that manage to pass through the edges of the curtains. “Thinking, ‘how am I gonna beat that…’, you know,” he shrugs and frowns a little, “When you took me to Venice the first time?” He hands Changkyun the two papers. “I thought… I’d do it my way, now. So… We’re going. By plane. And we’re staying for a whole week and then,” He leans back and scoots closer to show Changkyun, “Florence and Rome, too.” He glances over. “Yeah… that’s what those extra jobs were. Sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Changkyun blinks, sits up even as he wobbles, to reach out for the papers. “I’ve never been on a plane…” The smile on his face spreads, and he kicks at Kihyun just a little. “Because we don’t need to, you--you didn’t have to--” He shakes his head again. “I love you so much.”

Kihyun smiles in that way Changkyun loves. “Well, planes don’t have that many buttons but… the view is pretty good. I got us window seats. And…” He looks away and wave the camera in his hand. “I reeeeaaaaaalllyyyyy want a naked picture of you in Venice, sunset and all. For science. Obviously.” He pauses, “Did I tell you the hotel has a balcony? Our room, I mean, our room has a balcony. Well, you know now.”

“Well, then,” Changkyun laughs, even as he blushes even more, brings the papers up to smack lightly at the top of Kihyun’s head. “I’ve already got a few ideas on how to pose for you.”

“Yeah, well,” Kihyun rolls his eyes fondly, “We still have a whole week of odd jobs ahead of us. And we’re meeting the guys later tonight, don’t forget--” His phone rings and Kihyun rolls over to reach for it-- “Speaking of the devil…” He glances over and mouths  _ ‘Ho-seok’ _ .

The phone is still ringing when Kihyun rolls back towards Changkyun before he slides his finger over the screen and puts it on speaker.

“Good morning?” Kihyun asks and smiles a little when he glances at Changkyun.

“Morning!” Hoseok greets over the phone, and Changkyun moves a little closer. “You guys went out hunting last night, right? That’s what Hyunwoo said anyway… Wait, shouldn’t you be sleeping? I woke you up, didn’t I.”

“It’s okay, Hoseok,” Kihyun mumbles with a fond smile on his face. “What’s up? Is… everything okay?”

“I think so? Hyungwon didn’t go with you, did he?”

Kihyun’s smile falters a little and he looks at Changkyun. “No… Why? Is he not back yet?”

“No. I mean, it’s probably fine, he goes away sometimes to ‘fish in the River Styx’ or whatever he calls it but it usually doesn’t take… this long. I’m a little worried, to be honest. A little lot worried.”

“I’m sure everything is fine,” Kihyun says and he actually sounds reassuring, even if the way he looks at Changkyun shows a little concern, too. “We will be there later, yeah? If… Hyungwon would tell us if something was up. So, don’t worry. Worst case scenario, the fish was too big and he’s having trouble carrying it around with those noodles arms of his.”

“Sure… I mean, yeah, yeah, you’re right,” Hoseok sighs. “Not like he can die again, after all.”

Changkyun frowns a little. The last time he’d seen Hyungwon, they’d binged a show Hyungwon had insisted Changkyun must see, and even played a bit of Overwatch on Changkyun’s laptop (with Kihyun around, the touch antenna Hyungwon needs to feel a tad normal). Hyungwon was  _ terrible  _ at aiming, but he’d been… Happy. Fine. Normal as a Reaper can be.

“See ya later,” Kihyun says. “We’ll be there a bit earlier, okay?” And then he stays quiet the moment the calls ends, eyebrows furrowed, eyes a little lost somewhere.

“Hey,” Changkyun says, reaching up to soothe a hand over Kihyun’s arm. “No biggie, yeah? Just need to go get some stuff from the shop across the road and I can whip us up a location spell faster than you can say… well, ‘location spell’, for one.”

“It’s just…” Kihyun sighs and then looks down at the camera in his hand. “From experience… it’s never nothing, you know?” He glances up. “When you think ‘maybe it’s not a problem’, it’s when it means it is… I’m just cautious, that’s all.”

“I know,” Changkyun says, as reassuring as he can. “But like you said, maybe it  _ is  _ just a really big fish. Let’s get dressed and find him, yeah? And if it really is nothing, you can look forward to kicking his ass for kicking us out of bed.”

Kihyun nods, clicks around the camera and then smiles a little, turns it around just to show Changkyun the preview of the photo Kihyun just took. “You’re so pretty…” He scoots closer and kisses Changkyun’s forehead. “So, so, pretty. Come on. Shower. Can’t believe we had sex after rolling around in that filthy place…” A pause. “You shower first, I’m changing the sheets.”

“Mmm,” Changkyun hums, grinning a little. “Talk clean to me…”

“Im Changkyun…”

“Yep, shower, don’t mind me.”

  
  
  


\---

  
  


 

Kihyun tugs at his jacket and then pulls the white mouth mask over his mouth as Changkyun holds the door for him. It’s cold outside, but Kihyun’s skin feels warm after that much needed, much earned shower. They had looked for Hyungwon in the morning, got wet with the sudden snowstorm and went back home to shower for the second time today.

He shoves his hands inside his pockets and smiles a little to himself when he remembers that,  _ yep, these pockets are fluffy inside! _

The sun shines a little lower, that end of day feel spreading through the air. Kihyun stops to wait for Changkyun, glances over his shoulder to look at him.

Changkyun kicks a little at the snow, shivering in that over-exaggerated way he insists helps. The tip of his nose and the tips of his ears are pink, hair a little messy from where he’d just run a hand through it after getting out of the shower. He looks so very human, then, smiling up at Kihyun before skipping a step to stand next to him, frowning just slightly.

“You think that’s supposed to be there?” he asks, then, and Kihyun follows his eyes to a cherry blossom tree, in full bloom among the snow.

“What the… actual heavenly--” Kihyun frowns, feels his chin wrinkle as the corners of his lips tip down. “I’m tempted to say global warming but… Doesn’t make much sense, does it?”

Changkyun shakes his head, walks closer to the tree with his hands firmly in his jacket pockets, hoodie pulled up over his head. “It’s actually kind of pretty…” He says, and looks over his shoulder. 

Kihyun wants to agree, but he’s not sure what he’s agreeing with, if that the tree is beautiful, blooming amidst the snow, or if Changkyun is beautiful, looking all fluffy next to a cherry tree that shouldn’t exist.

“Hey,” Changkyun says after a moment of silence, eyes up to the blossoms and hand held out to try and catch one as it falls. “Remember that little white flower you gave me once? Chrysanthemums?”

“Truth and loyal love…” Kihyun says under his breath before he steps closer.

“Yeah!” Changkyun smiles, wide. “And I was curious about what other flowers meant,” he elaborates, taking a hand out of his pocket to hold it out, wiggling his fingers as an invitation. “So I did some reading. Do you know what cherry blossoms mean?”

Kihyun smiles a little as he takes Changkyun’s hand, brings his mouth mask down a little with his other hand to say, “No… What does it mean?” His breath puffs a little.

“Here, it means purity and beauty,” Changkyun says, looks up at the tree again. “But in Japan it symbolises the fragility of life… That it’s short but beautiful, because the flowers bloom but then die so quickly. But mostly it means ‘renewal’. So, I guess,” Changkyun shrugs. “A little bit of all of that…”

A whole year ago, maybe Kihyun would have had trouble naming the warm feelings bubbling inside his chest. Maybe he wouldn’t have been able to explain them or to convey them properly. Today, however, he knows.

“I love when you teach me things…” He says, soothes his thumb over Changkyun’s cold fingers.

“Not math, though,” Changkyun rolls his eyes with a fond smile Kihyun only ever sees directed at him. “You made that abundantly clear…”

“Still hot when you go all condescending on me,” Kihyun admits, tugs a little at Changkyun’s hand.

“I’m not condescending!” Changkyun defends, gaping a little. “Can we focus back on the incredibly symbolic cherry blossom tree outside our flat, please?”

“Oh, yes,” Kihyun says softly, but teasingly. He gestures with one hand and squeezes Changkyun’s in the other. “All these cool tones of pink in the white foreground, contrasting with the warm tone of your skin. Truly, a sight.”

Changkyun probably feels himself fluster, some sort of witty comeback on the tip of his tongue that never gets past his lips as he stutters a little, looks away. “Shut up.”

“Come on,” Kihyun swings their hands a little. He glances at the tree one last time. “Kinda reminds me of you, actually…” He mutters before he starts pulling Changkyun with him. “We have things to do, places to be. Move your ass.”

The path ahead is a little slippery with snow turned to water and then ice, overnight. Kihyun grins when he hears the ice crack under his heels and laughs a little when Changkyun clumsily slips on it and almost falls face down.

The benches down the street are packed with fluffy snow that still hasn’t melted. And Changkyun mentions something about wanting to go lie over all that, except Kihyun stops him even though he wasn’t really listening to him.

All of them. All the benches have snow piling over them. All of them except one.

Kihyun immediately glances over and notices a man sitting right in the middle of the bench, eyes cast down even as he sits with his back so straight it almost looks uncomfortable.

And Kihyun hears it, loud, over his right, a ringing that has him shove a finger into his ear with how much it hurts. “Christ…” He hisses, shoulder coming up in defense.

“Kihyun?” he hears in a concerned voice that can only be Changkyun’s, and a soft laughter from somewhere nearby. The laughter rings a little, too, another sharp jab. 

“No, sorry,” the man says, and it sounds isolated. Like it’s the only sound there, despite cars and shops nearby. It’s faint, but for a moment, the man’s voice seems to sound at the same time bells ring in the distance.

Kihyun shudders a little, tries to relax as he looks over, squeezes Changkyun’s hand a little and takes a step back. 

_ Caution, _ would be an understatement. Kihyun doesn’t know what that is, who that is, but he recognizes power when he sees it,  _ feels _ it like an aura so strong Earth itself would shake if the aura moved. 

That man, whoever he is, exerts a pressure so great, Kihyun finds gravity gluing his feet to the floor right where he stands.

Because if the taint was a Shadow, this feel a lot like a Light.

“Thank you,” the man says, then, and it feels like ripples in a pond as he takes even steps closer. Kihyun tries to focus on his face but every time he sees a feature, it’s like it erases itself in Kihyun’s mind with another. “For all that you two have done. For me, and for all the creations that exist in the realms you have saved.”

“Wha--What?” Kihyun blinks, suddenly feels like he’s standing alone so he squeezes Changkyun’s hand until he feels it again. Because…  _ No way... _

The man, except it’s not… a man, anymore. Now, a woman smiles. “Yes way,” and looks between the two of them. “I was going to ask what you two would want, as a reward, for all that you have done.” She looks to Kihyun. “I have given you back what I took, and will not take again before his time. He is safe, but confused. Your friends will need you. Everything will be okay,” he--because it is a  _ he _ , now--says, then, looks to Changkyun. “You will one day, too, see the place you saved, and continue the life you want when this one is over. Beware of the night and the chains that bind. All will be fine.”

Kihyun’s mind goes blank. All he can do is stare, gape as his brain tries to process what he’s seeing, what he’s hearing, how he’s supposed to feel.

He hasn’t cried in a very long time. Because of onions? Certainly. But not because of feelings. This, however… this is  _ everyhing _ . So, Kihyun feels them, slowly roll down his cheeks without his permission. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying. But he feels overwhelmed, so he cries.

He feels himself almost let go of Changkyun in confusion. But then his brain slaps his whole body awake and he shudders, looks away, eyes a little wide and pulls at Changkyun.

It’s something Kihyun learned at the beginning: sometimes knowing comes with feeling.

So, he pulls Changkyun with him even as he quickens his pace and then starts running. Not running away, no.  _ Running for… _

Should he say ‘thank you’? Maybe. But after everything they’ve been through, thanking God Himself would fall low compared to saving the world, which they did, all of them.

“Come on,” Kihyun huffs, rubs at his eyes with his free hand. “I know where Hyungwon is.”

Changkyun nods, looking very pale, “Yeah, I think I do, too.”

“Home.”

  
  
  


\---

  
  


 

A saturated sun on the horizon, dark clouds hanging from the sky.

It’s not surprising when all of them meet at the same time, in the same place, on an empty street, sidewalks filled with snow that shines pink in the colors of the sunset.

A sunset. Of course. It had to be a sunset.

After all, sometimes, when the sky is beautiful but just a little dark; A sunset. Just to give it a little light.

And sunlight comes as woven strands, free and united, flowing into the end of day and reflecting everywhere. Minhyuk and Jooheon pant, out of breath on the sidewalk opposite from Kihyun. Shownu is not very far away, walking fast towards them. And Changkyun? He’s still holding on to Kihyun’s hand like an apendice.

“Did you--” Shownu starts first, eyes a little wide. He’s sweating. He must have run here because he’s sweating like he just caught rain and got drenched. He shoves a thumb over his shoulder. “The car--There was… on the road?” He frowns, confused.

Jooheon frowns and reaches for Minhyuk’s hand before looking up at him. In a world with shades of truth, the sunlight reflects the harshest of them all, revealing every flaw in plain sight. And just like Changkyun’s cheek reflects light a little differently depending on the angle, both Jooheon and Minhyuk’s eyes, too…  _ Clean _ .

“Not to,” Changkyun swallows. “Alarm anyone but I think we just met--”

“Yeah,” Jooheon and Minhyuk say at the same time. “You did.”

“Great,” Changkyun says, sounding kind of strained. He pulls a little at Kihyun’s hand. “We have to find them…”

_ But where? Where would-- _ Kihyun looks, sees a familiar street, a familiar corner. There is still a little plaque on the wall, a place to put flowers, a name. A tree that wasn’t supposed to bloom for a very, very long time. And Kihyun’s best friend, confused in the shade it gives.

Kihyun barely has to pull at Changkyun’s hand, legs leading him over, and the sun sets slowly, but it feels so sudden, when there’s only stars and streetlights. 

“I don’t know why I’m here,” Hoseok says, then, leaning against the tree, expression full of confusion, hands gripping at the front of his own jacket. “I just… Felt like I had to be here, and now I am…”

“Everything happens for a reason…” Jooheon mumbles closeby. “Like a domino effect. Except… someone made the first piece tumble just so… just so all the others could fall in their rightful place.”

‘ _ God knows why I stuck around.. _ .’ Hyungwon had said once.

_ Yeah, maybe He did. _

“Hello?” A cough, footsteps shuffling forward as a very familiar, tall person, now black haired and brown eyed, far from the pale white and the yellow from before, seems to come from nowhere. Where there was nothing, he now reaches out to steady himself on the tree, bending forward a little through another cough. “Fuck, why do I feel like I got hit by a damn truck…”

Kihyun feels his bottom lip tremble a bit so he smiles. Because if he doesn’t--if he doesn’t then what’s the point? “Because you did,” he says, laughs a little and then sniffles.

“What?” Hyungwon frowns, looking between them, stopping at Changkyun. “Have we met?” And towards Hoseok. He blinks. “Did you dye your hair?”

Hoseok crumbles. He throws his arms around Hyungwon and cries so damn loudly. Hyungwon stumbles a little but smiles, brings his arms up, too. “Hey, what’s wrong, who died--” And stops, deadpans. “Shit, it was me, I died.”

Kihyun laughs a little, lets go of Changkyun’s hand to rub furiously at his own eyes.  _ Damn tears. _ “Some… Some things never change…”

“Hoseok,” Hyungwon strains, “You’re crushing me.”

“Sorry!” Hoseok sobs, then, releases to shake Hyungwon a little by his shoulders, bring a hand to his cheek. “You’re… You’re alive, you’re here, I don’t…” Hoseok looks around, eyes red and watery and looking between the rest of them. “I don’t understand?”

“Your reward,” Minhyuk smiles, then, arm around Jooheon pulling him closer. “We already got ours. Earth. Middle-ground.”

Hyungwon frowns. “Why are you talking like--Oh, Minhyuk. Shit, this is really gonna fuck with me for a while…  _ What  _ is it with the  _ saying  _ and  _ then  _ remembering this, it’s such a bitch--Oh, yeah, Reapers.” He frowns harder. “Ugh!”

Changkyun puts his hand on Kihyun’s back, gives him a gentle little shove forward. “Go hug him.”

Kihyun’s throat feels like it has an egg stuck inside. No matter how many times he tries to swallow, the feeling doesn’t go away. 

“I… I…” He sways a little. He hasn’t cried in such a long time. And maybe that’s why the tears don’t seem to stop. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because now he knows…

It starts with a word. And the one that made all of this possible was ‘No’. ‘No, I won’t go’, ‘No, I won’t leave’, ‘No, I’ll stay’, ‘No, I won’t kneel’. And then… just the one;

_ Stay. _

Kihyun tries to clean at his face again as he walks forward and then throws his arms around Hyungwon and Hoseok. “Welcome home, asshole.”

_ ‘What’s your name?’ _ A voice, tiny with age, asked, once.  _ ‘I’m Wonho!’ _

_ ‘Wonho? Sounds like a famous person’s name…’ _

_ ‘I’m Kihyun.’ _

_ ‘He’s Ki! I’m Wonho! And you?’ _

_ ‘Hyungwon. Chae Hyungwon.’ _

_ ‘Wonnie?’ _

_ ‘It’s Hyungwon!’ _

_ ‘Ugh… so many nicknames… It doesn’t make me happy at all…’ _

_ ‘That… makes no sense.’ _

Kihyun reaches back with his hand. “Get in here, Kyunie.”

Familiar arms wrap around him, around as much as he can, before reaching back again with a, “You too, chickens,” and Kihyun finds himself in the middle of it all, crying in a way he can’t really control. 

Next to him, Kihyun hears an angel speak to a demon;

“So, what was your reward?”

With a kiss to Kihyun’s cheek, and a smile Kihyun can hear, the demon answers; “Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Dan] This honestly feels like the end of an era. This is the fic that brought Cathe and I together and it'll always mean so much to me. I know we both poured our hearts into this, and every comment and kudos means so, so much to us. Thank you to everyone who's supported us through this monster of a fanfic, and we hope to see you on our other fics!
> 
> [Cathe] This fic will always hold a special place in my heart. I'd never written this much in my life before and it was such a healthy way to put feelings into words and develop as a (fan fic) writer. (Yes, I specified, lmao). I remember how this fic was just a tiny idea, demon!Kyun and angel!Ki. And oh, did it grow... Through Changki and this fic I made a really good friend, if friend is enough a word, and I'm happy. I cried and laughed a lot writing this fic. And in the end I felt better. I hope you felt something, too, reading this. Thank you to everyone who's been with us all this time and to everyone who will one day read this fic and enjoy it.

**Author's Note:**

> hit us up on twitter:  
> @shitty4eyes & @eunmih


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